Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - April 28 - Michael Van Der Elzen, The Rude Awakening Game, Stuff No One Says In Lockdown

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

The Rude Awakening GameWe get an update on Ben's challenge to get 100,000 followers on TikTokMichael Van Der Elzen calls inWe award a listener $50 to spend on takeawayBen's at home restaurant Stuff no one says in lockdownJoseph Parker called inBig News Small TownJono & Ben's Home School Day #6See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast, Tuesday podcast with Jono and Ben. Big news in New Zealand today, everyone's allowed takeaways again. Tea day today and the drive-thrus, I thought they would be more packed, but apparently, you know, those that really wanted it got up at one o'clock in the morning and waited in the drive-thru for four hours for it to open and have had their McMuffin

and gone home and now the drive-thru is clear if only those people had just waited until nine or ten and they would have got you know

probably had to wait twenty minutes but still got their food without waiting four hours but anyway good on them yeah consumerism at its best

at its finest McDonald's must just be rubbing Ronald must be rubbing is he wearing gloves those white gloves white gloves whatever he's got on his hands he'd be rubbing. Ronald must be rubbing. Is he wearing gloves, those white gloves? Is he wearing white gloves? What is he?

Whatever he's got on his hands, he'd be rubbing them together. Rubbing his white gloves together. His rubber gloves, his COVID gloves together. We have got a fun podcast for you today. We give away free takeaways to people around the country, our own drive-thru. Yeah, we've got heavyweight boxer Joseph Parker, world champion heavyweight. Is he still world champion, Joseph? No, no.

Hang up on him. I don't want to talk to him. He'll get back there. He'll get back there, mate. I don't want to talk to him. No, he's a fun wee chat. We already talked to him. I want you to delete the video.

He's been entertaining people in his bubble. As well as that, you give me some grief about a home restaurant. So enjoy all that on the podcast. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Well done, New Zealand. We made it to the end of level four,

level three now. Takeaways are open and actually before eight o'clock we want to shout you some takeaways for tonight. So stay tuned. Anything you want from kebabs to KFC,

we've got it covered. As long as it's open, we can shout it for you. Yeah. What I like about Donald Trump is he's an ideas guy. You know, and he's trying to solve COVID-19 and he's at his press conference.

Just stop him talking. He just talks. He's like you. He just talks. At some stage, you've got to switch the mic off. Well, he's getting the hamster wheels going on the brainstorming session. And he's like, you know, why don't we, have we thought about injecting Dettol to kill the bug? And credits where credit's due.

He's a thinker. Has Jacinda come up with any cool ideas like injecting Dettol? No, this is what Donald Trump had to say. Dr Bloomfield, what do you make of suggestions by some leaders overseas that people should be injecting themselves with bleach to kill COVID-19? Don't think I need to comment on that, Prime Minister. No, I think probably we'll let your silence speak for itself. So that was Dr Bloomfield actually talking about Donald Trump.

But yeah, not a good idea. Apparently the poison line in America has had more calls over the weekend since that. I think Detol had to send out a release going, Please don't inject it. Don't drink it. Yeah, don't inject it. Well, has anyone tried it? No.

No one knows if it doesn't work. But he's not a medical professional. He can't say that. I know, but he always, he finished his sentence but he's like, but I'm not a doctor. He's like, but drink petrol.

Give it a go. But I'm not a doctor. I'm just getting things going here. I've done it. No, you haven't, you know. I've injected the dead old. I've gargled dead old

and I spoke to Nano Girl, the scientist about this. My father-in- dead hole. And I spoke to Nano Girl, the scientist, about this. My father-in-law, John, when I ever saw throat, he's like, gargle dead hole. And I did once. I did. I gargled dead hole. I think he was trying to off me as his son-in-law. It worked.

I don't want to endorse it. No, don't. But it killed the bugs. Not a great idea. Not recommended. I'm glad how we aided it off her, the scientist, going, no, no, no. Don't do that. I chopped her out we edited it off her, the scientist, going, no, no, no, don't do that. I chopped her out.

She was making me look bad. She was like, please, please do not do that. We just edited her off. We just had Jono saying something to her. Who was it? I don't know. Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono in bed on the hits.

What's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono. Oh, now what? Oh, it's John Owen Baird's rude awakening. A lot more New Zealanders up already at this time. 400,000 New Zealanders back to work today, they reckon. 400,000?

Yeah. Gee, I drove past the drive-thru this morning and it was bumper to bumper. You can wait a few hours to get McDonald's. Yeah, wait till tomorrow. I need to get it now I love that about you Some people are waiting In there from one o'clock

This morning That's what I heard Yeah Just wait It's fine You've still got to wait Five hours before it opens Or four hours

I'd rather wait six hours Not moving anywhere For my bacon and egg McMuffin Rather than coming At like ten in the morning Let's go to Otorohonga Huepa Welcome to the show buddy

How are ya Morning boys How's it going We're doing well buddy How's your bubble Coming at like 10 in the morning. Let's go to Otorohonga Huepa. Welcome to the show, buddy. How are you? Yeah, morning, boys. How's it going? We're doing well, buddy. How's your bubble? Oh, yeah, not too bad. Haven't stopped working since the lockdown,

so, you know, Cal's got to get milk, so... Cal's got to get milk. I have to milk Ben every morning. I've said it before. It doesn't happen. I know what it's like, buddy. It doesn't happen. We're on the front line, Huepa, you and me. Okay, we're going to

We're going to crudely Wake up someone in your life By shouting Game show questions Down the phone To them they can win $40 worth of Hell Pizza Who are we waking up here

Back Who are we going to Wake up here Hohepper My brother He's either awake With his kids Or asleep

Alright Now if he gets Four out of four questions He gets $40 Hell Pizza voucher. Of course, how the gates of Hell open again today, guys. Contactless delivery and contactless pickup as well. If he doesn't answer, we just keep ringing.

We hang up and we keep ringing. We don't stop until we get an answer, Hoheppa. Hello, James speaking. Oh, welcome, James. Shono and Ben, the hits. You're on the radio. First question. Which of the following is not a member of the Kardashian family?

A, Kim Kardashian. B, Khloe Kardashian. C, COVID Kardashian. C. Well done. He's woken up and he's got his first $10 Hell Pizza voucher. Taihapa is known as what? A, the gumboot capital of the world.

B, a great place to get food poisoning C. Somewhere you don't want to stop A. The gumboot capital of the world If I was to tell you what I want, what I really, really want Who would be singing that lyric? The Spice Girls, the Rice Girls or the Lice Girls? Spice Girls. Well done.

He's got $30 Hell Pizza vouchers. And here's your final question. Donald Trump suggested people inject what to combat COVID-19? A, inject some happiness into their life. B, inject a debt hole into their system. Or C, inject yourself before you wreck yourself. B. Well done.

He's woken up and he's got $40 hell pizza. All yours coming your way. You can get that today. Oh, sounds good to me. Thank you for the wake-up call. Well, you can blame your brother for this. He's on the other line. There we go.

Some awkward banter to fade out on. I love it. Thank you for listening. That's what the show's built on, awkward banter. Serving bowls of lols for breakfast. Actual lols may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. We're in the middle of an intervention.

If you've just joined the show, Ben Boyce, my colleague, friend, dear, dear friend. You're really upset about this. Dear, dear friend. He's on TikTok. And this is embarrassing to admit. I mean, there's an and in between our names. So I'm going down with you. So as I said before, my daughters like TikTok,

so it was a fun thing we could do together as a family in lockdown was just to create me an account and do some funny little stuff. Yeah. I was looking at what he did over the weekend, okay? I knew you'd bring this up. He is flying on a broomstick dressed as Harry Potter, but his feet don't touch the ground, so he's edited himself together,

and he's obviously jumped in the air, and then jumped in the air again, and then cut himself together, so he's constantly flying like Harry Potter. Do you know how that took me like three hours to make that video? Three hours? It took me like 20 seconds to film it. It was just like I ended up having to take it into an editing system

on the computer and work out how to edit out the, oh jeez. I was like, what am I doing? That was the moment I was like, what am I doing with my life? I just got off the phone to JK Rowling. She said, you've destroyed all of her hard work. The franchise is ruined. If Winter Workshops wants some help with your next special effects, give me a yell. But you can see

yourself jumping up. You're not constantly flying. You edited it? know, I know. You edited it? Yeah, I did. That was the best I could do. So anyway, Ben Boyce on TikTok, if you want to follow me,

because you've told me I've got to get to what? 100,000 followers? 100,000 followers. Is it followers? Yeah, 100,000 followers by May 11, which is when Jacinda decides if we drop to level two. That's pretty much a couple of weeks.

Yeah, I decide if we delete Ben's TikTok account. I'm giving you a chance here. So he's working hard. He's working hard to get those numbers up. The numbers are not great. They're about 15,000 at the moment. We were meant to have a,

it was a referendum on marijuana this year. We're going to have a referendum on whether Ben should delete TikTok. But you know, one thing that's very popular at the moment is the Carole Baskin song. So they've taken an interview from Joe Exotic from the Tiger King documentary and edited it together in a song. So it's like, Carole Baskin killed her husband, whacked him.

And people are doing, you know, quirky. Comical dances to quite a grim, as you said the other day, quite a grim storyline. Yeah, you've got children dancing over a man's muzzle. Producer Juliet here. I've just Googled Carole Baskin in our system. I don't know if this is it, but should I just play it? Okay. A little dangerously.

Yes. Carole Baskin. Killed her husband. Whacked him. Can't convince me that it didn't happen. Phantom to tigers, they snackin'. What's happenin'? Carole Baskin.

What a catchy wee song. And you've got kids all over the world doing a dance. Kids are dancing to that. There's a dance they've made up to that on TikTok. It's about a man being fed to a tiger. I know. I know. He's not here anymore.

And they're comical. Anyway, so that's TikTok for you. So I took inspiration from that. And Producer Juliet's been working hard over the weekend. What have you done? What we've done is we've taken a part of the radio show where I'm discussing how tight you are. Now, if you've just joined the show,

Ben, you know, he's a world-renowned tight ass. Frugal with a dollar. Likes to save a dollar. Now, producer Juliet has taken a conversation we've had. She's turned into a song, and now your challenge to get your followers up, I'm helping you here, is to create a dance to it today.

Ben Boyce is a tight ass. Put coal in his butt, he'd squeeze out diamonds. Ben Boyce is a tight ass. His money lending company's tight ass finance Ben Boyce, the human screw trick duck Ask him for a dollar, he will tell you to get So your job is to make a dance to Ben Boyce is a tight ass And that's going to blow TikTok up

If that doesn't melt the internet, there's nothing else I can do I'm just going to have to inject some Dettol. Alright, okay. I'll get cracking on that after the show today. 100,000 friends or followers or whatever they're called on TikTok by May 11th. Eggs for breakfast.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Of course, everyone excited about getting takeaways tonight. And speaking of food, there's a brand new show on TV One tonight. It's all about how you can save hundreds of dollars at the supermarket and it's amazing how a few handy tips can save you so much money. And one of the hosts is celebrity chef Michael

Van Der Elzen. He's from the food truck, now on the TV show Eat Well for Less. Thanks for joining us Michael. You're on your farm I take it? I am on the farm. I am on the farm. I'm actually just collecting some eggplants. Oh, you grow eggplants?

Yeah. They're amazing. They're freaking huge. Which is great if it's an emoji, too, you know? That's it. Now I've got to figure out what to do with them all. Are we talking about actual eggplants or something else? Can I just start by saying your beef and beetroot burger patties weekly staple in my house.

Aren't they great? They're bloody good. I wouldn't have thought so. I wouldn't have thought putting beetroot in with a burger patty would work, but it does. It's a Kiwi classic combo, isn't it? Beef and beetroot.

It's a classic. And I did that way back in food truck days, actually. Yeah, and can I just say your eggplants are a staple on my social media feed. They are. I'll send them through. Now you've got a new show that's on tonight.

It's called Eat Well for Less. It's based on the UK smash hit show. What is the biggest mistake your average punter is making at the supermarket? Why aren't we eating well for less? Well, there's a couple of things. To try and narrow it down to one, from what I saw during the filming of the show,

a lot of it was just poor planning. Because I go into the supermarket and I don't have a list, and I'm just picking. Totally. Oh, and you see stuff. You're like, ooh. You end up just walking down the aisles, and things that jump out at you are generally the things that are not so good.

You know, stuff in lovely packaging, all those crisps, all those biscuits, all those snacks. And there's so many tricks to supermarket marketing, isn't there? Like in terms of where a particular product is placed on the shelf? Yeah, very much so. And also, they say shop the outside.

That's what they say. Don't go into the centre. Don't go into the eye of the supermarket. Oh really? Is that what you do? Keep to the outside because you've got the veggies on the outside. You've got the fresh produce, generally the meats and cheeses and milks and fresh vegetables are generally on the outside. When you start to delve into the centre, that's where you get all your soft drinks.

That's hilarious. The centre, an evil pit of chips and chocolate. Don't go to the centre. It's a very timely show, can I just say, because New Zealand, of course, in lockdown for many weeks, everyone's having to cook

every night. Well, and it's, you know, when we were filming, who could have imagined this was going to happen when it went to air?

But, you know, so many people are at home cooking. So many people are in their own kitchens having to cook. And,

you know, whilst we're all probably craving to get a takeaway from down the road because we're getting tired of our own food, I think it's been an amazing thing. And I just hope it's just a little bit of a reset to go, hey, maybe we don't need to eat out or we don't need to Uber breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was sharing with the team, I made a wonderful dish. I had very, very few ingredients.

Stop it before you get to the end of it. Have a listen to this. Okay, so I made Kransky sausages, a wonderful sausage, and then I put that in pasta, and then I put that pasta in Kransky in a sandwich. It was carbs inside carbs inside carbs. That's like when they make, in America, they make macaroni and cheese, and then they crumb it deep fry it.

They deep fry macaroni and cheese? I can feel it sitting in a square block in my stomach right now. That's it. It's going to be there for a while as well. Now, Michael Van Delsen, he's with us, a celebrity chef. Having so much experience in the restaurant industry, there might be someone, a husband-wife combo. They might own a little restaurant in Nelson or in Palmerston North.

What would be your advice to them to get through this time? Yeah, when we are able to get in there to give it a good clean up, maybe give it a lick of paint, maybe look at the menu offering, maybe come through and change it, maybe sample some new dishes,

maybe write a few new things onto the menu so that when you do open, you've got a new offering. You're a little bit more refreshed. And hopefully use this time because hospitality industry is extremely tiring. It just keeps taking, taking, taking. So use this time to recharge the batteries so that they can come back stronger.

That's really good. We've got Michael Van Delsen. His show Eat Well for Less is on tonight. Now, I want to quickly settle a couple of food debates. As a chef, I want to ask you these. Quick fire. Tomato sauce. Keep it in the fridge or the pantry? Once you open

it, fridge. Okay. Should a burger have a pickle in it? Roger. Always. Always? Okay. Can you eat pizza with a knife and fork? Always. Hands are so much easier and much more messier. And can I bring my own popcorn to the movies? I do it all the time. Oh, you do?

Because I do and my wife refuses to go with me if I bring my own popcorn. Well, it's actually my wife that does it. And every time you see the Van Delsen games, you wonder why my wife Bea's got such a big bag. You now know. Well, she's getting her popcorn into the movie theatre a lot differently to Ben, who he's gone your classic prison situation.

He'll get it in any way he can. That's right. As long as you're not popping it in the pan. Oh, Michael Van Delsen, very good, man. You keep safe in your bubble, and thank you for all you're doing. This show really couldn't come along at a more perfect time. Tonight on TBNZ,

Eat Well for Less. Make sure you watch it and you have a great day. I will and I hope everyone enjoys the show. It was great making it. Good on you, bud. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Everyone in New Zealand very excited. The takeaways are back. They're back on the menu today and I'll tell you who's not excited, Ben's children. He's savagely stolen their walkie-talkies.

Why do they prefer walkie-talkies? Buy them a cell phone. No, I'm going to give you a scratchy form of communication. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to John and Ben's drive-thru takeaway. You can order literally anything as long as you don't tell the big multinational companies that we're stealing their products. Yeah, throughout the morning we want to shout some people some takeaways.

Whatever you want, you just tell us and we'll shout it. We'll do three now. How about that? Let's open up our drive-thru. Jono and Ben's Drive-Thru. Hi. You can't speak clearer, Giorno? Like you don't have to sound like you're a pilot flying a 747?

I'll have five of the biggest burgers you've got on sale with everything in. What place do you want to go to? What place? Burger Fuel. Burger Fuel. Ooh. Sure. Sure.

You're just great. You're very agreeable. You've got some Burger Fuel on us. Awesome. Well done, Lorraine. You enjoy Takeaway Tuesday. I will. I think someone else is driving up to the drive for you now.

Who's this? Caitlin. I think that was, can you place your order, maybe? I don't know. I feel like I'm an interpreter here at the moment. Would you like to place your order? I will have a jerk chicken burger, please.

Sorry, I can't hear you. We're about to hear you going for a jerk. I know there's a jerk in the studio, but where are you going for the jerk chicken burger? New Plymouth, Gamma Race. Oh, Gamma Race. You're making this very tedious, Jono. You can go to Gamma Race tonight.

We'll shout that for you, all right? Thank you. Good on you, Caitlin. Let's take one more. We'll head to Auckland. Nicole, welcome. Can I place an order, please? Hi, can I place an order for a pick up please

Can I please get one teriyaki chicken With avocado dragon roll From St Pears and a large teriyaki chicken On rice There you go St Pears dragon roll, good choice I think you just bought half of St. Pierre's. Ben's a big fan, aren't you?

I am a big fan. You love St. Pierre and his sushi. Although, unusual for a French man to... He's the saint of sushi, my friend. The patron saint of sushi. And we'll do that again after 8 o'clock. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Just did our takeaways. Our drive-thru will be open again after 8 o'clock. You can order any takeaway you want. Although someone's just texted in to 4487 this morning dobbing you in, Ben, for running an illegal underground restaurant over the weekend on social media. I don't know if this has been governed

by the Food Safety Authority or not, but I'd like to hand over to you now to explain. Well, to be honest with that, I think I got hustled. I got played by my kids because during lockdown, I think I mentioned it the other day, the kids have actually put on a restaurant for us, my wife and I.

They've got us to dress up nice. It was very, you had to dress in ties and all sorts of stuff for their home restaurant. Always when kids, though, cook food, it's never... Well, you end up cooking most of it yourself. You do, yeah. It's like, look, Mum, we've made your breakfast in bed. It's Play-Doh and kale. Yeah, so we ended up cooking most of it yourself. You do, yeah. It's like, look, mum, we've made your breakfast in bed. It's Play-Doh and kale.

Yeah. So we ended up, but it was nice. It was a nice thing they did. My wife and I had to dress up nice. They brought us over food. They played the waitstaff, put on like a romantic setting for us. And it was all very nice. And they did this twice.

Your kids are doing the foreplay for you. So we did this twice over lockdown. And then in the weekend, they're like, well, hey, you know how we've done this twice for you. I think it's time you doplay for you. So we did this twice over lockdown and then in the weekend they're like, well, hey, you know how we've done this twice for you. I think it's time you do it for us.

And so my wife and I agreed and then afterwards we're like, hang on, we're making them dinner and giving them dinner. That's parenting. We do that 99% of the year. But anyway,

we agreed to this. So we ended up, my wife and I got into like, we had white shirts, we had black bow ties, we had black waistcoats. Is this the same day that you dressed up as Harry Potter? The following day.

She said, we're a week into dress ups. Your house is like a pentagon. So we ended up, you know, the kids arrived, we welcomed them to the table, we put a nice little, you know, like spread together on the table, made them dinner and ended up like, it was a moment. My wife and I were in the pantry eating our dinner. Yeah. When the kids were sitting at the dining room table.

Well, the help can't be seen. Yeah. And we're like, look to each other. We're like, what are we doing? Like, why are we doing this? Mate, I bet you should have charged them. You should have charged them. Oh, you didn't charge them at all.

If you didn't want it to be parenting, you should have whipped out an Air Force 2 and all go, well, this is how a restaurant works. Yeah, that's going to be $400. Thank you. This is fine dining. You made us wear bow ties. And technically, it should have been a click and collect anyway, but we won't get into that. It wasn't contactless, was it?

You're right. At the end of the day, I was like, oh, why don't we just do that? But anyway, I got fired for the job for drinking on the job later, so that won't be. I think I'm going to HR for, you know, some flirting with the other waitstaff as well. So, you know, that restaurant may be closed down. I'm glad that happens at home as well as it does here.

With me, just to clarify. It's handsy with me, no one else in the office. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. 400,000 Kiwis back to work today. Isn't that awesome? Isn't that awesome? And the roads are still pretty clear. Jeez, I've got six green lights in a row on the way in this morning. I was like, gee, you know it's back to work today. Isn't that awesome? Yeah. Isn't that awesome? And the roads are still pretty clear.

Jeez, I've got six green lights in a row on the way in this morning. I was like, gee, that's, you know it's going to be a good day. I love how that brings you such joy. So much joy, so much joy. Tell you what I did the other day is I've, for some reason, just forgotten to fill up my car with petrol during this period. I've forgotten about the petrol station. Yeah.

Then I discovered travelling on the motorway, like I literally had no petrol and it was a thrill. Stuck on the motorway. Those are the cheap thrills Sia was talking about. Travelling down the motorway with no petrol. Brings me so much joy.

Let's see some Spy Entertainment news with producer Juliet. So, Demi Lovato, she has reunited with the co-stars from her Disney channel show, Sunny with a Chance. They reunited on a big Zoom call.

And she talked about how much she actually struggled during the filming of the show. So she went to rehab at 19, had to take a break from the show to go. And she said she looks back on that time, thinks of all the time she, A, wasted in the wardrobe room, fussing over how she looked. She would spend hours in there, you know, fixing everything up. And when she went on Will & Grace, she'd just spend 10 minutes in the wardrobe room

and just not really care, be like, whatever, it doesn't matter what I look like to other people. She said she felt really overworked during the filming of it and that for advice for anyone else in that industry or anyone who feels overworked in their jobs, speak up for your needs.

Always tell the people around you how you feel. If you're tired, tell them you're tired. If you're sick, be honest about being sick and not feeling good. Just speak up for yourself because that's one thing she regrets not doing. Well, she was a child star not only in that Disney show, but before that when she was really little, Barney the Dinosaur. She was one of the kids on the original Barney the Dinosaur.

There's a lot of pressure for a child growing up. I mean, it's too much even pressure for me now. Look at me. I couldn't do that now. That's too much pressure. Especially a little kid or a teenager, you know? Exactly. And in other news, Catherine Schwarzenegger and Chris Pratt, who got married mid last year, are now expecting their first child.

They went on a bike ride. You can see the baby bump and all that jazz. This is Chris's second child. He already has a seven-year-old son with his ex, Anna Faris, but this is Catherine's first. You know already has a seven-year-old son with his ex, Anna Faris, but this is Catherine's first. You know Ben refuses to say Arnold's surname. Arnold and Catherine's surname. We interviewed him and I was like, no, I'm not going to say it.

He just calls him Arnie? He won't know it's his Arnie. It's too close. You know, like I don't even want to slip up. You know, like I don't know. So I refuse to say it. It's his Arnie. He's Arnie to me and we know him as Arnie, the action hero named Arnie.

But you don't know her as Catherine. You can't just go Catherine. Or Chris Pratt and his partner wife, Catherine. Easy way. Who has a famous father, Arnie. He won't even say Kim, Courtney and Chloe because it's three Ks in a row. He refuses to do that.

Exactly. For more spot, you can head to the hits.co.nz. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, just during the news there, Ben was like, hey, I've just got a little thing I want to say here,

and you're going to go, wow. So if I don't go, wow, then I've failed. It was a tweet I read this morning, and it made me go, wow. So the tweet said, World War III almost started. Australia was on fire. Millions sick. Sports cancelled. Whole world in fire. Millions sick. Sports cancelled. Whole world in lockdown.

Kobe Bryant died. Kim Jon-on might be dead, and it's not even May. Wow. It did make me go, well, you're right. Jon-on Benz, lost and found. 100% guarantee. 100% wow guarantee. It made me go, wow.

Now, the building is relatively empty, where we're broadcasting from at the moment, and we've decided to get a little sticky in the finger department. Please never say that again. Please, please never say that again. So what he's trying to say, but he made it sound weird, is we found a pretty sweet paddle board. No one claimed it because no one was around to claim it.

And then our sticky fingers took this paddle board and are giving away on the radio. Digby, welcome. G'day, guys. You're on the air, buddy. Waialpa, which is South Auckland. You're just next to King's Seat there, the old mental hospital.

Yeah, g'day, mate. That is a crazy place, that building, isn't it? What's that, Spookers one? Yeah. Mate, building, there's about 50 of you there, mate. Yeah, it's... I'd like to make a shout-out to my lovely missus. Oh, good.

You shout-out to your lovely missus, mate. Cheers. Hey, now, lost and found. We've got the stand-up paddleboard. We've got five questions we're going to ask you, all relating to the ocean and ocean-based activities. If you get all five correct, Digby, the paddleboard is all yours.

God knows how we're going to get it out to you. It's about 20 metres tall. First question. What is the classic Kiwi Friday night takeaway? Fish and chips. One from one. Name the sequel to Finding Nemo. Sequel to Finding Nemo.

Something, ah, Struthmate. Struthmate, no. Although that is a great film. Um, something about Dora. Hold on, mate. Um, let me just, mate. Let me just think deeper. Hold on.

Just wait till I Google. Finding Dory. We'll give it to him. Oh, you're going to give it to him. Oh, jeez. I love how the three second timer means nothing. I like Digby. Yeah, he sounds like a top guy.

Where in the world is the famous Bonsai Pipeline surf break? Oh, that's in Hawaii, my bro. Oh, he's three from three now. I might regret giving him that second question. I'm going to be strict on the timer for the last two, but he's going well. Who won New Zealand's Sportsman of the Year in 1990? Sportsman of the Year 1990. Streets, mate.

I wasn't even born. Oh, well, we're going to have to let you go there. It was Sir Peter Blake, famous sailor and adventurer. Wonderful man, Sir Peter Blake. And you are a wonderful man too, Digby. You have a great day. Thank you for listening to the show. Keep safe in your bubble.

I feel like he's about to swear at any stage. Hang up on him, Producer Julius. Hang up, hang up, quickly hang up. Morning, it's Jono and Ben on the heads. And of course, New Zealand out of lockdown level four. We're still basically in lockdown. We can just get takeaway privileges right now on level three.

My major fear from this whole lockdown thing is putting on proper trousers again. I've been avoiding it. So I've just been wearing stuff with elastic bands. Shoes was weird the first time I came into work, putting on shoes for the first time in a while.

Yeah, my feet have got fatter too during this period. I can't even fit into my shoes. But a lot of stuff's happened. A lot of stuff's happened over the four weeks. Yeah, we want to play a fun little game

with you guys now. This is called... Oh, sorry. We would rehearse this too. This is called Stuff Nobody... Oh, he just left me hanging again. I love it when he goes acapella.

You go solo. Stuff Nobody Says in Lockdown. Okay, so you just give us a call, 0800 the hits, and you say stuff that nobody says in lockdown. So it's not stuff that people say, it's stuff nobody would say. Yes, exactly. Okay, give us an example.

Like, you know what, kids? After this, I think I'm going to homeschool you guys all year. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Hey, it's okay. Donald Trump said we can inject this. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Midday's way too early to start drinking. Stuff nobody says in lockdown.

What a fun game. Thanks for joining in, Producer Juliet. I didn't even know you were coming in then, and it was seamless. I loved it. Let's go to the phones. 0800, the hits, the telephone number. Jeremy, you're on the air. Welcome to New Zealand's breakfast, buddy.

G'day. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Oh, don't worry, mate. I'll just pop to the supermarket. It won't take long, though. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Producer Juliet, you need to commit to this. And then we'll have the conversation.

Now we can banter about it. It's true. You can't just whip to commit to this. And then we'll have the conversation. Now we can banter about it. It's true. You can't just whip to the supermarket anymore, can you? Although Producer Ben was saying that he went and there was a text system. So you just wait in your car and they text you and tell you when to come in. That's a great idea. Yeah, it's better than awkwardly standing at 1.5 metres apart, isn't it? Yeah.

You don't know if this is for me or this is for you. Yeah, it is. I mean, Jeremy, if you wanted to chime in as well, you could chip in with this banter too. Jeremy's done his stuff. He's added to our Stuff Nobody Says in Lockdown. Toby, welcome. You're on the air.

Stuff Nobody Says in Lockdown. Hey, what's that Tiger King show? I've never heard of it. Stuff Nobody Says in Lockdown. It's amazing how, you're right, six weeks ago I had no idea about it. Now every second meme is a Tiger King related one. And I like it because it makes you feel better about your life. Doesn't it?

Georgia, thank you for your call, Toby. Georgia, welcome to the show. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Being together all the time is really great for our relationship. Stuff nobody says in lockdown. Anything you want to talk about there, Georgia? Sure. Well, just say that things have happened and pranks have been made.

Okay. Testing the relationship. It's safe to say that they're probably thinking the same thing too, Georgia. We'll take one more. She's in Auckland. Her name's Holly and she's about to do stuff nobody says in lockdown. No, thanks. I don't want to whine.

It's a weeknight. That's very true. I tell you what, whine. It's a weeknight. That's very true. I tell you what, I reckon we should make a little video of these things. And then just put that on the internet. The internet needs that. Oh, that sounds like too much work. No, that's it. Just make a stuff nobody says a lot about.

He's always wanting to do more work. Chuck it on our Facebook page. We'll do that in 24 hours. All right, Jon? 24 hours. Yeah, go on, mate. How about next week? Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Now, he is a heavyweight boxer who's not only held the world title, but held the title now for best entertaining of the nation on social media during lockdown, reenacting classic singing movie scenes, if that was the title. He's joining us on Zoom. It's Joseph Parker.

How's it going? What's up? Going good. Actually, from what you guys have seen, I'm loving the lockdown. title he's joining us on zoom it's joseph parker how's it going what's up it's going good i'm actually from what i'm from what you guys have seen i'm i'm loving the lockdown you are loving the lockdown i tell you how did you because you're on zoom right now how did you manage to log on with your boxing gloves because is there something can you do things with your boxing gloves on apart from obviously the obvious but you know can you like write or use a laptop or go to the bath? And, you know, are there special things

you could do that most other people would struggle to do? You know what? I haven't tried anything with them on, but, you know, now it's a challenge. I think it's a challenge. He could paint the, reenact the Sistine Chapel with his boxing gloves.

Yeah, maybe. We've got Joseph Parker with us. I always think with boxing gloves, putting the first one on, I imagine, would be quite easy, but then the second one a bit niggly because your other... Oh listen if it's velcro, all good. If it's the lacer, there's no chance I could lace two at once. You're using your teeth. You can maybe use your feet. This can help you fill in time in lockdown. Joseph Parker, the only boxer

in the world and the international boxing scene who can tie up his gloves with his toes. All right. It's a challenge. You know what? I want to do that later on. Have you said before you've been doing great things during lockdown? Hilarious videos. How did that come about? Do you know what?

We have a lot of time on our hands. And listen, a lot of people are giving me all the credit. And I got the moves. It's all in the hips and all that. But Kerry Russell is a magic man. He does the ideas, the hips and all that. But Kerry Russell is a magic man. He does the ideas, the film, the editing, very generous with his time and his family.

He allows them to come and help me with the groceries, along with my sister, husband. He's the ideas man, the grocery man, and he's the editor and everything. So it's a lot of fun. We're having fun and I think we're giving everyone else something to smile at and have a laugh at. Yeah, I mean, just who is this amazing human being? He's shopping, he's filming,

he's editing, he's writing. I want him in my bubble, not yours. I mean, that's amazing. He's the man. I'm very fortunate to have him in my bubble and we do some great work together. But also, like I said, the reaction has been great and it's good to give people something positive at this time. Now, of course, you are a boxer, first and foremost, before internet star, but a dancer. But how do you think boxing is going to go? You know, when are we going to be out of box again? Because obviously social distancing, very hard to do, you know, while boxing.

I don't know. Maybe you just do like air boxing. Honesty says, I've got you. No, you didn't. Yeah, like punch from a distance. There's no hugging. There's no clinching. You just have to, earboxing. Honesty says, I've got you. No, you didn't. Yeah. Yeah, like, punch from a distance. Like, there's no hugging. There's no clinching. You just have to, you know.

I don't even know when this is going to be finished, you know. Or no one knows. So it's hard to tell when the fights will be happening or any sport at all. I really liked the tenacity and the positive outlook that Dana White had for the UFC. Remember, even when everything was locking down, he's like, I've gone to a lawless island. I'm going to fly all the fighters there, and we're going to fight in a cage. I was like, that is genius.

If he pulled that off, that would have been legendary. Now, Joseph, of course, a father of three children. Am I right? Yeah, father of three. Beautiful girls. As a couple of dads, we firstly wanted to offer our babysitting services on fight night. We'll just take half your winnings.

But anyway, that's a conversation. But how has being a father changed your outlook on life, particularly in scary times to the world like now? Oh, I love being a father. It's probably my favorite thing. Being a father is probably the highlight of my life. It's three beautiful girls, and I love spending time with them. You learn a lot from children, you know what I mean? of my life. You know, it's three beautiful girls and I love spending time with them. You learn a lot from children,

you know what I mean? And they're very innocent and they're just all very fun, positive and it keeps me going, keeps me active and just,

you know, I think with this isolation it's just giving me time to really appreciate the relationships I'm building with them. Yeah, now Joseph,

I know you're in a lockdown bubble with your family and they can hear you now. Just blink. If you didn't mean any of that. Joseph, before you let you go, what's the song you use when you walk out when you're boxing? Can't Be

Touched by Roy Jones Jr. Nice. It's a great song. Ben wanted to pitch a couple of other ones to you just to factor in. I know you've got a little bit of reflection time at the moment. You maybe can think about these. Yeah, here's a great song. Ben wanted to pitch a couple of other ones to you, just to factor in. I know you've got a little bit of time, a reflection time at the moment. You maybe can think about these. Yeah, here's something, because obviously now you're very musical,

you're doing these dancing things, so I thought maybe it's time to think about some new songs. How about this one? Is that sort of encouraging your person? Yeah, okay, maybe not so good. It's defeating the purpose of boxing, Ben. This one's kind of boxing related, I guess. So it shows you, you know, you can keep going,

even through adversity, but it does say you can get knocked down as well. Oh, yeah. That song just won't die. I get knocked down again. It's back up again. I don't think Joseph I get knocked down again. It's back up again. I don't think Joseph Parker likes your comedy options.

No, no, you stick with your raw Jones Jr. That sounds like a good one. Joseph Parker, lovely to catch up with you, buddy. And thank you for entertaining the nation and not in lockdown. Yeah, you and Kerry Russell are doing amazing things with your dance videos. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. More painful than your alarm clock.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Today is the day we can get takeaways again and cues. We should be doing traffic reports for McDonald's drive-thrus around the country because they're backed up. In fact, I 800 the hits. If you are stuck in a drive-thru right now, we'll get the traffic report. McDonald's, priceless advertising. They haven't even spent on advertising. We're talking about it.

How much is Ronald going to pull in today? I mean, millions. Oh, he has been shut for five weeks, though. The stores have been shut. I want those sensitive sales figures at the end of the day from McDonald's, and we'll broadcast them tomorrow. Of course, as we mentioned earlier, all the takeaways are open again today. KFC, Domino's, Hell Pizza, Burger King's open, Burger Fuel,

and if you want some right now, it's on us. Toronto and Ben's drive-thru. You can get pizza at 9.30 in the morning.. You can get pizza at 9.30 in the morning. I've never wanted pizza at 9.30 in the morning, but now I do because I can. Yeah, true. I guess it's a small bit of freedom back. That's right.

That's probably what it is for New Zealand. It's like, oh, I can actually get something that, you know, like I'm not cooking at home. It's quite good. Well, you're saying we've been told to stay home unless you're going to work. But what about the drive-thru? Yeah. They haven't stipulated whether you can go to the drive-thru. Are you going to work. But what about the drive-thru? Yeah. They haven't stipulated whether you can go to the drive-thru.

Are you allowed to drive just to go to the drive-thru? Is that counted? Is that okay? I don't know. That's an essential service in my eyes. We're going to go to the phones. 0800 the hits. Bit of role play here.

We've set up Jono and Ben's drive-thru. Ben, with his cold, cold heart, stole the walkie-talkies from his children this morning. Well, I can do without them for a few hours. They don't know how to communicate with each other. They can talk. But not at a distance. Well, yeah, true. What if they want to talk 30 metres away?

This is the ultimate for social distancing, isn't it? Ben's now going to play the role of the snotty-nosed teenager in the drive-thru because I've been fired. Oh, you couldn't make any sense. You just mumbled your way through it. So I'm going to try and speak clearly. Okay. All right, well, let's go to the first person on the

drive-thru. He's in Hamilton. Richard, welcome. Hello. Hello, can I take your order please? Yes, can I have a large vanilla flat white and two donuts please? Oh, is that all you want or you want something else? Oh, and a

pack of sushi please. Okay, you want to go, is this all from the same place, same magical place, or multiple places? Multiple places. Yeah, no, see, I don't think there's one magic shop that does donuts and sushi. I was going to say, that's a store I need to go to. There's a hole in the market, though. Richard, we got you, buddy. We got you.

We'll shout you that, okay? Sweet. Thanks, guys. Let's head to Utara. Doris, welcome. You're on the air. Hi. Hi, guys. You're in to Utara. Doris, welcome. You're on the air. Hi. Hi, guys.

You're in the drive-thru. Welcome to General Adventure Drive-thru. Can I take your order, please? Can I please get three three-piece quarter packs from KFC? Three three-piece quarter packs? Would you like those upsized? What was that? Okay, I said it again.

Would you like those upsized? No, no. We're good with that. Okay, just drive around the corner. We're just going to be a bit of a wait on that one, but I can't do a review shortly. We've got you checking, Doris. Don't you worry about that, okay? Awesome, thank you, guys.

In the South Waikato. Noel, welcome. Hi. Good to have you on. You can't press the button when I'm trying to do it. Sorry. It doesn't work. You can't. You can't. I trying to do it. It doesn't work. You can't.

You cannot get a big bucket of potato and coleslaw. A big bucket of chicken, a big bucket of potato and coleslaw, a big bucket of gravy, you name it, we're getting it for you. Okay, Noel? Thank you very much. Easy as that. That's how the drive-through works. Yeah, that was fun.

Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two. That's how the drive-thru works. Yeah, that was fun. Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. This is New Zealand's Breakfast and we're doing this degrading part of the show, Ben. We don't have to do this. No one's made us do this but us. We keep doing it. We keep persisting with it. We're going through the white pages.

We're calling all of New Zealand. I think we've only got three people left to call. Deirdre, Mike and Kevin to see if they're listening to the hits on New Zealand's I think we've only got three people left to call. Deirdre, Mike and Kevin. To see if they're listening to the hits on New Zealand's Breakfast. Let's head through now. Kia ora, one question. Yep. One question.

Only one? Well, I'll probably have a couple more to be honest. No, no, one question. That's all you get. Can you turn up the radio so we can hear what you're listening to? Warren G. Regulate. Good song.

Looked at the homie, said, damn, what's next? Good song. I guess you're not listening to us, but good song. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits here. Oh, yo, good morning. Good morning. We're phoning everyone in New Zealand to see if they're listening to us, or Warren G.

Those were the two of us. Close enough. Yeah, close enough. This song just been released in Tokomaru Bay, is it? Oh, no. That's what old school is. That is old school. I remember the video. Oh, my God. Do you remember Nate Dog. That is old school. I remember the video.

Oh, my God. Do you remember Nate Dog and Warren G and they're in the car and they're having a whole bunch of troubles going up. The homies are hemmed up and they're all around. You look after yourself. You're doing a great job in Tokamaru Bay. You been busy? Yeah, we have been.

Yeah, what are they buying? What's the big seller? Smokes and alcohol, Nacho. A lot of food. You have a great day. You're awesome. Yeah, that joke. A lot of food. You have a great day. You're awesome. What an awesome lady. She was so good.

Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Anzac Day on Saturday, obviously, and a lot of people couldn't actually celebrate it in a mass gathering form, so there were a lot of ways to commemorate celebrate it in a mass gathering form. So there were a lot of ways to commemorate. Yeah, on my street, we went out there just before 6 o'clock and it was really cool.

Up the street, there were many houses out there. They had candles and they were holding it out there and you can hear different people listening to their radios at different times depending if they were listening on iHeartRadio or live on radio. So it was kind of cool. Did you put poppies in the window? Yeah, my daughters drew some poppies, yeah. Well, they had, in Australia, they had this online concert

that was broadcast on TV on Saturday night. Did you see it? No, I didn't. I love you, John. I love how you just, you persist, you know, like free-to-air TV. That's me. You're like, there are other options. There's Netflix, there's Disney+, there's movies you can get live,

but you're like, no, what the TV networks want me to watch, they'll put on and I'll watch that. And I'll sit through the ads. And I'll watch the whole thing. Throughout the year, you're always like, oh, did you see that thing on TV last night? There's this new reality show where the guys, they can't hook up. And I'm like, no, I didn't, but you tell me about it.

Sometimes the ads are my favourite part. That's why I love it. It's one of free-to-air TV. Free-to-air afloat. I love it. I'm the only person in the country watching free-to-air television. But so they had this concert and, you know, it had like Jimmy Barnes singing Working Class Man.

So it was all the Anzacs, right? Like Australian New Zealand. Yeah, Australian New Zealand. I didn't get to the end of it. They were getting to the New Zealand. It was definitely more Australian focused than it was New Zealand. I hadn't seen, I just saw Pearl McRoberts in a bleak news studio on Saturday night having to throw back to the Washington Museum. I hadn't seen, I just saw Pearl McRoberts in a bleak news studio on Saturday night having to throw back

to the Australian coverage. But then they had, The Wiggles came on. Is this a washing hands song? Poignant, poignant. Oh yeah, it's good. Then you count when you're washing. One, two, three, four.

Now, I turned to my wife at nine o'clock on Saturday night and I was like, this is a low point. This is a low point. But the Wiggles are you. Well, creatively, I think for the Wiggles, the Wiggles have got to a stage where they can literally write a song about anything and their audience are never going to judge them because they're kids.

They can write a song about the dishwasher goes wish, wash, wash. Yeah, true. The pie's dropped on the floor. We better pick it up. Dad's on the couch scratching himself again, drinking beer. Because two of them, two of the new Wiggles were married, weren't they? And then they broke up. Yeah, they had to release a press release about how they still remain great friends in their skivvies. One got the house, one got the big red car. And the

breaker. But even they could stay together and still be happy through that. I mean, that's a testament to the Wiggles, right? Well, when you paid $10 million to be happy, Ben, in a skivvy, you put a smile on. Fruit salad, yummy, yummy. Anyway, I've had a lot of bleak moments through this lockdown,

but watching the Wiggles on a Saturday night at nine o'clock was certainly the highlight for me. They actually, in the UK, had the big night in on Saturday night, which was the big charity thing to help fight COVID. I hope they had better acts than the Wiggles. Well, yeah, one of the most amazing things to come out of that was a re-release of the Foo Fighters songs, Times Like These, which featured the Foo Fighters and like a whole list of musical stars,

everyone from Coldplay, Dua Lipa, Anne-Marie, Rag and Bow Man, like every different line's a new star. I thought we'd play it for you right now. Have a listen to this. This is To Fight COVID-19.

This is Times Like These, the Big Night In remix. And we'll play the Wiggles Wash Your Hands in its entirety before nine o'clock. We'll do that after that. 8.42, Jono and Ben. Someone that drives away, that follows you back home And I, on the streetlights shining I'm a wild light blinding bright, burning off alone

Oh It's times like these we give and give again It's times like these you learn to love again It's times like these, time and time again I'm a new day rising I'm a brand new sky To hang the stars upon tonight I'm a little divided Do I stay or run away And leave it all behind?

I know It's times like these you learn to live again It's times like these you give and give again It's times like these you learn to love again It's times like these time and time again Let's go It's times like these do we activate Do something to improve or procrastinate?

I've been cooking now, making wiki pasta plate Stream games at 11 but I clap at 8 And I'll jingle FaceTime if you tell me Time to pay back all the help Docs left me And for me West 10's elementary but right now I wanna see life roll go empty again We'll make it better together, we'll make a better life Because the pressure is ever upon us every night.

And every day so we pray and we will forever fight. We'll make it better together. We'll make a better life. I'm a one way motorway. I'm the one that drives away and follows you back home. And I must feel like shining. And while I'm blinded by pain, I'm staying alive. It's time to love again. It is a hit, save 45, and that is the new version of Times Like These just released over the weekend in the UK featuring a whole host of artists

including Coldplay, the original Foo Fighters, Dua Lipa. Pretty cool, eh? You know you've got a packed roster when you tack Chris Martin onto the end to sing the last line. The last line, yeah. Jeez, I love me a shameless celebrity sing-along, though. Warms the cockles of my virus-free heart. It's time to look at some big news from a small town.

It is big news from a small town. We like to look at news that some other radio stations might neglect. Yeah, they neglect because they're all wrapped up in COVID. Not us. Not us. We forget about COVID. Is that even happening? Didn't even know it was a thing. Today the news comes out of Southland. Bluff Oysters back on the menu.

Are you an oyster guy? I actually do enjoy oysters. Yeah, you would be annoyed. You're an adventurous eater, you are. We had one over summer up in Russell. We had some and I bought some. Because they're quite expensive, Bluff oysters. And I bought six.

And I said to Sienna, who's my oldest, I was like, she was nine at the time, I was like, oh, why don't you try one? She tried it but didn't like it, spat it back out. And I'm like, well, these are quite expensive. So I ended up eating it. And then afterwards, I was like, oh, I just did that in front of everyone at the restaurant. Well, I mean, the advantage is they're all slobbery, greasy.

They look like they're chewed up anyway. So it doesn't, I don't like the feeling. They're all, yeah, it doesn't sit comfortable in my mouth. You're a very white bread and two-minute noodle kind of guy. Restaurants are opening up again, of course, from today. Takeaway places and Bluff Oysters are back on some menus. So we're going to call Southwell now. Yeah, we're phoning Barnes Wild Bluff Oysters,

and I'm looking at their factory in Bluff, and it looks like a wild place. Hello? Hi, Barnes Oysters, Mary speaking. Casual answering, Mary. Well, I was actually pushed the button to check the answer phone, so I was a bit surprised when somebody said hello. Oh, I see.

We're going to be even more surprised. It's Jono and Ben here from the Hits radio station. We're just reading about Bluff Oysters back on the menu. Well, yes, in a limited sort of way. Well, how limited? How many did you catch? Twelve? Well, yes, in a limited sort of way. Well, how limited? How many did you catch? Twelve? Oh, two, three.

And did they go to the highest bidders? Absolutely. I love, love, love Bluffer Worcesters. I've always enjoyed eating them. He was just saying

he didn't like them. Not in front of Mary. Oh, sorry. I love them, Mary. Me too, Mary. Jono's not a fan. He's not very adventurous. Okay, hang on.

Just two ticks, guys. I'll put you on hold. Okay. Mary's got a... She's like, I need to check this voice message that I was coming to check. And then you were on the phone. I called her by surprise.

And she didn't want to hear about you not liking the Oasis? No. Fair enough. Don't put... Well, you can't like... Don't shame me in front of Mary, though. When you think of hold music and bluff, this isn't... It's not what I

expected. No. Graham speaking. Graham. John Owen being here from the hits. I saw your ugly faces in the front

page of our paper today. Back on the job again. They gave you a job did they? Yeah they did. And now we're

calling you because bluff oysters are back on the menu. We're excited about this. Yeah we're pretty excited too really. Awesome.

Whereabouts do you see them? All around the country? Yeah pretty much all around the country. We're excited about this. Yeah, we're pretty excited too, really. Oh, awesome. We're about to see them all around the country? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, all around the country. So, yeah, the Invercargill demand has certainly been some oysters munching in Invercargill this week. Is it true, you know, that what they say about eating oysters make you a little bit, you know, sort of... I've got 12 kids at this end.

Twelve? Is there nothing else to do in Bluff? The whole population of Bluff are Graham's children. Graham, stay safe and we look forward to trying some Bluff oysters. Yeah, that'd be fantastic. Maybe I'll try and send you a wee taste to see how they get on. Good on you, Graham. Look after yourself, keep safe and keep oystering.

Is that what you say? Thank you very much. Have a good day. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. We talked about this the other day. Genesis School Gen, they've teamed up with MindLab Kids

that made this really cool website with heaps of free activities, experiments, challenges, light bulb moments. It's called schoolgen.co.nz and it's a lot of fun, creative learning you can do at home with the kids.

I had a crack the other day and made a lava lamp with like a baraka and food dye and oil and also made a rubber egg. We put it in vinegar for 24 hours and it was pretty amazing. This is high risk stuff. How are we feeling? I'm nervous. Excited. Okay, here we go.

Here we go. I got to drop the egg. Three, two, one. Yeah! We did it! This is the greatest day of my life! Yeah, I regret saying greatest day of my life now, but it was pretty cool.

We played that the other day. You could have edited that out. Remember we talked about that. We're like, well, you've had a wedding, you've had birth of children, but bouncing a rubbery egg was the greatest day of your life. I was pretty excited. And now thanks to our Genesis School Gen,

we're going to give away an iPad. Okay we're going to go through to the winner who designed their own GIF here. It was a competition in Thursday's time out. Basically it was a

MindLab Kids Challenge to draw a GIF and what your GIF would be. This is something that I've never been able to do. Have you ever been able to do what this person's

drawn? No. No. The kids can do it and it's just like I can't do that. So kids can do it and it's just like, I can't do that. So we're going to go through to hopefully the winner or the winner's mother, is it, Producer Juliet? An Apple iPad.

This is Ruth Tate saying I'm afraid I'm not available at the moment. Oh, we didn't factor this in in the live radio giveaway, did we? Call her back. Should we try again? Well, if she doesn't answer, then I'm keeping the iPad. That's not how it works. It was a cool picture.

I'm taking my iPad off a kid. You can't take the iPad off a kid. Those are the rules. Teas and Seas, baby. Did you read the Teas and Seas? I haven't read the Teas and Seas. Oh, I read the Teas and Seas. Genesis School Gender.

Check it out, though, if you're looking for something fun to do with the kids at the moment. Because, as I said before, it was pretty, maybe not the best day of my life, but it was up there. All right? Now, Ruth, we're phoning Ruth. Ruth, if you're listening to the radio answer the phone or we're actually going to leave two flailing radio announcers trying to fill in your time. This is Ruth Tate's phone.

Alright John, congratulations, you just won an Apple White. Yes! Thanks to Genesis It's the greatest day of my life, this is the greatest day of my life. Let's talk about Benji's gif though, he was seven years old and he drew a gif. Yeah, he designed a six-picture gif featuring various stages of him doing a forward flip on the trampoline. And that's won him an iPad. Or Jono.

It's won me an iPad. Well done, Benji. Well done, Jono. I've never been able to do a flip on a tramp. No. No. Just don't have the confidence. Yeah, exactly.

I think I'd get upside down and then just be like, mm-mm. You've got to follow through. You do. That's when you need to be confident. Like us persisting with that call live on the radio. We kept going, and it was regrettable. Who wants to call her a third time? No. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Good morning, class. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet! I said shut your pie holes! Apologies, that really went from zero to a hundred. Welcome to Jono and Ben's Home School, a renegade, unsanctioned educational faculty fully supported by the Ministry of Education in no way at all.

Now, tuck in your socks and pull up your shirts. I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. Please stand and welcome your teachers With literally no teaching qualifications whatsoever Mr. Pryor and Mr. Boyce Welcome along class This is John Owen Benz homeschooling just after 9 o'clock We like to do this between 9 and 10 on the show

Hope you had a good long weekend Yeah, this educational facility designed to pull your children away from TikTok For just 55 minutes. Now, a lot of takeaway places open today. Everyone's very excited about that. So if you are getting takeaways, you've got takeaways, we'd love a call today. And we'd also love a call if you want to be our star pupil. That's right.

And if you're the star pupil at the end of all of our classes, there's four of them, history, English. The school ducks needs to make a speech. We've got music class. If you answer every question in every class correct, you win the 12 ducks needs to make a speech, we've got music class, if you answer every question in every class correct, you win the 12 month Disney Plus subscription, however if you get one question wrong, savagely another star pupil

is on the stage, and Scotty you've phoned through on 0800 the hits, well done you're our star pupil, yo good morning are you on the drive through, yeah bro, just got my McDonald's, we're off home, what'd you go, bit of. We're off home. Oh, nice. Where'd you go? Bit of a B&E McMuff?

Yeah, massive McMuffin combos. Are they doing burgers now? I think they are, aren't they? I think after 10 o'clock, yeah. It was breakfast menu when I got there. Oh, right. So you're going to go home, eat that, then go back and get your burgers? Yeah, nah.

I'll just deal with my McDonald's. Yeah, now what was the wait like? How long did you have to wait? There was only two cars in front of me when I got there. That's why I pulled in. I wasn't going to get McDonald's, but I could not resist it. The one I drove past, there were like 50 cars. It was stretched around a car park.

Because people were waiting since one in the morning, you were saying, in some spots. Yeah. Wow. I mean, another 24 hours, the drive-through will be a bit more chill. You could probably, anyway, hey, let's not get into that right now because you're our star pupil. The first class we're going to do next

is history, okay, Scotty? And you can win that 12-month Disney Plus subscription. Cheers, man. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. History.

History. They say it never repeats unless this bit features in a replay form at a later date. This is history. Jono's going to describe some historical figures to someone, and they've got to guess who you're describing.

In 60 seconds, back to relaxed Scotty in Whangaparoa. Welcome back, Scotty. Morning. Star pupil. If you're on at the end of all the classes, you've got the 12-month Disney Plus subscription. You can get zero questions wrong, Scotty. Timer starts now.

Former captain of the All Blacks now flies helicopters married to Gemma. Richie McCaw. One from one. He's now passed away, used to fight crocodiles. He was the hunter. Steve Irwin. Well done. Two from two.

Father on The Simpsons, married to Marge. Homer Simpson. Oh, my God. This guy's on fire. He's an actor. He's Australian. He's got a famous brother who was with Miley Cyrus for a while. Thor.

Thor. Oh, f***. What's his name? Adam Hemmingsway? Someone Hemmingsway? I'll take it. You're very sharp. Tom Hanks played this guy in a movie and he just ran and ran and ran.

Of course, girl. Yeah, you've got one more to get. Redhead singer, he fell in love with a Galway girl. He came to New Zealand to play his guitar. Very charming British chap. I'm edgy. Yes, there we go. We've got sex in there as well.

And a bit of blasphemy too for good measure. You're sorry for that F-bomb, bro? No, that's all good. Relax, Scotty. That's all good. You're still our star pupil and you've still got

that Disney Plus subscription, my friend. Stick around. You've got our next class which we're going to partake in next. Thank you. Oh, so cute. And a bit of cuteness at the end.

Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. It's time for English. Fun fact, English is actually Jono and Ben's second language. And welcome back to our star pupil, Scotty, who is on fire at the moment. Scotty, this is English, okay? Bit of a difficult class, this one.

Damn. All right, let's give it a crack. Now, Scotty, if you stay on the line for the rest of the hour, you'll win that 12-month subscription to Disney+. So watch Onward on the weekend, a new movie that's dropped on there. Very good from Pixar. Chris Pratt, Tom Holland, the voice is very, very good. But anyway, here is your English class.

So you have to tell us which is the correct definition. Your first word is eucatastrophe. Eucatastrophe. Does this mean when someone uses too many apostrophes in a text message, is it the trophy for best eucalyptus oil awards or is it a happy ending to a story? Happy ending to a story.

It's a happy ending and there is a happy ending to that question because Scotty is still the star pupa in the game. Your next word is spitchcock. Is this an eel split, then grilled or fried? Is it a fire-breathing chicken, the type that produces KFC Wicked Wings? Or is it equipment used in badminton?

That's an eel split, grilled or fried. This guy knows everything He's like Wikipedia In human form Full of bacon and egg McMuffins that he's just purchased from McDonald's You've still got the 12 month subscription buddy We're going to come back next Music class, okay Scotty?

Alright, Jono being homeschooling I think that's good because he's so chilled He doesn't get flustered We're playing the 5 second game on social media at the moment, which you can join us at the Hits Breakfast, and we're just getting flustered. Yeah, no. I mean, Scotty, you're back into Diffuser Bomb.

He's chill. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes, it's Jono and Ben on the Hits. If you are a star pupil and you stay on for the whole hour, or at least you're the last person on the line, you can win that Disney Plus subscription. Aladdin, Avengers, Avatar, all streaming now. You get a free seven-day trial

at DisneyPlus.com. Some terms apply. Alright, class, time to shove a slobbery, unhygienic recorder in your mouth. It's music. And Scotty, the pride of Whangaparoa, welcome back. Hello. Our star pupil. Now, I think also we should take our hats off to Scotty,

who's not only our star pupil, but been on hold for 27 minutes on the radio. I mean, that's in itself an achievement, Scotty. He's already been to Macca's. He's full of McDonald's and full of all the answers because he hasn't got one wrong so far. You have to finish the line for these songs, okay? Scotty, here's the first one.

Let's go. And he sings. He sings. He's a triple threat. All right, well done, Robbie Williams, rock DJ. You got this one. They got that one. Here's your next one. Don't show up.

Don't come out. Don't start caring. About me now. Is that it? It is. Well done. Scotty sounds so opposite to Dua Lipa. Someone else singing in the background very well.

Good social distancing lyrics there. Don't show up, don't come out. Is that your kid, Scotty? Yeah, it's my daughter singing that song in the background. Well, chuck her on the phone. Let her finish the song. All right, here she goes. Hi.

Sing along. Don't come out. Don't start caring about me now. Walk away. Walk away. You know how. You know how. Don't start caring about me now. Walk away. Walk away. You know how. You know how. Don't start caring about me now.

Oh, that's really good. You guys, I'm not even going to do the last question because that's so good. You guys are through to the next round. You are so close to winning that Disney Plus subscription. Hold the line, all right? Okay. All right, we're back. Yeah, cute factor, eh?

Yeah, I know. When in doubt, wheel out the kids. Have a sing-along, mate. Melt the hearts. You know how it goes. Throw to a song, Ben. Thanks for breaking that down for us, Jono. Next, our final round of Jono and Ben's homeschooling.

Will Scotty take home that Disney Plus subscription, or will you snake it off them? Or will there be more cuteness? All to come. Still to come. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. All right, everybody.

Shut up and listen to today's School Ducks. He's had a smooth ride from the opening of school right through to the end. 12-month Disney Plus subscription. It could all fall over right now. Our star pupil, Scotty, welcome back from Whangaparaoa. Good morning. Playing for his daughter. And at no stage have Scotty's enthusiasm levels dropped or risen.

He's played about the same, right? That's what we love about Scotty. Cool, calm, and collected, playing for his daughter. Now, this is a bit of a tricky one. You've got to give your valedictorian speech as the school ducks, Scotty. You have 30 seconds. You can't say um or ah. Now, your topic, which we'll talk about

further, is why Ben Boyce should buy 22 more t-shirts with a topless picture of Dwayne the Rock Johnson on them. Your timer starts now. Alright, good morning, school. How are we? Good.

This morning I will be saying that Ben Boyce will need to buy 22 more topless Dwayne Johnson t-shirts because he is a tight ass. That's a good point. He's right for Dwayne gets him rock while he's watching Fast and the Furious in his lowered car. Other than that, I'd like to say that Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a superior man to Ben Boyce. Well, that's true. Oh, there's Scott there.

Well done. Meandered a bit in the middle, but he's won the 12-month Disney Plus subscription, Scotty. Thank you very much. You can check that out. It is a lot of fun. As we said before, all the Simpsons episodes, all the Pixar movies, the Star Wars movies are there as well. It's pretty cool. Yeah, well done, buddy.

Ben bought a shirt over the weekend from Cotton On as Dwayne The Rock Johnson, his hero on there, looking very muscly and topless. And what does it say? It just says The Rock. It says Bring It as well. Motivational. Motivational slogan.

Bring It. I was going to say, John, it was $13. I was like, man, I should have bought 20 more. At least you look the same every day of the week. Yeah, exactly, because of my uniform.

Naked Dwayne The Rock Johnson is being struck by lightning and it is infecting him in no way whatsoever. That's right. He doesn't even notice the lightning. That's how cool The Rock is. And you are very cool as well,

my friend, because you've got the 12-month Disney Plus coming your way, all right? Thank you very much, lads. Have a good day. You too.

Now, we promised a bit more cute in the hour. Can you put your lovely little daughter on as well to wrap up some cuteness for us? Sure thing. Here she is. Hello? Say something cute. I've been watching the radio for ages. Oh, I've been watching the radio for ages.

Beautiful. Oh, so cute. So adorable. Hey, well done. You got that Disney Plus subscription. Beautiful. Oh, so cute. So adorable. Hey, well done. You got that Disney Plus subscription? Yes. Yes. Well done.

Enjoy that in your bubble, all right? Yeah. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Okay, students, time for the Beat the Parents class. No, you're right. This is not part of the traditional curriculum,

but at this school, we throw that out for shameless product placement. Now we've got a Planet of Fun board game to give away right now. It's called Beat the Parents. We pick out one card at random. I ask three questions to a kid, three to Jono, and we see who wins. Oh, we're going to a six-year-old. I am going to obliterate a six-year-old. Lucas, how's Wellington?

Good. Oh, he sounds adorable. I'm sorry about what's about to happen, mate, but I'm going to take this board game home once and for all. No. No? Jono, would you like to go first or second? I'll go first this time. Okay. If you don't mind, Lucas,

if that's okay. Okay. Lucas, this is a question for Jono. Okay, Jono, in Shrek, who voiced the character of the donkey? Oh, Mike Myers. No, Eddie Murphy! Eddie Murphy! Eddie Murphy! I thought you were going to get Eddie Murphy. Take my second

answer, please, Ben. I'll think about that. We'll see how Lucas goes. Lucas, your first question. It's a movie about a boy who never grows up. Who's that? Peter Pan. Peter Pan, well done. You've given him the answers.

I'm not saying you've given him the answers. Oh, mate, we definitely didn't give you the answers. Giorno, what is the name of the monkey in Dora the Explorer? Boot. Yeah, well done. Okay. All right, Lucas. Take my Eddie Murphy answer, please.

We'll see. For the love of God. Which elephant, Lucas, has the largest ears? A 50-50 choice. African or Asian elephant? African or Asian? Africa. Well done.

He's right. He's right because you've given him the answers. Of course he's right. A six- because you've given him the answers. Someone's given him the answers. Of course he's right. A six-year-old doesn't know that stuff. Jono, relative to its size and weight, which creature is the best jumper, a kangaroo or a flea, Jono? A flea.

He's right, you know. Three from three. Three from three, Lucas. You hear that? Now the pressure's on, buddy. Lucas, you might need some help for this one, maybe. What is a lazy Susan? If you're one, maybe. What is a lazy Susan? If you're at a restaurant, what is a lazy Susan?

You can turn it. A what? You can turn it. It's like a turntable. It's like a turntable. You're telling me a six-year-old, Ben, and you'd look me in the eyes, you'd look me dead in the eyes. You're telling me a six-year-old knows what a lazy Susan is

without even flinching. Yes. I almost gave you the answer before you had finished asking the question. Now, I want you to be transparent with me. I'll be honest with you. I haven't given him the answer. Yeah, exactly. And to have the kids knowing the answers all the way through this beat the parents for a week and a half.

Don't answer this, Lucas. Don't answer this. This is your lawyer. Don't answer this, all right? Well done, mate. We're going to send you out there game, okay? Okay. You sleep easy tonight, mate. We're going to send you out there game, okay? You sleep easy tonight, buddy.

I thought you were going to get all three from three, but you got the trick on wrong, Giotto. I thought we were going to go for a tiebreaker for the first time. So back tomorrow, Ben gives the answers to the kids game. Join us same time, same place tomorrow. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Giotto and Ben on the hits. It was really good to have you with us.

A lot of fun playing this homeschooling game as well as doing the show this morning. Yeah, it's back tomorrow at Ben on the hits. It's really good to have you with us. A lot of fun playing this homeschooling game as well as doing the show this morning. Yeah, it's back tomorrow at 9 o'clock homeschooling. If you'd like to join us back tomorrow morning, it's 6 o'clock for New Zealand's breakfast. And we are, as we have mentioned, phoning everyone in the phone book, everyone in New Zealand,

and seeing if they are tuned in to New Zealand's breakfast. And so far, none of them, not one of them has been. So we're going to go to Tokomaru Bay now. Kia ora, Tokumaru Bay. Foresquare Memory speaking. Kia ora. One question. Yep.

One question. Only one? Well, I'll probably have a couple more to be honest. No, no, one question. That's all you get. Can you turn up the radio so we can hear what you're listening to? Warren G. Regulate.

Good song. Looked at the homie said damn what's next? Good song. I guess you're not listening to us but good song.

It's Jono and Ben from The Hits here. Oh yo. Good morning. Good morning. We were phoning everyone in New Zealand to see if they're

listening to us but all Warren G Those were the two of us Close enough Yeah, close enough Yeah This song's just been released In Tokomaru Bay, is it?

Oh no That's what old school is That is old school I remember the video Oh my god Do you remember Nate Dogg and Warren G And they're in the car And they're having a whole bunch of troubles going up

The homies are hemmed up and they're all around. You look after yourself. You're doing a great job in Tokomaru Bay. You been busy? Yeah, we have been. Yeah, what are they buying? What's the big seller? Smokes and alcohol, Nacho.

A lot of food. You have a great day. You're awesome. Yeah, you too. See you, buddy. Bye. Favourite New Zealander, that lady. She was awesome. Today, I don't know who's going to be my favourite New Zealander tomorrow. You're awesome. Yeah, you too. See you, buddy. Bye, bye. Bye. Favourite New Zealander, that lady. She was awesome.

Today, I don't know who's going to be my favourite New Zealander tomorrow. It changes daily. Tomorrow on the show, we're joined by actor Kim Crossman. You know her from Shortland Street and many other programmes since then. We're joining her. She's joining us from the States. Yeah, what I like about Kim is fun little fact. She's got a little kitten that she pushes around in a pram.

She does. In Los Angeles. We'll talk to her about that. I mean, we've talked to her about that a lot, and she's like in a pram. She does. In Los Angeles. We'll talk to her about that. I mean, we've talked to her about that a lot, and she's like, you're going to ask me about that again. Do you know what's something I thought we'd ask her as well that always interests me? Barack Obama used to follow her on Twitter.

Like, you know, like... The president. The president. But she tried to message him once, and he didn't reply back. But yeah, so we'll find out tomorrow if he still follows her on Twitter. All right, New Zealand, stay safe, stay sanitised. Good day, Aotearoa.