Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - February 16 - Jono Is Now A Philanthropist, Apparently

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

Kia Ora! Today on the show we had a woman with a bit of an engagement dilemma. Her partner has asked her father for her hand in marriage, but a year later, he still hasn't proposed. What should she do? Should she be patient and keep waiting for him to propose, or should she front foot it with him? We also created another *classic* Jono and Ben parody song to remind you of the different Alert Levels in NZ and what they all mean. Jono shared a story about his recent "charity work" (eye roll, yeah yeah...), and we also caught up with British comedian Bill Bailey ahead of his NZ tour. Enjoy the poddy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Tuesday, 16th of February, 2021.

We're timestamping these now. Are we just? Okay. For future generations. To look back on. To look back and remember that radio was once a thing. So today on the podcast, Bill Bailey, English comedian, very, very funny guy. He's currently in MIQ in New Zealand. Quite a unique hairstyle that you keep referencing too.

Bill, he's gone full bald on top, but then he's grown down the backside. I love it. It's so awesome. It's great. It's like a bald mullet. Ben keeps going, you should do it. You should do it. It'll be great. Bald on top, but he's got the side curtains growing out,'s so awesome. It's great. It's like a bald mullet. Ben keeps going, you should do it. You should do it. You could do it. It'd be great. Bald on top, but he's got the side

curtains growing out, doesn't he? It's awesome. It's an awesome man. He's very, very funny. So yeah, catch him on the podcast today. As well as that, a friend of the show, a bit of a dilemma involving an engagement. Yeah, so whether she should say something or not. We're a bit torn in the studio

about it. And then we had a conversation off air, and then Producer Julie totally forgot what she... Oh, that's right. Her argument. And then we had to sort of remember what her argument was, but I think we even forgot what her argument was. Yeah, I remembered midway through, but anyway. Maybe it was a lesson for us all that we shouldn't be doing this job.

Yeah, maybe, you're right. So timestamp this as the day we realised that we shouldn't be doing this job. Yeah, I've got to know on our things to do list. We have a things to do list after the program. The podcast intro is one of those things to do. Yeah. Tick, we're doing it now. We are.

But then I see give clothing measurements to Juliet with no explanation. P.S. I've got a measure tape, says Juliet. Again, no explanation. Should we get her in? Should we get her in? Should we get her in? Let me guess your measurements. Juliet? I reckon you're, are you a 30-inch waist?

I think I am around about 30. 30-inch waist? I think with the shorts, wise, I'm about 30. And that's where you were like, you used to be like a. Oh, here he goes. He said I used to have. Hey, Juliet, you've just put a note on the things to do list. I need your measurements.

P.S. I have a measuring tape. We don't know what it's about and we don't want to know. Is it personal or professional? Professional, but I'll let you guys measure yourselves because, you know, professionalism in the workplace. Fair enough. Well, it's 2021, you just can't go around asking to measure people now, can you? Well, what's your measurements?

That will get you to HR, won't it? Hi, Dennis from a council. I'm just going to get your waist HR won't it Hi Dennis from Accounts I'm just going to get your waist size Just in case you need to order some You'll be like what So we'll do that for you I'm guessing Ben's measurements That's the game I'm playing now

So it can save you the pain for me I'm going 30 inch waist Probably a height I'd go 180 179, 180 centimetres I'm aroundabout that. To be honest, I don't know. Are either of you six foot? I think I'm around about six foot.

Yeah, so, yeah. Which means he's not. I'm around about six foot, but that means I'm not. So you just say aroundabout. Oh, no, I just don't even remember. When you're young, it's such a big deal, height. Good things come in small packages, that's what I say. It doesn't make any difference at all.

No. So, yeah. And just on the record, we won't be asking you for your measurements, Julia. I don't think that would be appropriate. Don't worry. I've got model measurements. I'm the same as Gigi Hadid. Same as Gigi Hadid.

But it's a funny thing. Ben likes to constantly shame me. Say, I used to be able to fit into our TV pants, he calls them. Oh, no, you. TV pants. I used to be able to fit into our TV pants, he calls them. TV pants, I used to be able to. These are pants, the suit that I held onto a set, our matching suits. For professional, corporate

occasions. And then I'd bring them along and then you'd be like, oh, are these your pants or are these my pants? I'd be like, they're your pants. They're not mine. And you'd be like, oh, these things must have shrunk. Have you washed them in some I'm like, no, I haven't. Yeah. And it's not something you're shaming yourself. I'm just saying, hey, these are the pants in some I'm like no I haven't yeah and it's not something you're shaming yourself

I'm just saying hey these are the pants that you used to wear I haven't done anything to them yeah I know but there you're like this is your ideal weight this is what he says

but it's when I put my legs in it's like when a butcher has to stuff the inside of a sausage at the moment but anyway I spend a lot of our time hosting corporate gigs now

with my zips and my button undone and my zip hanging down. I just have the shirt, he's a tidy gentleman, but anyway, that's it. So we'll do our measurements after the show. Hey, have a great time enjoying the podcast. Juliet, you go back to whatever you were doing? Thank you very much. Writing the blib

for this podcast, in fact. Alright, good luck. Kia kaha. Jono and Ben, or as they're known in the office, those two. Jono and Ben, New as they're known in the office, those two. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast on the hits. Someone loosely associated with an employee here at the hits, we've managed to come on the radio and share a little situation that's going on in their life.

We've all got differing opinions on it. It's really interesting, this scenario. But, Hannah, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast. Good to have you on. Hiya. Hey, thanks for joining us. Hannah's not the real name, so I think that's hence the confusion.

But Hannah going, who are you talking to? The thing with a made-up name is you've got to tell someone what their made-up name is, don't you? Yeah. For them to react. Is that me? You just can't say a name. Yeah.

So Latwisha, no, your issue revolves around an engagement with your partner. You pick it up from here. Yeah. So I've got a wee engagement dilemma. So me and my partner, we've been going out for like over eight years. So it's been a while to say the least. And love my life. Like we've talked about marriage and kids,

and we both want that and want a family and want to move forward. About a year ago, he asked my dad for permission to marry. On your hand in marriage. Yes. Did the honourable thing. Ben would appreciate that

with his conservative right-wing views on marriage. Absolutely. You don't have a baby out of wedlock? No. No. Producer Humphrey had a baby out of wedlock and Ben was talking behind his back. Anyway, we'll continue on. Well, there you go.

So this was about 12 months ago and my family's terrible at secrets, so I found out straight away. So, okay, anyway. Super excited, you know, as you would be. He has not yet asked. So this was over a year ago. Well, listen, your parents broke the number one cardinal rule. Jeez, if they were on the Titanic,

their loose lips would have sunk that shit before the iceberg. So, yeah, I guess for yours, everywhere you go, you'd be like, well, is this the time? Is this going to happen? Is this the romantic moment? Yeah, especially with Valentine's Day,

I was, you know, getting really excited. I thought it might happen. Yeah, nothing. No, no, I suppose every occasion that you go out for, you're like, this is the moment. He's gone one knee or he's tying his shoelace. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And I'm normally a really patient person. But, I mean, I can't wait forever. Well, listen, why don't you just grab the bull by the horns and go and ask that hunk of spunk to marry you? That's an idea. Well, hey, I'm open to suggestions. Okay. We can check this out there.

Should Hannah, not real name, should Hannah just ask her man to marry her or should she wait knowing that the first step has been engaged in terms of asking the parents for permission? Maybe he's got

something planned or maybe he's a procrastinator. He's putting it off like getting a warrant of fitness or something. Like, I'll get round to this. What would you say, Ben?

Oh, well, yeah. If Hannah was prepared to go and do it herself, then that's fine. But then the other option is I'd just, if she didn't want to do that, I'd just that's fine. But then the other option is I'd just, if she didn't want to do that, I'd just wait. I'd just wait it out.

So you'd wait it out? Rather than confronting him and go, hey, I thought you were going to, because that's going to make an awkward situation. And you're not a confrontational guy. I thought you were going to propose. I was like, yeah, I had this big thing planned tomorrow. You're like, oh, you know.

Well, I'm saying just go and ask him. Now, this is where we differ when we had this conversation off here. 0800 the hits. What should Hannah do? Should she just ask him or should she wait it out, knowing that one day it will happen? It's a hell of a long play from him, though.

It is a long time. Yeah, so we'd love to hear your thoughts. 0800 The Hits, 4487, let's help out Hannah. Let's go to Sarah in Whakatane. Welcome, Sarah. How are you? Good, thank you. Good to have you on. Now, does she ask him to marry her or does she wait it out?

I think she needs to wait. I reckon he knows that her parents told her and now he's just holding off, so that will actually be a surprise when we've done this. That's what Producer Juliet thought as well, but she couldn't remember us. And you said it far more succinctly too, Sarah. So thank you.

We should have just got you on and not that awkward one minute of radio. Thanks, Sarah. Good on you. Good advice. Good advice. Maybe he's wanting to get down on one knee. This is just my theory. Wanting to get down on one knee, but he's got sore knees. You know how your knees can play out?

He can't actually bend down physically. We'll go to Gareth from Wellington. Morena, does she ask him to marry or does she wait? Well, what she needs to do is go to his old man and ask for permission to marry him. And when he asks why, explain the situation to his dad, and once he gives his blessing, then she needs to do it. Oh, bring another parent into it.

This is the biggest game of mind games that I've ever experienced here. Gareth's saying bring another parent into it. Thank you very much for your call. We'll go to Jan. Welcome from Auckland, Morena. Hi, guys. How are you? Look, my wife's parents asked us to get married,

and we both said yes. What do you mean? They forced it on you? No, they just said, are you guys getting married? And we went, oh, well, that's a good idea. Yeah, let's get married. Well, that's pretty casual. Should we do it now, today?

What are you guys doing this afternoon? Oh, I can't today. I've got to, no, tomorrow's good. But with this particular case, you know what it is? It's 2021, man. Just ask him. And at the end of the day, you'll know where you stand, eh? Exactly, yeah.

That's a very good point. He could have got cold feet. He could have got cold feet. I don't know why I'm saying that. It's just planting a seed of doubt in everyone's heads. And we'll end this in Marlborough. Carol, welcome. Good morning.

Does she approach the marriage subject? Well, you know, I'm on the other side of the coin because my man I've been with for 21 years and he's proposed to me so many times I can't remember. And I keep saying no because if you're in love with the guy, at the end of the day, just relish that moment and be there. Does it really come down to the piece of paper and the little shiny thing on the finger? Nah, be grateful for it. You have a lot of relationships that last longer than

a year and you've been with this guy for eight years and just throw away everyone else's expectations and just love what you've got. Carol, that's a lovely thought. Can I just ask, how many times have you denied your fiancé and said, no, I do not want to marry you when he's poured his heart out to you?

Four times and each time it's been a different ring. Four times? What, how do you, does it get awkward after you've gone no? No,

we just love each other even more. What happens to the rings? Do you get to keep the rings? Well, the last one was a really nice Poonami one

and I gifted it to a friend when her baby, she gave birth to her first child. I tell you what, he's persistent. Do you think he's going to keep firing the big question to you, Carol?

I think so. He is. Carol playing hard to get. 23rd time, he's like, oh, well, maybe this time. 23rd time's a charm, they say. Just relish the moment. Enjoy being in love. What a lovely gesture there, Carol.

Appreciate you listening to the show. So good. On the way for... Oh, sorry, you want to wrap it up? Oh, just the text here. Sorry, I won a Hell's Pizza voucher. Can you please send that out? There's another text here.

I'll be not sending that one out. Oh, no, we haven't sent that one. We'll get on to that one. Another text here. Many people saying she should just go and ask him. Front foot it. Clear the awkwardness. Be done with it.

There we go. You'll get an answer either way, and we'll send that hell pizza out to Sharon. Sharon Murphy is waiting on her hell pizza. Warning, this show contains traces of Jono and Ben. The Hits with Jono and Ben for breakfast. Waking up to day two of new alert levels in New Zealand. Auckland at alert level three.

Rest of New Zealand, alert level two. A lot of New Zealand, when it came through again, it was announced on Sunday, I was one of them going, what does that mean? What exactly does it mean again, the alert levels? Which is this one? What can we do under this thing? And I had to look it up online.

And we thought, right, now, well, why don't we make a step-by-step guide to what the alert levels mean? Now, we've also broken a new record for, I think, well done, Jono, being the oldest parody song we've also broken a new record for I think well done John O'Byrne, the oldest parody song we've ever done in our careers, taking it all the way back to 1990. Juliet, I think you were negative 14 when this song was released.

I don't know what this song is at all. Okay, so New Kids on the Block, they were a boy band of the time. Old Kids on the Block now. Oh yeah, now they're just old men in the retirement village now. Around that era, before Backstreet Boys, around about, anyway, they were there, they had the song Step by Step. They were basically One Direction.

Oh. Yeah. But now they're old men. Yeah, okay. It'll happen to Harry Styles one day. Oh, no. You'll be talking to some whippersnapper, you'll be like, here's Harry Styles' song about watermelons.

Fun fact. Yeah. It's not about watermelons. Who? Who? That creepy old man sung that song? And who are you, old lady? A step-by-step guide, a real quick guide to the alert levels

with a very dated parody. Here we go. Level one. We can have lots of fun. Level two. There's a little less you can do Level 3 Are you stopping making?

Level 4 Goddamn lock the door Level 5 What the f*** is a level 5? No one told me about that So there we go At the moment the emails of all of the new kids on the block are pinging. Bing, bing, bing.

Royalties in New Zealand. What? What? Someone played? No, they didn't actually play your song. A little bit of it. They used the thing. Tiny pair.

Anyway, you get a couple of bucks. That's the main thing. We apologise in advance. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I'm sorry to rope you into this. Sorry you've been dragged into this. Shona and Pam.

Breakfast on the heads. The heads. The heads. Yesterday I went to the Ben, breakfast on the heads. The heads. The heads. Yesterday I went to the petrol station just on the way home and to just restock on my air,

my airwaves. You know I love airwaves. You love the gum, don't you? Airwaves. And the chewing gum habits of a news talk

as you'd be cool on. It is. You're just one step away from Werther's originals. That's what I like. I really just clear the airwaves, the old earwaves.

What's your chewing gum of choice? I like that bubble mint one. Oh, you like your extra one, eh? What about you, Ju? If you're going to get chewing gum, what are you getting? I'm going to go peppermint. Peppermint extra. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Not a good one. Dude, I don't mind a PK. You know? A PK? Remember PK? Yellow PK? They used to have blue packs of PK. I don't know where they. You know, a PK, yellow PK. They used to have blue packs of PK.

I don't know where they went. They disappeared. Illegal in four countries, I think those ones. Too much, too much flavour. Too much mint. Anyway, so I got the airwaves. And then I handed over $5. He's like, oh, that'll be $4.80 for those airwaves,

you old, old man. And I was like, no worry, mate. Keep the change. I said, keep the change. How much? 20 cents? Nothing makes you feel more like a philanthropist than saying, keep the change.

And then I thought about it. And he's like, look at me. He's like, keep the change. A, it's 20 cents. B, it's probably just going to go to BP. I don't get to keep the change. Well, yeah, it's not like. B, it's probably just going to go to BP. I don't get to keep the change. Well, yeah, it's not like he can put it in his pocket, right? Otherwise, he'll look like he's stealing from the weird bull guy

buying the airways. Gave me 20 cents. Oh, yeah, did he? Did he? Oh, yeah. This is just going to go to this giant petrol empire, not to me. But then you walk out just feeling so smug. Yeah, keep the change, mate.

I think on the way out, I was telling her, I just told the guy to keep the change. Just told her. smug. Keep the change, mate. I think on the way out, I was telling her, I just told the guy to keep the change. It was like when, it gives me the same feeling that when they did the knife thing at New World, you know how you could collect stickers for knives? And I wasn't a knife sticker collector, but

then I'd go into the checkout to New World and then they'd be like, oh, you want your stickers? And you'd turn to your right to the person behind you and be like, you collecting? They be like, oh, you want your stickers? And you turn to your right to the person behind you and be like, you're collecting? They're like, yes. It's like, yeah, take three mini stickers. It's on me. But you must get a selfie and tag me in it.

That's what you'd say, right? Tell all the good people about this charity work I've been doing. But yeah, don't you feel like a champion when you say kid change? But you're right. We never really think about the fact that most people, if they don't own the business, can't keep it. No. So it renders it pointless.

You're best off actually giving me back my change. I remember trying to do it in America, because America, like, going to America on holiday, it stresses me out a little bit, because everyone tipping the tipping system, you're like, oh, how does this work? And I remember going, oh, I've got to tip this person here, and I can't but I don't have any money.

I have like a dollar. It's not going to be enough. So I kind of rolled it up thinking that I'd just hand it over and they won't look at it. Well, and I'll be away, but they sort of unraveled it

as I was there. In front of you. Look to that. And Lou looked and spat in your face. You're like, oh yeah, that's not great.

Tried to roll it up. Hey buddy. Just for you. Did you slap me that I never loved? Did you condescendingly slap them on the cheek? Buy yourself

something nice mate. Maybe smear away his gum. That's all you can get. To everyone pulling a sickie today you're not fooling anyone.

Jono and Ben breakfast on the hits. Now Bill Bailey he's a UK comedian he's been on many UK TV shows that play over here. He's toured New Zealand

many many times. He's been in movies like Hot Fuzz and Nanny McPhee as well. And this is Bill Bailey on arriving in New Zealand. So I had a bit of a tough time getting through immigration. And then my favourite question, which is, are you a member of a terrorist organisation? And is that your government thinking,

well, maybe we'll catch a few like that? Now, Bill Bailey's about to go on a tour around New Zealand in March. He's currently in a managed isolation at a hotel in New Zealand and I think he joins us over Zoom right now. How are you going? We're going good. So nice to talk to you. We're big fans.

Oh, good. Good to speak to you. What luxurious hotel have the New Zealand government placed you in for two weeks, Bill? Oh, I tell you, I am experiencing the delights of the holiday inn at Auckland Airport. I've got to say, you know, there's trees,

sparrows outside. Oh, that's good. Sometimes I go down the other end of the room. Sometimes I come up this end of the room. Sometimes I go over near the wardrobe area and I come back over here. You know, it's tough. It's like a holiday at the Holiday Inn.

Yeah, it is. Exactly right. I mean, the whole room is a holiday, right? There's two double beds in this room. Sometimes I sleep in one bed and then I go, oh, I have a sleepover in the other bed. Oh, it's crazy. It's the best time. So how have you been coping? Because I imagine it's quite. It's the best time. How have you been coping for it?

Because I imagine it's quite challenging some days, being in a room by yourself. Look, when I'm at home, right, I live in a house, we've got four parrots, three rescued dogs, and honestly it's been a blessed relief.

Peace and quiet, it's been fantastic. You almost want to start coughing so you can extend it for another couple of weeks oh no I'll have to be here another two weeks no it's been okay I mean the thing is that yeah obviously it's not you know

it's not the hotel experience but it's fine you know I mean I've got my blue bag I've got my negative result. Yay. So that means I'm able to now go on a managed walk. So a supervised, you know, stroll.

And I'll be... At least in case I run off on the road. Who's the military supervising you? Yeah. The military and the Navy. So, yeah, it's very well organised, I've got to say. We take our walking very seriously here in New Zealand.

Yeah, you must be supervised at all times. Yeah, but you take an armed guard with you at all times. So you're about to get out of quarantine very shortly and head around New Zealand. You must be excited to get out there and perform again because in the UK, I mean, that's something you just can't do right now, right? No, that's right.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is that it's been pretty desperate back home in terms of the live arts because, you know, it's just devastated the whole industry. And you only really understand what something is when it's taken away from you. You really kind of understand what it means to you and how much it's part of your life. And then when somebody says, no, you can't do that. There's no way you can do that. And it's been like a year now, pretty much.

And so, yeah, I mean, I'm so looking forward to it. Yeah, I don't quite know. I'm not entirely sure how I'll react. I might be overwhelmed to start running randomly in the audience. I don't know. How was Bill Bailey? I don't know. He was just uncontrollably sobbing on stage all night.

He was just sobbing. He kept trying to hug me. It was just weird. It was a weird time. There were no jokes. He was just... No, it was thank you. Thank you. Bill Bailey, before we let you go,

you're about to perform all around New Zealand. We're very excited about this, but we're thinking, how many jokes do you reckon you've written over the years? Would it be thousands? Oh, I don't know. That's a good point. We used to say that, you know,

comics would say about, well, I used to invent this thing about the GPM, the gag per minute rate. That's very scientific. What's the gpm on this show and um so and i'd sort of and i'd go through it obsessively right so i don't know i guess you'd want well you want one every few seconds really i mean uh so you say maybe like you know 15 a 15, a minute, or maybe 20. I don't know. Was he really going for it? Maybe 10, slacking off a bit.

Then you add that to an hour, and then you sort of say, multiply that by the number of shows. I've done like 300 shows. So thousands. Yeah, probably thousands. Now, Ben wants to play a game where he's going to set up the joke, and you've got to try and remember your punchline. Okay, go.

Okay. It's the joggers I don't trust because... Yeah, they're always the ones that find the bodies. One for one. People say, Bill, are you an optimist? And I say... Yeah, I hope so.

See what I did there? Two from two. And lastly, the toughest job I've ever had is selling. Selling doors, door to door. Yeah. 100% success rate. They're all there. Still got it.

We're so very fortunate to have you in the country right now. Enjoy your time in New Zealand. Take care of yourself. Thank you very much. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now around about 7.45 on your Tuesday morning,

which means it's time for... Five words for 5K on the head. You're only five words away from a massive payday. You're very nervous around about this time because we could be winning someone $5,000 and we're partly responsible for trying to win that money, aren't we? Oh, and I don't like being responsible for winning the money. We are shallow, narcissistic radio announcers who don't like to look like we're letting anyone down.

We don't care if we let people down. We just don't want to look like we're letting them down. It's a game of word association. We're going to read you out five words. You say the words that pop into your head. If they match with ours, you are 5K rich. Let's head to Christchurch on New Zealand's Breakfast. Maureen and Jess, how are you this morning?

I'm great, and you? How are you guys? We're doing well, mate, doing well. Lovely to hear your dulcet tones. Have you been listening to Five Words 5K? I've been playing along in the car. It's easy to play along with in the car, I imagine. It is.

Different ball game when you're on the air with the pressures on. I reckon. Now, you need to choose someone. Is it going to be Ben or myself? Alone with our dark, dark thoughts in that soundproof booth this morning. Who are you picking? Ben, I think we've got this. Oh, okay.

Why did you pick me? Why? Oh, you can do this. I know you can, Ben. All right. I like the motivational word. Here's the sensible option. Here's the sensible option. Okay.

Ben Boyce breathing very deeply when he plays this game. I notice your oxygen intake really increases, but he's locked himself in the booth now. Jess cannot hear a single word. Is there anything dark you want to say about Ben, Jessy? No, I couldn't say a bad word about him. Lovely guy. Lovely guy. Okay. Juliet, how are you feeling about Jessie?

I'm feeling positive. I think you may have it in the bag, Jessie. I have a good feeling. But I don't want to jinx it. I really don't. No pressure. If she doesn't have it in the bag, well then it's going to be a real let down, Jessie. Okay. You know what you need to do? You need to match five words for $5, Jess. Okay. You know what you need to do? You need to match five words for $5,000.

Okay. The first word is day. Day. Night. Day, night. Locking in that. The second word, today. Today.

Tomorrow. Chalk. Bored. Fourth word, wedding. Married. And the fifth and final word to win you $5,000. First word that comes into your head when I say Stan. Printer. printer.

Okay, bring up the bright and cheerful music, Juliet. I love the... It really necessarily adds a lot of pressure there. Let's bring my skinny, bony friend out of the soundproof booth using all of his might to open that door. It was a lot, yeah, with a fan. I didn't realise there was a lot. Is there a fan? Yeah, with a fan. I didn't realise it was a lot. Is there a fan?

Yeah, a little switch in the fan. A working fan. Yeah. Wow. We have scrimped in no way whatsoever on the tech of the Soundproof booth. Well, welcome back, Ben Boyce. Jessie did pretty well.

She did pretty well. A couple of words that you're a bit shaky on, Jess, you thought. We won't stipulate what those are right now. Okay, I'll only go to those details. But out of the five words, how many of them are you feeling pretty confident about? Let's go like two or three. Two or three she's feeling confident about.

So it's only up to you to get the other three correct. All right, I'm going to go with Jess. We must also mention the careless whisper rule, Jessie, which is in play that if there is any illegal whispering or answer-givering, you'll hear this. And be abruptly ejected from the game. Okay. Unceremoniously.

Okay, back to you, Ben Boyce. Five words, 5K. The first word is day. Night. Night. I almost said light, daylight. Okay. Today.

Today. Tomorrow. Oh, my God. Okay. Chalk. Cheese. Chalk Cheese Blackboard Dust

What was it Jess? Board Chalkboards Chalkboard Oh Oh god Sorry Chalk and shit

Yeah Roll through the other two words Wedding Dress John I look so disgusted I'm just gonna I'll do We'll roll through the other two words. Wedding. Dress. John, I look so disgusted. And then the buzzer. He shakes his head like, what was he thinking? What did you say?

I said married. Oh, that makes sense. I'm sorry. I just don't even want to bother with this. He doesn't even look at me right now. Yeah, I'm disappointed. I'm not angry or disappointed. Scan. Scan.

Scan? Yeah. Oh, app. Jesse, I apologize. On behalf of the John O'Benn. What did

Jesse say? Jesse said printer. Oh, of course. I was thinking QR codes and all that. Listen, on behalf

of the hits, I sincerely apologize Jesse. I'm going back to the booth. You go back to the booth. There's a fan there. Is there a mirror in there? Because you need to go and have of the hits, I sincerely apologise, Jessie. I'll go back to the booth. You go back to the booth. There's a fan there.

Is there a mirror in there? Because you need to go and have a good, long, hard look at it, mate. Jessie, thank you so much for listening. You keep safe in Christchurch, okay? You keep safe in Level 2, baby. Oh, God, thanks, guys. All right, and I'll never call you baby again. That was weird.

Have a good one. Jess, thank you very much. You can play tomorrow for $7.45, $5,000. 5K is back. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah. Nah. Yeah, nah. The whole movie. Jess, thank you very much. You can play tomorrow for $7.45, $5,000, 5K is back. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. The home of yeah, nah. She'll be right, and at the end of the day... Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. You're waking up to day two of the new

alert levels in New Zealand, and because of this, because of the lockdowns in New Zealand to Auckland and the change of alert levels around the country, a few events and functions have be cancelled and postponed for the next couple of days, so we want to know this morning, what has lockdown potentially saved you from?

Level 2 and 3 really has probably helped some people out of things that they'd rather not be doing. A friend of ours was meant to go on a school camp. Was a little less than enthusiastic about attending the camp. Wasn't fully on board with the project, but was doing it out of necessity of a bloodline. Was a little less than enthusiastic about attending the camp. Yeah. Wasn't fully on board with the project

but was doing it out of necessity of a bloodline. Yeah, that's what you do, yeah. And the camp got cancelled. And they were like, oh, damn. Yeah.

A lot of kids, I imagine, you know, as much as, you know, school's so important, they're a little bit relieved that, you know, they're a couple of days off school. You're like, that's lockdown.

It's potentially saved you from that. Although my kids yesterday, they had to do, they had to find something in the house to do with each letter of the alphabet. And I was like, I turned it into something more punishing for them. I was like, we can film it.

We'll get a thing. We'll go find it. We'll find the apple. Then we'll go find the basketball hoop. Then we do. So we end up filming this thing. And there's a lot of letters in the alphabet. 26.

26 letters later, the kids are like, just take me back to school now. Longer than Lord of the Rings. We'll film it. When are you ever going to watch that back, mate? We made a little montage. We edited it together. Oh, you edited it together?

No, actually, Indy did it. And he edited it. But I was like, oh, the kids, you could tell they were like, take me back to school. Oh, I suppose we've all got to fill in time before we die, don't we? Yeah. Hey, Juliet, what's COVID saving you from? Oh, boss Todd wants me to sew some outfits for a couple of people that I work with for an event. We were meant to be going to Art Deco, but I don't think we're going to be travelling down in our car now.

And Boss Todd, his major concern for the last four weeks has been that we wear cool Art Deco themed outfits. And he's just assumed that Juliette can sew. Can you sew? I mean, I can, but, like, not very well. Not well enough to create you guys some banging outfits. So you don't have to do that now? I hopefully don't have to do that anymore. Well, there's a lot of negativity around, which you understand about this current lockdown.

But we wanted to know, on the positive side, is there something, a small glimmer of something that you're like, hey, it got me out of this? Yeah. Love to hear from you this morning. Oh, under the hats, 4487 on the text. We might find some hell pizza for you as well. Jane, you're on out of this. Yeah. Love to hear from you this morning. 0800 the HATS, 4487 on the text. We might find some hell pizza for you as well. Jane, you're on the air.

Morena. Morena. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. The latest alert levels have helped you out how? Well, I was supposed to be going to Wellington for a three-day conference to do some training, which I really didn't want to do. So I'm not doing that, to be honest. Who wants to be trained and skilled up?

Not Jane. And so she can avoid those three days of painful conference. Jane's learned everything she needs to know. We're going to send you out some hell pizza, right, Jane? Awesome. Thanks so much. What you also need, though, is you need that same sort of acting delivery as when you receive a present at Christmas that you're less than fond of. But you need to sound set.

So, Jane, when the conference was cancelled, Jane, I'd love to hear Jane's performance, but now she's hung up on me, so no more further banter with Jane. I tried to engage. Pull out. Pull out. Pull out. Know when to pull out. Tracy, you're on.

Hiya. What happened, mate? What did the latest alert levels get you out of? My boyfriend was actually going to drag me down south to Te Anau to go tramping for four or five days. I'm mildly stoked I got out of that one. I don't like walking. Who likes walking?

I can't think of anything worse going on a holiday than to walk the whole time. And carrying all your stuff as well. And then staying and accommodating. You're like, oh. Do you like walking but walking with everything you own on your back?

And then staying at a place that's like, oh, that's okay. That's not as nice as home. He was so excited though so I felt really bad to say no. But COVID kind of blessed me with getting out of it. What was your performance

when you found out that you couldn't make it? Let's just do a reenactment. Oh, Tracy, looks like we can't go tramping. I know how much you were looking forward to it. I know how much you enjoy walking, and you were looking forward to walking even more,

with more weight on your back. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Maybe we can go next year. Hopefully COVID's gone by then. Oh, great performance. Great performance. Tracy's like, I'll probably break up with him before then, so I don't have to do it.

I've got a team of you gain them out. Hey, get on your sledge. Welcome from Hamilton. Oh, no. You've got plenty of day in the mouth. You've got on your sledge. Welcome from Hamilton. Oh, no. We got him out of this. Cool. I think that's what happened. Add these two men together

and somehow you get three quarters worth of a normal van. The Hits with Jono and Ben for breakfast. Britney Spears, the documentary, just arrived in New Zealand yesterday, the same day as the vaccines, which is free to watch on 3Now and it's been talked about all around the world. Wonderful crowbarring of the vaccine news there, the same day as the vaccines, which is free to watch on 3 now, and it's been talked about all around the world. Wonderful crowbarring of the vaccine news there at the same time.

Beautiful. The doco started a bit of a hashtag free Britney movement because it, of course, charts the rise of Britney Spears, you know, follows your career. But all the things that sort of led to her having what I guess was a pretty sad sort of breakdown and the way that things are dealt with now with their finances. Yeah, very sad.

Well, on our WhatsApp group yesterday, everyone was like, oh, I'm watching this doco, I'm watching this doco. So I didn't want to be missing out. So I thought I'd start watching the doco. Albeit I've only watched half of it. So I don't know, don't spoiler alert. I don't know what happens in the end. But generally it's about, at the core, about her dad

who's got conservatorship, conservatorship over everything she does. So what's that mean? What exactly does that mean? Well, it's a law in America designed generally for the elderly when they start to lose their mind a little bit, thanks to old age, so someone can come and manage their finances, manage their wellbeing and mental health, essentially, basically just manage them. So that'd be like something you'd have on your will, where you'd say normally, like, maybe your son or your daughter

or whatever you say, if you're getting older, might look after that sort of thing or help you through that sort of process. Yeah. Now, her dad's got it, I think, of her. Court appointed, right? Court appointed, so a judge does have to appoint her. But he came in when she was having a breakdown and said, I'm going to start managing her finances and look after her career now. $60 million

I think she's worth. And basically he's been clipping the ticket. She's like a child really. She can't do anything. Can't go to the supermarket without asking him for money. Producer Humphrey, you've been obsessed with this, haven't you? I have. I've got right into it.

I was one of the first to be online yesterday to watch it. We must apologise to anyone with the surname Spears because Producer Humphrey's Right in time. I was one of the first to be online yesterday to watch it. And I went deep. We must apologise to anyone with the surname Spears because Producer Humphrey's probably emailed you and or harassed you over the last 48 hours. He's trying to get a guest on. He's gone deep.

He's like, I've found your third cousin. Her number's on a website. Her cousin's a plumber in Wisconsin. Shall I call the number? We're like, oh, the number? It's crazy how deep the web goes. I'll tell you what's crazy, how deep you go. Well, yeah, I did.

Yes, I've messaged the cousin. Obviously you messaged the documentary makers. You started there first before you went to the cousins and the obscure relatives. No one's replying to me. He's messaged that guy who married her for 24 hours in Las Vegas a few years ago.

The person who was like, leave Britney alone, which now in hindsight. Chris Crocker. Yeah, was bang on the money. Yeah, leave Britney alone because no one did. And I guess these sort of things, according to the doco, led towards where things are now.

You know, and I think you watch it and you're like, she's just a lovely small town, and her mum is the same. And she went back to her small town, I think Kentwood or somewhere is, in Louisiana, when she became relatively famous. And listen to what she did. When she just was getting famous, we were home for Christmas, and she wanted to go get $10,000 in $100 bills and she just drove through Kentwood

and gave out $100 bills. And it wasn't home, Britney Spears. It was Merry Christmas. She did that. She stopped her tour, went home and gave everyone in the town $100. Lovely gift, eh? Lovely gift.

Anyway, I feel a bit sorry for the poor lady. Oh, totally. And living under that scrutiny for all those years, being hounded by the paparazzi and the media, it must be just... Imagine not being able to walk down to the street and do it. I mean, now she can't even walk down the street and buy

stuff. That was interesting. They actually spoke to a paparazzi at one stage, I think a photo of her was worth a million dollars to a pap photographer. A million dollars? Because they'd sell them in Us Weekly and all those magazines and stuff. But when it was first starting out, the paparazzi, he was like, oh, it was a win-win. She actually enjoyed being PAP'd. She would talk to us, she would post photos, and we would obviously get paid for it. But then over the years,

obviously personal issues unraveled with children and custody of her children and her personal relationships. I think she got a bit more aggravated with the intrusion from... Yeah, it's understandable, right? I found interesting this record company lady who first signed her, never met her dad. Met mum, said the mum was lovely. Never met her dad and the dad only came in once and said one thing to her. Lynn supported Brittany.

I never talked to her father. The only thing Jamie ever said to me was, my daughter's going to be so rich, she's going to buy me a boat. That's all I'm going to say about Jamie. Wow. The Britney Spears documentary, it's the biggest doco in the world right now, available now to watch in New Zealand if you want. Broadcasting live.

And mostly awake. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast. On the hits. By the WhatsApp. By doco.nz. Alrighty, alrighty, alrighty, alrighty. Juliet, she's a millennial working on a radio platform. It's a platform that her generation has tried to make obsolete.

But she's here anyway. Do your friends even listen to the radio? I don't know. I really don't know. Let's hope that they do. Hi, friends. Do you go home and explain to your millennial friends that radio is like a podcast,

except with money-lending commercials? And it's live. Yeah. But Piers Morgan is criticising. He's this big UK broadcaster, quite controversial over in the United Kingdom. We always say he's like the Mike Hosking of the UK. I don't know if that's a compliment to

Mike Hosking or not. Mike Hosking's a very professional broadcaster. So is Piers Morgan. You're not sure who you're offending. So is Ben Boyce. Ben, you're a professional broadcaster. Juliet, you're a professional too. I'm trying to be.

Yeah. I'll get myself out of that. But he is very outspoken, isn't he, Pez Morgan? Yes. Not afraid to share his true thoughts and he's also historically not afraid to roast the royals.

So when, specifically Meghan and Harry. Now, when they announced their baby announcement yesterday, he tweeted saying, Harry and Meghan have announced they're pregnant and released this cheesy photo of themselves to

ensure the media gives the story about their private life more prominence in their latest courageous effort to stop the same media from focusing on their private life. But inevitably, he's done what he hates, is he's giving this airtime by tweeting about it.

I always find it fun when a fully grown man bullies an unborn baby. We actually spoke about it before, which we kind of found quite amusing, the fact that they announced the baby news yesterday. On the same day, the New Idea in Australia had a big headline, front page going, it's over, Harry and Meghan. But then we drilled down on it. We didn't know if their relationship was over or their social life was over having two children. We didn't actually read the article.

Again, classic us just reading the first paragraph. That's true. We should have done the article. A professional as Mike Hosking would have. He would have read the full article. I think he had a run in Piers Morgan with Megan at a social event. And he was like, this lady is not the genuine article.

He believed IMO in his opinion. He felt that she would talk to people better than him but when there was no one else she would talk to him. So it was kind of like she would just try to go for the most famous person in the room. Whether or not that's true or not but that's just what he says. Yeah I can

understand a little bit of his beef because they're like oh we don't want to be associated with the royal family but they'll probably name the baby Royal Gary or something. Yeah, true, true. That's a very good point. Not sure on the due date yet, but hopefully, actually, they might keep that secret. They'll probably just share a photo of when the bub is born.

And in Hollywood, it seems that everyone is very intrigued by lip fillers and whether people get plastic surgery and everything. Well, Chrissy Teigen, she's the wife of John Legend. She posted on Instagram these insanely swollen lips of hers, and she had to warn her fans saying, I haven't got lip fillers. I literally bit into an orange, and this is an allergic reaction that I've had from an orange.

And they're huge. They look like she's just come out of lip surgery, essentially. But what she thinks, she's never had this reaction from an orange before. She thinks there might have been a pesticide or something on it. Well, those are big lips. Yeah, big juicy lips. Those are giant lips.

The bottom one seems like it's almost about to burst. Yeah, I know. It does look very painful, doesn't it? Yeah. Do you remember that challenge and you put your lips in a jar? It was the Kylie Jenner lip challenge. And it wasn't good for your lips. And you put your lips in the jar, but they would come out looking lip challenge? Yes. And it wasn't good for your lips. And you put your lips in the jar but they

would come out looking so plump and juicy. Oh no. My lips looked amazing Ben, you can't deny that. They still do.

It was almost like they would airtight seal, wouldn't they, in the top of a glass bottle. Yeah. And you'd pull them out and they just

held their own there for a while. I had an allergic reaction to Cheezels many years. I've never been able to get back into the Cheezel game. Full body rash. Oh, yeah.

I did. Really? Yeah. He always mocks me for it. Ben workplace bullies me about it. He's like, have a Cheezel, mate. I think he made me eat Cheezels on here. Have you had Cheezels since?

He was like, let's make it rashy again. Oh, no. And he threw it to the boat. This is something I don't know. Yeah, three calls. I don't remember that. I mean, we probably discussed it. We thought it it to the boat. This is something I don't know. I don't remember that. We probably discussed it but thought it was

a silly idea. I don't know what happened. Yeah, I just ate some Cheezels and I was in a full body rash. And you haven't touched them since?

No. Oh, okay. Had to go to the doctor for a rash which is never a good thing. No, everyone's like oh, it's the Cheezels.

Cheezels! It's hard to explain that without a spell. Whatever you say. And that's spy. Before you can enter the Hats.co.nz. Real Kiwi blokes with soy lattes. Mmm. Shono and Ben, breakfast on the Hats.

My wife, Amanda, her handbag, we've talked about her handbag before. She saved up a few years ago for a handbag that she'd always wanted. And it's like her pride and joy. It's not allowed to touch the ground. It's constantly playing the floor as lava, that handbag. It is. Has it even grazed the ground? When she's not home, sometimes I drag it on the carpet.

Do you just put it down for a fact? I just drag it up and down the hallway just so she doesn't know. But when she's home or when I'm around, no way. That thing ever touched the carpet, like you have to hold it. Like if you go to the movies and there's a spare seat, that thing will sit on the seat. If not, it sits on her lap. Like she is like, to her credit, she takes good care of the handbag.

When you're driving with her, you're actually sitting in the back seat, the handbag's in the front passenger seat. Totally. Seat belted up. You don't have a seat belt on. But what also amazes me about her handbag is how much stuff. I don't know if, do you have a handbag? Do you carry stuff around?

There's so much stuff that Amanda just carries around. It just seems like there's no stage does she ever get rid of that stuff. It just puts more stuff inside there. I agree. But it's handy. It's handy. You're around there like, do you have contact lenses? And they'll be like, yeah, yeah, she does.

She doesn't even have contact lenses, but she's got them in her handbag. You've got a spare car tyre in here and a jack too if you yeah, yeah, she does. She doesn't even have contact lenses, but she's got them in her handbag. You've got a spare car tyre, yeah, in here. And a jack too, if you want to jack the car up. The thing is too, they're so good too, handbag owners, of like just diving straight in. Oh yeah, yesterday. And picking it. Yesterday she's like, oh, can you get,

oh, like my makeup bag or something, it's sort of this bag inside the bag. And I was like, oh, we need to go try and get this thing. And I'm pulling out sunglasses, pulling out phone charges. Oh, and you get more and more wound up. You get frazzled. You're like, it can't be anywhere else

apart from in here. There's lip gloss, this, this, this. And it's like, no. And then she just walks straight over and straight away it's like in, out, rummaged, gone. It's like, how do you know that? How do they? Well, I would say that is actually quite a talent

because I'm actually in your guys' court and maybe a lot of other women are kind of like this. It takes me a while to find stuff that's in my handbag because I've just got a whole bunch of junk in there and I also find the smaller items sink to the bottom and the smaller items are the ones that you sort of need. Your keys, like your

phone, that sort of thing and it gets really frustrating unless you've got lots of little pockets in there. Every time I venture in there I'm like someone trying to turn a light switch on in a dark room. You're going on fear. What's this squishy thing here? A lot of stuff's

gone missing. It's probably in Jen, my wife's handbag. My hair that went missing. There's probably a full set of hair in there somewhere. It's in there, mate. Your full set of hair. That's where you find it. Have you got a man bag? I've been carrying a bum bag. A fanny pack, a of hair. That's where you find it. Have you got a man bag? I've been carrying a bum bag. I go, yeah, like a fanny pack, a bum bag,

whatever you like to call it. Do you? I quite enjoy that, yeah. It's like you're at a festival. Oh, yeah. I'm at a festival. I find there's always two common reactions to it because I wander around with a man bag. I try and wear it the cool way,

like I've seen the kids cross the shoulder, you know, rather than the tourist way. Your waist. Wear it around your waist? You should do. There's better access around your waist, just above your pelvis, better access to everything. But I find there's just two common responses when you've got a man bag.

Number one, have you got any supplies that can make me have a fun night? I'll pay cash. And second one is you get man bag shaped. Do one is you get man bag shaped do you find you get man bag shaped it's like come on

it's 2021 guys oh sorry I don't have the stuff clogging up my pockets yeah it makes sense it's a practical thing to take around

to take a bag I don't have a backpack's worth of items I love taking around a backpack I've got my Toy Story 4 backpack

and how many times have you been publicly shamed about your Toy Story 4 backpack on the daily On the daily. On the daily. But you have persisted with it. You have fought through the bullying.

Some of the other days, like, oh, you're still wearing that. Like, after they'd shamed me the last time. Especially because Toy Story 4 was released like eight years ago. I'm just a big fan. It's a heck of a movie. Big fan of Woody. But yeah, you've just got to keep

writing these things out. Write out the bullying and then we'll make it through the other side. Yeah, be kind. That's what Jacinda's always saying, right? Yeah.

It was even seated on a bill, a digital billboard on the way in. Make sure to wash your hands and be kind. Yeah, well, there you go. On the way into work today. So be kind. It goes for people that,

you know. Stop bullying us about our bags. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Yesterday,

the first lot of vaccines arrived in New Zealand, the COVID-19 vaccines from Pfizer. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. and you're like following the thing, you're emailing and going, where's my delivery? The track and trace. Do you reckon she paid extra for the track and trace? I think so. She'll be following that going, oh, it's landed. Oh, no. Oh, no, it's sitting at the couriers out in the airport. No, no, it still hasn't left the depot. Because sometimes it sits in the depot for a wild amount of time. And then she might have missed it when it turned up.

She might have got that little card and have to drive out to pick it up. Anyway, the main figures. We got the vaccines and, to drive out to pick it up. Anyway, the main thing is the vaccines. We got the vaccines and yeah, we're in this weekend. It's when they first start doing that. So that's pretty promising news. Did you just buy it online with a credit card, the vaccine? How's it work? Oh, I don't know.

How's that transaction work? I don't know. And it arrived on a Singapore Airlines flight I found interesting. Oh, did it? Yeah. Yeah. Listen, speaking of online shopping, we did some Sunday morning

before everything went down Sunday evening, just coincidentally. And you know when you do online shopping, they can deliver it between a certain time period and it was between 4pm and 6pm Monday. Right. I was like, that's a great time for shopping to arrive. So this is some supermarket stuff.

Supermarket shopping, yeah, yeah. You know, there's a great time for shopping to arrive. So this is some supermarket stuff. Supermarket shopping, yeah, yeah. You know, there's a great unloading and packing away shopping hours. Four till six. It is. Prime. You always get a chance to cook food that arrived for that dinner as well. It's great. It's stress-free.

You're like, I can handle this time. So it rolls around to like 8.30, 9 o'clock at night. And I'm like, oh, well, maybe, you know, clearly they're under the pump at the moment. Yeah. Understandably. Yeah.

I won't complain. I'll let this one slide. We'll pick it up tomorrow. Yeah. We'll sort it out tomorrow. We'll deal with this tomorrow. So I go to bed. It's about quarter to 10

and I'm lying in bed and I'm just sitting there relaxing. You know when you just go to sleep and there's no greater moment. Yeah. And then I hear, eh, eh. I was like, I thought I was dreaming that. And then I hear, eh, eh. I was like,

I thought I was dreaming that I was hearing a horn. And eh, eh, eh, eh, six horns. And I was like, it's the goddamn trick. The goddamn trick. The gen's in the shower

and I had to go, I was just about to fall asleep and then I got to do the favourite task of unloading and outbacking shopping when I could have been sleeping. It was so much better. It was so much better.

It was so much better than sleeping. Yeah, more rewarding than sleeping, right? More rewarding, yeah. Those 35 minutes of talking to the guy, unloading and doing all this,

that was far better. I could have been sleeping, but no, I was doing that. Very busy though, those guys, the people at the moment, delivering food. He said he was meant

to knock off at seven. It was like nearly 10 o'clock at night and he didn't see himself finishing before 11.30. But I said to him, you should definitely stop delivering to people's houses now because, you know, 11 o'clock at night is quite late for a supermarket delivery. Yeah, what late to get four in the morning?

He's like, eh, eh, eh, eh. He's probably still going around now. I felt sorry on the news last night. There was a lot of restaurants talking about Valentine's Day, obviously a big night, you know, for diners. And how that, you know, that alarm came through. Everyone got that civil defence alarm in the middle. And lots of people just left the restaurant or wrapped up early

or didn't come later. And a lot of business, even though the lockdown wasn't kicking in until 12 o'clock, it really affected a lot of businesses. Well, great way to leave the restaurant too without paying. Alarm! Emergency exit. Just hold it up. Gotta go, guys. Thanks for the meal, though. Thankarm. Emergency exit. Just hold it up. Gotta go.

Gotta go guys. Thanks for the meal though. Thank you. Bye. Really appreciate it. Paid to talk words and stuff into a microphone. It's New Zealand's breakfast.

Jono and Ben on the hits. Kia ora. I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees and this is The B**** News. Welcome to a part of the show that would be a lot quicker

if Juliet didn't beep out words from headlines but that's the game. We if Juliet didn't beep out words from headlines. But that's the game. We've got to figure it out. Three news stories and we try and figure them out. Juliet, take it away. All righty. Kim Jong-un orders a ban on...

What has he ordered a ban on? Well, I reckon he's a big fan of The Bachelorette and he's getting annoyed that there's intruders coming into the household. Just when you've established a rapport with the current characters suddenly they introduce new characters. That's what happened last night. Were there intruders on the Bachelorette? Yeah, so I reckon

he's frustrated like me. I'm like, no, more people. Don't bring intruders in. I'm just getting to know these people. I can barely remember 20 names to begin with. So I reckon he's upset about that. Fair enough. I'm going to say Kim Jong Un orders a ban on Trade Me but it turns out it was actually a fan, so got a bit of a surprise

when the package turned up. Kim Jong-un orders a ban on Mullets. Can't relate, Jono. I'm sorry. Thank you, Juliet. Were you? I was going to say he orders a ban on those fresh fade haircuts that he's got, so he would be the only one in North Korea. He's got

a smooth fade, didn't he? Well, he's banned other non-socialist haircuts that he's got, so he would be the only one in North Korea. He's got a smooth fade, didn't he? Well, he's banned other non-socialist haircuts. So you're not allowed to dye your hair. You can't have spiked hair, like, you know, what are they called? Mohawks? Mohawks, right. So, yeah, everyone has to look very much the same. I imagine he controls the internet and the media over in North Korea.

How would they even know what a mullet was? That's true. But he's a big fan of Dennis Rodman, the basketballer who had really outrageous hairstyles. Oh, really? And he, remember, Dennis Rodman came over and spent some time with Kim. Played basketball, yeah. Yeah, so he had outrageous hair.

Surely he'd be like, well, this guy's doing it, and I like it, you know? Apparently his dad sent him to a US university. Oh, is that how he... And that's how he fell in love with 90s Chicago Bulls. The basketball team, right. And so he's become obsessed with the 90s Chicago Bulls. He would have loved that last dance on Netflix.

Oh, he would have loved it. But he wouldn't have been able to watch Netflix, though. He would have got a copy somehow, though, wouldn't he? Yeah, surely. No one else could have watched that, but he would have. No. There was a while there where Dennis Rodman potentially could have solved all of the issues

with North Korea and the rest of the world. Yeah. He was like the guy. He was the peacemaker. Yeah, the inside guy, a basketballer with crazy hair. Should have taken that opportunity. Next one. Pete Evans has confirmed he's going... Pete Evans, Paleo Pete.

Very controversial, isn't he? So I'm going to say he's doing his most controversial move ever and he's confirmed he's going to McDonald's to drive through. I'm going to say Pete he's confirmed he's going to McDonald's through the drive-thru. I'm going to say Pete Evans has confirmed he's going to stop speaking out loud with whatever thoughts come into his head. Pete Evans has confirmed he's going into

politics. He's joining the Great Australian Party That sounds like the bloody Advanced New Zealand Party. in New South Wales Wales and the leader of the party is welcoming Pete with open arms says he challenges the status

quo and that he'll be a real asset to the team. So that'll be interesting to see how that folds out. Is he still on Master Chef? No. My kitchen rules. Did they axe him? I think they did, yeah. And then he just went crazy on social media. They rode his way for a while though. They stuck it out with him for a few years, didn't they? Yeah. So I think they did, yeah. And then he just went crazy on social media. They rode his way for a while, though.

They stuck it out with him for a few years, didn't they? Yeah. So I think they've got a whole array of new judges from when I used to watch My Kitchen Rules or MasterChef or whatever it was. And Gordon Ramsay, now speaking of celebrity chefs, is hosting a game show this morning. Really?

In the UK. We're all about balancing weights on a pyramid. It's like... Which is the first rule of cooking. Yeah, thank you. Can you balance weights on a pyramid? You can like... Which is the first rule of cooking. Yeah, thank you. Can you balance weights on a pyramid? You can make us a chef in this game. Apparently, he's just got to be just as fiery

and just as angry during this game show as in other things. Unnecessarily angry. You don't know how to balance weights! You come on this balance show! You'd be like, to be fair, no one's done this before. No one's actually balanced weights on a pyramid.

Maybe it's all part of a well-balanced diet. And that's the tenuous time. Yeah, maybe. And the final one. Chicago man freezes his... to call dibs on snow-cleared parking spots. Well, the obvious one is testicles, so I'm going to have to lock that in.

I had some other area of the genitals I was going to say, but let's not take it low. Oh, I have. I'm sorry. Apologies. Chicago man freezes his pants to call dibs on snow-cleared parking spots. Now, it sounds bizarre when you kind of hear the headline, but in Chicago it's quite common for people to call dibs on parking spots that have been shoveled and cleared from snow, because obviously you can't, you know. And people use chairs or traffic cones to mark spots they've shoveled

but he literally has perfectly freezed his pants so it looks almost like a ghost is standing in just a pair of pants on the ground. Oh, they're standing upright, I see. So people drove past and it's kind of gone a little bit wild on social media because it's a very bizarre sight. Almost like a scarecrow sort of situation.

Yes, yes. There's so many parks designated for everyone nowadays. You've got pregnant lady parks, people who are having a bad day parks. You've got, what else is there? EV parks, small vehicle parks.

Have you seen small vehicle parks? I reckon I could get my car. No, I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't. There's a reason why that small vehicle barked. You have to climb out the roof. Yeah. And that's the news and beats.

Thank you very much, producer Julianne. They're proud of New Zealand. Go New Zealand. If only New Zealand was proud of them. Jono and Ben. New Zealand's breakfast. On the hits. Scrolling through your feed.

Listen, if he worked for a proper news organisation, he would have been sacked by now, but he's got some incriminating photos on me, so I keep him on. Ben Boyce, what's been happening overnight? Well, this is the big news from New Zealand and around the world, and yesterday before the end of our show, there was some pretty massive news from overseas

that Harry and Meghan announced they're having a second baby, which is great news. But this was on the same day that in Australia, the New Idea released their latest edition of their magazine with the cover, Harry and Meghan, it's over. Well, maybe they meant it's over by once you have two kids, your social life is dead, dead in the water. You know, the increase from one to two is a real ramp up.

But maybe that's what they mean. Maybe you're right. Maybe it is. Was it a story brought to you by sources? What's that? Sources close to the couple? Yeah, I imagine so. Yeah, the Queen is meant to be overjoyed.

She's released a statement, so that's awesome. But I thought, Jono, we've been here at the Hits for a while, talking more about the Royals than we ever had before. So just a real simple Royal quiz for you right now. Don't Royal quiz me. Okay. Juliet's happy. Queen and Philip.

Okay. They had four kids. Queen and Philip. Yep. So what were the four kids? These are the simple questions. Jeffrey Epstein's best mate. Oh, God.

Okay. What was his name? Hansy. Hansy Andy. Yeah. Hansy Andy was one. Charles, obviously. Yep.

Oh, Gary. No, he's on more of him at the time. Charles and Andrew and Edward. And, of course, again. Okay, Charles and Diana had William and Harry. Now, William married Kate. And what are the name of their three kids? Oh, God.

George. Come on. Yes. George is one. This is the simple ones. These are the simple ones. George is going to be the king one day. And, God. George. Come on. Yes. George is one. This is the simple ones. These are the simple ones. George is going to be the king one day. And the other two that don't matter. The other two that don't matter.

And Megan and Harry, of course, have one baby so far. Baby Archie. I know Archie. Well done. And it was Valentine's Day on Sunday all around the world and a US woman's homemade present was slightly quite savage to her husband.

Now, she went through his Instagram and printed out pictures of all the ladies that he'd liked on Instagram, colour photos on A4, and printed it out and gave it to him and said, well, hey, you like these, so you should like this present. A lot of people online saying

she's won the best present of the year award already and it's February right now. It's a lovely photo album to have that in. So you can hold it in your hands. It's like a calendar. Yeah, of all the ladies that you've liked on Instagram. All the ones that Ben's liked. You only like it because of the background setting, don't you?

It's a nice beach. It's a nice forest. I'm more into the photography as opposed to the model. You're all about the art. And that is scrolling through your feed this morning. Ben and Jono call this show Jono and Ben. Breakfast on the hips. You've got Jono and Ben, new in your mornings.

New in your mornings? We've been here for a year now. Mate, we're still new. Some people are just getting on to us now. It takes a while on radio, right? It does, it does. It's a slow medium, isn't it? Radio.

People are like, they get very like, this is what I do. It's, you know... It's a routine thing, isn't it? We must have rattled routines when we started here. Oh, yeah. Do you reckon? Definitely. Yeah.

I already had the routine of the hats. Who are these two nimwits? And they probably still say that to be honest. If they're still around. If you are we really do appreciate it. We hope we haven't messed with your routine too much. Hey, tell you what's messing with routine. Lockdown for some parts of the country. Level 2 obviously. Why am I saying this?

You know where we're at. But I thought it was nice thinking about it yesterday. Yeah, COVID gave us a lovely summer holiday, you know, booked in its annual leave, left us alone for a couple of months. We all got a great break. Now it's like, okay, back to work. I saw it on social media on Sunday

night, and I think a lot of people were thinking it when Jacinda Ardern, you know, was making a speech, big press conference, she's like, now we've had a great summer. No, everyone's like, oh, here we go. Everyone was calling lockdown. She's like, now we've had a great summer. Oh, here we go. Everyone was calling lockdown. She's like, yeah, we're some of the best freedoms in the world. Everyone's like, here it comes. It's like a parent day

going, now you've had this. Now we're going to Auntie Jan's. Yeah, it was. It was like one of those moments. Had a fun day today. Yeah, I have. We got to do the things that you wanted to do and now we're doing this. It's the same theory behind the compliment sandwich, isn't it? Start positive, flap on a negative, end with a positive.

Everyone was calling lockdown as soon as she started saying that. It was like, lockdown, here it comes. No, I tell you what, no one's more upset than the COVID lady who... She had a break, too, didn't she? She got a wonderful summer holiday from the COVID commercials. This is a COVID-19 announcement. The NZ COVID Tracer app keeps us... That noise, the start, you know,

I hadn't heard it for ages. Then you hear it again on the radio and TV. Oh, it's back. It's back. And she's back. And I don't know if you heard the ads. Who composed that sound? I don't know.

The wonderful orchestra. Yeah. But she's back on the radio, back on the TV. And she seems a little bit upset that she's back and talking about COVID again. Have a listen. This is a COVID-19 announcement. Auckland is now at alert level three. What? Make sure if you are in public, you wear a mask at all times.

How the f*** did we get back here? Please remain in your bubbles and remain calm. Calm? The calmer we remain. I bubbles and remain calm. Calm? The calmer we remain... I will not remain calm! ...the quicker we will recover. We've been here before, New Zealand, and our team of five million will get through it again.

Oh, for God's sake, someone get me a drink. I said, someone get me a f***ing drink! From stealing Mike Hosking's car to stealing the hearts of New Zealand. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast. On the hits. Actual hearts be not bestowed. Spy. No WhatsApp.

Spy.co.nz. Time for Spy. What it lacks in espionage, it makes up for in stories about Kim Kardashian missing her laser hair removal appointment. What have we got, Juju? So Gwyneth Paltrow, as you may know by now, she's got her lifestyle brand Goop, and that was the one that sold the candles that smelt like specific things, if you know what I mean.

Highly publicised candles, weren't they? Yeah, got a lot of great marketing for those candles. For sure. I was like, how did she extract the aroma? I know. I think what happened, I was reading about it, one of the testing the smell, and they went, as a joke, oh, that smells like a, and they went, oh, hang on.

It's, yeah. So it wasn't like they went out there to actually mark it. Oh, it was an accidental smell. I think so, yeah. Wow. So maybe it was just a bit of a slip up in manufacturing, and they were like, well, we're going to have to roll with this. What's the spin we can put on this? And it's like,

I know. And then everyone's like, what? Are you ready? Yep, roll with me on this one. Well now she's expanded into adult toys. So she, it's her first one. She designed it in lockdown. She said, you know, had to be busy somehow. And it was

quite funny because she announced it by posting a photo on Instagram of her at the Oscars in 1999. She's holding her Oscar but that's been photoshopped out and what's been photoshopped in is this product. It looks like a microphone. Yeah, it kind of does. It looks like a microphone you use.

Or maybe again they've gone to make microphones and they're so slip up. She's like, okay guys, roll with me on this one. The microphone, it's a vibrating microphone. What are we going to do? Yeah, and Gwyneth, again, is adapted. She's, what are they, pivoted? Pivoted.

Yeah. She's pivoted, and it's got eight pulsating patterns. Oh, wow. On each end of the microphone. Well, there you go. That's great. Shoot. That's a lot of it.

So, anyway, well done, Gwyneth, on diversifying. Hopefully your microphone business will take off one day. Yeah, but right now you've diversified really well. Yes, exactly. And Megan Fox, her boyfriend, Machine Gun Kelly, he's a rapper, singer in the United States. They've kind of, I think they've been dating for maybe three or four months now. She was in the Transformer movie.

She was married to Brian Austin Green from Beverly Hills, 90210 for many years. I wish I had that little theme song ready, but actually your rendition was a lot better. But he has posted a photo on Instagram of a necklace that he owns that has a singular drop of her blood inside it.

So it's a clear necklace, it's kind of a circle, a sphere, and you can just see... So he's bringing that round. Yeah's kind of a circle. A spear. So he's spreading that around? Yeah, yeah. And you can see a little red sort of spot in the middle. Wasn't that what Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton did? Did they? I think they did, yeah, about a decade or so ago when they were together. Maybe longer.

But they used to have vials of each other's blood. It was all, yeah. Shocking for hepatitis. Your Ben's dear friend, his mother walked around with a locket of, I remember, at the 21st it came out, didn't it? She revealed that it was a locket that she'd been walking around with,

you know, with a picture of him at 21st. And I was like, oh. And on the other side of the locket was something that would have been cut off when he was a baby. No. You know, as a part of the, yeah. Some procedures that happen when you're a baby boy.

It should be carried around. He would have got roasted for that. What a time to bring it up. It almost resembled a piece of expired calamari. Oh, no. Oh, dear God. Yeah, it would have, yeah. Yucky, yucky, yucky.

That's five before you can head to that website. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. I thought you'd be interested in this, Jono, seeing as you just got a traffic infringement letter sent to work today. Do you know why I get them sent to work? So they don't get sent to home.

Oh, sorry, I've just talked about it. Sorry, I mouthed you. So this one's the latest one's here from the New Zealand police. Turns out they weren't too happy with my speed. down a street here that's an 80 one a speed camera a ticket well there's a guy in the uk uh that knows where a speed camera is because you drive past it every day and so he decided to as he's driving past uh flip the bird at the speed camera with both hands and he got a ticket he He wasn't going over the speed limit, but they were saying that he was driving irresponsibly because both hands were off the wheel.

Oh, so if he just did one hand. Well, maybe, but both hands were off the wheel. He wasn't in a position to be in control of the car, so he got a ticket. Well, he's got his knees. That's how I eat my fast food when I'm driving. He's not allowed to do that. Do you know nowadays, I know some councils across New Zealand

have got to ticket you. You know how the, you're a classic parking warden. They're basically a job where you're a full-time abuse receiver. I feel sorry for them, yeah. Don't feel sorry for them. I do. I don't even do their job.

One of my favourite hobbies is. No, be kind, be kind. No, but now they're being phased out with this car, which has got cameras on the roof, that'll just drive down a street going bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, taking photos. Then it'll come back 30 minutes later and go bang, bang, bang, what cars are still here?

Tickets get sent out. You don't even know. Gee whiz. What happened to the good old days when the poor parking warden would have to take it on the chin? I'm glad we're kind of phasing that out in a way. Are you glad about job losses, are you? You're all about efficiency,

aren't you, mate? You should see the cuts he wants to make on this show. Juliet, don't know if you're going to be around much longer. He likes to run a tight operation. We're just talking about infringements in New South Wales. Someone else got fined for leaving the car with the windows down

and the door's not locked. Apparently, that's a rule over there. You can't walk away from your car with the... What? What is with this end of show, quirky traffic infringement uptight? I see why we've left it till 10 to 9.

What? Great content? Everyone's listening? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, exactly. All right, let's take Brooke from Tauranga. Why is it going to be a good day for you, Brooke? I don't think she's off.

Oh, she's gone home. Well, that's it. It's time to go. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits. And via the iHeartRadio app. Jono and Ben on the hits breakfast. Friends of Skinny.

Happy, happy, happy, oh. Oh.