Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - July 07 - The Referendumb, Parent Purchases You Regret, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

Hey podcasters! On today's episode, Ben shared a story about how he got himself in trouble with his wife because of a secret that involved the babysitter... Jono also provides a hack or two on how to get out of parking tickets #NAUGHTY! Finally, we chatted to a dad who's been in quarantine in a hotel with his two kids... and he hasn't gone crazy (yet)! All that and more, happy days!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Hey Ben. Hey Jono. How are you today? I'm alright, welcome to the podcast intro everyone. I saw something yesterday that I didn't bring up with you, but I wanted to bring up with you now. What's that?

Because we park in a car park here for work, you know, quite a busy car park. Yeah. And when we were leaving, I saw you sandwiched behind a guy who was having trouble with the barrier arm and there was someone behind you. So you were sort of stuck in between. Oh yeah, he obviously, something was going on with his ticket.

And you couldn't reverse. No. So you were spit-roasted in there. I remember it as a hard, hard position for that person. I've been that person at the front when something's going wrong and you start to get flustered,

you're panicking, and nothing worse than some guy behind you know but that's my only joy is another motorist is to see another one well you know the person's not doing it on purpose it's like when someone gets caught in the middle of the intersection and peak hour traffic and the light phasing changes and you're like all right mate i didn't mean to do this i'm very sorry i'm out in the middle of here it's like everyone's just got their hand on the horn just waiting to strike. And that's the good thing about being a motorist too is because you can give people a bit of shit,

but you get it back as well. I'm not a fan of the horn. I'm not a fan of the horn. I've seen you once use a horn, and you lightly, you didn't even want to. I always said there should be two options. There should be an aggressive horn for people like yourself and then emergency situations.

And then a little... Hey, mate, I'm behind you. The lights have changed. Just a little reminder. You're either zero to a hundred with a horn, aren't you? There's no way you can do a nice little... A double pump is a... But you've got to have some good skill and control to pull off a double pump. Because sometimes you go for a double pump and it turns out to be...

And then it's like a double aggressive horn. Anyway, enjoy the podcast today. We've got Kiwi Dad who was quarantined with two kids under eight years old for two weeks. He was in just a tiny little hotel room. Hell of a story. That's not the worst of it. There's more to come with that saga, I tell you what. You don't want to go anywhere.

As well as that, we settled a big internet debate. Peanut butter. Should you put butter underneath it? Under your peanut butter or just straight peanut butter on your toast? I just said you don't want to go anywhere. Maybe you're a surgeon and you're late for surgery. I'll let you off if you need to go there. Okay.

All right. We'll get to that. Yeah, we'll get to that now because it's a podcast. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, the referendum. The referendum is actually happening this year, but we do the referendum where we throw out a dumb scenario that you hopefully have an opinion on.

I like how you have to over-explain the referendum. Like, how basic do you think the people are who are listening? I've got a little more respect for the men. But I like that you over-explained stuff. I think people got it. Okay, have you? Have you haven't? Anyway.

So in today's referendum, peanut butter. When you've got it on toast, do you need butter before the peanut butter or do you just chuck the peanut butter on there because it's got butter in it, according to some people? It's a debate that's raged on for the internet. We realise it's not a new thing, but it's the one that we often talk about at home in my household

when we have peanut butter. Because you do a layer of butter, then you do the peanut butter on top. So you've got two, you're doubling down on your butters. Yeah. You've got a peanut butter butter sandwich. Yeah, but I just feel without the layer underneath, the peanut butter doesn't spread quite as well as the butter. Really?

You're just straight peanut butter on the butter. Straight peanut butter. I spread quite as well as the butter produces you the egg. Really? You're just straight peanut butter on the... Straight peanut butter. Don't need to muck around. I want the peanut butter toast in my mouth ASAP, so don't waste time with the normal butter. Probably only wasting maybe 5 to 10 seconds. But you're right, those are valuable seconds to you. Exactly. Right, so

0800 the hits 4487. Is there a layer of butter required before you put peanut butter on? That's the question for the referendum. Is there a layer of butter required before you put peanut butter on? That's the question for the referendum. It's a great debate. So many texts flowing through social media blowing up, bruh. Oh, yeah. A lot of debate on our Facebook page.

Yeah. And it's split down the middle. One guy saying, this is controversial, that his mother-in-law would make him mix the peanut butter in with the margarine. Oh, really? So you're getting... Oh, you're getting it all, but as one layer. That's all there.

And you were saying margarine's only one molecule off plastic. I think it's pretty close from what I understand. That may just be a vicious rumour that butter people started. All these marge people are getting in our turf here. They need to stay in their lane. All we need to say is... I heard it's made from nuclear waste. Yeah.

That's the rumour I heard. So let's go to the phones. Angela, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast in their lane. What we need to say is... I heard it's made from nuclear waste. Yeah. That's the rumour I heard. So let's go to the phones. Angela, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast in the referendum. Butter before peanut butter. Is it a necessity? Yes, it is. Oh, yes. Okay.

Why are you saying that? Because if you put the peanut butter on it, it roughs up all the toast. Oh, you're laying a foundation, a smooth foundation. See, but you're still doubling down on the butter. Yeah, but it's better. It's better, like Angel says, it's better with the butter underneath.

That's one for the butter underneath. Let's go to Michelle. Welcome to the show, Michelle, the referenda on peanut butter, butter. What do you reckon? Butter and then peanut butter, absolutely. Here we go. That's two from two.

Well done, Michelle. Thank you for participating. Missy, how's Gisborne this morning? Yes, sir. Now, I'm straight peanut butter. Everyone else is butter, then the peanut butter. But that's why it's called peanut butter. Correct.

Otherwise, like I said before, it's peanut butter butter, which is one of your hates, Ben, because like the ASB Bank Bank. Yes, I don't like how they say ASB Bank. That's Auckland City. Okay, all right. Thank you very much. Well, to settle this debate for one and all, we are joined on the phone in Australia right now,

the new host of MasterChef Australia. His name is Andy Allen. He's also won the show previously. Andy, how are you? Good, gentlemen, Ben. How are you two? We're doing very well. Thank you for talking to us today. Mate, no worries at all.

No worries at all. How is it across the ditch? Oh, mate, it is freezing cold. Ben's nipples are poking through his jean jacket. Yeah. He could shank a man with those nipples. No, no, not normally with my nipples, but anyway, I feel like we've spoken enough about nipples. I want to use them.

How are your nipples going? Mate, they're alright, actually. They're pretty good today. Room temperature nipples, but anyway, I feel like we've spoken enough about nipples. I want to use up that time. How are your nipples going? Mate, they're all right, actually. They're pretty good today. Room temperature nipples? Yeah. Room temperature nipples, yeah. Anyway, now that we've got that out of the way, we're all right.

One more question, one more random question to get out of the way, Andy. Of course, you were not only the winner of MasterChef Australia, but now the judge on the season that's on TV now. But we want to know a question. We've been having a debate this morning. Peanut butter.

Yep. If you put peanut butter on your toast, do you need butter first and then peanut butter, or is the butter already in peanut butter? I'm a butter and peanut butter person. Aren't you doubling down on the butter, though? You're doubling, like, isn't it in the name? It's saying, well, you don't need to butter because we've got peanut here. It's doing the one thing.

Well, technically, if I want to get all technical about it, there's no peanut butter. It's just blended nuts. So you want to put extra butter in there to make it look. See, I'm the same as you, Andy. I've been putting the butter down, but Jono's been like, well, no, no. It's got the butter in it. So there you go. There's no butter in it.

Yeah, right. Well, haven't I? Jono's probably got a 12-pack, has he? Just finished the second one this morning. What? 24 beers? And then trying to hold together an interview with Andy from MasterChef. Great catching up with you today, my friend.

You're a lot of fun and you're doing a great job on MasterChef Australia. We're really enjoying it on TV2 at the moment. Thanks, fellas. I'll chat to you soon. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating, still pending. It's Jono and Mano Mahez. It's growing through your feed.

Yeah, I tell you what, this is where we look at the news that's broken overnight, and the news, it just never stops. And don't tell me what happens, because I'm only up to season two. Oh, you've got a whole lot. Wait till you get to 2020. Some stuff going on there.

Yeah, I don't know how it's going to end. But anyway, police chase in South Waikato over the last 24 hours. This is quite amusing. It's probably the slowest police chase ever. So there was a stolen golf cart going along the footpath and the police car was following it, sometimes on the footpath but going very very slow and have a listen to this caught on video

Oh my god eh Oh my god Run away golf cart. I don't know if the sirens were necessary. Also someone, so just an innocent bystander, ran up and took the keys out of the golf cart while this was all going on. Because golf carts don't move that fast.

But I was going to say, it moves at a pace where you probably couldn't run and keep up with it. Yeah. But it's also, you couldn't really couldn't run and keep up with it. Yeah. But it's also, you couldn't really, there's no point in chasing it in a car. It's driving very slowly behind the police car, but it was a very responsible, very safe chase. My father-in-law's friend who lives sort of around there, he plays golf regularly. And he finds that he can go from the golf club to his home in the golf cart. But it's fine because he can just go on the footpath and he can have a few beers at the

club and go home in the golf cart. Maybe that was him. It probably was. He was waiting to be DIC'd. Yeah, he probably just couldn't hear the sirens. And you were saying just before there was a whole lot, thousands of people in New Zealand about to do something. Yes, 3,480 people are going to go into hotel quarantine situations this week in New Zealand. So these people are obviously arriving in overseas on planes.

And the government's signing up hotels for six-month-long contracts to have their places fully booked for six months with Kiwis coming back from overseas. Well, if you're a hotel, you know, you've six months worth of getting fully booked compared to like not... What's the alternative, right? Yeah. Like the Jet Park Hotel,

that's getting some priceless marketing at the moment. Also, I thought this was kind of interesting. So in the UK and London, they open up their bars for the first time after lockdown. And a quote from a senior police officer over there said, it was crystal clear that drunk people struggled or ignored social distancing rules. You're like, well, no crap.

Why did anyone think that was going to happen? I know, because you get quite huggy and you can't hear anything and you're like talking and... You're shouting into people's faces. Yeah, you're spitting all over them as well. Not ideal coronavirus situations. And speaking of the lockdown, we're going to talk to a guy, 10 past 7, who's been in lockdown in a hotel with his two kids, 7 and 5, two weeks, just by himself.

One room. Just one tiny room. And the situation that he's in, because he's got to go back to America. Oh, yeah. And then return. It's a heck of a situation. We're going to talk to him just after 7 o'clock. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show.

It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, many Kiwis returning home from overseas are currently in quarantine, like Angus Duncan. Now, he's a Kiwi builder. He's just come back from the US. His American wife is currently still in the USA, and he's just come back with his two kids, one seven and one five. And this Kiwi dad, Jono, has just been two weeks in quarantine

in a tiny hotel room with two kids under seven. Oh, jeez, I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. He actually had to be a parent, did he? For two weeks. Non-stop, non-stop parenting. Just in a small room. He's kept a video diary of his journey. It's very entertaining, actually.

If that was me, I'd feel sorry for my kids having to be locked in a room with me. So we might give him a call. We've got his number. Let's call Angus and find out what it was like to be quarantined with two children. 1715. Hello? Hello.

Is this Angus? It is. Jono and Ben from the big new small town, Angus. How are you doing? We're doing all right. Yeah, we just saw your story as a couple of dads. We want to know how it went and how was two weeks quarantine?

Yeah, it was difficult at times but you've got to make it like an adventure. So the boys did well and it was good. Was it just you and the kids? It was just me and a five year old and a seven year old. Oh my god, I would

have just been... So one room, right? Just all in the same room? All in the same room, yeah. We did things like quarantine Olympics, which included rowing and long jump, which included going from bed to bed. I saw you on your video diary.

You were in the bath at one stage with the water and you had like a sail made out of the, what are they, shower curtain? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that would be fun. So we turned on the shower, jumped in the bathtub, and took the sailing. You know, sometimes as an adult, you just want some me time. No me time.

No me time. No, two weeks. No, nothing. No me time. No me time. No me time. Two weeks. No, nothing. No me time at all. Hey, look, it's a really good time to reconnect with the kids and life gets busy and it was a really cool

time just to hang with the boys. Are you still in there now or you're out or what's your plan? Yeah, I'm out now and I got the kids down in Tauranga. So what was the first thing you did when you went out? I would be dropping them off

at a babysitting service. No, we went to the bakery and got ourselves a pie and enjoyed a pie. You have a really positive take on it. Were there any dark moments where you're like, oh God, I'm in a low place here?

Absolutely. So we had to have the coronavirus test up the nose twice while we were in there. One on day three and one on day 12. It goes up quite a way. They've got to hold it up there for 10 seconds.

Each time, I ended up just having to hold down, hold down the boys while they did it. There's never a really good feeling when you're trying to hold down your kids and they're sort of screaming. We're six months into this thing. Surely there's an easier test, like a spit test or something, something a little more user-friendly.

And what were you feeding them? Just mini packets of Pringles for $22 a packet? What were you feeding them? Little bottles of whiskey? The whiskey was for me. The food there was actually really good. They gave you plenty of it and stuff like that.

And we had some friends drop off chocolate and that kind of thing. But you've got to, you know, more chocolate you give a kid, the more energy they've got. You've really got to get their balance right. Just done two weeks in quarantine with your You know, the more chocolate you give a kid, the more energy they've got. Yeah, true. You've really got to get their balance right. Yeah, exactly. Just done two weeks in quarantine with your kids.

But you live in Santa Barbara in the USA, so your wife's back there in America. What's the plan at the moment for you guys? So she's going to come out in August. She's trying to get the visa because she's American. Not only that, she had to go get a test yesterday because she may already have the virus. So it's kind of an interesting situation. So you guys are just wanting to flee America. It's falling down around you.

Yeah, it's not a great situation over there, to be perfectly honest. And so what, you're going to go back, see your wife, pack up your belongings, and then move back to New Zealand? That's the game plan? That's the game plan, yeah. All the best, and well done. As you say, it's from a couple of dads to another dad. What you did is amazing,

with two weeks in quarantine with a couple of young kids. Thanks, man. It's been interesting two weeks. Hey, well well it's lovely Talking with you Gee whiz You've got a huge Life adjustment

For you guys Just coronavirus Affecting people In multiple ways So hey good luck With the move Hope it all works out And hope your wife

Gets her visa Yeah awesome dude Thank you See you mate There we go Angus there Kiwi dad Spent two weeks

In quarantine With a couple of kids Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It's LAB in the air. They just sold out Spark Arena over the weekend,

New Zealand's first big concert since lockdown. They're in the studio with us right now with another big announcement. LAB, how's it going, lads? Good, thanks. Joel and Miharo, welcome, boys. Cheers. Lovely to have you here. I always like when musicians come into the show.

It raises our credibility beyond our low level. At least it's theirs. Yeah, it lowers your credibility, but it's doing good things for our cred. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations on the success, lad. It's been awesome. Thanks, man. 20 million streams.

Yeah, across all platforms, I suppose. That's amazing. Imagine if you had a dollar for every one of those streams, how much money you would have. You don't even have to do the maths on that. I find it really interesting, music, now. You don't have to release a whole body or an album of work, right? You can just do singles, bang out singles.

Yeah. Do you prefer that over releasing a whole album? We've only done albums, eh? We're on our fourth album at the moment. So, no, you don't prefer no no that's the answer we like doing albums

what do you think of people who just do singles give us your honest truth we just do albums do an album do an album now L.O.B. you toured all over the country

all over summer you must have seen some weird stuff at festivals I think our last show was WOMAT right before lockdown oh yeah and I remember

have you seen that pond in front of the stage oh yeah I've seen it it looks bloody septic that thing I remember when Shapeshift were playing there was you know about six lads who just stripped off and dived in splashing each other

and a security guard. And that, my friend, is COVID. That was record. Didn't start it with my hand. Started it with the pond and Taranaki. Actually, speaking about Taranaki, you guys are about to, we're announcing today,

a performance there. Yeah, we're playing down there on January 9th with the Black Seeds, Marco Road, Bailey Wiley, and Anna Coddington. And tickets are on sale next Tuesday, 14th of July. Were you worried that you'd never play a live show again when COVID was happening? 100%.

Yeah, it was like the first initial prediction was like, you won't have shows till 2021. 12 months, 18 months. That's your bread and butter, that stuff. I mean, it's what makes us tick too as people. It makes you feel like you're achieving something too. You know, it's really, but playing on stage is where we, you know,

forget about the world and have fun. So it was pretty daunting knowing that. But, you know, within six months, we're back on the road. So we're so thankful. And we're one of the first countries in the world to have a show like this. Well, great lineup, as, as you said before. So that's January 9th in New Plymouth.

That's pretty awesome. Yeah. Now, Ben Boyce, I don't know, you guys may or may not know, Ben Boyce, wonderful singer. Oh, no, I can't sing. You know I can't sing. Now, I know, Joel, your voice, you're a bit under the weather this week, so you can't sing.

Yeah. And I'd promised the people an acoustic performance from L.A.B. No, no, no. And so what we're going to do is I'll play the people an acoustic performance from L.A.B. No, no, no, no. And so what we're going to do is I'll play you some of Ben's bangers. What we do every week. They've got headphones on. Well, you can hear it through the headphones that are on the desk. We team Ben up with a popular artist.

He makes me sing because I've got a karaoke machine at home, and I can't sing, but I give it a go. He's the one person on the face of the earth who shouldn't have a karaoke machine at home. So this is just a little taste of what he does. But I say to the rain I see

Okay, that's it. It's pitchy. I get it. I go for it. I give it my best, but I can't sing. So what are you trying to say right now? So what I'm suggesting is that Joel, you know the words to your own song. Sure. You mouth along with it. Ben does the singing. Sure thing. And we get the acoustic performance

Of L.A.B. in the air Oh hang on Can I get the lyrics up Hang on Get the lyrics up I'm sorry about this This is going to be bad You go hard man

I'm looking forward to it Okay here we go Okay you've got to tell me When to come in Okay Alright here we go One Two

Oh I feel it everywhere Yes, there it is There we go It's cold breathing in the dark That's it Take me out, I'll take you there He's quite shouty, isn't he? I've got nothing else

I'll call you when you'll be far This is the high part I don't want to let you down How's that? Yeah Something even up to the... I feel like I'm mistiming here. Hey.

Has he lost it now, Joel? He's lost it. He's lost it. Are you going to pull it back? Oh, God, okay. I bought it. I bought it. I bought it.

Okay, we're done. Oh, God, that was embarrassing. Sorry, guys. A little bit sheltie. I mean, with a bit of technique, I reckon you could give it a crack on X Factor. Okay. It'll be one of those novelty ones that come out there like,

is he going to be good? No, he's not. He might have to juggle as well. He might have to do something else just to compliment it. Okay, there's a good start. I can see in Joel and Maharu's eyes that they regretted writing that song after hearing you scream it. Hey, boys, thank you so much for coming in.

Congratulations on all of your success. I'm glad you were able to get back out on the road and tour and do what you love. Thanks, man. And we appreciate your time this morning. Yeah, catch them. Jan 9, New Plymouth, TSB Bowl of your success. I'm glad you were able to get back out on the road and tour and do what you love. Thanks, man. And we appreciate your time this morning. Yeah, catch them. Jan 9, New Plymouth, TSB Bowl of Brooklands. And all tickets, as you say, as Joel said before,

tickets on sale next Tuesday, July 14th. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. I had an awkward encounter with a new babysitter over the weekend at home. Now, you've mowed through the babysitters, haven't you?

Not as in, as in you've just, you've had a lot of them. I know you had one that you were pushing to the absolute limits. What do you mean? She was cleaning

and doing vacuuming. Well, that was on her choice. That was it. Oh, it wasn't me. We don't leave them and sit. The main thing as a babysitter

is just to make sure the kids stay alive and look after the kids and they're happy and healthy. Oh, well, this one was painting your house, folding your clothes, dropping off your dryer cleaning, going to visit your mum for you. That's what producer Juliet does for me. I think you're getting it mixed up.

Yeah, exactly. So an awkward encounter with the new babysitter and it's one of those moments in the weekend where you wish, I wish I was fast enough to say something on the spot to make the situation better. You know, when you go away later, you're like, oh, why didn't I say that? But at the time, you just feel a little flustered.

What did you say to her? It wasn't me. So on the weekend, we're going out for dinner, my wife and I, and my wife thought we were just going up the road, just the two of us. But what she didn't know was a couple of friends she hadn't seen for ages were going to surprise, you know, a bit of a surprise to be there.

And they were like, oh, it's a bit of a secret. So I hadn't told this to Amanda, my wife, because it was a secret, but I made the mistake of telling my two kids that we had a bit of a secret during the day that we're going to catch up with a couple of friends. Mummy doesn't know about it. Kids who got loose lips.

Yeah. They sink ships, those loose lips kids. Exactly. So they went through the options, like, who can we tell? I was like, well, no one. What about the babysitter, this new babysitter? I'm like, oh yeah, sure, you loose lips kids. Exactly. So they went through the options, like, who can we tell? I was like, well, no one. What about the babysitter, this new babysitter? I'm like, oh, yeah, sure, you can tell the babysitter. That's fine.

Hold on. You've never met this babysitter. You can't trust the babysitter. But I thought once we'd gone, you know, they would say, you know, oh, they're going up the road for this. So this is a babysitter. She's probably a young lady, probably, you know, around your age, producer Juliet.

In the prime of her life. Yeah. Not like us old hacks, hey, Juju. Recommended from friends of friends that, you know, use her as a babysitter. And so she arrived

for the first time in the house. We're having a chat, you know, just a bit of banter. My wife, Amanda, and I are the babysitter. And then the kids come out and then they're like,

oh, dad's got a secret. I'm like, oh, here we go. It's about you to the babysitter. And she's looking at me and I'm looking at them and Amanda, my wife's looking. I'm kind of my ego, it's not about the babysitter. Oh, you've got something you want to say about the babysitter, you bit. I can see Amanda's eyes sort of looking at me, my wife going,

what the heck is this? Yeah, but you weren't looking back, hey? You were trying to ignore her eyes. And the kids are like, we can't tell you in front of Mum. I'm like, uh-oh. We have to tell you in the bedroom. And so they're off to the bedroom and Amanda's looking at are like, we can't tell you in front of mum. I'm like, uh-oh. We have to tell you in the bedroom. And so they went off to the bedroom and Amanda's looking at me like, what is the secret you've got about the new...

It's a secret that he can only tell you in a bedroom. About the new babysitter that I have got about her. And they go off and I was, I had nothing. Amanda's like, what's the secret about the babysitter? I'm like, uh... You know, in those situations you had nothing. He's like, did you know they can also cook and clean and fold

your clothes, paint your house, wash your car? Yeah, maybe. That's the secret. You can push these people to their limits. Like a slave labour operation. It's not just looking after your kids, it's the whole thing. Oh, that's very funny. A friend of mine worked at a daycare and a lot of the daycare teachers would go and babysit

for the parents of the children that would go to the daycare. They had to cease it because a lot of the fathers would come home all drunk and handsy. Oh no! And it was very awkward at the Monday morning drop off apparently. So I'm glad your secret wasn't that bad. Yeah, definitely not that bad. That's for sure. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Synchronise OBSES. Yes, we have to answer the same thing at the same time to steal a prize off you. And when we get it, boy, do we celebrate. And name for me a 660 song. Don't forget your roots. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Some would say the celebration exceeds the task completed. It does. It does. We're so happy. We've got a few games and we hadn't

done, we hadn't synced up, have we? Yeah, there's a backstory to that celebration. It's like we've landed a spaceship on the moon or

something. That's true. Oh my god, that's the greatest thing ever. We need to calm the farm a little bit. Okay, so right now there's a prize up for grabs. It's a Biko Natural Skincare

and Supplements package worth over $250. Indulgent pack of a Biko Natural Skincare and Supplements is sure to look after you inside and out. So that sounds good. Oh, 100, the hits is the phone number.

That could be yours unless Jono and I synchronise and answer. Alright, Diane from Gisborne. Another Gisborne caller. Jeez, we must be raiding like a machine in Gisborne. Two from Gisborne. Oh, you are so popular. Oh, mate. And I sort of forced you to say that, Diane. Don't get cocky, Pariah.

How are you, matey? I'm fantastic. And yourself? Oh, we're doing really well. Appreciate you listening to the show. Now, I imagine just, and I'm just hearing your voice, that you already have wonderful, flawless skin. Not a blemish on it. Yeah, I do. If I could take the skin off your body and wear it, I would.

That's how nice your skin sounds. It's getting a little weird now. It's getting a bit weird now, but you won't want my skin. Yeah, well, this skincare pack will do you well, Diane. Well done. You've won it. It's just Ben and me who can take it off you, okay? All right.

All right. Name for me a Netflix series. Tiger King. Ooh. You're in the Ricky Gervais one. Okay, you've still got it, Diane. Afterlife's great, isn't it? Yeah, I really enjoy Afterlife. I do like it. It's quite dark, but it's really good. Yeah, he's very good the Ricky Gervais one. Okay, you've still got it, Diane. Afterlife's great, isn't it? Yeah, I really enjoy Afterlife.

I do like it. It's quite dark, but it's really good. Yeah, he's very good, Ricky Gervais. Hey, well done, Diane. You've still got that skincare pack from Abiko. You've got two more questions that we might try and sync up on. Here's the next one, Producer Juliet. Name for me a member of the royal family.

Prince Harry. Oh. Why would you not go with the Queen? Because Prince Harry's the one who's talked about the most. Is he in the royal family, John? No, I'll count it. Yeah, no. Two from two, Diane.

You're doing well at this game where you have to do no heavy lifting. Look, my skin is looking good already. I get quite nervous in this game. I do too. Okay, if we could just sync up like a... I'll be the MacBook to your iPhone. Just sync up, Benjamin. Next category. Name for me a region in New Zealand.

Northland. Oh, damn it, Diane! You've got the pack. Well done. That Abiko pack is all yours, alright? Mate? Really? Yeah, just like that. You're kidding me. No, it's all yours, worth over $250.

You enjoy that. I thought there were 50 questions. No, it's all three. Oh, I can do more if you want. Peanut butter and jelly. Oh, we were just talking about do you put butter on

before peanut butter? No, no, no, no butter. Just quince jelly. Quince jelly on the peanut butter? Okay. No, no, no, no, no. All right, well, you go and take that beautiful skin face of yours and have a wonderful day, Diane. I'm never going to be the peanut butter. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. All right. Well, you go and take that beautiful skin face of yours and have a wonderful day, Diane.

I'm never going to be the same again. I might send you a pic once it's all sorted. A racy pic from Diane on the way. No, I didn't say racy. I said just a pic. Thank you, guys. Have a great week. You too.

You're a good sport. I always read this room wrong, don't I? You did read the room wrong. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. No, what's up? Spy.co.nz.

Producer Juliet with Spy Entertainment News. So Chrissy Teigen, the wife of John Legend, she has called out a Fox News host, Janine Perrault, for being caught. So the Fox News host basically posted a photo onto the internet of her wearing a face mask and her phone was on the table in front of her. If you zoom right in on the phone, you can see a photo of Chrissy Teigen essentially

topless. She's covering herself up, but fully topless. And she posted it and Chrissy saw it and said, Janine, why are my boobs on your phone? So that's a bit awkward. Super sleuth work from Chrissy Teigen, because the phone's not that prominent in the photo. You have to zoom right in and then realise that was a photo. She's obviously been scrolling through Chrissy Teigen's Instagram.

You have to do the finger pinch one, eh? You've got to pinch your fingers and spread them out, and then you can go on real tight. I love watching my kids every now and again on my laptop sort of try and use the finger pinch thing. I'm like, guys, it doesn't work on here. But they're so used to it from the phone they're trying to like, make that bigger.

You can't really make that bigger. Probably my daughter did it to the TV the other day. I was like, that doesn't work like that. You can't just touch a screen and rub your fingers all over it. But that's the thing nowadays, isn't it? You've got to watch what is in your surroundings with your photos. For sure. There was a guy who got caught cheating during lockdown. He was a

reporter, wasn't he? He was doing a cross and there was a lady in a brasier. Oh, sneaking out behind. You just gotta check your surroundings, guys. Okay, bit of a public service announcement. I know it's caught you out a couple of times. It has, you're right.

And Ringo Starr from The Beatles, he said he's revealed that the band turned down what would have been, back in 1976, $100 million gig, which obviously is a lot more money now, because the warm-up act was a man wrestling a shark. That was the reason they turned down that gig, because they were like, that's weird, warm-up act.

Well, if anyone deserves the $100 million, it's the guy fighting the shark. I would pay $100 million to see a man wrestle a shark. I mean, the Beatles can open up for him. They can play the interlude. True. They can play in between the rounds. I feel like if you were a singer,

you would choose that as your warm-up act, for sure, Johnna. Yeah, man wrestling a shark? Who doesn't want to see a man wrestling a shark? I don't know. You'd pay for that. Yeah, but Paul McCartney, a vegetarian, loves animals.

You can see why they didn't go there, you know? True. Actually, yeah, good point, good point. It's a man wrestling. He's not eating the shark.

They're having a play fight, Ben. And I'm gathering in the shark's home ground. Probably. The shark come, come and play on his home turf. It's not in a boxing ring, is it? That's right. So, I mean, the odds are against him. It's in the water's home ground. Probably. The shark come, come and play on his home turf. It's not in a boxing ring, is it? That's right.

So, I mean, the odds are against him. It's in the water? Okay. It'd be better if it was like a person dressed up as a shark or like a baby shark, you know? Maybe? No, it would not. It needs to be a shark for it to have any impact.

I feel like we've spent a lot of time in a situation that never happened so many years ago. I'm going to tour around a man wrestling a shark over Christmas, New Year period. Yes, watch this space. And for more Spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Like starting your day

with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. You, you, Jono. I'm just having a bit of a laugh. Now, you've done something to try and help out the show. That's all I do. That's what I live for,

is just to help out this bleak radio program. So we're looking for someone who's never really been on the internet because we want to show them some of the best viral videos that they wouldn't have seen. Yeah, that's the journey that we want to go on. So 4487 if you know anyone who hasn't been on the internet.

So you've just put, so you've signed off on, Producer Juliet's made up a little wanted poster with our pictures on it. It says, have you never been on the internet? Comment below and you've got her to put it up on our Facebook page which is on

the internet I can now see the mistake ironic so you're like have you never been on the internet

and then now I'm looking at the first comment from Charlene O'Donnell doesn't mean if you're on

Facebook that you're on the internet so how would someone who's never been on the internet okay I get it

Charlene I'm just trying to help the show out so we're looking for someone who hasn't been on the internet... Okay, I get it, Charlie. Or I'm just trying to help the show out, Ben. So we're looking for someone who hasn't been on the internet, someone who's been quite sheltered from the internet so we can play them some of those videos like Charlie bit my finger and the sneezing panda.

Oh, have you ever felt the joy of a dog reuniting with a soldier? I've never seen those ones for the first time. They're so good. Have you never gone, Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. Gangnam Style. Have you never gone wop, wop, wop, wop, wop? Gangnam Style. Have you ever done that? No.

And danced around like the guy, sigh, oh, you have not lived. So this is what we want to do. We want to do it in the next week and you'll help us compile

the big banging clips from the internet to play this person. Because nowadays, you know, kids are born, they come out of the bloody ute, don't they, with holding a phone,

doing a TikTok dance. Ready to go. Kids, they come out through the bloody ute, don't they? With holding a phone, doing a TikTok dance. Ready to go. So they come out through birth. It's before they even cut the umbilical cord. They're already doing a 15 second TikTok dance in between the legs. That's what happens. That's what happens. It's a fact.

So 4487, if you know anyone who'll get in touch with us on the internet, maybe they won't, but maybe you can. They won't see great viral videos like this one from South Waikato yesterday, a police chase which involved a police car falling very slowly behind a stolen golf cart. Oh, my God, eh? Yes, yes. Get him. Oh, my God. Get him.

Get him. Runaway golf cart. That was pretty good, that one. Enjoyed that one. It sounded quite intense for just a police car chasing a golf cart. He would have been better off just going on foot. Yeah, he would have been faster and probably could have jumped over fences and fields and things to get away from the officer.

But yes, if you know someone who's not on the internet, we could play them clips like that within a week. 448-70800. That's the telephone number. Get a hold of us this morning. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We have been on a mission all morning to find someone in New Zealand

who has never been on the internet. And I think we have our person. Oh, really? Heather, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. It's great to have you on, H-Money. Hello. I just gave you a nickname there, H-Money. You like it?

Great. Yeah, so you could be like a weed dealer on the street or something, couldn't you, H-Money? But, Heather, it's not you who hasn't been on the internet. No, it's not me. It's my sister. Oh, so what? She doesn't go on at all? No, never been on the internet. She doesn't go on at all? No, never been on the internet.

Doesn't have technology at all. Why? Any particular reason? Just doesn't want to go there? Yep, not interested. Has she got a phone? No. Long time ago they had a landline, but not now.

So how do you get in touch with her? You drive out and tell her that you want to talk to her. Oh really? Do you write her a letter or anything like that? Can you do that? I don't write her a letter but I might Facebook her kids and say

tell mum to contact us. Oh this is the thing, like if anyone needs to get hold of you, they can get hold of you. I know Simon Cowell, he threw away his cell phone three years ago. The guy from X Factor. anyone needs to get a hold of you, they can get a hold of you. I know Simon Cowell, he threw away his cell phone three years ago. The guy from X Factor. No, if people want to get a hold of you, they can get a hold of you. I can see why. So this is a conscious decision.

It's not like she's just let it all chase ahead of her and she can't catch up. She just can't be bothered immersing herself in technology. No, she's not interested. Where does she live? She lives in Tauranga. All right. Do you think she would want to see viral videos like Charlie Bit My Finger? Do you think we could show the joy of that for the first time?

Yeah, she'd probably watch that. She's a good reader. Okay, she's a good reader. You've been passed a note here from Producer Humphrey. Oh, yeah, good question, actually. Does she live stress-free? Because that is a good. That's a good question because you often wonder

without being on social media, without seeing some of the news, sometimes it's not so good. It must be a less stressful life, wouldn't it be? Oh, I think so. She just likes to put around in the garden

and on the few acres and not worried about technology or travel or anything like that. Oh, geez. Wait till she finds out what 2020's been up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to blow her mind. What?

A pandemic? She sounds like she'd wander around naked. No. She's not one of those people. She sounds like one of the naturists playing volleyball and doing sports that are not appropriate to being naked. She's not someone who's just roaming free through the bush. No.

As God intended. That's very interesting. Well, thank you. We might see, I don't know how we'd track it down, but she might be someone we can help play some viral videos to. Awesome. Rightio, there are people out there that aren't interested in the internet. Yeah, well, that is great.

Well, I don't know how we're going to get a hold of you, sister, but we'll try and track her down and change her life. Okay. All right. Hey, love your work here. Thanks so much for listening to the show. You look after yourself, H-Money. Okay, then. All right, see you, mate.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. End of last year, my wife saw a message on Facebook saying, there's a piano. If you can get this piano, we'll give away a piano for free. You just need someone to come pick it up. A what?

A piano. What did I say? Weirdly, did I? No, I just like, yeah, I hear you say piano. I'm trying to say it very clear. A piano. Is it a piano or is it piano? I don't know. It's a weird word, isn't it? It's A piano. Is it a piano or is it a piano? I don't know.

It's a weird word, isn't it? It's a piano. The more you say piano. The weirder it sounds, right? Okay, continue to talk about your piano. So we've had this piano in the house for a while now. It does the more you say it, it gets better. Weirder and weirder, isn't it?

Yeah, so we're like, hey, we'll get someone, we'll get piano movers to come pick up the piano and we'll put the piano in our house. It's a free piano and we've got it there in our house. It's an inconvenient instrument though, isn't it? I mean, it's not like my recorder that I can just grab like this. Why do you have that in your bag? My prop recorder and just play you a lovely...

I wish you'd learn something. So loud. Do you actually not know anything? Do you remember any song? I just played the opening to the 20th Century Fox movies, bro. So all day at the moment, because it is school holidays, I was at home working yesterday, and the kids, this is what I could hear them doing.

It's like a three-year-old's music class when I join in. To be fair, one of my daughter's CEOs actually has been learning some stuff off the internet. She actually plays some Billie Eilish and stuff like that as well. But when the kids come over because they had friends over, they just all just... Oh, it's the untrained ones that you don't like. The ones who are not... So it's just constantly noise. And I'm like, this is a regrettable parent purchase.

Yeah, no, I get that. But, you know, combined with your love of singing, Ben. I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me. And your kids' piano playing. Can we combine them both? It's so hard to live this way. And I hold you like that. It's so hard to live this way.

Okay, turning that down. It's horrendous. We could tour you around the country like the Von Trapp family. Come and laugh at the amazing voices. The lack of musical talent. So, oh, Andrew, the hits, 4487 on the text. What is the one purchase that you've given to your kids that you really regret? Because there's a lot of noisy toys out there.

That's something when you go to a birthday party and some monster is handing over a drum set or something, you're like... You want to be the ones who don't have kids, right? So you're like, what have I done to you? What have I ever done to you to deserve this? My friend got gifted for his three-year-old a set of drums, and he was like, do you hate me? Have I done something to you in a past life?

Leisha, you're one of these people. I am, I am. I figure kids are going to be kids But every now and again the kids have a really uppity parent That really irritates me And I figure the ultimate revenge is just to buy the kid a noisy gift Aren't these people your friends? These uppity people? No, my kids and their kids might be friends.

I love it. And so what are you buying? What are some of your big bangers, Leisha? Oh, those things where the batteries are really difficult to get out. Yes, where you have to get a knife in there. Yeah, absolutely. The piano-y type things where they've got those repeat songs on demo that are really annoying.

I love how much effort you're putting into this. We got gifted a fart piano. I was like, did music need a fart piano? And that's one more because my daughter's learning the piano at the moment. That's what she's learning on. A fart piano. A fart piano. She went to the music class and he's like, have you been practicing?

She's like, yeah. What have you been practicing? Oh, my fart piano. I'll bring it music class and the guy's like, have you been practising? She's like, yeah. What have you been practising? Oh, my fart piano. I'll bring it in tomorrow. Oh, God. Okay. Of course I would have a fart piano. Of course you would.

Thank you for your call, Alicia. Appreciate it. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I've had a couple of banes in my life. Excessive rubbish removal is one of them. Yep.

Parking tickets. Don't is one of them. Yep. Parking tickets is another one. Don't like paying for parking. No. Hair loss is another bain in my life. David is a bain in my life. Uh-huh. Oh. Now, Ben, over the last few months, you know,

there's been no parking wardens outside work and we've just been parking wherever we want. You know, you could literally park anywhere. One day I even drove through the front doors and parked in reception. Yeah, you can do that. And no one can stop you. There was no one at reception at the time. Yeah, no one out and about from the council doing parking tickets.

But now they're back with a vengeance. I mean, both you and me have had two or three in the last seven days, haven't we? Parking tickets, yeah. Yeah. $40 ones too. Well, you don't pay for parking because you get there too early. So you can't even, getting here at like five in the morning, you can't pay for the metered parking

because it's too early. Because they're like, you don't need to pay now. You've got to pay from like eight o'clock. But we're in the middle of the show, so that's how they get you. I mean, we couldn't leave this thing. This is life and death. Exactly. So anyway, back on the parking

ticket train, and you know my theory, I don't pay for car parking. I go and I just park there, don't get a ticket. Sometimes I get ticketed by the council, other times I don't, and it all evens itself out. I don't know if it does even out, though. That's my theory. And sometimes you even let it go to the courts,

and if you ignore the court letters, sometimes it goes to Baycorp as well. Sometimes they even let it reach those lofty heights of debt collection. But I've cracked a code. You leave the parking ticket, and you know how they tuck it under your windscreen wiper? And here's the thing. If you haven't seen the ticket, have you got the ticket? I don't know.

I don't think so. Well, it still gets registered through the system. But you're like, I never saw it. And so what I've been doing is just driving around with it and waiting for it to blow off the windscreen. And it was never a thing then. Do you reckon that stops them from putting another ticket on the car? They'll be like, oh, someone must have ticketed that.

Yeah, because if you leave it on, they're like, oh, Barry's already been here. He's done the rounds here. Or the other theory I saw online once was take off your windscreen wipers so they've got nothing to put your ticket under. But then in rainy days, not so good for driving around safely.

But that's, I'm willing to risk that. Driving down the motorway at 120 on a rainy day with no windscreen wipers. To have no tickets put under your windscreens, that is a risk worth taking. My friend, when we were younger, it was in Wellington, went under the car park barrier arms at the parking buildings.

So they went up for the other car and we were behind and he went in quickly behind the other car. So he got in without a ticket. Yeah. Well, hang on. When you go out, you haven't got a ticket.

And so you had to pay for lost tickets. And so what would have been like $12 parking ended up costing him like $45 for the day just because he snuck in. But why was he, so he was sneaking into the park? He should have done it on the way out. Yeah, yeah. Because another friend of mine, he would just buy,

you know when you buy the tickets from the machine and it prints them out of like how long you've got to park there. He just left them all on his dashboard. So he had like 50 spread across the dashboard and when anyone comes along the towies or anything they can't figure out which is which. You're like,

I paid for it, mate. There it is. There's one of that in that myriad of tickets there. So there we go. Hack parking hacks. Don't pay for it. Well,

we don't all stand behind these comments but anyway, I pay for mine. Some people come when they have to park for extended periods from the airport

was that popular one, wasn't it? Yeah. You get back, if you've been there for three days, you'd get back. You'd just go and stand at the gate, push the ticket and get a new ticket and it looks like you've only parked there for 10 minutes. Highly illegal, though.

And if you get caught, I'm sure there's a lot of cameras out there. Yeah, but that's the risk you have to take. And they've got your licence plate number. Fully endorsed by Jono and Ben on the house. No, not by me. Not by me at all. I'm paying for parking. He's the bald one, by the way.

Definitely not. Hey, we just got into a deep, dark hole of parking hacks and how to avoid paying for parking. Well, you've got more about the parking hacks. Yeah. I'm saying pay for parking. He's trying to distance himself from my illegal parking hacks. So it's better just to pay whatever it is and then you save yourself 40 bucks

later. But you had a shocker across the road. Remember, there's the car park that you set your phone to and it just keeps ticking over and you forgot to turn it off for three days. I'm a park mate. That's not my mate anymore. You went to set up on your phone and then when you leave, you're right, you just turn it off and then they charge you for how

much. But I, of course, first time using it, forgot. The lovely people actually did. I wrote to them and said, I'm sorry I did this and they actually could see with cameras and they were like, oh, they reimbursed me which is nice oh those are lovely people lovely lovely parking people thank you

but you're right if you don't turn it off it's all on you it's a parking hack so I forgot the other one that I had out at the airport remember with my credit card

my credit card for like about a year and a half would for some reason bamboozle the parking machine so like we'd go away for work for four days come back I'd put it into the parking machine and be like,

can't read card. But then it would just print out my ticket and go have a nice day. And I'm like, I will. I will. For a year and a half, free parking. You're like, I'll pay for yours. I'm like, nah, I'm paying for mine.

He refused to take part of my scam. I don't want to be part of your scam. Sometimes I had to park in town. I just went and parked out of the airport because it was free. Made my way back into the city. But Molly, the greatest parking hack ever. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast.

What did you get your friend to do? I got her to get her job at the parking company and so I could park wherever I wanted to because she just voided all my tickets. So you forced her into a role that she didn't want. She was like a qualified surgeon.

But yeah, I want you to work for the parking company so I can get off a couple of tickets. And what a great friend. I don't know if I'd show that commitment to Ben. How many tickets have you got off, Molly? About 12. Oh, this is great. Well worth your friend doing a career that

she hates. It was all good. I appreciate you, Cole. You have a great day. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my hips. Kia ora. I'm Ash Thomas, and this is The B***ing News. Love this part of the show where Ash Thomas, our newsreader,

she reads news headlines and producer Juliet beeps them. Now, producer Juliet, I don't know if you know this, but when you beep out the words, it makes it rather complicated to understand what Ash is saying. Oh. We try and guess what the word is that Ash was originally saying in the news. What's the first news story? Here we go.

Kellogg's gets experimental and launches a** flavored cereal. New flavored cereal of some description being. From Kellogg's. I reckon they've gotten real experimental and come up with Weet-Bix flavored Kellogg's. The competitor. They're competitive. Okay, okay. It's really experimental. It's going to go amphetamine flavoured cereal.

Okay. Just to really put a peep in your step in the morning. Get up and go, eh? Right. That would be fun, but no. Kellogg's gets experimental and launches onion flavoured cereal. Onion? Yeah, so it was a poll vote in Korea. It happened

16 years ago, but they've only just launched it, and onion won over chocolate. But then I'm thinking, chocolate probably already existed. Don't let the internet decide on anything. That's the thing, eh? I know. Didn't Bodie McBoatface not teach us anything? Exactly. Don't let the internet decide. I was reading about Kellogg's the other

day, and the two brothers started Kellogg's, and day and the two brothers started Kellogg's and Corn Flakes, which is their invention. Yes. They were actually trying to make granola but just screwed it up. Really?

I guess this could be a thing. Wow. But probably all of the foods we eat today are probably by accident. Mistake. Yeah.

So our pikelets are just like pancakes and you didn't have enough ingredients for it. I love that. They accidentally put in some sugar instead of flour or something into pikelets. Yum.

And scrambled eggs probably were a mistake of fried eggs. Yes. Someone just screwed them up and was like, oh, these are scrambled eggs. That's what I was meant to do. That's so true. All right, next one. Influencer accused of upstaging bride after p*** at her wedding.

So influencer accused of upstaging bride by something at a wedding, sleeping with a groom. Oh. She's going in there. That would upstage the bride. I was going to say maybe doing a seductive bikini shot during the nuptials. Oh, yeah. That would. Here we go.

Hashtag sponsored or something, you know. Yes. Influencer accused of upstaging bride after passing out at her wedding. Yes, what happened just as the bride and groom were about to have their kiss. And she fainted at the back of the wedding and her boyfriend was one of the groomsmen and rushed to try and get her.

And everyone was like, what's going on? What's going on? And so everyone started looking at the chick who fainted over the bride and groom who were about to kiss. But she can't have done it on purpose. You would hardly call it an upstaging. Yeah, unfortunate timing. And she'd be like mortified and embarrassed.

Yeah, exactly. It wasn't like she did it on purpose. No. But there is always those stories about people that get engaged on other people's weddings. And that's always a bit of a fiddly one, isn't it? Or announces that you're pregnant. That's what Harry and Meghan did at Eugenie's wedding.

They announced that she was pregnant at the wedding. Oh, and Juliette. So this is like he's telling some salacious gossip. Oh, I know. Yeah, not happy about that one, eh? Oh, no. It takes a confident person

proposing at another one's wedding. Yeah, exactly. It's a no-go, but I suppose if all your friends and family are there, you're like, oh, well, we can kill two birds with a stone.

That's true. You had your wedding in Fiji, didn't you, Ben? Yeah, I did. And you bought yourself a big linen suit from the internet, didn't you? Well, I did originally. It didn't work out. Yeah, because it looked like pyjamas,

so I ended up taking it straight to a clothing bin and putting it straight in there. So did you buy a normal suit instead? Yeah, I bought some normal stuff in New Zealand. That's good. It wasn't quite like the linen pyjamas. Linen suits were a big fad for a while. They were. You would have looked like you were out of the Backstreet Boys. Linen suits were a big fad for a while. They were, weren't they?

You would have looked like you were out of the Backstreet Boys. That was the sixth member they cut off. I wanted that wear. And the final story, Producer Juliet? Terrified woman returns home to find have taken over her flat. Ooh, okay. What's for the flat?

Couch-burning Otago uni students. Oh, that's good. I was just, I'm scared of rats at home, so I'm going rats. Okay. What's for the flat? Couch-burning Otago uni students. Oh, that's good. I was just scared of rats at home, so I'm going rats. Okay. Terrified woman returns home to find mutant potatoes have taken over her flat. So what happened was she was quarantining at her boyfriend's house, came home, and you know when you leave potatoes for too long, the little growths come out, and it literally looks like tentacles all over the kitchen.

Oh, my God. Oh. It really did. That's like about three metres long. Yeah.acles all over the kitchen. That's like about three metres long. It's spread all over the wall. We'll put that photo up on the Hits Breakfast story right now on Instagram. Yes, sounds good. It's crazy. So that's what happens if you leave your potatoes too long.

I can see why that's a new story. When you said it, I was like, why is this a new story? Now I understand why it is. And then when you look at it, for sure. Hey, Julie, you did your job to a satisfactory level. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you very much.

Do I stay another day? You stay one more day. You will live one more day. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. We're calling a different town or place in New Zealand one a day. We're doing it alphabetically. And today we've moved to a place I spent a bit of time growing up in,

Carterton. Carterton. You're Carterton's 12th favourite son, are you? I don't know. You're top 20? I don't know. It's a very small town, but I still wouldn't creep into the top 1,000. It's in the Wairarapa. And there hasn't even been 1,000 people to come from Carterton.

They're so embarrassed they've put them outside their list. Carterton's a very small little place next to Masterton, if you know where that is, about an hour and a half from Wellington. Yeah, Taratahi is the Māori name for Carterton. 14 kilometres from Masterton, did you know, Benjamin? The daffodil town as well, I know that about it. And they used to, they caused a bit of controversy a while ago because the public toilets there had a sign outside that said,

Carterton does good to do with toilets, a word that maybe I can't say on radio and they were like ooh you know ooh that's a bit of a racist some people liked it some people didn't like it

divided the very small town we went to the toilets there once you put a sign up for me yeah the Ben Boyce memorial toilets as if you'd passed away or something

you passed away on the toilet maybe had a heart attack on the public toilet it was a bit like that wasn't it it was odd in memoriam. I don't know why it said in memory of Ben Boyce. Anyway.

In the memorial toilet. Good new world, lovely little park. But anyway, it's not about me explaining what Carterton's got. It's about someone else. It had a rash outbreak in the mid-90s too, Carterton. Oh, come on. It did. Come on.

It did. No, you're better than this. You're better than this. Google the 1998 infectious rash outbreak of Carditon. We're heading through now. Did you find it? No, I'm not. It's a thing.

I'm not Googling Carditon and rash outbreak. Anyway. Good morning, Walter. It's Crystal speaking. Hello, Crystal. It's Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. How are we? Are you still talking about the rash outbreak of the late 90s there?

Ignore him. Ignore him. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand. We're doing one a day, and today we've got to Carterton. Well, here we are. That's right, 5,389 people in Carterton. Apparently. Actually, sorry, 5,388. Someone just moved out.

Now, great little cafe. I've been there many times because my mum was living there, just out the back of Carterton. Great cafe. I know. Your mum was a cool little supporter. Yeah, so you think it's a small town. But she moved away.

I know. She moved away. Would Jenny come in every day, would she? Not every day, but, hey, that would be me telling stories. She's a fan of a bowl latte. She's one of those. Would she have like 12 litres of latte in a bucket? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I imagine a scone. Would she be a scone lady, Jenny? A scone or a panini, yeah. Well, yes, you're right. Yeah. I'm glad that you know your mum well. I do. A lovely little cafe you've got there.

But what else is good about Carterton? We want to tell the listeners. Oh, the people. We're a great little community. I feel like we've got each other's back. We were just talking about the wonderful pollution block that you have there, the public toilets on the main road. Yeah, yeah.

Caused a bit of a stir. Yeah. Did they still have the sign up or is the sign gone? No, I think that got taken down. All right. But then, hey, then we've had the clock tower little debacle and like what colour it was going to get painted. That's right.

There was a referendum online about it, wasn't there? Yeah, yeah. There was a bit of a debate. There was like a rainbow option and all sorts, wasn't there? Exactly. Multi-coloured. What colour did you settle on? I don't actually know what colour we've settled on, to be honest.

Oh, is it still raging on? It could potentially be. Oh, there we go. Carderton. I tell you what, it's not quiet. It's happening in Carderton, man. It is. And next door, you've got Masterton.

Yeah. The big smoke, yep. The big brother, the big smoke. Yeah, Master Vegas. Master Vegas Master Vegas Yeah But Ben Boyce From Masterton Yeah I spent a bit of time

A bit of time there Oh yeah So like he's the face On the Lone Star wall Isn't he Yeah He's on the wall of legends I feel like that's a

Yeah yeah Masterton probably has They've got bigger legends Than that But it's lovely to be Included there Just to fill up Some wall space

Did you have to pay Tom to put your photo up there? I paid him quite a lot. It's a yearly thing I have to pay him as well too just to keep you up there. Oh, well, lovely to talk with you. Yeah, nice and random phone call, but yeah, great to talk to you guys. Yeah, you look after Cardedon, okay? And it's all on you. If Cardedon goes up the creek without a paddle, I'm blaming you.

Oh, hey, you know what? And I will take the $5,000 and somewhat with me. No, no. 5,386. Another one's moved out. Sorry. Oh, yeah. There's a fact. You have a lovely day. Thanks, guys. Nice to talk to you. She was lovely. There you go. Small town New Zealand, eh?

Gotta love it. Gotta love it. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Thanks very much for joining us this morning. We love you hanging out on New Zealand's Breakfast. Now, Ben, I've been teasing this that you're going to be bitterly disappointed with me. Yeah. This morning, we've spoken at length about, you know, every minute counts in the morning, doesn't it, when you're getting ready?

And I was running a couple of minutes behind, so I had to combine my love of eating breakfast and my love of driving at the same time. And so you know I was eating toast. I was driving with my knees. You know how you can drive with your knees? No, no, no. I don't. I don't know how I can drive with my knees. I was eating a bowl of fruit

and driving with my knees. I could drive with my knees all the way to work if I wanted to. Even on the motorway? Yeah, you could do. No, you couldn't. You couldn't. You couldn't turn. You're a man of driver as it is.

They need it as part of the driving curriculum, don't they? The test where you go and learn how to drive with the AA driver school or whatever. Okay, there's going to be times when you're running late, you're flustered. Yeah, but what happens, the thing is if you have to stop suddenly or you have to turn, that's where things are going to go wrong. I know, but I know, and yeah, I wouldn't do this during peak hour traffic, but the time we travel to work in the morning, it's a more experimental time on the roads.

You can try some stuff. It's not enough. Like driving on the wrong side. No, none of this is true. But they do, and you know, there's another thing that they could teach young drivers is, you know, how to fire off a text down by your knees before the light goes green. You know, that's another skill that we could all learn. Well, I try to, yeah, a friend of ours, he could send texts without looking.

Oh, yeah. Dan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, the new texting thing on iPhone, you swipe the text. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. He's just like, I can just send texts away. Without looking. Yeah.

I mean, these are important things that drivers need to know about because I know sometimes if you need to put on makeup in the morning, then you have to combine driving and putting on mascara. That is hard. And you're lippy as well. That is hard. What do you reckon? Okay, so I'll see if I can do it.

Yeah. So I'll see if I can do it. Yeah. So I'll see if I can send a text to someone. Yeah, send a text to Bogsy, our boss. I don't have his number, but Todd? Yeah, okay, Todd, our boss. Okay, so without looking, whatever you send right now, you have to send to Boss Todd. Okay, okay.

What are you trying to say? Tell us what you're trying to say. You tell me what I try and say, and I'll see what I end up with. Hi, Todd. Hi, Todd. I'm sick of your crap. I am.

Oh, I don't want to say this. Of your crap. Yeah. You can take your job. I don't know what the punctuation and the full stops are. You can take your job. And shove it where the sun don't shine. I don't know why I'm looking at you so intensely.

Sun don't shine. Oh, I don't know where the'm looking at you so intensely Son Don't shine I don't know where the apostrophe is Shine And when I say that I mean grey mouth And I mean grey mouth Now look at it What does it say?

Hey Tiff I'm sick of your crap Oh I got it You can yahtzees Two words that don't make sense. Divot. The fun don't shine. I myth.

We'll send that off to Tiff. Well, if anything, your job's going to be safe because it's going to look like a myth sentence. I'll send that to Todd. See what he says. There we go. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Yes, I was in the chemist. I had to pick up a prescription. I told you about that, Ben, didn't I? Yeah, yeah. I had to pick up my Ventolin inhaler. I get a little wheezy at times. But I was just looking around the products

when I was waiting for the chemist to package up the Ventolin. And there's some funny names of products in the chemist, isn't there? So I want to play a game with you. Okay. Is this a medical product or is this not a medical product? Okay, you want me to play legit or do you want me to go along the radio?

No, I want you to play legit. Look, I feel like I probably will know, but anyway. Okay. Anuskenol. Okay. Is that a medical product? Made up, made up. Oh, actually, there is some stuff with

Oh no I guess I made up It's made up well done Bosumbucone It's made up Well done Butt tripolines This is not just an excuse for you to say words that you can't normally say on the hits Because you're trying to say them as medical things

Not true Well done Urine a cold and the hits because you're trying to say them as medical things. Not true. Well done. Urinacol. Not true. Well done. Niplicon. Sounds like a comic con where they wear bikinis

or something like that. Sounds like a horrible thing in 2020. I'm saying not made up. Jeez, you're good at this game. Well done. 100% of them were made up, Ben. Anyway, that's not it.

That's not it. I also want to say something else. When I was in the campus, it was quite a bit full. I'm wrapping you up right now. He doesn't want this to go any further. There were two children in there and the poor mother, she was all flustered. She was just up at the counter.

She was like, kids, just be careful where you're running. I don't want you to knock anything over. And I'm like, uh-oh, uh-oh, because they were quite busy. Busy children. As happens with kids. And boom! Straight into those sunglass stands. You know, the ones that stand about a meter and just went, whoo!

It just went slowly down like a demolition building. And a crash! Bang onto the air. I could have helped I could have caught it But I just wanted to watch the carnage Get your phone out Film and get out

This is good We need some good social videos So I'll put that up On the Hits Breakfast Facebook page More painful than your alarm clock It's Jono and Ben on the Hits Spy the WhatsApp Spy.co.nz

She sniffed out all the Hollywood scandal And just to be clear That's the only thing Juliet's sniffing out. It's producer Juliet with some spy entertainment news. Now, Jacinda Ardern has weighed in on Kanye West's run for presidency at yesterday's... Has she weighed in or just been awkwardly asked the question? Awkwardly asked.

Awkwardly asked, for sure. At yesterday's press conference, one of the reporters asked her about it. Kanye West is throwing his hat in the ring. Oh, nice segue. Yeah, yeah, thanks, mate. To run up against Donald Trump in the US presidential race. I don't have any inside information on that.

What would be your advice to him as a politician and him as a good-looking politician? You're asking me what my advice for Kanye West is? Yeah. It may not surprise you. I can't say I have any advice for Kanye West for running for the American presidency. She question shamed the poor guy.

He just sounded like a young junior. Oh, Prime Minister, Kanye West. That's a question I'd ask Jacinda Ardern if I was a budding news reporter, you know? We didn't know about this yesterday, Kanye running for presidency. When we had her on the show.

And so one of the questions we ended up asking her was this one. Do you know which one of us is Jono and which one is Ben? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay. She's just not going to say which is which? It's going to be bad radio. Yeah.

So she said that. But then after the show, she actually messaged us on Instagram. She said, just for the record, and she had a picture of the two of us, and she's put a little marker. Circle? Circle around. That's the word I was looking for.

Thank you. One of those round-shaped things called. It's a circular in shape. Yeah, it's kind of circular. You're right. What's it called? It's not a square. No, it's round.

Not oval, but less circular than an oval. Less oblong than an oval. She put a circle around Jono's face saying, with a little thing she scribbled on saying, Jono, and then a circle around my face saying, not Jono. So it was very clever. It's almost like she doesn't have anything better to do.

It was a well-played problem. It's a well-played. Exactly. And the Friends stars. Circle, well done. Words. It's not a rectangle. I definitely know that for sure. Thank you, guys. And the Friends stars are Circle. Well done. Words. It's not a rectangle. I definitely know that for sure.

Thank you, guys. And the Friends stars are going to be, they're doing a reunion show next month. And they're going to be tested for COVID. And we'll have to quarantine in isolation before they do the old reunion show. Now, I've got an idea for this. Why don't they all quarantine in the same New York City apartment and film the show there? Oh, yeah. You've got your episode of and filmed the show there. Oh, yeah. You've got your episode of Friends, the reunion episode.

Because it's only just a dumb sit-down interview, isn't it? Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's like getting them all back together to talk about the show. Yeah, it's not actually them acting as their characters, which is kind of disappointing. So they could have filmed that months ago. Why has there been so much lead-up to a big interview? I don't know.

Although I wasn't a big Friends follower, so maybe I don't realise the impact that it has had on people's lives. I don't know. Although I wasn't a big Friends follower, so maybe I don't realise the impact that it has had on people's life. I don't know. Oh, it was massive. I think it's still getting played. Yeah, but then you go back and watch it and you're like, the problem is people's memories of

nostalgic things are a lot fonder than the actual reality of when you go back and watch something or enjoy something that you used to love. That is such a good point. I totally agree with that. Because you go back and watch Friends, you're like, oh, I guess it's okay.

And just only because entertainment and what we expect as a form of entertainment now has changed and our bar has been raised so high due to technology and comedic styles that, you know, you go back and watch bloody, what am I trying to think? The Revenge of the Nerds, which you thought was the greatest thing on the face of the earth.

You're like, oh, maybe it wasn't. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it stacks up in 2020. At the time, did it? I don't know. For more spy, head to thehits.co.nz. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on The Hits.

It is The Hits. So Jono and Ben wrapping up our show. And we like to end things on a high note, on a positive. Yeah, it's going to be a good day. It's going to be a great day, unless you're about to head to your divorce lawyer and work your way through a messy breakup. Maybe that's for the best in the long run.

Let's be positive. Let's be positive. Maybe it is. Why stay together if you're hating each other? Yeah, why stay together for the kids? Don't get too. The kids often are happier when the parents are happier. Well, Ben, that is a great spin.

So there you go. It's going to be a good day. Take it from me, someone who went through, you know, parents separating. If they're not happy, just let them be, you know? Yeah. Why do they stay together? Why do people feel obnoxious? Anyway, this is not what this is about.

This is about positivity. This guy's just turning into a therapy session. That's the therapy for me. Here we go. Right. You're really killing the vibes here now. We don't want to talk about your children. We'll do that tomorrow.

Let's head to the phones. Lubeck, welcome. You're in Whangamata. Yes, mate. La Whangamata. And why is it going to be a good day in Whanga today, mate? Oh, because it's beautiful. It's a beach town.

And I'm leaving rain and power. Oh, you're leaving rain. You're at the beach. That's good. We've got a double pass to and power. Oh, you're leaving rain, you're at the beach. It's good. We've got a double pass to the movies for you, all right? Thanks to Reading Cinemas. Cheers, bud. None of which are in Whangamata, but go and enjoy those. Thank you very much.

Maria in Wellington, it's going to be a good day. Why? Morning, because we're taking our holiday kids program to Te Papa. Oh, I love the National Museum. I remember getting attacked by one of Sir Peter Jackson's giant war characters. Oh, yeah. Good old winter workshop. Yeah, it's amazing. I walked into it by accident.

Gave me a bloody bruised forehead. A big, big egg on my forehead. Well, yeah, well, hopefully that doesn't happen today. Especially with you guys keeping our track of the kids. But they're impressive, those soldiers. They're really well done. Yeah, they are. They are.

Hey, will you go and look after those kids as well as you can? Try not to lose any. Yeah, no, we won't. A double pass to Reading Cinemas for you. All right, enjoy your Tuesday. Awesome, you too. Thank you. Leave the kids at Te Papa and you can go to the movies.

And finally, let's go out on Marie. Why is it going to be a good day today, Marie? Because I lost my job three months ago, right before lockdown. I worked in travel and tourism. And today I have three job interviews. So today has got to be my lucky day already. Yeah, you do. Three in one day. Good luck.

Thank you so much. Well, whoever you are going to a job interview with, if they're listening to this right now, employ Marie. She's a great lady. I've only just met her. She might be shocking. She might be involved in workplace theft. I don't know. But you should employ her. She's a great lady. I've only just met her. She might be shocking. She might be involved in workplace theft. I don't know.

But you should employ her and give her a job. Put Jono down as your character reference, all right? Thank you so much. We're going to give you a double pass to LAB in Taranaki next year, all right? Oh, awesome. Thank you guys so much. It's my birthday on Friday too, so that's awesome.

Oh, enjoy. The TSB Bowl in Brooklyn's New Plymouth. It's in January. Tickets on sale next Tuesday. And that is our show for Tuesday. Oh, enjoy the TSB Bowl in Brooklyn's New Plymouth. That's in January. Tickets on sale next Tuesday. And that is our show for Tuesday. Tomorrow, we've got someone who's never been on the internet. We're on a mission to show them all the big banging videos. We need your help.

We've also got another lady who was scammed. And Andy Allen, the judge from Masterchef Australia. Oh, it's going to be a big show. Can't wait to do it for you then. We'll see you on the Wednesday. On the Wednesday, that's right. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from six on

The Hits and via the iHeart Radio app.