Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 13 - Reception Reception, William Waiirua, Ben's Parents Are On Social Media

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

Howdy! Today we played Reception Reception, which is everyone's favourite game minus Ben's. We also reflected on an absolute shocker we had on the show yesterday where we CONSTANTLY kept referring to Grant Robertson as the deputy Labour leader... Until he called us out for it when we interviewed him. WHOOPS! Finally, social media star William Waiirua & our political correspondent $20 Karen joined us. Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Oh no, sorry. Rolling. Is that a gag? Was that a gag? I felt like that was a gag. The last one was a gag. Can I go now? No, welcome to the pod...

Hold on, no, I'll start recording. Let me just start recording. You're recording the whole way. I'm not recording yet. You are recording. Start now. This is the podcast intro. You may need to start again. No, I'm not. You are recording. Start now. This is the podcast intro. You may have to start again. No, I'm not.

I'm not. I'm forging on. I've only just started recording. That's the start of it. I'm not going back because it is the podcast and we don't go back on the podcast. We keep moving forward. We probably should go back sometimes. We should.

Let's be honest. Today, though, yeah, it was a show. It was a show. It was a fun show. To be honest, a little unusual turning up to work in these circumstances, with Auckland being level three, the rest of the country level two. Yeah, it's a different vibe out there, isn't it? Well, yeah, it is a different vibe, Jono,

because there's literally no one out on the street. We are thinking of everyone at the moment around the country affected by this, whether business, health-wise, all that sort of anxiety is around. But we tried to... I think it's just the thing of not wanting it to come, because we all know what happens when you're locked down. Yeah. And none of us want to go back there.

Financially or personally, do you? Yeah, and it feels like that's on the... I mean, any time that we have to... Sorry, sorry. Sorry, no, no, you go. See, these are one of those moments that we should have ended it without. Yeah, now we're both talking. Okay, you go.

I'm still talking. Anyway, today on the podcast, we did try and bring a bit of fun and enjoyment, positivity back. Because, you know, that's all we can really try and do. Well, we could go on air and just be three hours of negativity. No, yeah. We should give that a go one day. We'll see how that goes.

There's other stations that can do that. They can do that. Not for us. Oh, yeah, it's Talk Back Radio, isn't it? Yeah. $20 Karen joins us today. She's our political correspondent, and we watched her YouTube channel. She became famous a few years ago, of course, with a viral phone message she left,

very angry about her $20, wanted it back. And her YouTube channel, we watched it. She's very— She's very political. She's now our political correspondent, and here's a taste of her. Crush her. F***ing callers. Who the f*** does she

think she is? Tunnels. Wellington wants more tunnels. Tunnels here. Tunnels there. Tunnels. Tunnels everywhere. What a f***ing tunnel vision that f***ing she is. Wow. Tunnels here. Tunnels there.

Tunnels. Tunnels everywhere. She tones it back for us. She does, which I appreciate. I appreciate every time we phone Karen, she's like, hi, guys, how are you? Love you too. She's just a lovely lady. As well as that, a couple of social media superstars on the podcast,

William Waroa, a very funny guy, as well as How To Dad as well. They join us. And reception, reception. When Jono embarrasses me by leaving an embarrassing message to a receptionist somewhere in New Zealand and I hear it for the first time when they relay it back to me. We're here. We're doing the podcast. Here it is.

Enjoy. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Ben Boyce, reception, reception. We play this once a week, every Thursday, just after 8 o'clock. We phone a reception around. Doesn't matter what level we're in, mate. You're still going to

mock me, aren't you? We could be at level 82. Regular mocking session of me in there. When you do it like that, it makes you feel bad. Sorry, I'm all good. I'm all good.

He sort of sets it up. He's like, oh, here I am being bullied. He's trying to play the bully card, guys. I am honestly, I'm fine with it. I do, in a way,

look forward to how you're going to embarrass me each week, you know? How you're going to embarrass me each week, you know? How you're going to bully me each week. I look forward to that. Do you want to make this possible? Creative mocking. Yeah, yeah.

I'm on board with this. We phone a reception around New Zealand. We leave a message for Ben, and he's out of the room while this happens, and then we see if they will pass that message on to him. So it's now we send our little bully boy voice off to the soundproof booth. So we can't hear this and we're going to go through to a reception in the Waikato. Welcome to Treacle Hornets. You're speaking with Karen. Hi, Karen. How are you going?

Pretty good. How are you? Yeah, this is Johnny Jackhammer here, agent to the stars, babes. How's the day going? Well, you're not my agent, I'm not the star. Well, maybe I can get you on my books, get you on my books. Talk us through the thoughts, feelings and emotions of the office today. You've been running high with the big arrival this afternoon? What big arrival? One of my clients coming down to see you, do some meeting and greeting.

Oh, really? Have you heard of Ben? Ben who? Ben Boyce. No, I haven't. You haven't heard of his work? I'm just a humble receptionist. You're not just a humble receptionist.

You're Karen. You're Karen who I'm going to sign up to Johnny Jackhammer's list of superstars. That sounds good to me. All right, the Jackhammer just wants to share a few words If you don't mind, Karen Okay, so, I don't know if you're aware But Ben Boyce's You know how those intimate videos of celebrities Get out on the internet?

Well, one of him emerged And it was rather Yeah, the sad thing was, Karen, though He was the only one actually starring in the erotic video It was quite bleak Oh, crikey Are you wanting to speak to anybody here? He was the only one actually starring in the erotic video. It was quite bleak. Oh, crikey. Are you wanting to speak to anybody here?

Just you. I was just, because he's turning up this afternoon, and so we're just on a bit of a PR offensive. Get him out there, you know, kissing hands, shaking babies, that sort of thing. No, no, no, not now. Yeah, I know it's controversial, but he actually, also he doesn't actually believe in coronavirus,

so we're just going to forge ahead. Mm-hmm. There's just a few demands, and so I wouldn't mind if you just wrote these demands down. Mm-hmm. Because he likes to call ahead and just make sure that the demands have been passed on. Okay. Sounds really funny.

It's ludicrous, I know, I know. But, you know, these superstars, they've got demands. So, Karen, how do you traditionally like to look at people? At their eyes. At their eyes. See, that's not going to happen with Ben. So, if you can, look anywhere else apart from his eyes when he comes into the office. Okay.

Can you just write that down? What sort of water have you got on offer in the office, Karen? What sort of water? Yeah. Is it the bubbly, sparkly stuff? No. No. Okay.

It can be arranged, but I don't know the spin voice of how big a celebrity he really is. What I'll need you to do is purchase a straw and blow bubbles into a water. Okay. Oh, you're a hoot. You're a hoot. And can you please refer to him as the Supreme Leader Ben Boyce? No, that would be my husband, Supreme Leader. Oh, and Kim Jong-un.

They all share. So have you got those demands? I have. Don't look in his eyes, blow bubbles in his water, and refer to him as the Supreme Leader. Gosh, we're affectionate at Regal Haulage, aren't we? Oh, there's one more too. Uh-huh.

Oh, dear. Yes. That you will laugh at all of his puns. Okay. A high quota of puns. Okay. And if you just tell him, can you also just say, hey, I saw your video on the internet.

No, not if it's a rude one. I told you that. So just go, I saw your video on the internet. I thought it was really good. You just need to say that. He's a bit down in the dumps about it, okay? Just go, I didn't think it was weird that you were crying in it. And you go look after yourself. Have a wonderful

day. Thank you so much. Take care. So it's time to bring back Ben Boyce from the soundproof booth who has heard none of this. Come on in, Ben. Welcome. Now, here's the interesting thing. What's the interesting thing?

Because normally I come back in here and everyone's smiling at me, you know, and I'm like, oh, here we go. But I walk through there and Millennial Max, you know, works with us on the show. He's wearing a mask. So you can't tell. So I can't tell. I mean, his eyes, you know, I think in his eyes he was smiling, but, you know, I looked at him and I was like, oh. So Ben Boyce, you're a celebrity, okay? Oh, don't. You need to assume the role of a celebrity. I'm your agent. Oh, no. And I've just called.

No. What are you doing though? No, this is going to be one of those do you know who I am sort of situations, right? No. And I would never want

anyone to do that. I'm your agent, Johnny Jackhammer. The Jackhammer. I'm ready. Jackhammer nails the deal to the floor. For a while,

I've been wanting to get rid of my agent, but it's been an awkward conversation I haven't had. But anyway, speaking of awkward conversations, I'm guessing I'm going to have one now, but it's been an awkward conversation I haven't had. But anyway, speaking of awkward conversations, I'm guessing I'm going to have one now, right? Yeah, so you just need to call this...

She'll be Jackhammer. You need to call Karen. Karen will just have a few things. Just go, oh, Karen, did my agent Johnny Jackhammer call you? It's Ben Boyce here. What, did you leave a list of things for me? Yeah, just a little bit of a to-do list. Welcome to Regal Haulage.

You're speaking with Karen. Oh, hi, Karen. It's Ben Boyce calling. Ben Boyce, you superstar, yo. Oh, jeez. Here we go. Now, apparently my agent, Johnny Jackhammer, real name, he rang you up

and he sort of outlaid some stuff. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I just wonder if you've got that message and if you could relay to me what Johnny Jackhammer said. Well, was just wondering if you got that message and if you could relay to me what Johnny Jackhammer said. Well, Supreme Leader, if you were here, I wouldn't be looking at you in the eye. Okay, yeah, okay, that's good.

Yeah, I don't like anyone giving me eye contact. Yep, yeah, I'm glad Johnny got that across. What other things did he tell you that I liked? Well, if we don't have, you know, purified sparkling water for you, I'm to blow wee bubbles in it, which I'm happy to oblige. Right, thank you. And I think I've already called you my Supreme Leader.

Oh, Supreme Leader. Something I'd like to do, right? Okay. Apparently, I've got to ask if you've seen my video. Oh, God, did I ever? I'm so sad that you cried in it. I cried? Yeah, what was it?

You cried. What was the video about again? Oh, it was a bit risque. Oh, no,, Ev? I'm so sad that you cried in it. I cried? Yeah, what was it? You cried. What was the video about again? Oh, it was a bit risque. Oh, no, no, no. I cried too. Oh, is this another? Oh, God, I'm crying after that. Oh, okay.

Johnny Jackhammer, do you want to come back on? Are you happy with this deal? It's Johnny Jackhammer here. Karen. Hi. Karen loved your one-man love video. I kind of did. I kind of did. I kind of did.

In fact, I've downloaded it. Yes, Sharon. And I'm waiting for a pun so I can laugh. Waiting for a pun so you can laugh. Jono and Ben calling from the Hats if you haven't worked it out. I kind of did. It took me a little while. I was thinking perhaps you guys were a little bit crazy, but yes.

Yeah, well, Jono leaves a message for me at a reception. I don't know what the message is, and I have to ring someone and retrieve that message, and you passed it on with flying colours. Okay. Before we go, we'd better back the truck up. That was a pun. Oh, yay.

Yeah, yeah, funny. Great. You meant to laugh, Karen, because you were from a truck haulage place. That was a fun. Well, at least unlike trucks, this is not a pick-up. That's a very good one. Again, still no laughter.

No laughter, though. Yeah, you're right. Okay, Karen. That's all the puns I can find on the internet to do with trucks. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating, still pending. It's Jorowyn Manomahit. Now, $20, Karen, became a viral sensation in New Zealand

a few years ago when she left a message on someone's phone wanting her $20 back. There was a lot of swear words she used to get her $20 back, but she got the money back. She got the money back, and now we've employed her as our political correspondent. She's quite political. She is, yeah.

And this was by absolute coincidence. We were phoning her on another topic and then she just ranted about Crusher effing Collins. Well, she's been doing that on her YouTube channel as well this week. Oh, 20 effing wax is the name of her YouTube channel. Yeah, and we had to censor a little bit of this but here's a wee example of her

talking about Judith Collins. Crusher f***ing Collins. Who the f*** does she think she is? Tunnels. Wellington wants more tunnels. Tunnels here. Tunnels there. Tunnels.

Tunnels everywhere. What a f***ing tunnel vision that b***h she is. Yeah, so yeah. So that's Karen. Now that's Karen in full force. Yeah, she tones it back for us. Yeah, she knows that on the hits she's not going to swear. She's not allowed to swear. That's not what's going to happen because we're family friendly. That's right. And she plays, she tones it back for us. Yeah, she knows that on the hits she's not going to swear. She's not allowed to swear. That's not what's

going to happen because we're family friendly. That's right. She's a professional. Yeah, she's our professional political reporter. So we're going to give Karen a call right now because a lot is going on in politics. Morning, Karen speaking. Oh, is this $20 Karen, our political correspondent?

Morning, Karen. Morning. How you doing? I'm doing good. What time does Karen get up and at them? She gets up about 9 o'clock. Oh, we got quite early there. Sorry, Karen.

Are you currently lying in bed, are you, Karen? No, I'm not. I get up about 9 in winter. Otherwise, it's a long day when you don't work. Yeah. So how do you fill up the days not working? I watch what I've recorded on TV. Nice.

What are some of your daytime bangers that you call on? I like Home and Away. Oh, yeah. Shortland Street. Oh, I like those. Coronation Street. You're doing them all, aren't you? Is anyone watching more?

Wow, how many soaps are you watching? If it's got a street in it, she's watching it. Now, Karen, a lot going on in the country. Obviously, you know, the uncertain times with COVID-19 back in the community, but a lot of politics going on as well. You know, are they going to delay the election, Karen, as our political reporter? Did you watch my last YouTube?

If you want to get ahead, vote red. You want to be in the poo, vote red. That was the famous saying. If you want to get ahead, vote red. But you're still very, you're quite biased. I'm a bad political reporter. I'm very biased. You're still very, you're quite biased. I'm a bad political reporter. I'm very biased. You're still very left-leaning, which is fine,

but as a political reporter, it's probably not as fine. No. But one thing, you know, Mr. Batcheson, no limousine cars for them and chauffeurs and things. They go in vans. Are you saying the Prime Minister drives around like in a bongo van or something? Yeah, you've seen her hop out of the van.

She goes, no luxury cars for us. You all go to the airport, you get in the van. The Labour Party have got one van. We all share it out. Coast Booker Bay, David Clark's got it to go mountain biking this weekend. We've got the Google calendar.

Everyone put their report there when you want the van. I feel like I've seen her get out of other cars that aren't vans, but who am I to say? Yeah, I bus around. You know, I like Jacinda. Don't go around extravagantly. No, you're catching the van. You're renting out the Labour van. No, I're catching the van. You're renting out the Labour van.

No, I get on the bus. Oh, the bus. All the drivers know me just about. The bus stop, I can see it right now from my house. There we go. There's a live witness again. And what's happening at that bus stop, Karen? That bus stop is right in front of my house.

Yeah, and what can you see right now? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. There you go, live report from the bus stop across the road at 29 Cairns House. It's always good to catch you up with you there, Karen. You take care of yourself at the very unsettling times around the country

and we'll catch up with you next week. You guys are in Auckland, eh? So, like, take care, be safe. Oh, thank you, Karen. Appreciate that. And you enjoy your binge-watching of Home and Away, Shawland Street, Coronation Street, Em care, be safe. Oh, thank you, Karen. Appreciate that. And you enjoy your binge watching of Home and Away, Shawland Street, Coronation Street, Emmerdale Farm today. Okay, then.

Love your work, Karen. Have a good one. And I love you guys. Keep it up. Stay safe. Everybody in Auckland, I hope you're all good. Oh, you're awesome. $20, Karen, our political reporter.

We'll catch up with her next week. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, yesterday on the show, it was a big day in New Zealand because it was announced that New Zealand, after 102 days with no cases of COVID in the community, the country was going to go to alert level three and two, depending on what area you live on.

And we had... It was breaking news, wasn't it? It was the first show where there was a lot of pressure on us. We were like, do this interview, do this, cover this, there's some more news here, mention this, do that. And I was just like, it's too much, too much. And we had Grant Robinson lined up from the Labour Party to join us after eight o'clock on the show yesterday.

So from six o'clock, we knew this. So we were saying it quite a lot. We were like a trusted news source. We were like, Grant's coming up after seven. He's got all your information. We were very proud of the fact that we had an official spokesperson on. Now, Grant Robertson isn't in the Labour Party. That much is correct.

I started off by saying he was coming up as the Deputy Prime Minister. That was wrong. Then I corrected you. I said, no, no, he's not the Deputy Prime Minister. He's the Deputy Labour Leader. So we corrected ourselves. But throughout the morning, and this is not, I thought you doubled these up,

Producer Joanne. No, I have not. This is how many times we've banged on about him being the Deputy Labour Leader and Deputy Prime Minister and neither of these are true. After seven o'clock

on the show today, Grant Robertson, the Deputy Prime Minister, will join us. This morning we're going to talk to Labour Deputy Grant Robertson. After seven o'clock on the show, the Deputy Prime Minister,

Grant Robertson, joins us. As we said, Deputy Labour MP, Grant Robertson. After 7 o'clock on the show, the Deputy Prime Minister Grant Robertson joins us. As we said, Deputy Labour MP Grant Robertson is going to be joining us. We've got Grant Robertson Labour Party Deputy Leader joining us very shortly. Plus Labour Deputy Grant Robertson too going to be joining us before 8 o'clock. Grant Robertson

Deputy Leader of the Labour Party joins us very shortly. Joining us on the phone right now and we thank him very much for his time this morning. Deputy Leader of the Labour Party joins us very shortly. And joining us on the phone right now, and we thank him very much for his time this morning, Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Grant Robinson. How's it going? I'm not, by the way. We do just need to greatly clear that up.

Oh. No, I'm just the humble Minister of Finance. Oh! Who's the Deputy Leader? No, that's Kelvin Davis. Oh, it is. We've been saying it all morning, mate. Anyway, Grant, this has been a shocking start.

We gave a promotion. Nearly correct information all morning. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. And this is the latest news, half-formed opinions by half-formed half-wits.

Ben Boyce, over to you. Well, Jono, you've been wondering how you wear a mask because people are encouraged, particularly in Auckland, to wear a mask when they're in public. So you wear a mask, a face mask, and how you wear a mask and have your glasses on and not have it fog up. Well, yeah, I've been moaning about this for months

during last lockdown. It was the only thing I told them. You were like, shut up about the glasses. The sunglasses with the reading glasses. When you're driving down State Highway 1 and there's fog, it's dangerous driving conditions, isn't it? So there's a few tips thanks to the New Zealand Herald. They've actually

got an article today about some tips that you can have to try and stop your mask from fogging up. Thanks to the New Zealand Herald.co.nz Thank you. Company man. That's a company man right there. You look at that, Juliet. Look at that guy. That's a guy who's going to be around for a few years. So soap and water is really helpful. So wash your glasses with soap and water,

regular washing up liquid, and then dry them with a microfiber cloth. And apparently that helps your glasses not fog up. Oh, it creates a film. Yeah, shaving foam's another option. A layer of shaving foam inside your glasses, then gently wipe it off. Oh, you don't just...

You don't wear a shaving foam. My eyes are gently wipe it off. You know, it's just a good... You know what I was shaving foam? My eyes are burning. I can't see anything. Well, at least I've forgotten about my foggy glasses. There's also demisting spray is another option

or closing the gap above the mask is another option that they recommend. So who wants to put a bit of tape on a surgical tape to tape it down? But that's half the problem because there's air going up from the little gap from your mask rising up into your glasses.

But I love this as well because some people have also complained about how it hurts your ears a little bit when you wear a mask. Oh, the elastic. Yeah, I'd agree with that. If there was something else I could complain about, it'd be that. And also, if I can add another one into the mix, when you're talking with a mask on, it pulls the mask down with your chin.

I haven't got a hack for that, I'm sorry. I haven't got a hack for talking, but I've got a hack for sore ears. There's a special headband that you can wear that's got buttons

on the side so you attach the elastic bands up onto the headband. Oh, so you've got it over the top of your head? So you wear it up and it kind of just loops

around on sort of buttons on the side of your head. I mean, that's as cool as having a GoPro wrapped around your head, isn't it? So if you want a headband with buttons on the side of your head. I mean, that's as cool as having a GoPro wrapped around your head, isn't it? So if you want a headband with buttons on the sides, then you can stop your ears from hurting when you're wearing a mask. Oh, my gosh.

And did you wear a mask all day yesterday? I wore one when I was out and about, yeah, when I was out in public areas. It's interesting, isn't it? Because, I mean, the rest of the country wouldn't be wearing one, or aren't required to anyway. No, and in Auckland it's not the law, but they're recommending it if you're in a public place. And there's alternate,

I saw a thing of like you can cut up a t-shirt and do it, put on a g-string. Oh really? That's an option as well. Just put on a g-string to feel a bit sexier

or just on your face or on your... Yeah, I'm just wearing one today. I've just got that tiger thong that you enjoy, Ben. Just to forget about COVID and worry about

what's up your cheeks. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up's up your cheeks. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. You'll know him from social media, wearing his distinctive sunglasses and entertaining the nation and the world with catchy phrases and signature dance moves. In fact, his dancing was so good,

they got him to be a celebrity on Dancing With The Stars. Please welcome to the studio to talk about his brand new show, What A Beauty, on Maori TV tonight. It's William Wadoa. Oh, man, it's fantastic to see you, boys. Can I just say, you smell scrumptious. You always bring up how he smells amazing. He smells adorable.

I just want to eat him up. He's just the best smelling person in New Zealand. A wonderful musk. Is it a Sauvage I can smell on you? Yeah, it is. Have you got that? Lovely Sauvage. No, I have. Is it a savage I can smell on you? Yeah, it is. Have you got that? Lovely savage. No, I have just smelled it

in the chemist. He goes through 23 when he could. Just spray it on. Yeah, it is a savage. So your new TV show, What a Beauty, Thursday nights on Maori TV.

It looked very funny show. Oh, mate. We definitely had a lot of fun making it. Describe the show if people haven't seen it. You play a whole bunch of characters as well as doing what I really loved last week

was a really lovely interview throughout the comedy sketches as well. Yeah, so we did sort of interview with Tamati Pearce last week who was a blind, who's blind. I thought, like, really inspirational for people to look and watch and see, man, this guy can be so positive. You know, he's blind, like, but the sort of person he was, he could joke and he'd be first time I met him and saw him, he's, yeah, man, I haven't seen you in ages.

That's literally what he said. He's really, like, upbeat and he's really funny as well. So we go around New Zealand and we sort of, there's six episodes of six different people and just spend a couple of days with them. And just everyday New Zealanders just inspiring through action. And to be able to watch that, it just made me feel good. There's some amazing people out there around New Zealand

and I just wanted to shine some light on some people that are doing awesome things. And as well as that, I play five characters that I think are funny, which probably means they're not so funny. So will it seem like a natural progression for you in terms of your career? Because you do such fantastic stuff on social media that the next step would be a TV show.

Had it been in the pipeline for a while, Willie? My manager, John, he's been knocking at a few doors, but none had opened for a long time. We've been knocking on TV doors too. No one's answering those. We keep them quite locked, I think, for us. But it's great to see you doing it because as Jono said,

very funny stuff on social media. An amazing story. I know we've talked to you about this before, but it'd be nice to sort of let the audience know where you came from. So you were a youth worker? Yeah, and I used to work at Oranga Tamariki, working with all the kids breaking the law

around New Zealand and working with them every day. I used to joke around with them. And yeah, from then on, I started sort of putting it on my social media. Not the kids. You're kidding with the kids, obviously. The kids make a cute video.

That's what Ben's been trying to do. I do that with my kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's my kids as well. But yeah, and then sort of just everything went, yeah, went off really fast. And what's the one thing that every adult could do better when dealing with troubled youth, you think?

Probably listen. I think it's always, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just telling them off. Yeah, telling them off. I think what worked for me was just listening, listening, just giving them, it's usually what young kids want is to have their point heard. And what everyone does, to be honest.

That's very cool. Because that's the awesome thing about you is that you're not only hilarious, but you're also very positive and you have such a great outlook. So it's really cool that that's reflected with everyone. You know, you walk into a room without a word of a lie. You bring up the vibe of the room. The morale. The morale, as you would say.

Yeah, you're making them feel happy, which is good. We need more of that in the world right now. Now, you used to work at the, not only were you a youth worker, but worked at the meatworks as well. Definitely, that was before that. Before I worked at Oranga Tamariki. So I was pretty good behind the knives at the meatworks and fielding. My friend runs a cafeteria in the meatworks in the Waikato.

And some of them have 12 eggs on toast for breakfast. 12 eggs! 12 eggs! toast for breakfast. 12 eggs. 12 eggs. Yeah, there's some. Oh, mate, you need to. It's such a hard job, the perspiration. Were you smelling as good then, back then, as you were now? Definitely not.

Had to change every sort of break. The smell of Sauvage was transferred to the smell of sirloin. Should we call them and see if you'd be invited back for a shift? How many people Work in the meat works At any one time Mate 400

So it's seasonal right Obviously Nah Ours is all year round For the slaughter office Dial 1 Boning I was into boning

Should we go to the boning I haven't been there In so long mate This is going to be Embarrassing We won't embarrass you Willie It's not our job

Hello Hello It's Jono job. Hello. Hello. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits Radio station. Oh, right. How are you? We have a former employee slash international celebrity with us. Do you know who it would be?

No. Used to work there. Social media superstar William Wadoa. Yeah. Oh, right. They are impressed. They are impressed. They are impressed, Willie. He used to work in the boning room. Who? Sorry, this is tough.

Listen, we've got Willie Wairoa with us. Which guy? Okay, okay. Ouch. We have social media superstar. Do I go in for a third round? William Wairoa. Yeah. He used to work there. Yeah, he in for a third round? William Wairoa. Yeah.

He used to work there. Yeah, he wasn't William Wairoa then, though. What were you back then? Just some guy that was a boner. Just some guy that was the boner. And now he's got a new TV show. You need to check it out on Māori TV. Thursday nights, 8.30.

It's very funny. Okay. And do you need him back for a shift? No, he wasn't very good. He can hear you right now, by the way. He was the best boner in the game. Love your work. You have a great day.

Okay, you too. Thank you. All right, that didn't go to plan. Sorry, that was quite humbling for you. Yeah, it was good. You know, a good leveller. A good leveller. You couldn't get a more New Zealand response.

Can I bring things up with a little bit? 2019, you were the second most Googled New Zealander. Second most Googled New Zealander. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. I'd get that printed on a T-shirt. How many times do I have to search myself to get into that talk? A lot was from myself as well. Half of the votes was probably me.

What a beauty. 8.30 tonight, Maori TV cash in. Thank you very much for your time, mate. Cool, cheers, boys. Apologies for that weird meat work school. Yeah, for your time, mate. Cool, cheers, boys. Good to see you. Apologies for that weird meatworks call. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry about that. That was a good level. That stuck in a level. That was fantastic. If you ever want to feel good about yourself, phone the meatworks. Making poor life decisions

every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Ben, boys, are you a fan of holding the handbag when you're out and about? Like if Amanda, if you go shopping at a Westfield mall or something,

and Amanda's like, hey, can you just hold this for a second? Yeah, I do from time to time, but I never quite work out the best way to hold it. And this is where I'm going. It's like, I don't mind holding the handbag. No, that's fine, that's fine. But I always hold the handbag like I hold someone else's newborn baby. I'm almost holding it like Rafiki holds up Simba in The Lion King.

All a bit awkward. I don't know how to do it. And is there one uniform way that we should all be holding handbags? Amanda, for a birthday a few years ago, she got a handbag she'd always wanted. We're all family. We pitched in for a very flash one, but it's not allowed on the ground. That's her rules with us. Where does it go?

Well, it's like, you've got to hold it or you've got to put it, are you allowed to put it on a chair, is that okay? Or a bed or like, or a bit of the ground. It's actually treated better

than your children. I get in a lot of trouble when I put the, I was like, it's carpeted. I put it there, oh no, that's not good.

Oh, so it's got to sleep with you on the bed this time. Oh no, it's got to go up on something, you know, up on something. I'm like, oh Jesus,

every now and again we see the other room, I just drag her on the floor. Just have a little win, eh? Guess you wouldn't like this. There you go. Just on the carpet, just on the carpet. Just gently, just gently, but there you go. Because, Juliette, you may know this. I notice you wander around with a handbag. I do, yes.

You fit so much stuff in there. It's incredible. It is, it is. But the most annoying thing is often I find with handbags, you need the smallest things. Like you need your car keys, you need a lip balm, you need your phone. But then all those things naturally sink to the bottom because they're small. And so all the big annoying things are on the top

and you're like, I need to get something from the bottom. And then you're just rummaging around and you take about five minutes. You have to work your way through the toasted sandwich maker, the Dyson. Honestly. Because Jen's like, I'll just grab it from a handbag

and any time she says that, I'm like, oh, this is going to take 15 minutes. And I'm like, almost. Pulling stuff out. Yeah, I'm like, oh, there's the cure for coronavirus.

Throw that away. That's in there. There's the missing MH370 in there. I know. But she does it and she goes, oh, no, it's just here. And she puts it in. Like, you know where the stuff is. Yes.

You've got lots of different pockets and you always usually put the same things in the same pockets. Often you have to hold it when you're shopping. You know, you go out shopping and go shopping with a man and my wife and I always find that also the awkward, they need to do a better job of making a little area for guys to sit in in the store.

And hold a handbag. That's right. Glasson's had like a couple of lounge chairs, Lazy Boys, maybe some sport on, a PlayStation, maybe a little bar service or something like that. Oh, you want Glassons to turn into a pub? Yeah, absolutely. You're like, this weekend I'm going down to Glassons. Let's go.

Because I would be like, hey, let's not go there. Let's go into Glassons. I'd be like, come on, guys. Who wants to go to Glassons with me? Amanda, you go. You can take your time. I'll be sitting down here. I'll be doing whatever, you know.

Friday night, I'll be whipping down to Glassons even without Amanda. And they can have hooks where you can put the handbags on. Yeah, just like a designated great area. It will encourage people to shop there more. There's a gap in the market. Yeah. And if you are in a relationship where you do hold a handbag

or you have a handbag holder with you, I did some research into this, which I found quite ironic because every example undercuts itself immediately. So these are character traits about a guy that holds a handbag for you. Number one, he cares about you. Oh, nice. That's right. Number two, he could be cheating on you.

Oh, hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Number two. Okay. Because he's overcompensating. Oh, okay. Number three, he's not masculine enough. Number three, he's not masculine enough. Number four, he's too masculine.

Again, overcompensating. I could hold a handbag, mate. Number five, he's loyal. Number six, he's a player. So really, they've cancelled. You're right, they've cancelled themselves out. Thanks to Cosmopolitan for that clear-cut list there on the character traits of someone who holds a handbag. We apologise in advance.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Our friend $20 Karen, our political reporter leading into the election, September 19, is going to be joining us in 10 minutes. We just watched her latest YouTube video. Very funny. I know, we're going to play you a bit of the latest. Not safe for a family-friendly radio station.

We have to beat quite a lot of it. Yeah, no, we'll play that for you once Juliet censored it. No one's working harder than Juliet trying to censor that video right now. Of course, the community, again, has COVID-19 in Auckland, and that means a lot of queues around the country for people going to COVID testing stations. Which is good. I mean, it's a great initiative from everyone getting out there

and getting tested. That's wonderful. But some people were waiting how long? Well, five hours in Hamilton, they reported. Up to five hours. It was seven hours for some people in Auckland yesterday. That's a long time queuing. Oh, man. I'll just stick up my own nose. There you go, mate. Someone take that.

Yeah, well, maybe. Drop it off. It'd be good if you do your own test and bring it in. Save some cut out the middle man Yeah, so we wanted to know this morning 0800 the hits Or 4487 on the text What's the longest time you've queued for something? And not necessarily COVID related

Just so you can queue for maybe tickets Queued for a concert Oh, you're on hold for the Inland Revenue Oh yeah You can wait an hour Julia, you're going Oh, I agree I can relate to that

For sure I swear every time I call the Inland Revenue, which is not often, I'm on the phone on hold for at least like an hour and a half. It's just chaotic. Sit there listening to Dave Dobbins' back catalog. I remember being lucky enough to go to Disneyland once and we queued for probably about two hours

to go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. And we did the ride and it broke down just, well, it broke down and we were like, we're sitting in the boat for about 45 minutes. So we're queued for two hours, you're sitting in the boat for 45 minutes, and Disneyland's a magical place, but nothing spoils the magic, like someone flicking on the lights and having to talk to you. Some guy

with his butt crack out. You're walking back behind the things as you walk your way out. Follow me, guys! Oh, here we go. It's good to see the person who was playing Mickey Mouse with their head off smoking a cigarette down the corridor. That's what you're expecting to see as you walk down there. It just kind of felt like that. And then later on, we're like, maybe we'll go back

and see what the rest of the ride was like. So we queued back up again on the same day, queued for like another hour, and we were like one corner away from the end. You're like, oh. So it was important doing that whole thing. So for Pirates of the Caribbean, you've dedicated five to six hours of your life. The whole day at Disneyland on that.

It was a fun ride, but definitely not worth five to six hours for it. Hey, hey, hey, that's our number. You can get hold of us too by texting 4487. Longest time you've queued for something. Can you beat five or seven hours like some people were waiting yesterday? Can you beat Ben Boyce six hours? Welcome to the show, Charlotte. How are you, matey? Good morning. How are you? Wonderful to have you on. You're in Auckland. I am in Auckland. How's your lockdown going, mate? You know, it's all right. Can't complain too much.

You sound croaky. Are you fresh out of bed? I sure am. Well, it's wonderful to have you tuning in with us. How long did you wait for something? Shamefully, when the Georgie pie came back, I waited at Countdown Greenland for about five hours. Oh, there was a frenzy for the return of Georgie pie, wasn't there? And it was, I don't want to besmirch Georgie pie, it was nice. Yeah, it was good. It probably felt like it was something they could have done for a while.

Oh, it's here all weekend, and then brought it back six months later. I think people just went, oh, I tried it, it was good. Yeah, were the pies as good as you remembered? Yeah, no, it was fantastic. Yeah, she's happy. Charmaine's happy. Yeah, I think... Charmaine?

Where did you get Charmaine from? I thought I just made that up. You just made up a name, Charmaine. Oh, Char... No, I was talking about the person we've got on the phone right now. I was just saying, in general, if you want to know how Charmaine's feeling today,

she's happy. Was there another time to bring up Charmaine's feeling? No, no, no. Oh, okay. We're going to do Charmaine at 10 past eight. Okay. I've just know how Charmaine's feeling today, she's happy. Was there another time to bring up Charmaine? No, no, no. Oh, okay. We're going to do Charmaine at 10 past 8. Okay. I've just revealed that Charmaine is happy. You're always worried about Charmaine.

George today, not so happy, but we'll talk more about that after 8. Kate's on the phone. Welcome, Kate. Oh, this will be someone after your heart, Producer Juliet. How long did you queue up for something, Kate? I queued up for 24 hours to see Justin Bieber. 24 hours? Were you outside the stadium or something?

I was, and it's funny because it was when I was a bit younger, but now that I think about it, we were actually allocated seats. That sort of logic doesn't happen when you're 17, though, does it? No. No, and your parents are like,

you realise you can just wander in? Shut up, Mum! You're the worst mum ever! Let me wait outside Vector Arena for 24 hours! Did you sleep at all, or what happened? I had kind of slept a lot before we arrived. It was just a group of us, and I think maybe we took some turns sleeping,

but no, way too excited to sleep. Oh, so excited. Was it worth the wait? 100%. I'd do it again. It was worth the wait to watch Justin Bieber walk out on stage like he was hating life. Lip syncing.

Lip syncing. It was well worth those 24 hours. I love your work, Kate. Have a great one. And now let's go to Kate and wind it up. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Kate. Hi, morning. Morning.

How long did you queue up for something, Kay? About three hours. Okay, three hours. What was that for? I rang up to find, well, inquire about a Powerball and every time I rang it would be engaged and I was getting more and more pissed off and then my ex-partner came home from smoker break

and explained to me that the number on the top right-hand side of the page was my own phone number. You've been dialling yourself for three hours? Yeah, so he didn't have a very nice smoker break because I really went off with him. Why are they not answering? Oh, that's you. You're calling yourself. Okay, that's marvellous. Thank you so much for listening.

You go and have a wonderful day, eh? You too. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. The WhatsApp. Spy.co.nz This is where Juliet updates us on all the celebrity news stories from the internet

and we fumble around the topics for a couple of minutes. Come on in with Spy. Thank you very much. Now, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is going to be rebooted but it's going to be changed to drama. Like a gritty drama, right? Which is a bit kind of, you never really hear reboots

turn changing genres, do you? So this is with Will Smith or no Will Smith in the project? I think it's with Will Smith. I think he's collaborating with, like remaking it so he's part of the creative process of it. And so, yeah. Oh, I've never seen it, so I don't really know.

To be honest, it sounds like you're making this story up as you're going along. Well, to be honest, I'm kind of just reading this article. There's a lot of paragraphs. There's too many paragraphs. Oh, don't you hate it when there's too many paragraphs? Oh, it's a bane of my life. It was one of my favourite shows growing up, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And we were lucky enough to meet Will Smith.

And you were talking about Suicide Squad, the movie. And you, well done, Jono. You crowbarred in the lyrics to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme tune in the interview. We heard you grew up in West Philadelphia. Born and raised. Yeah. On the playground. Where's my dad?

Most of my dad's. Yeah, yeah. You were chilling out there? Yeah, yeah. But in the movie, there was a couple of guys and they were up to and raised. Yeah. On the playground. Where's my, well, most of my dad's. Yeah, yeah. You were chilling out there? Yeah, yeah. But in the movie, there was a couple of guys and they were up to no good. Yeah.

He politely laughed along too, which is good. And that's all I asked for. Just a polite laughter. Yeah. And then you can get on with your life. It still stacks up. I watched a couple episodes

with the kids the other day, the original Fresh Prince, and, you know, because sometimes you watch those shows now and you're like, well, this is cringy, but I enjoyed it. I guess if they were going to turn it into a drama,

there's a lot of social issues they can touch on now, which they kind of dusted, not dusted over, but they did touch on in the comedic series. Yeah, because it was a comedy show, you're right. Yeah, and I guess there's probably a lot more to sink your teeth into in that world, isn't there? True, true. I can see why they've done it.

Go Will Smith and go Juliet for reading all those paragraphs. Thank you very much. Those niggly, niggly paragraphs. Hard-hitting journalism. And Harry and Meghan, they have bought a $15 million in New Zealand dollar mansion in Santa Barbara, but still owe the British public $4 million for all the renovations that they did on Frogmore Cottage. I don't know if you remember that there was a big drama about them using the taxpayers money to upgrade their home but they ditched that obviously but they still

owe that money back. Oh so they have to pay that back. Is that because they've left the royal family they have to pay that back or is it just to pay that back generally? I think so actually but or they'd have to pay it back yeah no because they left the royal family would probably be the reason. And I understand Charles helps them you know it's just getting to their first home

Oh what a generous I'll help you, Dad. I'll help you with that, yeah. Just a $15 million, a little start-up. Yeah, just a little start-up. Just get you on the property ladder. You'll get to a better area one day, but it's good to get in there now, right? Exactly, get started early.

And their new neighbours in Santa Barbara are Alan and Oprah Winfrey. Yeah, so eventually they will get to a better neighbour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Hopefully they'll be with the Obamas and the Clintons. She's Oprah. You can't get better than Oprah and Ellen, really, can you? Exactly.

For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hips. My parents are doing something that I'm not even doing. Jeannie and Kevin Boyce. What are they doing, mate? They're on social media. They're on Facebook.

My boomer parents are on Facebook and I'm not even on Facebook. I tried for a bit there, but it wasn't for me. It wasn't for me. But now I feel like my parents have really picked up the ball and run away with it

because I just discovered that a couple of days ago, my dad, Kevin, who knows you, producer Juliet, knows that he's now mates with all my mates on Facebook and now is friends

with you on Facebook. Yeah, yeah. I've never actually personally met him but obviously we've chatted to each other on the phone. Did you feel obliged to have to accept his request?

Have you accepted his request? Yes, I have. Oh, you have. I have. And I thought, well, I work with Ben so I'll add him as a friend. So you feel obliged.

That was the thing about Facebook that I found. Often sometimes you would feel obliged for people. That's not to say you don't want to be friends with these people.

Sometimes you want to share certain things with certain people. Kevin's very proactive. He slid up in my DMs multiple times. He showed me a wonderful evening out. Wonderful, joyous occasion. And then my mum, for many years, she would love to comment on, because people can say some stuff on the internet, unfavourable stuff about the two of us, Jono.

No. Not us. Sorry to break this. Not on the internet. Unfavourable stuff about the two of us, Jono. No. Not us. Sorry to break this. Not on the internet. What are they saying? Some people don't find us funny. What? Don't find us funny.

Where are they telling this stuff? They're saying this stuff on the internet. On the internet. And my mum would chip in with comments back. I'd be like, I should be. And she'd tell me because I wouldn't see them. She'd be like, oh, I wrote on this about your TV show. You're like, don't mum.

Mum. It's like bringing your mum to school and having her talk to your bullies. You're like, don't mum, mum. It's like bringing your mum to school and having her talk to your bullies. You're like, please just don't, you're going to make it worse. Oh, I think they're doing a great job. You're like, oh yeah, of course you would. You're my mum.

I remember you actually telling me about this and I looked at some of it because once I saw Jenny's name come up, I could see it multiple times and she would say such motherly things like, who else thinks Ben's wasting away? Who else thinks Ben should call his mother more regularly? Which was really giving away the game.

But then she would jump into our defence. So God bless Jenny. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Many of us staying home at the moment, so it's good there's some good TV on tonight in particular.

A social media superstar, How To Dad, joins comedian Mel Bracewell for a new TV show called Last Dad Standing. And he joins us on the phone from Tauranga. How's it going?

How's that? Good, mate. Just chilling out, trying to renovate my backyard to bloody failure. You just said during while we were waiting to come on with you

that you're currently sitting on a digger. Yeah, you know, it's one of those things where I drove one like 10 years ago for a little bit and then thought, yeah, I'll still be able to do it. And we started digging and I've probably got Mount Everest amount of soil that I don't know what to do with now. Yeah, it feels like it's something that you need a license for, a little bit of expertise in digging.

I didn't put one into my house, so I don't agree with that. Look, the fence has a crack, the tramp might have a scratch, and I broke a tree branch off the Fiji tree, but she'll be right. But knowing you, knowing you, How To Dad, on a personal level, you're a handy guy. You're honestly a jack-of-all-trades. Oh, it might be comparing yourselves to you, Jono. You know, you've been in TV so long, you get your hands moisturised,

your head moisturised. If I said Jono before the glitz and glam, you would have been out so long, get your hands moisturised, your head moisturised. If I'd seen Jono before the Glitz and Glam, you would have been out there, mate, with a skill saw, whipping up a dick. Yeah, it's time for my head moisturising. Where's my moisturiser? Mr Pryor, here you go.

Here you go. Hey, I'm about to, you know, start getting my hands moisturised. It's my first TV hosting gig. That's very exciting. One of the joys of hosting TV is getting your hands constantly moisturised. So tell us about the gig. That's very exciting. One of the joys of hosting TV is getting your hands constantly moist. That's right.

So tell us about the show. What's it about? It's basically dad versus dad. So dads from around New Zealand saying, oh, I'm the best at doing dad jokes. Well, now's the time that they've proven it. And they come onto the show, they face off, and it's basically they're trying to make the other person crack.

And we have a couple of rounds of everyday dads, and then we have a round of celebrity dads. That sounds very cool. Now, what justifies a celebrity dad? Would Ben Boyce be able to enter this competition? He would just scrape in, I think. Obviously not enough to get him on the show. Well, it's quite awkward now that you're bringing him.

No, he wasn't. Hey, I didn't invite the sweaty dad. Season two. Season two. I'll get you into season two. Yeah, I'll bring my moisturised hands along for season two. Well, because I do enjoy a good dad joke. No one enjoys a dad joke more than me,

so I'm very excited about the show. How we got this prime time slot of just a couple of, you know, awkward sweaty dads saying dad jokes to each other on national TV, I'm not sure, but tune in because it's a bloody barrel of awkward dad joke laughs. Wow, and who said the world is desperate for content? Not me. Not me if you're chucking dad jokes on TV. It's such a great format idea. Now, I want to know, what were the percentage of actual genuine laugh out loud jokes compared to the groaners?

Oh, it's actually quite strong. They're quite a good laugh out loud. You think you understand what a dad joke is. Oh yeah, I'm going to get this. Some have studied and researched and gone to the depths of Google and found one that just gets, you know, come around the corner and clip you behind the ears and it's a good chuckle.

The audience get behind it, but obviously the big thing is trying not to crack. You get to tell your joke, that's fine, you can have a laugh. But if you're receiving a joke, these poor dads, they're shaking, internally giggling, but they can't show it through their face. There's always that thing with dad jokes that everyone hates

on them, but everyone laughs at them. You can't help. Now, you would have heard a few doing this show, Last Dad Standing. So we've got a couple of ones from the internet. We want to read the start of it and see if you know the punchline of it, alright? Gosh, alright. Hey, this is why I wasn't in the show.

I was just the host. This is How To Dad. We're going to start the timer. As many punchlines to these dad jokes as you can. What time did the man go to the dentist? 2.30. One from one. What do they say about the cemetery? It's dropped dead good.

Yeah, that'll do. Dead centre of town. Oh, yeah, it's good. Dad, how far away is dinner? Oh, about a couple metres. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because it was? A little horse.

Yeah, there we go. Two peanuts walk down the street. Okay. One was... I asked my Tinder date to meet me at the gym. She never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to... Netflix and chill?

Workout. Workout. I got you. That's quite hard putting you on the spot and press your situation, right? It's also hard to try and sound impressed at dad jokes. Yeah, no, you did your good job of acting there. Eight o'clock tonight, TVNZ2. How the Dad is doing.

The last Dad Standing. It sounds like a wonderful show. And love your work. And we'll let you get back to the digger. All good, Tuna. I've just looked down the ground and I've driven

over my level so my level is now everything's going to be crooked. Oh God, good luck out of that. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Synchronised answers. Oh yeah, we love this game. This is synchronised answering where we give you a prize

and try and steal it off you. Ben, explain the formatics of this. Well, producer Juliet reads out a question to Jono and I. We have three seconds to answer. If we synchronise our answer, we take the prize off the listener. Morena, Anthony and Wellington, how's the capital this morning? Good morning, fellas. Not too bad because we don't count too much due to the lack of sun at the moment.

Oh, lack of sun. I thought you were saying you just rubbed potatoes all over your glasses. You're not so much there. Might be a bit hard to drive with the potatoes on there. Now, Anthony, a quick question. Is Wellington worried about this lockdown, or it's not even a thing for you at the moment? There is definitely some panic shopping going on from some people who don't want to consider other people. But me personally,

I've got to take it as it comes because there's not much I can do about it. That's a good way to approach it, my friend. What do you do for a job? I'm an electrician. Electrician. Oh, well, I hope work continues for you because I know a lot of business owners, particularly small business owners, a little worried at the moment and rightfully so. And that's the end of that conversation. No, you're right. That's a conversation killer.

I shouldn't have brought it up. No, no, you're right. We're all thinking it. We're all feeling it. Thoughts going out to everyone affected at the moment. Now, okay, three questions. Producer Juliette's going to ask us three questions. If we synchronise and answer, we'll take away that $40 hell pizza that's all yours. Okay, first category, Juju.

Name for me a super rugby team. The Waratahs. I thought you were going to go obscure. Yeah. So now I've gone into your head about going obscure. Because Anthony, he doesn't like stealing prizes off the fine hits listeners, so he goes really obscure. So I'm trying to play him in his own game.

Played, right? Well played, I went quite obvious. Yeah, I was going to go the Sun Wolves or something. Oh, yeah. Good call. All right, next question. Name for me something you'd bake. Carrot cake.

Oh, jeez. That was me. Okay. Oh, yeah. We're both both right. That's just bakeable. So far, Anthony still has the $40 hell pizza. Last chance to take it off him if we synchronise an answer.

A brand of car. Mercedes. Oh, there we go, Anthony. We didn't synchronise up an answer, so the $40 Hell Pizza's all yours, my friend. Awesome, thanks very much, guys. Hey, good on you. Thank you so much for listening.

Go and have a wonderful day in New Zealand. Yeah, you guys too. All right, mate. Hell Pizza, try their plant-based chorizo on any pizza right now. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Good to have your company this morning, New Zealand. At various stages of different levels around the country,

level two outside of Auckland. In Auckland, it's level three at the moment. Oh, Auckland always wanting to do it better than everyone else. Yeah. We just heard on the news there that traffic was really bad getting out of the city yesterday

a lot of people trying to go well probably to the batches and stuff Yeah I mean you couldn't get a more wanker Auckland thing could you

let's escape this and go to the batch in the Coromandel because I'm dying for a soy latte You're not doing yourselves any favours

Auckland Hey Ben apparently level 3 we're in level 3 Yes You're not doing yourselves any favours, Auckland. Ben, apparently level three. We're in level three. Yes. You keep telling me. Yeah, I don't. I've just said it before. We're level three.

And we're going to cash in on this thing, mate. We get a second chance to cash in on COVID. I don't know if we're cashing in on it, but we get a chance to play some stuff we made before. I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, and that's for you to stay healthy with this crassly put-together album of dated parody songs to remind you of handy hygiene tips

like updated love advice from the Spice Girls. If you want to be my lover, you've got to sanitise your hands. And let's face it. Oh, sorry, you probably won't get that pun just yet. But there's more great hygiene advice from The Weeknd. I can't touch my face when I'm with you. It's a bad habit. Bad habit.

All right, stop. Time to hammer it home with some Hammer Time. Can't touch this. Don't know. Nuh-uh. Can't touch this. If post terminal. Uh-oh. Can't touch this. If post-terminal. Uh-oh. Can't touch this.

Handrail. Man, sneeze it to your elbow. And you could be beetling the sniffles with the beetles. I want to wash my hands. For 20 seconds and then let them dry properly. Now, that's what I call COVID-19 is out now. COVID-19, can now. COVID-19 can you go at least

with these handy tips we hope you make. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Got home yesterday from work and Ben, I'm sure you're the same, you know, as a couple of great dads. That's what our boss Ty keeps trying to say. He's like, keep marketing yourselves as a couple of great dads. That's what our boss, Ty, keeps trying to say. He's like, keep marketing yourselves as a couple of great dads.

So we keep trying to insert that into the show. Yeah, watch. Okay. I was like, thanks, Todd. I appreciate it. I'm a shaky pair of hands when it comes to fathering, but I'll keep saying I'm a couple of great dads. I've seen some of your dad meals that you've made,

and that's, as we talked about before, a microwaving Kransky sausages. Yeah. And you keep having a go at it. But you're saying it's quite an art form to get that. It's quite an art form. They burst. It's like a second or two over and they just explode.

Fair enough, okay. I did a video, didn't we, for social media, Juliet? Yeah, it was wonderful. Put some inside some, uh, Jurex. Yeah. Product from Jurex. I was like, oh my God, how is he combining the tad meal and some protection for that sort of stuff?

But you've done it. You managed to do it. So well done. They tasted rather latex-y. Yeah, great. Anyway. So Oscar, my son, he's like, oh, can you help me with this school project? And the amount of stuff, and I don't know if this is a great reflection on me as a fully

grown adult, the amount of stuff I learn helping him do his schoolwork. That's really interesting. It is. And they ask me maths questions and I'm like, I don't know. Long division. I tried to do that with my daughter the other day. It's just like,

oh my God. You're like, give me a moment. Give me a moment. You're like, how do this work? I secretly Google the answers on my phone

just out under the table. I'm like, oh, you should know that. Try and figure it out for yourself. And then I'm like, down by my knee trying to use the calculator

or Google. It's tough. It's tough because you kind of, it's like we're talking the other day with the road code and stuff like that. A lot of things kind of fall out of your head, you know? You stop remembering those things.

Yeah. Well, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. But you should be like, why do you need to know maths? The phone does it for you. Well, you need to know some maths. Anyway, he was doing this,

and I thought this is just pure interest. You know, sometimes the show just needs to have some interest being educational. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, good. What happens to satellites in space? You know, there's hundreds of satellites up there doing all sorts of shenanigans. Yeah.

What happens when they die? Because eventually, like a vacuum cleaner, they run out of steam. Oh, yeah, you couldn't send someone up there to chuck in some new double A's or something, could you? You can't recharge them. And then they just float around and then become hazardous for your spaceships, for other working satellites if they collide.

Oh, what do they do? Well, exactly. I knew you were going to ask me. This is why I brought this up. Have you got the answer or is this one of those things you're just going to tease and not? Yeah, well, join me after seven where I tell you what happens to old satellites. Now, there's two options. Okay. And it's depending on how much fuel is left in the satellite.

So if there's a bit of fuel left, they send them further out into orbit into what they call the space graveyard. So where it's kind of out where no spaceship or satellite is going to go in this current. Like people with plastic in the ocean. That's right. We'll just keep pushing it out.

We found out that was bad. Eventually we're going to move up to space one day and go we haven't even lived here and we've already ruined it. What are we doing?

Why are we doing this again? Have we not learnt? So would they destroy it there or it just goes out there? No it just goes

further out. It's like you say I don't know what we're killing further out but we're pushing stuff. Putting all your clothes under your

mat or in your cupboard in your room. You're like, outside out of mind. Just shut the door. Exactly. So that's one option. Human race, well done. Sending it out to the space graveyard, they call it.

The other option is it just runs out of fuel and just drops. So you just wait for it to drop. Oh, where does it drop though? Well, as it's dropping, it reaches such paces that it explodes. Oh, right before I guessed. And disappears into nothing. Nice.

And that's what happens to satellites when they die. Well, that's really interesting. There you go. Who says you don't learn anything from this show? Well, I would have. Up until that point.

Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. The A to Z of New Zealand. This is where we call every town and city in Aotearoa, and it's going to take us two and a half years. Duntroon. Have you heard of Duntroon, Ben?

You've got some relations that live down that way. Yeah, just out of Oamaru. Oamaru, is it? Oamaru. Oamaru, yeah. North Otago. What do your relations do down there? Work on a farm, a deer farm, actually.

Yeah, so they've got a deer farm down that way. Do we eat deer? I don't think I've ever tried deer. I don't think so. Venison? No, you can't eat venison. I've never had venison. So I don't think it's, it's not like a common, you know, a common thing you'd normally go.

They always look on edge, the deer, don't they? Well, it's probably because everyone's trying to knock them off. They always look on edge the deer, don't they? Well, that's probably because everyone's trying to knock them off. I'd be on edge as well. So we're getting to Duntroon and literally there's three phone numbers

that you can call in Duntroon. Oh, really? And we're going to go through to one of them now. It's a glamping. A glamping ground. Oh, very nice.

Glamping, Amber speaking. Amber. Hello. Amber, it's Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. How are you? Good, thank you. How are you? Yeah, good.

Did we catch you in the middle of, I'm going to guess what you were doing. Emptying the dishwasher. I am making lunch for 14 people. Oh, wow. That is a lot. That sounds busy. Where do you start with that? Are you doing one giant meal? Are you packing separate lunches? What are you doing? Well, today I'm just making sandwiches for them. Question for you. When you're cutting the sandwiches, are you cutting them straight down the middle or are you doing it on an angle so you sort of get the two sort of triangle shaped bits?

I'm actually pondering what to do about that because it looks prettier in triangles and facing upwards so they can see what's in the sandwich, but this is for a group of men that are doing a leadership retreat at our glamping place. They probably don't want pretty-looking sandwiches

cut into triangles. Yes, we do a thing on our show called The Referendum. Maybe next week, this should be our big referendum. Yeah, cut your sandwiches, you know, like... Mentally, you feel like you're getting more sandwich

with the triangle cuts, don't you? Do you? Yeah, and I know you're not, but it just sort of tricks your brain into thinking, I'm getting more sandwich here. But anyway, we're ringing up to find out about Duntroon. What about Duntroon? Well, we call it a different town or city. Hey, I just said,

don't get all defensive. Was it a band thing? You free-float on the sandwich band. All of a sudden, you turn on us when we mention Duntroon. We just want to find out every day we pick a New Zealand town to find out some more about. We do it alphabetically, and today is Duntroon's turn, and we thought, well, what's good in Duntroon

apart from sandwiches cut either straight down the middle or in triangle shapes? So why did you call me, though? Oh, because you were literally the only number in Duntroon. But I'm not even in Duntroon. So we had all this sandwich banter for nothing. I can't believe my number is in Duntroon. You come up in Duntroon.

I don't know why. Where are you? I live between Duntroon and Curral. How many minutes away from Duntroon are you? 20 minutes. You're close. You're close. You're in Duntroon.

Yeah, you're close enough. Well, anyway, what's good about it? Because it looks like it's got some really cool rocks there. Yes. There's quite a lot of good things about Duntroon. It's a very small village. It's got a vanishing world, which has got a display of all the fossils that can be found around the area. And it's got a display of all the fossils that can be found around the area. And it's got a working blacksmith.

A working what? Where's Duntroon in the 1920s? It sounds like it, yes. Because we did see online some pictures of some elephant rocks. Yes. Elephant rocks are not far from Duntroon. A really cool rock formations. And what else?

Oh, it's got the Flying Pig Cafe, but pigs will fly if it's actually open. So now it's closed all the time. Amber, have you been, can I ask you a personal question? Sure. Have you been making sandwiches this whole time? Yes, I have. No, she's busy.

She's got 14 people to make sandwiches for. Multitasking at its finest. Amber, we'll let you get back to your sandwich making and maybe you can update us tomorrow on which way you did cut those sandwiches. We'll follow that up, okay? All right. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. All right. Whether it's Kanye running for president or our MPs running for multiple affairs, Juliet's got them covered in spy. So Ed Sheeran, his big news is that he's expecting his first child in a couple of weeks. That's awesome.

Very cool. So him and his wife, Cherry Seaborn, they've been able to keep it secret because of lockdown, obviously not going out of the house, so it makes it super easy for them. Also, he's off social media, so he wouldn't really be posting about it anyway. But yeah, a couple of weeks' time. Don't know what the gender is, but I'm very excited. The baby's due in a couple of weeks' time. Oh, wow.

That was like a lady who we work with here. When the first lockdown happened, she left for lockdown, as most people did, and then came back and she was fully hapu. Really? Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. It's just what happens.

I guess when you don't see, you don't realise how much time has passed. Yeah, you're like, wow, you got pregnant in lockdown and about to give birth now. Yeah, and now Ed Sheeran, we were just playing this before in the studio, so we thought it was worth playing again. I was lucky enough to interview him a few years ago.

You remember that for our TV show, Jono and Ben? And I did a gag where I'd made out like I'd stolen some of the little bottles of gin and vodka from his minibar, and we did an Ed's or Tails game. And it turned out basically I had to scale the little bottle of gin, and I was a little bit tipsy after this, and Ed Sheeran found it quite amusing because I could not do a good job with the interview. We're going to see him naked

walking through the corridors of the hotel later. A little bit queasy right now. He had some pretty sweet, a little bit drunk with Ed Sheeran right now. No American would do that. That's such a Kiwi thing to do. I love that.

Well, it's pretty sweet travel stories you can bring your foot off. I'm really struggling here right now, Ed. Is that true? And then of course, Such a Kiwi thing to do. I love that. Well, it's a pretty sweet travel story, so you can beat your foot off. I'm really struggling here right now, Ed. Is that true? And then, of course, there's the scar story, which we're not allowed to talk about. My alcohol issues are really cutting into my Ed Sheeran interview,

so I wouldn't recommend that. Oh, listen, you're doing great things with New Zealand binge drinking now. Yeah, not great. He's like, American wouldn't do that. Only a New Zealander would great things with New Zealand binge drinking now. Yeah, not great. He's like, American wouldn't do that. Only a New Zealander would do that. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, right? He's enabling you, Ben. I would love to make Ed Sheeran laugh

as much as he laughed in that video. I'd be like, I made Ed Sheeran laugh, everybody. I can die happy right now. And if you saw who? Robbie Williams. Robbie Williams walked into the room. Juliet said she'd lose all control of her bowels yes she did say that

very early on when we met her day two she's like if Robbie Williams ever comes on the show I warn you just so you know

I would probably defecate myself I'd probably like say no to Robbie coming in just for that reason just because it'd be kind of awkward Robbie would be like

can anyone else smell that you're like oh sorry mate we knew this was a risk we were you're a big fan Can anyone else smell that? Sorry, mate. We knew this was a risk. You're a big fan, and I know you're a big fan. Pretty sure he's a big fan.

We've been prepared. We put her in nappies. It's a little bit awkward now. But we'll aspire to the hits, don't go to NZ. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Fast approaching the end of our show, but we like to end on a positive note,

and it seems more important than ever to do this segment. So why is it going to be a good day? You can straddle Thursday all the way into Friday. I'm not saying that. I'm going to go to the phone straight away. We've got Laura on the phone, I think. Laura, why is it going to be a good day for you, mate? It's going to be a good day today because I've got the day off.

Oh, nice. Is this thanks to COVID or just thanks to you scheduling in a day off? It's thanks to COVID. Isn't it great when you can just sleep? I love working from home. I love being able to just work in my track pants. And I can do that from home. I actually do it at work as well.

I was going to say sometimes you do it as well. I come to work dressed like a homeless man. But what do you do, Laura? At the moment, I am waiting to go in for a COVID test. Oh, okay. Good on you, good on you. Yeah, kind of a sensible thing to do. I know you really start questioning it, don't you?

Yeah. For all the people out there who don't want to do the test, it's not too bad. It's really only like a couple of seconds of discomfort and then you're fine afterwards. So don't be afraid to get the test. Do your best and do your best for your country and keep your other friends and your family safe.

Oh, God. God bless New Zealand. That was patriotic. That was funny. Staring words. Put her out there with Ashley and Jacinda. Oh, a double pass to Red Exit if it's coming your way. Good luck, my friend.

And thank you for you listening to the show and your call. Oh, thank you, guys. Oh, well, there we go. That's why today is going to be a good day. We're back again tomorrow. We've got Mitch James, a musician, joining us on the phone tomorrow, which should be cool. Always good to catch up with Mitch.

And you have a wonderful Thursday. Keep safe, keep sanitised. We'll catch you tomorrow morning from six o'clock. We'll see you then. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys weekdays from six on the hits

and via the iHeartRadio app.