Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 10 - Partner Problems, Ben's A Cheater, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: August 9, 2020

Ben's a cheater... When it comes to escape rooms. And he fooled all his friends into thinking he was a genius! We also wanted to know what the best thing to buy for under $20 is. And finally, we spoke to the man who bought the Kelly Tarltons Shark bus for $31,500... Have a great day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Tell you what Ben boys, I am looking forward to this podcast. You must be ecstatic. I am really looking forward to it. Do I look like a new man? Tell me I look like a new man. Say Jono, you look like a new man. No.

I feel like a new man. I had acupuncture over the weekend. Oh, you were saying, yeah. Oh, just, I'm walking on sunshine at the moment. Are you feeling good? I don't know, to be honest. I don't know. I'm trying to trick myself into thinking, well, I had it.

And at the time, I was like, is anything happening? You know, you're waiting for something to happen. And then I walked out of there and I was like, did anything happen? But then I feel better. If I think about it, I do feel a bit more even. Apparently my left side, running a whole different regime compared to my right side. I'm a very uneven individual.

Okay. Yeah. I can't imagine you doing anything like acupuncture. No. No, that would not be in your wheelhouse at all. I've done it once for TV comedy purposes and stuff, but that was all. You're not a massage guy. You don't like to treat yourself. No, no. I've done it once for TV comedy purposes and stuff, but that was all. You know, like, yeah. You're not a massage guy. You don't like to treat yourself.

No, no. I don't like a massage. Massage either makes me more tense. He likes being on edge and tense. This is how he likes to operate. No, I just don't.

People are like, don't touch me. He's fuelled by adrenaline and anxiety. Pretty much. That's your happy place. A little bit of coffee as well.

Yeah, that's it. Anyway, you can get me, you can catch the podcast right now, because we've got a fun wee show for you today. Oh, we did for a Monday. It wasn't too bad, was it? It felt like it's six to seven. I was like, oh, geez, this is going to be a tough week. But then, you know, I really kicked into gear after seven o'clock this morning.

Bit of a live post analysis there for you. We're giving away Mike Hosking's car, his expensive Jaguar. And Ben, you took it over the weekend with your dog and your filthy, no, your filthy dog and your clean children. Yeah, that's right. But yeah, we had ice creams in the car. We had the dog, the wet dog in the car. All the things that Mike Hosking himself would love. Can I hit you up about your ice cream photo?

Yeah. I noticed the ice cream is dribbling down your hands. Yeah. Now you just left that to melt for photo comedy purposes. Because no sane individual would let their ice cream get to that point. No, you're right. I was like, well, because we bought the ice creams, and then we're like, we've got to walk back to the car to have the ice creams.

And for the kids, the poor kids are going, why would you buy this for us, you monster? Don't, no, no. Comedy photo still to come. Like, okay, okay, can I just? No, no, no. Just one look. You're like, look at, look at this.

This is like the opposite of what we've always said. The more mess, the better. Yeah, so we got back in the car and ate those ice creams in record time. Well, you enjoy the podcast and have a wonderful Monday. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It was about a week ago that I talked on the show about something my wife revealed to me that shocked me. I'm still in shock over it.

The gum I use every day, I used, I thought, gave me good breath. She was like, no. She hates your breath. Now, you've been chewing a little bubblegum-flavoured chewing gum. You've got the breath of a 13-year-old schoolgirl. Yeah. I like this flavour.

It's a nice smelling, it's refreshing. I thought it smelled nice and refreshing, but no. What would she prefer? Iold schoolgirl. Yeah. I like this flavour. It's a nice smelling, it's refreshing. I thought it smelled nice and refreshing, but no, she's... What would she prefer? I don't know. Yeah? I don't know, I haven't got that far.

I was just like, oh, shot. You didn't talk for the whole car trip home from Rotorua. Yeah. Two and a half hours of silence, oh no, just chewing. You could just hear that, that was the soundtrack.

The chip home. So what we wanted to do is, Ben clearly hasn't got over this, so a little bit more of on-ear therapy. You say I look like Dr. Phil, so let's engage in some on-ear therapy. What are your passive aggressive partner problems? These are things that you haven't brought up with the person that you live

with, but now you've decided to use the very public platform of commercial radio to do it and fill in some airtime on our show. That would be lovely if you could do that for us. That would be quite a cheer. Rather than going face first, direct to the person.

Why would you do that? Talk to the nation instead. Help us out. We're battling. We're at the coalface trying to make some sort of show on a Monday morning. Oh, 800 the hits. And I'll start it.

And it's not actually a problem that I have with my wife, Jennifer. Perfect lady. Can't fault her. Don't back out now if you want other people to do this. No, but this is something she would call up about me, and I even piss myself off because I do it.

I just leave cupboards open. Fridge doors open. It's something my dad does as well, so when he comes to say, it's like, we're doubling down. Everything's open. Just leave it wide open. Sometimes the fridge door, and I'll be going, you know, about 30 or 60 seconds later it starts beeping at you, and I just still leave it wide open sometimes the fridge door and I'll be going boop boop

you know about 30 or 60 seconds later it starts beeping at you and I just still leave it there just beeping I don't know why it's just been handed down through the bloodline to me

and it drives people in the household bonkers alright yeah things like this so maybe you've got something your partner does or maybe something that you do

that irritates your partner yeah get a hold of us eh Elizabeth let's welcome you to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you on the Monday morning, eh? I am brilliant. Thank you, guys. How are you? We're doing well, and thank you for not calling me out for referencing it the Monday morning as well.

What's your passive-aggressive partner problem, Liz? So my boyfriend manages to leave his facial whiskers literally all over the house. Oh, yeah. And it's almost as if he walks around while shaving. I don't know how he does it, but it's so annoying. To be fair, guys dedicate a half an hour a week

to just whacking off any bit of hair they've got. And it goes everywhere. All right? I'll admit to that. When I do it, there's whiskers everywhere. I haven't got much on top, obviously, to play with. That's all I can boast about is my ginger beard. Shaving that off.

But thank you, Elizabeth. Hair everywhere, living in a hairy palace. Yeah, I can understand that, yeah. Kate, welcome to the show. Wonderful to have you on this morning. What's your passive-aggressive partner problem? Well, you see, my boyfriend and I have been trying to lose our lockdown weight. And so we've been dieting, you know,

trying to exercise for the past couple of weeks. And I, last week, got sent a picture from his boss of him eating three donuts. So, you know... Donut shame. How do you know he was eating three in one photo? Was he jamming them all in his mouth at the same time? Well, you see, there was three in, you know, one serving,

so I can just assume that he was going to go for a drink. That doesn't mean he ate all three. Yeah, maybe he was passing around the office. Maybe he didn't have any. Yeah, maybe he went, hey, I bought this, but I'm on a diet because we're trying to lose some COVID weight, and so I'm going to put this around. You've jumped to some serious conclusions here.

I don't know why we're defending your boyfriend. We don't know. I don't know. I've just got serious trust issues now. Love your work, Kate. Thanks for calling in. And Tom in the capital this morning, wonderful to have you with us.

What's your passive-aggressive partner problem, Tommy? My wife can't stand me sort of heavy breathing. Jono's a heavy breather too. I knew he was going to say that. I knew when Tom said that, I was like, wait for it. Start the timer in my head. Counting down and Ben Boyce is going to go on about my breathing. It comes out his nose.

He basically, yeah. Tom, on behalf of Tom and me, sorry for breathing. A basic human necessity. But he's so much of a showman and he's like, oh, look at me. It's like even breathing, he has to make it like a spectator sport. So everyone else does it quietly. But Jono is like, oh, look at me. It's like even breathing, he has to make it like a spectator sport. So everyone else does it quietly. But Jono's like, oh, look, I'm breathing the loudest. Yeah.

Hey, Tom, listen to us, mate. Two guys just trying to breathe. I know, I know. Just trying to live. I know, even our breathing annoys people. Maybe you and me should go and live together in a big breathy house. Just breathe to our hearts content.

I sort of have nightmares. I'm sort of choking on a giant marshmallow and then wake up and my pillow's missing. Tom, have a good day. I think it's her trying to suffocate me. Appreciate your call, buddy. Have a great day. Alright, well that'll be back next week.

Moan about your partner on the radio and I hope they don't find out about it. Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, over the weekend, I did something, and now I feel really bad. What's happening, mate? You tell me.

You tell me. I won't judge. So friends of ours organised for a group of us, us mates, to go to an escape room on the weekend. Okay. We've been to an escape room before. Yeah, I've been with you before a couple of times. You were shocking. I'm shocking. I'm good for morale in an escape room before. Yeah, I've been with you before a couple of times. You were shocking.

I'm shocking. I'm good for morale in an escape room. Mate, the door had been closed for like 30 seconds. I think you were already in your undies. You're so hot in here. So hot in here. Oh, it does. It gets really hot.

L.A. Bean was playing. Start panicking and you're like, you're just all over the place. Well, first thing you need to do if you want to get out of a room is get into your underpants. You know? When you come out, you want to look like a a room is get into your underpants. You know? When you come out, you want to look like a prisoner of war. Make yourself at home. Yeah.

So I've done it a couple of times with you and the second time we did it, we went and did one. It was lots of fun. But my friends booked to go to the same place that you and I had been before. Oh, yeah, yeah. We did the, what was the room we were in?

It was the school one. Oh, the school room, yeah. It was lots of fun. Now, what had happened was I was like, oh, I didn't really pay much attention. They're like, escape room. It was lots of fun. Now, what had happened was I was like, oh, I didn't really pay much attention. They're like, escape room, we'll go along there.

And so I turned up and I was like, oh, I've been here before with Jono. And then I was like, oh, there's lots of escape rooms. You know, they have different themes. If you haven't been to escape room before, that's where they shut you in a room. You've got 60 minutes

to get your way out of there. They give you clues, padlocks, things you can sort of work your way out of there, right? Yeah, I mean, it's quite, I mean, some high-powered businessmen pay top dollars to be locked in a room for an extended period of time. So this is a bargain, really.

So I got in there and I went to a place, I was like, oh, I've been here before. That's what I was thinking to myself. But I was like, oh, the chances of going in the same room, because they've got themed, they've got like a haunted one and a bank heist and they've got another one. Oh, oh, oh. We've both been through puberty this morning.

They've got like a tavern room of like, oh, the chances of the same room is going to be very minimal but then we got in and it was it was the same room well can I just finish the story for you

yeah you nailed all the clues and you got out in record time and no one knows any different like I didn't want to I was like oh I can't really say oh I've played this room before

I know no you could you could you could say I've played this room before I'll sit out because that would be the right thing to do. But I want to be part of the... I don't want

to sit outside for an hour while my friends are all there. So I'm like, oh yeah, I'll play. But I'll like, in my head, I'll pull back a little bit. I'll pull back. I'll pull back. I know the answers, but I'll pull back. Yeah, you don't want to spoil the game for everyone else. I just got so sucked into it. They'll be struggling on something and I'll go, oh, I think what this is, is this. And everyone will go, oh

my God, yes. And I've got the satisfaction of getting it right. Instant gratification. Ben, oh, I think what this is is this. And everyone will go, oh my God, yes! I've got the satisfaction of getting it right. Instant gratification. Ben's like, that's what fuels him. That's what drives him. That's what gets him out of bed in the morning. And so once he got a little taste of it. What's he going to taste? You're like, oh, this is good. I'm the favourite guy. You're so good at this.

I'm like, oh, you know, sometimes. It may be a plate into my hands. And then we look at something else and we're like, oh, I think, guys, I think it might be this. What if like, oh, you know, sometimes. It may be a plate into my hands. And then we look at something else and we're like, oh, I think, guys, I think it might be this. What if we try... If you add that with that bit on the wall. Oh, my God. I was like the escape room master and I felt so bad afterwards. At the time I felt good, but afterwards I was like, oh, this

is a sham. Don't feel bad. This is a sham. It's not a sham. You're just wanting the attention and the affection of your friends. Yeah, they always think I've got an escape room job. And if you're lying to them and if your friendship is based on lies and half-truths, that's over to you, mate. That's okay. I can imagine we'll go back to another one one time,

and they'll be like, you're really good. I'm like, oh, I can't do any of these things. Yeah, and you can never go to another escape room with them. Unless it's the same room again. Then I'm fine. Serving bowls of lols for breakfast. Actual lols may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads.

Want to play a fun little game? What's the best thing you can buy for under 20 bucks? I do need to get a couple of gifts at the moment, you know, for things coming up. So we're like, well, what things, you know, what... So you're going to buy two gifts for under 20 bucks, eh? No, no, I'm not that much of a... Anniversary present?

Yeah, yeah, wife's birthday and anniversary present. Knock them off in one. I want things, you know, you know, if you had 20 bucks to spend, that was your limit, what was the thing that you'd want someone to buy for you? Oh, well, I'll kick the ball rolling. For $19, I'll offer a full-body semi-erotic Cambodian massage. Be hands-free.

Not from you. Not from, what? Not from you. That's why it's $19. No, a lot of actual things you buy in stores. Yeah. You know what I got over the weekend, which was, I don't know how I feel about it, acupuncture.

Right. It was a cheap acupuncture appointment, which was actually, to be honest, it was $21, so I'm breaking the rules already. But when the needles go in all around your bits and pieces, you don't really feel it. But then you're like, is this doing anything? Oh, right. But then I walked out of there quite relaxed.

Okay. So I'd say- You're probably relaxed all the needles have gone out yeah maybe that's the thing you're like this is oh i feel better now thank god so uh that was that was pretty worthwhile for 20 odd bucks what's one thing you would offer for under 20 dollars two things tarpola tarpola is always good always good to have a tarpola and keeps things dry it's always good you're always good to pull out the top you know that's good i don't have a top i've never Keeps things dry. It's always good. Always good to pull out the tarp. You know, it's good. I don't have a tarp. I've only got one tarp.

I've always wanted another tarp. Hold on. How much stuff are you needing to keep dry? Like a wet dog or things like that. You don't seem like a tarpaulin guy. Tarpolin would be good. And I'll tell you what I like now. Socks.

It's the last thing I want to buy for myself. So when someone buys me socks, you're like, this is actually quite handy. Okay, we're going to open this up right now. Producer Juliet, you can buy one avocado, can't you? For $20. Yeah, bargain. Depending on the season. Yeah, absolutely. Probably $50 in winter. Yeah, we know what you millennials are up to. 0800 the hits. Best thing you can buy

for under $20. That's what we're doing right now. You can text 24487. Get in touch with us. Lee, you're on the air. Welcome to the show. G'day. Great. Yeah, great intro for me. Lee, you're on the air. Welcome to the show. G'day. Great. Yeah, great intro for me. Lee, a bit shaky off the start line.

That's fine. We'll pull it together, Lee. I'm trying on my track at the same time, so I've got to keep concentration out. No, you don't. I've got so much fun for a wonderful present, which you can repeat year after year, and I tell you what, she'll appreciate it. What's this?

Find out the bottle of wine that she really likes. And you take it into Mr. Mint, who engraved the bottle. You know, happy anniversary, which anniversary it is, the year. And you keep doing that every year. And she puts the bottle up, you'll notice how the labels have changed. So, Lee, I'll just recite what Lee was saying there. Translate, get your partner's favourite bottle of whatever and engrave it for under $20.

That's a great idea. That is... Lee, you Casanova. Yeah, that's a really nice idea. Damn, why didn't you marry me with stuff like that, Lee? Because you don't have the right equipment. Oh, well, that's right here. He's talking about here.

Thank you very much, Lee. You have a good one, buddy. Oh, no, 800, that's Rico. Welcome, Rico. Best thing for under $20. What is it? Bluetooth headphones from the warehouse. Oh, yeah.

They are very confusing, though, Bluetooth headphones, aren't they? You never know if the person's on a phone call or they're talking to you. It happened to us the other day. I know. We're like, yeah, we're having a conversation. Then they point to the air and you're like, oh, sorry. But at first you think they're a little bit like, oh, they're a bit odd. They're talking aloud.

You're like, oh. And not really looking at you. But then you assume the worst, don't you? Rico, that's really good. Bluetooth headphones under 20 bucks. And let's go to Whangarei. Because it's beautiful in Whangarei. Ben, you travel through Whangarei a lot.

Yeah, lovely place. You go up there and get your supplies, don't you, from Whangarei, eh? Because it's beautiful in Whangarei. Ben, you travel through Whangarei a lot. Yeah, lovely place. You go up there and get your supplies, don't you, from Whangarei? Yeah. Cheap produce up there. Yeah, lovely stuff. Martin, what can you get for under $20? You can go to any countdown store. I'll go to one up at Tiki, Tiki Panga.

Yep. And you get three whole chooks for $20. Three chickens, $20? What a bargain. That's almost too much chicken for one person. How long does that last you? One chook will last me three meals by the time you stuff it and so on and so forth. Oh, so you have one chicken per meal?

No, no, no. It's three meals. Yeah, one mass of three meals. Because you do sandwiches or cold chicken and fudge and veggies and stuff. Love a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. Three for $20. That's almost undervaluing those chickens' lives. That's such a deal.

Well done, Martin. Appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening, eh? Not a problem. I'll catch you guys again. We'll catch you again, too. And someone's texting saying a guinea pig you can get for under $20? Not a problem. I will catch you guys again. We will catch you again too and someone's texting saying a guinea pig

you can get for under 20 bucks. Oh yeah. A bit of a mangy guinea pig for under 20 bucks. Yeah, not the greatest gift to get. Unless someone's really, really wanting a guinea pig. It's always a piece of burden.

Not to do that with like, yeah, anyway. Great suggestions. Are you acting like the last film? Was it a great suggestion though? Oh, I just know that a lot of things like SPCA are saying,

hey, don't give gifts of animals unless the person wants. And that's fair. that a lot of things, like SPCA are saying, hey, don't give gifts of animals unless the person wants. And that's fair. Otherwise, it's a giant burden. Otherwise, you're like, oh, yeah. Thanks for the guinea pig, Ben.

But if I said, hey, I really want a guinea pig and you got me one, then great. Did you just say you really want one? No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

Thank you. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. I imagine you sleep like a little angel, Ben. Imagine you're a sweet little face that's asleep. What position do you roll in? Well, when I go you sleep like a little angel, Ben. I imagine you have a sweet little face. What position do you roll in? When I go to sleep?

Yeah, are you face down with the leg cocked or what are you doing? Probably more on my side. On the shoulder. Yeah, probably on the side. But then I showed you the photo the other day. I looked like I was talking on the phone. My wife snapped me with my hand up to my ear. It's because you never stop working, baby.

I'm still in my dreams. I'm taking my ear. It's because you never stop working, baby. It's still my dreams. I'm taking phone calls. He's always closing those deals. Yeah, so it was me the other night. Well, I don't know what's happened, but over the last couple of weeks, I've assumed some position, which is rendering my limbs lifeless.

You know when you lie on your arm, for example, for five hours and then you wake up and you're like, oh dear God, my arm doesn't work. And you have to lift it up with the other one and it smacks you on the head. And then you try to get the power back into it, like squeezing it. I know, I do exactly that.

You hold it up like some sort of claw from the Avengers. You're like, come on, come on. It's the last thing you want to do in the middle of the night is try and get your limbs working. I don't know what I'm doing now, but twice in the last week I've woken up and my leg has just had no blood flow to it. Oh, really?

I don't know where it's going overnight. But this morning I got out of bed and just fully collapsed, like one of those elderly people at the beginning of a St. John bed and just fully collapsed. You know one of those elderly people at the beginning of a St. John's emergency wristband commercial? You know those ones? And so I'm lying on the floor just trying to shake my leg back

into submission to get it working. Took about five minutes. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Maybe there's some sort of circulation problem or something. Yeah, maybe. I mean, my leg's dead.

I'm dead inside. It's all adding up. It's all adding up. Wow. It's a bit of a service announcement there for you. Just be careful before you leech out. Maybe this is just an old person thing. Yeah, I think you're really getting into the boomer phase. The more I talk about this, the more I'm like,

this is not great. You're like mowing lawns and you wake up like that. You're such a boomer. Mowing my lawn over the weekend. Oh, you know what else I did? Walking weekend, mate. Oh, you know what else I did?

I told off some kids who were going on their skateboards past my house. Keep it down, kids. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Bye. No what's up.

Bye. Docco.nz. She wakes up every morning and showers in gossip, which is great for the segment, but shocking for her hygiene. Come on in, producer Julie, it was spy. Thank you. Simon Cowell over the weekend has broken his back after falling off his electric bike in his own backyard.

So it was a new bike that he bought. He was testing it out, fell off and was taken to hospital and apparently needs surgery as well. Jeez. I know. Pretty hectic injury for something so simple. I know. Remember Jason Gunn?

He broke his back shoving down rubbish in his wheelie bin. Really? Standing on top. Yeah, he was jumping on top of it and trying to push it down further and obviously fell out and broke his back. So that's something you need to be aware of as well. Wow. It's probably the stuff you think less about that could cause you the most injury.

You're like, well, I'll do this. And then suddenly you're like, oh, I hope he's all right. Bax is broken. Bax is very serious. I know someone who was at the lights on their bike and they literally were just standing, waiting for the lights to go and just lost balance, literally fell off their bike, standing still,

and fractured their wrist. And I'm like, how did you manage to do that like still? Is this on an electric bike? No, it was a normal bike. What are electric bikes? They feel like they're cheating. They are. I reckon. My friend, his parents always use electric bikes and he gets really

wound up as price when his parents are like, we're going for a bike ride. He's like, you're not biking. You're 30% pedaling. Yeah. There's a little bit of work, but really the bike's a lot. Yeah, but it's quite fun. It's like, hey, the bike.

That's the fun of it. You feel like you're going, it's almost like the feeling of wearing flippers in the water when you're swimming. You're like, yes, I'm getting a head start. Cheating cycling like Lance Armstrong did. Exactly. And Victoria and David Beckham's eldest son, Brooklyn Beckham, he's getting married

and they're planning three engagement parties and the reason for this is because the Beckhams are worried that their liberal friends will clash with Brooklyn's in-laws' parents and their friends. So Brooklyn's in-laws, they're friends with Donald

Trump and a bunch of Republican people and they don't want them clashing. So they're like, we need to have different engagement parties because that's just not going to go down well. Why three though? They got one just for Trump. No one can be in the same room as that man.

Yeah, I don't know. But bizarre. They probably can afford it as well. So they'll probably have one in the UK, one in the States and one probably on some flash island in the Caribbean. I get it. And it's, you know, a lot of families they have people that don't get it. Everyone's got

a cousin or a brother they'd rather hide away but you've got to invite them. Yeah. Although, we've talked about this before, Brooklyn Beckham was in a restaurant in LA and my dad, Kevin Boyce, punished him. And he put up with my dad's conversation for half an hour. So if he can put up with my dad, I'm sure he can put up with whatever else.

Gibbon boys should get a bloody invite to the engagement party. Absolutely. The guy that annoyed me in an LA diner once. Maybe that's who the third party's for. Gibbon boys. Oh, here we go. All right. We're doing the hard yards here.

Let's do a text poll. 4487. Has anyone had more engagement parties than Brooklyn Beckham? Oh, so more than three. More than three, whether they were for reasons that people didn't get along, whether they were for location-based reasons,

or whether you've been engaged nine times. True. To nine different people. You can text us, 4487. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Just had a text poll.

Have you had more engagement parties than Brooklyn Beckham, who's having three for reasons that his parents' friends wouldn't get along with his in-laws, very left and right people. Someone's texted saying, I've had six engagement parties. Wow. Been engaged four different times. And two of them, my family couldn't get along as well. Two cousins who see on opposite sides of life.

I've got two cousins who, one's pro-Trump and one's very left. And one of my favourite things is catching up annually, putting a glass of salve in both of their hands and just watching the sidelines. It flares up. It's wonderful. It's so good. It's almost like you set the timer.

Here we go. T-minus 29 minutes is going to kick off, guys. Get your tickets. It's wonderful. It's so good. It's almost like you set the timer. Here we go. T-minus 29 minutes is going to kick off, guys. Get your tickets. Get your tickets. Now, we have taken Mike Hosking. We borrowed Mike Hosking's car, his fancy Jaguar I-Pace, and we've had a heck of a lot of fun with it so far.

You stole my car. Bastard. We replaced his car with a red Labour car, but we forgot to get the keys. You want me now to give you the key to my car? We've got the keys. We've got the car. Jono took it to the drags in Mediment.

135 kilometres an hour, 140, 150, 160, 170. Oh, my God. Ben, it's your wife, Amanda. My husband's car's in service, so he's got mine. You monster. Maybe you can borrow Mike Hosny's car. Head to the hitstock.co.nz. I'd love to live like

Mike. Hang up on her please, Patricia Juliet. They've given it a nickname for his love of the National Party. It's the Natmobile. Love it. Don't want to brag about it but I've got to stand and walk around the car and sing. How you gonna get back what you get? That's my favourite part of the song.

Because your favourite part is the only bit you suck at. Millennial Max. I'm in the car wash. This is Mike Hosking Trivia. Any question you get wrong, you have to wind down the windows in the vehicle.

He joined Tony Street and Who to host Seven Sharp. Jack Payne. No! Window goes down. Window goes down No Oh my god Paranoid about having this car in our possession Because it's worth over $100,000

So if you do want Max, Millennial Max To pick you up, 4487 is the text number Oh Is he gone? I have no idea Max, are you okay? Gotcha Is he... I have no idea. Max, are you okay? Gotcha.

So that's what's happened with the car so far. I took it over the weekend. I'll fill you in what I got up to after seven. But if you want to live like Mike, win the car for a weekend as well as two nights of luxury accommodation at Matakana. Dinner for two at Chibo and Parnell. A new set of fancy loafers, just like Mike Hosking, and a Dyson cordless vacuum cleaner at that great price could be all yours.

Head to the hits.co.nz. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Something's about to take place right now, as I mentioned before, a landmark moment in New Zealand broadcasting. This will be up there with why didn't they let Gary McCormick into the koru lounge? This is how we'll look back on this moment, okay?

So I'd like you all to just remember where you were. It'll be one of those moments. You really took this up. This isn't your thing. This is a trick that will blow your mind. And if there's any bits of brain matter across the country, I sincerely apologise. There's nothing I can do about that. I've warned you. And if you don't want your mind. And if there's any bits of brain matter across the country, I sincerely apologise. There's nothing I can do about that.

I've warned you. And if you don't want your mind blown, then maybe this isn't the show for you right now. Come back to us in five minutes. Now, this is a trick that my son taught me off TikTok. Popular. It's not like TikTok, like you don't know what it is. It's a TikTok. Such a boomer.

It does sound like such a boomer when he goes, TikTok, TikTok. It's a Facebook. Up and coming social media platform, TikTok. So TikTok. It's just TikTok. Now, I want you, hit the music actually, Producer Julia. I need to, because I don't want to mess this up.

I've got one chance, one opportunity. Bloody Producer Humphrey's in here. He's filming this for, are you filming this for TikTok? Are you? Okay, yeah, producer Humphrey. We're not on TikTok. I want you and you at home or in the car. Hang on, you got me to go off

TikTok. Now all of a sudden you're saying this is the greatest trick ever discovered on TikTok. Anyway, you said no grown man should be on TikTok. Oh, I know. I'm stealing this off a 10-year-old boy. This is what our content is resorted to.

Think of a number. Don't tell me what it is. Just think of a number. Have you thought of that number? Mm-hmm. Now double that number. Mm-hmm. Tell me when you've doubled it.

Yeah. If you could please add the number six to that number. Okay. You done that? Yeah. Now the figure that you have now in your head, I would like you to divide that by two.

Divide it by two. Oh, you go back the original number? Do you? I don't think so. Oh, no, you don't. Have you divided by two? Yes. Ben? No, because I went quite high. I'm just going to. Oh, no, you don't. Have you divided by two? Yes. Ben?

No, because I went quite high. I'm just going to double check I've got the right figure. Okay, yes. Now you've divided that by two. Yes. Now, that figure you need to subtract from the original number you thought of. So go back to the first number you thought of. Okay.

Take that off. You done that? Yeah. Okay. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Your answer's three. Thank you very much You done that? Yeah. Okay. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Your answer's three. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. I am off now to join Cirque du Soleil. Cirque du Soleil. I'm in the negatives, mate. Here we go. Oh, she didn't get it. She didn't get it. She did it wrong.

She did it wrong. She did it wrong. I don't know what happened. I started with 36 from 36 months. Interest free at Harvey Norman from Page of the Herald there. New Zealand Herald. That's why it got a bit complicated for my maths, but I did end up with three.

Is he not the world's most amazing magician? For my next trick, I will perform a live prostate examination on Ben Boyce. All right. Okay, well, thank you for getting that from TikTok. Give us a text, 4487. Did you get three on Jono's trick or not? We'll see if it works.

I only do it once. Okay. This is the moment in history that we'll look back on. The trick day. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Now, we have Mike Hosking's fancy Jaguar I-Pace. We towed it from the work garage. We don't know how long we've got it for, so we're having a fun time with it. Last weekend, you got to take the I-Pace out and put it through its I-Pace. We towed it from the work garage. We don't know how long we've got it for, so we're having a fun time with it. Last weekend, you got to take the I-Pace out and put it through its I-Paces. You took it to the drags. Oh my God, we're going fast!

It's 135 kilometres an hour! 140, 150, 160, 170! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh, my God! Quite screechy there, wasn't I? Hearing back on reflection there,

I was getting a little excited in the car, in the eye pace. I can imagine. It's a very flash car. It is. I got to take it in the weekend to do some stuff with it. I was very nervous driving it. Oh, same. I worry more about that thing than my children when I'm driving around in it.

I mean, kids heal. Cars, I mean, you hurt that car, it's costing you $1,500 a panel, I imagine. Oh, yeah. And did you put your big white fluffy Samoyed all through it, mate? Yeah, well, I took it out for a bit. I parked it. When you park it, you park it so far away from the kerb because you don't want to kerb the tyres.

You almost park in the middle of the road. I think you can, though, right? It's a car that's so good that other cars need to drive around it to avoid it. But I did. It was a little bit wet on Saturday morning. I needed to take the dog to the park. Did you go with the kids? This one, I just went with the dog.

I was like, show the fancy Jaguar I-Pace down to the park. And yeah, it was wet and I proved it was wet. Saturday morning, it's quite wet and muddy and I'm taking the dog for a walk. That's my commitment to showing you how wet it is. I was just walking through a puddle. So I have wet shoes and a wet dog. Oh, great sound effect. Thank you.

There we go. I regret it after. Do you know where your socks are all damp? Yeah. You're like, why did I do this? But I did it for radio audio. That's why I did it. And that's good.

And I'm going to pay dividends right now. And you know one thing I know about your dog, your Samuid, Bo? Yeah. Is that he sheds hair like I've shed hair follicles. The car must be covered in white, like the inside of a car covered with white dog hair. Yeah, we'll put him inside the car afterwards. Oh, what's that, Bo?

Oh, what's that? You want to go home in Mike Hosking's fancy Jaguar I-Pace while you're all nice and muddy? All right, in you go. nice and muddy. All right. In you go. Up, up. Oh, God. Oh, no.

No, I hope Mike loves the smell of wet dog because it smells like wet dog in there at the moment. If I know Mike Hosking, and we keep saying this, if I know Mike Hosking. We don't. Two of his hobbies are dirty dogs and dirty kids. That's all he loves. Then on Sunday, it was a nicer day, so I thought, you know, kids, let's go out for ice cream and let's go in Mike Hosking's car, or, well, not what Indy called

his car. Alright, Sienna, Indy, we're in the car at the moment. Whose car are we in, Indy? Mount Hosking. Well, it's more Mike Hosking than Mount Hosking, but I like the name Mount Hosking. It's good. And girls, what are we having? Ice cream. Yeah, ice cream.

So what happened, Sienna? We might have spilled a little bit. Yeah, we just kind of rubbed it in in the seat. I'm sure it'll be fine. It'll be fine, Mike. It'll be fine. Apologies to Mount Hosking. Mount Hosking.

All we can do is go, can we take Mount Hosking's car? I quite like the name Mount Hosking. I feel like it'd be a prestigious mountain named after him. Yeah, we should name some rangers after Mount Hosking. Yeah, I name Mount Hosking. I feel like it'd be a prestigious mountain named after him. Yeah, we should name some rangers after Mount Hosking. Yeah, I like Mount Hosking. So if you want to win the I-PACE, borrow it for a weekend, just like I got to, but yours comes with a dinner out, accommodation as well.

You can put your dog in it if you want to. Head to the hits.co.nz and you can win that. Yeah, you soggy doggy. It's a cute little dog you got there though, Ben. That's one thing for sure. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Yeah, you soggy doggy. It's a cute little dog you've got there though, Ben, that's one thing for sure. Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. The A to Z of New Zealand. We're calling a different town and or

city in New Zealand. We're doing it one a day. We're doing it alphabetically and it's going to take us a long, long time. It's going to take us a long, long time. Two and a half years we did the maths. And today we're in the Doyleston. And I think I've just hit puberty. Ah, good. So welcome to that're in the Doyleston, and I think I've just hit puberty. Ah, good.

So welcome to that, Jonathan. Doyleston, small Canterbury town in South Island of New Zealand, it was named after Joseph Doyle, who was a local publican who moved to the area, Ben. Okay. But the name was once changed from Doyleston to Cheddar in recognition of the area's local dairy industry. All right. However, Joseph Doyle's, I sound like a gossip. You didn't hear it from me.

Oh, but then Joseph, yeah. But then Joseph Doyle's friends, they spat the pippi and said, why would you change the name to Cheddar? That's too cheesy. Yeah, literally. And then they fought to get it changed back to Doyleston. And that's the history of the name of Doyleston. And that's pretty much all there.

There's not much else in Doyleston. Oh, really? There's like an engineering firm. I think we're going through an engineering firm now, aren't we? Okay, well, hopefully they answer. Morning, Doyleston. Oh, hello. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station.

How are you? We're doing all right. How are you? Not bad. We've got a hold of the engineering place in Doyleston. We have. Oh, well, we are engineering a wonderful conversation here. This is the A to Z of New Zealand.

We're calling every town and city in Aotearoa. Doyleston's next on the list. Welcome. Yeah. And that's about all you've got to say about Doylston? No, nice, sunny, quiet place. Yeah, right. Doesn't seem like there's much in Doylston.

No, not a lot. Just a nice little small township. So what's the shops? Obviously we've got your shop, the engineering place. Yeah, we've got a petrol station, Jack's Service Centre, and that's pretty much it. That's pretty much it. You're like, I could make some other stuff up for you, and that's pretty much it. That's pretty much it. You're like, I could make some other stuff up for you, but that's all we've got.

Yeah. What's the population? Oh, I'm not too sure. We've sort of grown over the years. A few new houses gone in here and there. I don't know, probably getting upwards of 500 plus. Oh, you have got such a wonderful New Zealand sounding voice. Did you know that?

You should become the official voice of New Zealand. So if you could just read this script out to me, I'll play you the national anthem. And if you can just go, come to New Zealand. I'll give it a go. Okay, here we go. The official voice of New Zealand is going to do a commercial for New Zealand. Take it away.

New Zealand, the land of the long white cloud, the home of the happy, the adventurous. God bless New Zealand. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Spy, the what's up spy.co.nz Prepare yourself for another hard-hitting bulletin

of topics that are way down your priority list. Come on in, producer Juliet with Spy. Thank you. So Madonna is writing a movie and she posted on Instagram basically announcing it. She said she hasn't said what it's going to be about, but she sort of indicated with emojis and songs that it could be her official biopic.

And she's writing it with the lady who wrote Juno. You know that movie about the pregnant teen? That is a great film. Yeah, it's such a good movie. So she's in the works with her and probably just another celebrity to have a biopic, you know? Do you know she's been in 26 feature films, Madonna? Really?

Yeah, I did. Of course, she was married to Guy Ritchie for a while too, wasn't she? And she had that wild British accent. Remember she completely changed her accent? She's like, hello, governor. I'm Madonna. Like a kid who went to the UK on their own way for about a month and comes back on the 40. You're like, oh, governor. I'm Madonna. Like a kid who went to the UK on their own way

for a minute, comes back on the foot, you're like, oh, really? You only wait for eight weeks. Hello. Has your sister's in the UK? Has she developed

a British accent? She says, and, and, and. Everyone mocks them when they come back and rightfully so.

I'm all up for a public mocking. I think we should all be at the airport publicly shaming them when they arrive back with an accent. I agree. But if you're immersing yourself in that culture,

you kind of need to talk like that to be understood. Yeah. True. Or you go to the States or something, and then, you know, you order a coffee, and your name's Ben, and it's just like, oh, the things like it, Bean, Bin, you know, all sorts. I keep running dick on his cup, and I'm like, how did I get that from Ben?

Yeah, that too. I mean, I don't know. So, yeah, you're like, you've got to go Ben yeah that too I don't know so yeah you gotta go bear and they go oh bear so you're right you just order a coffee

from bear and then they're like and then so switching out because I mean that's you know that's full role that's Daniel Day-Lewis isn't it

you gotta really immerse yourself in that character and so when you come back to New Zealand yeah that's still hanging around yeah you may look

like an idiot and you want everyone to know you've been overseas you went all worldly I came back from China once and did it and you were like oh this idiot and you want everyone to know you've been overseas. You went all worldly. I came back from China once and did it. You were like, oh, this is a bad look, Jono.

It's a bad look. Moving on. And Mark Zuckerberg, he has joined what is called the Centi Billionaire Club, which I learnt is when you reach $100 billion net worth. Oh my God, he's got $100 billion? Yeah, and the reason he got bumped up, he was just sitting below $100 billion, he got bumped up because Instagram launched a feature

to compete with TikTok called Reels. I don't know if you've noticed that on your feed, but they've kind of launched it and that's just upped his net worth. And it's like, wow, mate, you don't need all that money. Wow, mate. Give me some, please. Well, give us the big bangers, Julian. Who are the richest people in the world? Jeff Bezos, who's the richest? Give us the big bangers, Julian. Who are the richest people in the world? So you've got Jeff Bezos

who's the Amazon founder. He's on $190 billion. Bezos at number one. Is he number one? He's number one. And then Bill Gates is $120 billion. And then Mark Zuckerberg is in third. Maybe you can get Mark Zuckerberg to sponsor the show. He'll be so hot against sponsors. Oh, you haven't talked about that before, yeah.

Give him a call. Oh, it's good. Facebook needs a bit more coverage, doesn't it? Maybe it's not the right coverage. Sponsoring the Hits breakfast with Jono and Ben seems like a wise marketing decision. Yeah. For more, spy here to the Hits.co.nz. More painful than your alarm clock.

It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Time for some big news. Small town. Town, town, town. Kelly Toughton's The Aquarium in Auckland has an iconic shark bus. For many years you would have seen it if you had been around the Auckland region driving around. Very cool thing, this. A Kiwi icon.

And just recently it went for sale on Trade Me. A bit of a bidding war. So they originally wanted around $14,000, $15,000. Well, this bidding war, 82 people got involved in this bidding war. And it sold for $31,500, the shark bus. You just, when this hit the headlines,

you just wanted this bus. I do. You were like, we need to get this bus. It was a race between all quirky commercial radio shows to see who could purchase this bus and we almost convinced Boss Todd.

He was teetering, wasn't he? At $14,000, he was looking into it. At $31,000, I think we would have been out. He was like, he had to sit us down. He had a serious minute. He's like, guys, this bus, I can't do the bus.

I have to pull out of the bus. And we shared a single tear each, didn't we? So we've been following this story with much joy. And now I understand we have the actual owner on the phone, Ben. Yeah, Mark Solomon is his name. He's in Wellington. Mark, how's it going? G'day, how you going?

We're good. Congratulations on owning this iconic vehicle. He's in Wellington. Mark, how's it going? G'day, how you going? We're good. Congratulations on owning this iconic vehicle. Thank you, yeah. We're quite jealous, to be honest, because we saw it advertised. We're like, oh, we want this. But well played to you. Well done.

Yeah, we sort of weren't expecting to pay what we end up paying, but I do make some spontaneous acquisitions and it just happened to be at sort of 6 o'clock on a Friday night, so... Oh, that sounds like a prime bus-buying time zone there, Mark. Yeah, it was, and, you know, buyer's remorse occurred about five seconds after the auction, too, so...

To be honest, and I don't know, you sound like a lovely guy, but this is a shocking investment. Well, hey, maybe not. I mean, a lot of people, there was quite a bidding frenzy for it, right? Oh, there was, yeah. I mean, it certainly sort of jumped up in price. I don't know who was bidding against me, but again, those who know me, I love bidding wars, so I had to own it. And so the bus, it comes with mechanical issues.

So what did you end up paying for it? $31,500. Woo-wee. And there's probably about five grand's worth of work to be done on it? Yeah, so the plan is it needs to be roadworthy, so we're going to have a road trip back down to Wellington. So we're going to probably spend five grand getting it roadworthy. We're going to add some modifications,

so we're looking at a cooking facility, some barbecue facilities in it. We're also going to give it a lick of paint and sort of bring it back to its former glory. Oh, that's great, that's great. So then by the end, it'll be the most expensive shark-themed bus on the face of the earth. I think so, yeah. We've thought about amphibious, but that might come next year. Better water.

Better able to drive through the water. What exactly do you want to do with it? What do you do for a job? That's a good question. So I run a business called Life Direct, which is an online insurance comparison site. Bring it back down to Wellington. We're going to offer things like fish sliders at charity events,

ferry kids between their swimming pool and their school. Hopefully we don't scare them off. And educational purposes. So we're going to look at the Great White Shark and bring those to schools as well I am as I said

very jealous I love that bus every time I sit around Auckland I'll be like a shark bus it always brings a lot of joy would you consider renting it out

to anyone at any stage particularly maybe even ourselves if we had an idea that fitted yeah absolutely so we've already sort of got schools

tapping us on the shoulder for school balls and we've had a couple of inqu tapping us on the shoulder for school balls and we've had a couple of inquiries for hens nights and stag doos. So, yeah, but no, you guys are more than welcome to have it. You need to put some poles in that bus, mate. Okay. You can rent it out for the kids during the day. It becomes a pole dancing bus at night.

Okay, maybe not. There you go. Like a party bus, you know? And then you hose it out for the kids in the morning. Get them in there. Teach them about the sharks and the money. You're out of our meeting. Me and Mark are going to talk about business ideas. Hey Mark, well well done, congratulations.

It's an awesome thing you own and all the best with it. Okay, thanks guys. Good on you Mark, have a great day buddy. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. This is a fun show, a fun little game show that we like to play. It's called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You.

Where we phone people at random and no one is safe, apart from those that live overseas, because we're not allowed to make international calls. No, and we've got prints on double-sided paper too as well, both sides. I haven't even got photocopying privileges here at NZME. Have you been allowed? No, no, I haven't either. What about you, Producer Julia?

You're allowed to, oh, okay. Colour? You're allowed to colour? Yes, colour. Oh, you do colour. Have you been allowed? No, no, I haven't either. What about you, Producer Julia? You're allowed to, oh, okay, colour? You're allowed to colour? Yes, colour. Oh, you do colour. I know, pretty bougie, eh? That is bougie. Double-sided, single-sided?

Yeah, absolutely, all of it. Yeah, good on you. Well done, you. Thank you. Anyway, we're not here to talk about your photocopying privileges. We're here to talk about

Don't Call Us, We Call You and what a way to start the day. We phone someone at random and two nasally radio announcers bark questions down the phone at them. We're heading to Winton. Let's do it. Hello, Graham Rathmore Tower.

Nick's picking. G'day, Nick. It's Jono and Ben here from the Hits radio station and guess what you're part of? What am I part of? You're part of a new game show called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You. Yep, okay. Okay, alright. You're part of a new game show called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You. Yeah, okay.

Okay, all right. You're winning. You're not really phased too much. You've got four quick questions. You answer them correctly, you get some hell pizza. Cool. We'll give you some pizza vouchers. How does that sound, Nick?

That sounds good. All right, question number one. Hubba Bubba is a brand of what? Bubblegum. Oh, he's already nailed it. He had some comical answers here. Would you like to do those, Jimmy? Do you want to just play the game?

I'll read out the comical answers, then you can answer. Okay. Okay. Hubba Bubba is a brand of what? A, family-friendly pole dancing clubs, or B, bubblegum? B. Well done. Yeah, well done.

He'd like to lock in his original answer of chewing gum, bubblegum. Mate, we've got two or three minutes we need to fill out here, Nick, so let's not rush through it. Let's not rush through this, okay? Which of the below is not running in the general election? David Seymour, Judith Collins, Tammy the Briscoe's lady. See? Oh, he thought about it.

He did. It was good. Thank you. It should be great, though, wouldn't you? She should be a great leader of the country. We'd have some wonderful Manchester, wouldn't we? New Zealand. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, would be. Your third question. Name the current domestic rugby tournament. A, the, yeah, nah, it's not a bad rugby tournament. B, Super Rugby Aotearoa. Or, what's the point? The Crusaders have already run this competition tournament. Well, that would be BNC, really.

Yeah, you're right. You got that one 100% correct. Last question for you, Nick. Phil Dunphy is a character from what TV show? A, Modern Family, B, Broken Family, C, Incest Family. Wow, you got me there. B. Broken Family.

Oh, hang on. There's that one. The other one was Modern Family, and the third option was Incest Family. We'll probably go with A then. Yeah, well done. I don't know if Incest Family would make it to network television, but very popular in some areas of New Zealand. No, I'm joking, I'm joking.

Well, well done. You just said it, though. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Now, $40 Hell Pizza's coming your way, my friend. Well done. Good on you. Okay, thank you. Bye.

Hold the line, we'll grab your details. Hell Pizza, free range ingredients, plant-based, vegetarian, and gluten-free options available. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Yeah, these are all the news stories that have broken over the weekend and overnight. It's just like one news if Simon Dallow didn't know what he was talking about.

Welcome to Scrolling Through Your Feed. Crusaders yesterday beat the Highlanders 32-22 in Christchurch. They clinched the title, haven't they? I love the word clinched. That's good. That's a wonderful word. Yeah, it seems like a bit of a flaw in the tournament, doesn't it? Super rugby there, yeah.

New Zealand, they should have had their own, yeah, they should have had a final, right? Like a tennis tournament style table where you all meet up and, hey, but who am I? I'm not the head of the NZRU. I'm just a low, bald idiot of a radio announcer. Yeah. Yes, you are.

I 100% agree. And when the Crusaders won Super Rugby Aotearoa yesterday, no breakdancing from Scott Robinson, the coach. Oh, that's his tradition, isn't it, after they win a tournament? And we've spoken to him about his breakdancing previously. Speaking of your breakdancing celebrations, which we all love, him about his breakdancing previously. Speaking of your breakdancing celebrations which we all love

have they ever gone wrong? Yeah. You know 4am is I normally get coaxed into it and I normally get down there and I suffer for a few days afterwards

but you can remember how it all started I got called out it was just one of those moments back in 2013 we bet at Wellington for the NBC final and anyway they called the Who Hey hey, ready to race song out.

I was like, mate, you're not singing that. You can't sing that. Where'd this come from? And I went, oh, okay. Turned that around quite quickly, and I was on my back spinning, and it's become a tradition after that. Oh, there you go. But he didn't do it yesterday because he said that we still had a job to do.

There's another game to go in the competition, and also it felt kind of wrong when one of the Crusaders players was injured and had to go to hospital. So he said out of respect, he didn't want to do a breakdown. There's a time for breakdowns. There's a time for not breakdowns. There wasn't a breakdowns occasion yesterday. It's almost like they're waiting at the finish line

and the rest of the teams are still running the marathon. Crusaders are sort of looking at their watch going, come on, guys, we're done. Let's wrap this up. And a piece of artwork by Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has fetched over $18,000 online. 18 grand. Now, I love Jacinda.

I think she's done a wonderful job. But I feel like she could have done anything on a piece of paper. And it'd be like your children when they bring home artwork. No one's going to say anything negative about it. But it's like a swirly scribble representing the political cycle. Yeah, almost like a hurricane

sort of thing. If you draw the wind or a hurricane, sort of like the thing that took Dorothy's house on Wizard of Oz. It probably took about 25 seconds to do and it's what, fetched 18 grand? Yeah, $18,000. Money goes to a good cause, you were saying though, which is great. Yeah, it goes to Korukia, New Zealand,

which helps Kiwi children's dreams come true. Have you ever been part of a crap liberty auction where you have to do something and they auction it off? Oh, yeah, a couple of things, yeah. I remember I did one, it's like a worthwhile cause, like send the private school kids to Paris to eat cross-dots or something. So, you know, you had to design boots. So they gave you boots and you had to draw on the boots.

But I'm a shocking artist. Right. And I was like, well, if someone's paying for this, I want it to be half decent. So my mate, who was a sign writer, he did a really good job of putting flames on it. That's cool. But it wasn't my work.

You did the Helen Clark thing, didn't you? She got caught, didn't she? Yeah, a few years ago. You remember that? She signed a painting. I don't know why it became a thing. I think she front-footed it. But anyway, it wasn't Helen Clark's painting. She's still got $1,000 at auction

that she signed. And John Key's doodle, should I say, that got $3,000 a few years ago. His painting, $3,100. Yeah, and I don't know why everyone went in on Helen Clark. She's the leader of a country. She's got some other stuff that she needs to tend to. I thought about that too.

So if she wants to get someone else to do a painting for her, albeit, who cares? And that is scrolling through your feed this morning. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas, and this is the B***ing News. Ah, fun game. We're with producer Juliet, our chief censor.

It's a bit of a sensory overload. She beeps out certain words from headlines all over the world, read by our newsreader, Ash Thomas. Yes. Who has no idea that it's for our show. We told her it was for Kerry McIver. Please don't let this get back to Ash Thomas. Absolutely not.

Are you ready for your first news story? Let's do it. Cool. Australian scientists have made a s*** for snakes and spiders. Australian scientists have made a something for snakes and spiders. I'm going to go with cocktails because, you know, you have the snake bite, the drink, you have the spider. Oh, my gosh.

Which is, you know, we've taken the names of insects for our own people. Maybe we've made a drink for them. That is a very, very logical answer, I reckon. Jono? I'm going to say Australian scientists have made a cute little ladder for the snakes. Okay. Yeah. The snakes and ladders.

Here we go. Australian scientists have made a Shazam app for snakes and spiders. So, do you guys know what the Shazam app is? That's somewhere where if a song's playing, you hold your phone up to it and it recognises that song. We're up with the play there. We're up with the kids here. Don't ask, do we know what Shazam is? Ben, somewhere where if a song's playing, you hold your phone up to it and it recognises that song. Oh mate, we're up with the playback. We're up with the kids. Don't ask, do we know

what Shazam is? Ben, thank God you knew what Shazam was, because I didn't. So basically if you come across a random spider or snake in Australia you just take a photo of it and it will tell you if it's poisonous or not. It's a really good idea. It's really good. Australians need it, I reckon. Yeah, because

you'd be freaking out as opposed to... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I heard that lady phoned us last week and she was sleeping in bed in Western Australia and a giant python fell out of her ceiling and onto her face. Oh, no. In the middle of the night.

Oh, gosh. And she was like, it's fine. It's just a python. Just a python. Yeah. She's like, it happens in Darwin. Wow. I was like, okay.

Brown snakes are the ones that you need to be worried about, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Because they it happens in Darwin. Wow. Brown snakes are the ones that you need to be worried about, aren't they? Yeah, absolutely. Because they kind of look a little bit... Innocent. Yeah.

But they're actually vicious as. Right. Hashtag vicious as. Here we go. German nudist has been photographed chasing a wild boar that stole his...

Stole his wife. I'm going to say stole his frankfurter. German's a fan of sausages. I do love a sausage, the Germans. So maybe it stole his German sausage. Oh, yeah. German nudist has been photographed

chasing a wild boar that stole his laptop. You should really look at these photos. They are quite something. It's this guy running around a park with all these other people just watching him running after this pig that's holding his bag. It stole his laptop after eating his lunch. He managed to get the laptop back though, which is good, but the photos are

very amusing. What is on that laptop? He was so desperate. He's like, no one can see what's on this laptop. Although to be fair the guy was nude anyway. He's like, I've got nothing left to lose. Normally that would be my fear. Oh, my nudes are on there. But if I'm running nude, he'll be like, ah. Doesn't really matter does it? It's cancelling it all out.

Yeah, he's obviously quite comfortable. Exactly. And the third and final one, Juju. Man proposes to girlfriend with hundreds of candles, but **** in the process. Oh, man proposes to girlfriend with hundreds of candles, but forgets to buy a lighter in the process. He can't light the candles.

That's good. I'm going to say burns the house down. All right, here we go. Man proposes to girlfriend with hundreds of candles, but burns down their home in the process. Oh, we got one. We've never got one. Have you ever got one?

No. You got one. Yes. Usually we just dance around with some semi-amusing answers. Ben Boyce lands it. Well done. One point for you, and that is news and beeps. There we go.

Well, that was fun. It was fun. We'll play that again. Oh, it's fun when you get it right, isn't it? Yeah. I was going to cancel that game, and that is news and beeps. There we go. It was fun. It was fun. We'll play that again another time. Oh, it's fun when you get it right, isn't it? Yeah. I was going to cancel that game, but no, it's back. It's back on the menu. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. A feeling good. If you tune into the show every day at this time, well, you tune into the happiest part. Thank God you don't have to listen to the other bleak two hours and 50 minutes. Why is it going to be a good day? Well, it's going to be a good day for Crusaders fans.

They won Super Rugby Aotearoa yesterday. Congratulations to them. Scott Robinson, their coach, didn't do his breakdance because there's still one more game to go. But we spoke to him a while ago about where it all came from, his signature breakdance moves. I got called out. It was just one of those moments.

Back in 2013, we beat Wellington for the NBC final. And anyway, they called the Who, hey, raise your race song out. I was like, mate, you're not singing that. You can't sing that. Where'd this come from? And I went, oh, OK. Turned it around quite quickly, and I was on my back spinning, and it's become a tradition after that.

I love it how he's like, no, no, no, don't do it. But then he's like a second later, he's in the middle. He's spinning on his back like a ninja turtle. Sophie, you're on the air. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Why is it going to be a good day for you, Sophie? Oh, my husband's got the day off today so it's always good for a Monday. Are you guys going to hang out, are you?

Yeah, yeah. We bought an old van to get some parts off so it's a bit uglier than we thought. So we're probably going to just destroy that and put it into a flat pack and take what we need. Okay, you're going to destroy a van today. That's some good aggression you're letting out there on a Monday. I know, right?

Well, a bit of fun. We'll put it into a flat pack, take it off the scrap metal man, but keep what we need. Oh, very nice. It's Sophie's day. Romantic day, breaking down a van and taking it to the scrap metal yard.

I know, right? Good on you. You have a blast. The Reading Cinema's metal yard. I know, right? Good on you. You have a blast. The Reading Cinema's coming your way as well. All right, Soph? Thanks, thanks. Kerry, you're on the air. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast.

Why's it going to be a good one for you? It's going to be a great day, mate. I've got my daughter coming out of my career running for me. Five years old. Child labour, baby. And you don't have to pay her. Oh, free McDonald's, mate.

Free lunch. Oh, right. You've got to borrow her a cheeseburger or a Big Mac or something. Oh, that's very cool. Have a fun day together free McDonald's, mate. Free lunch. Oh, right. You've got to borrow a cheeseburger or a Big Mac or something. Oh, that's very cool. Have a fun day together. That's the one.

That's adorable. You and your daughter have a wonderful day. Ben's just said that but I've doubled down on that. Double pass. Reading Cinema's coming your way, alright?

Thanks, guys. See you, Kerry. Thanks for listening. Sean, was it going to be a good day for you, buddy? Sean? Oh, hi.

Was it going to be a good day for you, mate. I thought you were still talking. Ripping the inside of a motorhome out after paying $18,000 for it.

The wife don't like the inside. Oh, right. So you're going to pull out the insides of the motorhome, zhoosh it up, and then you'll be

annoying other motorists on the road over New Year's travelling at 70 k's an hour. Less than that. 60 on a good day. Yeah, if he's lucky. That's right. You might get 65 downhill.

Oh, Sean, a double pass to Reading Cinemas. All right, have a good day. Yeah, mate, thanks a lot. Love your work, Sean. And we'll go to Penny to round this off. Why is it going to be a good day in Wellington today, Penn? Oh, I'm about to drop my son off at school and have a whole day off. Oh, check out of life.

Do whatever you want. Yeah, and it's a beautiful day down here in Wellington. Oh, well, they do say something about Wellington and good days, don't they? Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's on the tip. That's right. Hey, Penny, have a wonderful day slobbing out.

Awesome, thank you. Good on you. Thank you so much for joining us. Don't forget you can catch the podcast on iHeartRadio if you want to listen to this or any other Jono and Ben show. Sometimes I like to finish work, then drive home and listen to us working, Ben. Double down on the work. Now, producer Juliette just said something during that Julie song.

I don't know if you heard her, Ben. You've started watching what from episode one? Friends. Friends from episode one. That's going to take a while. Yeah, I've never really seen it or followed it. And I was like, I'm going to give this a go. And I really like it.

I mean, you know, it started in 1994. So 2020 seems like the logical time to begin watching Friends. I don't know why. I see the reunion shows, I think, pretty much postponed indefinitely at the moment. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, for sure. But I'm whirling and I'm committed. Well, by the time that's out, you'll be up to date.

236 episodes you have to watch, Producer Julia. Oh, wow. It's going to take a long time. Good luck to you you and Rachel and Ross will they or won't they I don't know oh you'll look forward to that one

we'll look forward to joining you again tomorrow although we have just been told that Mike Hosking wants to talk to us after the show today and when you get word

that Mike Hosking wants to talk to you you talk to Mike Hosking I think it might have something to do with us stealing his Jaguar yeah if you want to love Mike then head to the Hosking. I think it might have something to do with us stealing his Jaguar. Yeah, if you want to

look like Mike, then head to thehits.co.nz and you can get Mike Hosking's Jaguar, maybe, while we've still got it. Catch you tomorrow.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app.