Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: Parallel Parking With Ben Boyce

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Today on the Jono and Ben podcast Ben shares an embarrassing story about parking.... Jono gets recognised for the wrong reasons and producer Joel has had a shocker again!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kia ora, 28th of October. Jono and Ben here, back here for the podcast today. Do you know we have a wonderful producer who just started with the Hits Radio station, producers Brad and Laura's afternoon show, Taylor. She came here from Australia. Yeah, she did. And she has the best name for a sports person ever. She's a radio producer.

Yeah. But it's Taylor Lombardi. And now she's married. She just a radio producer but it's Taylor Lombardi Now she's married, she's just got married Yeah, so now she's Taylor Montoya but then we always have a discussion Why didn't she hyphenate Taylor Lombardi Montoya? That's a great

sports name. Producer Joel, you've never given Producer Joel a shout out like that. Joel Harrison David! No, no, just no. Just criticised me four days in a row. You know, I mean, you started with, we've got a lovely new producer that started here at the Hits Radio station.

Joel's like, oh, this is exciting. I've been here for a while. And then he works on the Drive show. You can see Joel's just like, oh, okay. Looking out for this hero, Joel. Oh, this is going to be a shout out. He's talked about it a lot. But I mean, yeah.

Oh, hey, Joel. He's always sick. sick hey joel he always takes money from ben hey hey joel you said a whole company while email you are always sick during that there was a moment on the radio show we were talking on air and joel was literally on the other side of the room coughing and spluttering in the corners like mate we're gonna have to get a deep fib machine in here that's where it's getting to the deep clean i've got ashley boomfield they'll organize to get a deep fib machine in here that's where it's getting to the deep clean i've got ashley boomfield organizing a deep clean ladder in the studio joel you're a great producer and good oh bullshit the the thing too that i really do appreciate about joel i think you're about five seconds too late on that one the thing that i appreciate about joel is not only his production skills producing skills but also morale and he's he a vibes guy. He is a great vibes guy.

Do you like to set the, because you've made us all dress up as formal Fridays now, so we come in in three-piece suits. Yeah, yeah. Do you like to set the tone for your social occasions? Are you the vibe person? Yeah, actually, before this role, I was actually, my role was the social captain for my rugby team on 85kg. It wasn't an official on the books job, but I was doing it.

I was doing it. And we had a few few great functions a few good dress codes as well always always goes well i think oh because you yes we were uh going around doing the traffic light tour to celebrate the end of the traffic light system and we're going to over 50 restaurants bars and whatever having a traffic light drink the children's drink and uh many of the bars you're like i know the owner here and you're like're like, I've done business with him. And I was like, what is he doing in another life? They got lawsuits against me. Now it makes sense.

Now it makes sense. So you would organise the venue, the food, the catering, the drinks? Mainly just like wine. We had a whiskey bar up in Ponsonby Road. Very fine establishment over there. But they sponsored the team, you know, which went up there, had a few drinks. Ben Humphrey he's a regular there as well

producer so yeah but you know just like to set the vibe I feel like 90% of my job is you know holding the vibe for this show

because off air you guys for this depressing show can't even look each other in the eye it's dark we're actually on separate islands Ben's in the North Island right now we can't be in the same room

at the same time yeah well enjoy the podcast today. One thing, though. Sorry to massively cut you off. Pluviophile, we set you a challenge yesterday on the podcast, and you completed it. So good work.

Yeah, we did. We learnt a new word. Pluviophile, which was... Yeah, John, actually, that was fun. John, I... Should I get another word? Yeah, yeah. Pluviophile was someone who was a lover of rain.

Let's try and do one. Let's set a challenge for Monday. Most sophisticated... I actually Googled most sophisticated words in the world. Yeah. And that's where Pluviophile came up. Although if you heard the word Pluviophile. Yeah. It doesn't sound sophisticated.

No. Sophisticated. Sorry. Sophisticated words. What about if you have to get the word Kamal Sancta Maria in there? Here we go 50 sophisticated words in English This is exactly

Obtuse Obtuse? Where you're lacking quickness Or intelligence Oh yeah You don't like obtuse? No I don't mind I'll try and work it in

You give me one I'll try and work it in Yeah obtuse Condescending We we've used it. Oh, yeah. Tyrannosaurus Rex. Okay. Oh, that's just random.

All right, I'll try... Yeah, okay. Yeah, let's do that. Monday, Tyrannosaurus Rex. We'll try and get that on the show, but you enjoy the podcast today. Shout out to all the unpaid Uber drivers dropping the kids off in peak hour traffic.

Jono and Ben on the hits. What a launch here. It's a throwback with one of our favourite games we like to play on the radio where we get two people on and each claim that they are telling the truth. One is telling the truth and one is telling a lie and we all need to work out together who's being truthful. Have you ever gone through one radio show without lying on the radio? I want an honest answer.

Because we like to add a little... I was like, yes, and that would be a lie. We do like to source up our stories, add a little bit of GST from time to time, don't we? Most of the part we try to. Sometimes you're wild, wild. So I did have some wild years. Ashley, welcome. Hi. Liar, liar, wild. So I did have some wild years of self-harm. Ashley, welcome. Hi.

Liar, liar, would you lie to us? No, of course not. All right, Ashley, what is your statement that you're claiming is the truth? I became addicted to carrots and my skin turned orange from it. Well, I have heard that that could happen. It definitely happened. Okay. When did it happen?

It happened about a year ago. Yep. How many carrots a day? How many carrots were you eating? Like two to three bags. We're talking like the 1.5 kg bags. It's literally all I would eat. So I'd have them cooked, mashed, steamed with dip.

Loved them with dip. That crunch. Totally addicted to them. Well, we did know a guy who lived off apples. That's right. He would eat a bag of apples a day. Yeah. You know, I was up there with that.

So your skin sort of ended up like Donald Trump-like, I guess. Yeah, literally looking like the Trump, yeah. Wow. Okay, and is it all good now? You've sort of toned back from the carrot eating? I have. I had to get hypnotized to cure the addiction. Jeez, if you're lying, you've gone in deep with your backstory.

And I like it. I really do. I have Googled it as you've been talking, Ashley. It's a thing. You can have too much beta carotene in your bloodstream, which can give off an orange hue. Okay. All right.

Well, that's what Ashley's claiming is the truth. Who else is on 0800 The Hints? Josh, what color did you turn? I turned gray. My name's Josh Nellie, and I've been dead for 321 days. What? You've been dead for 321 days? Yes, sir.

I've been dead for 321 days the past 321 days. Now, as someone, I'm dead inside, so are you dead inside? Have you got no soul? Oh, I don't believe I have a soul. I believe I'm dead inside too, but I am. I've been dead for the past 321 days. Is this like a Halloween thing early?

Can you give us any more information? No. I was like dead daily. Dead daily. Well, you're like, have you just come out of a coma or something? No, I've been dead and my body has been seen by millions. Your body's been seen by millions and you've been dead for over 300 days. I feel like this is one of those brain teasers that you can't, and then when you get the answer, you're like, oh! Yeah.

Okay, well... Maybe did you change your name to Dead? No. Oh, I thought I got it! Okay, well, this is where we'll leave it. You can text us 4487. Liar, liar, which one do you think is lying? Is it Josh, who claims he's been dead for the last 321 days? Or Ashley, who claims she is orange-like in skin thanks to her carrot consumption.

You can text us 4487. We'll get to the answer next. We're back with part two of Liar Liar, where two people are telling what they claim is the truth, and only one is actually telling the truth. Whoa, Ashley, you said what? I turned orange because I had an addiction to carrots. Yep. And I ate them all day, every day.

And it can happen. It can happen. It actually happens with, I've just done a bit more research during the song, with foods, red, orange, and yellow fruits and vegetables. Too much beta-carotene in your bloodstream can give you an orange color. So that was Ashley's claim. Josh also claimed what? That I have been dead for the past 321 days.

Well, I'm looking at the texts, okay? It is swinging in a 70% favour, okay? Looking at the results coming through here, Ben Boyce. Live coverage, rolling coverage. Ashley? Yes? You're telling the truth. You ate too many carrots and you turned orange.

That is actually not true. I never turned orange. I was not addicted to carrots. Ashley, get off the phone. Stop lying to us. Not one of it was true. You were like, I went to a therapist. I was hypnotized.

Ashley. Yeah, Ashley. I'm sorry, guys. Well done. You fooled us. We'll find you a prize, actually, for fooling us. I'm not angry. I'm sad.

Sad. Ashley, you're gone then. You're gone. You've lied to us. So well done. You fooled us. We'll find you a prize, actually, for fooling us. I'm not angry. I'm sad. Yeah, okay. Ashley, you're gone then. You're gone. You've lied to us. So well done. That means, Josh, you were dead for over 300 days. How? Explain.

I have been dead on TikTok for 321 days trying to get a part in a movie and TV show, and it finally happened. So how do you mean you've been dead on TikTok? What have you been doing? I play dead. Like, I play a dead body on TikTok. I'll go late in different places playing a dead body, just trying to get cast.

Your dream role on a movie or TV show is being a deceased character. Yes, sir. Well, it's great. You don't have to remember lines. You know, you just have to lie there. Mind you, it would be quite hard to play dead, though, because keeping still is difficult without looking like you're breathing. It is.

It's a lot of holding your breath and a lot of controlling your involuntary muscle twitches, but it paid off. Oh, you've got a gig? Yes. Later next month, I'll be on CSI Vegas. I'm just asking you, looking online as you're talking. Yes, I see you here.

You're lying in what looks to be like a body bag there on CSI. How were you dead in the program? Are you allowed to say? They haven't told me yet. I haven't actually seen the episode. Ah, so you know that you're deceased, but you don't know how it all happened. When you are playing the role of a dead person, is it important to know the backstory of what happened to the character?

Obviously not. Who they were as a person, how they were murdered. I don't think so if I'm just being a dead body. I mean, really, I'm just a dead body. So you would go, by the look of it, you would just, for a whole year pretty much, you would go out there and just propose a different photo of you pretending to be dead next to your car, dead with a jack-o'-lantern on your head.

You must have run out of ideas of where to pretend to be dead. No, I mean, I try to keep it fresh and find different places to play dead all around my beautiful state here, Kentucky. Wow, because Jono, there's a show in New Zealand, a medical drama called Shortland Street, and Jono is a huge fan of Shortland Street. Jono, this could be your big break. You could follow in the footsteps of Josh and you could get on Shortland Street.

We just need to see it for a year. We'll just take some pictures of you pretending to be dead. I would prefer a speaking role. Well, your acting's not great. That's been holding you back so far. So why not? Do you think we should do it, Josh? Oh, of course.

I mean, it was a blast doing it for the past year. So why not? Just you think we should do it, Josh? Oh, of course. I mean, it was a blast doing it for the past year. So why not? Just go start laying dead places. Being good at holding your breath and unfocusing your eyes if your eyes are open. Right, some good tricks there. You think it's easier? Yeah, it's probably a lot harder than you actually think. And a big shout out to the guy that played Bernie in Weekend at Bernie's.

Oh, yeah. That would have been your dream role, Josh. Right. I mean, if they remake it, I'm available for the role. Although Bruce Willis had a heck of an acting job in that Sixth Sense, didn't he? If you haven't seen that now, I'm sorry, I'm spoiling it for you. He was dead the whole time. But he had a lot of speaking.

He had a speaking part. Yeah. I mean, I'd do speaking part in part two if they ask me to. Okay, well, let's hear some of your speaking acting, okay? Maybe you're just about to die. So, Ben, we've just found out my friend Ben here, he served you a drink, but it's got... It's poison. It's poison.

Okay, Josh, have a hot cup of... Yeah, Josh, I've made you a nice hot cup of cocoa. Oh, my God. What is in this cocoa? It's burning my throat. Are you lactose intolerant? Are you like, maybe it's, oh. Josh?

Oh, no. Josh, you okay? I'm pretending I'm like, oh, Josh, Josh. Oh, Josh. Oh, my God. I didn't expect that to happen. Oh, that was good. I definitely did. Are you dead now, Josh? I'm dead now. Yeah, yeah, Josh. Oh, Josh. Oh, my God. I didn't expect that to happen. Oh, that was good. I definitely did.

Are you dead now, Josh? I'm dead now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well done. Well done. Hey, Josh, thank you so much for talking to us. All the way on the other side of the world. It's been a lot of fun.

And well done on doing something on TikTok that got you a dream role on CSI. That's incredible. Thank you so much. Two semi-competent dads handing out semi-competent parenting advice. Jono and Ben on CSI. That's incredible. Thank you so much. Two semi-competent dads handing out semi-competent parenting advice. Jono and Ben on the hits. Tell you what, I had a moment yesterday. Now

parallel parking. You know it. You've been with me before. It's not my happy place. That is not your strong point, no. You're an anxious chap at the best of times, but then when you're having to reverse into a car park, particularly in front of other human beings watching on that really that's really when it all piles on top of you you would rather park five kilometers away than do that i know but i was going into the busy city yesterday and i had the kids in the car and we were going down and there

was a park and it was one of those ones you have to reverse and i was like oh this is convenient for where i need to go and there's not a lot of parking around central city you gotta tell when they're there you gotta take him in the town yeah this here you go boy here's your chance you know and then just as I was about to reverse and a lady it was like apartment building a lady walked out of the apartment building and then she stopped and she stood pretty much where I was going to be reverse parking in and she had a phone then I'm like hopefully she reverse parking in. And she had a phone there. I'm like, hopefully she's not, you know, hopefully she's not watching this. You know, I can do this. And so I sort of reversed back into the park and the kids and I got out of the car and then we got out and then we looked at the car and I was like, Ooh, I'm quite far out. And the lady looked up and she's like,

Oh mate, you're quite far out. You never want to have commentary. You're like, this isn't an open forum lady. Yeah. So she's now noticed and i'm like yeah i am i'm quite far out i've really i've overcooked it did she look like a seasoned parallel parker yeah i'd say so she definitely and at this stage her phone she put her phone down she's like you're quite far out my yeah i am quite far out so the kids they were out of the car so they stood next to the lady and then i was becoming a spectacle exactly i had to get back into the car now there's three people watching me now do the parallel part the kids and this lady and then i thought i'll get in a bit closer but then i went too far the other way and you know

when the rims of the tires start scraping and then you're like your pride has to get in the way like i'm just gonna fight this through yeah so I had a couple of thoughts going through my mind normally I would just drive away then and never come back but I had the kids leave the kids with her lady you've got some kids

the kids on this occasion the kids are standing right next to the lady I'm like oh no I can't drive away I've got to be responsible for the kids

no your only option is to drop them out mate that's the only way you can save face so I had to go back out of the park and then reverse for the third time back in. And as I pulled back in, the lady started to clap.

And my kids joined in on the side of the road because they were like, oh, we'll get into this. And then I got out of the car to a wonderful clap. But I was like, well played to that lady too. Became a spectator sport. Yeah, the worst possible spectator sport. Forget Super Saturday. Ben parallel parking in town.

Yeah. If they were the internet, you'd want to clear this history. Jono and Ben on the hits. One member of the show yesterday had a faux pas when it came to office administration. Yeah. Producer Joel will bring you in. Gen Z are too.

Out of anyone on the show who shouldn't fluff up electronic mail, you would think it would be him. The young producer, Producer Joel, who's with us now on the hits. And now you're trying to bring something for a bit of morale to the radio station, which is nice. Just raise the standards, you know, make it fun on a Friday again. Yeah. Make Fridays great again.

What if Friday's been up until now? It's just been nothing. You know, you get here at 12 o'clock, everyone's going home, everyone's working from home. But we need to make Fridays great again. I notice a lot of offices around the whole country since COVID. Probably Fridays are pretty empty in the offices, aren't they? So, Joel, you're very inconsistent with what Friday's theme is.

They seem to change. You chop and change. But this week was formal Friday. So come dressed in a suit and tie. Yeah, exactly. And previous to this, we'd normally just do the four of us, the show, Jono and Ben and the two producers. Fetish Friday was a little unusual, wasn't it?

That was, yeah. Freaky Foot Friday was weird as well. So enough of me going back to those, but today's formal Friday. Yeah, so anyone can come in dressed in anything formal, you know, business attire. Ball gowns, tuxedos. Exactly. So I thought I'd extend it to just the hits, the hits in Auckland.

That was my idea. There's about 15-ish of us in the office. I thought, why not spread the love around the team? I did that. I did it a little bit further than the Hits Auckland team, though. I did the whole New Zealand Hits staff. The whole network, which is, you know,

we're talking 50-odd people. Right around the country, yeah. I mean, it's not the worst group email you could send Ben you did a company wide one didn't you it was just meant for me one time

and there was a lot of explaining to do with the human resources department after that everyone mocks you too don't they they love coming back you got an email straight back from someone

which just had a screenshot of an image of a book cover called Email for Dummies. It was the boss, Mando, as well. And a lot of people make that mistake on email. You know what I do appreciate when it comes to mass emailing? So say Upper Manor, the exec team,

they'll send out an email and go, hey, you know, great end of year financial results. Here's the stuff that the board have collated and we're going to present you with this document. Some salty employee replies back to all and be like, well, that's great. How about a bit of a pay rise for the staff? And you're like, oh, oh, that is like, I don't know.

I could never do that. No, no, you're right. You're like, you know, and they know it's reply all. They know, yeah. In that situation. And then someone else coming to back them is like, mm-hmm. And it starts the snowball effect, doesn't it? Yeah, it's not one.

But it is risk of reply all. The function of replying all is a real risk. Yeah, your email game is on point, Ben Boyce. Loves it. He's a prolific emailer. Yeah, but I've now got a timer uh set up to my email a 60 seconds timer to you know so I can basically within 60 seconds go oh cancel that one a panic minute yeah how many emails are you cancelling no not too many but I once I I did

send one about like someone charged us something and I replied back to that person but I'm thinking it was someone else go can't believe this person is charging us blah blah blah and then I was like quickly googling can you is there a suck back function and the googling was no help

it was like if you've seen it wrong take a deep breath you can't do it I can't take a deep breath is a deep breath going to get the email back I'm panicking

and so then they told me about the suck back option but you had to set it up beforehand so now you're sucking back he's got the suck back option yeah how you had to set it up beforehand. So now you're sucking back. He's got the suck back option. How do you just set up the settings? Is it in the settings?

Yeah. That is a great function, actually. They need that on text as well. I know. I know. Exactly. You're essential listening for non-essential banter. Jono and Ben on the hits.

Heading into a big weekend. A lot of support, as we mentioned before, the Black Ferns. Good luck to them taking on Wales in the quarterfinal tomorrow. And, of course, let's not forget all the other sport going on. Yeah, there's a lot going on. So what are you going to nail your foot to the floor tomorrow night? There's a bit of a conflict, isn't there? Yeah, let's watch the Black Ferns.

Yeah, I've got to do Black Ferns as well. All Blacks. All Blacks are on. Kiwis are on as well. And Japan. And the Black Caps. So yeah, a lot going on.

Don't forget the under four year old Tharapa bare knuckle fighting. Cage fighting. Underground cage fighting which is going to be

taking place as well. Big competition this weekend. Ben, we went to a client thing yesterday where we like to just keep the clients of the hits happy.

Yeah. Marinate them. It's fun. It's always nice to meet people that support the hits. Lovely to hear that there. But I swung by the petrol station as did you

when we were driving out there. Walked into the petrol station. Okay. Lovely, lovely lady behind the counter. I'm walking up. Oh my God. That's what she's saying. Through the plastic screen.

Oh my God. She nods over to her mate her other friend oh my god look who it is staring me yeah dead in the eyes behind you like and i was like oh i know what this will be they'll be like it's the guy from the chips the chips that's it the heartland chips the heartland chips chips. The chips everywhere. The Heartland chips. The Heartland chips. And I'm like, we've hit another stage of fame.

Yeah. You know, when it comes to food fame, Ben. Yeah. I've never felt food fame before. No, but we're part of it now.

Yeah. And I walked closer and she's like, I haven't seen you since my childhood. And she looked to her mate and she she's like, yeah, you too. Ben and you were the biggest part of our childhood. And I'm like, this is something that's coming through quite a lot for us at the moment,

is adults, you know, 20-something adults going, you were such a big part of my childhood. Which is lovely. On the TV show, yeah. I haven't seen you in years. Like, we've been absent fathers or something. We ran, it's lovely. On the TV show, yeah. I haven't seen you in years, like we've been absent fathers or something. We ran, we went to get a bottle of milk and never returned. Yeah, well, it's lovely that we're a part of,

you know, many people's lives, but it does feel a bit weird, especially, I told you I went to like 660 last year, and the people were the pals or a liaison or whatever they're drinking, and they're trying to drink in their hand, and, you know, and then they go, oh, mate, you're a big part of my my childhood and it's lovely to be a big part of people's you know that's great you know guys it makes us feel like old me wrinkly

middle-aged me when we were big parts of people's childhood but just a job where you're at we're a big part of your child are you even me yes you see a huge part my childhood the last 10 years, though. What happened to those guys? It's only the chips that brought us back. Honestly, it felt like she'd seen a ghost walking. Oh, where have you been? I've been there.

I've been doing stuff. I've been doing stuff. We've had TV shows. Anyway. Battling away? Yeah, no, it's lovely to be. But we've hit that stage, Ben, in our careers. The childhood stage. And I don't know where children will watch the show anyway.

You're right. Some shocking content on that programme. We were talking to another guy the other day.