Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - January 20 - Gwyneth Paltrow's Candle, Chopper (Heath Franklin) Reid, Did You Get Injured On Holidays?

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

On today's show we catch up with Heath Franklin's Chopper Reid as he heads to Aotearoa in March for his comedy tour and the NZ Herald's Katie Harris who had her identity stolen on social media. We also ask our listeners over 30 for the best advice for someone under the age of 30. Plus, it's day 3 of our 5 words for $5,000 competition and it's Ben's turn to have a go and see if he can match his words with a listener! Enjoooy!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome back to the podcast, J&B, your boys, back with you. And Ben, you're not going to call me out on saying J&B, your boys.

Oh no, sorry, I'm dealing with password issues Oh my god you've been back for three days And you haven't been able to log into your computer every morning I know When are you going to sort this out? Don't you just need to go to the department upstairs? Yeah no so we're doing that We're in correspondence

So we're working our way through the password issues I'm sure this is my password they keep typing in But it wasn't you know It's only four weeks There is no more painful experience in any human being's life than having to reset a password. Yeah. On a work system. Yeah.

You know, it's becoming increasingly difficult. It's almost like, it's almost worth resigning from the job for, just so you don't have to reset a password, isn't it? Exactly. Where are you at now? At what stage? Because for three mornings you've been like, I can't log into a password. Oh, look, I've got a new temporary password, so I'm about to try and log that into the computer right now. Let's do it now, see if it works.

Okay, Ben Boyce testing out his new password for 2021. What was the old password out of interest? Oh, no, I'm going to tell you that because the new one's just... You know why no one tells us the old password? It's because it's probably the password to everything in his life. Yeah, and I want to... Max is locked in here, so how do I get Max out of here? Okay, he's not going to... Look, let So how do I get Max Out of here Okay No I can't

Look let's not do this At the start of the podcast No The only reason you don't Want to do this At the start of the podcast Is because you can't Log into the computer

I can't log into the computer You can't log into a computer Well because Max Is logged in there This is some tense This is some tense Listening here I like computer hacking

Well Ben's voice Is temporary password work It's been three days In the making Here we go Here we go Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Is he in?

We're in. He's in. We're in, guys. We're back. Oh, my God. There is. There's a Lord. Praise Jesus.

Oh, wow. Okay, here we go. We're back for 2021. We've been back for a few days, but anyway. Ben doesn't be able to clear emails or do any administration, but that's all right. There's a lot of stuff that I need to get to, but right now. It's amazing how you forget passwords so quickly. I shouldn't.

I shouldn't have. It was only a matter of weeks ago. And then you confidently, I arrogantly kept putting it. I was like, that's the password. No, that's the password. I put it in three times and then it locked myself out of it. I've got a... You know how you have notes on your phone?

Yeah. I've got one notes with every single password in my life. So if anyone ever gets my phone, they've got access to a lot of websites. A lot of stuff you've got passwords. My ASOS website. We talked to a lady today, a reporter out of Wellington who had her identity stolen

and used for something else. So she joins us on the show. A bit of an interesting story, especially if you've got social media, how something can be taken from you and just used and how hard it is to get it back. And we've got a fun new game that we're playing.

It's five words for $5,000. You basically need to match five words with our five words. And today, did we give away the cash? The answer, probably not. But we got bloody close. It's a fun wee game. It gave me hope, today's game. It did, actually.

I think we can give away some money at some stage. Hopefully five grand could be all yours if you listen to the show tomorrow. But right now, enjoy the podcast. They're proud of New Zealand. Go New Zealand! If only New Zealand was proud of them. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast on the hits. Now it is a new year and you sort of

run into people you haven't seen since 2020 and every time you see them you're like, ah, happy new year, good to see you back. How long do we keep going with that? Oh, listen, I know this is a big issue with you. It depends what calendar you work off. If you're a fan of the Gregorian, a popular calendar system, then you'd probably knock it on the head by the end of Jan.

I'd say, I mean, the Chinese, they're celebrating the new year in Feb. So they're saying happy new year in Feb. Is that okay with you? That's okay. Yeah, I just don't know when to stop're saying happy new year in Feb. Is that okay with you? That's okay. Yeah, I just don't know when to stop. I mean, the Jewish calendar's a whole other system as well. Matariki?

Matariki? Happy new year? Oh, yes, maybe. When did you become the happy new year police mate? Oh, no, I just don't know. No, I'm just like, I don't know when to stop. You know, like, when do we do it? So maybe we just say it all year.

I'm too scared not to say it. Happy new year. But I found there's a few awkward interactions when you see people for the first time since last year. You feel obligated. There's friends or sometimes people you know really well at work. Oh, you make it too awkward. You hold the hug for too long. Yeah, with me, you held the hug a little too long.

And then you're like, yeah, it's a hug. It's like, happy new year. You don't feel good to see these people for the first time. And then every time I'm walking around, you're like, how was your holiday? Hot stuff, I'm like, mate. Oh, no. Not in the office, Ben.

What I've found with a couple of friends that I've sort of ran into recently, seen them for the first time since last year, and this happens sometimes with a female friend, you go for a hug, but then sometimes the kiss on the cheek happens and they initiate a sort of kiss on the cheek. But when you haven't thought about doing that,

you're sort of going past, you're past the point. Of the lips. Yeah, you can't reverse back up to the lips. It would feel really weird to reverse it back up. So it happened to me the other day and I was like, oh, I missed it. Yeah, I missed it. Yeah, they kissed the cheek.

I've overshot the lips. It was just fine, you know. But then the next time it happened, I was like, oh, I've missed it, which is fine again. But then I sort of just kissed, but to nothing, because I was out to nothing. Oh, you kissed the air. Yeah.

You just made the sound effects. But that made it even weirder. Oh, no, it's a lovely gesture, though, because it means the intention was there. It's like, oh, okay, so I've overshot the cheek. Because you don't want to be the person that says, you know, this is a kiss-hug situation. I was just like, oh, it's a hug situation.

They initiated the kiss. Yeah, but, I mean, you just are acknowledging, hey, listen kiss-hug situation. I was just like, oh, it's a hug situation. They initiated the kiss. Yeah, but I mean, you just are acknowledging, hey, listen, I saw your lips. I saw in my peripheral that they were piercing. I like it when you end up just banging cheeks, you know? You hug someone and you're like, and you're both going for a cheek kiss of some description is the gesture too.

So yeah, well, listen, no welcome's the wrong welcome, Ben Boyce, is what I've always said in life. Yeah, you had a really, a faux pas up north, remember that time for the TV show when you were going along where meeting people were being welcomed onto the morai. Yeah. And you want to be really respectful

to the traditions and you feel very thankful to be there, but you had a shocker. I did, yeah, because you're obviously in the hongi situation. So what I found a rhythm was, what I thought the rhythm was, sorry, was that you would hongi the gentleman and then kiss on the cheek or even a bang, bang cheeks with the females. And so that's what I thought the rhythm was, two or three into the line.

And then so I went... That's fair, that's fair. Yeah, that's a fair... And you're not trying to offend anyone, you want to pay respect. And then came to a lovely lady, and then I went in for obviously the kiss on the cheek, so I had my lips at the ready,

sort of a quarter open. And then she went in for a hongi and ended up with a nose in my mouth. Which is very unusual, you know. And she was like, well, this is the first time this has happened. She saw the funny side of it. And then you corrected it and it was all fine. Listen, can I send out a public service announcement too?

Round the office, every time you ask me, how was my holiday? And I start telling you, I know you don't care. I can see it in your eyes because I don't care about your holiday. You don't care about my holiday.

Well you do. It's the same. We were talking about this yesterday. Let's just stop asking how everyone's holidays were. It's the same dance you do before New Year's. You're like,

what's your plans for summer? After New Year's how was your summer? You're right. Yeah. And I listen to it and I don't care and I know you don't care

about what I did so let's just get on with business. Paid to talk words and stuff into a microphone. It's New Zealand's breakfast. Jono and Ben on the hits.

Now less than 24 hours left of Donald Trump's presidency and they reckon in his final 24 hours he may pardon up to 100 people. Just going to let them off

what they've done. Including Lil Wayne. The rapper. The rapper. I don't know what Lil Wayne, what has Lil Wayne done that he needs to be pardoned for? I think it was a firearm and drugs found in his bag at the airport or something like that, I think. Oh, so he had them?

Well, I think- Did he have them on him? Found in his bag, yeah. I think that was the case. Look, I don't, yeah. I think that's what- I'm not a real expert. A gold-plated gun.

Yeah, there you go. A gold-plated gun. Yeah, there you go. A gold-plated gun and drugs. Oh, right. Well, you want to be pardoned for that, don't you? You don't want that hanging over your head. There's Lil Wayne, the guy with the gold-plated gun and drugs. And also Joe Exotic from Tiger King. Looks like he might be released.

So much so, his team is so confident that they've hired a limousine which is waiting outside prison. Has been there for a couple of days waiting outside the prison for him to emerge from the gates. And they already have waiting in the limousine which is waiting outside prison, has been there for a couple of days waiting outside the prison for him to emerge from the gates, and they already have waiting in the limousine a hairstylist. This is all going to cost so much. Yeah, a fashion designer. And they're ready to go.

And the first place they're going to go is to go and get a McRib from McDonald's. I don't know if you could get a more redneck exit from prison if you tried. So, yeah, we'll see if that happens over the next 24 hours. But it looks like Washington is, it looks like it's in the middle of a literal lockdown, like a military-enforced lockdown. There's police everywhere. There's barricades.

There's walls. I think at the inauguration, mainly due to COVID, though, there's only going to be 1,000 people or so. Yeah, I think you're right. There won't be that thing where Trump was like more people were at my one than... Well, he can technically

say that now. Yeah, true. Yeah, but that's going to be happening. I think we've got Joe Biden or I think someone from Joe Biden's party joining us on the show

tomorrow morning. But the police there look frightening, don't they, in America with weapons and things. It's quite confronting when you go there and you see,

we're in New York and we saw a police with a machine gun. Yeah, through Europe as well, they carry guns and stuff in some countries. It's just, yeah, it's unusual for us as New Zealanders to see that. Not our police, hey. Our police are bloody friendly as.

I like it when we have a holiday period and the police release a statement going, hey, just so you know, we might nab you for speeding. So you might want to stick to the speed limit this one weekend because we're going to be out getting you. Isn't that a friendly gesture? What other police force in the world warns the entire country that they're going to be out doing their job?

True, doing their, hey, if you break the law, we're going to be there. Hey, man, outside this bank in the Balaclava, you may want to wait. We're just going to go in and do some stuff, but when we leave, it's all yours, okay? Just so you know. I was quite worried actually this morning to tell you this coming into work because with Jono and me in the TV show,

we have a life-size dummy. Remember we had the dummy that used to do the stunts? We'd throw him off. It's kind of like a mannequin, like a soft mannequin. It's full size. We'd throw him off cliffs. You know, if you wanted someone hit by a car or something like this, we'd use this dummy

and it sits in my garage. And a friend of ours, Eli, messaged me because he wants to borrow it for something. He's like, don't forget to bring in the dummy. And as I was driving out this morning at 10 to 5 in the dark, I got out on the road and I was like, oh, the dummy. So I just pulled over to the footpath and I ran back inside to get the dummy.

But running out in the dark with what looks like a fully grown man over your shoulder and putting it into the boot of the car. Jamming a body into the boot of your car. And there was a guy running on the other side of the street. You could see him just with his head to the side, just looking like, what am I witnessing right now in the dark of the night

as I'm jamming this dummy into the car and shutting the thing? So I could have some questions. Oh, listen, the police will be fine with that. Just don't go over the speed limit. They're on to that at the moment. Oh, that's the thing to do. Next they'll be worrying about dummies being jammed into cars. Real Kiwi blokes with soy

lattes. Mmm. Shona and Ben, breakfast on the hits. Now Katie Harris, she's a reporter for the New Zealand Herald in Wellington and she had a horrible thing happen to her. Her identity was stolen from the internet and used for something else and she joins us right now. Morning Katie.

Morning, how's it going? Listen, we're doing well mate. It's lovely to have you on the program and thank you something else. And she joins us right now. Morning, Katie. Morning. How's it going? Well, listen, we're doing well, mate. It's lovely to have you on the program. And thank you very much for dedicating some of your time from your busy schedule. I have to give the listeners what they want. I heard the demand and I've signed up. Now, Katie, you're a reporter.

And recently, you just had your image stolen. For those that don't know the story, what happened? Basically, well, I was at a concert, you know, having a good time and I started getting all these messages and people saying, oh, are you on OnlyFans now? Like, have you created a new Instagram as a new side hustle kind of thing? Because someone had scraped my Instagram, taken all the photos,

made a new Instagram, and they'd posted a few images of someone wearing kind of like sexy leggings. And basically, what they were planning to do is sell subscriptions to like an OnlyFans-esque kind of website using my name. And your photos as well. So your image was being used to promote and peddle saucy content. You didn't know about this and it's easily done and anyone can be a victim.

Yeah, and I mean, probably the most offensive thing was the fact that they were doing it using clothes that I would never wear. I mean, if I was going to make porn profiles, I would have better styles. Yeah, I wouldn't wear fishnets stockings, just your normal run-of-the-mill stockings. This is embarrassing. No one's going to pay for this.

I was reading that when you found out, obviously, as you said before, you were at a festival, but the coverage, the cell phone coverage was not good, and so you couldn't really do anything about it straight away because you couldn't get on to say, hey, this is not me. Yeah, well, I was in Corrigley and my flatmates are in this band called Marco Rose. They're about to go on stage.

Were you actually, were you genuinely worried or did you just see the funny side of it? Like at first I thought it was kind of funny. Yeah, because you're at the Corrigley and I know what mood you're in at the Corrigley. I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to confirm or deny what kind of mood I was in at the Corriglin. I was a little bit like, oh, this is funny, until I started realising people thought it was actually me. What are the rights of someone who does have their identity stolen on the internet?

Because it feels like the Wild West. It's the lawless society where no one gets in trouble for that sort of stuff. Yeah, because I think you said in the article a lot of this stuff sort of happens from overseas. You know, people put this up and not in New Zealand. So it's quite hard to sort of, I guess, police it in some ways. That's the thing. You are really in the Wild West. If it does happen to you, yeah, you can report it to Instagram and they can take it down eventually.

But even then, there's no punishment for whoever does it. I mean, even since the article came out, I've had probably about 10 people message me saying, oh, this happened to my friend, this happened to my friend. But I think it must be some kind of scam operation that just scrapes it and just tries the luck, because I mean, when you think about it, you do someone

with, I don't know, 10,000 followers and maybe 10 people believe it's real and sign up to whatever OnlyFans thing they're promoting, that's a hundred bucks or something and they just move on to the next person, the next person, the next person. It's a numbers game isn't it, the old scamming? That would be the worrying thing wouldn't it? You know like you say, you've got your family,

your parents, you've got your bosses, the people you work with potentially seeing this and going oh is this what you're doing now? My mum and dad are religious, they probably had a heart attack if they saw it. Yeah, well listen, I'm just offended no one's done this to me. I obviously don't make the cut. I don't see any market

out there for this bald, pasty white man. You'll get it one day, don't worry. I think it'll come. Your time will come. Has it made you question social media in any way? Like what you put up there or even hearing these other stories from other people? Have you thought, okay, is there anything you could pass on to other people

to be careful about? I thought about it when I was at the Corrigan and you know what it's like at the Corrigan. Your mind is in a lot of other places but I was sitting there and I thought, immediately made my Instagram private. But then actually I said, no, I actually get a lot out of having my Instagram the way it is. I mean,

you do have to realise what you put on the internet especially since you've got a public profile, is there, and people can take it. And I hate this idea of, oh, you should just make your account private. But no, people should just stop doing this. Yeah, you don't want to let these people win, right? Isn't it a sad state of affairs

that you actually go in with the mindset of like, oh, yeah, I could do this publicly, and there's a huge chance that this sort of thing can happen to you. I know, well, especially if you are a young woman. I haven't had any messages from men who have thing can happen to you. I know, well, especially if you are a young woman, I haven't had any messages from men who have had it happen to them. But that is just a fact of

being in the online world. I do think we can change it though if we start educating people on what not to do from a really young age. And the way that it is right now is not working out for anyone. If this happens to anyone that's listening right now, what's the first thing they should do?

Do you contact Instagram and say, hey, this is me, take it down? Is that right? What I didn't know is that if you're the person that it's happened to, you really do need to message Instagram yourself. Because I had no reception where I was, I just got all my friends to report it

and it still didn't get taken down. It wasn't until I got back from my New Year's holiday that it actually got taken down when I finally contacted Instagram. But you can also contact NetSafe, which is an agency that looks after people online. And if you're wondering what to do, you can call them up. They've actually had an increase in people calling about this type of behavior. And they can guide you through the process of getting the page removed, reporting it.

But like you said, it is kind of like the Wild West. I spoke to police and they were sort of like, look, there's not really much we can do. I haven't done anything super malicious. Especially if they're from overseas, what can you do? What an age we live in where you can also message directly and or

bully your favourite celebrities as well. Katie Harris, thank you so much for your time this morning. Good luck. Keep safe. Godspeed. Kiekaha. That's good. I hope you guys don't get your Instagram scraped any time soon. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We really appreciate you talking to us, and hopefully things turn out a lot better for you on the internet in the future. Thank you. Broadcasting live. And mostly awake. Jono and Ben, New Zealand's breakfast. On the hits. I want to play a little game here. If you're over the age of 30,

what's one piece of useful advice you'd give to someone under the age of 30? Because my neighbour, she's a pearl of wisdom and just offers little quips across the fence. And yesterday afternoon as I was pulling in the wheelie bin, Ben, we just had a conversation about work and her work and my work and stuff. And she said, if I could pass on one bit of advice to you, your success is largely dependent

on how many uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have. Ah. Isn't that interesting when you think about it? If you're willing to have difficult, awkward conversations either in the workplace or in the corporate world, you're probably going to get further. Those that sit back and be like, oh no, not for me. Do the New Zealand

thing, which we all love doing. I don't want to make a, even when I'm handed the wrong meal at dinner. Oh, I won't send it back. I'll have this one. Maybe this is a better one for me. I'll do that. It's kind of like those things on the internet. What would you tell your younger self? So what would you tell someone young? Some bit of advice. It's kind of like those things on the internet, what would you tell your younger self? So what would you tell someone young? Some bit of advice? It could be anything big, it could be small like don't buy so many CDs. That's what I'd like to tell my younger self. They're not going to be around forever.

Millennial Max is even looking at us quizzically as if he doesn't know what they are. Do you know what a CD is? I'm just thinking about how deep this conversation is. Well it could be deep, it could be deep like Jono's or it could be like don't buy too many CDs or like enjoy your here while it's there because it won't deep. It could be deep like Jono's or it could be like, don't buy too many CDs or like, enjoy your hair while it's there because it won't be there forever.

Oh, I see where he's going with that. Isn't he? He's looking me dead in the eyes as he says that. Is that advice you would pass on to yourself or you'd pass on to me? I was just saying, it is an example

for no one in particular. That could be something. Another one I would give myself too is, you're never going to remember that great idea that you thought of in your head and you said that idea is so great that you'll never forget it. You'll forget it every time.

Write down everything. Someone's texting. This is quite good. Your 20s goes way too quick and you'll probably lose contact with everyone you're hanging out with now, with most people you're hanging out with now, but the ones that matter

will stay with you. So look after them. Oh, that's quite nice. This is like bloody Oprah Winfrey, isn't it? Yeah, I always tell the kids, you know, because everyone, and I was the same, you know, you're always in a race to grow up when you're young, you know, especially as a kid, you're like, I want to be this, I want to do that. But when you look back, you're like,

oh, that was pretty sweet. Sweet time. Oh, you've got nine months of holiday a year. Oh, yeah. You get sent to bed at 7.30. Do you know I dream of going to bed at 7.30? That's right. And you're a fighter, don't you, at that age? It's the worst possible... I want to go to bed.

It's the worst possible crime that can be put upon a child is having to go to bed, but enjoy it. All you want to do when you're our age is sleep. And you don't get up till like after 7 quite often. That's like 12 hours sleep. The daily schedule of a child is a dream come true. Really is. So let's go to the phones.

Oh, 800, that's anyone over the 30. What would you want to tell your younger self? We'll start with Katie in Timaru. Welcome, Katie. How are you? Good morning. How are you? Oh, lovely.

Lovely to have you on. What's your advice to your younger self? So my advice would be to really think whether you want more than one child because it's literally double the work. Shout out to Katie's youngest who's tuning in this morning. Honestly. We're all under the age of four, so. Wow, you're keeping busy, eh?

Yes, I am. All right. Well, you keep on busy. You keep keeping busy, but that's your advice. Just have one, not two. It's double the amount of work. But then I heard the leap from three, not that I had three, from two to three isn't much of a leap.

Because you're already juggling that busyness with two. Ah, right. So if anything, have more now, Katie. Yeah. Nah, just too many playdates. You have a great day. Thank you for listening. You too. Carly, you're on from Picton. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Your advice for your younger self? Well, first

of all, Jono, it's great to talk to you again. It's lovely to talk to you again as well. This sounds suspicious. Remember our last conversation? What was our last conversation? Oh, when you were on The Rock in the good old days, I was actually secretly hoping

to talk to Robert. Oh, right. Well, he was the star of the show. Who's gone? I need to get him back. Yeah. We all want him. Jono, I would tell my younger self

to smile while I still have teeth How many are you missing? I'm just currently waiting for my next dental appointment with sort of dread Okay well there you go, that's the advice While you've got teeth, why don't you smile with them Oh I love my front teeth I can still bite Why can't you smile with them? Yeah, that's good. Oh, I love my front teeth.

I can still bite. Well, why can't you, or you can floss too. As well, you can floss and brush your teeth. Thank you, Carly. You have a great day. You too. Love your work. Jordan's on the air.

Welcome, Jordan. Your advice for your younger self. Hi, guys. My advice would be don't wait for a man to buy you a ring. Buy it yourself. And marry yourself. Yeah. Well, no, even if you're in a relationship, don't wait for a man to buy you a ring. Buy it yourself. And marry yourself. Yeah. Well, no, even if you're in a relationship, don't wait for him to buy the ring.

Have you been waiting a long time, Jordan? Yeah, nine years. Oh. Let's put pressure on him right now, like a diamond. Yeah. What's his name? A big one. His name's Adam.

Adam. Oh, okay, Adam. Adam, we'll call him next. We'll get him to propose to you on the radio. Those things work well. They always go really well. Yeah. Yeah. Good on you, Jordan. You. Okay, Adam. Adam, we'll call him next. We'll get him to propose to you on the radio. Those things work well. They always go really well. Yeah. Good on you, Jordan.

You have a great day. We'll end on Mark and Papa Moa. Your advice for your younger self, Mark. Hi, Mark. How are you? Yeah, good. Good to be on again. Mark, what's your advice?

Yesterday we got some wonderful financial advice from Mark. Good job, mate. Is this the same Mark or maybe there was another Mark offering financial advice? John, I gave a lot of money to someone called Mark yesterday. Was it you? Did you invest the money in the John? You've got my entire KiwiSaver. It wasn't me, mate. Oh, okay.

I better do some digging after the show. Yeah, you've got that one up, buddy. Well, non-financial Mark what's your advice? Your attitude will define define your altitude mate Oh that is get that on a

put that on a mug or something in the office your attitude will define your altitude and we'll end on that lovely note and I'll go and panic and find out

who I gave my money which Mark I gave my life savings to Have a great day, Mark and everyone that called and listened. We really do appreciate it. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. It's our first week back at work for 2021. It's great to be hanging out with you. But we want to know right now on 0800, the hits, our phone number, did you suffer a bit of a holiday injury? A New Year's injury. Because something's happened to someone here at work

and neither you or I have mentioned anything to this particular individual. No. Because we don't know what it is, why or how, but we thought we would confront them on the show right now. Please welcome from our brand engagement team here at The Hits. Does a wonderful job of engaging those brands. David, welcome. G'day, guys. How we going?

Lovely to have you on. Now, we have noticed something about you as you walk past the studio window every morning is that you're walking at a 45-degree angle. Your legs are moving, but then your torso is bent forward at a 45-degree angle. You know, when you walk past the studio when there's the day I was like oh he's doing a comedy walk

he's putting on a bit of funny walk for us some slapstick stuff. But you've really kept up with it every day this week so what is going on? Yeah so I was it was on Christmas day I was playing footy with my nephews

I'm a bit too old to be playing footy with my nephews. And I tried to goose step a little too aggressively and I slipped a disc in my back and I still can't bloody walk. Oh my God. Now that is the tragic backstory of your back injury. This is the problem is adults still think they've got it in them, don't they? When they fraternise with children and their activities. You know, skateboarding.

Scooters. Oh, you name it. Yeah. Oh, we did. And then I stopped naming it because I ran out of things. Trampolines. Oh, the trampolines are a biggie. And so what have the doctors said? They've just said that you should really be walking for the next six to eight weeks, which

as you can see, I'm not really am. It makes me uncomfortable looking at you. It looks like you're in a lot of pain. Oh, well, there we go. David, brought to you by Tramadol this morning. Thank you very much, mate. Cheers, fellas. You get better.

It really is. It looks so painful, the poor guy. And that's the thing. When you injure any part of your body, but it seems in particular your back, you don't realise how much you use your back and other parts of your body. You know, your body is a wonderful thing, but it all needs to work together in sync. So we've got Kerry on the phone already on 0800THEHITS. You can call as well.

Holiday injuries. What happened over New Year's, Kerry? Oh, well, I was getting ready, admittedly in a bit of a rush, to get ready for a big night out on New Year's Eve. And I happened to not only once but twice burn my forehead with my curler. So I kind of spent the whole night with these big kind of welts on my forehead. A hair straightener sort of burn. Is that a curling burn?

Yeah, yeah. Mind you, when you break that down, it's like playing with an iron on top of your head, isn't it? A very dangerous piece of apparatus. Oh, yeah. It takes about two seconds to slip up and, yeah. I've seen people, it's happened before, when they straighten their hair down to around their neck and then they get the burn on the neck, which looks like they've got a hickey.

But they're like, oh, it's a burn from the straightener. Well, you've got a forehead hickey. There you go. Go on, Kerry, look after yourself. Go and have a great day. Thanks. Kerry, you're on New Zealand's Breakfast. Lovely to have you.

What happened? Good morning. So, really sad. On Christmas Day, I was helping my husband get the turkey out of the oven, and I kind of bent over a little bit funny and put my back out, and then I

had to lie down on the couch for the rest of Christmas Day, and I'm still kind of like battling with it now. A turkey injury? Yeah. Those turkeys can be heavy. A turkey-based injury. There you go. Convenient way to get out of the dishes and everything else, but then obviously not convenient now.

No, not good now. How long has it been since you've done dishes, though? A few weeks now. Yeah, that's good. Hey, there's positives, like you say, Ben. Shining lights, et cetera. Hey, thank you, Carrie. Appreciate that.

Where I was over New Year's, there was a catastrophic novelty slide injury. This was on the news, right? you, Kerry. Appreciate that. Where I was over New Year's, there was a catastrophic novelty slide injury. This was on the news, right? Oh, yeah. It was a giant inflatable slide, and it had a whole bunch of people on it, and it just instantly deflated on the spot, and I think some poor chap was sliding down it at the time

as it deflated, I would say at least 10 metres in the air, quite high. Oh, my goodness. And then he landed on both his ankles. Both his ankles. Oh. Oh, wild. Talk of the town.

Imagine that horrible thing to have to happen. And then all summer you're in two broken ankles. It's a wild slide. I've been on it before. Oh, really? Oh, jeez, you gather some momentum. I thought I was going to slide all the way over to Australia. Pick up some bass on this.

And for the last couple of years it's been there, Jim and my wife's like, the kids aren't going on it, the kids aren't going on it. I was like, go on, it looks fun. So it was a bit of an I told you so conversation that we had. Oh my God, why do you always have to be right? Two dads just trying to fill some air time. Some may say it's pointless,

but the main thing is it fills in some air time for us. That is the main thing. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. The A to Z of New Zealand. This is where we call a different town or city in New Zealand. We call one a day. We're working our way slowly around New Zealand. Alphabetically, it's going to take us over two years to call every town and city in New Zealand.

And today we're heading to the far north, Kitty Kitty, which is the largest town in Northland. And as I was preparing this yesterday, I was like, the town's so good, Kitty Kitty, that they named it twice. And I thought, that is genius. Then I went on to the bloody district council's website, and guess what the town's slogan is? That. It's so nice they named it twice.

It's even a better version of what I came up with. I see why they did it. But the first ever grapevine, in fact, in New Zealand, were planted in Kittyittikitty. And do you want to know the most Googled questions about Kittikitty? Yeah. Number one, is Kittikitty a good place to live?

Number two, what's the Wi-Fi like in Kittikitty? Number three, does Kittikitty have a swingers club? I reckon you made some of those up, right? No, I didn't make any of them up. What would I think up about a swingers club? It's a beautiful spot, though. It's a lovely part of them up. What would I make a thing up about a swingers club? It's a beautiful spot, though. It's a lovely part of New Zealand. Yes, and we're joined right now by Lindis from

the Kitty Kitty Mission Station. Welcome! Kia ora! Kia ora, how are you? I'm well, thank you. Have we got hold of the Kitty Kitty Historic Mission Station? That's right! The Kitty Kitty Mission Station, home of the oldest building in New Zealand, Kemp House, and the oldest store, the Stone Store.

Oh, one of Ben's bugbears of the far north, which he enjoys most of it. Yeah, I go up there quite a lot over the holidays because my mum lives up in Russell. So it's a beautiful part of New Zealand up that way. It's a terrible town of Russell. Oh, yeah. Oh, your poor mum. Yeah, but he's got a bugbear. Oh, what's your problem? Because Russell's one of the Oh, you poor mum. Yeah, but Bart, he's got a bugbear.

Oh, what's your problem? Because Russell's one of the first towns in New Zealand, so we get it. We get it. It was one of the first, but everywhere it's like, oh, the oldest pub, the oldest police station, the oldest church, the oldest. So we get it.

You're the first one. Everything's going to be the first, the oldest. I think you should go on the oldest pub crawl in New Zealand. You would visit so many pubs that call themselves the oldest pub for a whole lot of reasons. But you're in the oldest building in New Zealand. So the first building built in New Zealand? No, absolutely not the first building. So obviously there were lots of Māori buildings before Europeans got here at all.

But the oldest building that's still standing is Kemp House or the Ketiketi Mission House, which was completed in 1822. Do you put those in the T's and C's? The oldest building in big letters. Dot, dot, dot. That's still standing. Well, it is. It is the oldest building. Because if it's not still standing, then it's not a building.

No, it's not. It's a ruin. It's not the oldest ruin. It's the oldest building. And we're not here to pick holes in whether you're in the oldest building or not in the oldest building in New Zealand. What is the air con like? I imagine it would get very hot in summer, very cold in

winter. Yes. Well, the good, the air con is good in the building in Kemp House because there's plenty of gaps. Oh. Yeah. We've got good air flow. Good ventilation. Yeah, that's right. Alright, but so if people were going to come to the air, because it is a beautiful, beautiful little town,

Kitty Kitty. It's a fantastic little town. I do think it's the best town in New Zealand because otherwise I wouldn't have moved here, obviously. A lovely garden centre. My wife's into plants, so we went up when we were up there. We went to about three or four garden centres. I was like, I'm sure we've got these in Auckland, but anyway. We've got beautiful growing conditions, fantastic soil.

We've, you know, beautiful climate. Everything's just perfect. Ben Bush, your wife's plant addiction is growing out of control. I was just like, I was one of those days where I was hot in the car

and I was like, so look, we've got plant, there's a plant barn down the road from us. But it's like, no, no, these are different plants at different places. Kitty Kitty's got

lovely plant centres. We do, we do. And in fact, we tried to found ourselves on horticulture. So we're famous for the citrus. Oh yeah, the Keti juice. Oh yeah, Keti Keti. Right, Keti Keti juice originated here. We tried to grow tongue trees for a long time,

for tongue oil, for varnish. Listen, I'm not going to, if I can use a growing term, I'm not going to pick at the low-hanging fruit and make a jibe about other things that are grown in the far north. Oh, right. Other horticultural... We're really good at horticulture. Didn't mention that.

We grow lots of stuff. So what would you recommend if people were going to come to Kerikeri? I would recommend, obviously, I'd recommend heritage first because we have such wonderful heritage. So I'd say start with Heritage. We've also got fantastic vineyards all around the place, beautiful places to sit and relax. So we've got all these sort of basalt rock formations

that water just tumbles over. So there's beautiful hidden bush covered shady waterfalls and swimming holes all over the place. It's really, it's just, so there's a lot to do for free, and that's one of the things I like about Kittikitty. I'll tell you one of the things I like about Kittikitty

is your outlook on life, Lindis. Thank you so much for your time. How could you not be happy living in a place like this? It's a wonderful, wonderful place, and you can get socks at the supermarket. I've got packed socks, and I bought some socks from the supermarket. No, we don't wear socks here. We only wear chandles.

Yeah, I don't know why I bought socks. You bought socks on a summer holiday. Yeah, I did. No need for socks. Oh, we don't wear socks here. We only wear chandles. Yeah, I don't know why I bought socks. You bought socks on a summer holiday. Yeah, I did. No need for socks. Oh, because I was... Anyway... He's visiting garden centres. He's buying socks. Did you go...

What kind of rock and roll lifestyle you've got there? Did you go home and do a puzzle? Yes, I was, Jack. But anyway, let's not talk about that. All right, Lindus, look after yourself. Keep safe and kitty-kitty. Thank you, you too.

Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. All right, Lindus, look after yourself. Keep safe and kitty-kitty. Thank you. You too. Yeah, yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. The whole movie. Yeah, nah. She'll be right. And at the end of the day... Jono and Ben.

Breakfast on the hits. I'm lucky to be here, Ben. I'm lucky to be here. Yesterday, after suffering... You look quite frazzled. I was frazzled. Yeah, yeah. I still look frazzled.

Still want to hear a frazzling about me. I was outside, just walking down to the shop. Okay, the shop's only about 500 metres from my house. And then I look up on the power line, there's this seagull going, and it's a seagull, like the ones that are out at the deep sea, you know, the big wingspan ones. And he's making a noise of like, oh, someone's annoyed him today. He's not happy. Like it's quite an aggressive, a noise of like, ooh, someone's annoyed him today. He's not happy.

Like it's quite an aggressive and I was like, he's looking at me. I've done nothing. You wonder if you translated that into like into human speak. What that was mean. You know, like yeah. I hear seagulls all the time.

I'm sure you do as well. You know the soundtrack to a happy seagull And when an angry one Is around And then all of a sudden He just starts dive bombing me Dive bombing me What have I done to you?

Sweeping down Just like trying to get you Yeah like an aerial attack Wow He's like They're sort of like The hit men of the skies Aren't they?

Seagulls You know The gang members of the skies And magpies do the same thing But I haven't heard Too many seagulls. You know, the gang members of the skies. And magpies do the same thing. Why have we had too many seagulls doing that? Yeah, and then all of a sudden there was six of them. I don't know where the other five came from.

And they were all just swooping in. And it is terrifying when birds are swooping in on you. Oh, yeah. I'm like, just poo on me. If you want to have a crack, land some bombs from above. Are they like magpies? Are they like shiny things? Were you not wearing a hat? Was the sun reflecting off your head?

I was like, that head is blinding me up here, buddy. But in all seriousness, I had a friend up north and the same thing happened to him. He was going running every morning by the beach and he said he had to stop running because the seagulls every morning would start swooping down towards them. Someone's annoyed the seagulls over New Year's. Listen, they all think we look the same,

much probably like we all think seagulls look the same, so they're just having a crack at anyone. Have you discovered over the summer that they've got an air of sort of confidence, a newfound confidence? I was sitting at a cafe up north, and you're sitting away. As soon as people left,

like seconds after, they just swoop in on the table. They're all rummaging through the thing. Like, this is like a full cafe. I'm like, these guys are so confident. Yeah, well, they've only got a very short time span, don't they? Because they know the cafe owners are onto them. Yeah.

They've got at least a 10-second window to get in there and eat as many seconds as possible. One of the seagulls got a big bit of fish, and he was like, oh, he took that down. But then another one just swooped in and took it off him. I was like, oh, well played. Well played to that one. And no one ever looks cool when they're being swooped on by seagulls.

No. Everyone gets panicked. You could have the toughest human being on the face of the earth. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He's getting swooped in by seagulls. Even he's not going to look cool. Because you go, oh, oh.

And you're sort of ducking and you're hiding. You're waving your arms, flailing around. So listen, just a message from our community to the Seagull community. Let's be one. Let's be at peace. Are they nesting or something at the moment? Maybe they are.

Maybe that's what's going on. Someone needs to tell them we have no interest in their babies. If anything, don't make any more. You're annoying. To everyone pulling a sickie today, you're not fooling anyone. Jono and Ben, breakfast on the hits. Kia ora, I'm Rachel Jackson-Lees and this is The F***ing News.

I could have said six more times than that little intro. High ratio of six there. Rachel Jackson-Lees, new to the show. Wonderful to have Rachel reading news. She's great, she's awesome. Ash Thomas now got more favourable afternoon hours, I notice. How did she get that written into her contract? I don't know, you're trying to get angling for that, eh?

Someone tell Stace, Mike and Anika they have great hours. But yes, this is where we take the long road round to get to a topical news story by trying to guess what words we've beeped out and it's a surefire way to make this show sound more badass than it actually is. You know, by beeping words and you don't know what the words are.

And it's like, yeah, well, there's those guys. Now, these are actual news stories, Producer Humphries. B Humps, you found these from the internet the last couple of days? Yes. Very interesting stories. Juju does an amazing job finding these stories. It took me hours last night. Oh, really?

I got the email from you. I got the email from you at like 9.30 or something last night. It's a big space, the internet, isn't it? It is a big space. There's a lot on there. It needs a bit of a spring clean, the internet, anyway. You spend way too much time on something that's at 6.10am in the morning. I know.

Alright, well here is the actual news story. John and I need to work out what it is. A mum who mistook f*** for popping candy left with burns and cracked tooth. I'm going to say fireworks for popping candy. I'm going to go crack tooth. I'm going to go crack. Unbelievable. You've hit the...

Have I got one? A mum who mistook f*** for popping candy left with burns and cracked tooth. It was fireworks. Fireworks, yeah. A mum mistook the*** for popping candy left with burns and cracked tooth. It was fireworks. Fireworks, yeah. A mum mistook the fireworks for popping candy. She was left with chemical burns and a cracked tooth. She, yeah, downed them and when she chewed, explosions in her mouth. Wow.

Well done, Johnny. This 2021, off to a flyer. Never got a correct answer in this game. We never get these right. Do we carry on? Nothing tastier looking than a skyrocket, is there? All right, here is the next actual news story with the word beeped out. American says her life is a lie.

After discovering Aussies don't say... I'm going to say don't say anything favourable about New Zealanders. That's quite good. Stone the flaming crows. Maybe that's something that they don't say. Only Alf Stewart says. I don't know. Ben, you're close.

Not quite. American says her life is a lie after discovering Aussies don't say... I still can't understand. I should have said shrimp on the barbie. Shrimp on the barbie. However... It was still beeped.

It was still beeped It was still beat. It's so illicit, we can't even reveal what it is. So yeah, an American expat now living in Australia couldn't believe it when she moved to Aussie and they never say it. In fact, they call shrimp prawns. So it's... And do they even chuck...

Do they chuck many prawns on the barbie or are they more sausage and steak people? They enjoy snags. Yeah. They enjoy snags. I get it though, but we don't do despicable things to sheep, do we? Most of us.

Well, three out of four of us in the room don't. But you get that sort of word. You're tarnished. Yeah, tarnished with that brush. Okay, and one more. Let's go one more. What would you like? Driver's illegal...

seized at Dutch border under EU rules. Drivers' illegal... He's in... I'm going to say clogs. Oh. Because illegal clogs wouldn't be the most practical shoes for driving. Yeah. Yes, you're right.

They're not the most practical shoes for anything. I'm going to go Holland. Weed. Weed. Okay, let's go weed. Okay, well, the driver's illegal ham sandwiches were seized at the border under the new EU rules. So under the post-Brexit rules, no commuting meat.

Oh, really? So you can't take meat across, even in a sandwich form? You are allowed a limited amount of fruit, vegetables, honey and fish, but meat is not allowed. So unfortunately, the driver's ham sandwiches were confiscated. Driver's illegal ham sandwiches seized at Dutch border under EU rules. I guess it would be like coming into New Zealand from Australia, you know. You don't bring apples.

Oh, mate, anyone tries to bring an apple into this country, we will execute them and chase them out of here with pitchforks. That's the worst thing you can do in New Zealand. And that was the beeping news. Thank you very much, B. Humps. Nice job. Yeah, well done. Well done, Max. Millennial Max. Say good stuff, Juliet. I'd be shaking in my boots

and outward bound if I were you, Juliet. I mean, if you load the audio correctly, it might be a bit better. We apologise in advance. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I'm sorry to rope you into this. Sorry you've been dragged into this. Shono and Ben. Breakfast on the heads. The heads. The Ben. Breakfast on the Heads. The Heads.

The Heads. Scrolling through your feed. Well, listen, Ben Boyce has spent a flustered three and a half minutes during that Taylor Swift song, Panic, putting together this news bulletin for you. But here he is with Scrolling Through Your Feed. Now, first man of New Zealand to Clark Gayford, partner of our Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern,

has uncovered a really bizarre clip on the internet that features the two of them, Jacinda and Clark. It's almost like a face swap where the movie The Princess Bride, someone's put their faces onto the movie. It's called a deep fake and we've got some audio. Obviously, audio doesn't do it justice, but this is the unusual scene that they've been superimposed on. Fine, boys. Polish my horse's saddle. but this is the unusual scene that they've been superimposed on.

It's very realistic. I watched it and I was like, oh, have they done a little parody sketch here? Why would the Prime Minister take time out of her day? To do like an old-timer movie. It does look quite realistic, though. You're right. Where she's playing, she's like the princess and she's bullying the farm boy

because she never uses her manners for the farm boy. Polish my horse, farm boy. I want to see myself shining in it. But yes, the story is about the princess falling in love with the subsequent farm boy who does all of the chores that she doesn't want to do. Clark has tweeted yesterday, okay, who

made this and why? Which is a very good point. Someone spent a lot of time on that. But it makes you smile. You're right. That's probably why. It's how I like to imagine they are at home. She gets home from a day. Farm boy. Fix me

my teeth. And Auckland's a much loved but often mocked creepy Santa. You know the Santa that lived for many years in Auckland around Christmas time on top of the Farmer's Building in Queen Street. Yeah, ran a lazy conjunctivitis-fuelled suggestive eye. Winky, a winky eye. And a beckoning finger as well, right?

And so they took it down. It was quite expensive to put up. And to be honest, it scared all the kids. So they got rid of it in Auckland. And it changed many childhoods in Auckland. It was bought for $1. And it was shipped down to the South Island to Wanaka. The National Transport and Toy Museum bought it for $1.

They paid for it to be taken all the way down there. And they were going to put it in the toy museum. But yesterday it was found on TikTok just lying in a quarry. Now, apparently there's still hope that it will get to the museum. There's not much hope. If it's out in the elements in a quarry. It's been ditched in a quarry. Oh, no, we'll get round to that, guys.

We just leave it in our storage facility, which happens to be the quarry. The problem is, though, with the creepy Santa is they would have bought it for a dollar but spent thousands of dollars transporting it from Auckland to Wanaka, you would imagine. Yeah, you're right. Because we were getting daily updates from people

who were like, I've just seen the Santa on a track, drive him through Tarapa. It would have cost quite a lot, right? Money well spent. Money, a great investment. Whoever works for the National, what is it, Toy and Transport Museum? To put it in the quarry.

Denise, the investment officer, may have lost her gig after that Santa purchase. And that is scrolling through your feed this morning. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Now, Aussie comedian Heath Franklin plays his alter ego Chopper. You would have seen him on Seven Days with his aviator sunglasses, his handlebar moustache and totally legitimate arm tattoos, not drawn on.

He's been to New Zealand many times to perform, and Heath Franklin's Chopper returns to New Zealand with a brand new show, 15 locations in March. Really excited about that. And he joins us over Zoom right now. Chopper, great to talk to you again, my friend. Not too bad. It's good to hear another human voice after a very bloody long time. Now, I wouldn't

have picked Chopper for a consumer of Zoom. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't have thought you would have been into Zoom, Chopper. Oh, well, it happens from time to time. This is probably the first Zoom thing I've ever done that couldn't have just been a bloody email. The other thing is how early are you supposed to get to a Zoom meeting?

I've been sitting here for an hour just waiting for the little bloody window to open. Is that too soon? Hey, now we're a slightly more family-friendly radio station now, so jeez, I mean, we're worried about this chat today here. No, it's all right. I've done a lot of swearing over the last nine months. I've got it out of my system. It's all right. I've done a lot of swearing over the last nine months. I've got it out of my system. It's all good.

Now, you have tried to come to New Zealand and tour a couple of times. You've had to keep rescheduling dates in Australia as well. But you're coming back. We've locked it in. Well, one thing I've discovered, right, is I was bloody here, you know, in Australia. I was like, I want to go to New Zealand. This is the longest I've been away for for about a decade, right? So I've got to get back.

And then New Zealand's like, oh no, we're not letting anyone in. Except for the Wallabies to have a chance of being thoroughly belted in front of a stadium full of Kiwis, right?

We did. We lit the rugby team. I think it's the exception. And then obviously the All Blacks fly over here, you know, just in and out

as they please for another chance to beat the Aussie. That's the key. We're very select with who we let through. Can we beat you? Yes, you can come into New Zealand. Either that or I can put on a Wallabies jersey

and you guys can just pummel me in front of a bloody sock-legged Eden car and then I'll get on with my tour. There's no chance of the cricket team coming through, okay, we'll tell you that now. Yeah, your cricket team's quite good. Yeah, yeah, closed borders for them. You have been to New Zealand many, many times over the years, and I got lost in watching your YouTube channel,

which was very funny the other day. But you had a great observation about the difference between the Australian accent and the New Zealand accent and the vowel sounds. We are getting paid by the minute when we do vowels. We're like, yeah. And I think you guys are trying to avoid them altogether. Some fun.

Some fun. It's a very true observation. What's some of your favourite places to visit in New Zealand? Because you've been all around the country and you're coming back again. I mean, any places stand out? Oh, Invercargill. I like a town that's pretty close

to the southernmost point in New Zealand that's got the audacity to open a water park. Probably for three weeks a year or whatever it is. Four-year-olds in like full winter scuba suits just having the time of their life for two days a year. We've got Chopper with us right now. He's coming back to New Zealand with the silence. And something else, just before I just recount things I enjoyed

on your YouTube channel with you, but I enjoyed your observation about the Kiwi because we had the same theory that we've never seen a Kiwi in real life. I don't know if they exist either. They don't exist. No, it's just someone drew a bloody face on a tennis ball and rolled it away. Oh, it's gone.

I sat in a dark room. I was over there. And they're like, oh it's gone. I sat in a dark room. I was over there. And they're like, oh, here, we'll show you a Kiwi. And they just shove you in a dark room. No lights at all. And then they come out the other end. They're like, did you see it? I'm like, I didn't see anything, mate.

You shoved me in a dark room. That's exactly it. We apparently met one. And you weren't allowed to look it in the eyes. That's right. It was a baby one. We did see it. It was like Tom Cruise.

You're like, you can't look at it. You can't touch it. Like an angry Russell Crowe. Stop looking in the eyes. That's right, it was a baby one. We did see it. It was like Tom Cruise. You can't look at it, you can't touch it. Like an angry Russell Crowe. Stop looking in the eyes. Heath Franklin is doing Chopper back in New Zealand. All ticketing details, we'll get them up on the hits.co.nz. Thank you very much for your time. Warning, this show contains traces of Jono and Ben.

The Hits with Jono and Ben for breakfast. Let's look at some spy entertainment news. Spy, the WhatsApp spy entertainment news. Listen, he's as skinny as a celebrity the day they enter a rehab facility, which makes him the perfect waistline to report on celebrity gossip being boys filling in for Juliet. Now, there's less than 24 hours left of Donald Trump's presidency, and he's expected to pardon up to 100 people before he leaves the White House

tomorrow. Why has he left it to the last minute? Like, he's been there for a number of years that he could have pardoned people. You're right. It seems like a flurry that the presidents do right at the end before they're like, oh, I'm leaving tomorrow. I need to do all these things. By the way, I'm going to pardon all these people for all the despicable things they've

done. Quickly before I go, goodbye. Also need to get a flat clean. Need to clean the White House as well. But Lil Wayne, the rapper, reportedly one of the names on the list, as well as Joe Exotic, the Tiger King star. And they're so confident that he's going to get pardoned, that Joe Exotic's people's got a limo waiting outside of the prison.

And you were saying they've already planned what the first steps are going to be once Joe Exotic from Tiger King gets out. I was reading his representative's statement, and he says, we've already ordered the limo. It's been there for three days, which seems a little bit, a little bit, you know, sort of premature.

Yeah. Like, just, why don't you go, oh, he's been pardoned, then order the limo, the limo will turn up. So Joe Exotic won't mind waiting outside in the fresh air for a little bit? Yeah, and I'm sure there's some admin

that needs to be sorted out inside the prison. Yeah. You know, signing out forms and stuff. So in that time, you could have, like, you had limo rental costs already through the roof. Three days of a limo just sitting there stagnant. But anyway, as soon as he gets out, the representatives go,

we've got hair stylists, we've got clothes stylists, we're going to get Joe's hair done as soon as he steps out of those gates. And then the first thing we're going to do, we're going to take him to get a goddamn McRib. A McRib? A McRib of all the things that's what he's been craving so there you go God bless America

we'll find out if those would you I don't know if a McRib would even be in my top 10 of what I'd want to eat as soon as I no I've never had a McRib a rib

I can't even say McRib so yeah well just imagine ribs and then it's the exact opposite of what ribs are, inside two bums. And singer Josh Groban,

he's performed not at Joe Biden's inauguration, but at Joe Biden's dog. They had an inauguration for Joe Biden's dog. So this was like welcoming the dog to the White House, and this is what Josh had to say. I'm adopting that doggy in the window. The one with the waggly tail. So it was done online.

It was a live stream. And basically it was a nice message behind it. Raising awareness for adopting rescue dogs. And he sang, how much is that doggy in the window? Putting emphasis on adopting rather than buying the dog. For Joe Biden's dogs, he's got Champ and... And Freedom or something. Two of the most American names ever, like Colt McCoy.

Major. Major. Major and Champ. Yeah. And previous performers at dog inauguration, Notorious D.O.G. And David Bowie Couldn't get Snoop Doggy Dog though Like he'd be the first choice

I mean the obvious The obvious person And that is Spy Entertainment News Jono and Ben Or as they're known in the office Those two Jono and Ben New Zealand's breakfast on the hits

7.45 and each morning we play this Five words for's breakfast on the hits. 7.45 in each morning we play this. Five words for 5k on the hits. You're only five words away from a massive payday. Yeah, choose which one of us you think is similar to you. That person will go into a soundproof booth. We'll say five words to you. The first things that pop into your head, simple game of word association.

If those five words match up with ours when we come out of the soundproof booth, $5,000 is all yours. Fun game show. It's almost like The Chase, isn't it? Without general knowledge or Bradley Walsh. So nothing like The Chase. You have shocking hosts and all you need to do is match words. Let's welcome from Christchurch, Maureen and Jessie to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you?

I'm good, thanks guys. How are you? Lovely to have you on, Jess. How's breakfast. How are you? I'm good, thanks, guys. How are you? Oh, good. Lovely to have you on, Jess. How's Canterbury this morning? Oh, it's pretty good. She's a little bit cloudy, but it's meant to be warm. How's bloody McCormick going down there?

Going great, mate. Still alive? So you've got to pick which one of us you think would think along the same lines as you. That person will go into the soundproof booth. Who's it going to be? I think we've got this, Ben. Oh, Ben, good choice. This is a great choice.

Now, I don't want to give anyone any favours here, but Jessie, what sort of player do you think you are? Do you think you're a word continuation player or you think you're a random selector of word player? I think I'm a little bitctor of word player? A little. I think I'm a little bit of both. Okay. Yeah, a little bit of both. You've helped me in no way whatsoever,

but I'm going into the soundproof booth. All right, Ben's into the soundproof booth, which is a literal booth that we've spent an exorbitant amount of cash on here in the studio. It's the adult equivalent of being sent to the naughty corner. Going to the soundproof booth, Jess. Okay, Max, hit the intense music so we can increase the pressure here.

Jessie, you need to name five words. If they match with Ben Boyce's, $5,000 is all yours. Okay. The first word, cotton. Ball. Suit. Tie. Ball. Suit. Tie. Fish.

Rod. News. Breeder. Babies. Nappies. Those are pretty good answers. Those are pretty good answers. Those are pretty solid answers. Are you second-questioning any of them?

I think they're all right. Yeah, I think they'd be on the same page as Ben. Okay. On a percentage scale, how confident are you? Let's go, like, 70-30. All right, well, let's go like 70-30. All right, well, let's pull Ben Boyce out of the soundproof booth. He's looking lonely and sad in there through the glass door. Come on out.

It's a very futuristic-looking booth, that one. Sorry, are you yelling at me? Yeah, sorry. It feels like it would sort of be a teleportal for some sort of space-age Angelina Jolie movie, that soundproof booth. I'd love to see Ben behind the camera, Bridges Humphries, just waving at me, come out, come out. So sorry if you've been yelling at me. What dark thoughts were you thinking about in that soundproof booth, mate?

I was just, you got me thinking about Gary McCormick, so I was like, maybe I can get on that show. Unsuccessful. Okay, oh, I'm nervous. All right, all right, Jessie did a pretty good job 5 words 5k If you match all 5 with Jesse's You have changed her life Do you know what she said she needs the money for?

An operation for her dying dog The dog has only got a day to live The operation needs to happen today It's $4,999 This operation I'm very nervous First word has only got a day to live. Don't. The operation needs to happen today. It's $4,999 this operation. Okay, I'm very nervous. First word. Cotton.

Buds. Oh! No. Not cotton buds? Not cotton buds. You tell them what it was, Jess. Cotton ball. Cotton ball.

Oh, I'm so sorry. You monster. R.I.. I'm so sorry. You monster. R.I.P. Jesse's dog. I'm sorry, Jesse. What were the other ones? Suit. Tie. Yes.

You got that one. Fish. Chips. No, it was rod. Okay. News. Paper. Reader.

Babies. Nappies. Yes. Oh, no. So listen. Babies. Nappies. Yes. Oh, no. So listen, the closest we've got so far. If we were a couple there, we would have got. Have you got a partner, Jessie? I do.

Oh, I was going to say, you should both leave your partners because you're almost in sync, but not quite. But enough in sync to have a mildly satisfying marriage. Oh, no. We gave it a good go. Good on you both. Hey, thank you so much for listening, Jesse. This is back tomorrow, 7.45.

This game is building intensity. Well done, Ben. Add these two men together, and somehow you get three quarters worth of a normal man. The Hits with Jono and Ben for breakfast. Why is today going to be a good day for you? That's what we want to know. Just give us a call on 0800 THE HITS and just tell us why is today going to be a good day for you? That's what we want to know. Just give us a call on 0800THETS

and just tell us why it's going to be a good day. And we've got our Hell Pizza vouchers for everyone that gets it on the air. Yeah, so yesterday, Ben Boyce, I planted the seed. I know we have a tradition, don't we, after the show where we both get a coffee and pay alternate days. And I don't know where we left it at the end of last year.

Who paid for the last one? Because whoever didn't needed to pick it up in 2021. Now, I picked it up yesterday. So that would be my turn today. That would be your turn today. But then I've looked back on records. Were you the last one? In December, yes.

So it seems there was a transaction made by me on the 18th of December. Someone's really getting in there. Does that mean now you do two days in a row of coffee? Oh, we've thrown things out of whack, haven't we? It's all out of kilter. We need to start the year again. In fact, can we all go on holiday again? We'll start back maybe in two Mondays time.

That'd be great. Just so we can reset our coffee routine. We'll go to Julie in Auckland. Why is it going to be a good day for you, Ju? Good morning. It finally rained overnight in my garden, looking green already. It posed down overnight in my garden looking green already. It posed down overnight

in some parts of New Zealand where I was. It woke me up. Yeah, me too, actually. It did wake me up as well. It was really a torrential rain. A rain.

Raining cats and dogs. Literally, there were cats and dogs all over my lawn. So you'd be happy about your garden, Jules? Yes, very, very happy. Oh, nice work. Oh, 800 of the hits. Why is it going to be a good day? Yes, very, very happy. Oh, nice work.

Oh, 800 hits. Why is it going to be a good day? Thank you very much, Julie. We're going to send you out a hell pizza voucher that you can eat while you're composting or something. My daughter said they want to do a bake sale. They want to sell baking around the neighbourhood. Oh, no.

Which is great because they're on school holidays, but I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to dob them into the IRD if they do it. No kids are paying tax on those roadside stalls. Yeah, I'm like, you've got to do that. It's dob them into the IRD if they do it. No kids are paying tax on those roadside stalls. Yeah, I'm like, if you're going to do that, it's a tax thing. You're in the workforce, okay? Yeah, see how much you want to do the bake sale now. The harsh realities of the workforce.

Listen, no children should be in the kitchen on their own apart from the ones from Junior Masterchef. Oh, they're really good. Oh, jeez, they're good. I'm like, who are those parents? They're far better than I am. We'll go to Cherie. Welcome, you're on the air.

Why is it going to be a good day for you, Cherie? Hearing from you guys, I love you guys. I listen to you every day. You're great to listen to. Oh, good on you. Thank you very much. Sounded like we sent you a script and you read that out for us. But well done. We'll give you a hell pizza voucher. You're going to have a great day. Oh, okay. Thank you

very much. See you, mate. Back tomorrow with five grand to give away. We'll see you then. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the See you, mate, back tomorrow with five grand to give away. We'll see you then.