Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - April 22 - The Rude Awakening Game, Jack Tame, Iso-Legends

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

The Rude Awakening GameWhat was discovered on TradeMe?Win An AdHow To Dad calls inBig News Small TownSpyLost & FoundJack Tame calls inWhat do you refuse to believe in?Jono's thoughts on handballImportant DatesWe reward another Iso-LegendJono & Ben's Home School Day #2See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. A lot of people are waking up with strange dreams at the moment. Oh really? Producer Juliet, you were saying you're getting a few weird ones. Yeah. Dreaming about work, so already I think we're ruining your life. No, dreaming, what did I dream about last night?

I remember having weird dreams last night, but you know, as soon as you wake up, you can't really remember what they are. She's got post-traumatic stress disorder from yesterday. Three days of working with us and she's like having horrible nightmares about work. Are we going to give someone else? We're making her hate radio.

This is a job. You're not. Last week she loved this job. We want to give someone else a bit of a strange wake up right now. What's that? Oh no. Shut up.

Now what? It's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. We're up, Jono. So aren't other people to be up as well? And we're going to do it by putting them on the spot with a live quiz. Yeah, we call it the world's most annoying alarm clock. So on the phone right now we have Angela.

Welcome, Angela. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. How's your bubble? How's your have Angela. Welcome, Angela. Hello, hello. Oh, hello, hello. How's your bubble? How's your bubs? Oh, yeah. I've still got one day of work, that's good. Oh, you do one day of work a week?

Yep. What do you do, mate? I just help an old lady. She lives by herself. I just clean. Oh, that's awesome. I actually saw last night on the news there's workers from a Dunedin rest home.

They've been living at the rest home for four weeks away from their family. Just look after the people there. I thought that was an amazing thing. You're a good person, Angela. Far better than Ben and myself. Ben, are you helping any of the elderly people? Are you delivering stuff?

No, you're not. You're an animal. You're a monster. I'm delivering hell pizza to you, hopefully, Angela. Okay, Angela. We're going to call your partner. What's their name? I think I'm calling a son. Oh, it's we're going to call your partner. What's their name? I think I'm calling his son.

Oh, it's your son. Son, Daryl. Okay. If he was your partner, there'd be further questions. We're going to phone Daryl with these rude awakening questions here. Hopefully, he can win you $40 worth of allowed hell pizza. Daryl? Daryl.

Daryl. Good morning, Daryl? Daryl. Daryl. Good morning, Daryl. Listen, this is worse to wake up to than someone else's morning breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. You're on the radio. First question. In Galway Girl, Ed... Oh, we lost him. Do we call him back?

I would because his mother won't be cooking and baking, that's for sure. Okay, we'll call him back. We'll get him back on the phone, Producer Juliet. Okay. Mind you, if I was in Daryl's... I'd do the same thing. Yeah, if I was in his shoes, not that he's wearing shoes in bed, I'd hang up as well.

Yeah. This is the third day in a row of waking people up, you know. Do the maths. At the end of this week, we would have woken up five people. Yeah. Hey, Daryl. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. We've got your mum, Angela.

She's put you on the spot for this. I'm sorry about this. I love how you answered the second time. Yo, as if like we're his mates calling up. Yo, what are we up to tonight? We've got a couple of quiz questions and you can win yourself Hell Pizza vouchers if you get them correct, all right?

Okay. Okay. Oh, jeez, you've woken up in about 20 seconds. He's up, he's out of bed. He's had three coffees. He's good to go. Question number one. In Galway Girl, Ed Sheeran said she fell in love with a what?

With sneakily looking over people's shoulders while they text, with online shopping, or an Englishman? An Englishman. There we go. One from one. Megan and Harry are now known as what? A, fame hungry. B, Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

C, Margaret and Vince. Fame hungry. I'm going to give them that one. Question number three. Which town is home to the famous Bluff Oyster? Is it A. Bluff B. Muff Or C. Ponsonby Bluff

Well done $30 of Hell Pizza vouchers Here's your final question Fourth question Which New Zealand musician sings the song Take It Easy? Is it A. Stan Walker B. Stan Stander Or C. Stan Sitter?

Stan Walker. Oh my God. He's half asleep. He's on fire. $40 worth of Hell Pizzas vouchers and a weird conversation you guys

are going to have at some stage, I'm sure. Sorry. Cheers, boys. Good on you, mate. Have a wonderful day and Angela,

you keep being the greatest human being that Earth has ever produced. I'm going to get a phone call, I'm sure. Yeah, I think he's going to go back to sleep and then he's going to call you. Thank you. Yeah, it's so nice to wake up to you guys again.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much. You have a great day. The kids are enjoying the schooling. Oh, yeah, homeschooling hour between 9 and 10. Not NCEA accredited, but hey, it's a lot of fun. Listen, if you are putting your kids through our homeschool, that is a horrible parenting decision.

The kids will be wishing to go back to school. You have a great day. We were listening to the lunchtime isolation. Now, yeah. Oh, thank you, Angela. Same with you guys. Thank you so much, Angela. We really do appreciate you listening

and you keep safe, eh? Cool, thank you. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Trade Me, great website. You can buy and sell all sorts of random stuff. That's what I love about it. I have flashbacks, horrible flashbacks of Trade Me.

Remember we did a film, like a prank for the TV show, and it was... Oh, it's by Pick Up Now. Pick Up Only. And so you'd have people coming to pick up items that we had. It was kind of like to catch a predator. I don't know if you said. It was entrapment, wasn't it?

It was. It was. So then people would come and collect like a. A toaster or something. A toaster, yeah, exactly. And then we would have, they would open the door and there'd be a whole weird scene. And we spent the day with a whole bunch of naturists, didn't we? Yeah.

Over 60s. And they just wandered around without any clothes on for the whole day. Bizarre. Yeah. Why aren't there any young, tight, naturists?

At what age in life do you like, oh well I'm 60, my body's got to wear me, I'll spend 90% of my time naked. And then they take up volleyball

and all sorts of stuff at those camps. They're always playing tennis or volleyball. Yeah, not conducive to... So on Trade Me at the moment, Jonah Lomu, legendary All Black, his shorts that he wore in

the 96 Super Rugby Final on Trade Me at the moment, they just got ripped, famously ripped, selling for $500,000. Now this is not to say they're going to get that and half the money is going to go to charity, but I was like, man that's a lot. I mean, he's a legend. How can you prove they're Jonah's shorts? I mean, anyone could buy

some stubbies, rip them in half and write Jonah Lomu on the label. True. My friends actually were, because I was a big fan of Jonah growing up. He used to have that 11 shaved in his eyebrows. I got my friend Bevan to do it and he did 111. Mine? So I had the extra. I mean, which is safety conscious as well,

you know, emergency services. I gave you an extra one. I was like, well, thanks. That wasn't the point. Anyway, I thought I'd put... I've got Sir Edmund Hillary's... Cookbook. G-string. Oh, right. G-string that he climbed Mount Everest on. That's on Trade Me right now. $500,000. I don't know if he was wearing a G-string. Can't prove it's not. It's got his name written on it.

I want to play a quick game with you guys. Producer Juliet and Jono, I've found some items on Trade Me that have been for sale recently. You tell me how much you think they sold for. Okay. Okay, we've got ceramic cat teapots. 30 years old. So basically they're cat shaped.

You take off the head and you can put the tea in and their arm, the cat's arm is the teapot. I feel like you'd really like that, Ben. Yeah, I would like that. How much would you buy those for? I'm going to go $79. I'm going to

go $150. $61, Jonas. Closest, closest. Alright. This is a game that's going to serve me no good in the rest of my life. A prey camo thong. A size medium. A camouflage thong. Someone else has got a thong on Trade Me. As worn by Edmund Hillary? Not sure.

$12 for a camouflage thong. $ else has got a thong on Trade Me. As worn by Edmund Hillary? Not sure. $12 for a camouflage thong. $25.99. You can't see where they are. They're mid-region. Okay, a retro McDonald's playground. So this was the hamburger from the old school playground they used to have at McDonald's back in the day.

I saw this. It was covered in moss and gunge and needed a good wet and forget blast, didn't it? It actually sold. How much do you reckon it sold for? $300? $150. $2,260. It was the Hamburglar one, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was. You put the kids in prison and they could rock back and forth. And finally, this last item was taken off Trade Me a couple of weeks ago, but basically a pocket-sized Dettol hand sanitiser. $5,000. Well, yeah, $60. Someone was trying to sell it for. Yeah, and they took it down because they were like, basically, that's too much. Well, you can get bootleg

hand sanitiser from my chemist. Out the back, she's like, hey, you want some stuff? And yeah, she's got a whole batch up out there. Burns five layers of your skin off, but you feel great and clean. Not dodgy at all. Serving bowls of lolllies for breakfast. Actual lollies may not be served.

It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, that's a bit of a new regime for us, isn't it? Getting up early and we get up sort of four in the morning sort of thing. And I was telling my daughter Poppy, I was like, hey, you know, I kiss you goodbye when I leave. Right. I was like, you don't even know. And she's like, no, I'm asleep.

And then this morning I went to kiss her and she just, boom, eyes open. She's like, gotcha. And then went back to sleep. Or she'd been awake all night waiting for that. It's like, have you just been sitting there like a psychopath waiting for me? I'm going to get there. Give me a heck of a fright, dude. I was like, oh, gotcha.

Oh, Jesus. Let's do win an ad. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's win an ad. This is where we give away a priceless advertising. Well, probably not priceless. They probably set a price to. Yeah, they do.

It's quite a competitive rate, though, if you want to get involved. Get a hold of one of the many fantastic, friendly NZME sales staff, and they'll design a package for you and your business and for your needs and what you're wanting to achieve

in the long run. So what we do right now, apart from spouting company propaganda like Jono was doing just then, is we like to call a business at random and give them a free ad live on the radio. We've written half the ad.

They've just got to fill in the blanks. Now this is completely undercutting what the sales team do, Ben. So there's no one in the building at the moment. And what the creative department do as well, writing ads. Yeah. Pretty much doing both jobs at the same time. There's going to be some pretty intense meetings with you and upper management

when they return to this building. Going to a dairy here at the moment, which have become supermarkets essentially, haven't they? Yeah, doing a roaring trade at the moment, but doing a lot of hard work for the community. Yeah, they are. And stocking up on items that they've never had to buy before. Like, I went in and I overheard a lady wanting panko breadcrumbs.

Hello? Here he is, working hard. Working hard. Working hard, or hardly working. No, he's working hard. Derry, you can hear it buzzing in the background. Hey, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Yeah?

We want to give you a free ad on the radio. Oh. All you've got to do is fill in the blanks. We've already written half the ad. Yeah, yes, I did. Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the... I think he's...

He's serving a customer. Hello. Oh, hello. You've won an ad. Yeah. Yeah, baby. You won a free ad on the Hits radio station. We've written half of it.

You've just got to fill in the blanks. Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses at the... Jervois Food Market. Jervois Food Market. It's a market of all the finest foods you can imagine. Famous for its popular... All my customers.

Oh, they can't be the most popular thing in the shop. How do you know? Have you met them? And don't forget the crowd favourite... What's my favourite thing? Everything is my favourite thing. Everything is my favourite thing. She. Everything is my favourite thing. She's gone for a very broad, sweeping statement. That's so positive. I like it.

She even likes those annoying YouTube pre-roll ads. That's how much she loves everything. And who could forget that catchy slogan? What's the name of the shop again? Is that the slogan? What's the name? It's the shop. It's so good.

You're like, what's the name of the shop again? And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. No secrets. No secrets. I love everything, and I have no secrets. Their happy customers are always saying, what's the name of that shop again?

What's the name of the shop? Jewel Voice Food Market. There we go. You have a lovely day over at? Jewel Voice Food Market. There we go. There we go. You have a lovely day over at the Jewel Voice Food Market. Thank you. And stay safe in lockdown. Thank you.

Bye. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, how's her dad? Internet sensation. Very funny guy. And he's played right into our quirky radio hands. He's put something out on his social media that we've just eaten up.

That's right. And we don't know what order we're eating it up in because it's to do with cutlery and how you put away your cutlery at home. Hey, welcome. Howdy, Dad. G'day. How are you? This shouldn't be a radio bit.

This is just normal life logic. Is this... Okay, cutlery, normal life logic is what I shared with the world. Okay, no, this is quite controversial logic, I think. But anyway, explain the way to the people that you put your cutlery away. Well, when you're empty in the dishwasher and you open your drawer, starting from the left,

because in life we work from left to right. That's logical. Yeah. And you put your knives in, then your forks go next to your knives, and then your spoons on the right. Well, where are your teaspoons going? Well, your teaspoons are still in that little teaspoon.

Yeah, they're underneath, right? That's fine. We're not getting into the teaspoon debate. And you've got a little compartment for just random bits, you know, just all sorts of random odds and ends that go there as well. But we're not talking about that today.

No, because I would go forks, spoons, knives. I'd go on the order you put the cutlery out if you were going to sit at a fancy restaurant. Yeah, but why? Why are you sitting at a fancy restaurant when you're at home? Well, no, but still, I like to pretend I am. I work,

we line things up in life, it's left to right. You go to Subway, they ask you to stand on the left and choose your bread and then you work your way to the right. And the knife needs to be on the left because it's the most important utensil. It's the one you get up and make your breakfast with. If you need to make a lunch and butter your sandwich, the knife is first on the rank there,

really roaring to go. Okay, well, this has divided the nation. Yeah, how many comments have you had on this online? Oh, I think, oh, it's insane. I think it's like over 10,000 or 15,000 comments alone. Some agreeing, some disagreeing. It's almost like people are locked in their houses and have nothing else to do.

Exactly. I didn't even think much about it. It's because my kids started emptying the dishwasher and they keep doing it wrong and it bloody agitates me. They put the spoons in the middle and that's just, when you say knife and fork, knife and fork need to be put together. You can't have spoons in the middle. I'm with you.

They are doing that. So I just took a photo once I organised it and said, if you're doing it any other way, well, you're doing it wrong. And I posted that thinking nothing of it, and it went around the bloody world, didn't it? Passive-aggressive way of telling the kids off too on social media. We all want the kids to do the chores, but they never do them properly.

No, you end up doing them yourself. Exactly. I know. Let's go to the phones. Laura in Waiuru, welcome. Your thoughts on this, the order of the cutlery. It's a national debate. Yeah, no, I've got my knives on the left and then forks and spoons.

But what do you do with all the chopsticks? That's what I've got. Them and the far left as well. It goes in the odds and ends, you know, you mishmash. How many chopsticks are you running? Probably, I think I've added a little count before. I think I've probably got about 50. Do you know Ben's mum, from sushi packets I'm gathering,

Ben's mum collects the... Oh yeah, the little fish. You know the little fish you get with your soy sauce. Oh yeah, no, no, the fish, the wasabi. She collects those and then she puts little bits of mouthwash in them. She takes them out as a little handy little treat for her. Just when you feel like three drops of mouthwash. Howdy dad, so you've got one on your side there.

And David, welcome. You're on the air into this cutlery debate with How to Dad. Your thoughts? My general go-to is just get the cutlery out, keep it in the basket, and then just throw it in the drawer wherever it lands. What do you think about that one, How To Dad? It sounds dangerous.

There's obviously no children in the area. I just see forks in the eyes, knives in the feet. It's a cutlery orgy in that drawer. They're all over the place. Hey, How To Dad, thank you so much for your time. You do a wonderful job entertaining the country on social media. And you look after yourself and your bubble keeps safe.

How's the bush shirt collection? You got enough to survive? I've got enough to survive. I've just heard the dishwasher open, so I need to run down and check the kids if they're doing all right. Okay, right. Out of Dad there joining us on the Hits Breakfast. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, last night on the news, I don't know if you saw on 3 News last night, they had a graphic of the country and they had Dunedin where Crosschurch was. So, like, in the graphic. And you know who would have done that? Dunedin and Crosschurch, you know who would have done that? Some soy latte sucking, boat shoe wearing, kombucha drinking. Aucklander?

Green Party voting Aucklander. That's right. Who cares not about the South Island, but we do on this show, right? We do. We do here on the Hits. We know where Dunedin is and I hope you're enjoying the top of the South Island, Dunedin. No, no. Wonderful weather.

We're at New Zealand's breakfast and right now we're going to some big news from a small town. This one's from South Canterbury. This is big news from a small town. Just because the news isn't big for some stations doesn't mean we neglect it here at The Hits. We probably should. We probably should. There's probably a reason why the other stations

aren't tackling this news. But today we head to Timaru, the Timaru Herald, where there is grave concern, given COVID-19, the amount of foot traffic has increased with people getting outside, getting their walks in, and also the amount of pets, and also the amount of doggy

doo-doo left by those animals. Oh yeah, I guess so. Everyone's walking around at the moment, a lot of people out in the streets, but surely the dog owners are picking it up. You've got a dog, do you pick it up with your bare hands? How do you do it? No, you pick it up with a reusable plastic bag or something else.

A reusable plastic bag? Sorry, a compostable plastic bag. We've got some of those. Imagine you emptying it and then washing it out. Mate, we've got another three weeks out of this. Speaking of dogs, I've got a big, white, fluffy Samoyed dog. I got shamed before lockdown at a dog park because the dog was peeing

not like a man dog should, apparently, according to this guy. He's like, oh, mate, your dog, look at it peeing like it shouldn't pee like that. I was like, oh, I'll let it do what it wants to do. Well, what was he doing? Oh, he was saying because the dog wasn't raising your leg, it was sort of just squatting. He was like, oh, your dog, yeah. Oh, your dog's very white and fluffy and also very lazy.

He just can't be bothered lifting a leg. Yeah, I was like, good on it. He's like, why do I have to lift a leg? I mean, if I have an option, me as a human being, not to lift my legs again. Exactly. I'm going to take that. Exactly.

If I could just sit in this chair and just rant for the remainder of my life, I'd stay here. So in South Canterbury, of course, there's a lot of doggy doo-doo on the footpaths. That's right, and we're going to go through to one of the complainants right now. See if we can hear her concerns and what people can do about it. And I think the obvious solution is back in the footpaths. Yeah, I was going to say.

Hello? Oh, yes, we understand you've been complaining about the amount of matter left by the animals on the footpaths. No. Okay. No? Okay. Just shot on being calling from the hits,

the big news on the radio. No, you've got no problems with the dogs and the doggy doo-doo? No. Oh, could you pretend you do? Why is that? We've got quite deep into this conversation now and we were hoping to talk to someone. We can't get the hits from bloody Wai Mati, mate.

That's the trouble. That is huge. I know I'll get to the bottom of that. I'll do you a deal. I'll get the on bloody Wai Mati, mate. That's the trouble. That is a huge... I know I'll get to the bottom of that. I'll do you a deal. I'll get the hits on Wai Mati if you pretend to be annoyed about the amount of dog doo left on the footpaths at the moment. Bill, I've been outside for about three days,

so how can I complain about dog shit? Just go, oh, it was a nightmare. I was walking out there the other day. It was all over the place. Nah, nah, nah, I'm up today. Tomorrow, day it was all over the place nah nah nah I'm up today tomorrow could you say that we're not gonna call him back tomorrow

this is already enough of a conversation that's enough shit goodbye see you mate see you buddy well obviously huge issue

huge issue in that household everyone really upset about it in the whole town so the message that we've learnt out of this two very important messages. Pick it up and if you're a dog, raise your leg or else

you'll get shamed at a dog park. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, producer Juliette, who's about to rip into spy news, all the latest celebrity gossip, and she gets all the filth, don't you? You wait outside the celebrities' houses, goes rifling

through their bins. I get all the tea, guys. Yesterday you mentioned that your grandmother, a rampant fan of Jack Tame, the reporter. Yes. On TV One. She is literally like obsessed. Yeah. She emailed you at four in the morning or something.

So there was this one time where she emailed me. I was driving to work. I saw the notification pop up on my phone. She said, Juliet, it's Jack Tame's birthday today. He cycles to work. If you're seeing him this morning cycling to work, make sure you wind down your window and say happy birthday. I'm like, Graham, I'm literally driving to work and it's dark.

I'm not going to do that. Well, we hunted down Jack Tame, and we're going to get him on after eight o'clock and give him the website where he can fill out restraining orders. And also get your grandma on the phone if she wants it. Can we call your grandma? Yes. I'm sure that would make a day.

We'll do that update. But let's do Spy News right now. Spy. Know what's up. Spy.co.nz So Meghan Markle's first interview since Megxit happened has come out and it's about her documentary with Disney on elephants. So she's, do you want to hear a little bit of the interview?

And then we've also got a little bit of her actual narration. I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to be a part of bringing this story of elephants to life. I've been very lucky to be able to have hands-on experience with elephants in their natural habitat. I didn't realise you were such a fan of elephants. I've loved elephants my whole life. Since they pay me well to do this voiceover.

But a great, great, great choice, though. It's going to get a lot of publicity out of that. Yeah, true. And Disney's a good, I guess it's a good company to be a part of. What's Harry doing? Has Harry got a gig? Or has he just been ripped from the comfort of being told what to do and where to be by his grandmother?

Now he's just sitting there watching her running off, loving elephants, rubbing and touching elephants. And I want to get your opinion on, this is her narration of the elephants. And I'm curious to know what you guys think. This is unsettling. Gaia must show the lions her family is strong. The predators shouldn't waste their time. Oh, it's quite animated. I mean, she's yeah i mean she's reading well she's reading better than i could yeah she's doing that job far better than i could and that's my i would love to see you do that i hate elephants can you do the voiceover

from like one of those police shows once upon a time oh that's I did Road Cops and they were cops on the road and yeah, it was basically like Sergeant Ajax has pulled over this mullet laden Woodstock drinking driver, caught doing it was basically Bogans and Hamilton had been caught doing burnouts. You lost the gig after you had to narrate yourself getting pulled over, right?

That's a good one. This low level bald broadcaster has been pulled over for doing burnouts in Hamilton. And also, the cast of Friends are offering a bunch of people to go and join the taping of their reunion special.

And all you have to do, and I'm not sure if this is open to American citizens only. I mean, it probably is. But you just have to make a donation to the coronavirus relief, and then you automatically go on the draw to go to the reunion special. Well, now, the reunion is not,

now, to be clear, they're not filming an episode of a friend's show as we know it. I think they're just talking about it, right? Oh, so it's like a sit-down chat with the cast. Like, you know, after The Bachelorette, they'll have all the cast together.

I think that's what it is. Yeah, and then the winners can, you know, they can go in Central Perk Cafe, have a little cup of coffee. They get like a VIP tour of Warner Bros. Studio as well, which is pretty cool. It would be arduous.

You'll be locked in a hot, sweaty warehouse for nine hours, given no water. You'll be forced to eat the person next to you to survive. You'd leave there emaciated and half a human being you were when you walked in. Sounds absolutely terrible. And for more spa, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Hey, you've

got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. 2.5 million cases globally now of coronavirus, but in better news, New Zealand in six days' time, we can get takeaways. At 5am it opens. Ronald will be stressing his red little butt off, won't he? Is that when

McDonald's opens? McDonald's opens at 5am. Next Tuesday, right? Next Tuesday, yeah. So I'm counting down. My arteries are counting down. I imagine it'd be quite hard for them to get the stock into the stores at the moment too, you know? These are the logistical problems.

Hey, Ben, I think McDonald's will worry about that. Yeah, OK. It's not for you to worry about. And it's lovely that you do. It'll show great concern. OK. But, you know, I think they've got their cabin. Okay, all right.

All right. Well, that's this. Do they worry about that? Imagine what they turn up at five o'clock and they're like, I feel like I've forgotten something. Oh, the ingredients to all of the food on our menu. Why did we not? That guy on the radio said it five days ago.

We should have listened to him. Oh, Juliet, can you play the intro for us? When you leave two radio broadcasters in a mostly empty building, they find stuff to give away that they probably shouldn't. It's Jono and Ben's Lost and Found. Now, this building we're working in here is pretty much just isolated. Well, completely isolated. We're the only ones here, right?

Yeah, very empty. And we've just started this job. And I haven't started many new jobs, but I imagine an ideal way to start is to steal a television and give it away. Yeah. Correct me if I'm right. Yeah, I think you're right. It's like a great way to start. So that's what we've got done. We've got a 50-inch television that was sitting in a meeting room. We assume

to be attached to a wall at some point. No one got around to it pre-COVID and now it's going to be given away on the radio. Peter is on 0800 The Hits. You're in Wellington. I tell you what, how's the capital this morning?

I haven't opened up the curtains yet, so... Oh, could you? Have a little peek. Cheeky peek out the curts. It's quite foggy this morning in Auckland. It doesn't look the worst. It doesn't look the worst. Oh, that's great.

You can't beat Wellington on a good day, that's what they say. It's a stupid saying because you can't beat anywhere on a good day. Yeah, I know. Particularly Wellington. It's a beautiful city. We love it.

Okay, Peter. TV, we're giving away. It's 50 inches. They're all TV-themed questions. You have three seconds to answer each. You need to get five in a row correct. Here's question number one. What was the name of the coffee shop on Friends?

Central Perk. There's one for one. Well done. On the Big Bang Theory, who does Leonard marry? The blonde chick. The blonde chick. The blonde chick. I will definitely not take that answer. Her name is Penny.

Penny. Unfortunately, you're out. Question two was tough today. It was. Although Big Bang Theory, very popular show. I just, yeah. Hey, will you go and open those curtains fully? I will.

You go and enjoy Wellington on a good day, Peter. Thank you so much for listening and keep safe. See you guys. Another chance tomorrow to give away that 50-inch TV to someone who can get five TV questions in a row. That was tough. This is a dream. I thought the TV was going to go day one.

We are milking this TV. I know. I am loving it. In four years' time, we're like, we've still got that TV, guys. Technology's moved on, but we've still got this TV. You know how you're watching holograms now. We've still got the TV.

Still here, mate. 2020. I know it's 2035. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. You'll know him as the reporter, the host of Q&A on TVNZ1.

Jack Tame, how's it going? Jodo, guys. Yeah, good, thanks. How are you? I'm Jack Tame. I always feel like I'm talking to a younger, more successful version of what I should have done in broadcasting when we speak.

Oh, rubbish. First of all, like you say, younger, but truth be told, I'm actually just an 85-year-old man in a younger man's body. Honestly, do you know the biggest revelation for me during isolation, and this is something I've only sort of reckoned with in the last three or four hours, is cocoa.

I've found myself drinking cocoa in the evening, but all of a sudden I've just reached that kind of stage in life where I like to have a nice, you know, at about 7 o'clock in the evening, I like to start winding down with a nice hot warm mug of cocoa, and I think, oh, this is actually not a bad life. You are one step away from complaining about what time Coronation Street is played on TV. Yeah.

Yeah. And if Coronation Street starts after 8.30, then that's simply too late for me. I'll jack up, add my cocoa, I'm in bed. Not too late. I want to get up in the night and go to the bathroom. Now, you spend a lot of time in New York. You'd be following that city's reaction to COVID with much interest, I imagine. Yeah, it's terrible.

I've got mates who work in hospitals over there and it's just like the end of the world. You know, like I used to live in Spanish Harlem, which is right at the top of Central Park. And like the area of Central Park across the road from my old apartment, they have turned into a field hospital. They've basically just set up marquees and they've

got beds there for people who are really seriously ill. But my mates who work in hospitals, some of them have been told they're allowed one facial mask a week at the moment. What? I know, it's terrible. And like, you know, here it's pretty scary, but over there

hundreds of people are dying in hospitals every day. It's terrifying. My maid works in the hospital, it's kind of like the middle more of New York, and she said that they've got a 23-story hospital and 22 floors are filled with COVID

patients at the moment. At times like that, you're like, thank God New Zealand's a bit spread out. We're not that built up and it's so concentrated in you totally and you know like I have a sort of

mixed feelings about New Zealand's isolation you know sometimes I'm like I wish we were closer to the states closer to other parts of the world

but at times like this where you're like oh being at the end of the world is men not a bad thing hey now Jack we need to let you

on a little secret we've just started this job and we're working with a wonderful lady, producer Juliet. Her grandmother loves you, basically. Oh. Have a listen to this little bit of audio from yesterday's show.

Have a listen. My grandma, actually, big fan of Jack Tame. Do you know, actually, a little fun fact, she sent me an email probably at four in the morning one time when I was driving to work. I saw the notification and it said, Juliet, it's Jack Tame's birthday today. If you see him cycling past you early this morning,

make sure you yell out the window. I'm not even kidding. She sent me that email. Four in the morning? Yes. Does Jack Tame cycle past you every day? I don't know if he even cycles to work. So our request is, can you buy a bike?

Can you cycle past Juliette on your birthday so she can fulfil her grandma's dream? See, here's the thing. Her grandma's very accurate. I have a bike, but I do ride my bike everywhere. I have a car. I'm not like a total... I'm not that woke.

I like to destroy the environment a little bit. Just a little bit. A little bit. When it's raining. That is so nice of you. Please pass on. Oh, she will be, she will be,

I will be her favourite grandchild. Have you got your, can we call your grandma? Yeah. Imagine if we called her with Jack Tame on the, oh yeah, let's do that right now.

Cold fire. Let me get her number. It's not like she's going to be busy, is it? No. What's your grandmother's name? Jeanette. Jeanette.

Jeanette. Yeah. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, you just go straight cold in. Oh yeah, so what he's going to be busy, is it? What's your grandmother's name? Jeanette. Jeanette. Jeanette. Yeah. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, you just go straight cold in. Oh, yeah, so what I'm going to introduce, who it is. Jack Tame straight to Jeanette. Okay. Hello?

Jeanette. Yes? Jeanette. I can't hear. Jeanette, can you hear me now? Who's speaking? Is that Jeanette? Yes.

This is Jack Tame speaking. Oh, hello, Jack. Oh, Jeanette, it's John O and Ben here. We work with your granddaughter. Hi, Graham, it's Juliette. Hello, Juliette. Hi, darling. I heard you're a big Jack Tame fan.

We thought we'd make your life and get him on the phone. Oh, thank you. Oh, I am a big Jack Tame fan. We thought we'd make your life and get him on the phone. Oh, thank you. Oh, I am a big Jack Tame fan. Jack Tame, whatever. A phone, a fan, whatever. She is a huge Jack Tame whatever. I listen to Jack Tame every Saturday morning. Oh, Jeanette, thank you so much for your support.

I really appreciate that. That's very kind of you. How's my granddaughter? She's doing a great job, isn't she? Oh, she's a superstar, and I wouldn't even say anything bad to her grandmother. No. Because there's some horrible things I could say about her. Because it's your grandmother, and I don't want to ruin that precious

relationship. I love her to bits. Whatever she is, she's lovely. Thanks, Graham. Love you too. A producer for our lowly rated radio show. We only wish we could be Saturday mornings on Newstalk ZB like Jack Tame.

Well, anyway, I'll keep listening to the hits every morning, right up until 10 o'clock in the morning. Thank you for the call. It's just such a it's made my day. Oh, lovely. And thank you for reading that script we sent you about listening to the hits

as well. Thank you so much. You keep safe through lockdown. I will do. Will do. You keep safe too. Love to everybody. Bye. Bye. Thanks very much for that, Jack. Oh, what a will do will do you keep safe too love to everybody bye bye that was cute hey thanks very much

for that Jack oh what a sweetheart hey um is Ginny a big baker oh not really actually oh because Jack's got a lot of cocoa she can use

oh Jack Tabor it's always good to catch up keep up the great work that you are doing and I actually want to give a little shout out as well

not only do you a great job on Q&A, but a lovely article you wrote on Newstalk ZB the other day about how coronavirus, some of the positives for the community in New Zealand and some of the things. Thanks, guys. Hey, it's so good to hear you guys. And yeah, keep up the great work, eh? Morning!

It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Coronavirus sweeping the world. And in America, there's some non-believers. And yesterday they got out and protested. They don't believe in coronavirus. I think they should just get out there and work and have a listen to this wonderful lady. I don't appreciate being voluntold to homeschool my children while their teachers sit at home getting the paycheck that should be forwarded to me.

While at the same time, I'm still working to support my family. So they kind of don't believe coronavirus is a thing. No. Really, it should be not taken that seriously. I was showing you a sign that they put up about their rally. And basically it said, come down to the rally, bring your children. If you're sick, still come. It's your right. I'm like come on guys

that's a can-do attitude that's like we'll beat this thing we'll beat this thing head on they're just not believing it it's a thing it's like

it's a thing it's worldwide what's 2.5 million cases now my dad he's like media beat up she's a media beat up but everything's a media beat up

with him climate change media beat up and he's like you're the problem you're the problem you work mean, like pointing at me, you're the problem. You work in the media. He's blamed me for coronavirus.

I'm talking to you. You're the problem though. I said to him, where do you want it placed in the news? And he's like, after those fluffy, nice stories about the cats that do black backflips, they can do a little coronavirus update there. We might throw this out there. I'll enter the hits. That's our phone number. What do you refuse to believe? Now, it doesn't have to be coronavirus related.

Like a friend of our family, she didn't believe that Mrs. Brown was a man. From Mrs. Brown's boys. She was like, now they tell me he's a man. Yeah, they're telling you that because he's a man. I was like, yes, they do because he's a man. No, I refuse to believe it. And I went on my phone and I was like, here you go.

This is the guy. I don't want to look at that screen. I refuse to believe it. And I went on my phone and I was like, here you go, this is the guy. I don't want to look at that screen. I refuse to believe it. I refuse, Mrs. Brown. So yeah, some people just love refusing to believe things. Okay, so 0800THEHITS, do you believe that Mrs. Brown is a man? No, that's not what we're trying to ask.

Okay, 0800THEHITS, what do you refuse to believe? You can text 24487. We'd love to hear your calls. Love to get your texts. Give us a bash. Tony, you're in Blenheim. Now you're on the air.

It's bloody great to have you, mate. How are you going, guys? Oh, we're doing well. How are you going? I'm good, good. I just finished driving and picked up the Christchurch and back. Oh, how's that? The roads would be quiet, eh?

Oh, they're beautiful, man. I've passed like 11 trucks and that was it. Oh, good. It's almost like you can just swerve over both lanes. The road is yours. No. No, exactly. Thank you, Tony.

Thank you, Tony. Even Tony knows you're meant to be the responsible broadcaster, Johnny. Hey, Tony, what do you refuse to believe? I refuse to believe my best friend of 30 years that the world is flat. In 2020, he still believes that. Oh, he's a flat earther. Oh, there's some people very passionate about that, right? Oh, yeah.

He's dredged up so much information, but he hasn't gone into space, so he can't tell that the world is flat around. Because a lot of people think it's a conspiracy from NASA or something, but I don't really understand why NASA... What's the advantage of them telling us the world's flat? I don't know. But anyway...

My biggest argument to him is, where do you sail off the edge? Yes, you just keep going and then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. But they can never answer that question. They said they were surrounded by ice. Yeah. I was driving my son's friends home and they were like, the earth's flat. And I was like, get out.

We're on the motorway. I was like, get out, walk home. I'm not even having you in this car having this conversation. Thank you for your call, Tony. You stay safe in your bubble. Good on you, Tony. Stuart, how are you, buddy? Was that me?

Was that Stuart? Yeah. No one's more confused than Stuart. Welcome, Stuart. What do you refuse to believe, your name? It's more what I do believe, actually. Do you remember a few years ago Cadbury released that ad with the gorilla playing in the air tonight?

Oh, the drums? Yes. Have we got that? Oh, yeah, there we go. Yeah, yeah, that's mine. I believe that that was the real gorilla that did it. And I've had mates tell me, nah, nah, like, it's a man in a costume and whatnot. But I'm determined that that was the real gorilla.

How much did that cost Cadbury in drum lessons? For a gorilla? For a gorilla. How much did that cost Cadbury in drum lessons? For a gorilla? For a gorilla. If you're right. And if I'm going to teach a gorilla anything, I'm probably going to teach it to do my washing and folding, do the supermarket shopping. Drums are cool, but you're going to get...

I mean, granted, it probably took a few lessons, but they've just gone and poached a gorilla that's got a bit of talent, and he's come on board. Just for sweet, sweet chocolate. I can see some technique in that gorilla. Oh, that's such a good cause. Thank you for your time. We'll pay you in a slab of dairy milk.

Hey, you have a wonderful day. We're going to go to Crystal. Welcome, Crystal. You're in Levin. How's that this afternoon? Even though it's not this afternoon. It is a lovely morning here in Levin. How are you guys?

And I bet it's going to be lovely this afternoon. Yeah, it will be, yeah. We're doing well. We're doing well. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I refuse to believe that Facebook is owned by Mark Zuckerberg

and I think it's owned by the government and they're all tracking us. Oh, I'm with you. I thought Mark Zuckerberg was a paid actor or something. He's like, I'll take the hit on this one, guys.

Yeah, it's the government. Yeah, well, there's a, I mean, Facebook, how much information does Facebook and Google have? In China, you can't go on those sort of things, right? So maybe...

Oh, man. The amount of stuff I've done on Google and Google Drive. Like, I wouldn't wish... I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy to see what I've visited.

So maybe you're onto something there. There we go. Conspiracy theories this morning. Thank you all for your calls and texts on that one, What You Refuse To Believe. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Good morning, New Zealand. Thank you for waking up with us. 8.35 the time, six days. We're on a countdown for takeaways, aren't we? That's right. You don't know how many times we've mentioned six days until takeaways.

It's the most important thing on the show at the moment. Now, we are also, we're New Zealand's breakfast. We've gone out, we've started the show, we've done no research, but we've just said, hey, we're New Zealand's breakfast. I guess, in all seriousness, that's what we aspire to be. You know, if you say it enough, maybe you'll get there. That's the plan, just keep saying it and people will believe it. But we're slowly going through the White Pages website.

Which is a terrible idea. And calling everyone in New Zealand just to double check that they're listening. I mean, we need to convert them to our cult. How do you think Brian Tarmacky did it, mate? He just caught up people and got them to ask. That's right. You want to donate a percentage of your income to me so I can buy Harley Davidson's? That's what happens.

All right. Okay, so we're going to go through to someone from the phone book here in Greymouth. Good afternoon. Oh, hello there. going to go through to someone from the phone book here in Greymouth. Good afternoon. Oh, hello there. Who am I talking to? Listen, you're talking to Jono and Ben from The Hits, and we're not here to do terrible things to spiders, so we're going to cut straight to the point.

Yep. You're listening to what right now? No, I'm a star, gospel radio station. Oh, gospel. Oh, yeah. No, it sounds good. It sounds really good. Oh, gospel. Oh, yeah. No, it sounds good. It sounds really good. What number's that?

It's 104.25. Oh, 104. Okay, go turn it up. I'd love to have a little listen if you could. Yeah. No, I'm just busy having a cup of coffee. When a man's eating, you can't interrupt a man when he's eating. No, I'm sorry.

Well, we have. Yeah, I know. I know you have. And now I'm regretting it. I apologise. Yeah, you never know what I'm eating. It could be a nice juicy pie or anything. Anything.

It's not takeaways. No, we can't get those till Tuesday next week, right? Yeah, well, I don't know. You never know whether they're going to open or not. It's up to the individual franchise, isn't it? So we'll no doubt that then it's a piece of mouldy bread and some kidney beans. Yeah, well, that's not too bad either. It'll keep you active.

Graham, I don't care that you listen to gospel radio. Oh, I wish I was listening to gospel radio. Sounds good. Yep. But maybe you can listen to us one day. Oh, yeah. It's in the van when I'm driving down to Hokitika. Yep.

Yep. Are you going to? Oh, you never know. I usually try and put a CD in. Well, then no. Then no. I said, are you going to?

You're like, no, I'm going to put a CD in. Just be honest with us, Graham. That's fine. Hey, will you go back to enjoying your food? Okay, then, matey. Go back to enjoying

your breakfast, Graham. Have a good one. Okay, bye. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jotterwood Band on the hits. Now, I caught up

with former All Black captain Kieran Reid about how his lockdown was going and he's sort of a competitive guy. I mean, you don't become All Black captain

by not being competitive, by being blasé, do you? Yeah. They'll be like, do you want to be All Black captain? Eh, whatever. Oh, yeah.

Might train today, might not. Yeah, pretty chill. You know, he works hard. He's a competitive person and he's now finding that captain? Oh, yeah. I might train today, I might not. Yeah, pretty chill. You know, he works hard. He's a competitive person and he's now finding that creeping into his parenting life.

It's the hardest one. Like, when they, you know, you go out and say, oh, let's have a race, you know, and they're like, I want to have a race with your dad.

I'm like, okay, well, do you want me to go properly or not? And they always say, yes, so, okay. So he smokes his kids in 100 metre sprints and teaches them some life lessons that they need to learn.

Oh yeah, I suppose it's a good lesson to learn. Yeah, now I found myself in this position yesterday. Do you remember the schoolyard classic handball? I was going to say, I'm sure I'd bet your kids to beat you in a 100 metre race. Oh yeah, they'd kill me. I'm wheezing and puffing at the 50 metre mark, mate. I'll let you win, kids. 100 metres is a lot longer than you think it is.

Oh, it is, yeah. You think it's a short, and you're like... You do it in like 10 seconds at the Olympics. Yeah, I mean, you say bolt. Full credit. You're doing a wonderful job running fast. A bit of short speed, yeah. Anyway, handball.

So, I can't remember when the last time you played handball was, Ben. No, probably quite a while ago. Pretty simple game. You've got a tennis ball. You play with either a line of chalk on the ground or a crack. You sometimes use a crack in the tar seal to act as the line. Gotcha. And you bounce the ball before the line.

It goes over. Your opponent bounces the ball before their line. It goes over. It's kind of like tennis with your hands and no net. That's what I think it is. Pretty simple. Simple game. Until now, where a whole bunch of new rules,

moves, systems have been employed into the game of handball. I was playing with Oscar, my son. There's now dragons, sushi cups, dark magics, dirty witches, slippery eels 100% Egyptian cottons I may have made up

the last two I feel like you went to Briscoes for that last one but I was like I was playing handball he's like sorry mate

I'm like what he's like I just exploded your dragon with a burning ring of chilli what does this mean I feel like

this is smack talk or he's just lying so he could win he stayed king the whole time I had no chance. He's like, tag team, you greasy eel with my two dirty witches. And I'm like, what does this mean?

I don't even know what the moves are. And he would hit it over the line. I was like, well, that's a fault. He's plagiarism. He's plagiarism. Yeah, I mean, this is why we've got a pandemic. What? I blame this.

I reckon what happened is there's someone in Wuhan playing handball with their child and they were like, these rules are too complicated. I need to reset the world so we can reset the laws of handball. Well, we are in lockdown for another six days. I'll tell you what, in all seriousness, you just got me thinking what you're saying, you're hanging out with your kids. It's a horrible time for the world. It's a horrible time hanging out with your kids. A lot of anxiety about the virus and a lot of anxiety about business. But one thing I am going to kind of miss is it has the extra time you get with your family. It's been kind of cool, you know, hanging out with them, cooking, playing activities.

Even if they smoke you in handball, it's kind of fun. I just sushi cupped you. What's that? It feels like you play top dollar for a sushi cupping. I need to really scrub up on the rules of handball nowadays. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Who could forget the segment that's truly forgettable? Kim Horton Dates. I had no idea what you were saying. I was like, who does? Who likes that? Jess, coming to us from Taranaki. Are those your favourite things? Black and yellow, mountains. Who likes that? Jess, coming to us from Taranaki. Good morning. Are those your favourite things, black and yellow, mountains?

Oh, black and yellow, we could throw that in there, but I definitely love the mountains and definitely the surf, although it's been pretty tough in the lockdown. Oh, yeah, I think after Level 3 you're allowed to go out, right, if you're an accomplished surfer? If you're an accomplished surfer. I don't think it's the time to start surfing if you're not. Yeah, you've not started surfing,

but you've been in the water before, so you can get out again. I always thought I'd try surfing because I'm going to do it next week. No, not the time. Jess, we're going to phone who? Your partner? My husband.

Oh, your husband. Okay, and we've got his number. What's his name? His name's David. We are about to bombard David with some pretty tough questions. So we want to know two dates that David should know. Your birthday?

9th of December. 9th of December. And maybe let's go first kiss. 17th of July. You guys are so good at remembering that. Now, what year was the first kiss? Oh, gosh, that's tricky. 2016.

David, is he a competent partner, a competent husband? Is he a competent partner? No, he's pretty competent. That's what you want. That's what all guys want is competence. Hello, David. Oh, he sounds competent too. It's Jono and Ben calling from the hits.

You're live on the radio. Please swear whenever you feel free. No, don't. No, please sounds competent. Two. It's Jono and Ben calling from the hits. You're live on the radio. Please swear whenever you feel free. No, please don't. We want to throw some important dates to you. Important dates? Yeah, by the way, we've got Jess on the phone. Oh, classic. Classic.

This is classic Jess. Now, to win you guys a double pass at the movies after lockdown, Reading Cinemas, you just need to know two simple dates, all right? All right. Jess's birthday. What is the date? We don't need the year.

We just need the date. 9th of the 12th. Oh, he's done well. Well done. He is competent. He is competent. Did you remember it last year? Yes. Good, good. Did you remember it last year? Yes.

Good, good. Have you ever forgotten it? It's been touch and go. Yeah. I forgot our wedding anniversary and I've got it tattooed on my forearm. No excuses there. There's nothing quite like the panic

of knowing you've forgotten someone's... But then you realise halfway through the day and you're like, how am I going to cover this up? Yeah. Oh, no, no. Don't do that. Especially now when nothing's open.

And the backup question. This is for the double pass to the movies out of lockdown. This could be your first date. Who knows what base you could end up at. What was the date of your first kiss? Oh. Um. No.

Oh. I remember it like it was yesterday but it wasn't yesterday it was a few years ago 2016 it was 2016 and it would have been around

July it was around July it was July oh he's on fire and can he get the date the date in July 18 17

17 wow 17 oh my gosh what did you say AUT no he. 17th. 17th. Wow, 17th. Oh my gosh. What did you say, AUT? No, I said 18th or 17th. Oh, right. I was like, what did you say? Are you hooking up at AUT?

That is competent. Yeah. And well done. You're off to the movies. Jess, Dave, you keep safe in your bubble. Look after yourselves. Don't forget to wash your hands, okay? We're washing them every day.

Okay. And if you're coughing, just do it into your elbow bit. Into the elbow bit, yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. No worries, thank you for playing. Starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Somehow, these two clowns received an essential service certificate, but it's time for someone that's truly essential. It's Jono and Ben's ISO legend. Thanks to GrabOne. This is my favourite part Ben's ISO legend. Thanks to GrabOne. This is my favourite part of the show where thanks to GrabOne. What about the ads? I like those too, but I also like this part

where we reward someone who's making a special impact in the community. Someone working in the central services, doing some great work around the country. Here's some awesome stories each day at this time. If you want to nominate someone, you can do that online at thehitstockco.nz. We're going to call our winner today. She's been nominated by her sister,

works as a nurse. And their job is so demanding, but then they have to worry about their personal life as well. So we're going to call Mel right now. Hello, Melanie speaking. Melanie Olive. Jonathan Aloysius Pryor and Benjamin Latwitcha-Boyce. Not our real middle names.

It is Jonathan being here from the hits. We want to just say thank you for what you're doing for New Zealand right now. Oh, thank you. And we're going to give you a $250 GrabOne voucher. Oh, wow. That's so cool. You work as a nurse, but then you're taking on a whole lot of other family responsibilities as well. Yeah, yeah, just a little bit.

Oh, don't go into them. You're too modest to go into them. Don't go into them. Brag. This is your chance to brag. Okay, so you're helping out with Healthline as well. Also, you've got two kids. You're doing extra shopping, making meals for your parents and the grandparents as well.

You're doing all that as well as working as a nurse. Yeah, I'm really lucky to have grandparents in their mid-90s, so I've got to look after them, eh? Well, what you're also doing is you're making me look very lazy. Well done. Hey, we're going to go to $250 Grab One voucher for you. You can get a whole bunch of meals on there. There's meats.

You can get cans of wild salmon, salmon that couldn't be tamed. They put it in a can get cans of wild salmon. Salmon that couldn't be tamed. They put it in a can. Or restaurant deals, hotel deals as well. A bunion protector kit. Everyday essentials delivered today. Thanks from GrabOne and New Zealand to you. Thanks for all the great stuff you're doing.

Thank you very, very much. Thank you to you guys and also to GrabOne for doing this for us. And she even thanked the sponsor. I mean, is this the most perfect human being I've ever dealt with? I think so. You look after yourself, Mel. Cool.

Thank you so much. See you, matey. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Good morning, class. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet.

I said shut your pie holes. Apologies, that really went from zero to a hundred. Welcome to Jono and Ben's Home School, a renegade, unsanctioned educational faculty fully supported by the Ministry of Education in no way at all. Now, tuck in your socks and pull up your shirts. I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. Please stand and welcome your teachers

with literally no teaching qualifications whatsoever, Mr Pryor and Mr. Boyce. Morning, class. Morning, New Zealand. This is Jono and Ben. This is our homeschooling between 9 and 10. We're playing a bit of an interactive school quiz on the radio for your bubble. The whole family can play.

And you can also watch on the HITS Facebook page, the HITS Breakfast, if you want to watch as well. This is multimedia, multi-platform, future broadcasting at its best. Am I looking at a hologram, Ben, or is it actually Ben? I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised because this is the future. Anyway, Ben. Yeah?

The role hasn't been taken. Oh, sorry. Ben. Yes, I'm here. Jono. You're here. I'm here. There we go.

And we had a debate yesterday. Who was the principal of the school? And Ben. We, I'm here. Jono. You're here. I'm here. There we go. And we had a debate yesterday. Who was the principal of the school? And Ben. We put him on our Facebook page? Yeah, presumptuously said, well, of course I'd be the principal. He said I would be the groundsman. The groundsman. You'd be a good groundsman.

It's all sorts of shady business in my shed out the back of the field. No, that was good for you. It was a good role. So it's pretty simple. We've got four classes. We have one star pupil. If you are the star pupil on the phone at the end of the class, you win the Disney Plus subscription.

So we need a star pupil right now. 0800 THE HITS. If you get one question wrong in any of the exams, you're out. You're expelled and you will fail in life. Now we're going to do history very shortly. 100 of the hits, as Jono said, if you want to be our first star pupil. But also as a bit of fun, we have a celebrity guest, a big international celebrity guest that joins us at the end of the hour

and we give out clues. Here's the first one. Hey, Jono and Ben, hope you're all right. I was awarded a member of the Order of the British Empire in 2017. We have the Queen joining us before 10am. It was her birthday. It was her birthday. UK time today.

Could she join us before 10 o'clock? We'll find out. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. I always wonder, like, isn't proper homeschooling meant to be going on right now? I think it's fixable. Who's listening to this?

When they go back to school? What did you learn? Wow, I got a Disney Plus subscription. I learned some more. It's great. You learn things. They've got the National Geographic on there as well. Oh, that is a wonderful segue

and cover up to make it a learning facility, Ben. It's a learning facility. I learned about these toys that when you went out of the room, they came to life as well too. I think they started talking to each other. They went on a wild adventure. That was great.

That was great as well. Not once, but twice. History. They say it never repeats. Unless this bit features in a replay form at a later date. Our star pupil who phoned up on 0800 The Hits is wonderful Mariah. She's eight years old from the beautiful part of Raglan. Welcome

Mariah. Hello. Good to Mariah. Hello. Good to have you on, sweetheart. What an angel. Hopefully you get all these questions correct. Otherwise, some savage is going to phone up and become the star pupil and steal this Disney Plus subscription off you. Okay.

Okay, so Jono, she's pretty chill about it. That's what they do in Raglan. Nothing affects them in Raglan. So Jono's going to give you some clues to some famous people, and you've got to work out who he's trying to describe, all right? Okay. Now, because we normally do six and 60, it's quite frenetic. Because you're eight years old, I'm going to go four.

Four and 60 seconds. Why? Because she's eight years old. You didn't do that for the 28-year-old we had yesterday. Molly Codling. This won't help Mariah later in lifeyear-old we had yesterday. No, Molly Codling. This won't help Mariah later in life. We'll see how we go. Okay, here it is.

Jono's about to describe the first person for you. Okay, he is the current president of the United States. Orange skin. Donald Trump. Donald Trump, one from one. Well done. He's married to Meghan Markle. He's a prince.

Harry. Harry. Two from two. You're on fire. She sings Shake It Off. Shake It Off. She... Hella Swift.

She's better than the adults that we're playing with. He's a cartoon character. He lives under the sea, eats Krabby Patties. He's got pants, but they're not normal-shaped pants. They'd be square. SpongeBob. There we go. You got your four.

You got your four in 60 seconds. Too easy. You made it too easy for the kid, and they made you look like a schmuck. An absolute twit. Well, it made me look nice, didn't it? No, you're right. We could have gone probably like eight in 60 seconds.

So you continue to be our star pupil. You've got that Disney Plus subscription. Well, next, join us for our English class. You're going to be turning... Yeah, go English. Here we go. I love words. Of course,

we have a big celebrity guest joining us. Thanks, and it's my birthday on Monday. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. We haven't...

You haven't won it yet. Oh, hey, we'll try and... I think we need to sort something out. No, we don't. The game is you win it at the end,

but you'll be back. You'll be back. You stick around. Oh, we can't. The game is you win it at the end, but you'll be back. You'll be back. You stick around. Oh, we can't. Some premature celebrations there from the eight-year-old. We have to give her something now. No, we don't. What are we talking about?

Just because she went yay. Yes. Yes, you savage. You can't not give her something now. Thanks for playing it fun. We're going to give you a Beat the Parents board game, okay? All right? And you'll be a chance to stick around for the Disney Plus subscription, okay?

Do you hear that, New Zealand? All you have to do is phone us up and go, yay, and Ben will be guilted into giving you a prize. Showing your weakness. It's a lot of fun, the Beat the Parents. Thanks for playing it fun. We've got a big celebrity guest joining us before 10 o'clock. Here is your next clue who it could be.

Hey, guys. I appeared in season seven of Game of Thrones. Oh, okay. If you think you know, you could listen to them before ten o'clock. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys.

It's Jono and Ben on the heads. I've never had so much fun in my life. It's fun. It is. This is better than the day I was born, these games. All right, Mariah, welcome back. Eight years old.

You're in Raglan. You're currently Raglan. You're currently our star pupil. And thank you for turning up on time for English. It's time for English. Fun fact, English is actually John Owen Benn's second language. Now, this is tricky words that none of us know the meaning to. So what's going to happen is producer Juliet's going to read out three descriptions of the word and you've just got to tell us if it's one, two or three

Alright, your first word is RATUNE Does this word mean the name of a cartoonist's pencil a small shoot growing from the root of a plant or the offspring of interbreeding rats and raccoons Okay, I think

97% of that went over Mariah's head. Yeah, one, two, or three. Just go one, two, or three. Two. She's got it. She's nailed it. So raccoon is a small shoot growing from the root of a plant.

So there you go. And your next word is... I really underestimated you, Mariah. You have just been a machine from the get-go. Yeah, this is amazing. She is. All right, Winkle Picker is your next word. Does this word mean the act of scratching your nose?

Is this a character in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Or is this a style of shoe in the late 1950s with a sharp and long pointed toe? Or option four, is it a nickname Ben has for a very special part of his body? My heart. Winkle picker. One, two or three there, Mariah?

Three. Oh, God! She's got it again. Give Mariah the answers. Are you thinking of producer Ben? No. Oh, my God. We've got a genius kid here.

This is amazing. I already gave her away the Beat the Parents game from Planet Fun. So far, she is... I reckon she said she was eight, but it's probably like a 68-year-old putting on a children's voice. Oh, guys, this is good. Well done, Mariah. You're through to the next round. You are still our star pupil.

The next one we're going to come back is music, right? That's right, music. If you pass this, you've only got one more class to achieve honours in, and you'll win the Disney subscription that you thought you had already won 10 minutes ago, but then we had to tell you you hadn't. Oh, God, that was awkward. Thanks for bringing that up again.

But, of course, we have a big celebrity guest joining us before 10 o'clock. Here's your next clue. My guitars have names. Jono and Ben, I'd like you to meet Keith, Felix, Nigel, Lloyd, Trevor and Cyril. Know who it is now. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. All right, class, time to shove a slobbery, unhygienic recorder in your mouth. It's music. That's a very fair point. Remember when you'd go to music and they'd be like, all right, we've got three recorders amongst 30 children and you'd have very meningitis-y.

Not now, now. They wouldn't be doing that now, would they? I literally would pick mine up and it was like dripping. Can't even stand two metres next to someone these days. Time's a change. Thanks to Disney+. We've got a year's subscription to give away and you can head to

DisneyPlus.com to get a seven day free trial. Heaps of great stuff on there as I keep talking about all the Marvel movies, classics like Mrs. Doubtfire, National Geographic Docos, and all the Simpsons episodes, which I'm loving at the moment. Mrs. Doubtfire, it was him all along. Yeah.

I watched it the other night. He was the one all along. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Why are you saying that like that? Are you joking right now? I hope you're joking.

Great movie. Very funny movie. Mariah, welcome. Hello. Oh, big deep breath there. She hope you're joking. Great movie. Very funny movie. Mariah, welcome. Hello. Big deep breath there. The pressure's getting to her. That Mrs Doubtfire offended her. Eight years old in Raglan. Always beautiful in Raglan.

What's the weather like? Please don't say raining. Well, we actually live in Cambridge. I've been saying you've been in Raglan for 19 minutes. Yeah. How are the horses then? They're very fun. Very fun.

Oh, jeez. I'm just trying to crowbar in some local references here. Sound local? No, but anyway, Mariah, this is a little bit tougher. Now, this is the music part of the class where you have to finish the line of the song. Would you like to employ the help of an adult or caregiver right now?

Yes, please. Okay, and who are we going to be handing over to? Mum. Okay, Mum. Kia ora. Kia ora. How are you, Liz? We're good.

Great to have you on, matey. You need to finish the line to this song Mum. Okay, mum. Kia ora. Kia ora. How are you, Liz? We're good. Great to have you on, matey. You need to finish the line to this song to win your children a Disney Plus pack. Well, yeah, by being a star pupil at the end of the year, not just this question, because we've had a mistake already with that. Or even your year. One for one.

I'll be there for you. Our little child's dream is about to come true. Stop saying that. Stop saying that. So much pressure on this game now. Here's your next one. Strangers waiting from Journey. I'll go up and down the what?

Is it Boulevard? Wow. That is the Boulevard. My husband wouldn't have been better at that. Why didn't we give her the streetlight people line? I love that song, but I wouldn't have got that. Okay, next one. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay.

I couldn't fight it. Cambridge is about to burn down with excitement. Because next, Mid-Eye, Liz could win Cambridge a Disney Plus subscription. The whole of Cambridge will be in your house watching Mickey, watching the whole gang. Okay, so you need to work out which one of you wants to see if they could talk for 30 seconds on a chosen subject

that we're going to pick at random, all right? Liz, this might be you. This might be you for the family next, all right? All right, then. This could be the first time we have one household from start to finish. John Owen Ben's homeschooling continues next. Don't forget our celebrity guest before 10 o'clock. Here's your next clue.

Hey, guys, I've got a tattoo of a bottle of ketchup. Well, that's a regrettable decision. Oh, yes, I know who this is now. If you think you know who it is, well, he could be joining us before 10 o'clock. Like starting your day with panda eyes, it's Jono and Ben on the hits. All right, everybody,

shut up and listen to today's School Ducks. She's made it through four classes, history, English, music, and I may have made up another class. Did I make up another class? No, this is the fourth one. Oh, this is the fourth class. Good maths, Jono.

Mariah. Maybe we should do a maths class. That's why I didn't. Mariah, she's from Cambridge. She's eight years old. She joined us at the beginning of the school opening and now is still here at the end, which means she is one class away

from winning the Disney Plus subscription. If she falls over here, if she fails, you can savagely steal a Disney Plus subscription off an eight year old. I can't have that happen. Which would be a wonderful moment in New Zealand radio. Oh, it wouldn't be. I don't want to be part of that. It's reality, Ben. It's what people win

in life and people lose in life. Oh, no. We're here to be a fun thing to do in the day. I believe she's a winner. That's what my heart says. I gave her a beat the parents board game from Planet Fun. So she's already won. But Mariah, welcome back. Hello again. This adorable voice.

This adorable voice. Now, you've got to decide now. You're our ducks of our school. And you've got to make a speech for 30 seconds without saying um, ah, or pausing too long. Those are the rules of the game that we devised before we had an eight-year-old on here. And I know what you're about to say. You're going to say you get to choose if your mum does it or you don't.

Yeah. And I'm saying no. Oh, don't. The little girl does it. No. If the little girl wants the Disney Plus subscription, the little girl does the speech. I want no part of this.

Now you need to do a speech for 30 seconds. No. 30 seconds. Oh, no. No. 30 seconds without saying um or ah. Okay, no. 30 seconds. Without saying um or ah. Okay, Mariah.

Yep. On Mike Hosking's Louis Vuitton chinos. No. That he has spilt an Italian-style espresso on while eating biscotti. The subject has been given. No, you can't make it this. The 30 seconds timer starts. You can't. Mariah, start now.

Mike Hosking's is a famous New Zealander. He drives around in his new Ferrari and his Louis Vuitton. He spilled coffee on them while he was eating biscuits and he didn't care either because his Louis Vuitton chinos looked the same colour as his coffee. Still some time on the clock.

No, I'm giving it to you. That's amazing. That was incredible. Oh, you have got a year's subscription to Disney+. Well done. Oh, Mariah, you are truly a star pupil. You're a special little New Zealander. You keep safe in your bubble.

You enjoy that Disney Plus subscription. You enjoy Cambridge. And say hi to your mum, Liz, for me. Hi, mum. That made it sound like I knew Liz on an intimate level. I see what's happening here. Thank you, Liz. Yeah.

I just meant to say hello to her. Stop cracking on to her mum, mate. Before 10 o'clock, we're joined by a big celebrity guest, as well as a chance to win a game of Beat the Parents if you want to take Jono on in a quiz as well. But here's another clue who our guest could be. Hey, guys, my brother, he's a muso too. Matt is a classical music composer.

We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. OK, students, time for the Beat the Parents class. No, you're right. This time for the Beat the Parents class. No, you're right. This is not part of the traditional curriculum, but at this school, we throw that out

for shameless product placement. We've got, thanks to Planet Fun, we've got Beat the Parents board game. You can play with the kids taking on the adults and we're going to do that

right now on the radio. We just learnt, fun fact from Beat the Parents, that the Russians, before any humans went to space, they fired a dog up there. Yeah, the first thing that was alive to go into space was the dog. And you were like, oh, how did that go? And then I Googled it and I regret Googling it.

Well, I don't think they had factored in that they probably should have put an oxygen helmet on the dog. They said it was fine, but... It wasn't fine. No, it didn't. Anyway, anyway, anyway. That was the day that I learnt maybe we should design helmets. Yeah, yeah. All right, who's on wasn't fine. No, it didn't. Anyway, anyway, anyway. That was the day that I learned. I'm quite traumatised by this. Maybe we should design helmets. Yeah, yeah.

All right, who's on the phone here? Emma, welcome. Yeah, hi. Greymouth, good? Loving it? It's a bit rainy down here. Oh, that's unusual for Greymouth. Oh, hey.

Hey. I'm able to go with the weather. If you can't have a shot at the weather, what can you have a shot at? Well, don't. All right, Emma, I'm going to ask you three questions. I'm going to ask with the weather. If you can't have a shot at the weather, what can you have a shot at? Well, don't. All right, Emma, I'm going to ask you three questions. I'm going to ask Jono three questions, and the winner will take home the Beat the Parents game.

Let's do it, Emma. Okay, Emma, this is the question for the kids, which is you. What are... Or it could be Jono. What are French fries made from? Potato. Well done, well done. Jono, okay, what is a yeti?

It's a sort of a monster sort of creature, made up creature, the thing. Oh, I'll give you that one. An abominable snowman. Okay. Emma, okay. Steve Jobs, he founded what computer company in 1976? Famous computers.

Apple. Oh, wow. Well done. Jono, who wrote the book The Hobbit? Was that Tolkien? Yeah, well done. It was cool. And I've never read any books.

Okay, Emma. When Mozart first wrote his first opera, was he 12 or 20? 12. She's right. She's got 3 from 3 Jono This is where I look like an absolute idiot Capital of Finland

Oh here we go End the game now, well done Emma, you've got the board game I'm never going to win the board game, I'm never going to win it You just got 3 from 3 I thought you might be able to get that But obviously your world knowledge is not that good You look after yourself Emma, well done Keep safe and enjoy

Enjoy the game. Yeah. Kia kaha. Bye-bye. Hey, thank you so much for joining us on the show tomorrow. We're joined by Benny, who is blowing up on TikTok at the moment, Benny. Yeah, Jennifer Lopez was doing a TikTok video to her song, which is pretty amazing. I know you've made it when Jennifer Lopez is shaking her caboose to your songs.

Plus the Prime Minister joins us on the show tomorrow as well, which is pretty cool. And speaking of special guests, we've got one right now. We gave you clues as to who he was. He's got a ketchup tattoo of Heinz on his body. He's named all his guitars. Who is it? Well, it's Mr. Ed Sheeran. Thank you so much for joining us.

This is awesome. How's it going? I'm really good. I'm really good. I'm really happy to be back and working. Well, we're happy to be back and working as well. But unfortunately, we have to finish the show. It finishes

at 10, so Ed Sheeran will catch up with you at a later date. I keep saying we need to do these earlier in the show. You do, but the producing team do nothing about it, do they? We're like, the whole hour we say there's a big guest coming along and then you're like, I worked it out, it's Ed Sheeran. It's almost like it's a pre-planned shitty gag. I know, who would do that?

Thank you so much for listening today. We'll catch you tomorrow from 6. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits

and via the iHeartRadio app.