Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: The funniest fake tan story you'll ever hear!

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY: Jono's an ambassador  Snoop Dogs getting HOW MUCH?!  A legend retiresA gifting disaster… That's and outrages order!  Is Megan a cheater? Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: THEHITSBREAKFASTSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This John O'Byrne podcast, hey that's us, brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts and tastes that Kiwis love. A lot going on in the Olympics, particularly overnight, it was awesome to see Finn Butcher won a gold for New Zealand in the men's canoe slalom cross, which is incredible. We just got a silver in the sprint cycling as well, which is a really, really close race against Great Britain. That's definitely a sport and you're like, oh is that it? You know when it goes so quickly? Yeah, it does. Not as in like it's underwhelming, and you're like, oh, is that it? You know, when it goes so quickly. Yeah, it does. Not as in like it's underwhelming. You're just like, oh, is that it? So over very quickly, so

very close. Within under a second, we're just slipping behind Great Britain. But still, another medal to the tally. This would be one of our greatest Olympics of all time. I don't know. Maybe. I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to go out and say it. It feels like the medals are really rolling in now for New Zealand

And it was awesome last night to see Three of the New Zealanders in the women's pole vaulting final Which is going to be on tonight So we'll bring you up to speed Live from Paris we go to Courtney from Sky Sport In about 20 minutes time But last night as well as trying to navigate what was on the Olympics We tried to navigate an alpha quiz live

At the Little Fiddle in Christchurch. High energy stuff for a Monday night. To be honest, we didn't expect anyone to turn out. Monday night, middle of winter, I mean I wouldn't turn out to watch three babbling radio hosts ask questions but these fine people did. And thank you for having us at the Little Fiddle.

A lot of great crowd work I felt I did last night. My electrifying crowd work This is probably the first time You've seen that Now we've got a quiz going on A lot of people Concentrating on the quiz

I don't know why he feels He needs to do crowd work People are like Trying to do answers You're like talking What's on the TV as well You guys see that sport And everyone's like

We're trying to answer quiz You know you get very Distracted by things Look at that guy Climbing the wall Is he practising Or is he I'm trying to answer questions

I can't remember But yeah he went round and What are your hopes and dreams for the future? And they're like just to get

through this. To go home. Did some crowd work at the microphone he was going up to people in the crowd going

through one lady's purse at some stage. Wallet. Wallet. Not a purse. Not a purse. I'm not a

monster. Well it's the same thing pulling out cash that she had. It was fun times.

Sorry Katie. It was a times. Sorry, Katie. No, it was a good night. She had narcotics in there as well. I stitched her up in front of everyone. And then didn't say no, she doesn't at some stage. She just carried on with it. He made me play Taylor Swift from my phone into the microphone so he could do a sing-along.

I heard that. No, well, because you were tallying the scores. Yes, I was. Yeah, so there was a bit of filibander required there. So there you go, the rollercoaster of the Alpha Quiz.

We should take that on a nationwide tour. That'd be fun. The Alpha Quiz, yeah. Yeah. It is a lot of fun. I don't know about playing music off a phone

in front of people. We probably could do better than that. It was to get our way with copyright. Otherwise, you have to pay a fee, don't you? It's an airprime.

Monday night, though, and one lovely lady bought us shots, which we didn't need no but it was like shots yeah also your shot etiquette you two we did it all separately you're supposed to do it together jono did it and then you were like oh well i'll do it and then i was like wait where's the i don't like all the showbiz razzmatazz with a tequila shot. You're like, squirt the lemon in your eyes and snort the soda. I don't know what you have to do. I'll just drink it and then be done with it.

All three things go in your mouth. Do they? Yeah. I know what you're trying to do there. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Well, speaking of content, we've been staying in a hotel here in Christchurch. We hosted an Alpha Quiz live last night. Some champagne crowd

work from you. Some great stuff. They keep mocking me for my crowd work. It was electrifying. Working around, talking to people, just feeling the need to babble the whole time. I'd say more cheap beer content from you than champagne. Yeah, true. He went through one lady's wallet. He didn't want me saying purse for some reason. Did you put that

cash back? He took cash out there since she had all reason. Did you put that cash back? Money bag. I put her money bag. He took cash out of there, said she had all sorts of other stuff, illegal stuff in there as well. Named and shamed her in front of everyone. She loved it. They love it. New Zealanders love being called out in front of a crowd. It's one of our hobbies.

One of our passions. But yeah, so we stay in this hotel. And I don't know if in your room you've noticed a bit of an addition in the bathroom. Yes, yes. You have. The bidet situation. I think we had

different rooms because I did not have a bidet. I requested one with a bidet. They actually didn't have them. They had to install them.

You demanded it on your rider. But it's not often in this country you're greeted with the bidet and you have the opportunity to use one.

So I take it with both hands every time it's there. Okay. I tell you what, there's nothing quite, I don't know why we don't have it everywhere. There's nothing quite like water blasting under the bonnet. You know, you've never felt cleaner, fresher. It makes a lot of sense. Like traveling to Japan, I just came back and I raved.

You heard me. I raved for weeks about the tour. That's right. You were like, whew. I recorded myself on it with my family. I'm like, what are you doing in there? You know, it was amazing. Their one, it's all like a two-in-one. It's not like a separate bidet situation, which

this hotel had. This is all like, you do your business, then you push a button, and oh, there we go. All squared up there. And I'll tell you what, it's like, you know how the feeling you get when you wash your hands clean? It's like washing your hands for your butt. Yeah. Yeah. You have that same sensation.

So you do your business and then you have to hop off one onto the other. Well, you do here. That's why I say Japan, they had it all in the same. All in one. All in one. Which makes sense. Very weird. Yeah.

Yeah. And then squirty squirty and then toilet paper or towel? I just use toilet paper. Yeah. Okay. Just to mop it up. You have one in your house. I grew up with a bidet, but I can't say I ever used it because my parents loved to get

the new fangled thing. Oh, they got it installed today. Yeah. Yeah, right. And we never used it. It was constantly filled with pot plants. Mum was soaking pot plants. Oh, really?

So unless you want to fern up your hoodacky, you weren't going to use the bidet. Well, she's got plants sitting in your bidet. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's probably quite good for draining the plants. They're not going to go, yeah. They're soaking in there. Yeah, I guess so. I imagine a lot of people over the years have knelt down and drunk out of them,

washed their hands in them, I imagine. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, one. You can't put ice in them and chuck your bid Oh, God. Oh, God. You can't put ice in them and chuck your babies in there. Oh, God. I wanted to do like a happy B-Day. When everyone got their birthday, it's like, happy B-Day to you, Megan.

You get a B-Day. And we give away one every day on the radio. That's a great idea. I fully endorse them. Yeah. If they're looking for a spokesperson. We're the radio show. You can be a B-Day ambassador.

Yeah. I'd happily do it for free. For free. Even a demonstration video too, like no pixelation. Oh, can you do some infomercials? It's just like, here's how it works. Anything you need me to do for the B-Day industry, I'll do it. Oh, well, Megan definitely needs it. It's given me so much.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We are having a fun time in Christchurch at the moment. Beautiful day yesterday. Yeah, spend the day trudging around the city pestering people with propaganda promotional pamphlets. Now we were sliding them under windscreen

wipers, which I don't know the legalities about that, but I guess if there's any complaints to the company we'll find out. Do you get annoyed when there's something under your windscreen wiper? But, kind of, but I'm more inclined to take it and read it than if, like, I saw John on the street handing it to me.

Yeah, you're like, what's this? You're like, oh yeah, that's you. You could win $10,000. It's a fine line between being a radio host and a door-to-door salesperson, isn't it? And as we said earlier this morning, don't make eye contact. If you want to avoid us, don't make eye contact. Now, something happened in the

hotel, though, Megan, that we spoke briefly about yesterday. I decided I'd take this opportunity because I had some time alone in the hotel room to fake tan. I don't get a lot of time to do these things. Seems like, again, an odd task to go. That's what

I'm going to do when I'm in the hotel. Says you. That's like good me time. So you pre-planned this? You thought you'd come down here like, okay. I brought my fake tan. Got some time in the hotel room. Is it a spray-on job or a rub-on job? No, it's a rub-on with a mitt.

Right. And you have to leave it and then you wash it off. Do you go inside the shower to apply? Or are you just doing it on the lounge, the bathroom? No, it's like a mousse. It's not going to go everywhere. You put the mousse on the mitt and yeah., I put it on and then it was it was touch dry So I was like I reckon I can sit on the beard and just not move

So I sat there watched the TV and kept very still but when I got up to make a difference There was an absolute crime scene in the beard. Mm-hmm We put it on the hitsits Breakfast Instagram story yesterday. It was, yeah, it looked like a lot of, looked like you needed that bidet. That's for sure. You were dreading heading back to the hotel. You didn't want to look anyone in the eyes.

Because you know that'll be talking about you in the hallway. For sure. But I got back and the bed was made, new sheets, and no one said anything. The sheets you handed to them looked like they were in the middle of their hot girl European summer. They were ready to go. And nothing was said.

Nothing was said. Although I bolted past the reception and didn't ask them. We were going to record some content with them. You didn't want to. No. They're ashamed. Well, to be honest, it's probably in terms of substances left on

beds in hotels, it's probably at the lighter end of the scale. Well, at least there's the backstory. At least there's, you know. And they can bleach it, right? It just comes off. Yeah. I know, this first hand. It's a faked hand in my bed sheets. Yeah, it comes off the washing powder. I guess there's nothing

to stress about. Apart from the fact that they're like, what on earth was this woman up to? That would have been the initial, what am I doing? Sometimes I'm like, you know when you're talking on the radio and you're like, bruh, shut up.

Shut the hell up. Like in my head, I'm like, you're going nowhere. You've got nothing to say. But your mouth is still moving. We're doing all that talk all over you. We're like, when is it going to finish? That like, you're going nowhere. You've got nothing to say. But your mouth is still moving. We don't want to talk all over you. We're like, when is it going to finish?

That's what we were all thinking. This better go somewhere. No, it's not. Where are you going with this? Shut up, Jono. You idiot. Okay, so 0800-4487. This is where we're going.

Fake tan disasters. That's what we'd like this morning. Have you had any of those? Can you compete with Megan's? I still want a fake tan, Jono. You're quite iridescent. I don't think. You're not rubbing your fake tan on me, thanks, mate.

You can rub it on yourself. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. A tan-tastrophe in the hotel. Tan everywhere. The ceiling, the walls, the sheets. Sprayed it everywhere. Just smeared everywhere.

Now you're saying you're breaking out in a full body rash from the tan. I know. I don't know. I've used this tan before, but maybe it's punishment. I've got a rash on my legs and arms, which is grim. Total opposite of what I wanted. Yeah. Murky brown massacre in the hotel room.

What's preferential? Going out in the sun and getting melanoma or rubbing this stuff on you? What's the preferred? Well, obviously rubbing this stuff on you. Yeah, fair enough. You know, the real tan's bad for you. Not the only one that's had a tan-tastrophe. We've got to get to these calls and texts.

There's so many amazing ones coming through. Jason, good morning to you. Good morning, guys. How are you? Yeah, good, thanks. Now, you used to be, I'm not sure if you're still in the game, a cleaner. A cleaner? No, no, not me.

I'm not a cleaner. He's out of the game now, cleaner. A cleaner? No, no, not me. I'm not a cleaner. He's out of the game now, mate. Way out. If he was in that game, he's out of it. I said I wouldn't go back. Great research, though. Have you ever cleaned anything in your life? Maybe the odd toilet now and again when the wife tells me.

Yeah, okay. So is this related to like, well, strange questioning if it's not related to anything we're going to talk about. Have you heard of tantastrophe? Definitely not. Definitely not. I don't use tan very often. Oh, thanks. Thanks.

All right. Well, this is the call that you... Jono, before the show, I've lined up someone. We've had tantastrophe. It's great. We'll leave it with me. So we have, and it's... Jason, we hold the line.

We're going to send you out some pizza. Go, go, Jason. What was I texting you about, Jason? You were texting me about something about the Warriors, I believe. The Warriors? The Warriors, mate. I love the Warriors. One of you two is having a meltdown. Go, Sean Johnson. The Warriors? The Warriors, mate. I love the Warriors. One of you two is having a meltdown.

Go Sean Johnson. Probably Jono. Sean Johnson. Yeah, bloody great. Yeah, hold the line, Jason. We're going to hook you up with some pizza, and we're going to fire Jono from ever organising anyone again. This is why I don't take out the guests.

Oh, Jason, I'm sorry. Should we go to Kelly? Yes, please do. Kelly, did you used to be a cleaner? No. No? I was a uni student, though. Okay, well, you had a tan disaster.

What happened? I went and got a spray tan, and I just started seeing the sky, and I didn't wait for the tan to dry, and I may have done something with the guy and then his private imprinted on my chest, well, stomach, and it dried. The dress was a two-piece, so you could see his balls and the other things.

Was it like an outline on your chest? Outline on my chest. And I thought I had covered up quite well with bronzer, but at the ball, one of my mates came up to me and was like, is that a penis on your stomach? Oh, my God. Wait, so you're wearing a toe piece to the ball. Oh, this is so good. You're like, no, it's a space rocket.

Wait, did your parents see you before you left for the ball? No, I was sledding in another city, thank God. It's so good. What about your ball photos? Let's just say I wasn't in any. Oh, well, thank you so much for your call. So good. We're going to send you out some help eats thank you so much for your call. So good. We're going to send you out some help eats as well.

We loved your call this morning. Why is it on the chest? Thanks. We don't need to know, do we? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Finn Butcher for New Zealand overnight won gold in the canoe slalom. So it was incredible. Silver this morning in the women's sprint cycling.

The team of three got that. And then last night, late last night, you and I were watching that, weren't we, Megan? It was pretty incredible. Three of our pole vaulters into the final, which will be tonight, which was awesome. Yeah. They needed 12 people for the final, and a bunch of them failed to get the last jump. So all three of our girls made it through. There's 19 girls in the final now.

There's meant to be 12. How did they go, well, we don't have enough, we don't have 12, but we'll leapfrog up to 19? Well, because all of the remaining girls had the same, they were all on a level field. So they were meant to try and make it over this one jump, which Eliza McCartney did. The others kind of didn't quite get there, and they were like, okay,

well, now we need to look back at who got the next best jump and it was like a whole lot of them. So he could have had seven or 19. Those are the two options. Yeah. Oh, well, I like the fact that we've got three people in the final. That's awesome, mate.

And Eliza actually qualified comfortably. Yeah, it's very exciting. That's all right. Now here's something that will blow your biscuits to do with the Olympics. Snoop Dogg, he's had a lot of coverage as well.

Guess how much he's getting paid per day? Well, we know the answer to that, so that's... Shall we lowball it? I'm going to go $700,000 a day, American. It's not. It's $500,000 a day. Not quite as much. That's disappointing. See what you did there? Tried to sabotage my fun fact. No, you said this earlier this morning.

It is incredible. $500,000 a day. Half a million dollars. But bear in mind, you said this earlier this morning. It is incredible. $500,000 a day. Half a million dollars. But bearing in mind, it's Snoop Dogg. Like, he's, you know. And I guess the coverage, he's bought the event through his socials and through people, you know, sharing. I just showed you a video of what he's been out to today. Dancing with a horse. He just was in his horsey gear, dancing with the horse.

Potentially high. I'd dance with anyone for $500,000 a day. He's doing a wonderful job, though, bringing it to a wider audience, though, isn't he? So what's that, 8 mil? 8 mil for 16 days work? Yeah, and again, that's Snoop Dogg. That's Snoop Dogg.

You feel like that's a good amount for someone like Snoop Dogg. But it just seems like a weird choice, right? But he has been incredible promoting it. Yeah, weird choice, but maybe it's good. We've all been talking about it. All the athletes have wanted to get photos with him. You've seen him everywhere.

So yeah, it's probably money well spent if you're the Olympics or whoever's paying for him. Is it the Olympics? I think it's the NBC. Oh, right. Yeah. I think the fact that the figure got out is someone was sitting next to the head of the network

at dinner and they said, oh, this is how much he's getting for his time at the Olympics. Wow. He'll be like, thanks for getting that sensitive contract information out there. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We've been loving the Olympics.

You can catch it on Gold Sport and, of course, Sky Sport as well. I don't know what I'm going to do after this is over. I'm getting some anxiety because, you know, we never got nothing else to talk about. Well, hey, the Olympics is on. Oh, it's been great. Yeah, it's such great filler content. I mean, it's probably not filler content for the people

who have been training their whole lives to get there. But for us radio hosts, it really does suck up some valuable airtime. Now we're going to cross back to Paris. And bonjour to the wonderful Courtney Taieri from Sky Sport. Welcome back. How are you? Morena. Morena.

Bonsoir. Thank you again for having me. Oh, thank you for joining us. We've missed you the last couple of days. You've been, like, you were at the track yesterday with the 100 metres. Incredible. I was. I was very lucky to be there.

I was right on the finish line too. So unfortunately, from where we are in our position, we can't actually show you the race, even though I've got it on my phone. But I could show you everything after, and it was just incredible. What a moment to be at Witness History. Honestly, I thought Noah had lost that race from where I was. Did you go back on your cell phone footage, on the slow-mo on your cell phone footage?

I did, and I was like, actually, from my angle, he came third. It was so close between it. It was a photo footage, exact same time. It was pretty incredible, the closest race in history, and you got to speak to him, I understand. Yeah, he was right there. It was very brief, so as you can imagine, all of the world's media is waiting to speak to him, I understand. Yeah, he was right there. It was very brief, though. As you can imagine, all of the world's media is waiting to talk to them.

But it's just like a quick congratulations. How was it? And it was just, you're just, like, you get quite starstruck, even as a former athlete myself, because you're just like, wow. And I've watched him on the documentaries and everything. And to see him actually do it, I think that was the biggest thing. Because he does like to speak a bit of smack, I guess you would say, but to see him come out and do it in real life was quite incredible.

Well, and he then put on social media, you know, he's got ADD, he's got asthma, he suffers from anxiety and depression. And to put that out, too, after winning gold in the 100 metres, the prestigious event, very vulnerable of him. Yeah, very vulnerable. And I think he knew that that was his moment too. And just, I guess, inspire whether you're an athlete or not, but just to say, don't let all these things define you

and, you know, fill your dreams, which I think for me has been the biggest thing about the Olympics, just watching all these people live out their dreams and to make it a reality, but also just them knowing the platform that they're on to show, I think, everyone else just to follow your heart. That's awesome. We've had a pretty good 24 hours too, the Kiwis.

Finn Butcher got gold in the men's canoe slalom. We had silver women's sprint cycling. Three of our competitors made it through the pole vault finals tonight. So things are pretty good in New Zealand. Yeah, it's been a very busy day over here in Paris, but I tell you what, Three of our competitors made it through the pole vault finals tonight. So things are pretty good in New Zealand. Yeah, it's been a very busy day over here in Paris. But I tell you what, Finn Butcher's one is probably the most incredible one for the day.

If you didn't get to see it, go back on Sky and watch it. Because even the event itself is crazy. I'm not sure if you've seen it, but they start at the top of a platform. They drop down, and then they're actually trying not to hit each other with their oars while they dunk each other in the water. It's the most insane race I've ever seen. And Finn came out with the gold by a mile. It looks like you're about to drown at any stage in that event. It's full on.

Did all the competitors finish? Yeah, exactly right. Hopefully they can all swim. But even when they have to go under the water, I'm like, if they get stuck in their kayak. But anyway, it was incredible. So I'm saying if you haven't watched it, go back because it was an incredible gold for New Zealand.

And we just found out too, Snoop Dogg getting 500,000 US per day. What's your daily rate there, Courtney? Oh, I tell you what, it's definitely not that, especially not in US dollar either. I'm just happy to be here. I'm on the Snoop hunt, though, and he was at the fencing the other day. I couldn't believe he was there,

but I was too into the sport to actually realise that he was there, so I missed him. But I'm trying my best because when I got here, I was like, what does everyone in New Zealand want to see? They're like, we want to see Snoop. And I was like, okay, I'm the girl for the job. But I'm getting closer and closer every day. Did I see on your social media that you did take a video

about maybe 15 metres away from him? Was that right? Exactly. I did. That was at the fence scene, so I was close. And then he was at the athletics last night, but I wasn't close enough there. So still a few more days to go.

So I'm going to try my best. As you said, a few more days to go. Realistically, to try my best. As you said a few more days to go realistically how many more medals can we pull in we're getting greedy now. Well we should win a couple more actually in the cycling because this is only day one so we've got the next couple of days for the cycling so I think we definitely will pull in a few more there. The women's silver today was great, but I'm hoping for a possible gold somewhere, but we should get a small collection out of the cycling. I mean, our flag bearer Aaron Gate, he's been in great form.

So hopefully he can get us our hands on a few more. Well, Courtney, thank you so much for your time. And, you know, we're going to miss you next week when you're not in our lives. Is it going to be weird if we keep calling you every couple of days? I'll just keep calling me. I'll just pretend that I'm still here or, you know,

put on my friend's accent and eat croissants from my bedroom back in Auckland. Courtney from Sky Sport, we really do appreciate your time. Take care. And we'll probably, I'm sure, we'll piss you one more time before the Olympics are over. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. It's a big day pushing giant bingo balls around Christchurch yesterday, didn't we? Wasn't it a beautiful day, though?

Beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, spent the day handing out promotional propaganda pamphlets, didn't we? You feel like a right pest with a pamphlet in your hand, don't you? Even when you're not trying to get money out of people. You're still, when approaching people, they're like, oh, God, what's this person want? Want to win $10,000? No. Yeah, some people are just like, no, I don't need $10,000.

Even Jeff Bezos needs $10,000. Yeah, I'm sure he wouldn't $10,000? No. Yeah, some people are just like, no, I don't need $10,000. Even Jeff Bezos needs $10,000. Yeah, I'm sure he wouldn't want that, right? Yeah. The problem is, and I actively avoid those people if I'm out in public, anyone holding any form of documentation and walking towards you smiling with,

you know, don't make eye contact. Yeah, yeah. As soon as you make eye contact with us, we've got you on the hook. We lure you in. They're in, right? All right, there's a little tip for new players. So while we were doing that, there was big news actually yesterday

in the sports world as well. One of the legends of the rugby league game in New Zealand, Sean Johnson, announced his retirement. A very emotional announcing in front of the players yesterday. Here's a little bit from his Instagram. Hey, I just wanted to get in front of you and let you know that later today I'm going to be announcing my retirement. Yeah, it's probably a decision that I've sat with for a long time now, but one I'm still

probably coming to terms with. So I'm really keen just to rip him for the rest of the year and enjoy it in every moment, seriously. Yeah, what a legend of the game. It's been amazing to watch him over the years. And just, yeah, one of the greats. And he's been so generous with his time as well to us over the years. He's a lovely gentleman, Sean Johnson.

What, over 10 years service for the club? Over 200 games? Yeah. He's played. So a real icon of New Zealand rugby league. It's going to be sad to see the Warriors without Sean Johnson. Yeah. I really sad.

I saw on another video he was saying that when he was growing up in Oriwa or around that era I think, Whangaparoa that he just dreamed of playing for the Warriors and he looks back on it now

and he's like it's still as cool as when he dreamt about it when he was a kid. That's very cool. Isn't that phenomenal? Living out his dreams. Wish I could say the same

about radio. And dream to go to a pub last night, have a shot, go through some lady's wallet. Hand up, pamphlet. True. Dreams are coming true.

Push a big... And then get up in the morning and get here at like 5 o'clock. You know, that's what you want to do. That's what I dreamed of as a little child. Pushing a big...

But you did. You did dream this as a child. Honestly, I think people need to do that more often. If you're in a job, which, you know,

we're very blessed to be doing this job. If you're in a job that which, you know, we're very blessed to be doing this job. If you're in a job that you dreamed of doing and you have those days and you're like, oh, just think back to when you were a kid. And you're like, if I could be in there doing that job. Like change your dream. Do something else. Could I invent Amazon or Tesla or something? Yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I was telling in the weekend to my friends friends well my wife was bringing it up she brings it up from time to time as does the show about one time i blew out with a gift i got her and amongst other stuff i got her a frying pan that frying pan that she wanted yes but it was not the time nor the place to buy her a gift i've learned that lesson you could have just got her the frying pan any other day and i should have i should have just got it for the household. Yeah, it's a household purchase.

I get that now. I just thought it was a displaying that I was listing. Did you wrap it up? Yeah, I did. I thought it was displaying. Oh, amateur. And it was not the only gift. I thought it was a show that I'd listened to a Gnosher. We'd been at the shop and she'd gone. Any other day. Any other day. But anyway.

He also got her a piece of glass to put in as a ceiling as well. So I was telling my friend about this the other day, and he was saying that he actually gave his wife a stick vacuum cleaner for Christmas. Oh, like a Dyson job. Like, yeah, one of those. But he was saying, and I was like, oh, you didn't, mate. Oh, you didn't. Oh, this is amateur.

And he was like, actually, no, the reaction was amazing because this is something she wanted. And I was like oh you didn't mate oh you did oh this amateur and he was like actually no the reaction was amazing because this is something she wanted and I was like wasn't amazing he had the video he had the video and that's great but just like that's a household thing so like any other day but no but this in this case I was like that's what I thought but he was like no on this case it was Christmas morning family around gave us a vacuum cleaner that you know didn't need to be plugged in. And her reaction was genuine. She was stoked. She was actually genuinely pumped.

This was a few years ago, and she was really stoked. He's kept that just as evidence. Just as evidence. I was like, well, that's impressive. And he's like, but yeah, watch on the video. And what happened next was his brother was there with his new partner at the time. He went to give a gift there. Now, he was following up after a stick vacuum cleaner,

which went down well. And then she opened up a little box, like diamond earrings, worth thousands of dollars. And he was like, oh, no. I've been out gifted. Oh, no. This is the last time we spend, we open presents in front of other people. Just a moment of her just going, oh,

and then you could see the reaction on my friend's wife's face. And she went, oh, I've got a stick vacuum cleaner, which I was stoked about. But now this person's now been given diamond earrings worth quite a lot. It's like, oh, so really. What are you going to get more use out of that? Day to day. Megan. She's going to wear those earrings.

Yeah, but that vacuum cleaner's going to be used, I'd say, at least four times a week. But everyone's going to use it. It's a household item. Get her a want, not a need. Yeah, well, less than the put-up. You can tell the big dog who bought the earrings, he was probably the part of them going, oh, this is definitely breaking some sort of code. You know, you go first, you go first.

No, every Christmas he's like, wait, what did you get your wife? Exactly. I never thought about having to go after someone else in the gift-giving stakes. But yeah, it's one of those. Just a vacuum cleaner as well. He's like, great, worked well, the vacuum cleaner. And they're like, uh-oh. Don't get me wrong, I would love a Dyson, but I don't want it for Christmas any other day.

What about a Dyson and some earrings? Oh, yeah, done. Yeah, any day. The Hits, the. Yeah, any day. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. I know that that's going on but a lot of people over here are more focused on

the triathlon. Yeah, you're right. Which we are doing. Kicked off yesterday the triathlon where we had to run across the road here in Christchurch

and make the most pretentious toss a coffee order we could think of. And it was one you designed, Megan, having worked and owned a cafe. It was a sweet, dirty chai with coconut milk, extra hot,

which you always found a bug there, with chocolate. It usually has cinnamon. You want chocolate. Now this is how it played out yesterday. Hi there, I'm from Auckland. How are you? That's a whisper. Can I please order a dirty chai latte?

A dirty chai? Takeaway, thank you. Hot please. Coconut milk. It was coconut milk, thank you. And chocolate on top. That was some chocolate on top too, thanks. The order has been submitted. We made you also say

I'm from Auckland just to embarrass you more in Christ's name. Yeah. I don't know why I was talking to you like a child. Yeah,

that's right. You come across and you're like, what is it? Hello there. Can I have a dirty chai? What is a patronising person coming in

and just like, hi, coffee? Do you make coffee? He's like, yeah, I'm standing by my coffee machine.

It's weird, I bent down with my hands on my knees to talk to her as well on the nose at the end

so this is what we want we want the most complicated orders out there they can be coffee related or tea it could be fast food takeaways

tea milk or no milk yeah no but some people do like no matter what it is there's always a way that someone wants it.

There's always some pain in the ass. You're right. Friend came over. Sharon, works on the edge. We got pizza. Okay. And she's like, I want you to order me this specific pizza that she's designed, a bespoke pizza. Okay.

So, Hawaiian. Okay. You're familiar with Hawaiian. Hawaiian, firstly. Okay, red flag But alright Yeah interesting choice I thought

It's fine It's a bad rap Hawaiian But it's not my favourite Of all the pizzas But it's fine It's weird for an adult To order Hawaiian Yeah

That was my first thought Yeah yeah She's like Don't stop there though Thanks I want cheese and the crust Stuffed crust Oh yeah that's good

Stuffed crust is good Stuffed crust Hawaiian Yeah yeah And then she wanted Bacon bits sprinkled on it. I'm like, how many different types of pig do you need on this thing? And then she wanted a mayonnaise swirl. She's like, just one loop around with the swirl.

Okay. Clarify one loop around. Clockwise. Clockwise. So I'm thinking this. I was looking down my nose at her, and I tried it. That was the tastiest goddamn thing I've ever eaten. Is it? Oh, my it. That was the tastiest goddamn thing I've ever eaten. Is it?

Oh, my God. It was, yeah. But ordering it, you can tell the guy's like, mate, we've got a menu. There's a wide range. There's many different flavours and tastes that we've catered for. Would you like to come over here and start designing your own pizzas and pizza? That's why Sharon got you to order it, so she didn't sound annoying.

So, yeah, I'll wait 100 minutes. Have you got a specific order that you add to things? I feel like you would, Megan. I just add, like, pickles to things or, like, a little bit of salad to things. Like, I'm just thinking of a burger. If I order a burger, sometimes I add, like, salad and pickles. Nothing too, like, dramatic. The first person ever to add pickles to it.

Yeah. Oh, pickles are the best. There is a theory that if you add stuff to those fast food orders then it'll cook it fresh for you, right? No matter what it is.

That's my mate's theory as well. He's like, I'll put something in like extra pickles which I don't really necessarily want but I know that it'll

make it fresh for me. Oh. Which has got a little hack. Yeah. And then you can decide to eat the pickles or not. Please eat the pickles. Okay.

0800 the hits 4487 New Zealand's most complicated orders. Are you? Are you that giant stick in the mud when you go into the restaurant? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Text here. I used to be a barista. Every weekend, a lady would walk in. She would order a mocha.

No foam. Half hot water, half milk, extra hot, triple shot, with a bit of cinnamon on top. She said it was very frustrating to make. You used to work at a cafe. You owned a cafe. Was it frustrating when people made an order like that, or was it okay? Yeah, especially during busy time because you've got

a million coffees going on. Don't own a cafe, mate. Don't come to make your coffee at home. Make your coffee at home. I'm going to have a side hustle at a cafe. People order coffee. And extra hot. There's a temperature the milk is supposed to be heated to. You're burning it.

Too much. You sound like, I was on a tour group where we were overseas recently. There was someone saying a lot of facts to the person telling the facts. And they went, they did the classic, would you like to take over? No, would you? With your freaking hair. No, no, honestly, because you seem to have a lot to say. Would you like to take over?

I was like, oh. And then they were like, no, you can have the hair set because I'm just doing my job. But anyway, I was like, oh. And then everyone sat in awkward silence. This was really kicking off. Get the popcorn. Get the popcorn. I know. So it was one of those moments. I was like, oh, this is really kicking off. Get the popcorn. Get the popcorn. I know.

So it was one of those moments. I was like, oh, that was the tour group person offering to give the headset over to someone else. It was very chatty. So I was like, that's what can happen. Oh, that's a real humbling one when you called out. The person didn't take over, but I would have loved them to have taken over and done a wonderful job.

We'd go, all right, we're up on your left here. You'll find this. And you'd be like, wow. All right, let's head to the phones on 0800 The Hits. Who have we got here? Sorry, I know someone just texted her in Christchurch. Sora, morning. How are you?

How are you, Sora? Yeah, not bad, my man. Sora, Sora, Sora, the explorer. Lovely to have you on. Complicated orders. Are you a pizza orderer? Bro, I am like the spice fiend day. A spice fiend.

So how are you rejigging your pizza order? Oh, man, okay, so the hells, yeah, I'll give you the inside scoop, bro. So you want the Lust of Lux, right? I took some jalapenos on that puppy. Yeah. And took a level four chili on that. That's the goods, man. So hold on, jalapenos and level four chili? That's the stuff, I's the goods, man. So hold on.

Jalapenos and level 4 chili? That's the stuff, I'm telling you, man. Sounds like a radio prank. It does. Yeah. I'm telling you, bro, if you want a spice kick, man, that's the goods. Yeah.

Spice people are interesting. Chris Mack from 660, he's a spice guy. He loves a spice. He's squeezing away. It does not look like he's enjoying any part of the meal. If I was making that pizza, I'd be like, I'll give you spice. I'd be like, the sauce. That was the sauce.

It was the sauce, yeah. We saw the demonstration of the sauce. Listening to it, you'd be like, is she farting on the back? That's why I was squeezing the sauce. That's why she's no longer running a cafe. Health and safety came in. What are you doing? I was just trying to order a coffee. Squeezing the sauce.

It was the sauce bottle. We saw that, but no one else listening to you. What's going on? Natasha, you're on. Welcome. How are you? Hey, how are you doing? Yeah, lovely.

Great to have you on the show this morning. Outrageous orders. Is this at a burger joint, is it? Yeah, a burger joint. I didn't actually know that you could change the burgers until probably quite late in my life. But I didn't like the McDonald's burgers. I find them quite spicy, just the meat patties.

It's really lame. So I get the usual, no pickle. I don't like the onion. It's raw. But probably the most controversial thing is I get the usual, no pickle. I don't like the onion. It's raw. But probably the most controversial thing is I get no seasoning, which is literally no salt and no pepper. So then I add mayonnaise, and it's always cooked fresh, and that's how I like it.

So it's bun, burger, no seasoning, like the patty, and then is it ketchup and mayonnaise? And the mustard, yep mayonnaise and the mustard yep and the cheese Ronald's in the kitchen going bruh you're busting my chops here but then it goes back

to your friends theory that if you do make these additions that it comes out piping hot it comes out nice and fresh it does

yep I'm always afraid people are going to contaminate my food if I'm a niggle you know yeah yeah I see a niggle, you know? Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. You know when you sit down and you're like,

I've never seen a meal bag. No, no. Have you ever seen a meal bag? No, don't do that. That's not going to be trouble. You're like, what is that? No, there is health and safety in the kitchen. You're not just allowed to spit on people's meals

because they've sent it back. I mean, the industry says that. We're all humans. We all know how we would act if, you know, I've created this masterpiece and've sent it back. I mean, the industry says that. We're all humans. We all know how we would act if, you know, I've created this masterpiece and someone sent it back. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We're in the middle of the triathlon and well, well, well. Oh, well, Megan Pappas wanders on in.

Have you been waiting out there just for that bit? I was waiting just a moment to make the right, you know, time, make my entrance. Stop the clock. The time to beat 7 minutes 16, going across the road ordering a complicated chai latte. The triathlon. What's her time there, Ben Boyce? 11.58.

Yeah, it's not great. Not great. It's not great. Not great. Yeah, and I'd love to say I actually left the building. But I didn't. What do you mean? What do you mean?

We went downstairs and made a little coffee in the lounge downstairs. What did you mean? What do you mean? We went downstairs and made a little coffee in the lounge downstairs. What did you do? Did you not even compete in the triathlon? No, well, I've got a coffee. What? What was the point of that? You're making a mockery of our sport. Yeah.

The barista you spoke to was Larissa, who put on a great accent. What? Well, I had intended to beat your time so I've been done with my coffee for quite a while. Oh, so you reckon you beat the time?

Yeah, easily. It's all been filmed. What was the point of you not going out? I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken. I'm just cheating in the big events,

you know? That's what they said. I wanted to work smarter not harder, you know? Well, that's disappointing into the triathlon. Yeah, yeah. It won't be back. not harder, you know? Well, that's the disappointing end to the triathlon. Yeah, yeah. It won't be back.

It won't be back. Or four more years, sorry. It will be back in four more years. But I don't know. We'll be back for it. They'll get new competitors. Do I need to do drug testing? You do.

Now you need to go in the office and do a degrading urine sample. It's punishment for disrespecting the triathlon.