Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - FULL: What someone hasn't done for four years
Episode Date: May 15, 2022We come up with a cool story for Jono's new scar on his head, James Corden washes his hair every two months and we chat to some people who haven't washed their hair in yonks and Jono calls someone wel...l known from Ben's phone for Close ContactsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast.
Welcome to the podcast today. It's the 16th Ben Boyce. It's good to have you here. It's good to have you here too, Belle.
Thanks. Good to be here.
We were talking to some people trying to develop an elaborate backstory for a new scar that I have on top of my head.
Had a bit of a nationwide brainstorm.
There's some good ones. You'll hear them on the podcast today. A really, really funny one involving you being knighted.
With the Queen. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.. A really, really funny one involving you being knighted. With the queen.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
That's what we're going to stick with.
Very good.
In reality, it was just a procedure, a run-of-the-mill procedure, mole removal.
You go and get a mole map, don't you?
Yeah, every year.
Now on my photo shoot, a mole map, yeah.
Bloody pricey, aren't they, the mole map photo shoots?
They kind of get you into a thing.
But then it's one of those things that I find peace of mind.
Why don't you just go and do body shots for half the price?
You get a solitary photo and you can be like, oh, is that a mole there?
Oh, no, no.
Every year I'll get new body shots and then compare the moles myself to the previous year.
That's a great idea.
Have you seen those body shots ads in the paper, Belle?
What, like nude shoots?
No, they're not.
No, no. They're tasteful. Oh, no, no, shoots? No, they're not. No, they're tasteful.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not saying anything like that.
There's tasteful nudes.
Yeah, tasteful nudes.
It's like the adult equivalent of Ann Getty's, you know?
Yeah, you can have like a satin curtain draped over your privates.
Would you like a body shot?
Well, I'll get you one for Christmas.
Should we both do them?
Let's both do body shots.
She's going to be hilarious.
I can't. I couldn't think of anything worse than me doing a body shot. Should we both do body shots Let's both do body shots. She's going to be hilarious. I can't.
I couldn't think of anything worse than me doing a body shot.
Should we both do body shots and book the shoot in?
It'd be so funny.
I mean, if you want to.
You know, it's empowering for you and everything.
Yeah, good.
Well, you're a body positive person, Bill.
I got bullied into doing one back in the day of radio.
Did you?
Yeah, I don't even know where the photos are, thankfully.
Yeah, they made me do like a tasteful.
It probably would get cancelled these days.
That was a mid-2000s radio.
Yeah.
2010 something.
Couldn't get away with bullying interns
into body shots photo shoots nowadays.
I've been bullying into doing so many things on radio.
Oh, you do, but you just did it.
Skydive.
Yeah.
Did you want to skydive?
No, I'm like petrified of heights,
but they're like, no, well, it's for child cancer.
If you don't do it, the kids don't get the money.
You know, things like that
yeah
there's a whole segment
do stuff to Jono
everyone's always telling me
bring back do stuff to Jono
I'm like why
that was how like
your career started right
it basically was
yeah
I remember the meeting
that we had
it was with Jaina
who was our boss at the time
she's like
we're going to turn this
into this biggest thing
and she's like
all you've got to do
is like cycle through
panes of glass
and hang on
okay
yeah is that what you got into radio for like doing those things And she's like, all you've got to do is cycle through panes of glass. You're like, okay.
Is that what you got into radio for?
Doing those things?
It was fun, though.
I've still got a tattoo of Nick and Roger and a love heart on my bottom.
They used to host the breakfast show on the rock there.
Yeah, that's right.
Very iconic.
They told me I was getting the Silver Fern Loyal Fern, you know,
when they had the yachting?
Oh, yeah.
And then they were like, no. Even at the stalwart, now you're the Silver Fern Loyal., you know, when they had the yachting? Oh, yeah. And then they were like, no.
Even in Stolwood, now you're the Silver Fern Loyal,
would that have been better?
Probably not.
What else did they do?
What was the worst thing that you had to do?
To be honest, it wasn't even anything to do with the radio.
It was Ben made me climb onto the – Oh, now I'm getting involved now.
Jeez.
Ben made me climb onto the wing of an airplane.
Oh, wing walking, yeah.
Wing walking on an airplane.
So I was just strapped on top of an old, timely aircraft
with a World War I veteran, I think, flying it, the pilot.
Oh, that's awful.
Oh, it was terrifying.
And when we got there, we were like,
is that all that's really holding you on?
I thought there'd be a lot more technology and safety.
Just a bit more of the spanner, just screwing something onto the...
Yeah, you were kind of harnessed into that thing,
but it was very rickety.
Yeah, I asked the pilot, I was like, do you do this a lot?
He's like, no.
And I said, would you do this?
He's like, no.
And yeah, he wouldn't do it himself.
Why are you doing it?
He'd be taking people out there himself.
I was very relieved when you came back down safe.
It was a bit of a tense time, wasn't it?
It was.
I think everyone, the producers of the show as well, would be going,
I think it would be a lot safer than it is.
And then when you got out there, you're like, oh, okay.
Yeah, because you were doing so much that period in our career
that you didn't really focus on what you needed to do until you needed to do it.
Yeah.
And like, i.e., driving down the motorway going, what are we doing?
Yeah.
Well, we can't cancel it now.
There's people waiting.
Yeah, you start thinking about it.
Yeah, because I think one of us was going to have to do it.
And then it was like, fell on you when we're on the way out there.
You're like, okay, it's you.
And then it was like, oh, jeez, this is dicey.
And then it's, but you get to a height where you're like, well, there's nothing I can do now.
And there's sort of an air of comfort and ease once you're, you know, nine kilometres in the air.
Acceptance, yeah.
Yeah.
So the pilot, that was the story.
So he was talking to a pilot before doing it.
And then Jono went away and changed because you got into a suit for it.
I can't remember what the backstory behind that was.
And then the pilot reintroduced himself to Jono going, g'day, mate.
You're like, I've just been talking to you for 10 minutes.
And that's who flew us.
Oh, my goodness.
I thought we were back to tell a tale.
So that's not quite as cool as the Scar story you'll hear today
on today's podcast, but it will be with you in just a few moments.
Your essential listening for non-essential banter.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
How was the weekend, everybody?
It was good.
Busy weekend.
It was fun.
What did you do, Ben Boyce?
Watch the Warriors?
Did they win?
Well, see, this is the thing.
No.
No?
But it probably summed up everything being a Warriors fan has been like since 1995.
Shocking first half.
Like, just terrible.
You're like, they were pretty much down by 30 points.
And then they last 70 minutes almost pull off a miracle comeback
and lose by two points right at the end and everything it is it's this roller coaster of
like i'm done with them oh i'm back in they can do this and they give you hope and you're like
why am i doing this well you just keep coming back isn't it yeah that's what i said to my i
had family stay the other week.
I was like, I better put the Warriors on, better watch them lose.
And they're like, why are you doing this?
I'm like, that's a good point, but I love it.
Every year he's back. I love it.
He's back.
It's like he's in a relationship with someone who just doesn't give as much as he's giving.
But he's just.
They're giving you crumbs and you just keep coming back.
Yeah, I do.
But I do.
They give me enough to come back for more.
So, yeah.
Well, the most exciting part of my weekend was cleaning a couch.
Really?
You know, the rug doctor that I purchased, Ben.
Yeah.
I've been meaning to clean that, honestly.
The couch has been filthy for about a year, and I'm like, I'm going to get onto that.
Finally.
Can you rug doctor a couch?
You can.
Well, it's got a little attachment.
Yeah.
But the most disturbing thing is the filth that comes off it.
Black water, basically.
Really?
What I've said.
Like, some things in life you don't need to see.
No.
Like, I've got a half leg on.
Let's not clean that.
Let's not imagine what's on it.
Now we've got the visual representation of what we've been sitting on.
The kids are like, ugh, ugh.
Really?
Yeah, don't clean your couch.
That's my advice.
Okay, well.
Just don't clean anything.
Just live in filth. Yeah, because then clean your couch. That's my advice. Okay. Just don't clean anything. Just live in filth.
Yeah, because then you're like, well, I can't be bothered doing it again for another 12 months.
It's going to build up.
And you're right, though, to know what's actually on.
Oh, same with the rug.
I did the rug as well.
Oh, dear God.
Really?
Oh, gosh.
Yeah, like, you know, when they used to have, like, examples of smoking, how it was bad for you,
and they'd have a glass of tar.
Yes. It looks like tar yeah very satisfying though but i don't it has been the bane of my life this
rug doctor that i purchased because everyone's like oh can you come around to my uh you know
i'm like the uh the family carpet we had a van for a while there for a tv show and we owned the
van and that was the same as oh you got a van, you got a van? Want to come help move? No. No, I don't.
I didn't buy this.
You can borrow the van if you want, but I do not want to help you move.
There are those items that do become a bane.
Oh, he's got one of those.
I've got a van.
Water blaster.
Oh, yeah.
Have you got a water blaster?
I do, yeah.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, I am also the water blaster of the family as well.
Yeah, have you got any of those items?
No.
Oh, if I did, I just wouldn't say.
No, that's the thing.
You've got to keep it quiet, right?
Be quiet about it, yeah.
So you start bragging.
I made a 4487 on the text.
Do you want me to rug doctor your lounge this weekend?
Yeah, I'll come around and do your couches as well.
We can do that.
Jeez, what an exciting guy, eh?
What an exciting...
This should highlight your week.
Highlight of my week, yeah.
And I'm sorry, single people.
I'm taken.
What did you do?
Just laughing.
Did you do, like, nothing? Oh, I don't know did you do? Just laughing. Did you do it like nothing?
Oh, I don't know.
Smashed a few beers.
Did some rug doctoring.
Did some rug doctoring.
Went back at work on Monday, mate.
What a life.
What a life.
Scrolling through your feed.
Here's the best and worst in the world,
all wrapped up in one convenient three-and-a-half-minute package.
Ben, what's happening?
Well, Prince William was at the Football Wembley Cup over the weekend.
Chelsea were taking on Liverpool, and he went out to shake hands with the players before the game, Prince William was at the Football Wembley Cup over the weekend. Chelsea were taking on Liverpool,
and he went out to shake hands with the players before the game,
and he was booed.
Have a listen.
Yep, a presentation party is led by the president of the Football Association,
His Royal Highness the Duke of Cambridge.
I love how the commentator's trying to
smoke screen it. And here he is, he's coming out.
You can't hear the booing in the background.
Oh, that's sad. Why are they booing him?
I don't know, just not a fan of the government
and the royals. I think they also booed the anthem by the sound
of it. Sparked outrage among
UK politicians and journalists because, you know,
obviously it's a big occasion for sport over there and it was
kind of a bit sad to see that sort of happen.
But, you know, it's the mob mentality. If were there you would have been billing as well you get swept you
get swept up in it one person starts a billion oh this is what we're all doing this okay boom
we got booed remember we did our wrestling we did wrestling like so we're learning how to wrestle
for a tv show like you know um and so we're basically people pick if they're going to be
good or bad we all went to be the good people in the fight.
And as soon as they went Jono and Ben over the loudspeaker,
everyone just like go, boo.
And we're like, we're the good ones.
We're not going to get booed.
And then the bad guy came out and he goes, yay.
Hold on.
Roles have reversed here.
But I mean, it's nothing quite humbling.
It's quite a humbling experience being booed, isn't it?
Particularly, I mean, you know, William, he would have got back
and he was like, okay, well, that was a leveler. I'll come back home. What happened? I just got booed, isn't it? Particularly, I mean, you know, William, he would have got back and he was like,
okay, well, that was a leveller.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll come back home.
What happened?
I just got booed by 50,000 people.
It's like Facebook comments in real life, isn't it?
Ooh, boo, yeah.
Some people are very anti-royal over there, though, aren't they?
Yeah.
What do they call it?
Anti-establishment?
They won't be at the Jubilee, mate.
No.
No.
It's a big year for them, Ross.
Will the Queen?
Well, yeah, I hope so.
Jeez, she's not sounding too good over there.
And Elon Musk, we've been talking a lot about him recently.
Now, he, well, bought Twitter, but apparently it's been put on hold.
He tweeted on Friday that his $44 billion cash deal for Twitter was temporarily on hold
as he waits for the social media company to provide some data on the number of fake accounts that are on there.
So how much, like, you know, what has he really bought, I guess, in something?
Is there a whole lot more fake accounts on Twitter than there is real accounts?
Oh, boosting the userage.
I see, I see.
So stocks, as soon as he tweeted that, he may not go through the deal.
Stocks kind of plummeted, but then he kind of a bit later said,
no, no, no, I think I'm all good.
It probably will be good, just doing some due diligence.
And then stocks went back up a bit.
But yeah, but interesting.
I guess you'd want to pay, if you're going to pay $44 billion for something. You want it to be
legit. He could have
just put that message out on Facebook or
Instagram or something, just as a little dig.
Yeah, not using Twitter,
not using the platform. Geez, wouldn't it be amazing
to be that powerful? You just do one
tweet and stocks plummet. Yeah.
Well, true. Stock market's a
nightmare at the moment, apparently, worldwide.
Yeah, people's Kiwi savers.
Everyone say, don't look.
You said that bell crawled for it on Friday.
Don't touch it.
It did the same thing during the start of COVID as well.
Don't look.
Everyone's Kiwi savers apparently are down.
Are they?
Yeah.
It's not good.
Me Humps last week, I lost money.
His tie was half loosened around his neck.
He was, oh, stocks are down, shares are down.
Oh, I've lost it all.
I've lost it all.
He's selling
everything
he's backing
up
I'm off to
the Bahamas
so let's not
look at it
the more you
say don't
look the more
I want to
look at it
it'll go back
up again
don't look at
it
I wonder how
many Kiwi
Savers
they say it's
the long
play isn't
it
yeah exactly
young people
like us
hey Bill
young people
like us
have a long
time
you can use it
on your first
time and stuff
I've got my 65th next year I was hoping to pull it out get my super gold card Like us, eh, Bill? Young people like us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a long time. You can use it on your first time and stuff.
I've got my 65th next year.
I was hoping to pull it out, get my Super Gold card.
Next year, in 2023, the FIFA Women's Football World Cup is going to be held in Australia and New Zealand,
which is awesome.
It's going to bring the best footballers from around the world
to our shores.
And joining us right now this morning is football ferns midfielder
Malia Steinmez.
Good morning.
Morning. How's it going? Oh, bloody goodder Malia Steinmetz. Good morning. Morning.
How's it going?
Oh, bloody good.
Malia Steinmetz.
Do they call you Metzi on the field?
No, I wish.
So they just call you by your first name?
You don't have a cool, sporty nickname?
No, sadly not.
I've always wanted one, but I never got it.
Metzi.
Metzi.
All right, John has given you Metzi.
Wait, now, you can be Boise.
You can be...
J-Dog.
You're J-Dog.
The FIFA Women's Football World Cup
are happening in Australia and New Zealand
next year, 2023.
Must be really exciting to have the best teams
in the world coming to New Zealand.
Yeah, no, it really is.
And especially, obviously, being on home turf
and having friends and family around.
It's going to be huge.
And you don't need to qualify as host, too,
which is great.
So, you know, let's have it here every four years.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind that.
That would be lovely. Now, Malia, one
thing that I don't think many people
appreciate about football
is how hard the ball is.
Like, when that ball...
You've got a header as well.
Does your head ever get sore?
Not often.
It depends on your header. If you're lucky often. It depends where you hit it.
If you're lucky and you do it on the right spot.
Have you ever taken a football to the face?
Yeah, it feels like your face is concaved and it's awful
and you have to keep running on it.
You're crying a little bit.
Yeah, actually, speaking of injuries,
reading about you, it was a couple of years ago,
but you were playing the Cook Islands in New Caledonia
and you got heat stroke and you ended up in hospital
for like two days.
It was like two days in hospital.
I hadn't managed to find that.
Mate, we've gone deep on you, Nancy.
I'm on it.
I'm on it.
No, yep, I sure did.
I had two days in a really nice hospital.
They were lovely.
Spoke French.
I had a great time.
Yeah, a great time.
Glad to be back, though.
Yeah, but did you serve me croissants for morning tea?
It was wonderful. Yeah, I did, actually. So did back though. Yeah but to serve me croissants for morning tea. It was wonderful.
Yeah I did actually.
Yeah.
So did you pass out on
the field?
Yeah kind of.
I just remember it was
like five minutes in and
I wasn't doing well and
I was like that's weird
and then I just got
really dizzy and kind of
blacked out a little bit.
Now of course the draw
is out for the FIFA
Women's World Cup.
It's going to be in New
Zealand and Australia as
we said next year.
You guys are ranked
like 22nd in the world,
I think is right.
But I mean, any team can beat anyone on their day.
So is there any team you're like,
please not USA, please not USA,
or you kind of want to play
some of the best teams in the world?
Yeah, we've been lucky to verse some lately
and it's been great.
Huge experience for us
and we've really grown from it.
And we've obviously got a few games
coming up against Norway and Wales,
which will be good for us too
because I think they're more ranked around us.
So hoping to obviously use this past experience and build on it.
The FIFA World Cup in New Zealand, this is a huge event.
No bones about it.
You want to go get your tickets, Ben.
Are they available?
I don't think quite yet.
But when they do, Jono, we'll make sure we tell everyone.
I'll be hocking off some counterfeit ones now, though,
if you want to join my website, legitimatefifatickets.co.nz.
We've got Marley Starmes from the Football Ferns.
And we wanted to play a quick game with you before we end this interview.
Now, you don't really need to do anything, Marley.
Just judge.
Just judge something, okay?
Okay.
So it's basically football burns with the Football Ferns.
So Jono and I have gone away, and we've written some burns on each other.
I've written some burns on Jono.
He's written some burns on me.
And you have to decide.
We'll read out one each.
You have to decide who wins, who gets the goal, okay, in each one.
Which one you like more.
Okay, perfect.
Okay, so go hard.
Okay, we're going hard.
That was the rules.
Normally I feel a bit weird about doing this, but I'm like, okay, let's go hard.
Okay, Jono, you look like Jason Statham.
The Jason Statham I ordered online and it arrived and looked nothing like the picture.
What did you think of that one, Malia?
It was all right.
It was all right?
It was all right.
It was all right.
It just flowed.
I feel like this is going to be better.
Okay.
Okay, all right.
Okay, Jono, what's your one?
Ben, you have a beautiful heart.
You're kind and you're generous.
No, that wasn't.
Hang on.
Stop.
That wasn't a burn at all.
That was just a nice compliment.
Don't do this.
Who won that one, Marlia?
Don't do the compliment thing when I do the burns.
Don't do this.
Ben obviously won that.
Well done, Ben.
You know, take the win.
Should we keep going?
Have you done compliments all the way through here?
Okay, Jono, I saw your kids out the other day,
and I thought it was nice they're spending time with their granddad,
and then I looked again and it was you.
Oh!
Not bad.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Marlia likes that one.
Ben, I hope we remain friends for the rest of the year. Okay, wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Okay, Marlia likes that one. Ben, I hope we remain friends for the rest of the week.
Okay, wrap it up.
Wrap it up, wrap it up.
Okay, Marlia.
Hey, so lovely to talk to you, Metzi.
And all the best for your upcoming games.
And I can't wait to have you guys playing here in the World Cup.
It's going to be awesome.
The great thing about listening to this show is that
the day can only get better from here.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Monday morning and sometimes Monday mornings are a tough morning.
You know, after a weekend that goes so fast.
We were just commenting before how quickly the weekends go compared to the week.
Now, can I flag something here?
I began what I was hoping to be a tradition on the show about four weeks ago.
Motivational Monday.
Where I'd provide a bevy of inspirational clips I found off Instagram,
mainly from bikini-clad influencers telling me to live my best life.
And I started playing these and being mocked.
You're like, you're never going to have any follow-through on this.
And now...
Oh, it'll be taken out of the run sheet.
It'll be taken out.
Well, it's been a couple of Mondays off.
You know, Easter, long weekend.
You wouldn't know.
Last week you were talking,
God, I've got to be the balance of the show, mate.
Balance of the show.
We need some more.
I got an email yesterday.
He's like, he's found something for Motivation Monday.
He's hopped aboard the Loka Motivation train to Positivityville.
Yeah, I saw this over the weekend on one of the Instagram motivational sites that I follow.
Jesus, so many good ones out there.
That Family Feud guy, he's relentless with his motivation.
He gets you inspired, eh?
It does.
For a short space of time.
Then you go back to eating chips on the couch.
Yeah, I'm going to go and do it.
Yeah, you did right.
I thought this was really interesting.
This is from Jim Carrey, obviously a comedian actor,
a very, very famous comedian actor, many, many movies he's been in over the years.
And this was him talking about his dad.
He was doing like a speech, I guess it was to graduates.
Oh, yeah.
And this is what Jim Carrey had to say about his father.
My father could have been a great comedian,
but he didn't believe that that was possible for him.
And so he made a conservative choice.
Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant.
And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job.
And our family had to do whatever we could to survive.
I learned many great lessons from my father,
not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don't want.
So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Oh, Jim Carrey!
How's that for Motivational Monday?
Wow!
I was like, whoa, yeah.
Yeah, that's a beautiful piece of advice.
Because he said he was going in the whole thing about how funny his father was.
And yeah, obviously saying he could have been a comedian.
Like, you know, that's where he got his inspiration for being a comedian himself.
You may as well fail at what you want to do.
Yeah.
You're going to fail.
Was that what I'm taking away?
You're going to fail.
At least do fail at what you're...
No, that's not the lesson.
The lesson is go for your dreams rather than go.
Because even if you go for the safe option, it might not work out.
I heard another one over the weekend, if you don't mind me.
It's not an up.
I try to up each other on the quotes.
I found an inspirational quote.
He's taken over your segment, Jono, isn't he?
Look at me.
He's like, oh, now I've got one better than that.
No.
Just say that was a great inspiration.
It was.
It was.
Granted.
But I just wanted to add to it
I don't want to one up it
It feels like
If anything
It might bring the vibes down
My one
Okay
I'll add to you
You just think about
How much time
And energy
And stress
You put into a job
That if you died
They'd replace you
Next week
You just think about that
Is that from our bosses? You just think about that. Is that from our bosses?
You just think about that.
Is that from our bosses?
You know, you die today.
You think about all the blood, sweat and tears
you put in this job, you die today.
There'll be a new one.
Yeah, someone else will be coming in
on Wednesday probably.
I'll have a day you guys, you know,
oh, it's sad he's gone.
And then by Wednesday they'll be like,
all right, welcome to the new person.
And away you go.
And blah, blah, blah.
What's the show? I can't remember. to the new person. And away you go. And blah, blah, blah. What's the show?
I can't remember.
Get some new marketing made and away you go.
Who else can hold some cash next to a schkoda?
Oh, you all do.
You've got the job.
Well done.
Spy.
Know what's up.
Spy.co.nz.
If a celebrity has slipped up, you can rest assured we will shove our opinion down your throat in this part of the show.
Belle Crawford, what's happening?
Trigger warning.
We are going to mention miscarriage.
And Brittany, she had some heartbreaking news over the weekend
announcing that she had miscarried her baby,
posting a statement with her fiancé, Sam,
saying,
It is with our deepest sadness.
We have to announce that we have lost our miracle baby early in the pregnancy.
This is a devastating time for any parent. Perhaps we should have waited to announce that we have lost our miracle baby early in the pregnancy. This is a devastating time for any
parent. Perhaps we should have waited to announce
until we were further along. However, we were
overly excited to share the good news.
That's so sad. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
So sad. Especially everything they've been
through and have to this, which they were so looking
forward to. It's really, really sad.
So they went before the 12 weeks?
Yeah, a lot of people are these days. And yeah, they say
wait, but I mean, at least they've shared it
and now they can get support.
Because otherwise if you don't share it and then it happens,
no one knows and no one can help you.
Really sad.
And if you are needing support in this area, if it's triggering for you,
you can get support, Healthline and also sans.org.nz.
And also this movie, I feel like everyone was watching it over the weekend.
I know Ben started watching it.
I watched it.
It's Rebel Wilson's new movie on Netflix called Senior Year.
It's so funny.
It's light.
It's about this high school student.
And then she has an accident and wakes up 20 years later
and goes back to her hometown, back to high school and everything.
But mentally, she's still 20 years ago.
She's still like 17 years old,
even though she's got the body of a 37 year old
sort of thing. Yeah right. She should be
saying some outrageous stuff
stuff that doesn't stack up
Yeah and obviously still as a sort of
a slightly older person you know
compared to the teenagers you know going back to school
so things have moved on. The thing that
really. It's very funny River Wilson
One thing that really intrigues me about Ben Boyce
is he watches
everything
but I don't know
when he gets time
to do it
he's such a busy guy
I go to bed
and watch
that's what
I watch
so I go to bed
and then I watch
so I go to bed
before my wife Amanda
so then I go
watch something
and I'm like
cool this pops up
on Netflix
there's nothing
he hasn't watched
it's incredible
it's a little thing and I'm like cool I'll watch a It's good. It's kind of part of his job. Yeah, a little thing.
Oh, cool.
I'll watch a little bit of this.
Yeah, right.
And so out of 10, what would you give this?
I'd say the whole thing because I watched it late last night.
So I couldn't do a whole movie before.
Ben Boyce's favorable movie reviews where he never gives a negative review.
I enjoyed it.
It is good.
It's nice and light easy.
Might be a good watch for you this week.
He actually was talking about her dating experiment she did.
In my 20s, I didn't date at all
because I was just, like, focused on making it as an actress.
2019, I did this experiment called Year of Love
where I just went out with anybody.
In that Year of Love, how would you meet people?
Sometimes I was on that app, Raya,
and then just, like, friends set up.
Then I think I went out with about 50 people.
But it was weird.
Like, I did win on some dates with some billionaires.
Oh, wow. Just a year of just churning out the dates oh yeah 50 people that's a lot of dates for a year a week yeah that's phenomenal america like i was talking to family live over
there it's very different the cultures over there you can date multiple people at multiple times but
then you decide if you want to go exclusive with that person and it could just be a drink it's not
like a big commitment yeah so you could have like six or seven dates every week.
Or nine or ten on the go.
You could have it until you decide that you want to go exclusive.
And that's how you agree on both.
You're going, we're going to go exclusive.
They're very different over there.
And I guess it kind of lets you see a lot more people.
Yeah, what you like.
And just like, oh, well, we'll give that a go for six months.
Jeez, that didn't work.
What a waste of six months.
Over here, you'd have some shazzer turning up at the loaded hog with a high heel.
Who's this?
Throwing a bottle of salve at someone's head, wouldn't you?
But you can date multiple.
Oh, that's good.
And at a spa, you can get more now at thehats.co.nz.
Kia ora, I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees, and this is the B**** News.
Yeah, we've got more beeps than peak hour traffic,
and Belle Crawford messes with more headlines
than a plastic surgeon.
What is the name of this game, Belle?
News and beeps.
So I've got some news headlines I've found online
and I've beeped out one of the words in it
and you've got to work out what the missing word is.
Are you ready?
Alrighty.
Let's do the first one.
Auckland team thought to have broken a world record
for most legal...
Oh, I'm saying broken world record for the most amount of vapes
without being busted by the parents.
Secret vapes.
I'm going to go Auckland teen thought to have broken a world record
for most likely to never own a house.
Yeah, no, it is.
I'll play the final one for you.
Auckland teen thought to have broken a world record for most Lego carriages.
Yeah, so an Auckland teenager
set a record,
Guinness World Record as well,
for the most carriages
of toy train
completely made of Lego.
14-year-old Alex Blong
did it,
Blong, sorry,
and it was
hugely successful, yeah.
So a train in each carriage
is obviously made out of Lego
and no one has ever
made one that big before.
Yeah, they broke
a world record previously set in Singapore in 2019,
which was 69.
So he's beaten that one.
Awesome.
Well, yeah, speaking of Lego, 7 o'clock this morning,
if you can work out where the Jono and Ben Lego figurines,
which warehouse store we're at, see it on the Hits Breakfast Instagram,
and you can win $500 from the warehouse.
See what I did there
see my little tie
beautiful tie
into the client there as well
and take your hat off too
for none of us
making light
of the number
that Alex has set
no
on 101
that was the previous 69
yeah no
move on
move on
no one acknowledged it
no we're not
we're moving on
mature aren't you
exactly
you've really grown up
these days.
All right.
Next story.
Mum furious as dad bans her from the...
I'm going to say dad banned her from talking about Bruno.
Apparently you're not allowed to talk about Bruno.
It's the general rule of thumb now, isn't it?
Poor Bruno not getting much.
But then they did a whole song on Bruno.
Yeah, he's got a lot of talk about Bruno, even though we can't talk about him.
Well, if you don't want to talk about him, don't record a song, maybe.
I'm going to go, mum furious as husband bans her from attending his wedding to his new wife.
Mum Furious, as Dad bans her from the party.
Yeah, so Mum is really, really mad about this, and a man explained it on Reddit that his wife's a bit boring,
she's not very much fun, so he hasn't invited her to his best mate's birthday party.
So he thought it was his actual wife. It wasn't his mum. No, it was his wife. His wife. Yeah, a bit boring. She's not very much fun, so he hasn't invited her to his best mate's birthday party. So hang on, it was his actual
wife. It wasn't his mum. No, it was
his wife. His wife. Yeah, a bit boring, mate.
So her mum has complained.
Oh, God. No, you're a bit boring.
Yeah, and she has to stay home and look after the kids.
She wants to get out and have fun as well.
Why on earth did he go?
Why is this a news story? Why has he done
this to himself? Well, it's blown up because it
was trending on Reddit, and stuff on Reddit these days
goes up on the news. I feel like we should
be talking about this in New Zealand, let alone
this to be all over the internet.
You said quirky.
It's right in the sweet spot for what it is,
but I'm just thinking about how the situation came
about. And why did he tell her she was boring?
She said she's no fun, yeah.
Sorry, mate.
He doesn't want to have to babysit her while they're there.
Oh, that's horrible.
Just being honest.
Just being honest.
She's feeling really hurt about it.
She just wants to, you know, go out.
She's a stay-at-home mum.
She doesn't get to go out very much.
You told me I need to be more honest.
And I told you.
And I know you wouldn't like it.
Jeez, okay.
Maybe she does need to be a bit more fun.
What would you do if your partner said,
listen, you're going to have to stay at home.
You're a bit boring.
Oh, well.
I don't think I'd be very happy with them, that's for sure.
No, it's a tough conversation.
I'd be like, oh, maybe you shouldn't go either.
Yeah, tough conversation to have there.
Ben Boyce, over to you.
Well, I'm just going to wrap it up.
You got the hits.
Watch and win with LEGO Masters New Zealand on TVNZ2.
Yes, LEGO Masters New Zealand on Monday and Tuesday Zealand on TVNZ2. but it's breakfast on Instagram. Look at our stories and work out where the little John Owen being Lego figurines,
which warehouse store around New Zealand
they're hanging out outside.
Now, I raised this last week.
All they've done with mine
is just rip the hair off.
Looks nothing like me.
It does look like you.
Yours kind of resembles,
they're like, look,
it's been built by the Lego master.
The Lego master's just ripped hair
off a Lego figurine.
We're in little matching suits
like we'd wear.
I've got some hair,
you've got none.
They look exactly like us.
Listen, we're going to get Sarah on.
Welcome, Sarah.
How are you?
Good morning.
Really good, thanks.
It's good to have you on, mate.
You're just fresh out of bed, are you, Sarah?
Yeah, I've got my little three-year-old with me.
That's very cute.
Well, Sarah, enough of the cuteness.
Now with the winning.
Where do you think those Lego figurines were hidden on our social media? That's very cute. Well, Sarah, enough of the cuteness. Now with the winning.
Where do you think those Lego figurines were hidden on our social media?
It's got to be Torrey Street Warehouse in Wellington.
Correct.
Well done.
Well done.
Guess what?
I went to the warehouse on Saturday and I was like, I need to go to the warehouse to pick something up.
And then when I got to the warehouse, I completely forgot what I'd gone there to pick up.
So then I just wandered around the warehouse for 10 minutes trying to refresh my memory, but
looking like a suspicious shoplifter
trying to figure out what he could steal.
And then I left, got back in the car, went home.
I've completely forgot what I was... I still
to this day have not remembered what I needed to get
from the warehouse. Can you remember what I needed,
Sarah? Was it batteries?
Might have been batteries.
That's right.
Might have been batteries. Still haven right. Might have been batteries.
Still not ringing any bells, but hopefully I'll figure it out one day.
Sarah.
Well done, Sarah. You got a $500 warehouse voucher
so you can go to the warehouse and wander around like Johnno,
right? That is wonderful.
Thanks so much. You and the fam been watching the show,
Sarah? Lego Masters?
Yeah, looking forward to tonight's one.
Yeah, 7.30 tonight, and if you want to get a whole lot of Lego, you can go
to the warehouse that stocks the perfect Lego
set for everybody. The warehouse is a proud sponsor
of TVNZ Lego Masters New Zealand.
Scrolling through your feed. Now,
for the discerning radio listener who prefers
an unprofessional approach to their news,
it's Benjamin Boyce.
Well, over the weekend, it was announced that the
Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has
COVID. We're wishing her a speedy recovery.
Partner Clark Gayford got it last week.
Little Niamh got it as well.
Oh, you were saying Little Niamh's four years old.
She won't be vaxxed.
I think everyone is all good in the house at the moment,
but Jacinda not quite well enough to chair Cabinet remotely today
or deliver a speech virtually.
Lazy.
There's going to be a budget release later in the week
and a carbon emissions reductions
plan coming later this week.
And I was
trying to get this story across over
the beginning of a Niall Horan
song before. Yeah mate, you had like 14 seconds.
Yeah, Niall cut me off
and I rudely spoke over him so I
apologise. But this would be
in her whole tenure as Prime Minister
the first time I imagine where she's actually been forced to stop and rest and sleep and not do anything.
I imagine she's probably still doing stuff.
You reckon she's on the old bloody emails, mate?
I reckon she would be, but maybe she's not quite well enough to do the virtual sort of thing.
So yeah, I can imagine.
It'd be tough, though, because there'd be still stuff going on.
Yeah, I know.
It would stress you out.
You couldn't do that job. You can't even do radio without stressing there'd be still stuff going on. Yeah, I know. It would stress you out. You couldn't do that job.
You can't even do radio without stressing out, let alone run a country.
Oh, no.
Imagine you with your bloody emails if you were the Prime Minister.
You'd be like, oh, crap, he's going to be all right.
Is he going to do it?
I don't know.
Give it to me.
I'll have a look at that.
Just sit it through me.
You'd be a nightmare.
But well done to Jacinda.
What?
Well done?
Well, she's actually done really well in some ways.
Avoiding it for so long because she's been traveling everywhere.
She's been around the country.
She's been overseas.
I'm surprised she hasn't had it already.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, a lot of celebrities' well wishes as well coming through as well.
I saw her on The Old Herald.
Oh, nice.
Love it when a celebrity gives us well wishes.
That's so good.
And James Corden, host of The Late Late Show.
You know him from carpooloke over there in the USA
well he revealed
on his TV show
his unusual
hair washing habits
now over there
in the US
and in LA
it's kind of like
what Auckland was
a wee while ago
they were having
a bit of a water crisis
water shortage
they're telling people
to shorten their showers
and they got talking
about showers
and he's a very quick shower
James Corden
but he also doesn't
do something very often
have a listen
I don't wash my hair I wash it about every two months it's a very quick showerer, James Corden, but he also doesn't do something very often. Have a listen.
I don't wash my hair.
I wash it about every two months.
That's a true story.
That's true.
No, that's not cool.
You guys are dirty.
No, we nasty.
I don't think we are nasty.
Yes, he soaps up.
That's definitely nasty.
He goes in the shower three or four minutes every day,
uses soap, but doesn't wash his hair,
washes it every couple of months.
Does he wet his hair?
Or is he just doing his face?
He probably would, do you?
Belle Creel from Crawford, you've got hair.
How long do you leave it between washes?
Well, when you're blonde and your hair's long,
you try to do it twice, once or twice a week.
Dry shampoo is your best friend as well because it takes time.
Yeah, right.
Two months seems like a long time.
Ben, you'd be a daily washer, wouldn't you?
A daily shampooer?
Oh, no.
Depends if I'm, like, exercising and I feel like I've got sweaty and I need to do it.
It'd be a couple of times a week, but sometimes you just wash your face
and you wouldn't wash your hair.
Do you love it how I'm media?
I know, and I keep thinking I should ask you.
Yeah, but I've got questions.
Like, do you put cleanser on your head?
Like, what do you wash your head with?
Because people go, yeah, how far up do you...
Like, that's always the joke you see on the memes.
Like, how far up do you wash your face until you go,
well, there's no more face.
You know, where does it happen?
Guys, this is about James Corden washing his hair.
It's got nothing to do with...
How long since you've washed your hair?
How long since I washed it?
You've got some hair.
I can see it.
Now, may I please lead you both Point you both
I've been refraining
From mentioning this
An article that came across
My desk over the weekend
That
Any
Jibes
In a bald man's hair
In the workplace
Are considered
Sexual harassment
Why?
I'm taking it to HR
We're going to HR
There's always
Other things
And there was one last week
About if you
Have too much alone time By yourself That may cause You know So what are you going to HR. There's always other things. And there was one last week about if you have too much alone time by yourself,
that may cause, you know, so what are you going to believe?
Which way do you want to go behind?
We'll talk about this at the tribunal meeting, okay?
Well, you know, I'm just saying, if you're going to go with one.
Stop sexually harassing me.
I feel like an object.
Stop sexually, stop it, Ben.
Oh, jeez.
With all this harassment.
No, it is the hits.
You've got to shut up, Ben. The hits. You've got Jono Benz.
The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.
We're just talking about James Corden,
host of Carpool Karaoke and the Late Late Show
over there in America.
He's from the UK originally, obviously,
and he was talking about how little he shampoos his hair.
Have a listen.
I don't wash my hair.
I wash it about every two months.
Yeah.
That's a true story.
That's true.
Yeah.
No, that's not cool.
Not cool. I know the British
have been tarnished with some sloppy
oral hygiene standards over the years.
I did not went up top to the hair
though, Ben, boys. And fresh off
a bit of a bald bullying scandal before
moments ago, this
segued into who hasn't washed
their hair the longest? I don't know.
You're the winner so far.
But we wanted to see, you know, obviously you can't beat Jono.
So we wanted to see, you know, who else gets a player of the day trophy.
Have you not washed your hair longer than James Corden?
And we're just rolling with the punches this morning, mate.
We just mentioned this before.
Now we've got callers on like Jutela.
How are you in Pukakohe this morning, mate?
Hi.
Great to have you on.
That's my husband.
He told me a couple of weeks ago, he said,
I haven't washed my hair since I had my haircut.
And we worked it out to be actually over three months ago.
Oh, three months.
That's not a bad effort.
Now, has that made you vomit a little bit in your mouth, Taylor?
No, but it was a bit like, what the hell?
And I kind of was like, you need to wash it.
And then he ended up washing it, but it was still over three months.
He's always like, oh, you're always killing my buzz.
I'll go wash my hair.
I imagine it's got to the stage where he's leaving a beautiful big yellow greasy mark on the pillow as well.
I haven't noticed that, but his hat, inside his hat,
definitely look a bit dirty.
Oh, it's your tailor.
Thank you.
There you go.
Three months to record.
I can imagine if you're swimming and things like that,
you're still kind of giving it a little bit of a wash.
Yeah, we're going to get Dawn on from Tauranga.
How are you, Dawn?
All right?
I'm good, thank you.
You haven't washed your hair since when?
Since I Went to the hairdressers
In November last year
A few months
Here we go six months
Yeah
And for what reason any particular reason?
I don't think I need
To use it I massage
The hair when you're under the water
Washing it that way Gotcha yeah I'm going to ask that question You definitely I need to use it. I massage the hair under the water, washing it that way.
Gotcha.
Yeah, I'm going to ask that question.
You definitely do need to use it.
Hey, don't take hair advice from him, of all people.
Yeah, like you do you, all right?
You know, you do you.
Yeah, have you found your hair's healthier, greasier, worse, better?
What?
Oh, look, my hair's really good.
It's got a nice soft feel to it.
It's not dirty.
I think if you haven't washed it with shampoo or conditioner,
it's dirty, but it's not.
You keep talking hair to this board, man.
Maybe I should pay for this.
Keep talking hair.
Hey, Dawn, have a great day, all right?
Thank you.
Love your work, Dawn.
Now, Daniel, we seem to be taking a step up each time can
you beat six months not washing your hair in wellington daniel oh over a year oh wow we've
got a winner new zealand well it's a for what reason just like don't need to uh well it was
more the fact i broke my scaphoid and so it it became hard to sort of, you know, wash your hair one-handed.
So I just Googled it, can you go without washing your hair?
And it was like I found out that, you know,
the first month or so is a bit hard and it gets quite greasy and stuff.
You fight through it?
Yeah, the top of the head sort of gets used to it
and starts not producing as much oil as you do when you're washing it every day
or every second day or whatever.
Yeah, what I've found when it comes to medicine and health is Google never lets you down.
You'll find your answer on Google somewhere.
And so you're healthier.
Never been better, Daniel?
Yeah, it's great.
And I used to leave those, you know, yellow stains on the pillow, you know,
after a while of having the white sheets on.
But I don't anymore.
No more yellow stains.
There we go.
And, I mean, when you do break it down,
Barry and Sharon, cavemen, cavewomen,
they didn't shampoo their hair.
They had great hair back in the day.
They also didn't have white pillow sheets either,
don't worry about that.
Daniel, well done.
No one's come near Daniel within a kilometre radius
for the past 12 months, but his hair is fantastic.
Appreciate you calling, Daniel.
Have a great day, all right?
All right.
If they were the internet, you'd want to clear this history.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Now, we thought we'd moved on.
I thought we'd moved on from talking about how little people wash their hair.
We had mentally moved on, Ben.
In radio terms, we'd gone, thanks for your calls.
Move on from that now.
Play another song.
However, the audience isn't ready to move on.
No one's ready to move on.
Okay.
How long have you not washed your hair,
Sophie?
At this stage, we have a 12-month
record with Daniel in Wellington
who hasn't washed his hair for a year. You see the first
month's a little icky. You work your way through it.
You fight through those four weeks and then
your hair self-cleans. Yeah, which is
pretty incredible. Sophie and Taranaki,
how long have you not washed your hair?
Well, it's not me.
It's my partner.
But he hasn't washed his hair the whole time that I have been with him.
And we've nearly been together for four years.
Four years?
It's a long time.
I see why you stay with him.
What sort of hair is he running?
How long is his hair?
It's only short.
But still, it's craziness.
Craziness.
I guess you probably get to a point where you're like,
well, this is my thing now.
I don't wash my hair.
It's a great conversation at parties, for radio phone topics.
Yeah, exactly.
He just doesn't like shampoo and conditioner,
and yeah, this is what it's come to.
He doesn't like being clean.
No washing his hair. He tries. yeah i would be like when he's on
the couch i'd just be getting a little shampoo put him oh you gotta wash that out now you're
not putting it in his ears without him i think it's the same as um the last the last paula saying
like it gets to a point where it's just uh clean like his hair seems clean enough. It's nice and thick and luscious and shiny.
But yeah, just no
shampoo and conditioner for four years.
How did he break the news to you? Did he have to go,
there's something I need to tell you about before we
move further with this relationship. I don't wash
my hair. How did you find out?
Oh, honestly, I can't remember
too well now.
It's just the norm.
But yeah, I don't know.
We probably had the conversation pretty early on.
And you're like, yeah, I like this guy.
And you haven't found it at all, like, smelly at all?
You've been like, oh, that's fine.
Oh, well.
No, it doesn't smell.
Yeah, he does the whole put it under the water however often,
but that seems to do the trick.
Four years and counting.
He probably had no sort of evidence that he is going to wash his hair
between now and the end of his life?
I doubt it.
No, he's going to ride it out?
What a bad guy.
He loves hunting and fishing and stuff and, yeah,
never washed it after a big hunting trip away or whatever.
Washes it with the guts of a deer.
Thank you so much for your call.
We appreciate it.
No worries.
Good on you.
You know, I just Googled how often should I wash my hair every two to three days.
That's what it says.
That's what it's saying on Google.
That's actually making my head feel itchy, these people not washing their hair.
That's gross.
Also, under how often, it comes up when I search things,
how often should you shower?
That's a suggestion of, you know, maybe two or three times
a week. Two or three times a week?
What? Okay, well, yeah, I'd say
the minimum, right? Maybe that's not
counting, you know, body washes and all sponge.
How often should you change your sheets?
Do you want to know the answer to that as well? Weekly.
Yeah, no, that's saying weekly.
And also, how often should you change your toothbrush is another popular question.
Every three to four months.
Three to four months?
Jeez, I've been writing mine out for a couple of years.
Toothbrush head?
Yeah.
Battling through it, mate.
First month's a bit icky, but if you fight through it.
Self-clean, wasn't it?
Self-clean.
Five words for 5K.
You're just five words away from $5,000.
It is our game
of word association.
We play it every morning
at this time on The Hits.
Match all five words
with our five words,
you win $5,000.
Now, one of the most
asked questions, I guess,
behind,
hey, Jono, where's Ben
when I'm out and about,
is,
have you actually got
a soundproof booth?
Yeah, we do.
And yeah, we've wasted
an insane amount of money on this soundproof booth just so we can do. And yeah, we've wasted an insane amount of money
on this soundproof booth,
just so we can say we've got one.
Like, in reality, we could just walk out of the room
so we don't hear anything.
But I don't know, it's good to know.
We've got a soundproof booth.
Actual booth, Sally,
we wouldn't lie to you in Potatadu, okay?
Yep.
We've got a booth, Sally.
It's a booth.
You're a support worker in Potatadu.
Yes, I am.
Oh, good on you, Sally.
Five per grand.
What are you going to do with this cash, mate?
I'll pay a bit of bills and just think about what I'm going to spend the rest of.
Pay a bit of bills and do some thinking.
That's a good idea.
All right, what we need to do is copy and paste the words out of your mouth into one of our mouths.
Who's going to be heading into the booth?
Jono.
Jono. Go on now. All right, Jon to be heading into the booth? Jono. Jono.
Go on now.
All right, Jono's heading into the actual soundproof booth,
and Sally is inside now.
Here is your first word.
What pops into your head when I say steak and cheese?
Pie.
Pie.
That's exactly what I thought too.
Please is the next word.
P-L-E-A-a-s-e please oh please please
please um
please can i come back to that come back to one okay gloves is word number three. Gloves. Gloves.
Hand.
Hand.
Just hand.
H-A-N-D.
Yep.
Yep.
Okay.
Hustle is word number four.
Hustle.
Hustle.
That's a tough one.
It's a tough one.
It is.
Come back to that, eh?
All right.
And lastly, board is the final word.
B-O-A-R-D.
Board.
Board.
So not... Game.
Game board.
Yep.
Board game.
Board game, yep.
So your own game.
And, okay, let's go back quickly to please.
Satisfy.
Oh, satisfy.
Yeah, that's good.
You pulled that one out, didn't you?
And finally, hustle.
Is the final word hustle?
Con.
Con?
C-O-N?
Yeah.
Oh, well done.
That was some tricky, tricky words this morning there.
You did a really good job there, Sally.
We've got Jono back out of the soundproof booth.
He's back in here now.
I said we rented it out as a lap dancing booth over the weekend on Friday,
and there's a little bit of glitter left in there, Ben Boyce.
Glitter and tinsel.
Must have been a productive weekend in there.
Here we go.
Let's see if we can match all five words with Sally.
Some tricky ones, but you never know.
Let's try and get on Sally's wavelength.
Steak and cheese was the first word.
Pie.
Yeah. One from one cheese was the first word. Pie. Yeah.
One from one, Sal.
Gloves.
I'm going to throw it around a bit.
Gloves.
Hands.
Oh.
What?
Did you go hand?
She went hand.
Sal.
But there was some tricky ones.
We had please.
Thank you.
With satisfy.
Hustle. Hard. Hard hustle. No, con that. That you. With satisfy. Hustle.
Hard.
Hard hustle.
Now, con that.
That was really hard hustle.
And bored is the last one.
B-O-A-R-D.
Bored game.
Oh, well done.
Mustang Sally, my deepest apologies.
She did.
Thank you.
You go and have a great day in Potaro.
We really appreciate you listening to the show, okay?
And you too.
Well, I have to.
I'm paid to be here.
I have no choice but to listen to it.
The Hats.
Something was just playing on the TV.
We got the TV on here in the studio on mute,
and during the commercial break,
there was an ad for a chocolate biscuit.
I didn't even catch what brand it was.
But for some reason,
the advertising world has taken it upon itself to
decide that all chocolate biscuits commercials must be seductive sensual and spicy don't you
find that they're all like there's some lady's fingers like draped over a macaroon or something
is slowly inserted into the actor's mouth and the toffee pops the toffee pops Remember the famous iconic Toffee Pop ads from back in the day with Carlos Spencer?
They were some horny ads, weren't they?
Tell you what.
Maybe it's the chocolate.
You feel a little bit naughty.
You know, you feel a little bit naughty.
Maybe that's it.
You're like, no, I don't even know.
Treat yourself.
Every time I'm eating a chocolate biscuit, I'm in like three-day-old track pants.
I nailed the whole packet, too.
I'm worse than the cookie monster
It's the opposite of sexy and sensual
But I don't know, is it a sexy sensual food?
Well maybe
Maybe a little bit naughty, a little bit of a treat
What do you reckon Belle?
Sex sells right?
It's always got some sort of sleazy saxophone track playing along
Doesn't it?
It's a Tim Tam
Seeing someone into a climax
They're hardly going to have anyone But they're hardly going to have anyone sing on the couch Doesn't it? It's a Tim Tam seeing someone into a climax.
They're hardly going to have anyone sing on the couch looking like a slob,
aren't they, at the end?
But that's the reality. But that's like what we're all doing over the weekend.
They go, oh, that's, you know, you want it to be desirable.
It's usually me just with my guts out watching some infomercial about a ladder
eating a whole pack of chocolate biscuits.
You wouldn't be a chocolate biscuit guy.
No, not a huge.
I mean, I will eat.
It's not like I'm against it.
Just not really.
I do love skipping down the aisle of the supermarket, the biscuit aisle.
Nothing for me here, guys.
Nothing for me.
Nothing to see.
What about a wine biscuit?
Every now and again, we'll buy some Choc-Cookie Times or something like that
and have it at home.
Fancy, isn't it? Yeah, no, he's just just not a chocolate biscuity What about chocolate? Do you buy chocolate?
No I don't
The other members of the family enjoy it
What's your snack of choice?
I do love fruit
Oh my gosh
It's like your mum is like I'm hungry
There's some fruit
He loves a carrot stick too.
Oh, I do.
I found some new carrot sticks and I do really like them.
He always comes in with a little like a snap lock container of carrot sticks.
A little hummus.
Treat yourself, don't you?
But I do actually really enjoy that.
It's not a punishment for me.
I was going to say seductively eating a carrot,
but that's going to be wrong on the TV.
Tested safe for listing from home.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Every morning just at 8 o'clock,
your chance to a guest to win that amazing Skoda
that's worth just under $46,000
and all the cash that's in the boot.
This is the biggest thing the hits has given away
since it gave away my employee rights
to use the printer here in the office.
I still haven't had access to that printer.
Ben Boyce, have you?
No, I have to get Patricia Behelms to do it.
But cashkeeper Alex, she's probably got printer privileges.
She's also got cashkeeping privileges.
How are you this morning?
Good, thanks.
I do have both.
You are correct.
I thought I've seen you printing out stuff over there, just arrogantly printing whatever
you want, whenever you want.
Now, Alex, a clue was handed out on Friday.
And we'd love you to repeat the clue so we can try and decipher it.
Okay, so the clue was,
paleontology is his passion and career,
but do any of the others really care?
Very cryptic.
I heard you say this on Friday.
I still can't work it out.
You're tedious clues.
No one can figure them out.
You said the amount of money can fill up the Skoda 922 times with petrol and things like that.
144, so don't confuse.
Sorry.
Let's get it right.
All right.
That's Cash in Car.
Guess how much cash we've stashed in the Skoda's boot and drive it home the Škoda worth just under $46,000
plus thousands of dollars in the back of the car.
If you can guess the exact amount, cash keeper Alex, she's over Zoom.
She knows.
She's the only one that knows how much this cash is in the back.
Yeah, Alex, we've got you hidden away in an undisclosed cash dungeon
at a very secret location because people were just harassing you, weren. Yeah, Alex, we've got you hidden away in an undisclosed cash dungeon at a very secret location
because people were
just harassing you,
weren't they, Alex?
They were,
and thank you for providing
the heater this time
because, you know,
I was freezing a little bit
on Friday,
but you're feeling
a lot of warmth today.
That's fine.
Don't make it sound
like we've kidnapped you.
It does sound very right.
She's got Stockholm Syndrome.
She's now sympathetic towards her captors.
Let's get Michelle in from Woodville.
How's the Manawatu this morning, Michelle?
Very rainy.
Oh, nothing better than a miserable start to a Monday.
Always gets the juices flowing, doesn't it, Michelle?
Makes the grass green, at least.
Yeah, good on you.
Now, you're broke, apparently, after buying your first house,
and you need this cash in your car.
Yep, that's pretty much my story.
Yep, set my alarm this morning so I'd be up for the cuticle.
Oh, wow.
Good on you.
Good on you, yeah.
Have you been following the competition to date?
Yes, well, normally I'm in the car, but I'm on strike today,
so I wasn't driving to work this morning.
So, yeah, normally I'm in the car driving to work when strike today so I wasn't driving to work this morning so yeah
normally I'm in the car
driving to work
when this is happening
are you a nurse?
no
I'm an allied health worker
so 70 professions
are striking today
oh well good on you
good on you
we're fully behind you all
thank you
I don't know
if that means anything
you deserve to be paid
yeah
yeah exactly
I don't know
there's a petition
you can sign
oh okay where do we find it? if you go on You deserve to be paid very well. Yeah, exactly. There's a petition you can sign.
Oh, okay.
Where do we find it?
If you go on the PSA,
I feel like I'm now really distracted from the conversation.
If you go on to the PSA website,
you can find the information,
Public Service Association.
Who are you, our boss?
You're like, guys, keep it back on track.
One idea per thing.
Jono's all over the place.
I don't care about signing up. I mean, we'll just copy and paste your comments to our post-show meeting.
Yeah, okay.
And there we go.
Okay, cash and car.
That's what we're talking about.
Your chance to guess right now.
We're going to hand you over to Cash Keeper Alex.
Hi, Michelle.
I feel like we have a connection because I am from Danny Virk,
20 minutes from Woodwall.
So dig deep into this
Viking brain. And that website again, Michelle?
No, stop, stop. Stop it, Jono.
Stop. Michelle from
Woodville, what is your guess for how much cash is in
that boot? So
18151.92.
Cool. Alright.
Michelle from Woodville
with a guess of $18,151.92. That is incorrect. I'm sorry.
She's on strike, Alex. At least you could let her win the cash in the car.
I know. It wouldn't help, but disappointing people apparently.
Hey, Michelle,
you're a champion.
Keep up the good work,
okay?
We're fully behind you.
Awesome.
Thanks, guys.
Another chance to have
a go at 11abin.
Yeah, that's right.
You can get onto
the iHeartRadio app,
download the new app as well
and you can make your guess
simply through that app
as well to do that.
11 o'clock,
Cash Keeper Alex
could be calling you back.
Hey, Cash Keeper Alex,
you go and keep safe
out there, okay?
Thanks.
If I'm allowed to
get out of this room,
I'll...
Yeah, we'll bring you
down a glass of water,
a slice of bread or something.
Have a good one.
The Annoying Ones
Talking Between the Socks.
Jono and Ben
on the hits.
It's a game we,
well, one of us
doesn't like to play
from time to time.
It's called Close Contacts.
We hand over our cell phone to the other person,
and they get to call anyone from the contact list,
and then we have to work out who it is in an awkward conversation
with the person that answers, who are like,
why have you called, and why are you acting so weird?
Yeah, I won't lie, I'm never 100% cool with handing my phone over to Ben,
but I love it when he gives his phone to me,
because I just get to flutter through everything. Have a look at all your apps
and all your text messages.
And today's one,
big player, big gun.
Really? Oh, you definitely know this.
You definitely know this person.
Again, I don't know why you have
their number in your phone.
Think sports star.
Of a national
level.
And also actually topical over the weekend as well. Think Sports Star. Okay. Of a national level. Yeah.
And also actually topical over the weekend as well.
Did they play over the weekend?
Didn't play.
Topical for... Oh.
Do you want me to tell you who I'm calling, mate?
No, okay.
I'll try and work it out if they answer.
Will they answer?
We'll find out.
My actual phone's plugged in right now, so let's try and call.
Okay.
Oh, here we go.
Good one too.
Really?
Hello? Hello!
Hi. Hey, how's it going?
Good, how are you?
Good, what's going on?
Who am I speaking with? That's Ben, how's things?
Good, this is Geoff.
Oh Geoff, good to talk to you mate.
Sorry, I'm still lost as to who I'm talking to.
Yeah, so me too, just a little bit right now.
What's been happening with you?
Who are you after?
Ben, it's Ben from Jono and Ben.
How's things?
Yeah, good.
Yeah, no, bloody good here.
Oh, good, good.
You're still doing what you've been doing?
Yeah, we're doing it flat out, and it doesn't get any slower.
Oh, that's the thing, eh?
Nothing really slows down, that's for sure.
What do you guys want washed?
What?
Washed?
Oh, A car.
You've reached the number one industrial laundry in the country.
Have we?
So this is, can we pull you into a little secret?
It's Jono Obed calling in.
Jono's got my phone.
He's rung someone at random, and I was meant to try and figure out who it is,
but I'm guessing this wasn't the person.
We play a game called close contact, so I go through his contact list.
And you're saved under former All Black Ali Williams.
Yeah, no, that's definitely not me.
This is Jeff.
This is Jeff.
This is Jeff, and there's no resemblance to any All Blacks,
although I have got a rugby ball in my ute.
And he's got New Zealand's number one industrial cleaning company.
Laundry.
Laundry.
In the Waikato.
Oh, okay.
So, Geoff, you can wash something for me, but that's...
What sort of things are you washing?
We're washing sheets and towels and overalls.
Oh, good.
Can you launder any money?
Well, we try hard, but there might be somebody listening,
so I've been not talk too much about that.
No, fair enough.
Well, lovely to talk to you.
You're okay to play this on the radio, this random call?
And if you're ever down on the Waikato, call in.
Call in, yeah, we will.
We'll make you.
My old mate, Jeff, he's busy at the moment.
Jeff, that's for sure.
We've made a new friend in Jeff.
Thanks, guys.
See you, mate.
Bye.
Bye.
What was that?
Was that called? see you Ali Williams
see you Ali Williams
and maybe Ali Williams
gave you a fake number
for Jeff
he might have
you're like Ali
I'll get your number mate
and he's like
yeah sure you will buddy
call me while it washes
then my all black stops
in the Waikato
rise and shine
time to start the
who are we kidding
when are the boss of you.
Jono and Ben on the hits.
Now you want some help from those listening right now on 0800 The Hits?
Yeah, I have a scar on top of my head, Ben.
Yeah?
It's a relatively big scar.
It's actually quite big, isn't it?
Quite large.
Yeah, now the honest truth of it is I got a BCC,
basal cell carcinoma, cut out of the top of my head.
So a mole sort of cut out.
Mole, mole. So moley, moley, moley.
It's just the people that sing about me.
Very pasty, moley man. It's one of my things.
And again, sunscreen kits, put it on or else you end up with scars on top of your head.
But it's not every day that you get the gift of a scar on your head
and the opportunity to create
an elaborate back story as to how
I got the scar, which could
add a layer of credibility that this show
requires. So you reckon that people go
oh how did you get this scar? And you're like oh I got a
mole cut out. Everyone's like oh okay
It's not quite as exciting a
story as... First day day one in prison.
I'm in there.
Hey, scar head.
I'm like, hey, mate, how'd you get your scar?
Oh, it was a baby with cell carcinoma.
The non-cancerous type, but still, you know, put sunscreen on.
There's not getting many prison points.
I'm just getting the message out there, though.
That's good.
I don't think I'd have to worry about sunshine being locked away in a cell.
That's not getting me any cred there.
So what I'd like to do is just a bit of a nationwide brainstorm
on how I could have got the scar.
Let's develop a backstory that if you see people out and they're like,
oh, how do you get the scar on the head?
Then the good people can spread the word.
So this is maybe people that have got a scar on themselves
and maybe they've got a cool story
to tell of how they got it
and maybe you could use
kind of their story,
I guess, in some ways.
Yeah, that's right.
So, you know,
it could be potentially
maybe I was that crazy bald guy
who put his head through the fence
on Police 10-7
a few years ago, remember?
Good boy.
Was that not you?
Remember that guy on the green?
I know you've been on that show already,
haven't you?
He has a pixelated face.
It's very hard to tell.
Yeah, so yeah, it's cool.
My stepbrother, he was going to the rubbish with a bag of rubbish on a skateboard.
And he cut himself with a bottle.
But he would tell people it was a shark bite because it would look quite...
Mind you, skateboarding to drop off your rubbish is already...
It's kind of cooler than getting what you did, you know?
Yeah.
I could say I was a shark bit the top of my head.
Would that be...
Is that plausible?
Yeah, well, why not?
Yeah.
I mean, Jake's phoned through early.
He's come through with an elaborate backstory.
Should we go to Jake?
Welcome from Christchurch.
What are we thinking for this in relation to the scar, Jake?
Good morning.
Yeah, hi.
Maybe you can say say what about you were
budding a tree down because your
chainsaw broke down? He'd bud a tree
down.
I'm like, what was he thinking? I don't know, but
I needed to get that tree down.
Like a ram?
I mean, it might work.
It will definitely work.
You hear that story, you get that out there
in the market, oh well, he'll come over and headbutt your tree down.
All right, well, that one is a bad idea,
so we'll put that one down.
That's a brainstorm.
Okay, I'll wait over there until the nationwide brainstorm's open.
Let's come up with a story for this scar.
We'll do that in just a few moments.
Breakfast with Jono and Ben.
We're opening up the nationwide brainstorm for Jono's scar.
Were you waiting for a song?
Oh, scar tissue Sorry
Nice, there we go
Getting the phones ready
Yeah, nice, I could tell you were wanting to throw to an appropriate song there Ben Boyd
Scar tissue, so what are we going to do?
Do you want a cool story for your scar?
Yeah, mind you actually, I remember during that song
Because I had another one cut out the top of my chest here
And when I first met my wife Jennifer when we were dating She was like, what's that? I remember during that song, because I had another one cut out the top of my chest hair.
And when I first met my wife, Jennifer, when we were dating, she was like, what's that?
And I said, I don't want to talk about it.
What an emo.
Leading me to believe that, oh, maybe it had come through some sinister reasons.
But the reason I didn't want to talk about it was because it was just a mole removal.
It was just pure embarrassment. I don't want to cast judgment on your relationship, but you never want to hear, what's that?
In a relationship situation.
What?
Oh, what's that?
That's a very good point.
We're going to go to the phones.
It's the nationwide brainstorm.
Now, I'd like, you know, so far we've had Mark phone up saying,
why don't you say the chainsaw broke down and your head butted a tree down?
Because the scar's on top of the head.
Like, if that's where the bar's set, we need something to be just badass enough that it's believable.
Yeah, okay.
Sandra, we'll get you on from West Auckland.
Your thoughts?
Well, definitely magpies, especially if you've got two scars, because now it's like a flock of magpies.
You know, jogging through the park, and all of a sudden you're attacked by these magpies
and they've gouged you and you had to run for your life.
But that's how you got your scars.
I guarantee that there'd be someone else
who's been attacked by a magpie too.
You said that?
It's really quite plausible.
Yeah, they do call them the gang members of the sky,
don't they, the magpies?
So attacked by a flock of magpies. Yeah. That's quite good. Yeah, they do call them the gang members of the sky, don't they, the magpies? Yeah, yeah. So attacked by a flock of magpies.
Yeah.
That's quite good.
Yeah.
You like that?
Yeah, like from The Bird, Alfred Hitchcock.
It's just like, yeah.
Beautiful.
Sandra, can you spread that good word in West Auckland?
Get that out there.
No worries.
I'll do it.
Good on you.
Safe pair of hands.
Jane, you're on from Walkworth.
Morena.
Trying to create an elaborate backstory to the scar on my head.
I reckon you've got to blame someone else.
And if you're going to blame someone,
why not the Queen?
I reckon just say she lacked the core strength
to hold the sword and cut your head.
Oh, you've got to be knighted.
Yeah.
The Queen sliced the top of my head.
That's a great story.
And they couldn't give me the knighthood because it wasn't a
first year way to go to hospital. That's why I'm not knighted.
But yeah, it was so close.
Beautiful, Jane. I love it.
Almost knighted for services
what? Oh, I don't know. Don't go too
deep into that.
Well, you're going to have to
defend the story.
I don't know.
Services to hair loss.
Jane, you're an absolute champion.
Really do appreciate it.
We've got another one here.
Amanda, so far in the lead,
the Queen with a misplaced sword
while being knighted.
Your thoughts on the scar story?
Oh, yeah, I can't beat that one,
but I thought you could have
an altercation with a possum.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A possum's like flown
and launched on top of my head from the trees. That's right. You were just ambling past and a possum landed Oh yeah. So a possum's like flown and launched on top of my head from the trees.
That's how you would just aim and pass
and a possum landed on your head
and you'd try to get it off.
Flying a very aggressive possum.
I love it.
Scratch the head up.
Maybe the possum was the toupee
that you'd bought but it was actually alive.
Oh yeah.
That looks good.
You didn't realise until you went out of the shop that it was actually a live video. That looks good. And you didn't realise
until you went out of the shop
that it was a live possum.
I like the queen one.
I think that, yeah.
You reckon we lock in the queen one?
Yeah, that's good.
We're rolling with the queen.
Now, if anyone asks
what happened to that weird
bald broadcaster's head,
we say he was going to get knighted.
The queen didn't have the strength
to hold the sword up.
Slice.
She tripped.
She tripped.
You could say she tripped.
She's 96. Over a corgi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. up, slice. She tripped. She tripped. You could say she tripped. She's 96. Over a corgi?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, beautiful.
Great brainstorming, man. A good session,
guys. I love it.
Spy. Know what's up.
Spy.co.nz. Alright, let's
talk some trash about famous and good-looking
people that we'll never meet. What's happening,
Belle? One of the biggest shows you might have
watched over the weekend
is the new season of Ozark on Netflix.
And Jason Bateman is in it.
You probably recognize him.
He's in a lot of rom-com movies.
And he talks about his kids watching it
only because their friends thought it was cool.
For some reason, she finally decided to watch Ozark.
And she said that to me the other day.
I was like, what, really?
You're going to watch Ozark? She's like, yeah, let she's like yeah let's let's I think maybe one of her friends
in school like saw it and like really liked it she was like oh really all right yeah that's the
I suppose it doesn't matter who you are or how famous you are it'd be like Jay-Z going Blue
Ivy you want to come to a concert she's like oh I don't want to go to your work dad yeah you know
it'd be like take your kid to work day.
But then if the other kids at school thought it was cool,
then obviously that's going to change everything.
Yeah, I love it when Sienna comes in here.
She just, oh boy, oh boy,
she gets a lot of joy out of our vending machine, doesn't it?
Your daughter, Sienna.
She loves the vending machine.
For a kid, that just blows their mind.
Yeah.
Like, why are you not using this every minute of the day?
It speaks volumes for our industry
when the most exciting part of the radio station is the vending machine.
It's the vending machine.
And it's stocked with chocolate and candy.
Whatever.
It's all there.
It's a great vending machine.
You a fan of Bozark, Belle?
Yeah.
I haven't actually really watched much of it, to be honest.
But it's on my watch list.
Ben Boyce, you a fan of Bozark?
I've seen the first series of it.
It was good.
But then we got back into it.
I haven't tried the second series.
There's so much to watch, honestly. There's a lot of stuff out there. There's too much. And I just can't get through of it. It was good, but I never got back into it. I haven't tried the second series, but everyone loved it. There's so much to watch, honestly.
There's a lot of stuff out there.
There's too much.
And I just can't get through it all.
I try.
But then you were saying Netflix had to send out a nasty email.
Yes, so there's been a few issues going on there.
Obviously, you know, they've lost over 200,000 subscribers.
They're having to introduce some new things at the end of the year,
like ads, even though you're already paying to use it,
which I think's a bit stink, but anyway.
Just how about you give us money, but we don't pay any content.
So, you know, just trying all sorts of ideas.
Yeah, so they've sent this email out which was leaked by the New York Post
or someone sent it to them and it was titled
Netflix Culture Seeking Excellence
and it was sent to employees after productions like
Dave Chappelle's controversial stand-up special.
A lot of people weren't happy they resigned.
There were a lot of complaints from employees
who criticised the comedian's anti-transgender comments.
And so they've basically said,
we support the principle that Netflix offers a diversity in stories,
pretty much told them they value the creators over their employees
and sort of get over it.
Well, I suppose the employees do have an option to uh like you say resign walk out if they want to make a stand
don't they and then i guess it gets tricky in america too because they have that whole freedom
of speech thing it's in the constitution as well so even if you don't believe you know like think
someone's telling something you get behind they can still have a right to say it that's what some
people believe. Plus net
viewers are probably going, this Chappelle thing's the only
thing we've got. So if we have
to get rid of this, then... Pay them a lot of money.
We need to get some back.
Yeah, and that is all from
Spy. You can get more now at thehits.co.nz
Okay, thank you very much
Bill. Now Lego Masters New Zealand
are back tonight and if you want to win a $500
Lego voucher, make sure you watch the show.
There's going to be a keyword. Text that through,
and then tomorrow morning, you can get a $500
Lego voucher to spend it.
Sorry, it's a $500 warehouse voucher.
You can buy a Lego, but you can buy anything else at the warehouse.
You might want to buy some pillowcases.
We're not the boss of you. What you do with that $500?
Did you work out exactly what you
because you went to the weekend. In the weekend, you went to the
warehouse. Yeah, I went there.
Wandered around because I forgot what warehouse Yeah I went there Wandered around
Because I forgot what I went there for
Wandered around for about 10 minutes
Got in the car and drove home
And no I still haven't
Still haven't remembered what it was for
We had lovely Lady Rosie on at 7.30
She was like was it the batteries
Did you ever need batteries
Yeah no it wasn't batteries
Something for the puppy
Nothing for the puppy
Did you just get something anyway
No
No I just wandered around
Then walked out again
So we'll bring you up to date
with this tomorrow.
Have yourself a great Monday, New Zealand.
We'll catch you tomorrow from six.
The Hits.
For more podcasts from The Hits Network,
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