Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - BONUS: John Aiken On The Brand New Married At First Sight!

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

We chat to MAFS expert, John Aiken about the brand new season full of drama!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. It's a bonkers show, but it's also very addictive. It's Married at First Sight Australia. It's back for season 10. Kicking off on Waitangi Day on 3 and 3 now. And joining us on 100 The Hits, relationship expert John Aiken, you'll know from the show. He's a Kiwi living in Australia.

John, good morning. Good morning, lads. How are we? We're doing all right. How are you? Oh, look, I'm pretty excited. I'm not going to deny it. We've got season 10 coming down at you very shortly.

I know, season 10. Did you think when you first started doing Married at First Sight Australia that we'd get to season 10? Not a chance. It now goes into 120 countries around the world. Your show? Yep. Geez.

I had no idea. I had no idea. Can you pick now which ones are genuinely there yeah and which ones are there just to get a cup a hundred thousand extra instagram followers well i think frankly all of them have got an element that wants to um increase their spotlight if you like increase their notoriety because you wouldn't go on the show if you couldn't cope with cameras on you 24-7 for eight weeks. That's true. So there's that element to it.

But ultimately, they've got to want to find love, and if they don't, hopefully they'll learn something along the way. The other thing that I always get swept up in, because I watch the show, love the show the show john think you do a great job but then you're like oh my god daniel cheated on chantelle with tandy and then i pull myself out of it and go well these people have only known each other for a couple of weeks so in terms of yes it's cheating not good but in terms of cheating the relationship is pretty much in its infant stages and and they do often fall back on that. They'll say, hey, look, when I got matched with this person,

there wasn't a chemistry there. I'm going to do me, I'm after love, and I'm going to jump ship and go after her. So they don't seem to have too much remorse. Others, though, take it much more seriously, and they see it as, you know, I've been matched for a reason, I'm going to see it out, and if I don't like it, I'll leave the experiment rather than cheating.

Their moral compass always comes out throughout the experiment. And the one thing I've realized is that even if they go in with some sort of mask, by about the second week, it is gone. It's ripped off and the real self starts to show. What about for people listening right now? Now, I feel like we probably should be paying for this. I'm asking you these questions, but is there one secret? Well, you know, there's probably plenty of secrets to a good relationship, but what's something you can pass on to people listening right now

that are in relationships? Well, I think you're going to see it in Series 10. The fight styles of some of these guys are terrible. You know, they come out with a sledgehammer. They use, you know, all sorts of personal attacks. And then they just say, hey, I'm just speaking my truth. What I would say to people is you need to watch how your words land. Words are very powerful. And the softer that you bring things up, the more likely that the person's

going to stay involved in the conversation. Essentially, good speaking equals good listening. John, I'm just going to ask you a personal question here in those conversations when there's a disagreement happening with my my lovely wife jennifer uh i walk away and then 20 minutes later i come up with a really good angle now can i bring can i restart the argument and come in with my it's almost like you need a half time go away regroup and then come back for the second half. Is that an option? I like that.

I like that rugby analogy. Yes, you can certainly go into the change shed, take a little time to gather yourself, but you do have to always come back to it. But when you do come back to it, don't think about point scoring. Don't think about I'm right or wrong. Instead, you want to be saying, look, tell me your point of view and then say, look, I take your point. And then what you do

is say, here's my point of view. And if you're both able to listen and validate it, then you move forward. Couples, do they need to sleep in the same bed? You know, some of them as they get older and they get along in time in their relationship, they don't. But they need to constantly connect. They also need to have sex on a regular basis. They need to make sure that they're doing little things through the day, whether it's, you know, having a glass of wine at the end of the day to debrief, whether it's kissing each other goodbye or hellos when they come home. It's those sort of little moments of rituals of connection that are so important. Whether you sleep in the same bed or not isn't going to be a make or break,

but you've got to have a lot of glue around you that makes you a strong couple through the day. What I've learned in this field is that doing little things daily and often is much more important than grand gestures once a week. There we go, John Aiken. I could talk to you for hours, but then we'd probably have to start playing. I can't wait to watch. I'll tell you what, just as an aside, in this first episode, look out. We have a scandal that we've never seen before at the first wedding. One of the grooms is a guy that is going to be a major player

and a lightning rod throughout the whole thing. I don't think we've ever had anyone quite like him on the show, and he is going to get you talking. I saw the shorts for this. Was he somehow connected with someone that the lady who was getting married to knew? What we know so far is that his bride gets pulled aside by the best friend and the best friend says, I got some secrets about this guy that you need to know about.

I saw it on the air and I'm like... It's so compelling. And what's amazing about this guy is he's unapologetic. He looks like he's been pulled from a rugby scrum. He's a guy that's an alpha, and he doesn't back down to anybody at any time. Oh, Merritt at First Sight Australia. He sounds like a catch.

Can't wait to watch. It's going to be awesome, John Aitken. Lovely to catch up with you again, and hopefully we'll talk to you soon. Always a pleasure, guys. Enjoy.