Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: Megan had a scare last night!

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY: Ben is running for President! Would you be shocked to see this at a chemist? Tik Tok hacks worth trying Why can't Megan buy wine? Silly tourists...Jono breaks up with his membership What did you smuggle from a party? Can you guess the riddle? Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: THEHITSBREAKFASTSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This John O'Byrne podcast, hey that's us, brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts and tastes that Kiwis love. He makes his way back from America after the, what was it, the IT update? The internet outage. I had no idea what the nuts and bolts of that were yesterday, but Matt, our boss, came in and he kind of explained it all. It seemed like there was antivirus software, ironically, that some companies, huge companies had signed up for had typed in some wrong code and hence the world falling to pieces The computers instead of updating they blocked it, were like oh this doesn't look right

and so everything shut down it did the opposite of what it was supposed to do You really have to feel for that poor IT expert I hope it was a veteran so that they have years of experience to look back on Poor IT experts. Someone took a bad... I hope it was a veteran. Yeah. So that they have years of experience to look back on rather than a newbie. Yeah, and years of money to retire on because they're probably not the yesterday.

The poor people. But you just worry. There's a lot of talk we were speaking on the way over this morning about the next war will be all cyber. It'll be a cyber attack. And something happens to the internet and we crumble now. Yeah. Crazy. Kind of felt like that's what it was on Friday.

Incredibly reliant on us. Tell you what you don't need the internet for though, breathing. And Megan Pappas yesterday struggling, gasping her way through the show like a 89-year-old lung cancer victim. You were really struggling. I felt sorry for you. Oh, thanks. You might have heard me hack up when you turned on the microphone at one point and I wasn't ready.

Yeah, because you're an asthma kid. I am an asthma kid. I am too. Are you? Yeah, well not as asthma-y as you but I do Ventolin every now and then. Yeah. Flixatide? Do you have Flixatide? I've got a new little blue one. I don't know what it's called. Ceratide? Maybe Ceratide. Something-atide?

Something pumping chemicals into you were you that kid like at cross country did you ever use asthma to get out of it like athletics at school i was always like oh no and i'd be like huffing on the ventolin get the shakes yeah but i didn't have asthma i was just like oh i'm really struggling to breathe. And then I'd get home and my mum would know. She'd be like, this isn't asthma. Well, now the universe is paying you back for it because you are struggling with it. And yesterday, usually I'm pretty good with knowing if I need to go to the doctor. I went yesterday and I got told off.

They were like, you should have come a long time ago. Yeah, I'm not even a medical expert. Just looking at you and hearing you, I was like, you're definitely three weeks beyond going to the doctor that you should have seen about a month ago. Yeah, I knew, not even a medical expert, like just looking at you and hearing you, I was like, you're definitely three weeks beyond going to the doctor that you should have seen about a month ago. But when you're a parent and stuff, you're like, you know, when your kids are sick you worry about them first and you don't spend so much time on yourself. But I went there and I ended up getting

a nebuliser for those asthma kids know what I'm talking about. Yeah, they pump you full of steroids like a Russian gymnast. Got steroids, got antibiotics, you name it. But they made me stay there for like an hour and a half. You sent a great photo of you with a mask on, very Darth Vader-y. God, it was such, I got to lie down for like an hour. Sleeping?

Yeah, I had a wee nun eyes. It was great. And they came and checked on me. I was like, you know what? I can now breathe. Do we need to get like an oxygen tank in the corner of the studio for your something? Yeah, or just like one of those little nebulizer machines. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We need to get like an oxygen tank in the corner of the studio for your something. Yeah, or just like one of those little nebulizer machines.

The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. We are down. One Ben Boyce, who is still traveling back from America. Is he making it? Is he on a flight? Is he the new Democratic candidate for the election? We catch up with Ben.

Ben in the USA. Ben in the USA. Ben in the USA. You know, Ben is stranded over in the USA, Orlando, Florida, and there's a part of me that doesn't want him to come back just so we can just keep playing. Ben in the USA. Bruce Springsteen is getting some rights for this one, isn't he? He's loving it. The boss is clocking it up.

Little snippets of money dripping into the boss's bank account this week. I know. I'm still stuck in the USA, heading away very shortly, actually. So hopefully I'll make my way back to New Zealand. But it always feels weird. You've come across to New Zealand before, John. We've visited family over here. We've been stuck here.

And just the little things really throw you off, whether it's getting into the wrong side of the car, where people are driving in what feels like it should be the wrong seat, wrong side of the road, the toilets, how they have that sort of, a lot more water. I don't know if you guys have ever encountered that. A lot more water in the bowl. They're like swimming pools.

They are, yeah. I mean, you can actually put your whole head in, give it a wash, take it out. I feel like when you drop something off though, there's a lot of splashback. Yeah, it's very hard to have a pee quietly in the middle of the night, I've discovered, you know. It's definitely a sit-down operation, isn't it? But then it kind of just sits in the water.

Yeah, it floats around. Yeah, I put it on Instagram, and then someone was like, oh, yeah, because when you sit down, doesn't your pee-pee sort of go for a bit of a swim? I'm like, well, not for me, mate. Not mine. I might dip its toe in. sort of go for a bit of a swim. I'm like, well, not for me, mate. Not mine. I might dip its toe in.

Do it alone. It's a bit cold. I just want to know, why does the toilet water level run so high in America? There must be, I'm picking for odour purposes. Yes, I think that's right. I think you're right in saying that.

That's what I was trying to talk to someone the other night. What I love about Americans, actually, they're confident. Even if they don't know something, they'll just tell you with confidence. You know,

many times we've asked for directions over here and we're like, is this place there? And they're like, oh yeah, sure. It's just up here. Go left, go right. And you're like, great.

You get there like, that guy was totally lying, but he said it with confidence he said it with confidence that's the main thing no he's like oh i know what you're talking about tell you what something i really struggled with and they have them heaps in new york is the revolving doors now we learned actually the revolving doors are quite good for you know keeping the weather you know keeping the weather out, basically, so you don't have doors letting in drafts. But they spin around so fast. It kind of reminded me of school when you had double dutch and you were trying to enter.

Yes, that's what I found. Here I go. You do that with your hands to try and get in the revolving door at the right moment. And they go fast, too. You have to kind of jog around. I know. I had a moment. My daughters, they're 1 they're 112, 114.

They love to go to like a Sephora or a Sephora store. So I went in there, grabbed them. This was in Times Square, New York. I'm like, guys, we need to go. We need to go. We need to get out of this store, not spend any money. And then there was a revolving door right on the outset. I'm like, we need to go fast because it's going fast.

And I ran. I didn't realize there was glass outside of the revolving door, not just inside. Head first straight into the glass. Who is it? Well, they had a glass door on the door. Yeah, it was around the side. I know.

I didn't see it at all. It made a huge noise. I almost knocked myself out. And then my daughters were like, were you filming that for social media? Did you do it? And I was like, no, I didn't do this on purpose at all. Please tell me the security footage was because we need to get hold of that. I've really struggled with that over here.

So I'm looking forward to coming home. Hopefully I'll be back with you tomorrow or the next day and then I can enter doors the way they're meant to be entered, straight through, in and out. Being in the USA, who knows when he'll be back? He keeps adding all going well at the end of sentences. Yeah, the cover your bases. There's a job going here, guys.

You know, Biden stepped down. So, hey, you know, I'm putting my resume. See how I go. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Raunchy chat this morning after a Kiwi mum was left a little bit shocked. And she wasn't happy that she saw a display in the chemist's warehouse. They cover a bloody wide spectrum of products, don't they, the chemist's warehouse? You go in there and you are bamboozled, aren't you?

I like to leave space for time to wander because you can find some things. You've got everything from vitamins to protein powder to prodding implements as well. Like kids things, bottles, nappies, like everything. Maybe they should just drop the chemist from the title and just call it Warehouse. Just because it's an emporium of everything.

It's good. Now, Producer Taylor, you said local mother's not happy. One of the products on display. Yeah, so I was at the Sylvia Park Chemist Warehouse, and her and her daughter were just scrolling through the aisles, as you do towards the makeup skincare aisle, and the daughter pointed out some products that the mom didn't really know what they were,

and the daughter started laughing, and the mom's gone, oh, what's that? Why are you laughing at the Korean face? Massager. Yeah, massagers. And she goes, oh, mum, that's not a massager. It's an adult fun toy. Yeah, right.

And so at what point did it say on the pack Korean face massager or how did she land on Korean? Total assumption. But if you do look at them, they kind of do look like what's out there on TikTok at the moment. You know, they can scrub your face. I've never seen a Korean face message. Have you seen the other thing?

The one in particular that she pointed out, I believe it's called a French tickler. So it could have been. Does that look like a. Yeah. Well, that's it. I mean, they're versatile, aren't they? It could also be used as a measuring stick.

Can use a device to push down pills if you can't swallow pills. Yeah, right. Carry on. What else? What else could that be? Scrub some dishes with it, I'm told. So like a rubber tweezers? Tweezers, yeah.

Two prongs. Yeah. Like a rubber implement, you know, you whack your knee with the doctor to test your reflexes. There's a lot of medical reasons that you could use those. Potentially apply your makeup with it, I guess. Yeah. It was near. Ear scratcher?

Oh yeah. Okay. It was near the lip balms. So she's very upset because she said not only was her daughter there but her daughter's friend. She had to do some explaining. Yeah, right. You can just, uh you can just but you can get them anywhere everywhere now can't you get them the bloody petrol station those things yeah and even online now everyone's online you just buy them also her daughter was 16

so i'm like you know she wasn't she wasn't crazy young maybe you and your daughter need to have literally that's like the least your daughter's doing at 16 years old, consider yourself lucky. If she knows what a Korean face messager is at 16, it's the least of your problems. Yeah, you're right. Well, there we go. It's been a great advert for the Chemist Warehouse as well to know those are on sale. Well, they go $9.90.

They'll be the cheapest ones out there too. You can guarantee that. French Tecla. Yeah. Yeah, it looks entertaining, shall we say. It's good quality stuff. Have France inside of you when you don't even have to travel there. Yeah, it looks entertaining, should we say. It's good quality stuff. Have France inside of you when you don't even have to travel there.

Like being in France or having France in you. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I just want to get on to the greatest thing that the internet has taught you, or YouTube in general, YouTube-iversity really, isn't it? I imagine a lot of education centres have lost out thanks to YouTube. You can YouTube how to do anything. Open-heart surgery. You can give yourself open-heart surgery on YouTube.

That is not an exaggeration. I don't know if you'd be trusting someone to do that, but yep, sure. Probably is there. What did you talk? You taught yourself how to... This is very Megan Pappas. I needed to prune My apricot tree

Prune a bloody Apricot tree And I was like I don't know what I'm doing But they're so long You watch the video And they waffle on About the tree

And you're like Just tell me which Branches to cut And you generally You're in a rush When you If you're resorting to YouTube You're in a bit of a rush

You've got a window of time To prune the tree Hurry up If you like Like and subscribe I don't want to subscribe i'm never going to watch you talk about freaking apricot cheese ever again just get to the yeah but you did it over the over the holidays yeah well this got sued because we had scratches on the car you know the paint and by pure coincidence got fed a video from this youtuber who's like oh listen put white vinegar and coconut oil together rub it over the car scratches and they magically disappear now you watch these

things like when you see them come on tiktok you're like this is the bloody chinese trying to get into us again make us look like idiots and most of the time you do it and it doesn't work it doesn't work there was a tiktok Have you seen the floating grape one? No. So you run your tap and it's like you get a green grape and you can make the grape float in mid-air. And it's like, oh, it's the water goes in and it creates all the oxygen and the grape and the grape just sits there mid-air as the water streams down from your kitchen tap. What?

And I'm like, this is amazing. I'm going to do this. And I spent like four hours trying to get a grape to float. And then a little bit more digging. And then what you actually do is you tie a little thread of cotton, dangle it from the... That's a trick. And you bamboozle

idiots like me. Yeah, nice. So what you do is you get the white vinegar, coconut oil, rub it over the car scratches and it worked. Did it? It worked. It essentially just creates like a car wax. Yeah, right. over the car scratches, and it worked. Did it? It worked. It essentially just creates like a car wax. Yeah, right. Homemade car wax.

So you're talking like little scratches. Yeah, like you're not, if you've had a head to nose on the southern, don't bother getting, you know, swinging by and getting a bottle of vinegar on the way home. A gouge where the paints come out. You know, like a decent scratch. Generally, the guy was like, if you run your fingernail along the abrasion and your fingernail gets caught, it's like, there's nothing

I can do for you. So it's light stuff. Rub a handbag along the surface of the paint. But yeah, I got rid of it. And it also makes your car smell very sour. Sour paint work. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Talking about hacks that you've seen on TikTok.

You've seen a TikTok hack. I've used YouTube to help prune my apricot tree. Yeah. Sexy content. So bloody, this is sexy content, isn't it? Jeez, we sound like a right cat just to. White vinegar and coconut oil to get rid of very, very light, light scratches on your car.

This is what we were doing on our holiday while Ben Boyce is traveling around America. He's trying to make his way back from the States somehow. Hopefully we'll have him back on the show by 2029. But yeah, Poppy, my daughter, she showed me one. Nutella. So you're at your run of the mill jar of Nutella. You open the lid and it's got the gold seal over the top of the jar. Yeah, for freshness.

Yeah, you're always having to stab or whatever to peel it away. Yeah. But if you look under the lid of Nutella and you flick up the white paper cover under the lid, there's a bloody little knife hidden under there. Is there? Which cuts around the edge of... Because it doesn't peel. Exactly.

Does not peel. Nutella have been keeping that quite a secret. Almost too much of a secret. Like ticking it under the white hidden thing. Like if you're going to put it as a feature, you have to let everyone know that it's a feature. Damn right. Wow.

And also great too if you're at a dinner party and you're down one fork. Hold on guys. Maybe you won't tell. Swing to the dairy. And you've also got a jar of unopened Nutella on you. That will save the day. So, yeah, 800, that's the telephone number.

What has the internet taught you? We're going to kick things off with Katie this morning. Morena, Katie. Hello. Great to have you on the internet. Hello, hello. We learnt yesterday that, what is it, 5.3 billion people use the internet, which means 2.8 billion don't. You're one of the 5.3 that do, and what did it, 5.3 billion people use the internet, which means 2.8 billion don't.

Amazing. You're one of the 5.3 that do, and what did it teach you? So I YouTube how to unclog a blocked washing machine filter. Oh, now that's a big job, grotesque job. Yuck. And? No, it wasn't like dirty, slimy hair stuff. It had been, there were lots of plastic tags that get left on like brand new men's shirts

under the collar. Yeah. So all of those had come off. And I was housewitting at the time. And it was the first, it was like just after I arrived. And it was the first lot of washing I went to do and the machine wasn't draining. And so I looked up what model it was and there was a whole step by step of the exact same model, how to pull it apart, how to get all the stuff out of the filter and then put it

together. So this wasn't even your washing machine? No, but it was, I was going to be at the house for two weeks and I knew, I mean, I could have, like, I could have caught the plumber and they wouldn't have reimbursed me. But I was like, nope, I'm going to put my hands in someone else's gunge. A Kiwi hero. You're amazing. Rolling her sleeves up and getting her hands dirty.

Well, if you need any unclogging to be done, Katie, we'll keep your number. Thank you so much. Appreciate you phoning through. Patrick, morning to you. Morning, mate. How are you? Yeah, good to have you on, Patty. Don't try and bloke up your voice when Patty comes on.

Did you hear that, Patty? He's like, yeah, good day. Patty, mate. Patty, good to have another bloke on. Handy bloke. To be honest, I'm the unhandiest person in the, Paddy, mate. Paddy, good to have another bloke on. Handy bloke. To be honest, I'm the unhandiest person in the world, Paddy, but I'll put on a voice. What did you teach yourself there, big fella?

Oh, a couple of things, actually. First one was the headlights on my Ford Ranger were all fake and discoloured and the wash guy failed them and I rang up to replace them and new ones were over $1,000. The second hand was $5.50. So, jumped on old YouTube and had a nosy round and found a recipe. White vinegar, baking soda and toothpaste. Mixed it together. Scrubbed it on the headlights and took all the shit off them.

Mind the language. Don't mind the language to me, Paddy, mate. I don't care. I don't care. No, you're right. I took the optimization off the headlights and clean them up beauty, so we'd straight through for its warrant, and I do that every, usually once a year.

Wow, wee, that is a great, and be saving your thousands. I did that too on my old Mazda MX-5, Paddy. Yeah. That works. It works. I didn't believe it would work, but I was like, man, I don't want to spend that sort of money on headlights. No, fair enough, Paddy.

Paddy doing it on the Ranger. You doing it on the old MX. Good work. And then another hack I just quickly did was a bit more in depth, but I'm building a V8 HQ Holden, and I wanted to port the heads, and I was sort of a bit nervous about it, and went online, and there was a couple of videos on there, real detailed, showing exactly how to do it. And so I copied it, took them into the engine builder and showed them. And he was like, yeah, that's not bad, man.

Pretty good. Nice. There we go. He ported the heads, Jono. I'm going to pretend I understood at least 40% of what Paddy was saying there, but that's impressive. It's done very handy, Paddy. And thank you so much for phoning through, Patrick.

Do appreciate you listening. Have a good one. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. He got denied wine. Was this in a public setting? So my mum was staying with me last week. And we, excuse me, we went to go to the supermarket. Don't mind Megan.

She's just slowly dying. Slowly. I went to go and get a bottle of wine. And I didn't know prior to this that my license had expired. So when... Hold on. Is this going to be a... Is this another humble brag?

Because I know, you know, you've got an important date approaching soon. Is this going to be another humble brag about... You can say it. It's my birthday week. It's your birthday week. It is my birthday week. Is this a humble brag about how you've been ID'd again? So everyone always doesn't believe me that I get id'd my mum was with me this time my husband

wasn't because he's 10 years younger than me so but everyone's always like it's because you're with a young looking guy he doesn't get id'd a lot of the time so my mum and i uh went to get wine and my life she she ids me and i am going to be 40 this week guys and she looks at the date of birth and she was like oh okay but then she sees my license is expired so and also it expired in January so I have not had a license to the bone I know a very youthful looking bad to the bone motorist but she couldn't give me the wine so what did you get ray you just get Ray Ray to buy it? So then I said, well, my mum's, you know,

like she's quite clearly older than me, no offence, mum, but she wouldn't let her buy it either because then it looked like she was buying something for like a minor, even though my licence says my age. So then you got the child next to you in line, you're like, can you buy this for me?

So it's two oldies, 40 and in her you know later but degrading and also flattering at the same time I was so flattered

but I also just wanted the wine I was like okay well now I'm leaving I have to go somewhere else this is how this is how ram raids start mate

it really is the hits the Jono and Ben podcast a down one Ben Boyce because he is Ben in the USA it and Ben podcast. A down one Ben Boyce because he is... Ben in the USA. It's Ben in the USA. He's stranded, stranded down in the USA.

Thanks to the internet outage. About seven or eight days ago now, the internet outage. Jono loves to bring that up every time. It does really feel like I've really used it to my advantage. I'd love to be home right now, but hey, it's not the worst thing in the world to be here, but I am missing you guys. Are you just talking to us to get out of taking actual leave days? Is this counted as work?

I don't know how that works. How does it work on my annual leave? I'm not sure. I'm still on the show, right? Yeah. I think he's talking to us so that he's got recorded evidence so he can claim this back as a work expense. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Well, I'm still not sure what travel insurance I'm going to pay for. So, hey, you never know. They're like, just keep the receipts, make a claim, keep it as low as possible. Shoot your shot. We'll see. Yeah. I'll tell you what.

Over here, though, the New Zealand accent, you've experienced this before, Jono, the New Zealand accent, very, very hard for anyone to understand. I don't know what, over here though, the New Zealand accent, you've experienced this before, Jono, the New Zealand accent, very, very hard for anyone to understand. I don't know what it is. We're all speaking predominantly English, what I think, but every time I go to say particularly my name, I've had some doozies in the past.

I've had Bin, Bean, N, Dean, Pete, but this time I've had Pin, P-I-N, P-E-N, and Beer. The lady was like, is that like beer, like grizzly beer? I'm like, yeah, whatever, that'll do. And so the other day I got an E-N, and I was like, oh, here we go again. I was like talking to my brother-in-law. I'm like, oh, they get this wrong every time, picking up this drink for E-N. And then this guy comes over and goes, ah, that's my coffee.

That's my name. Maybe they actually haven't been getting your name wrong this whole time. You've just been stealing coffees all over America. That's what I want. What, they keep calling me Shelly? It's so weird. There's some poor guy named Pin or Pin out there. Get a bit scared.

You're like, do I need to put on an American accent? Have you been doing that? But then you're worried you sound like a dick. I can see why people do that when they come overseas. I can't see why people come back from the UK with an accent after six months, but I can see why people do that when they come overseas. I can't see why people come back from the UK with an accent after six months, but I can see why people do try and speak in an American accent just so people understand what the hell you're saying. Okay, well, give us your best American accent.

Oh, God. Ordering a coffee and some hotcakes and some American pie. And what else would they eat over there? And a big old juicy steak. A big old... No, I can't do it. I'm too bad. Do it.

Megan, you do an accent. Well, it's got nothing to do with Megan. She's not stranded in the States. I can understand Megan just fine. I feel like he was going to rock into some sort of sub and he was like, hi, I'm Ben. Order a big juicy steak and some hot apple pie. It's been a series

of awkward moments. I do find as you travel, you've always seen Just because you're overseas doesn't mean you can't, doesn't mean you can just like ignore what I said. Now, we're not going anywhere

until we hear this big juicy steak and hot American pie, hot apple pie order. No, because I sound Southern, that's the thing It's always like, how howdy, you know, you feel like you need to say howdy

and it's not going to happen Alright, we're back with Ben in the USA later on, keep safe over there buddy, stay strong Thanks guys, miss you The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast We've all been a little bit curious and done some silly things when we've been tourists. Yeah, a lot of drunken harkers have probably happened in London that people regret nowadays.

And a lady was having a photo with one of the king's horses. And like you said, next to one of the king's men as well. Yeah, they did warn her. So it's what they call them, bee feeders, right? On top of the horse. Yeah, I don't know what the horse is. The horse isn't a bee feeder though, is it? They still call a horse a horse, I assume?

I think it was outside the Household Cavalry Museum. And she was warned not to get too close, but she cuddled up next to the horse. And the horse bit back. Have a listen. Love the reaction too. My mother would get the same reaction. But it grabbed her. Yeah, it really did. It bit down on the arm and then did like a death roll shake with its head.

I'm like, bruh, personal space, bruh. Always nice to have a horse as grumpy as its owner, too. Have you been bitten by an exotic animal before? A monkey in Thailand, yeah. Yes. Because you go and feed them bananas and they look all cute and everything, but they're really aggressive. Yeah, rabies-laden monkey. And as soon as you run out of bananas, they, like, climb up you and look for more bananas.

They're like, yeah. Closest I've been bitten by one but i was run over by the same bull twice in spain we had to do something for work a fleeting visit through literally went to spain for a day when did you like running at the balls no it was bull jumping so the bulls it's a sport over there the bulls run towards you and then you jump over the bull as it comes underneath you my time my timing was way off timing was way off and the bull was like got me one got me one. Got me one, knocked me over, and then it's like, boom, boom, putting the horns in.

And then the mayor of the town was there as well. We were filming. He's like, you must go again. You must. And I was like, oh, I feel pressured. I feel a little bit bruised. And then two times in a row, bull got me a second time. Are you all right?

Great day for the bull, bad day for me. None from two. Did you get bruised? No. Got a nice little bib, though though presented to me from a mare. Oh, lovely. Tied around like a napkin around my neck. Worth it. It was all worth it indeed. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, I had to break up with someone yesterday and it was tough. You never like breaking up with people, do you? I hope it's not your wife because I don't feel like you shouldn't be here just casually doing the radio show. No, and I feel pretty calm and relaxed about that exercise if it was. So no, it's not her. It was more of a professional breakup.

And probably out of all the professional breakups you could be a part of, one of the easier ones, just an online service. So an online service where you've loaded your credit card in, and I've gone 12, 16 months into this relationship and gone, I am just not using this website yeah it's just like some weird writing website that i pay like 9.99 a month for oh whoa it's a lot a lot so it's it and i don't use it so it's all right time to get out yeah fair enough have you tried to break up with a service an online service it is like trying to

get rid of a stage five clinger. Boy, it's not just canceling, you're done with it. Yeah. You try and let them down gently with, listen, it's not me, it's you. And they're like, have you got any feedback for us? I'm like, oh, listen, just circumstances have changed for me. Yeah. I don't quite require, need you now.

And then they're sure, are you sure? What did we do wrong? What did we do? Can we change it? We'll give you 8.6% points. I don't even know what they are. Off your next payment, next month's payment. Do they offer you a discount on monthly fees?

Yeah, do you want to skip a couple of weeks and come back on and join? Like, they weren't making it easy. It wasn't a simple, this thing's done or not. It took about half an hour back and forth filling out the questionnaires until they sort of come off, they start to come off a little bit desperate, don't they? Yeah. We're like, guys, I've just, even after I pushed

the are you sure you want to cancel button, I pushed it, I was like, damn right I am. And then down the bottom it said, uh-oh, there was another button. Sorry, I didn't mean to cancel. So you could uncancel your cancel if you got the guilts. Have you tried to break up with the gym? No.

It's similar to that. Although it's face-to-face though, isn't it? And then they make you feel bad. They're like, can we encourage you to come back? You know, how often are you coming? You're like, don't ask me that. That's personal. Yeah.

Never. I've never come this far. I'm breaking up with you. Yeah. You've done nothing for me. They make it so hard and then they make you feel bad about not going. Because you didn't give me abs and finely toned pectorals.

Yeah, you didn't keep your part of the bargain. Yeah, I didn't let the team down. How often did you come? What I love too, by the end of it, then I got an email about half an hour later

and it felt really bad. It just said, we're sorry it had to end. We're sorry it had to end. Here's our link if you ever want to pick it up because there we go. Felt like a monster. But you're better off. What are you, our link if you ever want to pick it up again. So there we go. Oh.

Felt like a monster. But you're better off. What are you going to spend that $10 a month on now? Completely better. Exactly. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Megan, what you saw someone do with some oysters?

This was at like a big PR event. And to be fair, the food there was incredible. There was a donut wall. There was multiple cakes. A wall of donuts? Yeah. Can you litter your house with that, like a wallpaper? You could have, yeah.

Ants would start to invade it over the summer months, I imagine. The thing was, the food was so extravagant. No one really wanted to, like no one's going there and hacking into one of the cakes. They look too beautiful. So everything's just kind of standing there. Oh, that's great. Just leave it and then throw it out at the end of the night. Yeah.

That seems like the correct thing to do. A huge amount of food. And you were given a bag, a clear bag with goodies in it. Right. So your little goody bag was clear and plastic. You could reuse it. That's the catch there. But one person decided, this guy, there was a huge seafood section,

which is always wasted on me. and it was wasted on everyone there. You're not a fan of the Kaimoana, are you? Anything under the sea. Why? I don't know. It tastes fishy. Huge fan of Nemo. It's a weird.

Couldn't do it. The Little Mermaid. Why do people like the fishy flavor? It's yucky. You don't like the fishy flavor? Yeah, no. Well, then that's a bit of a collateral if you're eating anything from the ocean. So, yeah, wasted on me.

Yeah. Totally. And there was a huge amount of oysters there. So this guy. That is a respected piece of seafood too, the oysters. Expensive. I don't mind seafood, but the oyster not for me. Yeah.

Bit of mucusy. But there was a huge amount of oysters just sitting there. And so this guy took out everything out of his clear clear bag and filled up in front of all of these guests his clear bag with oysters he filled it up so there's no hiding agriculture and fisheries were standing by going hey there's two that's a past year quota there buddy he felt i i don't even know how many were in there at least 30 well in this bag and so he well then you're in a race against time too. Oysters you need to get them home, you need to get

them cold, refrigerated. You're not heading out to town for the evening with the oysters are you? Yeah and like you could be forgiven if you had a bag and you were hiding things in there. Especially if they're like wrapped goods. But everyone could see he had a bag full of oysters that he'd stolen or taken

from the buffet. Well, someone had stolen them from the ocean in the first place. True. So, I mean, it's not... And they were meant to be eaten. Yeah. Good on him for not being wasted. Exactly. Unlike that untouched cake in their wall of crazy donuts.

So, everyone's just watching him as he saunters off, proud of himself. Chucks them over his shoulder like a... I couldn't have done it. Like Santa Claus. Yeah. What have you fleeced from a party? We'd love to open this this morning. 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text.

I imagine a lot of smuggled road cones, couches. Yeah. I'll have to tell you, if we're going to continue this on, I'll tell you a story about my friend when we were about 19, 20. And someone's ashes. No. Yeah. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

You saw someone kidnap some oysters from an open buffet like a food ninja sweeping on in. But the only flaw in their crime was... A clear plastic bag. But not ashamed. Not ashamed. To be fair, the oysters probably would have gone to waste. There was a lot of food there. But it was just, would you be brazen enough to chuck 30-odd oysters in your bag

and walk out with them? Well, one of the first rules of fleecing is don't have what you've fleeced on display. Yeah. Keep it secret. You know, that's just between you and the oysters. And yuck, like, was he walking home? He still would have had at least half an hour journey home, surely.

Well, Ben, who's not with us at the moment, rest in peace, Ben Boyce. We don't know if we're ever going to see him again. He's lost in America. Oh, yeah. He fleeced a ham from the Warriors once. He went to a Warriors game and there was a ham up the wires and out the hams. Ben Boyce put it in his backpack. A whole ham?

A whole, like a big, you know, Christmas sort of ham. No. There was leftover. Like, it was the end of the night. It had been picked out. It had been cut, carved. And he was like, was like oh there's a good 70 of that ham left oh my god put it in turned his bag into a ham bag and made and he arrived home and like pulled it out like sort of simba from the lion king and held it up to his family i can feed my

family hunted i've hunted and gatherer from a corporate lounge so oh 800 this is what we want to know what your fleece from a party I was just saying before my friend were like

she's what 1920 or something went to I thought you said in 1920 no you're not that old you were 19

slash 20 I was referencing a yarn from 1920. I thought it was a friend of yours. I wasn't going to age shame them. Has life beaten me down that much? Got a friend from 1920. We were aged 19 or 20,

which ironically was in the 1930s. Thank you very much. But we went to this party and he's like, as a joke, he took home this big sort of vase, jar thing. It wasn't big.

It was kind of small, to be honest. Took it back, and then we got it back to his flat, opened it, and there was all this ash in there. And he's like, uh-oh, uh-oh. Woke up the next morning, had the gilts. It was like, I've just taken someone's ashes. And went back over to the person's house, knocked on the door.

She answered. He's like, I'm the door. She answered. He's like, I'm so sorry. This was a stupid thing I did. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Please have it back. And she was looking very confused and said, that's just my ashtray. He's like, where are the cigarette butts?

She's like, I chucked them out the window into the bucket in the water. She's like, I just ash in there. How full was it? It was full. Whoa. It into the bucket in the water. She's like, I just ash in that. How full was it? It was full. Whoa. It was at least three, yeah, it was nearly tipping over the top. I was like, there's a lot of dead person in here right now. It turns out there's a lot of leftover lung cancer, so there we go. Let's go to the phones.

We've got Sarah on. What you smuggled home from a party there, Sarah? What was it, buddy? I took a stool because I had to walk home so if I got tired I could have a rest. That is smart thinking. A stool. How heavy was the stool though? Was it worth it?

Yeah, it was like knee high stools, like a bar stool but a small one. And I kept it in my room for about a year or so. Took your very own stool sample from the party. And I love a full thinking partier as well. You thought, this is a long trek home, I'm going to need a seat at some point.

It was very clever. Yeah. Did you return it? No, I don't actually know what happened to that stool in the end. Oh God, I love that stool. You're not returning it

after a year and a half. I don't want it back. Boy, oh boy, the memories that you and that stool had, hey Sarah, I really appreciate you listening. You're going to have

a wonderful Tuesday, all right matey? You too, see ya. Thank you very you and that stool had, hey, Sarah, I really appreciate you listening. You go and have a wonderful Tuesday, all right, matey? You too, Sarah. Thank you very much. Someone texted in and said, I took around six bottles of red wine and rosé from a work do. That's a good hack. That's just free, isn't it? Yeah, well, anything works free, isn't it?

Yeah. That's what you said when you took home the photocopier last week. Slash theft as a servant. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. It is only a few sleeps until the Olympics starts. Friday, Paris time, but the opening ceremony happens in New Zealand Saturday morning. Really good. As a viewer, and probably speak for a large percentage of the country here too,

you go from zero to 100 at the Olympics. You don't think about the Olympics in between Olympics. Surely the athletes do every day as they train relentlessly to make it to the Olympics. We don't give it a second thought. Then we are all hard, all Olympics for about four weeks. And you get like your favourite sport that you suddenly become an expert in. An expert in like judging, like diving. You're like, oh no, no, no, too much splash.

And then you're like, I don't ever watch roller skating archery for another four years. But then I'll become an expert next Olympics. But looking forward to that. It's always good viewing. And LeBron James holding the flag for the US team. Who's holding our flag? Do we know? Has it been announced? I don't think. It's usually announced at a ceremony at the village, I think. Dear God, I hope it hasn't been announced to us. We're going to look very unprofessional at our jobs. Right now, though, she's professional and she's riddled with a lot of stuff. But mainly riddled.

The riddler. Riddled with charisma. That's it. Producer Taylor. Sure. Welcome, mate. Thank you. You look exhausted.

I am. It's only day two back, so. Tuesdays are the hardest, I reckon. Yeah. Mondays are fine. Mondays you're like, yeah, right, all right, you know, and you've still got your energy from the weekend. Tuesdays you're like, ugh. right, all right, you know, and you've still got your energy from the weekend. I felt like, ah. We came into Monday looking like Harry Styles.

We're going to leave on Friday looking like Biden. Yep. It turns so quickly, doesn't it? I'm already there, I feel. You're teetering. You're sitting on a trumpet about the moment. You'll be Biden by Friday. Yeah, awesome, awesome.

Thanks to Dilma. We've got a huge prize pack up for grabs. $100 prize pack thanks to Dilma. We've got a huge prize pack up for grabs. $100 prize pack, thanks to Dilma. If you can solve the riddle. Now, traditionally, the format is, Taylor, you give us one. Yeah. And it's a great weekly reminder that we are still not fully developed as functioning adults, and we can't get it.

Then you throw one out to the audience. Yep. So I'll give you guys the easy one as per usual. Okay. Ben's usually the one that's best at these. Yeah, he's very good. He's got other stuff on his mind at the moment. All right.

Ask this question all day long, but always get completely different answers. And yet all the answers are correct. What is the question? How are you? No. What's the time? Yes! Oh!

Have I ever? I've never got one. One out of the gate and it just came to you. Wow. Job well done, mate. Job well done. Maybe that's the thing. You don't think too hard.

Just bang. Maybe it's the steroids I'm on. She is on steroids. Performance enhancing. She's jacked up on steroids like a Russian gymnast, a seven-year-old Russian gymnast because of her asthma. That feels good. That was really good. Okay okay so what's the one for the fine listener uh to phone through oh 800 the hits if you know the answer to this i promise i won't give out the answer thank you she'll know she's on steroids we'll drug test her i'll get a urine sample after the show pronounced as one

letter and written with three two letters there are and two only in me. I'm double, I'm single, I'm black, blue and grey. I'm red from both ends and the same either way. She loses me when they go too long. I know, yeah, I thought I had it. Whatever.

Yeah. Go again a bit slower. Pronounced is one letter and written with three. Two letters there are and two only in me. I'm double, I'm single,

I'm black, blue and grey. I'm red from both ends and the same either way. What am I? The phones are going. To be honest, I glazed over

all three. Yeah, she's just so happy with her first one. She's like, doesn't matter. I already look like a legend this morning.

Josh, you're on in Gisborne. How are you today, buddy? Joshua. Oh, we've lost Josh. He got gunshot. Hello. Welcome to the Riddler. What is your name, my friend?

Gavin. Gavin. You've heard the riddle. $100. Dilmar Prize pack up for grabs. What is the answer? It's aye. Dilmar Prize pack up for grabs. What is the answer? It's eye. Correct.

What is it? Eye. How is eye red? E-Y-E. I didn't say red. I didn't say it was a colour red. It's black and... No, black, blue and grey.

What? How is the eye black, blue and grey? I don't know. I didn't write it. I just read it. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. The Biden pulled out of the presidential race.

There's been lots of celebrities coming out to support Kamala Harris. Yeah, she is the current, well, was the current vice president of the US and now wheeled out as Biden wheeled off in a wheelchair, the poor fella. I heard his brother saying, I'm just happy to have him back. That's a full-time job. I know he wasn't kind of all there, but he's still busy. Surely the family were like, guys, pull him out. Surely behind the scenes.

So yeah, Kamala's running. Did you start some rumor about Michelle Obama becoming the vice? No, I didn't start that, but I would love that. That was our boss. He said that they would love her to be her deputy. Oh, was that just our boss making a prediction? I think that's just speculation. Oh, right.

There is rumours that it could be an ex-astronaut from NASA. He's running in one state. Right. They could, yeah, get him on board. He's seen some stuff. It's all up in the air. He's been to space. Yeah.

He's seen it all. So, yeah, see how it goes. Now, it's probably made the election a little bit tougher for Donald Trump I would imagine With Kamala in there That's quite a swing the other way right I tell you what AI it's something that's consumed my life

You're obsessed I am obsessed yeah I see the great in it now Oh do you Yeah You've been very scared of it As you should be I see the great in it now Oh do you? Yeah Okay you've turned a corner You've been very scared of it Yeah well you do worry

As you should be Worry about it taking over a lot of workforce A lot of the workforce And why wouldn't a business go Oh damn I can pay for a machine to do this job For a quarter of the price a human Cheaper More productive

No sick days Exactly Oh god Just all around better. Just all around better. Why wouldn't you? But then I guess you can use it to your advantage. Yeah.

Because everything it knows, we've taught it. And we can teach it and control it. And at this point, we can. Yeah. Yeah. At this point, you're right. Don't start making me worried about it. You know, just.

You turned a corner. Okay, cool. Positives of AI. Fully at peace with it. Yeah. But yeah, I got lost on the internet yesterday. And there's a lot that needs to improve on. You said you saw a ballerina with three legs or something.

Yeah, they were like, this is AI doing ballet. And it was fine until she did like a big split and then a third leg appeared. In the middle. It was almost like AI was like, there's too big a gap there. It needs another one. Maybe she was birthing a twin. Who knows? Maybe, maybe.

Like, you know, when you see a cow come out of somewhere. So it's not, I mean, there's definitely, you know, it's got some improvements. Do you know the worry, though, is yesterday I saw an image of Zendaya getting engaged with Spider-Man. What's his name? Tom Holland. Yeah, the actor. He was proposing on stage in front of heaps of people. Everyone was like, congratulations. I was like, look at the audience.

Their faces are warped. None of those humans look real, but people just believed that it happened. Oh, so someone created that. That's just an AI image. Someone took time out of their day to have a... Tom Holland's not going to propose to Zendaya in front of a crowd.

We all want him to, though. But people just took that as verbatim. That'd be a dream. I'll tell you what I've wanted, is Frank Sinatra, respected crooner, to cover Eminem. That's amazing. And it's a dream come true.

Have a listen to this. If you've ever wanted some classic Sinatra singing some lyrics from an offensive rap artist, well, take a listen to this. It's incredible. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. Mom's spaghetti's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs He keeps on forgetting what he wrote down

The whole crowd goes so loud Somehow it sounds better as a loungy swing song, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Everybody's joking now Clock's run out Time's up Wonder how the Sinatra Estate?

How do they feel about this? You kind of feel like you're expecting a bit of a payday, wouldn't you? Sinatra. Estate. How do they feel about this? You kind of feel like you're expecting a bit of a payday, wouldn't you? It's good, though. It is good. So, yeah. There's almost a bit of booblay in there, I reckon. What a world we live in. When you can manufacture that in a three-legged ballerina.

And Zendaya and Tom Holland getting engaged on stage. And I didn't even know about it. Wow, it's a miracle. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We are down one Ben Boyce who is trying to get back from America after that software update screwed up a bunch of flights. Seems to be taking all week, but he joins us on the phone. Ben Boyce in the USA.

What is wooing in the background there in Florida there, Ben? What? Sorry, I missed you. What did you say? What is going woo in the background? It sounds like you're really struggling over there in the middle of a party or something at the moment. Oh, look, Amanda, the hotel is very 1950s themed that we're at.

Other than that, it's been around since the 1950s. They haven't quite worked it out. It's got like a diner and a bowling alley and it's actually quite cool. Have they just kept the decor from the 50s? Or is this

the theme they've gone for? I'm not sure. I like that. If you ride something out long enough, eventually it becomes a theme. Yeah, well, they've got music playing over the loudspeakers and it's a very short rotate of the same sort of songs from the 1950s. But anyway, we're enjoying it. Sorry, where did you say you are?

Well, here we go. We're in the USA. Yeah, stranded in the USA thanks to the global financial crisis or something, the stock market. What happened? Software update. We're bad. Yeah, like someone didn't shut down the computer or something.

I have a shoes, as we know, Manny McLean, who we work with. I share a computer in the afternoons and I don't log out, so maybe it's something I did at my end. I'm not sure. Yeah, so thanks to an internet outage, he's not been able to get back until – not going to be back on air here until Thursday, but a big day of travel ahead, Ben.

Yes, we're heading tomorrow, our time, all going well, getting out of Orlando, going to Atlanta. We'll see the airport for about four and a half hours, and then we'll go from Atlanta to Los Angeles and then see the airport there for about five and a half hours, and then we'll go from Atlanta to Los Angeles and then see the airport there for about five and a half hours. Nice. And then all going well, get on a flight back to Auckland. And we'll be with you guys in the studio while all going well.

I mean, who knows? I might get to the end of Wednesday's show, but at the rate things are going, not great. All going well. I love how he keeps saying all going well. Well, at the moment, yeah, I'm definitely not banking on anything happening, but, you know, I thought I had a few dramas,

but then Joe Biden, you know, his news pulling out, that's really overshadowed my news at the moment. Yeah. It's stuck in the USA. Well, can I tell you, like, before, because, you know, you were like, Joe Biden's pulled out, can you go around and talk to some people? And I'm like, yeah, I can do that.

So I went around, went up to people. I'm from a radio station in New Zealand. Can I talk about the president pulling out, all that sort of stuff? People were on vacation. Half of them were tourists. The rest of them were from America. They don't want to talk about politics. One lady in particular, she was like, I'm on my vacation with my family.

I prefer not to. She walked off and I was like, oh, man, I feel really bad that I've just harassed this poor lady. And I said to my wife, I said to Amanda, I was like, I feel bad. I had to do this for work. I feel really bad. And Amanda said, oh, look, the good news is you'll never see her again. 20 minutes later, I sat down at the pool.

20 minutes later, who should sit next to me? She's like, hello, hello, my political friend. How's it going? I'm like, oh, my God. Well, she can't be that pissed. She decided to sit down by you. I would have hoarded you like the plague. Well, there was no other seats.

And then I had to explain that. Well, I thought, we're not a political show. We don't really talk about politics. We just thought it would be a fun thing. And the guys in New Zealand made me do it. And she was like, oh, I get it. But she's like, we just want a break from politics. Still no comment.

Yeah, still no comment. But anyway, she was lovely, but still no comment. So I did try. I did try. But I did get you the hot fire political content that you wanted. Yeah, that really sums up our job, doesn't it? Just harassing people. I even got my wife Amanda.

I was like, oh, maybe it's better coming from a female. I was like, can you go up and ask some people? Oh got my wife Amanda I was like Oh maybe it's better Coming from a female I was like Can you go up And ask some people Oh my god Ben You do it You do my job for me And she was like

Yeah I'm getting The same response as you So anyway It was nice I appreciate the commitment