Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - BONUS PODCAST: Reinventing Body Positivity with Ellie Fitzgerald

Episode Date: October 4, 2025

We've got a special guest in our podcast feed today! PJ Harding returns with season 2 of Slow It Down, where she invites you to slow down, chill out, and live authentically. If you like what you hear follow Slow It Down wherever you're listening to this.  Welcome to season 2 of Slow It Down! I'm so excited to be getting back into the podcast after my six month maternity leave. I've seen so many incredible and inspiring people online and I just can't wait to sit down and have some real open and honest chats. Our first guest Ellie Fitzgerald, who you may know as LovingElliesBelly. She's been doing an incredible job of spreading body positive online for years, but you may be shocked to find out that wasn't always her message. In the episode we talk about how her online presence has changed over the years, dealing with trolls, working with your partner everyday, and so much more! I had so much fun chatting with Ellie, and I know you'll love listening to her too!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits Podcast Network This episode is brought to you by Uber 1 Hello and welcome back to slow it down Slow it down I had to force myself to slow it down to actually say that because I probably go too fast like most of us and that is what this podcast is about

I guess just slowing it down to look at how we're living look at what really matters, look at how we come back to us when things get a bit crazy and I'm so excited actually for the podcast over the next wee while because I have just been on a six-month maternity leave and I think with every baby that you have not only do you birth a baby but you birth the new version of yourself and so I have been looking at a whole lot of people online and I thought, man, I just want to talk to them, you know, being inspired, just talking to people and understanding them a bit more. So we're going to have a range

of guests on the podcast until the end of the year and I'm so excited to announce our first guest who is someone that is incredibly bubbly. She's funny. She's down to earth. Her nature is infectious and she has spread so many good messages online. over the years. Her name is Ali Fitzgerald, formerly Ali Haynes, but you may know her as loving Ali's belly online. And Ali has done such an incredible job to spread the message of body empowerment, body positivity online. However, that wasn't always her message, which I discovered today. And I didn't actually know that until I chatted to her. So we're going to look at how her presence online actually evolved over the years. We also talk about online trolls,

We talk about working with your partner. We talk so many things, including her very real and vulnerable account of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. So a bit of a trigger warning. Actually, we do talk about eating disorders and miscarriages. So I'm just going to put that out there now. Plus, there is a bit of swearing. And we come in hot at the beginning. So just a little heads up.

I really hope you enjoy this chat with Ellie. I absolutely loved getting to know her better. You hear me. I can't. You're kidding. No, wait, you can. You can hear me, can't you? I was like, how did she say I can't when she can hear me?

I know. And I could hear it. But I still freaked out. I just thought I'd try. I'd try. How are we to do? Hey, me? I'm fucking tired, to be honest.

But I've put heaps of makeup on. Yeah. And I'm actually wearing a bra pre-babies. Like, it's like a singlet with a built-in bra. And it does not do anything. Like, my tits are hanging out the bottom. I'm not even wearing a bra so we could just free. You know, like, free boob Friday.

Yeah, fuck it. Let's sleep the titty's free. Have you been to the market this morning? No, I slept in. I had all intentions of going and then I just slept in. Brett won't be up at 11. What? Yeah, I'm quite a little sleeper.

Is that, oh my God, I would just, the thing I, things I would do for a sleep in now. Like, how often would you go past 8 o'clock? Oh, often. But I don't go to bed till. probably like 2 o'clock, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm a real night owl. So is that when you, because I saw you put on your calendar the other day, and it was like getting work done at like 7.30 till 10 or something.

Yeah. I do, I get real creative at night. I've always been like that though. I swear I'm like undiagnosed ADHD or something because I do so much at nighttime. People often talk about like you've got to work out that creative period, the part of the day. Yeah. I reckon I'm probably morning, but then I'm also made.

a little window at night where I feel quite inspired. Has that changed that's having a good at least? Yeah, I just sort of take whenever I can get, really. But now you're just like any gap. I think the mornings, like coffee, like when I'm on that buzz, I actually feel like a different person. Like it's funny how I'll have some caffeine and my self-confidence, how I view myself.

All of a sudden flips. Right. All of a sudden you're like, I'm a 10. What happened? And I'm like, I am hot. Like, it actually freaks me out. I don't know if this is a sign that I have a serious caffeine dependency. But like I am such a different person, pre and post coffee.

Wow. Are you a coffee girl? Yeah. But I just did a detox and you had to stop coffee for 10 days. And that was so hard. Do you reckon that was the hardest? Because you did one of the old, a lot of people are doing the Benson Detox. And I think people get put off my, oh, the word detox.

Actually, I know some people that have had really great results. Real good results. I've carried it on, but I've, like, implemented. I bought a coffee because I needed my coffee. But it's a sugar detox because I'm a sugar fane. Like, I swear I'm addicted to sugar. And that was probably harder than caffeine. And then did you realize that it was in so many more places than you actually are aware of?

Yeah. And so much of it. I've become a little nerd, like reading the back of things now. Thank you. So would you do it again? Or do you reckon it was like just a really good reset? Yeah, I don't think I'd need to do it again because it taught me heaps to carry on like a lifestyle change. But I would, oh, if I was, I don't know, maybe. Like now that I know I can do it, but. If there was one thing you just couldn't live without, I mean, sugar, you're trying to like, you know, play with that. But is there one thing that you just couldn't do that?

I would probably have to say fruit. Really? I fucking love fruit. Yeah, especially summertime, eh? Oh, and it's a big blob of Greek yogurt. Yes. You know, like I just feel like it cures everything. Yeah, do you know Greek yoga?

I've started using it. It's super multifaceted. Like, you can make little Civalaki, like little peter wrap kind of things. Oh, like they fry it? Yes. No, so you literally just need flour and Greek yogurt and a bit of salt. And maybe, like, baking bread. powder or something. I can't remember. You can look it up, but it's so easy.

And you make like, like, Dimitri's kind of level, if you're from Christchurch, you know what I'm talking about. Civil-Lakry race. Yum. I have to try that. Hey, thanks for coming on today. This is going to be a bit of a random one. I feel like we're just going to go with it. You don't have to go with the flow. Ask me anything in anything. Well, can you tell us about like your growing up, like where you went to school, what you loved, what life was like for you? I actually, whenever anyone asked me this,

my heart actually feels so happy because I loved my childhood and I'm really lucky that it's just full of love so much happiness, like being outside all the time, not getting home until late at night, building huts and always had friends around. And I'm very lucky. I just loved, loves my childhood.

I grew up in Brooklyn, which was out like near the beach, Nespencer Park, if you know, you know. I know. And, oh, there was just a river there, and we would always just be literally plain in the river and everything. Every day after school, we went to Belfast School. Nice. Good, good.

Yeah, Belfast in the Wood. Thank you for filling us in the Christch people who wanted to know what school you went to. Yeah. Without me coming to us. It's a question, isn't it? You saved question number four. So what school did you go to in Ortauang? Well then my brother and my sister

They went to Kaipoi High And that's where I really wanted to go Because that's where all my friends After Belfast went But then all of a sudden mum and dad Started doing well in life After working their ass off for years And thought

Oh we'll finally see one of our kids off To a good education school Quote unquote And sent me to St Andrew's College Oh that's our So I went to Rangirotu And that was our brother school Like I'm pretty sure we were

Siblings Sibling of my schools Yeah, but we'd probably hang out with college more. Yeah, I hung out with the beads boys, unfortunately. Oh, really? Bedean Rangers, yeah. Were you, like, a little apprehensive to go to private school? I was.

I think I just had a real bad stigma around it. And also, I didn't know one person that was going. So I was going in completely, and I'm such a social person, going and not knowing anyone. I was like, this is way out of my comfort. Did you go year seven or year nine? Oh, uh, year nine. Oh, yeah. They probably couldn't afford to see me at year seven.

Too really. Pull the brakes. Yeah, she had to pump the brakes a bit. And I turned up to school with the wrong socks. I'll never forget that. Everyone had the cool socks and I had the big blue knee-high ones. I was mortified. What were the cool ones?

The little white ones. Oh. So was it like an option that you could get from the uniform shop and you didn't know? Oh, that's mortifying. And I had them right up to me. Oh, bless. Do you know we had our primary skill? Now, this is very private skill.

We were at Sown House. There was like literally uniform undies back in the day. Oh, what? By the time I got there, they were kind of petering out. But back in the day, like years ago, they'd check, you were wearing your uniform underpants. I'm sure of it. That's pretty uncooked.

Maybe that was just a rumor. But like, there was what, you could literally purse. purchase. Yeah, this is really showing the entitlement that we had, isn't it? But like, you could purchase your school undies. And I remember they were blue with like a frilly white thing on the outside. But that did not carry on to high school. That did not carry on to high school. I had a pair of those. Yeah, yeah, I had a few back in the day. You'd hope so. So once you got past day one and the sock, sock gate, um, did school get better after that? yeah yeah we had like a sausage sizzle thing where everyone all the year nine's got to meet

a classic sausage sizzle yeah and um yeah just straight into it I did drama and I think that helped like I just I feel like that helps keep you out of your comfort zone you meet so many different types of people in drama and we had a TV set like TV class as well so that helped me heaps because I got to just be myself in those classes but everything else failed massively math's horrible England like I've got the worst dyslexia and they didn't even pick it up bloody stack I yeah

yeah I was the same like science maths as soon as I could make an exodus from there I was out and I think I loved Spanish I had a great Spanish teacher oh and Señor Estabardo like literally just to know that I was

going to leave school and my plan was to do a BA and Dunedin so then I could just and study like a Spanish, like have Spanish is my, is my sort of expertise so I could go to Spain one day, but then I ended up going to broadcasting school. Yeah. Oh, how things change. It's wild though.

Do you ever have those moments where you're like, my life could have been drastically different? Well, do you want to know something funny about my little switcherow in life is when I was at school, I wanted to be in broadcasting, and I was like, I'm going to be on the radio, and I'm going to be like the next JJ Feeney. I was just so obsessed with that whole world. And then I left school and then I was like, actually, I want to be in the circus. And I wanted to be, I know, I wanted to be a ribbon dance. Shut up.

It's quite funny if you looked at me in a wee leotard running around with ribbons. But I wanted to be in the circus. And did you pursue that? So I looked at, because there's the school of circusry or whatever it's called in Christchurch. And then my dad was always like supportive of whatever I wanted to do. And he's like, look, you know, I'm here for this. You know, that would be fun and you'd have some great times. But is it a career?

And I was like, oh, well, I guess it could be if I'm, you know, I didn't know what to do. So then we just went to beauty school. And then I went and studied beauty therapy. Did you? So is that what you did straight out of school? Yeah. Yeah, we went to study that for a year. And I thought, I'll go and work on a cruise ship and be able to work and travel.

And then next thing, I'm working for my family business and stayed there for like eight years. So I didn't even do beauty therapy. Oh, you don't? So what was the family business? It was health supplements and manuka honey. So I did, I worked in production, done administration. And then that's how I learned all my marketing skills with that job. And so.

when did you start creating your online profile? Oh yeah, gee, I don't even know life without, not sharing my life, which is so weird. But I think I was about 17, so really young, and I had originally started like a website blog. Yes, like the OD. Yeah, the OG. And originally back then, it was all about weight loss, and it was called Losing Alley's Valley. And I was just obsessed with, like, in a really toxic. way obsessed with losing weight and I thought life would be so much better if I was smaller and

it was yeah it was quite some would call it inspiring because they were along on the journey with me but then it was a very toxic mindset that I was in so I done that for about probably three years been losing Allie's belly wow and so you like did you create quite a um a dedicated audience from that yeah yeah and then I went on to Facebook and we were all sort of like holding each other accountable and sharing our weight loss like our scales and our measurements and there was quite there was at that time there was a few thousand and from all over the world and we were just all holding each other accountable but I was doing it like I was definitely like trigger warning for eating disorders and stuff but I would make myself sick so then

I knew that the scales would go down I wasn't eating I felt like I owed people a weight loss story you know. I can imagine it would be really encouraging at the beginning like we're onto a really positive thing and then it would become obsessive right and you'd feel like this immense pressure because you have started this journey. You want it to be a positive ending depending on how you define that but there would be so much pressure that comes with it. How did you so then what happened after that? So then I went to the opening night of a TV documentary called Embrace and it was a lady that went around the world and interviewed woman of all types of bodies, stories, backgrounds, some accidents had happened, like all these beautiful stories. And she,

the documentary was just the biggest eye-opener to how we, especially woman, feel the pressure to be a certain look. But what even is the certain look? You know, we're all trying to, quote-unquote, be, had the perfect figure, but what even is that? And we're not focusing on health. And it was the best documentary. I honestly advise everyone to watch it. It's really good. So it's called Embrace. Yeah, Embrace.

And I think it's still on TVNZ. Yeah, TVNZ, I think it's on. But it's honestly a very eye-opening documentary. Even young kids to watch it. It's just really good. And at the end, I got to meet Taryn, and I was like, Fangirling. And she was like, oh, what do you do?

And I obviously worked for our family business at that time. And then I was doing the blogging in the background. And mum bless her. She was like, oh, she, you know, she's a blogger on the side. And Taryn was like, what do you blog about? And then I felt sick to be like, weight loss. Like, it was sort of like that aha moment where I was contributing to what she was trying to help stop.

What year was this? Oh, I was in my 20s. Yeah. So what's that? Sorry. Not long ago. Yeah. It's a couple of years, love.

Just a couple of years. Yeah. Last year. Yeah. But times were different, right? Like it just shows even in a decade, say, although it feels like we've kind of shifted again over the last year or two. But in that moment, you kind of had that realization

that you were feeding this very kind of toxic. Well, not that it's your fault, but it's embedded in our society. And we're so immune to it. And everywhere you looked from the moment, I remember from age 12, like on the back of buses, movies, Like video, what are they called? Like, what is it cool when you make a song to a video? A music video.

Wow, stack done real good. I'm so glad you're the first one to say the dumb thing. Yeah. Oh, it's honestly, I'll say a lot more, be prepared. A music video. It was everywhere implanted of like this perfect, I guess, body. And you couldn't really escape. it so it was just our normal it was just the norm so yeah after saying that to her and she sort

gave me this look like you know i hope you'd learn something from that documentary and then i was in the car home with my mum and my sister-in-law and i was like i think i need to change the narrative like i'm not actually happy doing what i'm doing and as a little girl i would have loved to have watched someone who was my size be on the internet so mum was like why don't you change one letter, literally, and we just changed it to loving Allie's Valley. That's so good. I did not know that it used to be losing before that. I've only ever known you as

loving Ali's belly. That must have been, was it kind of scary because I guess like your followers, you knew that were the air for the lost journey. What did that kind of feel like making that change? I remember the first post I'd done where it was sort of transitioning

into self-love and sort of just my lifestyle. And, And I had a couple of people that had been with me from Daydoll with losing, message me. And it was, they worded it beautifully. And I totally respected it. But they basically just said, like, respectfully, I have to leave your page now because I was, obviously, I was then in my 20s. I was drinking hard out, which meant McDonald's and KFC all the time. My life just totally changed.

Yeah. And it just didn't suit them. But they, like, purpl, like, beautiful. Oh, my gosh, that's my cat scratching at the door. Can you hear that? Yes. Our dogs was, I had some dogs outside before just going, with a squeaky book. I don't know if you could hear that.

No. Okay, good. I've had to lock my three dogs over at mums. But my cat, whoa. Bring the cat in. What's the cat called? Oh, Flossy. She's a front loop.

She'll come up, hold on. Come on, man. Here she is. Oh, cute. Hi, Flossy. Hey, you're Lottie. Queen Flores. laws.

Yeah. So you got messages from people kind of respectfully understanding it, but they wanted to just, that's kind of weird that they had to tell you. But maybe that came from a place of respect for you. Yeah, I think I actually, I totally respect people doing that because you've built an online connection with them and you've shared a bit with them. So for them to almost be like, just at the stage of life, we don't align. I kind of value when people do that rather than doing it in a really next.

negative way. Yeah. Yeah, because you do. You build these connections with people at different stages of your life. So it's nice to sort of be. And I've had them come back in recent years because they also were in quite toxic mindsets as well. So, yeah, it's just interesting.

That is interesting. And as I said before, like, it's really interesting. And it's so sad that body embracing our bodies and body positivity has to be a trend. Like it feels like it was a trend now. And now it's sort of just going to get regular cat, but sorry. It was like we were doing so well for so many years and there was only a few of us in New Zealand, particularly that we're doing like body embrace and self-love and it was so beautiful. It was sort of break the stigma of what people were coming across online.

But now we've done like a full sort of 360 and now it's like it's a hard. hard world, I think, to be in at the moment. And it concerns me about young people growing up into this because now it's like OSEM pick or whatever it's called. And it's just, yeah, it's quite scary. It's just gone the other way. Like I feel like society always does this, right? So you go one way and you'll make great progress. And then it goes the other way. And maybe, maybe we'll meet somewhere in the middle nicely afterwards. I hope so. You know, like I feel like surely there's got to be some give and take and we'll move back that way.

I mean, it's like skinny dreams. They were a trend and they were, and now we're sort of in the middle, now we've got a barrel where it's like half white, half skinny. So maybe we can kind of, as a society, do that or just not worry about what people's weights are. Yeah, well, exactly.

And like, have you found that that external pressure of what is trend has kind of impacted how you feel and how you show up online? Like, does it make it feel more difficult? Because I'm sure you got to a place where it actually felt so welcoming to, you know, share that positive message. But now it's like, oh, fuck, do I shut up? Yeah.

I mean, it's definitely vulnerable because each time I do share something that is showcasing my body in particular, you do get met with a lot of people that will tell you what to do and like a lot of criticism and stuff. But I think because I've been doing it for so long now, I still get nervous posting certain things, but I can see the impact that it's having and some of the young girls that follow me that have message me saying how I've helped them. I've had parents message saying I've helped their children with eating disorders and I watch my wee niece grow up and she talks about herself in such a beautiful way of how strong she is and she's got a kind heart and it's not physical stuff. That can

keeps me going because I feel like I know I am helping some people in some way. So it's enough to just be like, there's always going to be people that will say stuff. Absolutely. I could not believe it. I think it was on your account that I discovered there were these mean groups online. Farer. I don't even want to say the name because I don't want to give it here time. But I literally was like head in the sand.

I didn't know this. but there are these forums which are essentially just bully discussion groups, right? And they bully basically influences around the country and just pull them apart. This is, can you explain it a little bit for people who haven't heard of this? It's such a weird thing to explain because I can't wrap my head around it. And I like to call it Voldemort. You know, you can't say Voldemort's name. Yes.

Well, I refuse to say the name. Yeah, because I'm not giving an airtime, but Voldemort, the people on there, so the Voldemort squad, they don't think it's bullying. They think it's holding influences and creators accountable. And that's the bit that I really struggle with because there's having opinions on things and not agreeing with things and we're all entitled to that, absolutely. I mean, we're humans. We all see things and don't like it or whatever.

But it's when they get so personal and they, I don't think. Voldemortz realize that it's going off the forum and coming into real life and that's why I decided to speak about it recently because we were having handwritten letters sent to my home address and it was over a time of three years sick stuff like when we had to close our business down

saying things like basically think fuck your business died your candles were shit because you're a dickhead husband that I'm fat and I need to go on a run. I need to start wearing a bra. People are sick of see, my saggy tits. Just really weird stuff that I just felt like get a real job. Get a real dog.

They even said get a real dog. And I was like, don't you dare bring my dog into this? Frank did not do anything. And then it got really bad where we recently went through a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. last November and the last letter we got which was this year all it said was stop going on about your dead baby people have it way worse and they think that it's not a bully for him it's actually frightening that is disgusting yeah i just don't understand what what compels someone to do that they have obviously been incredibly hurt like yes yeah why our

would you, and it's just so gutless because they can't be held accountable. There's no identities, right? Yeah. Well, that's what they think. And that's quite the exciting thing about how you may think you're anonymous, but there are people that are willing to do everything to expose these people. And it's a lot's happening behind the scenes because a lot of people have been, it's got quite bad.

There's been a person that's turned up to someone's doorstep with a knife. Like, it's gone. too far so but then the people on the forum because they're not doing that stuff it might be only one or two individuals they still don't think it's bad but they're a part of it and they're feeding it's just me like everything that you just hated that is so that's not holding you accountable that's just straight up bullying and meanness but weird that someone would do that to someone they don't know I just, I don't know anyone that would do that.

Do you know what I mean? So it makes your question, who feel so, they must feel so, like, sad or hurt themselves to do that. There's actually a really fun little story that I recognize being made into like a TV show. Yeah. Of, I discovered the main person that hated me the most on there. And it ended up being a woman that works in a place not far down the road from me. And I would see her often. Because I would go into her work often.

And every time I'd go in here, she'd hug me, say, if we should go out for lunch. Like, would message me all, yeah, yeah, message me all the time. Like, I truly thought she was a lovely woman that had followed me for years. And then cut a freaking brilliant story short, it ended up being her for the last five years that had screenshot my family, mocking how they looked. I know. It's been wild. And I ended up confronting her. And she denied it at first, denied it and denied it.

And then I got this massive message and she admitted that it was her and said, I've said some disgusting things about you for the last five years. I'm sorry. I done it because I was jealous of the life that you have with your being an influencer. I was just going to say, jealousy comes into it. 100%. Yes. And she said all the stuff that you get sent.

And I understand from outsiders perspective, it would be hard watching. this industry because it is, especially when it first started happening. It's a weird industry. It's strange. It's a weird industry. It's like, yeah, you get it for free, but it's also like, it is work. But, you know, so she, yeah, sent this big apology, and she had two children of her own, two teenage girls.

And it kind of, ever since that happened, it's made me realize that I used to eat so heard about the Voldemort's, but now I don't, because Voldemort's gone Voldemort, you Yeah, and understanding that there was jealousies and massive component makes it make sense. Not that it justifies in any way, but it's kind of, I guess, it would have been kind of therapeutic to understand the thinking behind it. Yeah, and I can understand it too because it's normal for us to like, especially when you're scrolling on the internet, of course we each come across things and they're, oh, fuck, why did, you know, like, oh, damn it, I wish I had that or I wish I could do that.

It's normal. But then to take it to the extent that they did is. the part that I struggled with. So there needs to be consequences with these online groups. Like, especially think about teenagers. Think about, I mean, not that maybe it's different because they're not necessarily influences, but we've all heard about how nasty teens can be online. Like, it's pretty terrifying, isn't it?

yeah and that's the thing that's so frightening from over the years is i've done a few talks at schools which has been really fun because they're trying to navigate how back in the day bullying used to be face to face like you'd say something to someone's face and then you'd go home and you kind of got to escape it but now these kids are getting bullied at school and then they're getting bullied on their phone and they can't escape it and that's why i think our mental health is so screwed up because we cannot accept it. escape it now and so what can we do like there really isn't anything we can do yeah well i suppose yeah that's the thing you either completely cut yourself out but then people feel like they're

missing out right and so it's like i don't know healthy ways of learning to use this crazy technology that we're only just learning like the real consequences of yeah and then there's situations where you can be like block them or remove yourself from certain certain platform but they just come that. So, I don't know. It's quite scary. It's like, I love the internet, but I also hate it at the same time. So many great things, but there's a lot of scary things, especially with AI and

stuff, man. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know the answer, but. I know. Bring back Bebo. Bebo was just so humble. Share the love. Like, poke someone. Maybe you could poke me. Oh, no, was that?

Yeah, no, that was Facebook. My friend started bringing that back. like a year ago, I just, he'd poke me every few weeks. I'm like, ooh. That as a sound bite would be so dangerous. He'd poke me every few weeks. Thought it putting it back. Oh, God.

Apparently someone's getting something. So you've obviously like, you've built this kind of presence online and I guess you've got to a place where you feel you can be pretty, you're a very open book, right? Yeah. And you are very transparent. But going through your conception journey. and you're trying to can say, has that been the hardest part, do you think, sharing online? Oddly enough, no.

I think because honestly, ever since I was a little kid, I wouldn't ever hold back from anything. I've always just shared how I'm feeling and always questioned everything. Like, I've just always been very outspal. I'm a typical Gemini, so this gal can talk and has no, you know, worries. I think that's the thing that's actually helped get me through a lot of things is being able to share these things online and making others not feel alone really helps me in my journey with it.

I remember not long after we lost Spinky and a couple of my friends just trying to protect me and said, I don't think that you should share this because you need to, you know, navigate your own grief, you know. But a part of my way of grieving through different things in life is sharing it and getting it off my chest and talking about it

and then realizing that I am also not alone. So it hasn't actually been hard. Were you inundated with similar stories? Yeah. Yeah. It's, um, which is so odd because before we obviously had the ruptured ectopic. I didn't even know what an ectopic was.

Um, so I was going into it completely blind. Um, no idea what was happening. I just didn't understand anything. And then, yeah, to now be able to put my story out there and have, I've had someone message me saying that they had similar pains to what I had and immediately took themselves to the hospital because she thought, I wonder if I'm having any topic.

And she was, but she got onto it early. So sharing it just really helps. Knowledge. I think it did, yeah, it's like girlhood too, isn't it? Like, we hold back from sharing so much stuff, but it's actually also normal in all different types. of topics, you know. So, no, I love sharing my life online. I really do. It's a real cool community. We're helping so many people, I think. I mean, like, even just the discussion

of miscarriages over the last decade, like, no one, no one realized, no one knew how severe they can be the emotional, you know, turmoil that it can take. And like, I just, yeah, I think it is really brave and I'm sure it's incredibly hard to open up, but I'm sure you've helped so many people. Do you have to kind of reassess with your husband, B, like when you do share stuff, do you guys sort of regularly check in with boundaries and stuff? Or are you kind of, I don't know,

do you need those kind of boundaries of where you can go and where you can't? Yeah, Brett hates the internet. That's so good though. It's so, like we are polar opposites, absolute polar opposites. And when we first met, because we've been together nine years now. He was like, oh, I'm not really like into the internet, but you do you, you know.

So over the years we've navigated different topics because I would talk about everything and anything. But a lot of those topics can involve him. So having to make sure that I wasn't crossing a boundary with him, but also staying true to me as well and wanting to share things that are so common, but not crossing like his boundaries and his priorities and his privacy as well.

So it's been quite interesting over the years, but now he just, he is like my biggest supporter and whatever I want to talk about, he's like, I'm there, so. Does he have social, social media? Not personal. He just has a for our business.

Yeah, he just is like, I don't need that shit. Yeah. And you guys- Country bumpkin. Yes, yes. My husband doesn't have Instagram and he keeps threatening to get it and I'm like, do not.

Do not. Yeah. Like, stay off. First of all, you're just going to find hot chicks. Yeah. And like, I'm drinking accounts. I don't think of it. But you guys work together.

Is that, how is that, how is that, like being in a relationship and working together 24-7? Yeah, well, we started working together 24-7 about a year and a half into our relationship. Oh, wow. Yeah, we done long distance. We met on Tinder. And he was a little bit desperate and he had paid for premium. So he had, he was in Queens. And I was in Christchurch.

So we done Long D and then I moved to Queenstown after a year. And it was not long into that where he wanted to start making candles. And, yeah, we started the business together so early on. And then once we moved to Christchurch, we had been, we're together 24-7. And I don't know any different. And I love it. I really do love it. Yeah.

You buy something the other day, even though you're like with them at home all the time. You work all the time. You still miss them. You do because your relationship has two different modes. It's obviously got like your relationship mode and in your business partner mode and we're often stuck in the business talk and you sort of do forget to bring the romance back and like talk, do check-ins on like other stuff other than like, fuck, are we still in debt? Like business is going, you know, like business talk. Do you have many blowups business-wise? We definitely have disagreements. Yeah, yeah.

Because Brett's a radical thinker and I am an overthinker. So trying to meet in the middle. He's very driven. I'm not. Like, it's quite, we would not be in business if it wasn't for Brett. I've got like fear of failing and he's just like, you never know until you try. Yeah. So we have conflicts, but we don't often fight, which we're very lucky.

Wow. I can not everyone could do that. So you guys must have a pretty special. pretty special thing going on. Yeah. No, we're very lucky because I couldn't see

like some of my friends and their partners doing it. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I could do a radio show with BJ like 24, I don't know how, I don't know how couples have done that in the past. Yeah, a lot of couples do

podcast, hey? Yeah. I always think, what do they have to talk about? Yeah, exactly. Or you just don't talk outside and you save like conversations for everyone else.

Yeah, for everyone else. everyone else to listen to. With, you know, your life. And as you say, like, people look into it and they think it's really easy. But, you know, there is a lot of stress and pressure still that comes with doing online content and running your own business. How do you bring yourself back when you are feeling really overwhelmed by life? Antidepressants. Nice.

I don't know. But they had been a good, gorecent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any, you know, rituals or things that just bring you back to feeling like the most Ali version of Ali? That's a good question because I don't think I ever have actually taken time off to just be Ali, if that makes sense. Like, I'm so used to my life being documented at my own choice that if I was to say, I'm going to take a week off. I would still want to take pictures and share it eventually. So I haven't ever, I don't have any things in place or anything to sort of just like bring me back to this world, which is probably a bad thing.

But then it's a good thing too because I love it so much at the same time. Yes, you don't want to, they say you know you've got a good job and you don't want to take a holiday for a minute. Yeah, yeah. And there's definitely times that I'm like, I really need to just like have a break or not overthink. or not read into things too much. And I've definitely fallen into, like, you know, the influencer world is such an interesting world and it's changed so much over the years as well.

And there's been times that I've definitely fallen into trying to be what others are like as well. And then you do it and it looks so odd and your followers notice it. So then you're like, what do you fucking know? This is your point of difference. Do you get caught quite a bit by your followers? Yeah.

Like, they know you so well that they call you out when you're not being true to yourself. Yeah, it's happened two times and there's such vivid times. And it's been where I've even appreciated the community more because I'm like, this is, you do, you know, you get held accountable for things. And they've watched you slip into a narrative that you think is right. So I've definitely had that happen a couple of times. And you've got to sort of push through and really believe in yourself and your, what your point of difference is because it is such a full world now.

Like there's content creators everywhere and it's so exciting. But your point of difference is being you, not trying to slot into what people think you should be like. And I get asked all the time, I want to be a creator or I want to be an influencer. What can I do? I'm like, just be you. Yeah.

But it's hard for some people. I think I find myself scrolling sometimes. And I particularly feel. recently. I'm like, what am I? Like who am I? What do I stand for? Am I thinking the way I think because I am in this echo chamber because I've seen so many people feel that way? It's like sometimes you actually have to have a reality check and be like, am I thinking my own thoughts? Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. You've worded that so well because you do, you're kind of. You get so influenced without realizing it. Like we're on our phones all the time and

get so exposed to thoughts and views and what is deemed normal and what is it you know. Yeah I just thought about it the other day and I'm like fuck. Yeah. Do we use this anymore? Do we really use this anymore? Because

they say the more AI takes over. There's just more, I mean yeah, that's been probably on the cards for a while but like the more AI takes over the more they're seeing a cognitive decline. Yeah. So it's it's crazy.

And I often think, like, I'm 34, do I want to be doing this in my 40s? But then I remember when I was in my 20s, been like, I am not going to be an influencer in my 30s. And I'm in my 30s. I'm like, am I starting to get a bit too old? But then, like, you start to go, well, what am I going to do? Like, oh, my gosh, like, do they still like me? But then these people have grown up with you.

Right. I thought about this the other day, like, what about with these influences getting to, like, retirement age? Are we going to be vlogging? Sandwich and cup of tea type. We'll probably be consuming this all through like some glasses down the track. Just watching Jerry as he's been, I don't know, taken into the rest home. Like, Jerry, I'm in the same boat.

Thanks for validating. You'll be doing podcasts with new, new members. Watch your story, Jerry. It's probably a tame version of the future. Like we can't even comprehend what's. No. But it is bizarre. actually documenting everything, like looking back, being able to just, like, watch your life

through this lens. Oh, I know. I actually did it the other day. I was trying to go right back to when we first shared that we were going to do candles and I got stuck in a loophole and I was watching all my old archive stories. I was, like, cringing. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe this is out on the internet and I shared like.

I know. But then it's quite kind of cool at the same time. that we've got this digital footprint. Yeah, because I'm such a hoarder with memory. It's like I love nostalgia. And so it was quite cool, but also like, fuck. It's sometimes tempting to just cull your really uncool phase. Yeah.

Especially like Facebook walls. Why did we used to think it was a good idea to literally have a very personal conversation on our friends' walls? Like, hey, Kara, what's going on this Friday? the dog has just so-and-so it was like... Did you and Johnny hook up last night? I stayed at Stevens. Like stuff that is...

And like stuff to make guys that you're the hots for jealous about. Yeah. Relationship statuses. Seventy photos with 20 of them blurred. Oh, it was a wild time. It was a good time. Good time. So, Farida Bar, like, oh.

Yeah, I'm here for the nostalgia. I was chatting about this the other day but I am liking the resurgence of rom-coms and like real cheesy shows coming back and like I don't know if you're an OC fan I was like such an OC were you too young for that no I my friends are really into it and we would recreate scenes and film it

what? Yeah, like good time what like when writing. out the front and then Marissa's they're just like, Who are you? I'm whoever have you, and they've got the cigarette.

Is that like, what scene? And the fake snow? Did you notice the fake snow? No. Have you not seen the memes on how the snow scenes? Don't ruin it for me. Don't ruin it for me.

Okay, no, I won't. It's beautiful snow, like filmed in Finland. Oh, really? No, it's not. Oh, I thought you meant like it was superimposed. Like it was filmed in Finland and then the photo shot it in.

No, I'm going to send it to it. you. The best scene is the rainy day when there's the Spider-Man same with Seth upside down. You know that one at. It's a so-see. Yeah. Are you not as... No. No. Sorry.

Okay. That's cool. Next topic. Okay, what have I got here? What is your death row meal? Oh, yum. Because I see you always post a delicious food. I know. I am a foodie.

And lucky Brett is like a really good cook, because I cannot cook to save myself. Yeah. Well, honestly, I've blown up microwaves with two-minute noodles, like, we're bad. Really? It's so bad. I would probably, it would even be like Thai. I love Thai food, like a good lamb, mass, and mom curry.

Mm-hmm. That is delicious. Or a big bucket of KFC chicken. Nice. Nice. You're classic. Yeah. You're classic deep fried.

You can't go wrong. How about you? Um, I've sort of evolved over the years. I think I used to say like a Japanese meal, which is quite generic. Yeah. I'd probably have to have Karge chicken in there. You've got to. But then also maybe like you want to go out full and you want to go out like stuffed.

And I just, after a big pasta maybe like some Italian meal, maybe with a bit of garlic bread, maybe a good spag bowl. Like you just, there's something really comforting about that. Bore. Yeah. Maybe. but quite happening. And also the fact that you're going to die very soon, you don't have to worry about shitting yourself or into question. So you'd go like a big bowl of ice cream, big dessert, like chili, go all out. I'm dying soon so I don't care about the repercussions.

What was my next question? I really took a turn of the death, right? I don't know. How do you define success? That's a good one. Because if you had a vision, that's a good one. Do that on your next guest. If you had have asked me that when we were with our previous business, I would have thought we were in that pit of success. We grew Abiel Candles over COVID. Everyone was at home. So we were one of those very lucky businesses to do well over COVID because they wanted

their home spaces to be nice. And we grew way too fast. We grew to a seven-figure brand in the second year. And it was, Hang on, that's like that's like multiple million. Yeah. It was insane.

But we couldn't, that growth actually we didn't like because you're trying to keep up with that demand. And then the demand changes and it puts you in positions that are hard to navigate. And it's our first business together. Like we don't know what we're doing. Yeah.

We went into just do like a nice side small, candle hustle and then it evolved into something. I did not know that you were that, well, successful in terms of, quote unquote, yeah. Yeah. So we had to go and get a warehouse and stuff and buy, you know, big wax melts machinery and try and maintain that demand. And then it actually, a lot of things in between it as well, like us making financial mistakes and stuff, we then got to a point where we were like, we can't manage this

anymore and we screwed up all our costings and everything and we had all these overheads our business was then going backwards so we at that point we were like we've made it you know i brought a louis Vuitton bag and i was like oh my gosh i'm so rich like this is amazing you know and brett got his his dream car and we were like we've made it like we can retire next year but that success at that time is what we thought it would have been but it actually isn't and then fast forward to now we've started another candle business and rebranded. We've taken all our learnings and put it into something. And I think success, if you're in business, is if you are still in business at this,

especially in this economy. So we're never someone goes, how's business going? I think, oh, we're still in business for now. So thank goodness. And we're so passionate about it. Why did you guys do so well? Like, jeepers, that is incredible success. Well, do you think it's because everyone was at home at COVID?

and they just wanted their house for me. And you just must mail the product. Yeah, it was just the timing of bringing out a candle that was different. Everyone was at home and everyone was setting up work spaces at home and what was that over two years. So, and we were shipping from home, we were making them from home. And it was before the cost of living crisis too, probably. Yeah. And then that all came into play once we thought, oh, this is going to keep going. Let's reinvest all this money back in but then the cost of living crisis kicks in and you've got all the stock there and everything's changed and you're just we learnt a lot and oh we learned so much and doing it in the public eye was really hard too because me being so worried about failing and Brett being like

no you know this is a part of business you know if people fail all the time it's not fail you're learning all this stuff I really struggled with the stigma of people thinking that I'd failed something so closing down was quite um was really hard and then after we closed down we done like a big closing down sale and the money that we made from that we thought oh we'll try another business we'll try again and it was dog harnesses and dog products but we just rushed into that thinking oh we'll be able to do it because we've done it with abe al like we're going to be totally fine and it just flopped like honestly flop so we we'd reinvested the money that we We should have put that, you know, to pay off debt.

But we were like, no, we'll try again. So that flop. So I felt like we just failed again publicly in the I too. I felt I was so embarrassed. And you, I suppose like, I'm still learning this. Being able to like separate that from you, like that's your, that's a business venture. It's not you, but you feel like you as a human being who just totally failed. Yeah.

And then obviously the Voldemort's were very loud. Oh, I'm freaking Baltimore. They don't give me a great. Yeah, so they love to chuck in your opinions and kick someone when they're down. Yeah, really, and I think there's such like, Tall Poppy Syndrome in New Zealand is so bad. Even after being in Australia, I find that. True. I feel like coming back was that different?

I don't know. It's just a different feeling. It is like there is kind of, I don't know. There is that kind of magnetism that just pulls people back. It's sort of like, don't get too big. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. But maybe that's just in my head.

And then when you do look like you're doing well. You feel like you'd humble yourself and be like, oh, yeah, well, that's it. And you shouldn't be. You should be owning it. But we've got a funny stigma around success, especially in New Zealand. And especially when there's an influencer tied behind a brand too. I think that that changes a lot. But hey, look, we're still in business now.

We've got big plans for it. We've learned heaps. And we're so passionate about what we've created. And I hope people that can, you know, that have followed our journey can see the lessons that we've learned. And we've got awesome customers. Like, we're really lucky. What's your best candle smell in your opinion?

Oh, in my opinion, it's Golden Symphony. I like to call that, like, it's like similar to the Peter Alexander smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But our top selling is the tobacco and vanilla, the Harry Stiles candle. Yeah. That just constantly sells out. It's nuts. Well, great.

Now, I'm going to go and buy one of your candles. Yeah, I'll get rid of that one that's up in your canoe. Can you see that? Oh, shit, that's so rude of me. I didn't have a candle. One more thing that I like to wrap up with is advice that you've, give to your younger self. Sure.

Your first love isn't, your real love. I've heard you get the first love, you get a heartbreaker, and then you get the one. Have you heard that? Yeah, I think that's true. I think it is true too. Gosh, my first love, wow. Was it at school? Were they at the same school, was you?

It was, yeah, intermediate. Oh, no way. I was so obsessed with him, like, so obsessed. and oh my gosh it's just so funny because I now am watching my nephew who's he's just turned 18 watching him navigate like those teenage years of when you truly believe this person's so intense right yes yeah and you're like that love is different it's so it is all consuming did you watch um summer I turned pretty absolutely yeah absolutely absolutely ridiculous I am 35 years old and I am in a fictional relationship with Connie.

Like, what does he, what is it? Why does he do this to us? I don't get it. Does it kind of like, this is going to sound really bad, but watching shows like that kind of makes me not like Bray anymore. Like I start to be like, because I'm so upset. I actually was thinking this the other day. Like how many relationships have come to an end?

Because of Connie. Because of Connie. Or other shows like that. I remember I had a friend that went to the Katie Berry movie. and she broke up with her boyfriend because there was a song and it was like, if it's not like the movies, like if it's not, you know, fireworks. And then she went and broke up with him because of the Katie Perry movie.

Oh, well, well, we'll all be fucked them, wouldn't we? A hundred percent. I literally said to Brett the other day. I was like, when we first started dating, for the first three, four years, you would buy me a rose every Valentine's, and then it just stopped. And he was like, well, yeah, I buy flowers at different times. I was like, nah.

I know. I know. I know. Connie would keep that going, you know. Connie would so keep it going. He'd do anything to make belly happy. He'd fly across the world for our birthday. I haven't seen the finale yet.

I don't know how you've avoided that. Yeah, well, I'm trying. I'm trying to put it in every time I can. But I feel like I'm cheating on BJ and I get into bed and I'm like, because he'll go to bed early. He's like, oh, you're not watching that shirt again, are you? And I'm like, no. And then he'll like come into the room and I'm like, do to know what I can.

Do do, do. Yeah. I feel like that if I'm watching Love Island, and it's the heartbeat challenge. Oh, yeah. I get all I flustered and think, did they think I'm watching something more dodgy here? But also,

look, it's got to be good for us in some way. It's got to be fulfilling something, right? Yeah. Fantasies. Yeah. Yeah. We've got our country bumpkins. Yeah, we do.

We do. And they are so grounding, and you have to remind yourself that they're solid. and they are genuine and respectful. I think it'd be great in an apocalypse. Like, I think we'd be sorted. Yeah, you'd have your food hunted down. We're off-grid.

You'd be great. We're off-grid. Like, I think about it. You've got your canoe to escape. I've got the bookshelf behind me. That's a canoe. It's ready to go if, you know, the tides start to rise. Yeah, you're good.

You're sort of good to go. Okay, well, that was some, you know, poignant advice to land on. Yeah, I don't even know if I gave it, but, hey. No, just what was it? The first love is not your real love. And I honestly think the most simplest, simplest, the most simple, I would just say that, one would just to be you, don't try and fit into anyone else's box, but that is hard. I know, but it's bloody solid advice.

And your crew will eventually, your tribe will find you. eventually, right? You just got to stay on that line, be yourself, and the right people will come. 100%. There we go. Look at us. It's so inspirational.

Ellie, thank you so much for joining. It was awesome to chat. So good to chat. Thank you for having me.