Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 17 - Jono's Trip To The Supermarket, Paul Wood, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: August 16, 2020

Jono had the most awkward situation at a supermarket carpark and he was just trying to be a good human being. But it backfired. Classic. We also made listeners join us in making a wonderfully topical parody song about being back in level 2 & 3. Finally, Ben taught us a bunch of bizarre things that occurred during the filming of The Wizard Of Oz in 1939. Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. This is the podcast intro for Monday. Ben Boyce, your weekend. You've come back looking hairier. Hairier? Hairier. What do you mean? Your hair's grown longer.

I was meant to have a haircut when we got into lockdown. Maybe you've been wearing a hat. I have been wearing a hat, yeah. Before it gets to the end of my hair cycle, I would often wear a hat a bit more when it's getting a little harder to... What is your hair cycle? I have it for three or four weeks. Three or four week trim, yeah.

Yeah, but now at the moment, yeah, so I've sort of got to... Anyway, no one wants to hear about me being... It's quite wavy. Wavy in texture. Wavy the fuck, yeah. You're hippie. Let yourself go. I'm really...

This is because you're jealous that I've got some hair. I haven't seen your hair in a while. Well, here I am. It's looking good. And your face. It's a bit more posh. It's a swivel to the side to kind of keep it down because I can't wear it up anymore.

It's sort of reminiscent of Hugh Grant in Love Actually. Sure, sure. Hugh Grant. That's what I was trying to go for. And a lot of hair on your face I noticed too Oh yeah, yeah Burst out Lockdown mate, that was just a shape just before lockdown

And that's me two days later No, it's me about three weeks to be honest You look like when a wolf transforms in a full moon He's at stage three now Oh really? Give him a couple more days, he'll be full wolf A very exciting show coming up for the podcast. Paul Wood, psychologist, a guy who actually spent many years in prison for a murder that he committed.

Yeah, yeah. And while he was in prison, became a psychologist, got his master's. We speak to him. It's a real amazing tale of sort of turning your life around and just the stuff that he can offer towards everyone these days and these sort of unsettling times, he's really worth a listen. So check that out on the podcast today. Also coming up on the podcast, what is this all about?

That leaves you with a lot of questions. I was part of this, and I still don't know what it was all about. Not necessarily the phone call we had to this lovely lady, but just what we were doing. But enjoy that on the podcast. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We're just having a wonderful conversation about how cute we all think Chris Hipkins is.

He's just a cute little fella, isn't he? He's doing a great job, too. Health Minister Chris Hipkins. You just want just a cute little fella, isn't he? He's doing a great job too. Health Minister Chris Hipkins. You just want to grab him by the cheeks and go, ooh, you're adorable. It's a tough job at the moment, those guys. It is a tough job. They did a great job guiding us through this.

Now, I went to the supermarket Friday afternoon, Ben, and the car park, I don't know if you're a fay with a supermarket car park. Yeah. Picture that. Okay, you picture that. So I pulled in. It was after the radio show and I was dreading going.

Remember, I wouldn't stop banging on about it all Friday. It's going to take ages, blah, blah, blah. So I parked. I parked next to a car and I got up and I saw a guy sleeping in it and his dog was in there and he had clothes in the back and I'm a guy sleeping in it. And his dog was in there. Right. And he had clothes in the back. And I'm like, oh, man.

You know, he's obviously doing it tough. Yeah, yeah. Poor fella. So I thought, well, jeez, you're a charitable guy, Jono. So why don't you, when you go in and do your shopping, why don't you go and buy some extra goods for the nice man in the car? Oh, that's lovely. Yes, you know.

It's a nice thing to do. You know. Are you just telling the story so you can tell everyone what a nice thing you did? Well, the ulterior motive was I was like, well, maybe hopefully someone sees it, films it and puts it on social media. Low-level New Zealand crab liberty selfless act. Put it on the Herald or something. That's lovely you thought like that.

Yeah, so I did. So I went and I got milk. I got bread. And I got some chocolate biscuits. I was like, this is a nice little thing to do. So then I got back and I unloaded my bags

and then I went around and he was still asleep. The dog was sleeping as well. And so I went and placed the items because I couldn't get into the car, obviously. I went and rested them on the windscreen

above the window wiper. So they were also, when he woke up, people were like, oh, look, some awesome legend them on the windscreen above the window wiper so they're also when he woke up he'd be like oh look some awesome legend has done this for me but as I'm placing on

the items the dog wakes up and starts barking he goes and I'm like oh god oh god I start panicking this then wakes the guy up and he course it would, right? And he's like, what the hell are you doing?

In no, you know, in probably harsher language, what are you doing? And I'm like, I just thought I'd give you this bread and milk and stuff. And in hindsight, bread and milk's probably a shocking thing to give a homeless person. Who's ever just going to sit there and drink milk? Oh, that's all right.

That's a lovely thought. So he's like, why are you doing this? And I was like, I just saw, you know, you're doing it tough in here. He's like, mate, I'm just having a sleep

on my lunch break. He was working across the road at the construction site. He wasn't even homeless. I've had a shake in history with that stuff. Remember I took Oscar into town? That's right. You gave him some money.

He was like, you were just talking about people who are homeless. I was like, oh, we'll go to town and you can give some money to a homeless person. So we're looking around town. I was like, oh, there's one there, go over. And so he walked up to the guy, gave him five bucks,

and I was like, oh, the guy's not taking the money. Why's he not taking the money? Oscar came back, he's like, oh, he's not homeless either. He was coming from you, the way you dressed. He was a student waiting for the money. Why's he not taking the money? Oscar came back, he's like, oh, he's not homeless either. He was just coming from you with the way you dressed. He was a student waiting for the bus.

He should cast judgment on that. Anyway, when your heart was in the right place. That's the main thing. So I ended up with extra milk and bread.

He didn't want it. I was like, I have no need for those goods. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Now, Auckland in lockdown at the moment for the next sort of week and a half. And at home, we've been, you know, watching a few movies, you know, family movie time with me and the kids and my wife, Amanda. And over the weekend. Because you're a great dad. You're committed to your family and you show that commitment by hosting family movie time. And I said to my daughter, Sienna, over the weekend, I was like,

what movie do you want to watch? And she said, I'd really like to watch The Wizard of Oz, the original movie from 1939 because she heard something about it in the schoolyard. They were talking about The Wizard of Oz. Wild schoolyard rumours. Now, the last wild schoolyard rumour you brought to the table from your kids' school was the

mat that all the juniors pee on. The pee mat, which I found out is untrue. But then she said this about the Wizard of Oz and like I do with everything else, I was like, well let's record her saying it. I'm glad you recorded it. This is consistency. Consistency is key. The Wicked Witch of the West

was supposed to go down to the trap door and the dust thingy was supposed to come up and it didn't give her enough time to escape and this fire came up and it was supposed to come up after she had left but it didn't give her enough time to escape and like this fire came up and it was supposed to come up after she had left but it didn't give her enough time and so she got like 2D and 3D burns all over her face and hands. So I was like, this can't be true.

We watched The Wizard of Oz and as we were watching, I had my laptop on and there was an article, Vanity Fair have done all the hard work for me here, the heavy lifting, the appalling on-set stories from the 1939 Wizard of Oz. Oh, this sounds like a clickbait article that you'll go, you won't believe the 10 disastrous things that happened on set. I mean, the movie has aged really well, but behind the scenes, some of the things going on. So here's a couple of quick ones.

Give me the big bangers. Okay, so 16-year-old Judy Garland, who played Dorothy, got the second lowest salary, just in front of the dog who played Toto. Well, the dog got paid. Did the dog get paid more or less? More than the dog who played Toto. Yeah, good. But apart from that, she was the second lowest.

Okay, so anyway, that's... She was the lead. Yeah, I know. So the Wicked Witch did catch on fire and get second and third degree burns. And then causing really bad burns to her face

and hands which is shocking she got picked up by a friend to take home from set she didn't even get driven home and the next day

they rang her up going where are you where did you put gloves on for the rest of the thing did she have to go to hospital as the witch

for green face paint her hands were so bad she had to wear gloves for the rest of it. She came back to do the rest of the movie and they were like, hey, we want to do

another fire scene. She said, oh no, I'm not that keen on that. They were like, all right, we'll get the stunt double. That stunt double caught on fire. It was paid $35 a day,

the stunt double. So here you go. The Tin Man, here you go, he was hospitalised, the first Tin Man, after a make-up disaster. So they put face paint on the Tin Man, there you go, he was hospitalised. The first Tin Man, after a make-up disaster, so they put face paint on the Tin Man all over it.

It had aluminium in the face. Oh, he looked like he was covered in literal spray paint. Like they'd actually got the end of the spray paint you do graffiti with. Gested into his lungs. He ended up going to hospital. They replaced this guy with the other Tin Man, the Tin Man you saw, because he was like, oh, he's not going to be back in time for the hospital. Oh, so he was a backup Tin Man.

So he was gone. The original Tin Man ended up going to hospital. Now the guy's in the poison unit. And finally, from the Wizard of Oz, the snow. There's a very famous scene

where snow is sprinkled on Dorothy. Asbestos. No crap. According to this article, asbestos. They are sprinkling on top of her. There's someone doing it with their fingers.

The snow is falling and there's asbestos on top of it. So there you doing it with their fingers. The snow is falling. It is asbestos on top of it. So there you go. Health and safety, not a thing back then. And this is what's happened. PC madness. You know, we could be sprinkled in asbestos right now if we'd played our cards right.

We could be spray painting your face, Juliet. Wonderful. So there you go. There's some things that happened behind the... 1939. Who says we're not topical, eh? Talking about that. Serving bowls of loels

for breakfast. Actual loels may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we're going to try something here. This is a little bit experimental.

And you try some stuff in this gig, don't you? See what sticks? A lot of it dribbles down the floor. You do, because on Friday it was pretty much, what, it was announced

that Auckland in particular going back into lockdown and we were like, oh my God, we're back again. And then we thought, well, the Backstreet Boys sung that the best. Oh my God, we're back again. We are back into lockdown pretty much for Auckland. So we thought we'd play a little game where you guys complete the lyrics to the Backstreet Boys,

the lockdown version. Okay. I think I'm picking up what you're putting down. Why don't you lead by example? Okay. So we hear them. They'll play, oh my God, you're putting down. Why don't you lead by example? Okay. So we hear them. They'll play, oh my God, we're back again. And then you say something that relates to lockdown.

Okay. Okay. Oh my God, we're back again. Wearing undies and then Zoom calling. There you go. That's how you do it, yeah. This is creative of you, Ben. Okay.

Can you do one? All right. I'm left of seat. Oh, now I'm got to do one. Yeah, you've got to do one. Then we'll play the Backstreet Boys and you say something else related to lockdown. Oh my God, we're back again.

Not showering, sleeping until 10. Nice, so there you go. That's how it works. No, I don't think anyone will play this game with us, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. I'll enter the hits if you want to. Then what was the point? Hopefully they will.

I say that. It's almost like. Antagonising. People go, no, I will. I will. Give me the phone. I'll call the hits right now. I'll play your game.

And some people will call up. Let's go to the phones. Let's hope people come through with us. Philippa. Hello. Here we go. Hit the music, Producer Ju. Oh my God, we're back again.

Sanitising social distancing. Sanitising social distancing. Nice work, Philippa. I feel like we can do a take two of that with a bit more gusto, Philippa. Yeah, okay. Okay. All right, Phil Spector. I don't know, who's a better producer?

Probably not Phil Spector. Who's a music... Timberland? That's fine. Joel Little over know, who's a better producer? Probably not Phil Spector. Who's a, who's a, Timberland? Oh, that's fine. Joel Little over here. That's a take two. Okay,

let's go. I like the lyrics, the lyrics are good. Ah, but we'll guess it. What are you saying is you sounded dead inside? Alright,

take two. Okay, so here we go. Alright, hit the music. Oh my God, we're back again. Sanitising, social distancing. Love it, love again. Sanitising social distancing.

Love it. Nice work, Philippa. She's like, don't make me do this again. Sorry for making you do that again. She's like, you're lucky I phoned up for one. Now you're doubling down. What am I, Simon Cowell? Thank you, Philippa.

You have a good one. Let's go to Kate in Auckland. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Kate. In Auckland, you're in level three, so this will be applicable. Yep, absolutely. Alright, here you go. Oh my God, we're back again. I'm schooling

and day drinking. How was that, Ben? It was very good. I like that. Take two on that. I got it. I got it recorded beautifully. It's great. Thank you, Kate. You look after yourself day drinking, okay? I'm schooling and day drinking. What a wonderful combination Thank you, Kate. You look after yourself day drinking, okay? Thank you. I'm schooling and day drinking.

What a wonderful combination. Well, let's go to Wellington. Lisa, welcome to the show. Hi. Hit it, producer Juliet. Oh, my God, we're back again. Watching Ashley Bloomful at 1pm. Oh, well done.

Ashley Bloomful at 1pm. That kind well done. Ashley Bloomfield at 1pm. That kind of works, actually. And we'll release, are we going to release the album or we just leave it there? What do we do? I don't know. What do we do with this? What was the point of this? I don't know.

Just a bit of fun. Filling in some time. Oh, that's, yeah. Did you have fun, Lisa? Oh, yeah, so much fun. Yeah, so much fun. Yeah, so I guess we all filled in some time. Yeah, we did.

And we'll move on with the show. Yeah, why not? Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, our next guest is a doctor of psychology who spent almost 11 years behind bars. He has a remarkable story about turning his life around. Dr. Paul Wood, welcome to the show. Oh, such a pleasure to be here.

Good to have you on, Paul. We've met Paul a couple of times, and it's an incredible story that you have. Do you ever get sick of telling this story, Paul? A little bit. It really sort of depends. I was going to say, you've more than met me. You've been trapped in a room with me for an extended period. I mean, we got deep and meaningful, didn't we?

We had a wonderful chat. Yeah, it was lovely to meet you. But I guess you could, fair to say, as a teenager, you were off the rails, weren't you? Yeah, look, absolutely. And I think something interesting which is captured in that expression is that I didn't come from a background where there were no rails laid down. I came from, you know, a pro-social family. I had parents who worked and paid taxes and who were good people. But in my teenage years, I just gravitated further and further towards other teenagers who were up to mischief.

And unfortunately, the era I lived in, that kind of mischief was pretty serious stuff because there were people who, you know, came from multi-generational sort of gang families and the rest of it. And like a lot of young people and young men, I was a bit lost. I wasn't certain about who I was supposed to be. I didn't think I was enough of a man in terms of the idea that I had around what that meant. But also, like a lot of teenagers as well,

I was just attracted to a bit of chaos and excitement. And so you had all those elements combined together. And I had some struggles going on in my personal life. My mum was dying and she was the real sort of soft influence in my life and I wasn't coping well with that. And it was one of the things that I think really had me seeking solace and comfort in drug use more and more as time went on. And when I was 18, my mum died and a few days later, I caught up with a drug dealer and I ended up having a dispute with them, which resulted in their death. I was then put in prison. I was convicted of murder, and I spent the next 10 years, 10 months behind bars,

when I was 18 to 29. Now, as an 18-year-old going into prison, that just must have been terrifying. Yeah, well, it's interesting, eh? I mean, to be honest with you, my life was such that I knew a lot of the people who I was in prison with already. And in some respects, it was just a continuation of the lifestyle I was leading. It was a natural result, a natural consequence. I think I've spoken to you guys before about how the first sort of thing that happens when you're unlocked in the mainstream remand is that you'll have you know the prospects for whoever's the biggest gang in that area who will come up and see if you've got

stuff they can take off you and how you'll respond to being threatened you know maybe try and start a fight with you maybe not but just to test you out most certainly. And unfortunately, look, if you're a young Māori guy who ends up in prison, then the chances are there'll be the expectation that you'll actually support or prospect or be associated with the local gang of that prison. You know, as a pākehā, you're just more likely to get beaten up. But yeah, unfortunately, it's a hard road once you sort of get sucked into that scary environment. In prison, you became the first person in New Zealand to complete an undergraduate and master's degrees behind bars.

So what led you to that? Small steps, man. You know, we love to have this narrative where you see the light, you have this single realisation, or you just hit rock bottom and it all changes. And I think there were certain points along the way which were really important. For example, when I actually first passed a couple of the papers I'd enrolled in through Massey University. And that told me that I could do better and be better than I'd thought possible before. So I enrolled in a couple of papers, really, to get the knowledge around psychology,

and I had a completely false idea of what that would be. I thought it would be like learning how to be a mind reader. But when I passed those first two papers, it said to me, actually, this is something I can succeed in. This is something I can do. It seems like prisoners, when you explain, you know, the planning and execution of stuff, these guys are smart. If they just put it towards another, focus their energy in other areas.

Seriously, seriously. Look, I go in on a regular basis, and that's because I'm involved in a number of initiatives to try and help people turn their lives around, become positive contributing members of society. And there will be people I come across, and I will literally say to them, you don't need to be here. Stop volunteering for this. Seriously. of society and there will be people I come across and I will literally say to them, you

don't need to be here. Stop volunteering for this. Seriously. And you can tell them. You can tell who they are so easily. It's just a matter of being able to devote that same energy and attention towards things that will have you successful in an acceptable way for society. The problem is, is if you've come from a background where your only range of reference is organized crime, is drugs and things like this, then that'll often be the

focus of your attention. But if you can just have someone who can say to you, hey, look, there are other options. If you devoted that same energy and attention to legal activities, not only would you be more successful financially, but you wouldn't have to worry. You wouldn't have to be looking over your shoulder. But don't get me wrong, there are other people who you go, you 100% need to be here, I'm glad you're not in my community. Paul, you want to tell our listeners about an event you're talking about shortly? Yeah, absolutely.

One of the things I like to do at least once a year is to do a fundraising event for something I consider to be really meaningful. And this year what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to help raise funds to repair the roof of a local community creation Wellington now these community creations these are you know not money oriented organizations at all they run on the smell of an oily rag they run on love and they've got a massive repair bill for a roof. And I'll tell you what, tots need dry heads. So I'm committed to helping them out. We've got this fundraiser.

It's scheduled for the 2nd of September in Wellington. If you want to find tickets for it, you can find them on Eventbrite or Eventfinder, or you can just go to my website, paulwood.com, get in touch there. We'll send you the details. Or just find me on Facebook, Dr. Paul Wood, and the details are there. Right. Now, what about speaking of the community right now? Because obviously you do a lot of motivational work.

People are feeling the pinch, the worry with COVID, professionally, personally, with the health issues, the business issues. What advice, do you have any advice to people feeling that way at the moment, feeling quite down and worried? Yeah, absolutely. Focus on what you can control. Focus on your own thoughts, perceptions and emotions around this, your actions. The challenge is it's really easy to start getting sucked into and distracted by things that might have an impact on you that you might be concerned about but actually aren't going to help you be more effective in the current circumstances. Like it's easy to get sucked into watching the news too much,

to start reading too much doom and gloom predictions of what might happen. At the end of the day, you can't control that stuff, but you can control what you do. So focus on that. So a couple of things I'd recommend there is, one is start really consistently and deliberately focusing on the things that are going well in your life at the moment that you can be grateful for,

but also as well, for a lot of people, having a bit of perspective and going, how much worse could things be right now? What are some of the places in the world I could be in right now where things would be significantly worse than they are here? And often that perspective helps us just dial down the intensity of the challenge we're experiencing. Really interesting you bring up the media coverage because I found myself watching the news the other night

and just getting angry and I was like, I need to just turn this off. I can't look at it anymore. It's reached a point where you're just... It becomes almost addictive though. You don't want to read it but you keep checking it and seeing the updates and then you get trapped in that cycle. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it gives you a really false sense of how prevalent

different views are at the moment. Because of course, you know, you go along to the testing station where the vast majority of people there are people who don't need to be there. You ask them what their views and opinions are. Then you get these really distorted views and opinions and then those are broadcast and then you go, oh, my gosh, that's something which I should be worried about too. I think you get a really distorted view of things. I think it's useful to stay informed about the current state of affairs

from a sort of what's going on with Jacinda, what's going on with Bloomfield, that sort of stuff, but not to focus on the views and opinions of people who don't have expertise in these areas. I think that can be really problematic for us. You know, I blame the media. I blame us. It's our fault. It's our fault.

I blame you as well. I blame you for the mess at my house and all sorts of other things. You're blaming us. Dr. Paul, we really do appreciate your time. You're really good to talk to. As we said before, we sat in a room for you waiting for something once, and I took away something in all seriousness from that day because I'm quite hard on myself for past mistakes I've made,

and obviously you've had an incident where you made a big mistake. But you said one thing, and it sort of stuck with me. Each day, just try and be better. Be better than you were the day before. A little bit better. I thought that was a really good way of trying to look at things, even though it's quite hard to do sometimes, just to have that mindset when you go into each day.

Yeah, 100%. And one thing I would say as well around that is, you know, when it comes to being on the right path for you in life, the life that'll be more meaning, more satisfying, that you'll be happier with, you want to be really accepting of your past self. We're all human. We all make mistakes. We all make bad decisions. We all fail to live up to being who we want to be really accepting of your past self. We're all human. We all make mistakes. We all make bad decisions.

We all fail to live up to being who we want to be. So you want to be really accepting and forgiving of your past self, but you want to be really deliberate about your present self. Who do I want to be? What are my values? Let me make sure that I'm consciously and deliberately demonstrating those today. And that allows you to be really flexible about your future self. Oh, he's a smart man, smart man.

Dr. Paul Wood, if you ever get the chance to see him speak, I highly recommend it. His book is great too, How to Escape from Prison. Get that, it's a great read as well. And Paul, while Ben has been working on becoming a better person every day, I've become slowly worse and worse. Just to balance things out. Love your work, Paul.

You're a good man and you're going to have a great day. All right. Thanks, Steve. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. I was telling everyone just before that I was going to talk about The Wizard of Oz. Behind the scenes, things were all shocky

about that, but you're like, no, not now because there's something else I don't know about. Yeah, I mean, The Wizard of Oz stuff has waited since 1967

so it can wait for another five minutes. 1939 actually. I think it can hold for another five. Because yesterday yesterday Yesterday Lotto was struck with how many people winning five mill each?

They reckon five people. Ten people winning five mill each? They reckon five people. Ten. Ten people. Ten people winning five mill each. And Ben, you had said previously, stated publicly on record, through that very microphone right there, words went through that microphone, what you would do if you won the big prize.

What would you do if you, I know this is a cliche, what would you do if you won? I'll tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to sponsor this radio show so then it would be brought to you by Ben he's the coolest you'd have to thank me

every morning multiple times Ben Boyce he's the coolest proudly bringing you Jono and Ben yeah we don't have a sponsor

you could be the show's sponsor I could be yeah in fact why don't we get a sponsor in fact let's go make a mission let's get a sponsor

before Ben Boyce wins Lotto wins the whopping 590 million or whatever it is, and sponsors the show. So that was last week. Yeah. And then we did go on a bit of a mission. An unorthodox approach for the first port-a-call

was phoning an opposition radio station. Do you guys do sponsorships? It depends what it's for. Would you be willing to sponsor Jono and Ben on the hits? Oh, would I be willing to sponsor Jono and Ben on the hits? Oh, would I be willing to sponsor Jono and Ben on the hits? Jono and Ben on the hits brought to you by More FM. Or More FM proudly brings you Jono and Ben on the hits. Or you may not be so proud of it.

Yeah, well, if it could be sponsored specifically by Coramandles More FM, Michelle and Andy for breakfast, that would be brilliant. Oh, OK, we can do that. So Michelle and Andy for breakfast, More FM proudly brings you Jono and Ben on the hits for breakfast. Absolutely, mate. We thought we had a deal there. Yeah, now it turns out the suits upstairs weren't entirely on board with that little partnership.

Always, you know. Yeah, it comes with complications. But Ben Boyce, I have been out wheeling and dealing, shaking and baking, cooking and booking, cashing and pashing, munching and bunching yeah and I've been kissing the sweet sweet cheeks of that corporate butt my friend

because guess what what I think I may have the show sponsored you've got a sponsor for the show may have the show sponsored no

the problem being is you're going to need to leave the room now what is it what because okay the problem is it's ISIS

No it's not No you leave the room Because I want to share with the fine Listeners to Jono and Ben in your mornings Breakfast show, I want to share with the fine people What's happened here So you leave, you please leave

Really? Yep, you get out, go to the soundproof booth Now Okay now he's gone The problem is we have a sponsor So you leave. You please leave. Really? Yep, you get out. Go to the soundproof booth. Now, okay, now he's gone. The problem is we have a sponsor, Juliet. Yes. The only issue being is that they only want to sponsor me. Really? And they don't want to sponsor Ben.

Why? Well, no, it's awkward. It's going to be a little awkward. That's weird. But I don't know how we tell them. Okay. So if anyone's got any ideas on how we break this news, you've got to keep it secret from him.

That's so awkward. It is awkward. So they're just going to sponsor me. Well, they can at the moment just sponsor me. The company's happy. We've got a sponsor. We've got a partnership. Okay.

But they don't want any association with him. And I don't know how to break this news to him. So if you've got any thoughts, 0800 the hits, you can text 4487. Just keep it a secret that they only want to sponsor me, though, for the meantime, okay? Bring Ben back in. Ben Boyce back in from the soundproof booth.

How are you, mate? All right? You doing well? You all going well, buddy? It's all going great in here. I really know what's going on this morning, but anyway. It's so good. Everything's so great.

So you've got a sponsor for the show? Yeah, got a sponsor, yeah. We're going to announce tomorrow. All going well. Okay, so I get to find out tomorrow, I find out the show. You get to find out tomorrow or I find out at the show? You get to find out tomorrow as well. Why do I get to find out now?

I'm all about keeping the clients happy. Okay. Okay, and this is how they want to do it. But I don't know. Oh, so this is part of their set of... Yeah, it's very exciting news. It's an exciting news, producer. Yeah, it is. It is quite exciting.

Yeah, because I don't trust Jono. So is it exciting news? It's really exciting. Okay, she's excited. it is. It is quite exciting. I don't trust Jono, so is it exciting news? It's really exciting. It's a great partnership. Okay. Yeah, there's nothing wrong. It's great. I just didn't know

how to tell you. Oh, that's good. So it's a surprise for me tomorrow. How we reveal it to you, how we reveal the awesome news. Okay, go on into this. That's good.

Tessa's with us on 0800, the hits telephone number. Tessa, what's your thoughts? I reckon that we should do a singing telegram. Oh, that's a lovely form. A singing telegram. That's quite a nice way to find out. Message delivery.

Are you a singing telegrammer? Yes. Do you? Oh, okay. I see why you're saying we should do a singing telegram. Mainly because you want a gig. Hell yeah. Okay, I'll give you a topic.

We won't do it because obviously I've told you what the surprise is. Oh, she can tell me what she wants now? No, it's tomorrow. It needs to happen tomorrow. Okay. But I'll give you a topic. Okay, you sing about instant coffee. Okay.

Instant coffee. Instant coffee. You've got to buy instant coffee because it's the best of the worst kind of coffee you can ever, ever have. That's why she's the best in the game. Off the top of her head. That was pretty impressive. That was bloody good. That was pretty impressive.

Bloody good. Couldn't fault that at all. Tessa, the singing telegram, love your work. Thank you so much for listening. Great suggestion, too. You're most welcome. Dave's from Whangarei. Your thoughts.

How do we break the big news to Ben Boyce tomorrow? I reckon put it in a classified in the newspaper. If Ben reads anything in the newspaper, it's the classified. So I think we can go and chuck it in there. He is a big fan of the classified section. There's a lot of great stuff in the classifieds. And he reads other magazines just for the articles too. That's what we all say.

There's the details. Go ahead, put it in the classifieds. That's not bad. So then you pick up, because you read the Herald every morning. I do, but it's always in the studio. He's a detailed guy. Put it in the classifieds. It's not bad. So then you pick up, because you read the Herald every morning. I do, but it's always in the studio, the New Zealand Herald. So what, are you going to put it in the classifieds?

You can put it in the Herald. If you want to put it in the New Zealand Herald, put it in the Herald tomorrow. It's a fun way to find out. Thank you, Dave Michaels with us on 0800 The Hits. How do we break the big news to Ben Boyce tomorrow? Yeah, look, I reckon you should get his mum to tell him. Jenny Boyce tomorrow? Yeah, look, I reckon you should get his mum to tell him. Jenny Boyce.

This news would sound great coming out of your mother's mouth. Oh, mum. Mum could tell you that news. And I know Jenny has a wonderful way with words. She's a wonderful human being. So she could,

and I think you would take, you would take it well from your mum. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, it's not bad news, but I think it would be

a lovely form of communication. Oh, like coming from my mum. Yeah. Personal touch. So it's not bad news, but I think it would be a lovely form of communication. Oh, like coming from my mum. Yeah, personal touch. So it's not bad news. The show's got a sponsor. It's good we're happy about the sponsor? We're happy about the sponsor. So tomorrow we will pick one of those.

Did you have a preferred option out of singing telegram, your mum, or a newspaper classified? You picked the option. Let's put it in the Herald because then everyone will see it. That was the one I was hoping you weren't going to pick. Well, that means... There's a lot of admin required to put it in. I've got a sponsor.

Everyone all over New Zealand gets the New Zealand Herald. Can you pick your mum? She might be an easier bet. Everyone will see it. Let's announce it to everyone. New Zealand Herald tomorrow. New sponsors of Jono and Ben on the Hats. That's going to be it tomorrow.

We'll figure that out after the show. There we go. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. On Friday night, there was an announcement from the Prime Minister. Another week and a half for Auckland to be at level three. Pretty much lockdown and the rest of New Zealand at level two. Auckland back into lockdown, all those things.

You remember all those things? Oh, my God. And I'll tell you what, we really rinsed all of our COVID content, didn't we, last lockdown? I mean, spare a thought for us, having to do a whole bunch of new stuff, trying to think of new stuff. I've got nothing. No, true. So we're back to all those things again for here in Auckland, all the things that we're missing, you know. When we were last time we were in lockdown, the rest of the country, they get to enjoy all those things.

Yeah, and I mean, what is the point of a pandemic if not the opportunity to replay a parody song from the last lockdown we did? Some of these things may or may not be applicable to you. Most, yeah, but, oh yeah, true. If you're in level two, you're leading a normal life, but there are certain people in this country who aren't, and so this is for them, okay? Oh, the things we're missing are when you're in lockdown. Yeah, this one right here goes out to everyone in their bubble. Are you doing the voice? Yeah, I was going to do the voice. Oh, no, I can't do the voice. missing when you're in lockdown. Shook hands like bros, now awkwardly we bang elbows I miss seeing 100% of your face In that mask are you gonna rob this place? Used to walk straight into supermarkets too Now we stand in line like we're waiting for port-a-loos I work from home drinking Chardonnay

Even when the clock says it's only midday Being locked down feels all kinds of wrong Like two white guys rapping 90s parody songs Soon meetings with my staff Wearing nothing On my bottom half Ashley Bufield Touched her parts Just to clarify We're talking about Better hearts

Now to Laura on Zoom Because legally We can't be in the same room Every takeaway Every cafe cafe Every hand to shake Every restaurant steak I've been missing you

Yeah, sing it, girl Thinking of the day Sing some more I can't leave my driveway Sorry, we shouldn't talk in between Take my track pants off It's okay to cough I've been missing you

There we go. Do you know what I noticed too about when you're texting the word COVID it automatically goes into capitals. So it's like you're always constantly screaming COVID. Have you heard about the COVID update? That's how we all feel right now. We're quite worried about COVID.

Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth It's Jono and Ben on my heads As a little girl Juliet dreamed of reporting on stories about which Kardashian has received butt filler injection and now we get to witness that little girl live out her dream. Here's Juliet with Spy

Thanks Dad So That sounded like something a dad would say little girl about her dream. Here's Juliet with Spy. Thanks, Dad. So, that sounded like something a dad would say. Anyway, Chrissy Teigen, so she is pregnant with her third child.

Obviously, she is married to John Legend, the singer. And, two, their two other children were done through IVF.

So, she never thought she could get pregnant naturally. And, she also recently had her breast implants removed, but quite recently. So, never thought she could get pregnant naturally. And she also recently had her breast implants removed, but quite recently. So everyone's thinking, well, were you pregnant when you had them removed? So she took a test, the routine test that you have to take before

you go into surgery, came out as a negative, but it was a false negative. So she was in fact pregnant when she had her breast implants removed. And she also had the baby, well, they conceived naturally. And she's like, this is, the odds were all against me. Like I had surgery and I thought I'd never be able to have, get pregnant naturally. And it's all happening. And so she thought that, you know, there might be something that happened or it might,

she might get a miscarriage or something. Right. Yeah. And then she, yeah, because, well, what happened is she found out, actually, that she was pregnant eventually because every month she's always just taken a routine pregnancy test. She does it every month.

Yeah. That's just to be sure. Yeah, yeah, and she was like, oh, I'll just take my routine monthly pregnancy test just to be disappointed again, and then it came up positive. Oh, that's what Ben makes me take one every month. Don't you? I'll do a snack.

Well, it might be the most... It's weird. We do it in the Might be the most. It's weird. We do it in the work ones as well. She's awesome, Chrissy Teigen. She really is. And I like John Legend's confidence too. Because it's not his real last name, but he chose Lecher. Wait, is that not his real last name?

That was a conscious decision. I like the back of the confidence. Couldn't ever get away with that in New Zealand. John, don't think too much of yourself, mate. His last name is Stevens. I did not know that. I'd go over with Legend. You've got to call yourself anything.

It'd be like, Legend. New Zealand, it'd be like, John, he's okay. John, all right. Unless, of course, he's not drink driving, and then we're allowed to call people Legends. Yes, exactly. I always blame Legend. It's a sign you're a Legend in New Zealand

just because you decide not to drive after a few beers? Legend. Legend. And Alan DeGeneres has been spotted out having lunch with Kevin Hart. Oh, living out your dream, Ben. Imagine if you had lunch with Kevin Hart. What you wouldn't give to be the steak on Kevin Hart's plate,

having him eat you up covered in mustard. I know, I'm a big fan of Kevin Hart. You are, you are. And he's one of the few sort of celebrities to speak out in support of Alan DeGeneres amid all these workplace bullying allegations. They were spotted in Santa Barbara, I think it was, or Santa Monica, having a nice wine.

Because she backed him too when he had to step down hosting the Oscars. That's right. Because someone had delved back 39 years into his social media and found something offensive. So yeah, he had him on the show and stuff on his show and then sort of lent his support to him. So, yeah, right.

He's just returning that favour, I guess. What bit of food would you like to be on Kevin Hart's plate if he was going to put you in his mouth? Oh, look, I don't think I'd be too picky. You know, like, what if he's into it? Probably not something, like, if he's not a fan of, like, Brussels sprouts or something, I wouldn't want to be that because he'd probably push that to the side.

Yeah, you'd want to be eaten. Or like cover it up with a napkin and go, oh, that was lovely. Thank you. Maybe a French fry? Yeah, okay. That'd be good. Why not? You're about the size of a French fry.

A skinny torso. Yeah. A French fry. That sounds great. Love this chat. We're all spying into the hoods. Don't cut it in, Zed. New Zealand's breakfast.

Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Big news. Small town. Today we're looking at some big news from a small town. We're looking at the area of Taranaki, and they've got a very cool thing they're doing right now.

They've put together a bit of initiative with the goal of the project to get men together to do something that's fun with a group of mates. So what they're encouraging people to do on their farms is make music with the instruments or things they can find around their farm, a tractor, a barrel drum, some number eight wire, motorbike noises, whatever, and create some sort of orchestra and have a bit of fun

creating music with the instruments and equipment they have lying around the farm. A cow? Yeah, all that sort of stuff, I guess. A sheep? I don't know. These might be options if the sheep wants to join in like a choir. And we're talking to one of the organisers putting all this together,

Sally Barnett from Taranaki. She's on the phone right now. How's it going, Sal? Hey, how you doing? We're doing well, Sally. Do you mind if I call you Mustang Sally? Oh, God. Yeah, sure.

Mustang Sally. You won't be the first. Oh, yeah, no. It's probably been the bane of your existence. Yeah, can I just... Sorry, I'm just going to follow. I'm still at the hairdresser's, but he's taking... Mustang Sally, what's going on?

I'm walking through the hairdressers. Oh, you're about to get... Really important things. Oh, what are you getting done today? Oh, you know, a bit of cut and colour. Oh, what colour are you picking? Oh, we're just going natural, you know, lovely and natural and my

wonderful stylist Nathan has assured me it looks fabulous. We could talk all day about what you're getting at the hairdressers,

but we also would like to talk to you about the pretty cool project you're putting together for the Taranaki region. Yeah, well, yeah, it's just kind of

started really. We're calling out for participants, but I'm super excited actually by the kind of response, really. We're calling out for participants, but I'm super excited, actually, by the kind of response so far. Lovely. I'm excited about that.

It's called the Farm Music Project. So you're going to get a bunch of farmers together and they're going to play music using various objects and items from around the farm, I understand. Exactly. Yeah, lovely. You nailed it.

Thank you. Have you heard anyone do anything on, you know, because you're talking about tractors, barrel drums, number eight wire, motorbikes. Have you actually heard anyone do this or you just thought this was a good idea without actually hearing what it sounds like together? Well, actually, Chris O'Connor,

the amazing musician percussionist that is leading the project, is artist he you know I had a good chat to him and really for me it was kind of like hey I want to do something you know arts based with you know rural men in particular because I just you know having volunteered at Taranaki retreat for a while which is a mental health retreat here in Taranaki, kind of made me aware that there were lots of men coming through the retreat that, you know, actually perhaps needed something specific for them. And yeah, so I had a chat to Chris and he said, you know, I've been thinking about this

idea for ages and he, as he puts it he puts it himself, he's always loved just wandering around like, um, hissing things, which doesn't sound great, but, you know, with a drumstick. We're not talking about people's faces, though. No, no. No, we're not. Inanimate objects.

Okay, what we're going to do here, Sally, Ben and me are going to find stuff from around the studio, and we're going to find stuff from around the studio. We're going to make a beat. Now, I just need Sally, Mustang Sally, you can lead this with a bit of a noise from your mouth, maybe

a bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, and then we'll come in with our music, okay? You just keep going, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. Sanitiser, I found a drink bottle. Okay, here we go. Take it away, Mustache Sally. Here we go. Okay, okay.

Drop my drink off. Oh, there's quite a lot of hand sanitiser in the room right now. Sorry for my weird grunting there too. You've got quite pelvis-y too. You're really thrusting quite a lot. It's not percussion if there's no pelvis. That's right. We're going to let you go and get your hair. You're cutting colour, matey.

Have a great day. Yeah, thank you. Just before you go, if people want to find out more information and want to get involved, where can they head? So we're working with two partners. One is Taranaki Retreat and one is the Taranaki Rural Support Trust

and they can find either of them online. Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Now, I couldn't think of a better way to start your day than two nasally radio hosts barking questions down the phone at you. That's the way I like to start my day. And this is a game that we like to play called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You.

We phone people at random, ask four questions. You can win $40 worth of hell pizza. It is an absolute bonanza. Let's go through. I think we're heading up north today, Juju. Good morning, Ashore Wayfarer. Carol speaking. Carol, how are you, babes?

I'm good, thanks. How are you? It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Apologies for Jono calling you babes. That was weird. Oh, right. Oh, that's nice. It's lovely to have you on our brand new game show called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You.

Oh, really? Hey, you guys have rung once before, actually. Oh, God. Are we at that stage, are we? Are we? Oh, my gosh. Really? Really.

Hey, it's so nice to have a friendly voice on the phone, though, under the circumstances. Oh, now we're at that stage, are we? Are we? Oh, my gosh. Really? Hey, it's so nice to have a friendly voice on the phone, though, under the circumstances. Oh, yeah. This is really embarrassing that we're doing a second loop around New Zealand, phoning everyone. We've run out of phone numbers in New Zealand, so we're calling you again. Well, you know how it works.

We don't need to tell you. Four quick questions. You get those right, you get some hell pizza. You ready? All right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm ready. All right, Carol, how it works. We don't need to tell you. Four quick questions. You get those right, you get some hell pizza. You ready? All right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm ready. All right, Carol, here we go.

What is the name of the Director General of Health? Is it A, Dr. Chris Warner, B, Dr. Ashley Bloomfield, or C, Dr. Doctor? B, Ashley. Ashley, there we go. She waited for the little joke answers too, which she knows. She's an old campaigner in this game. Oh, I don't know, but I tried my best.

And Carol, this is the benefit of us doing a second lap around New Zealand phoning everyone as everyone knows the four matics. Yeah, exactly.

There we go. Pop star Katy Perry is currently what? A, pregnant, B, waiting on hold for the inland revenue, or C, wiping the dust off her skirting boards? Oh, I would say pregnant.

You would be right. $20 Hell Pizza. Two more questions to go. Currently in which country? Currently. Is it moving, is it? I don't think it's planning on doing its OE. Okay.

Cape Town is in which country? A, Cape Tonia, B, South Africa, or C, Argentina? South Africa. Oh, yeah. Carol, I think South Africa, or C, Argentina? South Africa. Oh, yeah, Carol, I think I remember you being on fire the first time we did this. You're even better the second time around. And the final question,

here we go, Carol. Microsoft was founded by who? A, Bill Gates, B, Bill Doors, or C, Bill Floors? Oh, Bill Gates. Yay! There we go.

Carol, $40, how pizza coming your way, right? Oh, that's neat. Oh, hey, it's so nice to talk to you guys. You guys have just brightened up my day. Oh, we'll probably ring you again in a couple of weeks, so you'll look forward to chatting then. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, no, you guys have a brilliant day, eh? No, that's so cool. Hold the line. We'll grab your details to send you out. We've probably got them already, but that's what I say at the end of these things as well, is Hell Pizza serving the best damn pizza in this lifetime and the next. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***ing News. Wonderful tease to the election announcements there, Ben. Will it be delayed or not? We'll find out. 10 o'clock this morning. All your favourites turning up to their press conference. Juliet, producer Juliet,

takes news headlines from around the world and beeps certain words. We have to try and figure out what the stories are. We saw, to be honest, this is inspired by a game that we saw Ellen DeGeneres playing. Remember we saw Ellen playing it and she looked like she was hating it.

This was before everything else was going on, before the world turned against her. She had such disdain for this game. We'll take that. Well, it looks like fun.

So we'll be my headline. We'll try and do it with a smile. And try and work out what the actual headline is. These are stories that have actually happened around the world

in the last couple of days. Yes, your first one is GP surgery has phone number mixed up with... So a GP surgery has phone number mixed up with... I'm going to go, what, is it like an 0900 sexy phone line or something, is it? Do you want to know? With the cure to coronavirus. GP surgery has phone number mixed up with adult massage parlour. Oh, I was pretty close.

Yeah, so it was coming up on people's phones as this adult massage parlour. Oh, I was pretty close. Yeah, so it was coming up on people's phones as this adult massage parlour and so people are like I'm not getting a call from a massage parlour, I promised to their partners because it's like what the hell's going on there. But the GP clinic had to tweet out saying, you know, it's not

a massage parlour, there's an error in the phone system so just beware and please answer our phone calls. But at both places you can get a prostate examination. You can.

Depending on how much you pay. Can you imagine that explaining a legitimate thing? You go, this is the dog. No, no, no. But then you would over explain it

making yourself look guilty. No, no, no. And you're tall on that too. Exactly. Alright, let's go to our next headline. New dating app will only match you with other people who love... Sausages. I'm going to go with bald radio announcers.

All right. New dating app will only match you with other people who love dogs. Oh, okay. Yeah, so basically for people who have dogs and only want to be with people who are dog people and not cat people. This is the app for you, apparently. You can filter with preferences

and dog types and all of the... Feels like a very shallow market. Yeah. I'm only going to tell you if you have a dog slash love dogs. I mean,

liking dogs, maybe something in common is quite good, but to only... Yeah, that's what I thought too. I didn't realise people were that passionate about dogs,

but clearly, clearly there might be some people. Really? Is there a cat version? I don't know. I haven't looked that far into it. I'll only day you love cats. It sounds crazier too when you say cats, doesn't it? Yeah, totally.

Third story is... Husband discovers wife's affair after spotting her in the act on... On top of another man. I was going to say on top of his best mate. That's good. Let's hope that's the answer. Husband discovers wife's affair after spotting her in the act on Google Maps. So Google Maps Street View captured them, and he recognised her clothes, and she was

looking cosy on a park bench with someone else, and she was having an affair. This has happened multiple times, hasn't it? Google Maps stitching people up. With cars, I imagine outside people's properties and stuff as well. True. Yeah. So you need to be careful. As soon as you'd see the car go past with the camera and stuff. You'd chase it down. Delete the footage.

Delete it. What was he looking at on Google Maps? Well, I don't know. It was just a little park bench. I don't know. It was just a little park bench. I don't know. It must have been in his area. Who knows? He was in deep of his scowl.

Because they blurb license plates and faces. He must have got hang on a second. Yeah, exactly. There we go. That was the news in beef. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hats. The A to Z of New Zealand.

We call a different town or city in New Zealand. We do one a day. We do it alphabetically. It's going to take us a couple of years to get through every town and city in New Zealand. That's how the A to Z of New Zealand works. This and coronavirus will be the only two things going in two and a half years. Yeah, imagine. Today we're heading to Edendale.

It's a town in Southland, a population of 555 people, comprising of 285 males and 267 females, which means there are 18 men left over, either twiddling their thumbs or engaging in meaningful relationships with each other. Originally, Edendale was an estate which contained 120,000 hectares and was owned by a man with the coolest name ever, Donald Ronald McDonald.

No. I'm not making that up. It sounds like you're making it up. He was the original owner of Edendale. Now the thriving metropolis is home to a butcher. It's the same. Kukulat. It's a cool name.

It's a great name. I seen it was one of the coolest names. The thriving metropolis is now home to a butcher, a dairy, a school, a pub. And we're going through to that pub right now. Hopefully they're open. Hello, Pioneer Tavern, Tola speaking. Tola? Is it Tola?

Yes. Hi, it's John O'Bien calling from the Hits radio station. Hello. How are you? Good, thanks yourself. How's the tavern? Hey. Pouring pints?

Oh, always. Always pouring pints? No matter what time in the morning. We'll name a time of the day you tell me if you're pouring pints or not. 5 p.m.? Yep. 6 p.m.? Always. 11 a.m.?

Yep. Oh, okay. 10, 22 a.m.? Oh, not quite. Not quite. So there's a cut-off at 11, is there? What about 12, 30 a.m.? Oh, Sunday, if you're lucky.

If you're lucky. So we call a different town or city in New Zealand, we do one a day, and today is Edendale's turn. Can you tell us about Edendale? Oh, what to know? It's a quiet wee town. Generally when people start with going, ooh, okay, ooh, what to know? The pub's definitely where it's at.

We have all of our locals and everybody gets along and knows everyone and it's a nice wee place to be, really. I'm looking online, Google Maps. I feel like a bit of a stalker here right now. But Edendale Butchery, your home of the haggis? So you guys like haggis down there apparently? Do we? Yeah.

Okay. She's like, I'll roll with that if you want me to. Now, I imagine your pub is the type of place where people come in

and they open beer bottles with their belly buttons. Or their teeth. Yeah. Or their eye sockets or something. Or even their, no,

I can't think of any other pub. Not quite. Not that I've seen, but anything's possible. Tell me how much for a beer there? Oh, it's a big bottle of Spates, which is our best seller. It's $10. $10 for a big bottle. Yeah, I imagine not the only thing you sell are big bottles of Spates, are they?

Pretty much, yeah. What if I'm from Auckland and I want a smaller bottle? Yep, you can get wee stubbies as well. Oh, wee stubbies, that's good. What if I like a lovely and I want a smaller bottle? Oh, yep, you can get wee stubbies as well. Oh, wee stubbies, that's good. What if I like a lovely little pineapple Mai Tai cocktail? Oh, no, not quite. We're all beer around here. All beer around here.

I bet once you finish drinking your big bottle, you have to eat it. No. I thought that would be the pub rules there. Oh, you guys are looking online. You guys have meals as well at the pub? We do, yep. And a motel attached to it. Is that right?

Yes, we do, and it's lovely. Ben wants to know, can you rent the motel out by the hour? No, no, we don't do that around here. No, I don't. They don't do that around there, Ben. Tell you what amazes me about the Google Maps, the people that have to go through and blur all the licence plates. Must take forever.

What? What? What, did you imagine having that job, Tola? No. How long have you lived in Ed imagine having that job, Tola? No. How long have you lived in Edendale? My whole 23 years of life. Oh, really?

Have you ever thought about escaping? Slightly, yep. Yeah, right. Where would you go if you didn't, okay, if you had one other city you could live in in New Zealand,

where would you go to? Invercargill. Oh, yeah. Well, you know you can go further than Invercargill. No, it's a great city. Well, it's just a safe place to be. Why would I leave? Yeah, well, you've come to Auckland where we've got coronavirus. Uh, yeah. Well, you know you can go further than Invercargill. No, it's a great city. Well, it's just a safe place to be. Why would I leave?

Yeah, well, you've come to Auckland, where we've got coronavirus. Uh, no. I don't think I would. Here's something. Are there any cases, or have there been any cases of COVID in Edendale, in Southland? Not that I know of, and I hope it stays that way. Yeah, no, I can't imagine. I imagine coronavirus would be too scared to come to Edendale.

Yeah, it would be good if they kept being scared, actually. I imagine they're very callousy hands. Hey! Yeah, quite callousy. Oh, like people working out and about. Working out, yeah. They'd be quite hard hands in Edendale. Would that be a fair statement?

Oh, we're all hard workers, but I don't know if our hands are like that. Yeah, I mean, your hands would be nice. Have you got nice hands? Yeah. Yeah, I imagine you've got lovely hands. I don't want to start talking are like that. Yeah, I think your hands would be nice. Have you got nice hands? Yeah. Yeah, I imagine you've got lovely hands. I don't want to start talking a bit weirdly about your hands. And there's a big dairy factory in Edendale. And there you go.

Yeah, well, we've covered off all the bases. Mm-hmm. Oh, great. And that's it. We'll wrap up Edendale, shall we? Sounds good. I'd better go open the bar. All right.

Okay, open it up. Thanks, Tola. You look after yourself. You too. Thank you. See you, buddy. Not a up. Thanks, Tola. You look after yourself. You too. Thank you. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Scrolling through your feed. All right. For all your news and up-to-date information, you should probably head to a more reputable source. In the meantime, here's Scrolling Through Your Feed. All fun by our way through it. Auckland, of course, in Level 3 for another week and a half. The rest of the country at level two

and over the weekend, Jono, some Aucklanders flouting those rules going across. I've never heard the word flouting so much and I love it. I love saying flouting.

Going to the beach, taking ferry trips for day trips across to Waiheke, things like that. Well, it's like a holiday, isn't it? It's like a forced

holiday. That's how I'm treating it. But same sort of thing is happening all over the world and in Canada, one of the politicians has said they need Deadpool's help.

Ryan Reynolds, of course, is Canadian. And one of the politicians said, Deadpool, you need to help us because a lot of young kids are going out. They're partying. They're doing things like that where they shouldn't be. The politician knows Deadpool's not. He knows that, eh?

Yeah, he's not a real thing. But Ryan Reynolds, to his credit, left a message for the politician. Here was his response. I'm not sure it's a great idea, frankly. People don't, I don't think they want medical advice from guys like me.

Unless it's plastic surgery, which a lot of people don't know this, but I used to be Hugh Jackman. You know, young folks in BC, yeah, they're partying, which is, of course, dangerous. And of course, it's terrible that it affects our most vulnerable. You know, BC, that's home to some of the coolest older people on earth.

I mean, my mom, she doesn't want to be cooped up in her apartment all day. She wants to be out there cruising Kitsilano Beach looking for some young 30-something Abercrombie burnout to go full Mrs. Robinson on. So, yeah, he was like, she's insatiable. He started saying how horny his mum was. He basically just went on to say how horny his mum was. He kind of got quite sidetracked

by talking about his horny mum. It started with a wonderful COVID announcement. And then he talked about his horny mum. So if anyone, if anyone needs to stop, stop the script. I've got the horniest of all the mums. She will just go and go and go. She's insatiable is what he said, which I can't light.

And the other news that we've been banging on about this morning, an eight-year-old boy in Sydney, he snapped up an investment property at auction. So this eight-year-old kid was bidding in the auction. He got a cluster of five one-bedroom studios on Saturday. He bid out other people in the auction. His dad's a property investor, but he let his kid, he was like, yeah, you do this auction.

Mate, this is going to be your investment property. So he's paying for it. His dad's paying for it. But the kid was bidding the whole way through the auction and actually won the auction. Do you remember your first investment property? At eight years old. Oh, what a day.

It takes me back. How about you, Juju? Oh, property? I had eight years old. Oh, what a day. It takes me back. How about you, Juju? Oh, yeah. I think I was seven, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a portfolio you had by the time you were 10. Gosh, I know, right? Didn't your son almost bid an auction?

Oh, yeah, we went to it, because you know when you end up going loads of auctions, and he was so sick of going to, we'd like drag the poor little kid around. He was so sick of going to auctions. And then when they start an auction, no one bids. And I never quite get that. You know, there's that awkward silence.

Sometimes there is, right? Yeah, for like five or 10 minutes, everyone's just sort of sitting there. I'm like, I'm thinking in my head, get this thing started. Yeah. But then the auctioneer's like, all right, we're going to close it up. There's no bids. And then Oscar's like, $100. He put his hand up.

And of course course he did get the auction actually going. Everyone laughed, oh you stupid kid, but then everyone started bidding after that. $200. Imagine if he got the house

for $100. Yeah, for a bargain. And that was his first investment property. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben

on the hits. Now, a friend of mine who lives just out of Hamilton, him and his partner, they bought a new car. Well, it wasn't a new car, it was a used car, but they came home with a new vehicle. Right.

Okay, and then they parked it in their carport and it was stolen on the very first night. Like, literally within hours of parking in the carport. Then I, where's this thing? They put in a police report and it was missing for a couple of days. And then they looked over the fence one day and it was parked in the neighbour's carport. No, the same car. Had they accidentally parked it at the neighbour's house? No. No, right. I just wanted to make sure that.

No, they, yeah. And so then he went over to the neighbour's house and what I've done here is I have, I've written down the interaction and I thought we could play it out like a bit of a sketch. Okay. So Juliet, you're the narrator. Why are you doing this? I'll put this on top of the run sheet.

I thought I'd give this a go and you try some stuff and I want to preface this and go, hey. Why are we doing this? I'll put this on top of the run sheet. I thought I'd give this a go. And you try some stuff. And I want to preface this and go, hey. Why are we involved? How do you have all this information? Sometimes you try stuff and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But this is the actual interaction what went on. According to who? How many degrees of separation do you have from this story?

This is from my friend. This is like one of those based on a true story things. You've taken creative licence. No creative licence. I bet you have. I haven't. This is exactly what happened. Juliet, you're Juliet. Ben, you're Tony and I'll be Lance. Okay? Okay.

These are made up names but who am I? Am I the guy? Is Tony the guy who's had his car taken or is he? Hold on. Hold on. I'm just reading the script here. Yeah, no, Tony's the guy. No.

Yeah. Oh, no, here we go. You go, Julie. You take it. Okay. Tony looked out to the carport and noticed the car, turns his head and says. Did any Nick Paul's car?

No, don't anyone say anyone. You haven't scripted that. You didn't script that. So I'm just reading what's here. Did any Nick Paul's car? A voice comes on. Did anyone Nick Paul's car? Is that what it's meant to be? A voice comes from the lounge.

Oh, yeah, I did. Tony turns to Paul. Looks like Lance pinched it. Lance yells from the lounge. I had to go to court in Hamilton. Tony says to Paul. Oh like Lance pinched it. Lance yells from the lounge. I had to go to court in Hamilton. Tony says to Paul. Oh, it's me. He had to go to court in Hamilton. Paul

responds. Do you think I could have the car back? Tony yells to Lance. Lance, where are the keys? Lance replies. I think it's his recipes, actually. Lance's recipes. I wrote this. I was very tired.

It does say recipes. He's like, what you want to do is add flour. Listen, I don't have the keys, but there's a screwdriver in the ignition. Just tell him to turn it on and it'll start. A little concerned, Tony says. At least you can do is fix it for him. Lance wonders for a brief second. Okay, tell him I'll fix it Wednesday.

So then he got the neighbours to fix his own car that they stole. So what happened? So they'd stolen the car. They stole the car. He had to go to court in Hamilton, and then they ended up parking the car back in his carport. And then he got the car back two days later.

Oh, so the guy just had his car for a couple of days. He fixed it. He'd broken the ignition, put a screwdriver in and then repaired it. Oh my God. Wow.

Wasn't that some wonderful sketch comedy there? It was. It was just sketch reality. It was actually just what happened. I apologise for the spelling mistakes.

There were script problems from the beginning. They added to the comedy. They made a bit more comedy in there. Wonderful recipes as well too. That was were script problems. They added to the comedy. They made a bit more comedy in there. Wonderful recipes as well too. That was a lot. That was good. Start your day the wrong way.

It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz While the world crumbles down around us, the one bastion of hope and inspiration is this news bulletin featuring the most monotonous celebrity updates. Here's producer Juliet with Spy. Thank you very much.

So Meghan Markle, when her and Harry first started dating, six weeks after they first met, they went on a luxury glamping trip to Botswana. And they, despite having a bathroom and paying $3,000 for their glamping tent, Meghan Markle would go and pee in the woods. Which I found quite unusual that this was the case. Yes, I don't know. But Harry

loved it. Yeah. Apparently. According to this thing, because he was sealed the deal for it. He was like, that's the woman for me. That's the one. She squatted over a log. That's my girl. Yeah, well, go on. She was keeping it real, I guess. And she only took one bag of stuff. Yes, she only took one bag and she cleaned her face

with baby wipes, which is probably a very, I don't know, maybe he would probably expect her to clean her face with something very soothing and luxurious, you know? And she also put sunscreen for him for his fair complexion as well. Well, he definitely needs the sunscreen. It's almost lovely.

So obviously she's, yeah, great. And now they're living in a million, million, million dollar mansion. She still goes outside too on the lawn too. She's still like, that's my girl out there with the dogs. Teaches Archie how to potty train. He used to go around with a little bag and pick it up like a... Julian, you're in love with Prince Harry. Who knew that's all you needed to do, mate?

Oh, damn it. I should have done it in front of him when I met him. Damn it. It's kind of cool that she's keeping it real, you know. Oh, yeah. that's all you needed to do, mate? Oh, damn it. I should have done it in front of him when I met him. Damn it. It's kind of cool that she's keeping it real, you know? Oh, yeah. That's great. I feel like, yeah. What were you going to say, Jo?

Do you pee outside? Um, no. No. Only when I'm intoxicated and there's no bathroom. Julia, I'm going to go here. Okay. Next to the nightclub that she's trying to get into. Dribbles down the foot Sorry about that

We can't kill Why? What a beautiful What a beautiful Beautiful mental image She's the one And Simon Cowell

He After he broke his back last week he so he was strictly vegan before this and now he's gone

to recover he's like screw this vegan thing oh really he's gone back to eating meat back to eating chocolate and he's also surrounded his hospital bed

with heaps of crystals to help his whole recovery yeah recovery healing process we have a friend who's all into crystals.

She gave me all those because they're still floating around in my car. Yeah, something you can take around with you to help you out with migraines. Yeah, I found them

the other day. One of them actually got sucked up the vacuum cleaner when I was cleaning the carrier. But yeah, they've been great. They've been good. That would have made

a nice noise up the vacuum cleaner, right? Yeah, it did. And you know how much I love my rocks going up the vacuum cleaner pole. Exactly. One of my hobbies. know how much I love my rocks going up the vacuum cleaner pole. Exactly. One of my hobbies.

For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Wrapping up our show for a Monday, we want to know why today is going to be a good day for you. Spreading positivity around the nation at the moment. That's all we can try and do right now.

I bumped into a guy over the weekend. He's like, oh, I listened to your show. And I'm like, thanks, mate. He's like, I didn't say I liked it. But that's the positivity that we like. Someone's listening. It feels like he's forced to listen, but it's great to have him anyway. So let's go to the phones.

We had the singing cowboy on, John, just moments ago. John, why is it going to be a good day? Oh, yes, yes. Well, Ben and John, I just love being the singing cowboy. And as I say, it's sort of like a busking thing, but it's not about the money. Just if we want to put all the donation in, that's fine. Otherwise, I'm just cheering them up.

Anything that cheers people up. And you see where I'm lucky, Ben and John. I mean, I'm just cheering them up. Anything that cheers people up and you see where I'm lucky, Ben and Jono, I mean, I don't draw crowds, obviously, but just people passing by, walking by, still keep the two metre distance, chuck a coin in if they want to, but otherwise, just stand there, listen to me and it just cheers me up.

Oh, there you go. The singing cowboy performing from a safe social distance. You have to really have your aim on when you're throwing your coin in two metres away, don't you? Hey, thank you very much, singing cowboy. You have a great day. See you, buddy. Great listening to you guys. You've cheered me up already.

Oh, well, thank you so much. We really do appreciate you listening to the show. John and Pocono, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Was it going to be a good day for you, mate? I'm sitting on my deck, taking a look at all these silly people sitting on State Highway 1 heading towards Auckland. You sound like you're in a moment of joy right now.

Oh, yeah. I've got a nice spa pool. I'm going to jump in it now and sit and watch them go. Oh, stop bragging about your cool spa pool. You're going to have a lovely day. Sitting in a spa pool all day. Good on you. A couple of tickets to Reading Cinema is all right as well.

Cool. Thanks very much. Enjoy your day. Thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. Don't forget you can check out our podcast on iHeartRadio if you want to listen to this show or any other shows of ours. It's all up there.

Enjoy that. Yeah. Listen to iHeartRadio's 679th favourite podcast. Joining us tomorrow, Wendy Petrie and a special surprise for Ben Boyce. Can't wait. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits. And via the iHeartRadio app.