Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: We Spoke To An Everyday Crime Fighter!

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

A man from Waiheke had to steal back his dinghy multiple times from a very confident thief who kept going back for it. It's a brilliant story! Jono also gave an ode to Auckland on Auckland's anniversary. Finally, Ben and his family have turned into the people you probably hate on the roads! Enjoy the poddy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben Podcast. Alright, let's get into it, mate. Let's not mess around, Ben Boyce. I know you're in the middle of, what were you about to do? Clear an email? Oh, yeah, doing all that sort of stuff. Doing my daily Wordle. No, I haven't actually got into Wordle yet, but tomorrow on the show I've... But it seemed like something we should mention, because it's in the site. Sound domicile, okay. No, I did go across...

No, I actually haven't played at all. But I looked at someone playing at once. I did go across. No, I actually haven't. No, I actually haven't played at all. But I looked at someone playing at once. I'm a fraud. I just said it to sound like popular. I went across. I had to go through an office the other day, and then someone who was working at the office was like, hey, have you been doing Word Award?

And I said, no, we're doing it now. And they were doing their daily Word Award. I had a quick look, but then I was running late, and I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, Word Alive, not for me. No, it's definitely not for you. But it's like, oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, what word will I, not for me. No, it's definitely not for you, but it's like, I already know that and I haven't really even played it. It's definitely not for you.

Is it a crossword? What is it? No, it's basically, well, we're going to deep dive into the show tomorrow. I've palmed it off to producer Juliet. She's going to investigate. Oh, did you? Yeah. You're literally off it. The post-show meeting's like, we should do a thing, you know, where people get to learn

about stuff. Oh, okay. Oh, I'll do it. I'll do it. All right, I'm taking it back. I'll take it back. We'll do a wordle and then he goes,

he's like, we'll do a segment. And he's gone and gone, Juliet. Okay, I'll take it back. Okay, Juliet, I'm taking it back. I'm taking it back, okay?

Did he just say to you, go and research wordle? You have to present the wordle thing. Oh, there was a segment that I, yeah, I did. Yes. Did it, yes. But you're not to present the Wordle thing. Yeah, I did. But you know, it's a complete problem. There was something in the run sheet that she was going to

own and I was like, well, taking it off her I felt like I was giving something back. No, you actually were. Because sometimes, you know, the thing that I usually do in that spot sometimes it's hard to find news stories every day. We do a segment called News and Beats with Juliet and we put it

in every day because mainly Ben and me don't have to do anything. And the more that happens the better for the show. So tomorrow my take? Having a break between News and Beats every so often gives more room

for weird news stories to come out. You know what I mean? So this is a little pulling back of the curtains, what happens post-show. So would you like, now my question is, and don't feel obliged. Yeah, look, I'm happy to take it back. He's told me I have to take it back. Would you or would you not like to do this word or repetition? I don't mind because I'll probably get addicted and it's probably something that I'm going to start doing anyway.

Okay, so I'm happy for Juliet to run with it. How about we both research it and we'll present it to Jono before the show? See who makes the cut. That's tomorrow morning on the broadcast. Looking forward to that. So, Wordle, what do you do, though, with Wordle? So, what I understand, every day they put on this website a five-letter word that you need. The word basically races to guess the fastest when you play the game.

And then you have attempts to type in what you think the word would be, and then you work out through a process of elimination what the word is. So you might put an S to start your word, and they'll go, oh, yes, the S is in the right place, or the S is in the wrong place. And you slowly sort of see how quickly you can work it out. Sean looks very confused. Yeah, he's zoned out. He blagged out. He just bl confused. Yeah, he's zoned out. He's like, he's blanked out.

He's just blanked out. My eyes glazed over. You don't have the patience for that. I could see Juliet getting hooked on it. I could see my wife in management. I could see her. I was like, I was going to bring it up to the date.

I went, no, because she'll get hooked on that every day. Yeah, that's so fair. It's like what my boomer dad does in the paper every day. You know, those like word code cracker type things. It's kind of like one of those.

My dad would love it. Kevin Boyce would love a word. If he doesn't know about it, I'll be telling him about that. Do you know, honestly, this is honestly what happened. You started talking and then my mind wandered. What were you thinking about? You asked it. I was ready to move on from that.

And you were like, well, what exactly do you do? And then I came back in and you're like, and then some letters are highlighted and I was like, oh, jeez, I missed all this stuff. Just have to guess the five-letter word, all right? I then I came back in and some letters are highlighted. And I was like, oh, jeez, I missed all this stuff. Just have to guess the five-letter word, all right? I missed all the meat in that sandwich. Anyway, had a fun show this morning. For a Monday, it's a public holiday for a large part of New Zealand, most of the upper north of North Island.

And today on the show, we speak to Charlotte Ballas, who's a Kiwi journalist. She works for Al Jazeera in Afghanistan. What a tale. Pregnant, stuck in Afghanistan. Yeah, it's captured the world's attention Kiwi journalist. She works for Al Jazeera in Afghanistan. What a tale. Pregnant, stuck in Afghanistan. Yeah, it's captured the world's attention, this story. She can't get home. She can't get into MIQ at the moment in New Zealand to have her baby.

I imagine quite the, you know, I don't know if it's a full migraine, but certainly a little bit of a headache for the Prime Minister. Yeah. She'll be like, ah, someone give me some Panadol. This Ballas thing's causing me a bit of headaches. But, yeah, we'll talk to Charlotte Ballas on the podcast. So you have a great day, and we'll see you tomorrow. Jono and Ben, brought to you by Rosene, New Zealand's most trusted paint.

Kiwi made since 1946. The hits. Breakfast with Jono and Ben. Hey, guys, have a good weekend? Yeah, it was good. Yeah. Well, my son, he probably had quite a traumatic weekend, actually. Do you remember this noise from school?

Start level one, one. It's the beep test. Yes. You know, he's having to do the beep test. They need them to get up to level 9 or 10 or something for his basketball training. Level 1, 3. But as we're playing this. See, this is what happens.

You do it during, I think obviously they're still doing it during PE, but I remember doing it during PE where you had to run between two points and then it would get faster and faster. It's only 20 metres. It's only 20 metres, But quickly 20 metres turns into What feels like 20 kilometres Doesn't it? And I have never understood why

We needed to test the aerobic capacity Of 13 year olds To such a point To such a level Like Richie McCaw I was researching Got up to level 20 He should do the beep test when he was in the All Blacks. Yeah.

You know, not some zitty pubescent 12-year-old. Imagine if they did it to businesses now, as adults. Oh, we're going to do the beep test, guys. Bogsy the boss came down and went, all right, guys, beep test today. You'd be like, what? Why? Yeah, and there was always just that one skinny kid who made it look easier than walking, while the rest of you are sitting there huffing and puffing on the sidelines,

sweating, and you have to watch this kid go another 10 levels. Yeah, well done, skinny. I reckon, Juliet, you would have been a beep test nerd. You would have been good at the beep. I kind of was. Do you know what is almost borderline worse than the beep test? At the gym I go to, in one of their classes, they do a burpee beep test. So every time you hear the beep, you have to do a burpee,

and it gets faster and faster and faster and faster and you're like dying so it's a variation but it's just as hard because it sounds like a fun activity it's the bronco test now they do all the rugby players i hear about that which is essentially kind of similar to the beep test in a way but you're running sort of across 100 meters of the field running back and but you know just it sounds horrible 100 metres of the field, running back. It sounds horrible. Bowdoin Barrett's meant to be amazing at it. Yeah, well, I'd like to see how Bowdoin Barrett goes on the beep test. We'll take it back to the old school with Barrett.

Because the noise we were playing at, he was just running up and down the lawn, but then all the neighbours came out like zombies, suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Going, oh, my God, that noise. And then just feeling Oscar's pain, too, my son's pain with it. Because they always get you, when you're at school, they always get you to do it in, like, period two.

And then you have to go off to science straight after and look at the periodic table where you're drenched in sweat. Yes. It's horrible. So true. None of it makes sense to me. But anyway, spare a thought for all the beep test competitors out there this year. We should hold the beepare a thought for all the beep test competitors out there this year.

We should hold the beep test nationals. Hold the beep test gnats. People already don't like us. Why would they want to hate us some more? Hang New Zealanders to do a beep test. We now present Ben's daily audition where he tries his best to become a proper newsreader and I try my best to tank his efforts. It's scrolling through your feed.

The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, she was on a flight on the 22nd of January, so just over a week ago, from Kirikiri to Auckland, and someone on that flight is tested positive for COVID. They reckon it's likely to be Omicron, so she is now self-isolating and will get, hopefully, all going well, another test result back today. She's already had one negative test apparently but it's interesting to see because it's taken a week for them to sort of notify

everyone because that's how hard it is to keep track of everyone that's got COVID and in that time Jacinda Ardern visited a vaccination centre, a Marae held two press conferences a cabinet meeting as well so you get up to a lot of stuff over a week, don't you, if you're a prime minister. And no one's thinking that she's got it, she's feeling fine.

But, you know, if she has got it, it shows how quickly it does spread. That's what someone who's got it would say. I'm feeling fine. Because you never want to be the one who's got it. And you're like, oh, they went everywhere. The Briscoes, they went to the mall. You know, and I mean, Jacinda could be our country's greatest super spreader. She does a lot of stuff.

She does. But that's a good reminder that no one, no one is safe from this thing being voiced. No, you're right. And the tricky thing is you're not symptomatic for a while. Like, clearly the airline steward didn't have symptoms or they wouldn't have been working on the Air New Zealand flight. True. And wandering around with it, not knowing. Then a week later, you're like, oh dear God, Jacinda Ardern.

Imagine that. Jacinda Ardern was on the bloody plane. You can't help it. You're right. You can't. Imagine being like, I gave Jacinda Ardern Omicron. Yeah, but that's the thing. You don't know who gave it to you and who gave it to them.

So yeah, passing it around. That was meant to be the weekend, I reckon. It was meant to be the weekend this one gone that she would have had her wedding. She said end of Jan was originally the date. So yeah, it would have been rough. So instead she spent herself isolating in a room. And just quickly, you might have heard

there's a few musical artists taking on Spotify, the music platform. Firstly, there was Neil Young, who pulled all his music because of vaccine misinformation from the likes of Joe Rogan that he claimed. Yeah, well, everyone's saying that Spotify are paying Joe Rogan millions and millions of dollars, and they're earning millions off his podcast. But he's sharing a lot of misinformation spouting off a lot of stuff well Joni Mitchell the Canadian folk singer

is the next one to come out and pull her music and so she's taken her music off and I've read Taylor Swift she's a huge fan

of Joni Mitchell so the worrying thing for Spotify will be if Taylor Swift goes I stand with Joni Mitchell and then you know. Well, so far, the world's most boring artists have pulled their music from Spotify.

And I can guarantee this will affect Spotify in no way at all. Well, James Blunt, we love James Blunt. I mean, he's got the great song Beautiful. We've got that around. You're beautiful. Now, James Blunt, who loves to have a laugh at his own expense, now he said, he's come out with a great tweet over the weekend, he said, if Spotify doesn't immediately

remove Joe Rogan, I'll release new music onto the platform. So he's going the opposite way. He's like, I won't take my music off, I'll put more on there. So if that's not an incentive, I don't know what is. And that is scrolling through your feed this morning. Next, Jono, you've got to tell us something that's going to blow our minds.

Who is earning over $3,000 a second? A second? A second. I will tell you in five minutes. It is the hits you got, Jono and Ben. Jono's internet wormhole. Lost again on the internet. It's bloody easy to, eh?

Particularly on Instagram. Oh, my God. You're flicking through and you're like. Why am I here? Why have I spent 15 minutes looking at this? Wait till you get on TikTok. Oh, yeah. TikTok is a big, big time waste.

You just get into a hole. Yes. Like, how many people can you watch in G-strings and bikinis dancing for 15 seconds? Ben, you tell me. A lot. No. I'm joking. 15 minutes worth No I'm joking 15 minutes worth

I'm joking No But you do get lost You do You sit down And you're like I came out of the bedroom To put some washing away

And now I'm looking At the social media And why? It's disgusting It really is It's almost Throw your phone away Territory isn't it

I've got a I've got a family out there But I'm sitting here Watching people You know Cheesestrings Not fully clothed it so i've got people delete the apps yeah i've got a family out there but i'm sitting here watching people and you know cheese strings not fully closed dancing away yeah anyway i got lost in the internet again i got in an internet hole of uh the owner of amazon the one and only jeff bezos you say bezos i say bezos yeah well i hear a lot about bezos a lot about Bezos in the news of late, with the rocket and him and Elon Musk are trying to get further in space. So he's the founder of Amazon.

That's right. Which has just come to New Zealand and Australia, right? Yeah, he looks like Lex Luthor from Superman, doesn't he? Jeff Bezos with his giant knob rocket that he's sent into space. But a net worth of $211 billion. Gee whiz. The wealthiest person in the world. Here's some facts about Jeff Bezos.

Is it Omicron or Omnicron? I don't know. Depends on my mood. First fact, his annual salary from Amazon is $81,000. He takes an $81,000 salary. Not a huge salary for the guy who runs that company. Yeah, but obviously it's all in shares and the ownership of the company where he gets his income from. But I just like to imagine every fortnight Bezos is like, oh, your pay's coming through.

Payday tomorrow, eh, guys? Hanging out for midnight. I worked public holiday too, so I'll get time and a half. Time and a half, thanks. I'll put that one in as well. He earns $8.99 billion per month. Through everything? Through the company,

through owns. That's $2.25 billion a week, $321 million a day, $3,715 per second. Wow. He has too much money to even, like he would not be able to spend that

the rate that he's earning it. Listen, he's not going into an unarranged overdraft, is he? No. Hey, I get those emails

from ASB, pop something in your email. You're an unarranged overdraft. He founded a private, you know, he founded a space travel company, Blue Origin. A billion dollars a year

he pours into that. He's come from humble beginnings. Really? Teenage mother. Yeah, right. 17 years old his mum was. And an absent father.

So that's giving a lot of hope to the people of Palmerston North right now. Yeah. All of you can become wealthy. And his absent father was a circus performer specialising in the unicycle. Really? Is that unusual? Everyone takes their own career path yeah i don't know uh amazon he was originally going to call cadaver uh but then his lawyer advised against it because he probably said well that's a shitty name yeah and in 2016 he ticked

off a bucket list item to appear on screen in Star Trek. He was in Star Trek. And Chris Pine said he turned up to the movie set with ten limousines. Oh, my gosh. And nine bodyguards. So there's one limousine without a bodyguard, so he felt sorry for that one. But this was apparently a huge bucket list of Jeff Bezos. Maybe that's why he wants to go to space. Maybe he's a big sci-fi sort of nerd.

Yeah. So there you go. Well done for bullying Jeff Bezos, CB. Calling him a nerd. And those are the facts about that geek. No. Sorry, I didn't mean that. Champagne Beano.

No, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I'm nerdy about fantasy basketball. I mean, we all have our things, you know. Sorry, I wasn't meaning it like that. I'm sure he can't hear me on his truck. No, I know. I'm the money. And that's some facts about Jeff Bezos.

Yes, coming up next, the news and beeps. We try and figure out what this censored headline is. Woman checking her spam folder discovers... What is this next? It is the hits. You got it, John or Ben? Kia ora, I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees, and this is the hits. You got it, Jono and Ben? Kia ora. I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees, and this is the BEEP News.

Well, incidentally, we were just talking about the beep test before on the show. Well, this is our daily beep test, where for some reason we also end up just as sweaty. Yes. These are actual news headlines. Producer Juliet has found them, and we have a word beeped out, and we need to guess what the word in the actual news headline is. All right, the first one. Woman checking her spam folder discovers...

Jono Pryor's only fans again? Oh, is that why I'm getting no... Am I going to spam? It does, yeah. Oh, mate, there's some content pushing the boundaries on there. I know, I know. I'm going to say woman checking her spam folder discovers she's missed out on a 40% off sale at North Beach.

Woman checking her spam folder discovers legitimate $3 million jackpot. Legitimate? Legitimate. Surely you think that was spam. I know. So she was searching for a missing email. Whoever checks their spam, right? But she was searching for a missing email, a different one, and discovered it there because she'd bought an online lottery ticket.

So then she saw this in her spam photo and was like, okay, hold on, I'll just quickly log on to my actual lottery account. And sure enough, it was right there, $3 million. How long had it been sitting in her account for? I didn't say, but I wouldn't imagine too long. Well, I'm sorry for asking that question. No, that's okay. My apologies.

How dare you do a follow-up question? Light dusting of these headlines. Next headline, quick move on. Man starts experiment to see how long he can survive eating only... He's a millennial. He's only eating avocados, is my guess. Why does he need to do that? I already do.

Well, true, you do that every day, yeah. Man starts experiment to see how long he can survive eating only beetroot hummus, and that man is Benjamin Ross Boyce. Man starts experiment to see how long he can survive eating only raw meat. So he started an account on Instagram which shows videos of him eating raw chicken breasts, raw steak, raw mince. Raw chicken. I know.

Oh, that's Russian roulette. Drinking glasses of egg or milk. He's currently up to day 79. He's got 70,000 followers on Instagram. Oh, that's Russian roulette. Drinking glasses of egg or milk. He's currently up to day 79. He's got 70,000 followers on Instagram. It's at rawmeatexpert. And he's lost 29 kgs in food poisoning. Yeah, but what he does is, I think the technique he does is he goes to the supermarket every day to buy fresh meat.

So he's not eating meat that's like a couple of days old. He's got some standards. Still the chicken's probably a couple of days old by the time they package it, right? It's a delicacy in Japan. Raw chicken, some restaurants. I know students in Dunedin used to do it so they'd get sick and miss out on examinations. Oh my gosh! That's horrendous. Why would you

want to do that? And the final news story. 19-year-old just set the record for the youngest woman to f***. I'd say she's probably to stay dating Leonardo DiCaprio. That's not really what happens, is it? She's becoming geriatric at 19. I'm going to say

19-year-old set the record for the youngest woman not to blame the older generation for ruining the environment. 19-year-old just set the record for the youngest woman to fly solo around the world. So she was in a small sort of two-person plane. It did take her five months, so she did obviously have stops for fuel and stuff. She had a two-month delay because weather was bad,

but she said the hardest part was flying over Siberia. It was extremely cold, and if the engine was to stall, she'd be hours away from rescue, and she wasn't sure if she would have survived. So she was 19, and part of the reason why she did it was because she wanted to encourage girls and women to consider aviation as a career. That's awesome. Yeah.

Like our 2022's Amelia Earhart. Yeah. Very, very cool. Thank you, Producer Juliet. That was today's News and Beeps. Coming up very shortly, we made 22 predictions for the year 2022. We're going to look kind of like a time

capsule. We're going to say them next, so we're going to see how many we get right over the year, but we've already got two correct. Two have eventuated in just a week. We'll find out what they are in just a few moments. It is The Hits. You've got Jono and Ben. The Hits with Jono and Ben. January. That's it. Guys, January's all pretty much done and dusted.

Yeah, you keep saying it. The sixth time he's heard it. I'm just like, that's just gone. He and dusted. Yeah, you keep saying it. What am I done? It's the sixth time. I'm just like, that's just gone. He's obsessed with the fact it's the last day of January. He has mentioned it a lot, sixth time. He's like, can you believe it? It's gone. Yeah, I can.

What have I done? What have I got to do? We're only 45 minutes into the show. I'll tell you what I've done is we've put together 22 predictions for the year that's 2022. And already one month has gone of the year 2022. Are you unsettled that you haven't achieved anything? Is that the thing? Yeah.

He was anxious. He said, we've started work a week too late. A week too late. He was getting all fidgety and wound up. I mean, we might as well start looking at 2023. This is a glimpse of what it's like to be on holiday with Ben Boyce. He's got his family up at 5.30 in the morning doing his exercises, just achieving stuff. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, we did do 22 predictions for 2022. And, Julia, what are some of those predictions? Because two of them have already eventuated. Would you like me to start with the two that have eventuated? Let's just go through. We've made these predictions. Like a time capture, we want to put them out there. We'll rattle through them quickly so then we can all look back and see how many of these we get correct over the year or not.

Okay, first one. Briscoe's has at least one sale. Guess what? You never guess it, guys. Shop Briscoe's House of Brands weekend for exclusive savings. 40% off Manchester. We've already had a win with the Briscoe sale. We knew that one was going to be a win.

We wanted an easy one to get a win. The next prediction we made? New Zealand has one more lockdown. Short and sharp, just like the last 107-day one. It's coming. Well, hopefully it's not, but that seems like it could happen this year. All right, next prediction. Chris Warner has another affair on Shortland Street.

Hasn't happened yet. No. Could happen, right. Jacinda Ardern says she won't run in the next election or in the 2023 Auckland Marathon. This actually came from a psychic. We spoke to a psychic who said that, Kimberly's his name, the psychic,

that she won't be running next election. So we all put that in. Warriors to make the top eight NRL finals. I put that one in there. This is how you guys. But you, I thought we wereRL finals. I put that one in there. This is our year, guys. But you, I thought we were just going to go vague and go the Warriors, so it could have been the Golden State Warriors to make the finals. Well, they're quite good

in the basketball. Yeah, let's just say that. Warriors to make a final somewhere. The Seagull controversially wins Bird of the Year, but remains just as annoying at the beach. Could happen. Jono stays bald. I'm the master of that destiny. Well, are you?

Next one. The Queen steps down. Harry and Meghan make amends and nobody speaks of Prince Andrew's name again. Now, Ben's put the Queen steps down. We all know what it means. No, it means she steps down. She decides herself.

I'm not putting... She steps down from life. No, she could step down anyway Pete Davidson dates another celebrity And no, it's not going to be the Queen The Mad Butcher turns vegan But changes back when there's a great special At a Mad Butcher store

Now the Mad Butcher has hit back at these vegan allegations On social media and he's not happy He said you're dreaming He said you're dreaming on meat 24-7 And I've seen his Instagram He has saveloys for breakfast Ste steak for morning tea, chops for lunch, sausages as a bedtime snack. He is eating meat 24-7. New Zealand wins 50 medals at the Commonwealth Games, and we focus on per capita to make ourselves feel better.

Well, that's possible, yeah. South Island finally gets sick of the North Island's shh and becomes a republic. Karen becomes 2022's most popular baby name. And if it doesn't, the Karens will complain about it. That's what we thought. Jason Momoa wins sexiest man alive for 2022. And Jono wins sexiest man dead inside. That's right.

So those are some of the predictions that we have of the 22. But another one that has eventuators, is the All Blacks jersey remains black. Again, it came through over the weekend. The All Blacks unveiled their new jersey where they're sponsored by some human trafficking organisation or something. And it's black. Yeah, it is.

There was a bit of an ad over the weekend for that as well. If you want to see our predictions, we've made them all. You can head to the Hits Breakfast on social media. And throughout the year, we'll see how many we've got correct. We've already got two correct, and we're a month down. Can you believe it? A month is gone. We should start up our own clairvoyant business.

I'm going to buy you some tie-dye clothing and some free-flowing crystals. Well, speaking of actually Pete Davidson and our predictions, well, next in Spy, he's got a bit of an insight into why he thinks that he's so attractive to the ladies Pete Davidson talks on that next it is the hits you got John I'm Ben Spy the what's up

by doco.nz Alrighty let's fossick through the private lives of the rich people Juliet what's happening in Spy. So we've started talking about Pete Davidson a little bit more recently as he's kind of shot to fame over the last couple of years. And he's dated, well, he's dating Kim Kardashian now. He was engaged to Ariana Grande a few years ago,

also dated Kate Beckinsale and some other Hollywood actresses. And people are kind of like, holy heck, how is he getting all these ladders? And he said, there seems to be a curiosity about me, my friends tell me. Which actually makes sense because he is kind of like a fascinating sort of person. His childhood was kind of, what he experienced in his childhood was pretty rough. His father passed away as a firefighter in the 9-11 attacks. He was also bullied and so he's kind of gone through a lot of shh to come out to where he is. But he then

went to liken himself to the one good film that ends up in the discount bin at a 7-11 store, like those corner stores. He said it's this film that's not supposed to be there. I'm Tropic Thunder. I'm the diamond in the trash. Which actually makes sense. He's the Tropic Thunder of celebrity.

Now, he dresses like he's just picked random clothes out of a clothing bin. When I do it, I've let standards slip. When Pete Davidson does it, he ends up with Kim Kardashian. Yeah, he kind of looks, for some reason you're like, oh, he's trendy and fashionable when he does it. What am I? It's intriguing. I've given up on life.

Yeah. But him, you're like, oh, he's really He's out there He's real unique Because like For celebrities of his level They all probably Dress themselves Quite well And so for him

To kind of look A little bit rough Around the edges Is probably quite appealing I was reading it up Until last year He was living in the basement Of his mother's house

Really And now he's Yeah Probably living in a Kardashian mansion Somewhere right Incredible He's a very funny man

Just some great work and Jason Momoa may be joining Fast and Furious 10 so he's currently in negotiations apparently for a role in the next instalment he's being eyed to play one of the villains and it's going to be I think it's scheduled for release in May 2023 so a little over a year away

but that would be very good I feel like he'd be very good and suitable in that film he's a sultry looking man we've gone from a weedy guy who's dressed out of a clothing bin to a jason mama jason mama looks at you and he's like i would make love to you you know it would be lovely it wouldn't be it would be an event yeah it would be i'd block out a weekend you're like i'll say when in January and go, well that's, you know,

like, well he's a single man now, he's having Lisa Benet's flip up. Oh, that's sad. They really stayed with him about a week ago.

But he, I think he, like, when he was growing up he knew, he was like, I am going to marry Lisa Benet.

Like, Lisa Benet was his like celebrity crush and then he did. Yeah. So good on him. Lenny Kravitz's ex-wife. Yes.

And they have the daughter Zoe. Zoe Kravitz. Who's very. Yes. And they have the daughter Zoe. Zoe Kravitz. Who's very successful in her own right. Dating Channing. Dating Channing. Is she with Channing? Oh.

Yeah, I know. This has been a good old natter. I know. It has been. The gossip section of our show. I know. God. And that is five for this hour.

We'll get another gossip session in about an hour's time. After seven o'clock on the show, we want your stories of everyday crime fighters. I think we've managed to track down someone who has taken matters into his own hands to get his dinghy back. It's a heck of a tale. We'll talk to him after seven. It is the hits.

You've got Jono and Ben. Hard-hitting interviews and informed opinion. Mike Hosking on Newstalk ZB. In the meantime, here's Jono and Ben. The hits. It is the hits. Jono and Ben. The hits. It is the hits. Jono and Ben with you on a Monday morning. Thank you so much for tuning in to the show. It is seven past seven. We were talking before, actually, about how

social media, you just get lost in social media, don't you? It really sucks up a lot of your time. Yeah, it's a great way to ignore your family and lose about an hour and a half of your day. It happened to me over the weekend because now we're on TikTok. At one stage, you were mocking me about going on TikTok. I know, man.

You were like, growing man on TikTok, what are you doing? And then six months later, you're like, we need to get onto TikTok, man. Oh, should we upload this to TikTok? Oh, should we? I think we could do this TikTok thing. Oh, this person's got liver king? Oh, liver, you know, all of these things. Addicted to TikTok.

Yeah, listen, I was a big TikTok. I'm sorry. And I gave you a big public flogging, didn't I? And you didn't deserve it. I was like, look at you dancing on TikTok. You're a man. Pull yourself together. You're an adult.

And yeah, well, look at us now. We're on there now and purely being driven by me. So I apologize. Been publicly for that. Well, thank you. Well, I stumbled across on TikTok over the weekend a lady from Christchurch, now she owns a gym in Christchurch and she posted a video on TikTok

about how she'd been having a few break-ins at the gym around about the same time and she was ironically going to Bunnings to buy something to do with the break-ins and she saw, because she'd seen the person on the security camera, she saw the thief in Bunnings and she ended up confronting him have a listen. So I went to Bunnings today

and you'll never f***ing guess it. This guy is standing at the checkouts at Bunnings. So it's really funny because I'm actually at Bunnings buying those signs to put on my business that say like security cameras operating and hopefully that might deter him from breaking into cars.

But I waited for him outside Bunnings and stopped him as he came out and i was like oh excuse me um have you heard of aerial three and he was kind of like uh no um and i was like well it's a gym that i own and just so you know i'm putting these security signs outside and i really hope i don't see you there again so by the look on his face i don't think that he's going to come back how's that that's confronting the person. That's amazing. I love that crime fighting now takes place on

TikTok. It's 2022's version of a public stoning back in the medieval times. And the public stoning is the comment section. Yeah, so everyday sort of crime fighters is what we want to know because we were talking about this the other day, weren't we? Yeah, we were. And a great story about a guy who stole his bike back.

He got his bike stolen. Someone said, have a look on Trey B. So he jumps on Trey B, has a look, and what do you know? His bike's sitting right there. He gives the guy a call, says, hey, look, I'm pretty keen to buy the bike. He turns around to the guy's house. He goes, look, can I take this for a test ride around the block? Test ride?

Of course. Look, can I take this for a test ride Around the block Test ride? Of course So he heads off around the block And then just heads straight back home Steals his bike back There you go See, not all heroes wear full-bodied Lycra Some of them just have TikTok accounts That'd be my major concern

If I was being asked to be a superhero I'm like, I don't know if my body's I'm not a full-bodied Lycra body You know, you'd just see all the squidgy bits and you'd be like, oh, geez, Batman's let himself go. He's just huffing and puffing around Gotham. And what do you think Superman did the underpants over the...

Was that just to kind of... Yeah. Was that to cover up... Maybe a little bit. Well, and I get it from his point of view. He's like, geez, without underpants, this thing is... Revealing. That's his kryptonite right there. That's for sure.

So are you an everyday crime fighter? We'd love to hear some stories this morning. Have you ever stopped a crime? 0800 THE HITS is our phone number. 4487. We'll see if we can get some more New Zealand heroes on New Zealand's Breakfast next. Talking about everyday crime fighters, RU1, you can call us 0800 THE HITS

or text 4487. We've got Matt on the phone. How are you? I'm good. How are you? You low-level crime fighter, you. That's right. Unexpectedly, but yeah. What's been going on?

You tell us how you fought crime at a low level. Yeah, well, basically, long story, the gist of it is I got back from Christmas. I live over on Waiheke. I went to go fishing, and my dinghy had been stolen. Case of a stolen dinghy, yeah. And I was a bit gutted about it, and I ended up borrowing another one.

And a few days later, I went to take it out fishing, and my dinghy was back there on the beach with someone else's possessions in it. Can I just jump in at this point and say I love the word dinghy? The more all of us say the word dinghy, the happier we get. You don't say it enough, do you? No, but we need to get our dinghy count up. So, okay, so you've seen your dinghy.

It's got another person's items in it. What do you do? What's your thought? I take it back. So what's happened is that the guy who lives on a yacht on Waiheke, because there's a few characters over here, and he was using it without my permission to go in and out from his yacht. Basically, I re-stole the dinghy.

Back, your dinghy. You stole it back, yeah? Yeah, I stole my dinghy, and then I confronted him, and he wanted his... Ridiculous. He wanted his countdown basket back that was in the dinghy. So he rode up in another dinghy, and we had this confrontation for about 15 minutes.

You're both in dinghies in the ocean, bobbing up and down in your dinghies just going at it. Yeah, and he basically grabbed the basket, and I wouldn't let go of it until he apologised. But he wouldn't apologise. Can I just say the countdown basket is neither of yours? Yeah, exactly. That's owned by a third party, but we won't get into that.

That's for another day. Then basically I put the dinghy back, and I thought the matter was resolved. And then he stole it again. Was he stealing it or just borrowing it, just using it, because you weren't using it? I told him it was my property and I didn't want him to use it and that it was theft. And then, so the second time, I was fuming. So basically, I went and got my drone and I got all this video footage I flew the drone

quite close to his yacht just to freak him out a bit next time he came to shore I stole it back again now listen you would have gone I thought we sorted this whole dinghy

business out when we were toing and throwing over the countdown basket in the middle of the ocean you had sorted it out I was really angry but I was just laughing

at how ridiculous it was so this time I chained the dinghy, and you can guess what he did next. He stole the dinghy next to mine. It's a challenge for him now. He's like, I'm in it. And then I was fed up, so I took matters into my own hands. So I set up a GoPro in a tree, and I put a note in the dinghy saying, please stop stealing dinghies, sir.

And then I waited in the bush. Don't have a lot else to do. You could have called the cops or something, but you decided, no, I'm going to set up a GoPro in a tree. But anyway, yeah. Anyway, it was amazing. And eventually he came back and I was just filming him and you could just see him reading the note.

Oh, so you've got him on your covert operation. You got him on camera. Yeah, yeah, I caught him. You've caught him in the act. I caught him on camera. And so he takes the other dinghy on camera. Yeah. How many hours did you spend hiding in a bush with a GoPro?

I was like about a six-hour afternoon. Six hours? How much does this dinghy worth? I'm putting it in context. I'm looking at dinghies online right now. You can get a dinghy at themarket.com for $34. $34? It was a $300 dinghy.

Oh, top of the range. Top of the range, okay. It wasn't really about the dinghy, you know? It was about this like... It was the moral standpoint, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, just his arrogance, really. Just wanted to teach him a lesson.

Yeah. And then he wrote on the note, return my crate and rope. Oh, so he's still ropeable about the countdown basket. He hasn't let that go. Oh, fair enough. You've taken that off him. Who's to say you didn't steal the dinghy first? Wow, that's a good question.

So your dinghy's still under lock and chain? Yeah, it is. I haven't worked out what my next move's going to be, whether I'm going to... It's kind of the balls in his court. I'm trying to stay one step ahead, but just see what he does next. We need to keep up with this ongoing dinghy saga.

There's some big rubbers going on in the world, but nothing more important for us than this. Well, keep in touch, Matt, and we want to know where this ends up, okay? Okay, cool. Cheers, boys. Appreciate your time, mate. It's such an amazing story.

Hey, next, there's a pregnant New Zealander who is stuck in Afghanistan with the Taliban and can't get an MIQ spot. You might have read about this in the papers. It's been one of the biggest news stories. Well, we're going to talk more about it because she's joining us after 8 o'clock this morning. It is the hits. You've got John on, Ben. Scrolling through your feed. Now for three and a half

minutes of us pretending to know what we're talking about. Sometimes it's pretty convincing and other times it's like a student presenting an unprepared speech. It's a little bit like that but Charlotte Ballas, now she is a Kiwi reporter who is now pregnant in Afghanistan who's

kind of stuck in limbo as a result of New Zealand's MIQ lottery. Have a listen. A Kiwi journalist has found herself in a difficult situation in Afghanistan. Charlotte Ballas is pregnant and not married, which puts her offside with the Taliban. But her application for an emergency spot in MIQ was rejected, and she now faces the possibility of giving birth in Kabul. This has been all over the news on the weekend, and it continues to be today.

And it sort of shines a light on the MIQ system at the moment. Now, Charlotte's been in Afghanistan for a while now. She was a reporter who, in the first press conference, she asked about what they were going to do about females. Asked the Taliban, yeah. She works for Al Jazeera over there. And so I understand she, it was an unplanned pregnancy and she found out

when she was in Qatar she didn't think she could get pregnant yeah you're right she went to Qatar and then in Qatar it's actually illegal to be pregnant

and not married and she wasn't married yeah and so she had to like fake a story about to get a pregnancy test saying she was getting it for a married

married friend yeah and so then she was stuck in Qatar we're actually going to talk to her after 8 o'clock and play the interview we had with her. But then she had to go back to Afghanistan. I approached the Taliban.

They said, look, you're foreigners. What will you guys do? It's between you. Yeah, and they said, look, you'll be safe. And if anything happens, you can call us. There we go. And traditionally, the Taliban, they don't trust single pregnant ladies. Something I stand by as well.

Oh, you're just there unpredictable. You don't know what's coming next. What are they going to say? What are they going to do? But that's the thing. She has to go back to Afghanistan with the Taliban because she can't get an MIQ spot here in New Zealand. That's wild.

And we're going to talk, yeah, as I say, you're going to hear that whole interview after 8 o'clock, 10 past 8 this morning. Captivating story. And it does shine a light on the many flaws with the system. I heard a story the other day of a guy who hasn't seen his wife in about six months. So she flew to South America. Her mother wasn't well and saw her mother just days before she passed away, sadly. So then she's like, well, i've dealt with that family affair make her way back to new zealand she had an miq spot was in transit in miami uh the flight was delayed by 24

hours she phoned miq and was like this is the situation i'm not going to be able to get in for another day or so they cancelled her spot so she couldn't get it yes and so then she had to fly back to south america because she didn't have an miq wasn't her fault And so then she had to fly back to South America Because she didn't have an MIQ spot And has been stuck there ever since Unable to get one She's still there Still there

Hasn't been able to get a spot from the waiting room So many heartbreaking stories That seem to be eventuating About the MIQ system at the moment People have offered Charlotte Ballas Their spot as well But you can't apparently swap spots You can't give your spot

away to someone else which seems like another sort of strange little thing in the system as well so as Jono said before Charlotte's going to be joining us

after 8 o'clock from Afghanistan and we'll talk to her more about this yeah what if I'm a DJ what if I'm a oh yeah that's fine mate

you can come on in come on in mate you want to perform this weekend yeah but I don't want to do it in MIQ I want to do my isolation on Waiheke Island With some Sauvignon Blanc

Hey next, it is a holiday here in Auckland And we wanted to see if the rest of New Zealand Particularly South Island Could say some nice things about Auckland We have created the world's most impossible game And we'll play it next Two dads just trying to fill some airtime. Some may say it's pointless, but the main thing is it fills in some airtime for us.

That is the main thing. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. It's Jono and Ben on your Monday morning. It is a holiday this morning, Auckland Anniversary Day, which means a holiday for the top of the North Island this morning. So a very quiet day, particularly on the streets. While it's a holiday, no one's working harder than the traffic person here on the radio this morning so very quiet day particularly on the streets while it's a holiday no one's working harder than the traffic person i'll hear on the radio this morning yes we heard a traffic

report uh before you know a 45 second traffic report reporting that there was literally no traffic no cars on any road anywhere and uh hats off to uh the traffic the local auckland traffic reporter this morning you'd almost be going, there'll probably be some traffic tomorrow, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, might be a few cars tomorrow and what have we got, another 20 seconds? Lights have just turned green on the corner of Hobson and Elliot.

And there's your traffic report. There's your traffic. Now we realise talking about an Auckland holiday is, you know, it's going to divide some people, right? Yeah. Because Auckland's not the most favourable city in New Zealand. Although, you know, people have a little bit of sympathy from what Auckland's gone through with the lockdown.

But I mean, the last year and a half, Auckland and South Island relations have reached an all-time low. It's the Russia-Ukraine situation, isn't it? Where, you know, it's not what Auckland needed. Some serious brand damage with COVID and lockdowns

And we wanted to play a game What we feel is maybe an impossible task Where we each get to pick A South Island town to call And we have 30 seconds To try and get that person to say Something favourable about Auckland Just a random number

They don't know we're calling It's an impossible task Almost like getting a child to put on shoes in the morning. Yeah. So, Ben, I'm going to pick for you. What am I going to go? Ooh, I'm going to go deep. I'm going to go gore.

Oh. I'm going to go the country music capital of New Zealand. Already I can feel the disdain for Auckland. Just by saying gore out loud. So, the timer will start. You'll have 30 seconds from the timer to get this person to say something positive about Auckland. Let's go through to gore out loud. So the timer will start. You'll have 30 seconds from the timer to get this person to say something positive about Auckland. Let's go through to... PHONE RINGS

Freud and Lodge, how are you? Speaking with Anne-Marie. Oh, Anne-Marie. Hiya. So I'm calling from Auckland. I just wanted to know if you could say something nice about Auckland because it's Auckland's anniversary today. Oh, fair enough. Happy anniversary to Auckland. Yeah, so say, could say something nice about Auckland because it's Auckland's anniversary today. Oh, fair enough.

Happy anniversary to Auckland. Yes, so say, what do you love about Auckland? One thing nice about Auckland. Just one thing. Just one thing good about Auckland. I haven't actually been. Okay, that's all right. What do you know that's good about Auckland?

What do you love more? We get some lovely people. Thank you. No, no, no. No, it does not count. The you like? We get some lovely people saying hello. That does not count. The buzzer sounded. She said lovely people. I didn't hear the compliment. I just heard we get some lovely people. Yeah, lovely people in Auckland. She didn't stipulate they were from Auckland.

That's what you were going to say, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, but we didn't quite get there. If you had more time on the clock, what else would you have said about Auckland? We do get them quite nice. They come down and stay at the hotel quite frequently here in good old Gore. That's good. That's a contentious, don't take that as a win, Ben Boyce.

It's not a win, okay. We're on a mission to try and get the South Island to say something nice about Auckland. In 30 seconds, though. If you can have your time again, Ben. Yeah, I'll just go straight. Auckland, what's good about it? What's good? Yeah, all right.

Hey, well, listen, you go look after yourself in Gore. You guys do. Yeah, we will. Back up in Auckland. Back up in Auckland. Lovely, lovely people. We're surrounded by lovely people. That's what they say.

Get that good word out there in Gore, okay? Okay. All right. See you. See you. All right. That's almost a compliment. It's a half victory.

It's a half victory. Okay, where am I going to go? I'm thinking West Coast, Greymouth. That's a half victory. It's a half victory. Okay, where am I going to go? I'm thinking West Coast, Greymouth. That's what I can call it. If I know something about this place, it's they'll love Auckland. Hello, Union Hotel Kitchen. Tracy speaking. Hi, Tracy.

How are you? I'm good. It's Auckland speaking. Who, sorry? Auckland. Yeah. I was wondering if you had anything nice to say about me. Ah, I don't know.

Why is that? Just anything you would say about Auckland, if you were, to give it a compliment. Well, I don't know much about Auckland. Just this very special day, or maybe the stuff you do know. Could you pull from that information and sort of form together a compliment? Um, hang on.

No, don't have time to hang on. Hang on, hang on. We've got a host. Hello, have you got anything nice to say about Auckland? Oh, the time's up.

That's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Oh, it's Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. Yeah. Yeah, we're just phoning the South Island trying to get them to say something nice about Auckland. Oh, it's John Owen Ben from the Hits radio station. Yeah. Yeah, we're just phoning the South Island,

trying to get them to say something nice about Auckland. Um, yep. Nice basketball team. Oh, basketball team. The Breakers have a nice basketball team. Thank you. Is that the name of them? Yeah.

Is that the name of the basketball team? Yeah, that's them. They're nice. They're a nice bunch of... He doesn't know the name of the basketball team. They seem like nice people. They are lovely people, the ones I've met. They're a nice bunch of... He doesn't know the name of the basketball team. They seem like nice people. They are lovely people, the ones I've met. They're taller than your average Aucklander?

Yeah. The basketballers? Yeah. Yeah, they are. They seem nicer and taller. Yeah. There we go. I'll take that as a compliment.

Even though it's beyond the time limit, you go and have a great day. Bye. Cheers, mate. You too. Toodles. There we go. Happy anniversary day if you are enjoying a holiday. And that's from the South Island, that message.

Next we've got $5,000, that could be yours with our game 5 Words 5K on the Hits. You're only 5 words away from a massive payday. We need a winner on this game for 2022 it could be you today, it's our Game of Word Association match all 5 words with our 5 words

and you win $5,000. And to quote the great Catherine Perry, who you just heard demanding that someone get some cash out, baby. Get some cash out, baby. Well, that's what we could be doing this morning for you, Morgan in Auckland. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you? Geez, you're up early for a public holiday,

Morgz. I know. I'm looking after friends, kids. Oh, that sounds right. Tell us when you regret saying yes to that. Well, it's one of those offers. No, there's not. They won't incriminate you. No, there's not.

I'm sure you're having a wonderful weekend. Very good. All right. Now, what we need you to do to officially register for this competition is give us your full name

and a full list of every terrible thing you've done in your life. Oh, what have I done? Yeah, blow by blow. Terrible, because right now you're doing a good thing looking after done in your life. Oh, what have I done? Blow by blow. Terrible. Because right now you're doing a good thing looking after your friend's kids. Yeah, all you need to do is choose which one of us you want to send into the soundproof booth.

Jono, Ben or producer Juliet? Jono. All right, get on in. Yeah, that's a good idea. No more awkward questions like you just asked me before. Here's in the soundproof booth. You know how the game works. Your first word this morning.

What pops into your head when I say Barack? Barack? Obama. Obama. Yep. That's what I thought as well. I don't think there's many other options for that one that would pop into your head. Tissue is word number two. Tissue. Paper. Tissue, paper.

Microwave. Microwave. Microwave. Microwave. Is that what Nigella Lawson would say? But microwave, as most of us say. Let's go food. Microwave food. Coffee is word number four this morning.

Hot. microwave food coffee is word number four this morning hot hot coffee and fire F-I-R-E fire is the final word wood firewood well done Morgz I think you've played a really good game there some words that you're like oh there's some other options that you could go with but you went with the first thing that pops

in your head, and so hopefully Jono, who's out of the soundproof booth now, will match up. Alright, let's do it, Morgan. I was spending my time in the soundproof booth looking at someone photocopying Ben. Now, in this company, to photocopy, you have to have photocopying privileges. Yeah, we don't have those. Now, Juliet,

who do I have to have incriminating photos of around here to get photocopying privileges? Joe Riddell. Joe Riddell. Okay. I've never been to get photocopying privileges? Joe Riddell. Joe Riddell. Okay. I've never been able to photocopy. Or print. Can't print.

No, we have to send them to Juliet. Morgan does not care at all about this. She just wants $5,000. Let's do it, Morgs. All right. First word we said to Morgan this morning was Barack. Obama. Well done.

One from one. Tissue. Tissue was word number two. Tissue. Box. Tissue. Tissue was word number two. Tissue. Box. Tissue box. Paper. Damn it.

Tissue's a tough word. Yeah, tissue box and paper were both good options. We'll just rattle through really quickly. Microwave. Oven. Coffee. Drink. And fire.

Place. Rough. Rough. Rough. Rough attempt. Hard. Mate, as if it's not bad enough, you're up on a public holiday looking after your friend's kids. Some schmuck on the radio doesn't match any words.

It's not bad. Oh, no. I'm so sorry about that, Morgan. Hopefully we get to play the game with you another time, okay? Definitely. Thanks very much. Have a great day. Next on the show, a Hollywood actor who didn't leave their house for 10 years.

Yeah, I'll give you the details on who that is and why. And when you hear about this person, you're like, oh, yeah. Kind of makes sense. We'll find out why in just a few moments on the hits. Spy, the what's up spy.co.nz. Now to the youngest and also strangely the most responsible member of the show, producer Juliet with Spy. No WhatsApp. Spy.co.nz. Now to the youngest and also strangely the most responsible member of the show, producer Juliet with Spy. So Taylor Lautner was 16 when he started filming the Twilight films, which seems to me a lot younger than what I sort of remember him as. Jeez, this would have been peak Juliet growing up, was it?

Oh, yeah. But he was almost like a little bit too old for me. I don't think I'd quite hit that, you know, holy hecka, there are famous people who are good-looking stage yet. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? But he said that after he reached such, the height of success and fame, he was too scared and too anxious

to leave his house for 10 years. And he didn't go to the supermarket, didn't go to the cinema, didn't go to the mall for 10 years after those films came out. 10 years? He was just so anxious of all the attention he got. And he spoke kind of a little bit about the concept of shooting to fame overnight.

Not many things in life can come and happen overnight. Fame can. It also can disappear overnight. When I was 16, 17, 18 years old, waking up and trying to just go out for a walk or go on a date, and I have 12 cars waiting outside my house to follow me. In the moment, it's like it got frustrating. But then when that's taken away from you at all, you start to question yourself and start to be like, oh, do people not care about me anymore

so that's kind of what he what he dealt with and you kind of made a good point before we started this being like what did he kind of do after twilight did he have any other films i don't well obviously twilight was the main one but part of me is kind of thinking maybe he chose to stay out of the spotlight for a while because he was just too stressed out but the whole situation he found himself he put himself in a permanent uh spotlight for a while because he was just too stressed out by the whole situation he found himself in. He put himself in a permanent government-enforced lockdown, didn't he? For 10 years. Yeah.

I guess it would be very overwhelming at that age. Imagine what you were like as a teenager being boys in your Looney Tunes outfit heading off to your school pool. But then having to deal with that, that level of fame and all that. Yeah. Crazy. 12 cars outside your house. Yeah. Do you know he's also engaged to a tailor as well.

Oh, that's right. So a tailor is engaged to tailor. I knew that. So there you go. Tailor and a tailor. Yeah, why don't you change your name to Launtner? Two tailor Launtners. Yeah, well, that's true.

I know a Lee and a Lee. A Lee and a Lee. Lee and Lee. Spelt differently the same. No, same. Really? They're together, right? They're together. Does the wife have the husband's last same? No, same. Really? They're together, right? They're together.

Does the wife have the husband's last name? No, they're not married. Oh, they're not married. No, but if they do, then they'll have identical names. Exactly the same name. Great, I love it. Couples like that. Yes, and just quickly, Cristiano Ronaldo,

he's putting everyone who is in a relationship to shame a bit because what he did for his girlfriend's 28th birthday is kind of outrageous. He projected images of his girlfriend on theth birthday is kind of outrageous. He projected images of his girlfriend on the Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest building, on her 28th birthday, so everyone could know

that it was her birthday. And that is probably the most spoiled girlfriend in the whole entire world. Oh, she's probably going, can you not? The last thing I would want is my image sprawled all over the Burj Khalifa. I'll get it for you, mate. If that's what you want, I'll get it for you.

In fact, put me on the Burj Khalifa. I'd love it. How much does it cost? Do it for me, Ben. And that is Spy Update for the South. More you can hear to the hits.co.nz. After 8 o'clock, we're going to talk to the New Zealand journalist who is pregnant, stuck in Afghanistan, and she's basically sought refuge with the Taliban to help her out.

She can't get an MIQ spot. It is a wild story, and you need to hear this after 8 o'clock. Give us 10 minutes. She'll be on. It is the hits. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. Probably heard about this story over the weekend. Charlotte Bellis is a Kiwi reporter.

She's pregnant, and she's based currently in Afghanistan. She's stuck in limbo as a result of New Zealand's MIQ lottery. Here to explain more and tell us about what's going on is Charlotte herself. Thank you so much for joining us. How's it going? How are we? Firstly, congratulations on the pregnancy. Oh, thank you.

That's very exciting. It's wonderful news. Yeah, that's awesome. That's the best part of the story. Yeah, the not-so the best part of the story. Yeah, the not-so-good part of the story is you're kind of stuck in limbo. Yeah, there's pros and cons to the current situation. Yeah, now, if anyone hadn't read the article that was in the paper over the weekend,

or it's been all over the news over the weekend, can you quickly just explain the situation you're in at the moment? I fell pregnant unexpectedly in August, against all odds, with my partner Jim, who is a photographer in Kabul also, and I usually work in Kabul with Al Jazeera. And I went back to Qatar. I found out it was illegal to be pregnant and I'm married there, so I was facing prison.

So, hold on, in Qatar you can't be pregnant and not married? Yeah, it's illegal. What happens if they catch you? Someone who was they had their assets seized and they were deported and other people just go to prison. I think it's like a year in jail. So you had to go get a

pregnancy test to find out if you were pregnant there but pretend it was for someone else who was married, right? Yeah, well I had no idea what to do. If they go there, they're going to ask. And I was like, oh, if they go there, they're going to ask. And I was like, oh, just say it for this married friend I've got. So I went into that and I was like, oh, God, now it's positive. What am I going to, what's the next step?

So, yeah, I mean, it was a difficult time for questions. And I was thinking, well, if New Zealand's borders are closed, I can't be here, where can I go? And then at the time, our borders were meant to open end of February. So we thought, okay, we'll keep some up for an emergency. Where else can we go? And then we both have visas for Afghanistan. So I thought, okay, I approached the Taliban, some contacts I have that I trusted and are fairly liberal, and said, this is the situation. We can come there, but are we going to have a problem if they show up with a bump and a boyfriend?

So do the Taliban frown upon unmarried pregnant ladies as well? Technically, it's illegal here also. Oh, really? But they said, look, you're foreigners. What will you guys do? It's between you and different culture. And frankly, we're just really happy for you. Congratulations.

Sucks you can't go home. And, yeah, if you come, you know, just, well, they said keep it on the down low. Obviously that hasn't happened now. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, and they said look you'll be you'll be safe and if anything happens you can call us so the taliban are looking after you yeah that's that's been great so yeah but you can't get back through the miq system right now as you described it it was kind of it's kind of like a hunger games isk type lottery isn't it i

mean it's you see it from the outside and oh yeah that sucks for that person and oh yeah that sounds like an awful situation you know they can't get home but it's not until you're actually in it that you're like wait a minute this just doesn't make sense. I mean at the moment we actually got an email back well today for us in Kabul saying that we're invited to apply under a different category. The category being that there's a serious risk to our safety as opposed to we need medical treatment.

I mean, nothing has changed in our application. They said apply under the medical one. I don't know why we're debating clauses when nothing has changed in our situation. The fact of the matter is I'm a citizen, I pay taxes, I'm pregnant, I'm in a dangerous situation. Why am I jumping through hoops? You've already got all the information. It's a wonderful

commentary on our MIQ system when the Taliban are being more supportive and caring than the New Zealand government. That was a whole thing to be kind to though, wasn't it? And this doesn't seem like a kind situation. Well, the Taliban listened to that message. Well, some Kiwis have offered you their spot, I understand. I think four Kiwis I read today in the paper have offered you their spot in MIQ,

but you can't swap spots. No, that's not allowed. That is another one of the clauses. I really don't know what to say anymore about the logic of where we're at. I don't know if you saw the meme going around in the weekend saying that if you were a drum and bass DJ, then you probably have a better chance of getting back into the country. Yeah, maybe.

Why don't we start up our own festival, John O'Bien's Festival, and you're the headliner, and we need to get you into the country. We'd not want to listen. It's such a difficult, difficult situation. I'm sure a very stressful time for you, and we are really feeling for you and sending lots of love your way, We need to get you into the country. We'd not want to listen. It's such a difficult, difficult situation. I'm sure a very stressful time for you. We are really feeling for you and sending lots of love your way. And hopefully we can get it all sorted for you.

Yes. And hopefully, I don't know, I hope this just moves the dial towards a slightly more kind of logic-based, empathy-based approach for the thousands of Kiwis who are abroad and would love to come back to the homeland. What's your message to Jacinda? If she's listening now, she's probably not to be honest. Well, she's isolated by herself, I think, over the weekend, isn't she? Yeah. She's probably got a bit of time on her hands sitting here listening to you guys. I think

it's just kind of like, can we look at the big picture here? I mean, what would she do if she was me? And where does she expect me to give birth? Very good message. I mean, that is kind of the crux of it. Oh, Charlotte Ballas, listen, you keep safe over there. Our thoughts are with you, and we'll keep in touch,

and we hope it all gets sorted for you. Thank you, guys. Oh, Charlotte Ballas joining us from Afghanistan right there. Crazy. Hopefully it gets all sorted. Yeah, man, that's a wild story. Hey, next, I've written something. Hopefully it gets all sorted. Yeah, man, that's a wild story. Hey, next I've written something. It's an original script

that Ben Boyce does not want any part in. I haven't even seen the script, but on principle I'm like, no. He doesn't want to be associated with it, so I'm a lone wolf on this one. It's your thing. It's your thing. And I'll read it out next.

You're going to read it out? It's going to ruffle some feathers. All right, we'll do that next after Ed Sheeran. Morning. This show contains traces of Jono and Ben. The Hits with Jono and Ben for breakfast. UK's highest-paying tax-paying celebrity last year, Ed Sheeran.

Is he? Paid over $12 million in taxes. I'm 12 million pounds in taxes. Wow, so it's like double. Thanks for getting all my personal tax information out there, guys. 25 million New Zealand dollars in tax he paid last year. Oh, he's paying tax to everybody. There you go, Ed Sheeran.

That's a lot of tax. That's a lot of tax. But you just think what he's earning, though, to pay that amount in tax. Crazy amount of tax. There we go. Delved into Ed Sheeran's accounts there. Good stuff. Now, it's Auckland anniversary today.

Isn't it Auckland anniversary day? northern part of the North Island, commemorating a public holiday. And this is where we remember the arrival of William Hobson in 1840, where he brought with him a boatload of colonial racism and exotic disease. Oh, is that where it all stemmed? This is where it all came from, baby. This is what we're celebrating. I don't know if those last two things are true.

But, Ben Boyce, I love this city. You know that. Yeah, you were born and bred. Born and bred. And so I'm jumping on the Gary McCormick bandwagon, who's had an illustrious career in poetic work. And I've written an ode to Auckland for Auckland anniversary. You said this over the weekend.

You were like, I've written a poem that we could both read out. And I was like, oh. But you front-footed it with Gary McCormick, you know, inspired. And I was like, firstly, stay in your lane. I don't know what your lane is. I mean, McCormick's doing a great job. I haven't found my lane. Every morning I'm like, why are you doing this? But you wanted to write a poem about Auckland.

You're like, should we both read it? And I was like, no. I don't even know what's in it. You don't want any part of it? Yeah I was like, no. I don't even know what's in it. You don't want any part of it? Yeah. But you'll hear it. You can hit the music. So here you go.

Jono's Ode to Auckland. Auckland, Auckland, the city of sales. Auckland, Auckland, where people steal your mail. Auckland, Auckland, your Westie meth labs. Auckland, Auckland, grossly overpriced pads. Auckland, Auckland, Harbour Bridge. Auckland, Auckland, water shortage. That's true. Auckland, another house you've been outbid. Auckland, Auckland, it's a city, not a town. Auckland, Auckland, loves a lockdown. Auckland, Auckland, no cows or hay. Auckland, Auckland, just pretentious cafes.

Auckland, Auckland, the breakers and blues. Auckland, Auckland, the warriors that lose. Hey! Hey! I'm glad I'm not part of this now. Auckland, Auckland, your biker gangs with guns. Auckland, Auckland, leaky apartment slums. Auckland, Auckland, fines for driving in bus lanes. Auckland, Auckland, Queen Street's bloodstains.

Auckland, Auckland, it costs heaps to live. Oh no, I've messed that one up. See, Gary McCormack could have done this. Yeah, McCormack couldn't have done the same Yeah, Auckland, Auckland In the same day it suns and rains It probably starts with Auckland, Auckland if you've messed it up Auckland, Auckland Just don't rely on the train

Auckland, Auckland, you've suffered some blows Auckland, Auckland, you're awesome And everyone knows I just wrote that last one to make myself feel better. Yeah, after all that, after all that mocking, you're like, oh, you're awesome. I've got to go on with you, mate. We love you. Such a Kiwi thing, eh?

Mate, all those birds, mate, good now. He said, oh, no, it's all good. Everyone knows you. You're awesome. There you go. Oh, there you go, John. O's to Auckland. Next, how we could be winning you thousands and thousands of dollars on Friday.

We'll tell you how in just a few moments or more. I mean, on the hits with Jono and Ben. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. The home of yeah, no. She'll be right in at the end of the day. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits.

Now, this Friday, you need to tune into the show because potentially we could win, thanks to the Resene, thousands and thousands of dollars for you guys in the Resene Can Can Challenge. Now, we have some questions about how this works. Yeah, well, we've initiated a paint-based challenge by Resene, and thankfully it's not to paint the town red because it's hot at the moment, Ben.

You don't want to be painting an entire town red, but it does involve an extraordinary amount of Resene paint tins. Now, producer Bee Humps has come in the studio as the official spokesperson for Resene. It's a great honour. So, yeah, because we have a lot of questions, so we wanted to talk about this on the radio right now. So on Friday, Friday morning during our show,

we're going to start stacking Resene paint tins. Yes. One on top of each other. And each one we stack is worth money, right? Each can is worth $250. Now, these are your four-litre Resene paint tins. Now, question, is paint going to be inside the tins or are they empty? No, they are empty.

So is that going to be helpful or not helpful? I reckon that'll hinder you. The paint will offer some weight and some stability to the structure. Yep, so it's going to be helpful or not helpful? I reckon that'll hinder you. The paint will offer some weight and some stability to the structure. Yep, so it's going to be an empty paint can in the Can Can Challenge. And so every one we load up, we get $250 more. Yes. Until it falls over. Yeah, so this is the thing.

This is going to test your greediness. If the tower falls over, you give away nothing. So you need to pull out just before it tips. Oh, here's the jeopardy. In the order for the hits audience to win the cash. So the higher we get, the more money we have, but also the greater

the risk of the structure falling over and getting nothing. Can we use honey, Blu-Tack, or any adhesive substance? No, it is just you and the cans. What I am going to get, though, is a scissor lift. So I'm expecting you to get some decent height. So I'm going to get you a scissor lift so you can add them on from the top

just to give you a bit of a helping hand. Who's going to do the scissoring? Are you going to get up there? Yeah. Well, we can both do that. What about a a base can we build like a sort of like does it have to be one on top of the other or can we put a paint cans to some what i'm going to allow permanent base you are allowed to go a base four cans wide but oh so that's four cans that's already a thousand bucks correct just by putting them on the ground but but. But. No, hang on. Let me enjoy a thousand dollars

for a second. Hang on. You can only have one layer of four. So you can't just tower them up four on four on four. So we can go four, three, two, one. Correct. And then one, one, one, one. That's what you could do. You've got to choose which way you build. An Egyptian pyramid type scenario. A pyramid scheme.

Pyramid scheme. Well, that is our scheme. Will you win the cash? Okay, so then we give that cash away? That's how it works? Yes, so the first caller through, when you guys signal that the Can-Can Challenge is over, if the Can-Can is still standing, the first caller through wins all the money.

That's this Friday. And gee whiz, I tell you what, I'll be tuning in, Ben Boyce. Yeah, this sounds very exciting. It's the Resene Can Can Challenge. I'm not sure which Resene product is right for you. You can visit your local Resene colour shop for expert advice or ask a Resene paint expert free online at resene.co.nz.

Do you know what I didn't know about paint? I just thought they all had the colours just lined up, but they mix the colours. I thought they were all in different cans. It's a game changer, this paint game. Learning a lot. Next, why I am, I could be annoying you on the roads. I'll tell you how in a few moments on the heads.

Welcome to Two Half-Assed Dads Do a Half-Assed Job. Official title, Tuna and Ben, New Zealand's Breakfast. Now my family at home, we're now a biker family, guys. Oh, you're known as a family something because there's always, you know, there's like the skiing family or the car racing family, isn't there, or the con artist family, I don't know. What sort of family were you, Juliet? We were the skiing family.

We were the skiing family. Now we're the biking family. We're not in a cool sort of Harley Davidson sort of bikey gang kind of way. We're just as in push bike family because we all bought push bikes you know cycles over over christmas and i i was like i keep i get frustrated if we spend money on things we don't use yeah so i was like guys if we're gonna buy bikes we have to use the we have to enter the tour de france so that's the only condition so you're in intense training 12 hours a day. So now

I make the family bike everywhere. Everywhere. My wife and I went out for dinner the other day and we rode our bikes out for dinner. No, you're eight years old at Saga. I just ride our bike. She's like, I've just done my hair and now I need to put on a bike helmet and I'm wearing a dress. I'm like,

we are riding these bikes everywhere. The other day we're going out somewhere as well and then uh i was like how far away is it that's my first question now how far away is this thing my wife's like it's 25 kilometers we are not biking there that's manageable though you can do that i know you can do that in a good time get in stages we'll get there stop off at the bp have a drink yeah so i was like come on guys indy to her credit my uh youngest daughter she was like she really took it a step far so I was like, come on, guys. Indy, to her credit, my youngest daughter, she really took it a step far because I was like,

I don't want it to be a waste of money. So she wore a bike helmet without a word of a lie for four days. She got out of the morning, just wore it around the house. Went to the mall with the bike helmet. We weren't even biking. Always got a bike helmet, kid. One of those, eh? Just to show that she was committed to the biking.

So that's our thing now. That's how much pressure you put on the... But you don't bike to work. Oh, we're not. Out of anyone who should be bloody... I was just thinking about it, but it's quite early. An example. It's quite early. This is a bikeable distance.

All right, all right. Tomorrow I'll bike to work. All right? Good. I have got a light, but I'll need to get a light. And I want you turning up sweaty, flustered, and looking a little red too. It's a fun family activity though, and we have been enjoying it.

It's been really cool actually going up to the bike. Are you full body Lycra, sponsored Lycra, non-sponsored? I can imagine. I haven't gone that far. Are you piling your bikes outside cafes and taking up all the tables yet? You're pretty much, and then trying to tie them up. Are you getting unnecessarily aggressive towards motorists? But I was talking to you the other day about biking,

and you take your kids. Get this, though. You go for bike rides. Well, you go for a family bike ride, but you don't bike. No. So you're walking. No, hang on. So his kids are on bikes.

What about your... Okay, and then is your wife on a bike as well? No, I just stand on an electric scooter. He goes on an electric scooter while his kids I just bark at them like one of those crazy dad coaches who's kind of lost reality and had a failed sporting career as a youth and hopes his kids might be able to

rekindle things. So are they keeping up with you on your electric scooter? Or are you just hooning head? I'll hoon a head. I'll go ahead I'll do a lap and I'll come back around. Hey guys, are you still going? Poor Poppy's nine years old pushing pushing her bike up the hill. That's what you're doing, right? I've taken the easy option.

But I'm not making my wife bike 25km in a ball gown to dinner. Hey, next, the Prime Minister. Is in isolation. Does she have Omicron? We're going to talk more about that next. It is the hits. You've got Jono and Ben. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up talk more about that next. It is the hits. You've got Jono and Ben.