Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL SHOW: Why Ben Outed Us To His Doctor...

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

ON THE SHOW TODAY: Jono’s rocking makeup now! What alternative swear words do you use? Try saying "cheese and crusts" really fast five times… We’re calling back Ben’s scammer! Megan’s fully embracing her craft era. Jono finally reveals the shirt we prank-mailed him months ago! Facebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono, Ben & Megan Instagram: THEHITSBREAKFAST  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Jono, Ben and Megan podcast, thanks to Dilma. Goodness really does taste great. Dilma, making the world a better tea. Welcome to the podcast. On a Wednesday morning, we kick things off with Jono's new eyebrows this morning. They're not new eyebrows. I mean, you've actually given them a little zhuzh up. A little zhuzh.

They are disappearing. Although, not your actual eyebrows. They're just kind of like really fair. Because now that I've drawn them on, you've actually got quite a lot of hair there. Yeah, I was at the chemist's warehouse, so you'll hear it very shortly, but I bought myself a bit of eyebrow tech.

It's just like a mascara for your brows. Yeah. I don't know if I have the stickability to pull through with drawing on eyebrows every day. I'd rather that I just... It didn't take you that long. No.

You get used to it. Yeah. What do you think? We'd go through every day. That's probably as long as brushing your teeth. It would take as long as that. You just kind of like give it a little brush and away you go. A little zhuzh.

I can see how many expressions you make. But now if you're self-conscious, you'll be like, oh, he's stuck with the eyebrows I see. When he raises his eyebrows, I can actually see them go up. Yeah. Amazing. Anyway, you'll hear the rich can actually see them go up. Amazing. Anyway, you'll hear the rich backstory as to how we ended up here. Yeah, it's right now.

Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits. One of the ongoing conversation points in our marriage is, Jen, my wife, she's like, your eyebrows, the older you get, are slowly disappearing. Okay? I had this issue with Ben.

He let me dye his eyebrows and they looked great. Yeah. As if the hair on the top of my head slowly disappearing wasn't enough of a kick in the guts. Now nature's decided we'll take your eyebrows too. I felt like when you did it, I was like one of those characters from Sesame Street or something. You know when the eyebrows are really prominent?

Yeah. That's how you felt because you don't usually have them? I was like, oh yeah. Or like someone who's drawn eyebrows on a baby. So yes, I was at the chemist's warehouse just doing some peak adulting. Getting the antihistamines, the clear eyes and all the stuff.

And then I'm in that aisle where you're waiting for the counter. And it's the aisle of regrettable purchases. Stuff you don't need, but they'll probably bully you or psychologically manipulate you into buying them anyway. Okay. I look down and I'm like, oh, just for men, beard and eyebrow applicator.

So I'm like, oh, this is great. The stuff you put on me, babe. I'm great. You purchased it. I purchased it. And the producers are clapping. you put on me yeah I'm great and I you purchased it I purchased this pen and the producers are clapping here we go

so I purchased this pen oh it's a pen oh that wasn't what you put on me no this is this is like basically it's just mascara for insecure men

who don't want to be as telling you they're putting mascara on right okay so I get in the car I'm like I'm gonna I'm gonna paint me

some eyebrows on Now Problem is I went a little too thick I laid it on thick Because you can I wanted to do it in the car So that when I got home

They would just sort of Be integrated Into the community These eyebrows Okay So they're not It's not like Bam

If I came in With a full head of hair It would shock you I'd be like Okay I'll just ease them in Do you know the first words That were said to, if I came in with a full head of hair, it would shock you. I'd be like, okay, I'll just ease them in. Do you know the first words that were said to me as I walked in? From Jennifer, my wife. Dear God, what have you done?

She said, you look like Bert and Ernie. You've done it wrong then. But that's interesting because, you know, people get tattooed eyebrows on a lot of the time and they're quite you know noticeable at first mine were your job is not to say anything yeah so jen has come straight off the bat with you know like yeah reverse that situation so come in so keep doing it well no i was just saying we're not going to try and hold back for those comments even if you're thinking them in your head yeah i know but that's a good thing about having wives and husbands.

They tell it to you straight. Sometimes too straight. I'm saying it's user error. I think I should give it a go. I'll do it lightly. Yeah, you should do it. Do it, yeah. We'll do a little video

and put it on our socials because I think I could do a pretty bang up job using that. Nothing more humiliating than frantically scrubbing your eyebrows in the bathroom

trying to get this stuff and it lasts for a day does it yeah I had to scrub it off again this morning Jono, Ben and Megan The Podcast The Hits

so it's something that yeah well I feel like I have issues every time I go listen to our podcast and I don't do it all the time but you listening right now

if you miss the show you should catch up on the podcast Ben does yeah well every time I do it I'm time but you listening right now if you miss the show you should catch up on the podcast Ben does yeah well every time I do it I'm either like playing it over loudspeakers accidentally through a campsite

or things like that why do you do it? because I don't like listening back to no I don't generally do but I actually did when we came back from Fiji I was like

I wonder what because we were on different microphones over there I was just like interested to know what the quality sounded like and it definitely sounded a lot different

when I got to the podcast it definitely sounds a lot different when I got to the podcast. It definitely sounds a lot different because we're using those microphones, different microphones. Like Britney headsets. Yeah, like Britney headsets. He's wanting to do some post analysis. Yeah, I just wanted to hear. Feedback through to the.

And that's what growth is all about. That's a great trait. I just wanted to have a little listen. And then as I got to listen to the podcast, it started with me introducing like HelloFresh, one of our sponsors. But I started with, this is the voiceover for the HelloFresh sponsorship. And I was like, well, that's an unusual way.

And then it went into the voiceover and then it went again to here's the alternate version. Then it went into a Dilmar version. Then I made a mistake and then it went four times of these things. It clearly hadn't been edited and it was the wrong start to the podcast. Can I just say, is this a very passive aggressive way of having an attack these things we it clearly hadn't been edited and it was the wrong start to the podcast can i just

say is this a very passive aggressive way of having a tank an attack on our two producers and it's what happens it understands what happens and i sent an email i just thought i'd let no i know it's not a huge i was just listening going dear god because i'd made a mistake in the middle of that have i sworn have i sworn what's happened what's gone out there fortunately i just went oh i'll start that again and I carried on into it. But it was like a very long start to get to the podcast. It was like a minute of four different advertisers as we got to the podcast.

But I was like, okay, I'll send an email, and I didn't know who exactly to send an email to and if it had been on other podcasts that I don't think it had. But I went to send an email, and I sent in all the people involved that I thought could be involved. Okay, this is a big groupie. Yeah, and it wasn't like it was like, this has got to be done now. I was like, oh, involved that I thought could be involved okay this is a big groupie yeah and it wasn't like it was like this has got to be done now I was like oh hey I'll just let you know uh and it wasn't till I got a bounce back email and I was like oh it's an email from

the kids doctors going thanks for contacting us after hours we'll get you get to your thing on Monday and I was like, uh-oh. So what I'd done is Al, Al who does a lot of production work, had somehow auto-corrected in my settings the Albertson Medical Centre. And now they know about the podcast issue. Oh, God.

Now I've made a mistake in the fact that they've got involved. What can you prescribe them? Prescribe my workmates for this? You just feel like such an idiot. I've got a 60-second sort of suck-back option on my email if I notice it, but I hadn't noticed it. And obviously their out-of-office came back and I'm like, oh.

Have they prescribed you some, like, blood pressure medication to help you pass the egg email? Yeah, I'm like, well, this guy, old mates. Did they actually reply? No, they haven't yet. I replied back straight away going ha ha classic you know you

start one of those ignore that that was a work email you know and no they haven't got back to me

there but I'm sure they're having a good laugh about it I did the same thing once to an executive lady at TVNZ

she's very high up I send her all the bloody family's calendar invites for the week she's like sorry I don't know if

I'm going to be able to make the parent teacher on Wednesday I don't know Jono, Ben and be able to make the parent teacher on Wednesday, are they? Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits. Parents, probably a lot of parents will relate to this, you know, wanting to

swear, but obviously changing words around their kids. Yeah, because my kids are two and four, so they repeat everything you say at the moment. I've sworn that my entire career as a parent. Have you? The whole time, yeah. Probably my daughter wouldn't say a swear word. She beeps herself. She goes, oh, beep! She actually says the beep. She's as a parent. Have you? The whole time, yeah. Probably my daughter wouldn't say a swear word. She beeps herself.

She goes, oh, beep. She actually says the beep. She's such a sweetheart. Yeah, Ozzy's got, he fires a few grenades every now and then. But yeah, I've been trying not to because my son has repeated a couple of things and we always say, look, if you don't know what it means, don't say it.

So I'm trying to sense myself and we've come up with, like like when you stub your toe or something, there's something I've ended up saying to not say. It's not a swear word, but it could be offensive. So I say cheese and crusts instead of. Instead of what? Cheeses. Oh, instead of taking the Lord's name and putting it in vain.

Cheese and crust. As the show's resident Catholic. That cuts deep. Well, I'm saying cheese and crust. I know, it's the intention. It's the intention of using my boy's name in vain. I would probably say it, but I don't necessarily want my four-year-old running around saying that. Yeah, gotcha.

Although it's funny when kids swear. You know, you see them on YouTube and you're like, oh, it does bring a smile to your face. Not if it's your kid. It's when they say it and they look at you like, huh, what did I just say? You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I want to know this morning if there's words that you have or you say.

And it doesn't even have to be if you've got children. Maybe you work in a workplace like us. We're not allowed to swear on the radio. Maybe you work in a workplace like us. We're not allowed to swear on the radio. Maybe you work in a professional manner where you can't swear. Off the radio, though. The radio industry as a whole, broadcasting as a whole, mouths like sailors. Honestly, the beloved John Campbell, love him to death, John Campbell. Chuck him on a pirate ship.

He might not want everyone to know that he swears like this. No, I don't think he cares. I don't think he cares. But yeah, honestly, we're terrible. And then for some reason, at three minutes per time, we can hold it all together as soon as the song plays. Yeah, no swearing on the radio. So that's what we want to know this morning.

What is your alternate word for a swear word? I used to like, for some reason, frigonometry. It wasn't even like, it was like a cross between trigonometry, what you learn in maths, and then obviously the F word. It was like, frigonometry would come out. No, no, we sort of stuck with that

as a family for a while. It's quite good in New Zealand. There's a couple of place names you can chuck out there. Yeah, there are. Yeah. Chuck them out now then. Like, have you heard of Whakatane?

Beautiful place. John O'Bien and Megan. The podcast. The hits. We want to know what words you're using in place of swear words. Maybe you've got kids. Maybe you've got a profession where swearing's not appropriate like us. We've started using cheese and crust.

Cheese and crust when you hurt yourself or, you know, when you just need. I don't think I've actually heard you swear thinking about it. Do you swear? Yeah, I've heard a swear. Yeah, you've, when you just need. I don't think I've actually heard you swear thinking about it. Do you swear? Yeah, I've heard a swear. Yeah, you've heard me swear. But I don't, like a lot. No. Because I try and use my words.

Yeah, enough for enough. Do you like to use the broad spectrum of swear words available? Or is there some you won't go near? Yeah, some I won't go near. No, same. And some grate me when you hear people, you know, say it. I just think it's a bit unbecoming. What are the ones that grate you?

The seaborn. I love the seaborn. Nah, it's yucky. Depends on the delivery of it, I find. No, but do it in front of you. You'd have to do it in front of people that you know are comfortable with it. Oh, yeah. But even me, I'm not comfortable with it.

It's all Megan. So what? Don't want to say the seaborn round you. Pete and I are goody goods. We're real followers, you know Yeah, well you're saying cheese and crust You don't even have the confidence to say the proper Well I don't want my son going to school

And saying that all the time Connor, good morning to you Good morning Lovely to have you on Your alternate swear words, what have you got? I've got what the henny chicken What the henny chicken Someone What the henny chicken. Someone used to say what the hell hell cool J was for a while.

What the hell hell cool J. And everyone's like, oh, the guy from NCIS? Yeah. I love these. Yeah, what the henny chicken. And what's that meant to be replacing? Well, um. No, you don't have to answer that.

We're not going to answer that. Ben's talking all over you, mate. Don't worry, he's got your back. What the hell? Good on you, Con. I appreciate you, Con. That's the problem. If you go, what's that meant to mean?

Then it puts him in an uncomfortable position. I know. I didn't realise that. Lynn, you're on. Hi, good morning. Great to have you on, Lynn. Your alternate swear words. Oh, shiitake mushrooms. Oh, shiitake mushrooms.

Oh, shiitake mushrooms is good. Shiitake sake. But then if you're in a restaurant seating, it just sounds like you're not frustrated, you're just making an order. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a really good one.

I like that one. Is your daughter still not swearing? Indy, she said she's never going to swear. Yeah, she said she's never going to swear. So we'll see. I'm sure one day you will, but I haven't so far. You know, she said she's never going to swear. Yeah, she said she's never going to swear. So we'll see. I'm sure one day you will, but I haven't so far. You know, she's pretty good. You're not her.

She's using her words. I recorded her at the time. It was many years ago saying, I will never say a bad word. I'm like, oh, I can't wait to play this to you again when you are. Give it time. Life gets you down. Exactly, she will. It just does.

Crystal, good morning to you. Good morning. How are you guys? We're doing well. Lovely to have you on New Zealand's morning to you. Good morning. How are you guys? We're doing well. Lovely to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast. Your old swear words, what have you got? Chuck steak. Oh, that's a good one.

For Chuck steak. Chuck steak. I like Chuck steak. It's good. It has the same kind of, like, effect, like the... Yeah. Because you want it. It still sounds abrasive, doesn't it?

It does. It's got the X and the X and the And I could be teetering On a BSA complaint for us Chuck's sake Sorry No don't apologise

Fox snake Has come through as well Fox snake Fox and snake Careful Yeah careful Yeah don't stumble on that one Someone say 4487

Holy ship Holy ship Holy shit Ball spit Is another popular Ball spit That's good Crap on a cracker. Bull spit's good.

Crap on a cracker. Oh, yeah, that's good. Makafana is a. Oh, no, I'd stuff that one up in the head. Yeah, you do. I would stuff that one up. Someone said, we're not from New Zealand, and my dad got very mad with me when I mentioned whakapapa. Jono, Ben, and Megan.

The podcast. The hits. I got a text about 15 minutes ago, and I was like, oh, this is an early morning text. Okay. Because normally the people that would text me early in the morning would be you guys because they're up early in the morning.

I'm thinking it might be a scam, but you're never 100% sure, right? It's always good to run it past you, mate. So I will before I connect to them because they want me to send them a message on WhatsApp. So this has come through as a text. Okay. I'm going to say at quarter to six in the morning,

this is 100% not a scam. This is fully authentic. Okay, it starts with, Hi, Mum. I just got a new number. Can you send me a message on WhatsApp? Oh, that seems nice. It seems legit.

Anyone in your life call your mum? No, not really. They might call your mum behind your back. And you know, it's one of those things Where at the workplace you have nicknames for colleagues And they don't know about the nicknames This could be one of those instances I like this, it's very ambitious from the scammers They've really thrown it out there

And I'm guessing they're hoping for Maybe an elderly An older person In this case a female, a mum I don't know what the split is Population wise globally 50ish Female to male In this case, a female, a mum. I don't know what the split is population-wise globally, but 50-ish? Female to male?

Yeah, it's probably close to that. I mean, you've got a one in two chance. So they've eliminated a lot of people, potential dads, people without kids, that's the thing, but they're really focusing on the mums on this one. Hi, mum, got a new number. Can you send me a message on WhatsApp? I haven't clicked on the link.

I'm not going to click on the link. You're not a link clicker. No, no. There's been a lot of them coming through. I don't know if you guys have been getting received. Trade Me Jobs, a lot of job opportunities. Oh, really? I haven't heard any of those.

And there were obviously scam messages from that saying, hey, this is the thing, you know, and it's not from Trade Me. They're really targeting your, like, interests too, I find. Like, I got one wanting me to be an influencer for a designer fashion house and I was like, God I want this to be true. But I know it's not. You're like Prada don't want me.

I know. And she's getting texts too. Texts is not something that you'd normally get. It's like a torrent at the moment. They're coming in from all bloody angles at the moment. I got one the other day. Okay dear we're going to ship your order angles at the moment. I got one the other day. Okay, dear. We're going to ship your order as soon as possible. Okay,

dear. Now that's really narrowing it from mums to dears. We're going to ship your order as soon as possible. As soon as you send us a photo of yourself and all of the correct credit card information. Oh, a photo of yourself? Yeah, that's really good and personal. What's the number on your one?

We should call it. Oh, yeah. I'll just put it down in the top of that shed. Okay. All right. Should we see? Yeah. I mean, maybe it's one of my kids and they meant to have sent it to mum, but I doubt it. And often they look like a New Zealand number.

Yeah. Well, this has come through as it looks like a New Zealand. Plus six four. Yeah. I had one ages ago from a poor bloody lady from Russia. She said, I'm here waiting at the airport. When are you coming to pick me up? Still there waiting.

Is it going to ring? Ooh. Okay. We're going international, baby. But it was a New Zealand number. I don't reckon I'll answer. Isn't it? If they met?

Hello? No. It's one of those ones where they pause just long enough. Can you call numbers on WhatsApp? Do they... I'm not clicking on the link. Click on the link. Click on the link. The phone number you have called does not respond.

Hello? The number you have called has not responded. It may respond if you try again later. We got an interesting, what was the language at the top of that? Yeah, what was it? You have reached the voicemail box of 6429128. Oh, now we've got a voicemail message. Okay, yeah.

It sounded Russian to me, but hey, I don't want, I shouldn't have said that because it might not be. John O'Byrne and Megan. The podcast. The hits. Just trying to get to the bottom of a text that may or may not be a scam, we don't know It's hard to tell these days Got a message just after 5.30 this morning

when I was at work saying, hi mum, I got a new number can you send me a message on WhatsApp? And there's a WhatsApp link and it's obviously come through from a number that I don't recognise Yeah, and so you've obviously clicked on the link and put all your details

in. Oh they've given everything they need everything and all, everything. What I love about 6 o'clock is we can just do anything and there's not many people listening so we've spent the last 10-15 minutes trying to call the number to get some results. And we got someone that answered it, we didn't think anyone was going to answer

because they didn't answer the first time but this is what happened when that song was playing. Have a listen. Some on hold music. Hello. Hello. How are ya? Yeah, we've got mum here. Yeah, I just got a message saying, hey mum. Yeah, hey mum, I've got a new number.

Can you send me a message on WhatsApp? Yeah, so I was just calling back because I thought maybe it was one of my kids, but... Park Park. What's that, sorry? Park Park. Yeah, that's touching words. I think you speak for all of us when you say those words. All right, then, well, you message me on WhatsApp, and then we'll sort things out.

Park Park. Park Park. Park Park. Have we? Okay. Park Park to you too, my friend. Park Park. Park Park. Park Park.

I think it's Park Park. I don't know. Sorry. Would you like his credit card number? Park Park. Yeah, Park Park. Park Park. All right, all right. We're going to go now. You have a Park Park Yeah Park Park Park Park Alright alright We're going to go now

You have a Park Park day Park Park Alright See you mate Park Park Park Park So there we go We got to the bottom of that

I don't know I got more questions than answers Out of that phone call Yeah I hope he's not swearing True I don't know If I've got more questions and answers out of that phone call. Yeah. I hope he's not swearing. True. I don't know. If anyone does know,

4487 on the text. If he has, he's done it about a dozen times. Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits. We have

two little kids, a four-year-old and a two-year-old and they have themed days at their daycare which is great but this week is like sea day or fish day or ocean day or something like that.

I'm all over it. It feels like something you should know. I'm all over it. And so in my mind. It doesn't sound like you're all over it. You've been sending them as a lion. It's the ocean week. In my mind, I was like, they can just wear blue.

Like it's a lot. They can just wear blue. And that's like the sea, right? So. I got it. Did you get it too? No, not until she explained it. The water, the ocean.

And that's when my husband has gone completely the other way. And he was like, I am going to make them special hats. So I spent the day at, I went to look sharp. I got all the paraphernalia needed to make shark hats. Oh, you're going to turn them into sharks. That makes sense. You know, we're sharks swimming. Yeah.

Oh, the ocean. And here's what I thought. I thought I'll buy the stuff and he'll do the hats, right? He'll do it all because it was his idea. I was happy for them to wear blue because of the ocean. Yeah. Last night I get home and he's gluing the fins on the hat. It's got a fin.

It's got a tail. It's got googly eyes. Cute. And then he tells me that now it's my job. I have to put glitter paint on the fins and the hat. So I'm going to, not only have I bought all the stuff tonight, I'm going to be sitting there doing arts and crafts by myself, painting glitter paint on their hats tonight

when they could have just worn blue for the ocean. Honestly, wear blue, get a vivid shark on their forehead, send them off to daycare. I was going to say they could just dress up as Elsa from Frozen. Frozen Ocean. Oh, yeah, true. Elsa Twines. You're either one of these people that love,

I love getting into that thing. I don't think it's me. Yeah, I love Loose tie-ins. It depends. You're either one of these people that love getting into that thing. I don't think it's me. Yeah. I love making arts and crafts stuff. And any opportunity you can get to do it, it's great. What did you make? A big Hogwarts. I made a Hogwarts out of things.

I've made all sorts of costumes for my kids over the years. If there's an opportunity for me to do that, I'll come round and help you. I'll bring the hats over. You can paint them for me. You need to go to the BBC. The Ben Boyce. The Ben Boyce. The Ben Boyce costume department. He's got it in the garage years and years.

You've probably got a shark costume. I've got a shark. It's quite big, but I have got a shark costume in there. I could bring that out. Octopus. You name it. Name a character from the ocean he is in costume for. Well, I'll pick them up wearing an octopus costume.

Oh, there you go. I'm really dedicated. I like that. But I've entered my craft era, it seems. Yeah. Don't worry, it doesn't last long, mate. It doesn't? No.

You're not doing it anymore? No, no. I had a craft era there where I had to make like cereal boxes, homemade cereal boxes. The cereal box never even went to school. Oh, really? It was part of a school project. We spent hours on the cereal box.

And I was like, is this thing ever going to go and get marked? Because that's your thing as a parent you want to know what did your Hogwarts get I don't know I don't know I don't know where it happened

I feel like we need to call the school and get a mark for you you're still holding on to it after all these years I've put a lot of time on it I've seen the photo it was a good job

movie quality the craziest thing you've sent or received in the mail? Yeah, because producer Ali, a very unusual thing that you got sent by, well, your mother-in-law? Yeah, in some ways your mother-in-law. I mean, you're not... We're not married,

but I've been with my partner nearly eight years, so I'm going to class it as that. Lovely lady, lovely lady. Lovely, love her to bits. She messaged me the other day and said, and my partner Sam, and said, hey, keep an eye out. Are you guys home today? I've got a courier in the post.

We were like, well, that's weird. Because she lives literally like 10 minutes down the road. Oh, so not far. She drives and all that stuff? Yep. No, she's got a car. And I was like, oh, that's random. And then anyway, we waited all day going, what is it?

What is it? And it arrives. And it's a whole bunch of cherry tomatoes. i'm like oh my goodness bless so she's got an out of control cherry tomato tree at the moment and she can't eat them all because she lives on her own so she knows i like them so she sent them to me but me and sandwich and they're going that's real random from 10 minutes down the road probably just could drop them or like told us to come get yeah i've got a whole bunch you come pick them up on your way past. Bless her. But yeah, it was a really odd package to receive

and luckily it wasn't tomato puree because it could have been. Yeah, you're right. She packaged it pretty well. She did. Bless her. Did they taste travelled? Did they taste imported from 10 minutes away? Yeah, they did a bit actually. Yeah, I could smell the car fumes on them.

So she paid for that courier. Yeah, she must have. Oh, I forgot about the fact she paid for it. So she paid for that courier? Yes, she must have. I forgot about the fact she paid for it. I know. I definitely would have come and picked them up. But bless her, she'd even drawn little tomatoes on the outside of the box as well. I know. Very sweet.

Did she not want to see you? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this is actually what's going on here. A lot of people saying tomato plants are like, oh, I got sent this and didn't know it was there. But this is actual tomatoes, right? This is an actual tomato plant, not a tomato plant,

if you know what I mean. Well, we know you, Ellie. We know you. Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits. Ben and Megan, we want to know the most random thing you've been sent in the post box.

It's turned up in your letterbox after producer Ellie. She got some cherry tomatoes sent from 10 minutes up the road by her mother-in-law. The tomatoes turning up in the mail is nothing odd about that it's more the travel

time of the tomatoes. Yeah it probably is in some ways although it's not something you'd traditionally post to other people is it? Also like she'd grown them sure but then

she'd spent money posting them so she probably spent the equivalent of actually buying a punnet of cherry tomatoes by sending them to her. Yeah you're right.

I, because we're just doing 0800, the funniest thing you've sent or received in the mail, keeping New Zealand Post alive this morning, aren't we? Reminding the people that, hey, that's still a thing. Still a thing. This was last year. Probably, I'd say, October, September. Now, I got a courier and this T-shirt turned up of this very specific niche meme character from the internet, Huzz Bulla.

Okay. Now, Huzz Bulla is a cute little fella. He looks like a baby, but he's a fully grown man, Huzz Bulla. And I do love Huzz Bulla. Now, I received that in a courier. Now, it wasn't addressed to me. It just turned up to the house. Right.

And there was no kind of return address or anything. So I don't know. There's Hus Bullard. It's got like Hus Bullard doing number one, like the little baby fella. And then he's riding a quad bike with a monkey on the back. Great, great shots. Megan, you want to admit anything here?

Did you go back to the courier about that? No. Because it wasn't addressed to you? No, it wasn't addressed to me. How many months has it taken? It's taken a while. Well, this is something that I don't want to pin this on you, Megan and producer Taylor here was here at the time.

What's happened? To be honest, Megan. We played a bit of a gag on you. We were talking about, was it stealing packages that weren't for you and so we thought we'd test you out and send one to you. We know you like a husbulla. We know that you're a fan.

You think he's a cheeky wee fella. So we sent this to you under the name of someone else to see if you would own up to it or try and send it back or whether you'd just take it. Well, I've owned up to it. I mean, months later. September. Last night when I was like, oh, we're doing that topic tomorrow on the funny items. I was like, I've got one. There you go. Husband t-shirt.

The whole time I have been thinking there's some poor guy. You'd be thinking of him. You haven't done anything about it. You didn't do anything about it. You just kept it. Waiting in the mailbox for his husband t-shirt. So you failed the test, my friend. What a strange Can I just say, what a strange test. I was going to go with you on that one. It was strange can I just say what a strange test

I was going to go with you on that one it was strange I wasn't quite sure our boss texted me last night and was like did John Oliver

say anything about that t-shirt and I was like nah he took it for himself have you worn it no no

because it's someone else's well yeah someone else's it's not Jason's we made him up Jason that was the name I was like

poor Jason's waiting for his husband. Okay, 0800 that. It's the funniest thing you've sent or received in the mail is what we're doing. You can text to 4487. Belinda. Hello, some rotten dog teeth.

What? Rotten dog teeth. Who were you sending them to or did you receive them? I sent them. My dog cost me a fortune at the vet all the time, and he had to get these teeth out, which cost me $1,200. So I thought, oh, people put strange things on, trade me on all the time, and it goes off.

So I put them as a dollar reserve, and someone actually bought them. Really? For how much? Only a dollar. Oh, okay. Didn't go past the reserve. Did you question what they wanted them for? I did.

I totally did because I was like, that is so crazy. And the lady said she makes art out of teeth. Oh, really? Oh, the tooth fairy you sent them to. I love the tooth fairy. Yeah, wow. Jeez. I'm less creeped out now.

That's good. Yeah, you're right. Good to know the tooth fairy's perusing wow. Jeez. I'm less creeped out now. That's good. Yeah, you're right. Good to know the tooth fairy's perusing trade me for any spare teeth as well. Yeah. Unfortunately, it didn't help with the Vita La Hica, but only a dollar. No, true. Oh, good, you're art out of teeth. You can do any art.

Anything's art, isn't it? Picasso did it with his own waist. Didn't he? He gave... His waist? Yeah. Like his his own waist. His waist? Like his stomach? No. We'll explain it a bit more on the end.

It was a very experimental period in Picasso's art career. I don't know if that particular piece of art took off. Well, speaking of making things, Megan? I am doing arts and crafts at home. Not with her. But right now, Merch Madness. We haven her. Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits.

But right now, Merch Madness. We haven't forgotten about that, Megan. We wanted to bring merchandise from businesses around the country, helping out businesses around. Don't put this under the guise of like, we're just helping the small business. We are. Huddling businesses, fresh off COVID, hundreds of job losses out there in the market. People are having to send their kids to school with no lunch, Megan. Now back to Merch Madness, Ben.

I wanted to support local businesses. So what we want you to do is send us up your merch. We'll give it away at the end of the month. We'll get Megan to model it as well because she loves, actually she hates wearing merch, but we thought it would be funny to get her in some merch as well and help advertise your business as well. Merch Madness.

It's the next biggest month on the calendar month. You've got bloody... Dry July. Dry July. Movember, January, we've got them all. And now it's merch madness, baby. And calls coming through thick and fast. Zangelique, you've got some merch for us.

I do. I've absolutely got some merch for you guys. What do you do? What's the business? So we are a recruitment agency based in christchurch so we deal in yeah all different sorts of recruitment from anything manufacturing transport logistics and office admin engineering anything you can think of we can find it great okay so what's the name of your business vi people staffing and recruitment people okay what merch are we talking

here what bases we've got coming vegan like vegan's not a fan of merch are we talking here? What bases have we got coming? Megan's not a fan of merch. It's nothing to do with your company. It sounds wonderful, but do we need merch? Hang on, let's see what merch you've got. I mean, it could be beneficial. I mean, not everybody likes to wear t-shirts. I'm quite particular.

But we've got some really good coffee mugs, so it's a nice stainless steel cup and I guarantee you can make a coffee at 8 o'clock. And by 2 p.m., your coffee will still be hot. Oh, okay. That's a good sound. Sharks until Martina, too, Megan. Whatever you want.

We've got some cool lunch bags, because, you know, we've got a lot of tradies on site. For the office ones, everybody loves stationery, so we've got the coolest notebooks and notepads. Oh, notepad. Yeah, remember when you used to have a notepad in the studio? Where's that gone, Megan? We need a new one. We'llepads. Oh, notepad. Yeah, remember we used to have a notepad in the studio. Where's that gone, Megan? We need a new one.

We'll take one of everything, Angelique. Send it up. Absolutely, we'll do so. Awesome. Well, thanks so much for taking part in Merch Madness. Oh, great. Thanks, guys. See you, Angelique.

Lynn's getting involved too in Merch Madness. Lynn, what's the business? Hi, yeah, we're Vet Clinic Moransville. Oh, Vet Clinic. Okay, what are we doing in the merch game? We've got some caps, some beanies, some pens, some cups. We've got a few milking, you know, what are they called? What are the milking things called?

Your aprons, milking aprons. Oh, milking aprons. Listen, we will take, Megan's mouthing why. Why does a vet need all this merch? I love it. I love it. Because you want to show your support for the local veterinarian. That's why.

Do you give it away or do people buy it? No, we give it away. Or if she is for sponsorship or, yeah, we'll cook it up. Great. Whatever you could send us, that would be great. A couple of those items would be amazing. We'd love you to be part of Merch Madness. Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to see her wearing the milking apron. Yeah, she will. What, she's actually mouthing non-stop for the whole month? Oh, yeah, that's awesome. I wasn't. Good on you, Lynn. Have a great day. Yeah, you too.

Another text here, 4487. Guys, I have an appliance tech T-shirt based in Whangarei. We'll get that to you. Merch madness. Taking off. Jono, Ben and Megan. The podcast. The hits.

We've had a talk over the last couple of days around the country about the healthy school lunch program that is offered to schools from the government. About 1,000 schools, just over 1,000 schools. So 240,000 kids around New Zealand have this. Lunches arriving. Well, sometimes they arrive. It's been a lot of problems this year

with a lot of cutbacks on the budgets, the lunches. And it seems like food's arriving late. It's a repetitive menu. Some of the photos going around social media does not look appetizing. Some of them have got melted plastic. Yeah, they had melted plastic in there the other day. Which, like, beyond whether you think they're yum or not, like, that's unhealthy.

That's dangerous. Plastic is not healthy. You just asked the dolphins out there in the ocean. I looked at a photo yesterday of one of them, and you never want to, just as you're about to eat something, go, what is that? Yeah. And there were some of the photos, you're like, what is that?

What is that? Now, the principal and the teachers at some of the schools, this is what they had to say. We send baskets out for every classroom, and on the worst days, most baskets have come back almost completely full with the food inside. So it's just really unappealing for the kids. Not a huge fan.

The portions are smaller, almost half, and the food quality is not the best. So kids are still hungry. Yeah, so that's from the principal and teachers at a particular school. And Luxo, the Prime Minister, this is what he had to say. Yes, some of the food is not up to scratch, but the Minister is working his way through the issues and I have every confidence he will resolve it.

And I just say to parents that may be listening to this, feel free to prepare a Marmite sandwich and an apple for lunch. The passag when you say, feel free to da-da-da-da-da. That's all well and good to say that, but it's not. That's up there for me as per my last email. Yeah. Hey, feel free to do it yourself. In the position to do that. That's why the school lunch programme is in. That's the whole email. Yeah. I mean, not everyone's in the position to do that.

That's why the school lunch program is in around it. That's the whole point. Exactly. Also, if you, being a young lad at school, is a Marmite sandwich and apple going to sustain you for a whole day?

Yeah, because you want your kids, you want the kids to learn and it's really hard to learn on empty stomachs, you know, and it's really good to have these schools offering it to everyone so kids don't feel isolated

if they need to have it. But it just seems like it's a food you wouldn't probably give to your animals. And it sounds like a lot of wastage too. So much wastage. Now, 4487, you can text. This is a snap poll. Have you tried these school lunches? Are you getting them every day?

Maybe you're a parent of a kid. What's the feedback? Is this a classic media beat-up? You know, we've all been part of it before. But you're right. There's so many people around the country. When you look at those numbers, 240,000 kids around New Zealand are getting it. Lots of schools are getting it.

So yeah, 4487 on the text. Is it as bad as it seems on the surface? I mean, it does look like. And some of them are getting the same meals over and over and over and over and over and over. Every day. Day after day after day, it's the same thing. Mind you, I do that to my kids. I just do the same meal every day.

And they hate me, and it comes back every day. Okay, 0800, that's 4487. Are you getting these school lunches? Have you tasted them, parents? What's the feedback you're getting from your kids? They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. Oh, yeah. And when you get a free lunch, turns out it's not the lunch you want to eat.

It's not just a quiz. It's an emotional journey, this. Really, it's highs and lows in our quiz, Queen Ali. She is our fearless leader when it comes to the New Zealand Herald Daily Quiz. And you like to go through the quiz first. I do. Do a dry run.

Yeah. What did you get out of 10? Look, Grace and I did it together today and we got three. So it wasn't good. Although yesterday I came in hot and then you did bad. So maybe you guys will do well today because I did bad. You don't know what we know. Exactly.

You don't. All right. Do you know this, Ben? Question number one. What is the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea? Is it Crete? You don't know. Sardinia or Sicily?

Crete, Sardinia or Sicily? Great islands. Sicily. I would have said Sicily. Yeah, I would have said Sicily too. That is correct. Well done. I don't know why, but we said it and we're on to question two. All right. Which type of UV radiation is most responsible for causing sunburn? Is it UVC, UVB or UVA? Hand over to Megan who got burned last week. Someone described this to me recently. I think UVA is the sun and the UVB is like other rays

that can get you a lot like other times. All good and rather rays. You sounded so strong. You lost confidence in your own sentence. They were explaining why you should wear sunscreen. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which you didn't wear when we were in Fiji in the afternoon. But UVA and UVB are both damaging.

That's why you get broad spectrum. I know that. Okay. But I'm not sure which in particular is the sun. Okay, we've done a lot of loose ray banter here. Hey. UVA. Okay.

That is incorrect. It was UVB. Tough one, though. That's a tough one. That was tough. I didn't even know there were different types of UVs. Mando, our boss, Matt Anderson, also, he was with you with the no sunscreen approach in Fiji. He sent us some images last night.

He did. He said, is it okay to send some images through? It was just great. He front-footed that. Consensual sunburned images. Yeah, and it was off his back, his shoulders, but she's very burnt, very appealing. I missed the consent text, and I just got straight to the back and I was like, ah! Okay, we talked about it. We had a couple of hours after we'd finished work before the plane

left and we were like, oh, let's go to the pool and for some reason you and Matt decided not to wear sunscreen. Don't say for some reason. We were under shelter. For some reason. We weren't in the sun. As soon as you left your hotel room, you were out in the sun of Fiji. We were under shelter, but we forgot that the water reflects, okay?

You're on a tropical island. Not as big as Sicily, though, we've discovered this one. Exactly. The UVB rays will burn you. Is your back peeling? No. You said your nose was just peeling. I'm not as pale as him.

No, you could almost see the melanoma coming out on that photo, couldn't you? He had a shocker, too, because because he wanted to work and you were like, no, no, no, come on, how often are you in Fiji? So we kind of got him in the pool. I peer pressured him hard. And he was like, great, this is the most relaxed I've been, but he's come back with third degree sunscreen burns. His Apple Watch was in the water too long and it doesn't work now.

Really? Really? And he's three hours behind on emails. So none of it was a good idea.