Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: Is this good advice?

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY Is this dog loyalty? Very unpopular opinions... Comedian Tony Lyall Is this cat really missing? Taylor Swifts green room must haves! Jono vs printer ink Is New Zealand really that small... we unpack the true meaning behind "do what you want" Check us out! Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: TheHitsBreakfastSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Last night, Lotto's Powerball wasn't struck. Megan, you were very excited about the fact it wasn't struck. I forgot to get a ticket. I was like, oh, 26 mil, that'd be nice. So it's 30 mil on Saturday. Yeah, so sorry, it's mine on Saturday.

I love that you and Andrew had a conversation about, he was like, oh, he felt bad he didn't get a ticket because he had a feeling that was your night. He was like, oh, I feel like tonight was our night and I didn't get a ticket. I was like, we literally say that every week. I know. How many years have you been having this conversation? But you did airport in some wonderful Afghans, those homemade Afghans.

They are. I made them and we didn't make them. Can I make a controversial statement about the Afghan? Not a fan of the walnut on top. Feels like an unnecessary addition to a great chocolate biscuit. Well, I figured you could pick it off. I thought there would be people like you that were anti-walnut.

Who does enjoy a walnut on top of an afghan? Me. Do you? Do you like the walnut? I don't. Look, I'm probably with John. I'm like, I'm kind of like, it probably seems a little,

I love, don't get me wrong, nuts and stuff, but it just feels a little unnecessary. I generally love the nuts. It's not on top of your cookie. The walnuts up there with the Brazilian nut for me, I'm like, ah. The Brazilian nut? Yeah, I could do without them. I could love the nuts. It's not on top of your cookie. Yeah. The walnuts up there with the Brazilian nut for me, I'm like,

oh. The Brazilian nuts? Yeah, I could do without them. I could do without them. But you've got, it's just a perfectly good chocolate biscuit.

You put a walnut on top, it transforms majestically into an afghan. Yeah. I wonder what the, oh, anyway, I'm sure there's a reason behind it.

It's like when we decide to chuck pineapple in ham and cheese pizza and it transforms into a Hawaiian pizza I knew I should have asked the show what their cookie

preference was that's right but thank you thank you yeah no worries now dogs I know you mentioned your dog yesterday

you've kind of the first time you mentioned your dog actually never knew you had one the dogs moved down the pecking order at the Pampers household

I was just thinking I did know that you had one because you brought it into work a few years ago and I stood in dog crap in the office and walked it all the way through. From your dog. But then you haven't mentioned it since.

And I was like, it could be another dog. I don't know. Who knows? Maybe Megan didn't want to bring it up. I didn't want to bring Leo up because I didn't want to trigger you. See, we've all got dogs. And what I've come to appreciate about Milo, we've got Milo as our little dog,

is at first I'm like like you're going to sleep outside you're going to hunt your own food then he moves into the lounge long story short he's in the bed now, like he'll sleep in the bed overnight he'll just sit on at the end of it and I'm like this is everything against the rules of raising a dog

but we're here now but what he does too, and Ben, I know you're the one who gets woken up by Bo is when they need to go to the toilet, Bo makes a sound, doesn't he?

It's like... It's weird. It's kind of a cute sound. He just kind of goes like that. Isn't that cute? Well, you know, it's not like he barks

because he can bark quite loud. Oh, is he like whispering? Hey, mate. It's like a whisper. Oh, he's whispering. Yeah. He runs asleep. Yeah, which is quite good. Well, Milo Oh he's whispering Yeah It's hard Because everyone's asleep Yeah Which is quite good

Yeah Well Milo He's just taken Because I'm a very deep sleeper He's just taken to Just sitting on my face Till I wake up Due to a lack of oxygen

And I feel like There's going to be a night Where he's not going to I'm not going to be In a position To let him outside Because I'm not going to Be breathing anymore

It's a frightening way To wake up What if you've had A few beffies And then it's like I'm not going to be in a position to let him outside because I'm not going to be breathing anymore. It was a frightening way to wake up. What if you've had a few bevvies and then it's like you're being smothered with a pillow? Absolutely. I don't think he quite knows the repercussions of what he's doing. Well, he doesn't want to wake everyone up, just you. I feel like he's tried everything else and this might be a last resort thing.

Oh, we're going to have to sit on the old guy's face again. You're going to panic if you're ever late for work. Yeah, the dog smothered him. He's done. Today's the day. I love that they're so they'll just do anything you want to do. You know, they're just there. If you want to go for a walk, bam, they're out for a walk. If you want to have a sleep, they'll sleep with you.

They're just up for anything you want to do. What do you want to do? I'll come with you. Middle of the night, they'll wake up and they'll do what you want to do. No questions asked. Isn't that a wonderful thing? It's really sweet. Yeah, they are very loyal beings. The hits. The Jono and Ben

podcast. 26 million wasn't struck last night on Lotto, so 30 million on Saturday, but Megan reckons she's going to get it. Yeah, don't bother. I've got it in the bag. Well, if you do want to actually, can I borrow some money to buy a printer ink cartridge? Because I had to go and replace the printer ink cartridge yesterday. And you go to the stationery shop, and it says, why pay full price outside?

You're like, well, you're giving me no other option apart from paying full price here. And they're locked behind bulletproof glass, the printer ink cartridges, padlocked on the things. Are they? Oh, yeah. It's like the Pope, you know, the Popemobile padlocked on the things. Are they? Oh yeah. It's like the Popemobile when you ride him around there. Nothing's getting to him. Nothing's getting to these ink printers. Well it's a money unit. It's a money maker right? Huge. And it's one of the

worst kept secrets in the world really. The printers they sometimes sell at a loss because they know you're going to have to buy these cartridges. Same theory as the razor blades. You know you buy your original shaver. Cheaper than the blade replacements. Is it true that some printers they sell with like half-filled cartridges?

Probably. Probably. Really? Cheeky, yeah. Sticking it everywhere in us, aren't they, the printer industry? Funny, Fair Guy was still around. Oh, yeah. Apparently, someone did the maths.

If you were to send a shuttle to space that was powered by ink instead of rocket fuel, it would cost 1.3 billion times as much than rocket fuel if you used printer ink. Maybe that's the way we can get out of the recession. New Zealand just get all the printer ink and we can sell it to the rest of the world. We've got all the world's supply of printer ink. You want it? Come get it. But then I was like, okay, there must be other products that we're getting.

Well, you know when you're buying print drink, you know you're taking it. Taking one for the team. But other things that apparently we are getting wildly ripped off on. Branded medicines. By 90% a lot of the time. So if you get a popular headache

pill, and you buy an unbranded one, saving 90%. Basically. Movie theatre popcorn. And you buy an unbranded one. It's a lot more expensive. Saving 90% basically. Movie theatre popcorn markup is an average of 1,275%. Yeah, I can imagine that. But what are you going to do? He tried to bring his own popcorn in.

My wife doesn't let me do that anymore. Send this to her. Copy this to her. Embarrassing. And I don't think the movie theatre is like you doing it either. Bottled water. that's no surprise. 4,000% more expensive than the tap. Just running the tap. Yeah.

Some claim bottled water is 4,000% more expensive than gasoline. Really? What else have we got? Oh, sunglasses. Oh, yeah. 1,000% markup on a lot of sunglasses. For what they're made for. They're cute though

They are so cute Megan Yeah So cute And Ben you This is what I Especially for you What's that? The humble greeting card

Oh yeah 2000% markup I just think it's a waste It's just a message On a piece of hard paper I mean sometimes It's nice to have But most of the time

It's like I'm going to keep it on the shelf We put a little game and put it on the shelf and then a couple of days ago and they're recycling. It's sometimes a bit straight to recycling. And I always feel bad throwing out a card when they've written something nice, but you're like, what am I supposed to do with it? So, big way to save money on print drink, use your

blood. Maybe that can be an option. And greeting card, just say, well done, happy birthday to someone using your mouth. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, he has appeared on, I always get confused, Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel, one of the Jimmy's chat shows over in America there, and a bit of a revelation, an unpopular opinion, something he really dislikes. Family vacationing.

I hate it. I hate going. My wife hates going with me. The kids hate going. I still go. Because what is the difference of doing one more thing I don't like on top of not liking anything anyway? But it doesn't matter because when I do something I don't like, it doesn't bother me. That's all I'm used to. I am a very happy person hating everything throughout my entire life. So he doesn't like going on holiday, vacationing with his family.

I can't see, I've thought about it for a couple of days because I saw this on like Monday, I can't see any negatives about going on vacation unless you go to the Gaza Strip for a week or two. But is it like the Ben Boyce idea, like he doesn't like chilling out? Yeah, maybe. So maybe his family are annoying, you know, maybe they work with different things you know, you know. But then you also go here's Jerry Seinfeld, so his

Monday to Friday daily life is probably a few levels up from all of our mundane Monday to Friday. I'm sure his house is pretty he's probably living a good normal lifestyle Probably feels like a vacation living in his house. Exactly. I imagine. Yeah. And driving the cars that he's driving. I've always wondered

when really rich or people have really nice houses, when they go on holiday are they like, no, this isn't as good as where I came from. Hotels are a bit small. Or do they just get fancier hotels and stuff? I don't know. Does anyone in this room not like going on holiday? I love it. I enjoy going on holiday.

Yeah. But I can see so I feel like I can see he's that sort of character. He doesn't seem like a holiday guy. And I imagine he'd go out and about and he'd probably get punished by people and walk down the street and be like,

I don't want to go out for dinner because I'm getting people photo. You know, I feel like that's going to play, you know. Effect as resort holiday. Yeah. I like the comforts of home.

Sit by the beach and people will be like, oh, can I get a photo? You know, there'll be people swarming around him. So I imagine he'd just be like, oh, I should've just stayed at home by my pool. So we're going to check this open. Unpopular opinions this morning.

0800 the hits. I'm going to say waking up early. I love it. No one to deal with. No traffic. Yeah. You imagine your morning routine compared to all of our partners who are dealing with the real hell of getting everyone ready in the morning.

We're just up, cruising it at our own time. An hour or two later would be nicer. Yeah. That's my unpopular opinion. But I mind it. You like a driveway lie down, too. Lie down, just relax. Nothing is happening.

And no traffic. Yeah. That's good What's your unpopular opinion? Well Megan you shot me the other day With saying that Frozen You didn't like Frozen That really

That movie's not It doesn't deserve the hype I'm going to put it out there And say it So I found that very unpopular Yeah Yeah obviously Everyone loves that movie

It's just There's a lot of like Negativity and whining Alison does a lot of whining I'm going to put it out there She's like Seinfeld on holiday Yeah The hits

The Jono and Ben podcast And there is a secret song Head to oneroof.co.nz If you want to find out what that is Just played a snippet of Seinfeld Being interviewed Jerry Seinfeld Is he coming here?

He's coming here I think Yeah In the next month I think he's coming here as well Yeah Well I don't know if he's going to enjoy it or not, because he hates going on holiday. He hates being hugged.

He's not a hugger either. Not even when Kasia came up to him and was like, I love you. And he's like, please, please don't. She's like, I'm a hugger. He's like, please don't. What is he like? Yeah. No, well, he's made a whole career.

He's a very, like, funny, observant, you know, comedic lad, you know. Yeah. It's probably what makes him good at his comedy, but the fact that he's probably an interesting individual, you know, comedian. Yeah. It's probably what makes him good at his comedy, but the fact that he's probably an interesting individual. We know someone who's a very famous broadcaster. They don't like shaking hands, do they?

No. Yeah. Some of us saw multiple people try and shake their hand and they're like, don't do it. You have to tell us who it is now. No, no. Okay.

Tell me after. Yeah. No, it doesn't really, it's not really going to defame them. To be honest with you. I'm sure they'd probably tell me after. Yeah. No. I mean, it's not really going to defame them. Oh, my God. To be honest with you. I'm sure they'd probably tell you themselves.

Well, the more you think about shaking hands, it is passing on filth from one person to another, so I get it. It was weird doing it after COVID. Yeah. Maybe that's where it kicked off from. But, yeah, Jerry Seinfeld doesn't like going on holiday, but I guess he's coming here for work,

so he might enjoy it here. Your unpopular opinion this morning. Cody, our only listener at six o'clock in the morning from Wellington. How are you, you hero? How are you, Coates? I'm good, thanks. How are you guys? Yeah, good. Lovely to have you on

our daily call with Cody. What's your unpopular opinion, mate? I'm quite a textural person when it comes to eating, so I can't stand softer, more mushy food. Warm fruit, I just can't deal with it.

I'm kind of with you. Hot apples and bananas. What about apple pie? This is different. I can't really do that. Can't really do it? Tomatoes, when they get cooked for some reason. I can eat it, but it doesn't feel like the best use of a tomato.

Yeah. We had a great tomato we could eat, and then we decided to cook it and get it all mushy. It's not the best version of that. Yeah, I get you. Yeah. No, that's a fair point. I don't know if many people would probably agree. I don't like the old fruit that just sits in the bowl.

I like cold, crispy apples. Yeah, I like cold fruit. Not a warm room temperature apple, you know? Yeah. It needs to be fresh. Yeah, I'm with you, Cody. Hey, so maybe it's a popular opinion. Thanks for your call.

Appreciate that. Wendy, good morning. Good morning. Unpopular opinions this morning, Wendo. Yes. What don't you like? I don't like chocolate. Oh.

Wow. So any type of chocolate? Because obviously there's different varieties. No, just all chocolate. All of them. Dark chocolate. Dark, white, doesn't matter. What it is?

Milk. Milk, chocolate, even going through crunchies, moros, picnics, nothing. Chocolate cake? No. No, nothing. Just nothing. I just don't like the taste. So has this been something that's been with you all your life or just recently?

No, no, all my life, even as a baby. Mum would try and give me a chocolate biscuit and I'd just spit it out. Really? Eat it. Yeah. I feel like we should try and reintroduce you to chocolate. No, no, not interested. It's one thing I'm quite happy I don't like.

Yeah, have you tried from time to time throughout your life, just go, just try some of that or not? Yes, yeah, I've tried it. I've tried it different ways, cakes, just, you know, normal chocolate, whatever, white chocolate, but no, I still just don't like the taste. Last time you ate chocolate? Oh, actually, I had to. I was at a relative's that I didn't know very well place,

and they served up a chocolate pudding dessert, and I had to eat it because I didn't want to be impolite. So that was probably about seven years ago. I find the same thing with birthday cake. I don't enjoy it, I just feel obligated to eat it. It's an obligation thing when someone goes, oh, such and such, Megan made this. And you're like, oh, I've got to eat Megan's cake.

Actually, to be fair, you brought in a cake one day that was actually delicious. So you felt obligated to eat it. Yes, I did, yes, but then I enjoyed it. But sometimes it's just an obligation thing. Yes, definitely was an obligation thing. So that was the last time, and I still don't like it. Don't like chocolate.

Wowee. Gee, that's, yeah. Hey, if it's your thing, it's your thing. So what do you have instead? What's your vice? I'd have to say wine. You can say wine. Yeah, girl.

Of course you are. Amen. She's like, I'm a raging alcoholic, but I don't eat any chocolate. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. On the hunt for a luxury bed sheet tester. If you're a bit of a sheet snob, Megan, you put your hand up. I'm not a sheet snob, but I would like to be. There's a new hotel at home range. You get to sleep the night

on that. Give it a test and get $10,000 too. Those are Spinneys sheets. I've seen them at Briscoe's. You get a whole collection which is worth about $3,000. I feel like you're then obligated to give the sheets a pretty favourable review if you're paying your $10,000. And giving you $3,000 worth of sheets and bedding

and stuff. You're not going to say, these are shockers. I'm sure they're amazing, but you're right. Scratchy. Thank you very much for joining the show this morning. Now, Megan. Taylor Swift is doing an Eros tour, and she's going to be in Lisbon coming up somewhere in June. So this rider that has been released is a recent demand

that she's got on her Ears tour. No, this is not. This is what all artists have, right? Yeah. They all have backstage. They're allowed to have provided food, drinks, that sort of thing. Yeah. So for her and her crew, yeah, no, no, no.

It's something they all have backstage because often they only sing the hotel room and the venue. Sometimes you hear them and you're like, this is so opulent and extravagant But there was a theory that The promoters of the band Would put all these wild things in Like 10 orange tennis balls Sitting on a velvet couch Just to make sure That the person who was putting on the concert

Had read all the details Like a test And if they did that they were like Everything's sorted It's under control Well I'm actually surprised by Taylor's in the test. Oh, yeah, right. And if they did that, they were like, oh, everything's sorted. Yeah. It's under control, yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm actually surprised

by Taylor's because I thought it would be healthier, but it's actually, it's quite, it sounds fun. So the food behind, like in her writer

includes pasta with cheese, microwave popcorn, chocolate milk, grape juice, energy drinks, spicy sauce, fries, a bag of licorice,

yogurt, brownies, and a whole lot of Diet Pepsi. But she also requests that her... I feel like she eats none of that. Yeah. But then she's running around for three hours on stage. Surely she can get whatever she wants. She asks for her dressing room to be decorated with Swarovski crystals. Oh, yeah.

Do they take the same crystals around the world or are there new crystals each location? I think they're new crystals. The only experience we've kind of had with that when we had the TV show was, remember Justin Bieber came in and the list of stuff that we had to get backstage, it wasn't quite as extravagant as that.

He didn't eat any of it. I don't even know if he knew any of it was anything for him. I think he had some water or whatever it is. Do you think as a manager being like, what would I like? Well, I wondered that as well. His crew and stuff all ate it and it was fine. It wasn't even know if he knew any of it was anything for him. I think he had some water or whatever it is. Do you think it's the manager being like, what would I like? Well, I wondered that as well. His crew and stuff all ate it and it was fine. It wasn't anything too crazy but at the same time it was like...

They wanted a specific brand of New Zealand chips. It was like Heartland or something. Chips. Salt and vinegar chips. Then they left them behind. Ben took half his water bottle. It was great. Afterwards we were eating Peepers peanuts and grapes and stuff. I remember we were just talking to him and he had his skateboard there and it was before anything Afterwards, we were eating Peepers, peanuts and grapes and stuff. I remember we were just talking to him and he had his skateboard there.

And it was before anything had happened. And he was just ollieing on the rug in the back, just ollieing while we were talking to him, telling him what was going to happen. Very good at ollieing and holding a conversation. Yeah, it was quite impressive. Multi-tasking. No, he's listening. Yeah, he got it. But at the same time, he was doing some cool skateboard tricks. Has she got a skateboard on her rider?

No, she does have a hundred bottles of wine and champagne. A hundred? Yeah, obviously not it. But at the same time, he was doing some cool skateboard tricks. Has she got a skateboard on her rider? No, she does have a hundred bottles of wine and champagne. A hundred? Yeah, obviously not all for her. This again sounds like the crew being like, what would we like? And then she does ask for an 11am delivery to her hotel of a Starbucks iced tea and a slice of pumpkin bread at 11am. And she's probably bringing in millions and millions of dollars For the promoters and the economy in that region But if someone's asking you What do you want

You use it right You're not like oh nothing We emcee something I don't know just water or something I don't want to be a diva You can demand crystals A hundred bottles of wine A single slice of pumpkin bread

I'd get lollies, I'd be like local lollies. Oh, that's cool. Lollies and local fruit. Where would you go? Anything's available. What are you picking? A lot of illegal stuff I'm going, I'm thinking, you know, because they have to get it for you. They're running the risk. If anyone's getting caught, it's them.

It's them, it's on them. One thing you have to pick. Oh, jeez. I think mine would be a lolly platter. Just a lolly platter. on them. Okay, one thing you have to pick. Oh, jeez. I'm so, like, I don't... Well, I think mine would be a lolly platter. Just a lolly platter? Yeah, that would

make me happy. I really like malty nuts, but then I don't like... It's like a whole lot of nuts, but then I'd like a teeth... You just said you didn't want walnuts

on my afghan. A teeth thing to, like, pick the things out of my teeth because they get stuck. An assortment of nuts. And a flossing thing. And pluckers or plackers, whatever. Yeah, that's what I'd like. Would you like the of nuts. And a flossing thing. And a pluckers

or plackers or whatever. That's what I want. Would you like the notes salted or unsalted? Salted please. Lightly salted. And Jono,

this is our rider going forward. Lollies, nuts and Jono? It's just beer mate. Come on. Just a dozen heinies. The Hits.

The Jono and Ben Podcast. New Zealand International Comedy Festival thanks to Best Foods Mayo, is on right now. We've got a comedian with us in the studio. Tony Lyle joins us. Lowering the Tone is the name of your show. It's called Lower the Tone.

You've already got it wrong. We've been doing this interview for two seconds and a factual inaccuracy. You know, it's all fake news on this show. Lower the Tone. Do you, come on, because good pun, I guess, with your name and Tony. Appreciate that.

Do you work backwards from the name? Yeah, kind of. Well because good pun, I guess, with your name being Tony. Appreciate that. Do you work backwards from the name or do you, what has it been? Yeah, kind of. Well, a comedy show with a pun of your name is like a rite of passage in New Zealand comedy. Yeah. Everyone's got one. I've never done one really before. So I was like, you know what, this is the year. I didn't even click to the pun.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty, it's pretty hard to get your head around. I'll lower the tone and my name's Tony. I don't know. You need a Y in brackets. Lower the tone with the Y. Lower the tone. Yeah. You always want don't know you need a Y in brackets lower the tone lower the tone yeah

you always wanted to do a few good Ben a few good Ben yeah well you had Wona Ben right was your TV show the name

and I mean you had the Jono Project which isn't a pun but you know good on you I've got prior convictions is the only one that I can play with

pun wise is that a show you did or is that a you have prior convictions just coming clean yeah nice something else I noticed on your Instagram last night was i was perusing through that you're a mini golf champion oh it was one of the greatest moments of my life i was at uh picked in playing

mini golf great mini golf course down and picked in and i went back um with my family now and we played around and i had a hole in one off the first the first tee. And you know when you just know, you're like, we're on here. We are on here. I could feel it in my bones. And as I went around the course, everything was going in. It was bouncing off weird angles and going in. I was under par or on par, every single hole. And I was like, we could be in for something special.

Who was with you? Who was it, the family? I was with my mother. I was with my wife. And I was with my mother. I was with my wife and I was with my kids. So good witnesses. Good witnesses. Generations of liars.

It was just the greatest afternoon. And you know when you're walking around like I felt like Tiger walking down the back nine. I really did. Like I was imagining

the crowds cheering. I had to get a hole in one on the last hole to get 70 and claim the daily record. And anyone who's been depicting, they know that it's a

big shark big open mouth this is easy this is easy you hit the ball and you don't get the ball back it's not a regular hole it's a giant mouth as long as you don't whack it because that's where everyone comes loose we all you know obviously that's well people are sick of the game by then too they're just especially if you've done bad you're like oh stuff it and i hit it and i sailed in i raised my arms. I filmed it. I was pumped. I was fist pumping, high-fiving children,

putting some kid on my shoulders. I was the king of the world. And walked up to the thing and was like, oh, you better give me that chalk. And I gave her my card. And she's like, we don't need this. And I was like, I don't want to sign it. She's like, no, no, no, it's not official.

There's no handicap here. And so I was like, oh, rubbed it out. Wrote my score. Got a photo. Got a little here. And so I was like, oh, rubbed it out, wrote my score, got a photo, got a little video. And as I went to put the chalk back, a guy went and goes, oh, you might have to give me the chalk, fella. Yeah, we were actually just following you around. And yeah, I know I beat you that by five shots.

So he walked up laughing, rubbed out my score, and then wrote his score and then posed for a photo with me just standing there looking full on in the background. He let me have my moment as well. He sat there. He knew he'd be to me. He knew that he was victorious as I was writing it up. He was literally watching me take photos.

He was like, ha ha, I'm going to ruin this guy's day. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. This girl has shared what's happened when her dad witnessed her breakup. So she was on the driveway. Her boyfriend, Scott, broke up with her. And I don't know, the dad must have been looking out the window or whatever.

So she comes in heartbroken. And the dad did send a text. So maybe he didn't feel like maybe she wanted to be alone, didn't want to approach her. But the text that he sent her is so beautiful. No, I reckon what we need here, we could get one of those beautiful Instagram moments with the piano music playing behind. Can we get some piano music there, Producer Grace, and then read it out? Give this your best read. Pull on the heartstrings.

I want some views off this. So this is from a dad who has just witnessed his baby girl being broken up with by a boy. Are you ready, Chris? No, she's not ready. So we're going to... I've said it. Let's go. When the music comes on, then it will get really emotional. You wait.

Hey, baby girl. Here is some perspective from your old man. I've had lots of relationships from one night stands to flings to friends with benefits to girlfriends to live-in girlfriends. And then I met your mum. First thing I say, what a flex from the day. Yeah, it's like, okay, Dad, too much information. I've had a lot of relationships, but anyway, sorry.

I can say with certainty that when I met her, it was instantly different. I can also say that I knew it was different because I went through those other experiences. So what you're dealing with today is necessary in order for you to one day be able to discern when a person is really right for you. I can also say that even though I was broken up with and in one instance I was cheated on, it was worth it to get where I am now. Looking back, I do not for one second ever wish I could still be with any of those other ladies. Even though at the time I was heartbroken

and it felt like I would never recover and I was destined to be alone, I promise you, that is not your future. Isn't that sweet? He does go on. He's saying you need to kiss the frogs. He's bragging about how many relationships he's had

kiss some frogs to realise when you've found a prince yeah came in too late with the music yeah you were too late with the music

yeah we missed a beat there but that is a beautiful beautiful bit of dad voice it's lovely bit of a dad voice yeah everyone's calling him an emotionally intelligent dad I saw this great thing

on Instagram because it feels like Instagram is, is one of those places you can find out where better parents than yourself. But one thing it was said that dad gave his daughter a card and it was like, this card will say that you bring this to me at any stage and I will not get mad. This is the card to bring back.

If anything happens, I will like, you know, so if anything you want to tell me about anything, it was a really cool idea. You know, like you bring it back and you'll be like okay dad here's the card can't get mad about this and i'll i'll help you deal with this problem and i won't get mad so they don't they feel they can come back to you and talk to you about it rather than do they get the card back i don't know maybe it's just one card one just one card you can only screw up badly once

yeah the card's supposed to be symbolic right they're supposed to feel like that all the time but the card is like your assurance. Yeah, because sometimes you are scared about telling your parents, you know, going through 10 years, you're like, oh, jeez, you know? This is where we want to open up. The best bit of dad advice you received. I can only think John Pryor, he just said, when you're at the supermarket, park close to the trolley bay

so you don't have to, once you've unloaded your trolley at your booth, you don't have to walk too far to put the trolley bay so you don't have to, so once you've unloaded your trolley at your booth, you don't have to walk too far to put the trolley in. Not inspirational, but hey, it's practical. Great advice. Go and put that behind some piano music. Yeah. My dad once told me when I was at Pack and Save, don't park too far away from the trolley bay.

You save yourself some valuable seconds in re-delivering the trolley. After your dad advice this morning, You save yourself some valuable seconds in re-delivering the trolley. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. After your dad advice this morning, the best advice your dad's given you. Ben, I imagine Kevin Boyce, the principal, school principal. Lots of sayings. Lots of cliches. Yeah.

If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail. Oh, yeah. That's what I need to often say. Well, you're a good planner now, so you took that on board. He definitely would. He had lots of those little sayings you'd love to impart on. Have you ever planned and failed? Like, I've done the planning, personally. It doesn't really ring true.

Yeah, but I guess it was, yeah, true. But as you say, if you do no planning, you're more likely to fail than with planning. But you're right, you can plan and plan away. Still fail. Still fail, yeah. But that's a good bit of advice. It is. Yeah, you can plan. And still fail. Still fail, yeah. But that's a good bit of advice. It is. Yeah, what about your dad there, Megan?

I always remember he used to say, dress for the job you want, not the job you've got. I don't know. So what are you wanting to be, like an accountant today? What is his role? Real estate agent? I don't know. A madam at a brothel?

What do you want? How did I go from accountant to a madam at a brothel? You look like you'd run a in a brothel? What do you want? How did I go from accountant to a madman in a brothel? You look like you'd run a pretty tight brothel. No one would mess with you. Thank you. Yeah. But you look fancy. You look fancy.

And your dress is impeccable every morning. I don't know what job I'm going for, though. It constantly changes. Producer Taylor, Angelo, your father in Sydney, did he part with any wisdom? Yeah, I'm allowed to say this on air, eh? I don't know what you're saying. My dad always used to say, if you're at a party

and people offer you drugs, bring them home first and he'll try them first to make sure they're safe. You should have said that. Some responsible parenting. Good on you, Angelo. Parenting. Hashtag parenting. Let's get Tiana on.

Morena, Tiana, dad advice. What's the best advice your dad passed on to you? My father-in-law, actually. He's one of those inspirational kind of men. He always says, why wait? So it's like kind of covering everything. If you're coming up with something, a decision you really need to make and you're like,

I'll think about it another time. No, why wait? What's the worst case scenario? What's the worst thing that can possibly happen? You'll have to start again. Unless you're waiting at a red traffic light. Definitely wait.

That's like the one rule. That's quite good let's just do it now because you know sometimes you know you do put things off and you don't get a chance to come back to them later

yeah and you procrastinate yeah and you don't want to reach the end of life and go why didn't I give that a crack can you just you say that

I'll put the inspirational piano music behind at some point and we'll put that on Instagram what do you think about that I can try yeah we'll try and make you go What do you think about that? I can try. We'll try and make you go viral or something.

Have you got your little sentence you're going to do? Okay, here we go, Tanya. Here's the music. Take it away. Why wait? Tomorrow is not going to wait for you. That is good. That's good. Good on you, Tiana. Love your work.

And I've got to stop saying love your work, but have a great day. Love it. Lynn, Lynn, how are you? Hi. Don't love your work. What's your dad advice there, Lynn? When I was at primary school, this young boy who had a couple of disabilities and that asked me, I asked him if I could lend his rubber.

And he said, no, only if you'll be my girlfriend. And I said, oh, nah, nah, forget it, keep your rubber. And when I went home that night at dinner, there's myself and six boys, mum and dad, and I mentioned it, and dad's face just changed totally, a different colour, and he said, Lynn, he said, you never, ever take it out on, or be nasty to people who are less fortunate than yourself.

You never know when it could happen to you. And anyway, lo and behold, 16 years old, young, I gave birth to my first daughter. And she was born with quite a few disabilities. She couldn't walk, talk, see or hear. And I was so glad I listened to him as young as I was. By God, that was one thing I've, you know, taken on board and still live with it to today.

Wow-ee. Some powerful advice there, Lynn. Yeah, right. You missed your music, Jono. Oh, I did. I'm going to do it again because it wasn't really powerful. God, you did a fine job. Take it away, Lynn.

What was your dad advice? Never make fun of anyone less fortunate than yourself. Great dad advice. Great advice. Great dad advice. We're going to send you out some help pizza. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Ben Carter, it's a pleasure to have you on the show. How are you? I'm very good, thanks. Good morning. It's always a pleasure to be on the show. Oh, nice to have you on. Now, we love having you on, Dan, and we also love the fact that every time you come on,

we have to remind Producer Taylor about the fact that when she came to New Zealand, she sat next to you and asked you, what's your name? What do you do? So I imagine that wouldn't happen too often in New Zealand. No, it was quite refreshing. And actually, I got a lot of, she's like a wine connoisseur.

You might not know this, but yeah, Taylor, she was teaching me all these stories about wine. You might not know this, but dear Taylor, she was teaching me all these stories about wine. So if you didn't know something about Taylor, ask her about wine. She has a wealth of knowledge. Okay, now Dan's saying you're a wine connoisseur, Taylor. Yeah, you don't know about Dan Carter

but you know about wine, apparently. Well, you're teaching him about wine and can you remember teaching him about wine? I can because I mix it with water because that's what I do because if I drink it straight goes straight to my head oh you don't look the wine yes it's a thing we do in italy since tried this dan um no i'm offended because i thought we hit it off he's like i've been all over the world and i've never seen that i you know dan it was a couple of years ago 2022 you, you did 24 hours of nonstop kicking at Eden Park, raising money for UNICEF, which is a charity dear to your heart.

What was it like? Because we caught up with you during it and you were pretty good for someone that didn't have a lot of sleep. But looking back on that, what was that like? I loved it. It was tough, don't get me wrong. And the time that you guys came in to help, you know, you were just boosting my morale with energy. Those last couple of hours, I can't even really remember who was there, what happened. But what was keeping me going was the donations coming in and just the generosity of people in New Zealand.

I was getting little messages on the big screen at Eden Park. I remember one in particular. A little boy goes, hey, Dan, good luck with the kick-off. I've just donated my weekly pocket money. You know, I'm like, oh, Jesus. It was so cool. The fact that we're able to raise over half a million dollars,

you know, for children in the Pacific to help provide clean water was really motivational. I got a lot out of that. And I always wanted to do another one, but I've been sort of thinking, how can I do another fundraising campaign? And I don't know if I can kick for 24 hours anymore.

So I've come up with a new fundraising campaign where I only have to kick for one hour and then challenge the rest of New Zealand to take me on and try and beat me. So the challenge is called Beat Dan Carter and all the information's at beatdancarter.com. That's a really, really, really cool idea. I mean, one tee, one ball, trying to kick goals.

How many did you get? Yeah, so that's the challenge, is you've only got one ball and one kicking tee in one hour, you know, an even playing field. But I did 273 in one hour, so I had a great team. There's strategy behind it, because you obviously need someone catching it and passing it back to you. So I had these future rugby stars, both boys and girls, helping me. They are the reason that I was able to get such a high number.

But it's definitely beatable. That's a pretty cool idea. So you can go to beatdancarter.com and people can do it as a team and also individually, right? Yes. So you can sign up either individually if you want to take me on one-on-one or as a team. I'm really targeting rugby clubs as well.

So if you're part of a rugby team or you're a coach, I really encourage you to jump on to BeatDanCarter.com, sign your team up, start fundraising, and wherever they want to do it in New Zealand, all you need is a set of goalposts and you're away. Now, Dan, I also wanted to ask, have you watched, because I know you're friends with Tom Brady, have you watched the roast of Tom Brady on Netflix? I haven't, I can't bring myself to do it to be honest. I tell you what, there were

some sizzling jokes. Yeah, if anyone offers you a roast of Dan Carter, maybe don't sign up for that one. It feels like nothing's off limits. No, definitely not. You comedians are brutal and brutal at the same time. There should have been some boundaries set, I felt. Quickly before you go, I know you're a proud dad.

You keep your kids pretty private as well. But I saw on Honours Instagram, a couple of your kids are very good kickers as well. One in football, one in rugby. Yeah, they love all sports. They play tennis, rugby, football, futsal, swimming. You name it, they play it. So very busy weekends.

Oh, my goodness. Like I was saying offline before that, yeah, I'm pretty much an Uber driver to the kids' sport. So it's a lot of fun, get a little satisfaction out of it. They love it, they're happy. Do you have to coach any of the teams? I actually just went to a refereeing course the other day. Did you?

Because in order to referee, you have to go to this referee course. I was like, surely, come on, I can't do a little bit about rugby. Do I have to? So I sat there and I was like, shit, I don't know half the rules. I was like, how did I play for 18 years? And I didn't even know the answers to most of these questions. That's so funny. Look, I broke a lot of rules when I was playing.

No, you just play With someone like Richie He doesn't get away with it He does Well lovely to catch up with you At beatdadcarter.com Raising funds For UNICEF And the Pacific Islands as well

Really cool thing you're doing Congratulations on it And we'll talk to you soon Thanks guys The hits The Jono and Ben podcast For 12 months Now we're into the third week

And it's another episode Of Femme Glitch Where we try to decode The convoluted female dialect There Ben Boyce 12 months. Now we're into the third week, and it's another episode of Femglish, where we try to decode the convoluted female dialect, the Airbnb voice. Now, Producer Taylor chucked in our group chat. She said in a few weeks' time we should do Menglish, where you get to decipher the male language. Yeah, it's only fair.

Flip the tables. We still haven't got our head around the female language. So we'll just take one step at a time. But when we say we're going to be home from the pub in 10 minutes It might mean 9 hours Yeah right Great But today's phrase One we've all heard I would imagine

Do what you want Oh yeah Now it's being said with a tone where I feel like Do what you want I don't have an option to do what I want. But, yeah, because it's normally a decision, you know, like a big conversation. You're like, hey, I'm going to do this.

And then it'll be like, oh, well, do what you want. And it leaves the ball in our court. Why do you get this cheeky look on your face like, okay, I will. Yeah, well, I will. Do what you want. See, what's coming out of your mouth, again, doesn't feel like it's ringing true to what's happening inside your head.

So I have a different phrase which means the same thing. So my husband will be like, can I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I always say, it's up to you. It's up to you. But in that tone. So it's up to you or do what you want. It sounds appealing to me. It's up to you.

It's up to me. And he does that, but then there's consequences. Yeah. It's up to you. That's right. It's up to me. And he does that, but then there's consequences. Yeah. It's up to you, but be aware that if you choose the wrong decision, you will have to suffer the consequences. Again, we go back to the common theme here. If you're having this conversation and you just go, I would prefer if we didn't do that.

If you framed it like that, we'd be like, okay, cool. No, because I want the bad decision to be your choice. I also, if I say do what you want, what you want better be in line with what I want. Right. The ultimate in reverse psychology. If it's not, then you're in trouble. But do what you want. But it's not do what you want.

That's the thing, is it? Do what you want doesn't mean do what you want. It doesn't, no. Have you ever had the do what you want and then went and did what you want yeah yeah multiple times and then you get

the silent treatment yeah well you said yeah do what I want and that's because deep down we know we're not allowed to do what we want but we can like

we can always come back with well you said do what you want but to be honest do what you want but then why isn't what you wanted to be with me at home

rather than go out with the boy but it makes me want to do the thing you say do what you want more like to be honest I'm just like okay well I will you boy or whatever. But it makes me want to do the thing you say do what you want more. Like, to be honest, I'm just like,

okay, well, you know, whereas if you're in a conversation and say, hey, maybe not tonight because we've got this other thing, you're like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

Okay, but it's like, oh yeah, we should do what we want. You should know that. You're a grown man. Exactly. You should know that there's this or that

or I just want to hang out with you or whatever. Read between the lines. Why? Why do we have to keep reading between lines? Why can't the lines just be pretty clear and concise? I mean, yeah, that would be easier.

That would be easier, right. Thank you for admitting that. Again, I admit it would be easier. It feels to us you're trying to create a situation. But also you know when we say do what you want, you know what we mean. Okay, well, this is going to open this up. Oh, 800 The Hits.

Have you got any further explanation to this? Have you suffered the do what you want and done what you want? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Femglish. Just getting to the bottom of the complex female language. Today we have zeroed in on do what you want. Are you having a conversation? Well, you do what you want.

Now, to us, it seems very appealing, but also very wrong at the same time Technically I've been given permission But I know the undertone means I'll get in trouble if I do it Yeah But you've got a slightly different phrasing which is It's up to you It's up to you

And has Andrew ever done the Oh well it's up to me All the time And he's like well you said it's up to me So I made the choice And you can't come back for that I'm allowed to be angry if, all the time. And he's like, well, you said it's up to me, so I made the choice. And you did. And you can't come back from that. I'm allowed to be angry if you make the wrong decision. Yeah, okay.

0800THITS, have you got any more light to shed on this topic? Franz, welcome to the show. Welcome to Femglisch. Have you had to do what you want and done what you want, Franz? It's not so much that. I reckon you should be able to call the police and get her arrested for saying that It's like an act of terrorism

It's inciting rebellion Do what you want It should mean do what you want That's our point too It's the tone with which it's delivered Agreed with some of your points, maybe you went a little far with you How many times would she have to be arrested It's the tone with which it's delivered. Agreed with some of your points. Maybe you went a little far with you. You got carried away?

Come on. How many times would she have to be arrested before she stopped using it? One arrest, one night in the cells. You got all your friends. There you go with some old school solutions there. Susan, you're on. Welcome. Welcome to Femlish, Susan.

Hello. Lovely to have you on. Are you a do-what-you-want-a? Do you check this phrase out? Am I what? Sorry? Are you meant to be calling up this radio show? Sorry, can't quite hear you. It's alright, you do what you want. That's fine.

And that was another wonderful episode Got to the bottom of it again Someone texted and said I think another one is when you're going away with your mates And she says have fun But it's in a way that sounds like you're having fun without me Have fun Hope you have a nice time

Who was it, Jeremy Wells He's like whenever I go away on a work trip He's like if they're going away to Las Vegas or something to take a trip of listeners over there, he always has to put on a charade of, oh, it's going to be terrible. He tries to downplay. Oh, it's always terrible.

I don't want to go. I don't really want to go. And secretly he's like, what am I complaining about? Adam, welcome. You're chiming in on Femglish this week, Adam. Yeah, how are you? Yeah, welcome. You're chiming in on Femglish this week, Adam. Yeah, how are you? Yeah, good. Yeah, the old do what you want.

A few years ago, my now ex-wife, I asked her if I could have a few drinks with the boys, a bit of a night, and she goes, you know, we've got people for dinner tomorrow night. I said, yeah, that's fine. 30 hours later, I get through the door, and I fell asleep on the table at dinner. My head was just faced out on my plate,

and yeah, she left me. Oh, so you left her. So you did what you wanted, though. That's the thing. Yeah, the main thing is you did what I want. I believe when a woman says that, it's like, well, you said it, so I thing. I did what I want, but yeah, I believe when a woman says that, it's like, well, you said it, so I'm going to do what I want. I've been 30 hours on the

truck. Yeah, that was quite, yeah. You can do what you want, but then you've got to face the consequences. And he did, he did face some consequences. Well, if a woman doesn't want consequences, perhaps he should say no. And his face faced the consequences on the plate at the dinner table.

That's it. and say no. And his face faced the consequences on the plate at the dinner table. Oh, that's... The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We've got another win, Megan, too. Yes, I'm two on the board now. It was good. It was great to hear. We'll do that again next Thursday if the bosses allow it. But it's a fun little segment.

I haven't heard from him yet. You just said in the news today there was a missing cat in Christchurch found in a neighbouring town. 11 weeks it had been missing after hitching a ride to Rangiora in a rubbish truck. And, yeah, that's a long time to think. You'd be like, let's run away.

11 weeks is a long, long time. But just a neighbourhood or local had been feeding the cat. So the cat was fine. They found him. Incredible, eh? You hear that from time to time. Cats just going. Our old cat used to walk about 5km back to the house when we moved and mastered it.

And then one day it didn't come back. Oh, it didn't come back. But it went back three or four times. And then after that, I don't know. What kilometre distance do you think away from the household warrants a news story? Like when do you go, I've got to call the papers about this one. We've got a 10k a cat. Yeah.

Or this one's 30 minutes. You'd imagine, what, 10k? Well, this was 11 weeks. So been away for 11 weeks. How long it had been missing. Yeah. Oh, so that's the amazing part of this one. Yeah, like 11 weeks.

It's almost three months you've gone, oh, the cats. Yeah. That's newsworthy. That's newsworthy to me Two categories Cats gone missing Distance wise, how far away do they have to go Until it's a mildly interesting new story

More than 10k's Way more than 10k's That's the bar Time wise, missing Let's go more than 10 weeks 10 and 10 10 and 10 is the cat rule. We won't talk about it if it hasn't been 10 or 10.

Still pleased for the cat to come back.