Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: Jono discovers he has a sister
Episode Date: June 7, 2022We delve into our spam and discover Jono isn't an only child and has a grandson in trouble?!We chat with the star of Marvel Studios' Ms. Marvel Iman VellaniBen shares the difference in activities his ...daughters choose to do and Jono has character building thoughts on kids and leaving school in the rain. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Welcome to the podcast today, it's the 8th of June, pleasure to have everyone here.
We've got a fancy new camera in the studio, the Bird Dog, Eyes P100.
You know when you look at a camera and you're like, jeez, that could see some stuff.
It's one of those ones that you control with a joystick next door.
It's got a little picture of a bird on the side of it, I guess hence the name, the Bird Dog.
The Bird Dog. Wouldn't it be like bird eye?
It looks very cool. It looks very
futuristic. What is a bird dog?
It takes the best bits
from birds and dogs and combines them together.
Is it a dog with wings?
Because that is, I'd love a bird dog.
Which way round do you want? If you're going to be half bird, half dog,
what parts of the dog are you having?
You definitely have the wings, right?
You'd be like a dog with wings. I'd like a dog with wings, right? You'd be like a dog with wings.
I'd like a dog with wings, yeah.
I'd be like a two-legged dog with wings.
So I'd lose a couple of legs.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
What's this thing that kind of hops around but also barks at the same time?
But a barking bird.
So imagine you look up into the trees.
There's half a dog, half a bird just sitting up there barking.
And you're like, wow, geez.
Yeah.
That's something to behold.
A bird dog.
And that's how the bird dog eyes P100.
Have you got cameras at your house?
No.
No.
No.
I haven't gone into the camera game.
No.
Have you got cameras at your house, Bill?
Yeah, well, I'm about to move out of our current place.
We've been in for three years.
And I'm pretty sure there's like a camera on the front door.
It's this like high-tech system.
But I don't really use it.
I'm too scared to answer the door. That's millennial things i wouldn't stop watching the camera that
would be my issue i know i'll just be all eyes on the camera i'll be of all eyes on the bird dog
you all the time i remember we stayed in a motel in whangarei once and uh i got home and it was
about you know nine o'clock at night i turned on the tv i was like oh what's this scary movie
and it turned out it was the cctv footage of the parking lot of the motel.
And I couldn't take my eyes off it.
It was literally in Whangarei at 9 o'clock at night on like a Wednesday.
Nothing happening at the car park.
But I was like, oh, there's a leaf blowing there.
Someone's dropping someone off in a taxi there.
I remember in Christchurch, one of the TV channels,
one of the local ones when I was there,
used to go to like a footage of a park like a wide shot of a park and that's what
they'd be on during the day, just as one
camera and then it would kick on to the
TV shows. But I remember just having to
have it on at home one day and some
young scallywag ran across and
beared his bottom
towards the camera.
At well times too, you know
his mates are watching back at a flat going, oh, that's, you know.
We didn't need that on the nature cam.
No, exactly.
Did we?
I love it.
That's the first thing that we want to go do.
If we know there's a camera somewhere, you'll want to go and sabotage it.
Exactly.
That's always, the live news cross always excites me.
Oh, yeah.
Because, you know, the live, out in public, especially when they're like, oh, it's St.
Patrick's Day, rowdy, all the
revelers. It's like, why? Why are you doing this
to yourself? Don't do it. It's never going to end
well. We've bombarded a couple of news
crosses in our time. Oh, yeah, with TV
stuff, and it's always, yeah. It's a little bit
awkward. It's definitely awkward afterwards.
Yeah, because, oh, sorry about that, mate. They're like, no, you're not.
She wouldn't have done it. Journalists
wouldn't take that well. No, they don't.
Do you know the most humbling experience was we were doing a silly little game on the streets of Hamilton.
And I can't even remember what the game was for, but it was to get the public to do something.
And there was a public talking to a charity collector.
And this guy had been out on the streets battling away with his bucket.
And I went and pulled a prank on the member of the public.
And they walked off from his transaction with the person.
And I was like, I'm sorry, mate. He's like like no you're not and you yeah yeah i said you know what you're right he was like you're meant to do that you came over to do this thing you're like oh yeah
yeah and i mean that was like oh that humbled me that humbled me but he was right i like being
called out when you're not sorry like i'm sorry it's like no you're not sorry you went like it
was so premeditated
that you could have pulled out at any moment.
Any one of those moments.
But you specifically targeted this person.
That was all we had to do.
That was on you prior.
Yeah, it's good.
You were rattled after that.
Yeah, I was a little rattled after that.
It was a silent car ride back to Auckland.
I want to do that more to people
when they go, you're sorry.
You're like, no, you're not.
No, I'm not.
You're right.
I don't care.
Hey, fun podcast for you to listen to today.
Kais Contacts is back.
Our game where we grab each other's phone
and we call someone and we don't know who we've called.
Today it was a very famous sports person
that I had a slightly awkward conversation with.
Yeah.
I used to live down the road from this guy too.
I picked him early in the piece.
It's quite handy when you phone people
and you're like, what are you up to?
And they're like, oh, well, I'm currently doing this with this person
and filming this over there.
They list off a little bit of a CV of what they're doing at the time.
As well as that, Ms. Marvel, it's a new show on Disney Plus today.
We talked to the lead actor who's got an amazing story
about how she basically fell in love with this character years ago.
She's a big super fan and now is in a Marvel series.
It's just incredible.
So enjoy that and plenty more on the podcast.
If they were the internet, you'd want to clear this history.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Tell you what, yesterday I was walking the dog around about, you know,
like probably rush hour traffic, rush hour walking the dog,
and there was a busy bus stop across the other side of the street.
Lots of cars going on.
I had my headphones on.
I was listening to a podcast.
And then some guy in the bus stop just yelled out at me across the road.
He was yelling out.
And you were like, when you were like, there's yelling going on.
Is that to me?
And I was like, oh, it is to me.
And this is Billy.
This is an interesting move for someone to make, yelling out across two roads.
Whenever anyone is yelling at you from a bus stop,
it's never going to be favorable stuff.
Well, this was it.
So I took off the headphones.
I was like, what?
Are you yelling at me, bus stop man? And he was like, hey, Ben, Ben. And I was like, oh, hey. And he was like, yeah's never going to be favorable stuff. Well, this was it. So I took off the headphones. I was like, what? You're yelling at me, bus stop man?
And he was like, hey, Ben, Ben.
And I was like, oh, hey.
And he goes, yeah, keep going.
And I was like, oh, that's good.
I was like, maybe keep going and walk,
or keep going and work situation.
So, okay, and a thumbs up.
He goes, yeah, don't be a has-been.
Keep going.
Oh, that's nice.
So it wasn't like a motivational,
keep walking that dog.
No, it was like maybe your career is faltering, so keep going.
That's why it's nice to get advice from a guy yelling from a bus stop.
Yeah, I thought so too.
I mean, the location just really heightens the advice as well.
And he wasn't in the bus stop looking at us, but looking at us like, oh, cheers, man.
Why are you giving this guy a pep talk across the road?
Yeah, it's not very nice.
My favorite type of yelling is a lot of the times when we're used to film for the TV show,
Bill,
we'd be on the street and you'd get like sort of abuse from passing motorists.
But you weren't, but just given, you know, travelling at 50 or 60 k's an hour,
we weren't able to hear it all because you'd just hear like,
Hey, bald prick!
You know, I'd just hear little pockets and you'd kind of have to sandwich and go,
what were they sort of angrily doing there?
Yeah, so that's some nice advice.
Are you going to keep going, mate?
I'll try to keep going.
Yeah, keep going.
Scrolling through your feed.
Now, they always say no news is good news,
apart from right now where we heavily rely on news for this next part of the show.
Ben, this is scrolling through your feed.
Well, I mentioned before Johnny Depp just finished his court case.
Obviously, that was massive news all around the world.
She's appealing isn't she Amber Heard?
She is appealing, you're right. And afterwards
Johnny Depp splashed out nearly $100,000
New Zealand dollars on a feast
a curry feast for him and his mates
after the court win. So he went to
an Indian restaurant and spent
$96,720 New
Zealand dollars on the night.
On an Indian meal. That is a lot of Rogan Josh naan bread and butter chicken.
Yeah, it was joined by our musician friend Jeff Beck and about 20 guests.
They banqueted on specially prepared Indian food along with cocktails,
rosé champagne, panna cotta and cheesecake for dessert as well.
And basically the $48,000 is what it cost to hire the venue.
And then double basically another $48,000 is what it cost to hire the venue and then double basically makes
another $48,000.
Oh, so he booked
out the whole restaurant.
That's what they would
have earned in the night.
So he's got to cover.
Oh, I see.
Geez, in that situation
you'd be a split the bill
guy, wouldn't you?
Hey, Johnny,
I noticed you had
the tikka masala
but you've also
ordered dessert.
You'd be wanting
to split the bill,
Well, I can imagine
everyone going along
would go,
Johnny's paying for this, right?
Johnny's paying for this.
Because Johnny's ordering a lot of food
and he shut down an entire restaurant.
I can't afford to be here right now.
Oh, no.
Oh, well, that's a lovely gesture, isn't it?
A lot of money, though.
$100,000.
Jeez.
Jeez, the owner would have been pumped.
Yeah, well, the owner apparently,
they decided that that was the thing.
They gave him a call.
They said, oh, hey, we'd like to come check out security at the
restaurant and stuff and then hey the guy was like hey how about we shut it down for you exclusive
for the night they're like yeah sure that's gonna cost you 48 000 yeah great play by the owner why
don't we make this so exclusive uh what i like too about the photos is and it's just his fashion
sense isn't it we've seen him in a lot of suits lately in court but he dresses like seven-year-old me raiding my mum's closet he's just got scarves on nine
different types of shirts he's permanently captain jack sparrow in real life isn't he you're right and
a new attraction has opened up in auckland somewhere close to where you were running the
other day up the top of the sky tower you You were doing a marathon outside. Well, now there's a Sky Slide
opened on the Sky Tower as of yesterday.
It's a purposely built virtual reality experience.
You put on goggles,
and it looks like you're basically floating
on the slide off the top of the Sky Tower.
Hilary Barry and Jeremy Wells
did it on 7 Sharp last night,
and, jeez, Hilary, she was into it.
Can I hold your hand if I get scared?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, look out. Oh, look out. She was into it. Can I hold your hand if I get scared? Yeah, of course. Oh, look out.
Oh, look out.
Oh, my God.
And that's the most excited you'll ever hear Jeremy Wells as well.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, look out.
Look out.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's wonderful stuff.
I thought you were meaning like they've actually got a slide from the top.
I was like, jeez, that's a rogue tourist attraction.
Maybe one day.
One and done.
Making news this morning on your Wednesday morning on the 8th of June.
It is the hits.
You've got Jono and Ben.
Jono and Ben.
Now, we like to check out our spam folder once a week now.
We started to.
It's sort of the un, you don't give it much attention, do you, your spam folder?
But when you go through it, it's just a web of scams, misinformation,
and a few work emails that you probably should have got to about six months ago.
Yeah, sometimes there is.
When checking through it, because we do this once a week,
sometimes I'm like, oh, that's not meant to be there.
How did that slip past the goalie?
Yeah.
But some stuff isn't spam and other stuff shouldn't be there.
You were just saying before you've got a grandson.
I've got a grandson, yeah.
So I've just discovered this yesterday.
A lot to download Firstly the grandson
But he's also been arrested
In Mexico Ben
Oh no
For drugs
Have you heard of drugs?
Yeah
Well my grandson's
Been arrested for them
Oh my goodness
In Mexico
And so it's taken a lot
To digest
All of this information
Firstly
Grandson yeah
I know I'm of the age
I look
You know The queen looks younger than me And then secondly He's got a drug problem digest all of this information. Firstly, grandson, yeah, I know I'm of the age.
The queen looks younger than me.
And then secondly, he's got a drug problem that's got him, you know, the problem is the drug's got him
arrested in Mexico.
And guess what else they said?
We spoke to your sister. She's not
happy.
And I've got a sister as well.
There's a lot to get your head around.
And a drug-taking grandson.
And it just says Listen
We're going to cut to the chase
We need your money immediately
To release him
How much do they want?
They just want
You know
Only $15,000
That'll get them out of jail
Seems reasonable
Keep the sister happy
You know
Happy sister
You don't want to upset your sister
No that's right
So
I'll get on to that today
Some of the times They don't even try.
I got one I was looking at yesterday.
It's from one casino.
It's just one casino.
What casino?
One casino.
Unbranded casino.
It says, congratulations.
Congratulations.
You will be paid the next day $63,000 from one casino.
I'm like, you haven't even tried.
Just even do a spell check.
Like something.
The other one I thought was quite interesting in my spam,
from Interpol Police.
I was like, oh, this is serious business.
Now, there's been a big meeting going on
between the board members of Interpol Police
in the United States of America.
And they're looping you in on it.
Yeah, with the Federal Ministry of Finance.
And they've approved a payment towards me
of $250 million.
So they've met with Biden.
Biden's gone, yep, he definitely deserves the money.
What for?
What have you done?
I don't know.
I didn't really go into much detail, but all they know, they wanted to bring me notice
after all their consultation that they've had a big meeting and I'm due that.
So that's a lot of money that they just want to give to me.
Do you know, I was watching with my son last night on YouTube, this guy who somehow infiltrated
the scammers who phone the elderly people from overseas.
Oh yeah.
So he had hacked into, because they operate as somewhat legitimate businesses, so a portion
of their profit comes through legitimate means, but 98% of it is through scams.
They're making $60,000, $70,000 a day, these officers.
And he had managed to hack one of their web cameras,
which filmed all of the office workers.
And so he had also got information.
I don't know how deep this guy went on the dark web to get all this information
on all of the phone operators who were doing the scamming.
And so then he would phone them up and go, oh, hi, I just missed a call from you.
And then the lady would be like, oh, hi, yeah, it's Sarah.
And he's like, Sarah, I thought your name was Priya.
And she would go, on camera.
And he's like, say hello to Denise next to you.
And she's like, what?
Like freaking out on the web camera.
And he was just scaring them.
But yeah, so, and then he ended up pranking them somehow, like
infesting the entire office with cockroaches.
Oh my goodness. And
Viagra pills. What a prank.
Sounds like a... Were the cockroaches on Viagra or were they?
Do you know what I mean?
An office load of randy cockroaches.
Multiply. That's why there were so
many of them.
She's like Nadia lim over there cooking up something
special what's going on bell well we know that prince louis was a standout star of the jubilee
he is the gift that keeps giving now more photos have since come out of him fighting with his
cousin lena tindall zara's daughter over lollies classic cousin stuff very relatable so lena was
playing favorites and handing them out to some of her cousins like Charlotte.
And then Louie tries to grab the bag off her, little riot Louie.
And she's like, no.
And they're having a fight over this bag.
It was pretty funny.
Louie seems like you can't tame that stallion.
He's going to, that horse is going to run and whatever Louie does, Louie does.
And he doesn't care where he is and how many millions of people are watching him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You've got to appreciate that.
I imagine a lot of four-year-old kids would be.
You know, the kids don't really understand the situation.
There's always a fun cousin like that.
And also Uncle Mike, Zara's husband, he's doing the whole, hey, I'm looking at you.
He used to be an England rugby player, didn't he, Mike Tindall?
Yeah, Mike Tindall, yeah.
Always had a crazy nose, didn't he?
It's like his nose had been broken 19 times.
I think it had been broken a lot of times, right?
And not one stage through his career, I think he was like,
oh, well, it's probably just going to get broken again.
I'll fix it at the end.
The end of my career.
Has he straightened that thing up?
I don't know if he has, actually.
That nose was wild.
It was going in all sorts of directions.
Exactly.
And speaking of cousins who may not get the same kind of cousin relationship which is really sad prince harry and megan have released new photos
of their one-year-old daughter lily bet after the jubilee you can see those now at the hatstock
co.nz and uh the queen got to meet her namesake for the first time over the weekend but yeah
they're the kind of cousins that you're not going to see very often very often so i mean you have
those cousins don't you uh yeah i mean there's those cousins where you're not going to see very often. Yeah, so I mean, you have those cousins, don't you?
Yeah, I mean, there's those cousins where you're like,
sometimes it's hard to remember the names of your cousins, isn't it?
How many cousins have you got?
I've got a lot of extended, yeah, extended cousins,
because mum's one of six kids as well.
So a lot of cousins, a lot of all over the place. Are you going to a cousin's funeral?
Well, yeah, I mean, if you can.
Some are in Australia and stuff, so that probably makes them.
Yeah, you wouldn't make the trip over there.
A little tricky. Don't like them that much. Well, no. I mean, if you can. Some are in Australia and stuff, so that probably makes them. Yeah, you wouldn't make the trip over there. A little tricky.
You don't like them that much.
Well, no.
No, but sometimes it's hard to get it to everyone.
It is, yeah.
But then you just lose touch with some cousins, don't you?
You already speak to them for 25 years.
Yeah, well, that's good.
Now we've started the family WhatsApp group, so that's kind of good.
And some of my aunties are not always on point with that, but it's quite amusing.
Someone will put a message and then someone will go,
who's this one again?
And they'll be like, oh, that message is for everyone.
We can all see.
Oh, yeah.
I had to mute our family group chat.
All the aunties doing that is annoying.
Hey, Mike Tindall, if you want a nose update,
he sorted his crooked nose.
Now, have a look at that nose when he was playing rugby, Bill.
Look at it.
It's literally punched inside his face sideways.
Probably like, hey, we'll fix that after the game.
No point doing it while we've got your career going.
Yeah.
So what does his nose look like now?
Lovely?
Looks really good.
Nice and straight.
Nice little rhino plastic she's had.
Very good.
He must have been a nightmare of a snorer back through his rugby years, eh?
Zara would have been like, mate, you're in the spare room tonight, Mike.
Also, a lot of new movies out at the moment,
and Jurassic World Dominion will be out tomorrow.
I know a lot of people are excited for this.
They've had the red carpet premiere,
and Chris Pratt, he's in it.
He crashed his co-star Bryce Dallas Howard's interview
on the red carpet.
Have a listen to this.
Oh, hey.
Oh, are you guys doing an interview?
Thank you so much for joining.
We're just talking about our feelings right now.
Do you want to join?
Was it emotional, it being done?
No.
Come on.
Emotional?
I cried all the entire flight home.
I cried once when I was six weeks old because I broke my femur.
But I think I was just doing it to make my mom feel better.
There we go.
Jurassic World.
So Sam Neill's and that he's going to be joining us on the show tomorrow, Sam Neill.
Laura Dern, you got Goldbloom back in the mix.
Oh, yeah, some of the OG original Jurassic Park cast are back, which is great.
I'll tell you who looks magnificent.
There's all of them, firstly.
But really, Jeff Goldbloom.
Doesn't he, with age?
He's got the Clooney effect.
With age, Goldbloom's getting better.
He's got that very obscure show on Netflix, Jeff Goldbloom's World. Have's got that very obscure show on Netflix Jeff Goldbloom's
World
have you seen that
yeah
it's popped up
on Disney Plus
I think it is
yeah
very charismatic
quirky character
Jeff Goldbloom
isn't he
yeah
and that is
The Hits
you can get more
now at
thehits.co
that is The Hits
that is Spy
you can get more
at The Hits
The Hits
Jono and Ben
there's an awesome
new show that's
just dropped on
Disney Plus today
it's called Ms. Marvel and it sees the first Muslim superhero in the Marvel Universe.
I always thought I wanted this kind of life.
But I never imagined any of this.
Do you know what you are?
I'm a superhero.
Yeah, it looks epic.
And at the time, an unknown actor by the name of Iman Valani was in real life.
She was a massive Marvel superfan.
Like, that was her life.
She loved it.
And now, well, she fell in love with this character called Ms. Marvel like eight years ago.
Now she is playing that role in the Marvel franchise.
Absolutely wild story.
Yeah.
Don't get caught up in yourself.
That doesn't happen to everyone.
This is incredible.
And we actually had the chance to catch up with Amman over Zoom yesterday.
There we go.
Hello, Amman.
How are you?
I'm so good.
How are you?
We're good.
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
Well, you're like a crazy, super Marvel fan.
And now you're in the series're in the series which is pretty incredible
what was the one thing that you're like oh my god i did that i had this poster i did this thing
what was what was the height of your crazy marvel fan like oh i did it all i'm very active on all
the subreddits before oh before uh any uh avengers or marvel movies come out i'm like a huge nail art
geek so i would like draw aven on my nails and this is how I
would walk around school just making sure everyone saw you know the hours I spent on each hand those
are good nails I'm just comparing them to mine yours are far more impressive yeah yeah they are
I did them right before coming here so I was reading too Chris Pratt sent you quote unquote
a juggernaut of an email full of advice and information.
Now, my friend Ben is a huge email punisher as well.
He loves a five-page email.
How long was this Chris Pratt email and what was the best bit of advice?
I mean, I was scrolling on my phone and it just wasn't ending.
All this good stuff, honestly.
Press can be really scary and intimidating and, you know, just exhausting.
And he really wanted to make sure I was taking care of myself and, you know, not getting lost in all of it.
And just sharing what helps him and what keeps him going and what grounds him.
And it was just so refreshing and honestly comforting to see that, you know, as big of a star as he is, he's also going through, you know,
he went through the same problems that I'm going through right now.
And it's just,
it's so nice to have like Marvel actors be like the people who are,
you know, emailing you. That's awesome. Now, of course,
we're from New Zealand, Taika Waititi, you know,
famous Kiwi director and writer. Now,
I understand you took some inspiration from his movie boy towards your character hell yeah i think taika waititi's great he's one of my favorite
directors and boy boy really hit home for me i think it's just so relatable to to what kamal
is going through you know a kid who's living in this like fantastical reality and and just is
using that as a bit of a an escape from life life's problems. And it is a wonderful coming of age story and definitely deals with,
you know, for a boy, it's him and his father.
And for our show, it's Kamala and her mother.
And so those, you know, relationships really parallel each other.
And I think it's just, it's such a good movie in general.
Do you do any sweet Michael Jackson dance moves in this movie?
Call anyone an egg or anything like that.
No, but now that I think about it,
I totally should have added in there.
Well, we actually, no, we do have some dancing in the show.
Oh, you do?
We have quite a lot of dancing in the show.
Well, because I understand when you put the suit on for the first time
was a pretty amazing moment,
but at the same time it was also hard to go to the bathroom.
It is.
It really grounds you when you need someone else's help.
I can't take it off myself.
So it's just, yeah, you've got to warn people in advance
because it's like a whole process in getting all of it off.
I mean, you never want to make going to the toilet a two-person job, do you?
You try to avoid it.
You know, some of the male suits, they get zippers.
We don't have that.
Oh, really?
Write that in for the next series.
All right.
Hey, lovely talking to you.
We're getting wrapped up here.
Either that or a helicopter's here to pick us up.
I'm not sure.
But lovely talking to you.
And congratulations.
It's awesome you've got this role.
I can't wait for New Zealanders to see it.
Thank you so much.
What a cool story.
She's on Disney Plus today, Ms. Marvel,
and drops in Disney Plus this series.
And you said she's filming a movie with Captain Marvel, Brie Larson.
I know, how's that?
Life-changing, eh?
So incredible.
And she seems like such a great person.
Hard-hitting interviews and informed opinion.
Mike Hosking on Newstalk TV.
In the meantime, Jono and Ben on the hits.
Just reading Elon Musk might want to walk away from buying Twitter.
He spent $44 billion on Twitter to the big the big offer from the tesla the guy and uh yeah he may walk away because they've either failed to provide
details on spam and fake accounts to his you know which was in the contract wasn't it yeah uh he's
got a lot of power elon musk i saw joe biden being asked about him because he's going you know i'm
having to lay off a huge percentage of my workforce tesla due to the cost of living and you know
supply issues and things like that and joe biden's like well i know ford are getting into
electric vehicles and the company that was formerly general motors are getting into electric
vehicles they're hiring more people so he said good luck in traveling to the moon oh and i was
like that's sassy sassy from biden well they're And he loves aviator glasses too.
He had those on.
He looks fantastic in a pair of aviators, Joe Biden.
Now, Joel, who works on the show, a lovely young Joel,
he's our social media guru and probably less of a guru.
He's less of our spiritual leader and more of just an extraordinarily tall 21-year-old Joel,
but a lovely guy.
And he knows how to log on Twitter and Instagram accounts
so that's
one of the main criterias
of doing our social media
if you want to be
our social media guru
can you remember
passwords
to three or four
different platforms
you got the gig
no he's very good
he's awesome
he's doing a great job
but
what we do
is we like to
you know
take moments
from the studio
and the show
and we splice them up for a TikTok generation,
a 15-second digestible moment,
hilarious, comedic-filled moments is what we do.
And we like to go at the end of the show,
hey, Joe, here's that bit, chop it up,
burn the internet with it.
Yeah.
He comes back in yesterday.
Yeah, because it was one bit where we're like,
hey, have a look at that chat bit
it was quite funny there could be a bit in there
that we could put on the internet
he comes back in 10-15 minutes later
he's been trawling through the computer
he comes back and he's like hey
what bit was the funny bit
which you never want to hear
what bit was the you don't get
a more leveller comment
in our trade what bit was the funny bit which part of that was the, you don't get a more leveler comment in our trade.
What bit was the funny bit?
Which part of that was the funny bit?
Now, Joel, it was innocent.
It was so good to witness.
He didn't mean it like that.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, but there's no more insulting insult than the insult that doesn't mean to be an insult.
Yeah, true.
It's like sitting through a stand-up special.
We'll go, what bit was the funny?
Which bits were the jokes? Yeah, that. It's like sitting through a stand-up special. We'll go, what bit was the funny? Which bits were the jokes?
Yeah, that was beautiful.
So I like things that just wind us up for no reason.
It's not when someone's angry and wound up.
You're like, calm down, just relax.
As if, oh, thanks, no one's ever thought to tell me to calm down and relax.
You're the first person to do it.
Yeah, that's got to help.
You're running late, stuck in traffic, and now you have to listen to this.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
We're just reminiscing about Prince Charles calling the Queen Mummy over the weekend.
Have a listen.
Mummy.
Mummy.
Now, we were thinking, because obviously laws change,
there were things that were once legal that now are legal,
like cocaine was one that was legal back in the day.
Smoking on a plane was legal at one point.
Oh, I love smoking.
The days of smoking on the plane, it was just kind of like a cancer air capsule
that just flew through the air and no one had a choice whether they wanted to.
Same at restaurants, right, too?
Yeah.
But smoking, I mean, it did some questionable things for your health,
but it was all cancelled out by the wonderful sponsorship of, you know,
the Benson & Hedges Tennis Open,
where you'd have to light up a gasper in your post-match interview.
The Paul Moore Menthols Under-9 Rugby Tournament.
The Winfield Cup and League, the Rothmans Cricket.
Yeah, you're right, they did a lot for sport.
And then all of a sudden the poor cigarette companies,
they're out there just trying to make a buck,
and they, well, where are they nowadays?
They're still there, but they're a buck, and where are they nowadays? They're still there,
but they're hidden behind a closet in the dairy,
like a closet of shame.
Yeah, so we want to talk this morning
about things that are now currently legal
that may become illegal.
There may be things that you...
Bloody cancel culture.
That you don't like.
There may be things that you don't like
for comical purposes you don't like,
and you think they should be barred,
or there may be
actual things
that are more seriously.
Like for example
Prince Charles saying
mummy.
Yes.
That should be illegal.
A grown man saying
mummy.
In public,
on a microphone,
in front of millions
of people.
Do it in private?
Yeah sure,
that's whatever you do
behind closed doors
is your own business.
Yeah,
I reckon,
I'll throw a cup out there,
a serious one I reckon
will become illegal
in the future
will be petrol cars.
I reckon petrol cars
will become illegal driving roads. And I reckon a silly one will maybe leaving I reckon, will become illegal in the future. Will be petrol cars. I reckon petrol cars will become illegal.
And I reckon a silly one will maybe leaving a voice message will become.
That should be illegal.
That should be illegal, right?
That should be.
I feel like drones, you know, drones will be illegal in a couple of years.
For your everyday manta to be in control of a flying object like that.
I don't know.
It seems like some responsibility we've
neglected some response vaping yeah what do you think vaping i'll give five years of vaping i
think mexico have already got rid of it really from yeah but it does wonders for the government
because they're like oh smoking's an all-time low what about the vaping figures oh we won't get to
those smoking cigarettes no one's no one's cigarettes nowadays. It's funny when you look back at things that were legal
and now illegal. 1994 was when
bike helmets became the law.
1994. You were the poster child.
I was on the campaign of how to wear a bike helmet
properly. He was in a pamphlet.
Really? And he had a bike helmet on
backwards and sideways.
I was the guy. And he was wearing it around his
pelvis, his underpants. And they're like, not the way.
1975 was when it was compulsory to wear seatbelts in new zealand before that it was just like
just give it a nudge yeah yeah you're just bouncing around in the back when you're in the
boot if you had a station wagon put the mattress in the boot and even later if you had a car that
was an old car you're like oh the seatbelts can't be fitted in there so you should be fine yeah i
remember watching a wonderful news article online when they made seatbelts legal and the driver was like,
they can't tell me what to do.
They can't make me
put a seatbelt on and be safe.
I'll drive without my seatbelt.
You know,
just the change.
It was like vaccination.
He was like,
hey, yeah,
they can't tell me
to inject myself
to keep myself safe from a virus.
Anyway,
another thing that was legal
which is now illegal
Remember they had legal party pills
You could buy at dairies
They were wild
Radio stations
We had bowls of them
Handing them out
As promotional goods
Like after dinner mints
At a restaurant
It was like
God knows what was in them
It was like horse tranquiliser
And asbestos
And cyanide or something
You could literally go in
And buy them in your school uniform And then you'd take them And you'd try to sleep To go to school And you'd. It was like horse tranquiliser and asbestos and cyanide or something. You could literally go in and buy them in your school uniform
and then you'd take them
and you'd try to sleep
to go to school
and you'd say it's so hard.
Like it's probably why
I look 95 now.
Thanks to those.
If you want to feel
the closest to death
without dying
wake up the next morning
after a night on the party pills.
Alright.
Terrible.
Let's play this game.
Help us out this morning.
We're trying to decide
on things that
maybe are currently legal right now,
but will be illegal, or you want to be illegal in a few weeks,
a few years, or just at some stage.
Yeah, great text here, 4487.
Coriander.
I'm with you on the coriander, too.
Why is it a thing?
It's not a flavor that anyone...
Do you enjoy coriander?
Yeah, I love coriander.
Oh, listen, I take it back.
I take it back.
I think it's a thing.
You either love it or you absolutely hate it.
Yeah.
4487, John has jokes.
Illegal.
Banned in nine different countries.
Plastic bags, I reckon, they're all on the way out, aren't they?
Yeah, they're funny.
A great one here, too, is on 4487.
I reckon it's going to be illegal to make money off your kids on the internet.
You know how they do like the family influencer channels?
You know, you've got little babies hocking off diet pills and all that sort of stuff.
I don't know if anyone's seen diet pills.
Why else do you have babies though?
And make them if they can sell you diet pills.
Another good one here which I was thinking of before.
I reckon it'll be illegal not to acknowledge a driver who's let you merge
with a simple lift of the finger off the steering wheel
or a couple of flicks of the hazards.
That's a good one.
Which get you out of any situation hazard-like.
So we'll go to the phones on 0800 The Hits right now.
We've got Virginia.
How are you?
I'm good.
Where's Virginia?
I bet you haven't had that far.
Mountain mama.
Take me home.
How often do you get that?
Probably not as often as you think, actually.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, right. So some original content there?? Probably not as often as you think, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, right.
So some original content there, what were you thinking?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I haven't been serenaded with that song before.
Oh, haven't you?
What songs has Virginia been serenaded with?
Maybe a cheeky Enrique Iglesias song.
Has he got a Virginia song?
Has he?
No, it wasn't.
It was just a song that I was serenaded with.
I was like, what song?
Yeah, that's just a great song.
Now, what should be made illegal?
What's something that you don't like that you think should be gone?
40-year-old men picking their nose and eating it.
Oh, have you been driving next to me on the motorway?
Oh, maybe it was you.
He's having to like, not just the picking thing.
I'm like, I get that.
You're getting you have to clear the banks. Yeah, I get that. You have to clear the banks.
Yeah, I get that.
But eating it seems like a whole next level, right?
Yep, yep.
A four-year-old, yeah, sure.
Yeah, it feels like you have a personal connection to this story.
Yes, yes, it may or may not be my brother-in-law.
And he's backing it up with the eating at age 40.
Yep.
Is it for shock factor?
Is it for pure taste and enjoyment?
I'm not sure.
I think he's just always done it.
Once you commit to it.
I spoke to our friend's son when he was about four,
and he had just done it.
And I was like, what's the attraction?
And he said it tastes like McDonald's fries.
What?
Really?
That was why he's like, it reminds me of McDonald's French fries.
So that's why he.
Oh, to be honest, I could just go get some French fries if I needed to.
You know, like am I really in a craving for McDonald's French fries?
I still don't know if I want to try it.
You've intrigued me slightly, but not quite enough to do it.
Is it worth an 8 o'clock stunt on the show?
No, no.
Five years ago, that would have been us. It would have been like after 8, live stream, but not anymore, mate do it. Is it worth an 8 o'clock stunt on the show? No, no. Five years ago, that would have been us.
It would have been like after eight,
live stream, but not anymore, mate.
Yeah, no.
Not anymore.
We won't pick our nose and eat it.
Virginia, lovely speaking with you.
Yes, you too.
And you go and have a wonderful day, matey.
I will, you too.
Ollie, good morning.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
Yeah, great.
Lovely to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast.
What should be illegal?
Tomato sauce.
Tomato sauce should be illegal? Tomato sauce. Tomato sauce?
You're not a fan.
No, absolutely not.
Feels like there's a few more things we should make illegal before tomato sauce.
I mean, it's stable.
It's pretty up there, I think.
I'm shocked with this.
What about ketchup?
Would you go ketchup or anything like that?
Oh, no, no.
They're both as bad as each other, but I'm not Kiwi, so that makes sense.
You just don't like tomato sauce.
No, it's horrible.
You guys put it on everything.
Yeah, we do.
My son, oh my God, my son drenches it.
Like pasta, pizza, bolognese.
He'll just put it with garlic bread.
It just sprays everywhere.
Sounds like something you'd do as well.
I do.
I do.
He's learned it from me.
And at the moment, at any one time, we'd have eight bottles ready from me. And we, like at the moment, we've stopped, we have, you know, at any one time
we'd have eight bottles
ready to go.
Really?
Eight bottles in the pantry
ready to strike.
What are you running?
What's your go-to?
We do sometimes mix.
The old watties?
Yeah, we go the classic watties.
Why?
Have you tried tomato sauce?
This feels...
Yeah, absolutely.
The only way to go
being British
is Heinz,
but even that's horrible.
You're not even a fan of Heinz ketchup.
No.
What condiments do you like?
Oh, brown sauce.
HP sauce, mate.
That is favourite.
Those sort of things.
I love an HP too.
That's wonderful.
I love all sauces.
That's one of my things.
I love them.
A saucy bit.
Gravy goes on everything.
Oh, gravy.
Yeah, gravy.
The Brits do love it.
They're pouring gravy all over curries and everything, aren't they?
Absolutely. The only way to roll. Well, listen, it wants to beits do. They're pouring gravy all over curries and everything, aren't they? Absolutely.
The only way to roll.
Well, listen, what's the ban?
Tomato sauce.
There we go.
The call's been made from Ollie.
You guys have a great day.
You too.
Cheers, guys.
Scrolling through your feed.
Alrighty.
He's like a petrol pump ready to fill you up on unleaded topicality.
What's going on, Ben?
Well, the New Zealand Warriors are not having a great season at the moment,
which is quite hard to watch as a Warriors fan.
And now their coach, Nathan Brown, has stood down with a year and a half
pretty much to go on his contract.
Does he get paid out for that year and a half?
I don't know.
But maybe he's – I don't know.
They've agreed to.
Maybe not because he stood down.
Because if he does, I step down effective immediately.
No, I don't think that works.
Is that not how it works?
No.
Otherwise, everyone would just sign up and then step down.
I am officially stepping down.
But you've still got nine years on your contract here.
Yeah, pay me up.
No, so yeah, he's gone.
And Stacey Jones has taken over in the interim.
Warriors, Legends, Stacey Jones.
But it seemed like the crux of it was that
because they're going to be back in New Zealand next year
and he wasn't so keen to move back with the family now.
I think the situation has changed with his kids.
Also, I understand, and this is purely anecdotal,
that none of the players who play for the New Zealand Warriors
don't want to come back to New Zealand.
They don't want to live in New Zealand,
and this is one of the major issues with attracting a team next year.
Well, there's a couple of players.
This speaks volumes about our country.
Yeah, a couple of them who are based in Australia with family and friends and stuff in Australia
have now gone, oh, you know, maybe I won't go back to play.
Oh, so playing for the New Zealand Warriors means I have to live in New Zealand.
The New Zealand part maybe gave that away.
I don't know.
Can we just still live here and say it's New Zealand?
Yeah.
So, yeah, interesting.
A bit of a sad time for the Warriors.
It is.
And, you know, it's easy to joke about a team in the doldrums
But you imagine that these guys and their families have risked so much
And they've basically been based over there for two years
Yeah, and never had any home games
There's one coming up in about three or four weeks' time
But yeah, that's normally when the Warriors do a lot better
And when they're playing at home
So it's been really tough
Yeah
Well, they've made a huge commitment
And it's probably very disappointing
for all involved not to be getting the results on the field.
Yeah.
If you're like, mate, I've moved.
You know?
I just want to go back home.
Getting beaten up every week, smashed in the face by big people,
and playing with guys who don't even want to live in New Zealand.
Yeah, it's a sad time.
Hey, and comedian Adam Sandler, he's appeared on US talk show Jimmy Fallon
and he had a bit of a noticeable black eye
and obviously they brought up
the elephant in the room and this is what he
had to say how it happened
I wish it was a good story
it's pathetic
I'm in my bed it's 4 in the morning
and somebody made the bed
you know when they make the bed
and they tuck in the bottom part of the bed so I'm in the bed. You know when they make the bed and they tuck in the bottom part of the bed?
So I'm in the bed and I'm kind of like,
it's four in the morning, I forgot to untuck it.
I'm going, before I go to sleep,
check out my net worth on the phone.
Anyways, I kick my legs.
It's like, goddamn bed.
And boom, and the phone flies in the air
and hits me in the face.
So he injured himself with his own phone.
Oh, so he was trying to put the sheet was tucked in too tight.
Down the bottom.
So he's trying to like, you know.
Which always locks your feet in there too.
It's a very uncomfortable situation.
Sure to do that, moving up and down with his feet
and obviously flick the phone right up in the air
and it landed on his face.
And it is a beauty shiner as well, isn't it?
It really is.
Yeah.
I did the similar sort of thing with a laptop where I was,
it was in the morning and I was making the bed.
I didn't see the laptop that was sort of hidden under sheets
that had been on there all night.
Shook the bed off.
The laptop, like slow motion, goes flying in the air.
Uh-oh.
Flips around, face full of laptop.
And then it landed on the floor.
Oh.
No, you never want a face full of laptop, Ben.
No.
The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.
Close Contacts is a game we play from time to time
where we get the other person's phone,
we plug it into the system here at work,
and so when it rings, your number will come up on this person's phone.
Yeah, it's been a huge hack that we've discovered in the radio studio,
being able to plug this thing.
And I do have one bugbear is every time you do have my phone
and you hand it back, you somehow put the torch on.
And when I'm wandering around with the torch on,
I look technically inept.
And some millennial in the office is like,
you got your torch on the phone.
And it's never a quick turn off, the torch.
No, for some reason it's not.
Okay, so I get to call anyone I want on the phone.
I'm just going through the contacts now.
Do you know my daughter's friend was like,
it's my mum's worst nightmare that you call her.
Oh, really?
So she's like, Leanne, her surname.
Every time this happens, she's like, dear God, please, Ben, don't call me.
But he goes for names.
Yeah, I go for people that maybe the audience might know.
No disrespect to Leanne.
Lovely lady.
You're probably not going to call Leanne?
Yeah.
No, I'm not going to call Leanne.
I'll leave her be.
Scroll past the Ls. Call someone that, oh, this is good. Okay, I'll going to call Leanne? Yeah. No, I'm not going to call Leanne. I'll leave her to me. Scroll past the Ls.
Call someone.
Oh, this is good.
Okay, I'll call this person.
Here we go.
Oh, God.
Hello?
Hi.
How the hell are you?
Good, mate.
How the hell are you?
Very good, man.
Can you just call me back, mate? Because my car's playing up. brother how are you good mate how the hell are you very good man um can you
can you just call me back
because my car's playing up
yeah no
all good
thanks brother
see you mate
straight away
bye
so now we have to call him back
oh yeah
oh yeah
unless you picked out who it is
no
no
they were pleased to hear from you
so they know who it is
yeah
yeah
they're dealing with a car situation.
Do you want to call them back?
I don't know.
It's your game if you want to risk it.
He did say call back straight away.
Oh, yeah.
Someone's calling you back.
Because that might be them.
Hello?
Did I probably call you or did you call me?
I think I called you.
Oh, cool.
How are you?
Very good mate, yourself?
Yeah good, what have you been up to?
All sorts mate, training Kevin
for Fight for Life against my good friend
Barangi, bit of work, bit of everything
else man
Well this would be
the one and only
former warrior
current boxing trainer,
and charity worker, Monty Beatham.
Ben.
Yes, Monty.
Hey, Monty.
It's Ben here too, mate.
Boys, are you stitching me up again?
No, what we do is we grab the other.
It's called close contacts.
We grab the other person's phone, and they don't know who we've called,
and Jono has to work it out in an awkward conversation if they answer.
And it was you this morning.
Oh, too easy.
I really appreciated that you're telling me exactly what you were doing right now,
and I was like, I know who it is.
He's training people.
Fight for Life is back.
That's cool.
Fight for Life is back again.
You guys have too much fun.
You get paid for this as well.
We have too much fun, and we have too much time on our hands, Monty.
So you're doing Fight for Life again for Mike King's I Am Hope.
I am, man.
What a great cause, eh?
And the boys are fighting for it.
And, you know, there's going to be times throughout this eight-week campaign
we're going to feel vulnerable and they're going to be doing it tough.
So it all fits in well, bro.
So Kevin Mialamu, former All Black, is fighting who?
My good friend, who I've known and played alongside for 15 or so years, Wairangi Kopu.
Now the thing with boxing is, like you just said,
he's one of your very dear friends,
you've played alongside, but you're training the guy
whose job it is to punch him in the face.
Does that get awkward?
A little bit awkward. Actually, I
put the challenge on Kopu because
we were meant to fight someone else
by pan out, so I said, hey, no one
else wants to do it, brother, do you want to do it?
And it's for a great cause and I think he got hung up on the
cause so isn't he a good man?
That's awesome. He forgot about the friendship
and got swept up in the cause.
Oh, that's well, listen, you've obviously got
a long road ahead over the next eight weeks and
you really shouldn't be wasting any time in novelty
radio pranks talking to us, Monty
Beetham, so good luck with the training and
can't wait to see it all happen.
And make sure we talk to you just before the event as well, mate.
We'd love to.
Always a pleasure, boys.
I could song on a song on a song on a song.
The Hatch's John O'Byrne, Shotgun, George Ezra, 7.45 on your Wednesday morning.
Five words for 5K.
You're just five words away
from $5,000.
It is our game
of word association.
We play it every morning
at this time on The Hats.
We tell you five words,
you tell us what pops
into your head
after those five words
or for all five match up
you win $5,000.
Now I've looked back
on the five words history books,
Ben,
the rich, rich history books
at this five words competition.
You know, the last two weeks, we have had four times where we've matched four words out of five.
Oh, really?
It doesn't get much closer than that.
She's working from home as a banker and she's calling up the radio right now.
Olivia, welcome.
Thank you.
Good morning.
Good to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast.
Now, we understand your friend played last week. Yeah, my sister-in-law, welcome. Thank you. Good morning. Good to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast. Now, we understand your friend played last week.
Yeah, my sister-in-law, Andy.
She's probably listening right now.
Hi, Andy.
Hi, Andy.
It was lovely to talk to you last week.
Andy was going to spend all the money on a massive bender, she said.
Now, being a banker, are you as fiscally irresponsible, Olivia?
Depends, you ask.
Yeah, right.
So what would this 5K go towards?
I think it would go towards a lot of alcoholic drinks.
Okay.
Nice hotels.
So, okay, a big bend.
Yeah, I love it, I love it.
Yeah, yeah.
A night out.
All right, who are you going to send into the soundproof booth
to try and match up your words? I will send Ben, thank you. All right, who are you going to send into the soundproof booth to try and match up your words?
I will send Ben, thank you.
All right, we'll get him in there.
Ben Boyce, he gets very stressed out inside that soundproof booth,
even more stressed out when I knock on the door and go,
is everything okay in there?
Like a retail assistant.
All right, Olivia, let's do it.
Try and get you $5,000 on a Wednesday morning.
First word that comes into your head when I say Ronald.
Ronald.
Sorry, can I pass?
Yeah, you can pass that one.
Mouse, the second word.
Mouse trap.
Mouse trap.
Word number three, extension.
Cord. Cord.
Station.
Petrol.
Bottle.
Cap.
And we'll go back to Ronald.
Word number one.
McDonald.
Ronald McDonald.
You paused there to begin with.
What other words were you thinking of for Ronald?
I was thinking Donald and then duck, but I think I heard the word wrong.
Yeah, right.
Ronald McDonald.
Okay, we'll get Ben Boyce out of the soundproof booth.
Cool.
He's emerged.
Are you going to go Freddie Mercury and perform under pressure here, my friend?
Let's go.
Here we go.
Okay.
Quick game.
Let's go.
Olivia has alcoholic drinks in a hotel room waiting for her.
First word that comes to your head when I say Ronald.
McDonald.
Mouse.
Trap.
Two from two, Olivia.
Extension.
Cord.
This is where the turning point happens.
Okay.
Station. Pet happens. Okay. Station.
Petrol.
No way.
We've just been so close so many times.
We're dusting off the confetti cannon.
Don't get the confetti cannon.
Put so much pressure on.
Oh, my God.
You can't whisper anything.
You've got to be quiet.
No one can say anything.
Here we go.
Remember the careless whisper rule.
Ben Humphrey, our producer,
has got his hands wrapped around that cannon right now.
Okay.
Fifth and final word to win Olivia $5,000.
I'm nervous.
Bottle.
Bottle.
Drink.
Drink bottle.
Oh!
Oh!
It's the fifth one that trips up.
What was it?
Bottle cap.
Oh, bottle cap. That's a good word too.
Olivia.
I'm sorry.
It's all right. Thank you so much.
You go off and do some banking.
Do the depositing and the transactioning
and you're going to have a great day.
I'll have to now.
I'm sorry.
We won't be transacting any money into your account
this morning. Another chance to play
tomorrow morning and don't forget Cash and Car
is back at 8 o'clock. We're down to a gap of
$13.30
so a huge price could be won today.
It is the hits. You've got Jono and Ben and see ya.
Cheap Thrills, $7.49. Now what I love about my kids
Is that in fact as they grow older
They have their own little personalities
Starting to develop Which is kind of cool Because you know Two girls under the same house Growing up the same my kids is that in fact as they grow older they have their own little personalities starting to
develop which is kind of cool because you know two girls under the same you know house growing
up the same they've got their own little distinct personalities coming through which is pretty
awesome yeah and who's who's more you and who's more a man traits of both of us throughout you
know who's got an overuse uh over consumption of hand sanitizer that's mainly just me they're just
you just the whole household's on you.
It's like you get on the rest of the household.
But yesterday there was a couple of moments because I got home yesterday
and because they're isolating at the moment and I'm allowed out
because I'm in my 90 days of having COVID.
Jeez, are you revelling in that?
Are you sort of rubbing it in their faces?
Hold on, I'll just pop out.
Yeah, because I can pop out.
You don't need to go out.
I know, but it's available to me.
It's an option.
And my wife is a schoolteacher as so she was i came home they were doing fractions
they were working on the table doing fractions and i was like well indy my daughter she she's
loving this and sienna could tell she was the personality's come to the forefront and i'll
record them afterwards i was like what did you think of this here's Indy and Sienna how was the fractions it was amazing I could do it all day okay and Sienna oh it's all right I mean
it was enough for the day yeah she was like oh I mean I'm probably in her camp yeah like
one fraction's enough for the day for me yeah Sienna was a little bit the same like she can
do it but she was like hey we've been doing this for a while whereas Indy was like give me more
fractions like and that was kind of the personalities. Load me up with fractions.
And then I was like, well, this weekend,
when you guys are out of isolation,
how about we do an activity?
Why don't we have something to look forward to?
And again, it was like the answers couldn't have been more
summing up their personalities.
Have a listen.
Okay, this weekend, if we can,
what would you like to do for an activity?
I really want to go to the arcade.
It'll be so much fun.
And Indy?
Library. Oh, library. Yeah, yeah. All right, library. New books? I really want to go to the arcade it'll be so much fun and Indy? Library
oh library
new books?
library
which is awesome I love both
each their personalities
I love it too but also with kids activities
hands down
they're better than any activity an adult
ever wants to do
I'd like to sit down and get my tax returns done
and spend them on to-do lists for a while.
They've just got better activities ideas in general than kids, don't they?
You're right, actually.
Yeah, we suck at activities.
As being a kid, it was always,
and that's one of the cool things about having kids,
you can kind of do it,
mainly these activities are for me.
Yeah.
I know you did a school project the other day, didn't you?
That's right.
Making your own little film.
Yeah.
It's the only bit of camera work he's done over the last two years.
That's the closest to TV I've got.
Is that true?
And no one's going to see it apart from a teacher at 10 o'clock at night, tired, marking stuff.
I'm not even going to get any credit for it.
The teacher's going to go, oh, has it come to this?
That's it.
Oh, jeez.
That's Cash in Car.
Guess how much cash we've stashed in the Škoda's boot
and drive it home along with all that money.
Oh, Cash in Car, the brand-new Škoda Kamek Monte Carlo car
worth $45,990 and thousands of dollars in the back of that car.
Guess how much cash we've stashed in the back of that Škoda
and you can drive it home with all that money.
Of course, thanks to Škoda for this fantastic prize.
Yeah, I don't want it to end.
I just want it to be a competition that keeps on going and no one wins the prize.
We're getting so close.
We've won $13.30.
That is the gap between guesses.
We're playing higher and lower.
It could be gone today.
It could go for another day.
But right now, let's give someone a chance to win that car.
Now, we're going to get Jessica on from the Waikato.
Morena, how are you, Jess? All right? Good and you guys? Great to win that car. Now, we're going to get Jessica on from the Waikato. Morena, how are you, Jess?
All right?
Good, and you guys?
Great to have you on.
You work in an orthodontic clinic.
I do.
Yeah, right.
I'm going through some teeth issues at the moment.
Oh, mate, I feel like you're getting paid for it, you know,
because you keep mentioning how many times you go through it.
Yeah, a lot of teeth issues at the moment.
But you hear about that all day, Jessica.
You don't want to do this in your spare time.
You've been following this competition?
I have been, yes.
This money, however much is in there, what would it mean to you?
What would you do with it?
Well, I'm heading overseas soon, so that would be a big help,
some extra spending money.
And then, yeah, just do some things around the house.
Where are you going overseas?
Where are you planning on heading?
I'm heading to the UK. I've heard of the UK. Where are you going overseas? Where are you planning on heading? I'm heading to the UK.
I've heard of the UK.
Yeah, okay.
Well, let's get you over there
and let's hand you over to cashkeeper Alex
and you can have your stab, Jess.
Good luck, good luck.
Oh, I hope this goes.
Jessica from Waikato, what is your guess?
My guess is $18,085.70. Jessica from Waikato with a guess of $18,085.70. That is incorrect. Oh, no.
And it is lower.
It is lower.
Jeez, you had people in here with cannons.
Yeah.
They're ready to strike at any moment.
Oh, jeez.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's a racing descent.
Mate, how close are you saying lower?
Lower.
Lower than what Jessica said?
Do you know, we had a Stel call up last night.
Not a Stel from the night show.
Stel was calling to play a cash in car.
There's more than one of Stel?
Yeah.
And she said that she, as soon as I started speaking,
reading out her number back to her, she went,
oh, that's your incorrect voice.
We haven't heard your correct voice
That's what I said
Yeah
What would your correct voice sound like
If you were going to do it?
Let's just so we can all get a gauge
I'd hope it would be the same
Same
So that you wouldn't know until I
Yeah, she's stoic
In her presentation
Jessica, all of our hearts were racing
And I'm sure yours was as well
Unfortunately, you're not going to England
It's never going to happen.
I know.
We can't fund it.
Your next chart's 11 o'clock this morning, all right?
Awesome.
Thanks, guys.
Love your word, Jess.
That one's still through the iHeartRadio app,
Cashier Alex.
Absolutely.
Go for it.
Two semi-competent dads handing out
semi-competent parenting advice.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Ben, I think I'm a terrible person.
Okay.
I know it, but it's just being reaffirmed at the moment.
In what way?
Well, it's wintertime at the moment.
That's not news to anyone.
I'm going to have one of the most shocking weeks of the year this week
in terms of cold temperatures.
Yeah, it's meant to get really cold throughout the week.
Yeah, a big storm and snow coming our way.
And part of my duties as someone who's created tiny human beings or played a part in
is apparently you've got to pick them up from places, you know,
whether it be after school activities or from the school gate and things.
An Uber, an unpaid Uber driver.
Correct.
With no great star rating either.
It's just like, what's for dinner?
Mate, how have you enjoyed this service?
Door to door.
Door to bloody door.
I'll even carry your bags in for you.
Yeah, it's a hell of a service, right?
But what I am finding too is that 3 o'clock when I go for the pickup,
it starts raining.
And I'm in a car with an adequate level of air conditioning and temperature so now
i don't go to the gate i won't be at the gate i'm waiting in my car in torrential rain and here's
my theory and i've passed this on to a little poppy as well i'm like kids love the rain you
know that gets a stage in life where you don't enjoy rain i'm in that stage that's my life phase
not you you you're
loving rain you're running around in rain is she loving rain she loves right she stomps and
pottles with rain right and so i'm like well because you love the rain so much i don't need
to be out in the rain waiting for you know five to ten minutes and you know a monsoon you come
out in the rain you love the rain you know where the car is i'll have it have it running have the
temperature in there we'll make a quick getaway.
And am I a terrible person?
Am I a terrible person for letting my child
walk through torrential rain and meet me at the car?
Well, if you've got an umbrella,
which are a thing that can avoid you from getting in the rain,
then yes you are.
Yeah, but still you get a little...
Umbrellas only do so much, don't they?
But that's, you know,
at least you can walk your kid back under the umbrella.
I'll be there on the cloudy days.
I'll be there on the sunny days. I'll be there on the sunny days.
Even cold days. It's
no parenting. It's not you can't check in, check out.
Well, I do. I haven't checked
out completely. I'm there. I'm in the vicinity.
You know, she can look around. You're asleep in the car,
aren't you? That's for sure. You're falling asleep in the car.
Do you know, I got a ticket
which I need to hit up. I was
asleep in the car. I like to have a
20 minute nap, you know, outside the gate.
Catch it up so early.
We keep talking about how early you get up.
Let's put my day out of whack.
And I just got a ticket in the mail for parking in a P30.
Now, I've looked at the time of this.
I'm like, the officer ticketed me while they were watching me sleep in the car.
Good.
Monsters.
Good.
Absolute monsters. $60. Monsters. Good. Absolute monsters.
60 bucks.
Well, think about tomorrow when you get up at 3 o'clock or some ridiculous time you don't
need to get up.
Even just a bloody knock on the...
Hey, weird sleeping guy.
Yeah.
Hey, move the...
You know.
I would ticket a guy sleeping outside of school soon.
I know, because you don't like confrontation.
It's like a weird...
What's he doing?
Why is he sleeping with his laptop on his lap?
Anyway, I keep saying to Poppy, if she walks out in the rain, it's character building.
You know, like when your parents used to say, you know, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
No, the bigger they are, the more it hurts like crap.
The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.
Ben, neighbours, you know, we've all got them, don't we?
Unless you live by yourself.
He probably doesn't have neighbours.
No, he probably doesn't.
They're kilometres away.
Yeah, he could probably get rid of his neighbours if he wanted to.
Never to see neighbours.
But I was doing a chore the other day where you're just mowing the front of your lawn.
And it's something that I've always wanted to say as a neighbour.
Someone came up and said, when you're done with those, you can do mine.
What a wonderful line. I was like, what someone said. Someone said to me, when you're done with those, you can do mine. What a wonderful line.
I was listening to what someone said.
Someone said to me, when you're done with those, you can do mine. I was like, yeah,
I will be a man. You just sort of fade out of the banter and they keep on walking.
I imagine you, knowing you and your love for me, you'll be the punisher in the neighbourhood
that would engage in a big conversation.
I'm just going to wander around the whole time going, when you're done with that, you
can do mine. When you're done with those, you can finish mine. Just be that guy, knocking
on everyone's door. What are you doing in there? Oh, cleaning the toilet? When you've done that, you can finish mine. Just be that guy, knocking on everyone's door. What are you doing in there? Oh, cleaning the toilet?
When you've done that, you can do mine.
You'll be popping over fences, talking to people.
I imagine you talk for way too long to your neighbours.
Well, it depends if they're walking on my side of the street or not.
There's ones that I can see doing a wide berth now, too.
My son was like, because I spoke to this lovely couple who were walking back,
and I was like, nice walk up the park, what's it was it guys and oscar my son i could tell he was dying
inside what you mean oh yeah how long you been walking and i started oh no i got to the point
where they felt they needed to stop and engage in conversation oh not just a quick hey good day
no no no i was like oh yeah how many times a week you're getting up there doing that oh yeah
and oscar's hanging out the tree going firstly they're looking at me going why is this guy like interrogating us on our walk
and uh my son was like can you just let them go now please just let them get over their day
but yeah no the um the neighbors i find is a theory because we we spend a lot of time in an
apartment block the closer you live to people the less you talk to them you know if I'm living next to you
two metres away
through the wall
the chances are
I will want to avoid
all contact with you
all eye contact
and not engage in any banter
but the further you're away
like you look at rural folk
you know a kilometre
you're talking Ed Sheeran
you know one farmer
could be five
ten kilometres away
from their neighbour
they'll lean on a fence post
and talk for hours
yeah well maybe you're right.
So we want to get talking about your neighbours.
Ben Boyce, you've got some interesting neighbours, don't you?
Yeah, we have.
Yeah, well, I think every neighbourhood does.
You know, it always has the little thing.
One of the neighbours across the road had some problems with another neighbour, and
that was all going on.
He was throwing shoes over power lines just to, like, you know, there was a whole lot
going on.
I don't know what the shoes over the power line symbolises
but he seemed to think
it was a funny joke
and she would get
very wound up about it
she would be up
on her ladder
taking the shoes
off the power line
they'd be back up
on the power line
the next day
so yeah
800 the hits
we're going to talk
neighbours
in general
anything to do
with neighbours
any interactions
you've had with them
good, bad
maybe you've got
a lovely neighbour
you know hey this is the hits we like lovely phone calls but it's funnier to do with neighbours, any interactions you've had with them, good, bad. Maybe you've got a lovely neighbour. Yeah.
You know, hey, this is the hits.
We like lovely phone calls.
Yeah, a bit of positivity.
But it's funnier if they're terrible.
Yeah.
Don't get us wrong.
Your best neighbour story.
Love to hear from you in just a few moments.
Tested safe for listing from home.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
We're talking neighbours this morning.
Tracy, welcome to the show.
How are you?
I'm very well, thanks. And you guys? Yeah, good. We're talking neighbours this morning. Tracy, welcome to the show. How are you? I'm very well, thanks. And you guys?
Yeah, good. We're talking neighbours, mate.
And incidents that have either happened with your neighbours, or at your neighbour's house,
or even when they've come to your house, in your instance.
Yeah, in my instance, yeah.
Come home from a part-time job, my parents were out.
They decided to go have a shower in their ensuite.
Didn't realize my parents had come home while I was in the shower and let the neighbor in,
and I walked from their bedroom across the lounge to my bedroom stalkers with my neighbor sitting in the lounge.
Oh, so you kind of just paraded in front of them.
Oh, no.
Well, when you're home alone, you don't expect people to be in the lounge.
No.
No, that's true.
And I mean, you know, the circumstances changed dramatically
from when you went into the shower to when you emerged.
How did the neighbour get in there so quickly?
Well, the thing is, when they arrived home, he waved to them
and they invited him.
They were like, come on in.
Come on in, you lot.
And you would have thought they would have said, hey, we're home.
Yeah, something, just something.
Yeah, just a knock on the door, just a hey, we're home.
I had the same situation running down the hallway to get a towel.
When you get out of the shower, you're like, no towel.
You run down the hall and just as I grabbed the towel, I sort of pivoted around and through the window of one of the bedrooms out towards the neighbor's window, I caught eyes of the neighbor,
and he was looking from his kitchen, and he looked away instantly,
but you know what he seen.
Let's just say I couldn't look at my neighbor for months.
No, and what do you say in that moment?
Do you go, oh, or do you make a noise?
Do you apologize?
Does the neighbor say anything?
I just kept walking and pretended they weren't there.
Fair enough.
And Ben, what did you, I mean, your poor neighbor having to look at your little malnourished body.
I'm making dinner.
I'm not hungry anymore.
Yeah, you're right.
Didn't you, Ben actually had another incident, didn't you, when you came out in your pajama bottoms?
Oh, that was when I was younger.
Yeah, that's right.
And the unnecessary fly on a pyjama bottom, the open flap at the front there, you know, wasn't my friend.
Do you know the flap?
I don't have pyjamas like that, so no, I don't.
Yeah, but the obviously, you know, I did as a kid say goodnight to friends and family as a young kid and not realising something else had popped out.
So, yeah. And they were all laughing, weren't they? Bit of applause, bit of laughter, but and not realising something else had popped out. So, yeah.
And they were all laughing, weren't they?
Bit of applause, bit of laughter, but no, it was for something else.
It's like a little curtain, isn't it?
Like a little puppet show.
The worst puppet show in history.
Well, thank you for sharing your story with us.
No worries, guys.
Terry, welcome to the show.
How are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
So, it's awesome talking to you because usually I just hear you
on my radio in the morning before I
get ready for work. Now what is it like out there
in the market listening to this show? Because you're always
like when you're doing it, you kind
of forget that sometimes there are people having you
to listen to this. Yeah, well that's obviously
the point. I just sometimes
think the hits do too much advertising.
Like that's just me personally.
No, too much ads, too much ads. Well listen's just me personally. Oh, yeah, no, too much ads.
Well, listen, if I can... And that's it, basically.
On the flip side of that, can I say more ads?
They pay Ben's mortgage.
If anything. We can offer like Spotify
like a service where you don't have ads,
but you have to pay. It's the beauty of radio.
It's free, you know, but you have to put up with us
and some ads.
I complain when it's free.
Exactly, exactly. Terry, what up with us and some ads. I complain when it's 3 a.m. Exactly, exactly.
That's right.
Okay, Terry, what happened with the neighbour, matey?
Oh, so we had a great day at our house.
Well, not at our house, at my neighbour's house a few years ago,
and we were out for the day, and I've got cameras and my property,
and one of my emails went off and the camera had hit that movement.
So I, like, jumped on the camera just to check and see,
thinking it was a cat or a dog in the yard,
rotting, trolling around.
And actually it was my neighbour's, one of the drunk neighbours,
decided he wanted to jump on the trampoline.
Oh, jump on the tramp.
And my whole time I was watching it on video was,
I was waiting for the tramp to him,
because he was a big guy, to go through the whole thing.
Because the tramp at that stage, the springs were pinging and breaking.
Oh, yeah.
I'm glad you've still got a dangerous trampoline.
There was a wonderful era where, you know, there was no padding,
just raw steel that you could land on and wrap your legs around.
And nowadays they've all got walls and, you know, they're all safe.
Too soft, you say?
Too soft, yeah.
I mean, a spring right up your bits builds character.
Strengthens your inner self.
It does.
It strengthens your inner self.
It does other things.
Also, like, destroying your outer self as well, I guess.
Hey, Terry, it's been a pleasure talking to you.
You go and have a wonderful day.
Hey, thank you.
We'll get some more ads for you on.
Oh, awesome.
Spy. Know what's up. We'll get some more ads for you on. Oh, awesome. Spy.
Know what's up.
Spy.co.nz.
Now to the deeper, meaningful world of celebrity gossip.
Belle, what's happening?
One of the most anticipated movies online at the moment is Elvis,
and it hits cinemas in New Zealand on June 23rd.
Have a quick listen to part of the trailer.
But in the end, you've got to listen to yourself.
I'm going to show you what the real Elvis is like tonight.
Looking for trouble?
Austin Butler playing Elvis
and Tom Hanks will be his manager.
I was just reading before that Harry Styles
was desperate to be Elvis.
He would have played a good Elvis. He went to the stage
because Baz Luhrmann, who's the director, iconic Australian director,
doesn't really audition people at this stage,
but they did a workshop together,
and he was really desperate.
And he was like, at the end of it,
he's a great actor,
I would love to work with you on something else,
but he kind of felt like Harry Styles was already
Harry Styles.
He was already an icon.
You don't want to take that away from the role of Elvis.
Yeah, so it's like maybe in the future.
I mean, the guy they've got to play,
old mate.
Old mate.
Outstanding.
Like, just every great, you imagine a good gene,
they've put it inside his body.
There's nothing wrong with that guy.
He even does the finger wiggle on stage.
He does the finger wiggle, yeah.
I got lost into a clickbait article,
same thing, reading about the Elvis movie yesterday.
In fact, she never knew about Elvis.
Do you know how he had that beautiful, thick, luscious black hair?
You know how he kept it so black and thick and luscious?
No.
Black shoe polish, mate.
Really?
Shoe polish.
Shoe polish?
I'm going to shoe polish your hair after the show.
Oh, jeez.
All right.
And his granddaughter Riley, it's Lisa Marie Presley's daughter,
she spoke about it at a special unveiling of the trailer. In 1954
a young man
from Tupelo, Mississippi
walked into Sun Records and changed
music forever.
That man was my grandfather
and though I never got the chance
to meet him, I grew up in a world
that had been profoundly shaped by his
existence. I can't believe there hasn't been
an Elvis movie already.
Yeah. Surely there's been
some. Something like that.
It just seems like a crime that there hasn't been.
You're right.
It would have been the movie that Tom Hanks would have got
COVID. Remember he was in Australia and he got COVID
and he was one of the first celebrities to get it.
He must have been filming that movie
because it was filmed over there.
When Tom Hanks got it, we were like, oh, he's a better quality of COVID.
Not Tom Hanks.
Anyone.
Give it to me.
Five times over.
I'll tell you.
Well, that's incredible.
Can't wait to see that movie.
And never wrote any of his songs was the other interesting fact.
Someone else wrote all his music for him.
That didn't affect him.
Someone else is writing this for us right now.
These words I'm saying.
Also, a lip reader has revealed what the royal family were saying to each other during the
Jubilee, and I was like, this click baited me.
I was like, oh, come on, what were they saying?
Mostly it was pretty boring stuff to be, unfortunately.
Hello.
You know, hello.
Just classic kid things with Kate, and then, you know, getting excited about seeing the
planes, but when it came to Harry and Meghan, I got excited.
I'm like, oh, what's going on here?
But they didn't really say much.
I was like, damn.
They just said it went very well, very, very well.
And then they're like, yes, perfect.
I love it how the first thing we need to do is get our best lip readers on this.
Get the best lip readers in the world on this case.
And as if any of the people sitting on the balcony are going to say anything salacious.
And that moment.
Oh, God, I can't wait to the old birdcage.
You know, stuff like that.
Can you believe Harry and old...
Well, that's what you're expecting, you know, even with
Wills and Kate afterwards when they didn't say hi to
Harry and things, you're expecting them to say something, but
even then they're like so good at not doing it.
And as the lip reading expert, I mean
are they going to just go, oh look, she said this
and no one's going to fact check it because they're not going to come out
and go, no I didn't. And even the
mouth movement, it could be saying half a dozen
different things. You know, one particular movement of a mouth. Okay, experts. When did I even a mouth movement could be saying half a dozen different things.
You know, one particular movement of a mouth.
Okay, experts.
When did I become a lip reader?
No one called me up to lip read the lips of those famous royals.
Why not?
That is spy.
You can get more now at thehits.co.nz.
Well, that is our show for Wednesday.
Make sure you tune in tomorrow because we're joined by Sam Neill,
iconic Kiwi actor Sam Neill.
We're headed to the brand new Jurassic World Dominion.
It's out in theatres.
So that'll be fun.
Have yourself a great Wednesday.
We'll catch you tomorrow from six.
The Hits.
For more podcasts from The Hits Network,
check out iHeartRadio.co.nz.