Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - April 20 - Suzi Cato, Ben Hates Display Pillows, Iso-Legends

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

The Rude Awakening GameWin An AdBen hates display pillowsMoan about a partner that's sleepingImportant DatesSuzie CatoWhen were you caught pantsless?Big News, Small TownJono & Ben's Home School Day #1See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to our very first radio breakfast show here on The Hits. Uh oh, I don't think the internet is ready for this Ben. I don't think they're ready for this jelly. Well yeah, if you want to hear a podcast where one of the radio announcers gets the time wrong, this is the podcast for you. We did our first breakfast show this morning and Ben's, you know, one of his most basic tasks is to tell the time wrong. This is the podcast for you. We did our first breakfast show this morning and Ben's, you know, one of his most basic tasks is to tell the time

off a digital clock, might I say. And he managed to get it four minutes wrong. I was looking at some other part of the computer system. Anyway, that happens today. Yeah, he says it's 8.22, but it was actually 8.26. And then he corrects himself as well.

And then he's like, oh no, sorry, it's 8.26. Four minutes. And that was the best bit of the show so you are in for a treat my friends 701 the time Jono and Ben with you this is New Zealand's

Breakfast on the Hits yeah I know that's the marketing for the show isn't it and we've arrived here with an unusual level of confidence very presumptuous of us to call this day one New Zealand's the marketing for the show, isn't it? And we've arrived here with an unusual level of confidence. Very presumptuous of us to call this day one, New Zealand's breakfast. You say it enough, hopefully it'll catch on. Well, listen, I question

whether the whole of New Zealand is listening to this. So what I'd like to do every day is to... Don't do this every day. It's like a Colmar Brunton poll where we're going to phone New Zealand and just see if they are listening. No good can come from this.

Producer Juliet, put the number through. Here we go. Ask what force is Rebecca seeking. How can I help? Rebecca. Hello. Guess who it is? Don't start with this. It's the big launch today. Are you listening? Okay. Yep. Who is it? Rebecca.

Yes, it is. Well done. But yeah, I think you're meaning who we are. Launching today. You'd be tuned in. Have I? Yeah, look, I knew this was a bad idea. I'm sorry for doing this, Rebecca. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits.

It's our first show today. Jono wanted to see if everyone was listening. Clearly, they're not. Sorry. That's all right. Can you just lie and say you are? I mean, what else have people been up to if they're not going to be listening to you guys?

Well, thank you, but you're not. But then you're, like, accusing other people, like... Love your work, Rebecca. You have a wonderful day. You too. Let's not do that again. No, let's keep doing it. It's a bitter pill to swallow, isn't it, Ben?

Next, though, if you are awake and your partner's asleep, 0800 of theS is the phone number. We want to wake them up live on the radio and put them in the middle of a quiz and they can win prizes. Yeah. This is like the radio equivalent of your children jumping down on your esophagus to wake you up. 0800THEHITS

if you want to be part of our rude awakening, throw your partner in the deep end on national radio. We'll do that next. It is 703. Taylor Swift lover. It is a hits. Jono and Ben, brand new. New Zealand's breakfast. Everyone's listening. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben

on the hits. What's that? Oh no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Yeah, we want to surprise someone first thing in the morning. Surprise your partner or your parents, whatever you'd like.

Basically put them on the spot, live on the radio in the middle of a quiz. Yeah, so they're deep in a slumber now and we're going to wake them up and they have to answer four questions. Each question they don't answer correctly, they lose $10 off a Hell Pizza voucher. Bernie, mid-Canterbury, how's that looking this morning, big guy? Yeah, bloody good, yeah. I'll tell you what, they breed them hard in mid-Canterbury, don't they? Oh, yeah, there again.

Yeah, they eat cars for breakfast. Car tyres. Is that what they do? Yeah. I feel like you haven't spent enough time in Canterbury. Floss their teeth with barbed wire. Okay, Bernie, so we're going to phone your wife, are we, and wake her up. Yeah.

Her name is Erin. Four questions. If she gets all four right, you've got a $40 Hell pizza voucher. After lockdown, you can tuck into that. Every unanswered question, $10 off that. This is the rude awakening. Hopefully they answer, otherwise this segment's not going to be a good one. Hello?

Oh, Erin, are you asleep? Hi, who's that? This is Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. You're live on the radio. Ah. It's New Zealand's breakfast. Everyone's listening. Except for you because you're asleep.

You're basically in the middle of a quiz game. You've got four questions to answer. Every question you get right is $10 more at Hell Pizza. Okay. You can blame Bernie for this. Right. He's been busy flossing his teeth with barbed wire. Long story.

Question number one. Name the doctor fronting the daily COVID updates with Jacinda Ardern. Is it A, Dr. Chris Warner, B, Dr. Ashley Bloomfield, C, Dr Dre? Ashley Bloomfield. Yes! One for one. Well done. She's waking up

and she's got $10 from Hell Pizza. Who is the Australian Prime Minister? Some rugby league player with neck tattoos, Scott Morrison, or Irene from the Summer Bay Diner? Should be Irene. Scott Morrison. Yes! ScoMo, well done. Question number three. Hilary Barry hosts what?

A. Wonderful dinner parties. B. Overseas exchange students. Or C. Seven Sharp. Seven Sharp. Three for three. She's on fire. She's asleep. And she's getting these all right.

The unicorn is the national symbol of what country? A. Equestria. Home of My Little Ponies, B, Scotland, or C, Samoa? The unicorn, the national symbol of what country? Equestria, My Little Ponies. Oh, it was actually B, Scotland. Really?

But you know what? It's also the national symbol of Equestria. I'd say it would be, right? Because they're My Little Ponies. They'd be doing something wrong if it wasn't. You got four from four. Well done, Erin. Go back to sleep, Bernie. You go and have

a great day. The hits. National New Zealand breakfast. You guys won't wrap it up. I haven't seen what's happening next. He's so pleased he got through his first game. You guys have a great day in Canterbury. I hope things aren't too tense after waking up live on the radio with that quiz, alright? Thank you very much.

Thanks, of course, to Hell Pizza. Remember to double pump the virgles. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We started our first day today at the hits, but a while much. Thanks, of course, to Hell Pizza. Remember to double pump the virgals. It's Jono and Ben on The Hits. We started our first day today at The Hits, but a while ago, a couple of weeks before lockdown, we had our first meeting with The Hits bosses, and it didn't go well, Jono. No, it didn't go well.

We were walking through town together, weren't we? We were running late. That was our first problem. You don't like running late. You like running 15 minutes early. So I was a little frazzled, and we were running late, and we ran into possibly the worst people to run into when you're running late. People with clipboards.

Oh, don't you hate them? Oversized, colourful t-shirts, holding a clipboard. No one enjoys an interaction with that person. You know, these people are doing God's work. They're going out there and getting money for charity. They're doing a great thing. That's not God's work. That's hassling innocent people.

No. Trying to extort money out of innocent public members. No, they are doing a great thing, but when you're in a bit of a rush, you feel like you're fobbing them off and we were genuinely in the rush and then they said the worst thing to us. They were like, oh my goodness, you're Jono and Ben. So they knew who we were and you're like, oh, this is not going to be an easy

conversation to get out of quickly. Yeah, now this is a very, it's a difficult, it's a precarious position for a New Zealand crap liberty to be in. Because they know, they know who you are. And they want something from you. And if you don't give it to them, Ben, they're going to spread an evil word about you. Great play by you.

You were like, I don't have any cash. Yeah, and I was like, I've got EFTPOS and they never have EFTPOS. So that's always a great one. I walked into a homeless guy once. I was like, no EFTPOS. He's like, great, I've got a facility. Pulled out a thing from like a... A mobile EFTPOS thing. From a shopping cart. He's like, please swipe yourTPOS. He's like, great, I've got a facility. Pulled out a thing from like a... A mobile EFTPOS thing. From a shopping cart.

He's like, please swipe your card here. What a play. So you said you didn't have any cash. And I was like, on my head, I was like, oh, I do have cash. For once, I've got like $55 in my wallet. I knew I had over the weekend. So I was like, oh, I've got cash. So everyone looked at me.

All eyes are on me at this point. And so I was like, I'll go into my wallet. I'll pull out the $5. I'll give the money and then we'll be on our way. But I pulled out the $50. Now it was at this point I was like, oh my God. Now Ben, I just saw the $5 and then I pulled it out and then I

was like, uh-oh, this is the $50 and I'm waving it around in front of them. I can't put this back in my wallet. They're like, he's about to give us the $50. Ben, in his head, Ben's like, because he's so tight. Ben is a real tight ass if you don't know. And like you put coal in his backside, Ben's like, because he's so tight. Ben is a real tight ass, if you don't know. And like you put coal in his backside, he'll poop out a diamond. It'll be a blood diamond.

Pressure makes diamonds. That's what's going on. And I was under pressure at that moment. And so I went, reluctantly, I went, here you go. And I handed over the $50. And they were like, thank you so much. Now, the only annoying thing about this COVID thing is you were hoping for a New Zealand Herald

article of selfless celebrity hands over $50 to charity. Can you even name the charity? They might not even have been collecting for charity. I don't know. I just gave them $50. And so we rushed off to our meeting with our bosses at the Hits. And then it got worse. It did get worse because I like to chew gum.

I'm like a cow, really, aren't I? And you've forgotten to spit it out before the hits. And then it got worse. It did get worse because I like to chew gum. I'm like a cow, really, aren't I? And you've forgotten to spit it out before the meeting. Yeah, so just as we got there, I was like, well, this is not a good look to be chewing gum in front of the new bosses.

So I just put it out of my mouth and then put it into like a newspaper, a piece of newspaper that was on the table and wrapped it up. And then as the meeting transpired, Mike, our boss, picked it up

and started playing with it. And we could all notice him pick it up, producer Juliet, and we're like, uh-oh. And then slowly over time, because he played with it for about 20 minutes and I just couldn't take my eye off it. Slowly over time, the newspaper started to fade off from it and then he was just playing with straight gum. Like it was straight gum. I don't know what he thought it was.

You didn't let him know. I haven't told him. No, I'm not going to. What? You should call him. I'm not going to call him. You know how radio works. We've got his number. Why is there a phone dial? I feel like this is a pre-planned stitch-up. Well, yeah, you might not answer, but I gave it to producer Juliet, his number.

This is Mike, our big boss. He'll be listening to the show, New Zealand's Breakfast. Probably not. Well, if he is, he's certainly deciding not to answer the phone. Oh, well, is this how you saw it going? No, I was actually expecting a comical call of the new boss. Anyway, it's Mike.

I can't take your call now, please. I'll play your game. I'll leave him a message. Okay. Hey, Mike, it's Jono here. Sorry, I already hung up. Serving bowls of lollies for breakfast. Actual lollies may not be served.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's winning ad. Now, Jono, no one's in the building right now. No, just us here and a lonely fax machine that hasn't been used since 1997. So we thought it was a good opportunity for us to give something away. Normally, the sales department would charge top dollar for advertising on the station. But right now, we're going to give an ad away for free. The catch is the person we're calling doesn't know they're going to win the ad.

Yes. I mean, this is priceless advertising, isn't it? It's fumbling your way through a commercial promoting your business in lockdown. This is how it usually goes. All right. Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the... It's basically just the name of the place. The Wonga Poppa Four Squeeze. Kiwi businesses? It's the... It's basically just the name of the place.

The Mongapapa Foursquare. There you go. Famous for its popular... The bees. And don't forget the crowd favourite... Me on the door. Now we're going to give a hardworking business a call right now, see if they want a free ad.

We've written half the ad, they don't know we're calling and they've just got to fill in the blanks. Hi, I was just wondering have you ever heard of Jono and Ben on the hits? Yes. Well, that's interesting

because we've only been on here for a couple of days and we appreciate that. How are you? Good, thanks, good. One, two, three, four. Hang on a sec, sorry. You sound very busy. That's all right. Hey, mate. three, four. Hang on a sec. Sorry. You sound very busy.

That's all right. Hey, mate. No, focus on us, not the customer. No, the customer's there first. The customer's not important right now. When low-level radio hosts phone you, customers, they go down the list. Hey.

What are they buying? Daily goods. Daily goods. No more follow-up questions from that? $16.90. Are they wearing a mask and gloves? What sort of protection have they got? Gloves.

Gloves. Mostly gloves, yeah. Mostly gloves, yeah. Mask, a few. Have you got one of those fun plastic shields in front of you? Yes, I do. Yes. Keep it for, yeah, a few months.

Well, we want to give you a free ad on the radio right now because you're doing great work for New Zealand. Yeah. All you've got to do is fill in the blanks. Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the... Foursquare. Hang on.

Sorry, I've got to stop you there. You've said Foursquare, which is maybe a business, but there are a lot of Foursquares. Do you want to be more specific? Okay. There's 384 of them in New Zealand. I'm 450, thank you. It's 384 of them in New Zealand. I had 450, thank you. It's multitasking.

I mean... And don't forget the crowd favourite. Hatai Tai Foursquare. No, no, no, you're back at the beginning one. We're going to assert that a bit earlier. Okay, we'll work on this later. But wait, there's more because that's not even the best thing about them. Let me tell

you about it right now. Hataitai Foursquare. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see. And who could forget their catchy slogan? Hataitai Foursquare. And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. Let me guess.

Hataitai Foursquare. like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. Let me guess. A die-die-die-frozzer. So make sure you check out... A die-die-die-frozzer. You have a wonderful day. Keep safe. Same to you guys. See you. Well done on the great work you're doing.

There we go. What an end. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Now, I want to moan about my partner, Amanda, who should be asleep right now. And it's a safe time to do it, mate.

We'll keep this between ourselves. If you want to moan about your partner, if they're asleep, I'll 800 the hits. And what? We will say nothing to anyone. Your partner will not find out about this, we promise. Be our little secret, right?

Yeah, what's your problem? Last night, I counted them up. Because, Jono, you'll know, I've got a real bug bed with display pillows. Oh, yeah, and the amount of pillows that you have on your bed, even the Briscoe's lady would be impressed with how many pillows you have on offer.

Yeah, but they're pillows that live on my bed, but I'm not allowed to put my head on them. So it's like a process, a two to three hour process of having to take these things off before you go to sleep. And then the next day you have to put them all back on. I personally, I like to keep the ratio between the amount of pillows on the bed to the amount of heads that need to go on those pillows. You only need two pillows on the bed, but we have eight display pillows and four normal pillows. That's too many pillows. Who are we displaying these things for?

We are like the Manchester section in Farmers. It's like a show home, isn't it? I'll put up on our Facebook page after this. It's too many. It's too many. Your wife's hooked on pee. Pillows. The worst of all the voices.

I'd like to moan about my partner, Amanda, that we've got too many display pillows. Okay, and 0800 that. Feel free to join there. I've got nothing bad to say about my partner. Well, that we've got too many display pillows. Okay, and 0800 the hits. Feel free to join there. I've got nothing bad to say about my partner. Oh, well played, well played. Nothing at all. Can't even think of one flaw.

She might be listening. I see what you're doing here. 0800 the hits. Do you want to moan about your partner while they're sleeping? To Wellington, Jill's on the phone. Welcome, Jill. Sharon.

To Invercargill, Sharon's on the phone. Welcome, Sharon. Good morning, team. Happy first show. Oh, thank you. We're doing a highly professional job. I think you would agree. I can tell.

Yes, I'm having 10%. What would you like to moan about that your partner does if they're asleep? Oh, okay. Well, after four weeks of being in lockdown and we're living together, you know, we've begun to find new things. Well, I've definitely begun to find new things. Well, I've definitely begun to find new things that really annoy us about each other.

So, for example, last night, I actually told him off because he was just breathing too loudly and it was just getting to me so I felt like I had to say something. Do you know, Ben always tells me off for breathing too loudly. Oh, you do this nose thing. I go out my nose and he's like, stop doing the nose thing. I was like, oh, sorry for breathing,

an essential task of being a human being. So I feel sorry for your husband. Oh, no, I feel your pain. I know what you're dealing with. Exactly. And like, if we could just bring some romance back into our lives and take it outside, that would be great.

All right. Take the breathing outside. Or take the love making outside Hey you look after Invercargill for us okay Will do thanks so much guys I put a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders right there Wellington, Jill welcome you're on the air

New Zealand's breakfast Morning guys morning What an absolute honour it is for you to be on our show What would you like to moan about Your partner's asleep right now I'm actually sitting outside in the car so you can't hear me What would you like to moan about? Your partner's asleep right now. So I'm actually sitting outside on the couch so you can't hear me, but I'd love to moan. So he's a big

texter and not a ringer. And if I don't answer my phone, he leaves a voicemail. It's so annoying. She's usually a task left for the boomers, isn't it, leaving voicemails? Nothing worse than clearing your messages. It's 2020. Who still checks their voicemails? Nothing worse than clearing your messages. It's 2020.

Who still checks their voicemails? I tell you what, I'm with you because my mum always leaves. Tomorrow, I'll play you a montage, a medley of all the voicemails Annie Pryor's left me that I haven't checked yet. There's about 20. There's 20 backlogged. Thank you very much. And 0800, the hits.

You want to have a moan about your partner while they're sleeping? Oh, do I what? Good morning, boys. Do you recognise this voice? Well, it's Ben's wife, Amanda. This is timely. Hello. It was almost like this was pre-prepared by me behind Ben's back.

Oh, look, hey, conversations may have gone on about display pillows. Let's not talk about that right now on the radio. No, because you've already done it at our wedding. Now you're doing it on nationwide TV. it at our wedding. Now you're doing it on Nationwide TV. This is radio TV. Whatever you do now. TV show got cancelled.

Well, the good thing is with 20 display pillows you're always ready for a mass impromptu pillow fight whenever the need arises. No, you can't touch the display pillows. They're too precious. Okay, Amanda, I'm going to give you a chance to moan about Ben since he moaned about you thinking you were sleeping. Yes, well, given that I'm a teacher, Amanda, I'm going to give you a chance to moan about Ben since he moaned about you thinking you were sleeping. Yes, well, given that I'm a teacher, of course I'm awake.

Of course I'm listening to my husband. It's soon to be number one breakfast radio show. New Zealand's breakfast. How rude that you're moaning to everyone about moaning. Like, oh, my gosh. And this is a guy who is so tight, he put in double glazing so the kids couldn't hear the Mr. Whippy sign signal. All right, enough about that.

Thanks for calling, anonymous caller, whoever you are right now. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Who could forget the segment that's truly forgettable? Him. Important dates. Now, this is our wee segment where we like to put the man in your life on the spot with important dates because guys

generally when they're put under pressure with dates they should know, sometimes crumble. I was very misled about this segment. I thought important dates was in-depth discussion about the health benefits of dates which are high in natural sugar. Oh God. Thanks Dad. I've got this all wrong.

Should have passed on the memo, thanks Ben. Yes, no, nothing better than hearing a man flustering in the moment, panicking, trying to remember dates that he should know. So, Ellen's with us on the phone from Auckland. Good to have you on, Ellen. Welcome. Hi, thanks guys. Loving the show

this morning. Oh, thank you. I feel like that's some propaganda you were told to say, but I will take it. Yeah, definitely take it. We'll probably use it in a promo too without this bit, and it'll be great. How's the bubble treating you, Ellen? Oh, it's been a long time in the bubble. We've been in it a little

bit longer than the rest of New Zealand, so one lives upstairs, the other one lives downstairs, so hopefully it finishes on Thursday. So you're separate from your partner at the moment? No, we live together, but we lasted two days working on the same level of the house before we had to have our separate levels.

Uh-oh. Tensions at an all-time high. Well, let's see how he goes on the spot right now. Okay, so we're going to call Tim. We're going to ask him three questions. We're going to need your birth date. Hang on, sorry. Sorry, Patricia Juliet.

We just need your birth date quickly. Ellen? Yeah, sorry. What did you say? What's your birth date? December 20th. December 20th. And what's your anniversary date with Tim?

28th of December. And when did you have your first kiss and how far did that go? No, just the first. How far did that go? Just the first kiss. In terms of bases, you know? No, just the date. Just the, is that so? Just the first kiss. In terms of bases, you know? No, just the date.

Just the date's fine. Just the date. Okay, that one will be November 17th. November 17th. Now, these are things that he should remember. Ironically, he could probably tell you where every petrol line trimmer is located in Bunnings, but he might not be able to remember this. We're going through to Tim live now.

This is important dates. Can he answer all three for a double pass to the movies, Reading're going through to Tim live now. This is important dates. Can he answer all three for a double pass to the movies, Reading Cinema? Hello, Tim Swing. Oh, Tim, the relationship not going so well here on different levels of the house, mate. Mate, that's an improvement. It's for the better, isn't it?

It's John O'Bairn calling from the hits here on the radio. We've got Alan, your partner, on the phone with us. You've just got to answer three important dates and you guys will win a date night at the movies after lockdown at Reading Cinemas, all right? Fantastic. Okay. What is Alan's birthday?

20th of December, 1988. Oh, he's even come in with the year. Very confident. I liked it. Okay, he's got one from one. Next date, what is your anniversary? 17th of November 2012, I think. Oh, ouch.

That was the first kiss date, wasn't it? Oh, geez, I don't know the rest. Listen, listen, what's important? Does this make you a bad partner? Oh, geez, I don't know the rest. Listen, listen, what's important? Does this make you a bad partner? Yes, it does. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less, Alan. He just loves remembering other stuff.

No, I'm impressed. I'm impressed. He got your first kiss. Hey, that's good enough for us. We're going to give you guys a date night at Reading Cinemas after lockdown, alright? Awesome. Thank you guys so much. You guys have a wonderful day and good luck working on separate levels of the house. That's it, enjoy the show. Alan and Tim,

ladies and gentlemen, wonderful people. Wonderful human beings. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we had hoped at 8 o'clock to carry on the fine tradition of the Alpha Quiz here on the hits. Yeah, but last night, I think it was about 1 o'clock to carry on the fine tradition of the Alpha Quiz here on The Hits. Yeah, but last night, I think it was about 1 o'clock in the morning we received a phone call.

Okay, you're making it up later. I thought it was about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, but anyway. No, it was 2am, I remember. I got a call, it's like, hey, it's Boss Todd here. Todd, our boss. He's like, I'm going to rip your heart out. You're not doing the Alpha Quiz. You don't have $1,000 to give away.

And then just hung up and I thought, was that a bad nightmare? No Alpha Quiz? So the Alpha Quiz is not happening. No. So we thought we'd take matters into our own hands. No one really is around the offices at the moment here at The Hits, right? That's right. It's an empty place. So we discovered there's a meeting room just outside the studio. There is a TV

in a box that is waiting to go on the wall. We've taken that TV. Yeah, it's a nice TV too. A Sony 50-inch full HD HDR LED TV. That's 45 more inches of TV anyone requires. But we're going to give this away right now. The only condition is no one rats us out, okay?

And if you win this, if the police question you about receiving stolen goods, we never meet. Those are the only conditions. It's a legitimate prize. We're going to give away to a legitimate caller. If you can get five questions in a row, you've got to get all five right, and

because we're giving away a TV, we've decided to make them all TV questions. Yeah, next, tomorrow, we're going to give away the whiteboard in the meeting room, and they'll all be whiteboard-based questions. Stationary-based questions. So, 100 of the hits is the final number if you can get five from five with a Sony 50-inch full HD HDR LED TV. It's all yours.

It's a sweet TV. Tell you what, the phones, they'd be blowing up, Ben. 0800-HITS. Let's go to Craig in Wellington, who's unavailable right now, according to this phone machine. No, no, I'm available.

Oh, you are available. Why does it say you're unavailable? I don't know. You're just playing hard to get, Craig. I am. That's why we love available. Why does it say you're unavailable? I don't know. You're just playing hard to get, Craig. I am. That's why we love you. That's why we keep coming back for more. Okay, so we're going to ask you five questions.

They're all based around TV. And if you get all five in a row, you have the new 50-inch, definitely legitimately not stolen television. Make them easy. Question number one. What morning show does Hayley Holt host with John Campbell? Hayley Host.

Breakfast. One for one. Question two. Name Homer and Marge Simpson's youngest child. I'm looking to my kids for this one. You better not be looking to Google. Otherwise there's a huge flaw in our game.

Yeah, we're going to have to get your answer pretty quickly. No, there is... Three, two... Maggie. Oh, he just got in there with Maggie Simpson. Well done, well done. Which Australian soap is set in Summer Bay? Home and Away.

Home and Away. Three for three. Can we give away the TV if he gets these next two questions correct? What is the title of the Breaking Bad prequel and spin-off? I'm going to give you three. Two. Get a course on.

Four from four. Oh, my God. Okay, this is it. This is for the TV on day one. Who won the first season of New Zealand's Got Talent? If you get this, you've won the TV. First season of New Zealand's Got Talent. We'll give you three, two, one. Oh, no.

Oh, what did he say? No, no, Oh, no. What did he say? No, no, no, no. It was Chaz Cummings, who was the dancer. So there we go. Well done. You got four from five. I'm going to give you a double pass to Redding's Cinemas as well, so you can check that out after lockdown.

You were so close. Thanks for playing, my friend. He was unavailable at the beginning, but I tell you what, he's taken our hearts away. Well done, Craig. What an absolute legend. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads.

She's a famous TV face that entertained thousands of New Zealand children through the 90s and 2000s. She's back on TV again to educate kids during the lockdown. Thank goodness, because as a parent, I was doing a shocking job during high school. You were just teaching your kids the facts

from House Party, the app. Yeah, they got some great facts, like birds don't pee. That was a great fact. That's the only thing his kids have learned. Thanks to House Party, the video app. But she's joining us on the phone right now. Susie Cato, how are you? I'm very well, thank you.

Susie, I think I've said this to you before. We've spoken previously, and I'm like, I feel like you're my mother. You didn't do all the hard work. You didn't get me out. But, you know, I feel like you raised me more than my real family did. Well, how about I can be an auntie? Or if somebody's put it on social media, I haven't actually seen it myself, but I've had so many friends text me and so on

saying, New Zealand's foster mum is back. Oh, the foster mum? Oh, foster? What about babysitter after lockdown? You keen on that? I don't pay great, but you know? I was going to say, it depends what the rates are because, by crikey, there's no gigs available for the rest of the year, so babysitting could be an option.

So, Susie Cato, you're back on TV. TV NZ, you're essentially doing a home learning show from your house. Like, how stressful is this? I imagine you're running the cameras, you're doing the mics. I think if anything was going to break Susie Cato, I imagine multitasking on that front would. Well, I tell you what, I have thought my bubble is going to boost a couple of times,

so there's been a nice long walk involved. Just to let out a little bit of steam. I reckon you should just be like, God damn it! Stupid microphone! I can't imagine. Are you ever not happy, Susie Cato? Oh, look, hey, I'm human.

Oh, my goodness. But I'm quite lucky. My husband ever not happy, Susie Cato? Oh, look, hey, I'm human. Oh, my goodness. But I'm quite lucky. My husband has talked about the learning channel. We are in such a learning curve. He's stepped in. Never done it before. He's on camera and sound and has even been at the editing desk. Oh, jeez.

I imagine that is testing the relationship. I really do. I'd be like, eh, eh, eh. It'd be like putting together some flat pack furniture, I imagine. What advice, Susie Kato, do you give to parents who are trying to do homeschooling and maybe are resorting to drinking earlier in the afternoon and expelling the kids?

You know, those sort of things can happen. I've seen the memes. What advice do you give to those parents? Hey, it is put the bottle down, move away from the bottle. And it is just, look, have fun. This is only for a finite amount of time. This is the time where learning can be around

the stovetop, making scrambled eggs for lunch or while you're cooking maybe and they're not watching the home learning channel, they are off with the ice cream containers and they're collecting leaves and bugs and all those sorts of things.

This is a really good chance to just go back old school and have some fun. I prefer the drunk teaching. They learn some lessons from the school of hard knocks. Not great lessons, no. It's never going to work out for you. Give up now.

Susie, a lot of the outfits that you wore through the 90s, very fluoro things, very colourful. Do you still have those? Do you wear them when you're jogging at night to keep you safe, that sort of thing? Exactly. You wouldn't miss me, would you?

I've got one left, and that wasn't even one that I owned. It was a colleague of mine gave it to me. I remember that, but was it cosmic? Yes. It looked like a rainbow had exploded on you. Yeah, yeah. I had some on you. Yeah, yeah. I had some cosmic stuff. Yeah, it was very bright, right?

Oh, yeah, it was stunning. You couldn't miss it. I bet there's probably still some bloody dreadlocked hippies at Splore wearing cosmic, wandering around with their dreamcatchers and fire poise. Now, Susie Cato, I've been to put a note down here. Your first job was working for a record company? Carting around bloody...

Milli Vanilli. Who got... If you don't know Milli Vanilli, producer Juliet, they won a Grammy, but then there was a lot of controversy because they were quite handsome guys, but they didn't actually sing the songs. They just lip synced.

Oh, that is... And they won the award and they did it on stage and they went, oh, actually, we can't accept this. We were lip syncing the whole time. If my memory serves me correctly, I don't know if that's right, but there's a clip I've seen online. Well, yes, I hadn't accept this. We were lip syncing the whole time. If my memory serves me correctly, I don't know if that's right, but there's a clip I've seen online.

Yes, I hadn't seen that clip either, but I did get to travel around and take Milli Vanilli around to various interviews while they were in town. When they talked, was the voice in sync with their lips? They're playing a little something off a record player. No, no, when they talked, they were fine, but I never heard them sing. I wanted to know where they got their hair braided from, though,

because that was absolutely stunning. I mean, they were handsome gentlemen. They were like, put them in a male strip review and send them up and down the North Island. You can't talk to Susie about it anyway. Susie Cato, yeah, so if people want to check you out on the home learning, where can they do that? They can do that on Channel 7, Freeview Channel 7, or Sky 502,

and, of course, on TVNZ On Demand. And we'll see if Susie's marriage makes it through. Yeah. How long will this lockdown go for? And I think we've done well, too. We have got through this without making you sing the Sing the See You See You Later song, so we've done well. Do you want me to? Oh, go on. Yeah, go on. We can't say no. Okay, only making you sing the sing the see you see you later song so we've done well do you want me to

oh go on we can't say no only if you sing along now see you see you later it's time to say goodbye see you see you later I'm really glad to fly see you see you later

oh wonderful well done guys I feel like we stopped. I was trying to stand away from the mic because we're terrible and you're great. I'd just forgotten a couple of words in the middle, so I was backing off mic. Maybe we should have gone, we should have gone with that one.

Anyway, next time we'll do that one. Awesome. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. We find out at four o'clock today if we're going to go from level four to level three. The earliest that would happen

would be Thursday this week. Get your bets on at the TAB. Odds are looking good for level three. It's not a bad thing to be betting. Yeah, they should be gambling. Oh no, that's not. I might start up an illegal underground gambling ring with this whole COVID business.

Now we've got some explaining to do. Yeah, this was a couple of weeks ago. Before lockdown, we were over at your place. It was just the two of us and we were coming up with some ideas for the show. And clearly, if you've listened to the to do. Yeah, this was a couple of weeks ago before lockdown. We were over at your place. It was just the two of us, and we were coming up with some ideas for the show. And clearly, if you've listened to the last couple of hours, they can't have been good ideas. No, I let Ben into my bubble.

It was pre-bubble. It was pre-lockdown days. Yeah, and so we're having, I made coffee for both Ben and myself. I love you. Here's an Auckland story. The whole South Island's turned off. It was soy latte, so I'm lactose intolerant.

And I put the coffee down on the table and we both sat down and it was an outdoor table, so they had like, you know, slats for the table top. Yeah, little gaps between each bit of timber, right? Yeah, and then I knocked it, I callously just knocked it over. And what happened, what in turn happened, was the coffee spilled through the gaps and onto both of our trousers. Now...

That sounds like a lie, but this is a true story. So I was like, mate, you're going to have to get those things off. And you were like, and I'm also going to have to take my pants off. We'll put them straight in the wash. Yeah, I was going to give them a nappy sand, give a bit of the, you know, a friend pre-soak. Get those nasty stains out immediately. You've got to get them into the washing machine quick.

You never know when the doorstep challenge is going to happen, right? Someone's got to turn up. So we're outside on the deck and Ben takes off his trousers. You took off yours? I took off my trousers. Put them straight in the washing machine. All legitimate, all perfectly natural. But at that exact moment the courier walks around

and so we're both standing there in our underpants with our t-shirts on and my milky white thighs jeez they are out there for no one needs to see those if only my teeth were as wide as my thighs

but it was that situation where you feel like you need to explain to the person producer Juliet so you kind of over explain and then you make yourself feel more guilty

you're like oh yeah we just spilled some coffee through and the guy's like I don't care just sign for the package yeah and we went on for about two minutes. Oh no, it's fine, they're in the washing machine.

You've got to get the stains out immediately. If you don't get them out immediately, they're permanently. Have a look, have a look. Have a look, see, look, they're in the washing machine. He's like, okay, all right, no worries. And then thankfully COVID became a thing, so he forgot about that. Hopefully the courier forgot about that. New Zealand's breakfast.

Just don't eat them, they're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We're doing Pants Rants. 0800 the hits when pants have got you into trouble. Danielle, you're in Hamilton. Welcome from the Waikato. Good to have you. Hello. So, my rant is, I was getting undressed to hop into bed and my husband was already in bed reading.

So I thought I was being silly when I was putting on a silly dance for him. So when I went to take off my jeans while I was dancing, my jeans were too tight around my ankles, and I tried to pull them off. I got caught. I managed to trip over myself, and I fell over, and I hit my head on the bedside table. Oh, jeez.

Jeans these days. I mean, some I put on, I'm like, I'm never going to get these off. I'm just going to be living these. You've been the same here for like nine years, haven't you? Yeah, I've been the same here for nine years. Thank you. They've been painted on my legs for nine years. And it's mainly because I can't remove them.

Thank you for your call, James. How's the capital this morning, buddy? Oh, yeah. Hey, guys. Good to have you back on the radio. Oh, thank you. Thank you, James. Yeah, I was a few years ago now, I was

at my nan's funeral and I had my best gears on and everything and I didn't have a belt on on the day and we were because I was poor bearer, you know, you had to carry the coffin and everything and there must have been, we were walking past

the rows of seats and there must have been like a little hook or something and it caught on my belt loop. And I didn't want to like make the scene and stop. You can't stop, right? No, you can't, nah. So I just kept going and yeah, like tore half a strip off my back. If there's any reason to drop a corpse,

like surely that's a... You've got to keep going. No, you don't have to keep going. There's like six or eight of you to coordinate, right? So you have to keep going. Yeah. Oh, so good. Oh, thank you for your call.

You enjoy the day in the capital, wherever you are in your bubble. He's gone. Well, he was in Wellington. Yeah, wherever you are in your bubble. He might be at home. Oh, I see what you're saying. Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the Heads.

Time to look at some big news from a small town. Now, this... I feel like you're talking over the... Let this play out, mate. Some composer has actually produced and recorded this music. It probably took them a week or two, I'd imagine. They got the orchestra in and old mates. How long do you leave it?

Anyway, we're looking at news that may be neglected by other news agencies around New Zealand, but we're going to go straight to the source here. Yeah, anyone would think there was more important stuff to talk about. Not us, no. Because these are the stories they get forgotten about when there's something like COVID, don't they? That's right.

This is a story that's happening in Meffin. Meffin. Meffin. Meffin. It's a fun name to say, isn't it? It's quite hard This is a story that's happening in Methvin. Methvin. Methvin. Methvin. That's a fun name to say, isn't it? It's quite hard to say when you say it. A sleepy ski town in the South Islands. Now, one of the top twins, you know, legendary top twins,

lives there, Jules. And, you know, the top twins. Have a listen. Am I allowed to talk about the top twins or not? Yeah. Do you know I have a funny story about the Top Twins? My very good friend at primary school, the Top Twins came to... We're not besmirching the good name of the Top Twins right now.

No, I'm not besmirching the good name of the Top Twins. Good, good, because I won't have that on the show. That'd be like spitting on a pavlova. Yeah, exactly. Eating a kiwi. Kiwi icons. Spit roasting a kiwi bird. Yeah.

No, but they came to his primary school. And, you know, as primary school children, you sit down on the floor and the top twins were on chairs and they were performing the guitar. So he was directly in front of the top twins as they were sitting down. She wasn't wearing trousers that day. What do you mean? She was at a school?

Yeah. Well, she's just wearing like a skirt. Oh, right. Okay. And so he had a direct line of sight. Oh, okay. And she stopped mid-song. One of the top, okay, I don't know which top twin stopped mid-song and said,

I hope you find what you're looking for out there. I called him out. As a primary school kid. And he's been tortured ever since. Well, one of the top twin's duels who lives in Methven has been blasting music on her way to the supermarket each week just to get the town, you know, just a nice thing for the town to do. Sorry, just a nice thing for the town. Bl. Sorry, just a nice thing for the town.

Blasting it out loud. The town people will come out, have a bit of a boogie as she drives to the supermarket. Ten guitars on the back of her ute. She's got a generator hooked up. It sounds like an awesome thing to do. That sounds like an absolute noise issue to me. What? Noise control issue.

She's going through the town. Does anyone want to hear ten guitars blasting on a loudspeaker through a generator yes which and Ben was saying before the show this is not I thought this was a New Zealand song

like written by John Rawls or someone no it's actually originally an English song and New Zealand's just kind of embraced it as one of our own so you want to ring

Methvin right now and find out if it is actually a pain or if the town is getting into the top twins blasting out music on the back of their truck producer Juliet let's go through to Methvin pain or if the town is getting into the top twins, blasting out music on the back of their truck. Producer Juliet, let's go through to Methvin now.

See what the vibe is there, whether this is a burden or an absolute gift. Methvin Foursquare, John speaking. Hey, John, it's John Owen Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Good morning. How are you? All right? Oh, New Zealand's breakfast, you'll be tuned in. Yep. Not really, I'm at work right now.

I love how you blatantly lied at first and you were like, no, no, I'd be tuned in. Yep. Not really. I'm not at work right now. I love how you blatantly lied at first and you were like, no, no, I can't lie to these people. Hey, John, quick question. Yep. We're having a debate. What, sorry? One of the top twins, Jules,

is callously blasting 10 guitars over a loudspeaker through the town. Are you finding this enjoyable or annoying? I think it's enjoyable, John. I think it's great. What's wrong with that? Everybody's outside enjoying themselves and having a good time. You're definitely a man who's scanning items but trying to have a

conversation. I'm actually serving one-handed and talking to you guys. I'm doing pretty well. Proving men can multitask. Yep, how good's that? How's the lockdown going for you there, Jono? Yeah, not too bad. Prettyving men can multitask. Yep, how good's that? How's the lockdown going for you there, Johnny? Yeah, not too bad. Pretty busy, which is good. Yep.

No, it's going pretty well. We're up with it, so can't complain. Give us those monthly sales figures, big guy. What are we looking like? Oh, they've gone up massively. Going to retire. Going to retire after this month. I better not tell the figures.

Yeah, I'll just say it's gone up a wee bit. We'll save that for the annual board meeting. Yeah, that would be great. You have a great day, John and Meth, and thanks for not listening but pretending you were. All good, mate. See you. Good on you, Johnny.

More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hats. Lockdown, we're all in it, and there's a lot of stuff that we're missing. You keep going on about how I need to cut my hair. You do, and you won't let me do it. No, I'm not going to let you do it. You look like a hippie, mate.

I don't. Where's your house bus? It's not even that long. Where's your house bus and your dream catcher? Yeah, like, is that long for you? Yeah, when I saw you on Zoom yesterday, I was like, he needs that cut. Yeah, I know. Anyway, you've got a thing about it?

Oh, mate, if you want to smoke your cannabis or whatever. I don't. You're happy? Now, 0800THEH the hits is the phone number. We've got a bit of an idea we need your help with. We're going to give ourselves 24 hours to come up with a song about all the things you are missing right now because you're in lockdown. And then tomorrow at this time on the radio,

we're going to play that song to you, which will include all the things on texts and calls that you want to include in the song. Yeah, now we need you to cast your mind back 19 years. No, even longer. I think 25 years. It's an oldie, but a goodie. You might remember this song. Yeah, now, we need you to cast your mind back 19 years. Oh no, even longer. I think 25 years. It's an oldie, but a goodie.

You might remember this song. I heard it in the weekend, actually. You might remember this song from, uh, he did it. I'll be missing you. I'll be missing you. Great song.

So all the things you are missing right now because we are in lockdown, 0800 the hits is the phone number. Or you can text us as well, text hits. And we'll get as many as we can now on the airways and we'll give ourselves 24 hours to come up with a song. Well, we don't because all we have for the song right now,

you know, at the beginning of the song he talks. I've just got the talky bit down. Can I play it? Can we do the talky bit? Go on. Yeah. This right here goes out to everyone locked in their bubble. Keen to burst that sound.

You sound like you're listening. You vaguely remember the song? Good, we do too. Check it out. Here's my white friend rapping. So that's when we'll rap about all those things. On the text already, handshakes. I miss them.

Yeah, I miss handshakes. Someone said, I don't think I'll ever be able to seal a business deal in the future with an awkward elbow bang. Yeah, I think it's going to be a way to go. You shake elbows on it? The man shook elbows. The deal is done. Let's go to the phones.

0800 The Hits. Stan, you're in Tokoroa. Welcome to the radio show. Good to have you on. It's Caitlin. Caitlin, why am I just... like, everything's in order. Producer Ben was talking to Stan behind the scenes. Oh, this phone system is confusing me. Anyway, it's reasonable, but anyway. Caitlin, welcome.

Hey, guys. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Seamless, polished show. What are you missing about the outside world? I miss being able to just pop to the supermarket for a couple of things and not have to queue up for ages like I'm trying to get into a club. Oh, I agree. That's like a line, isn't it?

We were talking about this the other day. It feels like you get to the front of the line, is the security guard going to say, those shoes, mate, you can't come in. That's what I feel every time I'm at the supermarket, I think like that. Thank you very much. All right, that's in the song,

supermarket waiting in line like a club. Another text here to 4487. I'm going to miss work. It stopped me from opening a bottle of Chardonnay at midday. Well, it's true because you can't be working from home and also drinking at midday, so we'll put that in the song. It's going to be some wonderful habits being formed over the next four weeks. Tessa in Invercargill, welcome.

How's the Deep South? Jane. Oh, jeez, no. Leave now. Leave now. Jane. Jane. No, go. Jane, welcome. Leave now. Leave now. Shane. Yeah, no, go.

Shane, welcome. Just pack your stuff up and go. Hey. Not you, Shane. Juliet, so the next one, when do I know the next one? So when it's dark green, that's the line that I've pressed. Oh, so that's dark. Okay, well, now I know. This is great.

Shane, you're dark green. You're on air. It's a win. What are you missing most about being in lockdown? I'm just super missing brunch, you know, and coffee, proper coffee.

Oh, coffee and brunch. Takeaway food. Says a Wellingtonian, I always think your coffee's better than the rest of New Zealand and it is. Alright, takeaway coffee,

we'll chuck that in the song. Another text here to 4487, I miss being able to cough and not having to worry about it. Good point. Every time someone's coughed you're like

get out of here you monster I know alright we'll take one more we'll put it in our song we've got 24 hours to write a dated parody song Tessa is dark green on the computer screen

which means she's on the air from Invercargill welcome to New Zealand's breakfast Tess hi guys you are nailing it we are

thank you for saying that I should have practised this stuff before the show started. I thought I'd do it live on air. It sounds better. Hey, what are you missing? I'm basically getting dressed. I've been in my PJs for four weeks straight.

Yeah. I imagine a lot of people right now are missing pants. You know, the novelty of not wearing pants at home is probably great for a while. Great to hear Tessa's basic hygiene standards slipping over four weeks. Wonderful work, Tessa. Hey, thank you so much for being dark green and being on air when I asked you to be. The colour coding system means nothing to anyone else. You don't know how much that means to me.

Tomorrow we'll see what the result is of two white dudes trying to rap a song from 1997. It's not going to be good, us. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. You know, a lot of people out, you notice when you're driving home from work, there's a lot of people out exercising now, isn't there?

That's our only thing we can do, right? Yeah, and one of my joys is watching people running because they're in so much pain. No one ever looks happy while running, do they? You feel good afterwards, though. You do, but it's just a constant look of, why am I doing this to myself? I've got too far away from my home.

I know I've got to go all the way back. Yeah, even the guy who broke the marathon in the bloody Nike space boots. What was his name? I'm not sure. Well, you should know. He doesn't even look like he's enjoying running. No one looks like they're enjoying it.

Why are we doing it to ourselves? Now we want to reward a nicer legend right now before nine o'clock. Someone who's doing great stuff in New Zealand, helping out, because this is the cool thing about that. The one good thing to come out of this is, you know,

a lot of people helping the country through these tough times. That's right. And you can nominate someone if you want. 4487 is the text number. Just give us a little backstory about how your nominee is helping the community. But we're going to go to Ange right now.

Welcome, Ange. Hiya. Good to have you on. I think it's the first time I actually said a name this morning. And they've been on the radio the first time. Now, Ange, you've got a pretty amazing story. Now, Ange, you and your partner, you're both nurses, right? Yeah, we are.

I work after the hospital and my husband works out in the community. What does that mean for you when you go home? It means that the day before lockdown, our kids went to stay with my parents. So for four weeks you've had both your kids at your grandparents' place? At your parents' place? Yeah. Oh my gosh. So how are you communicating with your kids? It must be really tough. We FaceTime every night just before bed.

And what a wonderful thing that your parents are doing. Yeah, especially since they are small business owners, so they didn't even hesitate when we asked if they could take the kids. They don't know how their business is going to survive. Oh, man. Well, they're due probably about $25,000 with the babysitting fees at the end of this four weeks. Let's call, is it Joanne?

Going to phone your mum, Joanne. Ange, give her a $250 GrabOne voucher. Good morning, Joe. Speaking. Oh, Joe, you are a legend. You're a little legend. Yeah. And we love you.

And it's a bit weird. There's a guy whispering down the phone at you first thing in the morning. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. We've just heard what you're doing right now for your daughter and for your grandkids. It's amazing. Oh, thank you. Joanne, is there anything you want to say? Sorry, Angie, anything you want to say to your mum, Jo?

We've just lost Angie. We're getting her back on. Oh, that's all right. I'll say it on behalf of her. Mum, I love you. Thank you for looking after the kids for four weeks. Now Angie her back on. Oh, that's all right. I'll say it on behalf of her. Mum, I love you. Thank you for looking after the kids for four weeks. Now, Ange is back on. She'll carry on.

What do you want to say to your mum, Ange? Darren and I wouldn't have been able to do this. We wouldn't have been able to go to work and look after everybody without you guys taking up our kids. I know that they're a handful, being three and six. But yeah, we just really appreciate it. Oh, good on you. And Jo, we're going to give you a $250

GrabOn voucher. It's a wonderful website. You can literally buy everything. If you want illegal black market organs, you can buy those on GrabOn. No, they don't. But you can buy something really great for yourself after lockdown. Thank you so much for what you're doing right now. That's awesome.

Hey, I really appreciate it. But you've just got to step up and do what you've got to do. That's all there is. Everybody's doing it. God bless New Zealand. So many people around the country doing that. Thanks, you guys. Thanks to GrabOne as well.

Everyday Essentials delivered today. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither are these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Good morning, class. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet!

I said shut your pie holes! Apologies, that really went from zero to 100. Welcome to Jono and Ben's homeschool. A renegade, unsanctioned educational faculty fully supported by the Ministry of Education in no way at all. Now, tuck in your socks and pull up your shirts. I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. Please stand and

welcome your teachers with literally no teaching qualifications whatsoever. Mr. Pryor and Mr. Boyce. Thank you, students. Welcome along, guys. This is Jono and Ben's homeschooling between 9 and 10 every day this week and next. We thought we'd have a fun little game for you guys to play as a family

during lockdown, an interactive quiz on the radio in your bubble. You can watch at the Hits Breakfast on Facebook. Of course, you can play as well. 0800 THE HITS is the number if you want to be our star pupil. That's right. So whoever the star pupil is at the end of class in an hour's time will win the Disney Plus subscription. And it's literally the only school you will leave dumber than when you arrive.

Yeah, the Disney Plus subscription is free, yeah, and you can get a free seven-day trial at Disney Plus right now. If you haven't got it, it is awesome. All the Simpsons episodes, heaps of classic movies, Marvel movies. It is amazing. And Onward, I think the new movie is coming out this Friday as well. Okay, we're going to get our first star pupil on next. In the meantime, we've got

a special guest at the end of the show as well. See if you can figure out who it is. Hi Jono and Ben, here's my first clue. I have been married twice. Married twice. Not a committed person, clearly. Yeah, we'll find out who that is.

Who am I? Find out who that is before 10 o'clock. It is Jono and Ben's homeschooling. 0800 The Hitch. If you want to beat our star pupil, if you're on at the end of the hour, you win that Disney Plus subscription. Like starting your day without your morning coffee.

It's Jono and Ben on the Hitch. Yeah, this is history class. My history teacher, rampant drinking problem. I'm surprised he could remember back to the 1920s. He was every day like, mate, you really need to sort that out. But we don't need to talk about that at our school. No, because we've got a star pupil on the line. From Taupo, he's 15 years old.

Jack, welcome. Good morning. Star pupil at the moment. What we're going to do here, Ben is going to hold up important figures from history. I'm going to try and describe them. You have to name them. You've got to get 10 in 60 seconds. The clock starts...

I don't think history is good. Okay, well, no, there's probably more popular culture, shall we say. The historical figures, meaning the one we were playing on Facebook Live was Taylor Swift, for example. Oh, okay.

Yeah, not like proper important people from history. These people are important people. They're celebrities, the most important people around. A better class of person. Okay. Okay, your timer starts now, Jack. Ginger, lovely guy.

Millions of dollars. Big mansion. Singer. Singer. Oh, Jesus. Ed Sheeran. One for one. Comedian.

Short. He came here last year. Very funny. Does many movies with The Rock. Kevin Hart. Yes. Australian. Beefcake. Hot. Thor. Short He came here last year Very funny Does many movies With The Rock Given Heart Yes Australian Beefcake

Hot Thor Thor Oh gee Brother of the guy Who was with Miley Cyrus Can I pass it? Yeah okay

Come back to that Singer You just heard his song Think I Wanna Marry You Bruno Mars Yes Shake It Off Shake It Off

I think she's Yes Comedian Office Wrote The Office The original Pass Cricket your face

Hosted a talk show Short blonde hair Darts Darts is at the top At the top of the talk show American Jimmy Fallon Jimmy Kimmel

Alan Alan Oh Alan He's a frog From Sesame Street Oh I was too young to watch Sesame Street. Kervit. Kervit.

Kervit the Frog. Oh, Jack. It was a good effort, a good first-up effort for us. We're going to send you our Beat the Parents game. Thanks to Planet Fun just for playing, all right? Thanks, guys. Unfortunately, you didn't get 10 of my fumbling. That was tough.

It is tough. They were quite hard. Yeah, it was very tough, man. So that means we need a new star pupil right now. 0800 the hits. If you want to take part in our English class next,

you could be winning that Disney Plus subscription. Of course, as a wee bit of fun, we've got a celebrity guest at the end of the show. We just found out they have been married twice.

Here is our next clue. Hi again, Jono and Ben. You'd be surprised to know when you look at me, but I have a real fear of spiders. Who is that celebrity guest? Fear of marriage and commitment and fear of spiders. Find out before 10 o'clock. Start your day the wrong

way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. A little word of warning, Education Minister Chris Hipkins knows nothing of this, so no narking. Actually, speaking of kids in education, I have my daughter, Indy, who is eight, came up to me in the weekend. I cleared it with her to play this because she was struggling.

She was reading a book and there was a word. She was like, what's this word mean? And she came up and said this. What do you want to know? What's a puzzly? A what? A puzzly. I don't know.

Show me the word. A puzzly. Oh, a puzzly. P-U-Z-Z-L-E. Yeah. Oh, a puzzle. Yeah, so words sometimes-L-E. Yeah. Ah, puzzle. Yeah, so words sometimes could trick you up. She knows what a puzzle is.

What is a puzzle? She knows what a puzzle is, but when it's written down, it's puzzle. You know the most disturbing thing about that is that you have a recorder running in your house 24 hours a day. How paranoid are you? That was it.

Here is our next subject. It's time for English. Oh, I love it. English is actually John Owen Benn's second language. Harsh burn, harsh burn. Harsh burn. I always love the English teacher. So casual, like with a tweed jacket and, you know,

like linen pants and boat shoes sitting on the edge of the desk. So under the hits is the phone number. We're going to play a wee thing called the dictionary game. My dad, a school teacher, Kevin Boyce, used to like playing this with us. What a fun-filled household. So what happens is you get a word from a dictionary that you may not know the meaning to and then you come up with alternate

meanings for that word. And how much joy did this game bring your family? It was actually quite fun. Come on, gather around the table. You'd write your little one, you'd hope that everyone would choose your word. You'd be like, oh, that was my definition, it wasn't suckers. So we've got some words, interesting words.

Both Ben and myself have given a definition to this word, but the correct answer is also in here as well. Our star pupil now, Heidi, welcome. Hey, guys. Good to have you on air, matey. The word is fipple. F-I-P-P-L. Now, Producer Juliette is going to hand out the three definitions.

So first definition, name for a third nipple. Number two, a wooden block on the end of musical instruments. And number three, when you are drunk on too many tipples. What is a fipple? If in doubt, go for the middle one. Let's go number two. A wooden block on the end of musical instruments. Well done.

If in doubt, go for number two, the middle one. I have never heard that saying, but it works wonders. Did you pass school? Anyway, don't answer that. The next word, crapulous. Crapulous. Does it mean? First option, to be drunk.

Second option, when someone is full of crap. Third, a North African spider. Remember the great theory, if in doubt. Maybe don't go with that this time. Go for the middle one. Don't do your theory this time. I'll give you a clue. Well, you know, I've been a bit partial to a bit of drinking lately,

so we'll go for that one. To be drunk. Crappulous. Well done. She's still our star pupil, Heidi. You are going to join us next. So far, you are holding on to that Disney subscription. Next, you are going to join us for our music class, okay?

So don't you go anywhere. Now we're in for a treat. All right, Heidi, stick with us. And, of course, we are trying to work out who our special guest is. At the end of the hour, we found out they've been married twice. They have a fear of spiders, and here's your next clue. Hey, fellas, I'm massive on social media and also hold a Guinness World Record

for the most selfies in three minutes. Okay. All right. Who is this person that will be joining us before the end? Their voice doesn't sound like that. Can I point out as well? We've disguised their voice. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. This is Jono and Ben's homeschooling, nine to ten each day this week. We're playing a fun little game for your bubble, some quizzes, and at the end of it, the person on the line, our star pupil will win a year's subscription

to Disney Plus, and don't forget Onward, which is the new movie on Disney Plus is coming out on Thursday. Chris Pratt and Tom Holland do the voices. It's a Pixar one. It looks amazing, so get on to that. Yeah, this is our feeble attempt at having a school, I mean, which is just one step above the TikTok videos that your kids have been filming for

the last week. You know that's all they've been doing. Let's get into music class. Alright class, time to shove a slobbery unhygienic recorder in your mouth. It's music. Heidi, our star pupil carrying over. If you're on at the end of class, Heidi, you win the Disney subscription. If you

fail, we go to the next caller on our 800 The Hits music class. Very simple. Take it away. You just need to say what the next lyric is. We're going to play a little bit of a song. We're going to stop it, and you need to tell us what the next lyric

in the song is. All right, Heidi? All right, I'll give it my best go. Okay, here we go. Have a listen to this. No, don't give it your best go. Give it your worst go. Have a listen to this.

From Katy Perry. Do you ever feel like a... Pl to this. From Katy Perry. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Well done. Yes, not appropriate nowadays, is it? No, reusable bag. She needs to update that song, right? Which I loved.

I loved plastic bags. I was a pro campaigner for keep the plastic. Ben, you're always like, this is not a good look for us. Not a good look for our brand. No, yeah, no. And in the meantime, I had to go and end up stealing plastic baskets from the supermarket. You did. I told you to take it back and you did and you took it back.

So I'm not allowed plastic bags. According to Ben, I'm not allowed to steal the plastic baskets. Just get some reusable ones like everyone else. Anyway, Heidi, we won't bicker in front of you. You've got one from one. Let's listen to the next musical lyric and you need to tell us what the next lyric is. Your body. She's even singing as well.

Getting into the game, baby. Well done, Justin Bieber. A man who actually punched us in the genitals, didn't he, Justin? He did. We were lucky enough to hang out with him and he was goofing around backstage with us before our TV show and he was goofing around back and backstage with us before our TV show and he was like, hey, there we go. Whacked them.

I haven't washed them since. Oh God, please don't say that. And your next one, have a listen and see if you can complete this musical lyric. In fact, it's Oh, um, oh. Elton John, Mars Ain't the Kind. I know the song, but my kids are more about I'm Still Standing. Mars Ain't the Kind of Place to Raise Your Kids. In fact, it's.

What is it in Mars? It's a bit chilly. Cold as. Ice. Cold as. Oh, I don't know. Which is weird because you wouldn't normally think the place would be hot. You'd normally think

this place would be hot. I want you to get this, Heidi. Cold as hell! Cold as hell! Cold as hell! Yes! Alright, Heidi, stick around. You are our star pupil. You can stick around for another round, alright? You almost have that Disney Plus years subscription, all right? I feel like the Ministry of Education would investigate me

for handing out that answer. Yeah, we've got a celebrity guest, an international celebrity guest joining us at the end of the hour. We've heard a couple of clues. They've got a Guinness World Record for the most amount of selfies. They also are scared of spiders. Here's your next clue. Hey, guys.

I wanted to be a pro footballer before taking up another sport that some people think is fake. Oh, I think I've got it now. All right. I know who it is. We'll find out who that person is before the end of the hour. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

You know how they were saying the New Zealand media is dumbing down New Zealand? I think this is the hour that proves that. Heidi's with us, our star pupil at the moment. Welcome back, Heidi. Hi, guys. So close to this Disney Plus subscription. You have one more class to pass. I do want to say, if you don't pass it, someone can call up 0800THEHITS and become the star pupil

and steal the prize. But they would have done nothing. They would have done no heavy lifting. You've done it all, Heidi. You've been with us through thick and thin. It's a journey that will live with me forever. They'll be stealing off my exam. Exactly. They would be.

You're right, Heidi. Stacey, you will stay with me forever. This is Heidi. Heidi. It's time for your final school subject. Let's have a listen to what it is. Remind me what it is. It's school ducks.

School ducks. Hurry, shut up it is. It's School Ducks. School Ducks. Buddy, shut up and listen to today's School Ducks. It's definitely not you, Producer Juliet. It's clearly not me. Hey, Producer Juliet, don't worry about it. Thanks. Don't worry. We won't bring this up in our post-show meeting.

I was daydreaming a little bit. No, it's fine. Listen, we're going to put you to the test right now because when you get school ducks, you've got to make a speech. Well, you do in our school anyway, all right? And we're going to give you 30 seconds to talk about a subject, a random subject of our choice. You can't say um or ah or pause too long, all right?

For 30 seconds. All right. Your subject is unicorns with hamstring issues. Unicorns. Are they real or are they fake? But do you know one thing? Is that unicorns have four legs. One, two, three, four.

And do you know what unicorns have on their four legs? They have hamstrings, just like people do. And do you know, because those unicorns, they run and they fly so fast that they sometimes pull their hamstrings. And where does a unicorn with a pulled hamstring go to? They go to the unicorn physio. Now, unicorns really...

You're amazing. Well done. You've got, for your family, for your bubble, a year's subscription to Disney+. Make sure you check it out. It is awesome. And thanks very much to them. And well done. What a great conversation about unicorns.

Yay! Look at that. Look at me. I can hear 20% of what you're saying, but it sounds happy. I'm very happy. And can I just say thank you? I know this is, you know, you've just started this breakfast hour, but I just want to say thank you guys for entertaining us so much

during this really hard time. It's really appreciated. Oh, that is literally the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. My mum never told me she loved me. You guys are entertaining us so much during this really hard time. It's really appreciated. Thank you, lovely. That is literally the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. My mum never told me she loved me, and I'm going to take this moment as that. I'm going to say... You can't move into Heidi's place after a long time. Heidi, you stay safe in your bubble, and thank you so much for playing.

You're a great sport. Thanks, James. There we go. Heidi is our ducks, but it doesn't stop there. If you're a kid listening right now 0800 the hits is the phone number We're going to play a wee game Of beat the parents

Thanks to Planet Fun Man versus child Jono you're going to take on the kid And if the kid wins They get the board game To play with their family You're always going to let the kid win You're never going to let me win

I'm going to do one card As it is Three questions each I'm not going to change it But then if I win you're like It's a bad look if you beat the kids We'll find out next But of course our celebrity guest Is going to be joining us At the if I win, you're like, it's a bad look if you beat the kids. We'll find out next. But of course, our celebrity guest

is going to be joining us at the end of the hour as well. We've heard a lot of clues. They're a Guinness World Record holder. They do a sport that's fake in some people's opinions. Here's another clue. Guys, I love my cheat meals and can be known to eat two pancakes, four pizzas and 21 brownies

in a single cheat meal. Ooh, that's a lot of a cheat meal. Find out who that is before 10 o'clock. I think you might have got it by now. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Between 9 and 10 every day this week and next, we're playing some fun little games,

and right now is this one. OK, students, time for the Beat the Parents class. No, you're right. This is not part of the traditional curriculum, but at this school, we throw that out for shameless product placement. Yes, you're right. This is not part of the traditional curriculum, but at this school, we throw that out for shameless product placement. Yes, thanks to Planet Fun, we have a board game that you can play

with the whole family with your bubble. It's called Beat the Parents. So I've just picked a card at random and I'm going to read three questions to Jono and three questions to Asia, who's called us up. How's it going, buddy? Good, thank you.

You're in Pairoa. How's the bubble, Asia? Kind of boring. Yeah, you're getting sick of it now? Something to annoy your parents, are you. You're in Pairoa. How's the bubble, Asia? Kind of boring. Yeah, you're getting sick of it now? Something to annoy your parents, are you? Yeah. Well, thank you for playing our homeschooling. Go and prank them now.

Prank them now. After the game. We've got three questions for you from the kids section and three questions to the parents section. We're going to ask Jono. So, Jono, here's your first question. Can I just state for the record, I do not like this game. There's an unfair advantage to the children. I feel like you might get a couple of these questions right. Oh, really? Okay, so, Jono, you's your first question. Can I just state for the record, I do not like this game. There's an unfair advantage to the children.

I feel like you might get a couple of these questions right. Oh, really? Okay, so, Jono, you play as hard as you want. It's fine. I will. Okay. I will show no mercy. Jono, who was the original head judge on X Factor?

Head judge on X Factor? Simon Cowell. Well done. Jono's got one. All right, Asia, over to you. This is from the kids section. Where does Father Christmas live? Santa Claus.

Where does he live? Not Paul. Well done. No, This is from the kids section. Where does Father Christmas live? Santa Claus. Where does he live? Not called. Well done. No, this is for the kids. You can't moan about the kids questions. They're for kids. Asia, who was the first head judge on X Factor? No, you just said that.

It was Simon Cowell. Okay, your next question, Jono. Which football team plays at Old Trafford Stadium? Oh, is that Man U? Yes, well done. Man United has got two. Yes! He's very competitive. All right, Asia. It's not a good look, is that Man U? Yes, well done. Man United, he's got two. Yes! He's very competitive.

All right, Asia. It's not a good look, is it, being so competitive against a 15-year-old. The man at a wedding who's getting married, what are they called? The bride and the groom. Well done. Don't start complaining afterwards.

I'm going to ask Asia the next question. Asia, is a baby whale called a kitten or a calf? A calf. All right. So she's got three. She's now our leader. This is up to you, Josh. So here we go.

This is the question. This is the final question. I can equal this. Okay. Okay. Which city served as the capital of the United States before Washington, D.C.? New York. Did I get it?

No. It was Philadelphia. Well done, Asia. You've got a copy of Beat the Parents. Thanks I get it? No. It was Philadelphia. Well done, Asia. You've got a copy of Beat the Parents. Thanks for playing it fun. It's a fun game. You can play with your family and with Jono on the radio. Well done.

You're a better player than I was today, Asia. I take my hat off to you. All right? Stick around because before 10 o'clock, we've got our international celebrity guests. Have you worked out who it was? They love cheat meals. They've got a Guinness World Record for the most selfies in like 60 seconds.

They wanted to be a pro footballer before taking up wrestling. We'll have them on the phone before 10 o'clock. Serving bowls of lollies for breakfast. Actual lollies may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. We've had clues handed out as to who our celebrity relief teacher was today. Let's have a listen to those clues again. Hi again, Jono and Ben.

You'd be surprised to know when you look at me, but I have a real fear of spiders. Fear of spiders? Guys, I love my cheat meals and can be known to eat two pancakes, four pizzas and 21 brownies in a single cheat meal. A ravenous human being. So this is just some of the clues right now.

Have you guessed who our celebrity guest is joining us right now? Live via Zoom. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Welcome. Good to have you. Thank you. It's good to be on. And we've run out of time, unfortunately.

Yeah, we've really got to get to the 10 o'clock thing. So I'm sorry. Kept him on hold the whole time. He had some lovely clues, but that's really it. Hopefully we'll get to catch up with Dwayne The Rock Johnson at a later date. Make sure you join us back tomorrow from 6 o'clock for the breakfast show. We'd love to see you there, even though we don't see you because it's radio. We do it now on Facebook Live, of course, every afternoon at the Hits Breakfast.

But sign us off, Jono. Stay safe, stay sanitised. Good day. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on the Hits and via the iHeartRadio app. Stay safe, stay sanitised, good day.