Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - BONUS: We Chat To UK Comedian Alan Carr

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

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Good, thanks. How are you? We're good. We're sorry we're not in studio today. We'd love to meet you. We're big fans. Oh, that's sweet. Obviously not big enough to be in studio. You obviously don't care that much, but that's nice. Are we rolling, Joe? Yeah, all good to go.

Alan Carr, it's so lovely to have you on the show. Thank you for your time. Oh, thanks so much for having me, boys. Now, guess where we are, Alan? I don't know where, where. I don't know why you would know where we are. I'm not a stalker, where are you? We are on a sausage sizzle tour of New Zealand.

We're devouring 41 sausages over seven days non-stop. Oh, that's my dream job, I love a sausage. What's been your favourite sausage? Well, four sausages deep, dare I say. If we're in the same room as you, I'd say yours. Four sausages deep. Wow. Sounds like a night out.

This is going to be laid in an innuendo for the next four minutes. Well, don't interview me from a sausage factory. You know my act. I mean, it's like... We did it specially. We knew Alan Carr was coming in. We knew his sweet spot. Show me the sausage. But actually, are you vegan? Because you were on a farm.

You bought a farm over lockdown. Is that right? And now you've turned vegan? Well, my ex had a farm. Thanks for ringing it up. And who I've divorced. I ended up on a farm over lockdown, is that right? Yeah, yeah. And now you've turned vegan? Well, my ex had a farm. Thanks for bringing it up. And who I've divorced. I ended up on a farm in lockdown. That's what I talk about in the show. I was a farmer and then I know this is really mean,

but it was really tough in lockdown and we stopped naming the animals just in case we had to eat them. And some of them got suspicious. They were like, wait a minute minute i used to be called pam i guess once you form the personal connection with them though and give them a personality oh yeah they're all rescued i mean i couldn't eat them i mean i'll show my screensaver is of one of me cows i mean because i just i couldn't i chickens, pigs, cows. I couldn't eat any of them. They were like my family. I know it sounds so tragic, but you know what I mean?

Yeah. Jeffrey Dahmer could have eaten his family, but not you. Actually, I brought up your ex in a roundabout way, but that's one of the things you talk about when you're here in New Zealand, part of your routine. You do talk about things, you know, your divorce, part of your routine. You do talk about things like your divorce, him going to prison. He went to prison as well. Is there anything that you don't talk about

in your stand-up? Oh no, I'm very open, very open about everything. If you've seen my stand-up before, you know I don't get very political. All I do is I just talk about what I've been up to over the last four years. Well well it's been

six years but obviously because of COVID it's six but you know everything I talk about you know Adele who married me and Paul I talk about living on a farm I talk about all the things the divorce the romance the honeymoon so I mean I just open up it's like therapy I just talk about everything that I've been up to well you do mention do mention Adele, who, from what I gather, planned your entire wedding, and she officiated it. Yes, she got ordained, especially, and she married us. And then, obviously, we went and took the marriage license down to the county hall.

So, who married you? I said, Adele. You Brits are crazy. I love it. I was like, no, it is Adele. Because we see Adele, obviously, you know, being interviewed on stage and stuff. What's she like as a close friend of yours? What you see is what you get with Adele.

She's so down to earth. She's so funny. She'll be cackling with you, having a glass of wine. She's just, yeah, she's just the best. She's just, she's like the most unsuperstar superstar. I mean, with just that amazing voice, you know. So what you see is what you get. I know it's a boring answer, but that's what she's like. And I think that's what comes across on stage.

And that's why she's an absolute superstar. Because you, I was reading you bought her a toy from a charity shop, a toy, a little doll or something that she finds quite ugly, and she keeps trying to get rid of it, and you keep bringing it out of the trash and putting it back on the shelf. Well, her house is just lovely, and what do you get for a housewarming party? So we saw this absolutely minging doll. It looks like Chucky's sister.

And we just kept popping it in the house. I hate that doll! And then she'd throw it out, and then we'd get out the bin and pop it in the house. I hate that doll. And then she'd throw it out and then we'd get out the bin and pop it in her bed. Yeah. Because that's the kind of friend I am, a sadistic. Now, sorry, Alec, if I could just leap back a little bit. You said your husband went to jail. What for?

Oh, well, drink driving. But yeah, so. Oh, right so uh yeah way to bring the vibes down anyway tell us about this creepy doll describe it um hey ellen carl listen you're an absolute champion like ben said we are huge fans and we wish you could be down here having a sausage with us. I'm gagging for a sausage, honestly. I've been single for so long. Oh, it's lovely to catch up with you. We're huge fans of your work.

And we keep waiting for you to pop up as Prime Minister of Britain. Well, everyone else has been, haven't they? I'm like, one day it's going to be Alan Carr. Give it a bash, mate. Vote for Alan. Vote for Alan. You go and have a great day, mate. Thanks, mate. Bye, loves.