Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: Ben Had A Very Weird Encounter With A Mannequin!

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Hello and welcome to the first day of June. As we always say, the year is FLYYYYIN BY! Today we discussed Boris Johnson's secret wedding that nobody knew about. We wondered whether any of you guys have got married in secret, and what the repercussions were!? Ben also went shopping with his daughter over the weekend and had a very awkward encounter that involved a mannequin and his wife's friend... Finally, we spoke to friend of the show John who currently lives in Oregon, USA, and he revealed that he has lived in a crazy number of towns in NZ, possibly the most we've ever heard of. Enjoy the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Hey guys, it's the podcast, welcome. First of June, wake up, wake up, wake up, it's the first of the month.

Oh, it is the first of the month today, isn't it? Yeah. We were talking about Bone Thugs-N-Harmony yesterday, a day early. But now that song's applicable, which is fantastic. Speaking of songs, I just clicked on an article here as we just started recording this introduction. The most popular songs of all time. I want to see if you can get the top three. Of all time?

Of all time. The most iconic, popular songs of all time. They've got a top 50, and we'll rattle through all 50 one by one. In a painstaking experiment, we'll be honest against them. Are they new songs or are they old songs? No, they're old songs. Oh, right. They're old songs.

Look, to be honest, there's so much music around. You're just going, you're going, and big artists like the Beatles, Spice Girls, Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift. There's so many different wide range of music. I just wouldn't even know where to start. Well, I'll give you a clue. Michael Jackson. I mean, there's so many artists.

Jackson's in the top five. Right. One of his songs in the top five. Would that... I don't know. What's his biggest song? Was it Bad? Well, the album was Bad, wasn't it?

Billie Jean's number four. Billie Jean, yeah. That was, yeah, okay. Billie Jean, yeah. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, no, that was the one I was thinking of. I was trying to think of it, yeah. What was his big one?

Bad was the album. Okay, all right, yeah. Number one, though. Okay, it's to do with the teenage odour. Oh, it smells like teen spirit. Number one most popular song of all time. Oh, yeah, yeah, though. Okay, it's to do with the teenage odour. Oh, it smells like teen spirit. Number one most popular song of all time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was going to say that. I was going to say that. Yeah, well, again, Nirvana. I mean, huge band. But you'd probably say it's a recognisable tune internationally. Probably one of the most recognisable guitar riffs in history. I would say for a time, but I'd say not now. Not now? I would say no. I would say, yeah. I would say no. I would say for a time, but I'd say not now. Not now?

I would say no. I would say, yeah. I would say no. I would say no. I mean, say it was huge. Would you tell this list of 50 most iconic songs no? No.

No. Where would you put Nirvana then? I mean, great. They're a great band, but I mean, no, I wouldn't say it was the most, most popular song now. That's for sure.

I would say my kids, you know, Juliet, who we work with, Max, Mill, Max, Millennial Max, probably wouldn't even know Nirvana songs. I know,

that's depressing. My daughter's learning Come As You Are on the guitar from Nirvana and she's like, have you heard this song before? I'm like,

yeah, I have, you know, like it's just a whole. It was black back when everything was in black and white. Yeah,

I know, yeah. So I wouldn't have thought, no, I wouldn't have, okay, no, you're disagreeing with that?

alright. It's a big song though, don't get me wrong, great're disagreeing with that? Yeah, yeah. All right. It's a big song, though. Don't get me wrong. Great song. But he doesn't think it deserves to be number one. No. What would you say number one is at the moment? Oh, at the moment?

Oh, it's probably like... I don't know. I mean, at the moment, it's hard to get... Because I was trying to think of the most poppy song ever. So that's... Are there songs being recorded and released now that will be iconic in 20 years? I don't know. that's a good question.

You know, like in 1994 when Smells Like Teen Spirit came out with the two disc jockeys having this conversation. Talking about the popular songs from 30 years prior. Anyway, number one, Smells Like Teen Spirit. Number two, Imagine, John Lennon. Yeah, gotcha. That's a big song.

Is it worthy though? Yeah, that's a big song. That's worthy. I'm not saying Nevada's not worthy, I'm just big, yeah, gotcha. That's a big song. Is it worthy though? Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, it's such a, yeah, that's a big song. That's worthy. I'm not saying Nirvana's not worthy. I'm just saying, again, the time, you know. But I guess they still sing probably Imagine in schools and stuff, I would imagine. One by U2 at number three. No, I can see disdain.

He's got disdain. Again, these are all amazing big songs. He's doing that thing when you crinkle your lips and you rock your head back and forth but you're saying the most popular song of all time all time I'm going to put on the greatest song in the history of the world U21

and I put on U21 and you go you know if you're hey I'm Ben have you ever heard music you're like no what's that I'm like wow I'm going to blow your mind. You listen to this. This is the greatest song ever.

Oh, this sounds good. Who sings this song? It's you two. You two? What's it called? It's called One. I can see why it's one of the most iconic songs of all time. I mean, again, a great song.

I'm just, I don't know. This is frustrating me now. But it's hard. But again, I don't have any better songs because they're all great songs. You can't chuck like bloody, you know, BTS dynamite in there, can you? That's what you're wanting to do. But maybe it will be. BTS dynamite in the most iconic song of all time.

No, but it might be something like Ed Sheeran, Shape of You, or something that, you know, kind of crosses over to, you know, to a lot of genres. I don't know. It's hard. It's hard. Well, there you go. Those are the most iconic songs of all time. Highly disputed by being voice. But they were good. They were good. They're all great songs.

They're all amazing songs. We're talking secret weddings after the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, got married and, well, it was a secret wedding over the weekend. None of the guests knew it was happening. They got a last-minute call-up. Boom. Go to Frank Casey.

Hire a tuxedo. You're required. It was a Saturday morning wedding as well. All right. Interesting timing. But your friends did this too, Juliette. Yeah, my sister's friend did sort of a surprise wedding at an engagement party.

So it was advertised as an engagement party. People came along. Took out a full page in the Herald. And the bride and groom said, why don't we just get married now? And then they were like, well, oh, but we don't have a marriage celebrant. But it was all organised.

A marriage celebrant was in the crowd. I was like, I can do it. So they were like, oh, we don't have a band member. Oh, so they planned that, right. Yes, they planned that. And so all the guests didn't know that it was actually going to turn into a wedding. That's awesome.

Really cool. But then also had the stress of delivering a pantomime to all their... There's no one to play the music. Well, I can, my good sir. Let's go. That's awesome. Secret weddings. We've got Molly on from Whangarei.

Welcome, Molly. How are you? Good morning to you all. I'm good, thank you. Lovely to have you on. You secretly wed. I did in 1997, many years ago now. It was a wild time. It was a wild time. My husband and I had just got a job. He got a teaching job in Botswana

and they wouldn't fly me out without being married for insurance purposes and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, we ran off to the local registry office and got married and told absolutely nobody. When did you inform your friends and family, or is this the first time they're hearing about it now, since 97? Oh, no, my mother-in-law found out three years later when they came to visit, and I left my passport lying around and she noticed. Yeah, that was my happy moment.

Oh, really? Three years? That's a long time to keep a secret. Yeah, well, you know, I've never really been the kind of person to want a big white wedding dress on a big celebration anyway. It suited us.

Yeah, and so what was the reaction from the friends in Farno? They weren't actually that surprised at the end of it. That's the kind of thing me and my husband would do. And it just goes to show that you don't need a big celebration to spend thousands

and thousands to make sure you're still together nearly 30 years later. Oh, well, congratulations. What a wonderful 10 year, 30 years of marriage, three of them secret. But hey, who cares? That's the way. Love your work, Molly. Appreciate that. Millennial Match, your parents got wed in secret as well. Yeah, well, kind of. It was a secret. It was my christening. It was at a church and everything was sort of all set up.

And then all of a sudden they finished the christening and then I was like, cool, let's have a wedding. My parents did the same at my circumcision party. Oh, no. It was an odd timing. They were like, snip. Hey, should we get married? Everyone was like, oh, we'll roll with it.

We'll roll with it, may as well. We'll go to Trudy on from Auckland. Welcome. You're secretly wed, Trudy. Yeah, me and my husband secretly wed in Queenstown just over a year ago. And do your family know? This feels quite close to the secret wedding.

No, they know now. We came home and told them and then we threw a party for everyone about six months later, which was heaps of fun. But my parents were getting way too involved. We'd saved up all the money for the wedding, but they were just taking the fun out of it. So we thought, let's go and do this ourselves.

It's not often you can get to offend both your friends and family on both sides, two in one foul sweep, but you can do with a secret wedding, you know? Yeah, totally. People make it all about themselves, the guests, sometimes, don't they? Yeah, true. Yeah, definitely. There were a few people that were a bit annoyed, but they got over it.

Yeah, and that's the thing. People get over stuff. Yeah, the wedding's about the actual people getting married, not everyone else. I think people kind of forget that sometimes. Yeah, we've got a lot of texts coming in. A lot of people have been secretly married. Many people who haven't still told their family. Oh, wow.

Just because they don't want to make a fuss. One person here has kept it a secret for eight years. Jeez. On 4487. So thank you very much for your calls, New Zealand. Appreciate it. Ben and Jono call this show Jono and Ben. Breakfast on the hips.

You said over the weekend you had an embarrassing incident in the shop and I've been waiting to hear this because your last embarrassing incident, you were caught shoplifting potpourri from Kmart. I wasn't, I wasn't, but I did have an embarrassing experience. I was saying yesterday I went to the mall with one of my daughters, Sienna, on the weekend, so we spent

a couple of hours at the mall. It was fun. We got milkshakes, wandered around the shops, both pretending we were teenage girls yeah did your milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard it was great you know get away boys she's with dad it's dad and daughter day uh but uh my wife amanda she was she was at home with mother daughter and she was like hey when you were at the mall there was this jersey that she wanted can you can you pick up this jersey for me and i'm like yeah no worries so i went into the store, the women's clothing store to get the jersey. And you know, when you look on the rack of clothes, the size wasn't there. But then I noticed there was a mannequin next to the rack of clothes. And I looked at the back of the mannequin size and I was like, oh great, it is

the size. Now I don't know the protocol of whether you can just grab it from the mannequin. So I went up to the front and I said to the lady, I said, oh, hey, I'm looking to buy this jersey for my wife. There's one on the mannequin. Can I get that one? She said, yeah, just go over and grab it if you want because she was a bit tied up at the front. So I went over to the shop and in the store and I didn't realise until actually doing this for the first time

how weird it is taking a top off a mannequin. Yeah, because the mannequin is almost in a somewhat of a comatose state. The mannequin's not helping you with the systems of their limbs. The arms are, yeah, the arms are sort of straight down, one to the side, and to get a jersey off, it wasn't a quick sort of, you know, I was hoping it would just be like quick, whoop, I'll take it at the front,

but I'm sort of like struggling to get this jersey off. Not you when you dress me after a night out on Saturday. You managed to do that all right. And I can tell that people in the store, you know, they start to sort of glance over a little bit awkwardly as, you know, like, what's this guy doing as I'm sort of trying to get a jersey off the top of the mannequin. And I really want this specific top

that the mannequin is wearing. And because their arms are in it, you know, it's sort of strange angles. I'm trying to get this top off the thing. So eventually I'm sort of getting this thing off. I'm getting a bit frustrated, getting a bit red, getting a bit sort of worried that people are. And just as I got the top off the mannequin, I'm like, oh frustrated, getting a bit red, getting a bit sort of worried that people are. And just as I got the top of the mannequin,

I'm like, oh, great. It's got no top on underneath the top. Oh, no. What is underneath the mannequin? What's the detail they go to? No, none, none. It's just a, yeah. Just a sort of a generalization.

Just a body. You know it's there. It's just a body. But just as I was getting it off the thing, I heard the, oh, hi, Ben. And I'm like, oh, I turned over and it was like, it was a friend of my wife's. My wife's, my wife. It was a friend of my wife.

And yeah, and she was like, you know, just, you know, how's it going? I'm like, oh, and you know, and it's a weird thing. So I was standing there having a conversation after she'd just been watching me take a top off. Wrestle a mannequin in the middle of the show. Yeah. I'm like, hey, hey. And having a sort of awkward conversation, just getting this talk from a man to my wife.

She says, oh, great. I'll enjoy your shop. It's not a relaxed environment when you're not in your, you know, you've probably got shops that you go to where you feel comfortable. Like when you get a wedding suit from Cotton On Kids. Yeah, exactly. You're like, this is my safe space. This is where I shop.

I was like, hey, Ben, he's back again. Yeah, but this occasion, I'm like, yeah, this was just, and it wasn't meant to be weird. There's nothing weird about it. But I know what you mean. You feel self-conscious, don't you, in that situation? It felt really weird. I tried on some trendy pants over New Year's

and I was like, what do you reckon? And then the person working the shop, they're like, they would look good if you were 15 years younger. Oh, no. And I looked down and I'm like, you're right. I don't need jeans with bandanas hanging out of them. What was I thinking?

And it was nice to get that honesty from a shop assistant. Well, you don't always get that because everyone's like, oh, that looks great. They just want to make the sale, don't they? You're right. More honesty in that situation. That's how you end up undressing a mannequin in the middle of a shop. Real Kiwi blokes with soy lattes. Shono and Ben, breakfast on the hits.

Here's our U.S. correspondent, artificial U.S. correspondent, John from Portland. We now cross to John, our U.S. correspondent, although if you're in the U.S., he's just correspondent. John, come on in. Good morning. More dinner. More dinner to you now, John. Many morning. More dinner. More dinner to you.

Now, John, any grace? The most memorable, though, you tested the Krispy Kreme promotion, which was offering free donuts for an entire year if you were vaccinated. Are you still jacking up on sugar? You know what? I haven't been back a single time. Yeah, I think the novelty would wear off, wouldn't it? Yeah, I think I'll go get one this week just for fun.

John, you actually emailed us. You reached out to us, and you had an idea for the show, which I thought was a brilliant phone topic. Yeah, I really enjoy the A to Z of New Zealand, and I like it because I've lived in a lot of places, and I enjoy hearing you call the places

that I've lived. Yeah, right, so we're calling every town and city in Aotearoa, and John said, why don't you do a topic where you try and find someone who's lived in the most locations throughout New Zealand? Because John's told me what it is, what the number is, and it is high. And I don't think we're going to beat it.

Can we beat John? Have you lived in more locations throughout New Zealand than John? Throughout my career here, I've only lived in one location, Auckland. Oh, you went to Tawa for a bit, didn't you? Oh, I spent six months in Tawa. I like to forget about Tawa.

But yeah, Auckland, the greatest city in New Zealand. You can't argue it. Any stage, I could go down to Queen Street right now and get stabbed if I wanted to. Get in my car in about an hour and sit in traffic for two days. You could. I could. I've got those options available in the greatest city in New Zealand. Okay, okay.

Anyway, have you lived in more locations around New Zealand than John? We're going to start with Mike and Tauranga. And if you phone us up and participate, active participation, 0800 the hits, we've got double passes to Disney's Cruella to give away. Oh, it's at the cinemas right now. It's awesome, actually, the origin story of Cruella, the villain from 101 Dalmatians. Just a hell of a dying regime

on that hairdo as well, Cruella. You know, you're going half black, half white. Must be a nightmare at the hair salon. Oh, right. Well, that was the actual hair, her actual hair in the movie. That's her actual hair. You said you watched it last night.

How much were you paying attention to that? I was just having a laugh about Cruella and how she had to do it again. Mike, how are you? Yeah, mate, how are you? Good. How many locations? Only four, mate.

Okay, so what locations are they, though? Aucklandbourne. Yeah. Aucklandbourne. Yep. Yep. I reckon Aucklanders

get a bad rap myself. I reckon we're pretty bloody good people. That's what Jono always says, right, Jono? Not pretty bloody good people. That's what John always says, right, John? Not pretty bloody good people, the best people. The best type of people. Hamilton, Hamilton, right? Yeah.

And Omokaroa and Tarana. Those are four good locations, though. Yeah, good locations. We're going to send you out some tickets to Corrala, right? Hey, can you donate that to a nice charity? Oh, that's very kind of you. Look at you. Very nice of you, Mike.

To a nice charity. We could do that for you, Mike. That's a lovely gesture. Get another extra person and give it to them, mate. It would be nice talking to you. That was a lovely, polite way of saying, I can't be bothered to go to Cruella. That's awesome.

That's really good. But, yeah, someone else will appreciate it, so that's awesome, good on you Mikey My diary was full Have a great one mate, we'll go to Kim in Turoa How many locations? Hi, I've lived in

8 different places That's a pretty good effort, list them off quickly we'll get the bell ready, Ju Um Manurewa, Waipa, Waiuku, well there's probably more actually, Tauranga, Papamaua, Parmas to North, Ngatiia. And so why so many locations? Have you got a fear of commitment, fear of being in one place for any extended period of time, Kim?

I don't know. I was just a bit of a gypsy for a little while, moving towns. Very transient in nature. What do I do with my life? Now, Ben Boyce, you've run around the country. Ben's run around the country like you, Kim. How many have you had? I reckon about six. Yeah, I reckon about

six. Masterton, Carditon, Taranaki, Christchurch, Wellington, Auckland. Yeah, I reckon. Yeah. Jew, what are you? Three. I'm at six. Yeah, I reckon about six. Masterton, Carderton, Taranaki, Christchurch, Wellington, Auckland. Yeah, I reckon, yeah. Jude, what are you? Three. I'm at three. Sydney, Auckland, and Christchurch. We'll get John back on from Portland, Oregon.

Now, John has been sitting on hold listening to this. How many locations have you lived in, John? Yeah, I think I've lived in about 25 different houses, but in about 18 different towns all over New Zealand. Whoa. You could list them off quickly, would you, John? I was born in Aomaru, but raised first in Hakata-Mia Valley, Ritchie-McCaw country. Yeah.

Moved to Fielding, then Glenarua, then back to Fielding, then Ofongoongo All the way down to Clinton South Otago Back up to Rai Tihi In the central North Island Out to New Plymouth Down to Christchurch Up to Palmerston North Out to Tolomato Nui

Back to Fielding Spent some time in Auckland That's about all I can remember off the top of my head Were you on the run from the law or the Inland Revenue? No, my dad was a school principal, and he got a new job every year and a half. I went to nine different schools. Ben led the same childhood.

Yeah, but just not as many different schools. My dad was a school principal. Yeah, they might have crossed paths somewhere, but they probably knew each other at some point. Oh, they all know each other. They're all, you know, yeah, Kevin Boyce. Oh, yeah, I've had many conversations with Sid Bly while that's been going on.

They all say their full names. Greg Templeton. Hey, John, look after yourself in Oregon. Yep, cheers, guys. We apologise in advance. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I'm sorry to rope you into this. Sorry you've been dragged into this. John Owen Penn. Breakfast

on the heads. The heads. The heads. We had a bit of an incident that I'd like to raise with you now, Ben. I think you know what I'm going to bring up. Yesterday we were having a conversation with a lady, and she was like, hey, what are you guys doing on July 23rd? Now, when anyone ever leads with that, the next thing

is like, oh, would you be able to come and do this thing? And so Ben's looking through his calendar, he's like, July 23rd, July 23rd, July 23rd. And I actually did have something in without a word of a lie. He's like, oh, I've got to take the kids to this party on July 23rd. And I'm like, hmm, okay, now I'm looking

through my calendar. And I'm like, well played, boys. Well played. Hey, this was an honesty situation. And isn't that the greatest feeling in the world? I know. It wasn't like one of those, oh, I think I'm doing something. It was like, no, I'm actually doing something.

It's locked in. You don't have to lie. No feelings get hurt. You don't have to go to this thing. So then I'm trawling through my calendar in my head going, well, A, I'm not that organized and prepared that I'd even book anything out in July. That's what you say. You don't go anywhere. You just go anywhere.

That's your problem. You've got no excuses for not doing anything. And so I got to July 23rd and I'm like, no, there's nothing there. And in my head I'm like, can I think of something on the spot? I could tell that too. It was getting quite awkward because you're like, you know when you're sort of mumbling to yourself under the thing, I'm like, oh God.

I wish I, like I almost was going to cancel my thing just to go, I'll do this. But no, I've taken the hit on it. I'm going to do it. I said, you know, I'll be there. And now I'm like, how do you get out of it? Oh, don't do that.

Just do something for a change. Just do something for a change. You know, you might enjoy it you know you experience new things we remember when we did and it was a good play we uh a guy used to listen to a radio show a radio show phil he was he was awesome he he said what are you guys doing and this was like in january he's like what are you guys doing in december and that's a that's a oh and you're like oh i'm crisp crisp apart from that and he goes oh I'm getting married. Can you emcee my wedding?

And so Ben was looking through his tears like, December, December. Oh, I'm going to take the kids to a party in December. Oh, there is a party. Oh, there's a Santa parade. No, we did. We committed to it. And it was awesome. We turned up to this wedding.

We never actually physically met Phil. We talked to him many times. Didn't know anyone in the wedding. But we had a great time. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. I loved it. It of one of those cool experiences that you're like looking back on you're like that was really cool we did we're really glad we did

it but this isn't a cool wedding you know that no but i'm not really cool hey bring the kids yeah you bring the kids don't take them to the party i love it we got we had another one too The other day It was lovely We can't wait to do it actually But he's like What are you doing In 2024

It's a lovely guy In Ekatahuna Yeah And he's like You're emceeing The Ekatahuna 150th Jubilee And I'm like

Jeez 2024 Yeah at this stage I'm wide open for that Yeah Are we even going to be here In 2024 I don't think I'm going to be alive.