Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 03 - Jono Walked Into The Ladies Bathroom, We Took Mike Hosking's Car To The Drags, News In Beeps

Episode Date: August 2, 2020

Jono went out on Friday night, which is a shock in itself because he's basically a hermit crab, but an awkward situation occurred when he accidentally walked into the women's bathrooms... Ben also wanted to debate whether taking an open bottle of wine to someones house is ok! We also had our political reporter $20 Karen on and she received some advice from professional political reporter Barry Soper. Finally, Jono took Mike Hosking's car drag racing yesterday and gave us all the highlights!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Here we go, Monday. Jazzed up. I was a bit tired this morning, Ben, you? Yeah, a little bit myself. I had a good weekend away though, Rotorua. Wild weekend. Where did you eat in Rotorua? A couple of restaurants. We had Italian one night. Oh, Italian. Italian was quite nice. What did you go and do? You a pasta Italian was quite nice. What do you go?

Do you have a pasta guy, pizza guy? What's your thing? I got a pasta, but then, you know, you got kids these days, and one of the kids ended up eating most of mine, and I ended up eating their one. Because they like my one better than yours. And as a parent, I don't know why you feel obligated to go, oh, well, you have this one, or I have that one.

Both were lovely, but I felt like, oh, I like your pasta more than mine. So I ended up giving it to one of them. It's cool being a good parent. Why? It is. I mean, you could have let your kids starve. You could have left them in the car, but I felt like they were like I like your pasta more than mine so I ended up giving it to what did I do that? It's called being a good parent Why? It is I mean you could have

let your kids starve you could have left them in the car but you chose not to Yeah They had a meal it was great I ate it

but they liked mine slightly more than theirs so they ended up eating mine I always find that I think every adult deep down has the taste buds

of a four and a half year old at a birthday you know I just the amount of fish fingers I eat. I just eat fish fingers. I eat little Cheerios. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, we spoke to her a while ago,

and she said that, you know, now and again, they cook fish fingers for little Neve. I think your tastebuds, you know, they develop, but the OG tastebuds, they're still there. They still love fairy bread. They still love getting jacked up on Raro. It's kind of the comfort food, eh? When you're coming back and you're like,

oh yeah, I know what this is. I know what this is. This is safe. This is not good for me, but it's safe. Yeah. And not to say you don't want to try other stuff. It's just every now and again, it's nice to have that. That's lovely. Do you get a garlic bread? Yeah, we do get a garlic bread. Love garlic bread. It's one of my favourite breads. I can imagine. Can you imagine how much I love

garlic bread? You're one of those garlic bread for the table type things. You're like, oh, is that what we want? Oh, okay. We'll get a few of those for the table. I can make that sort you imagine how much I love garlic bread? You're one of those garlic bread for the table type things. You're like, oh, is that what you want? Okay. We'll get a few of those for the table. I can make that sort of helicopter movement with your hands. Yeah. Garlic bread for you, brother.

We'll get this for the table. We've got a fun podcast today. You took Mike Hosking's car to the drags yesterday. Yeah, that was fun. It was fun. Some wonderful people at the drags, salt of the earth people, and they were really nice and very helpful because I'd never done it before, drag racing. No, I'm surprised. I thought for comical purposes you were going

to go really slow but you fanged it. No, I was going to go slow but then I just saw the disappointment in the faces of the dragway people. I was like, I thought for comedy I'd just go really slow and they're like, oh. And I was like, oh, this is peer pressure at its best. So instead I ended

up going 220Ks. Yeah, I know. Wow, there's a lot of pace. So enjoy that on the podcast. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We went out on Friday night, Ben. Now Ben doesn't believe me because he knows that I'd never go out.

He didn't. No, I did. For a very social guy around work, we just don't go out. Yeah, I don't like to leave my property. I'm almost at the stage where I'm like, I'd like to commit a crime, not a serious one, like maybe steel washing or graffiti or something. Right. So I have to wear an ankle bracelet

and I've just got a great excuse. I'm like, I can't go out the ankle bracelet. That's where I'm almost at. But yeah, I let myself out. Let myself out of the confines and boy. When he does go out, Producer Juliet, you'll be talking to him and then the next thing you know, you'll see him. If you're lucky, you'll see him sneak out.

You're like, here he goes. He's going. I'll be back. No, I'll be back. Yeah, he won't be back. It's so funny because I find it so hard to believe that you're a hermit. I just get the impression that you're just an absolute rager. No, no.

It's all marketing, mate. It's all branding. It's not that. Yeah, I'm the opposite of it. So, no, we went out. But there was a reason, well, there's something that happened, and I'm like, well, this is why I shouldn't be out in

common social settings. Because we went to a bar, and A, the dancing always gets me. I'm like, oh, I'm not a dancer. You know? And it was a wonderful group of people who were all really good dancers, and I'm like, I'll stand back. I'll sit on the sidelines. I know you're a sideline guy when it comes to dancing

Every now and again get dragged up there but you'd have to be a couple of drinks in to be like alright I'm ready to go I've never got the confidence to go in there and then halfway through you always go in your head and you're like what am I doing? And you just try and slowly back away from the dance floor but that wasn't my biggest issue

Throughout the evening I needed to go to the Bluchin block. Right. Okay, and then I walked into a toilet, and I didn't really think anything of it, but I just sort of marched on it. Marched on it, and I thought, oh, there's no stand-up receptacles.

Is that what they're called? The stand-up... Oh, the urinals. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, okay, I'll just walk into the cubicle, shut the door, and then I heard high heels coming in. And I was like, oh, dear God. Oh, dear God. Oh, so you heard... I heard high heels coming in and I was like

oh dear god oh dear god I heard high heels and sobbing this poor lady was sobbing she'd go like that sort of

sobbing and I was like uh oh uh oh you can't be that guy who's the door last time I checked it's not a great look

for a guy to be in a in a female toilet block I don't know is that still the vibe yeah I thought so so yeah I was right on that one so I'm like stuck in the female toilet block. I don't know, is that still the vibe? Yeah, definitely. So yeah, I was right on that one. So I'm like stuck in the cubicle and then I just hear this other lady come in.

So the sobbing lady was in the cubicle next to me. Then I heard another lady come and go, Renee! Renee! Where are you? Renee! And so Renee wasn't talking because obviously something had gone on.

Oh no. And then she's like, I had gone on and then she's like I'm in here and she's like which one are you in and I'm sitting in the middle going dear God don't do this

because now I'm going to look even creepier because I haven't seen anything just sitting there in silence so then I had to listen to her Renee whoever Renee is

and their friend actually ended up coming in and they were all crammed in the cubicle next to me and she's like, I can't believe you passed Josh. I was going to pass Josh tonight. Oh, he passed me. What was I meant to do? Someone passes you, you've got to pass him back.

So it was a big passing incident with Josh on the dance floor. So yeah, I had to wait for that conversation to end and then they left. They made their way to end and then they left they made their way back out and then the thrill of going oh what happens if i come out and there's someone in here oh yeah you're living on the edge there anyway made a safe exit and uh no one was any of the wiser than there was a creepy bald man hiding in the middle cubicle listening to all

of this go down i remember my dad telling me a story that when I was little he took me in to, he was like, I need to go to the bathroom in the shop. And they're like, oh, you have a ladies one for some reason. So he had to stand outside.

He wasn't in there. And this lady comes up to me and she goes, what are you doing? Like, tell me. He's like, oh, my son's in there. He's like knocking on the door.

He's like, please bed, please reply. He doesn't. If I don't go, yeah, he's going to look like such a creep out on the bathroom.

Yeah, well, I mean, if anyone wants to add a bit of thrill to their life, walk into the opposite sex bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, really puts you on edge. You might end up in court as well. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Mike Hosking, respected broadcaster Mike Hosking,

he works upstairs from us at Newstalk ZB, a fleet of fancy European cars that he drives to work, a new one every week. And we've obtained his fancy Jaguar. It's an I-Pace, Jaguar I-Pace. And we're borrowing it out to you. Whatever you need to use it for, we'll lend it to you. Yeah, well, we're going to work out how exactly that works at the moment.

We're taking things step by step, putting it all together. But here is what has happened so far in our quest to get Mike Hosking's car. You park next to Mike Hosking. It's a Jaguar. A Jaguar. He changes cars like I change underpants. Weekly. Oh, God.

Why don't we borrow his car and give it away? Well, I'll throw it to the audience. I would love to use Mike Hosking's car on my farm. I would take Mike Hosking's car to the drag races. G is with us. Yeah, Mike will love it car to the drag races. G is with us. Yeah, Michael Lovett. Michael Lovett. We are down at the garage here at

NZME. Super City Towing here. The Jaguar is up. See you later guys. There we go. It's happening. And we're taking it. We replaced his car with a red Labour card. Here is my car. This one's just as good. So you stole my car. Everyone's happy.

We forgot to get the keys. You want me now to give you the key to my car. And I've got a little event that I'd like to take it to on Sunday, Ben. Oh, my goodness. We take the Jag to the drags. Take it down the quarter mile. So, John, I had the car. You borrowed it over the weekend.

And as you suggested on Friday, you wanted to take it to the drags. Yeah, and I know, you know, deep down in your stomach, you're like, I had a feeling, I'm like, this is not a good idea, but you do it anyway, like popping a pimple in between your eyebrows. Right. And so we went to the drags, and we got out there, and here's a little snippet. Oh my God, we're going fast!

It's 135 kilometres an hour, 140, 150, 160, 170. Oh, my God. How did it end? Did he have a high-speed crash? We'll find out after seven. Well, you're here, you're here, which is a good thing. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them, they're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

$20 Karen became famous on the internet a few years ago for a message that she left on someone's phone for her $20 back. I tell you what, I'll get my 20 bucks or she's going to get 20 f***ing whacks. Wonderful lady. And we love Karen. We've spoken to her many times over the years and she joined us last week and started on an unexpected political rant.

Oh, no, it's Crusher. OK, definitely. The National's in a great big shambles, isn't it? Just like Labour was last election. I don't think Crusher Collins can do it. I don't think she's really hard enough to beat Jenny. So she tells it like it is. I don't think she's really hard enough to beat Jenny f***ing Shipley. So she tells it like it is.

And then we propose to her that she becomes our political correspondent. We held an election and you elected her in. Now we're a bit nervous, aren't we? A bit gun shy because she's very left leaning, which is fine. Yeah. So we thought Karen needed some advice, some help this morning. We might surprise Karen with an expert, a political expert, right? That's right. It's like Training Day, that movie with Denzel Washington.

And we're joined by veteran political correspondent, the one and only Barry Soper. Good morning. Welcome. Hello. How are you, Baz? Very well indeed. I'm sort of a bit shell-shocked around Parliament at the moment. I mean, so much has been going on and the election campaign hasn't even started. Oh mate, they're sleeping with everyone. They must have been trying to sleep with you, Barry. Well, no, that's true. You know, you remember Jamie Lee Ross, he lifted the bedsheets and said there's a lot of bed-hopping goes on around Parliament.

But I tell you what, Jacinda Ardern set a fairly low bar if you're going to now be sacked for having affairs around this place because it is true. Ever since I started here, there have been incidents. The media, funnily enough, doesn't report on them because we think a personal's private life

is just that. But nevertheless, every now and then, a politician will say something publicly and then we're politician will say something publicly and then we're duty-bound, as you guys would appreciate, to report on it. Right.

So how many years now have you been doing this, Barry? I don't mean this in a rude way because you were a legend of Parliament and reporting for many years. I know. I started here in 1980 when Rob Muldoon was the Prime Minister and I'll tell you what, he was a colourful character to cover.

Barry, I don't know if you're familiar with $20 Karen, who had some viral success a couple of years ago. I most certainly am, and I remember my wife, Heather. In fact, I think she did an interview with Karen, and she was on Heather's program at one stage. And, yeah, she's got a very colourful way of talking to us, Karen. She does. Well, she's our political—newstalkz.b have you.

Yeah. We've got $20. Karen is our political correspondent. But we're just a little wary that she might need some basic training from a professional such as yourself, Barry Soper. I'm just wondering, has she got her $20? She got her money back. She did, actually. She got her money that week.

Obviously, you're not going to pay her for being your political reporter. No, we're sending her pizza vouchers. Yeah. That's all she wants. I don't know if you get paid in pizza vouchers from ZB, but that's how we do it at the Hits, mate. No, I just get fish and chips. So we're going to go through to Karen now.

A warning, too. She's very left-leaning. That was one of our things. She's not too... Yeah, she needs to be more impartial, I think. Yeah. So we'll go through now. Hello?

Is that... Hello? Yes, this is Karen speaking. Hello, Karen. It's your friends Jono and Ben speaking. Well, I know. How are you? Karen, you know how we signed you up as our political reporter?

Yeah, I'm in political heaven. Well, we've got you. You'll never guess who we've got on the phone. No, you never will. I never will, I mean. Do you want to have a guess? Judith Collins. That would be good because I know you want to have a guess? Judith Collins. That would be good, because I know you're not a big fan of Judith Collins.

No, I'm not a fan of blue. I like red. Well, we have veteran political correspondent, respected political correspondent, to give you some training, Barry Soper with us. Oh, okay. Very good. Hello, okay. Very good. Hello, Karen. My political training. Yes, we thought you needed a little bit of a training.

So, Barry, what advice can you pass on to Karen? Well, I know, Karen, that you've got your $20, so you're quite happy about that. I think what you've got to do, Karen, is be a little more impartial. You can't come down on one side or the other. You've got to see good and bad on both sides and be balanced. Okay.

I think that that's a good point. I really do. But I don't think National's floating very well at the moment, their ship. And I don't think Crusher Collins and Gerry Brownlee are the ones to bring National back to winning form. It's going to be a long time before they find another John Key. And by the way, his name wasn't John, really. It was Don. Don Key.

Oh, yeah, I got you now. I rang up John Key's office one day and told his secretary that. She was quite speechless. Well, you can't just ring up the thing and start doing gags down the phone. They're not expecting that. So, Red is happy. Lou is sad. You're not really taking on board Barry's impartial...

No, no. Barry Soper, we might... We'll leave you to get on with your day. You're a very important political staff. We'll deal with that, Karen. Well, I could yarn to Karen all day, but nevertheless, just remember, be a little more impartial,

and before you know it, you'll be political editor. Now, Karen. Barry, awesome. Karen, how did you find that? That was quite a little bit daunting because I wasn't ready for it, you rat bag. Oh, right. So we call you off guard. He's gone now.

What do you want to really say to us? No, no. I'm just in seventh heaven. I mean, how well National's doing in the polls. How, at the moment, if we went to the election, Labour would govern alone. See, this is great for, obviously, if we went to the election, Labour would govern alone. See, this is great for, obviously, the way you think about politics,

but not great if we're going to have an impartial political report. Okay, just try and say something nice about National. One thing. National. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Now, we're about to play News and Beeps, where producer Juliet beeps out words from news headlines,

and we have to work out what they are. But speaking of having to beep out stuff, Taylor Swift's new album, which just came out last week, listening to a bit of that yesterday, got to beep out some stuff on Taylor Swift's album. Have a listen. But does she mouth f*** you forever?

A couple of F-bombs from Taylor Swift in her album. Oh, is that not like a comical? No, not a comical one at all. That's an actual, I could not play that on radio. Does she mouth... You love Taylor Swift. I do. She's got a t-shirt on today and everything. How dare she let you down like that? A couple of

swear words, Taylor. Not on this show, Taylor. Twailer. I had to beep that one out, but anyway, let's do the news and beeps. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***ing News. With our chief censor, producer Juliet, the sensitive censor, take it away. Alright, first story is... Musicians perform songs using only f*** before c***.

Spare parts for the audience. Musicians using what as instruments being voiced? Well, I'm going to go, I'm going to try and get this one right. Musicians perform songs using only voice box before swallowing spare parts for audience. That's what I'm saying. Is that your intent of trying to get it right? Yeah. Oh, good effort, my friend.

They perform songs with their voice box. True. Yeah, I see. I was going to say, musicians perform songs using only kitchen utensils before throwing the spare parts at the audience. Oh, that's close. Close. Musicians perform songs using only fresh vegetables

before cooking spare parts for the audience. Okay. Do you want to hear what it sounds like, this orchestra? Yeah. Does this look like carrots and potatoes? Yeah. So what they do is wherever they go on tour, they go and buy vegetables from local farmer's markets

and then spend the day carving them and then perform with them that night and then they cook them up for the audience afterwards. Does New World do an ad like that where they're all playing on the vegetables a few years ago? Probably. They're ahead of their time. But hold on, so then the audience are expected

to eat these vegetables that they've fingered and held for about 12 hours. Moulding them with their hands and things and then playing with their sweaty, clammy hands. I guess if you put them in boiling water Maybe they're alright But still you're right In the COVID environment

You probably would leave that part out wouldn't you It's a nice gimmick Yeah But you know you performing with vegetables That was good enough I don't need to eat them I believe you can eat them You eat them

You go away and eat them Yeah exactly Alright the next news and beep Teen solves Rubik's Cube while on p***y for world record Teen solves Rubik's Cube while on p*** for world record. Teen solves Rubik's Cube while on something for world record. I'm going to go toilet. No.

I'm going to say on illegal supplements. Not quite. Teen solves Rubik's Cube while on pogo stick for world record. Oh, that's impressive. It is. I always loved, Justin Bieber can do a Rubik's Cube in a phenomenal time. Yeah, he can. Will Smith is another one. He can.

So what happened was this boy, he's only 14 years old and he already knew how to nail a pogo stick and also do a Rubik's Cube. So he was like, right, I'm a shoo-in for this. And he got it on a second attempt. Well, if that doesn't get him laid later in life, I don't know what will. That's true.

And our final story for the news and beeps. Woman trades hairpin for and reveals plans for getting a Woman trades hairpin for her husband and reveals plans of getting a better husband. I'm going to say woman trades hairpin for house and reveals plans for getting a new hairpin.

Oh, you're very, very warm. Woman trades hairpin for minivan and reveals plans for getting a house. Very close. Big voice. This has been six weeks. We nearly got one. Nearly.

Yeah. So she, I don't know if you've heard of this experiment before, but someone did it back in 2005. And she has sort of replicated it where you swap a hairpin and then she swapped it for earrings. And then swapped the earrings for margarita glasses. and then you slowly swap for something higher in value. A bigger and better. A guy did it with a red paperclip many years ago and ended up getting a house. Yes. Eventually.

Eventually over time. I remember a former night host at another radio station I was working on, he started this campaign, but it became the burden of the radio station. It went on for like two and a half years. Oh, really? And he didn't, I think he almost, almost got an inflatable boat. Wow. Like a craft.

That was two and a half years. So, I mean, you're just telling the glory stories, Judy. There's some dark stories of these journeys. That's true. And that's the news and beats. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

Buy the WhatsApp by doco.nz. Whether it's Kanye West running for president of the USA or Trish Rest running for president of the Waimakariri Bowling Club, Juju has got all the gossip with Spy. So as you are probably well aware, the Ellen show is a bit of a shambles at the moment. Following all the reports about mistreatment from staff on set, Ellen came out with an apology over the weekend. And then she basically said, as the show has

grown exponentially, I've not been able to stay on top of everything and relied on others to do their jobs as they knew I'd want them done. Clearly some didn't. That will now change and I'm committed to ensuring this does not happen again. But she received backlash for that particular part because it's almost like she's blaming other people and not really taking responsibility for herself. That's always the best thing to do is blame others. That's how I've forged a career. I've just finger-pointed and climbed on top of people

to get where we are today, Ben. Yeah, but I think you're right though, Producer Juliet. It seems like she was just shifting the blame, right? Not taking any accountability herself. Yes, exactly. And then there have also been updates that she might be quitting and she wants to quit. And there are also reports on top of that that James Corden may be the replacement and that he was always, well, it's said that he was always going to be the person to replace

her even before all of this happened. They always kind of had their eye on him. But now that this is all happening, that might just speed up the process. Great gig. He'll be a great replacement. He'll do a fun job. Poor Alan. Obviously, it's all gone bad for him.

But go away. Be rich. Don't worry about us poor people, Alan. You go and live your life. Shut the thing down. It's been going for a while anyway, hasn't it? Yeah, she's been doing that for many, many years. Like 20 years, that show, surely? Yeah, probably has been for a long time. Would it be called The while anyway, hasn't it? Yeah, she's been doing that for many, many years. Yeah, like 20 years, that show, surely?

Yeah, probably has been for a long time. Would it be called The James Show, do you reckon? Well, yeah, right. It's not like he's going to host The Ellen Show, is it? No, no. Yeah, no, they might rebrand it, Drew. Oh, we're still sticking with Ellen? But it is weird.

You're like taking over from Ellen. You're like, well, it'd be a new show, really, wouldn't it? Yeah, technically. It wouldn't be taking over, yeah. Yeah, so James Corden's currently the, he does late night TV, so he would now go to daytime if this were to happen, I think, right?

Which is kind of seen as a promotion. Yeah, yeah. Even though he does a great job at late night and he does it really well with viral videos like Couple Karaoke, it's still really like a late, it's like 11, 12 o'clock at night. That's what you were saying,

like those shows, Kimmel, Felon, Corden, are on half to midnight. Yeah, some of them are so late. It's so bizarre though, because are people even awake? Like, how does that get the views? Well, you were reading an article on Corden, and their ethos for the show was,

let's just make content that gets shared online the next day. Which it has done. Like, you know, his content's all over the place. Every time he does carpool karaoke, it's huge. Yeah, true, true. But I guess this is an opportunity to do a show during the day if he gets it. Well, I mean, if you don't have to work at 12.30 in the morning, then that's always a bonus, isn't it? Very true,, true. But I guess this is an opportunity to do a show during the day if he gets it. Well, I mean, if you don't have to work at 12.30 in the morning, then that's always a bonus, isn't it?

Very true, very true. And with Taylor Swift's surprise album that she released last week, a journalist has given it an 8 out of 10 review, and her fans, the Swifties, have threatened to burn down this journalist's home because they're not happy with the 8 out of 10 review. They're like, you can't give the Queen an 8 out of 10. It's too low of a score. It's a fair and reasonable response in my mind.

8 out of 10 is a good review, right? That's a good 80%. They don't get you into university. It's a pass. How did the journalist be like, what? It was a good, it was a positive review. I know, the journalist, I think she said that she's now turned her Twitter private

because she's like, what the hell? Why am I getting so much? My house is going to get burnt down by 14-year-old arsonists wanting Taylor Swift revenge. Exactly, exactly. But her album's doing phenomenally. I think it's just absolutely, just, what's the word? Slaying the streaming records and everything like that. Oh, well done, Taylor Swift.

Yeah. And that's Spy. For more, you can head to the hits.co.nz. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, last week we took Mike Hosking's car, his fancy Jaguar I-Pace. It was parked in the work garage.

He works upstairs at Newstalk ZB. And we took it by tow truck. He gave us the keys afterwards too, which was lovely of him. Yeah, he's taken it really well. I was expecting a different reaction. He's taken it almost too well, as if I feel like something's going to come our way at some point. But anyway, we'll worry about that in the future. We have obtained it and you can borrow it.

We're going to tell you more about that after 8 o'clock because producer Humphrey has also acquired some other prizes so you can live like Mike with the stuff he's got. And I'll give you a little clue. Fancy Italian loafers. You might have those on. You can walk a mile in Mike's fancy Italian loafers. I love it.

We'll tell you more about that after 8 o'clock. But on Sunday, we took it out to the drags at Medi Medi. Had their winter drag racing day. And it was wonderful. Salt of the earth people. Bad for my blood pressure, all that salt. But they were wonderful human beings. My sort of people, Ben.

Loved them. And it's safe to assume that the hits is probably not the radio station of choice for that demograph, the drag racing demograph. Right. But they were lovely people. And we turned up. We played Thunderstruck.

ACDC. Outside of the fleet of Pink Hits promotional vehicles following the Jaguar into the dragway. And here was the introduction. We're in the heart of Bougainville. There are more rat's tails here than the bubonic plague. And we're about to take this car out on the quarter mile. Now the Jaguar is electric, but it wasn't the only electric car out there.

Really? There was another one? Yeah. What are you doing today? Up to no good? I'm just dragging some. I would love to drag with a Jag. Oh, you want to race the Jag? Yeah. What have you got? I've got a Tesla, mate.

Oh, you've got a Tesla? Yeah. You want to go, mate? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hit it. Okay.

Yep. All right. He had a very fancy Tesla, that guy. All right. He was on the drag track as well. Yeah, he was doing really well. Because when we turned up there, a car had an accident. And we're like, well, this is not a good start to the day. Had an accident at about 120 k's an well. Yeah, he was doing really well. Because when we turned up there, a car had an accident. And we're like,

well, this is not a good start to the day. Had an accident at about 120 k's an hour. Oh, God. That made Producer Humphrey very worried. Oh, I can imagine. Makes me worried. That this $200,000 Jaguar was going to do the same.

So we got some advice. Dave was eating chips outside the hot dog stand. You know Mike Hosking? Yeah. We've got his car. Oh, you have? We're going to take it down the quarter mile.

I'm sure he'd be impressed with that. Yeah, no, he'll love it. What we've done is we've pulled out his cabsav and opened up a can of Woodstock. Have you got any tips? Any tips? Yeah. Stay upright and stay straight. Some shocking advice, but I mean, good advice at the same time.

And Anton had more advice as well. You watch what everybody else does before you even attempt to go down the track. Just figure out how everything works. Watch how everybody does everything. And then the first time on the start line, treat it like you've just taken off from the lights. Just do an easy launch just so you kind of figure out what to do because you're not going to break records on your first pass.

And everyone burns out. They do burnouts before they start. So if someone hasn't been to the drags before, how does it work? Are two cars normally side by side? Two cars side by side, yeah. And they generally do burnouts before they start. So if someone hasn't been to the drags before, how does it work? You're two cars normally side by side? Two cars side by side, yeah. And they generally do burnouts. And I was like, why do they do the burnouts? And that's to warm up the tyres, which gives them more grip on the track when they take off.

And then you get lights that go, counting you down. And then it's just, how far is it? You just straight line, right? Yeah, straight line for a quarter of a mile. So the lights, they go down and there's like three amber lights before it hits green. And apparently the trick is you accelerate on the third amber light, so then when it's green, your reaction, you start on the green. Right.

I didn't know this on the first run and did a lot of, I realised I can't multitask well, so I couldn't commentate and drive. You're responsible for a $200,000 car, so yeah, fair enough. So we've got two runs. Here was the first one. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Oh, God. A little bit of crying there as well towards the end. A range of emotions. A little bit of pee, I'm sure, as well. There was a little bit of my racing suit bent. So that was the first run. But then I took off on the green, not on the amber. So they were like, mate, you lost valuable seconds.

We'll give you one more go. I got dazed afterwards. I'd be like, oh, rookie. Rookie move. That was like 13.5 seconds. So we got to have a second run. Oh, my God, we're going fast. It's 135 kilometres an hour, 140, 150, 160, 170.

Oh, my God.. Oh my God. Oh my God. A little bit of pee came out there as well, just in case you're wondering. You could really take that audio out of context, couldn't you? But I would appreciate if you didn't do that in the future, Ben. Oh, we might do. We might not. And that was 13 seconds. Wow. So it was a fun day.

You were going fast. I know. And almost like to the point of well, if anything went wrong right now, I'm gone. But at least I went out doing what I love doing, a quirky radio promotion. We have Mike Hoskins, a fancy Jaguar I-Pace. We're going to set up a system so you guys can borrow it for things that you need to do with it. And as John, I mentioned before, after 8 o'clock on the show, producer Humphrey's put together a prize pack so you could live like Mike. Not a morning person?

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Jono, you know that people accuse me sometimes of time to time being tight. So now I've been trying to make a real effort, a concerted effort not to... To loosen up. Not to be that way.

And this is in regards to money, fiscally speaking. Yeah, yeah, but he also has a wonderful tight tush as well. Tightest tush in broadcasting, that's what we call it. I like to pat it, don't I, every now and then. It's our strongest asset is your tush. It's what's pulling us through. Ignoring what you're saying as usual. In the past,

you know, like I've been hassled by my wife for wanting to take my own popcorn to the movies. Not allowed to do that anymore. Justified hassling as well. Not allowed to do that anymore. Justified hassling as well. Not allowed to do that anymore. The popcorn's so expensive anyway. But you got told off by the lady behind the counter. Yeah, she's like, you can't bring your own popcorn in there.

I'm like, why not? I'll pay $13 for your one. She's like, it's not how the business works. She's like, I don't own it. I just work here. If you could please just pay for the popcorn. Fair enough. So I'm not doing that anymore.

Okay. I got told settled for that. Also, you give me grief about I took a ham from the Warriors corporate box. He took it in his backpack. But I asked for this. I asked for it at the end. Yeah, it was a half-eaten ham that everyone had been picking away at during the Warriors game.

And he was like, what are you guys doing with that afterwards? So I wouldn't do that anymore. I wouldn't do that anymore. And the other thing I get hassled about, I only ever give Amanda, my wife, one piece of gum when she asks for gum. So now I try and give her two. I'm wouldn't do that anymore. I wouldn't do that anymore. And the other thing I get hassled about, I only ever give Amanda, my wife, one piece of gum when she asks for gum.

So now I try and give her two. I'm like, one's enough. The flavour that I like, one is enough. But she's like, oh, you only give one piece of gum. So I'm trying not to be so tight anymore.

Oh, so now you're giving her two pieces. Oh, stop it, Ben. You're so generous. Oh, two's more than enough. Philanthropist. Two's more than enough. Oprah Winfrey over here.

But last night I got accused of being tight. And so it wound me up a little bit because we were going to friends of ours' house. They divide us over for dinner. It was one of those occasions where you're like, what should we bring? And they're like, oh, we've got it sorted. Just bring whatever it is you want to drink.

You want to drink. Here we go. I feel like this is said. This is a continuation of an argument that took place last night. Whatever it is you want to drink. An unresolved argument by the sounds of it. I've got work in the morning.

I'm up at like four o'clock. So Amanda, my wife, she works in the morning. So it wasn't like we're going to go over there and have lots of drinks. It's not time to loosen the buttons on Sunday night. That's not how much you want to drink on a Saturday. It's not heaps on a Sunday night. So I open up the cupboard and I say, oh, we've got a bottle of wine. It's just over half full.

I'll take that round. You know, that's going to give a glass each to Amanda and I, maybe a little bit more if you want, but that's it. That's enough. That's all you want to drink. That's all you want to drink. It's a Sunday, not a sensible Sunday evening. Amanda's like, you can't take an open bottle of wine round to someone's house. Now, what was your plan for it?

Were you going to proudly put it in circulation or were you going to hide it and then sneak it into the fridge? Like, how did you want to tackle this? Yeah, I wouldn't have proudly put it on the table, but I would have, like, grabbed it. So you were ashamed.

You knew deep down you knew this was not the right act. No, but it's not like, yeah, we're having dinner with the Queen. These are friends that we've seen many, many times. Yeah, we hang out with a lot. It's not like, yeah.

If it was dinner with the Queen at three quarters full, thanks. Some decorum about you. Yeah, but you can't, apparently you can't take over an open bottle of wine. Well, you don't go, you don't turn up half-dressed. You put trousers on, don't you? You don't turn up with half a bottle of wine. But it was what we wanted to drink.

And I was like, well, that's enough. That's all we need. Why did we need to take it? When does the madness stop? Do you turn up with half a bag of chips and half a dip? Bits of the leftover chips from the night before? Hey, we had this as well, guys. You can have the rest of it.

Or maybe we can. Anyway, that was... You know what the worst thing is? I reckon they didn't even finish the wine and then he took the quarter that was left. We're going to take this home. That's right. They could do another night next week.

Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits How's your mound? The washing mound We spoke about this on Friday You updated everyone on the washing mound Tell everyone about it Well yeah, because we've been quite busy recently Working a lot of weekends in a row

So the washing pile just got away on us at home So we ended up not being able to get to the stage Where we could fold and put the washing away. We just ended up with four washing baskets full of clothes in our room. It's washed clothes, and it just keeps, you know, we've done more washing because we just came home from the weekend, so he's just adding more

washing to the four piles of washing. Soon the mound's going to get so big, your family's going to have to live in your garage, and the whole house is just going to be a mound of washing. I'm thinking of getting rid of my chest of drawers. I'm like, I don't need you anymore. My clothes stay in the mound. I'm glad you're not folding to the pressure of folding, Ben. That's good because I thought you were away all weekend

so you wouldn't have got on top of that. Anything has got worse. Because we worked, we figured 75 days in a row, didn't we? Because we're filming this show on the weekend. So you haven't done, you haven't folded washing in well over three months. That's a long period of time. That's a long time. Yeah.

Yeah. This is what we want to chuck out there. 0800 the hits. What have you not done in a long period of time? Like, oh, I haven't done the washing. 0800 the hits is the phone number. 4487 on the text. Do you just throw your kids into the mound and they just appear dressed in a medley of clothes?

Just like the ball pit at McDonald's, basically. You get lost in there. 0800 the hits, what have you not done in a long period of time? Help me feel better about myself. We've got Elaine on the phone. Now, it wasn't you that hasn't done this in a long time, but it was an ex-boyfriend who hasn't done what?

When we got together, I knew he didn't use soap. Right, so you knew this going into it? Yeah, but I thought I'd be able to, you know, coax him into it. Oh, this is the problem. Ladies always trying to change a man from not using soap to using soap. Yeah, seems like something that most people do,

but anyway, each to their own. I'll turn him. And so what? He didn't use soap at all, and how long did he not use soap for? Well, we were together 18 years. And didn't use soap once? Nope.

He showers though Yeah he showered Oh just not using soap Well because we're saying that doctor in America was doing it as an experiment And he reckoned he didn't end up smelling Lucky doctor Why would he refuse to use soap? Like surely it was in the shower

It was there to be used It wasn't good for his skin Oh okay I guess that makes sense Surely it was in the shower. It was there to be used. It wasn't good for his skin. Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense. Yeah, and he went to the hairdresser once every six months. So I pre-worn the hairdresser, and she used a bottle of shampoo to clean his hair before she cut it. Oh, so he got it cleaned from time to time.

Only his hair. He had a six-monthly hair wash. Yeah. No soap ever touched his body. Okay. Did you try him when he was sleeping, just try and secretly soap him when he wasn't looking? No.

Or suggest, hey, tonight, how about we have a soapy bubble bath? Yeah, try and entice him into it. Or how about we go to the car wash, and you kick him out of the car mid-wash, and he ends up with a the car mid-wash. And he ends out with a nice waxy sheen. Yeah. I love how he stuck to it.

He stuck to it. I love it. Would other people try and broach the subject with him? Yeah, his sister-in-law used to give him

hell about it. I mean, once it's your thing. It's your thing. It's like, I'm the no-soap person. No one, you can try and make me use it

but I'm going to refuse to. Oh yeah, he had so much so you can try and make me use it, but I'm going to refuse to. Oh, yeah. He had so much soaps and body washers and you name it, he had it given to him over the years, and they just went, they just stayed there gathering dust. And so he's your ex now. Yes. Was this part of the reason or other reasons?

That was part of it. There were many reasons why I decided to walk. Well, we won't go into those now. No. Now's not the time to go into those. No, exactly. Well, thank you. I appreciate it, Elaine.

All right, mate. See you, buddy. Have a good day. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the head. It's ZA to Z of New Zealand. This is where we call a different town or city in New Zealand. We do it one a day. We do it alphabetically. It's going to take us over two years to do every town and city.

I tell you what was kind of cool, heading down a bit of a road trip over the weekend, driving through some places. I was like, oh, we've spoken to them. We've spoken to them. I know an unusual information about that particular place. Especially the small little places that you normally, yeah, you're like, oh, that's cool. You can tell what their male to female ratio is, what the average weather humidity is, Ben, boys. And today, we're going to head to Dannyville.

But before we do, a bit of a landmark moment. On Friday, we left the C's and we hit the D's alphabetically and we kicked it off with Dairy Flat. At the dairy, do they sell a dairy flat white? No. Okay, that would have been quite good. Could you pretend to enjoy his pun a little bit more? I've got people at your house who've got Dairy Flat mates. Oh my god.

The jokes are falling Dairy Flat, aren't they? Yeah. Oh my god. We're never welcome back to Dairy Flat. We shamed ourselves out of that town. But yes, to Danny Burke. Today, it's a rural service town in the Manawatu-Wanganui region of the North Island, originally known as Seventy Mile Bush,

and they've really pinned their foot to the floor on a Viking theme. Yeah, they have, actually. They've got Viking statues, Viking hair salons, Viking kindergartens, Viking debt collection agencies, you name it. It's Viking themed. It's in Danny Burke, and we'll find out why now. Gifts and souvenirs, Helen speaking. Hello Helen, it's Jonathan and Benjamin here from the Hits radio station.

Hi. How are you? Good, thank you. Sounding sufficiently dubious about this call. I am. Calling every town and city in New Zealand. We're doing one a day, and today's Danny Virk's turn. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Love Danny Virk, and for some reason, you have an unusual infatuation with Vikings. Vikings? Yes, we have. Well, I don't know whether it's an infatuation. With some people, it may be. What's with the Vikings? Well, many, many years ago,

Danny Virk was actually settled by Scandinavian people. So it's just become an icon for our town, as everyone needs an icon. Yeah, it looks cool, actually. Yeah, well, I mean, Oakune has got the carrots. Yeah, well, I think a Viking's probably better than a carrot. Gore's got a trout. But then that's all good.

Yeah, well, it's a Viking. And also I know about Danny Danny, that you love socks. You've got the Northwood socks. Oh, Northwood socks, yeah. Yeah, you like warm feet and socks. Yeah, well, it's a cold place here, so we need some nice warm socks. Warm feet and pillaging Vikings.

Yeah. That's what you're all about. Take out of that what you made. And you run a novelty gift shop? No, not novelty. No, no, no, no. Nothing novelty about this. No, not here.

No, we have a, it's souvenirs, but a percentage of it is like homewares. No, there's no novelty. It actually states that, though, on Facebook, doesn't it? On Mr. Google. It says no novelty. Yeah, no, No novelty's here. I thought you'd have some novelty like Vikings genitals or something. As a key ring.

At some stage we did have what were they called? Willy warmers, but that didn't really take off. Oh, what, like socks for your... Like Daddy Vic's more about your warm feet than your other warm other edges. I've always wanted a sock for that. It's a good place. How warm are your feet right now? Like, Danny Vick's more about your warm feet than your other warm other edges. I've always wanted a sock for that. Yeah.

It's a good place. Well, how warm are your feet right now? Very good. I've actually got some Possum and Moreno socks on. Oh, there you go. Some of the warmest feet in New Zealand that we're talking to. They may be. They may be.

Hey, listen, this has been an absolute treat talking to you and Danny Vick. And thank you for ringing. Hey, well, Danny Vick, second on the Ds alphabetically in the A to Z of New Zealand. Yes. And do you know how many places we've called so far? No. 75. Wow, I know you've been doing this.

Have you been following this? It's cool. Well, every now and again I hear it, yeah. Oh, good. Well, thank you for listening. And thank you for ringing. You look after Danny Burke and we will look after our shabby radio show. I think you should.. Yeah, and thank you for ringing. You look after Danny Burke, and we will look after our Chevy radio show. I think you should.

All right, lovely talking to you. Hey, thanks, guys. See you, mate. The A to Z of New Zealand will continue tomorrow on the show with the Newtown and the Ds. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram.

By the WhatsApp by doco.nz. If you're a gossip addict, well, here comes your friendly neighbourhood dealer, producer Juliette with Spy. So, Zac Efron, there are reports that he may be moving to Australia and that he's going to be listing his Los Angeles mansion. So, he quarantined in Byron Bay after filming a new Netflix show that he's doing. And in that new Netflix show, he did say that living in LA isn't good for his happiness. And now there's all these reports coming out and that he's going to be selling his home,

moving down to Australia, which means a little bit closer to us, which is very exciting for me. Oh, it's unfair, though. They've got all the hot people. They've got him. They've got the Hemsworths. They've got Alf Stewart from Home and Away. Over here, you've got all the Argos. They've got him, they've got the Hemsworths, they've got Alf Stewart from Home and Away. Over here, you've got all the Argos. I'm bringing our average down. Give us

a hot person. Cancel me out. It means we can go to him, he can come to us in only a matter of a few hours. I'm all about that. You'd let him into your bubble, wouldn't you Juliet? Absolutely. We heard about that today, this morning, because obviously Melbourne's gone back into lockdown, which sucks for them.

But they're also there as you can basically got to stay in your bubble. But you can go across if you're in a relationship with someone, you can visit them for, you know what? Coitio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coitius. Yeah, that sort of stuff. Yeah, right. So you were saying you would allow me to embrace you in a moment of passion just to get me out of the house, wouldn't you?

And I'd do the same for you. Okay, good. Yeah, I'd say we're in a moment of passion just to get me out of the house, wouldn't you? And I'd do the same for you. Okay, good. Yeah, I'd say we're in a relationship. But if I had the option of you or Zac Efron, I'm choosing Zac Efron. Understandably. I'm choosing Zac Efron. Just so we know. If he wants to get out of his bubble, you're going to pick him over me. I don't think it's going to happen, but if it does, yeah. You know I do

more wild stuff, though. Well, you don't know. And Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Ben, your favourite person ever, has revealed that he could have played Willy Wonka instead of Johnny Depp. So the director, Tim Burton, considered him back in the day,

but it was only when it was the very start of The Rock's career. So he didn't have really enough acting experience. But he's like, wow, I could have been Willy Wonka. Imagine him. Interesting Willy Wonka. Imagine him. Interesting Willy Wonka.

He would have been a terrifying muscle-bound confectionery peddler. And he'd be like, come into the factory, kids. And they all think they're getting free chocolate. He's like sucked in. It's a CrossFit gymnasium. There's no sweets in here at all. They'd give you 30 burpees. It's all sugar-free.

Imagine the height of him compared to the Oompa Loompas. You know, because the Oompa Loompas are short enough as they are. Oh, I'd be all out of whack. You had a compared to the Oompa Loompas. You know, because the Oompa Loompas are short enough as they are. Oh, it'd be all out of whack. You had a problem that the Oompa Loompas were slave labour, didn't you? Well, I didn't know what was going on there. They seemed to be... I don't know. I don't want to cast the, you know...

You don't want to besmirch Roald Dahl's good name. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, the factory was just kind of luring the children in, and no one was asking any questions, were they? Yeah. They won a prize. It was? Yeah. They won a prize. It was a competition. They won a prize.

True. And Barbara Streisand... A thousand awkward fade-out on that Willy Wonka banter. It wasn't true. Thanks for shutting that down, guys. And Barbara Streisand has praised Jacinda Ardern for our country's results with COVID-19. She tweeted saying,

we need more women in charge of public health. Jacinda Ardern, the PM in New Zealand, which has only had 22 deaths, has had no new cases in the island nation in 83 days, which is slightly inaccurate. I mean,

we obviously have had new cases, but no community transmission. Yeah. I don't care if Barbara Streisand's wrong. She said some nice things about New Zealand. I thought she wasn't around

anymore, Barbara Streisand. Really? She's in that category, you know, where there's some people who are like, oh, are they? Are they still going?

Yeah. Speaking of Jacinda Ardern and leaders like that, apparently the countries that are doing the best of COVID are all run by women. Really?

Wow. Yeah, there was something I read the other day that the countries in the world that are coping the best with the outbreak are woman-led, so that's pretty cool.

Well, yeah, oh, she's proud of our team of 5 million. Don't get me wrong. But sometimes it's hard, and I think it was raised by someone in the UK, it's hard to compare the two countries. Because, you know, we've got a relatively small population, considering, and pretty sparse and spread out,

whereas you go to New York or London, you know, they're living on top of each other. Exactly, exactly. But, hey, we've still done a great job, team of 5 million. Barbara Streisand said so. Exactly. She approves. But hey, we've still done a great job, team, of 5 million. Barbara Streisand said so. Exactly. She approves. For more Spy heads.

More importantly, she's still alive. Yeah. Hits.co.nz for more Spy. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Well, we've done it. We've successfully managed to obtain Mike Hosking's brand new Jaguar I-Pace.

His flash car here. Mike Hosking, of course, does a Newstalk ZB show upstairs, the breakfast show. And about a week ago, we hatched a plan to tow it from the work garage. You park next to Mike Hosking. It's a Jaguar? A Jaguar. He changes cars like I change underpants.

Weekly. Why don't we borrow his car and give it away? Well, I'll throw it to the audience. I would love to use Mike Hosking's car on my farm. I would take Mike Hosking's car to the drag races. G is with us. Yeah, Michael Lovett. Michael Lovett.

We are down at the garage here at NZME. Super City Towing here. The Jaguar is up. See you later, guys. There we go. It's happening. And we're taking it. We replaced his car with a red Labour card.

Where is my car? This one's just as good. You stole my car. It's happening. And we're taking it. We replaced his car with a red labour card. Where is my car? This one's just as good. You stole my car. Everyone's happy. We forgot to get the keys. Oh. You want me now to give you the key to my car. And I've got a little event that I'd like to take it to on Sunday, B.

Oh, my goodness. We take the Jag to the drags. Take it down the quarter mile. So you did. Over the weekend, Jono had the car, and he took it to the drags in Medi Medi. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Oh, God. You know what? I was doing... I thought that was at the drags. Yeah. That was me clearing my internet history. Oh, I finally did it. As you're driving, you realise when you're driving,

you don't actually make much noise while you're driving. So I had to try and zhoosh it up for radio purposes there. So I'm making unnecessary screaming noises. So we've got Mike Hosking's brand new Jaguar I-Pace. We haven't got it for a long time, but we've got it for a good time. And you can borrow it, can't you? That's right, and we're putting together the ultimate Mike Hosking package that involves being able to drive around in his flash electric vehicle.

So this is called the Live Like Mike package. Oh, I love it. Love the title. Now, if you want to live like Mike, register at the hits.co.nz to win. Okay. You'll get the all-electric Jaguar I-Pace for a weekend. So that's Mike's car. You'll get to drive around in that. You'll get two nights luxury accommodation at Matakana.

Oh, at Mike's estate? Are you staying with Mike? I don't know if you're staying with Mike, but you get two nights living like Mike. I'm sure Mike would love to have people come and stay at his estate for the weekend. His favourite restaurant, this is true, is Chibos in Parnell. So you get dinner for two there. You get a new

set of loafers. Oh, you are going to look amazing. And a Dyson cordless vacuum cleaner as well is all yours. So we've put together that price pack if you want to register to win. The hit stock code on NZ. This is a sweet pack. Oh, I tell you what, you can walk a mile in Mike's loafers, which just happen to be cushioned leather loafers

fit for a controversial talkback host. And wonderful shoes, wonderful vacuum cleaner, wonderful dinner, wonderful stay away. And a wonderful car. The I-Pace has won more awards than Mike Hosking has won in radio, I think. It will be up there. World Car of the Year, World Car Designer of the Year, Green Car of the Year, New Zealand Car of the Year.

What is this, mate? What is this? You're rattling off the stats of the iPad. I'm telling you, the stats. This is a competition. I want to make it. So you want to win. He's gone deep into researching the Jaguar iPad.

I have. I really got quite lost in it. It's a very fancy car. So if you want to win that, register at the hitstockco.nz and you could be living like Mike. That's very exciting. But before then, we can... Maybe without the controversial opinions.

Yeah. Before then, we are going to lend the car out to you as well, which we'll let Dave Yeo on before nine o'clock. That's very exciting. Live like Mike. Giving away Mike Hosking's fancy Jaguar to you to borrow. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Now, walking out this morning, Monday morning, we have to be at work, you know, around 5 o'clock in the morning, so this is just before 5 o'clock, and I walked out the door and just, you know, when you're not thinking, you kind of, and I put the alarm code on. Oh, no. You imprisoned your family again. Yeah, and obviously the dogs were roaming around the house

and as I got to the car, I just heard that, yeah! I did the same thing yesterday morning. You have a rush back inside and the family are like what?

Sorry guys. Which is not like you. I mean no it probably is like you. You're extra safe because you like to unplug everything in the household as well.

I even unplugged his elderly grandmother's life support. That was a dark day. I was using a lot of power up. It's costing a fortune. Plug it back in in the morning.

She was fine. No, I didn't do that. Yeah, but it was one of those things that I thought, well, let's throw it out there right now. What have you woken up to? What's been the most random, the most annoying thing that you've ever woken up to? I remember our neighbour was up all night cooking,

more or less master chef and more master mess. Right, yeah. And the, oh, because, you know, I run first thing in the morning and I saw all these black cars coming in silently. They're just rolling down the road. And it was the armed offenders. Oh, really? And they came bursting in.

And boy, when they come in, they come in hard. Short and hard. It was loud. Wow. Yeah I mean that would be a horrible thing to wake up to. Mind you they probably weren't doing much sleeping in that house but. Yeah they hadn't slept for months. Probably wide awake. Thank God you guys came. We need to have a rest. So oh and

it's 4487. Help us out on a Monday morning. What have you, what's the most random thing you've woken up to? Jenny's on the phone. What happened to you, Jen? Well, back in 8th of March 2017, woke up, got woken up at about 2.30am

to my little black cat. She's only about three and a half kilos, screaming her lungs out. What the bloody hell, cat? What are you doing? Woke up and could hear water running. It was pitch black, no power. Oh, yeah, okay, someone's hit a bloody power pole again.

Bloody cat, bloody power pole. Bloody, what a way to wake up. I thought, oh, yeah, I can hear water running. Oh, don't say the bloody kitchen cat's bloody conked out. Oh, bloody hell. Yeah, it was a little bit dodgy. Go to step out of bed and there's water up to my knees inside. In your bedroom.

Now, I'm no expert, but having water in your bedroom, that is not an ideal scenario. Yeah, nah, it's not. So then I can think, what's that noise? Oh, that noise is my car alarm sort of making a funny noise outside. My car outside, completely underwater. Oh, you poor thing. So your whole house was underwater, your car's underwater, your bed's underwater.

And made homeless as a result because the house was uninhabitable. There's me self-evacuating at 3am in the morning, knocking on the neighbour's door, me dripping wet, cats in the cage dripping wet. Now what happens in that situation? Because I always see the flooding on the news and stuff, but you never see what happens from that point onwards. What do they do? Do they like suck it out with a big

vacuum cleaner? No, they'll let it drain out, let the water levels drop. What they do is bring in big air dryers. Right. Dry the whole house out. I'm just looking at photos online from 2017. Jeez, it was a massive flood. So it's worth checking your insurance

policies, people. Yeah, yeah. I mean, gee, you wouldn't want to be left high and dry, excuse the pun there, without insurance. What's the first thing you grab in that situation? Obviously your cat. Some clothes. Basically a great backpack. Chuck a couple of changes of clothes in it.

Phone, wallet, charger. Because you'd all be doing this in the dark because there'd be no power, obviously, so you're just feeling your way around, will you? First thing you do is try and find a torch or your phone so you've got light. And then, yeah, basically look for... It's a good reminder to have everything packed up, ready to go, isn't it? Or have something light source, whether it's phone or torch near your bed in case you need it.

Whether your relationship's on the rocks and you think you'll need to get away in a hurry or the house is flooded, you just want everything. Either option, you're right. You can escape at any moment, you know. You have a lovely day, mate. Great. Thanks, Jed. Thanks, guys.

See you, mate. Suzanne, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. What did you wake up to? Suzanne? Oh, sorry. I didn't hear my name. No, I love it when we catch people off guard. It's breakfast. What did you wake up to? Suzanne? Oh, sorry. I didn't hear my name. No, I love it when we catch people off guard. It's good to keep you on the edge of your seat.

Sounds like you're indicating. So you're doing quite an important task at the same time. What did you wake up to? Well, whilst I was living in Darwin, I was fast asleep. The next thing all I heard and felt was this thud. When I turned on the light, it was a three-metre python laying on my bed. No. Oh, my God. It dropped down from the roof?

Oh, God. You know that noise that you make when you don't even know if it's a human noise? Yeah. Oh my goodness. So what happened after that? Well, I grabbed my cat so she wasn't dinner and breakfast and called

the snake catcher and he came and caught the snake and got rid of it. Jeez, I would almost sacrifice the cat just in that instance. No. Take the cat. Don't take me. Oh, my God.

What a horrible way to wake up. Yeah. My cat used to bring home King Brown's. Snakes? Yeah. Oh, and Darwin. Oh, Darwin. There's Darwin.

You sound pretty chill about the whole thing, to be honest, Suzanne. I would be more panicked. If you're in Darwin, you have to be chill. Because you're in Darwin, baby. That's what you do. You're chill in Darwin. Hey, thank you very much, Suzanne. Wonderful story.

All righty. Far out. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Now, these are all the news stories that have broken over the weekend. Bit of a public service announcement. If this is your only source for news and current affairs,

then I suggest you get a better source. Now, I'm feeling really sorry for the people in Melbourne. They've gone back into lockdown again for six weeks. So this is curfew stuff. You're not allowed out during the day, are you? Between sort of, I think, 8 and 5 p.m. or something? That's right. You're only allowed out for an hour for exercise.

You're only allowed to go shopping within a 5k radius, one person going to the shops. If you can work from home, you're encouraged to do so. You've got to wear a mask when you're out. But I like this. This is the one rule that I thought was quite nice. So you can visit one person in another house if you're in an intimate personal relationship with that person. So even during curfew hours. So yeah, there

is a no bonk ban. That's how they put it in the article. So you can still go across and yeah, if that's going on. But then what if you weren't bonking but then you wanted to get out of the house, would you bonk me? Like if I went to your house and I was like, I just want to see you mate but you'd have to put out, would you be

willing to do that just so I would have a little bit of freedom? Yeah, I guess so. Thanks, Ben. I love you too, mate. Yeah, well, there's things you can do. Juliet, I won't bring you into this conversation. No, that's not it. Yeah, we would start going back into curfew again.

Oh, it would be so disheartening. So six weeks, apparently? Yeah. Six weeks, man. They were saying, like, remember about four weeks ago, we were like, the bubble. Let's hope not the bubble. I know.

Where are those people now? Day one, moment on the borders. Get Australians over here. Where are the bubble people now? Don't hear too much from them nowadays, do you? Winston was one, wasn't he? Yeah, it was like, we've got to get the bubble over next week. So we can just chill on that for a while.

And the number one movie is in July. So this is weird. So when they look back in history, obviously this year is going to be just a crazy year all around. But the number one movies in America for this month, number one movie at the moment is Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back. Oh, the original. The original, 40 years old.

Before that, the week before was Ghostbusters, the original. And Jurassic Park and Jaws round out the top four movies in America over the last month. Because, of course, there's no new movies really being released and there's only 1,000 movie theatres in America at the moment. Most of them are drive-ins. And those are the movies, the most popular of the movies, because they're just re-releasing

the old ones. If you look back on this year... I watched Jurassic Park the other day as well. Is this on Netflix or is this actually movies that are... This is people going to the movies. Oh they're airing those movies. Yeah these are what they're airing.

Mostly as I say they're in drive-thrus but there's a thousand cinemas all up in America across America that are open and they are the number one movies

because there's no real new movies to put in cinemas. So the only Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are like we're back baby.

We're back. We're back. 40 years later we are number one. All of a sudden, they keep looking at their bank account going, what is going on here? Why is this the number one, baby? Thank goodness for that.

Well, there we go. The movie's at the moment. What have you been watching on Netflix? What have I been watching? I've been doing a lot of Simpsons on Disney+, to be honest. Series 30 at the moment. Yeah, so that's good. Are you binging the entire Simpsons series

starting from day one? I've been trying to go far backwards, you know, because some of the first series are not as good as, you know, they've found their form about the series three.

Yeah, but then they try to go backwards. A weird animation period with different voices for a while there too, didn't they? Yeah, they sound very different. Yeah, I think they have

the same voices but they hadn't quite finalised their characters. Still ironing out the kinks. It's like us. No, we're still as nasally as we sounded 10 years ago. We apologise in advance. It's Joddo and Ben on the hits.

Ben, you were just talking about the number one movies in America being The Empire Strikes Back and Jurassic Park. Yeah, literally Back to the Future. We've gone back to the future. We're back to the future, I imagine. We're delving deep into the catalogue. Well, I got caught binging Nick Jr. on The Weeknd because nothing's weird about that at all.

And I didn't realise that Ariana Grande was on a show. That's how she started, yeah. Was on a, yeah. So this, I imagine she was like 16, 17? Yeah, maybe even younger than that. At the time. Now, I, you know, Stonesglass Houses, I know we have annoying, scratchy voices.

And she has got a stunning singing voice, probably one of the best singers of our generation. But her talking voice, oh, my God. Have you heard her talk? Oh, I heard it only because you guys were playing this before and I was like, what cartoon is this? Have a listen. This is Ariana Grande's talking voice.

Hello, future me. It's me, past you. They don't allow goats on roller coasters. You know what they say. You can't spell champion without chip and pian. It's almost like a prank voice that she'd started and the wind changed one day and it was her permanent voice for that day forward.

I guess it was the style of the show style at the time. Is she putting it on or is that her voice? I think she still speaks like that in interviews sometimes. She does have a very high voice, but then I think I've seen in more serious interviews, her voice is actually a lot lower in real life. But I don't know why she would... She rolled with that.

Like, one of the people at Nick Jr. I was like, can we overdub her here? Well, maybe that was the thing. Maybe she got the part because she could do that. You know, maybe that was the... We like that. That's the perfect thing for the role. If I was Ariana Grande,

my preferred method of communication would be singing. I would sing to you instead of just talking. It'd be less judging. Yeah, well, I suppose. You've got, as you say, a wonderful, one of the world's best singing voices.

But her talking voice, it's like she signed a deal with the devil. He's like, I'll let you sing well, but in retrospect, you're going to have to talk like this

for the remainder of your life. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Almost the end of our show, but we like to end things in positive fashion.

And I'm wearing track pants and a t-shirt. Nothing screams positive fashion like this fashion choice. You've already checked out on Monday. I have checked out. I checked out on Sunday before the week had even kicked into gear. Why is it going to be a good day? Today, Dr. Jonathan Goodtimes and Dr. Benjamin Feelgood are here to prescribe you some medicine. We're both shocking our doctors.

We got struck off the medical register, didn't we, for malpractice, but that's okay. I tell you what, it's going to be a good day for us. We're going to take a drive in Mike Hoskins' car with Stan Walker after the show. We are too. Yeah. We're going to play that tomorrow.

Are we still doing the carpool karaoke idea? Because I forgot to learn any of Stan's words. Yeah, me too. I was just thinking that. James Corden does a great job in carpool karaoke of learning the songs, doesn't he? Yeah, there's not enough recognition to give into Corden

for the amount of lyrics he remembers flawlessly. We won't be doing that with Stan after the show, but you'll hear that tomorrow, the outcome of that. But let's go out on a high

to New Plymouth. How's Taranaki this morning, Julia? It's good. It's a good day. Feeling good? Why is it going to be a good day for you? So I've been planning

my bathroom renovations for about two years. Last week, my bathroom was ripped out. So I've had no bathroom for a week. And the plumbing was done on Saturday. And today I'm going to start seeing some progress and I might even have a shower in place. Oh, she stinks. I can smell her through the phone. But boy, she's going to be smelling like a million bucks this afternoon.

Well, I can't use it for 48 hours. Oh, okay. Two days' time. At Wednesday, you'll be smelling like a million bucks. Until then, stay away from Julia. Oh, good double pass. The Reading Cinema's coming your way. Good luck with the bathroom.

Thank you. Good on you, mate. You never realise how much effort goes into a bathroom, do you? No. Until you have to do a bathroom. That's what I've always said. Always said. Lloyd, you're in Wellington. Why's it going to be a good day there, mate?

Oh, good day. I've just got the day off work to look after my son and spend time with my family. Oh, he's pretending to be a good dad and a great partner. Lloyd, you have a wonderful Monday. Thank you, mate. Thank you for listening.

Double Faster Reading Cinema's coming your way as well for your Monday. Good on you, bud. Appreciate it. Have we got time for one more? Yes, go on. All right, then. Let's go to Michelle. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast.

Michelle, why's it going to be a good Monday for you, matey? My mother-in-law's birthday. She's turning 50 today. Someone's going to get lit on a Monday. Or maybe not. What's the plan for it? What's going on today? Anything exciting for it?

Not really today. Just chilling with it, really. Well, I rent Ben out as a professional male dancer, so if you require his services, we'll talk off air, okay, Michelle? Sounds good. I'm more tragic Mike than magic Mike, all right? But he does come with his own sequined G-string, so you pay dividends for that.

You have a great day, Michelle. Look after yourself. Thank you. Happy birthday to your mother- G-string. So, yeah, you pay dividends for that. You have a great day, Michelle. Look after yourself. Thank you. Happy birthday to your mother-in-law. Double pass at Reading Cinema. Sorry, I forgot to say that for Michelle as well. Just wildly giving away movie tickets. Poor old Reading Cinema is sitting there going,

how are we expecting to turn a profit? Well, thank you so much for listening to the show. Don't forget you can check out the podcast. It's on iHeartRadio. It'll be up after the show and all our other podcasts as well. Yeah, if you want to put yourself through the punishment of listening to the whole season. Have a great Monday. We'll catch you tomorrow from 6.