Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: School Camp Horror Stories...

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY: Megan had to make a complaint Penis cut off... Ben's Modelling update The Tennis Ball Creator School Camp Stories Tammy Davis joins the show Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: THEHITSBREAKFASTSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Megan, you did something yesterday. Very unusual in today's age, you know, 20 years ago. Not unusual at all. No, I've never done this before, but I went in to get my nails done. I've done that before. But it wasn't until I kind of tuned out.

They were playing on YouTube. They were playing Golden Buzzer Best Bits from Britain's Got Talent. Oh, yeah. And I nearly cried at some of tuned out. They were playing on YouTube. They were playing Golden Buzzer best bits from Britain's Got Talent. Oh, yeah. Man, I nearly cried at some of those moments. On a TV screen on the wall. Yeah. That's a great thing to watch. Love the Golden Buzzer.

Is that with Simon Cowell and they're like, oh, this one's going to go straight through to the final. The only thing was because it was just Golden Buzzer moments, you knew that everyone was going to get the Golden Buzzer. But it still got me every time. Oh, they got the golden buzzer. Yeah, yeah. So I was engrossed in that.

Golden buzzer moment. What a great compilation on YouTube. No, it's so good. Shout out to all the people that actually make those compilations too. Thank you. There's a lot of labour required there. They could be doing something productive with their days, but they're doing that, so we appreciate it.

Yeah, passes the time while you're getting your nails done so she was putting the color on and uh i'd asked for 37 she'd put on 31 you can see the confusion the one might look like a seven and she asked me to look at it once she'd done them all she was like are you happy with the color and i was like i noticed straight away it wasn't the one i wanted yeah this is 31, lady. This is not the 37. Are they all numbered? Are they all the different colours?

Yeah. It's just for an easy like a... So it was like a white, but it had like a purple shimmer to it. And I was like, I don't want a purple shimmer. That's not what I asked for. I have to sit with this for three weeks. We would order you and your fingers out of the studio if you came in with white and a purple shimmer.

Yeah. To be honest, you probably wouldn't notice. No, I know. I was sitting there and I was like, oh, it's a big commitment to sit with this. And I paid for it. So I said to her, it's the wrong colour. Oh, you complained.

New Zealanders don't complain. I was like real nice about it. I was like, oh, I think that's the wrong one. I asked for 37. And she was like, oh, this is a very popular colour. And I was like, oh, she's really dumb. She's trying to do this out.

Yep, yep. And I said, not for me. And I had a massive panic. I was like, it's not for me. You complained face to face. That has been

the worst night there. I know. And I was having such a panic about it. But I was like, I can't sit with this for three weeks if I don't like it.

It doesn't sound like you did it in a bad way. No. You raised the octave of your voice to make you seem less threatening. I was like, I can't sit with this for three weeks if I don't like it. It doesn't sound like you did it in a bad way. No. You raise the octave of your voice to make you seem less threatening, yeah. I was like, any time I do have to do it, it's awkward, but I always go, hey. You know, start with a little, hey. A real breathy.

Oh, here we go. But it had nothing to do, she did a great job otherwise, it's just that it wasn't the colour I wanted, so she ended up putting the proper colour on. Well, she's probably going, mate, I've done 10 of these. Do you think you could have noticed on maybe the- Well, turn off the golden buzzer. So you're distracted by golden buzzer while she's-

I literally said to her, I was like, sorry, I was enthralled with that guy. He killed it. She's like, I've been here for an hour painting your nails. Everyone gets the golden buzzer. We can tell you that. Did you see his backstory? It nearly made me cry. Oh, well, good on you for complaining.

It does get results, too. It does. Just because they're like, oh, can you please just leave us alone? Let's get on with our day. Hey, next, this is frightening. A frightening story. Jono, this is going to be frightening. Megan, not as frightening for you.

Is it AI-themed? No, it's not AI-themed. It's male-themed. Okay. And it's not frightening for me. Well, not as much as it would be for us. I'll tell you about it next on the Hats. Megan, you did something

yesterday, very unusual in today's age, you know, 20 years ago, not unusual at all. No, I've never done this before but I went in to get my nails done, done that before. But it wasn't until I kind of tuned out, they were playing on YouTube, they were playing Golden Buzzer best bits

from Britain's Got Talent. Oh, yeah. Man, I nearly cried at some of those moments. On a TV screen on the wall. Yeah. That's a great thing to watch. So I was like enthralled. Love the Golden Buzzer.

Is that with Simon Cowell? And they're like, oh, this one's going to go straight through to the final. The only thing was, because it was just Golden Buzzer moments, you knew that everyone was going to get the Golden Buzzer. But it oh they got the golden buzzer yeah yeah um so i was engrossed in that golden buzzer what a great compilation on youtube so good shout out to all the people that actually make those compilations too that takes a lot of labor required there it's like

they could be doing something productive with their days but but they're doing that, so we appreciate it. Yeah, passes the time while you're getting your nails done. So she was putting the colour on, and I'd asked for 37. She'd put on 31. You can see the confusion. The one might look like a seven. And she asked me to look at it. Once she'd done them all, she was like,

are you happy with the colour? And I was like, I noticed straight away it wasn't the one I wanted. Yeah, like this is 31, lady. This is not the 37. Are they all numbered? Are they all the different colors? Yeah. It's just for an easy like a.

So it was like a white, but it had like a purple shimmer to it. And I was like, I don't want a purple. That's not what I asked for. I have to sit with this for three weeks. We would order you and your fingers out of the studio if you came in with white with a purple shimmer. Yeah. To be honest, you probably wouldn't notice. No, I know. I was sitting there and I and i was like oh it's a big commitment to sit

with this and i paid for it so i said to her it's the it's the wrong color oh you complained new zealanders don't complain i was like real nice about it i was like oh i think that's the wrong one i asked for 37 uh and she was like, oh, this is a very popular colour. And I was like, oh, she's really dumb. She's trying to do this out. Yep, yep. And I said, not for me. And I had a massive panic.

I was like, it's not for me. You complained face to face. That has been Boris's worst nightmare. I know. And I was having such a panic about it. But I was like, I can't sit with this for three weeks if I don't like it. It doesn't sound like you did it in a bad way. No. You raised the octave of your voice did it in a bad way. No.

You raise the octave of your voice to make you seem less threatening. Yeah. I was like anytime I do have to do it it's awkward but I always go hey. You know. Start with a little hey. A real breathy. You're like oh here we go. But it had nothing to do. She did a great job

otherwise. It's just that it wasn't the colour I wanted so she ended up putting the proper colour on. Well, she's probably going, mate, I've done 10 of these. Do you think you could have noticed on maybe the... Well, turn off the golden buzzer. So you're distracted by golden buzzer while she's... I literally said to her, I was like, sorry, I was enthralled with that guy. He killed it.

She's like, I've been here for an hour painting your nails. Everyone gets the golden buzzer. We can tell you that. Did you see his backstory? It nearly made me cry. Oh, good on you for complaining. It does get results too. It does.

Just because they were just like, can you please just leave us alone? Let's get on with our day. Hey, next, this is frightening. A frightening story. Jono, this is going to be frightening. Megan, not as frightening for you. Is it AI themed?

No, it's not AI themed. It's male themed. Okay. And it's not frightening for me. Well, not as much as it would be for us. I'll tell you about it next. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast.

A very, very unfortunate story for a man in the UK. Cancer in his penis. I didn't even know that was a thing. No. And he's now had to have it amputated. I'm going to get cut off. Yeah. What?

Pain in there for a while. He did what a lot of blokes do, just ignored it. Yeah. And then it got worse, and then he ended up going in, and they're like, yep, we've got to take that off. Oh, no. Megan, that's not funny. It's not funny.

No, it's not funny. Do you hear us laughing about mastectomies, mate? Yeah. Are we in here, you know, gagging it up? It's not funny. Did I say something that was humorous? Did they leave the dangly bits underneath? I imagine they would, right?

They wouldn't take the whole thing off. No. So the poor guy. Yeah, so you're horrible, but yeah. Bloody horrible. Do you know there was this story way back, I think the 80s, 90s, it was Lorena and John Bobbitt and they

she they were a couple and I think she she severed his one off in an argument like a rage in an argument yeah

oh we all threatened that yeah well she followed through she followed through amen sister and I think he I always believed that he got another person's

one attached to his so you could be like you take your pick from a catalog a transplant but no he just got his one reattached oh. So you could be like, you take your pick from a catalog. A transplant. But no, he just got his one reattached. Oh, did he? Yeah, I was just reading about it.

Mine was bigger. Yeah, what? Yeah. Whose is this one? I pretend it wasn't mine. Oh, come on. No. It's a prank, guys.

A prank one. Go and find my proper one. It's a lot bigger than that one. You know, you would, right? Or you'd be like, yeah. But then the swelling goes down and you're like, no. But, you know, he went on a big rampage of publicity tour afterwards. He would start in a movie called John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut. Oh, did he?

Did he actually? Great pun. Did he? Really? Yeah, he got into a different line of work And Frankenpenis Was another one of his And then he ended up Becoming a limo driver

In Las Vegas And was in a terrible Car accident in New York On ICU Got his toe Guess what Got his toes amputated No

No Really? Yeah Just been reading about him There you go That is a hell of a life Yeah that's a really Wow What a rollercoaster for him.

Hey, next, speaking of rollercoasters, something that I'm looking like I'm doing after the show today, to do with modelling. Oh, yeah. I've found a wonderful modelling, like, tips, a video from back in the day. Some great tips as you head into your first modelling shoot. What you should look like, how you should look when you're holding the product.

Oh, really? Oh, great. Okay, well, we'll find out what I need to do next. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I made a passing comment that my daughter said I look like a catalogue model in some Hits advertising that she saw around town for the show. And now, all of a sudden, Megh and Jono have decided that I need to be a catalogue model. Hi. And now, all of a sudden, Megan, John, I've decided that I need to be a catalogue model. All right.

Don't talk. Hold that thought. Hold that thought. John, it's got music. I pointed at the music. He pointed like there was something like we would just say the wrong thing. Man, it's all got to, oh, is this going to have like a recap or what's going on? Like, I'm just saying exactly the same. I just wanted to play off.

Just your sex and music. I'm a model on the catwalk. Spent a long time loading that in this morning. Megan was like... No, I just maintain that you know we work in radio, so any thought you bring to ear, I think it was a dream of yours. Right.

I think it was your way of being like, guys, I need to be a catalogue model. Edwards & Co, a Kiwi company, they provide prams and strollers and capsules. Great baby goods. Yeah. And I'm going to be modelling for them after the show today so you can hopefully see the photos tomorrow.

Are you wearing that? Well, I don't know. I bought some other clothes as well. Okay, good. No, yeah, good. I don't know. I don't know what that's... What's wrong with that?

In your professional fashion opinion, Amy? Well, no, it's maybe just a bit cash for a catalogue shirt, a hoodie. He's got a blue hoodie on and a blue vest. You can style me. You can be my stylist, all right? there, Meg. Well, no, it's maybe just a bit cash for a catalogue shirt, a hoodie. He's got a blue hoodie on and a blue vest. You can style me. You can be my stylist, all right? Okay, great. Well, we don't want to send some sort of two-bit amateur out into the modelling game, do we, into the catalogue modelling game?

So we've been up all night, Megan and myself, tirelessly researching and stumbled across a video from 1992 on VHS which gives you some tips about modeling catalog products okay so take take note been boys have you ever thought about being in commercials or being a model and ads and catalogs the manner in which you hold the bottle can portray the perfume as glamorous mmm or fun. It's actually the models that are selling the jeans.

The jeans don't sell themselves. It's imagery. An action pose could be walking with the purse or looking inside. Many times when I have a call for children and for two hours the child is crying, I will not stand for a child that cries. Well, we have shared so much

information with you during this video you'll probably watch it several times over before you understand it all completely do you understand that pretty much understood it all except for the child crying part he was an agent he was like i started down i don't i don't put up with two crying children all right yeah so you do you want to watch it several times over again just so you understand it? No, I feel like we're sort of... How dumb are these models? They need to keep watching it several times over.

Great poses, look at the bag. It's the smart, the way you can hold the product. So it's the pram. How are you thinking of holding the pram? I just thought I'd push the pram. I can hold it if you want. I'll hold it aloft. Maybe you could hold it like a baby.

High concept. Yeah, this could be new for a life. Meta. You're not holding a baby. You're holding the thing that holds the baby. Oh, there you go. There we go. That's what an advertising exec you sound like, don't you?

Right there. You won't put up with my children. Next, you get to decide what song we play in just a few moments. Once a week, we get to pitch a song, a throwback Thursday song that we want to hear. It's up to one person on 0800 The Hits. We'll get to that in a couple of minutes on The Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Oh, Megan, you do a great job of reading the news and the sport in the morning. You do, you do. You don't have to say that. No, you do a really great job. But I know at the moment things are trickier, news and the sport in the mornings. You do. You don't have to say that. No, you do a really great job. But I know at the moment things are trickier, particularly around the sport at the moment, because Wimbledon, the tennis is going on,

and some of the names are a little trickier. When you first look at them, you're like, oh, geez, how do you pronounce this? You don't want to get it wrong, right? Yeah, just behind the curtain, when I read the news, everything's like in just white writing. But then I get a pronunciation guide, and it's all like broken down and big like red,

you know, like phonetic spelling. Right. And it really trips me up sometimes. Well, you do have some sort of exotic Eastern European names, don't you? Yeah.

They're very good at tennis. But tennis is on and a lot of celebrities going along. Dave Grohl, I don't know if you saw him from Foo Fighters, looking very dapper in a suit, his hair slicked back. It's very unusual to see Dave Grohl

dressed like that. Yeah, in a suit. You normally see him in Yippie, he's looking very smart. I suppose there's a level of decorum centre court at Wimbledon. Exactly.

David Beckham's been there and David Attenborough as well. You know David Attenborough. A legend of the game. His narration is amazing on wildlife shows. We've long been out of our reach. Now we're beginning to unravel.

But I was reading this morning he used to work for BBC or has worked for BBC for many years but in the 1960s he was working there, they used to broadcast the tennis in black and white, and the tennis balls used to be black or white, and you couldn't see it.

You couldn't see the tennis balls. On the TV? On the TV. So he was part of the people that went, hey, we need to make these a different colour, and they landed on yellow. David Attenborough made the tennis ball yellow. Yeah, well, he was part, I don't know if he was the guy. No, just say he is the guy. The headline is, tennis balls are yellow because of David Attenborough make the tennis ball yellow? Yeah, well he was part I don't know if he was the guy

No, just say he is the guy The headline is Tennis balls are yellow because of David Attenborough So there you go So that's their headline That I'm reading this morning Really? I wonder if he rolls that tidbit out

When he goes to Wimbledon Do you know that these are yellow? See the balls there He's 98 years old And 10 times more capable to run the United States Than Joe Biden or Donald Trump. David Attenborough. Pretty fascinating.

What a cool claim to fame. I mean, he's got a lot of other great claim to fame. How cool is that? I just saw him when he walked into Centre Court the other day at the beginning of the week, standing ovation from the entire stadium. David Beckham was sitting next to him at the whole stadium. He was getting quite teary. Because it might be one of his last yeah

every year i'm like start talking like that don't start but you know it could be yeah every year they should stand up because they're gonna be like might be the last he's still fighting for the planet even though we just keep ignoring him oh remember is it was it glastonbury a couple of years ago they got him on stage and all the ping it up bloody gen z's and he's like okay so guys we're really ruining the planet uh please just make sure you're you know you do the best to keep playing it was like yeah we're gonna save the planet next day all their tents and rubbish and everything and the beer boxes and pills containers just all littered all over the farm what a legend though part of making tennis balls yellow that's pretty pretty cool. In 10 minutes, you need to stick around because we tried to call the Briscoes lady yesterday

and it did not go great, right? Because it was a big flex from Jono. Is that all you think it was? What, the accidental call? Yeah. Oh, no, that wasn't a flex. That was an innocent mistake. We got called knobs as well.

You'll find out what happened in about 10 minutes on The Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I made a comment a couple of days ago, a foolish comment now in hindsight, that my daughter said I look like a catalogue model on one of the hits advertising posters around town. And that has made Jono and Megan decide that I need to become an actual catalogue model.

It's our civic duty, our sense of responsibility to turn this into something. And, yeah, we want to make you a catalogue model. And thankfully, Megan, you're married to a model, Andrew Pappas. He's done one show, and boy, do I hear about it. But he did have some advice for you, Ben, ahead of your modelling debut. I think it's just about looking really confused. Like, I'm kind of not sure what I was doing. That me that's me every day I'll be fine so I think you're good to go although you don't want to look you don't look too confused by the camera as well yeah so that was the advice he's modeled jewelry so still photos of jewelry

you just want to look a little bit confused but not too cross-eyed. Like, what's happening here? And then the wonderful Christian phoned through as well. From Edwards & Co, a New Zealand company and he's quite keen to have you model for their company. We've got this good-looking dad.

I can just envision him pushing a pram, you know, bringing sexy back. That's what all the women are looking for these days. Sexiness and prams go hand in hand. So is this your business, is it, Christian? Yeah, it is. Absolutely. New Zealand business.

And we think that you'd look great on the end of a pram. There you go. On the end of a pram. So you have been signed up as a pram model. A pram model. Who would have thought? Dreams come true. No, it's great.

It's cool. I'm honoured to be doing whatever I'm doing today. I don't know. He called you a hot dad. It's important that I say he called you a hot dad. Usually people modelling prams just look like exhausted. They haven't been asleep for three days. That's me.

They're like in me now. So yeah, you're nailing it. And so we also thought you should get some advice from the industry to professional advice from the queen of the catalog tammy who's the the briscoes lady now you'd organize this you know i've got briscoes lady's number i don't know how you got her number tracked her down she's like she's all good to take a call this was after the show yesterday i've been in open text comms with the briscoes lady. Yeah, back and forth. And she's like, absolutely, call me at this time. I was like, we'll be there.

And so we called it. We called. I looked at my phone and I looked at Tammy. And I was like, let's dial through to the Briscoes lady. Very confusing start because the Tammy that wasn't the Tammy that we hoped it was, right? It was Tammy Davis, who's Manta, Outrageous Fortune, great actor. He's on the radio, Georgie Femme. He's a very funny guy.

Really threw us. We thought it was Tammy, the Briscoe's lady. Have a listen. Hello? Good morning. Is that Tammy? Sure is. Hi, Tammy.

It's just Jono, Ben, and Megan here. Oh, are you serious? Oh, Tammy Davis. I thought we were calling Tammy the Briscoe's lady. Oh, did you really? I was like, she sounds a lot more husky than I remember. A little short, a little like, a little quite a bit. Do you want me to change my voice?

Quite abrasive on the phone. I was like, wow, this is very different. Hey, so Briscoe's lady, welcome. How are you? Yeah, nah, real good, mate, real good. You know there's a sale on, eh? Tammy Davis. Tammy, how you been, buddy?

Are you good, mate? What are you two nubs up to? Jono's like, I've organised a big guest, the Briscoe's lady. I'm like, well, Jono doesn't normally organise guests so this shows you how well this goes oh sorry haven't spoken to you guys

in ages Meg Meg how do you do it every day I don't know mate oh mate it was lovely lovely to hear your voice

I know it seems very disingenuous but I'm asking you how you are when we've called you by accident but we'll catch up properly yeah yeah

miss you too nob yeah you too, Nob. Yeah, you too, man. Love your work. See you, mate. See you, mate. See you. Bye.

So, rest assured, after 8 o'clock, Tammy the Briscoe's Lady. That was Tammy Dove's actor. He's great to catch up with. But not great for modelling advice. Probably hasn't done too many catalogues. Done a lot of TV shows and movies.

I thought the Briscoe's Lady had a cold. He answered and was like, hello. I was really short on the phone. Sounded like a weed dealer TV shows and movies? I thought the Briscoe's lady had a cold. He answered and was like, hello? I was really short on the phone. Sounded like a weed dealer trying to avoid the police. What is she doing? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Foursquare today, 100 years old.

How is that? That's incredible. Happy birthday. Jeez, that guy. Well, that guy's an inspiration to Biden, isn't he? The Foursquare guy with his thumbs up Cheeky Charlie He's 100 years old, he's still cracking So maybe there is life left in the old dog yet

In the White House Definitely dying his hair though There's definitely a rinse through that Cheeky Charlie, looks good though for 100 years old Happy birthday, four square Maybe Joe Biden should just come out and put thumbs up With a big smile. You've never

heard a word out of Cheeky Charlie's mouth. You trust him. A couple of thumbs up. Way to go. My daughter

Indy, she's very particular in a way which I love about her. She told me something a while back and now I can't get it out

of my head. Like a lot of people when she eats her meals she likes to eat it in a particular head. Now she, like a lot of people, when she eats her meals, she likes to eat in a particular way. And she decides that she'll eat the thing that she likes the least going towards the thing that she likes the most. So she saves the thing she likes.

And doesn't really like to mix. She will from, you know, it doesn't mean she can't eat pastas or stuff that's mixed together, but doesn't like to mix the two. Keeps them separate. Yeah, I feel that. But now when I make her a meal, all I can watch is like, uh-oh, she doesn't like to mix the two. Keeps them separate. Yeah, I feel that. But now when I make her a meal, all I can watch is like, uh-oh, she doesn't like that. Oh, it's ranking the food.

Yeah, but she's not doing it on purpose. But in my head, all I'm doing is watching my cooking and going, oh, well, the potatoes, they were a miss. The sauteed potatoes that I spent hours on. She's giving you a real-time ranking without saying anything.

Without saying anything. And I never say anything to her. The broccolini? The broccolini's first? The broccolini. I'm like, oh, you're eating that? That's what I'm thinking in my head. Yeah.

But it's one of those things. I worked with a camera guy. It was the same thing. Chris, I think he did the same thing, right? He always ate his – And he wouldn't let the foods touch. Yeah. It was very apartheid of him on the plate.

Yeah. No food would ever mix with the other, and he would through systematically he had an eating disorder eating things in disorder every time he had a meal really interesting to watch him eat though was it it was like you couldn't not talk about it every time you watched him so if he had a roast meal yeah there'd be sort of five different steps through to uh to get it but then there's some, I love a good old person who has the fork upside down, just shoveling everything off. Bit of potatoes,

bit of carrots, broccoli, meat, boom, boom. And then they've ended up with like this, just medley of everything on the plate, which is, that's the polar opposite. I like to make the perfect last mouthful. So you leave like the perfect, you know, like a little bit of everything, a nice bit of sauce, like a perfect mouthful to end on. So you leave like the perfect you know like a little bit of everything a nice bit of sauce

like a perfect mouthful to end on so that's like the finale you leave a finale because like that's the last thing you'll taste

you've got to make the perfect last mouthful you do yeah it's always disappointing when you do have something that you're like oh I left the broccoli for last

yeah it kind of puts you off do you lick the fork have you seen people lick forks I don't think I do if there's a bit of gravy juice on there it's like damn you love that meal occasionally you see the fork? Have you seen people lick forks? I don't think I do. If there's a bit of gravy juice on there, it's like, damn, you love that meal. Occasionally you see the old person lick a knife or something.

You're like, wow, that's really. Yeah. Oh, sorry, a knife. That's what I was talking about. Yeah. That's when you know you've nailed a meal once Indy starts knife licking. Next, we're talking school camps. It's something that we've all experienced you know, experienced throughout our lives.

Yeah, Megan's dad went on hers. Yeah, which was great before he went. And then afterwards, you're like, maybe he shouldn't have come. He stopped you. He stopped you having some fun. What did Megan almost get up to? We'll find out next at 7.21, The Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, I was just mentioning yesterday, my friend returned from school camp. And, yeah, look and five days of camping in these frosty conditions, no insulation in those dormantries. But he, at the time of his life, said everyone should do it once. I've never been on a parental school camp. Have you been a parent on a school camp, Ben?

No, well, it's tricky for this job, but I guess, yeah, my wife does it lots because she's a teacher. She loves it. It's awesome. It's such a cool thing for the kids to do and see them

come out of their shells I always wonder if they find it more admin or if they find it more fun no she always signs up for those things she always you know like

to walk up the pinnacles and go into the huts she'll sign up for those and I was like you don't have to do it but she loves it which is awesome do they still do the

the classic I should have asked him do they still the end of camp talent show where inevitably some dad dresses up as a woman in a wig and brings the house down.

Yeah, I don't know about the parents doing it these days. Chuck a couple of pillows in there, got some boobies. Guaranteed laughs. But your dad went on your camp, Megan. He did, and I was so excited about it because dad was not, he was working heaps when I was a kid, so the fact that he had time to come on camp was awesome it is an awesome thing when your parents do it right yeah and then he came along making us feel like bad dads now it was so much fun it's a core memory

um but then he came along and during this particular camp i had like a big crush on josh in my class uh and it turned out that j Josh kind of liked me too so there was like this little love tryst going on and I was like dad like Danny Zuko and bloody what's the name of grace yeah summer loving yeah dad was there um and I remember him pulling me aside at one point and he was like you stop being so bloody stupid because I was being all silly and flirty oh so uh yeah not a lot happened. So he crushed your crush? Crushed your dreams of having a crush? Yeah.

And then you sort of kept separated for the rest of the camp? I think I probably killed it, to be honest, because at the end of Camp Talent Show, they played a prank on me where they hid things under a pot and you have to lift the pot and say what's under it as quick as possible. The last pot was Josh, Josh's head. And I lifted the pot up, got such a fright. They can't show.

I don't know. He was under the table. He was under the table. I lifted the pot, saw his head, and I smashed the pot down on his nose and split his nose open. Oh, jeez. So I don't know if it was so much dad or maybe just that that killed the romance in the end.

Yeah, broken nose will do that. Yeah, that'll turn you off. That is, okay, 0800-THE-HITS-4487. This is what we'll chuck open, your school camp carnage stories. What happened on school camp, maybe as a student, maybe as a parent. And these kids talking about those giant vats of peaches and spaghetti and baked beans.

Where do they get those from? I've never seen them anywhere. Are they at Gilmore's job? Yeah, I imagine it's like a Gilmore's sort of bulk food or a Costco these days, right? Yeah, and a 40-gallon drum for a pot, and boy, oh boy, they can cook a lot of meals in those. Oh, Andrew, the hits, 4487, your school camp memories.

We'd love to have those shared with us this morning. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Carnage in particular, if you've, you know, school camps, a lot can go wrong. You're managing a lot of little bodies. There's,

you know, sometimes nearly a hundred children there. The weather. The weather. Oh yeah. Yeah, factor. And a lot of the parents,

inexperienced campers as well, they just come along to be good parents and help a hand and wonder the whole time, can we stick beers in here? Can we drink? What's the protocol? Not anymore. Can't have beers. No, of course not. And they do police checks too. Yeah, police checks. Why are you like, no, of course not? Well, of course, think about it.

If anything goes wrong, you have to look after those children. Exactly. Can you drive this one to the A&E? Yeah. Jono. Well, I probably still could could but would I legally know? You'll get sent home from camp as a parent if that happens Scott, good morning to you Welcome to the show, what happened? What carnage at the school camp?

Yeah, morning guys Yeah, my carnage was I got lost in Spotlight You got lost in Spotlight? Were you the child or were you the adult? I was the child. How long were you lost for? Just about half an hour.

It felt like an eternity. Were you out in sort of the forest, the dark woodlands? Yeah, yeah. Risky game to play too. Like, let's get out there in the dark. They do the ones on the school camp, my kids. So it's like the Burma Trail, whatever it is. And it's a big long rope through the middle of the forest at dark at night.

And they have to walk along the whole day. And you do it knowing that people are going to jump out and scare you. And you don't have to do it, but all the kids do it. They all get frightened. I'm like, doing that on the first night of camp is wild. Yeah. But they still do it and they love it. Oh, Scotty, I'm glad you were found in the missing child case.

There would have been some panic on those drunk parents. Oh, God, we love the bloody kid. They're wandering around. What year was this you were at camp? Oh, I can't remember. The 90s? No, early 2000s. Oh, yeah, they would have been responsible by then

Good on you, Lindsay, we'll get you on Welcome to the show, School Camp Carnage, what happened? Good morning team, how are you? Yeah, good, what happened to you? Well, I've got many a story But I'll just lead with this one So Hamner Springs We were all there, we'd done the big hike

Down for the swim and soak And then we were all going to take the kids back to the campsite. And you got a seven-seater car. Yep, all kids are in. Yep, they all say yes. An hour later, the pool staff bring this one child. We were all sitting having dinner and everything. No one had noticed that we'd missed a child, and they got brought back.

For how many? The whole day? No, he was there for an hour but he was having fun by himself but yeah no one knew so yeah i love you i love you is everyone here yep all right also like sucks being that child you're like literally no one missed me oh i really appreciate it i will i will add to that he's an only child and i lost him a couple of times he Oh, no. He was used to just walking off by himself.

So as you're walking with a group, he goes, oh, look, there's a magpie or something. Yeah, got distracted. There you go. Lost the same child multiple times. Lindsay, that's his school camp records. Hey, we'll keep these coming through, eh? Oh, 800, that's 4487.

What happened on school camp? We've got one about a deputy principal falling out of a bunk bed. Cheers. We'll have to get them on. All right, keep coming through. Oh, 100 The Hits, 4487. What happened on school cam? We've got one about a deputy principal falling out of a bunk bed. Cheers. We'll have to get them on. All right. Keep them coming through. Oh, 800 The Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

I said a couple of days ago, now foolishly, that my daughter thought I looked like a catalogue model in one of our Hits advertising posters around the country. Yeah, and we thought, well, geez, this is a low-hanging fruit for a desperate radio show trying to fill airtime. So Megan and myself have been on a mission to get you in a catalogue. And it's amazing how quickly it happened. Almost within 24, 48 hours. I must think that you're worthy. Being in a catalogue, I know. Someone that you know, Edwards & Co.

It's a New Zealand company. Yeah, they do prams, baby goods, cots, all sorts. They thought that you would be a good model. They want to get you to do the catalogue. So after the show today, I'm off to take some photos. In the park. With a pram. Yeah, looking casual.

We've got the pram. And there's a lot of responsibility. You're there to shift units. You need to sell prams for these fine people. So we thought if you are the Tibetan Buddhist monk, who is your Dalai Lama in this journey of yours? Well, my friend, it's the Briscoe's lady. And Tammy, the Briscoe's lady, joins us now.

Good morning. I'm good, thank you. How are you? Yes, we're doing very well. Slightly embarrassed, actually. I just called, I don't know if you know, the actor Tammy Davis before. And he answered the phone. He was like, hello.

And we're like, is that Tammy? He's like, yep. I thought you had a cold or something. Maybe you've got the flu. Today, do I have a bit of a masking voice? It's great to get the briskos, Tammy. Now, welcome to the show. How are you? I'm good. How are you all? We're doing well.

Great. Now, Tammy, very excited because Ben Boyce's daughter said he looks like a model and then followed it up with a catalogue model. And so we're like, man, we've got to turn him into a catalogue model. Yeah, well, they've suddenly made it my dream, which wasn't my dream, Tammy. No. His dream was to just film three minutes of radio with a bit of chat. With a personal story that's now turned into this.

See, I think he came to us, Tammy, with that little tidbit because it was a quiet dream that he didn't want to make too much out of but he knew that one day he might be able to fulfill it yeah and and go for it good on you well i need some i need some advice because uh edwards and co are a new zealand business they make yourself prams and so they want me to model for their catalog holding a pram. Now, I've never done any modelling like this before. So if we thought we'd go to the queen of the catalogue, the Briscoe's lady, for any catalogue modelling tips. Well, the most important thing is to smile.

Just be relaxed and really comfortable. So I don't know, do you get to pick your clothes? The most important thing is wear clothes, or if they're picking the clothes, something you feel comfortable in because it's really amazing if they put you into something that you feel really, really weird in or uncomfortable, you won't be relaxed and you want to be relaxed. So smile, but I know for me and sometimes because you've got to do and I've done thousands of photos over many years,

and you've got to keep smiling and then your face starts to hurt. Oh, really? So much smiling. Oh, totally, totally. So it's just have a pause and think of a funny joke, and it might even be one of the jokes that your kids have told you, and it might not even be that funny, but say it out loud and then you sort of do this big laugh,

so it's like ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then your face gets in the right happy smiley face again. And away you go. Yeah. Now do Tammy's laugh and I'll take a photo of you mid-laugh. See what it looks like. Go, go. Does it work?

It looks great. It looks a little psychotic. It does look a little. You might need to tone it back just a little bit. It looks like a man who's had a baby by accident, and he's like, uh-oh, I've got 20 years of child support payments to make here. Tammy, you've been the Briscoe's lady for many years. Do you get used to seeing your face?

Because you must be used to it by now, right? Well, yeah, pretty much, pretty much. But I do always stop and think, oh, does that look acceptable? Is that okay? Does that look comfortable and natural? And I think when you can just be – so that's why actually just having a few jokes, just a punchline in your head.

I cannot remember the start of this joke, but there was this joke that I always used to – and then I would yell out the punchline and say poo in a box. Poo in a box? I'm laughing, I'm laughing. I didn't know the joke. But somewhat one of your listeners

might be able to come up with the start of that joke but I always remember and I would say out loud poo in a box. It was just you saying that. Every time I see you laughing on the TV now I'm going to be thinking poo in a box. I it was just you saying that every time I see you laughing on the TV now I'm going to be thinking

poo in a box oh Tammy that's wonderful advice it does make you laugh and good luck have fun here we go advice from

the briscoes lady ahead of my first catalogue modelling shoot dropping tomorrow I imagine is it hitting the catalogues tomorrow

I don't know how quickly these things work right we will attempt to get the photos out at least on our socials tomorrow yeah I imagine. Is it? Hitting the catalogues tomorrow? I don't know how quickly these things work, right? We will attempt to get the photos out, at least on our socials tomorrow. Yeah, that's happening after the show today. There's a lot of airbrushing that goes on, surely. You don't need any, babes.

Raw and natural. They need a tired, beaten down looking father. Hey, actually, Nick, speaking of photos. We're going to talk about photo regrets. Your most regrettable photos that you've taken. Something I've talked about to the kids the last couple of days. I'm like,

stop doing this because they're going to regret it. And then we're going to get to that in three minutes on The Hits. The Hits,

the Jono and Ben podcast. You're on a bit of an education mission with your children who they're striking a pose every time they take a photo. Oh, yeah, it seems to be the common thing. I think a bit of an education mission with your children who they're striking a pose every time they take a photo. Oh, yeah, it seems to be the common thing. I think a lot of young people, dare I say, nothing ages you up by saying young people.

A lot of young people. A lot of young people are doing it. No, I mean, we do it from time to time, is taking the mickey out of them a little bit as well. It's usually a peace sign or a double peace sign. I thought that wasn't cool anymore. I thought that was how you tell if you're a millennial. Well, maybe.

And a little tongue poked out towards the side. Yeah, peace sign, tongue. And kind of one eye shut like you've got sun in your eye or conjunctivitis. You look like a demented hyena. Yeah. And it's something that's kind of a go-to. I get it. We've all got a go-to when it comes to photos.

You've kind of got a go-to sort of pose. But sometimes I'm like, hey, guys, maybe we should mix it up just a little bit. You can talk. Yeah, I know, exactly. But I'm like, I'll try and mix it up a little bit. I'll do a point, I'll do a thumbs up, I'll do a not a thumbs up, whatever, you know. I don't have a big rotate.

I'll do a point, I'll do a thumbs up. A mouth open. I love his third option, a not a thumbs up. That's the one, yeah. And a not a thumbs up. Which would you like? Hey guys, you might end up looking back at all these photos and go, hey, maybe I should have mixed things up a little bit.

Maybe there'll be some photo regret. Maybe not. I don't know. I look back at photos when I was younger and there is photo regret. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, by the other day. A shocking one. Oh, my mum.

Yeah, poor Annie and John. Imagine if your son did that to photos. Absolutely. They saved up all their money, worked hard to take their little boy over to Australia, see some koalas, and we're standing in front of the opera house. Annie's smite looking fantastic. My mum's got her arm around me, and I'm sitting there pulling the fingers. And she has no idea.

Yeah, Dad's taking the photo. And like an absolute little twat. Little Jack. And yeah, I mean, the fingers in photos, they're funny when they're quite young. They're quite funny. And then through your middle years, it just looks sad. It's like, why are you pulling the fingers of someone who's looking at the photo? And you're never going to frame it.

That's not frame worthy. You're not putting that hanging on the wall. That's not dangling off a magnet on the fridge door, is it? You're right. So we want to talk about photo regret. Maybe it's something you did, or maybe it's just a photo that you took that you're like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that.

I have a whole series of photos when I was younger. For around a year I did this. I thought I was doing sexy eyes. I do squinty... No, I can't even do it now. Show us your sexy eyes let me take a photo of them and we'll put them on

we'll put them on the Hitspreak first I used to do like pat my lips and do like Instagram here we go shut up don't make that sound

you pretty much said ooh no I said ooh now I went ooh what we're going to do we're going to say ooh

it was an ooh it was about a year or even longer a year's worth of photos like that. And now I look back and I'm like, you ruined that whole time. Yeah, we're going to put that up on our social now. Can't wait. That's why I like it.

It's very white, but we have a good photo and then we do a silly one. And then everyone knows you can do a silly, whatever you want to do in the silly one, that's fine. Tell you who changed our photo game just yesterday Paul Henry when he came in here yes he's like because you have to do a photo it's obligatory after an interview

or else no one knows you spoke to them and then he was just like okay here's what I've learnt a friend passed this tip on to me no one smiled yeah

just stand there emotionless like Eminem yeah and no one really screws up the photo like that right not angry

just serious. And to tell you what, it takes a great photo, doesn't it? It did look great. No tongues dangling out like a hungry giraffe. It was great. What photo did you regret? Maybe it's a post you did. Maybe it's the person you got a photo with.

Maybe it could be your wedding photos even. Maybe someone took a photo of you as you were in a precarious position. Yeah. And it floated around. Good thing is back in the day, those photos, you could break were in a precarious position. Yeah. And it floated around. Good thing is back in the day, those photos, you could break into someone's house and burn them. Now, they're lasting forever.

Not so much. Photo regret. Love to hear your calls and texts on our 100th Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We're talking photo regret this morning. Yeah, 800th Hits. If there's a photo, a less than favorable photo of you circulating around the internet or maybe even a printed one. I remember first started on the radio as a stunt person and they would do stuff to me on the radio.

And one morning it was a waxing under the mechanical parts of my body. All right. Okay, but to assume the wax position for there, it was just on the couch at the office. Like it was a different time. And to assume you can only imagine the position that you have to assume to make it accessible for the wax to take. Someone took a photo of it. And it was circulating

around someone. TV3 got hold of it. So what I'm praying to God as News Hub finishes tomorrow that there is someone there. Deleting archives? Yeah, wiping the hard drives. Just blow out the system. If you are in charge of that, please just control or delete from all the hard drives of TV3.

We've got Tony on 0800 The Hit. So how are you? Good, thanks. How are you guys? We're talking photo regret here. This didn't happen to you. It happened to your partner, we understand. Oh, well, yeah, it was my doing against my partner.

Right, what happened? I thought I'd do the good thing. I got her a personalised mug for her birthday, but I used a photo from the zoo with an elephant in it, and she took offence saying that, you know, do I look like an elephant? Was she in the photo with the elephant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, well, it's not like you've just given her a mug with an elephant? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh no, well it's not like you've just given her a mug with an elephant on it You're like, this is just a nice one with you and an elephant Yeah, well that's what I thought Was she kind of small though when it came to putting it on the mug? Just looks like a picture of an elephant Yeah, yeah, she just said, why have you taken me a photo with an elephant? You're like, I've done a nice thing, so has she just said, why have you taken me a photo with an elephant? I thought I'd done a nice thing. So has she used the mug at all or not?

Actually, she does, to be honest. Oh, that's good. Drinks out of it with her trunk. She drinks out of it and just stares at you. Glears at you. When I'm in the bed. Nowhere near as bad as Ben giving

his wife an apron. What was an apron? No, it was a frying pan. It was a frying pan, yeah. Like you shouldn't hit you with it. Exactly. There's a long backstory to that one as well, but I'm not going to go into it now. Maybe if you've got a nice photo of her with a zoo animal.

There's not a long backstory. She said she'd like a new frying pan. This is the one that she wanted. Yeah, but not for like a birthday. It's not a long backstory. You're right, Megan. I got other stuff as well i was like here you go now cook me something it was like yeah but anyway all right i'll give you the day

off today but tomorrow i want a nice meal all right tony we're gonna hook you up with some help pizza we appreciate you calling us hey terry lee morning how are you doing all right buddy terry lee oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just laughing. You guys crack me up. Oh, she's laughing. What was going on there? I was like, it sounded quite traumatic.

I thought you were crying. Yeah. I was like, is this show that bad? You guys, this is what you do to me every morning. Oh, that's lovely. Well, let me talk to you. Do you have some photo regret? Oh, God.

I've just thought of so many more. Oh, my God. I don't have to choose my wedding or my 21st. Oh, what was wrong with you? Let's start with your 21st photo. What was so bad about that to you? Okay, well, the 21st, like, I was so out of the gate. And, oh, but it was my mother.

She brought me this, like, cheap-ass bracelet from Michael Hill that actually, like, by the end of the night, already the bracelet had made like a mark on my arm and oh really it was like yeah and I was like parading it like taking these like really and then the wedding look at this cheap present and um yeah so none of those could even get shown but the wedding I just remembered uh we took some, I don't know if I can say it on the air, but I'll say some psychedelics. I'll say it that way.

Okay. She says it's a wild wedding. And by the time the photographer came around, the psychedelics had kicked in. Jesus, no wonder you're finding this show so funny. You should see the photos. The photos are just, my life we thought we came up with we thought we came up with all these like really cool like positions in that you'd all be like bloody cross-eyed oh we were on each other's backs oh we thought

we were animals and um this is a great call and the photographer is like this is wow this is an interesting high

concept luckily she was a friend she was she was tripping too oh you're on the line. We're going to hook you up to an Alpita.

Jeez, I love that call. That's such a great call. It's a Jace workers. It's cold. Bye. It's 8.35. We love you.