Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: Producer Tayla flirts with a caller!?

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY Are these red flags? Ben hates when Amanda does this! We chat to Emma Timmis while on her treadmill! Shortest time at a job! Kicked out of a cafe! We turn our Mundane texts sexy... Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: TheHitsBreakfastSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This John O'Bent Podcast brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts in tastes that Kiwis love. Three tickets still remained unclaimed in the lotto's draw from the weekend. Seven million dollars for three people still going begging. It really astonishes me that people have either forgotten they bought them or they thought, oh, I've never won so I won't check it. I still haven't checked my tickets for the weekend. It could be you. No, I'm not. I haven't gone to the locations that have won the $7 million.

But yeah, sometimes I do that. I just wait like 12 months. And the locations have been pretty well publicised. Yeah, exactly. I would have thought if I'd gone to those, I would have checked. If they don't want them, I'll have them. Yeah, you take them, mate. Yeah.

Looking good today. I've got a leather shirt on today, Megan. Thanks. Passion update. You know how they do the fit check of all the sports stars when they walk into the stadiums? We should do that with Megan every morning. Nice leather top today. Not very breathable leather, I find.

No, it's definitely a winter shirt. Yeah. How often are you wearing leather? I bought some leather pants from him years ago. Oh, years ago, yeah. Huge mistake. Have you still got them? No.

Oh, damn. Huge mistake. You know how Taylor Swift had her era? Oh, I had my leather pants here. I think I wore them once. Jesus, it took about two weeks to peel them off. Nightmare of a fabric. But Alex Rodriguez, he's a former New York Yankees baseball player.

Baseball player. I think he was with Jennifer Lopez for a while. Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz as well. Yeah, he's got a lot of famous faces. He's on one of the Memphis Timberwolves, the basketball team at the moment too. Well, he's one of the owners. He is one of the owners.

Oh, right. Well, listen, this just popped up in my Instagram feed about two minutes ago. And I was like, given all our ages, where we're heading in life, we wouldn't find a more inspirational piece of audio right now from A-Rod, from Alex Rodriguez. Have a listen. A 50-year-old is heading in life, we wouldn't find a more inspirational piece of audio right now from

A-Rod, from Alex Rodriguez. Have a listen. A 50-year-old is 2x more likely to succeed than someone that's 30. Age is not your barrier. Your mindset is. And it's never too late. To give you a few examples, Michael Bloomberg got fired at 39. He started Bloomberg business shortly after. 15 years later, he was a billionaire. Today he's 82 and worth $106 billion. He started at the age of 40, okay? You look at Henry Ford. He launched a T-model at age 45.

You look at Warren Buffett, who's 93 years old, like 93 years old, worth $130 billion. He made 99% of his net worth after his 50th birthday. And this is my favorite one, last one. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Colonel Sanders opened his first Kentucky Fried Chicken at the age of 65 and failed. And then he collected his social security money and then started franchising.

And the rest is history. So here's my message. Get up, get going, never give up, and it's never too late. Thank you, A-Rod. Isn't that inspiring? The music, the bloody, oh my God, Colonel Sanders, 65.

Except all the examples were dudes. I don't know, women after the age of 50. We get told we're going to seed. Yeah, no, it's a very good point, Megan. John's like, yes, I was admiring out there when I listened to Joe Rogan. It's all looking good for the white male, mate. Yeah, yeah. Apart from that wee tidbit.

Oh, well, I'll try and find something inspirational for you. Yeah. Good year. That would be really nice. Here's a list of successful old white guys. Thanks for your list of that. Although, hey, well, it's not white. No, there we go.

No, but he's talking about other successful people. He's Hispanic. Oh, my God. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Travis Kelsey in a relationship with Taylor Swift, a famous footballer, washes his feet sometimes. We've learned this way. Those are some of the things we know.

Well, another thing we know too is Megan, in no way connected or tied to Taylor Swift, is every time we mention Travis Kelsey, she's like, hmm. You know, she's that friend who's like the disapproving friend. Is he good enough for you? You've kind of said that multiple times. Okay, so I was totally on board initially, but then I feel like there's been a couple of red flags.

One of them being with the Super Bowl when he got really aggressive to his coach. Yeah, he did. He did, and he later did apologise to it, but that's not saying he got quite aggressive. Yeah, he got right in his face. At the end of the moment, he did he did and he later did apologize to it but that's not uh saying he didn't he got quite aggressive yeah he got right at the moment he did got he got angry yeah but but not being put back on the field let's blame that on the steroids roid rage it's a thing yeah but that's why he's so good at football but they have that relationship again not making excuses they do have that relationship and the coach the coach was fine he was fine afterwards he said he apologized but yeah okay but then ben you were just having a little discussion off here

you're like sports not real life no like it happens in real life but i feel like you can get away with stuff in sport that you can't get away with on the street you know someone gets your parking ticket you're not gonna be punching you but you know get down for assault i did it once to the parking ward apparently it's not okay and again i'm not saying it's okay in sport, but you sort of need to look at it under a different microscope, I feel. But should we be? Because he's a role model to younger people and he's showing them that that's okay.

That you can treat your coach like that. And in sport that's okay. But is it? It's a very good debate. Punch-ups are great for fans. Everyone's nodding. Everyone's like, we love a bit of Biffo, don't we? Yeah, it's the heat of the moment. It does feel like,

but again, I don't know. Bifo in the streets is a little confronting, but on the sports field, it seems a bit more palatable. Yeah, but again, you're right. It's a conversation for another day. Is that right?

Yeah. So that was an initial red flag for me. I was like, oh, a little bit aggressive. And then his big bender was an issue too, wasn't it for you? His three-week bender.

He was just drunk for like three weeks. Again, he won the Super Bowl. I mean, he won the won the super bowl but like he's 34 kind of guy celebrate a couple of nights out with the team okay yeah um so this is i'm clearly not the only one that's on a bit of a hunt because this interview i need to defend him he's not my mate i don't know i feel like he could be my mate but no i just thought this was interesting and so did the interview. Don't worry, you and Travis Kelsey are never going to be mates. No, but you know what I mean? I feel like he's one of those friends who go, he's alright, he's a good guy.

Let me hang out with him. Just go for a couple of beers. Let me just put this out there and see what you think. So this is an interview from six years ago. Oh, six years ago. Shut up. He was 28? He's not like a spring chicken. Yeah, he's the stuff I was saying when I was 28. Six days ago he was saying cancer ball stuff, Jono.

Well, don't get me started on Jono. I've had a chicken history, but let's not go back six years. So he was 28 six years ago. I go and watch What Happens Live, and they asked him questions about his dating life. And one in particular has people going, that's weird. Yeah.

Is it a deal breaker if a girl won't sleep with you after the third date the third date i feel like that's like the that's the breaker right there's three dates that's like if you don't have the third date that that's it you i mean i want to i want to say a deal breaker but i mean it's like it's like what did your mother put some questions in there He backtracked You know he said Yeah it's a deal breaker And then he was like Oh that didn't sit well

It's not a deal breaker It's not a deal breaker But you know The first and second date It's like the third date Come on What was the extended version Of that clip?

What's his point? He goes on to mention More intimate details Oh really? Intimate things That if a woman won't do Would be a deal breaker okay so was that a flag for you yeah i think so because even let's just say he thought that white don't

say on tv to the whole public you know like have a bit of have a bit of listen can we do you mind if we check this out there okay what's the one red flag for you? You're meeting someone or you've maybe met someone and they've done one thing and you're like, I cannot continue this on any further. I know you're a big one about the service industry, aren't you? If you're on a date.

If you're on a date and someone drops off meals and stuff and they don't say thank you or acknowledge them, I think that's kind of... They're gone. They're gone. You're not pursuing any further.

Yeah, it's how they treat the people around you. What's your red flag? What's your deal breaker when it comes to relationships? Maybe you've ended a relationship because of it, because they yelled at the coach. During the Super Bowl final. The big final of the Super Bowl.

And then went out on a four-day bender after winning the Super Bowl. Maybe that's happened. Maybe it hasn't. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Megan Pappers trying to take down Travis Kelsey. I'm not. I'm just pointing out that there's a couple of red flags that has me wary of

him. Always looking at the glass half-tinted down. She deserves the best. She's had a lot of frogs. Okay, so we go through the red flags. Number one was yelling at his coach during the Super Bowl. He did apologize. He did say he overstepped the mark. So yes, he would agree he overstepped the mark. So yes, he would agree

he overstepped the mark. He apologized. Number two, his monumental three-week bender after winning the Super Bowl, singing, Viva Las Vegas. Even that shot of Taylor

when he was singing, even she got the ick a little bit. She was like, oh, can you stop? I think there was one award ceremony where a lip singer saw that she was like oh not again she literally said not again and and now you've found a third one you've delved

back six years into the archive into the vault where he was asked is it a deal breaker if the female won't sleep with you on the third date have a listen is it a deal breaker if a girl won't sleep with you after the third date the third date? I feel like that's like the that's the breaker right there's Three dates. That's like Third date that that's it. I mean I want to I want to say a deal breaker, but I mean it's like it's like They didn't say yeah, he just put some questions in there. Hey didn't say it was a deal breaker He did this is the breaking. That's the breaking point, I guess, is probably.

Are you on the Kelsey payroll or something? I'm just trying to balance things out at the moment. I feel like this poor guy's getting bloody attacked for very minor things in the grand scheme of things. I'm just playing the beta one, he says. He hasn't gone out and cheated on anyone. Oh, no. Like I say, I've said, go back to my archives, mate. Ten times worse.

I'm not saying you're defending Puff Daddy or anything like that. Oh, no. Like I say, I've said, go back to my archives, mate. Ten times worse. I'm not saying you're defending Puff Daddy or anything like that. Oh, no. I don't think there's a line. He was just a guy who wanted to host a party for some people. With some cameras. Now, someone's texted, Megan, you're so right. Travis has something off about him.

Women's intuition. We've judged this man's character. Never met him. I said, then if she goes on to say he's a bit of a show pony we don't like that in New Zealand I like that a bit more but they seem to get

cut down in New Zealand okay so we're talking your red flags this morning the one thing which you can't move forward in a relationship with you clicking at fingers at waiters

yeah or not saying thank you when people like drop your food off yeah Ben you said if you were going to get back in the dating game which I hadn't planned to do, but you know.

Your family will be happy about that news. I don't like people that comment unnecessarily. Mean comments on the internet. Trolls. People just weigh in with stuff that's horrible. It's like you don't need to comment. So before you go and physically date someone, you'll just go back through their stuff comments.

Oh, they've been commenting on this. What if they've been saying nice this. What have they been saying? Nice things on the internet. Oh, nice things. Fine. Positive's all good. Yeah. Keep it up, Puff Daddy. Okay.

Depends who they're saying positive stuff to. Love what you're doing. Love what you're doing, Putin. Yeah. Hosking, I agree with everything. I vote act. Stuff like that. Yeah, okay.

Let's go the course. Okay, Prue, we'll get you on. What's your deal breaker? Hi. My deal breaker is body shaming. Yeah. So like a partner who's commenting on other people's bodies? Or even your own. Yeah, right.

Well, that is a deal breaker. You don't want anyone saying negative stuff about your body, do you? Absolutely not. Well, I can only say positive things about your body, Prue. Would you like me to No just don't Maybe don't Yeah that's a good one Prue

Have you had this before Prue? Yes Oh and what happened? Did you leave them? She kicked them to the ground Yep absolutely Oh good on ya Good on ya

Yeah Here we go Yeah let's get Ash on Your red flag Ash Hi So my red flag Is when someone is enforcing their religion onto you and expecting you to follow that religion. Oh, yeah.

You shouldn't have to change your fundamental beliefs for someone unless you want to. That's fair enough. Katie Holmes said that about Scientology, didn't she? You're right. You're your own person. Someone's texted in here as well. My red flag is how they treat animals and how animals

respond. Yes. So like if you've got a dog and they meet your new boyfriend or whatever and they're not keen or growl, you're like, like well what are they saying that i'm not they have good like intuition animal instinct so yeah okay so the big dog fan on the show louis uh producer taylor's little dog let's just say you and marcello were starting again yeah marcello comes over for a date night yeah you've got louis he starts getting all right

as louis does gets a bit it gets his back up i to say you're going to need to step it up my house, mate. Oh, he's gone. Deal breaker. Absolutely deal breaker. Dogs pick up on vibes. They know I've had ghost sightings in my house because Louis has been able to see them. Like, honestly, they can tell you things you aren't even aware of yet

and then later down history will prove itself, mate. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Red flags. Megan, you don't like it when people click at waiters. Yeah, or just rude to, like, wait staff. Ben don't like it when people click at waiters. Yeah, or just rude to wait staff. Ben doesn't like it when people write mean things on the internet. No, I don't like that.

So Marco, what is it for you? Your red flag. Anything supernatural. Or when someone asks me, what's your star sign? That's it. Over. Oh, well, you and producer Taylor, you could never be. Taylor, this is who you are.

I know, the two things you just mentioned Marco, are like the two pillars for me of a successful relationship. Well, good on ya. He's like, well you're not for me then. So Marcelo, is he big on star signs or just tolerates it for you? Yeah, he hates all that stuff but he knows a lot about it because of me. Yeah, right. And what is he? What's his star sign?

He's an Aquarius. I'm a Sagittarius. We're both very compatible. I actually checked into that before we pursued any further along. And what are the traits of an Aquarius? Stubborn, organized, but level-headed, very determined. So, you know, good and bad. Do you know what the worst one is, Marco? She's goes, do you know what the worst one is, Marco?

She's like, do you know what the worst one is? It's a Scorpio. All Scorpios are, and you can pretty much figure out what she said after that. A word we can't say on radio. And then she's like, is anyone here a Scorpio? And I'm like, well, I'm a Scorpio. If you're talking to a room...

You've got to ask first before you say how bad it is. Yeah, that's right. A room full of five people, the averages are, someone's going to be a Scorpio. And what first before you say how bad it is. Yeah, that's right. A room full of five people. The average is us. Someone's going to be a Scorpio. And what did I say? I rest my case. So you need to ask Marco what he is. Yeah, Marco, do you know what you are?

If you don't, just tell me your birthday. Well, I do. I do because I like to make fun of it. Like a group of friends all the way back from high school were all Capricorns and were still best mates. And apparently Capricorns don't get along. Oh, with each other? Yeah.

Oh, well, my mum and dad are both Capricorns, and they're very nice people. They do have their days. Capricorns are great. Yeah, I'd put you in that basket because I'm vibing you right now, but yeah. Marco, it sounds like you're coming across to the star sign, team mate. Actually, Sagittarians and Capricorns, very good relationships.

Oh, there you go. Yeah, we're all zoning out too, mate. It's fun. I can't see my eyes at the moment, but it's good. Good on you, Marco. Hey, thanks for listening. All right. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

My wife and I have been trying to get into walking together, having a bit of time together, walk the dog from time to time. But I find it a frustrating experience a lot of the time because my wife can't walk past any trash, any rubbish, without picking it up. This is not even ours. She's a tidy Kiwi. Which is great. It's great.

And I do appreciate it. You admire that. But we walk along, there's like a little boardwalk through some sort of swampy marshland, a little boardwalk through some sort of, you know, swampy sort of marsh and there's a little bit of bush near our house, not much,

and she's walking off the track, she's off to you there, she's like, what's rubbish everywhere? She's picking up my, mate, it's got to be a limit. You're like,

come on, the pukeko, some pukeko or kakapo will eat that chip bag up, okay? No, she's worried and it's a lovely thing

but it's like walking with, That's a big commitment from her, like surely directly in your path you're like, okay. That's all I get but then she's worried and it's a lovely thing but it's like walking with it's a big commitment from her like surely directly in your path you're like okay that's all I get but then she's like I've seen this over there

I need to get that now you're like oh there's a lime scooter been thrown I'm like Jesus into the marsh you're like alright

Chloe Swarbrick let's keep walking the dog one time we up north we did it you know and we were staying

next to my mum's place we walked quite away it was about 5km into town and she ended up getting a bag and filling it up and it's sad there's so much rubbish just people just dump out they're just throwing out the window of cars and stuff she filled up this whole bag and then we're like what do we do with it and we were like oh there's a dump there's a rubbish station up ahead but it was closed and then so you dumped it in the waterway well you were like what do we do and so i she was like you throw it over the top i was like i threw it over the top and then the guy comes out you can't dump your rubbish

and i was like oh no we picked it up you can't just throw it over the top mate do it like everyone else put it in the parks put in the streams and the rivers and also i know we've picked up my wife's been picking it up on the thing and it didn't look like that happened it just looked like i just come down here and i was like yeah bloody the rubbish over the top but and it didn't look like that happened. It just looked like I just come down here, and I was like, look at the rubbish over the top. There is an extraordinary, like when you drive on a road trip or whatever, you look on the side of the state highway. There's an extraordinary amount of rubbish that's dumped on the highway.

You're like, who's driven halfway to Mount Ruapehu and decided to throw their couch out the window? I know. It is sad. It is sad. It's just people. You could be driving behind people, and you see it fly out the window, right? I always tote if I see that. I know. It is sad. It is sad. They just, it's just people, you could be driving behind people and you see it fly out the window,

right? So I think. I always toot if I see that. Oh do you? Yeah. Because I'm like, oi, dick.

What's allowed? How hard is it to hold your like rubbish in the car until you stop? Are we allowed to allow anything? Well,

I used to throw out apple cores and then people told me it attracts rats and stuff. Oh, does it? I don't know. It's like, oh dear God.

Because I haven't been doing that. No, I don't throw out rubbish. Rats also need to eat though, so whatever. I thought that maybe apple corn might be quite degradable. Yeah, exactly.

Are you wanting to know what rubbish is okay to drink? Yeah. None. None. And my wife will pick it all up. Banana skin? Well, I don't know.

Would that feed the rats? And that takes ages to break down, doesn't it? So maybe it's best we just put them in the right places. Although there are no bins around anywhere around the country anymore because of the councils. That's the thing though. Take all the bins away.

There's many places where like, we're a rubbish-free zone. Oh, yeah. And you're like, well, where do we put all the rubbish then? Why don't you just take it home with you? Where's all the rubbish? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Emma Timmons is someone we've spoken to a few times on the show. Amazing, amazing runner and person. She ran across Africa. She ran the length of New Zealand, and now she's in the middle of a new world record attempt trying to run the greatest distance on a treadmill for a female over the course of one week. Started Sunday morning. So having to average, I think we figured it out when we spoke to her the other day, 120

odd Ks a day, and they are odd Ks. A lot of them. Emma, you're still running. Yes, I am. Well, I'm actually walking now. Talking to you is a nice excuse for me to walk for a few minutes. Okay, we've dialed it back a bit. I feel guilty. I feel kind of guilty that we've slowed you down. How has it been over the last few days? The last few days has been an absolutely wild ride. To be honest, if you'd exposed me a couple of days and asked if I would still be on the treadmill now,

there's a high chance I would have said no. There was sleep deprivation for a long time, and then I started vomiting, and then I wasn't able to keep food down. It's just been really hard. Because you have, we've mentioned it before, run across Africa.

Are you finding this more difficult than running Africa? Absolutely. Like, this challenge has just thrown everything at me so far. Today is probably the best I've felt so far, and we're on day four. Sheesh. So how are you keeping, like, you've obviously got, as Jono said, trying to get an average of 119 kilometres a day. Where are you at with that? I think we're just about on target, actually.

Yeah, so we're nearly at, so it'll be, three days will be 360, and we should get there before nine o'clock this morning, which will be the end of day three. How do you get enough in? Like, are you having to eat while you're on the treadmill? Because you're obviously just constantly burning calories, and you need energy. Yeah. Well, this was the problem these couple of days while I wasn't able to eat, is I wasn't getting the energy in. So now I've got to try and backtrack and fill those gaps, get the calories in.

So how much are you sleeping? Like, how much are you allowing yourself to sleep each day? I've given myself six hours to sleep, but the first night I only managed to actually sleep for two hours. So that's also a challenge. Yeah. Jeez, it's insane when you mention how long you're doing it for. And I guess running on a treadmill can be excruciatingly boring.

Give me 20 minutes and, you know, mentally I'm lost on it. And I guess running across Africa, you've got stuff to look at. You've got the cast of The Lion King to look at, don't you, when you're running across Africa? What's keeping you entertained on a treadmill? Oh, I mean, inside my head is completely bonkers, so there's always entertainment in there. I listen to podcasts and then there's just been so many lovely people

that have come down. Yesterday a load of people from the Speed Freaks came down, which is the charity I'm raising money for, and they were all wearing fancy dress, and we did, like, a crossword between a whole lot of us. And, you know, people are just kind of chipping in and helping out. I was reading on your website before that when you were running things like now, you're running 100km a day, you focus on just one kilometre, you know,

because if you focus on the 99 ahead it becomes such a huge thing in your mind is that what you're still doing at the moment absolutely even smaller i switch between looking at the kilometers and looking at the time and sometimes just watching one second tick over feels like a week yeah and so running the 119 a day like how long does that take you? Well, so, I mean, yesterday was a complete disaster and I actually wasn't even able to run for the first part because I had such bad stomach problems. So I walked for about eight hours yesterday morning

and then ran for the rest of the night. So I actually only did 100km yesterday and that took me from 5am until 10pm. Wow. So you'll be running or walking all day until what, sort of 8 or 9 tonight? All going well? 10 probably. I've got a little bit of catching up to do.

So the goal every day is to be on the treadmill until 10. And then have a quick shower, eat, and massage, and then bed. And then try and turn your brain off to go to sleep, which I imagine is an impossible task. Oh, completely. So hard. Emma, we're right behind you. We wish you all the best.

Amazing what you've done so far, and to continue doing it under those circumstances is incredible. So keep it up. Hang in there. Thank you so much. Good on you, Emma. Thank you. I tell you what, we should put up the link if you want to follow Emma's journey.

We'll put that up on the Hits Breakfast social media. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I don't want to say that I'll never do this because I haven't reached that age with my kids, but a friend of mine has got school-age children and she has pretended

to be Catholic for a few months to get a letter, which would then get her children into a pretty good Catholic school. She's gone for the plastic Catholic option. The plastic Catholic. Plastic Catholic. So she's, what, done four hard months at the church? Yeah.

She said it was about three or four months. And then they got a letter. He's always like, you just pretend to be. Because it was a period where you definitely went to church. You'll go to church. And then you haven't been since without going for a thing for the school. So I'm like, you definitely were doing that. Where is church?

Church is in your heart. Well, it's also a place you go every week. Jesus lives in your heart. That's fine. You do what you want to do. But it was definitely a period there. There's a lot of nefarious people I know that are like, I'm Catholic.

I'm like, hmm. Listen, so now she's done her time. She's ghosted the church harder than Jesus on Good Friday. Yeah, they haven't, they got the letter and then just haven't been back. So the kids got accepted in school. They got what they needed

and she's moved on and now Jesus is just in her heart. Yeah, well, is there a level of guilt there? You can't leave the gang. Once you join the gang, you're in the gang, bro. Doesn't seem like there's a lot of guilt. Again, I didn't want to say that I would never do that

because I don't want to be called a hypocrite later in life. But she's not remorseful. She's not remorseful. One of the good things about being a Catholic is you can be forgiven for your sins. So she can go in this morning and go, Hey guys, sorry I made a mistake. They. Well, the good thing about being a Catholic is you can be forgiven for your sins. Right. So she can go in this morning and go, hey, guys, sorry, made a mistake. They're like, oh, chill, bro. We all chill here in the Catholic Church.

There's rosary beads and – I shouldn't say that because I've been saying that as just filler banter on our radio show for years, Ben, that Catholics get forgiven for anything they do. And then my friend was having to get their baby baptized and they had to do a course. And one of the talking points of the course was, on the radio old numbnuts says that Catholics get forgiven. They say it all the time. And they're like, now is this

do you think this is appropriate to put this out on public? It was a talking point in this course. What, you specifically? Yeah. That I say you can do anything you want and be forgiven for it if you go to church. It's not like a get-out-of-jail-free card

from Monopoly, is it? No, I became a toy boy. Obviously, sarcasm is something that they're not going to quite wrap their head around just yet at this course. But yeah, so hopefully I'll be forgiven for this. We'll find out. Obviously not.

Maybe not. So 800, that's four months in the church. Yeah. Can we find a shorter time at any club, job, or organization? Oh, yeah. Well, you're in and out. I imagine people just go to the gym. They go turn up once and like, this is not for me.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Shortest time you basically signed up for something and then didn't carry on your friend Megan? So they have joined the Catholic Church for like three or four months to get the letter and then get their kids into a good Catholic school but they're no longer going to the church.

Listen, as a Catholic, we're very forgiving people. You can't keep saying that because obviously they don't back up everything you're saying. As long as she's not like practicing Satanist now, all will be fine. No. No.

We're pretty chill. We're pretty chill. Have you been tied up with anything for a short period of time? When I came, you know, early days living in Auckland, you know, young and 20s, we signed up, mates and I, to the Lawn Bowls Club. A Lawn Bowls Club. We signed up.

It was cheap membership. The drinks were incredible. We got into it. It was Friday night. We're going along. We're A Lawn Bowls Club. We signed up. It was a cheap membership. The drinks were incredible. We got onto it. It was Friday night. We're going along. We're like, we have cracked it. This is amazing. And the newspaper, the Herald came and did an article on us. Young people joining the club. We all get a photo. Signed up. We're like, this is us for life. You are the youth

ambassadors for Lawn Bowls. And we loved it. But then the next year, for some reason, we didn't go back. It was one and done. And I don't know why. This is us for life. I don't know why. We had a poster child, articles, everything.

We were like, take all these amazing things about the lawn bowls and how it is. You know, we're like, we've got another 60 years of playing this game. We'll be here every week. Lawn bowls are like, they said they'd come back. They're still waiting for you. I think it's been changed to apartments now, that club. It's gone. But yeah, so there you go.

It was a year. At least we got it off. Who are these show ponies? Or a summer. I know. One summer. Had articles written on them. I know.

We've been bowling for 89 years and never had an article. That's hilarious. So your shortest time in an event, club, job, whatever. Martin, we're going to kick it off with you. What was the duration of time you spent? Oh, I would say not even half an hour. Oh, okay. Where was it?

We won some movie tickets for a radio station. Lovely Brad Pitt movie called Ad Astra. Oh, yeah. It's the place of time in the world, by the way. Yeah, we sat down, and I think as soon as the Coke and popcorn was finished, we sort of stood up and snuck

out. It was the biggest snore fest you've ever had. So how do you know you didn't see the end? Maybe it picked up. Have you seen the Rotten Tomato reviews on it? No. Let's have a look on Rotten Tomato. Oh yeah, not favourable on Rotten Tomatoes. No, no. It was a big pile of steaming.

Now, what radio station punished you with these tickets? Surely not the hits. Morefm. Champagne Morefm. Sending all their fans along to movies that bores them to tears. Seen it before, we'll see it again from them. Yeah, you're right, something they definitely do. That's what they do.

Trademark more FM stuff. All right, Martin, go and have a great day. In fact, do you want to go to a movie? Do you want to go to a movie, Martin? Yeah, definitely. But we don't have any tickets. I was going to say, what are you offering? At least more FM's got tickets.

But you can. You can go to any movie you want. But you guys do have Hell's Pizza. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's key. I'll get myself a pizza. There you can. You can go to any movie you want. But you guys do have Hell's Pizza. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's key. I'll get myself a pizza. There you go. Don't know why I said that.

Todd, welcome. Your shortest time at a club, event, organisation. Oh, sorry, Paul. Sorry, your shortest time at an organisation or event there, mate. Yeah, I had a job for an hour at a government department. An hour? What happened? You didn't get fired after an hour, did you?

No, I got another phone call for another job I'd applied for and I said, yeah, I'll take that one. So how did you deliver this news to your new bosses? I sort of called them as I said, look, I'm going to have to resign because I just got a phone call

and somebody's offered me a better job. Wow. How'd they tell that? So it's got a better offer. Yeah, pretty good, actually. But I still had to fill out the tax forms and everything like that. For the hours of work you did. Sorry?

Did they pay you for the hours of work? Yeah, yeah, they did pay me. Oh, there we go. Government departments, hey, they'll dot the I's and cross the T's. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. First day of field days. Field days. Field days.

Mystery Creek and Hamilton, Farmageddon as we like to call it. It's an amazing time. It's on till Saturday. Traffic apparently at a standstill heading in there. Blair from the Hits in Waikato is going to be around there all day. And fieldies. Fieldies. You know how a lot cooler shows, they have little catchphrases and slogans.

That could be yours. Maybe that could be mine. Fieldies. Fieldies. I don't know what it means or what context you use it in. Just talking about the shortest amount of time you spend in an organisation or club or job or whatever. Some great texts coming through here. My friend's brother got fired after three hours at a fish and chip shop because they couldn't fold the paper properly.

Oh, really? You feel like they've given him a bit more time to learn it. Yeah, like teach him better then. Train him. Show him what he's doing now. I mean, it is an art to fold it correctly. No patience there for the fish and chip proprietor, obviously. Danelle, you're on.

Welcome. How are you? Hello, Donnell. Oh, hello. Sorry. No one ever apologises on this show, okay? Oh, okay.

Well, yeah. It's our only rule. I was probably about 13 or 14. Went to what they called a Y1 concert, which was a Christian concert. At the end of the concert, they told you if you didn't repent, you were going downstairs.

Right. Seems like a fair solution. Yeah, a couple of hours. Told them I had to go and they hounded me for the next day or so. Yeah, next day. Saying I was going downstairs. Told you you were going to hell.

And, well, you are in hell right now. You're on the hits. Breakfast with Jono, Ben and Megan. This is what they were talking about. I'm listening to the station, so it's okay. Oh, hey, well, two hours. There you go. Two hours at a concert. Going to talk about the shortest time with Gary. Actually, maybe she can literally go to hell. We'll give her a pizza.

Hell pizza. There you go. They were right all along, too. Yeah, maybe she can literally go to hell. We'll give her a pizza. Hell pizza. Oh, nice. That's what they were talking about. Good on you, Danelle. And good on you too, Ben Boyce, for that wonderful client integration. Gary, you're on. Welcome. G'day. How are you going? Yeah, good, thank you.

Shortest time at? A school. Okay, how long? Three days. I didn't get expelled or anything. It was years ago, you had school fee, and I passed school fee maths, and I didn't want to do it again, so I changed schools.

But it was such a hassle and too hard, so I went back to the old school. This isn't for me. That's a high-impact three days from Gary there at school. Oh, yeah, it was a pain getting the bus and all that sort of thing. And, yeah, I thought I was doing the right thing, but no. So I went back to the old school and sat school seeing. Oh, it was only maths again.

Please tell me they're like, look who's come crawling back here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're back. Yeah, Gary, that's one. Three days at the school. That's brilliant. We'll get Keith on. Shortest time in a job. We understand, Keith. Yeah, good, that's one. Three days at the school, that's brilliant. We'll get Keith on. Shortest time in a job, we understand, Keith.

Yeah, good morning, Tim. Yeah, I joined a business many moons ago, and on day two, they wanted us to sign up to a two-year contract, and I really wasn't that keen on the role at the time. So day three, I went in and resigned, and a few weeks later, I got a month's pay in the bank, and I thought, oh, that's very nice. You know, they obviously pay you for a month if you've been, and a few weeks later, I got a month's pay in the bank, and I thought, oh, that's very nice, but, you know,

they obviously pay you for a month if you've been there for a few days. That makes no accounting sense, but yes. Lo and behold, the following month, the same thing happened again. I thought, well, I haven't even been there, so I got a hold of them and said, look, I've been paid and what have you,

and they said they'd sort it out. Well, the next month, they came through the bank again. Three months with of time. I kid you not. I went into their payroll office, you know, so it was a few moons ago and they had that 10 bodies or whatever sitting there. It was a big organization. And I spoke to a lady there and I said,

look, this is the third time this has happened. And she explained to me quite quietly that the auditors had been and gone and the financial year had been closed off. So let's just leave her at that so it did effectively two days and a bit of work and all the idea did was training and eat three food and got three days money it was not three months hey oh that's incredible and karma's not coming for you because you did your bit you went in and told us exactly exactly

so i've been applying to similar jobs ever since. And I'm bloody hell fired. It sounds like a one and done scenario in your employment career. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. You mentioned yesterday how you went for the first time to a cafe by yourself and had a meal and just had a bit of time. You're working on your laptop, doing some stuff. It was amazing. I got so much done. Because you're not distracted by home life, kids.

Fantastic that you have the technology to distract, though. Because I've been in a cafe before without a phone. And, jeez, you feel lonely without your phone. You just kind of end up eyeballing people. You were by yourself without a phone. Yeah, I was just waiting for an order to turn up. And that was, wow, jeez. I feel like you've got no trousers on without a phone. Something that good old

newspaper comes back into play. You just need something to divert your eyes to. Otherwise I just end up staring at people. Yeah. Well,

there was actually a reporter in Napier who got kicked out of a cafe this week. And I think you might have just briefly mentioned it yesterday. But it's now,

you know, on in the New Zealand Herald that you can read in the cafe this morning. So he was, he ordered a coffee, a brioche, and his laptop.

And then after an hour, they went, hey, been here long enough. It's time to, if you're not going to buy anything else, time to go. They asked him to leave.

Yeah, in a polite way. In a polite way. And there was not, he was like, well, there's not other people wanting to use the table. They just sent, it's got to a stage.

So he's like, what I'll do is I'll write an article about you. You've had your time. I think it's happened to him multiple times. Right. But just sent, oh, it's got to a stage. So he's like, what I'll do is I'll write an article about you. You've had your time. I think it's happened to him multiple times. Right. But also like,

yeah, because someone messaged him when I spoke about it yesterday and called me a table hogger. Sorry, that was me. You got your back up about that. Because there was not,

there was one other table. Everyone, it was empty otherwise and I think that's the parameters, right? As long as it's not full, as long as no one else is trying to get a table,

then he's fine. That's what a table hogger would say. Classic table hogger behaviour right there. Yeah, because you sort of said yesterday maybe there's

like a half an hour and then you need to buy something else. Oh yeah, keep it rolling every 30 minutes. Like, you've got to keep

making transactions because, I don't know why why I'm not that passionate about it if you want to sit there for three hours what's the longest you've pushed it out for

oh probably like a good hour and a half two hours yeah my first one was almost two hours but again there was like

no one in the restaurant it was fine that kind of feels like the thing and I did buy breakfast I used to own a cafe so I was like oh surely this is fine and what's the longest people would stay in yours well often people

we had wi-fi so people would come and sit like especially during the week and it was fine as long as there's not like people banging down the doors trying to get a table yeah well there you go this is from the industry yeah industry spokeswoman another place is kick someone out after an hour but um we used to work with someone at a radio station who used to use the Wi-Fi at like a fast food place and go across and buy like a 90 cent drink and just like work all night on the Wi-Fi. I think you know who that person is.

You probably do. But also like, who cares? A fast food joint's got enough money. They're all right. Ben Boyce is one of the industry's premier tight asses. But you even looked up to this man and you were like, geez, he knew how to save a dollar. The hits.

The Jono and Ben podcast. That's a sexy taxi. Yeah, we're looking back through the back catalogue of smart and flirtiness that sits on our phones and our texts with our partners. I'm surprised all of us managed to keep our clothes on at home this level of content to be honest

it's the polar opposite but we do try and saucy up our mundane text messages who wants to kick things off today mine was a little bit

sexy yesterday but it did involve another man oh shall I I'll read it in a sexy way this is me to my husband Trevor Noah is coming to New Zealand oh the comedian yeah Shall I? I'll read it in a sexy way.

This is me to my husband. Trevor Noah's coming to New Zealand. Oh, the comedian, yeah. Love him. He said, cool, shall we go? I said, both of us? He said, unless you're lining up your third husband. Well, you do like your South Africans.

I do, I love Trevor Noah. Soft spot for the South Africans. So you're going to go with Andrew or just go myself? Well, I was meaning, you know, because we've got kids and stuff. Do we need a babysitter? But he took it to meaning like, I don't want you there. Yeah. And so now what are you going to do? You've got an option available.

He's kind of going, you can go on your own. Does he love Trevanoa as much as you? No. I don't think anyone loves Trevanoa as much as me. Oh, there you go. Sounds like it's a solo night. What have you got? Well, this is actually from last week.

My allergies were flaring up, okay? And then by chance, Jen, nothing hotter than allergies. The symptoms were kicking off and Jen was in the mall. So she was near a chemist. I said, my nose is running like a waterfall. Can you please give me antihistamine? She brings back about 20 minutes later. The lady at the chemist wants to know

if you're coughing or have an itchy rash. Oh, jeez. Sexy. I said, no, what are you talking about, itchy rash? What did you say I had? She said she wants to know if you need cod. I said, fine, but I still don't know where the rash comes into the conversation.

But whatever I had cured my nose and still rash free did you get the good stuff I mean you got the pseudo ephedrine stuff nah I got the anti histamine stuff yeah not codrel just quickly for my sexy texties well this could be a sexy textie

a text from my wife a couple days ago says hey Bob what time are you coming home and I was like huh a couple of days ago says, hey Bob, what time are you coming home? What time is Bob coming home? And I was like, huh? And then she went, sorry,

that was meant to read Bub. So I was like, oh, did it? Who's this mysterious Bob character? Yeah, it was Bob. Was she waiting for Bob

to come home? So we'll never know. Maybe a sexy taxi towards Bob.