Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - BONUS: John Aiken The Love Expert From Married At First Sight!

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

We talk to John Aiken The Love Expert From Married At First Sight!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Married at First Sight has been humming away for the last few weeks on TV3 and we're joined by the relationship expert in studio, John Aitken. Oh, great to see you too. Nice to see you. And you're my favourites, I've got to say. Oh, you're flattering us, yes. But then he said, yes we are.

You're flattering us, but yes. So married at First Sight, but it was good to see you at First Sight, because it's been a while we've actually seen you in person. Look, with COVID and everything, it sort of was from a distance and now I can come and really talk everything maths. Yeah, I've been watching it with my wife, Jennifer. It has been explosive. Tell you what, Harrison, this guy Harrison,

I don't think I've ever witnessed anyone quite like him. No, no, he's box office. Yeah. He is exactly as you see him on screen and off screen. He's unapologetic. He doubles down. He is opinionated. He's very charismatic as well.

You know, people watch him and see him in relationships, but also in the group dynamic. And it's very compelling how he deals with people. He can control a whole table. Manipulating, dropping bombs. It's really clever when you think about it. He's very smart. And he is a guy that I think probably when they look back on season 10, they'll say he was the silverback gorilla in the whole group you know he was the

guy that came in not only the men but the women were like who is this guy and and he really uh he's lit it up yeah season 10 which is incredible for any show to be at 10 seasons and it's still i mean it's bigger and better than ever but at the same time are you still kind of shocked in a way by what's happening on the show like even after 10 seasons oh yeah i'm totally shocked i'm i'm excited every year when i go into it yeah you're like what group of fame hungry instagram stars have we got rolling rolling through this time around and do they because in australia they are superstars yeah they become stars in 10 weeks that that spotlight is white hot on them to put it down anyone listening right now in a relationship is there one thing above others

that you would say always to have a healthy, successful relationship? I reckon the one key strategy that I would say to every couple if they want to go well is that every day you've got to have a debrief at the end of the day where your partner tells you about the stress that's going on in their life your job as a listener

is to listen but not fix so no solutions no advice no how to's that's my favourite thing yeah I know shoving opinions down the road

you just hear their stress you sit with it and you side with them two of us I mean we've been working together for close to 15 years now been mates for longer

relationship I think it's good. We don't have too many actual. Could say the intimacy's at a low. Yeah. We've never really had a big argument. No, we discuss a lot of stuff. We do have a lot of discussions.

The chemistry is strong, but the passion's died away. Yes. Yeah. It's a loveless marriage. But it is like a relationship. You do have to keep working on work relationships as well, you know? Yeah, that's right. You guys have been together so long.

You're clearly doing things right. And often I find with couples that are doing things right and have lasted, they often won't know why. But when they actually put on the spot, there'll be things that they do. It might be that you guys know when each other's kind of rhythms are. And he needs space. space doesn't want to talk jono goes into his cave you leave him there yeah leave the beast of the cave yeah that's right you don't go and chase him and then he'll come out he'll come out and uh and then you reconnect

it's these little strategies that you do you probably don't know but uh they're there that's why you're so successful. Because obviously relationships, you're a relationship expert. Many people try and keep their relationships together. But what about sometimes when you go, okay, maybe you're better apart? When does that realization come in? Because some people are happier after they've stopped trying and trying in a relationship. I think you're right.

Couples get to a point where they want to go their separate ways. In research, one of the key elements that's going to tell you that you're headed for the rocks, biggest predictor of divorce is contempt. And so you want to make sure that that's not creeping into your relationship. You can pretty much turn a lot of things around with couples. But if you've got sarcasm, eye-rolling, mocking one another, talking to your partner as though you're better than them and above them, that's when you're in real strife. And that's typically when people go their separate ways. Other than that, you can kind of work on a whole lot of stuff to keep you alive. In your professional capacity, have you ever had to tell a couple, listen, I don't think this is going to work? I won't tell them to break up because you want them to make those sorts of decisions. So what you do is you'll say, listen,

Jono and Ben, this is the thing. This is what I'm seeing here. There's a lot of contempt going on here and sarcasm. He just rolled his eyes. Now you can keep doing that, but if you do that, I can tell you what, it's not going to end well. On the other hand, you could do this differently and that differently, and you've got a completely different outcome. Over to you, how you want to deal with it. So you throw it at them with an option.

John Aitken, we could talk to you all day, but we've got poor Cathy here from getting a bit anxious about the clock. She's like, mate, you've got bloody Paula Bennett upstairs waiting for you. Yeah, she's right, though. We've covered some topics. We have, haven't we? Yeah, it's always a rollercoaster with us. We've been about the clock. She's like, mate, you've got bloody Paula Bennett upstairs waiting for you. Yeah, she's like, what? No, we've covered some topics. We have, haven't we? Yeah,

it's always a rollercoaster with us. We've been on the couch, we've done all sorts today, haven't we? Congratulations on the show, congratulations on all your success, you're a wonderful person, you deserve it all

and I love hanging out with you. And I didn't even get to bring up cricket, you know, because you spoke cricket and I was like, any excuse I get to bring up cricket, you're a great cricketer. And what about those black cats?

I know, see, I'm not allowed to talk about cricket on the show this is another okay I'm rolling my eyes here we go it's John Aitken

from Merritt at First Sight it's back again on three tonight