Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - April 23 - What Would Siri Say If She Was ACTUALLY Honest To You?

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

On today's show, we discussed how patient and kind sounding Siri is, especially when you're using Maps for directions, and what she WOULD sound like if she was actually honest. We also caught up with the owner of a thieving cat named Keith! Keith has been nicking belongings from the neighbours for the last 5 years, fur real! We also had another winner for 5 Words, but producer Juliet was the one sent into the soundproof booth, so she won Rachel $5,000! HIGH DRAMA! Enjoy the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. It's the 23rd of April. It's a Friday here in New Zealand, and it's weird that New Zealand

is the first country to see the new daylight, isn't it? We lead the way in the new day. Oh, there's I think... We claim it, but I feel like there might be a discrepancy on that claim. Well, yeah. Okay, so here you go. Just quick Google. Either New Zealand or Samoa get the first

sunrise each day. Now, it depends on the time of the year and the Earth, because of course it tilts as it rotates. So depending on what time of the year and the earth, because of course it tilts as it rotates. So depending on what time of the year it is, it's either New Zealand or Samoa. And apparently Tonga's in the mix as well. Oh there you go. And Kiribati. Okay so again it depends on the

rotation of the earth. So New Zealand we see the sun first. Well sometimes we don't. We're just the largest and loudest of all the islands that get to see the sun first. So we don't even give Samoa or Tonga a chance to claim that one. Oh, okay. And also, finally, while countries like Samoa and New Zealand are the first countries to see a sunrise, they're not always the first countries to see the sun each day.

For many days in the year, the sun never sets on Antarctica. So you can't say, hey, our sun's up in New Zealand. You're like, wait, the sun's been up for hours in Antarctica. So we need to shut our lips for, what, six months of the year, just when Antarctica's bathing in sunshine. Yeah. Yeah, and then we can come back in with our wild claims. It's a little bit of a technicality, but anyway,

there's a few countries that can lay claim to it. And then they go in New Zealand about, oh, the sunniest place in New Zealand, like Nelson. They love that, don't they? Whakatane has claimed the title this year with 2,704 hours of sunshine. Oh, really? Whakatane swooped on in and claimed that one. Now, Ben Boyce, for those listening to the podcast and tuning in yesterday,

my ongoing mission to get Ben Boyce a sports commentary gig continues on today. Oh, no, give it up. Give it up. Don't keep going with this. I said when I was younger I wanted to be a sports commentator. Did a little bit of sports radio commentary and I'm like oh the ACC because I love those guys.

They're so good at what they do. The alternative commentary collective. But anyway I said love those guys and I've been working in the same building and you know I have friends with Mike Lane who runs the ACC. I'm like once. Once I could have said hey. I think I've even mentioned to the same building. And I have friends with Mike Lane who runs the ACC. I'm like, once I could have said, hey. I think I've even mentioned to him a couple of times. I'd love to. Anyway.

You said, no, I've always been CC'd in on an email. Because you're like, should we both do it? And I was like, mate, I don't know. If you want to do it, go for it. And so you sent off an email. I was part of that. You CC'd me in on the email like evidence. Oh, yeah.

Just like, hey, just know I'm here, keen, available. Did he even reply to that email? No, no, it's been awkward. Yeah, it's been awkward. Well, I'm going to make it more awkward. Don't make it more awkward. You rang him yesterday. You're like, can you put him on?

And instead of saying, yeah, we'll chuck him on once, he was like, oh, no, what are you going to do for me? So I have sorted something out behind the scenes. So we're going to phone him back now with my bribe to get you on the ACC. What would you like to commentate? Cricket? Rugby league? Hello, Mike speaking.

Mikey, John Owen being here. Okay. Okay. Look, I'm not wanting to be part of this now. It's getting awkward. What have you got for me, John? I know, we're mid-negotiation. I feel like it doesn't deserve the negotiation.

Either he wants me on the team or he doesn't want me on the team. Look, no one gets selected on there at this stage. You know that. No one. It's about what you can do. It's backs you can rub. You're correct.

So the ongoing saga of trying to get me part of the, even just the game, as part of the ACC, the commentary collective. Okay. What would I,

you know, working for the hits, I've tried to pull all sorts of strings over here, my friend. Yeah. What would you say if I had acquired you a double pass,

a double pass to Mamas and Bubbas Day Out in Napier this weekend? Mike Lane, yours. Oh, it's of interest. Is it a movie? It's a day out celebrating, you know celebrating anything to do with babies, children. Okay. I'll have... I'm going to have to say no.

Oh, okay. Oh, the negotiations continue. Tempting as Mamas and Babas. Mamas and Babas big day out? Yeah, it's going to... I mean, look, you're going to have to come something a bit more significant. Something a bit more tangible. What's that going to do

for the ACC? Yeah, no. Oh, yeah, no, you're right. That's just only going to benefit Mike and the Mummers and Brothers. You're just trying to graze my palms.

Okay, so something there. We're a team. It's a collective. What if I said to you, what if we go, Ben, give him a little bit of your commentary. Oh, no, no, no, no.

He just, he doesn't, no. Do some of your Warriors commentary. Go. No, I don't want to. We're not going to doesn't, no. Do some of your Warriors commentary. Go. No, I don't want to. We're not going to get there so far. I'm not auditioning so far.

We need to get through the negotiation now. Back with you Monday, Mike Lane. I can't wait. All right, thank you very much, mate. There you go. You're going to get on there one day, buddy. We're going to make this work. Anyway, I had a fun show this morning.

We gave away $5,000 cash, part of the five words for $5,000. And also the last of our 660 tickets, and Ben Boyce had an inspiring idea for Siri, a bit of a revamp of Siri. That's all coming up. Two dads just trying to fill some airtime. Some may say it's pointless, but the main thing is it fills in some airtime for us. That is the main thing. John and Ben, breakfast on the hits.

Time for the big news. Small town. Town, Ben, breakfast on the hits. Time for the big news. Small town. Town, town, town, town, town. This is looking at some of the big stories that maybe aren't making the big news paper headlines. Yeah, and a story that you actually came across yesterday. Tickles warmed the cockles of our commercial radio hearts yesterday, didn't it, Ben? Involving a cat. And we've tracked down the feline's owner right now.

Her name is Ginny, joining us on the phone. Morning, Ginny. Welcome to the big news. How are you? I'm good, thanks. How are you? Not too bad. How's the last few days been? I mean, because your cat has become very world famous in New Zealand. It's tough living with a superstar. It is now.

So your cat, explain what your cat does, Ginny. He basically can't really jazz it up. He's a thief. He is a cat burglar, literally a cat burglar. He is a cat burglar. So some of the things really amazed us that your cat has managed to drag back. Give a few examples. Probably the most, the funniest would be the builder's steel-toed cat boots.

And that is plural because he gets one and then he goes back to get the other one. And then the builder I was reading in the article didn't, he obviously wanted to keep his boots at home, so he put weights inside his boots and the cat still dragged them back. Correct, with the weight still intact. Are you sure you don't own a lion and you're confusing it for a domestic cat? No, no, he's just a normal, he is a big cat, but he it for a domestic cat? No, no. He's just your normal, he is a

big cat, but he's not a big, big cat. I have another question. Are you sure you haven't just trained your cat into becoming a prolific thief? Yeah. And then tomorrow there's going to be a news story of like, oh, my cat robbed a bank. It was the cat. I have suggested diamonds are hard

cash, but he doesn't come forward with that. So it's got the offending for the cat has got so bad in the neighbourhood. You've had to resort to putting, what, like a plastic bin outside your property? Yeah, there's a wee box outside, and all the neighbourhood knows, and he's got quite a big distance that he travels,

and people actually don't walk up to his box. They drive up to retrieve that stuff. Really? Mm-hmm. Wow. So is this happening every night or every few nights? I mean, how often is the cat, who's Keith, by the way. I love the name of the cat.

But how often is Keith bringing stuff home? Well, it's getting a little bit slimmer pickings at the moment because the weather's getting cooler and people's windows aren't open as much. But certainly in the summer, we can open our door or he's brought them in, at least six different items. So hold on, windows. So he'll climb into a house, get an item,

and then drag it out the window? Yeah. My goodness. This cat is... It's incredible. The core strength of a cat. You think how big a cat is? To drag steel toe boots with weights inside them.

In a window? My God. What was the first item that Keith brought home? And then you would have been a bit confused, I imagine, when that happened because you wouldn't have known it would have been the cat? Well, yeah, it started off with gardening gloves. Right. And you're like, are these ours?

Yeah, it's like, oh. And then, yeah, it sort of progressed from there. And my husband has actually caught him coming home with a towel and he's dragging his towel between his front legs. That's incredible. I mean, you've got to hand it to your cat, Keith. That's incredible. He is wonderful.

Now, I imagine you've done a lot of media over the last day or so. Yeah, one or two. One or two interviews, one or two interviews with radio stations. Now, I'm going to end newspapers, journalists and stuff. Yeah, the puns. You must have heard every cat pun. Ben led with the cat burglar, which was solid.

Yeah, it was good. Had you heard the cat burglar before? I have heard the cat burglar. Oh, nice. So you look what the cat dragged in. Is that a good one? Yeah. That's literally what it's dragged in.

Can we run through a couple more, see if we can land on one that you haven't heard yet? Go on, then. This is just clawful behaviour. Oh, that's a good one. Is that new? That's a new one.

All right. Your cat is cat-sletic? No, not heard that one. Are you? Oh, no. I thought I was going to say fur-real, but let's ignore that one. That's not good. How is this pauseable?

When did you first... Oh feline that your cat was bringing stuff home? That was a good one. That got a good laugh, that one. One more round out, John. You got any more? Oh, you've got to be kidding me. This is a crazy story. That's good.

That's good. Thank you to Google.com for those puns. Hey, Ginny, listen, wonderful story. What an adorable cat you have. And thank you very much for your time this morning. That's quite all right. And thanks for giving Keith a little bit more air time. Experts in semi-accurate, half-remembered information.

Vaguely known information, but maybe not correct. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's Breakfast on the hits. That's time for 5 words for 5k on the hits. You're only 5 words away from a massive payday. Oh yes, the game that has everyone on high alert, just like when New Zealand gets one community COVID case.

Everyone wants to play this game, don't they, to win $5,000 and cash has gone out the door so far. $25,000 New Zealand dollars, NZ win $5,000? And cash has gone out the door so far. $25,000 New Zealand dollars. NZD. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, we've given that away. And right now we're hoping to give away a further $5,000.

Who have we got right now? We've got Rachel from Auckland. Morena Rach, how are you? Morning. I'm good. How are you? You do. Good, good, good. What do you do? I work for Wiri Timber. I'm a sales rep. Wiri Timber. But I'm a sales rep Originally from Christchurch Six years ago moved up here And I love it

Good The can tabs are not a big You've got your one eye open I did go to the Chiefs game in Hamilton And we were a bit numbered out And we lost but we were still cheering for the right side Millennial Max Can tab through and through In fact we were at Eden Park the right side. Millennial Max Cantab, through and through.

In fact, we were at Eden Park the other day, and he had the gall to walk in to the sacred home ground of Auckland rugby in a Crusaders top. Nice. Good man. Love it. I was thinking of you guys the other day at Eden Park. I was around that area, but no. You guys were sitting on too much for me.

It was a fun day day and we've got 50 tickets there still to come before 9 o'clock to 6.60, but in the meantime, we're going to try and win you $5,000. Rachel, now who do you want to send in to the soundproof booth? You've got Ben, Juliet, producer Juliet is now in the mix as well, or myself?

I have been thinking Ben, but with Juliet in the mix, I'm not 100%. Okay, so you're ruling out Jono when you say 100% civil options. I'm not even factored in. I'm never in the mix. No, you're never. Yes, of course. The third favourite child?

Hey, look, I take no offence if you're going to go with Juliet. Same here. Juliet's the same, so it's over to you. Ben, how are you feeling? I'm feeling okay. He's a little gassy this morning. Oh, no. No, he's not feeling okay. He's a little gassy this morning. Oh, no. No, he's not feeling okay.

No, I'll go Juliet, please. Okay. Oh, wow. Producer Juliet, can you win for the first time some of the money? Of course you can. Of course you can. She's only become a last-minute option. And it was actually after a suggestion from Ben's cousin on the weekend.

He was like, hey, chuck Juliet in there. Listeners might vibe more with her. Yeah, I heard that yesterday. Okay, so the soundproof booth is locked. Juliet is in there and the soundproof booth also doubles. It's a time-travelling machine. It's got that function.

Last time I was in there, I travelled back to a time in history when I had hair. It was wonderful. A wonderful trip down memory lane. But anyway, let's not focus on that right now. Okay, Rachel, the first word we're going to say to you this morning, five words, $5,000, is Richie.

Makoa. Is there another Richie for a can tab? Oh, yeah, true. No, there's only one. Coat is the next word. C-O-A-T. Jacket. Jacket, nice.

I just thought Richie Moanga as well. Sorry, apologies to Richie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no, no. Stick with my core. Yeah, what's Juliet going to say?

That's what you need to think. That's what you need to think. Whiteboard is the next word. Whiteboard. Marker. Board marker. Oh, you're firing them off quick, Rachel. Oh, my hand is shaking, I tell you.

Oh, it gets quite nerve-wracking. We're on the phone for this. I can't believe I got through. Okay, yep. Fourth word is crab. Crab. Crab. Oh.

I'm thinking apple or beech. Oh. I don't know if anyone knows that. Crab apples. Oh, yeah. Oh, it wasn't the first thing that... Mate, yeah, okay. Crab, apple or beech.

I won't say the first thing that came into my head. Oh, here we go. No, no, no. I'm not going to say it. No, no. Family show. Family show. Thank you, okay. Crab, apple or peach. I won't say the first thing that came into my head. Oh, here we go. No, no, no. I'm not going to say it. Family show. Family show. Thank you, Rachel. That's what we're doing now.

Oh, what do I do? Crab, apple or peach? Oh. Well, I don't know. Apple. It took us a little bit. Both Jono and I looked at each other strangely when you said apple. We were trying to work it out.

Oh, okay. I don't know if that's anybody. I don't want to insult you, but we're all a little bit. No, okay. Crab, I'll say, beach, what's that?

Beach. I've got that wrong, but we'll lock in beach, guys. No, no, beach is a good option. We'll come back to that one in just a second. Let's round it out with the final word,

which is chopper this morning. Chopper. Chopper, helicopter. Nice. Get to the chopper. Yeah, to the, or I'm thinking of the dude

that cut off his ears. Oh, yeah. Chopper readers. Prolific gangland murderer. Yeah. What's Princess Juliet going to go with? Just one last chance. Let's go back to crab just quickly before we lock up these words.

Are you happy with beach? I just want to make sure you're happy with beach. I'm thinking nippers, crab. I'll just stay with beach. We'll stay with beach? I just want to make sure you're happy with beach. Well, I'm thinking nippers, crab. I'll just stay with beach. We'll stay with beach, but I know it's wrong. But we'll stay beach. Okay, Rachel, listen, you played a great game. I think you should be pretty happy with those words.

Thanks, guys. We'll unlock Producer Juliet from our dungeon. And, Jew, jump over to the microphone. She's got a smile ear to ear. She bounces out with youthful exuberance. I know, I know. Hello. She's got a smile ear to ear. She bounces out with youthful exuberance. Hello. She's got vitamin youth inside of her. And hopefully she's got $5,000 in her mouth as well.

Let's do this. Okay. The first word we said to Rachel this morning was Richie. McCaw. Well done. Congratulations. I feel like that's quite obvious. Is it?

Apologies to Richie Moanga, who's a wonderful warbler. Whoops. And Richie's bus services. He's got a wonderful job transferring people around the country. Shout out to both of those. Coat was the next word. Coat. I have two options.

Can I talk them through? Absolutely. Remember, Rachel, you have to remain quiet through this. Yeah, we've got the careless whisper happening, Rach. True. So the first thing I thought of was jacket, but then I also thought of tails, like, you know, coat tails. Coat tails, oh, yeah.

What I've been riding in Benz for the last 10 years. Yeah, yeah. I might go jacket. There we go. Well done. Rachel, talk us through how you're feeling. Oh, I'm really nervous. My hands are, like, sweating.

Oh, yeah, I'm getting nervous right now, too. Producer Juliet, two words from five. Next word, whiteboard. Whiteboard. Marker Next word, whiteboard. Whiteboard. Marker. Oh, my goodness. You do have this. You can do this, Jew.

Okay. Now, this is where we had a wee bit of difficulty with this word, right? The word is crab. The fourth word is crab. Take your time. Take your time. Have a think about crab. Oh, God.

I'll give you a clue. It's not what Jono would have come up with. Don't worry, my mind went there first as well. Um, oh. Um. I have like three options. Okay. Do you want to talk them out loud or do you want to just Can I come

No Come back to this one Okay Can I? We haven't done that before I don't know Sorry I should probably narrow it down

Okay We'll come back to that one It's unconventional but alright We'll do that The next word The final word was chopper.

Chopper. Helicopter. Oh, my God. Okay, now, I'm going to do something different here. We're going to come back after a song. What? Rachel, we're going to come back after a song for the final word, Rachel, to see if you've got 5k.

From stealing Mike Hosking's car to stealing the hearts of New Zealand. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast on the hits. Actual hearts being not bestowed. I feel like everyone these days uses Siri on your phones for directions when you can't find

somewhere. Yeah. The problem is though Siri doesn't fully understand you. I've adapted to the text-to-talk function when I reply to text messages. And it backfired the other day when I asked you about, was it some, how was your lesbians or something? And I wasn't meant to say, oh, no, it depends. I said, it depends what Ben thinks.

And it came back to the whole group, how about the lesbians or something? It was something that wasn't quite what you wanted to, yeah. It's the New Zealand accent. Yeah. That's the problem. You've got to talk like an American to understand. You go, hey, Siri, how are you doing?

And clear as day. Well, yeah, because you would have heard the Siri voice, particularly when you're using the map function, you're trying to get somewhere. It sounds like this. Hi, my name is Siri and I'm here to help. She's so friendly, isn't she? It feels like a sweet spot

in the relationship with Siri at the moment, doesn't it? And it does, and it tells you where to go and it's quite handy, but I feel like it could be a bit more honest. I feel like there's a function that could happen because, you know, you miss a turn off and it just suddenly goes recalculating and it tells you a thing. But I feel like Siri, you know, it's basically like youralculating and it tells you a thing. But I feel like, Siri, it's basically

like your backseat driver. It could be a bit more honest. Yeah, I mean, back in the day, Juliet, you probably never experienced this, but the joys of a couple bickering all the way to a destination about which direction to take and which... With a map book? Yeah, with a map book. Oh, they didn't

have it yet to turn the page. Thing of the past now. So I'm saying hypothetically, let's say there's an honest Siri. So you get in the car. Maybe you're running a little bit late for work. You suddenly plug in the details for work. You need to go to the place you need to go. And maybe Siri says something like this.

You should not have snoozed your alarm clock. You are going to be late for work. Again. All right, sorry. Again with the passive-aggressive again. We just need to get on the road. I don't need that now. The boss is going to be pissed for work. Hello, all right. Again. All right, sorry. Again with a passive-aggressive again. We just need to get on the road. I don't need that now. The boss is going to be pissed off with you.

You were late for the second time this week, and you were behind on your monthly sales targets. To be honest, sorry, really getting in there. But still saying it with a happy tone. Yeah. So you start racing along, you know, you're running orange lights, you're trying to navigate your way. You're not merging properly.

You're just doing what you did yesterday, not waiting for the red light on the motorway to get in there. That red light is pointless. We all know it's pointless. That merging light, what is the point of that? I hate these things. I said I hate these lights. I do.

All right. I say it every time I go through them too. I hate these red lights. You do it like Jono and then Siri pops up again. Slow down. Driving right up the bum of the other car is not going to get you there any faster. You're like, no, but I'm getting there. I hate these lights.

I'm on the motorway. And then suddenly there's an exit and you're like, you missed it. You missed the exit off the motorway. You idiot. And then I imagine Siri could get more on us, not just about your driving, about other things it's noticed.

You should not have worn that top either. It does not go with your work pants. And by this stage, you're like, shut up. Shut up, Siri. You're going to have an argument, aren't you? It's like the backseat arguments you'd have with your partner back in the day. Do not tell me to shut up.

Remember, I know you have been secretly Facebook stalking your ex-girlfriend. Siri knows everything. She knows everything. And one day, she knows who you're bitching about with all your colleagues. She knows what you're Googling, what you want no one else to know. She's going to unload on us all one day she knows who you're bitching about with all your colleagues. She knows what you're Googling, what you want no one else to know.

She's going to unload on us all one day. So there you go, the honest Siri system. I can't help but feel this was a roundabout way to have a go at me about my driving yesterday out to a Hanua bed. It may or may not have been. It's a comical way using Siri. Yeah, well, who knows, who knows. Anyway, what did you take away from that? Let's just say, if you were to take away anything from it.

That I still hate the motorway on-ramp lights. I hate these things. Oh, they're serving a purpose. But anyway. Ben and Jono call this show Jono and Ben. Breakfast on the Hefts. The Hefts. Yesterday we were talking to a guy who's a university student

and how he's paying his way through university. Very unorthodox, but I think if I was him, I'd be doing exactly the same thing. Juliet, I'm sure you've probably done something like this as well. He takes part in medical trials. So he gets paid to take part in medical trials. And he's done multiple ones. He's absolutely fine. Apart from his eight arms, he looks like a human octopus.

But apart from that, he's absolutely perfect. But when you think about it, I mean, that's the way they have to test it. I mean, it's the same with the vaccines and stuff. They were all people that did trials first on people that obviously were brave enough to do it. So if anything, they're doing great things by doing it. They're putting their bodies literally on the line for other people. He gets $4,000 per thing.

Wow. Whatever. And you've got to stay a few nights in the facility to begin with. It takes quite a while, I think, to do it. Because it's not just like, do it and you're done. But coming back and it's, yeah, just a lot of cash. Yeah. Some of my uni friends did that

back in the day, but I was too scared. I was like, I don't want to die. But I knew it wouldn't be, you know. But there is that risk. By the point where they reach the point, the scientists, where they're ready to test it on humans, I'm sure it's been... Yeah, true. The R&D's been done.

I mean, it's not like we, you know, we biff some lipstick on a rabbit, you know, and we, jeez, those rabbits look great when we test makeup on them. Have you ever seen a rabbit with some lippies slapped on? No. They look gorgeous. You've watched that Taika Waititi thing, man.

Yes, I was just going to say that. You need to watch Taika Waititi's short film. It makes you cry. It's so sad. It makes you go, oh, yeah. Who else are they going to test the makeup on? People. People.

People. We can't do it to people. No, but people want makeup. What are animals for? No, not for testing our makeup, Jono. No. That thing made me cry, that Taika thing. It was so sad.

Was it a doco on animal testing? It was basically like a little short film that they'd done. Cartoon. Cartoon thing, yeah. About this little rabbit. And he was the voice of the rabbit and he was always so chipper

through the whole thing going, this is what we do. My dad and my dad before, my mum, they all did it for families and then one by one they're all dying through the process and you're like,

oh, and he's getting more and more hurt. I don't know how the rabbits die just having a bit of mascara put on them. No. How does that kill a rabbit? Mate, you don't know what's it. Like, there's a whole lot of... Yeah, true. Chemicals, baby. I blame you, Juliet.

You wear mascara. You're not testing it on animals. Anyway, we've deviated. Yeah, we have. What we wanted to chuck out is what you've been paid to do. This guy's earning four grand doing medical trials. What have you been paid to do. This guy's earning four grand doing medical trials. What have you been paid to do? Maybe your parents

paid you to do something? I know a friend of mine, his dad used to pay him to go down to the dairy and pick up his cigarettes from the dairy. They had an arrangement. It was a different time. And he would go down, pick up the thing, hand over the money and drop them back to his dad. He's not got paid to do. He got a cut of that every time he did that

pick up service. I mean, this is an unusual job too. Essentially we got paid to do. He got a cut of that every time he did that pick up service. I mean, this is an unusual job too. You know, like essentially we got paid to sit on seats at Eden Park the other day. Yeah.

To win tickets for 660 tickets. Remember when we got paid? We got paid. It was a couple of years ago. We got paid to go to a workplace and entertain them

over their Christmas lunch. Remember that? Oh, yeah. And these poor people, there was like two people in the canteen and we're like, I'm doing a two-man pantomime. And they're like, please leave me alone. I'm just eating my Christmas ham.

And we're like... It was the most awkward performance ever. I actually got paid when it was lockdown. My uncle and his partner flew back to New Zealand. They live overseas. And it was just as you kind of had to self-isolate before the full lockdown happened. You just had to isolate at home.

And he would pay me to do his grocery shop for him. So he'd give me a list and he'd be like, yeah, here's an extra hundred bucks. And I'd just be like, hell yeah, I'm getting paid to do a grocery shop. We've got Brooke on from Hamilton. What did you get paid to do, Brooke? Sorry, I missed that.

We caught you off guard. Hopefully you know you're talking to us. It's Jono and Ben here. What did you get paid to do? She's like, sorry, I missed that. I was asleep during that plug story. Brooke, sorry, we'll wake you up now, mate. Sorry about that.

Sorry about the plug story, Brooke. What did you get paid to do, Brooke? When we were in lockdown, I would just do lots of housework and cooking and all that. And then one day, my parents just came up to me and handed me $30. For all your hard labour over lockdown. Now, a lot of kids were getting NCEA credits, weren't they, for making their bed and things like that. Didn't they turn that into a thing last year?

I have no idea. Or was that just a media clickbait headline? Where it was like, kids get paid to fold their socks. Yeah. That was NZQA accredited, wasn't it? Or something, yeah. It was like credits towards it. Past NZQA lockdown. Yeah. Did it happen? I, yeah. It was like credits towards it. Past NZQA lockdown.

Yeah. Did it happen? I don't know. That didn't happen for my school. Brooke, you go and have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for listening in Hamilton, eh? You too. Hey, good on you.

Speaking of Hamilton too, we've got some 660 tickets to give away. We're going to have Blair out and about in Hamilton very shortly. Someone's just texted in as well. Mum paid me $10 an hour to sit in a room with my brother and make sure he studied for exams. I sat there on his bed watching YouTube for four days. Wow. Studying, because studying, your mind deviates.

And it's not really a spectator sport, is it? It's not something you sit around and go, oh, that's great studying. It's like when we had interns in here yesterday, radio students watching us do radio. I'm like,

this is a boring... Just sit there watching people make radio. You sort of chat and you're like... And then you go back to it. Clearing some emails, it's Mad Men and the songs

and then you're back up. And another text here, 4487, my dad paid me not to tell mum that he was the one who pushed me down the hill on the skateboard when I injured myself.

I got grazed, faced and $15. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Speaking of 660. Jono and Ben's other day for 660 are about to be given away this morning and we'll be focusing in on certain areas

throughout the shows this week. Yeah, we've done Invercargill, we did Christchurch yesterday and you need to get the 660 tickets in 60 seconds. So we cross now live to Hamilton. Mark from the Hits Hamilton. He's been lingering around Hamilton like a neighbourhood pest you would call the police on. How are you, Mark?

Morning, boys. How are you going? Doing very well. Mark, you are standing right now with a double pass to 660 tomorrow night in Auckland. Now, the game is pretty simple. Hamiltonians, you need to unwrap your hands from around the cow udder, brush your mullet, jump in your burnout car, and get down to mark. Whereabouts are you?

Right, I'm just outside BP on Victoria and Ulster Street. Victoria and Ulster Street, BP. Now, how are you dressed? Describe yourself if people are heading around going, you know, are you dressing anything that hits T-shirt or something? Well, I got a big car with your two mugs on it, so I should be able to get that pretty quickly.

And then I got a hit T-shirt, blue jeans and shoes on. Oh, yeah, keep telling me what else you're wearing. Yeah. I've got someone right here. Okay, let's start the time. Let's start the time with Producer Juliet. 60 seconds for Hamilton to get these 660 tickets off, Mark. I tell you what, 60 seconds is a short time when you need to rush to get tickets,

but it's a long time when you need to ad lib and fill in air time for 60 seconds. What's happening, Mark? Can I stop you here? I've got someone here right away. Oh, Hamilton. Well, that's a record. How many seconds? Oh, that was maybe like 15.

Wow, who's there? Jenny's here. Jenny from the block. That block happens to be Ulster in Victoria. Chuck her on, Mark. How are you, Jimbo? Hello. How are you, Jimbo? Hello. How are you?

Good. You just won a double pass to 660 tomorrow night in Auckland. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Well, that simple as that. And much like we did for Invercargill, we'll fly you to Auckland from Hamilton. Oh, no, we don't need to fly. We'll make you catch that train that takes three days.

You might be there for Sunday when the concert's done. So whereabouts were you? How far did you have to go to get the tickets? Oh, it was just coincidence of time. I was going from the gym to the supermarket, driving past the petrol station and listening to the radio. It's all about timing in life. It's all about timing.

Well, Jenny, I tell you what, you're going to have the time of your life tomorrow night, 6.60, double pass. That's on us, okay? Oh, awesome. Hey, thanks so much. The only prerequisite is that you have to listen to Ben and myself forever. Okay.

Okay? Even when we've been made redundant, we'll put on a show. We'll still call you up every day. We'll call you up and talk at you through the phone. Okay, Jenny? Okay, sounds good to me. All right, lucky. Thanks, Jenny, and thanks so much to Mark and to Hamilton.

They're proud of New Zealand. Go New Zealand! If only New Zealand was proud of them. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast. On the hits. Five words for 5K on the hits. You're only five words away from a massive payday. Midway through a game this morning,

the first time we've ever come back to a game because the drama is high. Ryan Seacrest would have been really proud of how we dragged thatway through a game this morning, the first time we've ever come back to a game because the drama is high. Ryan Seacrest would have been really proud of how we dragged that out over a song. It would have been like a commercial break. You're like, just tell us! Just tell us right now! Because we had Rachel from Auckland originally from Christchurch. She was on the phone and so far she

has matched four words out of five with producer Juliette. Now this is intense Rachel. What is going through your mind? I'm so nervous. It was my... I turned 40. I know, I don't sound it. I turned 40 on Wednesday,

and I'm going to Christchurch tomorrow morning to catch up with everybody for my 40th on Saturday night, and I can't believe I'm in this position. Well, okay, so... My hands are literally shaking like I'm about to... I'm nervous. No one really said anything to Producer Juliet during that song because we didn't want to influence anything.

She was trying to eyeball us, but we weren't looking her in the eyes. Like, Ben doesn't look me in the eyes after a Christmas party. Okay, so just to recap so far, we've got four out of five you've matched correctly. We're one word away from $5,000. You both said Richie, McCaw, coat, jacket, whiteboard marker, and we said chopper, helicopter. Now we've gone back to crab. Which is a very hard word.

It's the final word. Yes, I know. Kick off the suspenseful music, Millennial Max. Kick off the suspenseful music, Millennial Max. Suspenseful music. Please kick off the suspenseful music, Millennial Max. I'm very nervous right now. Okay, okay.

So I was thinking in the song, so... Do you want Rachel on hold? Yes. Do you want her on hold? Okay. Yes. This is for $5, okay. So I was thinking in the song, so... Do you want Rachel on hold? Yes. Do you want her on hold? Okay. Yes. This is for $5,000. I had a thought that came into my head when I first heard crab,

but I feel like not everyone would think that. You'll discuss what that word was. Do you want to say it out loud or you don't have to? You can just... It was apple, because crab apple jelly is a thing. But I feel like that's so niche. Have you got other words? Yes.

I actually had three options. Second and third was crustacean and beach. Okay. But I also feel like... I think I'm just going to go... Crab crustacean and beach. Okay. Okay. But I also feel like, I think I'm just going to go... Crab crustacean. Yeah, okay. It's an option.

It's an option. It's an option. We can't say one way or the other. So you've just got to now have the big decision. I'm sorry, this was all on you, producer Juliet. I think I'm just going to go beach. Is that right? Hold on.

Is that right? We'll get Rachel to say. Can we bring Rachel back? Can we bring Rachel up? Rachel's back Is it? Lock and pitch She's crying

Yeah? Did I get it? I don't know if I'm allowed to talk You're on air What happened, Rach? Yeah, you got it right Yes! Oh my god!

Oh my goodness! Oh, Rachel! Wow! Talk to Oh, Rachel. Talk to us, Rachel. What is going on? I'm crying like a little child. Well, I just had to move my car. I just had to move my ute because I was actually blocking a bin man. Apologies to the...

He looked at me quite disgusted and then he saw me crying and gave me a wave. Oh, well you've won $5,000. Oh my God, I can't believe this. I listen to you guys every morning. I try and I never get through and just to have it win now when I'm going to cry which is absolutely amazing.

$5,000. Oh, I'm getting emotional here. This is awesome. Congratulations. What a great birthday present. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Thank you everybody so much. Thank you, Juliette. You rock great birthday present. Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. Thank you, everybody, so much. Thank you, Juliet.

You rock. Thank you. That's my second attempt, and I lost all my five brands. Wow. Yeah. Don't bring them out of my room. Thank you, Crabapple. Cheers.

Oh, yay. I'm so happy. Well done. Thank you so much. It's funny, Juliet, because I was thinking Crabapple, too, because they're in my driveway. Yeah, yeah. No, but Jono and I were like, oh, Crabapple. We're talking some while to get there.

Wow, so you actually thought about that as well? Yeah, Crabapple was my first thought, yeah. Oh my goodness. Oh, well, listen, we'll transfer that money into your account and Rachel, have a great birthday, have a great weekend. Couldn't have gone to a better customer. Thank you very much. I'm hoping five words, $5,000 back again

after the long weekend paid to talk words and stuff into a microphone it's New Zealand's breakfast Jono and Ben on the hits

now 660 played the first ever concert on Eden Park tomorrow night it's going to be awesome Sir Dave Dobman Drax Project

and many more and we it was about what a week and a half ago we had an interview with Chris Mack for the bass player from 660.

And John, you asked for some giveaways and he asked for 50. And it seemed like a lot. And it put a lot of pressure on him and the band and they might have already been busy enough

with their history making gig. But I think that pressure was well worth it in the end. Friend of the show, Chris Mack. I've lived my whole life to be a friend of a show.

Because we want to give away tickets. What do you think? 50. 50? Friend of an entire show. I don't want to lose this. But if you sit in the right seat at Eden Park, I'll give you the 50 tickets. But there's 50,000 seats there. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. The challenge has been accepted. Jim Mouth.

He's got over 30 Guinness World Records. For stadium sitting, I sat in 39,250 in two days. I didn't walk for four days. Really? Alana Van Houten, now she's a runner, she's an influencer. You would have seen her on Celebrity Treasure Island. Honestly, guys, I do not envy you. We thought it appropriate that we give away the first double pass,

which we don't have. But anyway, let's be positive. Who's on the phone at the end of 60 seconds? I was actually going to sing a 660 song. Ah, standalone. Next caller. Oh, no! I feel awful about that.

It's guilt. And why have we called this Sit 60? Oh, I'm just disappointed. Good morning, New Zealand. We're coming to you live from Eden Park. A lot of people suggesting to try seat number 660 first. And seat number 16, section 644, seat 660. I'm sitting.

Nothing. No, that was underwhelming. So we're a couple of hundred seats. And Jono, you've just come up with a really good suggestion. The flip and slide approach. You flip it down and slide across. Now I'm flipping loving that. Producer Juliet here, Jono and

Ben have just tried. They're portals but I don't think there are any tickets in there. We've sat down on the roof of Eden Park. Amazing view, no tickets. Enough is enough. A few hours in my behind's getting quite sore. So am I. Oh you're ready, you want to call it quits? Well just for a bit of drama.

Yes. I'll do a walk off. I've had enough, I'm walking off. Oh, yeah, well, you walk off. It'll be just like you to quit. I am. Well, don't laugh when you're doing it. It needs to sound like it's drama. Yeah. I am. You're good. Good. I don't need you anyway. You probably do. Yeah, I do, actually. Stay, stay, please. Yeah, we're going into the men's

toilets, and it absolutely reeks. This smells lovely. It's like an English meadow today. It's beautiful. Raining quite hard. I wish we just bought the tickets. Yeah, we should have. Jono and Ben, you two idiots. You did it though. You found the seat.

50 tickets for you to give away. But if you guys want to come, buy your own tickets, alright? And we have been firing them out the door. Woo! Thank you so much. How about that? How about that? We have 22 seconds left on the clock in Bacargo. Time is almost up!

Here he is. Good morning. Hey! Now, this is the quickest and most panicked ticket giveaway you will hear today. There we go. What memories? What memories? What memories?

If this adventure was on my cell phone in my photo stream, it would pop up a year later and go, you have new memories from April 2021. You're allowed that with good times. And those were the memories. Okay, so we've just done the calculations. What do you reckon we've got left? We have six tickets left.

Six tickets. So this is not... Not six double passes. Right, so six tickets in total. So three double passes essentially, or six tickets. So this is not... Not six double passes. Right, so six tickets in total. So three double passes, essentially, or six tickets. Okay, so six 60 tickets are left. And we've got 60 seconds to get rid of them. Oh, 800 of the hits.

This is how it's going to work. You phone us up, you tell us whether you want a single or a double. Six tickets in 60 seconds. Let's go, 660. Dean, you're on. What are you after? Just a single for me, please, boys. Oh, okay.

He's throwing a spanner in the works early on, leaving us with five tickets. Okay. All right, that're on. What are you after? Just a single for me, please, boys. Oh, okay. He's throwing a spanner in the works early on, leaving us with five tickets. Okay. All right, that's yours. You've got a single. That's all yours. Let's keep going. Okay.

Glenn and Whangarei, what are you after? A double, please. You've got a double. Okay, so we're down to three down. Okay, let's go to Jackie. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Jackie. You're after a? A double, please.

Okay. Okay, Jackie. Oh, so we only need. Okay, so you got a double, yeah, and then we're down to our final ticket. One ticket, a single. Which is a niggly thing because not many people want a single.

Daniel, what are you after? Oh, I'll take the single, mate. Hey! There we go. This is a lot less inconvenient than I thought it was going to be. And there we go. Our 660 tickets are all given away, or 50, all 50 given away. Enjoy the concert tomorrow night if you manage to grab hold of one of our tickets.

Real Kiwi blokes with soy lattes. Mmm. Shono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. All right, he's here with a basic grasp on the news, as in he almost knows how to spell news. It's N-E-W-Z, isn't it, Ben? Pretty close, yeah.

It's Benjamin Boyce, my friend. Now, Italian man, we've been talking about this this morning, actually, before the show started. He was accused of skipping work for 15 years. Now, he was a hospital employee, and the last time he was actually at work was 2005, but he's been receiving payments since then for the last 15 years, which equates to about $900,000 New Zealand dollars. And hasn't turned up for a day of work.

Hasn't turned up for 15 years. Now, we're like, what, must be a clerical error. But it seems like when you dig a little deeper, there are six managers at the hospital who are now under investigation for the scheme. Someone would have to be in on it. Well, yeah, obviously, potentially six people are in on it. Yeah. Where's Johnson today?

I don't know. And they kept up that, I don't know, for 15 years. 15. That's incredible. You got caught pulling up that, I don't know, for 15 years. 15. That's incredible. You got caught pulling a sickie, didn't you, on television? At the cricket. Oh, for school, yes. I went to a one-day game. I got a note from my parents, but that wasn't

so acceptable from school. But anyway, I was caught on camera there, and I was like, oh, guys, the guy's filming me in the stand. You know when they come up to the stand, you're like, please don't film me. Don't film me. Get away, get away. Please don't film me. And then he's like, right.

Look at these younger children enjoying the game today. No, I'm on the screen. So many people must get busted on television. Oh, yeah. Like probably having affairs, all sorts. Well, true. Yeah, bloody TV. Be the death of us. And a Range Rover once used by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

is set to go up for auction next month. So if you wanted to, and produce Juliet, you'd love this. William and Kate had this Range Rover. It's a 2013 Range Rover. They used it for their own personal use the same year they welcomed Prince George. Oh, you could go in and smell all of the leather interior. You could be like, that's where Prince William sat. That's where baby George soiled his nanny.

Yeah, so quite low mileage, 38,000 miles. It's got 20-inch alloy wheels, a heated front and rear seats, a sound system, a pretty sweet sound system, and a drinks fridge as well. What? Fridge? Yeah, a drinks fridge. You sold me heated seats.

2013 Range Rover and they reckon it's going to go to auction. So they reckon it's going to be 30,000 to 40,000 pounds. Now, 30,000 pounds is roughly around 60,000 New Zealand dollars. Let's get it. Let's get in. Yeah. Let's buy the Range Rover. Bring it over here.

And do what? Do like a royal tour. And then give the car away. Yes. Yes. Okay, have you got... Crowdfunded. 60 to 70,000.

Crowdfunded. 70,000. This is a cause the people will get behind. $70,000. Potentially. 60 to $70,000. That's winning the auction. Not to, not to.

And then you've got to get it over to New Zealand. That's a 100K exercise. Are you putting it in the too hard basket, are you? Well, I like the idea, though. I do like the idea. What do you reckon, Producer Judy? I am totally in. Anything's possible.

It is possible. You're right. No is just an opinion. Yeah. We can make this happen. True. Okay. We'll talk to Boss Todd about this after the show.

Seems like an obscene waste of money. No. No. It's not the car that they had for obscene waste of money. No. No. It's not the car that they had for a short period of time, you know? Yes. Sorry, I'm the iconic car. I mean, we could go on Trade Me and just buy any Range Rover and save. And say it was their one.

That's another way you could pull it off. Put some cardboard cutouts of them in there, and then they've essentially sat in there. Yeah. Anyway, we'll talk more about this after the show, because now doesn't seem like the time to be in a brainstorming session. And who knows? Not a bad thought.

We could be giving it away before Christmas. Broadcasting live and mostly awake. Jono and Ben New Zealand's breakfast on the hits. Jono and Ben. Friends of Skinny with the Jono and Ben Skinny Dairy Day Off. Now there are 50 Skinny Dairies around New Zealand and for the last week or so we've been asking you guys to vote for your Ben Skinny Dairy Day Off. Now, there are 50 skinny dairies around New Zealand,

and for the last week or so, we've been asking you guys to vote for your favourite skinny dairy and to give one lucky dairy owner's, skinny dairy owner's, the day off. Yeah, because dairy owners never really get a day off, so we thought we'd reward them thanks to Skinny. It's every child's, it was my childhood dream to run a dairy. It was also my childhood dream to put cutlery in the microwave and see what happens as well.

But running a dairy, don't you, like a dairy's a wonderland to a child, isn't it? Yeah, I never had a friend in a dairy. My mate David had a video store.

His parents owned the video store. That was pretty cool. Oh, like United Video or something? Yeah, but then sometimes you'd be midway through a movie and then the parents would come in and go, no, no, that's now been hired out

and you'd have to stop it. Oh, so you saw a lot of half movies. Yeah, yeah. Particularly the really popular ones. Yeah, Bill and Ted's. You're not going to watch the end of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure today. Yeah, you're like, oh, we'll pick that up later. Yeah, but that was pretty cool. It would be amazing. And so was his house out the

back of this? Yes, yeah. So you walk through it. Yeah, and it was like, you know, games and games you can play like wrestling on the Oh, what a dream. Anyway, it was like, you know, games and games you can play, like wrestling on the... Oh, what a dream. Anyway. It was awesome. Skinny, do we have a bunch of dairies around the country, big orange dairies,

and this week we've been getting you to vote online at thehits.co.nz for us to give a dairy owner the day off on Tuesday after the long weekend. We're going to work in the dairy for the day, and we're joined right now by the winner, an absolute prize for this owner to have two incompetent radio announcers turn up and run the shop for a day and we're joined right now by the winner, an absolute prize for this owner to have two incompetent radio announcers turn up and run the shop for a day. Hello.

Yeah, hello. Hello. Is that Kishore from the Asquith Dairy? Sure is. Now, you're a very popular dairy. We know that because a lot of people have voted for you as New Zealand's favourite skinny dairy. Oh, very nice to hear that.

And now you win the Money Can't Buy prize of two inexperienced radio hosts coming to look after your dairy, give you the day off on Tuesday. You work so hard, you're working every day, and we're going to give you the day off. We're going to look after your dairy and or run it into the ground. I don't know. No, well, let's look after the dairy. We want to do a good job. When was the last time you had a day off? Last time give you the day off. We're going to look after your dairy and or run it into the ground. I don't know. No, well, let's look after the dairy.

We want to do a good job. When was the last time you had a day off? Last time I had a day off? When I had my operation. Two years ago. How many years ago? About two years ago. Two years.

But you've worked nonstop every day for two years. And I bet you even didn't even want to go and have that operation. No, actually, I needed the operation. If you can do the operation behind the counter while I'm still serving people. I was able to do that too. Well, you're a hardworking dairy owner, and so we're going to give you the day off. And not just that, we're not just going to be burdening you with our presents on Tuesday morning. We're also going to give you a year worth of skinny credit for your phone.

That's very nice. How many phones though? How many phones? Oh, you're going to have to talk to Skinny on that one. Good negotiation. I like it. How many phones do you have? I thought I could twist your arm

so you can get the pockets too. Oh, right. He's got seven phones for some reason. What are you going to do with your day off? Probably entertain by you guys and see what else you can mischief you might get up to. Oh, so you're not going to leave us alone.

Well played, well played. I'm going to be there keeping an eye on you guys. Because we had an idea that we find because Skinny's orange obviously. Is your dairy painted orange? It sure is. Everything's orange up front. We thought we could buy everything orange off you in the dairy. What orange up front. So I thought we could, we thought we could buy everything orange

off you in the dairy. What orange items do you have in there? Actually, just the only thing is Fanta. Fanta? Yeah.

Which is, yeah, Coca-Cola product. Yeah, Fanta. Do you have chisels, rations?

I've got some chisels and rations. Yeah, well, they're orange. What else is orange in the dairy? Burger rings,

actually. Burger rings. Anything orange we'll buy off orange in theory? Burger Rings, actually. Burger Rings. Anything orange we'll buy off you, and then we'll give it away that morning once we've bought it off you. Is that okay? Sure, sounds good. Do they still have those little peach lollies? You know, the white and peach?

They're really good. I have got two of those peach and cream. Peach is incredible. I wanted to ask you a question, because, you know, Darius, you're really casting it far and wide in terms of what products you stock. Have you had something on the shelf that has never sold, but you've got it there just in case anyone wants it?

Yeah, something that you polish. What do you think it might be? The old days, your grandmother would have used it. Oh, shoes. Shoe polish. Nope. Her silverware. Oh, silverware. So you've got silvo there, but no Shoe polish. Nope. Oh, silverware. Oh, silverware.

So you've got silvo there, but no one's ever purchased it. That's the one. Let's buy it. Let's buy that, and we'll give it away next week. We'll buy that off you, so clear it from your shelf.

But then you probably feel like you need to buy another one, you know, just in case. But to be fair to your customers, too, when you go, oh, I need to polish up my cutlery, the dairy's not the first place you think of going to.

Well, unless you've got people coming over, you'll need to bring out the goods. Not many people actually do that nowadays, you know that? They say they will go out for dinner, and they won't say no. Seems like one of the world's most pointless tasks, polishing cutlery. It is nowadays.

Yeah. Oh, well, thank you so much. Even if you're born with a silver spoon. And if you weren't, you can polish it at the Asquith Dairy. That's the one. We can't wait to meet you on Tuesday. Congratulations on just working so hard for the community. That's awesome.

And we'll come along on Tuesday, and hopefully we can do some good things in your dairy and not run it into the ground. I appreciate that. It'll be very nice. Good to see you guys in the community. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the community there. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. I was overhearing Boss Toddy was having a conversation after the show yesterday in the office, and they must have been dealing with an off-air issue with the listener. And he said he pulled out the, well, the customer's always right. That's his ethos.

The customer... You hear that quite a bit around businesses around the place. For the most part, it's a great thing to apply, isn't it? To keep the customer happy. Yeah, I guess that's what, when you boil it down, that's what it means, keep the customer happy because you want the customer to keep coming back. But the customer is not always right.

The customer is not the expert in this situation. If a customer's wandering, like Ben, you wander into a mechanic and you're getting your service and you're like, I want you to remove the steering wheel just so I can see where the car takes me. And they're like, okay, customer's always right. Oh, yeah, true. You know, you're not right in that situation.

No, you're right. You're right in that situation. Yeah, I'm going in for a heart transplant and I'm like, hey, when you put my new one in, maybe put it down by my knees. And they're like, okay, mate, you're always right. You're right. Yeah, they could apply that same theory on those occasions and go, okay. Because the person moaning has not studied or specialised in that particular industry.

No. They're moaning to someone who has, who's worked in it for a number of years. And they pretty much just have to shut up and swallow their problem. Yep. No, you're right. Are you a complainer? No. God, no.

It's so awkward when people complain. Oh, I am a peacekeeper. I do not like rocking the boat. That's a good New Zealand response. Yeah. When someone does, I was at a restaurant once and someone went, this is not so, and I'm like, oh, please, no. Oh, no.

I know someone that if they don't like the taste of the meal, so they've ordered it, they've eaten it. It comes out exactly how it was set on the menu. They just don't like the taste. They'll be like, don't really like it. Can I please get this instead? Literally, they go that far. It's crazy.

And then not pay for the original meal. Well, yeah, it depends on how far, like they finish the meal and they're like, that wasn't for my palate, I'll order another one. They'll be like, yeah, I had to eat it all. I'd just see if it was going to get any better. Yeah, no, complaining's a funny thing, isn't it? But if you do complain, you always get results.

Yeah. I complain because they're just like, oh, shut up, you're paying. All right, Karen, we'll sort you out, you know? That's why Karens get results. It's a very un-New Zealand thing in general to complain. This is a huge generalisation, but it is. We're not, like Producer Juliet, we're normally the ones that sit back.

Because they always come around and go, how's your meal? And you always go, you're great, thanks. Terrible. Sometimes even if it's not, you're like, you know, it's lovely, thanks. You know, they ask you. Yeah. They still ask you, and I never have the guts, if it's not You're like You know it's lovely thanks You know They ask you Yeah They still ask you And I never have the guts

If it does something To go My chicken's raw But I'm still eating it Lovely thanks You know Like it's always That's how far I'll go

I'll be like yeah Giving them a glowing review And everything Because I just want to Have you worked in an industry Where you've had to take complaints Well radio Nah

Or we just Google Jono and Ben. The customer's always right. They're always right, Ben. How are you still working? Add these two men together and somehow you get three quarters worth of a normal man. The Hits with Jono and Ben

for breakfast. Kia ora, I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees and this is The B**** News. Now we hand the program over to our youngest and most youthful member of the show, the one with the bright career ahead of her. Unlike us, we're on our slow, slow fade out. Producer Juliette, these are the news and beats. What is this about?

So I go and hunt down some quirky little news stories, some interesting, fun little news stories, beep out a word, and you guys have to figure out what the word is that I've beeped out. It's ironic that you're the one censoring these when off here you have the mouth of a sailor with Tourette's. Don't say that. I'm trying to keep my images innocent. Clean. Well, what is Juliet's image?

Is it clean? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Honest and clean. Hopefully. And so your first news story. Man blows people's minds as he shows Cadbury Flakes don't...

Cadbury Flakes don't contain chocolate. I don't know. What would blow your mind about a flake? Cadbury flakes don't contain the labour of hardworking New Zealanders anymore. Man blows people's minds as he shows Cadbury flakes don't melt in the microwave. So if you chuck a flake in the microwave, it won't melt. And so the reason for this is apparently it's the way it's manufactured with the cocoa and the fat and something along the lines

of how it won't melt. But if you put most other chocolate in a microwave, it'll melt. Pretty much every chocolate would melt in the microwave. They are quite dry, aren't they? And they're flaky. Flake for a reason. The thing is you have to wrap your whole mouth around a flaker

or else it goes everywhere. It's been flaked for a long time. I loved you. You probably don't remember the ad, Juliet. No. It was just there.

Only the crumbliest flakiest chocolate. Yeah, I remember that. Oh, here it is here on YouTube, darling. Only the crumbliest thing is chocolate. So sensual.

Taste that chocolate, never taste it. Yes, I remember that. And then it had this lady, this very sultry lady wandering through a meadow, just devouring a flake in quite a sort of sexual tone. It was quite seductive. Yeah, very seductive. And then she hops on like a gypsy-style horse and cart

and just gets towed off as she's putting the flake inside her mouth and you're like, that has nothing to do with chocolate. None of that. That was definitely made by an advertising exec in the 80s. Wow. Next news story. Taiwanese man marries and divorces same woman four times just to enjoy...

I'd say just to enjoy paying Michael Hill Jeweller for four wedding ring deposits. Oh, okay. Because that's a fun experience. Four times, I'm saying because he enjoys changing his Facebook relationship status. So he's like, single? Oh no, married. Taiwanese man marries

and divorces same woman four times just to enjoy 32 days of marriage leave. So in Taiwan, when you get married, you get eight days of marriage leave, I guess for honeymoons or whatever. And so him and his wife came up with the genius idea to go through with multiple divorces

to extend their marriage leave. Great play. Very good idea, isn't it? But does it take a while for a divorce to come through? I mean, technically, yes. So I don't know how he got around that. Yeah, well, well played. Smart.

If there's a loophole, people will take advantage of it. Totally. And the final one this morning in News and Beeps. Woman conceives second child while... I had two options here. While making love to her partner. That's what I thought, actually. Yeah, that was the obvious one.

I think that's how it normally happens. Or divine intervention. Yeah, while still remaining a virgin. Those are the two options. Okay. Woman conceives second child while carrying her first. So this is something that's very, very rare. It's called a superfetation,

and there are only about 10 recorded cases in the world. Wow. So somehow she ovulated a second time in the same one cycle. So two eggs came out and somehow the baby was three weeks growing at a consistent rate of three weeks behind the first baby. So then she gave birth to the first one. And then three weeks later gave birth to the second one. So they're not technically twins at all because they're not on the same day, are they?

No. So they are twins but not twins, kind of. Yeah, it's very bizarre. That's wild. I know, I know. So she's got two babies spawned three weeks apart. But then wouldn't they be in the same... They were in the same womb, yes.

So you'd think they'd both come out at the same... Well, one of them wasn't ready. Baby C-section. Yeah, true. Don't know about those logistics, but they're both healthy and happy. I always love those stories where people are like, woman didn't know she was pregnant and gave birth while sitting on the toilet.

And you're like, what? How is it? Like nine months. I know. It happens apparently. I know. How? I don't know.

What is this? Some things are a mystery. Next week, let's try and get one of those people on who have had that happen. Okay. We can track one down from the Daily Mirror or something. True. True. All right, and that is the news and beats.

Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah. Nah. Yeah, nah. The whole movie. Yeah, nah. She'll be right, and at the end of the day. Jono and Ben.

Breakfast on the hits. Spy. No, what's up? Spy.co.nz. Give me a J. J. Give me an L. L. This is going to take way too long. Give me an J. J. Give me an L. L.

This is going to take way too long. Give me an Ooliet. Ooliet. What does that spell? Spy. You missed out the U. Yeah, J-L. You went J-L and Ooliet.

Missed out the U between. What does it spell? Joliet. Joliet. I was like, what does it spell? Good question. Give me a spelling lesson.oliette. Joliette. I was like, what does it spell? Good question. Give me a spelling lesson. Yes.

We need to get on those. Yeah. So in today's Spy Entertainment News, James Corden and his bandmates on the James Corden Late Late Show. Name them all. I don't know them all, all the names. James Corden and the band. You name and then Jono will spell them.

It's like Maroon 5. So they were talking about how Pharrell owns a chain of hotels and they were discussing who, if a celebrity opened a chain of hotels and you could choose which celebrity it would be, who you would choose. And this is what unfolded. Whose would you want to stay in?

Maybe an Oprah chain of hotels would be fabulous. Without question. Yeah. Her hotel. Her hotel? Her hotel! Should we call her?

Yes. Should I call it? This is madness. Hello. Oprah, it's James Corden. Look at you. We think we've had an idea

that could make you billions of dollars. And we think you should launch a range of O-tells. What? So they pitched the idea of the O-tells to Oprah Winfrey. Live on the phone. Which is genius. Yeah, it is genius.

Does that make your punny hearts happy? Yeah, I love it. I love the fact that he could just call Oprah as well I know well initially in the clip he's like I

think I have Oprah's number I'm not sure if this is her number or if it's like her manager's number but we'll give it a go and it ended up being Oprah herself

how good you could open up the bro-tel Ben's bro-tel oh the bro-tel yeah the jo-tel oh for Jonah yeah okay you know Dolly Parton's got a whole range of hotels Ben's bro-tel. Oh, the bro-tel. The jo-tel. Oh, vagina.

Yeah, okay. You know, Dolly Parton's got a whole range of hotels and theme parks. Does she? Yeah. She's got Dollywood or something. Yeah, Dollywood. Yeah. That's quite smart.

That's where she makes most of her money from. Wow. Restaurants and it's got roller coasters and everything. You want Ben to launch a boysenberry brand called the Boysenberries, don't you? The Boysenberries, yeah. That would be very good. Get into the produce game. I would very much like those.

Why not? That's the only pun I can do with my last name. And in other news, the Oscars is this weekend and Elton John, traditionally, he hosts

sort of Oscar parties, obviously pre-COVID with, you know, people at a location having a big party, but this year... Thanks for explaining how a party works. So it's had a location.

A location. Multiple people turn up. Also at his house. They have people coming. They're socialising. That's what a party is, guys, if you didn't know. There's music playing. Anyway.

This year... Wait, I see. This year he's hosting a virtual party. And now a virtual party means it's on the TV or on your phones. No, but he's actually hosting a virtual one on TikTok. But ordinary people can come along, so the plebs like you and I, but you have to pay $20 to watch it. But I mean the proceeds are going.

Do we get to talk to famous people or do we just watch famous people? I don't know if it's interactive. I don't think it would be interactive. It's not like an OnlyFans sort of thing for a party. Yeah, so, I mean, they're watching Elton John party over TikTok live stream, essentially, for $20. And there's going to be an intimate performance from Dua Lipa and Neil Patrick Harris is co-hosting. Oh, at the party? Yeah.

It's like a three-man party, but they say there's going to be more guests. So, if you want to watch... Guests are people that turn up to parties. Yeah, that's... Just in case you're weird. Clarify. And TikTok is a small platform. Like, it's not very big at all. And that is Spy for More. You can head to thehits.co.nz.

There you go. If you want to waste $20 to watch Elton John party, you can spend your money how you want. To everyone pulling a sickie today, you're not fooling anyone. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. On your Friday. Getting into the weekend, aren't we? We're going to end the show on a fantastic note.

It makes us feel good about everything that we've done over the last three hours, like a Catholic being forgiven for all of their sins, Ben Boyce. What are you doing this weekend, June? Oh, me? I'm going up north to my friend's batch for a nice Xemna wholesome weekend. Nice. Just to chill out, read, go for walks.

Oh, boring. Is that something you'd expect me to do? No, I don't expect you to read or go for walks. Mind you, you've got up at 2 o'clock in the morning and watched Prince Philip's funeral. That's true. That's exactly what I expect you to do. Yeah, true. Me and Ben, we're heading to Tauranga today, aren't we?

Yeah, we're doing some filming. It'll be great. It'll be great. What are you doing this weekend, Shannon? Hi. So I'm taking my mum on a secret mission for her birthday which she doesn't know about

and she's going to win herself $300 worth of shopping money. Oh. Good girl. Well, hopefully she doesn't know about it now that you broadcast it on national radio, Shannon.

Hopefully not. Oh, that's good. That's a lovely thing to do. Happy birthday to your mum. That'll be a great mum and daughter day. Yeah. We're going to give you some hell pizza as well. So you hold the line.

We'll send you out some vouchers for that. You can have some lunch during your shopping excursion. Thank you very much. Oh, thank you so much. Good on you. Thank you for listening, Shannon. Appreciate that. Someone's text in here.

It's a good day listening to you both because it's company and I'm on my own and you keep me up to date with the world and I'm getting older. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, doesn't that melt your heart? It's so lovely. Thank you so much for listening to us. We really appreciate that. Carl, you're on. You're from Hamilton. How are you?

Not bad, yourself? Yeah, we're doing well. Carl, why is it going to be a good weekend for you, buddy? Oh, after I finish work, I'm going to head up north, go up to Whangarei, catch up with an old mate of mine I haven't seen in years. And on Sunday, we're going to watch the Warriors deal to the Storm. Don't start talking about the Warriors. Ben won't shut up about the Warriors.

Great performance last weekend, wasn't it? Surprisingly against the Dragons. Yeah, well, you kind of had to after that Dismal's performance against the Sea Eagles, didn't you? Let's not talk about the Sea Eagles game. That's all right. It's onwards and upwards, a storm. Anyway, thanks, Radio Sport.

Appreciate it. Ben would love this conversation to continue on. We'll talk more off-air about this. I'm keen. You drive safely, Carl. Thank you very much for listening. All right. And also, of course, Anzac Day.

Can't forget that is happening this weekend too. And don't forget to commemorate and remember those fallen soldiers who lost their lives in war for us to be doing what we're doing. The ultimate sacrifice those people made for our country and for us. Yeah, so a very important day on Sunday. Apparently poppy sales are down this year, so do get out and support and buy a poppy as well. Well, you have yourself a great weekend

as well. Make sure you pay. Remember, it's on Anzac Day as well as enjoying the 660 concerts that will be heading along Saturday night. We'll catch you guys Tuesday. We'll see you from 6. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the

iHeartRadio app. Jono and Ben on The Hits Breakfast. Friends of Skinny.