Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 21 - Jacinda Ardern, Jono's Worst Moments Of The Week, What Were You Paid To Do As A Kid?

Episode Date: August 20, 2020

Ben lets slip that he has paid his kids hush money so they'll keep quiet about Ben accidentally damaging his wife's plants, so we ask what were you paid to do as a kid?! We also look back at the worst moments of the week, including when Jono compares the Pitch Perfect cup song to Ben making love! We also catch up with Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and put to her a question from Ben's daughter Sienna. Have a great weekend!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. This is the podcast intro Friday. Friday, yeah. Happy about Friday. I tell you, I've had computer issues yesterday. Oh, did you? And it's a common stereotype about the computer industry that they're always like, have you turned it off and turned it back on again?

Sometimes that works though. It does, yeah. I mean, it's a method. It's a method. But I phoned the computer line, and the automated voice message was, welcome to the computer fixing place, official name. And firstly, before we put you through to anyone, have you tried turning it off and on again on the automated message?

I guess it probably saves the first question when it gets through to them, going, hey, have you turned it off and on again on the automated message i guess it probably saves the first question when it gets through to them going hey if you turn it off again because if you hadn't then you could have done that and then they don't have to talk to you i always felt like it's just a fob off whenever we've dealt with tech people have you turned it off turn on here it's just a good way for them to get off the phone my um my friend used to work in it and he said they used to call it bounce the box because it sounded a bit smarter yeah it's a the box? When you talk to other IT people, they'll be like, oh, you bounced the box yet, because it sounded a bit smarter than... They turned it off, turned it on again.

Yeah, no, bounce the box didn't work, and they're like, oh, okay, it must be something else. That's a great bit of jargon for that industry. I don't know if it's a common one, but they used it in their workplace. Whenever anyone phones at the radio station, they're like, can I hear Pink? You're like, yeah, no no worries we'll get that on soon

and he's pulling back the curtain the radio announcer has no intention of getting that song on well no I guess unless it's an all requests show

and that but we lie we lie yeah no worries we'll get it on soon I don't know why you lie why don't you just say we have no say

in what music no because then you're like oh well who does and then you're involved in an explanation it's easier to just go it's easier to like and disappoint. That's what I've found.

That's why the people listen and go, Jono said they're going to play my Pixar. And they'd be a hater if you just said, hey, look, Aaron works here. He's in charge of the music. And he spent many years studying music. They researched the music. They do a great job of that. I'll mention it to him if I can get it on. That's fine.

That's a long pleasure. Yeah, no, we'll get it on and then... Well, yeah, if you'd like someone to go around hating you for not playing your pink side. Well, that's right, yeah, or they could just go on to Spotify or iTunes. But you wouldn't do that right now because we are on iHeartRadio and about to play the podcast. Big show.

Yeah, Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister, she joins us, as well as our all-black Damien McKenzie on the podcast today. And Jono's worst moments of the week. Enjoy. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, the other day I spoke about how I accidentally broke a plant.

I broke a big leaf off one of Amanda, my wife's favourite plants, and it looked like I'd covered it up because I threw it outside, and she found it. But this is your story. It looks like the evidence is mounting against you. If I'm your defence lawyer, I'm like, buddy, you're looking so hard time here. Can't get you off this one. Well, yesterday, I broke another plant.

Oh, my gosh. You're just on a rampage. I snapped another thing. And it was just me and the kids in the room at the time. And I was like, uh-oh. And I'm like, uh-oh. Uh-oh, guys. We know what this means.

Daddy's moving out of the house. I'm going to say this now because I'm hoping that either my family aren't listening to this radio show or they're still in bed asleep. No, we've seen the results. They're not, mate.

Okay, good. They're not listening. I ended up paying the kids a little bit of hush money just to keep quiet. Oh, good on you. Good on you. Not proud of it?

No, be proud of it. Bribery is something that makes this world turn around, my friend. Yeah. So hopefully now that will be world turn around, my friend. Yeah. So hopefully now that will be all gone. It'll be gone. The good thing is kids, you can just pay them to do it.

And they'll stick to the rules now. Because my wife, Jennifer, she was paid to go down the road and pick up cigarettes for her dad. Oh, as a child? The dairy owner and the dad had some sort of line of communication going. This is back in the day where it was... Oh, back in the day when you could sell cigarettes to minors. Now, what is

a PC madness? PC madness nowadays. You know who I blame? I blame the bloody Labour's and the Greens. Crazy left-wing politics. Kids can't buy cigarettes now. What is wrong with the world? My mum actually paid because she

smoked for a little bit and then she hated the fact she did so she was like, through teenage years she was like, I'll pay you not to smoke. And I was like, well this is a great deal, I spend it all on cigarettes. No, no, no. She just didn't know. No, I actually had no interest in smoking but I was like, but I had interest in money so I happily took her money.

Yeah, that's a good idea. But she was like, yeah I'll pay you and I was like, but I had interest in money, so I happily took her money. Yeah, that's a good idea. But she was like, yeah, I'll pay you. And I was like, well, fine. What were you paid to do as a kid? Hush money. Or just pure job money? Yeah, what are your jobs? What are your tasks around the house? The chores? What was the unusual one?

Let's head to Nelson. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Polly, how are you, mate? Morning, how are you? Oh, we're doing well. What were you paid to do as a little one, Polly? My dad once paid me $20 so I would call up his boss and tell him that he was sick and couldn't come in to work, but he was actually just taking the day

off so he could watch the Super Bowl. Right, right. Surely the boss was going, how did this kid get my number? Yeah, I just still remember it. I'd tease him about it to this day. Was it a good performance from you? I think so.

He managed to get the day off. Yeah, convincing. I'm a good book. Yeah, no, I mean, no one's going to have a question to kid, are they? Oh, he must be really

up for the count. He's got the little one phony. Polly, that is genius from your father. Thank you for your call. Let's head to Wellington. Lucy, welcome to the program. How are you?

I'm good. I love listening to you guys in the mornings. Thanks so much. Oh, listen, we love having you on the show, mate to the program. How are you? I'm good. I love listening to you guys in the mornings. Thanks so much. Oh, listen, we love having you on the show, mate. Bloody desperate. Were you teed up to say that? I feel like you were.

Please don't tell us you were. Please don't tell us. You'll break our hearts if you were. It feels like something Producer Humphrey would get you to say. Did he make you say that? You tell us honestly, Lucy. No, I swear. You're sticking with your story?

You're going to pay me to do it? I can't. I love your work, Lucy. No, I swear. You're sticking with your story? They're going to pay me to do it. I love your word, Lucy. What were you paid to do as a kid, mate? So I was paid a dollar to go down to the fridge and get my dad a beer. And then once he'd finished it, I get paid another dollar to go take it to the recycling and get him another. Oh, that is perfect. Yeah, that's good.

That's handy. And before you know it, you've got $24. And a dad who's passed out on the floor. Keep bringing dad more beers for more money. Yeah, we'll be like, oh, hang on. And then he'd say, I'll give you $5 to go drive down the road and get another, but obviously I couldn't drive. Well, we'll also pay you for those

favourable comments you said at the beginning of this call too, Lucy. Appreciate it. No worries. Hey, the thing I want to hit kids up about is we're all recklessly giving them cash when they're on the side of the road selling their manky fruit and whatever they've got, appreciate it. No worries. Hey, the thing I want to hit kids up about is we're all recklessly giving them cash when they're on the side of the road selling their manky fruit and whatever they've got, you know. Their cute little stands where they're like you can't, and if they're like, oh you want to buy a

muffin that I made? And it's like, well you know this is not going to be up to industry standard. You want your food grade rating. Yeah, but you feel like extorted into purchasing it. You have to do it. You're a monster if you don't buy something off a kid. But are those kids paying tax on that, Ben?

No. Let's get to these issues. No, they're not. That's one of the election issues we need to crack down on. We'll talk to Jacinda after eight o'clock and we'll say,

you like taxing people. How about these kids on the side of the road who aren't paying any tax with their fruit sales? Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben

on my heads. Now lockdown is on for some parts of New Zealand at the moment, and a lot of people are watching movies, watching Netflix. I talked the other day about how my kids and I, we watched The Wizard of Oz, the original, and then I Googled online. There's a lot of stuff went on behind the scenes there.

Oh, the filming, the production was an absolute fiasco, wasn't it? Asbestos was sprinkled on Dorothy as snow. They used actual asbestos. Wicked Witch got second and third degree burns when she didn't quite disappear through a trap door and the fire came out. And then they replaced the original Tin Man because he got aluminium poisoning.

With the spray paint. They just spray painted his face. And Judy Garland, I was reading too, following on, the studio executives would shoot her up with adrenaline before coming on set just so she was on peak form. And then at night, would give her like downers to put her to sleep.

Like drugging Judy Garland. Oh my god. It was wild. Oh, and then there's little there were little fellas in there, weren't there? Yeah, the munchkins. The munchkins, they were involved apparently in ravenous group adult activities in the hotel. Like the police were called multiple times. One of them got stuck in a toilet.

Really? I don't know which end. Head first or... Yeah. So I mean, the Wizard of Oz, just an absolute... You couldn't get away with that in 2020. Imagine that. Imagine Alan's getting roasted for not being nice to everyone.

Imagine the stuff that was happening in The Wizard of Oz back in the 30s. Exactly. But you were watching yesterday with your kids the Jurassic World and Jurassic Park movies. Oh, yeah. Now, there's many of them. I didn't realise how many. Yeah, there's a few other that have kind of snuck through, right?

They have. There was a guy, you know, 2, 3, 4 were kind of not critically acclaimed. Sam Neill was also a number three or something. He pops up at number three. Oh, he got another gig. Oh, so he was in the first one then popped back again and I think he's in the latest one

they're just filming, right? Alan Grant. But the thing with Jurassic Park is they didn't learn from their mistakes. Like the first movie, what went on in the first movie, they come back for the sequel and they're like,

oh, should we go for another go, eh? Should we bring back the dinosaurs again? Go back to the island. It's like, did you guys see how the last one turned out? It's true. They keep bringing them back and thinking something's going to change.

I would like to see a Jurassic Park where they all sit around in a boardroom and they're like, okay guys, what do we, okay, should we go for another burst? Try and bring these dinosaurs back. Hang on, hang on.

Someone's got a happy ear ending this time. And someone sensible says, okay, we've tried this four or five times, guys. We lost a lot of good men and women. We lost a lot of great people. It perished at the hands of velociraptors, T-Rexes. We even made a new dinosaur just to see how that would go. It didn't go well.

A morphed hybrid of a wild dinosaur, and see how that would go. It didn't go well. A morphed hybrid of a wild dinosaur and that didn't end well. They're out there filming in the next one now. Sam Neill is making a new one now. Well, they brought

some more dinosaurs back. How many mistakes do humans have to make in the Jurassic series before they learn? That's all I want to know. That's a very good point. The first one was like,

oh, that was a shocking idea. Let's never go back there again. But no, they've decided to keep sticking their hand in the car door multiple times. Oh, Jurassic World. Some of them good, some of them didn't even know it existed. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, this is meant to be Jono's worst moments of the week, but the combined, that was one of ours. Yes, Ben Boyce tries to publicly defame me, name me and shame me for all my low points of the week. It's like a public performance appraisal. Yeah, well, a lot of shows like to focus on their best bits. Well, you focus on one of the players in the team,

their worst bits. Yeah, when the All Blacks finish a game, they don't go, oh, bloody Bowdoin Baron had a shocker today. It's what you're always on, his worst bits, because he doesn't have worst bits Baron had a shocker today. It's why he's always got his worst bits because he doesn't have worst bits. He's a great player. Yeah, but no one gets it. My point was Well, no one's as bad as you in the All Blacks. The point was

the analogy was meant to be no one singles each other out. Well, I do. And this is Jono's worst bits of the week. It started Monday. You turned up to Monday and you couldn't even do your pants up. It was a bad start. You know, I put these trousers on this morning, Ben and Juliet, and I haven't worn these trousers in many years. Right.

And I thought, oh, I could squeeze my sausage legs into these. Turns out I can't. You can't do the top button up. Yeah, it was a bad look, wasn't it? It was like a whole bunch of Sally's No More Gaps just squeezing out the top of a tiny little drain pipe and my body isn't quite recovered. I had to get them surgically removed, those trousers.

It was just tough at the moment. It was tough. I had to get a white cross and everything. Now, we were talking about how I learnt the Cups song from Pitch Perfect from an internet video where you've got to basically move cups to the time of the song. And I played out the internet video that I was watching. Clap, sweep, top table, bottom hand down. No, that's not how it goes.

You're not meant to make those noises. That was just the system. Oh, the movement. The rhythm. You're meant to just shut up and sing along with the cup thing. It's also the same video that Ben taught himself how to make love to. Clap, clap. Don't say it out loud.

Don't say it out loud, Ben. It's a bad look. And that's just a fact. It's a fact. I've heard that firsthand. At number two in Jono's Worst Moments of the Week, this little moment, this shocker, where he was talking to Susan. The hits, hello.

Hello, am I too nearly for the live for free competition? Who's this? Susan. Tell me who it is. Susan Walsh. What is your name, sorry? Susan. I can't.

What's her name? Her name's Susan. I can hear it. Why can't you hear Susan? Susan, what's your name? I don't know what you were doing there. I don't know what you were doing. And finally, you brought up something yesterday on the show.

Made me awkward. I can't even say it. You know the clip, Max. You know the one. I do. I think it was Bill Cosby who once said, they say the darndest things. And so do witnesses as well. Yeah, let's not go there with Cosby. Okay. Yeah, it was a TV show that he did, wasn't it? Yeah, I know. We can't dance around the fact that he was a host. It was before we knew everything about him. Can't say the darndest things. Yeah, you're right. It was the lovable Cosby years. Yeah. And we didn't know what horrible stuff he was doing. Yeah, I know. We can't dance around it, Matt. He was a host. It was before we knew everything about him. Can't say the darndest things. Yeah, you're right. It was the lovable Cosby years. Yeah.

Yeah, and we didn't know what horrible stuff he was doing. Oh, that was awkward. Still makes you nervous, doesn't it? It does. That was Jono's worst moments of the week. And also I'd like to add, because I knew this was coming up, I knew you were going to give my worst plays of the week, so I thought I'd come to the party with a bonus track as well.

Ben Boyce. What did I do? Wrapping up an interview with Blockbuster, the last Blockbuster video on the face of the earth, the last video shop of Blockbuster video shop on the face of the earth. And you said this at the end. It's great to see that Blockbuster's still a

thing and going well. I love it how you say going well. There's only one store left. But it's going well. It's going the opposite of well. They went from having thousands of shops to one store.

Glad to see Floorbuster's still going well. And that was both of our worst moments of the week. Good morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Right now we'll talk about my cat. Just before the first lockdown we got a kitten. We called it Bubbles because we're now Bubble So Bubble hangs out with us at home obviously

Well for most of the time Could have called it Pivot Could have called it the new normal The new normal Other hot buzzwords around the pandemic So we called it Bubble But the cat doesn't like sticking to its bubble Like it goes everywhere

Like yesterday we went for a walk You know sort of walk around the block with the dog and the cat followed 500 metres down the road. The cat followed us just along the footpath. I was like, mate, you can't come out. So I had to take the cat back. But then it was- Who's to say cats can't go for a walk?

It's weird to walk a cat on a leash. That's not weird. Oh, it didn't have a leash. That was the thing. So yeah, but I talked to about three neighbours recently in different parts of the neighbourhood. And they're like, oh, your cat comes over, sleeps on the bed, your cat comes over

and gets feed out of the... It's like the cat is just living. It's just everywhere. Does it humble you to know that you're not providing enough mental stimulation for your cat that he has to go and find it somewhere else? It does. They have such an air of arrogance about them cats,

so they just wander into someone's house. I know, scratching the door. You're most lucky to be having me on your lap yeah sometimes smelling of smoke you're like where have you been mate and it's like

yeah I'm hungry now feed me so I thought yeah is that chef I smell on your breath because I only feed you whiskers where have you been

so I thought we'd open up the phones this morning for a bit of cat chat do you remember this random acorn song Ben's created a whole theme tune around it the phones this morning for a bit of cat chat. It's MacDowall all on the floor. It's cat chat. Do you remember this random acorn song? Ben's created a whole theme tune

around it. Not with enough time to make a parody but we're going to do cat chat. So any cat related stories. I want your best cat story this morning.

Oh 800 the hits. What have you got for us? 4487. You know I like telling you this one about the kitten. I've told you this one before. My mate had and they were playing around

and then the kitten's claw because Jono likes any eye related stories. The kitten's claw got caught. I told you this one about the kitten. I've told you this one before. My mate had and they were playing around in the kitten's claw. Oh, don't. Because Jono likes any eye-related stories. The kitten's claw got caught. I told you this one, eh? You like this one? Yeah, sure. In the eye loop. I know. I can't stand eye stories. And it went through like a fish hook in his eye loop. I've told you this, eh? I have told you this. Yeah, I feel like... If I take

my headphones off, it doesn't actually help. It's not the same room. I can still hear you with my ears. It just surrounds sound. I can tell you that one again if you want. Oh, we can get some calls. Move on, okay. Cat Chat, has your cat got a degree in psychology? Can your cat drive a bus? I don't know. Whatever. 0800 that's 4487 is the text.

Let's go to the phone. Sarah and Rangiora, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you this morning, mate? I'm doing good, thanks. How are you guys? We're doing well. Lovely to have you on. Cat Chat, what have you got? I've been a very clever cat. So a couple of years ago, I was living down in Christchurch and we moved up to Rangiora.

On the day we got the moving vans and everything, our little cat ran away. And, yeah, we thought he'd come back, didn't come back. A couple of weeks went by. We kept visiting our Christchurch house, never came back. So we kind of accepted that back, didn't come back. A couple of weeks went by. We kept visiting our Christchurch house, never came back. So we kind of accepted that he probably wasn't coming back. And then about three weeks later, he turned up at the Rangiora house. At the new house?

What? How did he know where you lived? I have no idea. And still to this day, that was me. But I'm just glad he's back. So how many k's is that? I don't even know. It's a bloody long way. 30. About 30.

30 kilometres. Thank you, Millennial Max, there, for your wonderful knowledge. Your Google Maps over there. Google Max, we call him. Google Max. That's good. That is so impressive. Unless the cat was hidden in a piece of furniture or something that you'd... I don't know. Who am I to say? It was an old cat. We used to have an old cat in Marston.

We moved. He walked 5k's, our old cat. Yeah, but that was to say? We used to have an old cat in Marston. We moved. He walked 5km, our old cat. Yeah, but that was to another house. Oh, wow, that's impressive, Sarah. Thank you. That's impressive. Fiona, welcome to the show, Fiona. Cat chat, what have you got? So one of our cats, he used to like hanging out at kindy.

So when my son was at kindy, he'd go and hang out there for the morning while he was there. But he also followed us everywhere. If we went out for a walk and he saw us, he was there. And we'd gone round to a friend's house for a barbecue. And he was just a pain in the backside, in and out of the house. So my husband decided to go. He even went up there as well.

Oh, yeah. And he was, like, going through their cat flap and then crawling you know scratching at the door to get out um so my husband went right i'm taking him home so obviously rather than picking him up my husband went all right i'll just like call him so he's like she's calling him you know bilbo and whistling yeah and my husband's quite a big big sort of like blokey bloke um and there was another man walking his rather large dog and he was like looking at my husband to go are you seriously walking your cat my husband sort of like fluffed up a little bit more i'm like yep i'm walking my cat come on bill bow it's on your way home but we also had another

cat that disappeared for 11 months after we moved and just before we moved house again he turned up and now we can't get him out of the house he's always in the house we're going back to your walking cats. I don't know when in humanity we decided it wasn't okay to walk a cat. Yeah, you're right. Somewhere along the way it became socially unacceptable, didn't it? Thank you, Fiona. Appreciate your call.

And we'll go out on Kate. Welcome. Cat chat, Kate. What have you got? Hey. So recently my partner and I moved into a new house and the previous owners had a cat and they decided to leave it with the neighbours when they moved.

But it just kept coming over. Like it would start scratching at the window. It would sneak in the door when we left it open. It started just snuggling up in the sun on our couch. To be fair to the cat though, like the neighbours of the old owners just sold it like one house along. Of course he's going to keep going back to the place. This is not my house.

I know. Makes perfect sense in a cat's mind. I know. I suppose it does. But the funny thing is neither of us even wanted a cat. Now we have one. You've got a cat. Yeah, I'm not a cat.

I get all rashy with cats. I get quite rashy around a lot of things, don't I? Cheesels make me rashy. Cats make me rashy. I'm just quite a rashy, rashy, sensitive individual. Very sensitive. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up

with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. A big day for New Zealand government looking into the lockdown levels

in a cabinet meeting this morning and Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern joins us on the phone right now. Gary's debt collection agency.

Oh God. Why do you start like that, Prime Minister? One day you're going to get me set. It doesn't really work when I'm the one dialling. And Jacinda's already spoken to our producer as well, Ben as well. One day I'll get you, Prime Minister. One day.

How are you, Prime Minister? Oh, not bad. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're doing all right. I heard the other day Clark was talking you, Prime Minister. One day. How are you, Prime Minister? Oh, not bad. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're doing all right. I heard the other day Clark was talking at your Labour launch about how you're reading Cabinet papers at midnight in bed. How much sleep are you getting and why are you reading Cabinet papers at midnight?

Oh, just because there's a lot of them. Yeah, that's not a new feature. And I doubt that there would have been many past prime ministers listening to that, but I think they would have been nodding along. Yeah, it just comes with the job. A lot of paperwork. Clark knew you liked reading cabinet papers before you got together. It was a thing that was prerequisite.

No, no, no. And it's fair to say he's not a great fan, often because, you know, it means the light's still on while he's trying to go to sleep. Well, I mean, if anything's going to put you to sleep, put you to sleep, it'll be cabinet papers, surely. Yeah. No, no. No, I just love cabinet papers. So good.

Jacinda, obviously today you guys are reviewing the current levels for New Zealand. And it sounds like it's not going to be until Monday, though, we get the official decision, right? Yeah, so we said that when we went into the restrictions that we'd do a check-in. But even though we said that they would be in place for at least a two-week period, we said we'd check in. So we're going to do that check-in today. But then, of course, actually, we're slightly out of cycle a little bit.

Two weeks is marked on Wednesday so we'll be making an announcement about what happens next on Monday just to give people a lead time. We're desperate for a scoop so what have you got for us? You need to tune in to the 1 o'clock. Jacinda's got her own show.

Stop plugging your TV show at 1 o'clock. She's trying to get her own ratings up. Now Prime Minister here's a question for you, and that's good because this is an interview. Donald Trump mentioned New Zealand a couple of times this week. Have we got that audio, Millennial Max? New Zealand, by the way, had a big outbreak. And other countries that were held up to try and make us look

not as good as we should look because we've done an incredible job, but they're having a lot of outbreaks, but they'll be able to put them out and we put them out. End it on a positive note, they'll be able to put them out. My question is, do you think Donald Trump just goes out there without any preparation and just says words? Well, I don't, I can't say either way, whether that was prepared or not, but I think it's fair to say that we know that relative to the United States, I don't think you would call what we're experiencing something really, really big.

And it's always good for New Zealand to get a shout out as well. That makes me happy as a New Zealander. Normally we're like that, right? I've heard it before, though, and it wasn't true then and it's not true now. Now, Jacinda Ardern, hopefully you're going to be able to hear this because my daughter, Sienna, has got to make a school speech. And the topic is wisdom. And she wants to do it on you.

And she has a question, if you don't mind, to play to you to ask about a school speech. Hi, Prime Minister. It's Sienna here. For my school speech, the topic is wisdom and I've chosen to do my speech about you. So I wanted to know, what helps you to be wise? And do you think it's wise for me to do my speech on you?

Double-ended question there. Yeah, two questions. Oh, that was actually quite deep at the end there. I'm not the person to answer the second part. Someone, you know, if you're wise, you don't blow your own trumpet. the end there. I probably, I probably not, I'm not the person to answer the second part. Someone, someone, you know,

if you're wise, you don't, you don't blow your own trumpet. Yes, little girl, I think you should write a speech on me. Definitely, make it longer. The first though,

the good question, I think, you know, wisdom is accepting that you don't hold all of the answers all of the time. Oh,

that's like some Deloitte Lama-ish. That was really good. That was beautiful. That's the smartest thing anyone's ever said on this radio show. I got Jacinda Ardern with us. Father's Day coming up soon.

Got a present, Sus? Do you need a hand? No, I've got nothing. Cabinet papers. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll just, no cabinet papers in bed for a couple of weeks. You could probably whip past the fish shop

if you're allowed to get some fish bait or, you know, like some new fishing lures or something. I did hooks last year so I think I'd probably need to move on from that. We, by and large, just stick to cards.

Oh, no. Ben Boyce has got a big issue with cards. He thinks they're a waste of money and if you're going to give him a card, just give him the value

of the card in cash. Yeah, I'd rather have the five bucks than a card. What about, I mean, what about a homemade card with lots of sentimental things in it? Oh, that's okay. That's okay. I mean, there's no money on that.

You can't put a price on that. But if someone's going to spend $5 on me, then, you know, I'd rather have the $5. Yeah. And just write the sentimental message across, you know, the Hillary's face. Well, Jacinda, I'm doing all the best for today. I hope the meeting goes well and it's well catered. And we can't wait for the official announcement. Thanks, guys. I'll talk to you soon. See you, Jacinda Ardern, all the best for today. I hope the meeting goes well and it's well catered. And we can't wait for the official announcement. Thanks, guys.

I'll talk to you soon. See you, Jacinda. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It's been for the last couple of weeks we've been talking about getting a show sponsor. Originally, you were like, what would you do if I won Lotto? And I said, well, I would... Sponsor the show.

Yeah, so you would just have to say, Jono and Ben brought you by Ben, he's the coolest or something. Just as a... It was just banter. It was just a joke. Oh, but hasn't it been a turnout for the books? Hasn't it been a turnout? And we'll bring you up to speed now with this wonderful sponsorship journey we've been on. I'd like to sponsor this radio show.

Let's get a sponsor before Ben Boyce wins Lotto. Unorthodox approach, phoning an opposition radio station. Jono and Ben on the hits, brought to sponsor this radio show. Let's get a sponsor before Ben Boyce wins Lotto. Unorthodox approach. Phoning an opposition radio station. Jono and Ben on the hits. Brought to you by More FM. That would be brilliant. The suits upstairs weren't entirely on board with that little partnership. But Ben Boyce.

You've got a sponsor for the show. May have the show sponsored. No. The problem being is you're going to need to leave the room now. They only want to sponsor me. Really? And they don't want to sponsor Ben. If anyone's got any ideas on how we break this news...

Put it in a classified in the newspaper. What is this? Jono is sponsored by Skinny. I have been crossed out. They're all about keeping prices low. My partner's Skinny. Would love to do some giveaways for something that I'm not allowed to take part in. You can go mmm, but mmm.

You can agree with me. That was yesterday on the show. Well, I've had some feedback from the client. Too much mmm. What? Can I give Skinny a call? I want to see if I can get involved and be part of this. Do you feel some coattails are being written here?

Because I do. But yeah, I'll help you out. Whatever, buddy. Ali, the big boss. It's Skinny. Hello. Can you talk through me? I want to get involved.

We're just going to sponsor Jono. Sorry. She's saying you're an absolute twit. You just might have to deal with it. She's saying deal with it. Twit. Could I prove myself? I'll think of some stuff.

You can't just go, I'll just do some stuff. But you'd think he might have come a bit more prepared to this meeting. It is the age-old friendship problem. We're only one of you sponsored by a generous telco. So Jono is sponsored by Skinny, brought to you by Skinny, and he's arrived today because Skinny's colour is orange. That's their corporate colours.

Yeah, I'm a corporate guy. You don't look corporate. You've got an orange T-shirt, orange bow tie, orange feather bar, orange hat, orange glasses, orange braces, orange tutu. Orange Desmond tutu. Looking good. I'm looking fantastic. Looking very festive. I'm so committed to Skinny, you've got it. Looking good. I'm looking fantastic. Looking very festive.

I'm so committed to skinny, I've renamed my whole family, the skinnies. The skinnies have got one skin, two skin, three skin, and I'm number four. I see what you've done there.

I can put that together in my head. Did you enjoy that? Yeah, I did. I can see where you're going on that one too. It's like, oh, oh, oh, here we go. There's four of us in the family and I'm the fourth one. Yeah, anyway.

I'm dressed in orange right now. Full orange, and I'm the colour of like, if I was an intersection, you would run me if you were feeling risky at the intersection. You know, that orange. That orange right now. Shows a lot with your complexion.

My blotchy pink complexion and orange. Two wonderful colours. Beautiful. But Ben Boyce, you've been laughing at me all morning, haven't you? Since you saw me first thing dressed in orange. You're like, hmm, look at you. You look silly. I thought it was a road code in the studio.

But no, it's you. But there's a reason. Okay. There's a reason. Well, yeah, of course. Because you're sponsored by Skinny. Yeah. But there's more of a reason.

Because I know you are sad. You come to work sad every day not being sponsored. I can tell when you walk in, you're like, I'm not sponsored. That's all he's saying, isn't it, Millennial Max? And we walk in, everyone's talking behind his back, and they're like, you heard, he's not sponsored. Are they saying that? That was the office chat.

Yeah, everyone's saying it. All the office out there. Yeah, all the office. Everyone's saying it. Michael Boggs, the CEO, is going to send an email out to everyone, the whole company, saying, yeah, Ben's saying it. All the offers out there. Yeah, all the offers. Everyone's saying it. Michael Boggs, the CEO, is going to send an email out to everyone, whole company, saying, I hear Ben's not sponsored. But I want to get you sponsored.

I want to get you on board this lucrative corporate train, my friend. Right. Skinny, I spoke to Ellie yesterday, and she was open to the idea of you potentially coming into our partnership. Oh, that's good. That's good. Well, it sounds like we're inviting you in for an open relationship. And, hey, we're an experimental couple, experimental sponsorship couple.

If I can see other people, we can bring them in. That's fine. It's a new age. A new age. Yeah, a new age. But the reason I am dressing orange is because Ellie and me have decided that the sensible way for you to come into our partnership would be

for you to dress in orange as well. The corporate colours show your commitment to skinny. I'll get them on for a show. Okay. So what we have here, Ben, is... You don't want me to get on, you know, like you have. We have here the Finding Nemo costume. The orange clownfish.

And... That's not what you're wearing. That's not what I wear, but this is orange. I mean, mate, how... I'm going to look sharp. I'm only going to get one outfit. It's got eyes and everything. This, for you, is going to be your outfit for the next week.

Not for a week. Until next Friday. Not for a week. Next Friday. Do you want to be sponsored? This is how the sponsorship world works, mate. Why does it work like this? Finding Benno.

And it's your job, New Zealand, if you see Ben out and about or posting on social media not wearing this Nemo costume, this bright orange Nemo costume, then the sponsorship deal's off for you. A week? A week, Friday to Friday.

Put it on now. Okay? Okay. You're looking one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish at the moment. You're looking a little sad. Well, yeah, a week seems like a long time. It's a long time. That's not even... But in the grand scheme of life, it's not.

It's just a week. That's not guaranteeing me part of this partnership, right? Potentially. Yes, exactly. Decisions still need to be made. Okay, so show your commitment to Skinny. If you want to get sponsored, if you want this thing to be successful, you need to wear that clownfish suit for seven days.

Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Wonderful to have you with us on New Zealand's Breakfast Friday morning. This is another bloody great morning. If you're an orange, I'm an orange. I'm an orange. We're all dressed very wacky radio

at the moment, aren't we? Skinny's sponsorship. Skinny's just sponsoring me at the moment and to get Ben on board, Skinny and myself have decided in a high-powered board meeting

that we'd make him dress like the orange fish from Finding Nemo, otherwise known as Nemo. Now, if you spot Ben finding Ben out and about without this thing on... A week?

You'll lose your job. I'll lose my job? Your job. We'll rip up your contract. Wow. That's how serious this is. I don't know if that's actually legal, but anyway. And we take one of your family.

Just one. You choose. Choice is yours. Your least liked family member. We'll take them. Okay. Now, I made an investment last week and it's slowly starting to become the bane of my existence.

I bought a 20 kg bag of potatoes. 20 kg? 20 kilograms. That's a lot of kilograms of potatoes. That's a lot of starch. A lot, a lot of starch. Tell you what, and all I am eating, breakfast, lunch and dinner is just potatoes.

You can't have it at a race against time. Maybe they last for a while, but sometimes- But then they start growing those little stalks off them, and you need to get to the middle. And so I'm just like, what can we have with potatoes? Why did you buy 20 kgs? It was a bargain. It was a bargain.

I can't even remember how much they were. It was like 10 bucks for 20 kgs. You're like, I've got to get these potatoes. I've had roast potatoes mashed potatoes potato gratin tried to cut my own potato chips you're like the character out of Forest Gump instead of shrimp you're the potato guy

I feel like I'm still going to be eating these potatoes in 2045 but all I bathe in potatoes my whole life is potatoes at the moment we knew a guy once who went on a potato only diet remember that? Daniel oh that's right

yeah digital Daniel he ate only potatoes and apparently it was doing wonders for his who were on a potato-only diet. Remember that? Daniel. Oh, that's right. Yeah, digital Daniel. He ate only potatoes, and apparently it was doing wonders for his, you know, his... He shred kgs, yeah. I think because he just couldn't be the thought of eating more potatoes for the next meal. That's how the potato diet works. He was like, oh, not again.

But I have, like, probably got 12 kgs of potatoes sitting inside of me right now. Have you got the food that you just consistently eat? Kale hummus, don't you? Yeah. You know, Lisa's beetroot hummus or something healthy? Yeah, probably Lisa's, actually. Lisa's.

Try and make it sound fancy. Yeah, probably something like that, I guess. Yeah. Celery. You're always eating celery sticks. I like celery sticks. Celery sticks are like eating paper. What does celery taste like?

It doesn't taste like much. That's why you need Lisa's hummus, mate. Lisa's. You put it with... Yeah. How long are you going to keep persisting with potatoes? Until I get to the bottom of the 20 kgs. That would be the obvious solution, wouldn't it?

I'll keep you up to date with my potato consumption. Potato watch, day four. Yeah. None of these have come out yet either. This is the disturbance. It's just stuck inside of me. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads.

Now, we like to give away prizes, but we thought we'd flip it on its head. Instead of you calling us, we call you. It's called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You. Now, this game show sounds like it's just been thoughtlessly made up as we go along, and you'd be right. It has been thoughtlessly made up.

No one is safe. No one was safe. If you've got a phone and you've got a mouth and you can say words, then pretty much you're going to win. It's a game show you didn't want to play, but you're playing anyway. Let's make a call. Good morning, Rangiora Lodge Motel. Rangiora Lodge Motel. Oh, Rangiora Lodge Motel, good morning to you.

Good morning to you. Can I help you? Good morning, Rangiora. How you doing? It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Yeah. Yeah, we have a wee game show we do where people don't call us, we call them. And it's called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You.

Four questions, four questions. You can win $40 worth of hell pizza. Go for it. The easiest questions around as well. You've just got to tolerate some of Jono's little jokes. Yeah, I'll try to. He likes it when I say little jokes. He really demeans his jokes.

You've got to tolerate them as if like... I spend most of my day tolerating them, so it's nice for someone else to tolerate and say them. Here's your first question. Okay, the North versus South game next weekend is going to be what? An inter-island tickle fight to the death? First little joke. A rugby game?

Not so much a joke. Or the domestic kissing competition? Or a rugby game and the South's going to win too. Oh, the South's going to win, yeah. Mainly because the whole team's just made up of all the Crusaders. Yeah, you're onto it. All right, you got your first question. That's $10, how pizza?

Ben Humphrey, our producer, was saying 15 Crusaders in the South team. At least. At least. It should be more. It should be more. We can't get any more on the field. I don't care. Get them on there.

The election. Just need the referee, yeah should be more. We can't get any more on the field. I don't care. Get them on there. The election. Just need the referee now. A one-eyed can't have, eh? The election has been delayed until when? A, until Ashley Bloomfield wants to run the country. B, Christmas Day. Or C, October 17. I'd say October 17.

Well done. Well done. You got two questions right. You got $20. How pizza so far? Kevin. Sounds good. Kevin who is a successful pizza so far? Kevin. Sounds good. Kevin who is a successful actor and comedian?

A. Kevin Hart. B. Kevin Smart. Or C. Kevin Dart. Oh, it'd have to be Hart, wouldn't it? It would. There we go. And finally, finally, Whangarei is located where? A. Northland.

B. Southland. Or C. A special place in all of our hearts. Oh, I would have gone C, but I'd say it's in Northland. Hey, well done. And that's it. You got $40 worth of pizza. You tolerated my little jokes. Oh, that's sweet.

Hey, $40 Hell Pizza, you hold the line, and we'll send it out to you. Oh, thank you very much. Have a good day yourself. Yeah, it's all thanks to Hell Pizza. Free range ingredients, plant-based, vegetarian, and gluten-free options available. I like your little jokes.

Yeah, I really do. I really do. You say them like that and then sort of your face is giving off the opposite vibe. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy, the WhatsApp by doco.nz.

Alright, Ben Boyce filling in for producer Juliet on Spy. You're doing a good job Ben Boyce. Yeah, you're... I'm fumbling my way through it at the moment. Hopefully producer Juliet will be back on Monday, but it's right now on Spy News. John Campbell, TV One Breakfast News presenter, got, in his words, off his nut on Carver

with a New Zealand hip-hop star in a new YouTube series called Carver Corner. It sees hip-hop star Mellow Downs interview prominent New Zealanders about their lives and musical influences. And John Campbell got interviewed and they drank a bit of Carver Corner. It sees hip-hop star Mellow Downs interview prominent New Zealanders about their lives and musical influences. And John Campbell got interviewed and they drank a bit of Carver. Carver, do you?

I'm quite whacked by that. Just one? Yeah, yeah. Well, it's because I've been up for about eight hours longer than you, Mellow. I am feeling a little bit stoned. Not that I know what feeling stoned feels like, obviously. You are a bad man now.

John Campbell's awesome, eh? So it looks like a good watch. The thing I love about John Campbell is he has a mouth like a sailor. Oh, yeah. When you meet him, you're like, oh, my God, how has he not let any of those go on TV? So professional on the television. Very professional.

Doesn't he do a great job? In real life, gee whiz. And Britney Spears' ex-husband. Now, this is the one that got married to Britney Spears in 2004 in their Vegas wedding. So 55 hours. You remember that? I remember that wild wedding.

Who was this? Jason Alexander? Yeah, Jason Alexander. How do I remember his name? Oh, because he had the same name as the guy from Seinfeld, George from Seinfeld. So he was outside the courthouse in LA yesterday where a hearing took place with Britney Spears.

Now, the hearing is to overturn the court ruling that happened to Britney. She had that breakdown, which is really sad, in 2008. And the court said then that she wasn't capable of looking after herself and her finances, so they appointed her dad to basically be in charge of her. Oh, she's trying to get it back, right? Yeah, now she's saying everyone's starting the Free Britney movement.

And Jason Alexander, her first husband, was outside the court. In the beginning, some of the videos and pictures the media was putting out, maybe there was a reason for a conservatorship then for a short period, but like 12 years later, come on. And then you see all this money that's missing and being spent, it's out of her control. It's just time to put it to an end, you know. So he's supporting her

and he also said that he's hoped they could rekindle things with Brittany. Rekindle the marriage. He claimed their marriage was never given a fair chance. No, it wasn't given a 55 hours. It's not a fair shot at marriage. And he's down for a do-over. Yeah.

So there you go. Just a little over two days. Yeah, he's like, it wasn't enough. No. So he's given it a third day to see if this thing's going to work out. They might have been drunk in Vegas, but yeah,

they're giving them another chance. So yeah, that's what he hopes is going to happen. Why is he there? He's supporting. He's supporting. Oh, yeah, I'm also getting back into it.

Yeah, just circling. Is he supporting or circling like a shark? One of the two. We'll let you decide. Maybe a bit of both. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. It is the hits. Jono and Ben. Friday morning. The North versus South rugby game. It's an all-black trial. It's going to be one of the biggest games of rugby this year. It could be played in Auckland.

It could be played in Wellington. It could be played the week after. There's some rumours going around. But we've got someone who's definitely playing in it. Is that Damien Sinclair-McKenzie, New Zealand rugby player? G'day, Lance. Hey, how you doing? Good, mate.

How are you? You sound busy, like you're shutting drawers, shutting doors. What's going on? I'm flat out, mate. Honestly, it's busy. It's very domesticated around here. Oh, nice. And when abouts do you guys get together for the big game next weekend?

Monday. You know, Monday. And when abouts do you guys get together for the big game next weekend? Monday. Yeah, Monday. What else are you doing right now? Are you doing the... I just finished brekkies. I'm having a wee clean up. Oh, nice. What did you have?

Yeah, just eggs on toast. Oh, that's a good one. Now, do you go scrambled? Do you boil? Do you fry? What are you doing? Nah, I'm poached. Are you guys allowed to eat whatever you want, or is there sort of strict sort of like guidelines?

Well, for me, I'm probably quite lucky because I struggle to put on weight, so I can sort of eat what I want. You're contractually obliged to eat 10 Weet-Bix a morning, aren't you? Yeah. He's just finished that. I'm a four.

That's four. I'm a four Weet-Bix. Now, are you excited about the North versus South game? Because the concept's very cool. Yeah, it's great. Like, it's pretty cool to play against a few guys. For example, Webby, he's playing for the South, so it'll be cool to play against the guys you play with throughout the year.

Great concept. Hopefully it's not the only year they run it. Hopefully they carry it on. Can you just explain how people were divvied up into teams? Because it's not necessarily your birth town or city, is it? No, so it's where you played your first professional or provincial game of rugby. So mine was for Waikato. So obviously I was

born in Southland, so my first game was for Waikato Provincial Comp. So that's pretty much how they go about it. When you wake up the next morning after a game, are you like when I've gone to the gym for the first time in six months and you're like, oh, oh, oh, does every part of your body hurt?

Yes, it's a bit different for me. He's on fullback. Because you're an elite athlete. He's conditioned. Might be a little bit more conditioned. Hey, hey, hey, you haven't seen me lately, mate. I'm sure you're in great condition. He's in great condition.

Conditioned himself drinking beers into his mouth. That's pretty much. He's well conditioned. Now, Damien McKenzie, when you first burst onto the scene, there was a lot of talk about when you were kicking goals, your sort of smirk, your smile that you would sort of have on your face. Did that give you a complex? I always wondered afterwards.

You're like, oh, everyone's looking at that. Well, regardless of smile or not, I think everyone's watching you because they either want you to make it or they want you to miss the click. That's true. Wow Regardless of Smile or not I think everyone's Watching you Because they Either want you to make it Or they want you to miss the kick That's true He didn't have a complex Up until now

When you said Do you have a complex About your smile I like it Keep it I like it Yeah it works Every now and then

But I get a little bit Bit of Stack for it But hey It's alright It's your thing Who cares You can do it

With your pants down For a while You can do it With your jockey underwear. You've modelled in those before, right? Oh, yeah. I've heard a crack at that. Been a while, haven't I? Modelling underpants would be an interesting one.

I wouldn't be able to fill them out. That'd be my concern. Was that, yeah, because I imagine you played big games with the All Blacks, big Super Rugby games. Was that quite nerve-wracking, walking out there in front of people in your undies? Oh, yeah, it was worse by far. Oh really? It's the worst thing in the world. Yeah, by far. Yeah, it was. No, I mean

you'd certainly have a complex about that. Now, Damien McKenzie, your nickname, it's Big Jim. Yeah. Your silence got me a little scared there. I thought maybe I'd just made up a nickname. It wasn't from your dad or something, wasn't it?

Yeah, dad gives nicknames to a lot of people which have little relevance to the person, but it's sort of stuck on. When you were born, was he like, I shall name him Big Jim? Well, we wanted to play a game with you. This is the nickname game. We're going to name your fellow players in the North team,

and you have to just tell us what their nickname is. Yeah, Rich with nickname history. Right, Rugby, you can tell us if you're allowed to tell us. Obviously, some things might have to stay on the team, but over to you. What dark things need to stay on the team? Sometimes there's this backstory about, you know, you're like scrote or something.

Yeah, there'll be something, but anyway. All right, Damien, here we go. Ash Dixon. Smudgy. Smudgy. Smudgy. That's what I've heard. That's what I've heard, okay.

Let's not go digging for smudgy. Angus Talvau. Pay. Pay bus. Oh, yeah, nice. That's cool. That's good. Patrick Tui-Piloto. Angus Taofao pay bus oh yeah nice that's cool that's good

Patrick Tui-Piloto I'm not sure exactly what Paddy's in but I just call him Paddy could call him Paddy Pink here oh he's got Pink here at the moment it's cool

it looks awesome put that one into the team eh Damon he looks quite good he does look good eh he looks fantastic Ardy Sevier Ardy

Ardy nothing special there. No, that's right. TJ Perenara? TJ. It's pretty easy. I'll tell you what, the Wellingtonians can pick their game up. They could a little bit.

Can't they with the nicknames? Oh, TJ's good. We've got a big gym here. Smudgy from the Hawke's Bay. Wellington's letting us down. Okay. All right. Bowden Barrett?

Bears. Bears. Bears. All right. Bears. Yeah, Bears is good. Oh, yeah. Rico Owani? Wellington's letting us down Okay Alright, Bowden Barrett Bears Bears? Oh, Bears? Oh, Bears? Yeah, Bears is good Rico Owani Called Swiggy Riggs He nicknamed himself

Sweetie Riggs I like that I love it I love it when you give yourself A nickname too Just call me Sweetie Riggs I'm actually not sure I like Sweetie Ricks though.

Let's go one more. Swaggy, Swaggy, not Sweaty. Oh, Swaggy. Sweaty, Sweaty.

You can say Sweaty Ricks. Sweaty Ricks. And Anton, let it brown. Albie. Albie. Albie.

Oh, that works well. With those initials. Yeah, Albie. That's really clever. Oh, Damien McKenzie,

love catching up with you. I don't know if it's reciprocated. Thanks, I enjoy talking with you. Yeah, LB. That's really clever. Oh, Damien McKenzie, love catching up with you. I don't know if it's reciprocated. Thanks, Kylo. I enjoy talking with you. Yeah, kind of bullied you into saying that. And let's take our hats off too. The whole time Damien was doing the dishes and an interview. Multi-tasking.

Nailed it. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Now, this is where we look at some of the biggest news headlines over the last 24 hours. This will be the news that you're standing or when you go to work, you stand around the water cooler and talk about. Now they say that as a thing, as like water cooler chat,

but I've never stood around a water cooler and held an in-depth topical discussion. We have a tap here. Yeah, I think we could stand around the tap. I guess you maybe, if you're making a coffee or making a cup of tea, maybe you talk about light banter stuff. Once you hear these stories, it's almost worth purchasing a water cooler just to stand around and chat around it. Now, earlier in the week, Donald Trump, President of the United States,

fired up New Zealand saying we had a big surge in cases. Oh, we were wild. We were wild. Let's go to war with them. And he doubled down on his comments yesterday. New Zealand, by the way, had a big outbreak. And other countries that were held up to try and make us look not as good as we should look, because we've done an incredible job,

but they're having a lot of outbreaks, but they'll be able to put them out and we put them out. Positive at the end though, isn't it? We're all going to sort it. Look at us.

We're doing great. They're doing great. He does no prep work before he goes out and talks into a microphone. He's just like me. He's like if you, you know,

just send him out there and he'll just say some words. And half of them you're like, oh, a couple of ladies in there. To make us look not as good as we should look.

Not as bad, I think, is maybe the words he was searching for. The former President Barack Obama, well, they had the big Democratic Convention yesterday. This year was virtual. And Barack Obama unleashed on US President Donald Trump a bit of a scathing speech. Called him selfish, corrupt, and childish,

and had this to say. Donald Trump hasn't grown into the job because he can't. And the consequences of that failure are severe. He's good. He's good. Ouch. Do you remember that guy? And then Donald Trump replied back on Twitter all in caps.

With something about, are you spying on me or something? Oh, here we go. So that was his response. And in Wellington yesterday, after 100 years, a library book was returned to the library, sent back from Australia. It'd been missing for a long time, obviously.

The book was from 1902, arrived back from New South Wales from a book binder who, the book turned up, just turned up in a place. She didn't have it apparently. Oh, well, you wouldn't want to lay claim to that. The overdue fees would be horrific. Well, that's what,

they've said if the book was missing in 1910, based on the daily overdue fees of 80 cents, the fee in 2020 would be around $32,000. So that's how much you're meant to pay for that. But they've obviously waived the fees just to get the book back. At what stage do you waive the fees? There you go.

Okay, well, that's gone past the point of being able to claim that money. It's into comical news territory now. Well, that's the way it is. It's great for us. We're talking about it right now. So many late fees on videos and DVDs I used to get too. I was so useless at returning them. Oh, what if people still got DVDs and videos?

Oh, text us. 4487. Have you still got DVDs and videos? Oh, text us. 4487. Have you still got DVDs and videos from the video shop? Video Easy and Blockbuster and stuff. You're like, oh, they really need your mungie back or something. The first one. Not the new one. The original.

Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. It's time to do the A to Z of New Zealand. The A to Z of New Zealand. We're phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. We're phoning more places than telemarketer at dinner time. Yeah, we're just as annoying as well. And today we're moving to where, John?

Eltham, Ben. South Taranaki town of Eltham, which is well known for its vibrant cheese production. If it can be milked and turned into cheese, they'll milk it. I'm talking cows, sheep, mums, dads, grandparents, aunties, uncles, siblings. Everything is milked in Altham and turned into cheese. I don't know if that's quite the case, but let's find out some actual information about Altham.

Let's make a call right now. Morning, Altham Derry and Takeaway. Oh, hello, Altham Derry and Takeaway. How are you? We're doing well. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits here. Oh, yes, how are you? I don't want to make you nervous,

but there's at least nine people listening to this right now. Yeah. And we're phoning every town and city in New Zealand. Eltham, next on the list. Yay, that's us. What can you tell us about the place? Oh, well, you know, we're a big industry place. We make all the cheese for all the burgers

and everybody that's out there wanting their McDonald's and their KFC burgers. Oh, George, does all the takeaway cheese for the cheeseburgers come from your place? Well, they come from the Fonterra brands in our town, yes. I thought they made them in a laboratory. Oh, no, no. It's all handmade, man. It's actual cheese. It's cheese.

Wow. Who thought? And so at Eltham Dairy and Lotto, have you ever sold a First Division winner? Yes, we have. Have you? Oh, wow. That would have been exciting.

Yeah. When did that happen? A few years ago now. Unfortunately, we don't do Lotto anymore. Our local Foursquare does it. But, yeah, we did do a big winner here. It was quite exciting. Did they buy Eltham, these people?

No. No, they didn't. Did they stay there? No, I think they were out of towners, unfortunately. Oh, they're passing through. That's my bugbear with Lotto is all these tiny little towns always win it. Exactly.

It's like, oh, why Puketau, Foursquare? What's the problem with that? I don't know. Give it to Auckland. What does Auckland ever get? Auckland. All we get is coronavirus. Yeah, I know, right?

Oh, jeez. Never mind. What else is there to do in Eltham? What else is there to do in Eltham? Well, you could go to the pub. You could go through the park. You could look at our antique shops. We have a cheese bar here as well where you can go to to buy your fancy cheeses.

I do love a cheese. Yes, so do I. I do like an Edam. It's probably one of my favourites. Oh, right. Yeah, I like Camembert. Oh, Camembert. Yeah, yeah, Camembert crackers

and a little tipple on the side, you know. Yeah, right. What's your favourite cheese bean? Well, there's a Tasty. A Tasty I like. I like a Tasty, yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's not too bad. A little bit of tang and a Tasty. Yeah, a little bit of tang and a Tasty, yeah. Yeah. Pedestrian Crossing, I caused a tasty I like. I like tasty, yeah. Yeah, that's not too bad. A little bit of tang and a tasty.

Yeah, a little bit of tang and a tasty, yeah. Pedestrian crossing caused a bit of news, I'm just reading, a while ago in town that people weren't slowing down enough for it. That's right. Yeah, they still don't slow down enough for it. Oh, really? Maybe you guys need to come down and campaign.

Campaign to get people to slow down in the middle of town? Yeah, yeah, I feel you guys would make a big difference. Like, what does it take for someone to slow down? This is just big pedestrian crossing. Yeah, it's like maybe a slow town, but it's got fast traffic. I don't know, where's everyone speeding to in Eltham? Well, I don't know, actually. Maybe New Plymouth, or maybe Harbour,

or further afield. Okay, and we like to do this from time to time. Name your top three Elthamians. Our top three Elthamians. Our top three Elthomians. Who's that? Have you just made up Elthonians? Let me think. Elthomiansians.

Probably Mr. Yellenberg, so Yellenberg Hall-E. Oh, yeah. Oh, Yellenberg. Shout out to Mr. Yellenberg. Who else have we got? Steph Mackey, she's one of our councillors. Oh, give it up for Steph Mackey. It's good to have people like that in the community.

Go Steph Mackey. And the third person, that's a hard one. Maybe our good old postie. You know, they come in and out in all weathers to deliver our mail. So here's to the postie. Here's to the postie. Here's to the counsellors. And here's to you.

You're great. You've tolerated us for a few minutes, and that's all we could ask for. Hey, it's been brilliant. Absolutely brilliant talking to you guys. You look after yourself, Adele. You guys too. Hey, it's been brilliant. Absolutely brilliant talking to you guys. You look after yourself. You guys too. Keep it safe. You too.

Eltham Dairy and Takeaway. Go and visit there if you're ever in Eltham. But slow down around the pedestrian crossing. Yeah, that's it. Thank you very much. The A to Z of New Zealand will continue on Monday morning as we make our way around New Zealand. Like starting your day with panda eyes.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. The WhatsApp. Spy. Spy. The WhatsApp. Spy.co.nz. Okay, Ben Boyce filling in for producer Juliet and he's having to Control C and Control V all these stories himself. You know I am. Russell Crowe, the Kiwi slash Aussie actor

from the likes of Gladiator, big Hollywood movies like that. Well, he was on Australian Breakfast TV doing a live interview yesterday and Breakfast Aussie TV host Carl Stefanovic, he's a big Russell Crowe fan. And his co-host Ali Langdon asked Russell Crowe why he had ignored a text from Carl just a few nights before.

Carl told me, he was watching Gladiator the other night with his son. And he flicked you a text message. I wasn't sure if it was you. Because it came up with the thing that maybe Carl Stefanovic, but I wasn't quite sure. I'm sitting there with my son just going, I'm going to text Rusty.

And River goes, you don't know Rusty. And I said, I've just got his number. So I texted. Nothing came back. Text Rusty. Text Rusty. When you're going to the, you're trying to call in front of your kids.

Oh no, Rusty, I've got to say. He'll text to Call in front of your kids Oh no I'm Rusty I've got to say He'll text me back Why is this He'll text me back And obviously he's just got Maybe Carl Stefanovic In Russell Crowe's phone

But then he's like But then Russell Crowe's like I don't know if it was Carl Stefanovic But it says maybe Carl Stefanovic So all roads are leading To the fact that it's

Carl Stefanovic Yeah but he's still like I don't know I texted you yesterday I texted you I got really annoyed about 300 words text, deep and meaningful text to Ben Boyce. Maybe Ben Boyce.

Maybe Ben Boyce, declaring my love for him. I got maybe John O'Prior popping up. And he texts back, sounds good to me, which is a default reply on the new Apple iPhone. You can just hit one thing and it just sends back an automatic reply. And I text my mate and say, don't you dare send me back an automatic reply. That's why I got the text back. I thought you had more respect for me than an automatic reply.

Maybe John O'Brien would text me back that. And Netflix, when you're watching Netflix, I don't know if you do this, but I do. You spend half your time flicking through going, do I want to watch that? Do I want to get into this? Do I want this movie? Do I want this TV show? You watch the trailers that automatically start playing. By the time you've gone through that,

you've spent the time of a movie just looking through the catalog. Oh, there's no time for that now. I've got no time to watch. Well, now Netflix is trialing a new Play Something feature, which will pick a title just by random. So you click on it, and based on your algorithm, they'll go, oh, maybe you want to watch this. It's for people that kind of miss that

when they turn on the TV experience, you know, the free-to-air terrestrial experience where there's just something on. So you can flick on that, and it's like a shuffle. They'll put something up for you. And then Netflix is going to start playing commercials in between. Just for those who miss the free-to-air experience. My Netflix things I spoke about the other day

just filled with the grimmest material. People are smuggling the drugs. It's all my thing. That's your thing. They would probably cater something to you like that. Yeah. And also a lot of crime shows as well I get sent. I mentioned the other day that the kids have changed my name to Daddy.

And so Netflix, every time it emails me, it's like, hey, Daddy. Hey, Daddy. Which sounds really weird. I actually added big to the front of it as well. Hey, Big Daddy. Hey, Big Daddy. Just to make it,

just like, because you're a big guy. Yeah, hey, Big Daddy. Because the movies you might like, you're like, oh, do you? But I've seen it, it's all in the tone that you receive it. Yeah, it is. It's like, hey, Daddy.

Hey, Dad. Here's something for you, you know. You've automatically jumped to the sexual thing, which is typical Ben voice. Straight to the smut pile. Straight to the smut sewer. We don't need that on the hits, mate. Sounds good, thanks.

There's an automatic reply to you. That is Spy Enzament News. For more, head to the hits.co.nz. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we'd like to end the show on a good note, a positive note. Why is it going to be a good day today? A feeling good.

We do this every day. If you tune in same time every day, jeez, you hear the most positive part of the programme. We must just fill your life with rich positivity. They must just get quite a warped view on what this programme actually is. This is the only part of the show you listen to. These guys are great. They're positive.

They're just so like Oprah Winfrey. And they're just really just shunting happy cliches down my throat every day. That's true. So why is it going to be a good day for you? 0800, the hits, you just tell us. 4487, it's a Friday. I'm going to throw it your way. Ben, I'm going to hit the ball over to you, mate.

Okay, well, I'm hanging out with my family this weekend. I've been enjoying it. Actually, we were talking about this earlier, watching lots of movies. And even watching some movies he watched when I was younger, watching again, some of them don't stack up quite as well, but others. What, tonally or just special effects-wise? Yeah, both. We've been enjoying watching a few, like Adam Sandler, like Billy Madison,

Happy Gilmore, seeing those for the kids for the first time, or like Jim Carrey, Bruce Almighty. And they even listed their top comedians last night, Sienna and Indy. They were like, top comedians, you?ienna and Indy they were like top comedians you and I was like well you don't have to say me oh you have to make the cut though

but they were like but there was a pity vote and it was Adam Sandler Jim Carrey and then they were like oh and Jono fourth oh I came in fourth that's good

I was like yeah that's great top five to be honest I was like you shouldn't I shouldn't even have been in there Seinfeld Chappelle

Chris Rock a lot of comedians they probably don't know about a lot of those yeah no I'm happy to be top four so you're in the top four you know yeah that's great

that's great it's probably more it probably means more to me than your vote those. Yeah, no, I'm happy to be top four. So you're in the top four, you know? Yeah, that's great. That's great. It's probably more, it probably means more to me than your vote does, because you're like, oh, well, you have to put, you know, kind of felt like I was top five. I was a pity vote at the top, at the top, really. I was like, to be honest. Well, thank you wonderful children. They have a fine taste in comedy. Very distinguished taste. Very distinguished

in lowbrow humour. Of puns. And double innuendos. Double innuendos? What's a double innuendo? That would just not even be an innuendo. So what's it going to be a good day for you? You tell us. 0800 the hits 4487 on the text.

Let's go to Krista. She's in Auckland. Welcome, Krista. What's it going to be a good day for you? I always do this and I always regret it. It was so good up until that moment. I know. We had a really good break there.

I was signing off. Oh, hey, Krista. Yeah, yeah, yeah, welcome. Today's going to be a good day because it's the last day of online school for the week. Oh, well done, you. Check off, log out, shut down, or whatever you millennials or crazy millennials

are doing on your computers and enjoy the weekend, okay? Anne-Marie, why is it going to be a good day for you? Hi, Anne-Marie, why is it going to be a good day for you? Is that me? Hi, Anne-Marie. How are you? Hi. Hi, I'm good, thanks. Today is Friday, so it's the end of the week, which is great.

And I'm currently on my way to Hamilton to do a three, four-hour run with my buddies in the pouring down rain. A three to four-hour run? Yeah. I couldn't think of anything worse. Three to four hours. Don't forget the rain. The rain's there as well.

Oh, the rain. Do you like running in the rain, though? Absolutely. Yeah, well, I hear that. I hear that people like to run. I can hear your cardiovascular system through the phone, and it sounds fantastic. You look after yourself there, Marie.

A double pass to Reading Cinemas. You have a great weekend. Now, let's go to Alicia in Christchurch. Why is it going to be a good day for you, Alicia? I had a surprise yesterday afternoon. My cousin who came down from Hamilton, he jumped out of a box to surprise me. Yay!

That is awesome. I'm sorry, we've got to go. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits. And via the iHeartRadio app.