Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - BONUS PODCAST: Fork's Sake with Suzanne Paul and Andrew Papas

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Pull up a chair and join Suzanne Paul and Andrew Papas for the first ever episode of Fork’s Sake - a weekly feast of food, memories, and laughter.  Our first guest is Tom Sainsbury. He’s a comedian, an actor, a podcaster and someone who you'll definitely know from his impressions on social media.  From stand-up comedy disasters to the tales behind his most famous impressions, Tom serves up stories that'll have you asking for seconds.  New episodes are out every Tuesday. Follow us on Instagram: @forkssakepodcast, @suzannepaulnz, @andrew_papas & @thomassainsbury See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Hard Radio New Zealand podcast. Hi, I'm Suzanne Paul. And I'm Andrew Pappas. And welcome to the very first episode of our brand new podcast, Forksake. Well, the idea for the podcast came about when... When you were stalking me on the Instagram, that's how it came about. This is true. I do love cooking.

Well, and I love eating. So perfect combination there. Now, I will say, though, Andrew, you're probably a bit more accomplished in the kitchen than me, aren't you? You know, my culinary skills aren't up to much. But I think we both agree that food, it's such an amazing gateway, isn't it, to great stories and conversations? Absolutely. And each week, we're going to talk to a special guest that I'm going to surprise them by making a dish that means something special to them. Oh, I can't wait.

to see what you cook, and also to hear the stories that it brings about. And, of course, I can't wait to eat all the lovely food as well. I wouldn't expect anything less. Okay, should we get started? Alrightyho. We've got a very special guest today, but before we get into that, what have you been up to this week? I've had a bit of a funny old week, actually. I haven't been out, but I've watched a lot of telly.

Do you know what we're hooked on? And you'll be surprised, because, you know, I'm not a foodie. But I love my kitchen rules. Oh, you love that, dear. Do I'm hot, the drama in it. There's so much drama. And I get stressed out just watching them do the cooking. And they always do something wrong.

Last night they were making a Bourblanc sauce. Okay. And they missed out one whole ingredient, the wine. Yeah. And of course, it's a French sauce, a Manu's French anyway. So, you know, he nearly had a connipion. Yeah. It was just like a thick blob of mashed potato instead of this lovely creamy sauce.

But anyway, the main thing is the sponsor, the sponsor of the show is the ninja double-drawer air friar. Okay. So they keep showing it all the time. So neck minute, there I am, because guess what? Neckminit. They've got a sale on at Grisco's. You won't believe it. Do you get one?

Yes. We've got one, the ninja, double-draw air friar. Okay, that's pretty cool. it yet. Okay. But... You also don't cook, so what are you going to make?

No, I don't know. I've got high hopes for it, though. But I tell you what, it looks so lovely in the kitchen. Two drawers, it's all shiny and black. But, having said that, I have,

since I've, you know, met you, Andrew, I've tried to improve on my cunanolari. What? Conanilla rilory. I can't even say, never mind doing.

How many wines have you had? At any. Let's say cooking skills, they're not conanourour. really skrugled. Have you made anything this week? I've made something. What did you make? I made cottage cheese wraps. I've seen it on the TikTok. Not you too. Yeah, is it a thing? Oh, everyone's on the bloody cottage cheese. My wife, she makes everything out of cottage cheese. Really? Everything in our house. Pancakes. She makes bread. She made brownies ones. She can make

ice cream. Who know? Oh, it drives me nuts. I know. It doesn't taste like a proper thing. I know. But I thought it was a good idea because we're trying to cut down on the the carbs instead of having breads and wraps and that sort of thing and really it's just eggs and cottage cheese isn't it? Yeah, I get it but it's just like oh my God if I see another thing of cottage cheese. Do you know they had a shortage like

about I think it was like six months ago or something now because of all this these recipes on TikTok Instagram of cottage cheese this cottage cheese that buddy make it out of cottage cheese and so everyone started running out of cottage cheese are you making that up? No seriously you go to the supermarket and it's like oh shortage

blah, blah, no cottage. Oh, I'm a bit late to the party, then, am I? Yeah, about six months later, that's all right. So, and going back to the air fry, so you were influenced to buy an air fry? I know, I was. Like an infomercial. Did you use to sell appliances on an infomercials? Oh, yes. Oh, I've sold some great appliances.

I used to do the Magic Bullet, which was great. I've got a suit maker I used to sell. So lots of kitchen equipment, but also vacuums always sell very well. I had the I-Robot Rumba, and don't remember the advert? Nothing sucks as hard as a shark navigator lifterway. Do they still have infomercials? Is that still a thing? Yes, they do, yeah.

Because nowadays you just have a content creator, an influencer, just do a post on their Instagram. I know. People like it. You get more information, don't you? Because you know what? Peas me off. Say if you go into one of these department stores and you get some trying to look for some helpful person, And you say, can you tell me about this ninja two-jaw thing, air fryer?

They go, yes, it's got two jaws instead of one. Hello, I can see that. That says it on the front. Any more information? No, I don't know. See, they don't know any information. But if you do an informational, you can say, cooks this in half the time, cooks twice as much,

you know what I mean? You meat on the top, your veggies underneath. They just get more information. When I think of infomercials, they just play that at like 12 o'clock at night. Nobody's watching. Excuse me, people are watching. Yes, people are watching. Thank you very much.

All right, shall we get in today's guest? We've got a very special guest today. We're going to be joined by an incredibly talented guy. He's one of New Zealand's sharpest comedic voices. You'll know him as an actor, a writer, director, and the king of impressions with his hilarious take on everyday Kiwi life. Lighting up our screens and feeds today on Falksake, it's Tom Sank. Thank you.

Welcome. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. What two amazing people to be sharing some snacks and some wine wove. Lovely. Yes. And you've mentioned the wine. I do want to point out, thank you.

That it is vegan wine, even though everybody that I told at home I've got to get vegan wine, laugh their heads off. Yeah. They're like everything, do they assume everything? vegan wine? Yes. Somebody said to me all wine's vegan and then somebody said to me well there's no such thing why would there be anything animal in a wine

so I felt like right, Plonker I'm saying I'm thinking I read it on the Google but do you know what it is? No but you're an expert tell us so they drain red wines mostly through fish bones. Did you know this? No, why would they

do that? I know so there's like residue of fish bones in it just for purifying it things like hat. Oh, that makes me one. Who was the person that was like, I know, let's strain this through some fish. I know. We get that idea. Sometimes you've got to think,

how do they get to these things like? I don't. I don't understand. I also think that maybe organic wines don't do that, but then the organic wines don't last as long. Anyway. Yeah, and they probably don't taste as good. Well, let's try, does it taste any different? Let's give it a go. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers, cheers. Oh, it's nice. Yeah. I like it. Oh, three, two, three. It's Chris. It's crisp and's got a bite to it. Suzanne's used to box wine, you see. Oh, I said, of course. You can go off people, you know.

All right, tell us, what is your kitchen confession? You've ever poisoned family? Have I ever poisoned anyone? With mushrooms? No, don't, don't go there. My, I've had two. One is a child that, okay, so I, when I was a child, I thought it would be a good idea to put rice wafers.

You know, rice wavers. into the toaster to see if that was a combination. But they sat on fire and the curtin was above it and the cushion went up and my parents went at home because this is the 90s parents are not off on the farm. So I don't know what to do. I ran to my sister in the barn, came back. And my brother, Superman that he is,

had found the fire extinguisher and was too, too, but the kitchen was melted for a certain amount of time. I felt terrible about it. But in hindsight, I think my mum was really looking for an excuse to get the kitchen renovated. So everything worked out perfect. But I'm talking quite seriously like melting,

like all the benched mounting, like all that kind of stuff. Thank goodness my brother was so sensible. You could have died. Yes. The house could have gone down. It could. I nearly set our house on fire once.

I forgot. I'd put the chip pan on. You don't have one really, do you? The chip pan. We always have to pan on the stove. Yes. With larding. Right.

You know, and a basket, you see. And you heat up the oil and leave your chips. Then I went off watching. Coronation Street or some such nonsense. Honestly, in the next minute there's like black smoke billowing out everywhere. Chips were ruined. Oh my goodness. Yeah, and the kitchen was black, anyhow.

Do you have a chip thing now? No, we don't have a chip pan. I tell you what I do have, which is going to be even better. I've just bought this right. And it's a ninja double-draw air friar. Oh, yeah. Have you seen it? I have seen it.

I don't own it. I don't own an air friar yet. But I'm like, why haven't I? Why don't I own one? I know. Well, that's why you haven't got one either. Well, I saw it. I've got an air fry, yeah.

Have you? I've got two. And I'm thinking chips. They say you can do crunchy chips in it. Yeah. So I'll let you know. I'm going to test it out. Air fries are a game changer, especially if you have kids.

Because sometimes you have to cook, like, a small amount of staff. Yeah, a few chicken nuggets. You don't want to, yeah, mostly nuggets. I say a few amount of things. It's just nuggets, guys. So I want to know, when we ask for, we ask, well, I guess, you know, what do you like to eat? And you said you're vegan. how long have you been vegan

and like how did that come about it's been so as soon as I left time I turned vegetarian so I grew up on a farm and we won't get into the trauma of it all you know seeing your pet your pet lambs getting turned into chops and things like that

was that literally it that's the way it is oh I need to drink and so I went vegetarian and then dabbled with veganism and stuff and then probably I want to say eight years there's been a couple of times like I went to India

and it's just so hard to cope so lots of ghee and eight key and all that kind of carry on and sometimes if there's a birthday cake and someone's made you a birthday cake you're like well I have to have the birth of cake so not completely strict

but yeah probably eight years but vegetarian for shoot 25 it must be challenging do you spend half you like reading labels on things you used to but now it's so like when I first kind of got into it there was one version of ice cream

that you could get sanitarium. So good. And there was chocolate and vanilla and that's all you could have. It was made of like almond milk or something. Or soy milk? Soy milk, I think. But that was the only option you could have. But now I feel you can go to the supermarket and there are just so many options of everything. I mean, I haven't looked. It's like a section. There's a whole section. Oh, so that's good. It's a lot more accessible now than the day when you were living on the farm. 100%. What would be like something that you guys eat or what would be like a

smell or a meal that reminds you of your childhood. Obviously, we were quite traditional, meat and three veg, but when I think, like, all thinking about food is I'm sure it's with everyone, like, there's so much connection with your mother. And when I think back, I'm like, I hope she enjoyed it because she spent so much labour making us food. And it was all top, like, we were spoiled for food. And so this is the kind of 80s leading into the 90s. So things like, what I remember is, like, they started mass-producing kind of taco shells and things like that.

That started to come in and that was the craze in the early 90s. So we were so excited when we had those hard taco shells. And also, Mom's Lazzania would be the one. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love a good lasagna, right? And it's always better than next day, I reckon. Yes.

Once it's been, like, sitting, right? You're going to go to school or something? With the passers kind of lifted off and gone a bit crunchy and his cheese on it. Do you miss that? Are you just like thinking about the same? Making us hungry. Oh, talking about hungry. What's this you've prepared here?

Yeah, so I've put a little soy together. We've got, obviously, some grapes and olives, I bought those. But I've got, I've made two dips. So this is a canolini bean dip. We're just kind of like a hummus. It's like the Italian Kazas of the hamis. Yes. And then we've got an olive tepaniard.

Do you say that? I've just had a... Something like that. I was just like olives, chickpeas, parsley, lemon juice, all that kind of stuff. And then these crackers I made. Oh, together. So they've...

It's pretty much just like flour, a little bit of maple syrup. There's no, like, eggs or anything. I used the almond milk for it. What's those little bits? So those are walnuts. You've got chia seeds in there. Cranberries.

And what you do is you actually bake a loaf. You bake it like a bread. And then you put it in the freezer. for a couple of hours and then you slice it up and then you put them flat in the oven and then you bake them like really low and slow and you kind of dry them out and turn them into crackers. I think this is so professional. Do you? I do. I feel like I've seen these on professional platters. Well, congratulations. It's a bit hard, aren't they? Yeah, they've got to be they've got to be. Yeah, they are a bit hard. Oh, smell nice. And that's the olive and that's

the hummus. I'm going to be honest. Honest to be honest to you. I'm not a big fan of hummus, I think it's like eating wallpaper paste myself. You're a big fan, aren't you? I'm a huge fan. But fair enough, it isn't a quiet taste. But sometimes with like, okay, do you know something strange?

I put, I'll go and put a grape on top of that too. I know it's a weird combination of sweet and savoury, but please, can I recommend that? Should I recommend you try it as well? I'll try this well. I'll try that. I've got this one to start. Thank you so much for making these.

love tepennart. Yeah, tepennard. Don't unbreak your teeth, Suzanne. I shall swing for you in a minute, little. Mm. Mm. Delicious. First time making it?

No, not first time. I love this kind of food. Just sort of like, you know, olives and dips and peter bread. And you just sort of like chuck some cusscus in there. You know, lots of parsley, stuff like that. Yeah. That's fine. What's the thing you miss, do you think, being a vegan?

I've got no craving for meat. And if I do, there is some amazing meat substitute that I think are very on to it. It's been such long time since I've eaten in the meat. So people like, that doesn't taste like chicken, but in my memory, does. Yeah. What I miss is cream, like, whipped cream, like tiramisu, custody, kind of. Oh, yeah, custard. Brandy snaps.

I think lots of vegans say it's the cheese, but for me it's more. The cream. Yeah, because you can't really get a replacement for that. Not for the whip cram. I mean, there are some pretty amazing standard cashew creams and things like that that are really good. But, yeah, no, it's the decadent cream. Yeah. Yeah.

And are there any fruit or vegetables, fruits or vegetables that you don't like that you won't eat? No, I think anything big in old age, you've got to be pretty open air. You're limiting yourself now. Do you do a lot of mushrooms? Because I love mushrooms. Do you have any mushroom cooked anyway? Me too. The most amazing mushrooms, I really like oyster mushrooms.

Oh, yeah. And there's the pink ones. And then there's also these amazing ones in Sweden. I lived in Sweden for a little while. And I've got amazing, like, highlighting yellow ones. Have you ever heard of those? I think they're called Shanterell. Oh, that's just divine.

But New Zealand, I feel, doesn't do mushroom. Like, in Australia, they really embrace mushrooms, and you can go to any supermarket. They really don't embrace mushrooms. Yeah. They do. Oh, God. I keep delving mushrooms.

into that subject letter. What did she put it on cottage pies on it? No. Did she put it in? Beef Wellington. That's what it was with mushrooms in. You know, that's a really intense meal to make if you're going to kill someone. I mean, it's like a lot of, a lot of skill goes into that and care, and you've got to get

a good kind of meat. But it's also like a big gamble. Like, what if they all just get sick and they don't, you know, like, how do you know how much to administer it? I haven't delved into her thinking too. much. See, if I spiked one of these hummases and we finished it, I was like, oh, there's only one hummus, we've got to finish it. Yeah. I'm going to try this wallpaper paste.

That would be an amazing way to go. Yeah. Imagine if you took us out, us two out right now, like people would watch this video again and again and again. That's one way to go viral. I know. Last thing I do, exactly. What do you like to make for breakfast, like speaking of mushrooms? Because I love, of creamy mushrooms. I'm a big fan of bagels at the moment. I don't make bagels,

but I buy them and then put the avocado or the jam or whatever on. A huge fan of that with a black coffee. Or fruit. I've just been in Samoa. Bragg. And they, I mean, all they eat, fruit, like, they've just got tropical

fruit for breakfast. And it was just like, I want to live like this. Just having papaya. Do you guys like papaya? Papaya. Yeah, like it? It's the best. It's a quiet taste.

though. Lots of people don't like it. I know, some people don't like it. Taste a little bit vomiting. But when you... You can't mention it. Yeah, when you put some lime juice on it, and then fresh coconut, so that's...

I never thought about that. But speaking about things I do miss, croissants are also incredible things. Oh, yeah. And they're very buttery. You can get bigger ones, but I don't know if they hit. Okay, that would be hard. See, I just don't think I could do it.

But like, I'm so happy for you. That's right. So when you're on tour You've got a lot going on How many shows are you doing? I'm doing 17 shows around the country I'm coming to the Auckland one Are you actually?

Yes, I'm booked. Oh, my God, bless your heart Yes, I think it was nearly booked out then When I booked that Bliss, bliss Oh, I'm looking forward to it And do you have a rider When you go on tour?

I don't Do you know what a rider is? Yes, I just want Just in case I think some gourmet I have a rider You know what's on my rider? What?

English breakfast tea Milky Ways and bananas Mine's just black coffee That's all I need Just before a show Is it? Yes I'm pretty low fast When it comes to riders Skittles if I had to demand something

Oreos, Oreo cookies They're vegan They are Yeah So you don't really like eat well No before show No no no no Do you?

No I don't either no I couldn't I can't No No night, I'm so hungry. And all that's open is like the petrol station, so you're going there's for any vegan pie and a bag of chips.

It's terrible. Oh, is it? Like, do you have any pre-show rituals? Someone asked me this the other day. I get really nervous before a show. Do you get nervous before performing? Yeah. And so I just pay, so if there's a, if the curtains are closed, I'm usually walking back

and forth for like an hour beforehand listening to hype music just before I perform. Yeah. And I've got friends who can kind of hang out in the green room and just chat and be We can relax and go, okay, let's go on. No, not at all. Do you know, I did stand-up comedy for a year? Yes, I know. Oh, my God.

I saw your very first gig for Roar. Is it what's called? Yes, Raw Comedy Quest. Oh, I was a bag of nerves. Honestly, I was. I nearly crashed the car on the way there. I went through two red lights. What did you talk about?

Me, my favourite subject. Yeah. And because there's very few, well, there wasn't then, you know, women of a certain age, men areausal. women touring the comedy scene. It was all young men in the green room. Really, you know, just talking about who knows what, and effing and blinding all over the shop.

And there's me. They're like, Suzanne Paul, what are you doing here? So I was just talking about, yeah, the adverts and how things have changed for me. It's so nerve-wracking, isn't it? Because you've got to remember it all. That's the thing. Especially if you haven't tested, I find it, if you haven't tested the material, like that first time you would have done it.

You're like, here I am, hope it works. It did. It worked very well. Oh, thank you. But when you do, do, like, because I'm studying my tour in a couple of days, so the first couple of nights will be nerve-wracking. But if it's going well and the show's good, then it becomes fun by the end. So the last five shows are just a breeze.

And you know where all the jokes are and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, it's the trialing, the new stuff that makes you really anxious. I was doing this show once. It's called Tick-Tick-T-T-Boon, and it's a one-act show, and it's like four characters. and they play multiple characters but I only played one character I played John and I have to be on stage

for an hour and a half just the whole way but we were literally just days away from my wife giving birth Oh your mind was out swearing So I'd be like I'd send a message to my wife Megan and I'd be like

okay show's about to start I'm going to go outside of stage see you an hour and a half and so I'd jump on stage and I literally I leave the stage for about 15 seconds and that's literally just to run off stage and run to the back and then I enter through the back

so there was no time to check my phone or know what's happening so I would just literally start the show and be like I don't know what's going to happen tonight did it all work out did the timing work out and the birth didn't happen until after the show had finished it literally worked out and it literally happened like a day after the season of shows

and I was like oh the day after the day after perfect I was like how good speaking of that so birthing Did you know that the least common day to be born is Christmas Day? Yeah, the most common is the 26th or 28th of September. But that suggests to me that if you're about to give birth at like, say, 11 o'clock on Christmas, psychologically a woman can hold on for one hour just so that she doesn't give birth on Christmas Day. It must be.

I don't understand because, I don't know. That's probably what my wife is doing. She's holding that guy. I'm not doing this thing alone. Yeah, yeah. Because we also had another kid at home. was, he was like, what, two or something at the time, so. What would have happened if you'd run around and had a chance to look at your phone?

Pitted up, so when she was gone into labour? I'd probably, we'd probably do a show stop and do a swap, because there was an understudy for this reason. It was a very small team, but they did have an understudy for this particular reason. Actually, that same show also before opening night, my son got some sort of gastrovirus bug, which gave it to me, and I was, like, horrendously sick. literally hours before the first show the opening night I was on the couch like curled up

like cramping well that'll be your worst nightmare you haven't gotten understood yeah I don't get sick I've been pretty sick before and you just take there's something the doctor theatre you just take some cold drill three cups of coffee and you just get through it yeah yeah got it and adrenaline kind of gets you through yeah that's right and then you feel all the pain after you're like wow I feel horrible but I think it must be such a

that these things happen more frequently before you're opening a show and then they do an everyday life. Exactly. I hear you. Yeah. Like you're about to be hit by a bus just because you're about to do a show. Exactly.

Are you serious? You're right. Exactly. Sickness always kind of hovers around when you're about to perform. Speaking of kids, though. Yes. You're a sperm donor.

I am. What is that like? It's funny for. We're talking about to sperm. I know. I'm a podcast. Disgusting. Smoking around my scrimmed.

But miraculously, it created something beautiful. So there we go. That's very cool. How lovely. Yes, I've got a, there's a good. girl and a boy. She's turning nine this year and he's turning six this year. Oh, seven.

Wow. Lovely. That'll give you a lot of joy. Yes, they're great and they're so interactive and fun and I love hanging out with them and it's so good that, because I'm not racing them. I'm not the primary peer caregiver, so I have some great time. Yes. I hope them up on skittles. And they're like, see them on their way. You're like, thanks, Uncle Tom. Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

Is that, what do they call you? Well, they call me, here we go. They call me their donor. Like, they know they've been, it's been very open with them. And so I took him to the library. It was just me and him going to the library. There were four librarians hanging around, and he said, this is my donor. Hi there.

I'm the donor. But they, I guess they're getting, yeah, I guess they're old enough to understand now. When he was saying that, he would have been five. But they, yeah, their mums have been very. So it's a couple, two moms, and they had one age, and they've been very, from their get-go, very clear on what it is. Oh, that's very cool. That's cool that you get to still be a part of their life.

It seems to be, from the research, it seems to be quite, because sometimes what can happen apparently in these situations, there can be a hero worship of this mysterious father figure. And so there I am just slump and slapping in every three wags. I'm like, he's no hero. Oh, you are. Oh, I love that. Um, are they vegan?

No, no, I'm not vegan. Yeah, yeah. I actually, I often wonder, like, if you're vegan, right, and you have a child, do you feed your child, like, only vegan food, or, like, is that the right thing to do? I think it's up to anyone, anyone, everyone's on their own journey. They can do whatever they want to do. Oh, absolutely. I think if I was raising children, I would probably raise them vegetarian, so give them eggs and

cheese and milk. That's how I would do it. Yeah. But also, it's up to the individual. So my partner, he's not vegan. But he doesn't, it's this kind of rule. Like, I don't really like having meat in the house. I don't really like cooking meat.

But there's a big block of cheese forever in the fridge. And there's always eggs in the fridge. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I was a vegetarian for about 10 years. And at the time, I was doing a lot of flying on Air New Zealand. And business class, I swear to God,

every week all they had was chickpea curry that was the vegetarian meal for like 10 years in the end she'd come along and I'd say is it chickpea curry love

yeah I said have you nothing else can you not be a bit adventurous there's a lot of vegetables you could serve I didn't write in and complain in the end next week I was like

don't tell me chickpee curry and it was yeah every week what they've broken up to now is you can get the whole variety so you can have vegetarian

of a vegetarian and so the breadth of what you can get now is just so extreme and so would your partner ever eat like would you guys cook together or how does it work?

We cook together yes so he eats vegan whenever he eats I make him eat vegan all the time when I'm cooking but he when we go out to restaurants and stuff he's free to eat whatever and he eats

he consumes cheese consumes cheese it's very humble I know I know It's not very nice as I was. And what about Christmas? How does that happen then?

Good call. So I think the last meet I ever ate was a turkey at Christmas time. I just couldn't help myself. My mother bless her. Back to my mum. She always makes two, she always makes a version that's, she makes a kind of, it's kind of a nut stuffing in a pastry thing. So it tastes like stuffing.

Yeah. And then there's always kind of, um, She's always the kind of the potato's cooked in butter. Oh, yeah. And then the vegan one's cooked in Olivani. Bless her. I know. I know.

So sweet. Tifal, berry, just the berries. I like that. So it's really, she's very, she's very, she's never complaining to her. Oh. Are your parents, they're not vegan or anything? My dad's strange. My dad strangely was.

He's a dairy farmer, or retired dairy farmer, and so he went into a health kick. His doctor gave him this book called, I think it's called The China Study. Do you guys know about the China study? No, please. Listen to.

The China say, so when Mao was dying of cancer, Chairman Mao, he got all the scientists from all over the world, not just Chinese scientists, got them all together going, QA me, what can I do better to get through this cancer?

They did a huge extensive research all over China and on diet. And they found that, because there are some places that are predominantly vegetarian or just fish eating or lots of dairy and meat and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And so what they discovered was that by going vegan, there was like an instance of five different cancers just plummeted. Like there are five cancers that are connected to consuming animal products.

And so he became vegan for a while, but then just got too hard. And the guy doing the research, did he get, um, get. cured? No. I don't think he was too far gone. They discovered how to avoid it, but not to cure it. Yeah, just to kind of like, slow it down. Yeah, that's right. That's interesting. And so going to all the characters that you play, you know, on your Instagram, do you go into detail like that, like are any of them vegan? Like, do you imagine any of them vegan? That's a really great question. And I would say none of them are. Isn't that interesting? It's like your alter ego just getting up. Yeah. Well,

One of them's like, I've got one called 80's mom, and she would be very much meat and two-hage. Yeah, true. And party snacks would be chereo sausages and curry dicks and things like that, of course. Bermadden would have, of course. He wouldn't understand, Bumadam wouldn't understand vegan or something. But he might have a child that is stabling or a daughter that's stabbing in vegetarianism. Gardner Gale?

Oh, Gardner Gale. That's a really good question. I love her. She would probably eat salmon in quail and things like, that's the vibe I'm picking up for her. Jobs at Faro. Yes, exactly. Do you know who's my favourite as Fiona? Oh, I love Fiona.

The wine experience. I have to tell you, I really resonate with her because when I arrived in New Zealand, I was 35, and I'd never drunk wine. It just wasn't a thing at home. You know, we would have alpha lager and lime or something. So I came here, knew nothing about wine. I thought I'd go in one of these wine courses, you know, it don't look like a piece. when some nice, you know, man takes me out to dinner. So, they poured it, and I never forget,

and there was a whole classroom of us, and he said, this fella said, now when you taste this, you'll taste chocolate, and then you'll taste like raspberries and, like, you know, finished with a taste of peach. I'm thinking, bloody hell, I can see, oh, I'm going to be drinking a bottle of night of this if you taste like chocolate. This is brilliant. I'm like, whoa, yes, and it's like, swill it around.

I'm thinking, blah. And everybody's going, Oh, yes, chocolate. This is the biggest sales scam I have ever heard. It tastes nothing like chocolate, does it? And going back to Sonia, was it Sonia? Fiona. Fiona, I said, actually, it tastes like wine is what it tastes like.

You don't taste like chocolate. No, it doesn't say white. That's a great story. I always think with those kind of ones, the wine tasting I've done, is this power of suggestion. When you do, they say what it tastes like, it does taste like peach. Yes, everybody around was going. Yes, chocolate.

I'm thinking, what? And I'm a chocoholic, so I'm like, can't taste the chocolate glove and taste the wine. Although this one tastes good, like really good to me. I think it's a bit sharp. Oh, really? I'm going to just read now, say what they say it tastes like. Here we go. Yeah, good.

Passion fruit. Now that you say it. Now that you say it, it says it gives a zesty finish. Yeah. I would agree with that. It's quite zesty. I've had this car. And I think that could be why things are tasting a bit funny for me, actually,

because I'm having coughs, you know, cough sweets constantly, and then you eat something, taste like coffee sweets. And I've tried everything, cough sweets and lozenges and everything. And last night I was sucking on a fisherman's friend, and that really blew my head off. But anyway, that's another story. Oh, my gosh. Oh, God, funny.

I want to know who's your favourite character to play? I do really like Fiona. There's quite a bit of the admin involved with her. So you've got to kind of, I always iron her shirt because I can't look away from the wrinkles, a wig to get right. And then the wine, and you've got to pull the wine, and you'll kind of waste it.

Like, I drink about, I probably drink a quarter of a cup. I go through the whole bottle in the story. But I probably drink about a quarter of a cup worth. But I'm a real cheap date, so I'm going to be wasted after this. drive it now you've got to be a responsible I know I'll pass but I'll still be a bit

no but yeah so sometimes I get because sometimes I do it at 8 o'clock on a Monday morning and then you're like this is not a is this a sign I do do doing here I've been seeing a lot of those videos

they're all being filmed at 8 exactly and then but one of my favourite I've got this character called Tain who's a boy racer it's a filter and he's only got a couple of teeth and he's like I would say 18 19 lives at home

and he's lowered his car like a boy racer does and put spoilers and stuff but he didn't kind of consider that there's quite a high speed bump in his cul-de-sac so he can't get over it so he just has to kind of do he just has to do this

the entire time and I love doing him too oh that funny I don't know if this is like a really obvious answer but how do the filters work sometimes I have to use TikTok

TikTok filters Instagram filters and Snapchat. Snapchat's the most user-friendly and I use that one the most. That's got a good kind of face swap kind of one and it's got some amazing, like the technology of what it can do with your face now I'm just like blowing away by it.

So they're mostly like face swaps. Fiona is a face swap but things like... Okay, so... I know. I've got this... Thankfully she doesn't look anything like the person. I know. This is dodgy. Like someone, this woman's out there. I just found this amazing photo.

Like Fiona just came around because I was like, with all my characters that kind of do well, you do it once. And then if an audience kind of reacts to it well, then you do the next one and suddenly it becomes the whole thing. So there have been many characters that have done that haven't had their reaction. But Fiona's just this woman who I found online. But thankfully, I look different enough from her that I won't get in trouble.

Oh, you haven't had people writing in saying, it's not supposed to be me? Is that my face? No, not yet. Not yet. Are there laws around that? Because everyone's like up at arm, like, oh, you know, don't post photos of this and that. And they'll turn your this into AI and like literally this is what you're doing.

Well, I guess the whole thing about deep fake and all that kind of stuff. I think law's catching up to it. I don't think there is, I don't think there is a law. So I think they'll be considering it. Yeah. I might be the one that brings around. Yeah, they're going to see, or they're going to come across your content and be like, oh, we're going to have to do something about this.

Exactly. And what about all the different outfits? Are they, like, Gail's blouse and stuff? Where are you buying it from? Because, I mean, you know, it's not like a TV show set or anything where there's wardrobe. And is this stuff just like, have you got a special cupboard in your house? It's all shoved into like New World Shopping Toads. And all the wigs are, like, I have separated the wigs because it was such a nightmare

because they're all nylon and cheap and they all get tangled with each other. So now I put them into sandwich bags. That's making me seem a lot more kind of organised. and I actually have. There was just bags, everything's just shoved in there. And it's usually, I don't know where half of them come from.

Sometimes I've had to go and buy them if I need something specific or I see something at the second hand store. But oftentimes it's gifted to me or sometimes I'm like, I've got this amazing one that gal wears, which is like a, it's got like beading across here.

Yeah, yeah. Who knows where that came from? I don't know. But you've just got it in your house. Oh, all this will do. Your partner's going through the wardrobe. Yeah. Who's this all this woman's clothing?

pretty much. It's this other woman. Well, it's all banished to the spare bedroom, hidden. Oh, yeah. Kept away. And with your, and of course, talking, you know, podcasts, when we should ever be so lucky in our lives, you won a couple of awards for your podcast.

I said your best podcast, best comedy podcasts, best, best, best, gosh. There's a complete surprise, and also I wasn't at the awards here. That was the one night I got in a 10, so someone had to go up for me. I would have loved to have been there. Oh, what a shame. I know, but I'm so. I'm so on it. I'm so on it. I'm so wanted that happened. That's right. Do you want to do your acceptance speech now? Yeah. Thank you so much. I just want to thank, no. Yeah, everyone. Everyone.

And while you were about 30 characters in that, weren't you? Yeah, I counted the first one. I was 42. Oh, no way. But the last, like, so there's one scene where he goes and meets all of these characters straight up. So a good 10 characters were just done in two minutes. But coming up with the voices of like you're just really kind of like, I don't know what I have, I don't know what I have left. You're just going to go through any register, any kind of shape of mouth, and you try and pour it all in. And like, so some of the characters are pretty extreme. But it's amazing what you can do. You wouldn't think you'd have 42 characters in you. But when you're kind of, when they're kind of going, time is money, you've got to record these characters. You kind of come up with something.

Are you going to do series two? Series three is on the cards coming out, yes. Is it three? Well, the first two are kind of interconnected. They're all kind of interconnected. And, but season three will be still small town scandal, but it's a whole new... A different plot sort of thing.

It's crazy because you listen and you kind of just, at the beginning you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's Tom. And then you kind of just get all caught up in the story and you start to go, wait, who? Is this the top of... Who am I listening? listening to now. And it's like you get really lost in it. It's like really genius. Can you get into character without your dressing up?

You do, you kind of, how you do it is you've got to have a kind of a catchphrase that kind of keeps hooking you back in. So, um, so my main character in the first two was Toby Buchanan and like you just say Sydney because he's, so he spent some time in Australian. He came back and he couldn't, he was there for one year, but he picked up an accent and he's no way to get in. And so you just say Sydney, Sydney. So sometimes I'll be saying well, I didn't have to sit back and Sydney. I'll just come to. from Sydney and then you kind of go back into it so that's how you do it did you write those down or do you remember those sometimes you record you record it I just do a little video in my

head and just kind of listen to it as well because sometimes you can come up with amazing I'm just not um analytical or clever enough to kind of break down exactly what I'm doing with my voice I'm not that kind of a clinical voice artist and so there might be a strange voice that comes along and then you just kind of pounce on it and you record it and you try and remember what you do. Yeah, and you just try and mimic that your own self. That's right. Technically you still came up with it, it's just that you're copying yourself.

That's right. You got it. Because otherwise if you just go into it trying to remember your life off. And is this something you used to do as a child? Did you like take off your school teacher or, you know, neighbours? That's such a good question. And I appreciated other people that did it. I think maybe it was a bit too shy also. I would always surround myself with the funny people, the people, the class clowns

and the people that would take off the teachers and that was so good of mimicry and stuff. And I would encourage it and I would direct them and I'd be like, do that again and that kind of stuff. And myself doing the actual mimicry myself wasn't a thing, but I was a connoisseur of it. So I could appreciate it on other people. And also my family was so good at it as well.

And even to this day, like they're really good at kind of just observing a cardigan choice that someone's made or do you know what I mean? Or she had lipstick on her teeth the whole time. then discussing that and that kind of so I come from a culture of kind of

um uh net thinking enthusiastically um yeah and compassionately but also a little

bit sprinkling of sarcasm enjoying people's quirks do you reckon you could do an impression of Suzanne and I know I put you on the spot but Suzanne I've actually written something

oh my gosh it's just it's just sure I was wondering do you could do it I'd have to hear her say it first. All right, here we go. Here we go.

All right, here we go. Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. Suzanne Paul here. Suzanne Paul here. I'm going Kiwi. Yes. I think with, um, the trouble is with British accents also different, aren't they?

Yes. And mine's Wolverhampton and we have very hard like A's like Suzanne Paul. Suzanne. Yes, but wait, eight. It's like, hey, don't wait, there's more. And Andrew Pappas is also here with me. And we're covered in thousands of luminous spheres. Yes.

Suzanne. Susanne. This is set up steak night. See, it's steak. It's all, all that. I love that you're so conscious of it and you've worked it out. Yes, I know. Yeah.

Yes. And I'm very careful. And sometimes I put on, like I honestly did just do a voiceover for a vacuum cleaner advert. Did you? Yeah. We were talking about vacuums earlier. And coming from Wolverhampton, we would do a very hard you as in suck. Sook.

Sounds like S-D-O, doesn't it? Yes, do you want to suck on a suite? Suck. Oh, nothing sucks like this vacuum cleaner. So I made a really hard effort when I said the word suck, this vacuum cleaner sucks, to actually say it more like a London would say in a cockney would say suck. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Great suction. See, suck. I can't, I can't do it. Suck. So what I would do is I'd kind of follow it phonetically. So say hi everyone. Hi everyone. No, that's Kiwi. I can't do it. I can't do it. Everyone. Suzanne. Suzanne. Suzanne. Yeah, Suzanne Paul.

Suzanne. He's actually just holding back because there's a new character coming. And it's probably just basically, it's going to be a face swap of you. I won't sue you. You can face-swaping me and do my eyes. Wolverhampton, and we don't pronounce the H. If people say, where are you from? I say Wolverhampton. Ampton, yeah.

No, we don't do a H. The other things we do is like if you're a cockney, you'd say grass. Let's cut the grass. Yes. But from Wolverhampton, you'd say grass. Yes. Heart, see? Clean the brass.

And I did have a demonstration years ago when I was in England. I was only 18. And my boss used to keep saying to me. Don't say that. You don't say that because she was cockney. And it was clean silver, silver plate, brass, copper, bronze. She kept saying, do you have to say brass like that? It's brass.

And so I keep saying, cleans your brass, no, brass. So it was brass, brass. So you can slip into... I can go, yeah. So I can do what I would call a posh of Wolverhampton by saying suck. Or, see, Wolverhampton, I would say, oh, I've got a toughache. But if I'm doing something on TV, which I did do... a tooth cleaning. I said, yes, lovely, gets right to the back of your tooth.

Why is it so different, like within like the one country? I know, it's weird, isn't it? I guess we do that here too right. Just a small area. Not really, going south and they all start rolling things around. Couple here, but in the UK, it's, it's extraordinary. It is, yes. I can meet people and say, oh, you're from Birmingham, yeah, which is right next door to Wolverhampton. And the difference with Birmingham, they always sound depressed.

Everything goes down at the end. So you're having a good time. Fantastic. It's great. I love it here. And it's all like, oh, you know, it's a little. Lift it up. Lift it up.

Everything finishes down. Welcome, shine. Yeah. And that's very Birmingham. So people... Do you hit a favourite? Yes, Wolverhampton. My own.

Hampton. Easiest one to do. But I think it's very funny. Right down south, I worked in Cornwall once. And I was selling this thing that had... batteries in and it took me ages to, they would come every day, these Cornwall people and say, do you go by battery, do they? And I would be like, I bet you, what is it, sorry? Do you go by battery? Do I, do ain't go by battery? Honestly, it was like that and I was

literally like, I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. You get two, oh my gosh, you're so good. And they'd be sent me, I don't want to say, it was just a simple word like that. Could they understand you? No, I kept saying, yeah, you put, too. You put two double D batches in. They would just go, no. Do they go with that? I'm like, yes, they go with that. So in the end, that's how I did the demonstration.

And you just put two batteries and they got by that. It's also a thing of being understood. Like, a few times I've been in America, like in the end you just have to kind of... You just go with that, don't you? Because otherwise I don't understand. Yes, I can't understand what you're saying. So we end the episode the same way every time.

We want to know if you could have... of dinner, one last time. With anyone dead or alive, who would it be? And what would you have is the Entree main dessert? Oh my gosh. I would probably be Shakespeare. Is that okay to say? Oh, really?

I think so. He's my hero. I think so. Oh, that's cool. What's your favorite? It's brilliant. I kind of like as tragedies, so something like Macbeth or King Lear or something like that. My favorite would probably be Macbeth.

that's easiest to understand and easiest for people to get on board with because sometimes it can be very confusing I would probably and if it was me in Shakespeare we'd probably have to have

ale because he would be adverse to water because of hygienic reasons Wait so listen what's to do with that they used to drink ale more because water usually had parasites and things in it so drinking beer was your way

that you kept hydrated Wow the starters would be like a Middle Eastern kind of Lebanese kind of inspired kind of olives and pizza breads and things and hummuses and baba galosha's and things like that. Then the main would be a delicious, let's go vegan lasagna that my mum can make.

And then for dessert. What's in the vegan lasanies are? What's the meat substitute? It would be all vegetables. Oh, okay. But with like a vegan white sauce and cheese and things like that. Have you ever had a musaka? Yes, I love musaka.

Oh, yeah. plus. Yes. Let's go Musaka. Oh, yes, okay. So which again is kind of that, Musaka was like Turkish, is it? Yeah, is it Turkish, Greek? Yeah, Greek, Greek, yeah. Love all that kind of stuff. And then dessert would be like, let's say, peach pears with a vanilla coconut ice cream.

Yum. Oh, nice. How good. I'm still thinking about Shakespeare. I know. What would you, like, what could you ask him? Yeah. It was so, like, crazy to talk to him to him about. Because there's so many kind of, um, theories that he didn't write all his plays where he wrote them with someone else

so you just kind of solve those mysteries and then you'll be like what was it like doing it and because he lived through several plays and things like what was that like? What is he friends with Queen Elizabeth? All those kind of questions. How old

was he when you died then? 52. Oh that's so young isn't it? I know. Did you die of something? Did he have a syphilis or something? I think people just kind of dropped off from you know like excess. Yeah, because that whole, like, language, which is just English, but what do you call that?

I can't understand a thing of that. I don't know. Is it old English or? Yeah, old. It's it Middle English? I don't know. I don't want to offend any scholars out there. I know.

I know. There's someone smarter than us that'll know, but. I think it's Middle English, yeah. And I wonder what he thinks of that musical that they've written and Juliet. Have you guys heard of it? No. Yeah. It's kind of a take on what if Julius didn't.

If she didn't kill herself. Oh, you're right, that's right. I didn't put them out on the lady. She just continued to live and be a strong and event at woman, as she probably was. Yeah. And have you done Shakespeare? You've been in a play? I was a huge Shakespeare buff.

Oh, yeah. It's so embarrassing. When I first started university, I got involved in the drama club and tried to kind of produce as many Shakespeare shows, as I called. So demanding, because the cast is so big. Yeah. And my pastime was kind of a brilliant. bridging them so that, because they could go up to three homes long.

And so I'd go through and I'd bridge them down to an hour and a half. What a nerd, what a, what a Shakespeare nerd. But that kind of ended, and I haven't really delved in since, but I'm still a big fan. Oh, I love it. Wow. I think that's the best guess so far in terms of, like, who you'd have dinner with. Yes, and never would have picked that. If anything, I'd have thought you'd go for some comedian, you know, some big comedian

style fella that you thought was hilarious. I mean that would be fun and entertaining but this, I'm hoping she'll be fun and entertaining but also fascinating and also if you get an opportunity to talk to someone from a different time. Gosh, that's got my head racing now. Thank you so much for joining us, honestly.

Alicia. This was such a great chat. I'm actually so glad you were so into the spreads and things. I just cut, like this is, this is professional quality. I mean, join these biscuit things. Yeah, I know. What was it called? Do you know the visual name?

No, it's just a cracker, yeah. Like a really hardy cracker. I got all go right through you. Scraping down the silence of the moment. Bringing the tone of the show right down there. It's the matter with you? Yeah, that's all those beans. We'll call it.

Anyway, we'll call it. It's very cool. way and just when you think you know someone because you know we see each other around and things and you kind of get to know everyone around the scene but like actually sitting down to him and talking to him it's very cool isn't it i i'm fascinated by him i could not believe when you said shakespeare you don't expect that do you i know i thought that was so clever you'd have to know with shakespeare yeah he's i loved listening to how he does how he comes up with his characters and how he gets into that i know i think i might use that a little bit like getting into those

voices and things like when I'm in stage. They couldn't do my voice, could he? Couldn't quite get that. I bet he starts practicing that. I bet he does me. I'm going to look out. I bet he steals my face and does it on the Instagram and tries to say, too damn poor.

Do you know when I go out places, people say to me, say it, go on, say it. And they want me to say thousands of luminous fears, things like that. And you just get it to me for free. No, it was lovely. I'm looking forward to seeing that show. And so what have you got planned for the rest of the week? Absolutely nothing. No.

It's a funny time of year, isn't it? It is. You know, like at the beginning of the year. And we had, I was always seeing you at the opening of this, and we went to this show, didn't we go, and all of that. And I feel like, I've got nothing. I've got nothing going on. That's why we're doing a podcast.

All I'm doing is watching the telly. Mind you, I do like what? I do love being at home, do you? I mean, it's nice going. out. But sometimes, you know, especially when you travel a lot with your job, I just sometimes say, I'm really happy to be at home and watching the telly, you know. Because we do go to a lot of things. We do, with the dog. Did I tell you about the dog today? No. Oh my, crikey. I've got to tell you this. I give me my F-Post card. I said, I'll pay for the vets this time, take my F-Post card.

I just had a look, you know, how much it was from the vet's? How much? Nearly $550. 550. You're joking. I didn't hardly have anything done. We have to take him every couple of months to get his nails clipped and his anal glands squeezed. I mean, yes, I admit that is worth $550 of anybody's money.

Give me a pair of gloves. I'll do it for $250. I think Patrick will be doing it himself from now on. Squeeze your anal glands, oh, my. Why, what's the world coming to? This is in your business price, I reckon. I reckon. Suzanne and Andrews, squeezing anal glands.

I mean, $550. for Michael. You're raking, isn't it? Roking, they are. Anyway, whatever you do, love, I hope you have a great week. Thanks. You too. I'm not looking to see you next week.

Chah! Bye for now! Tadda!