Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 06 - Reception Reception, News In Beeps, Where Have You Been Removed From?

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Ben's least favourite game is back - Reception Reception! This is where Jono leaves an embarrassing message for Ben to see if they'll pass it onto Ben when he calls back. Also we've annoyed another Newstalk ZB host (not Mike Hosking this time) and she came in studio and confronted us. Whoopsies! And what place have you been banned from? Jono told the tale of when he was banned from Whitcoulls as a kid. Claaaaaaasic Jono.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. This is Thursday's edition of Jono and Ben, all your favourite characters returning for the episode. Ben Boyce, lovely to see you back here. Yeah, I'm back here again. I haven't been ended like a Game of Thrones character mid-season. I don't know if we are your favourite characters, but we're the only two characters. We've got producer Juliette, she's probably your favourite character. we're the only two characters. We've got producer Juliette she's probably your favourite character.

Yeah let's be honest. Producer Max, producer Humphrey. I'm guessing if you're coming to the Jono and Ben podcast you're probably going to tolerate us.

Yeah. Because you haven't got, you're right there's not many other options. Your favourite tolerable characters are back.

Do you know my son Oscar he's obsessed with you know TikTok but there's just a lot of it is just like nonsense facts that people spout off on tiktok yeah and like thought starters his big one at the moment is like how do they make glue not stick to the inside of the bottle oh that's and that's a great little thought starter isn't it it's a very good point though how do they i don't know that's that's It's a very good point, though. And how do they? I don't know.

That's a very good point. Does the inside of the plastic, obviously, maybe it might have a covering of something that doesn't. Non-adhesive. But still allows it to go out the top of the bottle. Yeah, I thought that was quite an interesting one. Have you seen those things on TikTok as well? They do their guess which number are you thinking of?

And they have like three numbers on screen. And then they go, was it four? And sometimes that was. And other times you're like, well, no. But I can't talk back to you. I'm taking a stab in the dark. And I'm like, full credit to them. You know, sometimes they're going to be right.

Sometimes they're going to be wrong. How can I tell you that I wasn't thinking of four? Because you just filmed this video thinking you've nailed it. Yeah. There was a couple I did. And I was like, oh, a couple of them got it right. And other times I was like, well, no. That's the law of averages.

It's not really a magic trick. It's just averages. Anyway, it's all for the communists anyway, TikTok, isn't it? Apparently, apparently. We've got a wonderful show lined up for you today. Mike Hosking's Jaguar. We've obtained it. And tell you what, you can borrow it.

We did a fun game with Millennial Max in the car wash today in Mike Hosking's Jaguar. Reception, Reception 2, one of the favourite games that we play on the show where I phone a reception, leave a message for Ben and he has to retrieve it. And boy, it turned a bit dark today. As well as that, Kim Crossman, actor on the show today with a really important podcast and a great message. So enjoy that on the podcast.

The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Time for reception, reception. What sort of reception will we get from the receptions around New Zealand where we phone up

and leave a message for Ben Boyce while he's out of the room? He's out of the room, what, doing your office banter with people? Building morale up

out there, aren't you? I'm just quietly alone in my thoughts wondering why you guys are all laughing in the studio. At my expense. Because you can see all laughing in the studio at my expense because you can see

through the window I can see come back in everyone's got the goofiest grins on their face oh look we're going away

oh good day it's our baby he's coming here he's going to love this one so I feel good for dying oh my so now's the time to get the hell

out of here mate okay jokes aside get out of here you monster. All right, see you, buddy. Ben's off to the soundproof booth. And we're going to phone Blenheim right now and see if the receptionist will A, take the message,

and we'll see if they'll pass it back to Ben. Good morning, speaking with Amanda. Hi, Amanda. Hello, how are we going? Good, how are you Amanda. Hi, Amanda. Hello, how are we going? Good, how are you today? Good, thank you. Listen, it's Jonathan calling for the community news here. How are you?

Yeah, I'm very well, thank you, Jonathan. How can I help? Good. This is a bit of an unusual request. I was dealing with a gentleman called Benjamin who wanted to book a classified ad in the community news and he gave me your number and he said you would take the message and just pass it on to him.

Let me see how I can help you, Jonathan. Thank you. What's the message? Listen, so I'm just clarifying some copy or some wording he wanted in the classified ad. Yeah, I'm sure. So the first part of the message is, are you able to take this down? Yep, sure. I've got a pen and paper ready to go. Thank you. Hi, my name is Benjamin Boyce. Yeah.

I want to wish my mother a very happy birthday. Sure. Mum, thank you so much for breastfeeding me until the age of 15. Yep. Until the age of 15? Yes, got that, yep. Also when you helped me detach the vacuum cleaner from myself when I was experimenting. Yep. And how you never panicked when my irritable bowel and weak bladder

were not cooperating. Okay, cool. That sounds like a very loving message for his mum. And also how you taught me not to cry after making love. Okay, wonderful. Okay, so did you manage to get all that? Yeah, I did. Yep, I jotted that all down for you.

Okay, so the part about detaching from the vacuum cleaner. Yeah. Yeah. Not crying after making love. Very important. Life skill to learn. Yeah. What else did we have there?

It was happy birthday. Thanks so much, Mum, for breastfeeding me until I was 15. Oh, yes, the breastfeeding. Yeah, until 15. 15, yeah. So it's happy birthday, Mum. Perfect. Got it all.

And the weak bladder and the irritable bowel. Yes, I forgot about that one. Yeah. Okay, you can add that in. Yeah. Okay, Amanda. That's okay, no problem. No worries.

And you look after yourself. Yeah, no worries. I will do. I'll be sure to pass that on for you. Thank you. You have a wonderful day. You too. I feel confident.

So that was Amanda and Blenheim. And we'll bring back Ben from the soundproof booth. Come on, Ben. Come back in. How are you? I'm okay. I'm okay. You always look a little apprehensive.

Yeah, I don't really know what's going on. You know how this works. I know. Everyone's just smiling away and I'm just like, oh, what's it going to be? What's it going to be? One day we're going to give out your credit card number and all your personal details and see if they pass that on to you. Really got me.

Live on the radio. You're like, oh dear God. Should do that. Anyway, we haven't done that today. No, thank you. All you've done today is you've wanted to place a wonderful classified ad for your mother in the local community newspaper. Right.

And hopefully Amanda, I think, will pass that on to you. It was just sort of clarifying what wording you wanted in the commercial. Just want to check the copy of, just check the message. Yeah. Good morning, speaking with Amanda. Oh, hi, Amanda. My name is Ben. Hi, Ben.

How are you going? Hey, not too bad. Look, apparently a message has been left for me with you. Is that right? Because I booked a classified and I just wanted to know what the message was going to be on my classified. Yeah, cool. Okay. So it's a really nice message for your mum.

Okay, a really nice message for my mum. Yeah. Yeah, and it's happy birthday, mum. Oh, that's lovely. That's a nice start. Yeah, yeah. And a few really loving thanks for her for a few things she's done for you over the years. Oh, good.

Oh, well, I'm a lovely, generous person. So I guess Mum would love this. Yeah, yeah. So they got that in there? Very good, Mum. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, just wanted to thank her for putting out a few irritable bowels and bed wetting. Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you got that in there? Oh, good. I'm glad they got bed wetting. Right. Yeah. Oh, you got that in there? Oh, good. I'm glad they got that in there. Yeah. She also breastfed you to the age of 15, I understand. Yep. Yeah.

It was very selfless of her. I don't know if it was a good idea to put that in the classified, but obviously it was, right? Oh, absolutely. I think she deserves to be thanked for that, mate. Yeah. It's best to be transparent about these things, right? Yeah. Yeah, for's best to be transparent about these things, right?

Yeah, for sure, for sure. Also, big thanks for teaching you not to cry after making love. Yeah, okay. This is all quite eye-opening for me, even though my eyes are full with tears. I'd love to know how that combo went down. Yeah, it was an awkward one. Yeah, that's for sure. Anything else that I put in the classified that will be there?

I think there was something else, Ben, but I forgot. It was quite an intense and request to be honest. You forgot the bit about how she helped him detach himself from the vacuum cleaner. Okay, all right, all right.

I'm wrapping this up. Jono and Ben here, if you haven't guessed. We leave a message, well, Jono leaves a random message on a reception. I have to ring up. Jono and Ben here, if you haven't guessed. We leave a message. Well, Jono leaves a random message on a reception. I have to ring up. I've never heard the message before and see if they'll relay it. You are a Kiwi hero.

Oh, thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Thank you, Amanda. I really wish you were doing a message for your mum like that, mate. It would be... You know the disturbing part is that 90% of it's true. I'll let you figure out which part. We ought to send you out something for being such a good sport. Hold the line. Thank you. You know the disturbing part is that 90% of it's true. I'll let you figure out which part.

We want to send you out something for being such a good sport. Hold the line. Thank you. You have a lovely day, Amanda. You too. See you later. What a good sport, eh? This is your new breakfast.

Health style rating, still pending. It's Jorow and Matt on the hit. About a week ago, we took Mike Hosking from Newstalk ZB. We towed his car from the work garage, and now here's what we've done with it so far. You stole my car. We replaced his car with a red labour car. Faster. But we forgot to get the keys.

You want me now to give you the key to my car? We've got the keys. We've got the car. Jono took it to the drags in Medi Medi. If I know Mike Hosking like I do, he would just love this right now. Our shaky millennial producer Max

is out there dressed as a chauffeur. Jackie and both her kids are in the car. For this Uber ride, there's no soilage fee. If anything, extra points if you soil.

Now, Ben, it's your wife Amanda Boyce. At the moment, I don't have a car because my husband's car is in service so he's got mine. Maybe you can borrow Mike Hosny's car.

We want to live like Mike. Head to the hitstock.co.nz. I'd love to live like Mike. Hang up on her, please, Producer Juliet. They were given a nickname for his love of the National Party. It's the Natmobile. Quick, to the Natmobile. I love it.

Hey, don't want to brag about it, but I've got to stand and walk around the car. Oh, my God. Did you just spill chips in Mike Hosny's car? Let's ignore that and sing. That's my favourite part of the song. That's not like that bit. The adventures that car has had.

Oh my gosh. We've been part of only a quarter of it. Listen to you do that. I mean, the car would have been driven by Hosking, parked in the garage at work, and then parked back in his flash car. So that's what it would have done. It would have no stories to tell, this electric car.

Now, I know Mike has an electric personality, but I didn't know Mike Hosking would drive an electric car. The Natmobile, we affectionately named it, as you just heard, for his love of National. Oh, electric performance SUV, that car. And as you said, Jono, we haven't charged it so far. So we need to probably... Which concerns me a bit

because we're sending Millennial Max out again this morning. He's taken... This is why we've got the car. We can borrow it. We can do what we want with it. So if you need Max

to pick you up, drop you off, run any errands for you, he can do that this morning. One full charge. I'm just reading here because I like to Google facts about the car.

470 k's. Get one full charge, you can get up to 470 k's. How long does it take to charge? I haven't Googled that, but I can tell you, 470 k's. That's a lot. That's a lot on one charge. And after 7 o'clock, we actually need to make a personal apology

to another Newstalk ZB host, Kerry McIver. Oh yeah, in the process of getting annoying Mike Hosking with this car, we've annoyed another Newstalk ZB host. Kerry McIver knows Oh, yeah, in the process of getting annoying Mike Hosking with his car, we've annoyed another NewstalkZB host. Kerry McIver. She's collateral damage for this Mike Hosking prank. We put her day right out yesterday because of something we did, and we're trying to do something for one of the first times in our lives,

a really nice, a lovely thing. And in doing so, we ruined Kerry McIver's day. Kerry McIver with us for a live on-air apology. What did we do to her? Find out after 7 o'clock this morning. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono a live on-air apology. What did we do to her? Find out after 7 o'clock this morning. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

The A to Z of New Zealand. We are calling every town and city in New Zealand. There's over 200 of them. And we're doing it one a day. There's over 500 of them. 500, yeah. As I said that, I was like, that's wrong. No, I could tell. I could tell the look on your face.

Even the tone in your voice felt you weren't confident on that fact. I said it and then I quickly went, no, that's totally wrong. That's right. It's going to take us over two years. That I do know for sure to do this alphabetically one a day. Now, a theme has been developing this week and a theme that I think we need to nip in the bud, Ben Boyce. A theme of us sort of pimping out our mothers for comedic foil.

To small town people. And I will have no more of it. This was Darfield, my mother Annie Pryor's hometown. Now, my mother Annie Pryor was born in Darfield. You didn't hook up with her in your younger years, did you? Ah, I might know her. Maybe I'm not going to say. Am I on here?

Are you my dad, Wally? To give you a clue, are your ears normal size or do they stick out a bit? Oh, they're sticky out a bit. Yeah, yeah, I've got the sticky out one. Oh, dad. Hang on, hang on. What's your hair on your head like, Wally? Receding.

Oh, no. Oh, no. So that was Starfield. And then yesterday in Dargaville, Ben, your mum lives in the north. Yeah. It's lovely up there, isn't it? It is. My mum lives in Russell, so lovely spot.'s lovely up there, isn't it? It is. My mum lives in Russell, so lovely spot.

I'll have to come through Dargaville on the way up next time. Yeah, I'll call in, say hi. Have you met Jenny? I'd like to meet Jenny. I bet you would. Then you might have some kids on your hands. We'll get to that later. All right, wrapping this up.

That madness must cease. Okay. Today, no mum stuff. No mum stuff. No, mums are off the table. Today, we'll be calling Dipton. Whereabouts is Dipton? Dipton's a small town in the Southland region

of New Zealand, located 20 kilometres south of Lumsden, 60 kilometres north of Invercargill. The home to the former Prime Minister, Bill English. And it's got a Facebook page that states Dipton is OK. Some people may not think there's much to celebrate about Dipton,

but Diptonians know better. Some of the messages on the Facebook page from Raewyn Patton. There's a goat on the run. I can't catch it. Phil Wilson posts, Just caught it and dropped it off to the owners. Janelle Reese says, Does anyone know where I can get some fresh eggs?

I'm after a weekly supply. Gail Miger responds, Sounder and Tor and Tony's eggs, $5 a dozen. Great eggs. Oh, there you go. This is the stuff that's going on in the Diptum community, helping out each other. Well, let's call someone else from Diptum. Good morning, Diptum Roadhouse.

We've got him. He sounds like he's from Dipton too. You wouldn't get a more southern sounding gentleman on the phone. Welcome. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits here. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you?

We're good. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand one a day and today's Dipton's turn. Oh, okay. That's a good idea. Yeah, it is. It's keeping us busy, keeping us out of trouble. Now, what's Dipton got going for it?

Oh, it's a lovely rural community. Eight degrees at the moment? Eight degrees, oh yeah, pretty warm. A balmy eight degrees in Dipton? Yeah, it's usually colder than that. What's there to do in Dipton? I come to the roadhouse to get some of the best burgers in the country, some of the best fish and chips.

Now, what's your order that you put the ingredients in in the burger? Do you do lettuce, cheese, tomato, patty, bun? No. I start with a nice crispy bun. It's got to be toasted. Then I put my relish. Then I'll put some onions, pickles. Then we'll go a patty,

some cheese, some bacon, another patty, some cheese, some bacon. Sandwich a bit of barbecue sauce in there somewhere, bit of mayonnaise lettuce and tomato on the bun on top, squeeze it all together and hope it doesn't slide away. Hold on you've got the tomato and lettuce sitting at the top Hell yeah. The top of the tower

I thought they would act as the waterproof bed down the bottom, not to sog the bottom bun They do it different in Dipton. Yeah, well that sounds like a heck of a burger. Yeah, it's good. Mate, when you were rattling through that, I was like, there's no vegetables in here until the very end. And then you snuck

a couple in there as well, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Rabbit food is always optional. My colon was getting more and more clogged as you were running through the ingredients. Yeah. Now, Bill English, is he from Dipton? Do you do one of those things if you do see him when you're driving, you do that little farmer wave where you raise one finger up?

Yeah, yeah. That's it. That's as much as you get it as a wave. Wow, that was him. But not at the time, though, eh? I think he's still a very, very busy man. All right. He's probably working his way through a burger he ordered from you two weeks ago.

For his digestive system. Takes a while to eat those things. It sounds massive. Hey, good on you, mate. You have a lovely day. Hey, thanks very much for calling. We'll continue the A to Z of New Zealand tomorrow with another town or city taking us over 200 years to call every town.

But next on the show. 200 years. Wow, you're in for the long haul. 200 years. Yes. I'm really in a shocker. Wow. You're in for the long haul. 200 years. How long do you think we signed a contract for, mate? Radio's not going to be a thing in 200 years. I'm not going to be a thing in 200 years. Radio's not going to be a thing in two years.

My kids are passive and their kids and their kids. You have to keep calling. You'll have to do this with me. Sorry. I'm having a shocker. I love your optimism, mate. As if we'd still be relevant in 200 years. We're not even relevant now.

Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we've borrowed Mike Hosking's fancy Jaguar I-Pace. We've got that for a few days and it was meant to be all about annoying Mike Hosking. Yeah, but some collateral damage has taken place with another Respected News Talks ZB host. Kerry McIver, welcome.

Kia ora, good morning. What anna? Nice to have you here. Now, yesterday we tried to do a nice thing with Mike Hosking's car. We bought a whole lot of coffees for Starship. Some of the doctors and nurses at Starship. but there was quite a lot of coffees like twenty thirty coffees. Thirty. Kerry I know because we see you through the window every morning as you make your way up to the station I know you like to get your morning coffee. I do. And two of them you got two usually? Usually for somebody

else. Yeah lovely that you buy one for someone else so you went to the same cafe cafe yesterday that we had ordered 30 coffees. Yes. And the Mog Jam was phenomenal. Poor Mia, who makes the coffees, was a shattered wreck, a shadow of her former self. There was mutterings from all departments. The Auckland City Council traffic guys were in there,

so there would have been more tickets given out because they wouldn't have had their coffee. They were grumpy. The impact was significant. And I did wonder to myself, there are four cafes in a row. Would it not make sense to order six from each one? It probably would. It's just the logistics.

I was looking at them thinking, why would you? There's three cafes in a row. Yeah, the problem being is, though, everyone who walked in, you were shaming us, publicly shaming us. This is Jono and Ben's fault. They've ordered 27 coffees. They've got to be a while. No, that would be the big cheese.

That would be Shane Curry. Oh, right. And I went, is it? Is it really Jono and Ben's fault? And he explained it to me. Let's see, my comment, my contribution to the heated discussion going on inside the coffee shop was, they are like irritating little brothers in this building.

No, I mean, we don't even work on the same station. You were trying to do a nice thing, and you were playing all damn... I'm sorry about that. We apologise. No, once I found out it was for Starship, it was all good. I was just, you know... Yeah, no. It was just the, why would you not space them out and share the love amongst all the cafes that are doing it?

It's a good debate. There's some big debates going on in ZV at the moment. Why don't you stimulate the economy in multiple ways? That's exactly right. I've always been about sharing and spreading it out. That's always been my motto. Now, Kerry, we want to hit the music, producer Juliet. We have an apology coffee.

Apology coffee. For Kerry McIver Is it the right one? Is it the right one? Yes it is and I'll make a donation to Starship as a result We ordered 27 of them

they're still making the other 26 They're all for Carrie McIver so make sure Your name is mud over there this morning I don't need to go over there Sorry I'm holding you up yesterday.

Sorry you were collateral damage. No, but you were still a annoying little boy. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Scrolling through your feed. Welcome to the news that's broken overnight, and this is what New Zealand demanded.

Jono and Ben diving deep into the topical events of the day. Oh, this is pretty cool. Now, Kiwi Woman has decided to pay homage to Dr Ashley Bloomfield, of course, who guided us through COVID so well, and she's got a tattoo by award-winning tattoo artist David Moyat. Now, this thing looks amazing. It's got Ashley Bloomfield there. It's got an Anzac poppy underneath it. He's

looking quite majestic with windswept hair. He looks a lot cooler than he looks on screen, doesn't he? He's got his hair slicked back and he's looking rather model-like, isn't he, in the tattoo? She got her tattoo on the calf of Ashley Bloomfield and a really nice story behind it. Now, the lady's name is

Sherilyn. She said during COVID she was isolating, well, she was by herself in lockdown and Ashley Bloomfield became the highlight of her time.

Every day, she'd look forward to seeing him on the telly and that was something she'd look forward to. So she's honoured it with that. So it's cool.

That's a lovely way to pay tribute, isn't it? I couldn't think of a better way to pay tribute. Now, Ben Bush, you were talking about getting an Ashley Bloomfield tattoo,

but mainly for a shame, not for a sensitive reason like that, just for shameless publicity reasons. Well, I've got one on my backside, a tattoo that you did, that is shocking. It's shocking. And it's been added to by various other people as well. It is terrible. It's just stick.

It's like the Pack and Save Stick Man. It was like the demos of the Pack and Save Stick Man. There's about three or four stick figures on there. You've got an artist. It says Jono and Ben, and you've got like a lightning bolt in your name and the J backwards. I'm not like you're acting surprised. I'm not a tattoo artist.

What were you expecting? The Mona Lisa? It was like your name written properly. So your name's not even written. So I was like, maybe I should get a cover up. And then during lockdown, I was like, oh, Ashley Bloomfield's doing a great job. Maybe I could get Ashley Bloomfield. Putting them on your ass.

Maybe he wouldn't like that as a tribute. What a wonderful tribute. I've tattooed you onto my right cheek. He's like, I'd rather you didn't. So anyway, I'll keep thinking about a good cover up for that. Now, here's a theory. And this is actually my wife, Jen and me were discussing this last night. The articles, things he's saying in press conferences,

I reckon there's going to be community transition again. Transmission again, sorry. Well, he said it's not if, but when, right? He's like, it's inevitable. But then I got an email from, did you get that email from the Ministry of Health last night about your tracker? Yeah.

Your tracer? Make sure you've got that. Tell your friends and family to get it. It's the only way we're going to fight it. And I'm like, what are you guys bracing us for? Well, maybe they're just getting prepared because Melbourne thought they had it under control. I just like to have everyone panicking.

That's my main goal when I come to work every day is to get everyone on edge. And Donald Trump over in the USA, speaking of things not under control, he did an interview and he was struggling with a very famous part of America. Yeah, Yosemite. Yosemite.

Sorry, Juliet. Juliet's just trying to play the grab and I just keep talking over it. So you go, John, and you tell producer Juliet when you want her to play it. Oh, no, listen, what I'll do is you play it first, Juliet. We need to know what it says. Yeah, okay, let's go.

Okay. No, you need to know what he's trying to say. All right, so Juliet, you play it now. No, no need to know what he's trying to say. All right. So, so Julia, you play it now. No, don't. No, no, Julia, you say it. Okay. So am I playing it? Yeah, go for it. When they gaze upon Yosemites, Yosemites, towering sequoias. I'll say it. Yosemite is what he was trying to say. Very famous part of America. This is what he had to say. When they gaze upon Yosemites, Yosemites towering sequoias.

It's just like, shake your head. I think when he does his speeches, he's reading them for the first time. That's because he's just looking down, reading a piece of paper. Like, do a rehearsal. Pre-read this thing. It's Yosemite, the national park in America. Although yesterday, we played

this from the internet. A guy by the name of Nick Greco had got how Donald Trump says phenomenal and put it into this lovely little mashup. So we have a new phenomena. New phenomena. Phenomena. Phenomena. Phenomena.

Phenomena. Phenomena. Phenomena. Listen, if he gets voted out, America might be fine, but comedy will die. And this is my major concern, Ben. Before we get into the news and videos, can I thank my neighbour who keeps dropping us breakfast every morning outside the studio? Mike? Yeah.

From the general? Every morning? He walks up to the window, waves, drops breakfast and walks off? It's a wonderful thing he's done. It's a wonderful, wonderful gesture. I wish I was a better human being. I want to see you eat all those donuts. I'm going to.

I'm going to. He's trying to fatten us up. I think he's trying to cook us and serve us in his cafe. All right, the news and beeps. We're our producer Juliet. Be us and serve us in his cafe. Alright, the news and beeps where our producer Juliet beeps out certain words in news headlines we have to try and figure out what they are and usually we don't get them right but you end up

with a mildly amusing result. I wouldn't even say it was amusing or even mild. Take it away, Juliet. Here we go. Destroyed after being put in washing machine to remove coronavirus. Oh, something destroyed. I'm going to say the only cure to COVID destroyed. The guy went home from the laboratory, left it in his pocket.

Oh, God. Or her. Or her, the scientist as well. The scientist came home, had it in their pocket, put it in the washing cycle and nappy sanded away. I do that with my gum all the time too. Oh, me too. Do you eat the gum afterwards?

Sometimes, but it's never as good. It's never as good, right? It's never as good being poisoned by washing powder. I'm going to go with the Jono Pryor erotic tape was left destroyed. We really wanted to get that out there this year. I know you did, Jono. But it got destroyed. I'm going to release it on Disney+.

Like all the other movies. Very PG. Here we go. Money destroyed after being put in washing machine to remove coronavirus. Okay. So a couple of South Korean people chucked cash in their washing machine, a bunch of their currency. It was equal to be about $30,000 to try and get rid of it.

It just burnt it all, basically. Oh, like money laundering. Yeah. Literally. I can see their rationale because they do.. Like money laundering, actually, literally. I can see the rationale because they do, everyone touches money, obviously,

and that's one of the things that you touch, you know. You are basically touching what someone else has touched. So I can see the rationale but maybe the washing machine, oh, in hindsight, wasn't the best idea.

Yeah, exactly. I feel like New Zealand cash could be okay in a washing machine because it's not like paper. Yeah, it's got that plasticky feel. Yeah, yeah. You never really own money, do you? You just sort of have, you borrow it for a period and hand it on. Yeah, it's not yours paper. Yeah, it's got that plasticky feel. Yeah, yeah. You never really own money, do you? You just sort of have,

you borrow it for a period and hand it on. Yeah, it's not yours. You're right. Belts too, I think, are filthy. Pant belts, you know, for your trousers. You never wash them. No, and you're always touching them

when you go to the bar, you know. True. Let's not get into a whole of this. This will get Ben wound up. Let's move on. All right. Wisconsin judge gets sworn in while... Wisconsin judge gets sworn in while... I'm going to go while swearing.

He was actually swearing and he got sworn in. Oh. I'm going to say I don't have an answer and that was going to be mine. All right, here we go. Wisconsin judge gets sworn in while running ultra marathon. So what happened was... Do you know after every one you're like,

oh! Do you ever reveal, oh you're like Oh! Oh! We should change this segment to news and Oh! And then we go Oh! So this lady was running an ultra marathon. It was 160km and 55km and she decided she wanted to get sworn in as a

judge in Wisconsin. So it was a little wee break for her I guess you could say. And that's not a very... It's quite an unorthodox way to get sworn in, isn't it? It's never happened, but that's good. I guess multitasking at its best. And the final story, and I'm not going to say, oh, that's all right. Okay. Ten-year-old girl makes $100,000 from landscape paintings, but...

But spends it all on app purchases. I'm going to say that she made landscape paintings, but she still doesn't know which way landscape is and which way is portrait. Because I never do. Every time you're like, which one? Is that one again? That's a good answer.

And Jono, I feel like you're really going to love what this story is. Ten-year-old girl makes $100,000 from landscape paintings, but donates it all to charity. And I would, because you know I'm a charitable person, Juliet. That's why. Of course. I'm the philanthropist of the show.

Well, there we go. The news and beeps. I didn't say, oh, at the end of all this. It's hard not to say, oh. No, because you're quite surprised by the actual news story. Oh, yeah, okay. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Spy, go WhatsApp spy.co.nz Charlie D'Amelio to Charlie Sheen If there's a more relevant Charlie I should have referenced this then Please let me know Charlie Chaplin was the only one I could think of That was dating back to my childhood, Charlie Chaplin You have a think about that Ben, let's bring in Juliet with Spy Thank you, so over the last 24 hours

A bunch more stars have come out and spoken And shared their support for Ellen DeGeneres following all of the allegations about a toxic work environment. So Ashton Kutcher is one of them. He said, She and her team have only treated me and my team with respect and kindness. She never pandered to celebrity, which I always saw as a refreshing honesty. And someone did actually tweet him back and say,

oh, you know, you're a billionaire. She probably treats you well because of that. And he's like, one, I'm not a billionaire. And two, she treated all of my staff so well even when she didn't even realise that they worked with me. So he said that. Kevin Hart has also come out and said, the internet has become a crazy world of negativity

we're falling in love with people's downfall this hate stuff has to stop hopefully it goes out of style soon it's really true because people do get

a lot of like enjoyment out of taking people down it seems at the moment I don't know what goes on behind the scenes and you don't want to disregard what

these people have said it's one of my favourite hobbies is taking people down it's what brings me great joy in my cold, dead heart. It's what I love doing, going on the internet and just bringing people down. You know this.

You're like, do you want to hang out today? Sorry, mate, I've blocked out five hours to take people down. Do you know, I was looking into Ellen, $75 million a year she earns, which makes her one of the richest self-made females in America, which is incredible. But she's also raised over $140 million for charity

over the years. And that's what Jay Leno was saying as well, another celeb to come out and support and say, you know, someone who's done all this wonderful work for charity, you can't, you know, disregard that as well. She has done some amazing, wonderful things. Plus, I'm sure she's 62 years old.

Not that that's that crazy old, but surely she's like, oh, I have got enough money to be fine for the rest of my life. Why don't I just leave all this drama behind? Yeah, exactly. Just be done with it. Exactly. And Paul McCartney, he was asked whether he'd follow in Elton John's footsteps

and potentially do a Las Vegas residency, and he said, nah, that's where you go to die. Oh, burn. At the elephant's graveyard. Wow. Burn. Burn, I know. So that's not going to happen anytime soon, and a little bit of a dig on Elton as well. Yeah, we went At the elephant's graveyard. Wow. What a burn. I know. So that's not going to happen

anytime soon and a little bit of a dig on Elton as well. Yeah, we went to Las Vegas once, Ben. You and me, didn't we? Fun times. We did. Wild times. I love hearing your Vegas stories. Every time you bring them up, I'm like, yes, tell me more. Oh yeah, but the one that I think we mentioned before, the Kiwis we ran into on the street, they're from Hamilton. They were going

to America just to Las Vegas for like three weeks, was it? Yeah, they went straight from Hamilton straight to Las Vegas. This is the only place they went to in the whole of the US. Really're from Hamilton. They were going to America just to Las Vegas for like three weeks. Yeah, they went straight from Hamilton straight to Las Vegas. This is the only place they went to in the whole of the US. I mean, Vegas is a lot of fun

but it's a two day thing maybe three days at best. One and a half days. You're done. Yeah. And these guys looked like the walking dead. They weren't blinking.

They were just like help us. They looked dead inside. They were like oh help us. Can you get us out of here? So mate, we didn't book your itinerary. They're like save us. We've been here for one and a half inside. They were like, oh, help us, can you get us out of here? So, mate, we didn't book your itinerary.

They're like, save us, we've been here for one and a half weeks. They still had like three or four days to go. Oh, that just sounds like the worst thing. That was five years ago, they're still recovering. Still in Hamilton, just lying on a bed, not blinking. For more spy, head to the hits.co.nz. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

I had to go into wititskulls yesterday. You know, the stationary proprietor, Whitskulls? Yeah. And I had to go and buy some stationary for the kids and stuff. And I walked in there and I was like, oh, gee, I have not been in any here for years. Oh, that's a great store. It's a great, yeah, I've got nothing against Whitskulls.

Whitskulls had something against me. Yeah. That dates, yeah, I've got nothing against Whitcalls. Whitcalls had something against me. Yeah. That dates back to when I was a 13-year-old. And I got banned from Whitcalls, Producer Juliet. When you were 13? For a 13, 14-year-old. You were that young, were you? Yeah, this is probably the most prepubescent crime ever to take place.

Now, me and my friends, there used to be a popular magazine, and we read it for the articles, called Playboy Magazine. Yeah. Sort of the filth we wouldn't lay our eyes upon now, being at the hits. Not the hits, mate. That's sort of smut now. And you mentioning it makes me go,

oh, I shouldn't have that on the radio. No, no. You know, and it's embarrassing enough being caught with that sort of content on your person, let alone shoplifting at Julianne. Oh, God, you didn't. So we went in a little sort of 13, 14-year-old Ocean's Eleven-style heist on Wickhalls in town there. And I was the grabber.

I was the guy. Which one are you? You weren't Clooney or Pitt. You were the old guy. Yeah, I was the oldber, I was the guy. Which one are you? You weren't Clooney or Pitt. You were the old guy. Yeah, I was the old guy, even at 13. The bucket hat from Ocean's Eleven. And I was the one that was going to go and everyone else was meant to keep watch

and I was going to take this unsavoury magazine publication and I did it and I put it down my trousers and then I just felt this big hand on my shoulder and there was a bloody undercover shopper right next to me the whole time. And my lookout guys... Where had they gone? Did they scarf it?

They scarfed it like cockroaches. Whoever they looked out, oh God, there's someone coming. We're going to need to run. So then I was taken backstage, if that's what they call it at Wickles, to the back room. Backstage, yeah.

For an intense interrogation. And she was like, you need to go home. You need to tell your mum and I'm banning you from Wickles. And I went home and she's like, you need to tell your mum

before I tell you. I had to go home and tell my mum that I was shoplifting pornographic material. Oh, God. Lowest point in my career. Yeah. And the lady never called her. Was it a career?

Was it something you continued to do? After that was quite successful. Smutty heists. Oh, the amount of free stuff I got. It was the start of a wonderful career. But that was quite successful. Smutty heists. Oh, the amount of free stuff I got. It was the start of a wonderful career. But that was a low point. That was a low point. And I walked into the dairy the other day, actually,

and I saw they're still there, those magazines. Who's still buying those? And then I looked at the title, and this was out of Word of a Lie, and it was called Sultry 60s. And I was like, oh, well, that makes sense. The demographic makes sense. So we wanted to know,

well, John, you thought you might be still banned. I think the ban may continue on. I don't know if I'm still on the wanted list at WIC calls. Where have you been removed from? Where have you been banned from? Now, Producer Humphries, you got kicked out of the most unlikely event. Yes, I went along to

Celine Dion last time she was in town. No one tell me you don't get out and have fun. Exactly, exactly. Me and three friends, we all got asked to leave the concert. We were having a good time. We were having a couple of drinks and a nice sing and a dance along to Celine. And, yeah, security took exception to it, and they pulled us aside and told us that we had to leave.

And we sort of said, oh, you know, what's the issue? Were you sticking out as the only three males there? No, it was... Hey, in defence, it was two guys, two girls. In defence, yeah. They were 17, the babes. Met them on Tinder. But, yeah, we sort of said, oh, what's the issue?

And they said, oh, look, there's just people around you who have made some complaints. We're like, complaining about what? Singing. And they're like, yeah, there was some singing. And I'm like, you're not allowed to sing at the concert. Only Celine. And in the end, yeah, we were singing too loudly,

dancing too flamboyantly. He's like, actually, in hindsight, this is not making me look... Well, Celine's heart may have gone on, but your night certainly didn't go on. Banned from Celine Dion. Let's go to the phones. 0800, the hits, the phone number. Let's head to Palmerston North. Kate, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast.

Lovely to have you on this morning. Good morning. Where have you been banned from? Kate, where did you get removed from? Well, back in the day after school, all the girls used to go to farmers and we all used to spray the perfumes on, but we'd do it pretty much every day

and never bought a perfume. And yeah, one day security kicked us out. Oh, no, I always thought, could you survive on your hygiene with just using store samples from... Well, you can for a certain amount of time, but then you obviously get kicked out. Yeah, apparently not.

I've only seen people do that duty-free when you were allowed to fly coming home, and you're like, oh, I'll just spruce myself up before I get up. Where are you, Christian Dior? Yeah. Yeah, so that was the end of your Britney Spears bloody spraying routine, was it, Kate? Yeah, it definitely was Britney Spears.

Thank you for your call. Appreciate it. Melanie, welcome to the show. Where did you get banned from or removed from? From Decker. Oh, from Decker. It wasn't me, though. I was with a friend and she decided that she wanted some candy canes. And so because

I was with her, we got a two-year ban. Oh, she decided she wanted them, but she decided not to pay for them is that what happened yeah she put them in her bag and yeah it was pretty embarrassing

but I think I went back once after that oh Candy Cane she could have gone to something a bit more better if you're going to take the risk put a 40 inch TV in your bag or something

thank you Mella you have a great day thank you Dave cheers for listening our friend remember our mate oh I've got to get a ton of concerts by the artist yes yeah on stage Thank you, Mella. You have a great day, eh? Thank you, Dave. Cheers for listening. Our friend, remember our mate? Oh, I've got to get down to concert.

By the artist. Yes. Yeah. On stage for just being a bit too sort of, I love you, I love you. And they went, maybe you should. It was like John Farnham or something. Of that ilk.

I can't remember the artist. And she was screaming out in front of the whole stadium. And so he stopped the concert. He was like, can someone remove this lady? She's putting me off. And so she got drained. I can't remember who it was either, can someone remove this lady? She's putting me off. And so she got drained. And she was there with her dad. Yeah.

And the dad stayed at the concert. She got removed. I'm sorry. I love you. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hips. We've taken Mike Hosking's car. We've borrowed it.

He's got a very flash Jaguar I-Pace. Mike Hosking, respected broadcaster, does the breakfast show on Newstalk ZB. We borrowed it, not for a long time, but for a good time. Yesterday we went driving around, Stan Walker became Stan Ryder, and he came for a ride in the Jaguar, and we sung along. We did a ride,

share, sing along, we called it. Nothing to do with carpool karaoke. I don't know how many red lights I ran, because I sing with my eyespool karaoke. I don't know how many red lights I rang because I sing with my eyes shut. So I don't know. We made it back safely. There were no accidents. We're going to head back out to Millennial Max

who all week has been driving the people around because that was one prerequisite with Hosking. All prerequisite. Prerequisite with Hosking. He was like, if I'm lending you this car, the people need to use it. Yeah, I think that was the opposite of what he wanted, but we're doing it anyway, right?

He's a man of the people, and Millennial Max, welcome. Where are you at the moment? I'm in the car wash. Oh, right. He doesn't know what he's doing, Max, in the car wash. No, we're like, well, we should get the car clean, and we've found a car wash that's open at the moment with some tank water, because Auckland's under, you know,

a bit of water restrictions, but we've got one that can go, and we've got a wee game we want to play. So it's an a car wash that's open at the moment with the tank water because Auckland's under, you know, a bit of water restrictions. But we've got one that can go and we've got a wee game we want to play. So it's an automatic car wash. It's not a do-it-yourself one. It's one where you just drive in and all the machines do the heavy lifting. This is a game show that we want to play. A little bit of Jeopardy with this Jaguar Millennial Max. Hit the music, Jude.

We're off to a bad start. What do you mean we're off to a bad start? I drive in. You have to pay. So I paid, and my window was open, and then I drove in with my window open and got drenched on my way in. So I'm already wet, and I haven't even started this game.

Oh, okay. Well, that's ironic, because that's the exact... Well, wind that window back up, because that's the exact game we want to play. Hit the music, Juliet. This is Mike Hosking Trivia. We're going to ask you four questions, which all collate to four of the windows in the vehicle.

Any question you get wrong, you have to wind down during the process of the automatic car wash, Max. Okay. All right. Are you ready for your first question? I think so. Just say yes. Let's get into this, Max.

Come on. What is Mike Hosking's full name? Is it A, Michael, I'll never vote for Labour Hosking, B, Mike, the Green Party, you're a waste of time, Hosking, or Michael Noel James Hosking V? Michael Noel James Hosking V. You're giving a multi-choice. I don't like this, Jono.

No more multi-choice. Mike Hosking. Mike Hosking hosted it. You're giving him multi-choice. I don't like this, Jono. No more multi-choice. Mike Hosking. Mike Hosking hosted which game show five years ago? No multi-choice, mate. No multi-choice. Ben told me off for multi-choice. I want to window down. Absolutely no clue.

No clue. It's who wants to be a millionaire? What part of the wash process are we up to right now, Millennial Max? We are at some kind of spray. Some kind of spray. It might be a soapy sheen of some description. And down goes the window. Which one are you pulling down?

I will pull down. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I don't want to sacrifice myself. I'm going to pull down the left passenger one. Left passengers going down. There we go. All right, two more questions.

We've got two more windows that could go down in Mike Hosking's fancy Jaguar I-Pace. Millennial Max inside an automatic car wash at the moment. Next question. In 2014, he joined Tony Street and Who to host Seven Sharp. Oh. Tony Street and Who, along with Mike Hosking, hosted Seven Sharp for a period there. 2014.

Jack Payne. No. Yes, it was Jesse Mulligan. The window goes down. The window goes down. Jack Payne. No! Yes, it was Jesse Mulligan. The window goes down. The window goes down. The window goes down. The window goes down. Oh, my God!

Which one are you... He sounds like he's in the eye of a hurricane right now. Final question. There's one more window to go. Mike Hosking, first joined TVNZ in 1997, hosting which show? Oh, my God.

Breakfast. Oh, he saved a window. Well done. But the damage has been done. You enjoy the rest of that car wash? Oh, thanks. Are you blowing off now, are you?

Hello? It's very hard to hear. Max, Millennial Max and Mark Hoskins, Jaguar I-Pace, we've got something very special planned for that after 8 o'clock when it's all nice and clean. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, she was Sophie Mackay on Shortland Street for many years

since then she's gone on to star in heaps of TV and film roles right here in New Zealand and all around the world but today she's launched series two of her podcast Pretty Depressed talking to celebrities about their experiences with depression it's a really worthwhile thing she's doing it's a great thing to have in the world and joining us is the star of the podcast, Kimberley Crossman.

Well, I'm hardly the star. This is your podcast. You can take it. You're the star of the podcast. All your favourite characters returning for season two. Kim Crossman's back. Yeah. The first one went really well, right?

It did, yeah. It was the number one New Zealand podcast, number five on the Australian charts. So who would have thunk that, you know, talking about all your dirty laundry gets quite a good response. Well, yeah, it's a really brave, awesome thing that you've done, you know, because we've known you for many

years now, you know, and you are, when we catch up, you're one of the happiest, brightest, bubbliest people that we know. And it was, I sort of came as a bit of a shock to us. And I imagine a lot of people that, you know, when you opened up and said, hey, I'm not always like this. Yeah well I do I guess for the record let the record

stay like I think two things can be true at the same time. I can be a really happy bubbly I love being around people type of person it's in my moments alone where I kind of like reflect on the day or the past and go you are an idiot or like whatever it is and so yeah I think

it is a surprise to some people. And I think I hid that from a lot of people as well. I was really ashamed that I had this kind of darkness that would bubble up. And yeah, someone said the only way to get rid of darkness is shine a light on it. So I've turned my darkness into a podcast and made it a project.

And yeah, kind of sharing not only my story, but obviously my guests are incredibly vulnerable and open about their journey with mental health and whether it's drug addiction sex um whatever however people medicate good and bad and being really open and honest about that in a i want to say a light-hearted way because they are it's not just a doom and gloom kind of podcast it is really entertaining and everyone who talks about it is in a good place with it, that they can kind of reflect on those darker moments in it. Yeah, well, Series 1, which is still available,

you can check it out, Reece Darby, an actor from The Sopranos, another one of the stars of Entourage, Ashley Tisdale. I mean, she's a big deal, right? Yeah, I tried to get kind of some big names in there. I think also it's called... High School Musical, that series as well,

was a Disney Channel, a Disney Channel star too. So, I mean, how do you get someone like that to be on your podcast? You ask really nicely. Conveniently with Ashley, I already have a friendship with her. But for a lot of the people like Jim Jefferies, I was just a kind of fan of his

and thought he was quite controversial. So I just slid into his DMs. That's how you book guests, you slide on into his DMs. That's how your book is. You slide on into their DMs, aren't you? We could take a left out of that book. You've got to start sliding, boys. You won't be able to keep up. And so what have you learnt from all of these interviews and conversations?

Oh, I guess probably my biggest takeaway is that depression is an example. It's not uniform, and so everyone's version of it is really different I always thought in movies it was depicted as this can't get out of bed depression and I'm a very high functioning depressive person so I've never not been able to get out of bed my problem is that I overwork myself to a point of exhaustion uh because I don't like being unemployed or feeling flat or not feeling like I have anything to do that's a really dangerous place mentally for me so I guess my biggest takeaway is that everyone's brand of depression or mental illness is really different and how they medicate or choose to deal with that is

different. So it's a lot more complex than I initially thought. And that's kind of cool and exciting because it means you can dive in and find where you sit and try kind of different ways as well as whether that's medicating or alternative things like brain tapping or, I don't know, doing ayahuasca trips with a shaman. You know, everyone has kind of different ways and that's what's been cool is getting an education in that. Now, ayahuasca, isn't it some sort of plant drug that you take and you end up defecating yourself?

I know. That's my biggest thing. Oh, is that the one? I'm like, I would much rather be sad. Is that the one that Chelsea? Chelsea Handler did it. Yeah, on her show. Yeah, that's brave? I'm like, I would much rather be sad. Is that the one that Chelsea... Chelsea Handler did it. Yeah, on her show. Yeah, that's brave.

I mean, I'm not quite at that level. I talk about most things in my basement. I'm not quite ready to... No, no, fair enough, fair enough. You've got your limits, that's fine. It's good that I have A-line somewhere. Vomit, vomit. How far are you willing to go for this thing?

Most people would go out, when they go out and interact in the office or with friends, you're putting on an act to a certain extent, aren't you? Because you don't reveal your real self to most people. Also, you don't want to be that person crying in the office. No, it's a bad look. I did it last week. It makes everyone feel awkward.

Just crying by the photocopier again. It's probably one of those things as well when people talk about that, when you ask someone how they are, their natural response is, yeah, good, fine. people talk about that, when you ask someone how they are, their natural response is, yeah, good, fine. But it's actually really trying to ask someone how they are. That's what someone said to me once.

And you don't always get to that level with a lot of people. Yeah, because we're all busy and we're all going through the motions and not everyone has time to have a 10-minute conversation. But yeah, as long as you are sharing and being vulnerable with those people around you,

I think that's a really good place to start. Oh, Kim Crossman, host of Pretty Depressed. Star of. Star of. Pretty Depressed, the podcast, is out today. Yes. Download it. And how does that work?

Do you release them weekly or you can download them in a big batch? Yeah, I dropped two episodes today with Frankie Shaw and Jim Jefferies and then I'll do one a week after that. Pretty Depressed podcast, check it out right now. Wherever you get good podcasts. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Buy the WhatsApp. Buy doco.nz. These are hands down the most important stories in the world. Now here's producer Juliet with the latest Celebrity Treasure Island contestant to contract a contagious skin irritation. Take it away, Juliet. Thank you. So if you went to Elton John's concert earlier this year that was cut short, you could be eligible for a refund.

So Chug Entertainment has issued a number of 40% refunds for ticket holders after initially saying that he would not and that no one would be getting any money back, but on the basis that they'd sign an NDA agreement so that they wouldn't speak about it. A non-disclosure agreement. You can't discuss the terms of the agreement. He doesn't want Elton John finding out. Elton would lose his

Diamante marbles. Yeah, exactly. So that's happening. I mean, if you went, you could probably give it a shot, couldn't you? Well, our friend Mike was the guy. Persistent Mike. Persistent Mike. Michael Batty, he was the one campa Persistent Mike. Persistent Mike. Michael Betty. He was the one campaigning for this. Now, we know Mike quite well.

We've worked with him. And this is... It just makes us smile. This is vintage Mike. Have a listen. I think what people don't understand is Elton John gets paid millions of dollars nevertheless. All he's got to do is turn up and walk on stage. The guys that actually get the money are the promoter and ticket

master. And the promoter was just spinning all sorts of lies and ticket master was being difficult. He's one of those people, Mike. It's about the principle for him, isn't it? Yeah, but when I heard it, he was like, you know, I got 40% back and he spent over $1,000 on tickets. So 400 bucks is substantial. It's a lot. I thought it was like for 40 bucks or something. So, hey, if you've got that money sitting there and you can grab it, why wouldn't you? Exactly, exactly.

And an old pensioner obviously gives zero tosses about what they say to Prince William and Duchess Kate. So a while ago, Kate and Wills hosted a virtual bingo for a retirement home. Oh, dear God. No one to mark or scarper. She's well done, mate done mate actually in hindsight. You escaped a life of hosting bingo evenings and bridge nights and jigsaw puzzle nights at the retirement home. Barring cups of tea with people as well.

She's like, is this my life? I'm getting out of here. Yeah, true. But Kate and Will visited that old people's home and the pensioner basically said to them, you did a very average job of hosting bingo, but not quite in those particular words. You did the bingo with you. Yes.

You won. Yes. But you said we didn't do a very good job. A shitty job. She's like telling off her grandchild. Yeah, yeah. No filter. It's like kids and elderly people, eh?

They just say what they want. She's got nothing left to lose. She's only got another couple of days here. She's done a crappy job, I'm going to tell you. Yeah, probably knew it

wouldn't make headlines. She's like, if I'm going to make the news once in my life, this will be it. But I love how he tried to, he had obviously been given this intel.

So he was trying to publicly shame her and then she clicked back. Exactly. For more spy, head to the hits.co.nz. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

We want to talk about your rumours from the old schoolyard. You've got your music intro sorted for this. Yeah, we just did a rehearsal during Maroon, Adam Levine and the other guys, whatever that band's called. And this is Remember the Days. The old schoolyard. I meant to say of. I thought of it.

Remember the days of. The old schoolyard. No, that's what he originally said. Where are you going to go? days the old school yard I meant to say of remember the days of the old school yard no that's what he originally said where are you

going to go these are tales of the old school yard you just pretty much said what

he was originally saying but you've you've kind of chopped off Cat Stevens

singing along there you've had a shambles you've had a shocker prior these are the days of

the old school yard tales of these are the days of. Tales of. These are the tales of. The old school guy. There we go. Man, nailed it. Nailed life this morning. How did we get this job?

So what tales, what rumours, they're usually totally untrue that circulate around the school. There was always that one where I grew up in the Wairarapa that there was a kid who went to the zoo in Wellington and somehow managed to put a penguin, a live penguin, in his school bag and walked out of the zoo with a penguin in the school bag. And then I came up to Auckland and there was the same rumour circulating at Kelly Tilton's. Totally untrue. But it's funny how those same things happen everywhere you go.

There was always the teacher who's sleeping with someone from the first 15. Did you have those ones? We even had an unplanned pregnancy one at our school. Oh, really? Totally made up. Totally made up. That's what happens. This is the old schoolyard, and this is why we're remembering the tales of...

The old school guard. Nailed it. Nailed it. Yes. Let's go to Sarah. Welcome to the New Zealand's Breakfast, Sarah. How are you this morning, mate? Good, good.

How are you? Yeah. We're remembering the tales of... The old school guard. Now you're ramming on. How are you? Yeah, we're remembering the tales of the old school guard. Now you're ramming on. What are yours? Back in school we were convinced that our PE teacher was sleeping in the gym.

He was just always there. There was like weird stuff in there like sleeping bags and camping gear. But everyone was convinced that he was just living in the gym. Okay, well you know sleeping bags and camping gear would suggest that maybe he was planning for a school camp. The school camps happen, you know, maybe just living in the gym. Okay, well, you know, sleeping bags and camping gear would suggest that maybe... Maybe he was planning for a school camp. The school camps happen, you know, maybe just leftover stuff from that.

Maybe, but we were convinced that that was his home. Boy, did he have a little gas pot and pots and pans and things in there? Out the back, probably, but all I remember was a sleeping bag and those foam mats that you do gymnastics on. It was just always rolled out in the gym.

Oh, and they always had quite a certain odour to them, didn't they, those mats? Yeah. Really stung the nostrils, those gym mats. Well, that was a wonderful tale from... There you go. Thank you, Sarah. Let's head to Morrinsville. Luce, welcome to the show.

Lovely to have you on, matey. How are you? Good? Luce? Oh, matey how are you good loose oh yes how are you i loved the tension was she or wasn't she gonna come on the show she she decided the oh this is a fake name that's why oh you don't have to say that oh now i've spelled it out so charlotte i mean sorry lucy uh yeah charlotte definitely not your real name uh Lucy, what happened to you? What's your tale from... When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend and we obviously slept together and then a rumour went around the whole school

that I had small nipples and it lasted for like a couple of years and I left high school. Oh, that's not... That's quite a generous rumour. I mean, do you want overly large ones? How were you with that rumour? Well, I didn't... Yeah, no, you. I mean, do you want overly large ones? How are you with that? Yeah.

Well, I don't... Yeah, no, you're correct. I don't want overly large ones. I also don't want people knowing that I've got small nipples. You don't want this sort of thing circulating. You're right. I mean, what's a happy medium? Okay.

What's a happy medium? This is making me... It would have given you a complex about them too, wouldn't it? Oh, you poor thing. Anyway, I'm sure they're lovely. I'm not going to ask any more questions. No further questions. I'm glad you can laugh about it now.

Thank you for sharing. We appreciate it. No worries. Cheers, Sarah. Hey, Ben always thinks I've got a third one, don't you? Oh, yeah. You always say I've got a third one on my side. It's a scar.

He's like, it's a third large one. Yeah, no, you definitely have. That's the rumour circulating around our school, yeah. He's trying to get that circulating around work. He's sending out photos and everything. Those were wonderful tales of... The old school guys. Like starting your day without your morning coffee.

It's Jono and Ben on my hips. We want to end the show as we like to do on a positive note. A feeling good. Yeah, this is the most important part of your morning routine, apart from putting clothing on, because you do never want to leave the house naked, Ben. That's what I've always lived my life by. And that's what the courts also tell you as well, right? Apparently the judge had to tell me that last year.

Yeah, it's a very good life lesson. You play lotto. You like playing lotto. Last night, 34 million power bill was not struck, so 38 million, 38 million is available on Saturday. I was talking to Rob, butcher I go to. He listens in to the hits breakfast with Jono and Ben, new in your mornings. Morning, Rob, as he's carving up carcass right now.

He said that when the lotto reaches such a point that it affects other businesses because people spend so much money on lotto tickets. Oh, right, and less in other places. Yeah, he said another guy he used to work for was like, you wait, when lotto bloody gets up to over 30 mil, there's a business goes down for other businesses because I guess your discretionary income,

if you go and buy a sirloin steak, you might go and buy a, you know, a lotto bonus ticket or something. Gotcha, okay. Well, they got 38 mil up for grabs. That's why today's going to be a good day for some. All right, let's inject some positivity into your bloodstream swap. Now, welcome. How are you?

I'm very good. How are you guys? Oh, listen, we're happy to have you on the show with us. Why is it going to be a good day for you, buddy? It's my husband's birthday today. Woo! I think he deserves some TLC, you know. Woo!

You sound like a sitcom. Yeah. I'll save him the torture of cooking tonight. Oh, you're going out, are you? Well, we're going to chuck you double pass to Reading Cinemas as well, so you can go do that with him at some stage as well. Oh, perfect. Thank you so much.

And if he's really lucky, he might get a deep tissue massage if you know what I mean. Oh, yeah. Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. I don't know what that means but I'm moving on quickly because this is family friendly. Alright. Have a great day. Cool. Thank you. Ed to North Canterbury from Rangiora. Charlie, you're on the air.

Why is it going to be a good day for you, matey? Hi. Good morning, guys. Today, I have one shift left at work. I've got a black tie event to go to tonight, and then I am going away for the whole weekend on my own with nobody to annoy me. It's going to be absolutely brilliant. Oh, she's got no annoying human beings with her for two days.

No responsibilities, nothing. Oh, that's great. She's going to get slightly hung over from the black tie event, I imagine, but looking forward to the weekend. Possibly. Good on you. Well, you put on that black tie and you have a wonderful event.

Okay, Charlie? If you want to catch anything that happened today, you can get the full podcast on iHeartRadio. They'll be up earlier this morning as well as all the previous episodes, all your favourite episodes of Jono and Ben on the Hits. Sometimes I like to binge listen the whole season of Jono and Ben on the Hits. Have a wonderful Thursday. We'll catch you back tomorrow as we head into the weekend, baby!

Jacinda Ardern on the show and actor Robin Malcolm too. We'll see you then. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys weekdays from six on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app.