Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - JONO, BEN AND MEGAN CATCH UP WITH CHEALSEA HANDLER

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

On Friday morning Jono and Ben caught up with Chelsea Handler ahead of her shows in Auckland.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yeah, this microphone looks like it's been around the block. It's not as bad as mine. Oh yeah, yeah, yours looks a little bit rougher. I'll stop complaining. Don't get your mouth too close to these things. I won't, I won't, I won't. You're going to look over and I'll be deep-throating it. It's a morning show, right?

Chelsea, good morning and welcome. Good morning and welcome. Thank you for having me. It's so nice to have you here in New Zealand. We've talked to you a couple of times over Zoom, but it's nice to actually see you. Oh, yeah, I know. I love coming to different countries that are not my own. One thing that makes us very happy is that the weather's okay. Cold, but we know you like the snow, but it's nice and clear skies.

Yes, we went yesterday to Wahiki. We went to a winery and we sat outside for four hours. They gave me a blanket and we just looked at this. And obviously we were drinking because we were at a winery and we sat outside for four hours. They gave me a blanket and we just looked at this. And obviously we were drinking because we were at a winery, which is another thing I never really do. I never drink wine. But I know if I'm in New Zealand, you know, you have to try the wine. So, yeah, it's nice to spend time here.

I have like two days of free time. Do you get that much in your role? In my role as a person? Yes, you get free time. I get a nice balance of free time and work time. Nice. In your role? In my role as a person? As a human. I get a nice balance of free time and work time. I like to hit it hard so that I can vacation hard. Because last time you were here, you put the call out. You put a video out looking for a lover.

A lover. I think I found one last time I was here. Yeah, hopefully I don't run into him again. With a lover like that, has he got your number or are you like, no, let's never speak of this? I mean, I just, yeah, I think everyone has my number. I think it's pretty public because I get a lot of incoming calls. I've stopped answering my phone because I don't want to change my number.

Yeah, I don't think it's hard to get my number if you're trying to contact me. I think you can find it online. Can you? Probably. I mean, I'm not encouraging that. And by the way, like I i don't oh i don't answer it i almost cursed and then i caught myself because i know we're on radio so you're welcome someone like you would have multiple phones on the go no i'm pretty basic i don't know i don't

have time for that i'm not really you know a very good with technology so i just you know if i can answer the phone at all that's going to be a What kind of, so you've answered the phone to a couple of weirdos. Like what kind of things do they say to you? People want money is usually people. Oh, really? Yeah, people are always, if you look through my DMs, it's like, you know, my dog has some disease and you're my last hope.

And you want to help these people. And in the beginning of my career, I would. I would give money to strangers. Would you? And then someone tried to sue me for giving them money. So I was advised by my business managers never. Yes, I gave somebody money to get their teeth fixed because I made a joke about people who don't have teeth in the South.

And there was a Southern woman and she said, you know, not everybody can afford teeth. And I was like, well, I'll buy you teeth. Okay, you're right. Not everybody can afford. And so it was like $10,000 or $15,000 to get this woman a full set of teeth. And then she didn't like them and wanted another set of teeth. Oh, my God.

And then my lawyers are like, please stop responding to people. You can't buy people teeth. And I was like, message received loud and clear. I love the gall of it, too. They don't suit my mouth. I was like, yeah, exactly. She was like, I got her tea and she wanted to return the tea. So, I mean, you really can't win.

You can't. I guess you can't try before you buy. No, no. Now I just don't open my DMs. It's like, because you do feel sympathy for people. You want to help people, but you can't help everybody and who knows what these people are up to. But I think that's why people are drawn to you because you're such a genuine person and I feel like what you see is what you get with you. And who knows what these people are up to. But I think that's why people are drawn to you.

Because you're such a genuine person. And I feel like what you see is what you get with you. And there's one moment that I'd love to play with you. It's one of my favorite moments. It's you and Piers Morgan. So Piers Morgan's interviewing you. And then during the ad break, he's on his phone or something. I mean, you can't even pay attention for 60 seconds.

You're a terrible interviewer. Well, you just weren't keeping my attention. That's more an issue for you than me. That's not my problem. It is your problem. This is your show. You have to pay attention to the guests that you invited on your show. If they're interesting enough.

Yeah, they are. Listen, it doesn't matter how interesting I am. You signed up for this job. Of course it does. That's why your job is coming to an end. Yeah, he's terrible. He's so terrible. The worst interviewer of all time.

Well, I wanted to know, what was he looking at on his phone? Who knows? Probably porn. Who cares? He's so annoying. I know. So many times. Thank you.

I'm pretty proud of that clip. When I watch it, I was like, I mean, I laugh. Like, oh my God, that's so funny that I said that. I must have been really tired that day and had no, you know, I can't curse, but you know, no what's left in me. But more than that, it's no you know I can't curse but you know know what's left in me but more than that it's like you up against a bully and in that situation most of the time we know what we want to say but nothing comes out eloquently you were so calm and you're just like calling him out yeah yeah it was an out-of-body experience because the interview has to end at some point

is it awkward afterwards? Oh yeah, yeah I mean, yeah, he hates me I mean, I welcome that kind of hate But yeah, after the interview He's like, wow, you really did it I'm like, you know, I kept going I was like, you could have recorded that too Yelling at him as I'm leaving his studio

We've got Chelsea Handler here She's performing in Auckland and also Wellington You've been to New Zealand a couple of times Want wanted to play a quick game with you i've got some new zealand things in my bag okay i'll say what what the name of it is if you can guess what it is you get to keep it oh okay okay um okay no high stakes for me okay to be honest he's so nice he's gonna give you the shirt anyway okay Or not. Okay, hokey pokey. Hokey, no. I don't know what that is.

You want to have a stab at it? Okay, a hokey pokey is like a snack, like something you eat. Yeah, you're right. It's ice cream. Here we go. It's some ice cream. Perfect. I can travel back with that. That feels like a burden of a gift to give you, like ice cream.

Okay, ginger nuts. Ginger nuts are nuts that you eat that taste like ginger? Well, yeah, a lot of the time. They're not quite nuts. They're biscuits called ginger nuts. Oh, okay, okay. That's a legit bit of cup of tea. So you're kind of, yeah, I'll give you that one.

A bit of a warning about those, Chelsea. You do need to dip them in moisture because they are like rocks. You would actually have to buy yourself new teeth if you are. Okay, so you have to dip the nuts in moisture? Yeah, like people dip them in the tea. Before you put them in your mouth. I feel like there's a lot of sexual if you are. Okay, so you have to dip the nuts in moisture? Yeah, like dip them in the tea. Before you put them in your mouth. I feel like there's a lot of sexual in you. There are, yeah.

Pokey, pokey, ginger testicles. Don't answer that. Yeah, okay. I see where we're going. Okay, pineapple lumps. Pineapple lumps. Those are tennis balls? Oh, look at that.

We're also, again, we're going down the food route. They're kind of little chocolate with pineapple in between. They're quite nice. Oh, I had a chocolate fish earlier today. Do you know about those? Yeah, you like, yeah. Yeah, is that what a New Zealand thing is? They're traditional.

Yeah, okay. I'd never heard. You've never heard of a chocolate fish before? No, no. It was scary when I first heard about it. Chocolate fish. Where's the chocolate coming from? Okay, we've got Chelsea White Sugar.

Cocaine? I wish it was cocaine, but it's 500... Try and snort it and see what happens. 500 grams, too, of Chelsea White Sugar. And finally, a saying. If we said, up the whas, what do you think that would be? Up the whas. These are very leading.

Up the whas. Can you use it in a sentence? Well, you'd say it more support. Like, if you went on stage tonight, Auckland, and you went, up the waz, you'll get a great cheer. Because we're going to have a fun night? Yeah, a lot of fun. A good time?

There's a team called the Warriors. They're a league team. We've got a top for you here, for the Warriors. Oh, okay. So I don't know anything. Well, that's why we're trying to teach you while you're in New Zealand. Well, thank you. Here we go.

The Warriors league team. Everyone says, up the waz. Should I wear that on stage? Oh my god. If you come out on stage and you say up the waz. That would bring the house down. That would bring the house down. We only have one league team and that's it.

So everyone's on board. I know they're a good team. Yeah they're good. Yeah they're good. But a lot of passionate support. And up the waz is short for Warriors I guess. Up the waz. Okay.

Alright. We're not making you say a swear word or anything. You're like am I being is this a racial slur yeah can you imagine everyone's like

boom but they told me they told me they told me to say it at the radio show oh listen Chelsea this has been an absolute pleasure

to hang out with you thank you thanks for having me guys and woman thank you the token chick. You know how it is. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Oh, okay. Well, Lizzie, you do it

but you do it in some banter. Isn't it funny how men get an attitude the minute you say you're a token chick? What? What? What? Well, there's not two women here, is there? There is now. The numbers are even now. Yeah, you guys, get out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

Charles Candler, Auckland, Wellington. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. Okay, I just need a straw for that white sugar. I'll be back next time, guys. Thank you.