Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: Did Jono pee himself?

Episode Date: June 19, 2022

It's the final of the Smell-Election with bacon battling it out against breadBen wasn't happy with his fortune cookie and made things even worse when Jono and Bel opened theirs and Jono got mocked by his friends for trying to save the environment.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Hello, welcome to the podcast, 20th of June. I'm just really struggling to talk today. It's tough. You had a pretty rough night's sleep. Yeah, up since one o'clock. But, you know, when your main role is to say words coherently on the radio and you can't do it, I feel like, you know,

I could be called in for a performance appraisal today, Ben. Wouldn't be pretty. Wouldn't be pretty? There'd be tears. No, you did a good job. You just need some coffee and a little nine-eyes later. That's why a lot of people, they talk about the

downside to meth, but gee whiz, it keeps you alert. If I was on it right now, I'd be just tired, but you know, productive. There would be some days where it would be terrible, more than today. Down the track, I imagine. We've got a work email system that we're both shocking at.

Terrible. It's gone away on me. That horse has bolted. I can't have two emails running at the same time. I can never run an affair. You're shocking at it. But yeah, I didn't notice, actually, because I'm not quite as bad as you, but I'm trying to keep across that.

But they send you little updates. Last week, you worked on six cloud documents outside your working hours, which is like, they give you little updates. Last week you worked on six cloud documents outside your working hours, which is like they give you a little update to the week. Send that upstairs to management. 19 quiet days without significant activity outside your work hours. But then you spend – but am I like, well, how do they – I've never once registered what my work hours are. My work hours would be, because we start earlier than most of them.

I'm like, well, how do they know? Or does it look really good for the company that we are? So maybe we should be using the email a lot more. Yeah, keep working outside of work hours. But look at how you're getting defensive about Microsoft's feedback about you. Where's Gates? Get Gates on the phone.

I didn't ask for this. I've been giving him all this time. Should you limit him? Just more things to worry about. Time available to focus. It says take a bit deeper look. 98% time available to focus in a typical week. 14 active collaborators you've emailed, met, or ch so what is this i don't need the microsoft

how many quiet days did you have oh yeah quiet days uh 19 quite done oh i've heard the 42. well that's because you let the get away on you yeah very quiet days yeah spent without significant so quiet days looks like when you're when doing stuff outside of the hours yeah so two percent collaboration time i like well who's this is this my new boss who gets this yeah who gets it just to us maybe it is maybe it seems like an app where microsoft's like we've got this thing to pretend that we care yeah about you but you know your work-life balance we don't no well they're not employing me no are they Are they? I mean, you're not going to take that to your management and say

Microsoft's... I'm talking a lot of stuff outside of hours. I need that report on my desk by the end of the day. You couldn't talk properly on the radio, so yeah. Microsoft didn't say anything about that. No, exactly. Maybe it's favourable. Yeah. Belle, you moved over the weekend? I did. We're moving to our new place.

My first move in three years, so she gets you, doesn't it? No flatties? No, it's just us now. My cat, she's all settling in. It's just, yeah, it's really fun. It's cool. You do hit that age in life where you're like, I don't want, I don't like other people living with me.

Yeah, definitely. And because I, you know, pay the bills for everyone, sort everything. I'm just over it, to be honest. I have been for years and I'm just like, love you guys, but also, you know, see you losers. I know what you're saying. Did you just naturally assume the role of flat administration?

Yeah, and I live with one of my, it's actually the end of an era. One of my best friends, we've lived together for about four or five years now, and we both feel a bit lost now. We're like, oh, like, you know, really good mates. But yeah, I had. He's like, how do I pay the power bill?

I know. I've sort of had to teach him a couple of things, but I'm like, you can learn it now. Your turn. And it's kind of at the end of an era, isn't it? It is, yeah. I read something the other weekend, the end of an era.

There was someone posted it. It was like at one stage with your friends, you went outside to play as your friends when you were a kid. And that was the last time, but you never knew that was the last time that you would go out and play like as kids would play and i was like it's true yeah you don't realize that that's going to be the last time you get together with a group of friends it's just like what how life kind of moves on what so there was at one stage you and your

mates went outside as kids and play and you never played again you never went out as mates and went out and play you grew up and you're thinking yeah but there was went out as mates and went out and played. It's just a transition. You grew up and you were thinking, but there was one moment. You didn't know that was the last time you'd ever go out and play. You never moved on. You don't go, hey guys, this is the last time.

Make it count. We're going to make it count. We're going to do some silly stuff out in the playground or whatever. You just slowly fade out of that, don't you? No, you're right. It's like you get to high school and there's no playgrounds at the high schools

and things like that. Well, secretly you play with yourself. When others have moved on, you secretly build little castles and sandcastles i've played with barbies for so long i've still got my dolls i mean i'm still playing with it maybe you know for some people the ages go higher than you know being a kid but that was an interesting point and you could spend hours doing it just going out yeah it was so good stuff now you get bored, don't you? What's on Instagram? I know.

And then why am I looking at Instagram? I'm so close to deleting it. It just, as soon as you open them, half an hour goes. And I'm like, don't download the TikTok app. It's even worse, honestly. Oh, you've got TikTok? You probably haven't, have you? I do, but I haven't opened it in a while. And it's purely just because I'm like, I get to the end of it,

I'm like, I could to the end of it like, I could have been doing something for my, you know, like doing stuff that needed to be done, but I've just sat there watching other people. Watching kids getting hurt. So you always send me videos of kids getting hurt. I got in a bit of a barrage yesterday morning, didn't I, sending them to you.

It's the one account you follow is kids that get hurt. There's some kids getting hurt out there, guys. There's some sloppy parenting happening. Maybe that's the last time they went out and played. We've got the final of our smell election. What is New Zealand's favourite fragrance, favourite smell? It's voted by you. A couple, I would say, not controversial, the finalists, but a couple that didn't quite make it through, unfortunately.

So a bit disappointed about that. And we reflect on the rugby, Joe Biden falling off a bike. And the fortunes of all three of us are very different. Enjoy on the podcast. Voted most likely not to be voted for anything. Jono and Ben on the heads. How are you guys doing? Good, Bill.

You going all right, mate? Yeah, yeah. Big weekend of moving. Rugby for you guys? Yeah, no, last time you were moving, you were saying tensions, relationship tensions were at an all-time high. How was the move over the weekend? I'm not going to lie to you.

We had one fight, but it's okay. It's just stressful. You know what it's like. Who doesn't fight when you're moving? Because everyone's got, like, their little plan and how they want it, so it's just trying to work together, and sometimes it's not really. It is. It's not a fun experience.

Yeah, we're all good. No, it's moving. Let's just say fun experience Yeah we're all good No it's Moving Let's just say it It sucks I remember once My wife She'd broken her ankle

So we had to move And yeah So she was Obviously couldn't do much And then I was like I'll get my mate to come over And he was dangerously hungover So he was like

I was like Oh this is And it just frustrated me A whole lot more I was like Mate you've got to help me out Oh so he had said Yeah

And then turned up and he was no good. You can never rely on your friends. Even my sister lived up here. I didn't hear a peep from her all weekend because you just know no one wants to help you. No, I don't want to help anyone move. I've said it on the record.

I'll say it again. Our friend Jerry's like, I'll help you move. I'll take you to the airport. He's that sort of guy. But we've both got the arrangement of either of us are moving, no one's helping. Just pay for movers and try to yeah over the weekend i uh we're out for dinner with the family and i've got a fortune cookie um and now i always love getting fortune cookie they taste delicious but also like i always get excited what is the flavor of a fortune cookie

it's kind of like a wine biscuit yeah they're nice but um but yeah but my fortune now i'll read this out for you right now this is my fortune this is meant. But my fortune, now I'll read this out for you right now. This is my fortune. This is meant to predict my fortune. And it said, you are a bundle of energy always on the go. That's it. That's not really my fortune, is it? That's more like it. But you are a bundle of energy.

But that's not my fortune. It's not saying I'm going to. But that's not a fortunate thing. If anything, you'd be exhausted all the time. Yeah. So I bought a couple more here now, Bill. You can have one. Oh, thanks.

Did you buy fortune cookies? Or were these gifted to you? No, we bought some. You'd be exhausted all the time. Yeah. So I bought a couple more here now, Belle. You can have one. Oh, thanks. And then Jono. Did you buy fortune cookies? Or were these gifted to you? No, we bought some. We bought some for the kids at the place we like going to. So you buy them at the end. They're like, yeah, a couple of dollars for a thing. So I wanted to see what your fortune is.

See if your guys' fortune's starting a short week. Short week this week. It's going to be any better than mine, which just said it was more like my... This feels like the beginning of that Lindsay Lohan movie. What's the one? Oh, yeah, Freaky Friday? Freaky Friday. Freaky Friday. I love that movie.

Mine was more about my personality rather than actually my fortune. You're a bundle of energy. Always on the go. You will find a way to create the happiness you desire. Oh, see, that's good. That's a good fortune. That's a good fortune. That's a great fortune.

You've got a lot better fortune than me. Yeah, you're going to be a bit jealous of mine as well. It says your present plans are going to succeed. Just a bundle of energy. Well, maybe they're off achieving stuff. I'm just like, oh, he's all good. He's always on the go. He's not doing anything.

You guys are off achieving, but he's busy there, Ben. Well, maybe the fortune was like, Jesus, God's got nothing in his future. Let's just give him a compliment. Just say, well done on being busy, that Ben. Well, maybe the fortune was like, Jesus, this guy's got nothing in his future. Let's just give him a compliment. Just say, well done on being busy all the time. For no good. All right, there we go. He's doing stuff, but he's moving nowhere for some reason.

You guys are doing a lot better than me. Thanks for that, Ben. That's actually great. That's a great start to the Monday. Made me feel a lot better. Sorry about my week. Scrolling through your feed. We call him the fridge round here

because he's here to deliver the cold hard facts. Ben, what is going on, baby? Well, the Crusaders, of course, took out the Super Rugby Pacific title over the weekend. A 21.7 victory and a bit of a wet old night

in Auckland. You went along, didn't you? Took the fam? It was amazing. Amazing crowd. Like 50,000, you know, pretty much 50,000 people, which is pretty impressive. Even on a wet night, it was a great

atmosphere and it was great to see the coach of the Crusaders, Scott Robinson. Even though it was wet, not great conditions for break dancing. Oh, but slippery is probably the ideal condition. Slippery underfoot, isn't it? Well, true actually. Helps with the turtle one when you do like the Ninja Turtle spin. But after the game, he did his trademark

break dancing. Wow, look at this. I know it hurts to sit here as a player, but I tell you what, he's an entertainer. No, you just have to respect what they've done. Unfortunately, he didn't get the text votes and he's out of Dancing with the Stars. He's definitely got to go on Dancing

with the Stars, doesn't he? Just that spinning on his back. And you're through to the next round. That's phenomenal. Maybe the Blues got a bit rattled by the unfamiliar noise of Pax Stadium or something on Saturday night. If I was in the Crusaders, I would have felt bad. I'd be like, oh, the Blues should have, would have been the fairy tale.

It was nice. The Crusaders are just too good. I think they've had like 13 championships over Super Rugby, over its various different forms. I saw a couple of our mates getting into a bit of battle over the weekend because one of them was like, 13, you're six in a row, something like that. And the other one's like, no, this is a new competition. You can't say in a row because it's the first one, Super Rugby Pacific.

So they were getting into it back and forth. Where were they having this conversation? On social media. Oh, dear God. Yeah, one of those ones. You can't say a continuation of all that. What's going on? Have we got the audio of Hayden?

Oh, we phoned actually Canterbury on Friday. Oh, this was good. We had a $100 budget that we could use to try and convince a passionate Crusaders fan to say they love the Blues. Hayden speaking. Say you love the Auckland Blues. Say?

Say you love the Auckland Blues. Who is it? This is Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Is it really? It is. We want to see if you would say, you know, being from the Canterbury. Hardened Rangiora, North Canterbury. Say you love the Auckland Blues.

Hell no Okay, alright You guys are dreaming Okay $5 to say you love the Auckland Blues Nah, way more than $5 Oh, okay Let's go $20

Nah Oh, $30 Oh, you're getting closer Oh, okay $50 Say you love the Auckland Blues $50 Yeah, $50

So you're going to give me $50 right now? We'll give you $50. We'll send it to you if you just say, I am Hayden, I'm from North Canterbury, and I love the Auckland Blues. That's the sentence, $50. Nah, I don't think that's worth getting your head kicked in, is it? $100.

$100. $100. You're killing me. We'll do it, Hayden. That's it. Our final offer, though. It's not going anywhere. No. We can't do it. We can't it, Hayden. This is it. Our final offer, though. It's not going anywhere. No.

Can't do it. We can't do it. Can't do it. Pretty incredible. Couldn't even do it for $100. Couldn't even just say it. And that's why they're the best. Yeah.

Blue supporters would have said, I love the Crusaders. Can I have $100? For no money. You can buy me half a latte. Congratulations to the Crusaders taking out the big final. And the big finals don't just end there, Jono. Next is our big final of the smell election. The best smell in New Zealand as voted by you.

We're down to our two finalists. It's Jono and Ben's general smell election. Yes, over the weekend some voting took place. Some vicious online commentary happening in the... See, we had to shut down the comment section, Ben. I couldn't take it anymore. Could you? Oh, well, I'm very surprised that, you know, some of the big bangers... But that was probably always going to happen.

You know, the likes of KFC, the smell of KFC is now gone. I thought it would be a finalist. Soon it'll be all odour. I thought that would have been a good little tagline for the final. Soon it will be. If it was like a sporting event or a UFC event. But the final, happening after 7 o'clock this morning. The final round.

Bacon cooking. This is freshly baked bread. You're right. The baby got knocked out. KFC knocked out. I mean, still two amazing smells though, aren't they? They are, great smells Bacon cooking and the smell of freshly baked bread

They've earned their place in the final, haven't they? They have What are you going to think? Tough, isn't it? They're both great smells Because if you had a baby v bacon, for example There's a clear difference between the two But, you know, both in the food category

I think I'm going to go with bacon cooking but there's something comforting about bread the smell of bacon it lingers like I love it but now I'm trying to find the negatives in it there's not many

slightly I'd say a more healthier option you know I mean a little carby, but... We love carbs around here, don't we? And a very healthy, you know, slightly healthier option, but bacon, delicious smell. Yeah, so the votes are going to start from 7.30 this morning. Now, if you do vote in the final, we have compiled,

well, Producer Bee Humps has compiled the most gorgeous pamper hamper for your nostrils. Now, yeah, this could be the best prize you've ever given away on New Zealand Radio. And that's on a show today. We've got money to give away with George Ezra. We've got Ed Sheeran tickets. We've got a family trip to South Australia.

I mean, they're all amazing. But this prize, I think, is the best prize we've ever given away. Tell them what's in it, prize guy. Thanks, Jono and Ben. Yeah, I don't know which one's which. They're in to win a hamper guaranteed to give you a nosegasm. That's like an orgasm, except with the nose. It's a hamper featuring no strange chutneys that expired in 2016

or weird fruitcakes with large nuts. This hamper has been sent from the gods. With all of the entrants from the smell election, you could be in to win a sharp and vivid baked bread, bacon, petrol, KFC popcorn, and a freshly washed baby. Oh, no, sorry. Apparently giving away a freshly washed baby

is frowned upon by the authorities. Make that baby powder. You can wake up and smell the roses or the unleaded petrol. Back to you, Jono or Ben. Whoa, what a hamper. Amazing hamper featuring all the smells from the finalists of the New Zealand's smell action. So anyone who text votes 4487 this morning, whether you want to put bacon or bread,

goes in the draw for that marvellous hamper Of the strangest collection of items A hamper's ever seen Mature, responsible and considerate Three words we sadly can't use here Jono and Ben on the hits On a Monday, a short week But if that's not motivation enough We like to do a little something called Motivational Monday

I was telling you just before the show I started a shocking sleep last night for me Ben Up at one o'clock, couldn't get back to sleep. Just weird thoughts running around my head. You know when that happens? Yeah. You start ticking away. Stuff that doesn't matter.

And you're like, do I get up now? Do I keep going? Do I give another half an hour? Yeah. I find once you're full within that half an hour threshold of the alarm going off, it's dah. Just get up. No point.

Get up. Start the day. Feel like a sack of potatoes for the remainder of it. So this motivation, I need it. I need it, baby. I really do. It's like protein to Dwayne the Rock Johnson's muscles. Now, this is a really cute little clip that's been circulating online for a couple of weeks.

It looks like an English sort of rugby match going on, a schoolboy rugby match, right? Yeah, they look sort of eight, nine years old. And this was captured on camera. Now, one of the boys is upset. He's like, the other team, they're all bigger than me. They're all older than me. I don't know how I'm going to play. He's talking to the coach.

And then his little teammate comes over. Have a listen to this adorable audio. It's okay. Everyone's older than me. You don't have to tackle. Bob, listen to me. No, Bob, listen to me. Trust me.

Look at me. Look at me, Bob. I'm the shortest kid here. Listen, it doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you. No, Bob, listen to me. No, Bob, listen to me. Trust me. Look at me. Look at me, Bob. I'm the shortest kid here. Listen, it doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're short, you're young. It doesn't matter if you're tall or hit. It doesn't matter if you're fat. It doesn't matter if you're tall.

Bob, you are a brilliant rugby player. You understand that? You're insane. You are actually insane for your age. You're insane. Come here, give me a hug. Best teammate ever. It's all right, all right?

Best teammate ever Best teammate And then he's hugging him Brings a tear to the eye Scott Robertson His speech might have been the same one Before the Crusaders went out there on Saturday night Very lovely wouldn't it That child is going to grow up and be

The leader of a country Or a gang He's going to be motivational But isn't that amazing? He sounds like he's, inside of him he's like a 45 year old. I know. At that age, you're right. To have that maturity is pretty incredible.

Now, am I the only one thinking, why on earth were those kids mic'd up? That's what I was thinking. It's quite far away. Some creep's filming them on a high def camera from a distance. Yeah, I was actually thinking that as well. I was like, who has mic'd these kids up like undercover FBI agents?

We'd be filming around the office and two metres away we're like, I can't really hear Giotto, what he's saying. You know, that was, I was just thinking the same thing. Unless it was part of like a, yeah that was, I love the moment. But, who's put microphones on these kids was my big issue. We'll put that up on the Hits Insta anyway, it's lovely to see and you can also wonder why there's microphones on them.

If you're here for advice on life, you're in big trouble. Jono and Ben on the Hits. Ben, I know I've got a whole new level of respect for you now because I know for years you've walked around with a Toy Story 4 backpack. Yeah. And, you know, there's been those sort of backhanded comments you've received. Oh, you've got a Toy Story 4 backpack. Yeah. And, you know, there's been those sort of backhanded comments you've received. Oh, you've got a Toy Story 4 backpack.

Nice backpack, child. Are you lost, little child? All the things. I don't roll with it. I haven't got it. My kids bought me a Smiggle wallet, a Velcro Smiggle wallet. I don't roll with it. He rolls with it.

He rolls with it. The thing about the backpack is no one ever steals it because they always think it's a little child's backpack. You can leave it at a pub or whatever it is. Now I'm saying that. Someone will steal it next time they see that. You can leave it in the middle of a dance floor and no one will touch that. They'll just go, oh, someone's little, you know.

No one expects anything of value inside there. They'd think that or a terrorist has left a bomb in a bag and walked away. But I've been scooting around on an electric scooter, okay? Electric scooter doing my part. The government's emission scheme helping Jacinda out. But I've been scooting around on an electric scooter. Okay? Yeah. Electric scooter doing my part. The government's emission scheme helping Jacinda out. You do that, though, when you make your kids bike, and then you go on an electric scooter,

which seems wildly unfair to your kids. It does, yeah. My poor daughter Poppy's like, you've always got the easy bit. And I was like, yes, I do. Keep biking. Keep biking. But I was trying to save the environment, scooting around.

I said, I'll go and meet some friends, adult friends, who turned up to the location in their cars. And I turned up in an electric scooter, mocked. Mocked. Nice scooter, child. And I was like, this is what poor Ben's been through all these years. So even the electric one gets more. Even the electric one.

I've got a push skirt. Oh, like the little sort of cars ones or something. Yeah, but that. Yeah, right. Electric's got pulled up in there. I put the little stand on, you know, put my helmet back on. Hang the helmet off the handlebars. And I think maybe there's an age limit is

there an age limit to electric scooters i don't think so you see all the oh there's a lot of drunk people yes on the weekends falling over i love driving home from work and you see a lot of uncertain 45 year olds straddling them yeah office workers looking not they're like they have the look on their face of this could all go so wrong any instant now like a little you know a little stone a little something on the road it's all it's all over yeah yeah yeah have you had an incident on an interesting close big close many times right yeah it's i think it's probably one of those things we'll look back on in 10 years and go why did we make those so accessible to the public? Yeah. Like drones.

Like, why have we got flying objects that any manta can just control? You're right. They're just kind of, like, left all over the major cities, and people just hire them and unuse them. There was a guy going down the wrong way in the middle of the road, but he had his feet on the ground,

and the scooter was pulling him along, and he was, like, sliding his feet along. Oh, God. And I was like, what a legend. What a legend. He had no shirt on. I don't know how many teeth he had in his mouth, but jeez, he could ride that scooter like a hero.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Spy, know what's up. Spy.co.nz. All right, strap yourselves in for some earth-shattering celebrity gossip. What have we got, Belle? Well, of course, you may have watched the season finale of the new show, The Kardashians, and we got to see Khloe's reaction finding out that Tristan had cheated on her again, this time fathering a child.

Now, poor Khloe, as you would expect, was really upset, but it sounds like this time she is done for good. Have a listen to her talking to Kim. It's time to walk away, and I don't feel guilty about it. I tried so hard. I'm fine. Is it the most f***ed up thing that this has to happen so publicly every f***ing time in my life? Yes.

Is it so f***ed up that society blames me or women? It's disgusting and deplorable of these people to talk about other people like that like there's no empathy there's no compassion yeah and over the weekend she was with tristan and also christina her mom at true's dance recital so they're committed to co-parenting together but hopefully we're hoping that chloe just like lets him go now because she just deserves so much better. He's like, give him another chance. Let's give him another chance. So many chances.

Let's give him one more. She's been so mature about the whole thing, really. She has. And it would be hard. Co-parent like she is is pretty amazing. Do you think Kris Kardashian thought this was a great storyline for the show? She's like, hey, Tristan, go off. Have a baby with that lady over there.

I wouldn't put it past them. No, they're not going off. Fly to Texas. You have to hurt your daughters. Have a baby. That's weird. I'll roll the cameras, okay, when she finds out.

But isn't it, it would be hard having all those cameras around because you're like, would you just bug her off? But then you're like, oh, we need to make a show. Yeah, she's literally

packing up his stuff in a box and there's cameras right there and she's just like beside herself, the poor thing. She packed up his stuff for him. He didn't even come and pack she's just like beside herself the poor thing she packed up his stuff for him he didn't even come and pack his own stuff up

she built this beautiful home right and she really wanted him to live there with her although he actually was quite keen to make it like

he owned it as well but thankfully she didn't do that so she's got this beautiful home for her in true and yeah he didn't come over

no he was somewhere playing basketball probably was you know doing other things it's nice she wasn't burning his stuff

and she was packing it away in boxes. She was very mature. I'd like to think I'd be of the same maturity level but I don't think I would. And according to Science, Robin Pattinson is the most attractive man. Team Arpats all the way, throwbacks. They use

this golden ratio thing which has been used since way back with art and things and they do calculations based on measurements of the face between your eyes and, you know, everything like that. Arpat scored 92%. Bradley Cooper, not far behind him on 91%. Brad Pitt, 90. All very similar looking guys, really. Put my face through the golden machine.

Put me through the golden machine. Check me in, Ben. George Clooney, 89%. Yeah, we should do this on you guys. Imagine if you scored like a 99% or something. How do we get into this machine? Yeah, we'll have to do some calculations. The machine may malfunction, but hey.

How did you even make it to the machine? Because a lot of beauty is based on symmetry, isn't it? How symmetrical your face is and how, I don't know why. Don't ask me why, but it's obviously just what's appealing to her. Have you done that thing where you do the face swap? Oh, those are so funny. They are disturbing. Or like turn yourself into a, did you guys do those last year

or whenever it was when you turned yourself into a female version of you? Yes. Oh, yeah, and I look like my sister. You look identical to your sister. Yeah, I was like, ah. I look like Taylor Swift. What? Whatever, mate.

I did. Are you kidding? Yes. No, you don't. You don't. No, I don't. I besmirched the good name of Taylor Swift. That's what we told you.

To make you feel better. I know I don't look like Taylor Swift now. Put me through the app. It's Taylor Swift. I apologise to Taylor Swift. She doesn't need that. Check me through the golden machine. I'll prove it.

That is Spy. You can get more now at thehits.co.nz. John Owen Benz. Rush for gold. Gold Rush with George Ezra. George Ezra's got a brand new album out. It's called Gold Rush Kid. It's his third studio album.

You can get it wherever you get good music. And thanks to that album, we've had $400 to give away with a wee Gold Rush game we've been playing, which is now jackpotted to $800 this morning. Now, every day I've been offering up a George Ezra is such a lovely human being fact. Do you know what else George Ezra does? As well as one of his favourite hobbies is puzzling Ben, doing puzzles.

You know, he also gives out three pounds from every ticket to a charity. Jesus, good, isn't he? Oh, better human being than you and I. Let's get Abby on from Invercargill. Are you a better human being than George Ezra, Abby? Hey, yes, definitely. She's backing herself. I'm from Invercargill. Exactly. You're just not from Invercargill. So whereabouts are you this morning? being than George Ezra, Abby? Hey, yes, definitely. She's back in herself.

I'm from Invercargill. Exactly. You're George Ezra's not from Invercargill. So whereabouts are you this morning? Whose house are you outside? I am outside Vicky Aitken's house in Invercargill. Vicky Aitken, you're registered at the hits.co.nz. You have 60 seconds to put on some clean underwear and run out of your house starting now.

The thing is... What's that? You can see something? I can see... Oh, what's that? You can see something? I can see some lights on. There's definitely lights on. Okay. Someone's awake. There's life in the house.

$800 for a minute's work. You're up there with Elon Musk. Yeah, it's pretty good. What is the weather like? I like finding out what the weather's like around the country. I'd imagine in Invercargill, very cold this morning? Oh, yeah, about four or five degrees at the moment. Oh, good.

Thanks for the weather, Phil of Antwerp. Any life there, Abby? Anyone running out? There's no running out. There's no movement. I always wonder how many people are listening to the radio in their house. Yeah. You know?

As opposed to their car. They might be in the shower. Yeah. Yeah. We've got a radio at home and we listen to it at the house, but yeah. Yeah. Well, nothing happening, Abby. Are we going to head into tomorrow with another George Ezra competition?

It looks like it. There's no movement coming whatsoever. Come on, 15 seconds to go. Come on, Vicky Aitken. Come on, Vicky. The gold is waiting there. Abby's strangely sifting outside your footy. $800 is going in five seconds.

Three, two, one. Oh, one. Oh, no. Now I'm just a weird person sitting on the street. Do you want to go knock on the door? You want me to knock on the door? Knock on the door. Let's go tell them the bad news. Oh, really? Yeah. Come on, Abby. I mean, this is the

dark side to being a promotional worker for the hits is you have to deliver bad news from time to time. The lights are on. Yeah, okay. Hang on, I'm walking up to the door. Oh, it's very muddy. Abby's like, please don't make me do this.

I wouldn't want to do this. I don't know. Jono wouldn't want to do this either. Why are you making me do this? This is work-based bullying. Are you comfortable doing this, Abby? Yeah, nicely. Oh, there's someone there.

Okay. Hello, good's someone there. Okay. Hello, good morning. Vicky? Yes? I've just got Jono and Ben on the line here. I'm going to hand it over. Yeah, good one. Good play.

Very excited. Hang on a second. Hey, I'll hand it over to you, Jono. Morning, boys. Hi. I'm going to hand you back to Abby. She's got something to tell you. Hey, look.

Hey, we're doing the George Ezra competition, and your name was called out. There was $800 that went begging. I'm so sorry. Oh, look, I've just started work, so I wouldn't have got my phone. Oh, look, hey, look, I know this goes against the T's and C's, but we're going to give you $200, all right? Oh, thanks so much, guys.

What a great start to a Monday morning. Hey, $200. You didn't discuss this. No, I'm not, but you didn't discuss making poor everybody go up and knock on the door. So now I feel awkward, so we're getting out of here with 200 dollars. You're getting obligation cash. You enjoy that.

Thank you so much for listening, but not listening at the time we wanted you to be listening. Thanks, team. You have a good day. You too, Vicky. So that means tomorrow, $600. $600 we have to give away. Register the hits.co.nz. Tomorrow, we could be workplace bullying

more promotional people into knocking on your door. Scrolling through your feed. It's time to take a look at the... Have we done scrolling? Yeah, for the second time. So we're doing it again. We're coming back for more news.

More news, mate. More news. All right, he's the most experienced newsreader in the room, only because he knows what's going on. By default, he gets to read the news. Seems like you're not that keen on more news you can use.

News keeps happening, doesn't it? We don't do it once. We've got to keep going. US President Joe Biden, he's in his 70s, right? He was going for a bike ride over the weekend. He looked great on his bike.

Like, he looked fit. He had sunglasses on. He had a helmet on. Did he have his aviators on? Yeah, he looked great. And he was celebrating his 45th wedding anniversary to wife Jill. They were away for a weekend. They were going on a bike ride. A whole lot of them biking. Looked good. Great idea. He had the lycra, you know, when you see your sort of middle-aged

gentleman with, you know, slightly guts sort of hanging over the top of the lycra. Sponsored lycra on the weekend outside the cafe. This is Biden. Yeah now he just came cycling along and he came to a stop. Now he was stopped in front of a few people around with phones and taking some videos. So he was stopped at this moment then have a listen.

Yeah, so people cheering him as he, and then unfortunately he fell off from just like standing up. Like he'd stopped. He'd stopped. He had both feet on the ground, and then he just kind of slowly collapsed over like a giant coldy tree that had been cut in the forest. And then he sort of flops on the ground, and all the undercover agents are rushing to his aid and stuff. He's like, I'm fine, I'm fine.

He's fine. He's got his foot caught in one of the toe cages. He didn't have one of those locking in, you know, the feet that lock in the shoes. They are dangerous. He didn't have those. But he had this sort of toe cage anyway. It didn't go well for Joe Biden. So story is elderly gentleman falls over.

Slowly falls off bike. It was like slow motion. Yeah. And in the UK, how's this? He even falls in a sleepy fashion. A man has given up his Pepsi addiction. And now he drank 30 Pepsi cans every day for 20 years. 30 a day?

That's insane. He bet 7,000 pounds a year on fizzy drink. He drank 9 litres a day. 9 litres a day. They reckon 8,000 kgs of sugar he's consumed over that whole time. He was saying it was costing him a fortune, to be honest. He just got hooked on it when he worked

next to a supermarket and then he would go home and drink it, get up in the morning, start drinking it. But they basically went to a one hypnotherapy session and he was cured. Yeah, and now he drinks water, hasn't touched Pepsi, has no desire to do he loves it his skin's looking better he's lost a lot of weight so he's looking great and feeling

that is a wild consumption of pepsi there's a girl here at work who is sprite yeah she's made a spritzed can tower on her desk she's like i'm so committed to this tower i don't even know she likes sprite that much but she just wants to keep building this Sprite tower. It's got like 50 Sprite cans on her desk. It is wild. Have you done hypnotherapy? Yeah, it's good. It helps with your subconscious.

So if you've got things like smoking, I guess, maybe that will like... Oh, yeah. Things like an addiction, it could help, yeah. Yeah, but then he started again after a while.

Ah, kind of wore off, did it? Like the vaccine. Like the vaccine. We got hypnotised once for an ad, and then we didn't know if we were hypnotised or not, and so then we had to pretend.

I don't know. Yeah, I was like, was I, or was I not? I don't know. The ones that do it for like, I was just, yeah, the same. When you're on radio, I was like pretending, because I didn't think it was working, but other stuff, like proper therapists, it does work. And then you get inside your head, you're like, is this what I have to do? I am.

Maybe I'm not. I don't know. Yeah. It was odd. Anyway, we've got paper there. What's making news this morning? It is the hits. You've got Jono and Ben. Jono and Ben's general smell election.

Well, we've been on a wild ride over the last seven days, Ben. We were trying to find New Zealand's favourite smell, and we've met some beautiful, lifelong friends along the way. What is it about KFC we all love the smell? Maybe because of

finger licking good. It is finger licking good. I'm always licking well I'm doing less finger licking nowadays after COVID but you know I mean true you can't lick other people's fingers. Firewood would come first definitely. There's the passion that we're looking for.

I would suggest stacking firewood in your bedroom. I'm going to go, baby. You can't beat that smell. That is an amazing smell. Do walk past, stand over and pretend, oh, very cute, and take a good sniff. Oh, to be honest, the petrol, I don't mind, but I love the diesel smell. Oh, you're a diesel fan. Grab a Sharpie right now.

Yeah, I'm smelling it right now. Okay, now stick it up your nose. I wouldn't say it's the best smelling. Okay, you wouldn't say it's the best? Now, Carol, if you don't mind me saying, you sound incredibly youthful. Oh, thank you. So maybe the permanent odour of rain on concrete has kept you young at heart. It's very, very tempting.

It's not good for the waistline. And everything smells terrific. I can imagine, too. You'd walk out of the store, you'd be like, oh, I've got to go in there and get something. Yeah. And usually on a cold day like this, it's a pie. It's a pie. There we go.

Some of the beautiful human beings we've met along the way, Ben. But now it's final time. The final round. Bacon cooking. This is freshly baked bread. This is what it's come down to voting over the weekend. Much like the Tauranga by-election. This probably got more votes than the by-election, to be honest.

I think it did. And more coverage. I mean, who won? I mean, National, but... Who's the guy? We know bacon and bread, don't we? Yeah, we do. Those are two things we know, two candidates we know.

So the voting lines are open right now. 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text. Bacon taking on freshly baked bread. I wouldn't have picked this. We had put our weight behind the freshly washed baby, Ben. Even KFC, the smell of KFC. But no, they're not in the final. this we had put our weight behind the freshly washed baby men even kfc the smell of kfc but no no they're not in the final uh it is the smell of bacon versus the smell of freshly baked bread

if you want to vote right now voting lines are open oh 100 the hits and thanks to the chemist warehouse the how the real house of big band fragrances we've got some ck1 to give away for every call it gets on the air this morning okay oh 800 that's the telephone number we must tell you about our special hamper giveaway too, featuring all of the smells from the tournament, which we'll be giving away later on as well. The final round. Bacon cooking.

This is freshly baked bread. Oh, that gentleman's been through puberty three times over, hasn't he? This is the smelly. The rugby on Saturday night, the big final, but we're still talking about the final this morning between bacon cooking and the smell of freshly baked bread. Oh, it still hurts that baby's not in the final, Ben. Freshly washed baby.

Justin Bieber even wrote a song about freshly washed babies back in the day. I don't know if it was quite what that was about, but anyway. It would have been weird if it was. But this is where we are. Freshly baked bread taking on bacon. Every caller that gets on 0800 that hits thanks to Chemist Warehouse gets a bottle of CK1. Dwayne, you're going to be smelling exquisite in your CK1.

Yeah, thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Spray some of that on. So what do you want to vote for? The smell of bacon cooking or the smell of freshly baked bread? It's got to be freshly baked bread. You know, now we're getting down

to the sort of niggly, you know, nitpicky, but I'm like the lingering smell of bacon. It can sort of sift around the house. Whereas bread's in and out. You enjoy it. It's gone. You eat it. As you say, Ben, you load up on carbs and it works its way through your system.

I'm going with bacon. John is going with the bread. Appreciate your call. We're going to send you a bottle of CK1. Thanks, mate. Let's go to Cutty Cutty Chantel. How's the kiwi fruit? Yeah, hi, morning.

Yeah, good kiwi fruit? A lot of kiwi fruit. That's all I know about Cutty Cutty. Yeah, always a lot of kiwi fruit. That's right. Now, who are you voting for, mate? I have to go bread. Oh, mate? I have to go bread. Oh, bread.

I have to go bread too. You are going bread. You will pass the bakery. You can't deny it, Ben. No, but you cook. Oh, you come to my house. I'll cook you some bacon. You'll be like, oh, what's he cooking?

That smells amazing. You've never invited me over for bacon. I like the smell of both, but I like the taste of bread better, so I've got to go bread. We can combine the two. You're like a bacon buddy. Chantel, CK1, it's all yours. Thank you so much.

How much have you enjoyed the smell action? Tell us your thoughts and feelings. Risky. Oh, I've been disappointed that I've been going against the grain most of the time. Oh, good. I'm glad you said that. You didn't just stop it. I've been disappointed she carried on with that.

That's what our bosses have been saying. Yeah. Chantel, lovely to have you listening to the show. You're going to have a wonderful week. Thank you. And Helen, you're on from Welly. Bloody cold there, mate? It is.

Yeah, it would be. It always is. Always blistery cold in Wellington, but you can't beat it on a good day. That's right. I know. You can't beat it on a good day. When was the last good day in Wellington?

About three, four weeks ago. On that day, you could not beat it. That's why we love Wellington. All right. The smelly action. Is it bacon or bread? What are you going? It's bacon.

Oh, bacon. Yes, there we go. That's what I'm talking about. This is going to be exceptional for you. You got yourself some CK1. Okay, Helen? Thanks. You'll jizz yourself up with that when you're heading out for a night?

Yeah. And, Helen, thank you very much for your vote. The lines will be open for 24 hours. It's going to be an even split, I think, this one. And also everyone who votes goes in the draw for our wonderful hamper bin. Tell them more. Oh, yeah, the hamper features all your favourite smells from the smell election. We've got bacon in there.

We've got popcorn, coffee, deep heat. It's all there. If you like vivid, liniment and bread all in one hamper. It's a random hamper. If that arrived, you'd be like, why is this person sent this to me? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Hey, this is Ed Sheeran. Jono and Ben's five words for five heads.

Unfortunately, I just pop all the buttons off. Now, normally five words for $5,000, but we've changed it until we give away five double passes to Ed Sheeran. So if you match all five words with our five words, you win 10 tickets to Ed Sheeran. 10 tickets. That's incredible. He phoned us up.

He's like, guys, I need to hock off some tickets. Well, he doesn't need to, but he's already sold out Wellington and Auckland, and now he's going to put on two more concerts. He's like, I need to get on the most popular game show on New Zealand radio. And the secret sound wasn't available, so then he came to us. Olga, you're on from Rotorua. How are you? I'm great, thank you.

Great to have you on, Olga. Now, ten tickets. First question, do you know nine other people you can take? Oh, my daughter definitely does. Yeah, great. Yeah, of course. Otherwise, you're going to be that strange person out the front in a trench coat selling tickets. Oh, no, no, no, no.

We all find people. Oh, good on you, Olga. Okay, so you need to decide who you want to send into the soundproof booth to match five words with this morning. We'll take Jono, please. I love the sound of my own voice, and I love it when it comes back at me. You sound like you're a race commentator or something. All right, Jono is heading into the soundproof booth. He's in there right now.

Here is your first word this morning. What pops into your head when I say amusement? Park. Amusement park, yep. Waste. W-A-I-S-T. Waste. So not the waste.

Sorry? Waste bank? Waste bank. Oh, yeah, nice. Shopping. C-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. Chopping. C-H.

Shopping trip. Shopping cart. Oh, no, not shopping. Chopping. Oh, chopping. C-H, yeah. Chopping board. Yeah, well done. You got a bit of shopping. Chopping. Oh, chopping. C-H, yeah. Chopping board. Yeah, well done.

You got a bit of help in the background. I like it. Pineapple is the fourth word. Pineapple. Pineapple. Mmm, pineapple. Fruit. Fruit.

And music is the final word this morning for five words for five double pastas to Ed Sheeran. Music. Concert. Concert. Concert, which you're hoping to go to. Yeah, yeah, that's why we chose it. Ed Jono out of the Southbrook booth is keeping a match all five words to send you to Ed Sheeran.

Let's do it, Olga. Let's do it, Olga. Now, we're getting the signal to turn down your radio. Oh. If you can do me a favour to turn down your radio. Oh. If you can do me a favour, turn it up louder. I like it when it goes... How loud can we take this radio, Olga?

The radio's not on. It must have spent a lot of time. It's fine. Let's not dwell on it, Olga. Let's try and win you five double passes to each here and there. All right, you can do this. Here we go. First word this morning is amusement.

Amusement park. Well done. One from one, Reverb, Olga can do this. Here we go. First word this morning is amusement. Amusement park. Well done. One from one, Reverb Olga. Waste. Now, W-A-I-S-T. Not the wastes in food waste or scraps like that, but waste. W-A-I-S-T. Would you go waste belt?

Oh, waste belt. It's the same thing. Yeah, but it's not the same word, unfortunately. I know you were thinking exactly the same thing, though, weren't you? I'm sorry, Olga. Sorry, Olga. All right, see how you would have gone with the final three words. Hey, don't start bitching about me now, mate.

Wait till you've hung the phone up. You can hear it in surround sound. Chopping is word number three. Chopping block. Oh, board. Pineapple. Lumps. No, throat and music. Pineapple. Lumps. No, fruit and music.

Music concert. Oh, well done. You pulled it back slightly at the end. I'm so sorry, Olga. We didn't quite get the 10 tickets to end sharing for you. Oh, well, next time. We'll try again tomorrow. What do you want to say about me, Olga?

Say it to my face. Well, you know, we'll try again. Not with you. face. Well, you know, we'll try again. Not with you. Appreciate you, let's think of a great day, alright? Thanks a lot. An inseparable duo. Unless someone better shows up, he's just going to replace

with Lee Hart and or Ford Smith. Jono and Ben on the hits. Crusaders took on the Blues for the Super Rugby final over the weekend. Well done to the Crusaders, 21-7. They were really the convincing team. Watching it on TV, it was like, oh, this is the first event nationally where I was like, things are getting back to normal. You know, there's drunken hooligans urinating in Helen Clark's front yard

down the road from Eden Park. It was like, this is the new thing. Well, it kind of feels like now we're not going backwards again because we had those little moments, those little pockets. We're 660 sold out. And then we went back into lockdown and stuff. So now it feels like we're gone. We're gone.

We're going for it again. You know, disgruntled rugby fans are phoning up talkback radio. Oh, the good old days. People complaining about Scott Morrison. People complain about Scott Morrison, but he lost the job in Australia. But Scott Robinson, the Crusader coach he did his breakdance at the end of the game here's some audio

he's an entertainer the boomers, they don't like it a few messages floating around from the boomers what do the boomers say? if you want to be the all black coach mate you can't be doing that sort of stuff why not? he's not doing it when they're losers. They sound fun.

You know, if you want to dance, mate, take a ballet. This is rugby. You coach rugby. Poster ball. Say full credit. Game of two hearts. That's what a coach does. Have a laugh, though. And I mean, God, he's a middle-aged white guy, brave enough to dance in public.

Let's not knock his confidence. On slippery conditions, yeah, it's hard enough. You're right, Jon enough to dance in public. Let's not knock his confidence. On slippery conditions. Yeah, it's hard enough. You're right, Jono. You're right. Let's back him. Let's support him. I went along to the game.

It was actually an amazing atmosphere. You know, being packed out, 50,000 people in the crowds. Took the kids along. I think it was because we've been to league games, basketball, taking them to cricket. The first rugby game, we've taken the kids to, which is a lot of fun. Were they focused for the entire 80 minutes or did you lose them no they're pretty good there's a lot of entertainment you forget going on you know like the the wave that

goes around they got some flags they got some hot chips you know you you look for those little things to go hey we'll get some chips hey there's a thing going on but no they had a lot of fun although on the way to the game we're sort of walking along and then uh they're talking about what team they're going to support and obviously they're living in Auckland, they're like with the Blues and then one of them went, what colour do the Blues play? Just so I know.

I was like, well, it's probably the name. Thought so, thought so. But they just wanted to check just quietly with me on the way to the game. As to what team they should be cheering on.

They should be cheering on. Not whether it goes with their outfit or not. No, exactly. And we're sitting there because my mother-in-law, Joyce, she came along with us

so we watched it with her and she was talking about a test match that happened at Eden Park. It was like 1975 because it was raining and she was saying, raining on Saturday,

but she was saying the conditions were so bad the field was flooded. It was like all blacks taking on Scotland. They were worried about players drowning. They were drowning in the game. Drowning? Yeah. How deep was it? Have a look at the water. taking on Scotland they were worried about players drowning drowning

drowning how deep was it have a look it was like they were playing on a lake they were worried about rucks

and scrums and stuff collapsing and players get underneath and they were worried about players

drowning that's when you pull time on the game they almost pulled off the game I think Scotland wanted to not play they were like

mate it's rugby we'll get out there no break Dante we'll get out there we'll get out there no break Dante we'll get out there we'll get out there and you drown for this game yeah we'll get out there and then one of my daughters

was like well could they not swim what you know what was the problem it was like what was it quite swimming conditions I feel like that story has evolved from 1975

I'll show you some footage we'll put it up on Instagram it's pretty incredible it was like they were playing on pretty much a lake first rule of rugby is if you think you're going to drown,

don't play rugby. Maybe don't play rugby. Congratulations to the Crusaders. Too good on the night for the Blues. Another trophy for the Crusaders and another amazing breakdance for Scott Robertson. What the top, top, mate. I like it.

You're essential listening for non-essential banter. The Hits with Jono and Ben. Now we're in the final of our smell action We're looking for New Zealand's best smell The finalists are the smell of bacon cooking Versus the smell of freshly baked bread Yeah and if you vote You can text 4487 You go on the draw to win our hamper

A wonderful hamper featuring the finest Smells of the tournament What's in there prize guy? Thanks Jono and Ben. Yeah, I don't know which one's which. They're in to win a hamper guaranteed to give you a nosegasm. That's like an orgasm, except with the nose. It's a hamper featuring no strange chutneys that expired in 2016

or weird fruitcakes with large nuts. This hamper has been sent from the gods. With all of the entrants from the smell election, you could be in to win a sharp and vivid baked bread, bacon, petrol, KFC popcorn, and a freshly washed baby. Oh, no, sorry. Apparently giving away a freshly washed baby is frowned upon by the authorities.

Make that baby powder. You can wake up and smell the roses or the unleaded petrol. Back to you, Jono or Ben. Yeah, an amazing and very random hamper for grabs. It's just been sitting in the studio all morning. You're going to have room-temperatured bacon. Yeah, we better give that away pretty quickly. The Hits Boarding Call with South Australia Travel. sitting in the studio all morning, you're going to have room temperature bacon. Yeah, we better give it away pretty quickly.

The Hits Boarding Call with South Australia Travel. A family adventure to South Australia, that's what's on offer, including flights, accommodation, rental car, hire and activities. We've been playing the boarding call, got lots of people in the draw for this amazing competition. You can treat yourself to South Australia with non-stop flights from Auckland to Adelaide,

flying in New Zealand. You mentioned last week in South Australia with non-stop flights from Auckland to Adelaide flying in New Zealand you mentioned last week in South Australia they've got kangaroo island yeah 65,000 kangaroos on an island I know it's apparently amazing for seeing wildlife over there because it's got no predators over there because it's on the island yeah they need some birth control for those kangaroos though that's getting wild 50 million kangaroos in Australia really that's you know and we get 50 million kangaroos in Australia really that's you know and we get stick

about our 26 million sheep I don't know if you've been overseas there's all sorts of wild rumours about what we're up to with our sheep here

oh really nasty stuff mate nonsense all nonsense irresponsible so what we're going to do right now is we're going to

go through to the winner thank you to everyone who got in the draw but if your phone's not ringing now then I'm sorry you're a loser.

You haven't won. Hello, good morning. Hello, Shanna. Hi. Hi, Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. Hey, how are you? Your favourite radio show. Yes, it is.

Oh, Bollie, do you understand that? Thank you for agreeing. Well, even if it's not, we might be your favourite show and your favourite station, because guess what? What? You've just won a family trip to South Australia, thanks to South Australian Tourism. Are you serious? It would be monstrous of us right now to say no, we're not.

You've won the trip. It's amazing. It's a family adventure, including flights including flights accommodation rental car and activities it looks incredible holy i'm not gonna swear oh my god do it do it it's so you get return flights from auckland to adelaide the only in new zealand three nights accommodation in adelaide three-day rental car a murray river tour uh including dinner a one-night accommodation on the Murray River and then a family pass to a Montero Safari Park which is a Lions 360 experience for the family

it sounds incredible It sounds absolutely amazing we've never ever been overseas so thank you guys so much Oh you've never been overseas, well now you get to wrestle a kangaroo have a wine with a koala Yeah that's amazing It means a lot to you

It really does, I'm like in a bit of shock Tell the family, are they in the background? Have a wine with a koala. Yeah, that's amazing. That's awesome. It means a lot to you. It really does. I'm, like, in a bit of shock. Tell the family. Are they in the background? No, I'm actually at work. Oh, tell the work. I'm going to South Australia.

Yeah, I will be. She doesn't want to yell out at work. No, I don't. I can't. I've got patience. Oh, you've got patience. Well, congratulations, because now you get to fill out 45 pages of questions about your vaccination status. But go and enjoy it. I'm so happy for you. How many family members have you got? Just me, my partner and my son.

You can take a rando as well. You should have like a reality style competition about who wants to go to South Australia and have fun challenges like, you know, cleaning cars and making beds and things. Sounds like a good idea to me. Yeah, well done, Shannon. I'm so happy for you. Well deserved. Enjoy that trip.

Thank you guys so much. No worries. And you're going to reward your wonder in Adelaide and South Australia. Visit southaustralia.co.nz to start planning. We apologise in advance. Jeez, sorry. Sorry about that. Sorry you got roped into this.

Jono and Ben. Sorry. On the hits. What was the worst thing that could happen to you in grey track pants? Oh my god, there's some terrible stuff that could happen in grey track pants. They could fall off your legs in a mord? Yeah, they could. Yeah, or some little kid could come up behind you and pull them down. Yeah, no, terrible things.

So I was sitting on the couch over the weekend and I had the dog Milo, new addition to the household, sitting on my lap. We're having a fun time, relaxing, bonding, just sitting there watching TV. Then all of a sudden I sort of felt the dog was feeling more relaxed than usual. He let something go. and you can do the maths of what he let go onto my track pants what well i don't well what sort of maths am i doing like i've got some options yeah yeah it was a moist moisture i could feel moisture content was rising sort of situation yeah and you know under the grey track pants, the worst possible fabric. The worst. And where he's sitting, he's sitting on where I could have made the incident.

This is an elaborate, like they talk about, you blame the dog for everything. This feels like you've concocted a story. The poor dog is collateral damage for something that you've done. Listen, I'm not so old I've lost control of my bladder. I don't know. I haven't hit Biden's status just yet. I haven't seen you ride a bike like Joe Biden either,

so I don't know either. But the unfortunate part is there's a giant patch there, and I'm like, well, everyone in the room is going to think, you know what happens there. Everyone's like, no, you didn't. You did it. So I had two options. Two options.

Walk away with the dog, holding the dog in front of my crutch, just side-saddling along, or own it. Or own it. So I had two options. Two options. Walk away with the dog, holding the dog in front of my crutch, just side-saddling along, or own it. Or own it. And I owned it. First thing that comes out, that wasn't the dog, that was you. And I've got nothing, I've got no, like the dog can't go, actually, no, it was my, what is... Yeah, this one was me,

guys. Yeah, because dogs have been blamed for stuff, and sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly, yeah. Yeah. The other option, you could get the drink next to you and just pour it all over yourself and pretend it was an accident as well. But there's nothing worse when you do end up with a spot of wetness in a location like that.

Especially if you're at work or something, if you go to the bathroom and something splashes from the sink or something, and it usually ends up there, and then you're like, no, I didn't actually, you know? Yeah, I had a squirt of the hand sanitizer bottle out in the office once and went straight there, straight there. And there's nothing you can do. There's no hiding.

Everyone's staring at it. No one saw it, you know. And, yeah, you feel like you need to justify it. The dog has a lovely aroma too, that smell. Yeah. So that's still got the track pants on today though. Rode it out. It was proving a point.

No, it wasn't me. I'll wear these for the next three days. We took our dog to an outside picnic, which was like, they could bring dogs to an outdoor movie when you bring picnic. That seemed irresponsible. Yeah, it did seem irresponsible, especially with our dog. But the kids are like, should we bring the dog? I'm like, all right, we'll give this a go.

This is on you, kids. But there's going to be like, people trying to watch a movie, plus having picnic, there's food on offer everywhere on Blaggots, plus other dogs. I, like, people trying to watch a movie, plus having picnic. There's food on offer everywhere on blankets, plus other dogs. I'm like, this is a concoction of just all. And within two minutes, he'd peed on another blanket of somebody else's. I'm like, told you. Told you. But you have to go over there and go, so sorry, the dog's here.

Sorry. You're like, oh, that's all right. And you did as well on the next person's blanket. Yeah, just to make up for it. So sorry that was me. Yeah, the dog was me. Tested safe for listing from home. John Owen well on the next person's blanket. Yeah, it's just a make-up. I'm so sorry that was me. Yeah, the dog was me. Tested safe for listing from home. John Owen Bean on the hits.

We've got a $500 Briscoe's voucher up for grabs every Monday morning when you share your kitchen mishap. It is judged by the iconic Briscoe's lady. She joins us right now. Bonjour, good morning. Bonjour. Now, last week there was Miss Combs We referred to you as the Briscoes lady

We were contractually told that Briscoes wanted you to be referred to as the Briscoes lady And you're like, call me Tammy, that's my name Or did I get into trouble? No, I don't know We don't want to get anyone in trouble No, that's not what we're here for We won't refer to me as Tammy It feels more natural though

I know, of course it does. So I can just be both. I can be Tammy the Briscoe's Lady. Tammy, comma, the Briscoe's Lady. Do people yell out at you when you're in the supermarket, oh, the Briscoe's Lady? No, because in the supermarket, I've always got my face mask on. Oh, cool.

That would be your best friend. Yeah, if it's cold and you've got a beanie on and your glasses so that you can read the labels on things, and maybe a scarf, you know, actually you really can't be seen. Now, another week we want to hear some people's kitchen mishaps with our game of Kitchen Ref, and you need to decide. The pressure's all on you, the Briscoes lady.

A $500 Briscoes voucher for your favourite mishap in the kitchen. Okay. Yeah, last week we had a fireball exploding on a barbecue at Christmas time and a poor lady who served raw chicken to an entire table of people. Now we're going to kick it off with you, Natasha. What happened in the kitchen, mate? Oh, when I was about 10, I woke up one winter morning and it was quite cold and we had this old cat and I thought she might appreciate it if I heated

up her fancy face for her so I looked and chucked the whole tin in the microwave for about a minute. Oh no. You heated up a tin of cat food? Yeah. In a microwave? Yeah. After a few seconds there was like a minute fireworks

display happening in the microwave and cat food was fluttering everywhere. It was noisy, so it woke my mum and mum, came storming down the hallway, threw open the microwave door, and cat food was glued all to the inside of the microwave. Oh, my God. You've created a Chernobyl of chef inside your microwave. And Eve in Whangarei, welcome.

What happened to you in the kitchen? Well, this happened about five years ago. I had some friends over for, let's say, a barbecue. But since it was raining, we had the meal cooked inside. All the food was cooked, the chicken, the sausages, the steak, everything. And my friend's son had actually decided to help put all the food into a tray and put it on the table for everyone to start helping themselves. So one of my friends had eaten the food and she realised, OK, something's not right with

the food. So I grabbed it to see what was going on. And it was cat urine. My cat had actually urined in the pan that the food was put in. Oh, no. What? All over the barbecue? Yep.

It was all over the barbecue. Oh, dear God. these Oh dear God Oh We ended up having to get takeaways out instead to place the food Oh, that's just gross Yeah No, it was not nice, it's something I always remember and it was quite funny

You know why it is, Eve? It's because you didn't heat up the cat's food That's the result Yeah, exactly You know why it is? You know why it is, Eve? It's because you didn't heat up the cat's food. That's the result. Yeah, exactly. The cat had a gutful. So did the cat get up on the tray when all the food was ready to come out and do that? Yes.

No one saw it happen. No, that's the thing. But sometimes as the host, you're like, surely we can just battle on through this. Come on. There's a lot of food here. Yeah, we don't waste it. You're right. Big decision right now. Natasha's story about destroying the microwave and Eve's story about, well, the cat destroying the meal. What's it going to be, Tammy, the briskest lady? Well, it's a hard one, isn't it? And I guess, well, you couldn't really wash

the food down, could you, Eve? I mean, you couldn't. No. So, Eve, I mean, my gosh, but sorry, darling Eve. I'm going to go with Natasha because they lost the microwave. And so, Natasha, I will go with you. But, my gosh, both of those are just awful stories. You've both done well and we've both learned

we've all learned a lot today. Don't put cat food tins in microwaves and cat urine. You've only just learned that today. Yeah, no, cat urine doesn't make a great condiment. Oh, well, Eve and Natasha, thank you so much for your calls and congratulations to Natasha getting that $500

Briscoe's voucher. Each Monday we're going to do this again. Tell me the Briscoes laterer. Each Monday, we're going to do this again. Tell me the Briscoes later. We'll be back again next week to judge a couple more. So anyone wants to register their kitchen mishap, they can do so at thehits.co.nz. They're more rich. They're more famous than we'll ever be.

Let's hear about them, Belle. What's going on? We are seeing a different side to Kim Kardashian on the latest season. And, you know, she's out of her divorce. It's probably relatable. I know she's not, you know, for most people, it's like, no, she's not relatable. But, you know, she's had her divorce. She's happy. She's got her new man. They're having fun together. She's just saying heaps of funny things on the show. They were popping up on my Instagram feed over the weekend.

He's frolicking. Scrawny white guy covered in tattoos, frolicking around. I'm sure he's going, this is going to be over any day now. Surely. They're on holiday in Tahiti together. He got stuck on a paddling paddleboard and made a bit of a joke about it, of course. Gags, you know. He was full of them. He got stuck on a paddleboard, did he? Yeah, there's a photo he posted and he was

a bit stranded. Yeah, you can just swim. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, this was a clip i grabbed from the finale of the show where kim was going off she was looking directly to the camera uh to trolls who will be mean to chloe after she got cheated on again if you don't think i screenshot every single thing that's my girl i'm just not in the mood today so I don't know but you know she screenshots all the abuse she gets I don't think she really does she's just telling everyone off being protective of her sister

it sucks but also your iCloud, you'd have to get a bigger iCloud you would and it's niggly when you do screenshot stuff because it does clog up your stream and you sort of go why have I got a screenshot of you know someone abusing me you're a bald idiot you look like a light bulb I do that because it does clog up your street. And you sort of go, why have I got a screenshot of someone abusing me? You're a bald idiot.

You look like a light bulb. I do that because it motivates me. It makes me a better person. You're hungry. Hungry for doing better at what you do. What is it you do? I don't know. But I'm motivated to do it.

And that is Spike and Gettin' More at thehits.co.nz. Tomorrow we've got a big show. We've got the final of the smell election. Bacon. The smell of bacon versus the smell of freshly baked bread Who's going to win that?

You can vote at the Hits Breakfast On Instagram and Facebook And after 9 o'clock this morning Just because we gave away, Jono A trip for four A family trip to South Australia You think it's over? You think you didn't win?

You think it's over, you bald light bulb idiot It's not It's not all over You're a bald light bulb idiot Another trip Motivated You feeling motivated? You feeling motivated? it. It's not. It's not all over. No, but you're bald like a boulder, aren't you? Another trip. Motivated. You feeling motivated?

You feeling motivated? Another trip up for grabs. We've got a whole other week to get more people in for

another trip. So listen out for your boarding call after 9 o'clock this morning. You could be going with the family to South

Australia. Have a great day. We'll catch you tomorrow from six. See you then. The Hits.

For more podcasts from the Hits Network, check out iHeartRadio.co.nz.