Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: How much did J-Lo's mom win on the pokies?!

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

Jono dives into a J-Lo Internet Wormhole, listeners dish the dirt on their ex's and we chat to Dan Carter!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast today, the 6th of April, 2022. What do you reckon is going to be the greatest year in the next five? I reckon we're going to middle our way through 2022. I don't think there's going to be any huge, you know, when do you reckon we're going to be back to full peak normal? The pandemic will be a thing they study in primary schools. Oh, right, one of those.

It's probably one or two years away from that, hopefully. But it feels like we're probably six months, a year behind the rest of the world who are just kind of getting on with stuff. It is. That's the thing. I mean, if the Prime Minister's going to Australia, there was an opinion piece I read about the Prime Minister's going to be shocked at how it's operating over there.

Just back to normal. Yeah. Just operating there, like you say, six months ahead of us. Yeah. Yeah. We were winning the race for a while there, weren't we? We kind of... Well, yeah, I think because we kept it all out, which is great,

but it was probably never going to work, and then that's put us well behind because everyone's kind of had to deal with it and moved on. Yeah. Just for once, New Zealand was in the lead. We were there, you know? It was us. It was a nice idea to keep it away and keep us all,

but yeah, we'd never be able to interact with anyone ever again. We'll be our own little private island, literally. You can't leave. Are you planning on going on a holiday in the next six months? Yeah, we're thinking about it, yeah. So mid-year. I'd love to go. My wife's brothers are in the States. Haven't seen them for a long time. Yeah, right. So we'd love to go at the end of the year. All going well it, yeah. So mid-year. So, you know, I'd love to go. My wife's brothers are in the States.

Haven't seen them for a long time. Yeah, right. So we'd love to go there at the end of the year. All going well. So, yeah. Now, are you more excited about seeing the Weiss brothers or potentially NBA games? Well, I'm trying to schedule it around NBA games, to be honest.

Are there NBA games around there? Well, the schedule doesn't come out until July, which, you know. So that's where I'm kind of like, well, let's just see what happens in July for these days. But she's like, my brothers are still going to be there yeah but we don't know where they're going to be is your brother's name LeBron James yeah like where's he going to be playing you know so we'll see

we'll see but it's you know it's obviously a lot of money to take into consideration but it'll be cool to do so yeah where do they live in America? one lives now in just out of New York and one lives in San Fran. San Fran, yeah. Now, we met Hamish.

You met Hamish, I know. Hamish, yeah. He's in San Fran, yeah. And his partner. Yeah. Who is an American newsreader. Now, when you imagine an American newsreader on TV, you're like, it's this person. Yeah, she used to work in media, you know, having kids a few years ago, and yeah.

Is she still not reading news now? Not currently at the moment. I think maybe she's going to get back into it but yeah right she's like exactly she's like if you watch cnn you're like this is wow you're like the person's going to be reporting on some hurricane or something over there or yeah yeah what was she on in america was she in san francisco we met them didn't we yeah she was doing something locally there so yeah in the news did she take you through to the news studio? No, I never. No. Do you feel like you don't talk to her

about this? Well, no, I don't go and come over and say enough to go, hey, take me through. Maybe next time I can schedule that in. Was it a broad change at the news studio? If he asked can I go into the news studio, that'd be awesome. Do you like staying with family when you go overseas? Or do you prefer to just stay in a motel and visit them?

I always feel like I'm a burden when I come in. Yeah, you do worry. There's probably that sweet spot of a couple of days, then you probably feel like, are you? Because I know what it's like if people come and stay, and it's a ball lake. You know, when people from, oh, you know, Lynn and Tim are coming over from Australia,

they're going to stay for three weeks. You're like, oh. Three weeks? Okay. Are they? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Because your life doesn't stop. When you're playing on your home ground, you've got work, your supermarket, you know. Those daily things, they don't go away. But then you've got these people who kind of stay and then, oh, we're just going to drop down to Coromandel for a couple of days. Thank God, okay? And then they come back and you're like, oh, that's right. They're back again.

I feel like that when I go overseas and stay with family. Yeah, and you do want to be like, you know, you want to spend time with them. But you also want to do your own thing when you're overseas as well. So it's kind of that balancing act. Like if you can meet them for a lunch. That's ideal, I reckon, for all parties. Don't you think? Well, we'll go to the Like if you can meet him for a lunch. That's ideal, I reckon, for all parties. Don't you think? Well, we'll go to the States and we'll catch up for a lunch.

My wife hasn't seen her family for a couple of years. We'll schedule in a lunch. If we've got time, we'll go to the new studio, but I've got an NBA game I've got to get to. Yeah, I mean, that's probably the ideal what you want to do, right? Maybe I can do a bit more than a lunch. Two lunches. Two lunches.

I know what you mean with other, maybe this is more than a lunch situation. It is. But other people was like, yeah, we'll catch up. The other thing is you go to a place and you spend most of your time just feeling like you catch up with everyone. I find that when I go home or go back home to Masterton. It's nice to go to one place. You're like, I'm going to be there. Anyone wants to come see me.

A lunch or a drink at a bar or something like that. Rather than I've got to catch up with them on Tuesday and spend your whole time running around that. When I go back to Christchurch, Annie Pryor. We're on the tour of Canterbury. When you do go back to your parents' place, oh, we're going to go to see Marge and Barge. She doesn't have friends to call Marge and Barge.

But that's the thing, isn't it? They love it. They love it. The boomers love it. Love a catch-up, don't they? Your dad, Kevin Boyce, is a big fan of just the unannounced catch-up too, isn't he? He does, yeah.

And I've told you before, he took me and my wife and I and the kids to a place their holiday house, which is lovely, but they weren't even there. We didn't go inside. We just had a look at their house, walked around the property and I was like, the neighbours are going to be calling the cops on us at some stage. Did he tell the owners that he'd done it? I think

he did and it was fine. Eventually. Yeah. But it was fine, yeah. It was an odd thing. It felt odd, but hey, it was all good. A lovely house. They love nothing more than a poppin' and a cup of char, eh?

And a cup of tea. Yeah. And they'll sit down and they'll just talk and you kind of, did you find that if your parents' friends come over,

no matter how old you are, you automatically feel like a little child? Don't you find that? So if like, Kevin and Jenny's friends came over at their respective houses and you kind of sit there in the corner

while they all catch up, you just feel like you're back to... You're suddenly back to 20 years. Yeah. Enjoy the show today. We're bullying you into enjoying the show, that's right. We spoke about people's exes. A lot of great stories about exes, including one ex who enjoys drinking blood.

Yeah. Do you drink your own blood or do you drink other people's blood? I don't know what the deal is there for health and hygiene reasons. Probably you'd have to go your own blood, wouldn't you? I think that would be in your system, wouldn't it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Do you go to the New Zealand Blood Service and go...

Well, they're looking for... I saw it on TV today. They're looking for more blood, so maybe that's... Maybe this person's been too thirsty. Enjoy that on the podcast. The great thing about listening to this show is that the day can only get better from here. Jono and Ben on the hits. How's everyone doing? All right?

All right. Yeah. Good. Belle, you okay? Yeah, good. Thanks. Belle, this is day three. Yeah.

Live and kicking. Of you being in the show. Yeah. It's lovely. It's nice in the mornings. It's just hard. It's not surprising you say it's lovely. No, no is day three of you being in the show. It's lovely. It's nice in the mornings. It's not surprising you say it's lovely. No, no, you guys are great. But I was just thinking getting up early, but it's actually okay.

But it's just after the show, how do you guys keep going? I'm so tired. I feel like I need to nap. No, you just kind of operate at various levels of exhaustion, don't you? But now, if you're up early at this time listening as well, you know the same. You know we're all in this together. Exactly.

In this crap o'clock together. Now, Ben, I apologize. It is early, and this is not pre-prepared. Oh, okay. This is an ambush quiz. Oh, jeez. Okay. Can Bell help out with this as well?

Bell can help out. And I want to enlist a phone a friend option as well. Okay. If you have any friends listening who think they might know the answer. Okay. Because I only discovered yesterday that in the Herald there's a quiz. Every day they put a quiz. A little daily quiz in the paper.

Free content, baby. Oh, what? We haven't done this? Why have we not done this before? I don't know. We'll find out at the end of it. Okay. In what decade did the musical adaptation of Les Miserables premiere? It's been around for a while.

Do you know, true story, we went and watched, producer Dan, who used to produce our show, Over the Edge, he was in it. He was in Les Mis. Wow. That's pretty impressive. For months and months, he's one of the main parts. And we went along and watched.

And halfway through, you text him going, hey, mate, how much longer does this have to go? Oh, my, you did it. In the middle of the labours. Not like, hey, it's really good, this is great. Oh, no, I front-footed it saying you're doing a great job. But how long is the second half? This is punishing.

In other words, I want to leave. Yeah, I'm not a theatre guy. It's been around for a long time. I don't know. So the first or the most recent adaptation? This is the first adaptation. What decade? Oh, it's...

I'd say 1950s. 1980s. Oh, wow. How soon do you think? Okay, you'll know the answer to this one. Black Cap took four wickets on debut against the Netherlands the other night. Oh, Blair Tickner.

Well done. There's one. One from two. Stage name of musician Austin Richard Post. Post Malone. Yes. Well done, Bill. This is good.

The E in email stands for? Electronic mail. Yeah, well done. Sorry, I don't know why I really built that one up. I was like, well, maybe it's not. You had me second guessing that one, Bradley Walsh. What kind of seeds are also known as bene? Seeds known as bene.

Can we find a friend in this option, 4487 on the text or 800 the hits? We might find a prize if someone knows it. Someone's actually texted in 4487 the correct answer. Now, would you like to take that option? B-E-N-N-E. The seeds are also known as something else. Yeah, I'll take their option. You'll take their option?

Yeah, I don't know what their option is. Well, you can thank Chris who's listening in, in Christchurch. Sesame seeds. Also has B-N-A. in, in Christchurch. Sesame Seeds. Oh, there we go. Okay, and the final question. In the unexpected ambush quiz. Yeah, the daily quiz. Quizmas has come early.

It's the hard and early Jacinda Ardern quiz, isn't it? Princess Merida. Oh, here we go. I didn't pre-read these today. Is the protagonist for which Pixar film? Princess Merida. Oh, is it Brave? Let me just read the answer.

Well done, Ben! Yay! I love my Disney princesses, that's for sure. He's even got a... Have you noticed his Toy Story 4 backpack, Bill? Yeah, I did notice it yesterday, actually. What were your initial thoughts? I know that he loves his Disney

and his kids are into that sort of stuff so I didn't judge him. It's alright. Thank you, Bill. You're a little bit like, oh, okay. Whatever you're into. My sister was a big fan of Toy Story

when she was a kid so we had all the toys. I watched it with her, you know. Yeah, yeah. Spy. Know what's up. Spy.co.nz. All right, Belle Crawford

sliding on in to talk some smack about celebrities. What's going on, Belle? Well, Pink, we love her hair on the hats and she has slammed Rolling Stone magazine

after they ranked the best Grammy performances and she said on social media, she went with a ba-ha-ha-ha-ha. You guys have been irrelevant since 1990 because they misplay

people like John Lennon, you know, the Beatles, absolute greats of the music world and saying that they weren't even one of the best performances. And she was left off the list too, so I don't think she was very happy. And she bloody probably came swooping down

from the roof on those ropes. Oh yeah, true. Didn't she? She does those. Now, to me, fear to Rolling Stone magazine. Firstly, don't tell Pink about radio She thinks Rolling Stone magazine's getting irrelevant But secondly, they probably went off the spectacle of the performance

Like, I imagine Lennon, legend, don't get me wrong Probably just stood up there, imagine You know, probably stood up there with a guitar Yeah, I see what you're saying It was like fireworks or pizzazz or showbiz, you know Yes,. Yeah, I see what you're saying. If I realized just to do, you know. With no fireworks or pizzazz or showbiz, you know. Yes, legend. Yeah, yeah.

Ben went to see Bob Dylan with his dad and said he couldn't have found a more painful, longer, boring experience. Yeah, it was a little bit, you know, I don't want to speak over anyone,

but it just felt like, even my dad, who's a big fan, he was like, he didn't know any of the songs. Like he just, he played a lot of new stuff, didn't go to any of his old faves.

Didn't speak to the, didn't talk to the crowd at all. At all. Not even a hello Auckland. Not even a hello Auckland. No, not even a hello. Just straight on, did his thing, bowed at the end and then off he went. I was like, that was, yeah. Yeah.

But anyway, that was my experience at Bob Dylan with my dad. Yeah, and this is a guy who goes to movies and he doesn't give any bad reviews. And that's the harshest review you'll ever hear. That was my experience at Bob Dylan with my dad. And this is a guy who goes to movies and he doesn't give any bad reviews. And that's the harshest review you'll ever hear from a boy. It was so nice. It was still nice. And you may have also heard that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker went to a chapel in Vegas to get married after the Grammys the other night. And they didn't allow anyone to take any photos.

They brought their own security team and photographers and there's a bit of an update on the story. So while they didn't have a prenup, they are working on a post-nup and it wasn't an impulsive decision by them. They've actually got some paperwork to back it up and to show that they have been planning to get married. Obviously, they're engaged

and they plan to have a ceremony with their family soon. And also, just, you know, Kourtney's ex-goddess, who we all know and love, he's got this bromance going with Kim Kardashian's new man, Skeet. Listen to this. Skeet was dropping off some pizza

in Kim's pink golf cart. Good to see you. Good to see you. Thanks for dropping the pizza off. Oh, anytime, man. Have a good night, all right? All right, take care. All right, cool.

Aw, they're all cute together. Her pink golf cart looks more expensive than all of our houses. Have you seen it? It's enormous. It's amazing. It's a golf cart. Yeah, but it looks like a car, doesn't it? It's a full-size car.

Yeah. Like a little Jeep or something. Yeah, well, Travis, and you're saying Travis Barker, he, you know, head-to-toe in tattoos. Wonderful to see someone out there with worse tattoo decisions than myself, but he doesn't sound like you think he would. He's got this really high, sweet, soft voice, and I just wasn't expecting that to come out of a big tattooed man. Yeah.

You'd kind of be like, G'day, mate. You know, sort of like that. But, yeah, he's very good. He's done well at being able to wear not many clothes, hasn't he? He's a guy who could pull off, like he could turn up to work here shirtless and no one would bat an eyelid. No, you're right. Oh, you know, if I did it

Ben, you'd be... HR. He'd be straight up there, wouldn't you? Here's a top. It's the Kardashians streaming April 14 only on Star on Disney+. Coming up very shortly, a new sport Jono's got into. Hey, does it involve shirtlessness? You can do it shirtless.

Are you? I haven't turned up shirtless. I can't believe you're still doing this. I'm not at shirtless. Well, I've done it three times. He's a changed individual. We'll tell you how very shortly on the hit. This guy at my daughter's primary school,

and his son goes to the school as well, and he was an MMA fighter, okay? So he did the mixed martial arts, and he said to me in passing, lovely guy, Mike. He's like, listen, would you like to come along to kickboxing and i'm like well i've never i've never kickboxed before i'll give it a go you know it might is it too late to start my run for the ufc beat maybe hey i don't know is there a spot in the ufc for a guy who just gets his ass handed to him but you know he focuses less on training and more on trying to be liked by the uh by the crowd yeah there's maybe a spot there for you yeah yeah he gets it gets knocked out like in five seconds. Anyway, so I've gone along to three kickboxing lessons with Mike,

and kickboxing is a lot harder than you think it would be. In fact, it probably already sounds hard. Yeah, it sounds hard. It looks hard. It looks like a lot of energy. Yeah, I've only done three lessons, so don't sign me up for a fight against Israel Adesanya or anything, Ben. But it's been probably 10 years since my legs have been above my waist.

You were there the last time they were above my waist, weren't you? 10 years ago. The Christmas party, wasn't it? It probably was. Yeah, I didn't walk right for about six months after that. But do you want to know what my biggest issue is with anything to do with boxing? Is once you put on one glove,

trying to put on the other glove? Have you ever put on two boxing gloves? With full respect to the boxing community, I don't know how to do it. And also, I don't know if they're community, because you wouldn't be at the stage where you have your own pair of gloves. No, no, no, no.

And jeez, I've had it when we've done some i do one thing of boxing training not to fight but just for your exercise and just putting on communal gloves there's a smell that you just can't get rid of and it's the same smell everywhere you go have you smelled that smell it's not it's not pretty sometimes you can feel bitty things inside. It's just your hands. It's like it's hands. It's not like underarms or any. It's like you're just putting your hand into a bacteria sack, aren't you?

And you pull it out and you're like, oh, okay. It's amazing. I imagine you wouldn't like putting your hands in communal boxing gloves. No, it wasn't. It was probably the thing that made me not want to come back from my one lesson. The fact that it was very exhausting. It's too exhausting. I mean, it's a lot of fun hitting pads,

but I think once you replace pads with your face... Have you fought? Have you done any... No. No, but, you know, even just play... Not play fight, but you know what I mean? No. No, even the pads hurt me a bit.

And now I'm worried about my stinky hands afterwards. You're going to have to get your own gloves. That's when you know what I mean? No, no. Even the pads hurt me a bit. And now I'm worried about my stinky hands afterwards. You're going to have to get your own gloves. That's when you know you've committed. But it's a full respect to the boxers who do share gloves. Yeah. Firstly, credit to you. And firstly, well done on putting both gloves on by yourself. That's the biggest hurdle I've got to get over at the moment.

You're running late, stuck in traffic, and now you have to listen to this. Jono and Ben on the hits. Your essential listening for non-essential banter. Jono and Ben on the hits. Jennifer Lopez, you mentioned her yesterday after the program, Ben. You wanted to get into Jennifer Lopez

later in the program about this extravagant mansion that she's purchased. With Ben Affleck. It's $55 million, apparently, and it's got 17 bathrooms. 17 bathrooms. Now, this is the problem with the, that's a lot of bathrooms. It seems like too many. What's an appropriate number of bathrooms for you?

It feels like 15 too many to me, but hey, I don't know. Maybe you need more than that. I'm not a celebrity, an A-list celebrity. You wouldn't even pee in every one of those bathrooms during your time in the household, would you? That would be my goal. Don't go in that bathroom. Use the other one because you'd have to clean.

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. One day I'd be like, I'd want to try and use all 17 bathrooms in one day. Give it a good honest crack. But yeah, when you mentioned her yesterday, I kind of got lost,

and this is the problem with the internet, in a hole about J-Lo. And there's some interesting facts about Jenny from the block. So J-Rod over here is going to recite what these facts are for you. Okay. Janet Jackson, have you heard of her? I have, yes. Did you know she was Janet Jackson's backup dancer?

She was even in the video for That's The Way Love Goes. Right. You know, the Janet Jackson song. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Janet Jackson's like, you're amazing. You need to come on tour with me.

And she's like, nah, nah, I've got my own career to pursue. So the backup dancer got her back up, turned her back on Janet Jackson, and then went off and became Jennifer Lopez. Wow. She loves triathlons. She's completed a triathlon in two and a half hours. That's pretty good. Probably the bloody Weet-Bix Kiwi Kids one.

Smashed that out, beat the crap out of those kids. Next one was in 1999, she was arrested in a nightclub with P. Diddy because they had an illegal gun. I remember that. Yeah. Jenny from the Glock. That's a gun brand. Yeah.

So she also doesn't drink alcohol. Never has drunk alcohol. Oh, never? Never. Right. She'll just hold a glass to toast, but then hand it over for like kombucha or something boring. Gotcha. And also her mum, this is what i found the most

interesting her mum rampant gambler renowned loves the pokies you know sky city was would let her sit there for three days and not even ask any questions but she wants this is insane she put in three dollars into a slot machine in Atlantic City, Jennifer Lopez's mum, and won $2.9 million from just putting $3 into a pokey machine. Jeez, that's incredible.

I mean, once you've pulled out that much from a pokey machine, you've clocked pokies. Retire from pokies. But that's not the thrill of it, is it? You've got to keep going back for more. He's been scrambling up an omelette of current events, and we're ready to chow down. What's going on, Benny boy?

Well, there's a grandmother who's very big on TikTok as a grandfluencer. She's 92 years old. Shouldn't she be the Instagram? Well, yeah, that would have been much cleverer. Oh, but she's not on TikTok. She's a TikTok. But you're right, Instagram on Instagram would be. Hopefully she's got an Instagram account., yeah, that would have been that much clever. Oh, but she's not on TikTok. She's a TikTok. But you're right. Instagram on Instagram would be. Hopefully she's got an Instagram account.

Someone would have that already, surely. But she's gone viral with a video. She's 92 and she's saying, what are the rules are for her funeral when she passes away? And it's had 15 million views. These are my rules at my funeral. Listen up. You could cry, but don't cry too much.

Don't make a fool of yourself. Bertha is not invited. Don't let her in. And you better get drunk afterward. Take a shot for me. Bertha's in the bad books. What has Bertha done? She's been shamed 15 million times with views.

Mind you, it's probably fair to say that Bertha might not be getting that message on TikTok. No. In that demographic. to say that Bertha might not be getting that message on TikTok. No. In that demographic. But although if Bertha and her have such a fractured relationship, I doubt Bertha's like, oh, there's one last win, I'm going to turn up to your funeral. Well, maybe she will, just to rub, you know.

Have you got any rules for your funeral? What do you want the people to do? No, no. Have you planned a funeral? No, no. Well, no, not really. I did like that idea that, remember, they had those caskets and they could design them up. And you came up with the idea that it could have a whole lot of puns.

Oh, that's right. Like puns all over, because I love puns. I was dying to get in here. He was dying to get in here and he's in the dead centre of town. All that, all over the stuff. So that was kind of like a joke thing. Yeah, you wanted the pun coffin, didn't you? Yeah, the pun coffin.

We actually worked with an individual and she had planned out every aspect of the funeral. Yeah, you wanted the pun coffin, didn't you? Yeah, the pun coffin. We actually worked with an individual and she had planned out every aspect of her funeral. Yeah. From start to finish, what songs, who was going to talk. This was in her 30s, you know? I think she had even

written the eulogies that she wanted people to read out. She was like, Mum, this is what you'll be reading out. She'd prepped her entire funeral.

Very, very organised, eh? Hey, and just quickly, we've got a bit of lawn news. I know you guys love your lawn news. So Parliament's got to cost a million dollars to clean up around Parliament. A lot of it will be spent on the lawn, which was infested by rats and human waste after the protests. And they've got to

replace the playground. That's about $160,000. Scrub off a whole lot of graffiti. So pretty much a million dollars it's got to cost for that clean up. Always get a second quote. Well, true. You know, and scrub off a whole lot of graffiti. So pretty much a million dollars it's going to cost for that cleaner. Always get a second quote. Well, true. Like, you know, bloody old Jim's mowing's too enough, and they're like, what do you reckon, Jim?

He's like, oh, yeah. A million dollars. About a mil? Okay, well, you know, get a go to someone else as well. And Ross Taylor, the... They wouldn't have had that problem with your AstroTurf grass. That's true. Would they? Put some AstroTurf in there.

You don't have that problem. It's a bit more expensive at the start, but in the future it doesn't cost you anything. I saw on the news there were some marijuana plants growing in the garden as well. Oh, was there? Someone planted seeds too. Okay. And just quickly, Ross Taylor, the cricketer,

speaking of lawn news, he's finished cricket and now he has to go mow his lawn. This is what his daughter said the next day and what Ross replied with. Well, I hope he hasn't hurt his finger because he has to do the lawn tomorrow. No, I'm actually going to go and borrow the neighbours or something. I don't know where it is. Our lawn guy is probably thinking, hey, you don't do the lawns, Ross. You know, it's Jim's mowing, mate.

He's charging the government a mil. He's quoted a million dollars for Ross Taylor's lawns as well. If he hasn't mowed his lawns for his entire career, they're going to be out of control. 16 years of blagging, he hasn't mowed his lawns. Rated M for mildly amusing. Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, I forgot to mention this last week when we were in isolation, Ben. You and me had the vid there, and I know this is a topic,

you don't like these sort of topics. I'll front foot it. It's not your wheelhouse. It's not this comfortable stuff you like talking about, so I'll try and tippy toe around it to keep it classy San Diego. Keep a level of sophistication on this show. Jesus is worrying me already. Where's this going? unfortunate timing of events where i was staying you know isolating in a room by myself and unbeknownst to me there my wife had invited a tradie over to just quote for a job right okay and i i felt like i was in a safe space. I was isolating.

So it felt comfortable for me to wear certain noises that might have been trapped inside of my body. I felt like I could release those noises. Right. You know, in the comfort of, it's just me. It's just me. So picture this. I've been in a room for, you know, this is day six. Not a peep from anyone.'s not a peep from anyone nothing no peep from anyone now the door was open to the outside i'm around the corner and i've checked my

surroundings it's just me yeah it feels like i'm the only one who's ever going to know about what's about to happen and i let it happen right okay yeah and at that moment the tradie walks around so he's outside what he walks around as i'm halfway through and i'm looking at him like darren hitler where did you come from i've seen no one for six days and then the one moment he turns up out of the blue he's like sorry your wife's gone out i was just quoting for this job and i was like we had that look of like he he had that look of like yeah i heard and then i had that look of like you heard didn't you but nothing was said no one wants to bring it up it's one of those situations isn't it yeah um ben ben's not a fan of that sort of content, bro.

You know why I'm so highbrow over this in some ways? Flatulent stuff. He's not talking about... No, no, he doesn't. I don't know why. It's just one thing where he's like, no, I'm above it. I'm too good for it.

It's just unusual. Hey, when you hear a lot of the other stuff we talk about, it doesn't make any sense. This is one hot bit. It's just no-go zone. I don't want to talk about it There's a lot of unbelievable things out there You can read on the internet

She's the old internet We put it through a lot Haven't we over the last You know the last 10 years or so Even for the last week We really burned it Weighed it down with Will Smith memes Yeah we tried

And everyone's opinion about Will Smith as well So I would like to apologize for the internet. If we treated another human the way that we treat the internet, you'd probably be done for putting them through mental anguish or something. But this is what we do is we get your stories on and we search the internet. If we can't read about it on the internet, then you win a prize. Yeah, so if this story's only happened to you, then you win a prize. Thanks to Hell Pizza, we've got some pizza

and they are also delivering wine and beer as well, which is cool. Now, also the good thing about the internet, a lot of the times you might not be able to read it on the internet, but you'll probably be able to see it in a video or something, you know, on a very specific website, if you looked hard enough.

Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. It's the joy of the internet. Bill Crawford's in with us this week, filling in. Now, Belle, have you got a story that, for example, that you could, you know, what story would you tell if you were on, say, Graham Norton's Red Chair? Right. And then we'll see if we can Google it and see if anyone else has had that same story happen.

Okay, I was racking my brain for stories, trying to come up with the best one for you, but growing up, I did ballet, dancing, all through from when I was five to 18. Loved it. growing up I did ballet dancing all through from when I was 5 to 18 loved it and I was always dressing up as weird things on stage one time as a doll in Pinocchio and I just sit still for so long man it was so hard sitting under those hot lights not trying to scratch your nose yeah other times like I remember we had to wear these like we were tulips and Alice in Wonderland and we had to wear these weird like plant things on our head and then one time... I don't want to talk down your dance career. Were you just like the filler on stage?

It seems like you were just objects. Were they roles that a lot of people were auditioning for? No, it was like a ballet thing and they'd just be like, this class is the munchkins or this class is the thing. Sometimes I'd have more lead roles. Here's the pot plants. Yeah, this is when I was little. Just sit there, don't move.

We had to act out every single thing. Yeah. Just sit there, don't move. We had to act out every single thing. There was barely any props, no budgets or anything. And then this one time we were doing a show of Annie, you know, the orphan. Oh yeah, the orphan Annie. I was only about six or seven and we were little orphans sitting in. And I was playing a chair. Yeah. We didn't have any chairs.

And I was sitting on this bed. We were in our orphanage bedroom. And I fell off the bed backwards off the stage. Oh! In front of everyone. At age six. And so was it from the audience? Was it a ooh?

Was it a gasp? Yeah, I fell back. And I was so embarrassed that I had to crawl. It was quite high. I fell off the stage. Okay, so what was your role in Annie? I was an orphan okay so six year old child falls off oh this is yeah falls off stage during any recital

performance any so we're googling that now to see if it's happened to anyone else in the world i don't know if anyone else would this would have happened to oh it's happened to a nine-year-old really a nine-year-old boy who fell off the stage during Annie the Musical. What year? This would have been in the 90s. Can I do it first? That was 2021. No, I was way before that.

Yeah, I know. It was in the 90s. We wouldn't read about it in your instance. We'd almost read about it, though. Three years off. That's how it works. If you've got a story for us, an unbelievable story you want to tell, 0800 THE HITS.

Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. You wouldn't read about it. It's something we like to do from time to time. You tell us an unbelievable story that happened to you. We Google it, and if we wouldn't read about it, you win. Yeah, and chances are I can't. I've got the reading ability of a three-year-old, so Ben has to do all the reading for us.

Jenny, how are you? I'm a boxer fluffy duck. That's right, Jenny. Now, Jenny, welcome to You Wouldn't Read About It. It's a pleasure to be graced with your presence. You have a story that you believe we wouldn't read about when we Google it on the internet. Well, when we were kids, my mum took us to the circus in Reston. And we watched the knife throwers.

Oh, okay. Always dangerous a backyard circus, isn't it? Oh, absolutely. So, when we got home, two of my brothers out of the many... How many did you have? Well, there's 15 kids all up. 15 kids?

Your mum, she was prolific. Yes. The baby factory. No kidding. Eight boys and two of the boys, one of them decided that he was going to put my brother Brian up against the solid wooden door at the front

of the house and get the kitchen, sharp kitchen knives and do what the circus fella did. The problem is they make it look so easy in the circus, don't they? Yeah, well, he did everything right except for the last one, which sliced across the top of his head. Oh, no.

No. How many did... Oh, no. No. So Robby ended up with a mohawk because they had to shave one whole side of his head, but then decided they weren't going to leave him like that, and they gave him a mohawk. Now, we're focusing on the one that hit him. Let's focus on how many he actually landed on the door. There were eight.

Eight? So he did, you know, out of eight. He did really well. Out of eight he's landed. In the shape of a person. Yeah. Just like that other fella did. For a guy on debut, it's a wonderful.

Well, yeah. Those are good stats. Well, you're right. We're always going to talk about the one that hit though, aren't we? Yeah. That's going to stay. Yeah, well, that did good stats. Well, you're right. We're always going to talk about the one that hit, though, aren't we? Yeah. That's going to stay. Yeah, well, that did create a bit of a stir. Yes.

Okay, Jenny. Everywhere, as you can imagine. All right, Jenny, now we're going to Google this. You wouldn't read about it. If we can't read about it on the internet. What am I Googling here? Brother goes to circus, goes home, attempts knife throwing. Attempts knife throwing.

Circus. Okay, here we go, Jenny. The moment of truth. A TV knife thrower hits an assistant. Okay, here we go, Jenny. The moment of truth. A TV knife thrower hits an assistant. Okay, that sounds horrible. How dangerous are knife throwing? Well, the answer is pretty dangerous. Yeah, very dangerous.

Don't try this at home. I can't read about it. American circuses in decline. No, no one else has done this, and we couldn't read about it. You're going to win a prize. Oh, wow! Fantastic! I listen to you guys every day

and I absolutely love your show. Oh, we love you too, Jenny. You guys are such a hoot and it's so refreshing to have honest guys on the radio. Oh, thank you very much. That means a lot and thank you for sharing your story, however traumatic it was, with us. Oh, thank you very much. That means a lot. And thank you for sharing your story, however traumatic it was, with us.

Oh, it wasn't traumatic for me, but my mother was panicking a little bit. Well, he's won you some Hell Pizza now, now delivering beer and wine. We'll give you the Hell Pizza, Jenny. You have a wonderful day, and thank you for listening. Fantastic, guys. You keep it up, OK?

It's a fantastic show. Here's a collection of stories we'll probably forget about in three weeks. Ben, what's happening? Our daylight savings, of course, here. It really throws you out for some reason, Anil. I don't know why an hour throws you out so much. Are you still out of sorts, are you? I feel anything I thought I'd be easier to go to sleep, but I'm finding it harder for some reason. I don't know

why. Anyway. How about you, Belle? I think it's okay. I just get tired during the day with this early morning start. It felt like as soon as the clocks changed, nature decided to become cold. Did you notice that on Sunday? Well, that's the thing, yeah, because over the weekend, on Saturday in particular, it was quite muggy around the country. But then this week, there's a cold front coming through as of today. And even snow could be in Otago and Southland this week.

So look forward to that. Feels like, here we go, winter is coming. They said it on the Game of Thrones for many years, didn't they? What's your favourite? Okay, you've got to pick a favourite season of the year. What are you going to go for? You can't go summer. Oh, God.

I like autumn. You like autumn? Yeah, you know, it's like those nice dusk evenings. You can smell someone's fire. It's like, you know, It's quite nice, really. Crunchy leaves. I haven't given you many other options. Brick or winter, what are you going with?

Winter's good when it's raining outside and you're inside and you've got nothing. And I don't feel bad for not doing anything. That's why I like that. He's a guy that needs to be doing stuff, Bill. And so if the weather's good and there's stuff to be done, he'll be able to do it. So you like rain because it locks the doors. You can't go out and do stuff. Yeah.

But there's still stuff you can do inside. Yeah, well, that's true. You can, but there's outside stuff. Is there ever a day where you haven't done stuff? Probably not. Have you just sat there? Probably not. Have you?

Have you ever just sat? No, probably not. I just couldn't do it. Because when you're sitting, you're like, oh, there's so much stuff. There's so much stuff piling up that I'm going to need to do. There's a lot of stuff piling up. And actor and singer Selena Gomez.

This I found really fascinating. She's revealed that she hasn't been on the internet for four and a half years in a bid to help her mental health. Now, she has got one of the biggest Instagram accounts on the planet. 300 million people follow it. She's on TikTok as well. I guess someone else must control her social media. How else does she shove her opinion about Will Smith down the throat? She hasn't.

She hasn't. She's been quite honest about her mental health and how it's helped not being on the internet. I haven't been on the internet in four and a half years. It has changed my life completely. I am happier. I am more present. I connect more with people.

It makes me feel normal. Isn't that pretty cool? Speaking of stuff, imagine her emails backing up, Ben. They'd be giving you a heart attack. She hasn't been on in so long. Yeah, I mean, maybe she's on email. Maybe she's just not on social media and going on the internet. We've got to get her dabbing, flossing, planking.

We're getting an ice bucket challenge. I'm sure she would know about these things. She says she gets her information from people, you know, friends and family. And that's information that she wants to know. What about Ted Lasso? What about Tiger King? Shows that she... She can people tell about it.

It's not like she's like, I don't want to hear about it. You know, like you can say, hey, Selena, you should watch this. Maybe everyone's whispering, can't talk about the internet around Selena. She doesn't want to. She knows it's the thing. She's on Instagram. How does she do her online banking? Look, yeah.

How does, there's so many. She's got people to help her with it, but it's helping her mental health. So that's kind of cool. Yeah, I know. But, you know, bills are piling up. Emails are piling up. She's probably lost so, imagine how many important emails she's missed out on. 4487, actually.

I've got to throw this out there. Have you not been on the internet or do you know someone who hasn't been on the internet for a tremendously long time? Could you beat... You probably couldn't beat

four and a half years. Well, it sounds like you're issuing the audience a challenge there. It sounds like you're desperate for them to call up and you're dangling some sort of carrot

in front of them. Maybe I am. Taunting them, if you will. 4487 is our text and that that is scrolling through your feed this morning. Two semi-competent dads handing out semi-competent parenting advice. Jono and Ben on the hits. Can I just say no one's participated in your internet poll? I didn't think so.

Not one person. I didn't think anyone would have not been on the internet for more than five years, but hey, I threw it out there. I mean, you chuck stuff at the wall in this game, don't you? And sometimes it sticks, but you're not on this occasion, so that's all right. We'll wrap that one up there. Yeah, that's right.

Now, I don't know as a parent if you ever hear this from time to time when you hear your kids talking and you're like, oh my goodness, this is something that I would say, that I would say, something that a kid would not traditionally say. Like, get us a Heineken. Yeah, something like that. That would be a good example of that. But I had it the other day that because we've got uh wooden floors at home and it's a big bug bear because there's been some water has been spilled on the floors at home and they're basically

they're buckled the floors of you know the floorboards and so now everyone's hot i'm very hot on the fact that if anyone spills water the dog the dog we love him but he gets comes back for a walk and his feet are hot so he puts his feet in the bowl so they're wet, and then he walks around the floor, and then we spill dog water. It's a constant bugbear. So I walked past the room the other day, and Indy, one of my daughters, had spilled something from the dog bowl, and my daughter Sienna was saying exactly what I say to Indy.

She needs to clean it up. So I went and recorded Sienna afterwards. Have a listen. Sienna, what were you just saying to Indy? I was just telling Indy to clean up the water because the wet floor can cause the timber to buckle and it will cost thousands of dollars to replace the floorboards.

That's what I say. I know, but she listens to me more than you. Is that sucking your head, that saying? Yeah, it's really stuck in my head. Yeah, well, because the wet floor will cause the timber to buckle. That's what I'm saying. And it'll cost thousands of dollars to replace the floorboards. The kids have never too early learned how much it costs to replace floorboards.

They're expensive. I mean, I haven't. I've never replaced floorboards in my life. No, where are you getting your quotes from? Have you just made it up? I've just made it up. I've just gone. Have you dramatized how much it's going to cost to replace the floorboards?

I presume it'll cost thousands of dollars to replace the floorboards. Catastrophe. It's like, come on, guys. The timber will buckle. It'll cost thousands of dollars to replace the floorboards. Yeah. And now that's stuck in Sienna's head. Now she'll regurgitate that when any water spills on the ground.

Has it got to the point where you need to replace the floorboards? Or is it just a threat that you're hanging over your family? Yeah, it's not quite even as it used to be. But we live with it. We all sort of walk around it, but yeah. What are your floorboards buckling for when they just get a little drop of water on them for? Some moisture and water and stuff, yeah.

How much is it going to cost? Well, they don't drain, but they buckle, and it causes damage, and it could cost thousands of dollars to replace the floorboards. The other thing I do appreciate is I'd love to go through your phone one day and just look through your voice memos

and just how many times he's recorded his family bell. We should release Ben's best family recordings volume number one. I have to clear it out every now and again because I run out of space on my phone.

You need more volumes and now that's what I call music. Just Ben milking his family for radio content. What about the Kardashian mum? What's this? Roll up. Here we go.

Roll up. Get the cameras. Bang in with the voices. What? Wow, that's a... I was trying to do a keeping up with the Kardashians. That didn't go well, that one. We've got $5,000.

Bang in the floorboards on me. Yeah. It could be yours next. It is the hits. Jono and Ben. Jono and Ben. Brought to you by Resene. Helping Kiwis decorate with New Zealand made paints since 1946

In 1902 a trip down the road merely cost three carats and a scratch behind the ear In 1972 skating down to the dairy was free The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast Five words for 5k, you're just five words away

from $5,000 It is your chance to win five grand. We do it every morning at 7.45 on the hits. It's a game of word association. Match your five words with our five words and you win $5,000. We're going to go to Wellington. Morena, Jennifer, you're on. Oh, sorry.

How are you, Jennifer? All right? Yeah. Yeah, doing well. Did you know, Jennifer, because you're a school teacher, you might know this, that we say on average 3,000 to 5,000 words a day Okay, now These next five words

Are going to be the most important words You say today Even though you're teaching kids Don't care about what words You say to them Just only care about these If I was better at maths I'd give you a statistical breakdown

Of how my chances were Oh yeah, hey You never know. It's a game that can be won. What would you do if you won $5,000? Would you do anything crazy, interesting?

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go bold because I've had COVID, so I feel like I'm in my immunity window. School holidays are coming up. I think I'll just go to Fiji. Oh, Fiji.

Yeah, good time. You do wander around with a level of arrogance, don't you? Once you've had the video. You're in a sweet spot now, aren't you? Yeah, sweet spot. Do we either? I've got three months.

Make it. And then what happens after those three months? Well, none of us know. That's the thrilling thing about being in a pandemic, isn't it? That's the joy. You've got to get them day to day at the moment, eh? All right, Jennifer, who are you going to put into the soundproof booth? Jono or Ben?

I think I'm going to go with Jono. All right. Let's get you to Fiji. Yeah. All right. We're trying to get you. It's all on Jono. He is in the soundproof booth right now.

He can't hear what's going on. Jennifer, your first word this morning to see if you can match up with Jono. What pops into your head when I say primary? The appropriate word, primary. School. Primary school, yeah. Are you a primary school teacher or secondary school? I'm primary? The appropriate word. Primary. School. Primary school.

Are you a primary school teacher or secondary school? I'm primary school. There you go. Security is word number two. Security. Guard. Security guard. So far so good. That's another job I have. Oh really? Jeez, you've diversified your portfolio haven't you? Candy is

word number three. Candy. C-A-N-D-Y. Cane. Candy cane. Supermarket. Word number four. Supermarket. Yeah. There's options. Options galore on this one. I see why producer Behumps put it in there. There we go. Trolley's a good word, though. And frozen is the final word this morning. Frozen. That could go so many different ways. Peas. Frozen peas.

All right. Hey, nice work, Jennifer. We'll get Jono out of the soundproof booth, and then we'll find out if he can match up five words for $5,000 and you can win five grand. You could be holidaying in Fiji with your immunity. Let's wrap your lips around one of those pina coladas, Jennifer. Doesn't that sound nice right about now?

Okay, John, the first word was... Well, not at 7.46 in the morning. It's five o'clock somewhere. That's what you say, right? Primary was the first word this morning. Primary. Now, Jennifer is a teacher. Would she have gone primary industry?

Is that what you want to look at? No, it's not. Primary school. Yes, well done. One from five. This is a good start. Security is the second word. Security.

Security guard. Nice. That's because I'm just looking at the one out the window right now for the building. Yeah, Jennifer's also a security guard as well. We're learning a lot about Jennifer today. What? Do you ever get heavy-handed with the students? Well, it comes in handy for, you know, they're quite similar.

It's crowd control. It's a little bit rational at school and when you're a security guard. Two from five. Let's see if we can match these final three words. Candy. Candy. Cane. Oh, that's good.

Three from five. That's good. Jennifer. Wow. I can picture you lying on a sun lounger right now. Oh, mate, come on. No, isn't Micah? She's in Fiji. Bill, don't look at me like that. No, I was like, you're all right, mate. I on. No, it isn't like a... She's in Fiji.

Bill, don't look at me like that either. No, I was like, you're all right, mate. I know what you mean. Yeah, thank you, Bill. And Jennifer knew what I meant, didn't I? You're like in your bikini in there. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

Don't. Stop now, please. All round 10. Okay, supermarket. Jeez. Supermarket is the next word. What? Supermarket is the next word. Supermarket.

Shopping. No. Oh, trolley. There's plenty of options for supermarket. Jennifer. Yeah, and the final word was frozen. Elsa? Oh, yeah.

Primary school. I see where you're with it. Peas. Jennifer, I'm very sorry. word was frozen. Elsa? Oh, yeah. Primary school, I see where you're at. We're at peas. Frozen peas. Jennifer, I'm very sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't win you $5,000, and I'm really sorry about that weird sun lounger comment, too. That really lost the crowd with that one. Exactly.

Yeah. Jennifer, thanks so much for listening. I hope you do get to go to Fiji, all right? Yeah. Fingers crossed. If they were the internet, you do get to go to Fiji alright Yeah fingers crossed If they were the internet you'd want to clear this history Jono and Ben on the hits Time for close contacts

This is where one of us gets the other Person's phone calls someone in our Contact list we don't know who they've called And then we have to have an awkward conversation Trying to work out who the person is on the Other end of the phone yeah week by week we're sort Of systematically going through each other's each other's phones and ruining relationships yeah sometimes i don't even know why i've got numbers that confuses me as well

people you know why have i got your number yeah it's through work you know and now the greatest i think addition to any radio show has been this cord that's plugged into the desk that we can plug directly into our phones so it looks like you are doing the calling ben when it comes up on their phone oh ben boyce is calling me not just a private number from the radio studio and that's where another whole other level of confusion comes into play as well like for example when we phoned art green from your phone phone. Ben Boyce? Yes, it is. It is indeed. How are you, my man? I'm good. How are you? Good. What's going on? Well, I'm just currently standing in the kitchen. Okay, good. Oh, nice. And what else has been happening with you? Oh, not too much, really. We've just been really

enjoying summer. When you say we, what do you mean we? We've been enjoying summer. We've been enjoying summer. My wife, Maddie, and I have been... Oh, it's a heart green. It's a heart green. What I loved about that is just the complete vagueness of conversation. Heart green.

We've just been enjoying summer. Who's we? Who's we? Okay, well that was awkward. Finally worked out that you called Art Green. So today you've got my phone again and I'm nervous because you could call anyone. Well this, I don't know. Firstly, I don't know how on earth you obtained

this person's phone number in your contact list. Oh, really? It's high risk, high reward this morning. In terms of, it's quite early to wake up a potential national treasure. Oh, a national treasure? A national treasure. Oh, jeez.

Let's hope Lorde is ready to answer her phone. No, it's not Lorde, but we'll go through. I'll make the call. That's a very unusual ring. That's a very unusual ring. That's very... Hey! How's it going? God, how's that?

This is Ben. How's things? Good, good. Yes. Ben, Ben, Ben from... Jono, Ben, how's things? Good, good, yes. Ben, Ben, Ben from Jono, Ben, Ben. Oh, Simba there, how are you? Good, good, how are you? What's going on? Yeah, good, good. How's things been?

Yeah, good. We're just looking after a little... Hang on. Yeah, good. We're just looking after a little... Oh, my goodness. Hang on. Oh, my goodness. Is this Stan Walker? Yes. Oh, Jono. Look, Jono's grabbed my phone.

He's rang someone. I had to work out who it was. Jesus, how am I going to get your number, Stan? I'm so sorry. Stan Walker, we play a game called close contacts. He has no idea who I'm calling from his phone list. Oh, what a crack up. In all honesty, Stan Walker, how comfortable do you feel Ben Boyce having your number?

I've never called you. I've never bugged you before, Stan, have I? No, it's all good. It's funny. I just got a new phone and I haven't transferred anything, so I've been asking, like, who's the heifer? Listen,

there's no world that you need to store Ben's number into your phone. Yeah, you're right. How you been, man? You been good, though? Yeah, been real good. Just back into the full swing of mahi now, now that all the borders are open. Yeah, you'll be tearing up a storm. Yeah, it's been real good. Just back into the full swing of mahi now, now that all the borders are open. Yeah, you'll be tearing up a storm. Yeah, it's been good.

I head off to Aussie next week, going to Byron Bay for the Blues Fest, so looking forward to it. Oh, that looks epic. Are you 660 going to be there? There's a whole lot of other artists, right? Yeah, so it's on the night that I perform, it's me, LAB, and 660,

so it's like basically New Zealand. It's New Zealand. Yeah, until Australia decides to kick everyone out. Yeah, we might get on stage and they're like, ooh, I think you fellas need to go. Oh, well, Stan Walker, this has gone from a prank call into an impromptu interview. And thank you.

Thank you, mate. We're sorry for interrupting. Hope you fellas have been good. Yeah, we're all good, mate. Lovely to talk to you, man. Take care. Thank you. See you later. See you, mate. We're sorry for interrupting. Hope you fellas have been good. Yeah, we're all good, mate. Lovely to talk to you, man. Take care. Thank you. See you later.

See you, Stan. Oh, God, that was awkward at the start. But you're next week, so that's good. I know. And the joy of when it's happening to the other person you really love, but as soon as the end, you're like, oh, God, in seven days it's going to be me. The show where the masks make them look a whole lot better. Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Jennifer Lopez

Ben Affleck they're in a new but old relationship she's back with her ex and Ben Affleck's ex Jennifer Garner is actually quite worried that her kids

because they've got kids together are going to like his new house more than hers and she might be right because they've just bought a mansion in Balea this would be a mansion

that Will Smith would get sent to after his life got flipped turned upside down wouldn't it you know this is this is sort of mansion there i think his life has just been flipped turned upside down right yeah you're right but it's 98 million dollars i understand it's crazy it's got 17 bathrooms 17 bathrooms it looks incredible from the pictures this is the one that you keep hooking into you're like too bathrooms. But I guess what else would you use those rooms for? If you've got 17 of them, a bathroom kind of feels like if you've got an abundance of rooms, it's a good fill of content, isn't it? What should we put in there?

Oh, we've got a cupboard. You know, we've got a cupboard. You've got a gym. You know, I've got a gym. We'll chuck another bathroom in. People always need to go to the toilet at some point. You never know at what stage, you know, where you are located in the house, you might need to go to the toilet.

Well, that's true. And it's huge. The place is huge, so I understand it needs a lot of bathrooms. Now, I do have a bit of concern for J-Lo and Ben Affleck. Interest rates are climbing. Do you think they got,

did they have to get a pre-approval loan? I'm a bit worried about that, wouldn't I? Is that a go-halves-y situation on a $98 million mansion, or what's going on there? I imagine she. I'm a bit worried about that, wouldn't I? Is that a go-halvesy situation on a $98 million mansion or what's going on there? Yeah, I imagine she would have made a bit of money over real estate over the years,

but you know, you buy J-Low, you sell J-High. You know, that's what happens, right? That's what I've always said about pricing. And if people go,

why are you saying buy J-Low and buy J-High? Because it works with their name, J-Low. Yeah, but we're not talking about Jennifer Lopez. I'm here looking at... That's what I've always said about real estate. Buy J-Low, sell J-High. Because it works with her name, J-Lo. Yeah, but we're not talking about Jennifer Lopez. I'm here looking... It's what I've always said about real estate. Buy J-Lo, sell

J-High. You know? And that's why he is in crippling debt. Because he references J-Lo when he's buying houses. Yeah, Jennifer the block. She's bought the whole block basically at the moment. Oh, good on them. And as long as, you know, Ben, what do you like saying? As long as they're happy. As long as they're happy. And I'm pretty

sure in a $98 million mansion, you'd be pretty happy. They're happy, but Jennifer Garner, you know, Ben, what do you like saying? As long as they're happy. As long as they're happy. And I'm pretty sure in a $98 million mansion, you'd be pretty happy. They're happy. But Jennifer Garner, you know, of course, the ex, she's not as happy because her house is obviously not quite as nice as his. And she's, you know, as I said before, she's worried. She's only got 14 bathrooms. Yeah. She's going to have to put in three more bathrooms just to keep up with her ex.

So she has a concern, because, Belle, you were talking about this the other day, about the kids liking the Bennifer household more than... Yeah, well, it's fancy, it's flash, it's new, and she's worried that they're going to want to hang out with him more, and that actually goes against their custody arrangement. They're going to have to walk 10 metres to a bathroom, as opposed to just having a bathroom right next to them, at any stage of the house.

So we wanted to open up this morning the X-Files. I mean, poor Jennifer Garner. You never want your ex upgrading, do you? No. You always want to see them downgrade. Yeah. So we don't even have to say names. Let's not even do names.

Let's just call you Mr. or Mrs. X today if you want to say something about your ex. Again, we won't say their names, but we'll open up the X up the ex files we'll find out what your situation with your ex was like now i don't have many ex-girlfriends i could count them all on one hand in fact more in particular i could probably count them all on one finger because i've had one ex-girlfriend now i i don't want to spill too many beans but we had a tumultuous relationship, and I've spoken about this with you before, Ben, where on one occasion she got me to pick her up and then drive her to some household where she wanted to purchase some tinfoil. And I was like, well, this is an odd purchase.

We could go to the supermarket. Was she protesting outside Parliament? Maybe that's what was going on. She got the tinfoil. I was like, how much was that tinfoil? She's like, $20, I was like, it's not even flat Like they've scrunched it all up and it looks It's not even good quality tinfoil But anyway, I'm not to judge who spends their money on what

And then she got me to drop her at her friend's house I feel like every time you tell a story, I'm like Were you just an Uber driver in your head That you thought were in a relationship with someone else? Maybe. Maybe I was less of a boyfriend and more of an unpaid Uber driver. I don't know. Unpaid tinfoil collector.

It's Jono's X-File. We'll open up yours next on 0800. We're opening up the X-Files. Kick the music off, Bell. The X-Files. I vaguely remember this show. Yeah, this whole season, I've got something to update it.

It's like making a G.I. Jane reference, isn't it? Something you remember this from ages ago? Yeah. A lot of vaguely. You take the name of that TV show out of your mouth. Yeah. Yeah, phone up about your ex. Anything will take you.

Some great texts coming through. A lot of people just don't want to come on air, though. Fair enough. I mean, that's why I was like, let's not name. Some great texts coming through. A lot of people just don't want to come on here, though. Fair enough. I mean, that's why I was like, let's not name names. Yeah. One here, my ex-partner craved blood. She would drink shot glasses of blood. Oh, really?

Yeah. Okay. Which is a thing. Oh, yeah, I think it is. If you're a vampire. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's their drink of choice.

Okay. But people do, I googled it, a lot of people do it around the world as well. Drink blood. Another text here on 4487. My ex-partner would pay me cash, sometimes $5,000 a time, so he wouldn't have to attend my family Christmas. So he wouldn't have to go to dinner at the in-laws. $5,000, geez. You'd almost go, Mum and Dad want us over for dinner again.

I want to buy some shoes. Let's go to the phones now. Mrs. X, what's your story about your ex? Good morning. Hey, guys. Well,

me and my arsehole ex were together for three years and we were at an auction about to buy a house. We'd been going through all the process

and he pulled out on me on the last minute and said he'd found someone else, which I was very surprised at. And then I ended up buying the house by myself and moved in a couple of months later, and turns out he'd shacked up with the neighbour and was living right next door. No!

So hold on, did he drop this news at the auction as you were in the middle of bidding or after you'd just won the auction? Just before we went into the auction. Right. So you didn't go through with the auction, right? No, I went to the side and bought it. She bought it herself.

Oh, gotcha. So you've moved in next to your ex and his new partner. Yeah. How does new partner. Yeah. How does that go? Well, I mean, it was obviously a bit of a shock when I first moved in. They don't live next door anymore, but it was pretty uncomfortable for a while there. I can imagine. Yeah, I imagine there's not like, oh, you know, you got any milk or anything like that along the way?

Was there just people keeping heads down, trying to avoid contact? Yes, exactly. No sharing eggs. Jeez, that's awkward. That is very impressive. Lived next door to your ex and his new partner in the house that you were actually meant to buy together. There's so many layers to that story.

And you're happy now. Have you got someone now? Yes, I've got someone now. I'm very happy. Oh, that's good. That's worked out. Appreciate your call. Thanks, guys. Bye. We've filed that one away on the x files johnno i've opened up the cabinet there's another file coming trying to make a good reason for playing this music

it's the x files mrs x's story about your ex hello mrs x that's what we're going to call you what do you want to say about the ex? What's the story for us? He was very tight. Look, I told you not to talk about me on the radio, okay? Well, unless you're talking about had a tight-ass body. Did he have a tight-ass body or a tight ass? No, he just didn't like me spending money. Yeah, right, so Ben Boyce.

Okay, it's a Ben Boyce type. I do like spending money. No, you don't. Ice. Okay, it's a Ben Boyce type. I do like spending money. No, you don't. I'd rather spend other people's money than my own. Okay, so you went out with Scrooge McDuck here. Yes, yes. And what happened? Well, I found a way that I could have my own little stash. I would get extra money in the groceries.

You don't ask for cash out. And I used to hide it in the hem of the curtain. Oh, in the drapes. Wow. I like this. Aren't you a little bit spicy? Did you ever get caught? Did you ever get found out?

No. Oh. It worked a treat. To be fair, the last place you can look for money is in the drapes. Yeah. Isn't it? Great holding place. What if you were the one that would always close the curtains at night?

I imagine you would in that situation. You'd be like, I'll get it. I'll get it. Sit down. Yeah, you could say. How much money did you have, potentially, at the most amount in the curtains? Oh, maybe a couple of hundred. Oh, wow.

Cash curtains. I'd dip into it. So was he ever like, why are the curtains jingling like coins? Oh, no, no, no coins, just the folding stuff. Just the folding, right, just the cash money.

It wasn't a cash cow, it was a cash curtain. A cash curtain. I love it. Hey, thank you, Mrs X, we appreciate your call. No worries, have a good day. Time to close the X love it. Hey, thank you, Mrs X. We appreciate your call. No worries. You have a good day.

Time to close the X-Files cabinet for another week, Jono. Don't pretend this is going to be a week, Andy. The cabinet's closed. We'll open it up again for more X-Files at some stage. We've got free fuel. That's how old the reference is.

He's got a filing cabinet. You know, you can just store the information on your computer now. Files are like my filing system, mate. Get fuelled up with the Hitz FuelGrab. Petrol prices, we don't need to tell you, they're very high, and this is a chance for you to get

a whole tank of gas and maybe more, all thanks to Gas Petrol Service Stations. You can be in to win a gas gold gift card loaded with $450. All you have to do is buy fuel and you go on the draw to win every month for a year. Someone texted in yesterday after we did it, 4487. They're like, I have tested positive for the car owner virus.

Not being able to afford petrol. Lovely play on words there. Caroline, you're on. Welcome from fielding. Hey, guys. How are you? Always a lot of pressure on fielding to remain friendly, isn't there? We're super friendly, guys.

That's what he says. What are you hiding? What are you really hiding, anyway? There must be some down days when you don't feel like being friendly in Friendly Fielding. Never. Never? Well, no. Not often.

Okay. Correct me if I'm wrong. Is it Fielding who keeps getting consistently voted the most beautiful town in Aotearoa? Yeah, but I don't think we got it this year. But you were still friendly about it. Yeah, you're like, good on them. Yeah, you know, we're good sports. Good on you.

Now, Caroline, you're a property manager, so I'm imagining you're driving all over the Manawatu, aren't you, managing properties? Sure am. At this stage, I might have to get a scooter. Yeah, well, not if you win big on this petrol competition, thanks to gas. All right. Have you got a figure in your head that you want to stop at?

Yeah, I do. Just enough to fill the truck up. What is it? Yeah. What's your figure? Are you going to tell us or are you going to keep it? I can't tell you that. Okay, all right.

It's the unfriendliest I've ever heard, Caroline. Okay, we'll put you over to the fuel pump. You obviously need to yell stop before the pump runs out. Good luck. Thanks. $50. $84. $112.

$155. Stop. And that was the figure. Wow, was it $150? Was that what you were hoping for? Yeah, it was. That's And that was the figure. Oh, well played. Was it $150? Was that what you were hoping for? Yeah, it was. That's enough to pull the car up. Oh, good on you, Caroline.

Who decided? I always wonder, like, who decided petrol was going to be the thing? All those years ago, like, petrol was going to be the thing. Oh, the thing that we all wanted. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I need to own a petrol company, I guess.

Yeah. Well, find out actually how much you could have won. Let's go back to the pumps just quickly. Okay. $181. $230. Oh, it jumped up. $278.

$305. $340. Oh, it jumped up quite a bit, but you've got to be happy with $150. Absolutely. Spread it around. Good on you, Caroline. Nice and friendly, eh? Look, absolutely.

She's like, hey, I missed out. I didn't get anywhere near half that, but I'm still happy and friendly. Well done, Caroline. Appreciate your time. It's Jono and Ben, but FYI, Ben is open to other options. Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, all-black legend Dan Carter is doing something incredible to tomorrow at Eden Park, and he joins us right now

to tell us all about it. Good morning, Dan. Good morning, fellas. How are we? We're going all right. How are you feeling? Are you going to be kicking for 24 hours? I mean, how do you even get your head around that?

Yeah, reality is starting to kick in. Excuse the pun. Never excuse a pun on this show, Dan. Never. Exactly. Embrace it. I'm looking at you guys too much. I feel like I can't do an interview with a couple of those in the interview at least.

Anyway, I got that out of the way. I can relax now. Yeah, first of its kind event, I'm kind of going into it now. I don't really know what to expect. A good bit of strategy in behind it, but to try and last 24 hours, I've got a wee target of 1,598 kicks through that 24 hours. That's how many test points I scored for the All Blacks. So just over a kick a minute for 24 hours.

Do you think you'll be officially sick of kicking things by the end of this? The weird thing is, kicking to me, even though I've retired, it's like meditation. It's my happy place. It's where I go and escape from my four children just for an hour, play peace. But then all of a sudden I decided to do this event, and the kicking sessions are four, five, six hours long

in the last few weeks, and it's no longer meditation. It's actually brutal. That can imagine. You obviously got a tactic to how many kicks you want to get through an hour. As you say, it's on average a kick a minute, but is there anything you're trying to get through some faster when you've got more energy, or how do you approach this? Strategy could go out the door when I'm sleep deprived,

but once again, that's been part of my training program is having a whole lot of children at a really young age to make sure I don't sleep through the night for the last eight years leading up to this event. So that's all sorted. I can probably get that many kicks, 66 kicks in half an hour, 40 minutes, and then I'll use the other 20 minutes to refuel. If I need a wee massage, jump on a bike, bathroom stops,

whatever I need in that 20, jump on a bike, bathroom stops, whatever I need in that 20 minutes to recharge and go again. It's a wonderful thing that you are doing for charity, for UNICEF, raising money for UNICEF. Are there times over the last few days where you've been lying in bed going

it just would have been easier to make a donation? Not really to be honest. I've been lucky enough to be an ambassador for UNICEF for about seven years, and I've been to field trips, Syrian refugee camps, and just seen firsthand the amazing work that they do for children all over the world. But I always wanted to do more, and I never was able to with my rugby schedule, so now I've finished, I was like, right, I'm going to set up my own fund, DC10 Fund, and partner with UNICEF

and then handpick which UNICEF projects I'm really passionate about. And then I learned that, you know, sanitation-related disease is one of the leading causes of death for children under five in the Pacific Islands. And I was like, you know, these children, you know, don't have access to simple things like clean water, things that we take for granted.

So when it does get tough and I'm tired and I'm training and everything, I often think about the impact that I can have on those children, and that's what really motivates me. So hopefully New Zealand can get them behind this event, and when I am tired and grumpy and sick of kicking, I see the generous donations come in, and I really do think that's what's going to help drive me to survive It's an awesome thing you're doing, people can

watch it at dancarta.com kickathon, it starts tomorrow as Jono said and also people can text WASH to 2662 and make an instant $3 donation to UNICEF and it's awesome to talk to you Dan, well done for doing this Dust off your kicking boots and come down and have a watch

it's actually nice to talk to you. Do you know what happened? I don't know if you ever heard this, but when you came back to the Blues a couple of years ago, I was very excited. You're coming back. You're playing rugby again.

And the guys told me we had an interview with you. And what they did is they found interviews of you talking over the years and they were playing it secretly through the phone line. And I thought I was interviewing you

for about four minutes. And you were a stranger. Have a quick listen to this. I think we've got about 30 seconds of it for you. Okay. A few years ago, what would have been more embarrassing for you, Dan Carter, seeing your giant jockey billboard or seeing you in a blues rugby jersey? Yes.

Short answer. Okay. If it is Dan. Dan Carter, is this you actually talking to us right now? Thank you, good to be here No it's not him What if I told you it wasn't Dan Carter? That went on for four minutes Dan

I was like strange answers from Dan Carter but okay I'll roll with it Is this when I should tell him I'm actually Stephen Donald? Yeah this whole time he's been Stephen Donald. Oh, Dan Carter, good on you for, you know, stepping up and actually doing something for a pro-agency charity.

And you've kindly invited us down to do some emceeing. So did you think to yourself, what way can I make this experience more excruciating? I'll have Jono and Ben barking into a microphone for a few hours.

Oh, jeez, come on, fellas. Rate yourself. You're going to be the difference to really bring me home. Oh, good on you, mate. We'll look forward to seeing you on Friday and all the best tomorrow

and get along and support Dan Carter online and text WASH to 2662. Make an instant $3 donation to UNICEF. Thanks, Dan.

Well, good luck tomorrow. Thanks, guys. Spy. Know what's up. Spy.co.nz. Like a clumsy waiter in a cafe, she's

about to spill the tea on the celebrities. Belle Crawford, what's happening, mate? Well, you may watch The Chase before the news every night. Well, Anne Hergerty, you all know is one of the chasers. Are you talking to me when you say that? You look like a 65-year-old man. You're a six o'clocker each night, aren't you? Yeah, I'm in bed by 6.10.

You've had your dinner at 4.30 like a granddad. Well, Anne, who's one of the Chase hosts, has found out she's actually related to the Queen. The Quizmaster appeared on this genealogy series and did a DNA test, and she found out that she is the Queen's 19th cousin. Does that allow you anything? Does it allow you to go, you know, stay there,

go to Christmas, all that sort of thing? 19th cousin. Probably not, right? Most of us know about our second cousins, but anyone further than that, we don't have any clue. You can go onto Ancestry.com, eh? Maybe we should get you to test Ben. See if you're hooked up with anyone that we can capitalize on. Actually, have you discovered you are related to anyone famous?

That would be cool to know. 4487 is our text number. If you had discovered at some discovered you are related to anyone famous? That would be cool to know. 4487 is our text number. If you had discovered at some stage you were related to someone cool. Well, everyone's, you know, everyone in New Zealand, thankfully just being such a small place, everyone claims to be someone's cousin,

don't they? Yeah, you're right. Oh, is he, you know, Sonny Bill Williams' cousin or? Yeah. Yeah, who have you claimed to be? Oh, well, no, I didn't really. I think I claimed to know the Milky Bar kid back in the day.

I did a Milky Bar kid lie too. You know the Milky Bar chocolates? He used to have a mascot child. I think I said he was my brother. Yeah, I think that was one of the things. It was in the golden era where there was no internet and no one could fact check you in the primary school playground. I didn't have the blonde hair, otherwise maybe

I would have gone, yeah, that's me, but you know. Yeah. And Justin Bieber may look like a little kid in his dad's suit at the Grammys this week, but he's also done something really cool for his fans. So he's offering free online therapy to his millions of fans and also people working on his tour and has dropped

millions on doing this. So he's announced his partnership with this online therapy platform called BetterHelp, and fans can get one month of free online therapy, share it with their friends, and he's actually given his 250-plus crew 18 months of free therapy as well. That's nice. That's very nice. You wanted to do a photo shoot in a big giant oversize suit like Justin Bieber.

Who wore it better? I know. You would have seen that photo. We'll check it upize suit like Justin Bieber. Like, who wore it better? I know. You would have seen that photo. We'll check it up on our story on The Hits Breakfast if you hadn't. But, I mean, what did you think, Belle? Well, look, he's quite fashion forward. He is. I've actually recently purchased an oversized blazer, but that was a bit big.

But he's just making a statement, and good on him. It's an awards show. You know, you're not going to wear something you're going to wear to the supermarket, are you? As I say to the kids, you'll grow into it. That's the thing. It looks like he's raided the clothing bin outside the pack and safe. He's just gone in there. He's forgotten he had to pick an outfit for the Grammys.

He's whipped by, picked something out of there, chucked it on. But the sleeves end. It looks like probably 30 centimetres beyond where his hands would be. They're kind of tucked up in the sleeves, aren't they? It's a massive suit. And a nightmare when you've got the bottom of your pants dragging along in the toilet. Such a dad thing to say. It happened to me.

I borrowed Ben's Finding Nemo costume for our Christmas party. You did, and we found Nemo in the urinal at the pub. It was, because I had to undo Nemo. He was a full-bodied suit, and he sort of dangled in the trough. So I didn't want Nemo back after that.