Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Highlights: Jono Got Lost at the Bra Shop...

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

The awkward bra shop run in Unusual wedding spots Jono's dad is taking down the Russian Government! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Jono, I got told by a friend some news, some pretty big news in my friend's circle. Now, I won't use the guy's name who told me, let's just call him Greg, okay? Is that his name? No, it's not actually his name. I was actually going to use his name, but I'm not, okay? So Greg told me some hot gossip that two of our friends were actually a couple.

Oh, but were they in a period where? They weren't a couple. They were both single people and stuff like this. And this was really exciting news that they'd become a couple, but they hadn't told the friend group. But Greg, Greg had been one of these people that not. Oh, loose lips. Yeah.

Yeah. Loose lips sink ships. They all, you know, the Titanic, they thought it was the iceberg. It was Greg. It was Greg's loose lips sink ships. They all, you know, the Titanic, they thought it was the iceberg. It was Greg. It was Greg's loose lips. Yeah, but I had a conversation with Greg, yeah, like a few days ago, and he did that classic, you know, when someone's got gossip and they want to tell you and they're not meant to tell you,

like, you didn't hear this from me. Oh, I love it. With such and such together. I lap that stuff up. But I'm always like, well, why did you tell me this? Now I've got this burden of not knowing, you know, acting like I don't know this information. But you love it. Did you love it did you love knowing i did actually like it i i was oh my goodness that's so awesome and who did you tell i wonder did you tell amanda i was actually no i was

actually pretty good at not telling anyone i think i think she was also new i think greg had also told her as well uh but i caught up with a bunch of friends uh last night and i was in the conversation with the guy who's in the new relationship but obviously I wasn't meant to know this and so we're having a conversation until he said guess what I'm in a relationship with such and such the other friend and so now this is interesting for you what do you because you how do you play this I know this information but I'm not meant to know this information so that's when I pull out my academy award-winning acting oh my goodness that's amazing that's so awesome we've both we've both acted in sketches over the years that's not our strong suit

how was your acting i felt like it was actually pretty good like i felt like it was a good performance okay i'll role play it okay i don't you know hey um how's things man i'm good i'm good how's things with you are you good i just got some news What's that? You know Trish? Yeah I've been kissing her lips mate You and Trish? She's been kissing me back Oh my goodness Yeah we're in a relationship

Oh I'm so happy for you That's amazing Was that good? How was that? Did you know this? No Hold on No

You look like Greg told you this How long have you known for? No Don't put it back on me So anyway I thought it was a great You where I was pretending I didn't know. The person believed it. It was great. Send me to the Oscars, that sort of thing.

But in my head, I'm like, well, no one's giving me any credit for the fact that I'm acting. I'm doing a great job. I'm never going to get any credit for this. The only person who knows is Greek. Yeah. Yeah. But then what happened is the new partner came back. The other friend came back.

And my mate who just told me the news was like, oh, guess what? I've just told Ben about this. And she's like, well, didn't you already know? Because Greg just said, Greg said he told me. And then I was like, oh, no. And now I've clearly been acting to my mate. And so now I'm like, what was Greg?

Greg just needs even shut his mouth Greg was like Don't tell anyone But then he told someone Oh yeah So I was like Well my acting My good acting

And so then did you have to go And say hey Liz I knew I put on a performance And then you feel like An absolute schmuck You do You're like

Well why did he put on An acting performance? And to be fair You know You weren't the wrong You weren't in the wrong All you did is receive some information. You didn't want to receive it.

And acted like I didn't know. So anyway, just be careful out there. Be careful with mates like Greg. Now, Ben, yesterday I was going around the shopping mall. It's Poppy, my daughter's birthday today. Double digits, mate. Double digits, 10 years old. Another two years years she'll

be ram rating they're growing up quick growing up quick no it's a happy birthday darling but uh she she's into her dance likes dancing a lot so what she wanted for her birthday was a leotard oh yeah um now have you ever tried to shop for a leotard I don't know if it's an item you've tried shopping for previously. No, I don't know if I have actually. No. Wandering around looking for a leotard. And it almost looks like, it sounds like a dangerous word to say, doesn't it, leotard, the more you say it. But it's like when you want to specifically find something in a shop, you can't find it anywhere.

You start to get frustrated. You're like, why are there so many items in shops? Yeah. Especially if you just want to get in and get out. If it's not your comfortable, happy space. No, it's not. And I was in Farmer's in the lingerie section. And, you know, whenever...

Yeah, I know. I could almost, as I was wandering around, I could feel the CCTV camera just kind of follow me in the corner. Yeah, I can imagine. And so I picked up a negligee of some description Yeah I can imagine So I picked up A negligee Of some description I pulled it off the rack I'm like that looks like a leotard

Up to the counter send a photo to Jennifer I was like job done Jen my wife she texts back she's like That's a woman's one it's got Shapes Shapes cups In the chest area She's 10 years old so I'm like I have to go back to farm I was like hey this leotard I just brought shaped, you know, shaped cups in the chest area.

She's like, she's 10 years old, so I'm like, I have to go back to farm. I was like, hey, this leotard I just bought. Oh, so you bought it? Yeah, I bought it, so then I need to go back, get a refund for that. And I'm like, okay, where else do you get one? Where do you think you'd get one? I don't know. You don't know? No.

I think if it's for dancing or something, maybe there's a specific shop out there that I don't know. But it's probably. Oh, thanks. Where were you? Where were you when I was going leotard shopping? Turns out there was. But that's another story.

My wife found easily and she went and got it. That would be the place I would go. I'm traipsing around. Lorna Jane. Lorna didn't have anything. Bras and things. I wandered into bras and things. Oh, now you're like, this seems like you've really tried to cover up

Why didn't you Google it? Like Rather than go around looking like Some sort of pest to go I know and it's a quiet weekday as well Who's this guy lurking around bras and things? Yeah I'm just here shopping for

Bras and things I don't even know what the things were In that shop Because I was too anxious But you know you kind of walk straight to the counter They're like how can I help you? You know I was kind of confused As to why I'm wandering in there But no I couldn too anxious. But you know, you kind of walk straight to the counter and they're like, how can I help you? You know, I was kind of confused

as to why I'm wandering in there. But no, I couldn't find a leotard for love nor gold, mate. Is that a saying? No, probably, I don't know,

maybe it is now. Maybe you've made one up. But that's all I wanted to get off my chest. Well, all right, please. And if you actually want

something on your chest, there's a good one at farmers molded perfectly okay the hits the jonathan ben podcast now one thing i really appreciate about your parents is the older they get is the more time they have on their hands uh their quirks get exposed you know that they kind of suppressed over a number of years. John Pryor, my dad, one of the things I love about him, he'll never wear a pair of sunglasses he's purchased. Only sunglasses he's found on footbaths, park benches. I reckon we could mess with that too.

We could buy some real outrageous ones and just sort of plant them in locations that he's going. Look like Elton John in 1975. And then as he's walking past and then go, oh, look, sunglasses, and have him pick them up and go, well like Elton John in 1975. And then as he's walking past and then go, oh, look, sunglasses and have him pick them up and go, well, that's your new pair, you know. His favourite ones at the moment, he stumbled across some Joe Biden

like aviators. He looks good in the aviators too. Joe Biden looks good in the aviators. He does. I am surprised. We were talking about this yesterday, not on the radio, but Joe Biden doesn't have, like my granddad had that little, you know. The flaps. The flap over the top of the glasses. You pull them up and then you flap them down.

So they become spectacles inside and then an instant flick. Dang. Sunglasses. Oh, they were bad, those glasses. The flaps? Yeah. But yeah, one thing that mum caught him doing recently was, she's like, oh, can I borrow your computer?

So she googled something and um she found that one of his top searches was how can i eliminate putin so he's he's he got he's not a fan of i don't think many people are a fan of putin uh and so john's just googling are there ways that people can you Putin not be around? Oh, really? Okay. Unless he's got a beef with a neighbor called Putin. But I'm gathering it's the Russian leader.

Wow. Yeah. So you're like a hit person, is that your dad? I don't know. Or hoping to diversify. He used to be in the military. Yeah. And mum and him lived over in America.

And Oscar, my son, likes to think they were spies. Yeah. Sometimes when you're a kid, you cook up a whole sort of backstory, don't you? Well, hey, maybe there is. I mean, if he's Googling that, maybe he's getting involved. Maybe he's liking that movie with all Bruce Willis and all those action heroes, you know, coming together in their retirement age. Well, if Putin disappears, I'll tell you where we should be looking.

John Pryor in Christchurch. But he does fun things like mows the whole street's berms. Oh, that's lovely. You know? It's when you've got time on your hands and he sort of maintains the footpath gardens. I mean, he's basically assumed the role of an unpaid council worker.

He's doing stuff that the councils aren't doing. So I took my daughter Indy to the movies a couple of days ago. an unpaid council worker. He's doing stuff that the councils aren't doing. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. So I took my daughter Indy to the movies a couple of days ago. Really love going to the movies. And I've had a checkered history

with the snacks, bringing snacks into the movies before my wife will not let me take my own popcorn into the movies. Such a buzzkill. She's like,

why can't you take your own, like you want to take in your own sandwiches, you packed lunch, chicken parmigiano, last's lasagna you'll take anything in there and i think it no i think it is frowned upon bringing your own i don't think you're allowed to bring outside food can you reheat your fish pie like you do here in the work office i don't think you're allowed to do that now i don't now i don't i don't bring any popcorn or outside food into the movie theater but i can't believe you had to be told that. I was just laughing

when I got home. Well, the thing is that, and I love going to the movies, but the thing is you go in there and you look up, they don't put a single price up there on the wall. You don't know what anything costs until you have to pay for it. Not a single one. There were pictures of large popcorn, small

popcorns, ice cream, choc top, whatever it is. No prices, nothing at all, filling any of that space at the time, ice cream, choc-top, whatever it is. No prices. Nothing at all. Filling any of that space at the time. Now, for a well-renowned tie-dye such as yourself, you like to know what you're engaging in. What is this going to cost me? What is this going to cost me?

And did you get a fright? Yeah, well, sometimes you do get a little bit of fright. Now and again, they'll go, oh, special with this combo pack or something. And then they'll have the price. Yeah, yeah. But then now and again, and then the sizing's all like like it suddenly goes from small to medium to ginormous size you get the large you're like what i'll be sharing this with the whole movie theater this massive but you know bucket and then i bought popcorn went along to my daughter andy and she is one of these people that you're not allowed to eat a snack until the movie starts i'm like what why i've eaten i used to eat

the whole thing of tangy fruits before all those little pre-heads exactly i'm like let's just start getting into it the popcorn smells good it's hot it's fresh let's get into it she's like no not until the movie starts she likes to play by the rules yeah she if it was a good cop bad cop movie she'd be the one playing by the rules. She'd be the bad cop. My issue with movie going food is, why does it always have to be like the noisiest cuisine ever? The crunchiest popcorn, the crinkliest of packets. And my theory is, the movie company, Barry Hoyts or whatever his name is, he doesn't want you to hear the movie.

So then you have to come back to see it again for a second time. Oh, is that what they were saying while old mate was having a bag of chips next to me? That's your conspiracy theory. That's my conspiracy theory. I'll be protesting outside Parliament for three weeks. We'll be defecating on the lawn. And the one last thing to do with movie snacks, which we have talked about before, people were just so reckless with leaving them in the theatre. Have you noticed that? It's just like... It's a's a dumping ground i'm done and i'll walk out what other place do you do that the rubbish dump yeah exactly it's like they just people just like i

feel sorry for people who work have you worked in a movie theater producer joel no i was gonna say sports stadiums and like concerts oh yeah that's a shocker now i. Now I feel really like, man, I take my stuff out there and I'm putting it in the bin. Well, that's only after James Corden got hauled over the coast. Now he feels, now he's extra careful about it. He's out there doing the dishes

at the restaurants now as well, just so he doesn't get called a little cretin. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. A couple of texts coming through. What was your wedding setting, guys? We eloped to Butterfly Creek in Auckland.

Oh nice. Had some wonderful photos with the butterflies there. We were in my friend's backyard, got shut down by noise control three times, the wedding. So we've got Victoria on 0800 The Hits as well. What was your wedding setting? Well, my husband got offered his first teaching job in Botswana,

and we had to be married to be able to go to get all the tickets and insurances and blah blah blah so we decided to get married without telling anyone oh okay how did that go down with the wider family group well it didn't go down at all because they didn't find out for the next four and a half years so we got away with it um quite nicely four and a half years you kept it from your family that's a a big secret. Well, we were in Botswana. They were in England, so it wasn't that hard. Okay, alright. I take it back. What's new with you? You're like, oh, not much.

So yeah, we ended up going to a registry office in Stroud. I was never into big white dresses and all that kind of stuff. So I had a yellow and red striped morticia-type dress. And we went down to the local registry office. We didn't realize we needed witnesses, so we just grabbed a couple of people who happened to be walking past at the time who turned out to be rather unsavory characters. So these were the people that were going to witness your wedding,

sign the forms, And make it official Yep Did you hire the local gang members or something? Well they were certainly How do you say Interesting Interesting people And they were rather surprised obviously

To be asked to come into the wedding We had to bribe them With a couple of packs of six-pack, which was fine. But what we weren't expecting was when the nuptials were over, they tried to steal the stereo. Oh, did they? In the registry office? Yes. Wow.

So we had to kindly request that they just left that alone because there weren't many guests at the wedding and it would have been pretty obvious who took all of it. So do you have photographs? Are you like, these are the people that grabbed the shirt? No, they would have been wanted posters, I think. Ironically, they were the witness for your wedding and then you had to be the witness at the police station for the crime.

Exactly, exactly. But the job was done and we're still married 27 years later. And do you still keep in touch with the other stereo thieves? No, we never saw them again after that, surprisingly enough. Yeah, it's amazing when you can get down

with a six pack, isn't it? Oh, there you go. I got to do that. I got to be, my wife and I got to be witness at people's wedding that basically we just met in Fiji. They were on...

Oh, there you go. It was fun, but it was also at the same time I felt like very much like we were part of their ceremony. It was only just them, those two, the person marrying them and, you know, the priest and us, my wife and I, they'd be looking back at photos going, who are these weird people? But not everybody's into big weddings and, you know, down the pub afterwards, had lunch, played table football. And then we were off to Botswana two weeks later

and we didn't come back for nearly five years. So it was great. And Ben, what did you steal from that wedding? I got a great stereo, actually. I had a wonderful stereo system. Oh, dear. It was quite a rough stereo system. I don't really know why they wanted it.

You know, you give your witnesses six beers, everything seems like a good idea after six beers. Well, you go and have a wonderful day. Appreciate your call.

Thank you very much. You have a good day too.