Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: Jono's Revenge! Hear a tape from Ben's early broadcasting days

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Hear an eager Ben Boyce and his first attempt at rugby commentary - plus we get feedback from sports broadcaster Scotty Stevenson. Jono ends up in a Johnny Depp internet wormhole plus we get some money saving tips from financial coach, Hannah McQueen!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast, 27th of April it is today. Welcome along, Ben, how are you going? I'm going alright, 27th, yeah. The only time I look at the date is when you tell us. You don't really pay too much attention to the date in your day-to-day life, do you? Like even though I've said the date today, if I have to fill out a form that requires the date later on, I won't know it. Filling out forms is a big time you pay attention to the dates.

You're right. Now, I had a great... Hold on. I'm going to need to call my son, Oscar, because he had a great little bit of fodder, which I was like, this is perfect for... This is perfect for the podcast intro. I'm just calling him on speakerphone.

It's not good enough for the show. Did you tell him that? It's not good enough for the show. Well, it might make the cut. It depends on his delivery. Yeah. We'll see. But it's an interesting fact about... I can't even remember, remember but i was like make sure we do that on the radio and he's like i'll

answer my phone that's what he said to me hi hi mate how are you good what are you doing i'm just chilling with the dog yeah we got a dog there though very exciting how is milo oh he's good he's been crying a bit, but yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Good. Yeah, I phoned yesterday and all I could hear was a dog cry. There he is. There he is in the background.

But, you know, he's just a baby. You've got to remember, he's just a baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's learning life. Hey, now you were telling a fact or a story the other day and I was like, that's perfect fodder for the radio, although this is the podcast intro. What was it? It was, so, this guy in America, he died, he almost died, he was dead for five minutes, but the doctors brought him back to life, then he won the lotto at home winning a car,

then the news asked him to re-enact it for the news station, and he won again, for like $50,000 or something. Oh, what, so he went and bought another ticket? No, no, so he died. He was dead for five minutes. Doctors brought him back to life. He was like, well, that was lucky. I need to buy a lotto ticket.

Wins the lottery. The news are like, hey, mate, can we do a story on you? You won the lottery and you died. He's like, yeah. They're like, hey, just for this, we're going to need another ticket to reenact you winning. So he goes and buys a pretend ticket. Buys a pretend, a prop ticket.

Yeah. Then wins the lottery again with that ticket. Oh, my goodness. Yep. Yep. Exactly right. Exactly right. It's a good story, Oscar.

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. It is. Is that from TikTok? Half the stuff that the kids tell me these days Is from TikTok No it wasn't from TikTok because I'm not allowed it Well you're Snapchatting aren't you? Yeah

Yeah there you go I thought it was an interesting story Hey thank you Aussie It was all good See you mate Bye Incredible That's right and then I thought it would be a good topic to go

The luckiest listener Oh who's won the most stuff Who's won the most stuff What do you reckon Bell Crawford Do you reckon That's pretty good stuff That's some pretty good

Radio content I think I like it Let's put it in tomorrow Should we chuck it in Yeah why not Done deal Show brought to you by Oscar There we go

Hey well on podcast today We spoke to Hannah McQueen Who's a financial expert She was really helpful With some tips to get through. And the way she put everything in perspective of, yes, inflation's going up to 6.9% wild. She's like, but you can save 6.9%. You can counter it, yeah.

You can save more than 6.9% with everything you have in your house. Really interesting, that, isn't it? So, yeah, she's on the podcast today, so make sure you check that out. If they were the internet, you'd want to clear this history. Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono and Ben with you on the hits. How's everyone feeling this morning? You all right, Benjamin? Not too bad. You were saying you're cold this morning.

Yeah. You can't say that in Auckland. That's the thing I've learned in this job. You can't complain about the cold in Auckland because everyone listening out of Auckland goes, come on, mate. It's one of the harsh realities, isn't it? The harsh realities of this job. Never complain about the cold. Belle, how are you feeling this morning? Yeah, good, thanks.

How are you, Jono? Good, thanks. Yesterday I came to a stark realisation, looking at myself in the mirror, that I have, ever since the age of 17 years old, dressed like a 17-year-old. Do you know? You know some adults, as they grow older, they wear suits, respected clothing.

Well, you wear suits from time to time for work purposes. For work purposes. But day-to-day stuff, I bounce from looking like Justin Bieber to a bogan from Palmerston North. It's kind of an old-fashioned wheelhouse. Do you notice it? You're kind of a teenage dresser as well. I can't imagine you turning up to work every day in a suit

No, but I'd quite enjoy that I think it'd be quite nice to put on the work clothes And go to work, I think But that's probably because you don't have to do it I'm sure anyone that has to wear a suit for work Is like, oh, I'd just love to turn up Dress like a teenager Yeah

I feel like, you know, a movie that Zac Efron would be in Where he swapped bodies with a 40-year-old middle-aged man You know, and I'm kind of reliving my youth. You know when it's that stage where it's sad, though? That's the thing. Where you're like, oh, you know? Like, oh, he's dressed like that. You know, that's what I worry about too.

What is that stage? You know? What is that stage where it gets sad? Sometimes I'm like, clothes I would have worn five years ago. I'm like, oh, I probably can't wear that now. Because it's just a bit like, oh, come on, mate. Come on. You never want to come on.

Better stop wearing the Toy Story t-shirt now. But then here's the question for you, Belle. You're a very fashionable person. Thanks. You know, when do I bounce from, you know, wearing plaid shirts and hoodies into a responsible polo shirt with some car keys? Like, at what age?

You would look strange in that. I think you wear good clothes. But I can't do this at 60, you know? No, that's what I mean. You've got to move through it. Yeah, you've got to move through it. You've got to make that. I think you wear good clothes. But I can't do this at 60, you know? No, that's what I mean. You've got to move through it. You've got to make that. But you do wear a polo shirt from time to time.

Yeah, I do. So there you go. Let's put an age on it. When are we doing it? I'd say within the next five years. So is it a slow fade? Or you could just rip the plaster off and come in one day. Oh, he's got boat shoes. We had a guy that was... Oh my god, do you own boat shoes? No, I don't own boat shoes. Producer B day Oh he's got boat shoes We had a guy that was Oh my god do you own boat shoes? No I don't own boat shoes

Producer B Hums has got boat shoes Yeah of course he does When I used to write ads This was many years ago For this You know write radio ads There was a guy who came to work And all of a sudden

He just wore a tie Like every day Because everyone could wear What he wanted Just wore a tie And without Kid you not Within six months

He was the boss Oh Dressed for the job you want right And I was just like And he was obviously Very very good You know like It wasn't just very good it wasn't just the time but everyone was like oh this guy wearing a tie oh look at and within six months he was the boss well they say he started after me like he came in within six months did he have a shirt on with the tie like

a college shoe yeah and everyone because it's creative. It's creative, man. Creative. Take your time. You have your dreams. And then he was, you sold out to the man. You're a suit now. And then you're like, oh, sorry, he's the boss now. Yeah, yeah, yes, sir. You know, like, yeah.

And I was like, well, there you go. He probably made that call one day. Dress for the job you want. Yeah. But you get bullied along the way. But hey, he became the boss and he could bully us back very quickly. You're running late, stuck in traffic, and now you have to listen to this.

Jono and Ben on the hits. It is Wednesday, second week of midweek school holiday. Second week, well done. I'm just saying, it feels like it's gone on for nine weeks, this school holiday. I don't know why. I don't know why. I'm not having to deal with the heavy lifting or anything, really. I just come here and talk words.

But we were just talking about dressing like 17-year-olds, Ben and myself. Someone's texting, Ben, you dress the age you feel. So I don't know what that's saying about. No. No, but there's also dress for the job you want. Yeah, I know. So how do you dress? I don't know.

That's very confusing. Let's look at some spy. Spy. No WhatsApp. Spy.co.nz. There's some filthy gossip. So filthy you'll have to use Ben's hand sanitiser afterwards. What's going on, Belle Crawford?

The ratings are in for Dancing With The Stars on 3. More than a million Kiwis tuned in to watch it over a opening weekend, the two episodes. Although they did have some technical issues when it came to the text voting. And after the shock elimination of Lotto presenter sonja gray some viewers said that their votes for her weren't going through and they were instead getting a text back saying that she was no longer in the competition before the elimination had actually even happened oh before the show oh

what before the show had finished they're sending oh my god yeah the discovery of discovery of comeback obviously discovery of the uh the place to own TV3. What bullshit excuse have they given? Yeah, so they've got a statement saying that the technical issue did not have any impact on the vital result. For the rest of the season, our hosts will be making it very clear when voting closes. It's interesting that voting on the show like that. I always feel sorry for the people on the second night, you know, because you dance on the first night and you're like, vote, vote, vote, vote,

and you've got 24 hours of votes. And then the people that dance on the second night before an elimination, they don't get very long for people to go, oh, I like them. I'll vote for them before someone gets eliminated on night two. Oh, don't worry. It's all factored in. It's all factored in. Don't you worry.

Oh, sorry. It's all factored in. Discovery got to sort it. Don't worry. That's a relief. You don't lose any sleep over that, mate. Don't you worry. Sorry, it's all factored in. Discovery got to sort it. Don't worry. That's a relief. You don't lose any sleep over that, mate. But showbiz, it's a soulless industry. I mean, you were saying, and whether this happened or not,

but I wouldn't put it past it, if you get rid of a big player on week one, it creates intrigue, conversation. Everyone's talking about it. Yeah, we're talking about it. Now, we're not saying for a second this is what happened, but we are actually. Okay. For more talking about it. Now, we're not saying for a second this is what happened, but we are actually. Okay, well

more than one second. If we can pull some strings here, maybe that's what could have happened. And you see why they do that. From an entertainment point of view. Because you get rid of a big player, we're all talking about it. Poor Sonya was devastated. I know. She was really good too. She was good.

And also Kylie Jenner has a relatable pregnancy craving in a sneak teaser of this week's episode of The Kardashians. In the clip, Kylie and Kendall are driving into an In-N-Out burger to get a cheeseburger. She's craving one. And then Kylie decides, while they're actually going into the drive-thru, that she needs food. And Kendall's like, we're already going into the drive-thru.

And she needs food and then endel's like we're already going into the drive-thru and she needs her car snack she has a big sort of like container of snacks in her car i always have snacks in the car do you see snacks snacks um we're at the food place i know but i think i'm gonna throw up seriously i don't know i'm getting a little nauseous okay okay so she all right so she needed snacks while waiting for the food. Yeah, she couldn't wait any more minutes. What snacks has she got? Containers and stuff. Chippies and nuts and biscuits and things.

I guess things that when you're pregnant, you need something to line your tummy quickly if you're going to be sick or you're not feeling very well. I always appreciate being boys comes. He's always got a snack on hand. Healthy snacks. You know, you'll have a little jar of nuts. Yeah, or loves an almond. I always appreciate being boys come to see. He's always got a snack on hand. Healthy snacks. You know, he'll have a little jar of... Almonds?

Yeah, loves an almond. Oh, I do love an almond. Yeah. He comes to work with a school lunch. I mean, we were just talking about dressing like 17-year-olds. I do, I do. Sometimes not lunch, because if I go home and have lunch, but I do come with snacks and some fruit and some, you know,

a music barrel or something. Still rocking a cool kids lunch box, are we, with the fluoro lid? Yeah, it's good. I I appreciate it but you do end up When you have kids all you end up doing is eating like a child Because it's easier to just Cook a kids meal or make a kids lunch Right A lot of talk about the royals

Recently with the Queen's Jubilee And a couple of royal books Are being released at the moment. One yesterday saying Meghan Markle loves free handbags and she sent an email saying, hey, if anyone still wants to give me a free handbag, I'm happy to take it. But I still don't know who she'd

sent the email to. Just the handbags at gmail.com. No, I think it was like a publicist, you know, a person that was like a PR company that was like, that would often distribute free handbags. Just saying I'm still a fan. Just say, hey, just because I'm a royal doesn't mean I don't like it. Like free handbags.

Yeah, I get it. I don't know why that was so explosive. There's another book out at the moment I was reading before saying that Prince William was a terror when he was little. Very naughty young boy. Very naughty, very naughty, naughty young boy. I was a kid. I was a kid. And then they said he got to an age and then he became naughty, very naughty, naughty young boy. I was a kid, I was a kid, and then they said

he got to an age and then he became obviously really responsible and then Harry was a bit naughty as a kid and at one stage Harry smeared sheep poo on Prince Charles' suit

before he had to get on a helicopter to go to Royal Vendor and Prince Charles was not happy about that. But yeah, it was like, oh, they were kids,

you know? Yeah, he's also smeared the good name of the royals later in life. Yeah, so a lot of royal news going on at the moment, Bell Crawford were kids, you know? Yeah. He's also smeared the good name of the royals later in life. Yeah, so a lot of royal news going on at the moment, Bell Crawford. Yeah.

So this new book written by Tina Brown, who wrote the Diana Chronicle, she was also a former Vanity Fair editor. So this new one's called Palace Papers, Inside the House of Winds of the Truth and the Turmoil, and it focuses on the younger royals, Prince Harry and Prince William, and when their, I guess, feud really started, which was about 10 years ago.

So what is the truth and the turmoil on this? You're going to have to buy the book to find out. You're going to have to read it. But apparently it claims that Harry got really angry with William because he felt like he was, in quote, hogging the best briefs. And we're not talking about underpants. We're talking about the royal work they would do. And he was getting angry that William was picking

all the best ones that he wanted. Do you think that happens? They'll be like, hey, who wants to go to New Zealand and go to Stewart Island? And they're like, bags on. Bags on. Harry, away you go. He's been here the most.

We sent them to really off the beaten track. You're coming to New Zealand, but it's good. I guess they get to see who wants to go into a dark room and look at a kiwi that you probably won't see yeah

well that's interesting you want to play a game Ben which I think this is it's high risk high reward stuff but this early in the morning you want to play a game called the Royal Flush

yeah I want to get some calls then this is not Prince William flushing a tissue down the toilet no this is people that are listening right now. I know it's 6.28 in the morning, but it's people listening right now

that have met the royals. I want to see how many different royals we can get on the phone. So if you're shaking the hand of a royal, touched a royal, kissed a royal, dragged a royal away from their family to live in Los Angeles, we will take any calls and texts right now. 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text. The royal flush line is open. Jono and Ben. take any calls and texts right now. 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text. The Royal Flush line is open.

Jono and Ben. A lot of talk about the Royal family, the Royals at the moment, and we wanted to play a Royal Flush game, see how many people can get in that have met any of the Royals. Yeah, Flush calls, non-stop. That actually has no tie into the card game. No, I wanted to get more

but then I realised there was five for a Royal Flush. That'd be 20 minutes of people phoning up about when they once kissed Prince Charles on the cheek. Sally, you're on the Royal Flush line. Oh my god, that is so cool. It's nice to talk to you. To be honest, it's no different to our normal phone

line. Same phone line, but it sounds fancy. As soon as you put Royal in front of it. Now, which one of the royals did you manage to meet? Well, it was my son and his cousins, actually. All won school holidays. And the kids were always

running down the beach and coming back and having a great old time. And they came back and they were so excited. And they said, we've been shaking hands with Prince William.

And I'm going, yeah, not really? Yeah, okay, guys. And then... You're like, shut up, kids. You weren been shaking hands with Prince William. And I'm going, yeah, really? Yeah, okay, guys. You're like, shut up, kids. You weren't shaking hands. Seriously. They just came running back. And, of course, it wasn't until I actually watched the news that night

that I thought, oh, my goodness. He wasn't keeping the eye on me. So you didn't actually believe them. You're like, they didn't do it until you saw the news. And so what did they say to him? They just bowled on up to him, eh, just casually, these kids. And, yeah, shook hands with them all. And, you know, the prince was surrounded by everybody else,

and there was a couple of younger people there as well. And they just thought, oh, they're shaking hands. I'll go and get my hand in there too. Oh, that's wonderful. I mean, you know, there was a time where you could get your hands in there, wasn't it? Yeah. People wouldn't get their hands in there nowadays, would they?

Well, I think a lot of people couldn't, you know. These kids, you know, they're're hilarious They just go and boldly Go up and meet these people It's great I can see where you're coming from They come home and they tell this wild story About shaking Prince William's hands It's a hard one for you to download

Exactly They were old enough, around 10, 11 9 to 11, and to actually remember this as well in their life. So it's pretty cool. What a great experience. Just random walking along the beach, and there's Prince William, you know? Yeah, I tell you what's pretty cool, this Royal Flush Line.

And I hope you enjoyed it, Sally. I know, it's nice talking to you guys. You too. Have a good one, mate. How's it going? Sarah? Hi there. Welcome to the Royal Flushline.

Wow, sounds fancy. It does sound fancy. As you keep saying, it sounds fancy. We put Royal in front of it. Everyone's very impressed with the Royal Flushline. It's just the same phone line, but don't tell Sarah that. Sarah, which one of the Royals did you manage to meet? Prince

William. Oh, wow. Another one for William. What happened? What did Prince Dubs do? Oh look he was very well behaved. It was lovely. When I was working over in England down in Dorset and it happened to be near an army base where he was stationed. It was when he was broken up with Catherine though actually so all my younger workmates, not me I'm too old, were all a bit fluttered when he came in with his army mates into restaurant where I worked. Did he break up with

Catherine for a while, did he? Yeah, yeah, yeah this is all a long time ago, they broke up for about a year I think. Oh, I didn't know that. I had to review things Just a year ago, you had a review Where is this thing going? Let's just see if there's any more out in the field No? Okay, there's no one thing. Just a review? Where is this thing going? Yeah, let's just see if there's any more out in the field.

No? Okay, there's no one else you'll do after 12 months. Yeah, I'm lucky for him. And he was just lovely. He came in about a group of 10 of them. He ate lamb shanks and mash, came and shook our hands. I've never seen anyone sitting up so straight. He looked like he'd been trained to sit up straight.

That was the one thing that struck me. So the one thing you took away from meeting Prince William was how good his posture was. And he liked lamb shanks, all right, you know. Thank you. And so was it 10 lads, 10 lads from the Air Force coming in, the lads on tour? Yes, and some of them were a wee bit raucous and stuff, but when we came around and serving

them and things, we always gave them a bit of a look as if to say, go on, mind your language. Oh, really? It gives you air, right? I mean, ten lads sounds terrible, doesn't it? You never want more than five lads. Five lads is already pushing the limit. I know, so they did well, really.

They had security guards. And so does he come with his own security? Yes. Do they sit there and eat lamb shanks as well? No, they had to stand there. They weren't allowed

to sit and eat. Isn't that, that's just, that's mean. I guess they'd have eating, they'd probably have eating hours,

wouldn't they, you know? Yeah, and so Prince William, is he a, I'll pay for the whole table sort of guy, or is he a split the bill guy when he goes to the restaurant?

That's a good question. Oh, I don't even remember what happened. I couldn't think straight. We didn't even charge him. He just walked out. Shook our hands and we were all so mesmerised. And then the next day the paparazzi arrived and were knocking on the door and saying, we've heard he's been here and can you give us info?

And we were told by our bosses not to say anything. And, yeah, they were very persistent. They kept coming back and I just had to keep lying. Yeah, that was it. But he was really lovely. So lovely. What a guy. Well, thank you so much for your time.

Really do appreciate it. And you can go and have a great day. Oh, thank you, guys. I love your show. I love your work. You keep safe. Yeah, thank you. guys. I love your show. I love your work. You keep safe. Yeah, thank you.

Listen, I'm 75% certain what you're about to hear is fact. The rest will just make up. What's happening in the news, Ben? Well, an unusual animal, a couple of animals have been brought to the courthouse outside where Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are having their trial. This is a trial that's gained a lot of attention all over the world.

But outside the courthouse, someone has bought a couple of alpacas. Now, these are emotional support alpacas. This lady started up a business, and she's brought them along with the idea that maybe that would brighten up Johnny Depp's day, seeing these alpacas outside the courthouse. So this is obviously central Los Angeles where the courthouse. So this is obviously central Los Angeles where the courthouse is. Yeah.

So this is a business that this lady started up a couple of years ago. She normally takes them around to visit kids and things like that, these alpacas. But she thought she'd bring them to the courthouse in the hope that Johnny Depp will find them supportive. Are they the spitting ones? Are the alpacas a spit in your face?

I know the camels kind of do. Maybe they do. Maybe they're all quite spitty. Now what's the difference between an alpaca and a llama? I can never, and I hate I'm sorry to the alpaca and llama community. I don't want to stereotype. It's probably quite offensive for any of them listening right now. They'll spit in your face if you get them wrong.

They do. They do occasionally spit at humans. It's just the result of them having a sour mouth. So they're like, I've got to get that out. What's the difference between alpacas, live googling here, alpacas

and llamas? Here we go. The difference is, the most notable difference is the sizes. Alpacas are smaller. Llamas have a bigger lammoid bed. How big do you like your lammoids? is the sizes. Alpacas are smaller. Okay. Llamas have a bigger lamoid, Ben. How big do you like

your lamoids? Medium size. A medium sized lamoid. I don't know what a lamoid is. That's the next thing we can Google. And yesterday you might have seen

this big news that Twitter has been bought by Elon Musk for $44 billion. But that's only 9% of it. Is it really? Yeah. He hasn't got the majority

share there's like an investment company that i think it's got 10 or something well you're saying like he like he owns it that that's what it seems to be like out there in the news so he's only only nine percent i mean still nine percent of twitter is quite well do you remember the beginning of this i said uh 75 of this fact the rest is made up yeah that might be some made up stuff what that what you just said all right right, live gig. Come on, do another live gig. Live gig, okay. Elon Musk, Twitter, how much? Okay, so $44 billion. Yes, that's what I said. Yeah, you've done that stuff.

How much did he pay for it? How much stock has he got there? 9.2% stake in Twitter. Right. Who's got the most? I'm pretty sure it's an investment company. Who? Oh, Jesus.

You ought to listen to a radio show with someone live Googling. Hosking doesn't do this. Hold there, Prime Minister, hold on. Yeah. What is Labour's tax rate? No. There we go.

Institutions, private firms, investment funds own about 80% of the stock in Twitter. Okay, so he's not in the majority shareholder. But then he says he owns it now. Yeah, okay. Well, we're going to do some more Googling. We'll come back with some more information. Oh, no, we'll fade out on this.

After 7 o'clock. We'll get on with our lives. Yeah, and that is scrolling through your feed with a bit of live Googling as well. Jonas Internet Wormhole. Listen, got lost yesterday afternoon in a wormhole article. I got deep into a Depp wormhole.

Johnny Depp wormhole. Obviously, the court case going on at the moment. Had it playing over. My wife leaves the TV on overnight, so she's been watching it on YouTube. It's been playing overnight, nonstop. So I'm getting little pockets of it subliminally. Yeah. Subliminally.

But some facts about Johnny Depp. And, you know, you'd never ever heard these facts before, Ben. I can guarantee that. But did you know Johnny Depp, and you'd never, Amber, heard these facts before, Ben, I can guarantee that. But did you know Johnny Depp has been married to four different people? I didn't realise he'd been married to four different people. Winona Ryder. Right. Sherilyn Finn, who's an actor.

Jennifer Grey and Kate Moss. Was he married to Kate Moss? I didn't know that, no. According to the internet, he was. Belle's scrunching her face going, I don't know if that's true. Yeah. Don't fact check it Bell Oh you say

We'll come back to Bell The other thing I found very interesting is He keeps his outfit from Pirates of the Caribbean Captain Jack Sparrow He keeps that with him At all times so If he ever needs to dress up for children

He can dress up as Captain Jack Sparrow like many times he's wandered into children's hospitals and started reading stories as Captain Jack Sparrow he went into one hospital the Great Ormond Street Hospital wonderful hospital and read stories as Captain Jack Sparrow and then donated

a million dollars just walked off the street have you achieved the cape moss fact yeah they were together for three years they were meant to get married but then they broke up in 97 he got with uh his wife vanessa parody so he had kids with and yeah so he hasn't been married four times is what you say well let's go back to that one yeah this is a hold on this isn't just cross examining no i didn't know that no one I'm not Johnny Depp. I'm not on trial here. They come up with actual facts.

Do you want to know the truth? No. Yeah, go on. I do. He said he's been married two times. Two times. Where did you get four times? He said four girlfriends, maybe.

That's not right, though. Listen, just move on, guys. Okay, smokescreen this. Maybe he didn't give a million dollars to the children's hospital now. I'm questioning everything that you come up with. Well, don't question this because you... How do I know? Google that.

Did Johnny Depp give a million dollars to what hospital? Sorry, this is how it's going to work. I say a fact, then goes to bell. Google that. Says he had two wives. Yeah. And obviously... I can't wait to see this.

It's a woe to the wives. It's a woe to the wives. Did he give a million dollars to what hospital was it? We're zeroing in on this wife fact. There's been some other great facts. Did he give a million dollars

to the hospital? What was the name of the hospital? The Great Ormond Street Hospital. Great Ormond Street. I'll continue on with my facts and you can cross examine

them if you need to. Yeah, he did. Yeah. That's the one true thing about this. Yeah. Johnny Depp was offered, you know, Keanu Reeves in the movie Speed?

Yeah. That was meant to be Johnny Depp. Was it, Mel? Do you want to have a look at that? And here's another fact. Here's another fact that Ben will question. We don't know if it's a fact just yet. We'll verify them as they come.

What was the movie, sorry? Speed. Speed. Speed. Johnny Depp was meant to be cast as Speed. And did you know he's never won an Oscar? Yeah. And I don't think he's about to start now. Well, true.

Never won an Oscar. He's been nominated. He's been in a lot of top movies, right? Yeah, he's nominated for Pirates of the Caribbean. He was also nominated for Neverland, Sweeney Todd. But never won. Never won an Academy Award, Johnny Depp. Are you checking the hospital thing?

No, that one's true. Yeah. I was looking at the other one, the one about speed. I'm just very fast on this whole Google thing. So how was that one? Do we know? So I'm trying to quickly skim read, but it looks like he didn't do it. He did something else instead.

He went to the Tim Burton movie. Take my good... This is actually true. Okay, that was true. It's called Jono's Internet WML. My good name is associated. Yeah, but you started off with something that was totally untrue. So since then, we had to find out.

These are two true ones. Some of those may be true. Some of them may not be. It's Jono and Ben, but FYI, Ben is open to other options. Jono and Ben on the hits. I have been telling the team all morning that on Friday, I purchased some jeans. Now, I wasn't even in the mall to buy jeans.

You know, that wasn't my main reason for being in there. But I walked past the shop. What was your main reason for being in there? Yeah, what were you doing in the mall, you little rat? You sound very like, who's this guy? I just like hanging out at the food court and watching people. Just staring them in the eyes as they're eating their chicken chow mein. But that aside, I walked past this shop.

And it caught the sight of my eye. Sale. And there was a rack right by the door. Full of jeans. And it said, sale rack. All must go. So they're in desperate times. These jeans must leave the shop.

And the thing with jeans is, for the most part, they don't change dramatically. I don't know why they all have to go. A pair of black jeans is a pair of black jeans from one year to the next. Yeah, there's some different styles. I don't know why these ones all had to go. Yeah, true. So I'm looking at this rack, and they're affordable jeans, okay? To the point where I'm looking at a price tag on a pair of black jeans, and I'm like, no.

Surely not. So I take it up to the counter, and I said to Liam behind the counter, he listens to the show. Good morning, Liam. Good morning. He's studying to become an air steward. I said, Liam, no. Holding the price tag up to him. He's like, yes.

And then he said, knock another 25% off that price. Off that price? Off that. So it's already on sale. Then we're biffing another 25%. So you were thinking with the first price, it was quite unbelievable. It was already for, yeah.

I was like, you've already sold me. Yeah. But then you come in with, take 25% off that. Now, might I have you know, $199.95, the recommended retail value of these jeans. I saw it on the price tag. What do you think I got them for? This is the bargain brag. Ben.

$8. He's these, what he's done. Yeah, he's undershot it. $60. Cheaper. $8. He's what he's done. He's, yeah. What? He's overshot it. Okay. $60. Cheaper. Whoa. $8.

Yeah, no, no. I'm not, I'm ignoring him. I'm only, Bill Crawford, he's helping us out, Bill. I'm only going to compensate. $50. No, cheaper, mate.

$8. No. $39. Cheaper. $8. $8. It's cheaper than $39. Cheaper. Are you kidding me? Cheaper than $30. $29. But not as low as $39. Cheaper. $8. It's cheaper than $39. $30. Cheaper.

Are you kidding me? Cheaper than $30. $29. But not as low as $8. $25. Cheaper. $20. $22.50.

Wow, that is impressive. They were $30 on the rack, then he said take 25% off, $22.50. Not $8. Okay, not $8. Yeah, incredible. Originally $200. Wow. For a pair of jeans. Now that's a bargain to brag about. Okay, not $8. Yeah, incredible. Originally $200. Wow.

For a pair of jeans. Now that's a bargain to brag about. Yeah, all right. I know producer Bee Hump said he bought a $130 jacket for $30. He's shaking his head too. He doesn't like the fact that you got that great bargain. Like I said, I didn't even need black jeans, but I just bought them so I could tell everyone how much they were. The bargain brag line is open.

Jono's kicked things off with bragging about his $22 jeans. Melissa, good morning. Good morning. I'm good, thanks. How are you? Welcome to the bargain brag line. Melissa's got one of those voices where you're like, you are a salt of the earth, hearty human being.

Thank you. Yeah, now, Melissa, okay. You need to name the item. We need to figure out how much you paid for it, okay? Okay, the item is butter. Butter. Oh, yeah, your stock is a block of butter? Yep, a block of butter.

Standard block of butter. Butter can get quite expensive. It can get up to like $6 a block, I can see, in the supermarket sometimes, and I'm going around there. So I'm going to say... What brand? What brand are we talking?

Oh, I think it's Tararua. Tararua butter. Okay, it's a good brand of butter. Okay, let's say I'm going to go $4. Oh, you got it straight away. The supermarket's about $7.20. Yeah, I'll bet. $4 is a bargain from the way out.

It is a bargain. Sorry. You're bloody low-balled, Melissa. Well, I've been going too high on the other ones every time we play a game, so I was like, hey, $4 is a great price. He blew the wind out of your story. I know. Well, thank you very much, Melissa.

You have a great day. You too. Hit the nail on the head. The game doesn't work when you actually get the price. Normally I go a bit too high. It doesn't make the bargain seem like a bargain when you land it first off. We'll go to Gary who's on the phone from Auckland. Gary,

welcome to the hits, mate. It's the Bragg a bargain line. What was the item, Gary? I bought a budgie. A budgie. You bought a budgie. You didn't smuggle the budgie, you purchased it. Alright, Gary, I reckon I don't know. What's a budgie going for? Was it an exotic budgie?

Was it just your run-of-the-mill budgie? Just your run-of-the-mill budgie. I would say $100. I'd pay $100 for a budgie, I guess, if I was in the market for a budgie. No, way less. Way less. Okay, well, then I'm going to go $10 for a budgie. No, no.

It was kind of cheap. Okay. I think Gary's done the long bow. No, no, it was going cheap. I think Gary's done the longbow jokes with us before, and we always... We fall for them every time. I appreciate them every time, though, Gary. Lovely talking to you, Gary. Have a great day.

Bronnie, you're on from Christchurch. Welcome to the Bargain Brag Line. What was the item, Bronnie? It was a silicone bath mat. A silicone bath mat? Yeah, well, the back of What was the item, Bronnie? It was a silicone bath mat. A silicone bath mat? Well, the back of it was really thick silicone and on the top it's got lots of girly looking flowers

and custard stuff. Is this a mat that you put down to stop you from slipping around? Yes. Alright, a big thick layer of silicone. Can you imagine the thickest layer of silicone? Bronnie's got it. I don't know what... I'm not going to go too cheap. I'm going to go $486.

Not even close. I haven't even gone trot. I'm going to go $50. Nah. $5. Oh, so close. It was $8. $8? Bronnie, this is great.

This is amazing for you. I'm acting surprised, but I don't know what the going rate is for a silicon bath mat. Well, the average price for them was about $45. Oh, yeah, you get to get one here about $40. I can see online, yeah. I saw it in the shop, and I thought, hmm. It was the last one left, and it had all these flowery pattern on top, and nobody wants flowery pattern. So I took it to the counter and said, what do you reckon?

And they said, oh, how does 20 sound? And I said, oh, well, it's the last one left. What do you think? Well, there's a price on it. So you just pay that. There was a price on it. It was great. Okay.

And then how did you get them down to eight, Bronnie? I just looked at them and I said, well, you know, there's only one. It's a tiny bit grubby. None of everybody else is going to want it. I know it's been there for a while. What do you reckon? They said, oh, ten. And I said, how does eight sound?

And she said, five. She drives a hard bargain, Bronnie. I think you had eight in your head the whole time. I had five in my head. Well, Brodie, you've made our day. What a great call. Okay. Thanks, guys.

I'm talking to you. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Particularly in times like this, we like to talk to our financial expert, Hannah McQueen from Enable.me, or as we like to call her, Lightning McQueen. You ready? You ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Come on down, Lightning McQueen. We get a lot out of this, don't we? Ka-chow. Ka-chow. The joke that keeps on coming. How are you, Hannah? I'm good, thank you. Lovely to have you on, as always.

We really do enjoy talking to you. Now, your website, if people want to go and visit? Enable.me, if you want financial strategy and coaching. Well, yeah, it's a time that I think everyone could do with a bit of it, because inflation, it's pretty high, but higher than 30 years. Yeah, it is. And I think that's a good time to reflect and think, okay, well, what can I sharpen up?

What am I actually aiming for well what can I sharpen up what what am I actually aiming for what what can I improve and I think sometimes when the times are good Kiwis especially take that as an excuse to not really do much with their finances but when you're about to approach a headwind uh best to get your house in order and there are some things you can do to make that really easy uh what are we wasting money on? What's one thing that we can really tighten the belt on? We break it down with our fixed costs, like your broadband, your power, perhaps even your insurances, things that you're not emotionally connected to at all.

Most of us pay around 10% more than what they need to just because we're not shopping around. I mean, who can be bothered, generally? But if all costs are going up by 10% and you could save 10% not shopping around. I mean, like, who can be bothered, generally? But when you, if all costs are going up by 10% and you could save 10% by shopping around, that would be a nice little kind of offset that you should think about. Well, you can play,

I know you can play the telcos off against each other, can't you? Like, oh, Vodafone, maybe they spark an offering me, you know? You can do that. And power. Those are kind of the easy ones, right? That you can just do a bit of Googling,

since you guys are so good at that part, and narrow it down. So there's just easy money that we possibly wouldn't even care to grab previously, but we should be now. And then you start to look at your other costs that you could clean up, perhaps just things you're not even using. It could be apps that you're not using anymore or a gym membership or maybe I'm just channeling myself on that. Or perhaps you've watched everything on Netflix. So why do you still have the subscription? You know, why don't you try and get a couple of hundred dollars or a thousand dollars of combined savings a year? Well, that goes part way to offsetting the inflation again.

Hey, mate, listen, Netflix don't need more people leaving. Let's not get that out there. They're struggling out there, mate. I know. OK, well, we can pay for that. It's an leaving. Let's not get that out there. They're struggling out there, mate. I know. Okay, well, we can perhaps... It's an example. It's an example, yeah. Now, my brother-in-law,

I don't know if this is a common theme, but he's bouncing between banks all over the show. It feels like monthly, getting better mortgage rates. And then every time you go to a new bank, they give you an incentive, don't they? Yeah, so most Kiwis change banks every three years, if they are going to change, which is connected to the average length that they are fixing their mortgages for. But yes, when you move banks, you often do get a cash incentive,

which can be a few thousand dollars, which absolutely can offset the cost of moving banks. It's just if you do it inside of a three-year period, you'll have to pay back the other bank that you took the money from three years ago because they tie you in for three years. Yeah, sorry, I might have exaggerated on the monthly thing. Yeah, I was like, what's he doing? How's he doing this? Yeah, but no, he changes his mortgage, well, obviously every three years, and they give him $5,000 a crack. Yeah, I think it's interesting that when you are a new customer to a bank,

you do tend to be able to negotiate better deals overall than when you're an existing customer about to renew your mortgage. So I think, again, at this time, you should really be taking a moment to canvas the whole lending market to work out, well, what's the mortgage strategy that's going to work best for me? Now, have you ever heard of a pair of $199.95 jeans? Okay. That's the recommended retail value, Lightning McQueen.

Okay. How much do you think I got those for? This is Friday. Are they new or second hand? They're new. They're new. I'm under question whether they are or not. I got them for $120.

Uh-uh. $2,250. That'suh. $2,250. That's amazing. $2,250. Put that on your website. It's the question, did you need the change? Because it's still wasted. Yeah, that's what he said.

He said, I didn't even need them. I wasn't even in the market, but I couldn't resist at that price. So there you go. That's why you're so good as a financial coach. To be honest I just bought them so I could brag about it. That's an example of Fritter, right? Okay, hang up on it McQueen.

No, that's a very good point and that's a good pep talk I thought at the end there. Like, you're dead right. Have a look at what you've got, what you can make money off, what you can tighten the belt on, and get out there and don't buy cheap jeans. Hannah McQueen from Enable.me. Thank you very much. I really appreciate your time this morning.

Thank you. Scrolling through your feed. All right. I'll tell you what he lacks in muscle mass. He makes up for in hand sanitisation. Ben, what's happening in scrolling maybe into dancing with the stars in just a second but just uh in the uk i found this really interesting this morning when i read that the legal age of marriage and civil union uh

partnerships has risen to 18 which i thought would have been 18 already but it was 16 married at 16 was legal in the uk but now it's uh it's gone to 18, so I found that quite surprising. Well, that's how they discovered the cast of the Jeremy Kyle show back in the day, I think. Thanks to people getting married. Yeah, probably. Do you remember that show?

That was a wild program, wasn't it? It was a wild. It was kind of like the UK version of Jerry Springer, wasn't it? Which was also a wild program. Yeah, it was very wild. So apparently they'd go to housing estates in the UK and be like,

what's the gossip here? And they're like, oh, mate's sleeping with his cousin. And they're like, we'll give you 50 bucks to talk about it on TV. And they put them on TV, these toothless people. I was like, mate, that wouldn't stack up in 2022, would it? The wildest show we've got in New Zealand right now was Dancing with the Stars. And Bell Crawford, who's filling in for us. A million people watched.

Are you going to start to fill in for us soon? I'm actually here for the whole rest of the year, guys, but I don't know if it's still filling in. No, so a million people watched the show, which was pretty big ratings after a three-year hiatus, so great news for them. But there was a bit of a shock elimination, obviously. We're still seeing it, because it was.

She was really good, Sonia Gray. And some people are saying that their text votes weren't going through for Sonia. Instead some people are saying that their text votes weren't going through for Sonia instead they were getting this bounce back saying that she was no longer in the competition before the elimination had even happened so there was a technical uh issue and Discovery released a statement saying oh it didn't affect the score in the end of course they did we've got a storyline we need to stick to.

We thought we'd get one of the big players out of the way early. Well, yeah, that's the theory that you're banding around. But imagine if it did affect it.

Yeah, sorry, guys, we're going to have to re-dance and do it again. I mean, what could they do? They could bring her back.

That'd be a great moment. The redemption dance and then be like, sorry, mate, not good enough. Oh, no, don't do it again to her.

We got the text through. She was great. We had all the text done before the show started. And you're off again. You know, she was fantastic. And we spoke to her yesterday, mortified that she was kicked off. It feels just like she just let people down. Oh, no.

And that's why you don't factor in the soulless TV industry, is that there's real people that play here. Yeah, well, exactly. And people that want to, you know, succeed in the competition. I think it would be a dream come true

if I went on the show week one. Put me out week one. Yeah, because then you put in like three weeks of work into one dance, don't have to learn a dance over a week.

Don't even enter my name, Ben, into the text machine. I don't even want it to register as a vote. Please don't. Imagine that, campaigning to get kicked off. No one's ever done that before

Yeah but Probably stick around Listen Everyone on there Is doing a wonderful job Yeah You know And that's

It takes It really does take A lot of guts To go on a show like that Be vulnerable And what I Yeah I think you forget You know

Watching the show Is these people that Haven't danced to that level before But get critiqued Like they have You know These You know

It's pretty incredible What they do Putting themselves out there And dancing to that ability Every time I critiqued like they have. You know, it's pretty incredible what they do, putting themselves out there and dancing to that ability. Every time I see the dance, I'm like, that's the best thing I've ever seen.

And then the dancing judges will go, oh, you missed a step with the fingers. But that's also why you're not on Dancing with the Stars because everything's

the best thing you've ever seen. You'd be that judge, I love it. Ten, baby! That would be me. Everyone else is like, what? Did you ever see that? She literally fell on her face. I loved it. Ten, baby! That would be me. Everyone else is like, what? Did you ever see that?

She literally fell on her face. I loved it. You fell like no one else has fallen before. I loved it. Five words for 5K. You're just five words away from $5,000. It is our Game of Word Association. We play it every morning at this time on The Hits.

We tell you five words. You tell us what pops into your head. All five match up with yours. You win $5,000. It is hands down the biggest cash giveaway at 7.46am on radio. Hosted by two guys named Jono and Ben. Every morning we try and give you 5k. Moitu. Moitena, welcome from Wellington. Hello. How are you, mate? I'm very well. How are you? Yeah, doing well.

Do you know we're giving away $70,000? Have we? $70,000. Don't fact-check me on that. You've said a lot of things this morning we've fact-checked you on. $70,000 since we started this competition. I could say anything right now and you'd laugh it up, wouldn't you? Well, yeah. But, you know, a lot of money so far, Moitu.

And you have played in your car, obviously. I've played on my car. I've played online. Not been that successful at it, but hey. Yeah, she's played it everywhere. And now she's doing it IRL on the radio. Moitu, the decision to send into the soundproof booth, who are you going to match words with this morning?

I think I'm going to send Ben in. Okay. Okay, Ben, he's off. We call it the soundproof booth, aka the scary silent box, and he's gone over the newspaper like he's visiting the bathroom today. So God knows what's happening

in the soundproof booth this morning, Moitu, but we won't focus on that. Let's just focus on winning your $5,000. What would this cash go towards? I'm going on holiday in about a week's time so it would be quite useful to put it towards that and then who knows what happens after that. On a holiday from work? What do you do for work?

I work for the government. Oh, the government. I've heard of them. Okay. Moi tu. First word that comes into your head when I say oink. Pig. Second word this morning, thumbs.

Up. Thumbs up. There we go. We'll jump on to number three, spend. There's the third word. Money. Money. Signature.

Signature Homes Oh signature homes I never thought of signature homes Didn't you? Or do you think I should change it? Oh no Generally whatever pops into your head first Is the good thing to go with

Is that Simon Barnett's Is he signature homes? Is he or is he GJ? go with. Is that Simon Barnett's? Is he his signature home? Is he or is he GJ? He's one of the homes. Yeah, he's one of the homes. Yeah, one of the homes. Okay, the fifth word. Chore.

Spell? C-H-O-R-E. Oh, chore. Job. Yeah, that's what I had as well. You happy with your five words, Samoitu? Oh, I might go back to the signature. No.

How about... No, I'm going to leave it. You're going to go with signature homes? Yeah, it's fine. Okay, it's fine. Moitu says it's fine. It's fine, which means we've released Ben with his newspaper from the soundproof booth.

What on earth was going on in there? Nothing. I was just reading some newspaper. Catching up on the daily events? Yes. What was leading the news? Oh, Warriors, not too good, guys, but let's not talk about that. It's still a chance for us to turn it around.

You say this every year. Are you a Warriors fan, Moitu? Yeah. Yeah, Ben starts the season going, this is our year. Then about four weeks in, he's like, we can still turn it around. I say the same thing to our bosses here at the Hits. I totally agree. I think we can still turn it around. Oh yeah, good on you.

You guys are suckers. Alright, let's do it. Let's match five words, win you $5,000. The first word, Ben, that comes into your head when I say oink. Pick. One from one. Thumbs was the second word this morning. Thumbs up.

And I'll give you a big thumbs up for that one. Two from two, Moitu. Spend is the third one this morning. Money. Ooh. Signature. Signature. Signature Signature Signature

I'm going to say Moise went a little She was creative with this one Think creatively Email Email signature Mate you're an idiot Signature homes What else would you have got

Signature homes They don't would you have got? Autograph is what popped into my head. Yeah, no, it was the wrong one again. Signature homes. Signature homes. They don't get enough advertising on this stage. Good on you. Do you work for the government or signature homes, Moitu? Because that was great integration. We dipped out there, but we'll have a look at the fifth word, which was chore. Jobs.

Oh, mate. Yeah, well. Oh, she said Jobs. You're so close. Yeah, that was so close. Yeah, you went rogue on the signature homes. Sometimes you can't think of anything else. I did say it's generally the first thing that pops into your head.

But hey, you played a great game and love your work. Go those Warriors. They can turn it around. They can. Let's go the Warriors. All right, see you. This is a retaliation bit isn't it I thought you were

better than this last week there was the public the public hanging of respective broadcaster Jono Pryor

oh little Jono Pryor do we have any little Jono Pryor around this is Jono one of Jono's first ever radio shows access community radio 8am

hello you're Jono Pryor Jono Pryor jeez I was a cool kid what a cool kid we love you we love you you're with Johnny Pryor Jesus I was a cool kid what a cool kid we love Johnny Pryor all the same so yeah there was three days of non-stop

relentless mocking and bullying not only on the radio, online too, social media all the platforms, you name one I was bullied on it last week I must support Twitter just so he could weigh in on little Johnny Pryor. He's changed Twitter to a bully Johnny Pryor service. So I found an old cassette tape of you.

That was one of your first radio shows, and now you've got something. Well, of me. I gave you some cassette tapes. You gave it to me. You gave it to me because you felt bad. I felt bad. So have a look. Pick something from this. Yeah, so you've given me a tape of you as an aspiring

commentator, sports commentator. Now, at this point, what stage of puberty were you through? I was, I was at the other side.

You were fully developed. I finished high school, I was studying, you know, so, but, probably doesn't sound like that, I imagine,

on the quality of the tape. It's like, when I listened to it, it sounded like a dad had brought his kid to work. And he's like, here you go, and you can have a crack at this. It kind of was in a lot of ways. Yeah, so I played this audio yesterday. Well, producer B Humps went around the office with headphones playing the audio to our colleagues, and this was their reaction.

Getting a bit excited, isn't he? More jandal than a Roman sandal, what? It's a pun. I didn't even hear what that was, but something about a prepaid mobile phone. Bring his voice back down to a normal level. I think he's got the right idea when he's talking there. And now it's back up again, so he didn't take his own advice.

I feel like the majority of the words that we're hearing aren't words, they're just sound effects. It's just all of, oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's funny how he keeps regulating his own volume. So that was, oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that was Oh wow Oh wow Yeah that was the Raw honest feedback Of those industry professionals Yeah they are And I I shudder to think What it's going to be like

After 8 o'clock this morning Well don't You don't have to shudder You don't have to shudder Because you can Do it very shortly You don't even have to think Because it's going to be happening

We'll be playing Ben's first Cracket rugby commentary. We'll get that on air for you. It is a hits. Rated M for mildly amusing. Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, last week, it took a lot of delight in the fact that I managed to get hold of one of Jono Pryor's first ever radio shows.

And I found a cassette player, cassette tape player, because we had it on cassette. And I, geez, I enjoyed listening to little Johnny Pryor. Access Community Radio, HNO AM. Hello, you're with Johnny Pryor. Hello. I still love that. It still brings me so much joy. That was three days of bullying.

Hello, hello. You're so happy sounding. Don't try to think he keeps going, but you're so happy. Or the bright, bright future. Or the bright future. Yeah, he's trying to just mask keeps going, but you're so happy. Or the bright, bright future. Or the bright future. Yeah, he's trying to just mask his bullying. But you're so happy. It's taken me four days of therapy just to come back to work.

So we'll leave. Hello, Johnny Pryor. Just there. And if you want to see it, actually, there's a video of us listening to the whole lot at The Hits Breakfast on Instagram and Facebook as well. Well, you can sit there in your ivory broadcasting tower. Oh, yeah. Because I've got my grubby little mitts on some historic audio of Ben Boyce.

I've managed to go through your tape. Now, this was you as an aspiring commentator. Age what? It sounds like you've just sprouted your first armpit here. What age are you? I finished high school and I was studying at the broadcasting school in Christchurch. But yeah, they were looking for sports commentators and sports people for an AM radio show that just ticked over in the weekends in Christchurch. And I was like, yeah, I'll be keen to do that.

And they were like, would you like to commentate some rugby games? I was like, heck yeah, that would be awesome. He actually said it in that tone as well. Heck yeah! That was about how high I was talking. We'd be commentated too. I was like, oh great, we'll get like a box, a commentary box. That was for like News Talk

ZB and stuff like that. We were in the back row of the stands, surrounded by people. So we're either the best thing for the people to, you know, actually to be honest, we're the worst thing to sit beside. So you're sitting next to, you know, hardened can tabs who just want to watch the rugby and you go, and then he's running down the timeline

what are they like shut up mate pretty much pretty much you probably look like a very interesting child who's turned up

to a rugby ham with headphones and a microphone talking to himself commentating in the game and I was trying to be like a rugby league commentator too

you know like that was my you know like I used to watch it like anywhere else I'll do it like the Australian rugby league commentator now you've know, like that was my, you know, like I used to watch it like anywhere else. I'll do it like the Australian rugby league commentator. Now you've got the backstory.

The scene has been set. Very excitable. This is Ben Boyce, a young aspiring commentator. He has a bit of a kick and it's a wobbly old one. Norm Berryman with that. Berryman has the ball.

Two, three, four, go, go, go. I don't believe it. Berryman can grab The first try. Oh. Yes. Oh. Oh.

Oh. The Cape Crusader was more so than a Roman sandal. Oh, jeez. Oh, God. What was the line there? More so than a Roman sandal. That wasn't my line. That was a line I'd heard from somebody else.

I tried to insert that. But she's so excitable. You do. You sound like that little fella, Husballer. You've seen Husballer on the do. You sound like that little fella, Huzzballa. You've seen Huzzballa on TikTok. You sound like Huzzballa. Did you swing by the helium factory on the way there and just scale 20 litres?

It's the quality of the cassette tape, mate. It's the quality of the cassette tape. A little wee inside ball. It's that man Hammett. 24 metres up on the line. You finally bring my voice back down to a normal level. What is the normal level? Try time.

Who's the other guy? Pete Smith. He was a very distinguished Canterbury broadcaster. What were you doing all the talking? You're only giving him the chance to go, oh, hey. Why are you coming with other bits? I was the ball-by-ball play.

I was the calling, and he was the, you know. But he's the respected broadcaster. Why were you giving the ball-by-ball play? Did you anchor it? And the guy, how long had he been doing it? Oh, yeah, he was great. He was a really top broadcaster, yeah. But again, why were you doing the bulk of the heavy lifting there?

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, well, you had dreams of becoming a commentator, didn't you? Yeah, they pretty much ended after all this. Mark Mayhoffler. On it goes to Sarich. Oh, hold the cellular prepay mobile phone. Bill Beerman goes for a run.

Hold your what? Hold your mobile phone. Bill Berryman goes for a run. Hold your mobile phone. I'll just sell you a prepaid mobile phone. There's a dated reference. Sign of the times. Hold on to your fax machine. Someone's calling. No one pick it up, it's a fax.

Oh, that's very funny. But you actually, to be honest, I'm trying to take the mickey out of you. You were very good. I thought you were a great commentator. Why aren't you a commentator? I don't know. It ended pretty much after that. Why? You still were bloody good at it.

No. It sounded real. Listen, if I had turned on the rugby and I had heard that little pubescent voice, I would have gone, he's got a career in this, and I still think there's a little bit of juice in the tank. Okay? That's why I'm going to try and get you a job next. No.

As a commentator. No, I kind of you a job next. As a commentator. No, I kind of, no. No one wants me as a commentator. No one likes an unconfident commentator, mate. Back yourself, okay? If anything, I've lost confidence over the last decade or so. We'll find out what Jono's got planned next. More bullying of me today. It is the hits.

You got Jono and Ben. Breakfast with Jono and Ben. Jono discovered an old tape of me when I was an aspiring commentator many years ago, fresh out of high school wanted to be a commentator now you've crushed my dreams yeah well for the last 15 years of broadcasting I haven't crushed your dreams

have your dreams not been crushed already? did you still have dreams? I try to get new dreams well don't even think about it mate because yes we've got this footage. This is you inconveniently placed in the grandstand, not even in a commentary box, just yelling into a microphone next to all of the salty

Canterbury rugby supporters. When was this from, Ben? 1970? Not quite that old, but from a while ago. Through the cassette tape. As you heard before, I got very excited. I was trying to be like a rugby league commentator. So we played a bit of rugby.

I was super excited. He has a bit of a kick and it's a wobbly old one. Norm Berryman. Well, that Berryman has the ball. Go, go, go. I don't believe it. Go. Norm Berryman could grab the first try.

Oh. Are you not even giving the other guy a chance to talk? All he can say is go, go, go. I gave him the, I was playing my play, and then he'd come on and then in between. But you were talking all over the guy. Anyway, Ben Boyce, I do want to keep your dreams alive. That's why I'm here.

I'm a dream maker. No, you're not. I'm a dream, not a dream breaker, dream maker. And that's why I have, from Spark Sport and TVNZ, respected, okay, respected commentator, Scotty Stevenson. Welcome, Scotty. Oh, Jono. I mean, that commentary's just brought a tear to my eye, really. It really has.

That's because my ears hurt. I did get, I was very excited. I had like, you know, league commentators was kind of my go-to and I don't think that worked quite as well, Scotty. No, I look insane. No, no. He was wanting you to say yes, Scotty.

That was the first rule broken there. Well, I mean, looking at this man now, Ben Boyce, he's not far off a Keith Quinn funeral home advert. He could be fronting a Cigna commercial tomorrow. I tell you what, Benny, I don't think you should do a Cigna commercial because given the

state of your rig, mate, you look like you're close to death. So I think maybe stay away from that. So Eddie, what is this, a performance appraisal? Well, basically the reason to have Scotty on is A, a performance appraisal? Well, basically the reason to have Scotty on is A, to peel you out,

but B, to go, would he have a chance in the commentary game, Scotty Stevenson? Oh, Jono,

you know how much I love and respect you both. Hang on, can we play some more? Maybe that first bit, can I give him a bit more? Let's see.

Okay. I think Norman Berryman tied to the Crusaders. The Cape Crusader with more toe than a Roman sandal. The man's a flyer. A little wee inside ball

to that man Hammett. 24 metres out from the line to finally bring my voice back down to a normal level. Which was the same level as it was before. Now, have we sold you? Look, Ben,

you can commentate with me any day of the week. I'm a human being and I love you and listen to it. I got excited listening to it and if that's not just a trick of commentary,

I don't know what is. I want to go back and watch that game. Oh, there we go. Any day of the week as long as it's not Monday to Sunday. Preferably not weekends when he's done commentary. Sunday to Y and not game day. And he never said it would be on air either.

No, he'd come around. Why is this guy commentating in your lounge? Hey, Scotty, love your work, mate. Appreciate you. Love you guys. Your chance to win a whole lot of money in time for Mother's Day. We've got some mummy money up next on the hits. Shono and Ben, brought to you by Resene.

Helping Kiwis decorate with New Zealand-made paints since 1946. However you're getting through, Plunkett Mummy Money helps support Plunkett this Mother's Day. Now, more than ever, whānau, awhi, and a Plunkett need your support to be able to continue to provide services for health and well-being of, more than ever, whānau, awhina, Plunkett, need your support to be able to continue to provide services for health and wellbeing of tamariki and their whānau. And this year, we're encouraging you here at The Hits to help Plunkett mums, help Plunkett help mums

in the lead-up to Mother's Day. You can text MUM to 8595. That's MUM to 8595 to make a $3 donation or head to the Plunkett website. Now, the good people at Harrowways, too, have jumped on board with Plunkett. And they, the good people at Haraways, too, have jumped on board with Plunkett. And they've done a special breakfast and bed pack, too. And if you want any more info on that, plunkett.org.nz.

But thanks to Haraways and Plunkett. We've got some Mummy Money. And you sang a jingle just in the ads, and I was like, why haven't we done that? It could be that, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Money! Yeah. Money! Although that song's a lot associated with Donald Trump and The Apprentice, so maybe it's not the best song.

Do you know anyone who still calls their mum mummy? Like a fully grown adult. The Brits do it, don't they? The Brits, yeah. And it never sits well. I feel like Charles would or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a mummy, you know?

And it never sits well with me. Seeing a grown person say, hello, mummy. Mummy. Mummy. You know, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Charlotte, do you still Call your mum mummy The funny thing is I'm actually one of those

Crazy Brits And when I want something I do Oh you do This has got awkward Only when I want something Well listen We're about to phone your mummy

Charlotte Happy Mother's Day Are you a mother yourself I'm not No No So you're going to win your mum Some cash

Yeah And it's basically a pretty simple game. Each ring, she loses $100 off the $500 prize pool. Oh, see, she's the one that, we were driving along, and she asked me to enter this competition, and she genuinely has been, like, hanging on to her phone, so I'm crossing my fingers with this one. Oh, because it's very hard to answer before the first ring,

because you've obviously got to hear the phone ring, so it goes down to $400 pretty quickly, but hopefully it will win you at least $400. Okay, Charlotte. Let's go through. What's your mum's name? Her name's Marie. Marie. Going through to Marie. We listened to Beyonce when she said put a ring on it, and we have Beyonce. We've put a competition

around it. Each ring loses $100 from the $500 prize pool. Oh, there's $100. Oh! She's come through! $400! It's John or Ben calling from the Hits.

I've carried my phone everywhere with me. Marie, that is a quick draw McGraw answering of the phone. And Charlotte has won you thanks to Haraways and Plunkett, $400 cash for Mother's Day. That is fantastic. Thanks, Charlotte. Well done.

I don't know if that was won for her or if they were going to split. I don't know, but Jono's just gifted it all to me. Oh, yeah, Charlotte. Sorry. Were you planning on keeping that money yourself? I've got to be kind, you know. I earned it for Mum. I'll give her most of it.

Most of it. Okay, all right. Some conversations to be had off here. Yeah. Hey, well, thank you very much. Happy Mother's Day to all the fantastic mothers out there, and even the shocking ones, too. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers.

Another chance tomorrow morning. All thanks to Plunkett and Harrowways, and you can head to plunkett.org.nz For more details Rise and shine, time to start the Who are we kidding? We're not the boss of you Jono and Ben on the hits Went to the supermarket over the weekend

Not exciting stuff to bring to the radio show But I realise when you go to the supermarket Is it not? Because I do a lot of supermarket content Have you been thinking this whole time That it's not that exciting Jono? Have you been thinking this whole time, well, that's not that exciting, Jono. Have you been thinking that in your head? Everyone's going to the supermarket these days. It's relatable, Ben.

Over the weekend, the supermarket is just, it's kind of like a series of mini tests that you have to get through. You have to pass an order. And these days, the first test that you have to pass is bringing your bags. Have you brought your bags to the supermarket? That's the first test.

Test number one. One I always fail. And I mean, it's not the supermarket's fault they can't give you any more reminders if they try they're like don't forget your bags even at the door there's a big sign don't forget your bags yeah there's signs everywhere and i ignore all of them and end up at the counter until you get to the counter sometimes hey you're like having to carry everything with my hands i've just got a bootload of just bags yeah remember when they first came out those bags? And I just took the basket?

Yeah, you kept rolling with the basket. Yeah, and I was like, you've got to take that back. And you did. So that's the first test. The other test I had over the weekend, and many of you guys listening right now will relate to this, is when you bring a child or children to the supermarket. And one of my daughters decided to go with me over the weekend,

which I was like, oh, that's cool, because normally it's something I do by myself. This will be fun. But then you have the test of like, Dad we get this what about this sometimes you you play that little game where they sometimes put it in the trolley and then you try and sneak it back out of the trolley and see if they notice by the time you get back to the counter yeah that's like another test you play i love walking down the aisle and there's just a sea a soundtrack of put it back put it away no no no maybe next time yeah and sometimes it's good you say you like you put that back in the shelf like will they remember when they get to the

counter sometimes they do sometimes they don't do you put the items back just in a random location or do you go back to where they first came from you tell me that i would i'd like to say i'd like let's just say i'd like to say i put them back where they came from. But not all the time. You know it's a huge bugbear in the supermarket industry. It is. When we put dishwashing powder in the freezer and stuff. But I have to get it away from my kids. I'm putting it back in another aisle.

Another test, and you've talked about this before, is when you go to the self-service checkout. It's the honesty system. No, that's a test. Now, I am honest in this. Like, I'm too scared to do anything wrong. You are, yeah.

He's paranoid. He's so paranoid, this guy. He's even too scared. What are you scared to do on Instagram? Like wear knock-off clothing in case the clothing manufacturers come after him. Exactly.

If he's got like, you know, cheap clothing from Thailand. And it's not the official merchandise. Yeah, like Rybok or something. But I imagine you, you'd be someone that would push that oh yeah geez i'm like mate well if anyone over the last two years if there's anyone you can rip off it's the supermarkets they've had a dream 24 months haven't they if you can sneak something past that self-service you go and do it and and the final one or is that theft yeah i think it is theft but the final one i had and i hadn't had this before is when uh barcodes not on an item it happened over the

weekend and then the lady who was working there went do you remember how much this costs because she couldn't she couldn't scan it and i was like oh this is an honesty system like i could right now going oh that was two dollars and be like i knew in my head it was around about you know four or five bucks i didn't but i was like well this is another honesty system i haven't had before do you remember how much this was and did you come clean no it's like oh to be honest it was about four or five bucks but i don't know but then you do that mad rush where you run back to get the item a new item because you're worried about holding someone out that's a weird game you can play that's fun well you know here's

where you can rip off the self-service checkout okay when these are you talking earlier this morning garlic 100 kilo how many hundred dollars for a kilogram 50 dollars a kilo 50 dollars a kilogram okay i overshot the mark there yeah you know that stuff that you can slide through you know what slide through not pay for it at all no No, put them through something else. What? Tomato? One tomato? I don't know. No, you can't say this. It's fighting the cost

of living, Ben. It's out of control the cost of living. And if you want to get a kilogram of garlic you go and put it through as a courgette or something.