Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - August 26 - Ben Tried To Save A Baby Duck, Chloe Swarbrick, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

On today's episode, Ben shared a story about how yesterday he tried to save a baby duckling. But his heroic moment didn't go as planned! Also, we caught up with Ben's mum Jenni and discussed whether we need to make more of our Jono & Ben facemasks (if you have any ideas on what we could put on some new ones, message us on Facebook or Insta @TheHitsBreakfast). Finally, we brought something that was initially tossed to the show rubbish bin. But we wanted to give it a chance. It's called PUNDERSTRUCK! And it may just be the greatest (or worst) thing you'll hear all week.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and B**** in your mornings on the hits. Brought to you by Skinny. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Lovely to see you Ben boys. Nice to see you too. All a bit scarred, albeit scarred today. Me? Yeah. Do you not remember? You came with a horrific hand injury.

Yeah, it's got quite, well, it's not horrific. It's, um. They were builded up, no one can see it. It's got, the blister's got quite large though, hasn't it? It has, yeah, so explain to the international podcast audience. Konnichiwa, hola, Buenos Aires. It's a place.

Did I just make up a greeting? An Argentinian place. That's not how they say hello in Argentina. Okay, well, I do love Buenos Aires. Yeah, it's a lovely city. And I love saying it. There we go.

No, I just spilt some hot porridge, scalding hot porridge on my hand this morning at four o'clock in the morning. And it, you know, it's blistered up quite nicely. It has, yeah. Gee whiz, that porridge must have been scalding. Nuclear strength. I know. How hot porridge must have been a nuclear strength. I know. How hot do you have your porridge? And it just landed on there, and then it was like, oh, and then you're just in that little panic, like, what do I do?

You shake it off, you try and, you know, make more of a mess, yeah. So on a Goldilocks scale of baby beer to poppa beer. It was definitely in the poppa beer, you know, like, it was in his, you know, he was the too hot guy, right? He loved a hot porridge. He's an old, old papa bear. Now, I just want to go back to your morning routine. Porridge, obviously, first on the agenda. Yeah, there's more coffee and a porridge.

First thing this morning. What's your first thing you do when you wake up and get out of bed? Well, I probably have a coffee and read the... So you don't shower first? No, and read the news and stuff. Oh, right. So you sit in there and just ease into the day. Ease into the day.

Get bugged by my animals. They were like, oh, someone's awake. Time for feeding. I'm like, oh, it's way too early for you. They must love that you get there and just ease into the day. Ease into the day, get bugged by my animals who are like, oh, someone's awake. Time for feeding. I'm like, oh, it's way too early for you. They must love that you get up in the middle of the night. Oh, the cat was sneaking an extra feed in because of it. You know, like it was a four o'clock feed in, which I was like, just to, you know, because he's meow, you know, I'll give him some milk or give him

something. But then in the weekend, he's conditioned for four o'clock. You know, and he doesn't know it's Saturday and Sunday and I don't need to get up at four o'clock. And he doesn't know it's Saturday and Sunday and I don't need to get up at 4 o'clock. So I'm like, mate, it's not... I know what I do Monday to Friday. It does not happen.

You can't explain the weekend structure to an animal, though. So instead of me getting up and the cat's like, oh, it's time to get up, now he'll come into the bedroom and be like, meow! He's like, mate, I'm here. Here's your fairy alarm clock. Yeah, so it's like, oh, yeah. So we had to try and ease,

I've tried not to feed him at four o'clock. Just to ease the family in the weekend when we get woken up by the cat. I got a very exciting podcast, Green MP, Chloe Swarbrick. I always in my head go to say Swarbrick, but then it comes out Swarbrick. So when I'm saying Swarbrick in my head as in brick, is it coming out brick or brook? Swarbrick. That was brook, There was more brook.

Yeah. Of course I'm brick. Yeah. Okay, well, there we go. There's a fun little fact for you. Also on the program, the masks. We did release a limited edition range of John Owen Bean face masks. We did this during the first outbreak.

Now masks are going to be, I think, legal. Everyone needs to wear masks on public transport. As of Monday, right around the country while we're in level two. So, yeah, very important to get masks out and about. And we're going to do our masks. We've started a line. We've started a fashion line. And we're going to do a new version of the masks and get those out there.

So that's in the podcast. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. One of the joys of raising little human beings is just watching them. It's adorable watching them teach themselves how to function in society Right It's a lot of trial and error too

isn't it when you're a kid, you're like oh I won't put my fingers in the plug socket, learn lesson learned and things like that Don't eat everything off the ground It's another lesson that I am still learning but I'm getting there, aren't I? But Poppy, she, my Poppy,

she's six or seven years old and she's noticed that a lot of adults when talking, accentuate their speech by using their hands. You know, so like kids generally don't use their hands to talk. At some point in your adult life, you start using your hands

to make gestures and hammer home points. So now she's taking to this, but you're doing it quite consciously to use her hands while talking very specifically. And it got me thinking, like, hands just happen when you don't think about them. But as soon as you start thinking about your hands, they get inside your head. You don't know what to do with your hands. We always struggle when we're doing TV. We struggle when we're doing TV. That's full stop.

That's why our show got cancelled. But when you're talking, you're like, I'm using my hands lots. And then when you're not talking, you're like, what do I do with my hands now? I feel like the most awkward thing to do. It's like if you think about walking, suddenly it becomes. Oh, nothing's harder than walking once you're thinking about it. But if you're not, you're like, oh, just walking normally. But someone's like, if you think about walking, suddenly it becomes... Oh, nothing's harder than walking, once you're thinking about it. But if you're not, you're like, oh, just walking normally.

But if someone's like, oh, you're walking to this room and I'll film you, you're like, oh, how do I walk? This guy said to us, he's like, okay, if you don't know what to do with your hands, just put them on your waist. So you both got them on your waist, like you're a city slicker trying to hang out with rural folk, you know? And so we spend a lot of our time with our hands on our waist, but I think

I practiced it in the window on the weekend. No, no. It was lot of our time with our hands on our waist but I think I practiced it in the window on the weekend no it looks unusual walking around with your hands on your waist

how you doing we're like halfway through a nine little teapot sort of song and we're like oh what are we doing here yeah it's amazing

it's amazing isn't it hands now I've got everyone thinking about your hands so you're going to spend the entire Wednesday worrying about what your hands are doing and where they're going thinking about your hands, so you're going to spend the entire Wednesday worrying about what your hands are doing and where they're going.

Thinking about your hands. All right, Chloe Soilbrook joins us next. You've got nice hands, Ben. Yeah, well, it's buff of the burn today. Oh, yeah, he's got third-degree burns. I think of my hand quite a lot. A lot of burn coverage. If you've just joined the show,

just bring him up to speed. You've got a nasty porridge burn first thing this morning. Porridge burn. On his hands. Yeah, from scalding hot porridge on the microwave. So, yeah. So, there we go. It scalding hot porridge on the microwave. So yeah. So there we go.

It's blistering up quite nicely. Yeah, we'll give you another porridge burn update in 20 minutes. We're on this. We're not going to drop this topic. It's breaking news. It's evolving.

It's moving. It's moving quicker than a virus after someone has eaten a bat in Wuhan. That's how quick this story's moving. Breaking porridge burn news.

Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. I've just been asked here via email to come and judge, you know, how primary schools do the sort of fashion in the field, wearable arts sort of things where you get rubbish and you turn them into outfits. I was asked to judge one of those.

Now, the last time I was asked to judge one of those, I was actually also a competitor too because I had to do it for the kids' school. Surely you can't judge and last time I was asked to judge one of those, I was actually also a competitor too because I had to do it for the kids school. Surely you can't judge and be. I was tarnished. My judging was tarnished. But I just dressed my kids in Heineken bottles. Out of the bin and clink, clink.

The recycling, yeah. No, but the costumes are like incredible. Like you could put them in the wow. Was it the world of wearable arts? You could put them in. wow, what's it, the world of wearable arts. You could put them in. And then you're like, well, the kids haven't done these. These are parents. And then so what you end

up with is an audience of parents passive aggressively wanting their outfit to win. Yeah, going, well, that one's good. Oh, that one's good. And then being very careful like wanting, over careful with their outfit that they've clearly made. And I don't think it's a thing of parents trying to make their kids win.

I think it's a thing of parents going, oh, it's just a pain in the ass to keep on you to make this costume. What's this? Oh, that's no good. What have you done? It's on your phone. Sorry, yeah, no, something's going on there, mate.

We'll sort that out later. I'm on the radio. I'm committed to this right now, okay? Yeah, mate, you want to take that? That's my grandmother's alarm. Life alarm. She can wait. She can wait

until the end of this voice break. You must have had a... She can wait. She knows my job. I'm in the middle of something here. I'm in the middle of entertaining people here.

No, I don't think it's a case of parents wanting their kids to win. I think it's a case of going, oh God, to keep hassling you kids to make this costume. It's just going to be easier for me to do it. Don't you find that? I think in a lot of parents wanting their kids to win. I think it's a case of going, oh God, to keep hassling you kids to make this costume, it's just going to be easier for me to do it.

Don't you find that? I think a lot of time you help out your kids, but then you sometimes... I ended up, last year I had to make a... Well, I made with my daughters a Hogwarts out of cardboard. I remember you talking about this. You were in deep. Oh yeah, it was like, oh, we're going to make this by tomorrow. It was like, oh, okay, a Hogwarts. You didn't get to bed till

four in the morning. So we all started, we all chipped in, and then they've got to go to bed at a normal time, and then you're like, well, I've got to make this by tomorrow. I was like, oh, okay, Hogwarts. I didn't get to bed until four in the morning. So we all started, we all chipped in, and then they've got to go to bed at a normal time. And then you're like, well, I've got to finish Hogwarts. I get no credit for the next day when they take this thing to school. It was so good. JK Rowling herself phoned him and said, can you do the set design for my next movie? I spent a lot of time with painting and all sorts.

Yeah, but I got no credit for it. They took it to school. I was like, wow, what do they think? Yeah, they thought it was good. Oh, I want more than good. I wanted more credit. I'm a narcissist radio announcer. I want positive feedback.

The craftsmanship was amazing. So 0800 the hits. This is what I want to open up and Ben wants to open this up as well. Parental project credits where you as the parent, you went and did all the hard yards.

Your kids take the thing to school. They get all the credit. Well, we want to give you the credit right now. You just phone us parent, you went and did all the hard yards. Your kids take the thing to school. They get all the credit. Well, we want to give you the credit right now. You just phone us up and you say, listen, five years ago I went and made a macaroni castle. Well, then we'll give you the credit right now because you haven't had it to date. Paula, this is the Parental Project credit line.

The hard work you've done on a school project but never got credit for, what was it? Yeah, it was my kid's science fair project. I worked a lot, actually, on the classic volcano eruption, had the Mentos, had the Coke, paper-mashed the whole thing for him. And then when he took it to school to get it graded, the explosion basically dissolved the whole paper-mashed.

So I didn't even get to see the explosion that I made. And he messed it up at the finish line. Exactly. This was a functioning volcano. Fully functional. Well, well done, Paula. We're going to give you, I don't know what they mark out of, but out of 10, we're going to give you nine and a half.

Oh, amazing. And we're going to send you off to the zones as well. Do you go to the zones? Is that what you do? To the next, yeah. Next thing. The inter-school competition, yeah. Didn't you, Ben did one of those when he was at school and he got a

dead bird, remember? Oh yeah, I found a dead, yeah, USA, I found, no, I did find a dead hawk on the side of the road and I thought that'd be interesting to do as a science fair project. It would have passed away, sadly. Found or shot down, it's a blur. Nothing to do with that. So I did, and I did quite a good project, I found out a lot about hawks

and that was the, yeah, that was the PS of resistance. Yeah, that was the main part of the project. And I went through to the, from the school to the Wairarapa College, you know, all the college, all the schools around. And, but by that stage, it was very stinking. It was decomposing. It was not good. I was like, please pull me out of this because it does not smell good. Sarah, welcome to the show. The Parental Project credit. She did a school project, never got credit for it. What was it?

Well, I actually wrote my daughter's speech, her school speech on the solar system. Oh, the solar system. I pretty much wrote the whole thing. And the whole thing's in the speech finals. I believe I did that. Yeah, she got through. She gets the certificate.

Well done. You get the final certificate. Sarah, you know what I'm going to do? After the show, I'm going to go to Microsoft Clipart and I'm going to make you a certificate. Thank you. I need that. For your solar system speech.

I love it. Was your daughter like, I feel like a fraud up here? I've made it through to the finals. None of these words are mine. He knows nothing. Well, there you go. You get the credit now. Well done on being a good parent and getting the credit. Thanks for your call. Appreciate it.

Alison in South Taranaki, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. The Parental Project credit line, what did you do? You never got credit for. Okay, I was working on an NCEA2 project with, for my son. It was a storyboard

and so we sort of set up late one night and we worked on that and he said, oh yeah, it's meant to be this and that. And I got very strict instruction. So we did it all the way it was meant to be. And then he came back from school the next day and he said, oh no, I got it wrong. The teacher said it's got to be this or that or blah, blah, blah. And so we had to redo it. And he's like, you know, I don't know, he's the corrections police or something.

But it's like, no, mum, I said it's this. It's not meant to be that. Oh, Alison, there was no happy ending to that story, Bored. No, not really, no. He did actually pass, but that's all I know. Oh, well, listen, we're going to give you the credit now. Two nights of hard work, recorrecting the project even. Thank you very much.

And, Tim, the Parental Project credit line, the project you did for your kid and you never got credit for. Yeah, my kids are homeschooled. It's a slightly different story. But ultimately with my 14 year old she had a birthday party recently and as part of a project that we did was um seeming it out for lord of the rings so busy at op shops getting all sorts of paraphernalia go goblets, property, all sorts of bits and pieces. But then we had a sword-making weekend that went on for about three weekends. Oh, geez, you really got deep.

You got more deep than Weta Workshops. In fact, you've now donated those for the next movie. No, they're actually all lying in my hallway at the moment, wondering what I'm going to do with seven different swords. No, well, for your sword-making skills, Tim, we're going to give you the credit you deserve. Thank you for listening to the show, buddy. You have a good day.

New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Battle the Hits. Yesterday, I tried to be a hero. Can I just say, before you tell this story, you're already a hero in my heart. Thank you for that.

And all of the listeners. That mockery. What mockery? That's mockery. Anything where it's What a mockery. That's mockery. Anything where it's coming from your mouth, that's mockery. I mean it. Juliet, he's your hero, isn't he?

Yes. No, but I had a moment yesterday while I was walking the dog, and I was walking past the school and next to the fence, and there's no schools going on in Auckland at the moment. And I heard this little chirping noise with the dog, and I was like, oh, that's unusual.

And I sort of peered over the fence, and I could see that they noise with the dog and I was like, oh, that's unusual. And I sort of peered over the fence and I could see that they had drained the school pool. There was just a little bit of water left in it, probably from rain, and there was a little baby duck swimming around and trying to fly up to get out of the pool but couldn't quite make it out of the pool. Oh, and it's always like when primary schools

drain pools over winter and just leave that little layer, it's like a toxic green, isn't it? It's all about toxic green, yeah. Yeah. So the duck, I mean, the duck's swimming around toxic green water, nuclear water. So I was like, oh, look, should I try and help out this little duck? So I tied the dog up and I climbed the fence over and I climbed down into the pool, got the duck and sort of got him up out of the pool, put him up.

And then I sort of wrapped him. I was like, oh, I'll wrap him in my top. Let's go find your mum. So I took my, I'm shirtless. I'm looking like a hero. Oh, he's shirtless. I'm looking like a hero. Oh, my God.

Someone take a photo. Let's make a calendar with the guy. 12 months of Ben shirtless holding ducks. This is the coolest moment. I'm like, oh, man, I'm looking cool right now. If anyone saw you, they'd be like, this guy, he's a dream. I'll go find the mum, you know, find the mum, see if I can find, because there was a little creek next to the school.

So I was like, maybe I'll walk down the, you know, and they always have the little grass bank. And I was like, walk down the grass bank towards the water. Maybe I'd see, you know, if the mother duck was there. And there was, there was a mother duck and some other babies. And as I was walking down with the little duck, obviously the little duck noticed its mum and sort of made a noise.

And the mother duck noticed it and saw me. And it was like, oh, you've got my, you've got my mother, you mother ducker. Yeah, and this duck, the mother duck just flew at me and I went from like a cool hero to go, ah! Now you go to a

strange looking shirtless guy running around in a primary school holding a duck. So I put that, I was like, I'm going to put the duck down on the ground. I was in a panic. I put it down softly on the ground. And then the duck, even though I'd put the duck down, the duckling down, the duck just kept flying at me. Oh, you were the protector.

So I had to throw my shirt down to attack. Like as a decoy, I was like, oh my God, this is traumatic. And I went from like a moment in my head, like I'm looking so cool, was like, oh my God, this is traumatic. And I went from like a moment in my head, like I'm looking so cool to like, oh my God, you know, at that moment, just moments after. Well, you had the last laugh because that night he had duck casserole with that duck. You won in the end, mate.

You won in the end. Humans always beat ducks. That's what I've always said. Morning, it's Jono and Ben on the hips. We were talking during lockdown, a lot of people watching movies And I was talking to a mate And he was saying that

He can't watch any movies Didn't realise this With clowns in them Doesn't matter if it's a scary clown Or a happy clown It's just a clown He just can't do it Clowns are a thing for people aren't they

Some people You never meet I don't want to stereotype here I don't No I'm going to Because it's what I do I like doing this You don't want to stereotype here. Well, don't. No, I'm going to. I'm going to because it's what I do. I like doing this stuff. Well, you don't want to.

So now clearly you want to. Well, I want to more than I don't want to. Because I'm giving you the opportunity not to. My need to is outweighing my need not to. Yeah, the opportunity. You said, I don't want to. And I said, well, don't. Well, I'll change my sentence.

I do want to stereotype. Clearly you do. Okay, here we go. You never meet a person you go, oh, what do you do for a job? And they go, oh, I'm a clown. And you're like, oh, okay. You know, and they're never like, you know. No.

No, you're never like, oh, that's a, you know. Well, people call us clowns. People call us clowns. Yeah, true. So your friend couldn't have watched us on TV. He would have given him a fear. I've never met a person and gone, what are you doing? He's like, I'm a clown.

And you go, oh, well, you look like a well-rounded individual. Is that what you're thinking? Yeah, that's what I know. You have to be an entertainer. It's like the radio industry, mate. We're all, oh. Oh, God, there's some weirdos in the radio industry. I shouldn't be throwing stones at the clown industry.

No, yeah. There's some shockers. But I thought we'd throw it out there today. And what do you have a fear of that other people might think is unusual? Now, I'm not trying to belittle that fear. That's a genuine fear my mate's got of clowns. Yeah.

But just something that you go, okay, well, this is something we need to watch out for. Eels for me. Eels. And don't go, oh, yeah, because you spent many years torturing me with eels. He would put me in tanks with eels. He would make me hold eels. He would wrap eels around my neck, around my face. And I was terrified of eels. He would put me in tanks with eels. He would make me hold eels. He would wrap eels around my neck, around my face. And I was terrified of eels.

I still am. Some of those things were true. Some of them were not. But you're right. Did you put me in a tank with hundreds of eels? Well, one time we asked you to put your arm in there and it was like, oh, we didn't have enough film in the camera for how long it took you. And you know what I've heard about

eels is that they can latch onto an appendage on the male body. If you're in a river and do a death roll, rip it off. Just rip it off. Now, that doesn't mean you're scared of eels. Yeah, well, it does a little bit, to be honest. Clean off. We knew a lady who was at a fair of napkins.

Cheap napkins. Serviettes, yeah. Yeah, like not the ones that you go to like a fancy restaurant and they're like cloth. Not those ones. But you go to like McDonald's, St. Pierre's, whatever it is. Just a napkin. Starts vomiting, starts shaking. She has a fear of wiping off saucy

residue from her face with a cheap paper. She can't even have the feel of a napkin. Even though those napkins are functional, they work fine. She's like, nah, can't do it. Some truly horrific serviette based incident must have taken place in your childhood. Yeah. For that to be a thing. Yeah, so 0800 the hits.

That's our number. We love getting your calls and also your texts too. You can get in touch, 4487. Let's go to Ruby in Christchurch, shall we? Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Rubes, your irrational fears. What are they, mate? I'm just ridiculously scared of balloons.

So just everything about them, I really can't stand. I don't like the texture of them. I hate when they pop. The worst thing for me, I think, is definitely if I'm at an event and somebody's doing that balloon twisting. That just makes me shiver just thinking about it. I can understand. Yeah, we've got a friend of ours, it's the same thing.

Oh, Dan, yeah. He just will not go near balloons for that same reason. I feel a bit sick now just talking about it, actually. And the smell of them en masse, they're quite latexy, aren't they, the old balloons? Yeah. Yeah, nothing good about them. Oh, surprise, birthdays must be a nightmare for you. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just, it's no good, no good at all. What would you do if you had to hold a balloon? Like very sweaty. I don't think I even would hold it. Like the thought of doing it and my palms are very sweaty

now just talking about it. Like, you know how the rubbery texture and like what if it popped when I was holding it? Yeah. I can understand. I can understand.

Oh, there you go. The soulless radio announcer in me is like, let's fly you to the studio, let's get you in a room of balloons, but we can't do that in 2020. No, no, no. Social distance? Oh, no.

Yeah. Just with a bullying factor. Oh, gotcha. Hey, well, Ruby, you have a good life and stay away from balloons, my dear. I'll do my best, thank you. All right, thank you. And thanks for no one calling me out for saying my dear. Like the 1920s.

Yeah, you were just talking about what year it was. A good day to you, my lady Sally in Wellington. Hi, how are you doing? Oh, we're doing well. What's your rational fear, matey? Walking between two buses. I don't think that's irrational. How close are the buses when this becomes too much for you? Maybe about half a car. How close are the buses when this becomes too much for you?

Maybe about half a car. That's quite close, though. Yeah. I can understand that, again, how you feel a bit claustrophobic, wouldn't you? Well, yeah, but it also takes one driver to either release his brake or the other to put the accelerator on, and you're gone. Well, true, yeah. True, but I mean, this is, you know, conditions have to be perfect for you to be in this situation.

Yeah, unless you work at a bus, you know, like a yard where they park the buses. You're like, oh, don't work between the buses, yeah. Do you know, Sally, I saw a lady get hit by a bus once. You won't want to hear this. Yeah, that was horrible. It was terrifying. I was in standstill traffic and this lady,

she was from, I think, Tahiti, where they drive on the other side of the road. She stepped out onto the road, looked the other way, and through the bus lane right in front. Oh, that's awful. It was terrible. Got out and helped her, and then there was a doctor, actually, who was sitting on standby, and we were holding her,

and she's like, oh, no, no, she's gone. Just hold her. Oh, really? Yeah, and then I came to work covered in blood. I should have gone and got changed. There we go. That's a way to bring the vibes down there, Jono. Yeah, good stuff.

Hey, Sally, you have a great day. Yeah, you too. Thanks, guys. All right. Pip, welcome. How are you? Hi. Good to have you on, Pip.

What's your rational fear? So cotton wool or velvet or peach skins is the worst. I get that. Oh, Jono doesn't like peach skin. I've got goosebumps thinking about peach skin right now. Yes, goosebumps and, like, hair standing up. Yeah, because they're quite a fury, you know. If I say to you, biting into a peach, oh.

But, like, a tin of peaches, a can of peaches, that's fine? No, that's fine. Yeah, they're slippery. That's all good. That's all good. Yeah, my kids taunt me at the supermarket. Sometimes they chase me down the aisles with a peach. It's her kryptonite.

What a wonderful kid. She's got a peach on her. Hold the line. We'll find something for you. Appreciate you calling up this morning. I appreciate it, buddy. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, of course, a few days ago, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced that masks are going to be mandatory on public transport as of Monday for Level 2 around all of New Zealand. So this will be like buses, this will be Ubers, planes. So you've got to have a mask. Oh, yeah, and we released, thanks to kindface.co.nz,

we released a range of Jono and Ben masks, didn't we, during the first wave of COVID. And they took off quicker than a pesky virus after someone's eaten a bit. Oh, everyone wanted a mask, you know, because we gave them away for free. But then I don't know if everyone loved the slogans on the masks. Well, but you had an embarrassing situation the other day where you wore one, produced a duvet. Yeah, well, last week I went to the supermarket, wore my pash rash one. So sorry, I've got pash Rash. Walked to the supermarket,

got a bunch of weird looks. And then yesterday I went to the supermarket as well, and I was like, I'm going to not wear my John O'Ban one, because I don't want to get weird looks, so I borrowed just one of those normal blue ones. Yeah, see, you work on the show. Are you not proud to work on the show? Are you not proud to have Pash Rash?

No, no, just kidding. So, you know, masks are a great idea. We're all behind wearing masks in public, but maybe, you know, if we do it againash Rash? No, no, I'm just kidding. So, you know, masks are a great idea. We're all behind wearing masks in public. But maybe, you know, if we do it again, because we thought, well, maybe we'll see if kindface.co.nz want to do some more masks, some more show masks. But maybe this time we shouldn't have slogans, witty quips. Make it slightly embarrassing. I get it.

This is like Kanye with his shoes. You know, he released his Yeezys, and then he released those weird Crocs. Experimental ones. These are our experimental Croc face, isn't it? Of the fashion. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

But I never sent any to my mum any prior because I know she wouldn't wear anything going, I've got a cold sore under this mask. I know that. So it was a waste of a mask. I gave one to my mum. Now, my mum's a big supporter. She's a very biased supporter. She even jumps

on Facebook comments. We posted a video the other day, she wrote one, she's like great effort, Bec. She's a great, so if anyone, this is the test, let's call my mum right now, she doesn't know we're calling and we'll see if she's been wearing her mask that I gave her. And if she hasn't, we will change tact. Okay.

Alright, so I'm mum. Hello, Jenny speaking. Oh, hello, mum. How's it going? Mum? Wow. Hello, Jen. Early morning.

Now, why did you sound surprised to be a mum, Jenny? Mum? What? No one told me. Who's this calling? Well, it's been a while since I've spoken. Jenny, we're calling on, this is all business. If this is personal, you can ask Ben how he's doing

and if he's looking after himself off air. Okay. Yeah, he is, by the way. Oh, no, I got a burn this morning. I got a little bit of a burn, but it's fine. It's fine. Aw. Aw, Benny.

What happened? He burned himself with porridge, Jenny. Hot porridge, yeah. Oh, yeah, that hurts. Yeah, that hurts, yeah. Aw, little Benny. Little Benny. Your mama kiss it better.

Now, masks. The Jono and Ben face mask. We gave you one when we had some. Yes, yes. It's on my handbag I carry it with me everywhere do you wear it? well

what does it say on it? what slogan does it have on it? it's you can't kiss me I'm married right because the other ones we have

you know I've got pash rash trust me I'm smiling under this sorry I've got really bad breath. A coleslaw or something? Not coleslaw, that's it. I'm eating coleslaw under this. Making coleslaw. So our question was, we're just

doing a little bit of post-market research. Yeah. Did you find the slogans sort of turned you off wearing the mask in public? No, I'm quite excited about it, really. Why have you want it? Would you suggest quirky slogans or maybe something a little more subtle?

Yeah, something that everyone would want to put on their face and not keep in their handbags. Oh, wow. You could put a picture of Ben on the front. A little Benny. Yeah, let's put Ben on the front. I think we could do better than me. No, I like that.

But that's not a bad idea, putting someone's face on there. And I tell you what else we could write on there, Jenny. Picture of Ben and a picture of you having a cuddle going, I love my Benny.

Okay, let's not do that. Let's do that. Let's do that. That's fine. I'm happy with that. I'm happy with that too. Okay, put it to the vote. Two out of three are happy.

Okay. All right. Well, I'm glad to see you've got the mask with you and you can wear it if you want but we'll also come up with something else for maybe a bit. More people want to wear. Oh, well, I'm

happy. I'll join the club. No problem. Good on you, Jenny. Love your work. Okay. Thanks, guys. Take care. Bye. She's got a documentary out you can watch on Loading Docs. It's Green Party MP Chloe Swarbrick, and she's on hold right now. Hello. More na.

I always try and answer with a prank voice, and none of the politicians really buy into it. I think that we have dealt with a lot of very interesting people in our time. Okay, all right. So nothing's a problem. I try and prank voice Jacinda every time she calls with the door. I'm like, Bill's mechanics. And she never really...

She's just like... You can always hear the eye roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smile and laugh. Smile and laugh. How are you, Chloe? I'm good, bro. How are you?

Yeah, no, we're good. Now, you've got a doco coming out. Now, when was this filmed? That's pretty wild, eh? It's pretty weird and being wired up and stuff and catching me being a very human person and saying some things which have caught the eyes of the Herald. So I...

Yeah, quote, unquote, you said politics is effed. Is effed is a big quote, yeah. Which, importantly, you said politics is effed. Is effed is a big quote, yeah. Which importantly is contextualised with a far more intelligent and nuanced dialogue about why it is so cooked. Well, you give us, yeah. I haven't read that. I just read the headline and I'm like,

Chloe Swarbrick thinks it's all screwed. No, you're talking about it being a toxic culture, right? That sort of chews people up, spits them out. Yeah, I mean, it's just kind of that thing, right, where there's very much this rhetoric around Parliament, which is, oh, you know, if you can't handle the heat, get out the kitchen. I'm like, OK, cool. But also, maybe we should turn down the heat.

People should stop being so riled up and we should actually get on with solving some problems. I think that there's a big problem where we perpetuate this notion that everybody needs to don their armour and fight, fight, fight. And we don't either really end up with conclusive solutions that are constructive or workable or sustainable for the majority of the population when everybody's focused on political point scoring. So, I mean, that's the kind of toxicity that I'm speaking to, right? But the flip side of it is that I think there's this massive gulf of distinction between, on the one side, absolutely, I am somebody who's holding myself out to be a public representative. Therefore, you can totally rip me to shreds on policy, you know, rip me to shreds on anything that I've said.

You can hold me to account. But that is a very different thing to then starting to dig into all of my characteristics, who you think I am, like my family and my friends. So I'm just kind of speaking to the fact that I think the current way that politics is publicized, but also that politicians typically end up being seen to hold themselves, turns off a lot of really good people who I think would actually be fantastic representatives, but they're worried about engaging in a world that would tear apart their background and the mistakes that they've made, when, in fact, we need more people who are human and who have made mistakes

and who have learnt from them in our Parliament, as opposed to people who pretend to have it all together. That's a very good point. Because you kind of see, and I don't know whose fault it is, if you pin the blame on any one industry in particular, but I guess politicians probably aren't seen as human. You know, it's like, oh, they're on the taxpayer dollar, you can say anything to them, you can do anything to them,

you know, it's kind of like a punching bag of sorts. Yeah, and to be honest, to a certain extent, fair game, but also there is a point at which it just ends up not being particularly constructive. But I think, you know, to the point that you were making, Jono, around whose fault it is, I don't think it's particularly helpful to pin blame, but there definitely

is, kind of within the institution of Parliament itself, and the way that politicians pretend to be perfect, you end up with this perpetuation of a lack of humanity itself and the way that politicians pretend to be perfect, you end up with this perpetuation of a lack of humanity and a whole bunch of people just going, grow a thick skin, grow a thick skin. It's like if you grow the thick skin, then you become inhuman and the average punter who's watching you on Parliament TV

or on the six o'clock news goes, that person knows nothing about my life. So it's a real double-edged sword. We were talking about that the other day when you see people like Simon Bridges when he stood down where he got ousted as leader and he talked about spending time with his family and his kids and all that. You saw a real human side of him

that you know is probably there, but you just don't see in the media. And I think that's a problem, right? Is that you don't actually end up oftentimes seeing yourself actually reflected in your politicians. Find someone in your community who you do like and trust and support them in running. Chloe Sawbrick, before you go,

you're obviously, you know, you're very opinionated. You've got strong opinions, which is great. You're good at debates. I want to throw some questions at you. Quickfire questions to hear your opinion, alright? Hit me. Tomatoes, do you keep them in the fridge or on the bench? I keep them in the fridge. Okay.

Have you just heard what we've been talking to Chloe about? Oh, yeah, but hey, well. He's going to wrap up with tomatoes. When do you keep them? Oh, no, come on, it's a quick fire. There's no time for you to chip in, Jono. It's not a debate. Do you dry your dishes or do you drip dry them?

I dry as many as I can without the tea towel getting super soggy. That's a good thing. Okay, peanut butter. Do you put the butter on? Do you need butter or just go peanut butter with no butter? Straight up peanut butter.

Okay. Always crunchy. Is it okay to be best mates with an ex-partner? I actually am. Okay. My ex-boyfriend of six years, Alex,

is one of my closest friends, yeah. You need to stop delving into her personal life. She put it up. I knew he was fishing for that, Chloe. Now he's got another Herald headline. Herald, what's the number? What's the number of the Herald?

Chloe Swarbrick, thank you for your time. You can catch a documentary at Loading Docs on the internet right now. Yeah, cheers, mate. Look after yourselves. See you, mate. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

We found out some information about you surrounding the Skinny sponsorship of just me at the moment. Just the Jono part of the Jono and Ben show. Thank you to my partner Skinny for bringing me me. For bringing you me today. I feel like I want to be part of this, but you know. I need to actually record something for Aaron, our production guys. I need a little bit of you going,

I'm sponsored by Skinny so if you don't mind if I just do that now do you mind our sponsorship commitments Ben you wouldn't know you're not sponsored

I'm not sponsored I'm sponsored by Skinny woo Ben's not you just need to do a little reaction for him just like oh

yeah good you can cut that together I feel like that could have been done you'll hear that as part of a montage like this. Originally you were

like what would you do if I won Lotto and I said well I would sponsor the show. Jono and Ben brought you by Ben he's the coolest.

Let's get a sponsor before Ben Boyce wins Lotto. Unorthodox approach phoning an opposition radio station. Jono and Ben on the hits brought

you by More FM. That would be brilliant. The suits upstairs weren't entirely on board with that little partnership. But Ben Boyce may have the show sponsored. The suits upstairs weren't entirely on board with that little partnership. But Ben Boyce.

You've got a sponsor for the show. May have the show sponsored. The problem being is you're going to need to leave the room now. They only want to sponsor me. Really? And they don't want to sponsor Ben. If anyone's got any ideas on how we break this news. Put it in a classified newspaper.

What is this? Jono is sponsored by Skinny. I have been crossed out. My partner's Skinny. I would love to do some giveaways. Something that I'm not allowed to say pardon. You can go mmm.

But mmm. That was yesterday on the show. Well, I've had some feedback from the client. Too much mmm. What? Can I give Skinny a call? Ali, the big boss.

It's Skinny. Hello. I want to get involved. We're just going to sponsor Jono. Sorry. We're a team. I should try and get you sponsored somehow.

Skinny's colour is orange. You should be a challenge. They had to wear an orange clownfish costume, similar to Finding Nemo, for a week. We've recorded an interview with someone who... Yes, I saw Ben Boyce Saturday or Sunday. Were you wearing the clownfish costume? No.

He wasn't! I knew it. That was me interviewing myself. What? Entrapment. You were meant to wear it for seven days. I'm calling for a public shaming. So, Ellie from Skinny, the big wig,

the big wig at Skinny, has given you a week to impress her. Yeah, well, I wanted to prove that I was worthy of being part of this sponsorship. I feel left out. Oh, now, I got some intel about you overnight. What's the Skinny, mate? What's the Skinny?

Stop trying to incorporate. You're working too, don't work too hard. Don't be too keen. What's the skinny? It was a natural conversation. I worked that in beautifully. Then you said it three times,

you know, and you sort of smiled at me. What's the skinny? Better? Better delivery? Yeah, but now we're reflecting on it, so it's not natural integration.

The clients won't be happy with this they will not be happy with that but I learned something about you overnight something that you tried to do

off air tried to sort of grease up my partner's skinny off air to get on board with my sponsorship

now I'm going to phone the care centre the skinny call centre here I think Emma is expecting my call. Emma?

Hello? Hi, it's Emma. Hi, is that Emma from the skinny call centre? It is. Hello, Emma. It's Jonathan here from the sponsorship arrangement that we have. How are you? I'm really good that we have. How are you? I'm really good, thank you.

How are you? We're doing well. Emma, I understand. Why are we talking to Emma? Look, I don't know why we're talking to Emma right now, but it's great to talk to you, Emma. Ben's here. I'm here.

Don't worry, he's not sponsored. You don't have to talk to him. Not contractually obliged to talk to him. I understand that a gift may have been sent. A gift of... This is not for on-air, Jono. This is not for radio. Bribery proportions been sent Oh no, this is not for on air Jono, this is not for radio Bribery proportions been sent to the call centre

Emma, I don't know, can you clarify? Oh, there may have been a couple of little delicious deliveries yesterday It was just a little something from an anonymous person, a nice kind soul maybe wanting to get in on the skinny partnership

What did you get sent here, Matt? So two members of my super awesome team got these beautiful moustache cookies with a little message. A moustache cookie? What was on the message? It said, I think it said, will you be my friend? Oh, my God. Cover him in virgin olive oil because he is a greaser. It said, I think it said, will you be my friend? Oh, my God.

Cover him in virgin olive oil because he is a greaser. Hey, you know, it was me. We're just jumping to assumptions here. A lot of people want to be friends with Skinny. Did it say from Ben Boyce? It may have said it was from Ben Boyce. Well, then that's how we'll know. It may not have said it was from Ben Boyce. You know, who's to say? Who's to say? At what point in history does anyone go, oh, it may have said it was from bad boy. Well, then that's how we'll know. It may not have said it was from bad boy. You know, who's to say?

Who's to say? At what point in history does anyone go, oh, it may have, yes, it may have. If they ever meant it may not have. Yeah, okay, okay. Look, to be honest, it was me. I want to get part of it. I know.

We've known the whole time. No, it may surprise you all, but it was me, all right? It's like an episode of Scooby-Doo. And you would have got away with it if it weren't for the pesky, bald co-host and Emma and her wonderful honesty. Yeah. Now, Emma, this is obviously a wonderful, kind gesture from me,

and obviously you're considering me being part of the Skinny friendship, the sponsorship, right now? Well, I'm not sure about the sponsorship, but definitely the friendship. Like, at Skinny, we love having friends, and we love our customers being happy and our prices being low. So you are absolutely always welcome to be our friend.

Yeah, what's Emma saying is she's not at that run on the ladder to agree to a sponsorship deal. Okay, well played, Emma, well played. Emma, I appreciate your honesty and you go and have a wonderful day at the Skinny Call Centre. We will. Thank you so much. You too day at the Skinny Call Centre. We will. Thank you so much. You too.

Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy, the WhatsApp by doco.nz. Now, who has just squeezed out a baby or squeezed some filler into their bottom cheeks? Let's find out with Spy. Producer Julia, come on in. So, all-black TJ Perenara has welcomed his first child. Him and his wife Greer have announced it this morning.

It was a baby girl born on the 24th, so just two days ago. They haven't announced the name just yet, but I feel like rugby babies are really booming at the moment. Oh, yeah. A lot of rugby babies. Can I tell you something about TJ Perenara? Yeah. This is a remarkable fact that TJ Perenara and me have the same face.

Exactly the same face. And I've gone on record and stated it publicly before. You've said it to him, I think. We have spoken to him about it. You're like, hey, we've got the same face. You want to do a face swap with TJ? You wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Oh, my God, you actually kind of do. You've got some similarities. He's a little fitter and a little better looking. with TJ you wouldn't be able to tell the difference oh my god you actually kind of do

he's a little fitter and a little better looking but um he's a little bit more tanned oh god why are you going in on me there's nothing wrong I've just come

I've come with some content saying I have the same face as TJ Penner if he ever suffers a horrific a horrific facial injury in his profession I'm happy to donate my face

like John Travolta did to Nicolas Cage in the movie Face Off. I'll do Face Off with TJ if he ever needs my face. Wonderful. I'll happily donate it just so he knows. He's got a backup face if he needs one. Yeah, wonderful. And so Richie Mwanga, him and his wife Sophie welcomed their first child.

They announced it yesterday. A girl named Billie Marie Moanga. She was born on the 16th of August. And then obviously as well, warrior Sean Johnson also had his first child six days ago. It's really rugby baby season, isn't it? What I wouldn't give to fall pregnant

to any of those guys. I would love to hold their babies. Now we spoke to Richie Moanga a few weeks ago, just before he was going to have his baby, and offered some advice. Now, you're about to have your first child shortly, is that right?

Yeah, bro. Last couple of nights, you know, I've been building courts, been building bassinets. I've put a pram together, so I feel like Bob the Dood at the moment. I found that the most stressful part about becoming a parent was having to do it like car seat and stuff. You're not giving Richie a very good. You're like, you're stress cooking

dinner, you're stress making things. John is just stressed 24-7. It's just you basically saying how stressed you are. When you come home with a baby, you're just like, what have we done? Hey, you just don't know what to do. You literally don't know what to do.

Someone should tell you what to do. Well, they do, but you're right. It's do. Yeah. Someone should tell you what to do. Well, they do, but you're right. It's all on you. I remember that moment, closing the door, and then, you know, when you're out of the hospital, and you took Sienna home, and you're like, oh, my God, it's just, you know, it's all on us now.

Yeah, the second one, they really do have to fend for themselves. You're like, I know you'll survive. You're terrified of that. Basically, you raise yourself, you'll be fine. They're very resilient babies. For more Spy, go to the hits.co.nz Start your day the wrong way It's Jono and Ben on the hits This is the show Rubbish Bin

Where we get a chance to get something out We've put it in the rubbish bin We've said it was not a good idea in a meeting But we're giving it one shot on the radio right now A lot of the content you probably hear on air You're probably like oh wow what sort of stuff's in the bin Compared to what stuff they rejected? Yeah. How bad was that?

So this is a chance for us to resurrect an idea. Yeah, so some ideas that have ended up in the rubbish bin, the Gurgler Burglar, where we put a prize in a Gurgler and an insincerator and the listeners have to put their hands in while it's going to pull that out. Safety issues around that one. Yeah, health and safe 2020

PC madness. PC madness. Who's got the hottest kneecaps? Another. People send us photos of their kneecaps and we judge on Instagram. Incest Island, where you're on an island blindfolded with the majority of your family,

but there's one person who's not your family and you've got to figure out who that is. Yeah, so these are all things vetoed. We'll write that one up as a pitch for the TV networks. They didn't take that one either. They're like, we've got Celebrity vetoed. We'll write that one up as a pitch for the TV networks. They didn't take that one either. They're like, we've got Celebrity Treasure Island. We'll be fine with that in Seaside Island. But an idea that we actually put in the rubbish bin

was pun destruct. Because we do love puns, but we do know that some people find them very lame. We thought an idea we could ring a business up and just tell them a whole lot of puns that we've Googled from the internet relating to that business. That's right.

And we just unleash them on them, and then we go... You've been pundestruck. You've been pundestruck. Now, we thought, oh, no, it's a bad idea. But then Aaron, wonderful Aaron, who makes our production for the show, he didn't get the memo, and he made that wonderful intro. So a lot of effort has gone into this now.

So purely for the fact that an intro's been made, we feel that we need to give it at least one run. And you, you wonderful fine people listening to the hits breakfast, you need to decide whether this lives on. Pundastruck. So 4487 on the text said, do you think Pundastruck's going to live on? We're going to call a place that deals with seafood

and we've got a whole lot of seafood, fish related puns from the internet and we're going to unleash a barrage of puns. Pundastruck them. Let's go through to Bluff, producer Juliet. Sanford Bluff, Margie speaking. Hi, Margie. Hello.

I apologise, but guess what? It's Pundastruck. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Hello. You work in the fish industry, correct, Margie? I do. Yeah, great. Well, prepare yourself because you're about to be pundastruck.

Okay. Okay. Are you ready for it or do you need some time to mull it over? Oh. Oh, very good. Okay, that was the first one. Hey, Margie, what are you up to next week? Are you free?

Yes. Well, I'm free any day, barra Monday. Okay. Barra Monday. Barra Monday. Oh, very good. What do you hope? What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You might tune a piano, but you can never tune a fish. Margie, Margie, it's been a hell of a year 2020, isn't it? We've had a big year. Yeah, big year. I can't wait for it to be over just so I can fish you a Merry Christmas. I think it's enough of the fish puns. I think we should scale it back.

Oh, dear me. Where are you, babe? Next time. Have you heard of the sauna that serves food, Margie? No. Their specialty is steamed mussels. My ears are tingling. That's a good thing, I think. What's your heart saying?

My heart's saying that you guys are mad. Okay, all right. Margie, guess what? What? You've been punderstruck! You just got punderstruck. Thank you very much. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. The A to Z of New Zealand. We call a different town or place in New Zealand one a day. We do it alphabetically, and it's going to take us a couple of years. And today, Producer Ben Humphrey, you've been waiting for this for a while. This is Fairley's turn. Oh, it's exciting, isn't it?

You're fairly excited about this. Yeah, paradise. Who knew it was so early in the alphabet? Fairleigh. Well, if Fairleigh was paradise, why did you leave, Ben? You grew up in Fairleigh, right? You spent many years there? I did, I did.

I grew up there, went to high school and left when I was 18. How many people live in Fairleigh? About 750. Oh, very small. Very small. So whereabouts in New Zealand is it located? I feel like we should just do the A to. Very small. So whereabouts in New Zealand is it located? I feel like we should just do the A to Z with you, but whereabouts in New Zealand is it located? Right in the centre.

So if you go inland towards Mount Cook, it's right in the centre. In the centre of the South Island. So if you go centre north to south and east to west, you've explained that in a very confusing way. I love it. So now you've got that in a very confusing way I love it so now you've got

the responsibility of telling us who we need to call and fairly you've been debating it you've been oh we could call but they're quite good

he started worrying about this one with going through the A's and B's I know and the turmoil I know there's a lot at stake

but I reckon we've got a guy who's a bit of an icon and we can call him okay no pressure no pressure on this what does Bruce do Bruce is a stock agent could go either way We've got a guy who's a bit of an icon, and we can call him. Okay, no pressure. No pressure on this. Bruce.

What does Bruce do? Bruce is a stock agent. Could go either way. That's the joy of the thrill of calling Bruce. You never know what mood he's in. Bruce. Yes. What sort of mood are you in?

What sort of a mood am I in? Yeah. I'm in a good mood. Oh, great. I've got him on a good day. Hey, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Yeah. We're here with Ben Humphrey, who is our producer,

and he's from Fairleigh. That's correct. And you know his father, we understand. No, I'm not his father. Well, test, paternity test pending. That's why we're calling you to tell you that you are. No, he said if we need to call anyone in Fairleigh

to find out what's good about Fairleigh, you are the person to talk to. Yeah, well, she's a great spot. Ben, you do the interviewing, Humphrey? Hey, Brucey, how are you? Good, Benny, good. Excellent. What's going on in Fairleigh today? Bugger all, actually. She's overcast. People are going

up to the ski fields. I haven't been down there to haveger all, actually. She's overcast. People are going up to the ski fields. Cue at the pie shop? I haven't been down there to have a look, actually. Now, apparently the pies are amazing and fairly. Yeah, they are. He does a great job of friends. Most weekends, there's a queue probably 50 yards long outside

it. Really? For a small town? You're saying over 700 people. That's a big queue. He sells about 3,000 a day, I think. 3,000 pies a day? Wow. And are you eating 1,500 of those, Brucey? No, no, I'm not. What sort of body are you running? Slim? Muscly?

It's getting pretty used, actually. Love your work, Brucey. You go off there and you go and sell some livestock and go and have a good day in Fairleigh. Can I get you to have a wee punt for my son who's just moved up to Auckland? Yeah. Bought a franchise up there, New Rel and Pools in Auckland City.

Oh, he's bought a pool franchise? Yeah. No, and that's a good advert as you'll ever get. Thank you very much. Love you. See you, mate. Cheers. Bye-bye.

Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. This is the bastion of nearly correct news information. Ben Boyce with all the big stories that have broken overnight. And all I was looking this morning on my phone, perusing, there's not much out there, buddy, so good luck.

Well, yeah, thanks, mate. Over to you. There's a lot of, obviously, serious stuff out there, and we'd like to be an alternate to that, like provide you guys with something that gets away. We escape from some of that serious stuff that's going on. Not to say that serious stuff's not important. It's just that it gets quite relentless when you talk about it

or hear nothing but it all the time, right? That's right. So we pretend it's not existing and cover these stories. And Wellington's celebrity cat, Mittens. That's what we're going to talk about first up. Now, we learned about Mittens. This is basically just those quirky stories at the end of the 6 o'clock news bulletin that they use to fill out time. Totally.

But Wellington's celebrity cat, Mittensens wanders around the CBD of Wellington. We learnt about Mittens. They got the key to the city a couple of months ago, right? Yeah. But it's just basically a homeless cat that we spoke to a hairdresser. And she's like, oh, he just wanders on in here, sits on people's laps and bites cords. Yeah. But goes and lives in basically all the different shops around Wellington.

Well, they're being quite careful with Mittens at the moment because there's a lot of people around the CBD in isolation facilities, and they're worried that mittens is going to go on, get patted and all that, and potentially spread COVID. So, yeah, they had to put mittens down, unfortunately. That was the only option. So, RIP mittens.

If that happened, we wouldn't be talking about it in our light news right now. We'd be ignoring that dark story. We would be. And how much would you pay for a game of Monopoly with the Labour Finance Minister? Not the Deputy Prime Minister, as we called him a couple of weeks ago. How much would I pay for a game of Monopoly with Grant Robertson? Grant Robertson, a National Party, oh, hang on, I'll add in,

a National Party Finance Spokesperson, Paul Goldsmith. Okay. So you're going to play Monopoly? You're going to sit down, they're going to play Monopoly with you? How much would you pay for charity? For charity. All. Is he going to play Monopoly? Are you going to sit down? Are they going to play Monopoly with you? How much did you pay? For charity? For charity? All the money's going to charity.

What's the charity? All the Monopoly money's going to charity. No, actual money. Cancer Society, great fundraiser. Oh, okay. All right. 40 bucks. Okay.

Well, someone paid $10,000, over $10,000, which is pretty cool. That's a really good donation. 84 bids reached over $10,000, and we talked about this a couple of weeks ago as well. Lunch with Ashley Bloomfield, that's at $12,000 at the moment, and that finishes on Thursday. I played Monopoly with Poppy and Oscar, my children, over the weekend, and, God, the game just doesn't end.

That's why Producer Juliet's got the new version. Oh, you get Monopoly Deal. There's no board in front of you, it game just doesn't end. That's why I produced it to you. It's got the new version. Oh, you get Monopoly Deal. There's no board in front of you. It's just cards. And it's a really quick game and things can change if you just pick up one card. It just changes the whole game. So it's not about your strategy of property investment.

It's also Monopoly Speed, which I think is over in 10 minutes. Really? Look at the portal! Monopoly Deal, though. Highly recommend it. Wonderful game. Yeah, I got to a point on Sunday where I was like, Really? Look at the bottle! Monopoly deal though, highly recommend it. Wonderful game. Yeah, I got to a point on Sunday where I was like,

oh, I just made some wild investments just so I could lost, you know, just to end the thing. Yeah, because it does take a while to sort of build it up. Oh, because you've got to get four houses before you can put a hotel on. I'm doing badly, but anyway. I mean, so poor Grant Robertson and poor Goldsmith, they might be there for four weeks playing Monopoly with whoever won that. But speaking of Daffodil Day, ANZ, they're running it online this year because they can't have the collectors out and about, eh?

That's right, yeah. So if you want to visit anz.co.nz slash donate, you can donate now. And if you want to know a bit more information, 4487 is our text number. We'll send you back the link. And as John has said, they can't get out there, so they're doing a digital Dffodil day this year. There was even a little barcode I saw in New Zealand here. Just hold your phone up to that and it goes straight through

and you can donate like that, which I thought was really cool. Oh, we all love QR codes at the moment. One of my favourite things. So there you go. Make sure you support a great cause. Daffodil day this year. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hips.

I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***ing News. Wonderful to have you with us this morning. Producer Juliette has sniffed out the greatest headlines from around the world. A professional sniffer and she was sniffing last week. However, she was at home staying away, safe social distancing

and if she sniffs anymore we will stick a stick up her nostril. Thank you very much. So the first story is... Want to save a cow from being attacked by a predator? Paint a** on their butts. Now we need to figure out what that beep is. Save a cow being attacked by a predator?

Paint something on their butts. Something scary? A picture of Harvey Weinstein. Oh, God. That's creative. I'll give you that. Mind you, he is the predator. Yeah, true.

Trump. Trump's scary. Yeah, true. Trump. Trump's scary. Yeah, true. We'll put Trump on there. Want to save a cow from being attacked by a predator? Paint eyes on their butts. Oh, that's quite clever. That's quite smart.

Because I don't know if you've heard of those butterflies that have natural, on their wings, it kind of looks like eyes, and then it means that if they get attacked, it's only their wing that gets attacked, not the actual body. Because I imagine there's a predator, not that I am one, you attack from behind. Yes, exactly. Don't you?

Oh, right, in the animal kingdom? Yeah. Yes, and specifically these cows, they're in Botswana, and their predators are the big cats, and as cats hunt, they sneak up on their prey when they're not looking, so when they've been caught, they're like, okay, I'll back off now. Smart play from the farmers, I reckon. Yeah, although quite creative too when you're pitching it. You're like,

go with me guys. We get some paint and it's like when you milk a cow. I always think about the first person who was caught milking a cow and how that conversation went down and how he did not land or she landed in prison. Yeah, true. You're like, get know me on this one.

What are you doing? Imagine if you were in there. I was like, what are you up to? I just thought maybe we could try and drink some of this. You know? What do you think? How are you getting it out? Well, just with my hands. Up and down? Okay. Because it looks bad. Just so you know. Yeah, but you try it.

Wow, what a story. Well, yeah. Now your you know. Yeah, but you try it. Wow, what a story. Well, yeah. Now, your next one. Oh. Man uses... to keep wildfire flames away from his home in California. I'm going to say man uses unleaded 91 petrol to keep flames away from his home.

I don't know if that would quite work. It might do the opposite. I'm going to go like a straw and he's blowing. That's a smart tactic. Man uses beer to keep wildfire flames away from his home in California. Now, when I first read the story, I was like, well, surely he needs a lot of beer. But he had a lot of beer and it was the flames. They weren't, it says wildfire, but the flames actually weren't that big.

They were slowly coming towards his house and the water had been shut off because to preserve it for all the firefighters and everything. And so he got all his beer, punctured holes, and just... and managed to save his home from it. What a wonderful story. In his can or the cans. Yeah, he just had a bunch of Budweiser, Bud Light cans, or whatever the hell it was.

Whatever it is. I don't know my beers. And he just punctured holes in them, and that did the job. It was the only source of liquid he had. Was that or either drinking a lot of water and then using his human hose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. True, true. All right.

And your final story. Teens break into New Jersey Petting Zoo, let animals loose and... And load them one by one onto a homemade ark. Maybe they lock themselves in the cages. I don't know. I don't know about this one. Teens break into New Jersey Petting Zoo Let animals loose

And put lipstick on miniature pony I know Animal testing I know it's bad It's not good That's what I thought That's what I thought too And then one of the girls

Decided to ride the miniature pony That poor pony It would have been so traumatised I think Traumatic experience What are your thoughts about animal testing? Oh, very against it. It's bad. But they look beautiful in make-up. Pigs with the mascara and

the foundation, don't they? Well, the animals would love it. Really? If they chose to do it then that's fine, but some of them don't get to choose. No, exactly. They make themselves look prettier. You don't tell me a rat doesn't look pretty with a bit of foundy on, Ben. And that is the news and beats.

Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We don't have an open if we don't call us. Oh, don't call us, we'll call you. That's how it works. Ben did that thing where he says his thing and then he sits back for the mic and points at Juliet with confidence. And Juliet looks at him like, what are you doing?

And I'm like, yeah, fair enough. Don't go, we'll call you. It's our own opener. Don't call us, we'll call you. This is where we

phone places at random, catch them off guard and make them take part in our impromptu game show. No one's asked for this game. No. No one wants the game,

but we force it on them anyway. We're going to do it. Finger points all around this tour, guys. No one wants the game, but we force it on them anyway. We're going to do it. Finger points all around this tour, guys. Should we catch her at a hotel? This is Love Hotel. Trudy speaking. Trudy.

Hello. Rudy Trudy. Oh, dear. Sorry, weird way to start. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits Radio station. Oh, how are you? All right, nudie, trudie, let's get into it. Hey, you're in the middle of our quiz game.

Oh, gosh. I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared. That's the point of the game. We just call you and you've got four quick questions and you can get some hell pizza. Okay. Do you want to know what it's called, Trudie?

Righto. Don't call us, we'll call you. Oh, well, it's fishing, isn't it? Yeah, seems like we've really caught you off guard. A little frazzled, fair to say, Trudy, are we? Yes, very. Who is the mayor of Auckland? Is it A, Phil Goff, B, Phil Expensive Housing Market,

or C, Phil Lactose Intolerant Soy Latte? Oh, I think I'd have to go with Phil Goff. You'd be right, you'd be right. One from one, Trudy. Okay, not too bad. Not too bad. That's a good start. A good start, yep.

All right. Trudy's, I'm on board with this now. Yeah. Bluff is home to what? A, Bluff the Magic Dragon, B, Bluff Oysters, or C? I didn't think of a C. I'm going to have to go with Bluff Oysters. You don't want to go with C?

Well done, $20 help pizza so far. You've got two more questions. Alan DeGeneres has been accused of what? A, of too much friendly dancing, B, of having the same haircut for 30 years, or C, running a toxic workplace? Oh, definitely C. Yeah, now what do you think about Ellen? Your thoughts?

Oh, it's not nice, is it? No, she's a monster. It sounds like there's a lot going on behind the scenes anyway. Not for this light radio program. Let's move on. She's a monster. We want to talk about how Ellen's a monster, don't we, Trudy? No, we don't. Trudy, you want your next question. Here you go. The NBA is currently being

played where? A. Ben's backyard. B. Trudy's backyard, or C, Disneyland, Florida? I'm going to go C. Too easy. Yeah, I wish it was my backyard, but it's not. You're correct. It's not because I keep you awake all night playing bouncing basketball. Keep it down, you guys.

It'd be a nightmare. LeBron, you're too noisy. Well done, Trudy. You've got $40. How are you, pizza? Oh, awesome down, you guys. It'd be a nightmare. LeBron, you're too noisy. Yeah. Well done, Trudy. You've got $40 health pizza. Oh, awesome. Thanks, guys. Well, you go and look after yourself and gore, okay? Go what? Go catch a trout, play a golden guitar or something. We apologise in advance.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy, the WhatsApp by doco.nz. Here's a bulletin of probably made-up news by unnamed sources dogging on your favourite celebrities. Producer Juliet with Spy Entertainment News. Well, you'd hope this was made up, but it's not.

Kevin Hart revealed that he tested positive for coronavirus back in March. Coronavirus! Coronavirus! Oh, do I still have that? No, I don't, damn. And he had it at the same time that Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson had it. And remember Tom and Rita were kind of the first celebrities to say that they had it

and it was when coronavirus was kind of just becoming big and big and big. Just becoming popular. Before it went mainstream, it was underground. So that's when it was the best coronavirus was. The indie coronavirus. And he said that he didn't want to say anything because Tom is more famous than he is. So he was like, well, he can, you know,

he can get all the attention. You know, I'll just hang low here and just recover slowly. But he's now just... I imagine it's quite a personal thing, you know, like, you know, if you're dealing with that and having to go through that. Well, I imagine there's a lot of shame associated with it, even though there shouldn't be,

because as Ashley said, it's the virus, not the people. Yeah. But then you would be like, oh Ashley said, it's the virus, not the people. But then you'd be like, oh, now what are people going to say? Stay away from me and gossip about me. And, you know, imagine if someone got it here at work, we'd all be stabbing them in the back. I'd be the first. I'd be leading the charge.

We'd be sending out a group email and everything. You know, I think, yeah. And there shouldn't be shame associated with it. No. And especially because you don't know you've got it for an extended period of time. So everyone's like, oh, they walked around here, they walked around there. And maybe some people don't even get any symptoms. Exactly.

Exactly. Like, I'm pretty sure Madonna had it, but didn't have any symptoms. Or she carried the antibodies or whatever it is. She was saying, pull bits out of my body to help cure the world. I don't think we need to see the insides of Madonna's body or send anyone in there to get anything.

No, I agree. But, you know, I was really disappointed when's body or send anyone in there to get anything. No, I agree. But, you know, I was really disappointed when Kiwis were going in on that poor family who were at the centre of this latest cluster. It's like, well, it's not their fault. Exactly. And they did the right thing by coming forward and, you know, getting tested.

Oh, you idiots, why would you go into here? Exactly. And the Powerpuff Girls, if you remember that cartoon TV show, is getting a reboot, but the three Powerpuff Girls are returning as girls in their 20s who resent having lost their childhood because they had to fight crime.

Isn't it the most... Great storyline. Great premise. Amazing. I'm so excited for this. And it's live action too, so that'll be a bit different as well. I love cartoons.

I love Gumball and Darwin. Do you watch that? No. Just me? Okay. I shouldn Gumball and Darwin. Do you watch that? No. Just me? Okay. I shouldn't have said that out loud. Gumball and the Powerpuff Girls is another good one. Yeah.

I do love Family Guy personally as well. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, not one for the kids though, Juliet. This is a family-friendly show, mate. She's spouting off your adult content here. This cartoon will be fine. All right, SpongeBob SquarePants is great. My mum was looking after my nieces

she was like is sausage party alright to play for the kids maybe sausage party and I was like ah no it's a cartoon

it's an adult cartoon it's like a Seth Rogen sort of I've just played them sausage party they're sitting there not blinking and not saying anything

luckily she didn't I was like yeah no maybe not for more spy head to the hits.co.nz. Wrapping up our show for a Wednesday.

Don't forget you can catch all this and more on the podcast at iHeartRadio right now. And join us tomorrow. We've got Brendan McCallum on the show and we're going to try

and find a famous person's sibling like big, big people. Yeah, have a great Wednesday. We'll catch you tomorrow from sex. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up

with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits and via the iHeart sex. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app. Jono and... Oh, no, no, no, no. Just Jono on The Hits Breakfast. Brought to you by Skinny.