Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Hidden Voice Memos: Megan’s unexpected party break

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

In Hidden Voice Memos, we dive deep into the vault of our cringiest and most awkward voice recordings.  On this edition of our Summer podcast, we dive into Megan’s unexpected mid-party break, find out if this audio clip landed Ben on the news, and uncover the mystery behind classical music playing 24/7.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This John or Ben podcast brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts in tastes that Kiwis love. On the count of three. One, two, three. You're the voice memo. This is our voice memo segment that we like to just clear a voice memo from our phones. We'll go through one, one each. Just delete some space. We do. Now, I feel like I've always led with ease, and mine pale in comparison to your two. So I think we should switch the format up. Okay.

Who would like to start today? Well, not me, because I still haven't found one that I want to play. So, Megan. I'm going to go with one, but this, I've listened to it. I literally don't know what's happening here. So I'm just going to leave it with you. We can figure out what the scenario is. Okay.

There's a couple of different sounds. I can hear it what the scenario is. Okay. There's a couple of different sounds. I can hear it. It's night time. You're at a festival of some bad romance. There's a cover band playing bad romance in the distance. And then I'm with a bunch of cicadas somewhere. Is that at your house? I don't know.

You're in a field, maybe. Yeah, so it can't have been, like, yeah, you're right. I went through a period of, like, taking... Getting blind drunk? And then taking, like, little, like, breaks from parties. I'd like to take a little alone stint. So you think this was a breather? Maybe.

Some time out and you were recording the party from the distance. But why would I be doing that? Because I was drunk. Oh, it's moved into bad. Michael Jackson. It definitely sounds like a cover band, doesn't it? Yeah, they were doing some great, you know, cover genres. Was it my wedding?

What year is it? When you're at your wedding, you're at first one, you're outside and go, what am I doing? I know. Oh, my God, what am I doing? This is not going to end well. Okay, back in there. Back in there. And you recorded it. What am I doing? This is not going to end well. Okay, back in there. Back in there. Suck it up, buttercup.

You're near now. And you recorded it. And then come back to that day and you're like, damn it, I was right. That's pretty accurate actually, Ben. My neighbours do karaoke. They've got a weekly karaoke night. Every Tuesday night they're singing karaoke. How's that?

I appreciate it, but they go late into the evening and, you know, we get up early in the morning, so they... Is it every Tuesday? Every Tuesday. Why Tuesday?

Dunno. It feels like an odd karaoke night to me. Karaoke night Tuesday. Who am I to pigeonhole karaoke and when it should be? Yeah. It does feel like

a Friday-Saturday sport to me. Yeah. Mate, Thursday night at a push? Yeah, you're probably right. So I feel like you definitely need some drinks for that. Well, speaking of...

Oh, no, here you go. Plug it, plug it. I don't know if this is any good. I think I was at the mall one day. This was a few years ago. And we got evacuated from the mall. Like, everyone. It was a mall.

And I was like, oh, this is going to... I'll record this for the news, you know. And I recorded the alarms. Oh! And there's alarms all over the alarms. Was this what you were going to send to the news? Yeah, I was going to send it. I was like, oh, get this. I love this.

It was quite a high drama too. It was one of those moments when you're going in the mall, you're going to get some stuff. I'm going in there and then I'm like, you're going to have to leave. You're like, oh, can I just whip into that shop really quickly before they shut down the blinds? You know, those old gates and roller doors.

I'm like, just grab one. No, no, everyone's going to have to leave them all. So, yeah, but I can't remember what it was. Did the news froth at your audio? No, I think it was probably one of those situations where some punk kid flicked a fire alarm or something like that. You know, one of those situations. We were with a punk once at a nightclub,

weren't we, in Wellington. Oh, yes. And they turned off the power box for the entire nightclub. So then, say, probably 100, 200 people in this nightclub, two in the morning, pitch blackness, no sound, no light.

We were standing on the stairwell and there was next to the room There was like a little closet Or something They had the power box And so we saw these people Run out of there And even though we darked

But we were still standing there Outside the area Where everyone came out And they're like Was it you guys? And we're like no As these people scarpered Down the stairs

And we're like We know them But we had to like Yeah we're too slow to move Yeah And all you can hear Is everyone's going Oh no It's a great prank That would be so But we had to like, yeah, we're too slow to move. And all you can hear is everyone's going, oh, no.

It's a great prank. That would be so, like, suddenly you're a little bit boozed. Everyone's got, like, glasses in hand. You can't see where you're going. You're like, oh, God, all my senses are gone. There was a great one that we used to do. Back when I was writing ads, first job in radio, the radio network, they had bathrooms,

and the light switch to the men's bathroom was on the way out and so when someone was in the like this is through the first door you know how there's a second door so it was in that little between the two door situations so sometimes you'd be in there sitting at work and then suddenly the light would go off you're like oh because i've got to go out of the stall find my way past the urinals all the way to the first door to get through there you're like

so you end up you know sort of doing your business in the dark which is not the great and that is a monstrous act of someone's midstream

standing at the urinal oh yeah that too you know someone on the way it was fun to do on the way out just go alright especially when you knew

you passed by someone who was going into the thing you're like oh get on mate there's a hell of a way out you just hear someone who was going into the thing. You're like, oh, get on, mate. It's on my way out. You just hear someone go, oh. That was fun. I'm going to take you back to, this is 2022.

Okay. Okay. This is a train station. A train station, I think it was in the Waikato. Okay. When I was in Waikato, no, it was Henderson. Does it matter where it is? Like, can we probably gloss over those details?

It's probably like when you hear your parents telling stories and you're like, does it matter what top that Marjorie was wearing, whether it was polyester or whether it was woolen? Was it purple or was it yellow? Sometimes they get into it. And then they start bickering about that. Yeah, or where the person was from. It doesn't matter.

Move on with the story. Exactly, yeah. So does it matter where it where it was no but i'll tell you what was their name again you're like i don't know but it doesn't matter even if you tell me the name i don't know the person it's uh marjorie that wasn't marjorie or something like that just get your story well what i'm your mom have a friend marjorie uh well we have an auntie marge yeah she's marjorie yeah and everyone's life. Now, this is music that they play at the train station. Now, listen to this.

Oh, that's nice. Classical. And 24 hours a day, they're pumping Bach and Beethoven. But for what? Now, there's a reason. I reckon I know the reason. What is it? Is it to reduce, like, angriness?

Yeah, violence. Yeah, violence. Scientifically proven. I just recorded this beautiful music. That's me talking over me. Now, it's scientifically proven that if they play this in public areas, less violence. It's quite nice, isn't it?

Yeah. Have you been into those super loos? I feel intellectual. The super loos where they play classical music to you too. Yeah. They might always get scared. They're just going to go and open the door on you. Yeah, and it says you have 10 minutes. You're like, jeez, things are going to go horribly wrong

if I'm still there in 10 minutes. No time for a TikTok scroll. Who isn't there for 10? Who's sitting in a TikTok hole? But you're in a public toilet. That's a two-minute stop. I'm trying to get out quicker than 10 minutes. The less minutes are near the best.

Thank you for the warning. And then they play you classical music, which is nice. Yeah. But it doesn't feel like a classical music location. No. Maybe they're just trying to zhoosh it up. But one time I was like, this is, because I think there's one on the way,

you drive down through the Waikato, there's one on one of the small towns there, I can't remember, and I was like, well, I used it once. I'm like, this is the greatest loo ever. Took my family back. We stopped at a loo. And it would malfunction the next time. You've got to see this there. I can't remember. And I was like, well, I used it once. I'm like, this is the greatest loo ever. Took my family back. We stopped at a loo. And it would malfunction the next time. You've got to see this thing.

It was spraying water everywhere. And I was like, the robots. It was like my prostate. I can't believe you took your family back to see the toilet. When they need to go to the bathroom, I'm like, I know where I need to go. Hold on tight. We detoured 30 minutes.

Oh, my God. I'm like, look at this. The toilet of the future, but it wasn't. I bet they were stoked. Yeah, no, it was a bit of a dud. But they had 10 minutes, though. Yeah, 10 minutes in there. 10 of the best minutes of your life.

There we go. That's another edition of us clearing our voice memos.