Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: HELP! Megans son is eating flour!

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY Right place... Very wrong time Ben's awkward voice message Night show host Brins a comedic genius Dave Grohl vs Taylor Swift Ben's wife gets in trouble on Trade Me Jono the magician Producer Tayla's review of Jerry Seinfeld Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: TheHitsBreakfastSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is John O'Byrne Podcast. Hey, that's us. Brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts and tastes that Kiwis love. Of course, a bit of fog around again today in the O9 region, causing a bit of disturbance for people travelling out of Auckland Airport this morning. But it's a short week, so there's some positive stuff out there. Well, negative stuff is what your son's been digesting. Yeah. Do you know, you always give me crap because I like to cook things from scratch So I always like to try and make them like nice meals most of the time. He doesn't eat them No, my daughter will he doesn't I is very picky at the moment He's like give me a chicken nugget or a fish finger any day of the week

He loves the fish fingers I still love fish fingers. I have fish fingers every night for dinner if I could but he has done some baking With his dad he made chocolate chip cookies He quite likes to bake You can actually see the video of this On my husband's social media If you want to Okay But

We're making the cookies You're not walking us into Watching it like a I know yeah An ad Spon Spon con It's an ad

It's an ad What's the ad for? It's wholesome content But it's also an ad Oh Excuse me bed boys I'm not plugging that. I guess I'm trying to get extra views on your ad.

I didn't mention the client. Okay, all right. Who's this brought to us by? Who is it? Me. You and Chelsea Sugar? Chelsea, okay. Chelsea Sugar, you beat it.

Okay, he's standing in front of a bowl of sugar. Chelsea Sugar. Chocolate chips. Yeah. Okay, he's standing in front of a bowl of sugar, chocolate chips, and a bowl of flour. And he sits there and he has this thing, every time I get the flour, he needs to chug some flour. He eats flour. He should be eating the Chelsea sugar. He's got sugar and chocolate chips in front of him in a bowl. And he's sitting there hoovering the flour.

I'm like, what is wrong with you? Well, I guess flour's pretty inoffensive, isn't it, really? I can't even explain what it would taste like. Like powder, like chalk. Yeah, you're right. It's nasty. He's having bread before it's bread. Does he do it like, does he know it will get like a laugh?

Like, is he playing to the crap? No, because like if I'm using it to, you know, make dinner, he's like, I want the flour. I'm like, no, you're not having the flour. And he's like, I want the flour. I'm like, no, you're not having the flour. And he's like, I want it, and throws a tantrum. I'm like, you're not having the flour, you weirdo. Like, stop. They're like dogs. They're just trial and error when it comes to their taste buds, kids, though.

Won't eat the dinner, the nice dinner that I've cooked for him, but he'll hoover the flour. He loves the flour. I can save you a lot of prep time. Just pour him his bowl of flour for tonight. And then gets in the bath and drinks the bath water. I can imagine it's quite gluey in texture when it hits his mouth with the saliva. Yeah.

And he's also like, we give him like frothed milk and he thinks, we tell him it's coffee. So now like he's just all the time saying, I need a coffee. He's three. So he comes round to my house and he's got like white powder on his face and I'm desperately asking for coffee. And he's a little strung out? Strung out businessman in Auckland. It's flour and milk.

White powder, coffee. Anyway, we'll buy it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Billionaire businessman Elon Musk, you'll know from owning Twitter. He's now called an ex. Tesla as well. Just became a father for the 12th time Over the last couple of days So he's had five kids

In the last six years Yeah so three different mums I think throughout the 12 kids Just realised one of them He had in 2020 with Grimes It was like ex something Something something But he just named Twitter

After his son He's called an ex There's one called ex There's one called techno As well Yeah he likes hard drive And sort of USB cable and things like that. Congratulations to him. 12K, he seems like a busy guy.

Time to have children. How does he squeeze that in? I don't know. Well, I'll tell you what. I was busy last week and I was running late for an appointment. It was on the other side of town and I rushed to get there, okay? I'm sticking to the speed limit. And then I finally turn up and I'm sitting in reception.

And I'm getting, there's another person in reception. And I'm getting, who the hell is this chump sort of energy from the other person in reception towards me. I can feel it. They're thinking that you're coming in to take their slot, is it? I just feel something's not right. Okay, and then it's the wonderful acupuncture lady that I go and see. And she walks out and goes, oh, like a surprise look. And you never want that when you've traveled across town to reception.

You don't want to catch the person that is expecting you with a look of not expecting you. And she's like, you're not meant to be here. I sent you a text, but you never confirmed the time. All on you. All on me. No one else's fault apart from me. But how lovely is this?

The other lady who was sitting in reception is like, listen, if you really need this appointment, you can take my slot. Aww. How lovely is that? Did you take it? Absolutely. Oh, did you?

She had another lady with a broken back. She was like, you know, you take it. Thanks so much. You're an angel. did you she had another lady had a broken back she was on a journey thanks so much you're an angel roll her out the door thanks sweetheart

see you later I'm in no but I was like there's some great people left in the world aren't there there's some

truly horrific ones as well but there's some there's a lovely gesture it's lovely when someone does that imagine if someone

was like yeah thanks actually I'll take you up on that offer you get into like whose back is the sore oh mine's I can do I can't does that. Imagine if someone was like, yeah, thanks actually, we'll take you up on that offer. You get into like, whose back is the sore? Oh, mine's, oh, no, mine's, I can do, I can't. Yeah, and you can't prove it either. It's like when you argue with your partner

about who's more tired. Yeah, true. There's no actual evidence. So this is what we want to throw open this morning. We're at the right place, just at the wrong time. I had one a couple of years ago, getting my yearly mole map as well, turned up, waited there for a long time, it was busy and then I was

like, oh hey, am I going to be seen soon? And they went, yeah in about a week's time. I had the right day, right time, just totally the guy said a great line to me, he was like, good dress rehearsal, we'll see you next week I was like, okay cool now I know where to park, all those things

You do like a dress rehearsal though too. Didn't you run into an elderly gentleman while you were on holiday? Oh, on the Gold Coast. He was doing a dress rehearsal. I was staying at this place and just chatting to him downstairs. I was waiting for my family and I was like, oh, yeah, enjoying the place. And he said, oh, we're not staying here at the moment. We're staying next week.

But they'd driven like an hour and a half just to check out the place, him and his wife. Boomers. But just to check out the place, get a bit of feeling Boomers, but just to check out the place, get a bit of feeling for it, parking, and he's like, yeah, we're coming back next week.

I'm like, wow. See you in seven days. He's doing a recce. Yeah. Wow. How about you, Megan? You turned up right place, wrong time? No, but it's my fear with flights.

Like I've just always double checking. I think I booked one in the wrong year one time, but they let me change it because I've figured it out beforehand. But that's just like my worst fear. What, missing a flight? Or turning up after the fact, the day after.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Okay, right place, wrong time. A bit of mix-up in comms and I turned up to an appointment that wasn't even an appointment. And the mix-up in comms was me being an absolute idiot.

All on me. It was, it was. You can see All on me. Well, it was. You can see how it happened. Yeah, you do. And you drive home and you're like, oh, I'll book another time. You're like, I'm not going to book another time. Just drove for an hour for just a bit of a laugh. So right place, wrong time.

Some amazing text messages coming through here. I arrived early to our wedding. I was the bride. I arrived before most of the guests I was so stressed about traffic That's unusual That's really well done Everyone will wait for you

You're the main event Speaking of waiting There's another test here 4487 My mother-in-law was 45 minutes late for our wedding I was waiting At the end of the aisle for her to arrive She waltzed in 45 minutes late how

does that sit with you megan pappas no i don't think i'd be stoked about it did was she apologetic to the whole the wedding for her i guess you must have yeah they held it out for the mother-in-law yeah the uh i guess yeah i mean so the groom to be is like plow on this guy come on no one wants the wrath of starting that without the mother-in-law No one wants that At what point do you go, well You've got to pull the pin sometime, don't you I arrived home very early to surprise my man

And I caught him in bed with his girlfriend That was a hell of a surprise Right place, wrong time, definitely That's one of those situations Let's get Fiona on, Welcome to the show, Fiona. How are you? Good. How are you going?

We're doing well, mate. Right place, wrong time. Yeah, now this has become family lore. It wasn't actually me. It was my auntie. So shout out to Aunty Karen if she's listening. She organized a kid-free weekend away with her and I think it was three other couples down to Wellington for a

concert so flights accommodation everything they got there and they were a weekend early and there's not like they can move you they can put you in because of the accommodation be taken up what happened where did they find accommodation so I think in the end today I think they just went up to dinner they just turned it into a weekend and said, you know what, let's just have a good time. And then my uncle, her brother, lives in Wellington, so he took the ticket the following weekend and went to the cockpit. It's solutions.

Yeah. We had a situation back in the day when I was doing some stuff for Sky Sport. Totally wrong. It was basically our accommodation had already gone to someone else who'd screwed it up. So we ended up having the Airbnb,, it was basically our accommodation had already gone to someone else who'd screwed it up. So we ended up having the, like it was an Airbnb but it was this lady,

a lovely old lady got out of her house and we stayed there and I was in like a grandkids room with all these pictures on it. This is a bit weird.

She was in a grandchild's bed. Yeah, it was. Who was the lady? I don't know. She didn't have her house. Did she stay in her house? No. Why didn't you sleep

in the master bedroom? Someone else was in the master bedroom. Oh, weird. What happened to the old lady? Where did she stay? She was next door. Oh, she stayed at the neighbour's house. Did she stay in her house? No. Why didn't you sleep in the master bedroom? Someone else was in the master bedroom. What happened to the old lady? Where did she stay? She stayed at the neighbour's house. It was very unusual but anyway. Where was this friendly part of New Zealand? It was in Dunedin, yeah. Jeez, I tell you what though, I'll give you a shirt off the back of their house.

Producer Taylor, you used to work in the airline industry. Yeah, and I can say it happened so many times that someone would come and check in and I'd type in their surname, couldn't find them Where are you flying to Checked up the plane number Couldn't find them

And asked their itinerary And I'd say Well honey You're actually here A Monday early You need to come this time next week Please tell me You delivered it like that

Absolutely Honey It's amazing Do you know how fun that is To do that Like prove someone wrong You're here early Sweetheart Twirling your finger Through your hair You can do that. Like prove someone wrong. You're here early, sweetheart.

Twirling your finger through your hair. You can do that when you wear red lipstick and stockings and a duck, you know? Great text and calls. Appreciate it. Someone turned up five weeks too early for an operation. How do you get that so wrong?

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Good news with the government funding a whole lot of $604 million towards Pharmac for delivery on some cancer drugs. Great news for cancer patients around New Zealand, which is really awesome. 54 new drugs are going to be funded. Felt like they needed to do that.

They did. They kind of promised it. They promised it and then went, by the way, you know all those cancer people, we promised that medicine too. Where's the money coming from? Who knows? Who knows?

But it's awesome there. Let's just say the inter-islander, you might be out on your own. Oh, true. It's got to come from somewhere, right? Maybe we can just all have like a one dinghy that we all share. There's a roster system to go between the islands. Yeah, true. Or we could do a working bee.

We could get around together, you know, do a working bee. Fix up the boat. Yeah, fix up the boat. Maybe that's the way around it. Now, what's this message you've been teasing us with? It came through at 2 o'clock up the boat yeah maybe that's the way around it yeah now what's this message you've been teasing us with came through at 2 o'clock in the morning

yeah over the weekend now I checked my messages probably a day or two late just yesterday checked the messages you know because one of those things it's a burden

it feels like clearing messages when someone leaves you a message on your phone I'm surprised you even did clear your voicemail well I did it yesterday and I was like

oh there was a message yeah 2.40 on Saturday morning. Those aren't appropriate message leaving hours. No, from an unknown number, but this is the message that I got. Have a listen. You have a message. Receive at 2.40 a.m. So, bro, I accidentally just backed into a car.

I don't know who, I don't know how, but I might have been drunk. That is what it is. If you've got any beers in your fridge, just ask me for a mate. It is what it is. It does sound like me at the start. It does sound like you. Yeah, that's what I think. You're calling yourself. Do you know what I, yeah, I was like, did I call myself?

Did I have a big... Did I crash into my own car? And then I went, and then I went, is it AI? Have they AI'd my board? Play it again? Yeah. You have a message Receive at

2.40am So bro I accidentally just Batten into a car I don't know who I don't know how But I might have been drunk That is what it is

If you've got any beers In your fridge Just ask me for a mate Seems like a lose-lose For the person Whose car's been hit You hit my car And you want the beers in my fridge.

Were you drunk on Saturday night? Yeah, I had a few drinks, but I definitely didn't call myself. And then it's like you were asking yourself, are there any beers left in the fridge? Asking for a mate. I mean, maybe I've got a real fight club on it. Yeah. You've seen that movie.

Maybe you bring car-crashing Ben along to the night. Did you look and see if there was a dent in the back of your car? You know what I did? I was like, well the car's been bought. But I was like, better go have a look just in case someone has actually driven somehow up the driveway into the car. But no. Feels like that could definitely be used as evidence

in some court of law somewhere. But it wasn't my car and I don't know who that is that rang on the phone. And the apology is, it is what it is. I love it is what it is, it is what it is. I love it is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. You can't argue with it is what it is.

Now you've got new beers in the fridge, mate. Good gloss over there. Now let's move on to the... Coming for a beer. It's a very open door policy that we have. It is what it is. Now Bryn Rudkin does the night show and The News here at The Hits. They do a wonderful job of both.

But you really have put yourself out there recently. Yeah. Quite often I get asked what sort of hobbies or interests I have, and I don't really have a good enough answer to that question. Yeah, right. You needed a hobby or interest. Most people don't have hobbies and or interests, don't they? A lot of people.

Just existing is a hobby. It takes up a lot of your day existing as a hobby it takes up a lot of your day i guess you kind of get people like i'll give mates you have a golf or fishing or things or they kind of get into none of those for brin no i recently got into stand-up comedy yeah yeah never done it before never but you call it a hobby now uh i would call myself a former comedian oh after doing one show so you got into this it was a course that you did but not yeah I would call myself a former comedian Oh, like a former comedian So you got into this, it was a course that you did But you didn't think you were doing a stand-up comedy course

No, I thought I was doing an MC course Because, you know, we quite often have to MC events and stuff The odd Weet-Bix triathlon, that sort of thing Give you some balloons over the Waikato Yeah, all that good stuff And so I thought, you know, I want to get better at being an MC. Turns out it was a stand-up comedy course. But after the first course, you didn't pull out?

I paid $500. Well, I'm going to be a funny MC. So you completed the course? Yes, finished it graduated last week uh by doing a five minute set at the classic oh dear god so this is you on stage in front of like a whole lot of people yeah five minutes telling jokes yeah and they scheduled me on last was the last person that means you've got a good set close right yeah just meant i had to wait an hour freaking out in the green room.

Jeez, you'd be dry reaching. Yeah. Any stage where you're like, can I just cry and run away? I think I was high on rescue remedies by the time I got on stage. It's pretty much just alcohol, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So it was a good time. I think we've got some audio.

We've got audio? Yeah. Are we allowed to listen to this? This is a wee taste of one of my jokes, I believe. Okay, this is Bryn doing his first ever stand-up comedy. One of my comedy jokes. Have a listen. I love seeing people disappointed.

Especially when a tsunami doesn't show up. There's so much hype around tsunamis We have big evacuation drills We have tsunami evacuation signs And when a tsunami siren goes off What do we do? We all jump in our cars We freak out, we panic And we flee to the beach

So yeah, that's just the way we tasted it Great laughs. Well, again, by the time I was on stage, everyone in the crowd had maybe two or three wines. Right. Well, you'd had four litres of whiskey really. Exactly. And a whole bottle of Fanta.

That is very well done. Thank you. So proud of you. That's awesome. Terrifying. Probably no lonelier place than standing on that stage having to tell jokes And make people laugh I know

Five minutes Felt like five hours Being on stage And I just want to say I wanted to go But you told me That we weren't allowed to So it's not like

We didn't support you We weren't allowed to go Well Actually what I said was Don't come to my first one You can come to my second But I've decided I'm not doing a second

So that was it So we're not booking out Spark Arena for you just yet no mind you when someone goes do you want to come watch we do some amateur comedy

you're like what night is it Tuesday oh I don't know how you do it I want to watch amateurs Seinfeld was there last night maybe you can tour with him or something

yeah well I could have opened for him yeah some options Taylor Swift in the middle of her tour that just seems to be going and going and going. She's over there in the UK playing to 90,000 people every night in Wembley in London. Prince William went along.

He was shaking it off. He was loving it. Tom Cruise I saw yesterday. He was there. He was looking like he was in a great time as well. All the famous people have been going to her London shows and maybe that's what's triggered this. Didn't she pull old Travis Kelsey on stage? Did a little bit of a live skit,

which is always risky doing live sketch comedy. Well, I think it was part of the dance routine or something and he came out. Yeah, which was cool. They would have bought the house down, didn't they? It was like a little skit for an intro of I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. It's probably like, mate, you've been coming along.

At least do something. Help me out. Isn't it free tickets? You're probably getting your friends and family in there. Drinking, all sorts of stuff. Parties. We were like, get on been coming along. At least do something. Help me out. Isn't it free tickets? You're probably getting your friends and family in there. Drinking, all sorts of stuff, parties. We're like, get on stage, mate. Do your thing. So this happened in London.

Well, she's performing in London, and the Foo Fighters performed Saturday night in London. So I don't know if Dave Grohl's feeling the heat because they're both there. But the Saturday show, Dave Grohl, and we know him as like the nice guy of rock. I'm a fan of the Foo Fighters, massive fan of Dave Grohl. But this seems kind of out of character. He got up on stage and made a jab about Taylor Swift and the fact that she,

or he thinks she might not be singing live. I tell you, man, you don't want to suffer the wrath of Taylor Swift. live More than a few f***ing airwaves as well. Just a couple of hours. That's because we actually play live. What? Oh, so saying that they actually play live. But then she plays live. She's an amazing guitarist.

She definitely plays live. So it seemed like a bit of a jab. It's like three and a half hours. No one can say that that show's not amazing. I haven't even been to it and you can tell it's amazing. She might have pre-recorded backing vocals and parts, but for the most part it would be all live. Yeah, but everyone, like all pop stars have backing vocals. And she's got amazing backup singers and stuff on stage and the dancers.

Believe me, I've watched the movie of the concert many times. Him and Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift. Those are his two. But didn't she train for like three hours on a treadmill for this tour? Yeah. While singing? Yeah. And she's playing.

She plays piano. She plays multiple instruments. So it seems a bit weird that he would come for her. But in true Taylor fashion, she came out. And she didn't make a jab at him, but she did congratulate all the backup singers, all the artists, all the backstage people working on her show and then made a comment about how it is live.

My band's going to be playing live for you for three and a half hours tonight. They deserve this so much. My band will be playing for three and a half hours tonight. They deserve this so much. Also, the night after, so this was Dave Grohl on Saturday night. On Sunday night, she also choked on a

bug, funnily enough, while she was singing live. She was like, sorry, I'm choking on a bug. Maybe just to prove that her mic was live. They planted that bug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels very uncharacteristic from Dave Grohl. And unnecessary.

He's normally so supportive of things. Maybe he's just saying some stuff and he's trying to do a gag and it's landed terribly. In the future he probably hadn't pre-thought that. Now we're dissecting it. What did he mean by this? What did she mean? What does the bug mean?

We're all going to get too deep, aren't we? Let's not argue. She's performing live. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. This all-black squadamed under Scott Robertson As the coach He didn't announce though If he's going to be breakdancing

If they win the test matches Afterwards He's a breakdancer I do hope so I hope he would If they win a World Cup Or like a Blathers Or something

You'd like to see him out there Just even have a good training Get out there and breakdance It just really It lifts spirits doesn't it When you see a grown man Breakdancing It is cool Don't know Like whenever you're a grown man break dancing. It is cool, yeah.

Like whenever you're at a party and someone starts doing the worm or something, everyone's like, yeah. It's like an uncle at a wedding. You're like, well, here he goes, here he goes. No one's ever down about that. Yeah, it's either hip-hop or a hip-hoperation afterwards, depending on how well it goes. Now, my wife uses Trade Me from time to time.

I haven't really dipped my toes into it, but it's quite good because you can go, why don't you sell this? And she does the other. She has to deal with it all. So I'm like, oh, I don't have an account. It's all that. Convenient. You'd be a shocking haggler on Trade Me too.

You're like, it's 20 bucks. They're like, I'll give you six. And you're like, okay, it's a deal. Yeah, I know. But we had these couches and they were fine. And we're like, oh, should we get rid of them or just put them for $1? And whatever they get, they get.

And they didn't sell for too much. But anyway, people came and got them and were like, good. They were in good condition and someone will get to use them, which is great. Is this the dollar reserve? Yeah, dollar reserve. So it starts there and wherever it ends up, it ends up. It ends up, yeah. Is there like a time limit?

You can set time limits and stuff and you can have buy now and people love asking questions. Maybe I should ask these questions to Amanda because you're not doing any of the admin. But she had a message because I didn't realise you could message, like privately message people as well about their auctions, not just publicly. And someone had actually messaged at the time, because this was a few weeks ago,

they asked a question about the couches. And then my wife hadn't seen the private message. And then a couple of hours, within two hours later, they said, you need to respond or we will report you. Knocking customers. And my wife had only just seen this like two weeks afterwards. She was like, oh dear, this person is actually saying they're going to, no, I don't know if they've reported them.

But I'm like, wow, they've really gone from zero to 100. Like a nice light question about the couches. Then suddenly, right, answer or report. Only two hours later, like, I'm still finishing work. Must have been a bloody good couch. Dollar couch. You want answers to your questions. I was like, it's a dollar couch.

I mean, two couches for a dollar. You could get, you know. See, this is why you would, trade me just feels like a whole other job in admin. You're giving yourself, I know how shocking I've been at sending out listeners' prizes over the years from radio stations. But people make money off it. And it's a

nice thing to get, you know. Recycle. Yeah, using stuff. Megan though, you had an experience, very unusual experience. This was a pick up. So I'd bought something on Trade Me and I went to pick it up. This was probably the last time I'd ever picked something up. So it was like an old bungalow and like

a street with all these trees and i was like this is creepy so i walked up the stairs were there cars on swapper crates outside the front yeah yeah you know the vibe i know we're all getting the vibe we're getting the vibe uh so i walked up and knocked on the door rusty shed rusty shed no no rusty shed yes for the sake of my picture uh so i stepped up on the door and knocked. And it took a while for an old man to come to the door. But he answered the door by saying, what do you want? And I was like, I've come to do like a pickup. Do you know, someone's expecting me.

Am I in the right place? And that's when he calls out to his wife. He's like, I think this is for you. She comes to the door in a towel. Wow. And I was like, I'm sure I was just messaging you saying I was arriving. So she was like, come inside, come inside

and I'll get it for you. So I come and she ushers me into like a front lounge. The house, there's so many cats and it's like quite untidy. It smells a bit weird. And I waited for what seemed like an eternity and I can hear them yelling at each other and I was like,

I think I'm going to die here. You've got to respect a couple who will openly scream at each other in front of a stranger and not even did she get out of the towel at any point? No, she stayed in the towel. No, she stayed in the towel. But it's what I was picking up. They came back. It was like flavoured candy floss.

Why do these people have candy floss bags? I'm picturing and I don't know why, I'm picturing an ample bosom. With like an animal riding around motorbike as a tattoo on the left one. I don't want to hear what you're picturing anymore, I just want to know tales from Trade Me, what are your

tales? The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Trade Me Tales is what we're getting into. After Ben Boyce, his wife Amanda, got a bit of a customer abuse. Yeah. For not answering a question within a two hour time frame. That's right, Jack. Threats are being reported.

We're bandied about. That's the ultimate I'm going to tell mum and dad, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. Interesting things you could do. I think I've mentioned this before that turned up to help Pick up something from a mate And a lady was eating An iceberg lettuce

Like an apple Like just like That's so weird I was like okay No that's weird There's a little Serialistic You've got to wash the lettuce

Don't you You can't just go Raw dog body I mean maybe she had washed it Was it a big I always raw dog a lettuce Yeah Was it a big lettuce

Yeah it was like A good handful of lettuce You know with It still had that little Sort of dirty bit at the bottom. Was there something wrapped in it? No, it was just the lettuce. Sometimes they kind of end up like a ball. Were you buying something off a rabbit?

Maybe that was it. Megan, you thought your life was going to end when you just went to innocently buy some specifically flavored candy floss. This is back when I owned a cafe and I got trapped in the house for a while waiting for the candy floss. With a lady in a towel and a man screaming at her. Yeah. Was the candy floss worth it? Was it good?

It was good candy floss. Did they make the candy floss? I'm not sure. I didn't ask questions. Stick around for questions. I love those moments where you're sitting there and you're like, well, is this how it's going to end? I just wanted candy floss. Some great text coming through here on 4487 Trade Me Tales.

I bought a 14-foot paper tiger off Trade Me for $32. Why? 14 foot's enormous. It's big, isn't it? Yeah. Where's that going? Garden. Oh, but mind you, rain with a paper mache.

That's a huge paper mache project. I know. I'd love to know where that ended up. My son cost me $7,000 when he decided as a six-year-old to bid on a Ford Falcon. Oh, wow. And we've got it still to this day. Got the car. I'll follow through on that.

Well, don't you? I think you do if you win the auction Don't you Well you could just say My son You know You can write into them And say whoopsies Can't you

I'll report you Get a bad rating Danelle welcome To Trade Me Tails How are you Yeah Oh good thank you Good good

Yeah lovely weather Lovely weather Where are you Oh in Tupuki No it's not lovely weather Love it There were no weather Related questions And you came out With lovely weather It's beautiful Dan no, it's not lovely weather. Love it. There were no weather-related questions, and you came out with lovely weather.

It's beautiful, Danelle. Yeah, that's all right. Great weather report from Te Puke. No, it wasn't Trade Me, because we got sick of our 50 million questions you get on Trade Me. We thought we'd go try and sell a headboard through Marketplace. Oh, yep. That's the Wild West, isn't it, Marketplace?

Yeah. We had this lovely That's the Wild West, isn't it? Marketplace? Yeah. We had this lovely lady, as we thought, was going to send a courier up to pick up said headboard. And then she asked us to pay money to the courier so the courier could give us money. When we said, no, we don't think so, she threatened us with a lawsuit. Oh, a lawsuit.

Wow. Yes, yes. Well, we don't think so. She threatened us with a lawsuit. Oh, a lawsuit. Wow. Yes, yes. Well, we don't think it was a woman. We think it was somebody from some overseas country. Yeah, so we had that a couple of times. What was the scam? You just had to give the courier some money. Yeah, and he would release the money for the headboard,

and he would take the headboard. Very murky. And so what did you do? We told them, no, thank you. Well, that means you've still got a headboard on your hands. No, no, we managed to sell it to them. Oh, you got rid of the headboard. Oh, you're trying to give this away, Jono.

Yeah, I was going to say, let's give away Danelle's headboard. Oh, 800 minutes. Yeah, no, no, I don't need any phone calls. Hey, well, good on you, Danelle. Thank you so much. Yeah, Facebook marketplace, I love it. It reminds me of,, well, good on you, Danelle. Thank you so much. Yeah, Facebook Marketplace. I love it. It reminds me of, you know, when you watch those old Disney movies

and someone's wandering through a marketplace and everyone's there just trying to scam them. Reminds me of Facebook Marketplace. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Congratulations to the All Blacks who were named in the team yesterday. Scott Robertson's first All Black squad named and a brand new captain, Scott Barrett, as well.

So congratulations. They call him Dog Roll. They do call him Dog Roll, yeah. That's a great nickname, Dog Roll, isn't it? Why is it Dog Roll? Well, probably... Did he eat some or something? No, I think maybe he did. Maybe he had some champ dog roll. Yeah. Let's go

with that story. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Apparently. Apparently. Right. There we go. are we talking about? Bit of a gear change Into blowing kids minds With magic

Yeah We just had Costantino in the studio Illusionist Magician He's coming here End of year Ten shows

Yeah Amazing And It was amazing Got a tic-tac Swallowed tic-tac Came out through his eyeball Basically

Pretty incredible Now You think about how he's done that Has he wandered in here With a tic- Tac came out through his eyeball, basically. Pretty incredible. Now, you think about how he's done that. Has he wandered in here with a Tic Tac sitting in his eyeball for the duration of the interview? Or has he just managed to know how to get it up through the... Snort it up through the passage. Anyway, let's not think about it too hard.

But if you wanted to impress your children, here is a magic trick that will blow their mind. And it's to do with the humble intersection light phasing okay so you're in the car with the kids okay and you can predict when your light is going to go green now as adults we all know how you can do this all right okay but the kids cannot wrap their head around it and every time you do it it will rock their world it will change their course of their life so you're just kind of sitting there and you're like and you know what i'm doing going yeah yeah i know yeah are we not saying are we pretending this is magic baby yeah

we didn't know because he knows i'm going hey guess what i did it like this tether's going how do you want me to pull back the curtain no don't do it don't no okay not alive on the right because those people won't want to do it on yeah on your kids i mean it's not like it's a something you're like i can't believe those here's a magic trick that will blow your mind but then you're not telling people how to do it no well okay you pull up to a light intersection your light's red yeah okay you just think how do you how do you imagine that you predict when your light's turning yeah how do you know that when the phasing is going to be working for you? When everyone else stops. You just

look around the intersection, that'll be a clue. Okay, look around at maybe other lights, what they're doing. And you sort of get the sequence in your head, so it's quite easy to predict. And you can be like, we're going to go green now. And they're like, what the hell? How are you doing? My dad did it to me.

Blew my mind until I figured out what he was doing. You don't want to take off when it goes green, though, because a lot of people run reds. You don't want to be the first person out there. But you can go, and it's going green now. Yeah, but the trick is you've only got to find out the amount of time to pull this off before they start to click on to what you're doing.

Well, you've got plenty of years. Producer Taylor, she's like, I have no idea what you're doing. You figured it out now? Yeah, so kind of, yeah. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Plenty of years Producer Taylor She's like I have no idea what you're doing You figuring it out now? Yeah So kind of Yeah The hits The Jono and Ben podcast

Of course Friday is Matariki Public holiday For New Zealand Now Producer Taylor Last night Late one

Late Monday night Very tired today And the grand The grand format of the week Going out late on a Monday night Woo I know But I thought it's a short week

Yeah It's probably a great week to do it, right? Evens it out, hopefully. Our dear friend just reminded us of that. So what did you do? I went to Jerry Seinfeld last night, his stand-up special in Auckland. It was amazing. Couldn't have been too late for Seinfeld. It wouldn't have been 11 o'clock or anything like that, right?

Well, finished around 10, and then by the time we got an Uber, probably got home at like 11. Listen to us old people. or anything like that, right? Well, finished around 10. And then by the time we got an Uber, probably got home at like 11. I know. Listen to us old people. I know. I was trying to make it good. I was trying to make it, oh, you're supposed to live your life.

No. It's like, you've got to live your life. It's awesome. Yeah, you do. You do. Otherwise you're like, oh, I stay home. Yeah, don't experience things. My theory is you're going to be tired

no matter what time you go to bed. True. That's right. You never wake up going, jeez, I'm afraid, you know? theory is you're going to be tired no matter what time you go to bed. True. That's right. You never wake up going, jeez, I'm afraid, you know. Life, you're going to be tired. And so this was Summer Jerry Seinfeld. I got married late in life. I was 45.

I had some issues. Was enjoying those issues quite a bit, as I recall. When I was single, I had married friends. I would not visit their homes. I found their lives to be pathetic and depressing. Now that I'm married, I have no single friends. I find their lives to be meaningless and trivial experiences. In both cases, I believe I was correct.

Was it good? It was so good. Was it? Yep. One of the best comedians of all time. Yeah, you know his net worth is $1 billion. Is it really? Yeah, because of the show comedians of all time. Yeah, you know his net worth is $1 billion. Is it really? Yeah, because of the show Seinfeld predominantly

and then, of course, everything else he's done. Have you watched many of his specials on Netflix? Yeah. Because sometimes people would say going along to his concert or his performances, he would do some of the same jokes you've heard before. But his theory is like, they're good jokes. They're good jokes. People want to hear good jokes.

You go to a concert, you want to see the yeah good jokes people want to hear good you go to a concert you want to see the best song you want to hear good jokes yeah and to be fair last night i hadn't heard any of the jokes like it was all fresh stuff like he talked about the titan don't get taylor started on the bloody titan dream country for me jokes and the titan did he talk about new zealand because that's what we want to know he did talk about new zealand he's made fun of the name New Zealand and Auckland. And he's like, why do you guys put land on everything? It makes it sound make-believe. He goes, you wonder why Taylor Swift didn't come here.

She probably doesn't know it exists. She probably thinks it's fake. You said you were sitting next to an older couple. Yeah, and they were the sweetest. It would have been like my parents' age. And every joke that he said, they were like, oh, that's me. Craig, you do that. That's you.

And I was like, oh, they feel heard. It relates to me. So how many Taylor snorts out of 10 did you give it? Oh, mate, I was a pig last night. I was like being at the zoo. I was like nonstop. You said it was better than Kevin Hart. Yeah, by far.

And I loved Kevin Hart. But Jerry, he's just a man on stage with a microphone. With Kevin, it's like music, sound, lights, the whole production. And he relies on swear words a lot to get a laugh, which I do as well. So, correct. With Jerry, it's just like him pointing facts. Straight facts. Jerry Seinfeld last night.

Producer Taylor went along next. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Billionaire businessman Elon Musk, you'llinfeld last night. Producer Taylor went along next. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Billionaire businessman Elon Musk, you'll know from owning Twitter. He's now called it X. Tesla as well. Just became a father for the 12th time over the last couple of days.

He's had five kids in the last six years. Yeah, so three different mums, I think, throughout the 12 kids or something. I just realised one of them he had in 2020 with Grimes, it was like X something, something, something, but he just named Twitter after his son. Yeah, there's one called X, there's one called Techno as well. Yeah, he likes hard drive and sort of USB cable and things like that.

Congratulations to him. 12 kids, he seems like a busy guy. Time to have children. How does he squeeze that in? I don't know. Well, I'll tell you you what I was busy last week and I was running late for an appointment

that was on the other side of town and I was rushed to get there okay I'm sticking to the speed limit and then I finally turn up and I'm sitting in reception and I'm getting

there's another person in reception and I'm getting who the hell's this chump sort of energy from the other person in reception towards me I can feel it. They're thinking that you're coming in to take their slot.

So they just feel something's not right. And then it's the wonderful acupuncture lady that I go and see. And she walks out and goes, oh, like a surprise look. And you never want that when you've traveled across town to reception. You don't want to catch the person that is expecting you with a look of not expecting you. And she's like, you're not meant to be here. I sent you a text, but you never confirmed the time. So it's on you.

All on me. No one else's fault apart from me. But how lovely is this? The other lady who was sitting in reception is like, listen, if you really need this appointment, you can take my slot. Aww. How lovely is you take it absolutely did you she had another lady had a broken back and just like you know you're taking a journey thanks so much you're an angel no but i was like there's some great people left in the world, aren't there?

There's some truly horrific ones as well, but there's a lovely gesture. It's lovely when someone does that. Imagine if someone was like, yeah, thanks, actually, I'll take you up on that offer. Then you get into, like, whose back is the sore? Oh, mine's, oh, no, mine's, I can do, I can't. Yeah, and you can't prove it either. It's like when you argue with your partner about who's more tired. Yeah, true.

There's no actual evidence. So this is what we want to throw open this morning. We're at the right place just at the wrong time. I had one a couple of years ago getting my yearly mole map as well. Turned up, waited there for a long time. It was busy. And then I was like, oh, hey, am I going to be seen soon? And they went, yeah, in about a week's time.

I had the right day, right time, just totally. The guy said a great line to me. He was like, good dress rehearsal. We'll see you next week. I was like, okay, cool. Now I know where to park, all those things. You do like a dress rehearsal though too. Didn't you run into an elderly gentleman while you were on holiday?

Oh, on the Gold Coast. He was doing a dress rehearsal. I was staying at this place and just chatting to him downstairs. I was waiting for my family. And I was like, oh, yeah, enjoying the place. And he said, oh, we're not staying here at the moment we're staying next week but they'd driven like an hour and a half just to check out the place him and his wife boomers but uh just to check out the place get a feeling for it parking and he's like yeah we're

coming back next week oh my god see you in seven days yeah wow how about you megan you turned up right place wrong time uh no but it's my fear with flights. Like I'm just always double checking. I think I booked one in the wrong year one time, but they let me change it because I figured it out beforehand. But that's just like my worst fear. What, missing a flight? Or turning up after the fact, the day after.

The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Okay, right place, wrong time. A bit of mix up in comms, and I turned up to an appointment that wasn't even an appointment. And the mix-up in comms was me being an absolute idiot. All on me. It was. It was.

You can see how it happened. Yeah, you do. And you drive home, and you're like, oh, I'll book another time. You're like, no, I'm not going to book another time. Just drove for an hour for just a bit of a laugh. So right place, wrong time. Some amazing text messages coming through here. I arrived early to our wedding.

I was the bride. I arrived before most of the guests. I was so stressed about traffic. That's unusual. That's really well done. Everyone will wait for you. You're the main event. Speaking of waiting, there's another test here, 4487.

My mother-in-law was 45 minutes late for our wedding. I was waiting at the end of the aisle for her to arrive. She waltzed in 45 minutes late. How does that sit with you, Megan Pappas? I don't think I'd be stoked about it. Was she apologetic? So they hold the wedding for her, I guess. Yeah, they held it for the mother-in-law.

I guess, I mean, so it's... Plow on this guy, come on. No one wants the wrath of starting that without the mother-in-law. No one wants that. At what point do you go, you've got to pull the pin sometime, don't you?

I arrived home very early to surprise my man and I caught him in bed with his girlfriend. Oh. That was a hell of a surprise. Right place, wrong time, definitely. That's one of those situations. Jeez. Hey, let's get Fiona on.

Welcome to the show, Fiona. How are you? Good. How are you going? We're doing well, mate. Right place, wrong time. Yeah, now this has become family lore. It wasn't actually me.

It was my auntie, so shout out to Aunty Karen if she's listening. She organized a kid-free weekend away with her and I think it was three other couples down to Wellington for a concert. So flights, accommodation, everything, they got there and they were a weekend early. And there's not a lot they can move you. They can put you in because the accommodation should be taken up what happened where did they find accommodation uh so i think in the end they

i think they just went up to dinner they just turned it into a weekend and said you know what let's just have a good time um and then my uncle her brother lives in wellington so he took the tickets the following weekend and went to the gossip. Dissolutions. Gushing. Yeah. We had a situation back in the day when I was doing some stuff for Sky Sport. Totally wrong. It was basically our accommodation had already gone to someone else who had screwed it up. So we ended up having the Airbnb, but it was this lady, a lovely old lady got out of her house and we stayed there.

I was in like a grandkids room with all these pictures on it. This is a bit weird. She was in a grandchild's bed. Yeah, it was who was the lady I don't know but she let us have her house

did she stay in her house no why didn't you sleep in the master bedroom someone else was in the master bedroom what happened to the old lady

where did she stay she was in the next door she stayed at the neighbours house it was very unusual where was this friendly part of New Zealand she wasn't denied it

jeez I tell you what they'll give you a shirt off their back in their house producer Taylor you used to work in the airline industry yeah and i can say it happened so many times that someone would come and check in and i type in their surname couldn't find them where you're flying to checked up the plane number couldn't find them and asked their itinerary and i'd say well honey you're actually here a monday early you need to come this time next please tell me tell me you delivered it like that.

Absolutely. It's amazing. Do you know how fun that is to do that? Like prove someone wrong. You're here early, sweetheart. Twirling your finger through your hair. You can do that when you wear red lipstick and stockings and it does. Great text and calls.

Appreciate it. Someone turned up five weeks too early for an operation. How do you get that so wrong?