Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Highlights: Annoying Partners

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

What does your partner steal from you? The most famous people in the world Taking free mints from restaurants.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Jono's internet wormhole. Most famous people in history, Ben Boyce. In history? Spoiler alert, it's not Tina from Ternus. She's up there though. Didn't make the cut. Now, it's based on recognition. I'd like to front foot this with you. There's a couple of characters in here that

might not sit too well with you. For example, your hero, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Late 200s. Oh, really? Tom Cruise. Not even in the top 100. Okay, so number five, though, which I thought was very surprising and yes, the only living person inside

the top five. Donald Trump. Well, I guess he's probably recognisable in fame, whether you like him or don't like him. Yeah, very recognisable. Yeah, loves hiring, firing, inappropriately touching people, but it's got him into the top five of the most famous people in the world. Number four, and she deserves to be at number four,

given all the crap her pain in the ass family put her through, Queen Elizabeth. Oh, Queen Elizabeth. Yeah. The most famous people. I was thinking Meghan Markle would have to be up there these days too, wouldn't she? Probably not the top five, but people that are recognisable.

And I put her down to just length, just existing. Yeah, the queen. For a long time in a high-profile role. Number three, Mother Teresa. Okay. What a hero. A nun, she spent her years working in the slums of India, washing feet of peasants.

I would say, now I don't want to be critical of your list and stuff like that, I would say everyone has heard of Mother Teresa, but if she, I mean she's obviously not around anymore, but she walked past you on the street, would you go, oh, my God, that's Mother Teresa? You know, would you? Can we get a selfie? You know, would you know?

Would you know exactly what she looked like? Well, I would. I'm a Catholic. If she took her like her, you know. Well, if she's an old lady washing, saying, hey, can I wash your face? Well, yeah, that. But if she just walked past you on the street, would you have it? You're right.

I probably wouldn't recognize it. You're dead right. You're dead right. Number two. Ben, you're not. I probably wouldn't recognize it. You're dead right. You're dead right. Number two. Ben, you're not going to like this one. Hitler. Well, I guess he's recognizable. Monster.

Absolute monster, but had a lot of charisma, didn't he, Hitler? He could have the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand back in the day. And number one, I notice you've gone silent on Hitler.

Well, I don't want to give him any, I don't want to give him any, somehow you managed to find something positive to say about him. So I'm not going there. I'm just saying he had a lot of influence, didn't he, for that company. But a lot of brand damage to Germany he caused. Totally, yeah, you're right. Jacked up on amphetamines the whole time.

Very unpredictable man. And number one, she is the Kardashian of the 1960s, Monroe. Marilyn Monroe. Oh. And you would probably have to agree with that. Yeah. I guess now you're thinking Elvis would have to be up there as well. Kim Kardashian would have to be somewhere in the top 100.

Elvis is in the top 10. Yeah. So there you go. The top five most famous people there. A couple of shaky ones. Got through it. Yeah, it did. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. the top five most famous people there. A couple of shaky ones. Got through it. Yeah, I did.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Well, our producer Taylor has discovered something that her husband, Marcelo, has been using of yours. Yeah. Yeah, what is it? Right, so I like to wash my hair once, maybe twice a week if I've got time on my hands. I've got very thick hair, so it's a whole process. I don't have this joy.

Once or twice, is that usual? I think so. I mean, you've got people that if they've got time, maybe three times a week, but I like to leave the natural oils in there. Apparently it's very good for your scalp. I was going to say that. Yeah. So, again, once or twice a week.

And I've noticed, because I have bleached blonde hair, I'm naturally not blonde so i have this takes time um so to make the color not go brassy use a thing called purple shampoo and conditioner right very expensive stuff it's not your basic pantene whatever you're doing um and so i went to go use it the other day and I've noticed quite a lot has been used. And I only just bought this thing maybe like two weeks ago. So I should have plenty of months left in the tank with this thing. And it's already more than halfway down.

And so you've pinned him? Yes. Well, there's only two of us living in the apartment. You got a dog, a sausage dog. Yes. And his coat has been looking unusually very nice. But I know it's not him, so I put two and two together and I said, hang on here. This stuff costs a mozza.

You've got beautiful black hair. You don't need purple shampoo. And what's he said to that? He had no idea. He thought it was just the colour. Do you know what? You said this story to us in the office a couple of days ago and I was like, oh dear

God, I have been using at home purple shampoo. I'm like, oh this is fancy purple. This is like purple colour. I was like, oh. And now I'm like, oh no, that is Amanda, my wife's special stuff. I was just like, oh cool, purple. We all do it. We all do it. Okay, we all do it. Secretly in the

confines of the shower i'm looking around at all the soaps potions and lotions uh i'm moisturizing up a storm and it's the intrigue of going could this change things could this take this beaten up weathered old face back a couple of years that's that's why i do it uh and i've engaged in a little bit of illicit shampoo usage as well yeah just. Just to feel part of the team. Part of the team. Part of the gang. I imagine you're not the only thing that partners are using,

sometimes behind their back, sometimes they're like, whatever, the towel's another one. I use Amanda's towel. I'm like, I don't know, just grab a towel. I don't think twice about a towel. She's like, that was my towel. I put that there and that was, you know, it's just those things. I'm like, well, I admit it. I do it, but it seems to cause frustration in the household.

Some losers wasted valuable time doing a study on the most secretly used products of partners. Moisturiser, number one. It's good and it's a victimless crime too because you can't measure what's been stolen, can't see what's been stolen. Facemask, lip balm, perfume or cologne, hair products. Top five.

All right. So what's your partner using of yours? And is it really driving you out the wall like it's driving producer Tata out the wall? Love to hear from you this morning. Oh, 800 the hits. Let's drop your partner in it. Or maybe you suspect them of doing it and you want to tell us

on the radio. Okay. What your partner's using of yours or secretly using of yours and you know they're using it. We're going to kick things off with Mel. You're on the radio. Okay. What your partner's using of yours or secretly using of yours, and you know they're using it. We're going to kick things off with Mel. You're on in Wellington. Great to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast, Mel. Good morning.

How are you guys? We're doing well, Taylor. Producer Taylor's course, her husband, Marcelo Montoya, using her shampoo, her high-end shampoo. But doesn't his hair look... He's lucky he didn't make his hair blonde. Yeah, right. The purple shampoo, does it keep the dye colour in, does it?

That's the purpose of it. Yeah, it just makes it anti-yellow. Yeah, anti-yellow. And, hey, I'll openly admit, using moisturisers, scrubs, and all this sort of business behind Jen's back, and she's like, you've got a very flawless complexion today. That's the only giveaway. But, Mel, your partner's using what?

I've got really difficult skin and I bought a product that's over $100 and there was a vino right next to it and he decided that he'd give it a go on his feet. Oh, he's putting your expensive moisturiser on his feet. How are his feet looking now? You're like, oh my God. There was a Vino right next to it. Like, I was very mortified.

Yeah, right. How good are his feet looking? Yeah, they're looking good. Best feet in the game. They're smelling nice, apparently. Good on you, Mel. We're going to send you out some hell pizza. You have a great day.

Love your call. Oh, thanks. See ya. Yeah, you're a legend. GB, we'll get you on from Christchurch this morning. Is it cold in Canterbury? Oh, good morning, boys. It's about six degrees going down Canterbury, yep.

Oh, OK. Not too bad, not too bad. Tropical. The weather coming in. Yep, we have balmy six degrees. Now, your partner's using what of yours, GB? Oh, she uses my tools all the time and then doesn't replace them and then

I get really annoyed when I have to go and look for them. She's using your tools all the time? Yeah, I've bought her her own set and then she can't find hers and she still uses mine. How much handiwork are you guys doing? Obviously a lot.

My wife's nice just so she likes to hang up paintings and everything on the walls. I like to do a bit of woodwork on the side. Good on you. Don't touch my tools. Yeah. Most of them. Most of them. There's one that you can touch whenever you get time

We're going to wrap you out there Before we keep going down this rabbit hole We're going to Anonymous Now this is about Your ex was using what of yours? Well a lot of most things Like you share a hairbrush Well Donna doesn't

And you might use a fan old brush But i walked in one morning and she was using my toothbrush oh oh yeah sharing there's a lot of things that we do share as a couple as as we all do but not your toothbrush it's funny though because you would kiss you know your partner but it seems like the toothbrush is just that extra next step, isn't it? It really is. Do you know... It's next level. It's really next level. You know, Ben and me have shared previously multiple times, roll on deodorant. Yeah. And that has weirded some people out.

That has weirded some people out. You're right, actually. Only because I've got it in my bag. I'm like, well, this is all I've got. You're like, yeah, I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. Well, have a great day, Anonymous. Karen from Hamilton, what's your partner using?

It was my ex-partner and I left my Estee Lauder facial scrub, you know, the stuff with the grainy sand in it, in the shower, and he was using it on his twig and giggle berries. Exfoliating

down there. Wow. Okay. He didn't know what it was. He didn't try it. Sandpaper in your private part. I don't know what it is, but I guess it goes there, so I'll give that a go. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, when you go into a restaurant and cafe, they often have little things on the counter like mints, you know, like breath mints and things like that. I always thought it'd be a funny little, probably be the mad butcher's ultimate dream where it's just bowls of premium beef mints. After dinner mints, but they're sort of ground up beef. He's had a good dinner, now there's raw meat.

That's probably what he is. Beef mints, lamb mints. After dinner mints, the different mints. These are the lolly version. And for weeks, my daughter, and any time we go to a cafe or restaurant, she's always like, I mean, for a kid, it's free.

It's like, it's candy on display. There's no price tag. And she's kind of like, how much can I take? Like, what's the deal? It's the same protocol as the New Zealand lolly basket. Yeah.

It's very good. Yeah. And I don't ever go just maybe one or two. I don't know. I don't know what the protocol is. So 4487, actually, if you do work in a cafe or a restaurant that has them,'t know what the protocol is. So 4487 actually, if you do work in a cafe or a restaurant that has them, tell me what the protocol is.

An appropriate number of mints. I always feel that if you've dined in the establishment, then at some point along your experience, you've paid for these mints. Yes, well you probably have. You're entitled to just dip your hand and go wrist deep, pull out what you want. Well my

daughter Indy now, it's almost like she's George Clooney in Ocean's Eleven. It's almost like an Ocean's Eleven heist every time we now go in there. I was at a restaurant with her last night, and when I'm talking to the person at the counter about to pay the bill, you're distracting them. Unbeknown to me, I've distracted the person, and she's put the little hand into the bowl and got these minutes pockets because we were walking out of the restaurant last night, and she's put the the little hand into the bowl and got these minutes pockets

because we're walking out of the restaurant last night and she's just like hey dad show me your pocket her pockets bulging with mints she's like got those mints while you're talking to the that you know yeah i'm like well i was proud of her at the same time but i'm like well how much can you take yeah it's a father daughter minty crime spring across the cityree across the city. We just go around. Maybe we just go around. We don't even pay for meals. We just ask questions. Excuse me, do you know where I can park the car?

I had an incident with one of those because now they come packaged, don't they, individually with bits of plastic around them. And you can put that bit of plastic in your mouth, and if you apply the correct pressure at the correct point on the plastic, it can pop the mint. It pops out, yeah. Bang into your mouth. I did one. Jeez, skyrocketed. Straight to the back of my throat and. It can pop the mint. It pops out, yeah. Bang into your mouth. I did one.

Jeez, skyrocketed. Straight to the back of my throat and ended up as a choking hazard. So that's a warning for her. I like the old school system with the teaspoon, the system that you're meant to tip the thing in,

but someone's always going to put their hands in the thing. I like the even older school system. There was no spoons. And we're just like a big bowl of boozer on a bar. Just help yourself.

Just put your hands in. You want a toothpick, you're fine. Put your business card in a bowl. Here bougie on a bar. Just help yourself. Just put your hands in. You're a toothpick. You're fine. Put your business card in a bowl. Here, you could win a bar. See that big, fat, sweaty guy over there with his hands in the nuts? He probably hasn't washed his hands. And we didn't think too hard.

We probably should have thought a bit harder about that whole period. No, you're right. And communal bowl dining. Before COVID, before the wild COVID days, you're right, it was just like, dip your hand in there, grab as many as you want. Put some back if you need to. What would I have to pay you now? Okay, so I put a big bowl of, let's say, boujumix on a

bar. How long has it been there for? A week. Okay, how much would I have to pay you to dip your hand in and have a handful of boujum? Communal boujum. I don't know, It feels like a lot in today's day and age. Ten years ago, you're right. I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I'd just be like,

oh, this Bougie's good, you know. Put an extra twang to it. From the last guy who didn't wash his hands, he went to the bathroom.