Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 19 - Conspiracy Theories, The A To Z Of New Zealand, What Did The Internet Teach You?

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Kia Ora whanau! On today’s podcast, Jono had a bone to pick with Ben because he got asked to do something special that Jono didn’t get to do. On the flip side of that, Jono gets the pride and joy of being sponsored by Skinny, while Ben doesn’t! We also wanted to hear about the skills that YouTube has taught you. Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast today. I was going to play a game, Ben, because both of us, we have those notes that you have on your phones, you know, and you just note down random things. I was going to go deep into those trenches and see if I can find anything that we can fill some time with. Oh, here we go. But I mean, this is well publicised with you anyway, a problem that I have in my household. So many towels. I've spoken about my abundance of towels.

All I get for Christmas is towels. Right. Beach towels, bath towels, flannels. They're useful. They're useful. Socks is the other thing I feel like. I'd like socks now. For a while I didn't want socks, But now I'm like, give me socks.

Yeah, and you get the socks and underpants, and they feel like a mundane present, and you have to feign excitement when you open them. But they are very useful. You actually end up using them. Come July, August, you're like, actually, this was a really handy present. All the other stuff I got given, I'm not using. But I'm still, my groin is still sitting in these gifted underpants.

And it's kind of the last thing you want to spend your own money on is socks, underpants, towels, that sort of thing. So if you get given them, I suppose they're good. But then if you've got too many towels like you have, maybe that's... I can't remember the last time I bought underpants. I can't, can you remember the last time you bought a pair of socks? No, I had to buy something the other day and that's when I was like, oh man, if so many people would start giving me socks.

Where did you go? I went, oh, just normal sort of business socks, nothing exciting. No, you got your gold tops or just? No, just standard ones. I tried to go ones with the same days, what they had days of the week. I had those for a bit as well. A lot of administration required for those. Yeah, well, I didn't mind, but my wife would get annoyed

if we had Monday with Friday or something like that. There's a lot of discipline required if you want to keep that system going. The same type of socks didn't really worry me but for her it was like you can't wear it Monday with a Friday and you can't wear it Tuesday.

If you're one of those people who likes things in order then those socks are going to wind you up. What really bothered me was if they're not the same type of socks meaning if I wouldn't wear a white sports socks with a black business sock

that sort of thing. Some people, my wife does not give a hoot what socks she's got on her feet. She'll just chuck anything on there and it aggravates me. They need to be a pair at least. Yeah, like a pair of a similar type of socks. Or resemble, yeah. Yeah, but anyway. Yeah, but anyway, there's some socks, Jack.

Coming up on the show, we asked people what they've taught themselves off YouTube. Some amazing phone calls because I've been learning something off this guy. And ta-da, you have repaired it. Here's my hat. I want to repair it. What evil things has that genius been teaching me? He's been actually helping you out, this guy. He is.

Very helpful. You've taught yourself some stuff off YouTube. Yeah, we'll get into that on the podcast as well as that. A guy from Mid Canterbury who has spied something that is an urban myth. Oh, this has been spoken about for years. Decades. Now going on decades for Mid Canterbury. And this guy's seen it with his own eyes.

And he's not the only person. That's on the podcast. Enjoy. We'll be back again tomorrow. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono, brought to you by Skinny. Proudly brought to you by Skinny. Jono and

in your mornings on the hits. Brought to you by Skinny. I picked out my name. Ben, not part of the partnership. Don't you hate it when you have two really close friends and only one of them is sponsored by a telco? It's the age-old problem. So Skinny, don't you hate it when you have two really close friends and only one of them is sponsored by a telco? It's the age-old problem.

So, Skinny, thank you for proudly coming on board with the show. You've got some giveaways, apparently. I've been told about after 8 o'clock today. After 8 o'clock, yes, after 8 o'clock. Skinny would like to come to the party, so join us just after 8.30. Some huge giveaways. Thanks to my partners at Skinny.

Oh, great. I'm great about it. Now, if you've got young kids, you may know about this. You'll know that party planning consumes a lot of your kids' life. You know, you get them to put a jacket on. Think about putting a jacket on. It's tough. But if they want to plan their birthday parties or a party months away,

that's something they love to do. My kids are already thinking about their birthday parties. They're not happening until later in the year. Oh, mate, there was a time where you could just chuck, you know, 39 burst Cheerios in a giant bowl, give them two packs of cigarettes. The kids were happy. Yeah. That was a time where you could just chuck, you know, 39 burst Cheerios in a giant bowl, give them two packs of cigarettes. The kids were happy. Yeah.

That was a time. But now they're like, oh, let's go to a party. You're like, that's months away. But yesterday, because we're in lockdown, they started thinking about Halloween. Now, Halloween is months away too. And yesterday we had to do like a trial run where they got costumes out and they were getting into costumes

and we were like getting dressed. This is a long runway into Halloween. When's that, the 31st of October? Yeah, like getting dressed. This is a long runway into Halloween. When's that? 31st of October? Yeah, like we've still got a good couple of months before Halloween. So they were wanting to dress up like Harley Quinn or, you know, from the Suicide Squad and the Harley Quinn movies. They haven't seen any of the movies.

They just thought this would be cool to dress up like Harley Quinn. So we had to try and put makeup on and do all those things. Oh, you had to do a full makeup on as well? Oh, yeah, we had to do a dry run. But I mean, hey, what do you expect? Genetically, they are your children. Yeah, true. And you have built a career on a love of costume-based comedy.

Yeah. So it's the natural progression. You can't hate on them. It runs in their blood, right? It runs in their fake blood that they sometimes put on their face. Part of the costume pack that you get. But it got me thinking about, you thinking about Harley Quinn was in the movie Suicide Squad

Margot Robbie played And we went over to interview Remember the The stars of Suicide Squad Oh tumultuous And we got told off An adult telling off There's nothing worse

Than getting told off Isn't there It's so humbling isn't it You're like Oh really I'm still getting told off So we interviewed So we interviewed Jared Leto

Who's one of the stars Of the movie And he's We watched everything online He played the Joker And we're like, oh, really? I'm still getting told off? So we interviewed Jared Leto, who's one of the stars of the movie. And we watched everything online. He played the Joker. And we're like, he's quite a serious actor. He's a method, actually. He's a method guy, yeah. I felt like you could say the wrong thing to Jared Leto but not know it. And then you would just feel the wrath of Jared Leto.

Yeah, but that's what we thought going into it. We sat in with him. We were petrified of him. And we're like, maybe our stupid gags won't go down that well. But they actually went down quite fine. And guess what, Max? It was a costume-based gag. It was. We were like, you played the Joker. It was what we

said in Suicide Squad to Jared Leto. Can we give Jono a quick makeover as the Joker right now? So we gave he's like, yeah, yeah, I can. So we had some green spray paint. We had some lipstick. He painted big lips on your face like the Joker big red lipstick

white all over my face and he's like yeah you like that you like that don't you boy he was loving that we're high fiving it was great

we walked down there and going that was good he loved it and then this lady was like Jared Leto is our BFF for life

yeah and then this lady was like as we walked out of the room she was like what was that come over here oh yeah we got a stare she put a Tess American lady this lady was like, as we walked out of the room, she was like, what was that? Come over here. Oh yeah,

we got a, she was a American lady and it was like, she was not happy. She had a clipboard and those headphones on, you know, a headphone with a mic piece

to the mouth. These people are terrible. They're 100% a pain in the ass all of the time. With clipboards. With clipboards, yeah. You always want to avoid

someone with a clipboard, like producer Humphrey right now. He's always got a clipboard Yeah He's got a clipboard And an earpiece He's a pain in the ass So this lady told us off

She's like Yeah She was like What was all that You were just making a mockery She's like Fortunately Jared liked it Because he did like it

But as she was telling us off I just looked over at Jono Green Green hair Lipstick all over And you were like She's like You think this is funny

But I've got a smiley lips because he's done my lips like the Joker. And my real lips are sad. They're sagging down but my Joker face is... You think this is funny? It was the makeup. Then we had to degradingly... Ben had to get some makeup

wipes and we had to sit in the corner and you had to degradingly mop my face down. In front of everyone everyone I was just like Wiping your face Made me sad And then we had to pick ourselves up because we had more interviews We were like come on Come on

Put your smiley face together Hey you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth It's Jono and Ben on my hips Now I'm sad I'm sad inside Ben My heart is hurting His downbeat going to bring the Ben. My heart is hurting. His downbeat going to bring the buzz down? Yeah. What's going on?

My heart is hurting, and it's not just my clogged arteries this time, my friend. I've been hearing something now for a number of weeks, and I'm sure the wonderful Hits audience has been hearing the same thing I've been hearing. What's that? Now, this is you. Top quality radio programming coming out of speakers.

It goes without saying. Right. But I've been hearing something with you regularly. With me? On the radio. Yeah. And maybe this is payback for only me being sponsored by my partners at Skinny, which it might be just desserts.

But this is you voicing. You're the front. You're the face of a campaign of the New Zealand Broadcasting School. Oh, right. Yeah, there is an ad that I did voicing on the ad. I think we've got it round right now. Are you ready to speak up, speak out, tell stories, question mark?

Well, applications for the New Zealand Broadcasting School. Yeah, so it goes on like this. New Zealand Broadcasting, I went to the Broadcasting School. It was great. I thought, yeah, I'd lend my voice to help them out when they asked. Why not give back to an industry that's given you so much over the years? You're a community man. You're a charitable guy, and I understand that.

So I heard you doing this, and I was like, well, I know Ben went there. So that makes sense. That makes sense. I didn't. I went to some backyard meth dealer's house. He taught me how to do radio in Tawa in Wellington. No sleep, still 30,

graduate. And then, so you did, but then I heard other voices, other voices doing it. You know,

John Campbell. Are you ready to speak up, speak out, tell stories? He's in there. He's a great broadcaster. He's a great broadcaster. I don't know if he actually

went to the New Zealand broadcast. No, I don't think you did either. Jack Tame. Are you ready to speak up? Speak out. Okay. So at this moment, I'm like, okay, the snowball is growing.

All these other voices. They get a lot of voices. Yeah. Who else have they got on their millennial mat? Are you ready to speak up? Speak out. Brie Thomasel. Yeah, she's great.

ZDM Afternoon host. She's from Australia. She's not from here. She didn't go to the New Zealand Broadcasting School. Who else have we got? What's the immigration policy? Are you ready to speak up? I don't know who that is.

Who is that? Jessie Mulligan? Applications for the New Zealand Broadcasting School. There is literally everyone. There's quite a lot of them. Play another random one. Go on. Is it Jono?

Are you ready to speak up? Speak up. Megan Powell's stories. Applications for the New Zealand Broadcasting School. Now, listen, I know. I know. Okay, stop playing them now, Max. There's a lot of them we can keep going through.

Literally everyone with a mouth has been asked to do an ad. Not me. And I'm the first to say I'm a big ball blemish on the New Zealand Broadcasting scene. Maybe we don't want you. I don't know.

Don't go, maybe we don't want you. I don't know. This reminds me of a moment when my parents used to lock me in the hot water cupboard when their friends would come over. Hide them away. Keep them out. I was never asked to do this.

Yeah. Okay, so I'm just going to voice one now. I'm just going to voice one. Renegade one. Okay, we'll see if you can remember the script. Go. Okay. Are you ready to speak up?

Speak out? Have you ever thought of broadcasting for a career? Do you have a knack for talking absolute rubbish and no one listens to you? Are you willing to spend the first five to ten years of your career getting paid in sausages from sausage sizzles outside Bunnings? This is why we didn't get you to do it.

Why not choose a career in radio, a medium that'll be relevant for years to come? Stop it, stop it. And this is why I didn't pass on the email. Are you willing to get felt up by Ben Boyce in the office? That doesn't happen. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them.

They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, thank you so much for joining us too. We really appreciate you hanging out with us in the morning now, playing a video game with my son at the moment. And, you know, you reach certain points in the video game. You're like, I'm not too sure what to do here. But, you know, thankfully it's 2020 and you can just YouTube it.

And you get the answer. Don't send the kids to school. This is my thing. We're saving a lot of money in education costs. Just let YouTube teach them. Anything they want to know is on YouTube. So anyway, Googled how to get through certain levels on this video game and the guy that we're learning off the tutorial um is this man and he

sounds like uh every baddie from every liam neeson movie ever made hello everyone i'm going to show you how to repair your armor and tools with enchants on them. Like if that guy is not sitting in an oversized leather chair stroking a cat. Yeah, it sounds a bit like a Bond villain. Is he helpful though? He's very helpful. Nice and stuff. And ta-da, you have repaired it.

Here's my hat. I want to repair it. Sounds like he's on the verge of hatching an evil plan at any stage. It also kind of sounds like Bruno. He does sound like Bruno. Yeah, the character that Sacha Baron Cohen played. That's right, Millennial Max. You did right.

But YouTube can teach you anything. Yeah, anything you want to learn. And we thought we'd throw it out there today. Oh, 100 of the hits. What have you tried to learn off YouTube? Me, personally, we were talking about Pitch Perfect before. There's that cup song where she's singing along

and she's trying to play music with a cup, a cup while singing along. And there's tutorials on that as well. Have a listen. Clap, clap, table, table, clap, up, down. Clap, clap, sweep, top, table, bottom, hand, down. Obviously you don't say the noises. You try to sing.

I took a rub and I'm going, you know. It's very hard to do. I tried to do that off YouTube once and it struggled so bad. And your wife, she's learning gardening from a handsome Swedish gardener. With his tutorials on YouTube. The mostera has a very thick, very extensive root system. There should be a combination of thick roots and small, fine roots. When you get home now,

he's in your garden, shirtless. You're like, hold on, you're the guy from YouTube in Sweden. He's dealing with the thick roots, the fine roots out here. You're like, okay. So what we want to check out there right now, 0800 the hits, 4487 is the text. What has YouTube taught you? What have you learned off YouTube?

Anything will do. I couldn't tie a tie. Oh, that's right. But you were quite a little bit embarrassed about it, eh? Because we were at a TV show. We had a lot of suits to wear on the TV show. You go, just a minute. And you go off and you can't have your tie. Yeah, and I had to like, well, up until then I was wearing a tie with an elastic band.

I tell you what, the babes love ties with elastic bands. It's one thing to get them going. I tell you that. But no, I'd learn how to, every time I'd have to go off and watch the same person teach me how to tie a tie on YouTube. So 0800, that's the telephone number. What have you taught yourself? Grayson's on the phone from Ashburton. What did you teach off, taught yourself off YouTube? Grayson?

I fixed my mum's lawnmower. She had a lawnmower that was sitting outside for months on end and she had a couple of guy mates come over and try and start it up. And then I decided I was full on pregnant with my third baby too. I thought I'd just pull up YouTube and type in the model of the thing and pull the whole lawnmower apart and cleaned it out, put it back together and to Bob's uncle and she was away. Gracious.

You really do wonder how much business YouTube tutorials have taken away from actual businesses. You know, people doing stuff themselves. That's really impressive. Nice work, Gracie. Yeah, my mum's always telling everyone if you want your mum on fix, just hit my daughter up.

As long as you get a Wi-Fi connection, you're away. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Appreciate that. I mean, I taught myself how to tie ties up until then I was having to wear ties with the rubber, you know, the elastic around. Everything's awesome. Appreciate that, Willie. I mean, I taught myself how to tie ties up until then. I was having to

wear ties with the rubber, you know, the elastic around. Everything's on YouTube now that you want to learn,

right? Yeah, I mean, all I had was Nick Jr. characters on my ties up until then. You're like,

it's a bad look, mate. Let's go to Gemma in Upper Heart. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast.

Gemma, how's it going this morning, matey? Good, thank you. Lovely to have you on.

You taught yourself what off YouTube? I taught myself how to face paint and body paint, and now I'm a professional face and body painter. Oh, wow.

No, you didn't have to pay any course fees? No, nothing. Everything was learned from YouTube. That's very cool. I think actually Mitch James, who, of course, we play all the time, an amazing guitarist, singer, I think he taught himself how to play guitar from YouTube as well. Yeah, I have a friend who taught herself to play the guitar and the piano from YouTube.

Oh, shout out to YouTube. Little pop-up start-up business. I hope they're going well. They're going fine. I need this process marketing. And producer Alex, who produces our afternoon show here on The Hits, Stace, Mike and Anika,

she taught herself probably the most unusual act that any human being could accomplish. Alex, welcome to the program. Hi, guys. I've got a terrible reputation on this show. Oh, you do, yeah. Last week we were talking about your wild dream, how you dreamt that yourself, Ben, and me

went flying on a humpback whale to Palmerston North. Yeah. Yeah, it was beautiful, guys. Thanks for that experience. That was a wonderful moment. Now we've got you back on to talk about something else. So hear me out. Hear me out.

I taught myself how to toe weave. So weaving using nothing but your toes. Well, actually, there's fingers involved. Fingers and toes. Yeah, okay. But, yeah, and it basically started because I wanted to make friendship bracelets for my friend. And you know the singer Troye Sivan? Yeah.

Ma, ma, ma. Yeah, that one. He put a tutorial up on YouTube on how to do it. So you're making a bracelet with your toes, and a little bit of your fingers, but mainly your toes. Yeah, mainly my toes. And it's funny that my friend didn't actually want them. So I don't know why.

I don't know why she wouldn't want my toe jam. Well, if you need anything weaved via toes, then Alex is your person to call. Give me a call. Thank you, YouTube. Thank you, Troye Sivan. My, my, my. What a wonderful phone call.

Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Do you remember Sharkty Mats from about a year ago? They were spreading like wildfire Oh they were the most popular thing around at the time right Because you'd lie down on them They were sort of like acupuncture sort of mats Yeah it's for those that love lying down

But yearn for a hundred needles poking into their back Oh it meant to be really good for you though Yeah I lay on one the other night I forgot it actually literally had dust on it I had to blow dust Because you've got to roll it up And put it in the thing And you forget about it

Yeah, it was under the bed And I was like, I'll give this a bash And it was sufficiently painful But then you feel better afterwards, right? Do I? Yeah I don't know I'm just trying to get away from slander

Who are you going to Have you invested in shark do you, Matt? A lot actually So if you can get the sales rolling back in That would be good Positive word. Put a positive spin on it. But it's one of those things you get swept up on.

Oh, swept up in the fadness. I am a sucker for it. I'm shocking you. I found, the other day when we were going through some stuff, a fidget spinner. Remember fidget spinners? Oh, they spun out of control. Yeah. That went out of control.

I mean, with the ads. I think we got a copy of one of the ads that they had on TV and radio. They were hyped up, too. Are you guys bored? Then you need fidget spinners. Oh, yeah. You need fidget spinners. Oh, yeah.

I am bored, and that's what I need is a fidget spinner. But then Oscar, my son, would collect them, and then he would be like, he was like, I want you to buy this for me. And he showed me this photo of this diamond diamond encrusted handmade gold fidget spinner. I think it was made by 34 virgins in the Himalayas. And it was like $2,000. I was like, I'm not buying a $2,000 fidget spinner.

The dog will probably eat it or something. A friend of mine is actually important. He was the first person to bring them into the country. Wow. And he was selling them to bring them into the country. Wow. And he was selling them to farmers and all the outlets and things like that. And all the buyers, this buyer for farmers, he's like, I've been doing this job, and his job is to purchase all the toys. Oh, the department store.

I think he meant farmers out in the bloody back blocks. Oh, everyone got involved. Everyone got involved. Milking cows and spinning fidgets. He was like, he's never seen in his 25 years something take off so quickly and then just die.

Well, he had to have them. overnight. And then you had a couple and then you're like, oh, anyway. My mate's got like

nine million fidget spinners so if anyone's wanting any. Well, what fad did you get swept up on? Maybe a fad that you were doing for a couple of days or a couple of weeks,

a couple of months, or maybe even a couple of years and still persisting, persisting? Is that the persisting. Persisting? Is that the right word? Persisting. Yeah, that's right. Don't question yourself, Ben. Don't question myself. You're doing a great job, okay? As I said it, I got swept up in my own thoughts. Swept up in a fan. 0800 THE HITS. What are you still doing? Love to hear from you this morning. Help us out. Text through here. We got swept up in Crazy Frog. You remember

Crazy Frog? Oh, he was, yeah. It was the first song at our wedding. What? It was my ringtone. We named our son Chris Francis, middle name Francis, so he had the initials CF, Crazy Frog. Oh my goodness, that's amazing. And disturbing. Equal parts amazing

and disturbing. Let's go to Tauranga. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Lisa, how are you this morning, mate? Hello. Have you called all the other radio stations? Not yet. We like to spread the love. Yeah, get around to it, mate.

Get around to it. It's unconventional. The boss doesn't like it, but we like to do it. We feel we like better people. What did you get swept up in? Swept up in the fadness. I got quite caught up in the ice bucket challenge. That's right.

I went up Mount Rupaihu, did it in the snow and ended up with mild hypothermia. I hope the charity appreciated that. They did. There was a period there, wasn't there,

on the internet where it was like, shave off your hair for charity. Cut off your left arm for charity. I never actually think, but you know.

Soar off your nipples for charity It really got out of control It did But everyone was doing it It was for charity I appreciate you Cole You have a great day Our friend of ours

Sam, Sam Smith comedian Remember when we were working with Sam Smith A couple of years ago Pokemon Go Yeah Remember Pokemon Go Yeah This guy got you right in the eye

Of the storm of Pokemon Go Sam Weren't you Oh man I'm still in the eye of the storm of Pokemon Go, Sam, weren't you? Oh, man, I'm still in the eye of it. Oh, you're still doing it? Still doing it. I love it. I still play it to this day. And in fact, I feel like I've got a bit of a problem because I just heard you talk about all the different fans

that have been around for a while, and every single one of them I was fully into. It's a Pokemon Go that must be tough at the moment under conditions with the different levels in New Zealand. They've looked after us really well. They've extended the range that the Pokestops go. I very

luckily moved house last year and bought a house that's on a Pokestop. Not just for that reason, but it was a major plus. And so I can just do it from home. It's great. What is a poker stop? Oh, how do you not know this? Okay, so when you're playing Pokemon Go,

there are these stops that you have to spin, and you get, like, Pokeballs from them that you can then use to catch Pokemon. So there's one right at my house. And I've also moved in just next to a park, so there's a gym at that park. A fucking gym, yeah park you can go and put your pokemon in there and then you get coins based on how long the pokemon stay in those gyms

can you believe that can you believe that someone procreated with this man he's got a couple of kids do you know what these am these are the kids that lives by the park as well that keeps knocking my Pokemon out of the gym, so I hate that guy. Okay, I know you're bullying kids. He's probably like eight or nine, but yeah, I hate you, whatever you name it. Well, Ben shanked a man for some countdown dominoes, so you can do the same to an eight-year-old, Sam.

I have two full sets of those countdown dominoes. Oh, there you go. They are great. Sam Smith, always good to catch up, buddy. Enjoy your Pokemon. Bye, back at you, guys. See Smith, always good to catch up, buddy. Enjoy your Pokemon. Bye, back at you, guys. See you, matey. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Some wild conspiracy theories floating around the place at the moment about all sorts of things, but it's our job in the media to recklessly fuel the anxiety. That's why we're here. And so we thought we'd jump aboard the conspiracy bandwagon. Yeah, we're going to leave the COVID ones out of it.

We're not going to go there. That's for next week. We're going to go to something in Mid Canterbury, a conspiracy theory that's been floating around for many years. Many people have claims in the bush, in the hills of Mid Canterbury, there is a panther, a wild panther around. And it's been cited by many, including this man who joins us on the phone right now. Soddy, how's it going, buddy?

Not too bad. How you guys going? You're doing well. Soddy, a nickname or a birth name? Nickname, nickname. Nickname. I like Soddy. S-O-D-D-Y. Now, let me try and guess the origins. It's because I used to resemble the shape of a sausage, I reckon. Oh, you're shaped like a sausage. Okay.

So more saucy than soddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Did it slowly transform from saucy over to soddy over? We just get it wrong, don't we? Soddy? I'm very confused. But then it started with sausage.

Yeah. And just over a number of years, it's gone soddy. Oh, yeah. I always loved it. Progress and evolved. It's soddy. I love it. The man with the body like a sausage.

I've got the body of Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons. Anyway, lovely to have you with us, buddy. Now we've got the name sorted. Now, you have seen the panther, the Ashburton mid-Canterbury panther. You've seen it with your own eyeballs. Sure have, sure have. So when abouts was this? Probably about, I think it was in November 2018.

Me and my mate Tom, we were heading up for a day hike up Mount Nimrod and up on the Hunter Hills. And we actually first come across a wallaby on the track, about halfway up. And that buddy, as soon as it seen us, it scattered off. And then we carried on, got to our summit, and we parked up for a break and started to eat and drink and taken in the view.

And as Tom points over the side of this sort of adjacent inland, just over the back, over these hills, and he's like, it's a cat. And as I look over, I look back at him, and I mean, that's a cat. That's definitely a cat. That's a cat. That's a cat.

You're not wrong. And you thought it was quite a big cat compared to a domestic cat? It was definitely a large cat. I'd say probably a middle-aged dog sort of size, maybe a Labrador. Right. You know, you just sort of look at it,

and you think, it's definitely a cat. It's a cat. It's a cat. Tom, that's a cat. You said it was a cat. And did you have time to get a snapper selfie, as you would do in 2018? Well, no, that's the thing as well.

You don't really, you're sort of in such a shock, and then you think, well, that would have been a good idea. But, you know, with phones and stuff like that, you zoom up and you lose quality, and, you know, we didn't really think of that. Correct me if I'm wrong. I heard that a person was running a backyard zoo in Christchurch that had all of these exotic animals.

Joe Exotic would have been frothing at this zoo. I'm sure he would have been. One day the Christchurch council cracked down on this guy. You can't have all these panthers and tigers and whatever's hippopotamuses in your backyard. So he's like, all right, I'll show you. And he let them all out. Oh, is this how the rumour of the Ashburton panther got out? And then they...

The Canterbury panther. Yeah, and then they just, all these wild, crazy animals were just roaming around Christchurch in the Canterbury hills. Quite possible, from what I've been told, and a lot of old folks have said to me, that apparently in the 1860s, some Californian gold miners actually apparently were bringing in these pumas as pets. Oh, really?

Yeah, and they reckon that some of them possibly had escaped then. But then also, in 1915, there was a ship in the Lyttelton Port, and it had a cargo of animals on it bound for Australia, and on board was actually a pregnant puma which the cage was accidentally broken open and reportedly it escaped and the last time they seen it running was for the Port Hills. Wow, so do people believe you? Because there's been a lot of other sightings when you look online, a lot of other people have said they've seen the mid Canterbury Panther.

Yeah, an incredible amount of sightings, too many to. A lot of other people have said they've seen the mid-Canterbury panther. Yeah, incredible amount of sightings. You know, too many to not be sure, I'd say. What would it feed on? I guess other animals. Yeah, I guess so. Well, it's got a huge selection of prey, doesn't it? Oh, it's like the Valentine's buffet out there for the thing, isn't it? Yeah, it is, basically.

Yeah, yeah. All you can eat, you know? Wow, that's really interesting, yeah. And so, what would you say to the people, the damn haters, Soddy? What do you want to say to the haters, mate? Get out there and look for it yourself. Get out there. You climb that mountain.

Go for it. Take passion for it. I believe you. Although the panther, my only query is, the panther has been around for so many years. It must be nearly 132 years old. Well, that panther that escaped actually was pregnant, and they reckon that it's actually possible for it to have bred

with other feral cats in the wild here, and that's why maybe it's not actually as large, the one that people are saying is large as a panther or a jaguar, a cougar, whatever it could actually be because it's bred with other feral cats that it's actually found. Oh, I see. So you're saying a sluzzer panther. Yeah, yeah.

That's not a sluzzer shaman panther. It's just a panther at need. This is what Soddy did. Soddy's just like the panther got out there and started making love to anything he could see. You're a good sport, Soddy. We really appreciate your time this morning and thank you for filling us in.

Cool. Catch you later. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Here's a report about all the hot people, because they deserve this coverage, and they're a better class of human being than you and I. Now, Tom Cruise, the A-list actor, he's revealed an unusual rule for his films.

A lady who acted with Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallace, she co-starred with Cruise in The Mummy. Well, she said there's a rule. Apparently there's a rule forbidding fellow actors from running with Tom Cruise on screen. Is that his one no-no? No one runs with me on screen. No, I don't know if he thinks he's too fast or too slow.

You'll never keep up with me. I'm too fast. Like Richard McCaw in a commercial. He's always running. I don't know if he thinks he's too fast or too slow. You'll never keep up with me. I'm too fast. Like Richie McCaw in a commercial. He's always running. I don't want to make you look bad. I love making Richie run in ads. So no one's run with him on screen. Except for her.

Well, she got to have a jog with Tom Cruise. She was like, I really want to make this happen. So she set up a treadmill. And every time he'd walk past, she'd get on the treadmill and show that she was a good runner. And in the end, he was like, we'll put a running scene in and you can run alongside me. So she got to run.

But the movie required no running. Just a random scene of Tom Cruise and his sprinting. Quick, run! Oh, we got there. That was good. So now, does Tom Cruise, I've looked at his running style. He's got a great running style.

Dude, but is it a movie running style compared to his normal running style oh maybe because you can tell there's an action movie run and it's a fantastic technique like walking away from explosions and not looking back that sort of cool thing yeah but I mean whenever I see Usain Bolt

in the Olympics he's never running like that no no no he's just getting there as fast as he can well that's the major goal of his job what's my job just to just getting there as fast as he can. Well, that's the major goal of his job. What's my job? Just to get over there as fast as I can.

Try to look cool with the process. And Cardi B, the rapper, she interviewed presidential nominee Joe Biden for Elle magazine. They talked to her about a range of topics, including really important stuff in the US, like Black Lives Matter, and also they slammed US President Donald Trump's handling of the coronavirus pandemic. There you go. I'm going to slam

your pronunciation of it. Thank you. You should. But Joe Biden said, if I ever make a mistake, you know, I'm going to make mistakes if I'm president, but if I make a mistake, I'll be held accountable. Like me trying to say coronavirus. But you held yourself accountable. We aired it. I put my hand up. We recognised it. We moved on. I got it wrong. And Joe Biden, I thought, well, he did make a mistake. Remember this? This is a great moment from the presidential campaign a few weeks ago. He introduced,

he was on stage, lots of people introduced his wife and his sister. He kind of got them mixed up. Have a listen. They don't call Super Tuesday for nothing. By the way, this is my little sister, Valerie, and I'm Jill's husband. Oh, no, this is my... Oh, you switched on me.

This is my wife. This is my sister. They switched on me. But then he said, he said, and I'm Joe's husband. I'm Joe's husband. He was joking. This is my wife and my sister.

Many, many places in small town New Zealand will be like, that's fine. That's fine, yeah. And I am my own husband. He's my husband's sister. Many places in small town New Zealand will be like, that's fine. That's fine, yeah. And I am my own husband. Give me both. That is, I always feel like Trump gets up there,

this guy gets up there, they're just ad-libbing. Like, come prepared. With a speech or something. Have something written. For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Not a morning person?

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Jono brought to you by Skinny. My partner's Skinny. Jono and ****. Just Jono on the Hits Breakfast. Brought to you by Skinny.

He went and sold the show's sponsorship. Unfortunately, my friends at Skinny, who like to keep prices low for their customers, could only sponsor one of us. So it's me. Awkward. That's a little, I'm awkward about it, Ben. No, you're not.

You're not at all. I'm kind of reveling in it, aren't I? Yeah, you're really enjoying it. You're kind of quite sitting in smug. So now you're like, oh, sorry. You know, because normally we plan, you know, what's going to happen on the radio show together. And, you know, we go through everything. He's like, oh, sorry.

Look, I've committed to doing a couple of things around about this time. Around about 8.30 on Wednesday. Just, you know, Skinny wants to do some, something. And I'm like, okay, sorry, look, I've committed to doing a couple of things around about this time, around about 8.30 on Wednesday. Just, you know, Skinny wants to do something. And I'm like, okay, so what am I doing? Well, it would just be preferential. I mean, you don't have to go anywhere, but if you just buttoned off a bit for this next segment. From now on, I'll just shut up. Just button off.

So what Skinny want to do, my wonderful partners, they like to keep their prices low. And I like to keep my morals low. So the partnership works beautifully, is they would like to help out New Zealand, help out you. They want to stimulate the economy. You can go, mm-mm. Oh, thank you. They're okay with that.

You can agree with me. No talking, just mm-mm. Yeah, yeah. So 0800 the hits. You just tell us. Yeah, that's great, Ben. We're your favourite place to go is, locally, cafe, restaurant, bar, whatever,

a clothing store. And Skinny, my friends at Skinny, will give you a $50 voucher for that place. Oh, my God. Keeping prices low, customers happy. Skinny bringing you Jono from Jono and Ben. So now you can come back on and you can introduce the song now. Okay, customers happy. Skinny bringing you Jono from Jono and Ben. So now you can come back on and introduce the song now. Okay, thank you.

So we'll be back with your sponsored bit after this? Correct. Giving away $50 vouchers wherever you want to go. Crystal in Christchurch, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. This is an awkward start. This is where Ben would usually come in and cover me, but I'm on my own right now. How are you, Crystal?

I'm good. How are you? Yeah, where would you like to go, thanks to Skinny? We would love to go to Little High in Christchurch. Well, you are going. You got $50. Oh, that's so amazing. Thank you so much. Can you just go, thanks, Skinny, for keeping prices low?

Just say that for me. Thank you, Skinny, for keeping prices low? Just say that for me. Thank you, Skinny, for keeping prices low. And sponsoring just Jono and not Ben. And sponsoring just Jono and not Ben. Wonderful. We'll put that in an advert for them. That's great stuff. Neil, I've sold my soul to the corporate devil, Ben. That's how it works. Neil, how are you? How's Hamilton this morning?

I'm a bit wet. Yeah, a bit wet. Ben, you're allowed to say hello to Neil. Oh, hey, Neil. How's it going? Thank you. Nice to talk to you. Now I'll hand you over to Jono for this bit that I'm not part of. Neil, where would you like to go in Hamilton? The Foundation Bar. Well, you can take $50 thanks

to Skinny and go to the Foundation Bar. Sweet, thanks. Alright, Ben, you're allowed to say goodbye to Neil. Bye, bye, bye, Neil. Have a great day, mate. Good on you, Neil. Hey, just to say, Neil, thanks, Skinny, for keeping prices low. Can you just do that Hey, just to say, Neil, thanks, Skinny, for keeping prices low. Can you just do that for me, big guy? Yeah, thanks to Skinny for keeping the prices low. Yeah, that's good stuff.

That's the gold that we need right in the sweet spot, right in my wheelhouse. I can see how they wanted you. They wanted you now. Marie, also in the trot. Jeez, how are you going, matey? I'm good, thanks. Ben, you can say hello to Marie. Hey, Marie.

How's it going? Hi, Ben. I'll hand you over to Jono now. Well done. Where do you want to's it going? Hi, Ben. I hand you over to Jono now. Well done. Where do you want to go? Keystone. Keystone. Well, Skinny are going to give you $50 and you're going to go to Keystone.

Who are you going to go there with? I'll go with my husband on date night. Woo! I don't know why I would jump to that conclusion. It might not be one of those evenings, Marie. It may not be. It may not be. She just wants to put it out there.

Mark, your husband may not be expecting you. If he's listening. If you play your cards right, Mark. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. You'll go and enjoy that. Now, Ben, you can say goodbye to Marie. Marie, have a great day.

Bye, Ben. There you go. Thanks to Skinny. Wonderful. Wonderful partners of the show. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my hips. Now, we were just talking before about the stickers that you'll see on the back of trucks

travelling around New Zealand that says, how's my driving? Oh, yeah. We saw one the other day, didn't we? Yeah, we did. And I guess generally they want people to call up and say if they see someone doing something wrong on the road or complaints about the driving. Oh, yeah. They must just get a bit.

I mean, no one's ever phoning up going, I'd just like to congratulate the driver on merging like a zip. Well, hopefully they do get those calls as well. Yeah. Hopefully they can bring those positive calls. Yeah. But you don't ever have a phone number and get positive calls. I mean, have you heard the calls that we get on 0800? Not great.

Yeah, no. Not great. But I thought I would challenge for you, Jono, because you've just made me sit through all that skinny stuff. I thought you could ring up the How's My Driving line and tell them how your driving is. Oh, so it's all how you read the question.

Yeah, so how's my driving? I guess they want to know how your driving is. Okay. So you just ring up and you can say how your driving's great or bad or however you think your driving's going, you can tell them how your driving's going. All right, Millennial Max, let's go through the How's My Driving line. or bad. However you think your driving's going, you can tell them how your driving's going. All right, Millennial Max, let's go through to the

How's My Driving line. All right. You have reached the driver line. Janine speaking. Hi, Janine. I saw a sticker that said, How's my driving? On the back of one of your trucks.

Yeah. And I was just calling up to give some driver feedback. Can you take this driver feedback for me? I can. Janine? I'm ready for it. Have you got a pen? Have you got a bit of paper?

I certainly do. You wanted to ask, how's my driving on the back of one of your trucks travelling the roads? Yep. My driving's fantastic. It's been on fire. I've been indicating. I've been stopping at red lights.

I've got a great safe distance between vehicles. Hang on, there's too much. Janine, have you got all that? I think you're saying too many things for Janine Too much, do you want me to slow down, Janine? But driving-wise, he doesn't need to slow down Because he doesn't go too fast He goes to perfect speed

I travel the speed limit, Janine Not too slow, not too fast, he's perfect That's how my driving is, Janine I don't know how yours is We've got a sticker that says, how's your driving? So you tell us now. How's your driving? My driving's awesome.

My driving's awesome. Oh, your driving's awesome. Okay, I'll get that down. I'll write that awesome, Janine. Awesome, okay. Janine, awesome. I'll pass the feedback on. Okay, so Jono's driving great. Janine's driving awesome. Do you want to know how Ben's driving is, Janine, awesome. I'll pass the feedback on. Okay, so Jono's driving great.

Janine's driving awesome. Does anyone want to know how I'm driving? Do you want to know how Ben's driving is, Janine? I'd love to. I'm a little tentative sometimes. He's quite anxious. I'm not good parallel parking in pressure situations. But apart from that, I'm very safe.

He's a little nervy. I'm safe. I'd like to say I'm safe. Not a good parallel parker, but I'm safe. You're very welcome. I'll pass it on. You do. You pass it on. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits Radio Station. You hold the line. We'll find something for you for being such a good spot.

Oh, I think you can see how red my face is. Are you quite red, are you? I think so. Are you? Your driving's awesome, though. Oh. Janine, hold your line. Janine's deep breathing. Are we that exhausting That you need to deep breathe

You definitely got me Heavy breathing alright Yeah well that's what we do baby It's our thing The most sexualised Stop We are the most sexualised Breakfast show on radio

No we're not Janine hold the line Hold the line We'll find something for you, all right? Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. The A to Z of New Zealand. This is what we call a different town or city.

What a day in New Zealand. Can I just go to the phones because someone's calling? Hello, the hits. Hey. I can hear you loud and clear, boy. Hey, we're on the radio. You're on the air, brother. I love you. What's your name? James from Rotorua. Hey, we're on the radio. You're on the air, brothers. Oh, I love you.

What's your name? James from Rotorua. James, I tell you what, we'll send you off to the movies, mate. Thank you. Top job, top job. Thanks, boys. Thank you for helping us with our job here. I was panicking there.

No one had called from the get-go. Anyway, A to Z of New Zealand, phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. Yesterday, Ben Boyce, we went through to a little town called Edgecombe. Today is Edgecombe's turn. What can you tell us about it? An amazing place to live. And there's a vape store. Do you vape?

I used to smoke back when I was a teenager, but obviously running a gym sort of got to promote how I preach. Yeah, yeah. That's a bad move. I should probably preach the thought I preach. I love turning up to a gym with the person behind the front desk

who's just smoking with an ashtray full of 90 cigarette butts. That was the temple in Edgecombe, the gymnasium. Today, though, we're moving on to Egmont Village, which is just at the base of Mount Taranaki. And Taranaki, obviously,

looks very beautiful part of the world. You know you're running a slim operation when there's only one sentence about your town on Wikipedia. Oh, really? Really? Is that all it's got? One sentence. But I'm sure there's more sentences to say about Egmont Village, so let's go through right now.

Good morning, Mangrove Plus. Trina speaking. Hi, Trina. Hello. Never guess who this is. No. Plus. Trina speaking. Hi, Trina. Hello. Never guess who this is. No. No. Have a guess. No.

No? Got nothing? You don't even want one guess. Are you refusing to play the guessing game or you've got no guesses? I'm refusing to play the guessing game. Oh, okay. You're not a game player. That's fine.

It's been in... Oh, you've got... Oh! I've got it. It not a game player. That's fine. It's been in... Oh, you've got... Oh! I've got it. It's a radio station. Yeah. Hey, listen, for a lady who didn't want to play the guessing game, you certainly got involved.

You got your hands dirty. Rolled your sleeves up. And you got one of our names right as well. Ben and the other guy. That's pretty much what we are. Yeah. Oh, Latrina, what a treasure it is. Firstly, have you play our guessing game? Yes.

And secondly, to call every town in New Zealand, we're doing that one a day. Egmont Village is today's version. Well done.

Welcome. Your thoughts? Yeah, sunny. Yeah. Egmont Village looks quite sparse. Not much there. Yes, no,

we've got a sawmill. A sawmill? Okay. I'm sorry. I forgot about the sawmill. Yeah, what else? You tell them all the other things that you've got. There's a school, a petrol station,

a cafe. I eat my words. I'm sorry. Yes. Do you live there, Trina? No. I wouldn't live here. No, no, I don't live there. What do you do at your business? The administration reception. What's that do at your business? The administration reception. What's that

noise in the background? Customer service. Hold on. Can we just get an instant replay of that noise? What was that? No. No, it sounded like someone unzipping a sleeping bag for me. That's what I thought. Maybe this is like a secret. It was unzipping a vest, yes. Very good. This is our guessing game. We played

one, you played one. Zip it up again. Oh, is it? Very good. This is our guessing game. We played one, you played one. Zip it up again. Oh, yeah, that's it. That's it. I can see why the secret sounds so popular. Yeah, I like that game. I like that game. So, apart from wonderful zipping technique, I imagine it'll get freezing, right?

Snow? No, but it gets pretty close. Now, if Ben was going to come, Ben and the other guy were going to come to visit Edmonde Village, what would be the first thing, the top three things we should do? Well, go up the mountain, then you could go to the mountain bike track. There's two.

And then go for a walk around Lake Mangamahoe. Oh, there we go. Okay, well, there's one. I'm going to round this conversation off with a last guessing game. What have I got in my hallway. Oh, there we go. Okay. Okay, I'm going to round this conversation off with the last guessing game. What have I got in my hands? Morning T-shirt. Oh, no. Hold on.

You want a morning T-shirt? A morning T-shirt. You still got some hell pizza? Yeah, we'll give you a morning T-shirt. All right. Oh, lovely. There you go.

Well played. It wasn't a morning T-shirt. It was a stapler, but well done. You got a morning T-shirt. You stay safe in Egmont. It's been lovely to talk to you. Thank you go, well played. It wasn't a morning T-shirt, it was a stapler, but well done. You got a morning T-shirt. You stay safe in Egmont. It's been lovely to talk to you. Thank you.

And remember, what has been the greatest moment of your life? Talking to you on the radio. That's the one, that's the one. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***ing News. Now, this is where Millennial Max has sniffed out the greatest headlines.

As a professional sniffer, just to be clear, I did put a stick up his nose. He's not sniffing thanks to coronavirus. But we have headlines, you've beeped out certain words, Max, and we have to try and figure out what they are. That is correct. You ready for the first one? Yeah. Alright.

Socially distanced drive-through house opens in Japan. Socially distanced drive-through something house opens in Japan. Brothel house. How do you do that from a social distance? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah? How would you do it? You use a stick or something?

No. Like a mechanical hand for the work? Maybe. Like clenches a fist? Okay, so you're going to say a brothel house. I'm going to say a haunted house. Socially distanced haunted house. Can you still scare for a couple of metres away?

What is it, Producer Max? It is... Socially distanced drive-through haunted house opens in Japan. Oh my God, I get it! Haunted house. I was thinking, I honestly did not know that. I was just thinking, you know, like, trying to think of another thing that went before I was like doll's house,

haunted house. I guess that would, we go out to Spookers and they get quite up in your grill, don't they? Spookers is like an old asylum where they have people scaring you. So I suppose if you can scare from a distance, that would be the correct thing to do, right?

You ready, Max? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for the chat, Max. What I love about Max's is free flow. Almost too much banter. I was just looking at the next bit. Yeah, no, you're right.

Yeah, okay. Too much chat, Max. Too much chat. Moving on. Next one. Let's have a look at the next headline. Boy finds missing piece in his nose after two years. Boy finds missing something in his nose after two years.

I'm going to go Lego piece. I'm going to go with finger. Piece of his finger? Boy's had it stuck up his, you know, he's been picking his nose. Like a fingernail? He hasn't got it out. Boy finds missing Lego piece in his nose after two years. One from one.

On fire today. I read about this. This happened down south in New Zealand. Oh, and you read about it and then you gave a dumb answer. You let me give the answer. Now you said Lego. I pretended.

He bluffed just to try and make me have a little win, a condescending win. I read about this. So, yeah, a kid down south a couple of years ago put a Lego piece, you know,

what happens, kids do it all the time. My sister got a Barbie doll earring up her nose. That's what happens. That's what your nose is for, putting stuff up it. But went to the doctors, they tested it out and said, oh, it must have gone, must have passed through his system. And then two years later, he sneezed

and a Lego piece came out of his nose. You'd be so relieved. You'd be so relieved. It was that little arm. It was the little Lego arm. In daycare, my son swallowed a marble and you have to wait for the marble I was so relieved. Thank goodness. It was that little arm. It was the little Lego arm. Oh, yeah. In daycare, my son swallowed a marble. And you have to wait for the marble to pass through.

But it's the parent's job. It's the parent's duty to sift. And I had to do the sifting. Oh, you did the sifting. And I was like, wow, wee. This is love. Sifting through. Sifting through, yeah. Did you make him like a dog to do it on the lawn?

Anyway, we'll talk about this after. Yeah, no, the logistics were I'd have to scoop it out and then just go and do it forensically. Like CSI or something. Exactly. Anyway, we've got the marble back and we're playing with it still to this day. And finally, from the news and beeps, we've beeped out one word.

These are actual news headlines. Man's **** Valley saves him from falling down a well. Man's something saves him from falling down a well. Man something saves him from falling down a well. I'm going to say arm. He's latched onto something. I'm going to say wholesome belly. Man's big **** saves him from falling down a well. Man's big what?

Oh, really? Man's big **** saves him from falling down a well. That's edited to... Look, I can tell you what it was. To jump to many conclusions. It was belly, apparently. Man's big. He saves him from falling down a well. That's edited to... Look, I can tell you what it was. To jump to many conclusions. It was belly, apparently. It was belly. Oh, wow.

Because it made it sound like a completely different body part there. Man's big. How big is it? Going to send that up to grab that onto the side. And towed him back up. He throws it over like a rope. Climbs up it. And that is the news and beeps this morning.

Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Yesterday on the show, Jono, it was revealed to me that you'd been working hard behind the scenes to find a sponsor for this radio show. And I had to look in the New Zealand Herald page 2 and there was a big

ad for the new sponsor. Crime, real estate and the advertising game page 2. Yeah it is actually. Yeah it really is and revealed it to you though this is the way you asked for it to be revealed remember. Yeah I was like let's put it in the paper, show everyone because I was thinking we'd be proud of this as a team. You're obviously proud of this

and this is what happened. This is what was revealed to me for our sponsor. So you just open that page and then you will see who the brand new sponsor of the program is. Today's New Zealand Herald, Tuesday, August 18th. Okay. So where am I opening to? Just the next page in.

What does it say? What is this? What is this? So there's a massive ad on... Describe it. Don't just laugh because people can't see it. I'm just taking a moment. Are you okay?

Take it. I'm taking a moment. So there's a massive ad on the inside page. Massive. So that would be quite an expensive ad. Yeah, that would just cut you. Well done. But we've got sponsors now.

We can spend that sort of money. Well, you know, but it's a picture of the two of us and I have been crossed out and my name. So it just says Jono two of us and I have been crossed out and my name. So it just says Jono and the NBN has also been crossed out. It says Jono sponsored by Skinny.

Tune in for more. So they're all about keeping prices low, my friends, at Skinny. And that's why they're only sponsoring one of us. Right. And arguably they've sponsored the more affordable option, me. And I know I'm cheap. I'm the cheaper version of us two, Ben. So you've got sponsorship for the show.

I've got sponsorship for the show. What, for you? Yeah, I feel like we're in an open relationship and I'm the only one who's had any bites. And now you're getting all salty at me. But you agreed to this. You go out there and get your own sponsor. I won't be jealous.

I always like the sponsor for the show. But anyway, okay, this is backfired on me. Anyway, my sponsor Skinny would love to do a giveaway after 8 o'clock this morning oh can I be a part of this well you could be there

so this is your giveaway thanks Skinny yeah I guess that's how just don't talk you can sit there but just don't talk after 8 o'clock

Skinny want to pay for you help stimulate the economy you just phone up and tell us where you'd like to go and Skinny will give you a $50 voucher for that.

Because, jeez, they're great people. Go the people at Skinny. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. Jono and Ben, 6.34. See you swinging from the chandelier on your Wednesday morning. Brilliant.

Scrolling through your feet. If she came over to your house and started swinging on my freaking chandelier, I would be filthy. Yeah. I'd be like, you know how much this thing costs? It's not weight-bearing. Anyway, I'd be worried about that.

Who has a chandelier nowadays? It's like an inconvenient piece of light wear, don't they? Well, if there's a chandelier, Sia will be there trying to swing on it. That's what happens, right? Now, these are some of the big stories that are happening over the last 24 hours in the world that we want to bring you up to speed with. And yesterday, we talked about this on the show, right? Donald Trump was coming out.

He was taking jabs at New Zealand and all. We got mad about this. They're having a big surge. And I don't want that. I don't want that. But they were holding up names of countries, and now they're saying, whoops. In fact, even New Zealand.

You see what's going on in New Zealand. They beat it. They beat it. It was like front page. They beat it because they wanted to show me something. The problem is big surge even New Zealand, you see what's going on in New Zealand. They beat it. They beat it. It was like front page. They beat it because they wanted to show me something. The problem is big surge in New Zealand. So, you know, it's terrible. We don't want that.

No one wants that. It's a big surge. It's a big surge. Nobody wants that. Everyone got really annoyed, didn't they? Everyone went in on Trump. Technically, he's right. In terms of our population per capita, you could probably say it's a big surge.

But compared to America, you know... Let's not get into this. I mean, no one wants a surge anywhere in the world. It's a horrible thing that's travelled around. I don't like surges. But even Jacinda Ardern had to weigh in on Trump's comments. I don't think there's any comparison between New Zealand's current cluster

and the tens of thousands of cases that are being seen daily in the United States. I hope we took it reasonably well and didn't go feral on social media. I can't believe New Zealand would do that, get the pitchforks out, did we? No, everyone was fine, just don't check.

Don't check social media. And Ashley Bloomfield, Dr Ashley Bloomfield, fancy a steak lunch with him? No. Okay. This is charity auction for a lunch date with her. That was a lovely thing. Raising money for the Cancer Society. Oh, now I look like a monster.

Who this? You can't do daffodil day out and about because of coronavirus, obviously. So if you want a lunch with Ashley Bloomfield, for seven people in Wellington at Bellarmine's by Logan Brown, with a direct of health, you can go along. It's already at $1,700, Ashley Bloomfield. So it's a lovely thing. Oh, he's the man of the moment.

Love this guy. I just don't know what I would talk to him about at lunch. You know? How's work? He's like, can we stop talking about a virus? I've got other interests. Oh, you'd be having to hand sanitise. And you wouldn't be able to share like his,

can I have a bit of your gratin? He wouldn't go, no, no, no. You're sitting two metres away or something. Yeah. And does lunch have to wrap up by one? Because normally at one o'clock each day. Oh, I'd better get going. He's got an important day.

I've got work actually. I'd better go do that. Anyway, lovely of him to donate his time for what such a worthy cause being. In all honesty. All jokes aside. It's on Trade Me right now. So if you want to get involved, if you can, you're in a position to what such a worthy cause it's on Trade Me right now so if you want to get involved

if you can and you're in the position to help out a great cause like the Cancer Society then head to Trade Me and you could be having lunch with seven people and Dr Ashley Bloomfield

nothing more humbling as a crap liberty not that Ashley's a crap liberty he's grade A but us down a few four or five runs down from Ashley

when we all do like a celebrity auction and you're like, oh my God. It's like, pay to play table tennis with Jono and Ben. No one pays. You end up having to do it yourself, mate. Yeah, Jenny Boyce. Ben's mum always puts a bid in at the auction.

A pity bid. It's embarrassing. Anyone? Anyone? It's actually the only way Jenny Boyce can catch up with Ben. He refuses to see her any other way unless she pays to win a celebrity charity auction table tennis. We have some great table tennis matches, Ben. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We like to give away some prizes, but we do it in an unconventional way where you don't call us, we call you. Yeah, and we have been relentlessly phoning places. But, you know, it turns out people aren't that enthusiastic. Some people aren't that enthusiastic about answering the telephone pre-7am. It's just life, isn't it?

And so sometimes in this game, you have to pivot. That's a hot word at the moment, isn't it, Ben? It's the new normal. We're all pivoting. That's another thing, new normal. And in this environment, we're going to pivot, okay? So usually we phone people. We're not going to do that today.

We're just going to go to the phones. Oh, the phones that are ringing, people are ringing us now. Let's roll out the hits. Hello. Hello, am I too nearly for the live for free competition? Who's this? Susan. Tell me who it is.

Susan Walsh. What is your name, sorry? Susan. I can't, what's her name? Her name's Susan. I can hear it. Why can't you hear Susan? Susan, what's your name?

Why do you keep asking what her name is? Look, I feel like we should chuck Susan in for a live free. We'll do that. But also, Susan, guess what? What? What's your name? Why do you keep asking what her name is? We're going to play a game show with you.

It's called... What's your name? Don't call us. We'll call you. Okay. But ironically, you have call us, we'll call you. Okay. But ironically, you have called us. I know.

Yeah. Four questions. We're going to give you $40 worth of Hell Pizza vouchers if you answer them properly. I'm a little bit nervous at the moment,

but I'm ready. Yeah, rightfully so. We like all of our winners to be on edge. I hope you're peaking right now, are you? Would you like to visit the ablution block quickly before we embark on this? If the first question's what's your name, I'm leaving this conversation.

Susan, Auckland is currently facing what? A, a soy latte shortage. B, a COVID outbreak. Or C, a Range Rover shortage. COVID outbreak. Susan, you had no reason to be nervous. Yeah, you got $10 hell pizza so far. Oh, yay. The characters Elf and Irene star in which show?

A, Border Patrol, B, Police 10-7, or C, Home and Away? Home and Away. Oh, my God, Susan. Tell me your name. Susan's got $20. $20. Hell, pizza. We've got two more questions, Susan.

Coffee. Coffee is made from what? A, a magical country called Starbucks, B, good times, or C, coffee beans? Coffee beans. That's right. Well done, Susan. You got 30 bucks. Hell Pizza, last question.

And if I was in Thames, I would be what? A, a weed dealer. B, very lonely. Or C, in the Coromandel Peninsula. Coromandel Peninsula? Oh, Susan, you are an absolute treasure. Oh, no. $40 Hell Pizza coming your way, Susan.

You can try the new plant-based Tretzo on any pizza if you want as well And we'll chuck you in the drawer for live free Of your food petrol power as well Oh yay You have a great day Susan Thank you I will do I love you guys We apologise in advance

It's Joddo and Ben on the hits Let's check in on How the more successful people in life in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. Know what's up? Spy.co.nz. Let's check in on how the more successful people in life are doing. This is the Spy Gossip Update. Producer Juliette Away unfortunately has coronavirus.

She doesn't have coronavirus. She's not with us this morning. She doesn't have coronavirus. She's just doing the right thing at the moment, not feeling too good. So just taking some time off and I'll try and bring you up to date

with some of the spy stories, some of the entertainment stories. Well, you're across everything on the internet, so just taking some time off and I'll try and bring you up to date with some of the spy stories, some of the entertainment stories. Well, you're across everything on the internet so this is, this should be no trouble to you. My chance to shine, here we go. You've been waiting for this moment, haven't you? Now, you know Tiger Woods, famous for being a great golfer and nothing else, nothing else at all. Can't think of anything else that Tiger Woods is famous for.

Well, his son, 11-year-old Charlie, is a chip off the old block when it comes to golfing ability. You're just reading this from the internet. You have never seen a chip off the old block. I liked it. I liked it because it was from a line. I thought it was quite good because they had a pun because it was a golf chip.

So it was good. Now, Charlie Woods, he took part in a kids' golf tournament in the USA, quite a big major tournament. Had Tiger Woods carrying his back as well. That's pressure. Your dad out there. And won by pretty much by about nine, by five strokes.

So he's an amazing little golfer. And this is what Tiger Woods had to say about his son. I'm still winning for now. But he's starting to get into it. He's starting to understand how to play. He's asking me the right questions. It's been just an absolute blast to go out there and just, you know, be with him.

And it reminds me so much of, you know, me and my dad. Oh, and he's already had his first affair. Oh, God. How adorable is that? How adorable is that? I remember my first affair. Oh, God. Moving on.

I was just thinking with a lot of pressure, though, Tiger Woods, you know, like carrying your bags, bringing out your dad's Tiger Woods playing golf you know and this kid sounds amazing but you were saying

you play golf and you had to hit a shot after someone got a hole in one oh my mate Mark yeah we were at the public nine hole golf course yeah yeah

we'd been having a frivolity frivolity frivolity he's still having one he's turned up to work drunk we had a wonderful time we had a wonderful time he lands a hole in one

on hole one you know that anxious hole where every all the other players are waiting behind you to kick off and he lands a hole in one

and everyone's like just raucous this isn't mini golf eh no this is like a proper golf course Max and then I get up there and I'm like I'm feeling the

I'm feeling the acid I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm in a whole other place the second time. Acid was what he was actually feeling. He wasn't even on a golf course. I was playing with a unicorn. It was a wild game.

Anyway, I took a shot. I finished my story. Rambling old man. I took a shot. You didn't get a wild game. Anyway, I took a shot. I finished my story. Rambling old man. I took a shot. You didn't get a whole of one. And everyone went, oh. They were all disappointed I didn't get a whole one. I was like, listen, magical unicorn men.

What were you expecting? And Pitch Perfect, the movie about the acapella singing competitions. They're not going to make a fourth movie, it seems, but they did reunite the Bellas, the singing group for a great cause, basically for UNICEF to help the children in Beirut after the horrible explosion that happened earlier this month. And the Bellas reformed for a song online, even complete with their snarky commentator.

Hello, everybody. I'm John Smith. And I'm Gail Abernathy-McCann-Feinberger And I'm afraid I have some bad news The Barden Bellas have gotten back together again It seems that not even a quarantine could prevent them from harassing us with another musical performance They got together and did some Beyonce and as usual sounded amazing Baby it's you, you're the one I love You're the one I need, you're the only one I see as usual. Sounded amazing. Beyonce know what her song's being used for?

I don't know. Charitable purposes? I'm sure she'd be happy. She'd be fine with that. We tried to do some acapella this week, actually, didn't we? Oh, yeah, we did it with the lady in New Plymouth who's putting together a band of farmers who are just going to play their instruments with things around the farm like the fencing wire and the cow's udders

and things like that we gave it a crack take it away Mustangs Sally here we go okay okay bum bum bum ba dum bum bum bum ba dum bum bum bum bum bum

ba dum bum bum bum bum ba dum bum bum bum ba dum bum bum bum ba dum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum jump it go go All I can hear is you go, you were very thrusty as well. You had a lot of hip thrusting going on. So if UNICEF would like that for a charity single, we are available.

For more spy, head to thehits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben you can catch up with the boys anytime just search Jono and Ben on Facebook and we want to know why today's going to be

a good day let's hit the music you just put us up 0800 the hits 4487 you tell us why hump day is going to be a good day for you

as big or as little as you want yeah I don't know I'm trying to think why's it going to be a good day. Oh, going home, hanging out with the kids.

Yeah, it's always nice. Homeschooling kids, it is fun. Yeah. And you just say a shout out to Tony and Sam who just brought us in some coffee

and some muffins as well. Oh, yeah. Tony and Sam. Who work in the building with us because we helped them out with something. Well, they didn't need to do that so it was very kind of them

so that's why today's going to be a good day. Yeah, Ben, they said we need some help avoiding tax and Ben's like, well, you've come to the right man and you showed them what to do. I embezzled those funds. And what do you get for embezzling? You get some muffins and a coffee.

So there you go. Wonderful gesture. You know how to cook them books. And if anyone is having tax issues and would like to dodge the tax department, give us a text 4487. Ben Boyce will help you out on that front. Help you out. But yeah, give us a call.

0800 the hits so let's go to Dr Zoe in Tauranga welcome to New Zealand's breakfast Dr Zoe why is it going to be a good day for you?

Hi guys so it's going to be a very good day because today is finally a day off after 8 days in a row of doing lots of swabbing

so clearly 20 of us oh you're doing COVID swabbing are you out at a, you're doing COVID swabbing? Are you out at a station, are you? Well, I work at an urgent care clinic

so we've kind of been doing our normal work plus lots of swabbing. So it's obviously kind of ramped up the last week.

Yeah. We've been like absolutely slammed at work and lots of I've got a really sore back from bending into people's I can imagine you guys have been doing this. So record lots of, I've got a really sore back from bending into people's cars. I can imagine.

You guys have been doing, yeah, so record number of testing, I understand, over the last three days. And we really do appreciate, you know, from all of New Zealand, what you guys are doing for us, you know. Can't imagine it's easy turning up at work and doing that all day. So thank you. No, it's not. But it's, yeah, it's good to have a day off.

Well, you're doing God's work out there, Zoe. You really are. Now I have a question. Have you tested yourself? Do you put your own stick up your own nose? Oh, no. But when I was tested, like, obviously, I spend most of the day telling people, oh, you know, it doesn't hurt.

It's just a little bit uncomfortable. And when I had to reswab, somebody videos me having the swab done, and I am not proud. I was very much proud. You're like, uh-oh. I've been lying to people's faces. But it's a scene. Someone took a screenshot of my face during the video

and posted it on Facebook, so yeah. Well, it sounds like you've got a well-deserved rest ahead of you. You enjoy that. Have a lie down, and thank you so much again, as Ben said, for all your hard work, Zoe. No worries. Thanks, guys. Have a great day.

Double Pass to Reading Cinema is coming your way. That's how it works. 0800 THE HITS. Why is today going to be a good day? We'll try and squeeze in another one or two. Ebony, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. It's wonderful to have you on. Why's it going to be a good day for you, matey?

It's going to be a great day because I've got just one of my kids at home. The other three are at school, so we get to have some alone time. Oh, one-on-one time. That's awesome. Why's it going to be a good day for you, Pitty? Because I get to cuddle with the puppy. Oh, Pitty. Oh, Eb-on-one time. That's awesome. Why is it going to be a good day for you, Pitty? Because I get to cuddle with the puppies. Oh, Pitty. Oh, Ebony. What a caller.

Comes in with the cuteness at the end. Kills us with cuteness. Oh, puppies. Wonderful, Ebony. Why no you, Marta? You guys have a great day. We're going to give you a double pass at Reading Cinemas as well, okay? Thank you so much. You look after yourself. Will do. Alrighty. Hey, tomorrow on the show, very exciting. Got a special guest, don't we? Yeah, James Rollison. He's? Thank you so much. You look after yourself. Will do. All righty.

Hey, tomorrow on the show, very exciting. Got a special guest, don't we? Yeah, James Rollison. He's got a new movie out. You'll know him from Boy. And yeah, it's been 10 years since Boy. We're going to talk to him about his new movie, which is in cinemas tomorrow.

We'll catch you tomorrow from 6. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits. And via the iHeartRadio app.