Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Hidden Voice Memos: Post Surgery Audio...

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

In Hidden Voice Memos, we dive deep into the vault of our cringiest and most awkward voice recordings.  On this edition of our Summer podcast, we dive into Laura McGoldrick thoughts of Ben's cake, what foreigners find weird about NZ, and Producer Ellie's hilarious post surgery audio...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. You're the voice memo. Welcome to the voice memo. When we clear another voice memo each day to try and clear up space in the new year on our phones. Now, Megan, away from the podcast today, she's out recording more voice memos. Yeah, just to join us back tomorrow for this one. She's like, I need some new stuff.

So we've brought in Producer Ellie with us. Good morning, Producer Ellie. Good morning. Great to have you here. Now, we've got you to trawl back through your voice memos as well. And you've got an issue right now of just playing them through because the dongle situation from the cord is not connecting to your phone. Yes.

I've got a new iPhone. Sorry about it. Stop bragging about your iPhone. Sorry about it. Stop bragging about your new iPhone. And so it doesn't, I don't, I can't plug into the desk. It's too good. The iPhone's like too elite for our mere dongle. It's like, oh, so what?

How do you? What? When did they change that? They changed that. I've got USB-C. So now that dongle doesn't work. I'd need another dongle. I thought they were told they can't do that anymore.

I think it was after that. It was after they changed back to USBC. They were like, guys, this is calm the farm on the dongies and the charges. And yes. So now there's just one, from this day forward, isn't there, just one universal charge? I hope so. I hope that's the case. I think in Europe they banned it, right? Which is fair enough.

Yeah. It's like, come on, guys. You know? Yeah. Anyway. So hopefully you'll be able to work something out. You can play it through the microphone situation. Who wants to go first?

Listen, this is something I found. This is from just only last year, 2023. Great, yeah. Featuring Laura McGoldrick. Oh, yeah. R.I.P. R.I.P. She's still with us.

She's still alive, yeah. If they're not on the hits, they're dead to me. Doing a great job on TV, you know, Sky Sport. Any of you guys leave the hits, dead to me. But no, this was, we were baking cakes. Every cake in the, you know, the Australian Women's Weekly birthday cake book.

Yep. And Laura came down to help us out. And Ben, you had just completed your masterpiece, which was the elephant cake. Let's talk about the elephant in the room. So I'm over here making an innocent, innocent elephant cake

with a large trunk and bigger ears Laura McGoldrick's come along and you've lowered the tone of this lovely wholesome thing. I don't know what the hell else to do. I mean the tone has been lowered. Look, did you model that off yourself? And why is that bit so small? And why are those round bits so big?

Hey look, it's cold. It's very cold in here, right? Do your ears hang low? Brad, surely that doesn't look like what Laura's saying it does, does it? It looks very familiar to me. She had a swollen testicle recently, and the nut-to-penis ratio, perfect. Okay, well, thank you for sending me that photo that I'll be using. What are you trying to make?

Just out of curiosity. Look, it's the elephant here. Look. I can't see it on yours. I'll be really honest. Can't see it. All right, all right. So I was trying to make an innocent elephant cake,

a wholesome children's, you know, birthday cake, an elephant, and then they had to lower the tone like that. Does contain traces of nuts, apparently,

according to them. That cake. What was your cake, favourite cake out of that birthday book? Did you have that book when you were young? No.

No? Was it just an old person thing? Mate, I don't know. I don't think mum had that. I feel like mum had it for years and just held onto it for years and just passed down from generation to generation. Yeah. Mate, I don't know. I don't think mum had that. I feel like mum had it for years and just held on to it for years and just passed down from generation to generation. Yeah, no, we never had it.

My mum didn't bake, really. Cheesecake shop? What did mum do? I think maybe even supermarket number. Oh, yeah. Maybe, yeah. I don't remember many. Oh, mum's going to kill me for that.

She'd be like, oh, I spent days in the kitchen. I don't remember any of it. She's like, you've just painted me out to be a mum who swung by the supermarket, picked up some stale old cake from the bakery at 10 o'clock at night for her daughter. She loves you. Yeah, no, she does. I do remember one Barbie cake one year, actually. One of the big ones where the dress comes down.

Oh, that's in the book. That's in the book. That's in the book. Oh, maybe mum did do that. Yeah, that's in the book. But maybe she got it from someone else. It was pre-internet days, wasn't it? So they all had to

pass around this book. And your mum, like you say, is listening to this and going, geez, all those hours I spent baking. These cakes that you

demanded, and none of them have been core memories. Not memorable, clearly. Sorry, Mum. All right, I'm going to plug my phone

in. I've got one here. So my mum, speaking of mums, my mum lives up north and she's really good. She has a whole lot of people from time to time just stay. Sometimes you appreciate it, but it does frustrate you.

Well, yeah. Sophie, who is from Scotland, she's awesome. She was really cool. I loved hanging out with her. She was great. Sometimes there's some rando from somewhere. You're like, who's this person? I turn up there, and I'm like, oh, hey, who are you, mate?

Who's sitting in the left? Anyway, Sophie's awesome. Do they take your bed when you're there? No, they've got little, sometimes they will sleep inside, depending on how many she's taking. It's like a hostel. It's kind of like a hostel situation. Has she got people with ankle bracelets there?

Well, buddy, you should say that. So this is Sophie. Now, Sophie was from Scotland, and she was one of the people that observed that New Zealand really just shuts down through January. She's like, what happens to you guys? No one does anything. But this is something that she – I think we actually followed through on this.

On the radio show, she said to ring someone from Glasgow and get them to say this. Okay, Sophie. Now, you're from Scotland. Now, what do I need to do? What's the theory? So if you're from Glasgow and you say the sentence purple burglar alarm, they really struggle.

So give me an example of what you think will happen, and then we'll call someone from Glasgow and see if they actually say it. Okay, go. It would probably go along the lines of parapalbargalaralala. I feel like you added too many syllables in that, but we'll test it. All right. Yeah, so apparently that's a little something they like to do within Scotland.

There's a little Scottish beef they do. I guess they roll their R's down south in New Zealand. Well, you can't say purple burglar alarm and then... Yeah, and then they're like, oh, watch me try and say parapalbargalaralala. It's like Irish wristwatch and Swiss wristwatch

say that fast Irish wristwatch and Swiss wristwatch yeah that's tough that's a very tough one to say I hate tongue twisters like even speaking

normally sometimes is a challenge for me me too so I've got too many thoughts all at the same time and they all try

and come out at once and then it's like that actually speaking of thoughts that come out at once and then it's like that. Actually speaking of thoughts that come out at once, we've got something I think your audio

is going to be from that right? Yes, no it is. I can plug my laptop in using the headphone jack. Why can't you

use your phone? Sorry, did I not mention that I've got a fancy iPhone? Have I not mentioned that? Oh, you dongle to the

dongle again. Well, us running the old school phones, we're fine on the dongle situation. Yeah. You can bring that around.

Here we go. Patricia Ali is going to be playing something now. You might have to bring your laptop over here. This brought us great joy when you played it to us the other day. Now, this is when you wait. What sort of operation? I'll wait for you to come back around. But what sort of operation did you have?

Refresh it to play. Sorry. Hang on a sec yeah so I had the wisdom tooth removal all four of them and we went under the

not general anaesthetic but it's the anaesthetic that you were like you're knocked out essentially but you're still kind of your organs are still like well they're obviously always still working

you know what I mean sedated I don't know how to use my tongue this is you coming out how do you use that you bought four boiling water on my tongue and I wouldn't know how to use my tongue. This is you coming out. How do you use that? You put four boiling water on my tongue and I wouldn't even know. Do you taste it or not? Is it lemonade?

Something. I think you're a good guess. Do I look funny? No. What's going on? No, no, you look fine. Swallowing is hard. Swallowing is weird, isn't it?

I'll be spitting tonight You know what I mean There's so many patients Look at your face Because obviously you're just Coming to You're eating an ice Like a lemonade ice block

You're fighting it hard to swallow As you say, you're making some crash to your partner, Sam, who's like, funny, but at the same time, just behind this curtain, there's a whole lot of other patients. Literally, I thought

I was still in my private ward that I fell asleep in. Back with your flashy iPhones, that's where you go. No, no, I was in the shared ward, and there was a curtain between me and other patients so they would have heard everything and then i said other things like i feel like i just came out of my mum's vagina anything that came to my head obviously came out i don't really remember it though so it's pretty much like no filter they're just wanting to like yeah then you said you felt like you're in the penthouse or something oh i said when sam my partner said there's patients around i say oh this is the penthouse or something. I said, when Sam, my partner, said, there's patients around, I say,

oh, this is the penthouse. You look so innocent. In the video, you're like, your eyes, and you're like, whoa, whoa. You're like tonguing a lemonade ice block. It's like you're experiencing life for the first time, like in one of those movies where they're like, Will Ferrell's like elf or whatever it is.

You're like, oh, wow, it's all through the eyes of a child. Exactly. I think that's where the line, I feel like I just came out of the vagina, came from. Because I felt like everything was new to me. Well, that was another episode of You're the Voice Memo. We'll be back tomorrow with Megan's new voice memo content. She's recording now.

Can't wait, can't wait.