Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: Welcome home Ben!

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

ON THE SHOW TODAY: Jono is having serious bird issues How to c***k Kids with adult hobbies Snoop Dogs kids show... Is it okay to hug someone you don't know> Lying about your anniversary Megan embarrassing dishwashing problem Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono and Ben Instagram: THEHITSBREAKFASTSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. As Ben makes his way back to New Zealand, his arrival is imminent. Can I just say, this is my birthday week, and I'm very much a birthday week extravaganza kind of person. He's completely overshadowed all of my lead up to now. Oh, do you like a whole week long lead in? Yeah, girl. I'm sorry.

We have really been heavily focused on the return of Ben Boyce, who's been trapped over in America. I started to think he was trying to avoid my birthday. Well, it is tomorrow. It's all about me. It is tomorrow. A very short runway. But he's made it back in time. That's the main thing.

Well, hopefully he's going to be making it back in time. We've been tracking his plane. You know how those people track Taylor Swift's private jet to make her feel guilty about her carbon footprint? Yeah. We've been doing the same thing. Same thing. And if you have just joined us this morning, here is the harrowing tale of one man trapped in America. It's been a tumultuous two weeks for the United States of America.

Donald Trump was shot at during a rally in Pennsylvania. President Joe Biden has just announced that he is dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. But nothing has captured the hearts and imaginations of America more so than the little Kiwi battler stranded on a family vacation. Bags packed down to our last clean pair of underwear and socks, you know, it's the end of the travels and then we got word that the computers around the world had basically gone down the global IT powder.

Banged up abroad in a comfortable hotel in Florida, he learnt new things about himself. The toilets, how they have that sort of, a lot more water. It's very hard to have a pee quietly in the middle of the night, I've discovered. And the heartbreak and agony of a renowned tight arse dealing with the never-ending pressures on his credit card.

Well, I'm still not sure what travel insurance I've got to pay for. So, hey, you never know. They're like, just keep the receipts, make a claim, keep it as low as possible. Now our little illegal American alien makes his way home, finally. All going well, getting out of Orlando, going to Atlanta. Atlanta to Los Angeles and then

get on a flight back to Auckland. A greasy, tired Ben Boyce returns this morning on The Hits. Welcome home. And 7.14, his plane arrives in.

We are publicly saying if you'd like to go out to the airport, welcome home. Please do. Obviously, you've got work to do, but if you can make it to the airport. Yeah, if you've got nothing else to do. We have sent a welcome party for him that he doesn't know about. They're holding signs. We're going to have music. We're going to have music.

We're going to have Dave Dobbin out there performing live. He's got up early. The great Sir Dave Dobbin will be out there welcoming home Ben Boyce, this Kiwi hero, and we'll be giving you rolling coverage throughout the morning. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Ben is inbound.

In about an hour, he'll be landing finally in New Zealand. Never thought we'd see him again to be honest. Thanks to the global internet outage on Friday which caused him to be, again still really confuses me. Nine days later whatever he is. We tease him but we've missed him and God he's been through a rigmarole

trying to get home. Oh my gosh. Just his updates are so draining and it's not even affecting us. Yeah. I imagine too at that stage you just want to get home. Oh my gosh. Just his updates are so draining and it's not even affecting us. Yeah. I imagine too at that stage you just want to get home. Yeah. And his daughters are so tired. They've been sleeping in the airport. Wow.

Anyway, well, we'll be welcoming him home. I'll tell you what he'll want to do is when he arrives jet lagged, tired, exhausted, managing the kids, is be welcomed by a huge welcoming party

with signs and cameras, confetti cannons. Yeah, we'd love to get that this morning. So he arrives at 7.14. If you want to make your way out to the airport, we'll be crossing live with rolling coverage. Yesterday mentioned had an intruder in the house and I've really oversold it.

I've done that radio thing. It was a good tease. It was just a bird, to be honest. Was it a fantail? no okay that's good that's really bad luck what death i don't know yeah i think it means something something or someone in your life's gonna die sweet and they're like yeah i know it's not good fantail came like this guy's already dead on the inside nothing we can do inside in this house but uh yeah it was kind of like a sparrow.

But my issue with when birds come into the house, everyone's in a flap. The bird's flapping. I'm flapping. It's out of its natural environment. And all parties are equally surprised to see each other. Yeah. And the bird doesn't know any exit point. Because there's glass everywhere. They're smacking into the windows thinking that's how they're getting out.

And sometimes, I don't know why But a bird's biological reaction To being trapped inside It's just defecate everywhere Like who comes over to your house It's just all over the place You know, bang, fly into a window I'll have a poop there, I'm walking over here, I'll poop over here

You're already in the house You are going to be finding bird poo for a while Yeah, and i was trying to remain calm because i think last year or the year before someone phoned up wonderful hits listener phoned up and actually said if there's ever a bird in the house simple trick you do is just shut all the curtains apart from a little gap where you can open the door and they can see the light and i was trying to do that but i was trying to communicate to the bird it's all right mate just stay there stay there. I'll shut the door.

I'll do all this, and it'll be fine. So we need like an app where we can communicate, and then that passes on. To the bird. Yeah, you know, like when you travel overseas, and you're in a foreign country or something. That would be. Maybe Elon can get onto that. And they just can't. For whatever reason, birds can't figure out the concept of glass.

I'll give you one slam into the glass, two, maybe three tops. But by then, you need to say to yourself, this isn't the exit point. But they just keep going and going. And you're just worried they're going to break their neck and then you're going to have to pick up a dead bird. Did it make it out? It made it out. This time, the bird had a safe exit.

Once we got home, there was like a pigeon weirdly sitting in Poppy, my daughter's Barbie house. Got him through the chimney. And it was just like sitting there, like staring. You know how they kind of look at you? Sort of calmly like a serial murderer, pigeons. Yeah, tilts their head. So that one was injured, couldn't fly.

Carried it out, put it on the deck. And boy, oh boy, did that meet a grisly end with the neighbor's cat. Oh, it was the circle of life yeah and we all watched it through the window it was a massacre yeah but anyway good one yesterday good yesterday the hits the jonathan ben podcast quarter past seven he's due to land after an absolute rick merol, we've been tracking his flights. Do you know, just before he left, he was like, he's like, here's some audio of you.

I'm talking to the taxi driver who's taking us to the airport. And guess what he's punishing the taxi driver about? If you could pick three, one of three things that Ben Boyce would be punishing the taxi driver about. Probably his credit card payments. Yeah, how much is this going to cost? Whether the insurance company is going to cover it Yeah, did he mention Donald Trump?

Didn't mention Donald Trump Cricket Cricket, his other love Cricket Have a listen to this This is him talking to a US taxi driver about cricket On the way to the airport Now, you just mentioned cricket to me

Right, yes sir About USA beating Pakistan I know cricket Have you ever watched a game of cricket in your life? Not the whole game, but I do understand it. Okay. And then it just goes on to him explaining the rules of cricket. You hear the excitement.

It is cricket. Oh, cricket. Cricket. Yum, yum. And then he goes on to explain the 20-20 format, the one-day format, the five-day format. And I was like, this poor taxi driver probably just wants to roll them out of the car on the motorway. But you can welcome home Ben Boyce this morning if you wish um leading the welcome home party our wonderful australian producer taylor live from uh the airport the scenes electric are they taylor at the moment

yeah mate it's actually so full here i think word's gotten out that the benjamin boyce and his family are landing this morning. So the crowd is wild. We've got signs. We've got streamers. We are ready to go. We've got background music even prepared. So I just hope he's pumped. What are the signs saying that you've made this?

We've got one that says, welcome home, Ben, from your plastic surgery procedure. And, you know, we're really going to parade that one around just so everyone knows what he's been through, the ordeal, you know, and explain why he looks so great as well as a long-haul flight. Yeah, you'd think how would someone come off such a long day of travel look 10 years younger?

This whole delay was just so that the bruising could go down. Exactly. You know, vulnerability goes a long way in life. So hopefully everyone can get on board with him and just give him that warm welcome. Okay, make your way out to the airport now. 7.14, the flight arrives home. He has no idea that we're going to be out there.

And it's probably, to be honest, the last thing he wants to see is Grace and Taylor and a couple of promotional people from that. He started his journey home on Friday. It's now Wednesday. He doesn't want to see any of us. He wants to see his bed. I can't wait to see his reaction or hear his reaction. Taylor, we'll catch up with you shortly. Appreciate it.

The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. We've been mentioning that Snoop Dogg is mentioned in the news that he is going to be the torchbearer for the Olympic Games. Also it's rum the news that he is going to be the torchbearer for the Olympic Games. Also, it's rumoured that Celine Dion is going to be making a grand return during the opening ceremony. She's not been well. No, she's got stiff person syndrome and it affects her quite a lot.

I don't think she's going to be touring again, but rumours are that she's going to do a performance. Is that actually what it says it is? She's stiff all the time, I imagine. It's an autoimmune neurological disorder, so it affects her muscles. So I think she has kind of like spasms and seizures and it's really painful. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it'll be lovely to see her at the opening ceremony. I'm very excited about the Olympics. I love watching the Olympics. Same. Because it's always on at a weird time too for us too. So it's like usually we're just watching that weird infomercial on TV Where it kind of locks people in that orgasmic massage chair

And they look like they're on the verge of climaxing You know that one? Is it the one where there's a woman in like a red gown? Very chesty, chesty top, yeah You're like, why is she in like a gown? Because there's some director going We're going to need to see more chests. Get her boobs out and then jiggle her.

Boobs sell chairs. It's very weird. It's a fact of the chair game. But who has one of those in their lounge? I know, and who wears a dress in it? Anyway, we won't have to watch that next week because the Olympics will be on. That's a good thing. Hey, we're fresh off two weeks holiday and I spent a lot of time just doing chores.

And I'm not handy. Not handy at all but then there was one job that was festering away so in the shower we have tiles right yeah and the tiles they're joined together by the grouting but then when one tile joins another say uh in a corner you then have to do something which is called corking yes so it's like we have a sort of a rubber latex material that joins that gap so then it doesn't leak through it doesn't get water yeah um and i gave corking a go and i was very nervous went to bunnings and i was like i'm i'm new to corking never done corking he's like you're gonna need this this and this good luck out there yeah i

gave you some corking tips but i i. But even though the person was very helpful, I still didn't feel confident enough. So I went to YouTube. Now, I wanted to pass on this as a bit of a public service announcement. Be helpful on the show. If you are ever corking, take a listen to this helpful advice. Because it definitely

helped you. It got me through it. Here we go. The final step to finishing any tile job is to caulk the corners. The reason for the caulk is that the grout is not flexible and so will break out of the corners over time. The caulk will also provide a watertight seal in the corner. I'll also caulk the top. There's a lot of caulking to do,

and this is the way they look before they're caulked. In this case, I'm using a sanded caulk, latex caulk. The other tool you're going to need is your index finger because you're going to use the tip of that finger to smooth the caulk. Always start small. You can always make your caulk cut a little bit larger, but you don't want to make it too big to begin with. So happy caulking, everybody.

Okay, hopefully it'll help you. Thank you, Jono. No problems at all. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. The official portrait for Prince George's 11th birthday has been released. Little wee Easter egg in that. He's wearing a friendship bracelet that he wore to the Taylor Swift concert in his official portrait.

Thought they'd bloody airbrush that one out. No, it's relatable, isn't it? Yeah, it's beautiful. He looks easy. He's definitely one out. No, it's relatable, isn't it? Yeah, it's beautiful. He looks, he's definitely 50-50 split of mum and dad, isn't he? And he's also, he's so grown up, which is terrifying. He does look like one of those adult children, doesn't he? Yeah. Now, speaking of, we want to check this open, 0800 the hits.

Have you got a kid who is strangely into adult activities? Because for probably over 12, maybe 13 months, I have been having phone conversations on and off with a friend of mine, a mate, and every now and then I'll be like, hey, I've just got to take Poppy, my daughter, to dance. And then he'll phone again and I'll be like, oh, yeah, I'm just waiting outside, dance. You're a dance dad.

Yeah, and spoke to him yesterday. Yeah. And he said, oh, what are you doing this weekend? I said, oh, Friday, Poppy's got dance. You're a dance dad. Yeah, and spoke to him yesterday. Yeah. And he said, oh, what are you doing this weekend? I said, oh, Friday. Poppy's got dance. He's like, oh, where is it? Do they have it at a pub or something? I'll come along and support. What? My reaction is as well.

And I said, why would they have an 11-year-old's dance recital or dance competition at a pub? And he's like, oh, that makes a lot more sense. He thought for over a year that I had been taking my daughter to darts, D-A-R-T-S. He thought Poppy was a dart? Yeah, you know, like, fifth, do, do.

You know, hold a pint on your gut and play darts. Now, I was thinking, if you're hearing the word darts, and it's in relation to an 11-year-old doing physical activity, you're going to lead more towards dance than darts, aren't you? Or you're going to ask a follow-up question being like, is your 11-year-old daughter into darts? That's niche. Unfortunately, now the setting's not in the pub.

He's not going to come along and support. No, that'd be weird, actually. Less appealing. Less appealing. So, yeah, we just want to get this on this morning, 0800 the hits. Darts. Have you got...

Maybe you've got a child who's into darts. But for the whole time, he's like, oh, yeah, darts. He actually said, I thought darts was an unusual sport to get an 11-year-old girl into. Age to their own. You don't want to stereotype, but...

Yeah. So, yeah, 0800 the hits. Have you got a kid into adult activities? Maybe you've got a five-year-old who loves The Chase or something. Yeah. Or a 10-year-old who calls up Kerry McIver on Newstalk ZB in the morning and moans about the left government. There's a number of those.

There's a number of those. Yeah, 0800 the hits. You can text us, 4487 as well. We've got a Dermavine prize pack to give away. Oh. We've got a Dermavine prize pack to give away. Oh, we've got a Dermavine prize pack? We do. Tell us, what does a Dermavine prize pack do? It's got lots of goodies for your skin.

Oh, skin. Yes. People do stuff for their skin, do they? They do. What do they do? Maybe we can slip you one, Jono. Yeah, all right. Not alluding to anything.

I'll put it on the darts cop. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Ben supposedly has landed. He's landed. Welcome the Dartscom. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Ben supposedly has landed. He's landed. Welcome home, Ben Boyce. After being stranded in Florida. Couldn't get home due to the global internet outage.

We've been crossing to him daily and we've got a huge surprise for Ben when he arrives through the gates this morning. A welcome home party. I know hordes of listeners have made their way out. Producer Taylor is out there with them on crowd control. They have signs, placards, and it'll be... A party that he does not want.

Yeah, or the exact thing he wants after 24 hours of travel and we'll cross live to the airport very shortly. But first of all, kids into adult activities after my friend believed for 12 months, just purely through mishearing, that I was taking my 11-year-old daughter to darts. D-A-R-T-S is... I think this is kind of on you,

because you'd be telling him that you're a dance dad and you're like, I'm taking Poppy to dance. Yeah. You're obviously not saying it right. If I said recital, yeah. It's probably my pronunciation. I'm taking her to darts. But also there's some responsibility on the receiver of those comms as well to go, hold on.

Why was there not follow-up questions? An 11-year-old, a girl dart. Yeah. But yeah, 0800, that's have you got a child into adult activities? Like do you have a 14-year-old who's a rampant gambler on the horses on the weekend? I don't know, these are terrible. But imagine a lot of the rural kids are a lot more adult than your city slickers, aren't they? Yeah.

They're driving at seven. Exactly. I remember always going to Rangiora, where my cousins had a farm in North Canterbury. And I was like, these are men and women. And they were 10 or 11 years old. I know. You drive through the country, and some of them are on like right on lawn mowers,

mowing the lawns, and you're like, that's a child. They're like, mate, what are we doing? Whacking up some fences today, then we'll head down to the pub later on this afternoon. But yeah, we'll get Anne-Marie on. Welcome to the show, Anne-Marie. You must be very excited that Ben's arriving back. Very excited to hear he's back in the country.

Yeah, the nation is. The nation is. Ecstatic. Yeah, the nation is. The nation is. Ecstatic. Yeah, we're on tent hooks for him to walk through those gates. But Anne, you've got a child into adult activities. Yes, I do. I've got an 11-year-old girl called Jaslyn, and she does archery. That is a very adult activity.

She might be a bit young for the Hunger Games, but where did she get archery from? The first time she saw it was on the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Oh. You were like, you know what, my kid needs a bow and an arrow. No, she decided she wanted a bow and an arrow, so we got her a plastic set and she started with that. But she has seen the Hunger Games. hunger games yeah yeah that'd be in her wheelhouse is she into anything else adult as well no that's about it other than drama and acting

but that's also yeah archery's real we have someone texting uh i have a champion chess player eight-year-old chess player wow Wow. On 4487 as well. It really does make you feel like you have not nailed life when you hear stories about kids playing archery and chess at 10 and 8. Is she, like, really good? Will we see her at the Olympics? Maybe. Possibly.

They have told us that she's got good form. So maybe in 10 years' time she might be in the Olympics. Or it'll be 12 years won't it This is brilliant 9 year old just come through here 4487 my 9 year old rolls the purpose cigarette for me I guess that's an adult That's parenting in real time right there

My friend is golf obsessed And he's gone kind of Tiger Woods dad On his child A 4 year old is amazing at golf Keithie's coming through 4487. Now, Anne-Marie, apparently people care for their skin, and you've won yourself a skincare pack. A Dermaveen prize pack.

Thanks for calling us, Anne-Marie. No worries. Thank you so much. Don't take anything out of that. Is that the archery lady screaming in the background? Is it? No, that's my seven-year-old. All right.

Have a good one. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Beautiful day to welcome home our friend Ben Boyce. If you don't know where he's been the past couple of days. It's been a tumultuous two weeks for the United States of America. Donald Trump was shot at during a rally in Pennsylvania. President Joe Biden has just announced that he is dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. But nothing has captured the hearts

and imaginations of America, more so than the little Kiwi battler stranded on a family vacation. Bags packed, down to our last clean pair of underwear and socks. You know, it's the end of the travels, and then we got word that the computers around the world had basically gone down the global IT outage. Banged up abroad in a comfortable hotel in Florida, he learnt new things about himself.

The toilets, how they have that sort of, a lot more water. It's very hard to have a pee quietly in the middle of the night, I've discovered. And the heartbreak and agony of a renowned tight arse dealing with the never-ending pressures on his credit card. Well, I'm still not sure what travel insurance I'm going to pay for, so, hey, you never know. They're like, just keep the receipts, make a claim, keep it as low as possible. Now our little illegal American alien makes his way home, finally.

All going well, getting out of Orlando, going to Atlanta. Atlanta to Los Angeles and then get on a flight back to Auckland. A greasy, tired Ben Boyce returns this morning on The Hits. And we are live to the International Airport. Producer Taylor, describe the setting. What are the scenes out there this morning for the Welcome Home Party? So we've got a packed crowd here at the International Arrivers. A lot of braided hair coming out of the arrivals gate.

So we're assuming that a Bali flight has just landed. So we're competing. A lot of people, a lot of hot white girls with braided hair who are going to regret that in about three days when they have to return to work. Yeah, so we're just people when they have to return to work. So we're just people watching right now to get the vibes. He pins anywhere near, so we're just watching that closely. Yeah, great stuff.

Now you've got some signs to it. He has no idea that this Welcome Home party has been planned for him. Sir Dave Dobbin, we did reach out to Sir Dave Dobbin and his people. He wanted to be there. Unfortunately, he couldn't make it out this morning. Scheduling conflicts. Yeah, but you do have a loudspeaker to play Welcome Home, we understand, Taylor? Yeah, we absolutely do.

We've got producer Grace on the audio technology this morning, so she's ready to blast that as loud as she can. As soon as we see Ben step foot, you know, very exciting times here. And this is why I was no good at night news. I had another good question and I completely forgot. This is why I'd be no good on the live news. Have we had confirmation?

I had another good question, Prime Minister, but I completely forgot what it was. Is the confirmation on the little arrivals board that he has landed? Yes, we definitely have the landed sign now, which is great. But yeah, there's a few flights that have just landed, so a bit of foot traffic, but that's okay. Bigger the crowd, the better reaction, I guess. You know, if this was radio about 10 or 15 years ago,

we would have called customs and gone, Hey, this guy Ben Boyce, he's carrying some, you know, he's swallowing some snake heads. He's smuggling something up his bum he's got snake heads in his bum I think that exact call happened

I think I remember maybe it's subliminally subconsciously in my mind so we haven't done that though all we've done is given him a nice welcome home party so

that's what we've become so Ben Boyce we'll keep you up to date Taylor we'll keep in touch and hopefully get the live arrival of Ben Boyce. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast.

So think yourself lucky. So one sleep till Megan's birthday, three sleeps till the Olympics. It's an exciting week. Yes, and Snoop Dogg has been confirmed as one of the Olympic torch carriers. There's nothing this guy won't do.

He has diversified in so many areas. Yeah. Remember he did an Air New Zealand safety video. That's right. Oh my God. With that weird puppet. Remember Rico with like, he had like a,

I think a cancelable Mexican accent. Yeah. But yeah, Snoop Dogg, I feel like he just sees an email in his inbox and goes, that'll be fun. I'll do that. Insert all of the jokes about this is the greatest ever lighter.

Everyone's hoping he lights like a joint. Well, I don't think that's allowed. But it would be. Well, they do a lot of drug testing at the Olympics. It's true. Yeah, they're obviously not drug testing the torch carrier. He's also, have you heard his kids TV show? No. I've heard his Kids TV show? No

I've heard his commentary He does Olympic commentary He did last Olympics With Kevin Hart It was hilarious So I think he's doing that again This Olympics Yeah amazing

I didn't realise he was getting into Kids television Yeah so my three year old Even knows who Snoop Dogg is now Because of his TV show Doggyland This is a little bit from it Doggyland it's called

Yeah Affirmations are positive statements That help us to challenge and overcome show Doggyland. This is a little bit from it. Doggyland it's called. Yeah. Affirmations are positive statements that help us to challenge and overcome when you're not feeling good and have negative thoughts. So repeat after me. Come on everyone. There is no one better to be than myself. There's no one better to be than myself.

You can watch these multiple episodes. They sing Wheels on the Bus. All of what you'd expect. It's an animated show and he's one of the characters. I'm just waiting for a submission of hoes or anything. There's nothing. It feels like it's going to come, but it just never does. Today's going to be an amazing day.

Today's going to be an amazing day. My feelings matter. My feelings matter. I get better every single day. I love him. I get better every single day. I love him. I get better every single day. And remember, didn't he sell a line of Bic lighters with Martha Stewart? Yeah.

Yeah. You've got to admire it, don't you? Really, the business tenacity of it. Yeah. It's really diversified. Snoop Dogg, the torchbearer. Do you know we spoke to someone who, they're an aspiring young rapper. I remember they just phoned through to The Rock for some reason when we were on The Rock.

Yeah. And he's like, you'll never guess what I just did. He flew himself to America on an absolute whim. He wanted to be a rapper. And so he spent, he's like, I'll give myself two weeks over here every day, knocking on doors of record companies and trying to harass people and spamming people on social media and stuff. And it got to the end of the two weeks. And he was literally walking onto the plane at LAX.

He was in the departure lounge. And he got a Bing message back on Instagram from Snoop Dogg. What? Saying what? Saying, homie. Now I'm ad-libbing here. I don't know what Snoop Dogg. What? Saying what? Saying, homie. Now I'm ad-libbing here. I don't know what Snoop would have said, but the gist of it was, homie, meet me at my studio. No.

So he left the airport, got in an Uber, went straight to Snoop Dogg's studio, and recorded with him. Can you imagine how many DMs Snoop Dogg gets? Crazy. To filter through and actually respond when he probably gets you imagine how many DMs Snoop Dogg gets? Crazy. To filter through and actually respond when he probably gets a million of those DMs. I think he must have got to a certain level of Snoop's people. Right. Yeah, and harassed them.

That's amazing. So he ended up recording with them in his studio. Wow. And that's all they did, just record music. Nothing else. No. Yeah. And listened to kids' music as well.

Recorded lovely, family-friendly kids' songs. Yeah, for doggy legs. Then he hopped on the plane the following day. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Waiting for his arrival through the gates at Auckland International Airport. God had a end-me-now moment yesterday after work. Just walking to the car park across the road where we park and ran into a lovely lady that I know works for another company. And she was just outside and she welcomed me.

Yeah. Hi, how are you? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. Had the hug. When you pretend to kiss the cheek, but you don't kiss the cheek, you just kind of gently bang cheeks. Or you kiss the ear accidentally. Yeah, did that.

That was all textbook stuff. But she was also with someone else. Okay. Now, this person was giving me a familiar smile, you know, and I couldn't figure out if we had met before or not. It was 50-50. How do you end up in these situations? I don't know. All the time. I don't know.

And so she's looking at me, and I've come fresh off a hug and a bang cheek. Yeah. And she's smiling at me, and I'm like, well, I've hugged someone in front of her. She's going to need a hug. She's giving me. No, she doesn't need a hug. She's needing a hug. If you don't think you know that person, you don't hug them, John.

Well, I went in for a hug. It was a gamble. It was 50-50 as to whether I did know them. And guess what? You didn't. Turns out I didn't. Because I got there. You know what?

The moment that I realized I didn't, I got the, oh, a hug. Oh, a hug. And no hugger ever wants to hear, oh, a hug. Because at that moment, you realize, I have no idea who this person is. They have no idea. And now I'm the first, let's meet each other for the first time and I have a hug person. Like, at least you've gone in too friendly than being a jerk, you know?

She's going to say, that kind of overly. I didn't want to leave her hugless. Yeah. Overly friendly. Actually, the warning signs were there because as soon as I went for the hug, she kind of left her arms beside her body. And so I ended up wrapping. So she was kind of locked in my embrace with her arms.

You're going to get an email from someone. Clearly not on hugging terms. But now, now my question is to you. Now we have hugged. Next time I see this person. Now it'll be an ongoing joke. It needs to be a hug. Yeah.

We're on hugging terms. You need your hug. She'll be like, no, I don't. So I want a quick question to also, to hug or not to hug if you're 50-50 on whether you know someone. I think the general rule is don't. Thank you. You know, like don't, don't body slam someone if you don't think you know them.

Fantastic. Thank you for that life. The Hits hits the jonah and ben podcast it's good the audience knows we're on live assist okay it's pulling back the curtain of a radio show there it means everything will work uh it's been a very exciting morning uh obviously if you're a fan of the show uh there's one or two of you now you'll notice one one piece of the third has been missing ben boys all week and you may be wondering where he's been. Well, have a listen to this. It's been a tumultuous two weeks for the United States of America. Donald Trump was shot at during a rally in Pennsylvania. President Joe Biden has just announced that he is dropping out of the 2024 presidential race.

But nothing has captured the hearts and imaginations of America, more so than the little Kiwi battler, stranded on a family vacation. Bags packed, down to our last clean pair of underwear and socks. You know, it's the end of the travels, and then we got word that the computers around the world had basically gone down the global IT powder. Banged up abroad in a comfortable hotel in Florida, he learnt new things about himself. The toilets, how they have that sort of, a lot more water. It's very hard to have a pee quietly in the middle of the night, I've discovered.

And the heartbreak and agony of a renowned tight arse, dealing with the never-ending pressures on his credit card. Well, I'm still not sure what travel insurance I've got to pay for, so hey, you never know. They're like, just keep the receipts, make a claim, keep it as low as possible. Now our little illegal American alien makes his way home, finally. All going well, getting out of Orlando, going to Atlanta.

Atlanta to Los Angeles and then get on a flight back to Auckland. A greasy, tired Ben Boyce returns this morning on The Hits. We're crossing live. We're crossing live to the airport. We break transmission. Breaking news.

Has he arrived back? Got confirmation we are with Benjamin Boyce, he's landed safely. He's back, he's through the arrival. Hey guys, I came through the arrivals here. The big scream, Dave Dobbins welcome home. I was like, wow that really sounds like Ben. People were saying Ben and then, yeah, as you know, people were screaming my name.

So thanks for that. Yes, great. We thought we'd give you a welcome home party just to describe the scenes. Lovely welcome. I've never had one of these before. And, yeah, the sign, the way we're holding two signs, welcome home, Ben, from your plastic surgery procedure. So that's great. That's great that everyone knows about that.

And describe the feelings. You know you like to call your fans the boysenberries. They obviously turned out in force this morning. Yeah, I mean, there was two, three people, but great. Hey, that's all I can really hope for these days, that's for sure. I didn't have a plastic surgery procedure, but I do appreciate the welcome home message. How are you going to explain that new nose?

Just go with it. The new nose. How's my nose looking, guys? Yeah. Now, was it the last thing you expected after 24 hours of travel? Yeah, I know. Yeah, after travelling for over an hour, I was tired like crap. But thank you.

Thank you for that. It was a lovely welcome home. The first thing you wanted to see was Taylor, Grace and a couple of promotional people from the office? Yeah. My wife meant, oh, you should get a photo with these guys. It says Ben because she's in front. And I was like, oh, no, that is for me. So there we go.

You sound very sprightly for someone who's been, like, trying to get home for almost a week. Yeah, well, yeah, a little bit of sleep, not too much. But, hey, we're back. We're ready to go. I've got to come and see you guys at work soon. Are you jet lagged? Probably.

Stop trying to get off the phone with us and get home with your family just to sort your life out. We've missed you. We want to talk to you. How many follow-up questions do you need? I mean, hey, the bags arrived. Who would have thought? The bags?

Yeah, because we had to take two standby flights to try and get our connecting flight, and our flight we originally would have been on was actually cancelled. So I was like, well, there's no way our bags are getting – they were meant to be on that flight. We're not getting a number off. So there we go. They got back because you were messaging, you're like,

I've said goodbye to the bags. I'm at peace that the bags have got lost in international transit. Jono and I bought in our spare undies for you just in case you needed them. Oh, that's lovely. I do need undies, so that's good. I mean, I've taken your underwear home before, Megan, haven't I? Your Spanx. Yeah, so it's nothing new.

That'd be great. Yeah. All right, can we get the boys? Are the boys and berries still there? Yeah, they're still here. They're awkwardly standing around wondering if they're done or not. Can we get a... I don't know how much you pay these people.

Can we get a chart? Say, can you chart my name? Just say that. Oh, God. No, I don't know say that. Can I get, oh, God. No, I don't know. It made me sure. He's Ben. Okay, well, hand us over to them.

Hand us over. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. The other slide says, sorry the internet ruined your holiday. That's really good, too. Someone's done a lot of arts and crafts on these. He's home. Ben Boyce, fresh off the plane. We're saying you're lucky it's not 10 or 15 years ago

And all we threw Was a welcome home party You know We could have phoned customs And said you had Exotic bird eggs In your bottom I feel like

An athlete coming home From a sports tournament Maybe one that didn't do so well So you've got a couple of people But The hits The Jono and Ben podcast We've had confirmation He's landed If you heard Ben Boyce is back in the country Emotional scenes Weren't they Oh, well, there's only a couple of people. We've had confirmation he has landed.

If you heard, Ben Boyce is back in the country. Emotional scenes, weren't they? With a couple of people that were there that we hired. That were paid to be there. And he knew too. He could see through it. Hey, it's still nice when someone's cheering your name when you come through. Whether they're paid or unpaid.

Yeah, exactly. It's the thought that counts. We're in the middle of two of the best songs ever at the moment on the radio station. Thanks to you finding the best song ever. It's a big task,

big project and at the moment the voting lines are open for these two. Shania. And the Macarena. I still remember the dance. You do, yeah. Doesn't mean I want it to win. And it's like I still remember the dance. You do, yeah.

Doesn't mean I want it to win. And it's like you were doing the dance. Every time we've played it this morning, you've automatically, like a robot, switched into action. So you will announce the winner for that in the next 10 minutes or so. Now, I told a lie. You lied yesterday. I lied. And we were out for dinner, my wife and I.

And the waiter approached the table and he said, special occasion? Now, I've never lied about a special occasion. And this is what we want to open up, 0800THATS. Have you lied about a special occasion to get something for free? You can text 4487 as well. So I'm thinking, this might be my opportunity you know what treasure trove of freebies and goodies do i get if i say yes it's a special it does sound like there's something coming if you say yes well no one asks that question and goes oh that's nice

to know and then doesn't follow yeah yeah so it's special occasion i was like yeah yeah it is and i said it like i said it like that i didn't say it upward with with confidence and he was looking dead into my eyes and he was like you cheeky lying little rascal because then i didn't even say oh it's our wedding anniversary it's a follow-up yeah yeah it is and didn't follow up with what it was. No, I just said, yeah, yeah, it is. And he's like, okay. Guess what it is. He just offered a generic congratulations to both of us. And then he walked off.

And I'm sitting there thinking, okay, what's going to come of this? We had the meal. End of the night, he delivers a special occasion cupcake. We got a free cupcake, chocolate cupcake with a candle jabbed inserted into the middle of it. What was the message though? Just a couple.

Sorry, I do lie. I said congratulations on a special occasion. Because you're too cagey to tell us what it is. Like, it could be anniversary, it could be you got a job, I don't know. I hope, for his sake, he picked the stale list of all the celebratory cupcakes to give to us, because we didn't deserve it.

It didn't taste, you know, do they know you're lying in that situation? I think they knew you were lying, because you were like, yeah, and then no details. Don't feel bad though, because this is something that me and my husband do all the time. Really? Only overseas. So you know when you travel, and sometimes the hotel will ask you, Don't feel bad though because this is something that me and my husband do all the time. Really? What fruits are you-

Only overseas. So you know when you travel and sometimes the hotel will ask you, is it a special occasion? We always say it's our anniversary. Just because sometimes you'll get like a little like chalky plate and it's like, happy anniversary. Is that what you get? Is it traditionally just free chocolates and stuff? Yeah, or like a little treat in your room sometimes. Or sometimes if you're lucky, they might upgrade you to a different room.

They don't know and they never ask for like a wedding certificate. They don't? Yeah, you've just got to go in and be like, oh my God, yes. They must know you're lying. No, because you've got to sell it. You've got to know you're going to do it and you've got to be like, yeah, oh my God, it's so many years. Give them more details than they want. Talking about when you've lied about a specialits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Talking about when you've lied about a special occasion, didn't feel good about it. I said we were having a special occasion and I got a free cupcake, free cupcake with a candle in it. And it tasted, the cupcake tasted like diabetes and deceit. All in one. Didn't taste great. Lies and regret.

Also, they totally knew you were lying because they asked what if you it's a special occasion you just said yes yeah no details here's a tip for uh new players into the special occasion lie game have it in your head that you're going in there to lie about a special occasion because i was caught off guard by the question then my response is probably equally as frazzled so yeah i lied and we did ask And we did ask, you know, does the industry know when you are lying about a special occasion? And someone has called through to 0800 that it's Melissa,

who actually works in a hotel. And you can tell, you think you can tell when we are lying, Melissa? Yes. Oh, God, they can. Can you actually? Yep. But then you have to play the game and you have to go out there and put bloody free chocolates on pillows.

No, it's easy to tell. Is it? What is it? Is it the pause? You can normally tell by if they're excited or not, or it's just the tone of the voice. Even if it wasn't believable, I'd probably go along with it just to make you feel special.

Yeah, lovely. Thank you very much. See, I told you it was all about the enthusiasm. You have to be like, oh my God, yes, actually. We need to put on a better performance. Yeah, it's about performance. Thank you so much. Really appreciate your time.

No worries. And hello there, Hertz. Did you lie about a special occasion? Hi. Not so much a special occasion, but I always make my kids lie about their age so they get in for cheaper. Like if we're going to swimming pools or restaurants, you know, they're like under $12, $6. So I'm like, okay, son, you're 11. And he's like, I'm 13.

And I'm like, shut the F up. Okay, good. I know. Do you know, I did this once with my my almost 3 year old you had to be like 1 to get in for free and I was like do not talk, do not say anything

I've done that with my daughter she's 4 but yeah back when she was like 2 or 3 and we were at Chipmunks and I'm like 2 kids and a 1 year old and I'm like please don't notice my 2 year old not wearing nappies and like talking and-old. And I'm like, please don't notice my two-year-old not wearing nappies and like, talking. And talking, he's like, yeah, I'm one.

Yeah, your eight-year-old's like, yeah, g'day, mate, how's it going? Yeah. Honestly, we tried to do that with my 14-year-old son. I think we were like Rainbow's End or something. Yeah. And we're like, okay, bro, it's like half the price if you say you're under 11.

He's like, I don't look under 11. And we got to the gate and the wonderful person behind the counter was like, I don't look under 11. And we got to the gate and the wonderful person behind the counter was like, and, like, looking at him and he's like, looking at me. I'm like, some people are terrible at kids' ages, though. I was like, he's 14. He's 14. I couldn't do it. It was a hard

step. It was a hard step. Just crouch down a little bit. Bend down a bit. Be smaller. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Dishwasher died died I know this sounds like First world problems Two things I know about Megan Pappas

Working closely with you You're never Not sick Yeah That's the number one And the second one is You haven't had a kitchen floor For about

Two years The whole time Yeah So the floor's fixed The fridge is fixed But then the dishwasher died And I know this sounds I sound like a jerk

For anyone who doesn't Have a dishwasher But as soon as that goes out of commission god the admin of actually handling dishes probably one of the most uh mind-numbing tasks it is yeah but one of the most disrespected appliances in the household isn't it you really take it for granted the dishwasher and i'm about to illustrate illustrate how, because our dishwasher wasn't emptying. Right. And so we pulled it apart. We were like, oh, I see something stuck in there.

Pulled it apart ourselves several times and couldn't find anything. It's making a hell of a noise. So we're like, we're going to have to do it. We're going to have to call a repair person to come out. And so he came yesterday. Did you banter? Because we've had that conversation. Yeah. Whether you like the yesterday. Did you banter? Because we've had that conversation whether you like,

whether the repair people like the banter or they'd rather just shut up and get on with the job. Did you bantz? We did bantz. Generally, I don't like bantz with people I don't know. I get a bit awkward. But he was really lovely.

We had bantz about the weather. Great, all the hot topics. Yeah, he had another customer call him and I could hear this person very loud, a middle-aged man called him, and he was the next job. He said to him that he lived in a very affluent part of Auckland. He said, just make yourself at home.

The house is wide open. We might not be there before you leave, but just leave and leave it open. It's not a problem. I was like, what? When you say make yourself at was like what when you say make yourself at home what are you expecting the other person to do he left him the wi-fi password wow he really did say make yourself at home yeah yeah it's like can i go to the fridge and get some snacks so if they came home yeah he's on the on the couch eating watching tv you know traditionally

you've made yourself at home yeah would you be offended by that if you'd literally said make yourself at home i don't think this guy would have he sounded very chill and like lived in an expensive part of auckland and just had his house wide open i was like wait can you tell me his address um but the worst part was so he finally fixed the dishwasher it took him five minutes at best there was a piece of plastic stuck in there. I don't know where the plastic came from. And he was such a nice guy, but he said to me, Ma'am, you just have to make sure you rinse your dishes properly. I was like, oh. That really, yeah.

I was like, no, I usually do. Humbles you too when you've gone to the effort of getting a repair person. Five minutes. Found it, yeah. $250. We'd have blocked toilets when we were at a place we were staying away. And it was at a period where someone in the household was flushing. You didn't know you couldn't.

The wipes, you know, the nappy wipes. Oh, yeah. It was at a period when no one knew that was terrible for the plumbing system. And the environment. Guy came over. He was like, have you been flushing wipes down here? We're like, no. No, definitely not. 100%. No, don't you, have you been flushing wipes down here? We're like, no, no, definitely not. 100%.

No, don't you even accuse us of flushing wipes down there. Five minutes later, he comes out with this giant clump of wipes in his hand. He's like, that'll be $250. Thanks for the call. There's nothing more confronting than them going through your gunge. Yeah. Oh, so sorry. Shout out to all the repair people out there doing God's work.