Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - April 21 - Nano Girl, Important Dates, Big News Small Town

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

The Rude Awakening GameJono's son Oscar was tasked to finish an assignmentWin An AdOnly in lockdown - Share your stories with usImportant DatesSpyNano GirlJono's mum has been leaving him several voicemailsI'll Be Missing You - Song ParodyBig News Small TownWe reward another Iso-LegendJono & Ben's Home School Day #2See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to day two of the podcast. Jono and Ben on the hits breakfast. Big news yesterday, Jono. We're going to be in lockdown in New Zealand at level four for another week, then level three for possibly two weeks. I'll tell you who's, my kids loving it. Loving it.

Just like this. What is this? I was like, this is a once in a lifetime. Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime. Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime. We're going to have to do the whole school year again, probably. But at the moment, enjoy it. I'll tell you what, Charlie DeMello doing a wonderful job of raising my children. A good TikTok reference.

I'm down with the kids, mate. That's right. Hashtag, I can't even finish a hashtag. And we've got a big show coming up. Thank you for joining the podcast, number one on iHeartRadio. We have Jacinda Ardern from a press conference. We noticed something that she has to suffer every time she hosts a press conference, and we feel that the everyday New Zealander might crumble under the same situation.

We put that to the test. As well as that, we're joined by Nano Girl, Dr. Michelle Dickinson, and she's going to squash some COVID-19 rumours. Can I say I was very disappointed? I thought it was Nando's girl girl and we were getting free Portuguese chicken. We don't get that for another week. You can't get takeaways for another week. So enjoy the podcast and we'll catch you again same time tomorrow.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Of course, the big news yesterday. Next Tuesday, we drop to alert level three, which is basically a level four with takeaways. Yeah, right. Takeaways, still very hard to eat with a mask on your face, however.

Well, you can. I imagine you can move that around. You're allowed to take the mask off. Okay, great. Coming up on the show, if you want to wake your partner up and put them on the spot with a live radio quiz, you could win big. That's happening very soon.

And give us 20 minutes. I've got a wee surprise for Jono that his wife has sent me. You look at me weirdly. You don't know about this. It's coming up very soon. Okay, there's a. I've got a wee surprise for Jono that his wife has sent me. You look at me weirdly. You don't know about this. It's coming up very soon. Okay, there's a lot of stuff that I don't want sent to you. So it'll be interesting. It's a little surprise we're going to do on the radio very shortly.

Now, we've started this show. Wild, wild claims that don't sit comfortable with me, that this is New Zealand's breakfast. And, you know, when you're saying New Zealand's breakfast, A, you're like, well, that's not very nutritious. And B, you're like, is everyone in New Zealand listening to this breakfast? So we're doing a snap poll right now going through to Nelson. Dial through, Producer Juliet.

Hello? Barbara? Yeah? Babs, guess who it is? Who is it? You'll be tuned in. You're listening. Yeah? Yep. What're listening. Yeah?

Yep. What are you listening to? Rod Stewart. Why? Oh, it's not us. We're on the hits. Although I'd pick Rod Stewart over us any day of the week. We wish we were playing Rod Stewart.

It's Jono and Ben from the hits. Oh, yeah. Can you turn up Rod in the background? Yeah. Hold on a minute. It seems rather early for Rod Stewart, doesn't it? Oh, there's no better time than to get a morning ride away.

Oh, that sounds weird. There's no better time to get a morning ride away. Is that loud enough? Go again? I didn't mean that to sound so odd. You've re-rung me before, haven't you? Probably, Barbara.

It's a small country. So you've jumped on Rod early in the morning. Oh, no, no, I've had other music on. I've just got round to Rod. I've spent my isolation going through all my old CDs. Oh, well, you could spend your isolation listening to our brand-new breakfast show that we have egotistically said

the whole of New Zealand is listening to. Well, now you've told me I might just do that. Oh, good. Thank you so much, Barbara. I feel like I've bullied you into listening. Yeah. And I have no regrets. You look after yourself in isolation, matey.

I will. All right, stay safe. Nice talking to you. Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Happy birthday to the Queen, 94 today. Well, now, did we have this discussion yesterday?

We did. Yeah, I was like, Ben's like, she looks great for her age. And I'm like, she looks 94. Well, she's great. She looks great. She looks great for 94? How are you meant to look when you're 94? I'd be glad to look like that at 64.

She looks amazing. Yeah, great. You're still breathing. Congratulations. Oh, great. You're still breathing. Congratulations. What's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what?

Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Now, because we are up early, we want to get other people up as well. You've got to feel the pain as well. Yeah, we thought we'd give them a chance to win. If you want to wake up your partner or maybe your mum or your dad, put them on the spot with a live radio quiz first thing in the morning, then you could win. Yeah, it's the rude awakening.

And joining us on the phone, Harriet, welcome. Hello. How's your Auckland bubble, Hazza? Auckland bubble's good. I'm just out on a run at the moment listening to you guys on iHeartRadio. Plugging up a storm. Running, talking, plugging. What a winner.

Hang up on her now. No, no, no, hang on, hang on. You want to wake up your partner, is it? Yeah, I left his phone on loud when I left the house, so I'm hoping he'll wake up. Okay, you planned for this. What a vindictive thing to do. I heard it yesterday and I thought if I get through.

Okay, what's his name? Riley. Riley, okay, we're going to call Riley right now. This is the rude awakening. Deep in a slumber while his partner is out running and plugging iHeartRadio. We'll see how he goes here

in the middle of a quiz. What will he answer? Riley. Hey Riley Riley It's two obnoxious Yapping radio announcers Screaming down the phone At you

Jono and Ben on the hits mate Oh Hey How you going You're live on the radio Good morning Welcome Oh good morning

Good morning First question Who let the dogs out Was it A. Some guy called Calvin B. The Baja Men, or C, a distracted security guard who was subsequently fired? Your answer, Riley.

The Baja Men. Well done. He's got $10. If you could talk into the phone, I know you probably think this is a bad dream. How Pete's about you after grabs, you got $10 so far. Who is the current US president? A fake-tanned pathological liar who refuses to engage with reality? B. Donald Trump

or C. Beyonce? Oh, that's a trick question, isn't it? I'll take two answers. Have to get up pretty early in the morning to trick Riley. Definitely A and B. A and B. Well done. Correct. $20 from Hell Pizza or yours so far? Where would you find...

Taylor Swift is a huge lover of what animal? She has many of them. Cats, rabies-laden pit bulls, or giraffes? Ooh. A. A with a question mark. Well done. Well done.

Three from three. $30 hell pizza. Final question to get $40. Fourth question. Who hosts New Zealand's breakfast? Is it A, I feel like you're making this up, Matt and Jerry,

B, Jono and Ben, C, Stacey and Calvin? New Zealand's breakfast. What's like breakfast news? I see, Jono. You've asked an egotistical question.

It's backfired. Look, I'm going to make this less awkward. I'm going to give you $40 hell pizza and just wrap this up, Riley, all right? It's a bad dream. Awesome, thanks, guys. He doesn't even want to know who threw him under the bus here and we won't tell him

just so we don't ruin his relationship with Harriet. Enjoy your day. Thanks for waking up early for us, mate. Catch you later. Like starting your day without your morning coffee up early for us, mate. Catch you later. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. We're staying in level four

in New Zealand until this time next week. We go to level three on Tuesday. Are you happy about that? What are your personal feelings on that? Because I know you don't like germs.

Yeah, it's so hard because also you do worry about the economy as weird as that is to say for me. He's like, this is literally the first time I've worried about the economy in my life. There's a lot of friends that have businesses and small businesses around the country, and they're hurting a lot.

A lot of businesses are hurting, but then at the same time, there's this horrible virus. So it's like a real tightrope the government's got to walk. How's your small business going? You're importing business from Colombia, and you bring those teddy bears in, but they're not teddy bears. There's stuff inside the teddy bears how's that going?

Shush enough out of you enough out of you because I've got something for you that's going to embarrass you right now okay so what happened is your wife has

sent me an email now this is an assignment that your son Oscar was meant to do for school oh I know what this is about so this producer Juliet is here as well now it was about

someone you admire yeah do you want me to give a back story or are you just going to throw me under the bus give a back story this is about. So this, producer Juliet's here as well. Now, it was about someone you admire. Yeah. Do you want me to give a backstory? Or are you just going to throw me under the bus? Yeah, give a backstory. So, Juliet, my son was like, I need to do a project yesterday for homeschooling on, you know, someone who inspires

me. And the good thing is about young people is they don't know many people. So, to find someone that inspires them, they just look to their parents. Five years down the track, there's going to be far more inspirational people. So he's like, I want to write about you. Aw.

It was just lovely. That was sweet. But then he made you write it. No, well, I was like, I'll just write it. Loves talking up himself. Now, Oscar has refused to send this to school, and I think you'll know why. Because I'm going to read out what Jono has written about himself

posing as his son. I don't think you need to do it. Like, this is day two. This is not a good start with the audience. The person who inspires me the most is my dad. My dad's name is Jono Pryor, and he works on radio and TV. So, so far, so good. I'll believe that.

I mean, no longer TV, but anyway, I'll give you that one. Can I just jump in here and say there's nothing more fulfilling than writing a favourable speech about yourself? It goes on. Some people say Jono Pryor is New Zealand's best broadcaster. Who are these people, Jono?

Well, it was me just then. I typed it on the computer. Okay. It goes on in the School of Cyber about Jono. Jono Pryor is not only an inspiration to me, but an inspiration to all New Zealanders. Fact. Wow. I don't know who you're inspiring, but anyway.

The way Jono Pryor has entertained the nation for 20 years is something that hasn't gone unnoticed. Even when his TV show was cancelled, he bounced back with a breakfast radio show on the hits because his dad says, I'm a survivor. I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to stop.

I'm going to work harder. Under the great words of Beyonce. Plagiarised Beyonce. It goes on. Oh, stop now. John O'Brien is a hero of mine and a hero of yours. As he once famously said, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

I may have stolen that quote. Ask not what your country can do for you. John F. Kennedy. Ask what you can do for your country. What did John F. Kennedy steal the quote from me 50 years ago? And in the final line, in the words of the Foo Fighters song that was written about my dad

by lead singer Dave Grohl, there goes my hero, lead singer Dave Grohl. Dave Grohl, There Goes My Hero. Watch him as he goes. I can see why Oscar didn't see that in there. A young boy knows about the Foo Fighters. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Don't tell the sales

department because it's Jono and Ben's winning ad. It is day two of us on The Breakfast Show and day two of us giving away a free ad on the radio. Yeah, this is

some pretty heavy stuff. I tell you what, you get locked up for this and if you end up in prison and they find out you've been given away free advertising, they'll stay away from you.

Oh, really? There's a type of guy who'll shank you with a rubber band. So what we do is we call a number at random and we say,

congratulations, you've won an ad. We've written half of it. You've just got to fill in the blanks. Seems like such an easy task, doesn't it? But what we enjoy

is putting people on the spot and listening to them fumble around trying to promote their business. Finding a vet, veterinarian here in Matamata.

Of course vets would be open. Yeah, you've got to look after the animals. Particularly me, I've got two animals. Good morning, Kai, my vet. She's speaking with Dalwyn. Dalwyn? It's Dalwyn, yep. Dalwyn? Yes, Dalwyn. Dalwyn? You were right the second time, yeah. Dalwyn?

Jono and Ben here from the Hits. Oh, hi! Good to have you on. What's happening? Well, we wanted to give you a free ad on the radio. We've written half the ad, you've just got to fill in the blanks. Oh, my God, really? Have you heard about one of the kiwi businesses? It's the...

It's the... Sorry, I don't know. It's just the name of the place that you go into. Oh, Buy My Vets is us. Yeah, that's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famous for its popular... For all your veterinary supplies.

Yeah. And don't forget the crowd favourite... Oh, it's definitely all the vets and the staff here. But wait, there's more, because that's not even the best thing about them. Let me tell you about it right now. Excellent service, smiley faces, cares for you and your animal. Hey, can I just pull you aside?

It's a lot better when you fumble your way around. You're too good. Too good at this. And who could forget their catchy slogan? At your service. That was better. To the arm was good. Yeah, good.

And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. Oh dear, live on the radio. Go deep, go dark. Go deep. Go deep. About myself on the radio. What do you want the nation to know, anything?

Oh, no, but I love all sports and netball and stuff. So yeah, you know, just... Mate, mate. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to go too deep. I'm too old for that. Your worst secret is I love all sports. Yeah. Don't let that get out, though.

Okay, do you want something really sort of my worst secret? No, that's good. I hear she even likes badminton. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I know. There, happy customers are always saying. Did you hear Delwyn loves all the sports? Badminton, I know. Their happy customers are always saying... Did you hear Dalwyn loves all the sports? Badminton, table tennis.

Even darts. Yeah, something like that. Croquet. Definitely. Dalwyn, you're an absolute legend. Thank you so much. If you're having any problems, go and visit the Kaimai Veterinarian in 4 Tainui Street, Matamata.

That's the one. Any problems, if you're a pet or aainui Street, Matamata. That's the one. Any problems, if you're a pet or a human. Definitely, or a human. We love our humans. Speaking of animal stuff, I've got a funny tweet about animals I read and see if you get a laugh out of a vet, all right? Yeah. So the World Health Organization, who have announced that dogs

cannot contract COVID-19. Previously, people thought dogs might have it, and those dogs were held in quarantine. Just to be clear, who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? You don't have to give them a pity laugh. It wasn't my tweet. It was Liam Hackett.

Don't feel obliged to laugh. You've done enough for us already. Please, you've gone above and beyond. See you later. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and beyond. All right. See you, mate. Thanks, bye. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I was driving home yesterday and at the lights I looked over

and there's a fully grown man in a Ford Transit van sucking the contents out of a Wattie spaghetti and sausages can. Oh, what, just drinking straight out of the can? Drinking straight out of the can. So it wouldn't have been hot. No, well, that's what I was thinking. And when Jacinda said, this is the new normal, is a man vacuum sucking spaghetti and sausages out of a can the new normal?

Because I am loving it. I've never thought about doing it before, but it's all I want to do. Maybe it's one of those things you do in lockdown. Maybe that's just what happens. So we want to open this up. 0800 the hits. Only in lockdown. You phone us up.

You tell us what you've seen or maybe what you've done that you wouldn't do during normal times. And we'll then say, only in lockdown. Charlotte, you're on the air. Great to have you with us, matey. What have you seen?

Only in lockdown. I'm loving the new show, guys. Oh, thank you, mate. I blow-dried my poodle. It took two hours. Oh, blow-dry my poodle. It took two hours. Oh, blow-dry a poodle. Okay. It sounds very erotic for some reason, but I know it's not.

It's all about bored. Did the dog enjoy it? Yeah. Actually, it was pretty chill. We were both pretty bored. Clearly. Well, I was. I don't think you need to state that.

When you're blow-drying a poodle, you've clearly done everything else that you needed to achieve that day. Yeah, it was good. It was fun. Hey, good on you, Charlotte. Thank you for listening. Philippa, welcome. You're on the air. Only in lockdown. What have you seen? I actually ended up putting my Christmas tree up, all the decorations, the lights even outside. Honestly, so festive.

Why? I'm in great spirits. Honestly, so festive. Why? I'm in great spirits. What, just to perk the mood up? Yeah, well, I got so bored that I just resorted to putting up the Christmas tree. Always fun putting it up. Always a nightmare bringing it down. So you may as well just ride that through to December. Yeah.

I think so, yeah. Deal with the consequences in January 2021. Hey, you keep safe, okay? Holly's on the phone from the Waikato. Hello. What up, Holly? Hello. How are you, boys?

Oh, we're doing well, mate. Lovely to talk to you. You have seen what? Only in lockdown. I was walking down the street the other day, and I saw a lady, and she had wrapped her cat up in a blanket and put a bonnet on it,

and she was literally walking it in a pram down the road. We know a lady who pushes her cat in a pram. We do, actually. Kim Crossman, the actor. Yeah. She hasn't put a bonnet on it, as far as I know, but maybe only in lockdown. It feels like if you're pushing a cat down the road wearing a bonnet and a blanket, that's something you're probably doing outside of lockdown as well.

And there's some issues that you probably have to deal with from your childhood. But thank you so much. We've got one more call. Laura with us on 0800. The hits, you're on the air. Laura, what have you seen early in lockdown? I baked this cake of the Prime Minister and it went like, I didn't

realise it accidentally baked a meme. Kind of went viral. This is Laura Daniel. Laura Daniel. We tried to call you yesterday and it was thrown back in our face when your phone went, this number's now disconnected. We used to work with you on Jono and Ben, the TV show. Now you're on to Seven Sharp, a proper TV show. And this cake you made of Jacinda's gone worldwide.

Yeah, yeah. Don't think for a second I was going to give you my private number anymore. We're no longer friends. It looked like the Prime Minister's face had suffered an acid attack. Oh, that's a bit harsh. It was terrifying. I haven't slept since I saw a photo of that cake. You know what?

I had fever dreams because it was fine. Like, everyone knew why it was, you know, it was just supposed to be a bit entertaining, a little bit funny. And then the headlines got, like, progressively more intense. It was, like, comedian forced to apologise. So I had a fever dream in the middle of the night. And I was like, oh, no,

my cake's done the Labour Party too much damage. I tell you what, that cake has lost them next election, mate. Yeah, I dreamt that I donated money to the Labour Party too much damage. I'll tell you what, that cake has lost them the next election, mate. Yeah, I dreamt that I donated money to the Labour Party for a cow pad and I woke up in the morning and the receipt was in my email.

Well, you can have a cake stall sale and raise some funds for the Labour Party's next campaign, Lozza. Yeah, definitely. Oh, Laura, love your work. Even though you've changed your number and we can't call you anymore,

keep up the great stuff on Stephen Sharp. But you can always call us on 0800 the Hudson will be here. Yeah, we'll be here. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Who could forget the segment that's truly forgettable?

Jim Gordon Dates. This is based around the fact that when, generally, when guys are asked about dates, you know, anniversaries, kids' birthdays, they start to feel a little bit of pressure. That's right. But they can also, ironically, remember the exact day and year that their mate Scrunter fundled 59 beers. What a wonderful day that was.

It's funny. Even though I know this about my kids and stuff, even you fill out a passport thing, you're like, hang on. It's pressure. And when it's asked, the worst thing is like if someone goes, oh, how long have you guys been together? And it's in a big social setting. You're just like, you know, but for some reason you panic.

Yeah, like, oh, seven years. Seven years? Oh, you're like, oh, no, I've got that wrong. Seven, eight, nine, ten years. Adrian's with us on 0800 The Hits. Adrian, welcome from your bubble. How are you? I'm good your bubble. How are you? I'm good, mate.

How are you? Oh, listen, we're doing well. We're doing well. Love and life, baby. Oh, good on you. I'm never going to say that again. I instantly regretted it as soon as I said it. Now, Adrian, your partner, Tom, is at the other end of the house,

but we want to get some dates off you to see if he knows the answers. So your birthday, what is it? The 21st of the 12th. Oh, okay. And the year? Oh, you don't have to answer that. Oh, did you say don't answer that? Okay, sorry. I like to know all the details. Any previous criminal records?

Do you guys have an anniversary? Me or my husband? Adrian, do you have an anniversary date? I do indeed. What's that? Today. Oh, really? Hopefully he gets this. Okay, 21st of April and one of the kids' birthdays. Who

are we going to go for? How about our grandson? Okay, grandson. What's the date of that? Sorry, Jenna. He was born two hours before lockdown started. Okay, well, if he doesn't remember that. 26th of March? 26th of March. No, the 26th of March. 25th.

25th of March, okay. Has he said happy anniversary to you today? Oh, he moaned. So he knows it's the anniversary today. Okay, all right. Well, let's go. Hand us over to Tom. If Tom gets three from three,

you guys get a date night after lockdown at Reading Cinemas, all right? Listen, if Tom doesn't get three from three, I'm going to be disappointed in Tom. If he doesn't get the anniversary... It's all in his favour. I think it'll be just normal. Hannah's over to Tommy.

Okay, love, I'm going that way. All right. Okay. You're walking now, okay. Don't rush me, mate. I was going to say, it's pretty early in the morning. It's a big house, Jono. I might be heading to work or I'm talking to you fellas.

Oh, sorry. Listen, it's not like, you know, we called you. You phoned us. Sorry, we've become a burden. Hey, Adrian called. We want calls. Here he fellas. Oh, sorry. Listen, it's not like, you know, we called you. You phoned us. Sorry we've become a burden. Hey, Adrian called. We want calls. Here he is. This is Tom.

Is that Tom? Yeah, that's mate. Welcome, Tom. I understand you've got a previous criminal history, but we won't dive into that. Now, we want to ask you three quick, important dates. If you get three from three, you go to the movies, all right? Okay.

Okay. He sounds pumped. We're giving a burden to Tom. Okay, what is Adrian's birthday? 21st of December. Oh, he's one from one. Now, if you get this one wrong, it's not going to be good. Anniversary date, Tom? Oh, it's today.

It's today. 21st of April. April. And doesn't he sound happy for it? And your grandkids? Yesterday. It's the day. The 21st of April. April. April. And doesn't he sound happy for it? And your grand... 36 years. How long? 36.

Oh, congratulations. What's the secret to a long and healthy marriage? Don't do it again. Don't do it again. Well, that's a good secret. That means you'd be divorced in the end of the day. Yeah, that's a good secret. And finally,

your grandson's birthday who was born just before lockdown. 25th of March. Yes! Tom! He came through. He was shaky. But he nailed it.

You guys are going to the movies thanks to Reading Cinemas. You guys have a lovely day in your bubble. You guys are awesome. Thank you! Look after yourself. How good is that? See you going to the movies, thanks to Reading Cinemas, you guys have a lovely day in your bubble. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Look after yourself.

How good is that? See you, Tom. Love, Tom. Kiwi hero. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. Know what's up.

Spy.co.nz. We've got producer Juliette with us right now. She's going to do some spy. Yeah, welcome, producer. So this may shock you. It may not. Apparently, Ellen DeGeneres and the Ellen show is not a very good

experience. Apparently, she's mean. So, Nikki Tutorials is a beauty YouTuber. She went on the show, had high expectations that Ellen was going to be all, how are you? Dancing and singing and what? Who wants free stuff? Apparently,

she was really cold and distant and the girl Nikki was forbidden to use the nearest bathroom because it was reserved for the Jonas Brothers and that she regrets going on the Ellen Show. Well, there's a lot of them. There's three of them. So they probably, you know. But that actually personally didn't really surprise me

because I'm not sure if you saw, there was a Twitter thread not long ago about people who have had bad experiences on the Ellen show. It feels like it's kind of turned a little bit against Ellen. She even made a joke because she's doing a show from her home and she's like, oh, it's like being in prison and everyone's like, oh yeah, your mansion is like being in prison. So it's kind of like turned.

Yeah. I do I reckon she'd be quite an evil lady. She's probably, you know. There's no basis of what you see. That would make you think that. This is what I heard. She seems like... She took a single-use plastic bag. Okay.

And then she went to an animal enclosure in Africa and suffocated 29 giraffes. Oh, wow. That's what I... She climbed up their necks. I feel like this is slander. Climbed up their necks. Defamation that you've just made up, but anyway.

Yeah, no, that's a fact. But she does this show every day. I know. Maybe this lady caught her on a bad day. Yeah, that's true. Everyone has a but anyway. Yeah, no, that's a fact. But she does their show every day. Maybe this lady caught her on a bad day. Yeah, that's true. Everyone has a bad day. That's true. And sometimes you've got to reserve a toilet for the Jonas Brothers.

We've got one here. No one uses it. Just in case they come and they need to use it. If they ever come, Kevin, you can go in and then Nick can go in after. Exactly. And Ellie Goulding has crashed a virtual Zoom wedding for a couple. And the Goulding has crashed a virtual Zoom wedding for a couple.

And the bride was a frontline health worker. So she popped up on her Zoom and this is what happened. It's Ellie Goulding. It's Ellie Goulding. So congratulations, Harvey and Hayley. And you're both heroes. And we all love you. So that happened, which was quite cool. We all love you.

So that happened, which was quite cool. Ellie Goulding sounds like she would rather be anywhere else apart from their Zoom meeting. Congratulations. Here's a song. Enjoy it. And like we said before, Seven, I think she was trying to get hold of another meeting, clicked the wrong thing and ended up in someone's...

How do the ticket sales go? Oh, no, hang on. There's no concerts. But so the song that she sung, Love Me Like You Do, was actually supposed to be the couple's song that the bride walked down the aisle to, but obviously because they couldn't really do that... They got a shitty internet version. It's still amazing.

Pretty much. All right, Hayter. And finally, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have launched a quarantine-themed wine. It's a Pinot Noir, and basically they're encouraging people to have a tipple during lockdown. I kind of think of prison wine

when I think of quarantine wine for some reason. It feels like it's been made at home. Yeah, with canola and lemons or something, yeah. How much drinking have you been doing, Ben? Probably more than I normally would. Every day you're like, I always say today's not the day, and then you come in the next day hungover and smelling. And he's like, oh, the bottle got the best of me again last night.

And I'm like, this guy. You defame me and Alan DeDeneres in the same Spy Entertainment News. Oh, funny. And for more Spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Thanks, Juliet. Actually, Juliet, before we go, tell us something about yourself. Yeah, because we don't know you. We refuse to talk to you when the songs are on.

That's right. You can't look us in the eye. And you can't use the Jonas Brothers toilet as well. You know those rules. Well, my grandma, actually, she's a big fan of listening to the radio and watches the news all the time. Big fan of Jack Tame, actually. Oh, from One News, from Q&A of Jack Tame, actually. And she...

Oh, from One News, from Q&A, yeah. Do you know, actually, a little fun fact, she sent me an email, probably at four in the morning, one time when I was driving to work, I saw the notification, and it said, Juliet, it's Jack Tame's birthday today. If you see him cycling past you early this morning, make sure

you yell out the window. I'm not even kidding, she sent me that email. At four in the morning? Yes. Does Jack Tame cycle past you every day? I don't know if he even cycles to work. He looks like a guy who would cycle to work. He wouldn't ruin the environment. Well, you could be yelling at someone.

Happy birthday, Jack Tame! Oh, no, that was an eight-year-old kid on his way to school. Listen, I feel like your grandma wants you to marry Jack Tame. Oh, she kind of probably does. Yeah, and I am going to make that happen. Oh, no. And Ellie Goulding is going to turn up and sing Lovely Like You Do on the internet. MC'd by Ellen DeGeneres.

It's all happening. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We are in level four until next Tuesday. Tuesday is the day we can get takeaways again, guys. Very excited about that. Now, what we acquired yesterday was a 50-inch TV from the meeting room that they had planned to put on the wall,

but we've decided to give it away to you. Yeah, because we're not doing the Alpha Quiz. You can do the Alpha Quiz at 5 o'clock with us. They smike and a naked up by that. Because there's no one in the building at the moment. No one can stop us from doing anything. I mean, Ben, if you wanted to eat that swivel chair you're sitting on right now, you could.

The only thing stopping you is your digestive system, but you could do that. I could. We'd have some explaining to do when everyone got back in the building. Why's there a half-eaten chair there? I started eating it. Anyway, if you want to win this 50-inch Sony TV, it's HD, it's HDR, it's LED TV.

It says it all on the box. It's got all the acronyms. It hasn't been used before. It's LOL, ROFL, you name it. A brand new TV. We're going to make this hard. There's five TV questions you've got to get in a row, and we're going to give you only like a three-second timer in between.

Okay, 0800 the hits if you think you want this TV. And let's be honest, who doesn't want a TV? Who's ever gone, no thanks, I've got enough TVs? Yeah, true. No one in history. Even Noel Leeming is like, no, no, I'll take one more TV. There's a studio that has six TVs of our faces on them, that's like, you know, we could probably get six

up there. Why? I don't know. Let's chuck another 20 up there. Vinny's on the phone from Christchurch. How you going? I'm good, Lads. How are you? Oh, we're doing well, bud. It's really good to talk to you this morning. You've got five questions, all TV related, and this 50-inch television with all the

acronyms could be all yours Vinnie. I look forward to it thank you. Question number one what was the name of the 90s sitcom starring Fran Drescher? The Nanny The Nanny. Didn't even need the three second timer Question number two which Australian soap revolves around the

sisters Claire and Tess McLeod McLeod's daughter. Oh, my God. Vinnie, someone get a blanket and put him out because he's on fire. Smother him. Stop, drop and roll, Vinnie. Question number three.

Who played Doug Ross in ER? Dr. Doug Ross in ER. Very famous actor. George Clooney. Oh, we'll give that to him. Okay, he ER. Very famous actor. George Clooney. Oh, we'll give that to him. Okay, he's got three from five. He's got to get two more and the TV's all his. Gee, this is intense.

I know. Intense for us because I don't think we should be giving away this TV. We just wanted to do it to make it sound good. We could actually give it away right now. Question number four. Name Keanu Reeves' character in the movie Point Break. No, I'm sorry. The time has gone.

We have to be strict on this one because it's a flash TV. Don't apologise. You did fantastically. Johnny Utah was his character. Oh, Johnny Utah.

Utah, give me two famous lines from that. And didn't he go, I'm going all the way to New Zealand or something. And we were all like, yes, New Zealand. Yeah, they, a famous line from that. And didn't he go, I'm going all the way to New Zealand or something. And we were all like, yes, New Zealand. Yeah, they do mention New Zealand in there, don't they?

Greatest day in New Zealand's history. It is, it is. Oh, buddy, you have a great day in your bubble, my friend. Thank you so much for listening. You too. Good to hear you. Hey, see you, buddy. We apologise in advance.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. You would have seen her on the TV or online recently. Her online videos explaining coronavirus to kids are going gangbusters. She's working with the Prime Minister, helping with the COVID-19 announcements. She's one of New Zealand's top science communicators. You'll know her as Nano Girl. Dr Michelle Dickinson, how's it going? Morena, it's good. How are you?

Morena, you're too smart to be on the show, Michelle. Hang up now. Save yourself while you can. Well done on the new show, guys, too. It's exciting. So now, a serious question from the get-go. Are we getting on top of this virus in New Zealand? Oh, I think we're doing the best in the world. It's epic. We should be so proud to be New Zealanders. We've all played our part in new science.

Yeah, I'd rather be here than, I think, anywhere else. How long would you anticipate New Zealand would be in Level 3 for? Look, we can't make predictions unless you have data, and so we have no data right now. Make a wild prediction. Don't worry about data.

I think I'm going to wait for the data. That's how our scientists actually make guesses, so I'm not going to go with anything without data. It's literally the opposite of what radio announcers do. We just open our mouths and just spout off opinion. Run through a couple of coronavirus myths with you, because obviously there's a lot of miscommunication out there and see if you can help us with these.

Putting your food in the freezer will kill the coronavirus. Is that true or not? Totally false. Absolutely false. False? Coronavirus, they tend to like the freezer because it makes them dormant, so they'll just wake up,

the equivalent of waking up when they get warm. So no, that's not going to help you. We've got Dr. Michelle Dickinson, Nana Girl, with us. If you stick a hairdryer up your nose while it's on, heat will kill the virus. That's a rumour going around about how to get rid of corona. Maybe in the long run, but it will kill you first, so don't do it.

Look, listen, there's little bits of science in all of these. So we know that the coronavirus is heat sensitive, and previous coronaviruses don't like being above 56 degrees Celsius for a period of time. New research out this week shows that actually it can tolerate up to 90 degrees for 15 minutes. So we're learning all the time. Look, a hairdryer for that amount of time is going to burn

all of your nose cells and hairs before it does anything to the virus. That is great Kiwi ingenuity, though. Yeah, I'll run you through these at the same time. You can tell me if any of these are true or not. Eating four onions will make you immune Or gargling bleach or drinking alcohol Decreases the risk of infection Oh my god no none of those

Don't do that don't drink bleach you will die Please drink alcohol with moderation Just to you know It's not going to help you at all with Coronavirus So no none of those Just wash your hands It's super

simple. Dr. Michelle, my father in law, John, he won't mind me saying this, when I have a sore throat, he's like, gargle, ditto. And I did once. I did. I gargle, ditto. I think he was trying to off me as his son in law. But I did it. It worked. I don't want to endorse it, but it killed

the bugs. No, no, no, no, I'm going to, no, it didn't. No, it didn't. The data's not back on that one. Tell that to my throat. No, Michelle Dickinson, Nano Guild. Now, hey, Michelle, do you know why, I don't know, you may be able to answer this,

why the news has such alarming red close-up graphics of the virus? You know, whenever anyone's, it's like, blah, blah, blah, and this big, ugly sort of red thing. Yeah. Very alarming. Yeah, because, look, and this big ugly sort of red thing? Yeah. Very alarming. Yeah, because look, I'm a nanotechnologist, right? My whole job is about dealing with things that are invisible to everybody. And what I've learned is that when things are invisible,

people use their imagination to think they're evil and they're either red or they have big teeth in them. So it's probably science fiction's fault for making us think that this is what these things look like. They're not red. There's no colour down there. It's ridiculous. I know.

Do they actually look like that shape that you see on the news? No. No, they don't. It looks like some sort of nuclear bomb. It does.

No. If you look up transmission electron microscope images of it, you'll see they literally look like a pinhead, a little black dot. Oh, really?

Because they've really made it look like a monster. Yeah. Yeah, but nobody's goinghead, a little black dot. Oh, really? Because they've really like, they look like a monster. Yeah. Yeah, but nobody's going to want a little black dot across their screen. No, true. What's it got, blackies or something? Yeah.

Now, of course, where can the kids catch all Nanogirl online? Hey, they can find us at nanogirlslab.com. Basically, come to Nanogirlslab and build some stuff. It's pretty fun. Now, you want us right now, we've got, I've brought in some props,

some arts and crafts sort of stuff right now to build what? Yeah, I'm going to go to the lab and build some stuff. It's pretty fun. You want us right now. I brought in some props, some arts and crafts sort of stuff right now. To build what? Yeah, I'm going to build the intelligence up on your show from the beginning, boys. This is what we're going to do. We're going to learn about sound and the science of sound. So you are going to build your own superhero fanfare machine. It's called a kazoo. You should have a piece of paper, A4 paper, a little sheet of baking paper,

and a rubber band in front of you. Ben's brought all of these ingredients in. Thank you. I was wondering where he was heading with this stuff. Okay, okay. You're going to roll your paper up into a tube. Yep, right, doing that. About the right size that the rubber band sort of holds it together.

Oh, so it can be quite wide? Oh, super wide, yeah, depending on what rubber band you've got. You don't want your rubber band to crush the paper too much. You want your sheet to be about that size. Can I double thing the rubber band around? You can double thing it, yeah, depending on what rubber band you've got. You don't want your rubber band to crush the paper too much. You want your tube to be about that size. Can I double thing the rubber band around? You can double thing it, yeah.

Just make sure that your tube is the right size so when you double it, that it doesn't crush the paper. Just confirming, double thinging the rubber band is an official term? It's a science term, right? Double thinging it is. Okay, cool. So when you've got that tube shaped, put the baking paper over one end to cover the end

and then use the rubber band to sort of sit over the top of that to keep it on the end. So you're basically going to have a baking paper hat on top of your tube. Yeah, that got me. And you might need to play with it for a little while, but if you talk through it, I want you to make your own fanfare sound. I'm going to give you mine first. Here we go. All right, your turn.

Oh, wow. It's like a gazoo thing. It's like a gazoo thing. Look at me go. What do you mean? It does work. Of course it works. It's science. Oh, wow, that's great.

It makes your lips vibrate. It does. They feel funny. They feel funny. My lips feel funny. Jono and Ben are in science for four weeks. Oh, that's fun. Didn't they feel funny? My lips feel funny. There you go. Jono and Ben doing science for four friends. Oh, that's fun.

Oh, that's really cool how you're keeping science alive for kids right now. Michelle Dickinson, Nanogirl, thank you so much for your time today and thank you for all the work you're doing, not only for the country, but for kids around the country right now. Check out Nanogirl if you haven't online because there's lots of great stuff like making kazoos. Kia ora, guys, and good luck with the new show. Making poor life decisions every morning.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, a lot of people in lockdown, finding new ways to communicate with each other. House Party, we talked about the video app. The other day, I was on there with some friends, and they were in for a long haul. You know, it was a Friday night thing. We'd had a good 30 to 40-minute conversation,

and I was like, oh, hey, guys, I'd better go. And they did that whole thing we were talking about the other day going, oh, where do you need to go? Did you have a good excuse? No, nothing. You need to make something up. I was like, oh, no, no. So he just panicked

and shut his computer lid? Oh, no, I'll call you back. I mean, it was a great catch up but yeah, I was like. I mean, I love house party and I love what it stands for and it's connecting people and ratty, ratty, ratty, rah.

But I mean, when have you ever gone to a party and 25 people all stand around talking to each other at the same time? Never. You all break off into little... Yeah, and then, oh, you go. Oh, you go. Then we all talk at the same time. But your mum during lockdown, she's been trying very hard to get

in touch with you. She has been. She's communicating. I mean, she's a boomer and what do boomers love doing? One of their favourite hobbies is leaving voicemails, boomers. It's that and phoning up Newstalk ZB and complaining about millennials. It's pretty much leaving a voicemail on the radio. But it's like when you're retired, you forget that not everyone has as much spare time as you.

And so leaving a voicemail, it does take time to clear it. So you just cleared it for the first time. There were so many messages. This morning, I was like, I better whack it off this morning. We can't play them all. There were so many messages. This morning. I was like, I better whack it off this morning. We can't play them all. There's too many messages. There is. And the only voicemails I have on my phone are from my mum, Annie,

and Vodafone going, you haven't paid your bill on time. Those are the only two. So we'll go through. This is Annie's first message dating back to Easter. You have a message received 12th April at 9.35 AM. Hi Jay, happy Easter to all of, I love that, I love

these. Lovely happy Easter message, okay, I'll clear that, I'll save that one, I'll listen back to that another day. Okay, next one. You have a message received 14th April at 4.31 PM. Hi, just me, wondering how you, how you're getting on.

I'm getting on great. I'm getting on great. Save that one. I'll listen to it at a later date. Well, yeah, she's wondering how you're getting on because you haven't called her back. That's why. That's why she's wondering.

You have a message received yesterday at 5.17pm. Hello, just me. Just checking, well, not checking, just reinforcing my message this morning. No, she sent another message this morning. She's got another backup voicemail message. And the next one.

You have a message received 17th March at 9. Oh, 1 a.m. Hello, obviously just me. Just checking in with you to see if you're affected by this craziness that's going on. This COVID. This is dating back to the beginning of COVID. And yes, I was affected by it.

Next message. You have a message. Received 31st March at 9.19am. Hello, just me. I thought I'd just give you a call to say we're all right. Oh, good. That's it. That's it. That's it.

Do any more, producer? No, we decided not to record the rest of it. I love my mum. Like, she made me. I mean, she's a lot of heavy lifting. See, all you're staring at right now, Ben, my mum me. Okay, that's enough. But we have a new pandemic we need to deal with, New Zealand,

and that is voicemails. It's worse than the one we're dealing with at the moment. Eradicate those. Put those as part of level four. No is voicemails. It's worse than the one we're dealing with at the moment. Eradicate those. Put those as part of level four. No more voicemails. That's one of the conditions. Love you, Mum. And I got all those messages, and I love every one of them. Hopefully she's listening right now, because you're not going to call her back. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Next Tuesday, we go to level three, and we're probably going to be there for about two weeks at least, right? Yeah, and I know a lot of people questioning whether we've done the right thing or not, but Ben, you were looking at Ireland's statistics. Yeah, so this is the country of Ireland compared to New Zealand

because we have basically the same amount of population, five million people, just under five million people each, and we got our first cases around about the same day, end of Feb. So Ireland and New Zealand, 28th of Feb, 29th of Feb, got our first cases. They have now had 15,000 cases compared to our 1,400, 1,100, sorry. So that just shows how it can just escalate, you know, if it's not contained. It's a very, very scary virus. They're also beating us in potato consumption as well.

They are, true. That's a bit of a stereotype there I was playing on. Now, Jacinda, of course, they had that announcement yesterday, and something we noticed was when she takes questions from the reporters at the end, it's just a barrage of noise. Oh, it is, and I don't know how she deciphers what questions she's going to answer. I mean, she keeps a very cool, calm persona through the whole thing.

She has through this whole COVID situation. But this was some audio from yesterday's press conference. And I don't know who gets the winning question. Who gets their question answered? What's the question? I don't even know. Have a listen. All right. Thank you. Happy to take questions. Do you have leeway to... When you say it's only two businesses... Dr. Blue... Oh, sorry. I've really neglected the right side.

I'll come to you later. They need to do, like, a spreadsheet. OK, you'll go for, you know, a bit of an order. Yeah. You can ask all your questions now. Or, like, when you go get takeaways and it's, like, the fish and chip shop, you get a number. Yeah.

Oh, I'm number four. I get to ask my number. Yeah, like a meat raffle sort of thing. Yeah, you're right. Then everyone gets to answer their questions. Everyone gets their question. It's a high-pressure situation, and we wanted to know if the everyday New Zealander

could handle what Jacinda is handling at those press conferences. So we're about to go through now. All right. Welcome to the Veterinary Clinic. This is Jacinda. Hi, Emma. Hi, Emma. How's it going? How's it going? How's it going? Welcome to the Veterinary Clinic. Can I speak to Emma? Hi, Emma. Hi, Emma.

How's it going? How's it going? Is it all right? Is there a red light up there? Oh, sorry. I can't hear at all. Are you still there? Oh, yeah.

We're just waiting for you. We can come in and answer all the pens and stuff. Sorry, when you call me, the phone is really, really blurry. I can't make it out. I'll try and give you a call back. Oh, that's what we wrote as well. I'll get back to you. Here we go.

That was a good one. That was enormous. Cool stuff. Sorry, when you're calling, it's like ten voices over and over. It just keeps repeating and repeating. Emma, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Oh, my goodness. It was so scary.

Oh, sorry. We're trying to do like Jacinda's press conference when everyone just asks questions. We're like, well, how would someone else handle it? Obviously, it's very tough. Oh, my gosh. I was like, I can't even call them back, and their dog might be in really bad shape.

Oh, no. No animals. All animals are fine. Only five animals were harmed in the making of this call. No, not at all, not at all. Only five. That's all right. It's not a bad number. Thank you.

Oh, my, too early for this. You are doing a wonderful job on the front line. There is an essential worker. You keep up the good work. Oh, thank you. Oh, bless you. That's so kind of you. I'll let Fran know as well because Fran was like,

it was the same for me. Why is this happening? We're going to hook you up. Go to the movies. Send you a double pass at Reading Cinemas, all right? Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. When we can get back to the cinemas.

Yes, exactly. When you can get back to the cinemas. Yeah, no, don't go now. You guys all take care and thank you so much. Oh, you're lovely. Thank you for your time this morning. Great. Thank you.

Bye-bye. She was awesome. Very hard to do, though, all the questions. See, you're lovely. Thank you for your time this morning. Great. Thank you. Bye-bye. She was awesome. Very hard to do, though, all the questions. See, you can't do it. Well done to Jacinda. Someone who's doing a very good job through this whole thing is her figuring out what questions are being asked. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them.

That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We are in level four for another week. Next Tuesday, we go to level three as a country and a lot of people are missing things being in lockdown. They are, and yesterday we took your calls on these. On the text already, handshakes. I miss them. I don't think I'll ever be able

to seal a business deal in the future with an awkward elbow bang. I miss being able to just pop to the supermarket for a couple of things and not have to queue up for ages like I'm trying to get into a club. Another text here to 4487. I'm going to miss work. It stopped me from opening a couple of things and not have to queue up for ages like I'm trying to get into a club. Another text here to 4487, I'm going to miss work. It stopped me from opening a bottle of

Chardonnay at midday. I'm basically getting dressed. I've been in my PJs for four weeks straight. I imagine a lot of people right now are missing pants. The novelty of not wearing pants at home is probably great for a while. I'm just super missing brunch and coffee, proper coffee. Another text here, I miss being able to

cough and not having to worry about it So we took all those things, all those texts, all those calls and we put them into a song about all the things we're missing in lockdown. Yeah now please when you hear this, no one travel back to 1997 and tell Puff Daddy we've ripped off his song, otherwise he might pursue

legal action. Can we thank Laura McGoldrick for singing this and really saving it? Oh, my God. I didn't know Laura McGoldrick could sing. She's amazing. Forget about the white guys rapping at the start. Have a listen to all the things, New Zealand, you are missing in lockdown.

As written by you, it's your fault this is bad. Yeah, this one right here goes out to everyone in that bubble. Are you doing the voice? Yeah, I was going to do the voice. Oh, no, I can't do the voice. Well, why didn't you give it a try? Oh, I know, but there's a lot of words to remember the song. I'm just trying to concentrate on that.

Well, don't screw it up. Here's my white friend rapping. Check him out. Seems like yesterday we shook hands like bros. Now awkwardly we bang elbows. I miss seeing 100% of your face. In that mask, are you going to rob this place? Used to walk straight into supermarkets too.

Now we stand in line like we're waiting for port-a-loos. I work from home drinking Chardonnay. Even when the clock says it's only midday. Being locked down feels all kinds of wrong. Like two white guys rapping 90s parody songs. Zoom meetings with my staff. Wearing nothing on my bottom half. Ashley Bloomfield touched our parts.

Just to clarify, we're talking about our hearts. Now to Laura on Zoom, because legally we can't be in the same room. Every takeaway. Every cafe coffee. Every hand to shake. Every restaurant steak. I've been missing you. Yeah, sing it, girl.

Thinking of the day. Sing some more. I can't leave my driveway. Sorry, we shouldn't talk in between. Take my track pants off. It's okay to cough. I've been missing you. There you go, New Zealand. All the things you are missing in lockdown.

Jesus, Laura McGoldrick. Oh, so good. I forgot about our horrible rapping. That was the point, right? She's like, we were just saying, she's like a quadruple threat. Yeah, like singing, presenting, acting. Dancing, radio presenting. We're not threatening at all.

No, we've got no threats. Don't worry about us. We're not threatening at all. We're not threatening. no threats. Don't worry about us. We're not threatening at all. We're not threatening. We're not threatening you in no way. Well done. Some people skip breakfast, the meal,

and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. It's time to look at some big news from a small town. Now today, Jono, we're going to New Plymouth. Big news in New Plymouth.

Now a lot of houses around the country putting bears, soft toy stuffed bears in their window like a bear hunt for kids, which is a nice idea. Yeah, that's a lovely idea.

Have you done that at your house? I think so. Heineken's don't count. I think we jammed a bear somewhere in a window. We had a couple in the windows and then they kind of fell down and then they looked like they were doing stuff that, yeah, so we were like, oh, that wasn't the intention of this. Oh, they were in a passionate embrace. Yeah, the bears were, yeah.

And so what's happening in New Plymouth? Well, there's a guy by the name of Dez. He's got like six bears in his front yard and it's a really lovely thing in the community. He's got them all set up, but one of them's in the hammock. He's a little drunk. He's got some sort of backstories for all the bears. Oh, some real life situations.

This is, you know, this is the stuff that teaches the kids what they need to learn. Okay, let's go through to Des right now. Whereabouts in New Plymouth? Bell Block in New Plymouth. Bell Block. I tell you what, there's a lawless society in Bell Block. You can do what you want. It's where children become forestry workers. There's a six foot bear walking a lawnmower.

Is that Des? Hello. Is that Des? It's Dennis. Oh, sorry. Is that Dennis? Yeah. Hey, Dennis. It's Jono and Ben calling from... Hold on, has your name been Dennis the whole time? My name has been Dennis the whole time, yeah. But you've been calling him Des the whole time. Now I'm calling him Dennis, I apologise for that.

He's been named Dennis this whole time. I'm sorry, Dennis. My name is Ben, we're Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. How are you? Hey, not too bad, how are you? We can call him Clive if you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't mind what you call me. I just wanted to say what an awesome thing you're doing with the beers in your front yard.

Oh, thank you for that. You've got the beers in all sorts of compromising positions. Well, I've got the day off today because the weather's not quite so nice. But yeah, it's up and out and about. So you've got the beers out. What positions have you been placing these beers for the kids to look at? Bruce has been in a hammock. He's been climbing the tree.

He's fallen off the roof. Oh, so every day he's in a hammock. He's been climbing the tree. He's fallen off the roof. Oh, so every day he's in a new spot. Yeah, yeah. I'm starting to run out of ideas. Has he been fixing the car under the bonnet? No, no. He's not allowed to do chores under his contract. He's just there for good looks.

It's not essential work. You've got like a six-foot bear that's walking a lawnmower I saw online. Now, that's not my, yeah, so in the Bell Block community, there is, I think that's Beer Bow, it might be, that's doing those chores. But it's not my one. Oh, so a whole lot of houses around the neighbourhood have basically joined in on what you've started. Yeah, yeah, and I don't actually know some of the other people.

Yeah, Bell Block's a reasonably large suburb, but we're all interacting and having a bit of fun and hopefully giving everybody else a bit of fun as well. Oh, good community spirit. Bell Block, I tell you what, it's a tough, tough place, isn't it, where men, grown men, eat power poles for breakfast. I don't know if that's quite what happens. That's what happens in Bell Block, Dennis?

Yep, yep, that's true. Told you. Told you, he says. And then they floss their teeth with the power Block, Dennis? Yep, that's true. Told you. Told you, he says. And then they floss their teeth with the power lines. Yep, yep,

that's right, while they're still connected. Oh, well, Dennis, apologies for getting your name wrong.

That's okay. What wonderful things you're doing in there and you stay safe over lockdown. Okay, thank you. there you go,

big news, small town, that's what's happening in... This is why we're not journalists. Yeah, I know. I mean, you're calling him Dez. There you go. Big news, small town. That's what's happening. I hope not, right? This is why we're not journalists. Yeah, I know. You're calling him Dez. I thought we could edit that, but obviously not.

We're live. It's the Breakfast Show Live. Who knew? Who knew? Our first day. Day one. Day two. Day two, you're right.

Thanks, Dez. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating still pending. It's Jorow and Ben on the hits. Somehow these two clowns received an essential service certificate. But it's time for someone that's truly essential. It's Jono and Ben's ISO legend. Thanks to GrabOne.

I really love doing this every morning. We want to thank those making special impact in the community right now. Working in the essential services. Thanks to GrabOne. Your everyday essentials delivered today. We give them a $250 GrabOne voucher just to say thanks. A small appreciation for what they're doing. Very worthy recipient today.

We're going to go through right now. Producer Juliette, nominated by Nicole Stone, this wonderful lady. And she is going to have her life changed. I don't know if it's life changed. Hello, Sarah speaking. Hi, Sarah. It's Jono and Ben here from the clinic. We have your results.

And you have tested positive for legend. Hello, Sarah speaking. Hi, Sarah. It's Jono and Ben here from the clinic. We have your results. No, it's Jason. And you have tested positive for legend. Oh, right. Yeah, we just want to ring up, despite that terrible gag in the intro. We just want to say thank you so much for what you're doing for New Zealand right now. You're a nurse, right? I am, yes. Yep.

Oh, what a good sword. Because, I mean, you would have your own anxiety and issues about the virus, no doubt for your family and on a personal level. But then you're going, you're in the eye of the storm, babe. Yeah, yep. There's a whole lot of us in the eye of the storm, I think, though. Yep, but you're the one getting the prize. So you're better than the rest of them.

No, I don't think that's what she's saying. That's what I'm saying. She doesn't have to say it. No, but that's really good. So what do you do when you come home? Is there quite a rigorous cleaning regime? Are you allowed to be in the same room as your family? Yeah, so I have little ones.

So they're well-versed not to cuddle Mummy when she walks in the door. So I come into the garage and take all my clothes off and put them into the washing machine and I go straight for a shower. So hold on, there's a real dash from the garage to the house? There is a nerdy dash. There is.

Do you prepare for it or are you just like, I'm going to run the gauntlet? No, we just run the gauntlet. It's all those things that you're doing that people just, I guess, have no idea what's going on. So, thank you for doing that. I mean, I've been running around my property naked for years. Yeah, not for any good reason, though.

No, no. I'm like you. Nicole, you are a legend. Thanks for GrabOne. We're going to give you a $250 GrabOne voucher just to say thank you for what you're doing for New Zealand right now. Oh, amazing. Thank you so much.

You have a wonderful day, Sarah. I think Nicole was the one who nominated you. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, Sarah, you look after yourself and good luck with this afternoon's nudie run, matey. Awesome. Thank you.

Keep safe. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Good morning, class. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet. I said shut your pie holes.

Apologies, that really went from zero to 100. Welcome to Jono and Ben's homeschool, a renegade, unsanctioned educational faculty fully supported by the Ministry of Education in no way at all. Now, tuck in your socks and pull up your shirts. I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. Please stand and welcome your teachers with literally no teaching qualifications whatsoever, Mr. Pryor and Mr. Boyce.

Good morning, class. Take the roll. Boyce. Here. Pryor. Here. And that's the roll. That's the roll.

Pretty redundant. Welcome along. This is Jono and Ben's homeschooling. For the next hour, we're going to be playing some fun little games from our bubble to yours. If you want to play, 0800THEHITS is the phone number. We're looking for our first star pupil. And if you are the person that stays on the line by the end of the homeschooling, you'll win a Disney Plus subscription for a year. You just have to make your way through four classes. Four classes. If you get one question

wrong we go to the next caller on 0800 the hits and they become the star pupil. It's a savage system. There is no room for error. You have to get 100% on this test. Yeah you're right actually. But it's a lot of fun. And that's why we are the greatest school in New Zealand.

TBC. That's open right now. Because schools aren't back at least until the 29th of April. And thanks, of course, to Disney+. You can get a seven-day free trial right now at Disney+.com. Heaps of great stuff on there at the moment. I've been watching heaps of The Simpsons, watched a lot of the Avengers movies as well.

There's so many good stuff. National Geographic documentaries as well. Okay, so we're going to kick things off next with the history class. If you think you know a little bit about history, you don't have to know anything about it, in fact. No, just like entertainment figures and popular people. If you know who Ellen DeGeneres is,

well, then you can pass our history class. All right, under the hits, if you want to be our first star pupil, see how you go with that. And of course, as a little bit of fun, a little bit of a bonus, we like to have a celebrity guest on by the end of the hour. And here is our clue, who today's person is going to be.

Hi, Jono and Ben. When I was growing up, my family owned a Christmas tree farm. Your family owned a Christmas tree farm? Oh, really? It's Deirdre from Manawatu. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

History. They say it never repeats. Unless this bit features in a replay form at a later date. Now you can catch us on Facebook Live as well for this hour as well. The hits breakfast on Facebook. Give it a follow. Okay, so our star pupil on 0800. The hits coming to us from the Waikato.

He's probably got his hands wrapped around a cow extracting some contents from its udder. Please welcome Justin. How are you, mate? Great chat. Is Justin there? Hello, Justin. Oh, no, Justin's gone.

He's probably busy milking that cow. That's what happens. Let's try line two. Yeah, we'll go to Anthony in Tokoroa. Welcome, Anthony. Hello. Who ironically is a dairy farmer. All right, Anthony.

How many have you milked this morning? Oh, no, we've dried off. You what? Dried off. We've dried off. The cows aren't producing milk anymore. Oh, that's a city guy trying to have some farming banter, and it worked a gem.

Now, Anthony, I'm going to hold up some cards to Jono of some famous people some famous entertainment figures mainly and he's got to describe it to you who they are. You've got to guess them. 6 and 60 seconds alright? Okay. Good luck to you Anthony here we go. Lives

in a thing under the sea and he's got pants that are an unusual shape, very square. SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes. There we go. One from one. Three-way handshake pulled us out of the global financial crisis.

John Key. Previous John Key. Well done. Psychopath who's been brainwashed by Scientology jumped on Oprah's couch. Mission Impossible. Famous actor. No, don't get it. Next one. Won 598 Tour de France's, then got drug tested.

Married to Sheryl Crow. Sponsored by Nike. He lived strong. No. Well done. There we go. Guy, he was on the Endeavour. He brought a lot of venereal diseases to our shore.

Had a bit of a tussle with the Maori. He's on the 50 cent coin as boaters. No worries. Star of a Netflix documentary right now, Wonderful Mullet. Questionable morals and life decisions currently in Joe Exotic. Well done. Father in the Simpsons.

Homer. Yay! He just got there! He just got there! Six and 60 seconds. Well done. You're still our star pupil for the next round, all right? Cool, thank you. Bloody shaky though, mate.

Shaky. We'll see if you make it through the English class. Very questionable examples and clues there. I know, I was talking about me. I was the shaky one. Yeah, no. Anthony, he's rock solid. Would never throw stones at Anthony. Of course, we've got a celebrity

guest joining us at the end of the hour. We've already played a clue who that could be. They had a Christmas tree farm when she was growing up. Here is your next clue. Hey guys, here are some more clues. My favourite drink is Diet Coke and my favourite dessert is cheesecake. Wonderful

breakfast, isn't it? I don't know if it's breakfast, but anyway, we'll find out who that is before the end of the hour. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It's time for English. Fun fact, English is actually Jono and Ben's second language. It's my third. Portuguese, my first.

All right. Do you want me to speak it? No. No, no, no. Then Mandarin. No, no, no. All Mandarin. No, no, no. All right, stop talking. Please stop talking now.

Welcome back to our star pupil, Anthony. He's in Tokoroa Dairy Farm and 19 years old. Got the whole world at his fingertips. Welcome. Thank you. How are those fingertips touching the world? Good. What a weird question.

Feel very powerful. Now, if you stay on the phone as our star pupil over the hour, you will win a year's subscription to Disney+. So thank you to Disney Plus for that. Yeah, and if you'd like to savagely take that subscription off, Anthony, you can phone 0800 to the hits if he gets one question wrong. On to English.

Now, this is a game. It's a dictionary game. Basically, we're going to read a word that none of us know the meaning to. Jono and I have come up with our own meanings, but one of these is the actual meaning. You've just got to work out which it is. Over to you, Producer Juliet. So the word is

battledore. Does it mean a character from the Lord of the Rings, a large door used in battle, or a long-handled racket used in badminton? I'm going to go with A. A character from Lord of the Rings, battledore.

I'm sorry, Anthony. No, it was option C, long-handled racket using badminton. Is that the name of a badminton racket? Yeah, a battledore. See, we're learning stuff. Shuttlecocks and battledores. What a great sport. The sport sounds far more exciting than it actually is.

So now if you want to take over from Anthony, you have a great day, buddy. Thank you for listening. Okay, heading to Rotorua. Logan, you're on the air. Welcome. You're 14 years old. How are you, buddy?

Good. How are you guys? Good. You sound apprehensive, and rightfully so. You're on in the English class. If you get this question correct, you're going to hold on to that Disney subscription. All right. Okay, over to producer Juliet.

The word, how do I even say this? The word is impignorate. Does this mean to pawn or mortgage something word is impignorate. Does this mean to pawn or mortgage something? To impregnate a pig? That definitely sounds like something Jono wrote. Or the full price of an item?

Is it the full price of an item? No! It's to impregnate a pig. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's the other one, of course. It's to impregnate a pig. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's the other one, of course. It's to pawn or mortgage something.

It's tough. It was a tough English class today. There's no shame in that. It was a short time, but I tell you what, it was a great time. I will remember you forever, Stephen. That was logo.

Thank you for calling, Logan. You have a great day in your bubble, my friend. Oh, 800, that hits. Now you can take over as our new staff pupil for our next round. Andrew, he's in Hamilton, a 34-year-old data entry machine. He's a machine, is he? You are our new star pupil.

You will join us next for music, okay? Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. All right, class, time to shove a slobbbery unhygienic recorder in your mouth. It's music. This is Jono and Ben's homeschooling between nine and ten

each day. Our bubble to yours. We play some fun quizzes and you could win if you are our star student, our star pupil. Yes, subscription to Disney+.

Thank you to them and you can go to Disneyplus.com and get a seven day free trial right now. Don't forget Homewood, oh sorry, Onward is on on Friday,

which looks like an awesome movie from the creators of Toy Story. He's coming to us from Hamilton. He's 34 years old. He loves data, but he loves it even more when it's been entered because that's what he does for a living. Please welcome Andrew. Morning, boys. Star pupil.

Good to have you on, Andrew. If you make it through this, that Disney subscription could be all yours. You only have one more class after this. We'll get to that shortly. Your first question. This is music, and you need to just basically tell us what the next lyric is in this song. Have a listen.

Sent shivers down my spine, bodies. Sent shivers down my spine, bodies. Well, it actually didn't come through. Oh, okay. From Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody. Sent shivers down my spine, bodies. That actually didn't come through. Okay, from Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, sent shivers down my spine, bodies. Sent shivers down my spine, bodies. Bohemian. Bohemian.

I like that. Bodies. We're going to have to let you go, Andrew. Yeah, body's aching all the time. In the current environment, you'd be like... Why are you disappointed? You didn't get the question right. Body's aching all the time. What's that? Did you say that?

Body's aching all the time. Oh, did you say that? Yeah. Oh, we did not hear. I'm sorry. I thought you got the question wrong, and then I was like, why is he getting offended that we let him go?

Oh, we'll let you get through. That's what I had a stroke halfway through. Okay, you've obviously mind-tricked us into that one, or you've actually answered it and we've missed it. Either way, you're going to the next question. Either way, we don't want to look like bad people and hang up on you, so you get to stay on. Complete the lyrics for this next song.

Yeah, I'm going to take my horse to the old town road. I'm gonna ride to the next old road. Sorry, mate, wrong answer. No. Get rid of him. No, he's right. This is two years in answer, correctly.

He's right. We heard that one. Well done. I always like that ride till I can't ride no more. Is that till like his ass is literally so swollen and he's like,

I'm out. I'm out. I've been riding for four days. I cannot sit on anything for about five years. And finally, your last, complete the lyrics.

It's gonna be alright. Wow. Well done. And wonderful Taylor impersonation there as well. Hey, good on you, Andrew. You're still our star pupil.

If you survive our Ducks class next, you will have our star pupil If you survive our ducks class next You will have that Disney Plus subscription My friend Of course we have a big celebrity guest on at the end of the hour We've already heard clues like they had a family Christmas tree farm Yeah that's right and also a rampant alcohol addiction

Yeah have a listen to this Hi guys I'm 100% a crazy cat lady I have three Olivia Benson, Meredith Grey, and Benjamin Button. That person will be joining us on the phone before the end of the show. Very exciting. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast.

Actual lolls may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. We're going to 10 o'clock at the moment because between 9 and 10, we're doing our version of homeschooling, playing some fun little games, and you guys can win some prizes. That's right.

We've got our star pupil on the line. His name is Andrew. He's a data entry specialist. How's the data being entered at the moment? Some good data? Yeah, with your fingers onto a typewriter. Well, not typewriter, keyboard. What sort of data are you entering?

Just some numbers. Being very vague You're working for the mafia or something You're doing their sales figures In the Excel spreadsheet It's for a laundromat out the back room Now you Your job is sounding more and more suspicious

No more questions You're here at our final school subject If you complete this you're our school ducks And you'll get the year's subscription to Disney Plus Have a listen. All right, everybody, shut up and listen to today's School Ducks. Okay, so you pretty much have graduated with absolute honours. Your family are proud.

They've turned up. Mum there, they've wheeled Grandma out. They're still a little confused what you do for a job, but anyway. They're still like, what, you're a laundromat, but you're living in a mansion? Okay. You have 30 seconds to give your valedictorian speech without saying um or ah on the topic of a sperm whale

whose wife has left him for a better whale. The floor is yours. Well, this is a true story of a sperm whale who lost his beloved wife to another whale. Although he thought the love was there forever, the thing the other whale had, this whale, which we will name for no particular reason, John O'Disperm Whale, was a very intimidating nickname. This gigantic whale that lived on the other side of the sea, beyond the island of Bananas

and just before the island of caves, was the great whale himself, Moby Dick. Oh, my gosh! And he even rounded out a story. That's unbelievable. Well done. Andrew, you've got yourself a year's subscription to Disney+. It is awesome. Check it out.

And thank you so much for playing in your bubble. Oh, the kids will love it. Thank you so much, guys. Good on you, Andrew. I don't know why I was very nervous through his speech there. I was like, this could go south at any moment. I was glad you weren't telling that story. The danger was thrilling.

But it doesn't stop there. Our homeschooling continues next. 0800 The Hits, if you're a kid listening right now and you want to take on Jono in a wee man versus child quiz game on Beat the Parents board game. Thanks to Planet Fun. Yeah, Ben wants to show me up for the incapable adult that I am. I think

today, I think you might win this one. I've just taken one card. And I have no shame in winning. You're so competitive. Over the children. Yeah. It's a hard lesson that they learn from the school of hard knocks that you don't win every time, but you probably will. We'll send you a prize anyway. That is Let's be honest. That's next.

As well as that, we have a celebrity guest on the phone in our homeschooling hour A big international celebrity guest We're giving clues out Who it could be Have a listen to the next one Hi again Jono and Ben I was so excited

To get my first Big screen acting role In the movie Valentine's Day In 2010 I don't know who this is Do you not? I know

I knew from the first clue For some reason I knew that I knew that fact About them having A Christmas tree farm When she was growing up. Eggs for breakfast.

It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Okay, students, time for the Beat the Parents class. No, you're right. This is not part of the traditional curriculum, but at this school, we throw that out for shameless product placement. We do that because, you know, we're fundraising, you know, trying to build a new classroom. We've got prefabs at the moment. Everyone needs to dig deep. Those are the most awkward things, those school auctions, eh?

Do you know, I went to one a few years ago and a lady got really involved in the festivities and ended up dancing on a table that collapsed and broke her collarbone. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah.

And the worst thing was she donated no money to the school. I wasn't even seeing the thing. Oh, come on, laddie, there's no excuse. She's like, I can't breathe properly. Well, give us a hundie or something. Now, if you want to play, if you're a kid at home, 0800THEHITS is the phone number.

We're going to play a game of Beat the Parents right now. It's a board game where kids take on grown-ups in a trivia challenge. I picked a card at random and Jono, you're going to take on a kid right now. Yeah, the wonderful Maya. How are you? Good, how are you? Listen, I don't know if you're wonderful, but you're a child. I know you're a child

and you have to say that stuff. Are you enjoying lockdown, Maya? Yeah. I really like to stand in bed, but I have to work. Oh, isn't it a hassle when you're 11 years old and you've got to get out, earn a crust, got to earn a crust. Are you doing homeschooling, Maya? Yeah. If homeschooling is TikTok. Yeah.

Okay, so I'm going to ask you a question and then John a question. We're going to go one for one. This is Maya's question first. Maya, what do you call a scary dream? A nightmare. Yeah, well done, Maya. That's from the kids' questions. It's a gimme.

All right, mate. Jono, in the game rock, paper, scissors, what beats scissors? Rock. Well done. Thank you. Okay. Your question, Maya. What colour do red and purple make?

Purple. Well done. She did well do red and purple make? Purple. Well done. She did well. Red and purple make purple? Oh, so red and blue make purple. Did I say that? You gave her the answer. This is what I'm dealing with.

Well, that was still me. Put red with purple would still make purple. Even Maya's laughing. I know. She's like, our scam's up. No, no. I didn't give her the answers before. Okay, red and blue make purple, but red and purple would make purple, wouldn't it?

Wouldn't it? Doesn't matter now, mate. We'll have an official investigation into this after the show. We'll get our scrutineers out, don't you worry. I'll follow this up. I charge on to this. Jono, what do you call the smallest animal in a litter? The runt.

Yes, well done. Okay, Jono, it's two for two. You hear that, Meyer? I had to answer a question. The answer wasn't in the question. Oh, yeah, sorry. I had to answer a question. The answer wasn't in the question. Oh, yeah, sorry. I slipped up on that one. What sees better, Maya, an eagle or a lion?

An eagle. She's right. Well done. Okay, John. I don't like this bit. This is the pressure. I crumble. Okay.

What famous martial arts action star headlines the movie The Spy Next Door? Bruce Lee. Jackie Chan. Ah, no, take your first answer. No, no, no. It was Jackie Chan. I said Jackie Chan. Maya, you're taking home the game.

Well done. Well done, Maya. You're going to enjoy being the parents. It's a lot of fun to play with your family. Thanks for playing it fun, all right? Okay, thank you. You keep safe and you grow up well, okay? Yep.

All right. And next, we're going to be joined by our special celebrity guest. Here is a clue who it could be. Hi, guys. One final clue. My musical influences include Shania Twain, Leigh-Anne Rimes, Dolly Parton, and my grandmother. Do you know who it is yet? No.

I hope so. I don't know. You seem very good. I'll prepare questions. Did you make these clues? I'll prepare questions for the person. Oh, wow. For the interview we're doing at the end of the hour. Okay, so. I don't know. You seem very good. I prepared questions. Did you make these clues? I prepared questions for the person. Oh, well. For the interview we're doing at the end of the hour.

I'll be ad-libbing my way through it. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. That is our homeschool hour almost over and done. We're going to do it again tomorrow between 9 and 10. Thanks to Disney Plus and thanks, of course, to Planet Fun for helping out with the prizes today. Yeah, we're giving out clues

to go to the end with a very special celebrity relief teacher at the end of our homeschooling program. We gave out clues throughout the hour. Some of those were... When I was growing up, my family owned a Christmas tree farm. And we also found out

she has a bevy of cats. Yeah, a big cat lady also acted in the movie Valentine's Day. Did you work out who it was, Jono? I have indeed. Mainly because you told me during that song. And we are honoured, it's an absolute honour right now, to be joined live from New York via Zoom with Taylor Swift. What a dream come true.

It's a big deal for me too. I'm really excited. Unfortunately. Actually, sorry, Taylor. We've got to get to the 10 o'clock news. We'll pick this up another day. I don't, well, yeah. Sorry, actually, sorry, Taylor. We've got to get to the 10 o'clock news. We'll pick this up another day? I don't... Well, yeah.

Sorry, guys. You had to cut it. We're running out of time. We should probably try and do those earlier in the show because yesterday we had to cut off Dwayne the Rock Johnson. But anyway, that's fine. Okay. Anyway, we'll talk about this tomorrow.

You've got our email. We can send another Zoom invite. Yeah, I'm sure we'll get it back tomorrow. Thank you so much for listening. It's been a lot of fun. From our bubble to yours, we'll catch you guys tomorrow. Hey, stay safe. Stay sanitised.

Good day, Aotearoa.