Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - July 16 - Urzila Carlson, Reception Reception, Have You Gone Viral?

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

On today's show we talked to the lady who threw a sex toy at Steven Joyce a few years ago (you may or may not know the viral video, if you don't, please search it up. It'll make your day)! Jono also tabled an issue he's having at home about butter. Finally our game Reception Reception made a comeback, where Jono phones an unsuspecting receptionist with an embarrassing message for Ben, but will the receptionist pass the message onto Ben when he phones back? Happy Thursdee!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Get ready for another podcast. Prepare yourself. Does anyone actually listen to these? Yeah, people do. Yeah. They do.

They get through this, this little banter at the start and they get into the podcast. What are the insights? You got any? No, I don't know. No, that's another department. The numbers department. That's not really my thing. I just enjoy being part of the podcast And today you wanted to start off with a bit of a fact

My son Oscar at school holidays here in New Zealand Because I know the podcast spreads internationally Doesn't it, gets its claws out internationally So for our Eastern European viewers, listeners It's the school holidays here in New Zealand So my son Oscar, every time I get home He's like, some inane fact he's learnt off the internet. But he tried this one.

You try humming, Ben. Humming with your mouth. Now try humming with your mouth while holding your nose. You can't. Ceases the hum immediately. It does, you're right. Isn't that interesting? That's really good.

Mmm. Mmm. He must be really, it's definitely the tail end of the school holidays if he's testing that stuff out. We've got a fun show for you today though on the podcast. We talked to the lady who threw the adult toy at a New Zealand politician. This

made world news a couple years ago. She phoned through to the show and the preparation that went into this, the training, the military-style training that went into this sex toy throw. Yeah. I didn't know how so much effort had gone into it. We've got Ursula Carlson, a comedian. She's got a Netflix special.

She tells us about that, as well as Captain Sandy, who is the captain on Below Deck, a Mediterranean, the Bravo reality TV show, and she was chased by pirates. We've got all that, and I would usually say more, but there's probably not much more, but we've got all that. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Reception, reception, fun little game we play,

where we phone receptions and see if they'll pass on messages for us. Ben, traditionally, I phone up, leave a message, and you have to retrieve it. Yeah, it's normally an embarrassing message for me that I hear for the first time through a receptionist somewhere in the country. So I'm going to leave the room. Jonah, are you going to phone up someone now?

Yeah, we're going to go to the Greymouth West Coast. You go to the soundproof booth because we don't want Ben to hear this message. Let's dial through now, Producer Julie. Yes. message. Let's dial through now, Producer Juliette. Good morning, Eric. Nadine speaking. Nadine, is it? Yes.

Hi, Nadine. How are you? Good, thank you. How are you? Yeah, good, thanks. I was just trying to leave a message for Ben. Ben told me to call this number and you would take the message and then he would retrieve the message off you. Ben who? I don't know his surname. He's an exotic dancer. And I was wanting to book him for my

grandmother's funeral. Okay. Whom am I speaking with? My name is Jonathan. Jonathan. How are you, Jonathan? Good, thank you. So, yeah, if you could just take a message. Yeah, okay.

We would love him to perform at The Wake on Sunday. Okay, sure thing. I know he's got some, I'm just looking at the options on his website. Yeah. He can be a racy cop, a racy fireman, or a racy COVID patient. Oh, we've got to go with COVID, don't we? But then I looked, he's got another page where he can assume characters. Buck Naked is his other character.

Yes. Or Luke Thighwalker, a Star Wars-themed performance there. Oh, I'm a bit partial to the old Star Wars theme, aren't you? So we'll go, yeah, okay. We'll book in Luke Thighwalker, if you could tell him that. Okay. And I was just wondering if, how much extra we have to pay for the bouncy moose?

Bouncy moose, okay. It's one of his signature moves. Okay, excellent. And tell him we'd also book in the saucy goblet of fire and one wobbly Spider-Man, thank you. Oh, fabulous. So when can I expect Ben to turn up here? I'm not sure.

He might call you and just get there. He just said this is the number, leave a message, and you'll pass it on to him. So have you got all that? I have. I actually have, yes. Okay, great. All right, well, hey, message, and you'll pass it on to him. So have you got all that? I have. I actually have, yes. Okay, great. All right, well, hey, listen, thank you so much for taking that message.

And, yeah, if you can tell him that that would really put the icing on the cake at the funeral, that would be fantastic. Brilliant, brilliant. Oh, well, sorry for your loss, too, by the way. Thank you. Nadine, thank you so much for your time. You have a wonderful day. You too.

Thank you very much. Bye. Okay, it's time to bring Ben back in from the soundproof booth. Come on in, Ben. Okay. I always love to look on everyone's faces when I come back in. Everyone's just smiling at me. Here we go.

So your name's Ben. Thank you. You're a hardworking businessman. Oh, God. You're just a hardworking guy, a little start-up business. And Nadine is her name. Wonderful receptionist. Nadine will hopefully, I'm hoping, will pass on the message.

Okay, okay. She was a very good receptionist. A hard-working businessman? Yeah. Hi, it's Ben here. I'm a hard-working businessman. Okay. You've got a message for me.

Good morning, Aratuna. Kayla speaking. Oh, hi. Is Nadine there? She is. I'll pop you businessman. Okay. You've got a message for me. Good morning, Aratuna Kayla speaking. Oh, hi, is Nadine there? She is. I'll pop you over. Okay, thank you. Hello? Oh, hi, is that Nadine?

Yes, it is. Oh, hi, it's Ben here. I'm a hard-working businessman. Are you now? Yeah, I am. That's what I'm... Just wondering if you have any messages for me for a hard-working businessman. Are you now? Yeah, I am. Just wondering if you have any messages for me for a hardworking businessman that I am.

Oh, from Jonathan, perhaps. Yeah, I think I was expecting a message from Jonathan. He said he might leave it at a reception, so I'm just ringing up this one. Oh, okay, yes. He did leave a message. It's about a wake on Sunday for a funeral. Oh, a funeral, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, he's wondering if you're able to, you know, help him out there. Yeah, I can help him out. Yeah, yeah. So. Sunday, you say? Yeah, Sunday's fine.

Yeah, I can do that. Help him out, of course. Absolutely. Sure. Okay. Yep. What exactly did he book, do you know? Yeah, he was wanting you for a Star Wars theme.

A Star Wars theme? Yeah, like a Luke. Yeah. As an exotic dancer, by the way. Me as an exotic dancer? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he wants my services. That'd be an unusual request, but I guess that's what he wanted, his services. Yeah, the pair of years could probably have a go at that anyway, I'd say. Does he want anything else from me apart from the exotic dance? Oh God, don't do this to me. I feel like we should come in here. It's John O'Byrne here. I'll be able to work today.

I'm sick of that. I'm sick of that. I've got everyone here looking at me weird. Nadine, tell them that we wanted to book Luke Skywalker and we paid extra to get the bouncy moose, the saucy goblet of fire and the wobbly Spider-Man. I can see why you don't want to pass those on, Nadine. No, not in an officer's size, no. No, fair enough.

You're a good sport. Thank you so much for playing along with our silly little game. Oh, lovely. Thank you very much. Can you hold the line? We'll find something for you. The irony is being in an exotic dance would be more tragic, Mike, wouldn't you? Oh, no. I'd pay to see it. Oh, we made a deal. We made a sale.

Alright, so I'm booked out on Sunday but after that I'm pretty free. Oh, that was fun. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth, it's Jono and Ben on my heads. Now after the show today Barb who's a listener to the radio show and has never seen any viral videos she's coming in and for the first time we're going to play her the greatest viral videos

as voted by you and if you've missed the top five videos that we're going to play Barb well here you go. Your top five gone viral videos. Five. I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey. The wonky donkey Scottish laughing grandma. Four. Always blow on the pie, safe for communities together.

Always blow on the pie. Three. What are you doing, boo? Dude, I'm beached as. Beached as bro. Two. Ow, Johnny. Charlie bit my finger. One. What do you reckon the question might be? I'm beached as Beached as bro Two Oh, Charlie Charlie, bit my finger

One What do you reckon the question might be? Father's Day What about Father's Day? Father's Day is on Sunday What day is Father's Day? So those are the videos that we're going to play. Barb will hear her reaction tomorrow on the show.

Yeah, looking forward to meeting Barb. Yeah, be great. Now we want to do this because we play a game called A Song to Find. We throw out a crazy scenario, so crazy, and we give ourselves a song to find someone who's either had that happen to them or they are the person we're talking about. Today, sticking with the viral theme, have you gone viral on the internet? This is an iconic Kiwi moment that went viral.

It happened at Waitangi up north. Stephen Joyce, who was the MP at the time, got an adult toy thrown at his face by someone, and it went all over the world. It went viral. It got played on US talk shows. It made news everywhere. And we've got the person on the phone right now.

We have the thrower on the phone. It's called through. Her name is Josie. Welcome. Kia ora. Mo reina to you. How are you going? Yeah, not too bad. Now tell me, are you the infamous

toy thrower? Yes, you are correct. We got it. We got it. What a moment in New Zealand history. It sure was. Very iconic moment. So how did it all come about? I was travelling out there actually to throw it all come about? I was traveling out there,

actually to throw it at John Key was the original target. Oh, really? But he didn't show up at Waitangi that year. So I was a bit disappointed and just thought I'll keep it in my handbag just in case I see another person around. And yeah, I happened to see Stephen Joyce doing a press conference.

Had no idea who he was and went over to the police. I said, is that a national MP over there? And they said, yes, I happened to see Stephen Joyce doing a press conference. Had no idea who he was and went over to the police. I said, is that a national MP over there? And they said, yes, it is. So I was like, well, great, I've got something for him. And, yeah, that's when I sort of dealt out Stephen Joyce. I love it how you, like, didn't even know who he was. He was collateral damage. He was.

Now, did you have a few logistical questions? Sure. Did you purchase it on the way up? This was obviously meditated, premeditated. Was it something that you had lying around? I purchased it about six weeks beforehand and did a lot of target practice leading up to it because it's actually a terrible throw. It's kind of more like a dog chew toy. Am I right in saying that? Yeah, it is. It's's actually a terrible throw. It's kind of more like a dog chew toy. Am I right in saying that? Yeah, it is.

It's not actually an adult toy. It's shaped like that, but you'd give it to, I don't know why you'd give it to a dog, but you'd give it to a dog. Yeah, chosen specifically so I didn't actually hurt anybody just to make a bit of a statement. Oh, well, the shape of it is very phallic. But it's for a dog. It's designed to give to a dog as a chew toy, which is weird if you're training your dog to... Yeah, why do you want to do it?

We should not teach the dogs that that's a chewable thing. Feminist dog chew toy. Yeah. So how much trouble did you get in after this? I got arrested, and then the police thought it was hilarious, so they said, well, just let you away with a warning.

So no trouble at all. I mean, there's no part of that you can't find funny. I mean, even Stephen Joyce would have found that a bit funny. It certainly caught him off guard. I bet he didn't wake up that morning going, well, I'm going to have one of these thrown at my head. I love in America how the assassination plots are just so much more, there's a lot more jeopardy there.

Over here, they're a bit more friendly, aren't they? It's lighter, it's nice. And so what, was there any fallout from the throwing incident in Waitangi? Oh no, it just resulted in me getting a lot of free beer over the years really when people recognise me as pub. Oh, do people still recognise you today and go, hey, yeah. They do. Not as often, but it still does happen. And yeah, in the Kiwi nature, everybody's always like, I'll buy you a drink. Oh, well, Josie, hey, listen, Josie, lovely to talk to you.

The truth behind the story. Have you got any more comically themed attacks planned? I have been requested a lot by the Black Lives Matter movement in America to do a contract on Donald Trump. They've even offered to pay for flights. Oh, to go over to Trump in the future? Oh, jeez. Contract toy hit on Trump. Wow.

Don't know how that would go. For your safety, I don't know how that would go down. Hey, listen, lovely to talk with you, Josie. Yeah, you too. And you look after yourself, okay? And we'll keep an eye out this election to see if any flying toys are in the frame. Yeah, cool.

Take care, guys. See you, mate. See you. That is the lady who threw the toy at Stephen Joyce at Waitangi a few years ago. As we said before, it went viral, went all over the world. Here's John Oliver we've just found

talking about it on his US talk show. Step aside, Citizen Kane. There is a new greatest film in town. And listen, while the slow motion footage is undeniably funny, it's actually not as funny as the natural sound of it bouncing off his nose. Take a listen. We always take something away from every meeting we have. Ooh!

Before I die... Ooh! Ooh! It is an ooh moment, isn't it? It's like, ooh. He was like, what? New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them.

They're chewy. It's Jono and Beryl the Hedge. She's got a Netflix comedy special. How cool is that? Here we are. Here we are again, eh? Live and breathe. She's come back for more. Yeah, mate.

You can't put me off. That cold order doesn't work everywhere, does it? Ursula Carlson, it's always good to catch up with you. You've got a Netflix special. Congratulations. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah, my mum's real proud.

To be honest, you're probably far too big to be talking to us now, Ursula. Yeah, I'm hoping. This is my five-year plan. The special comes out. I win an Emmy next year. Then I get an interview with Ellen. It sparks Oprah's interest. Goes on a book club. And then all of a sudden my friends with

her and Michelle Obama and Gayle. And then I'll never talk to any one of you again. Okay, you know, I was just wondering, where do we fit into this five year plan? And nowhere. Nowhere at all. Yeah, no, there's no side. Yeah. It's a steel pipe and you're not coming in. So Overqualified Loser is the name of your Netflix special.

When did you record this? In Melbourne, right? Yeah, I recorded that in Melbourne in December, before Cyrus the Boris attacked, and we could still travel. So, I recorded then, and it was actually supposed to be out in April, May, but then all the translators,

because it was translated into 32 languages, but they all had to work from home, so it took longer. So, like, there's a version of the stand-up special in Russian. Yeah, if you can read Russian, yeah. Oh, yeah, so they're putting subtitles. It's still my beautiful accent

making your ears bleed. Why do you say you're an overqualified loser? That's not yours. Well, no, because the show is just called Loser, but then when Netflix asked me to record it, then they said afterwards, they go, we just need

to put a positive spin on it. We need to change the name, and I wasn't keen on changing the name of the show, so I just put overqualified in the front of it. If anything, that doubles down on the loser part, doesn't it? Yeah. Less positivity. What I reckon the Americans would see losers go, we're not watching that,

it's too negative. How about overqualified loser? And then they tested it and they went, yeah, that's fine. I'm like, oh, okay, that makes no sense. And ironically, they have an underqualified loser in the White House in America. Oh, political bird, political.

Now, Isla, we were just saying before you phoned through that what goes into making an hour worth of comedy, like a stand-up show? Yeah, can you take us through some of the things you'd have to do? Because we were quite interested, like how long does it take you to write it? How do you practice it?

How do you not forget any jokes? All those sorts of things. Well, mine is easy because I'm a storyteller. So all my stories sort of link up with each other and it's things that have actually happened to me or things that I can imagine happening to me

that I just sort of make bigger. But when I start writing it, I just go, okay, it's an hour, which if you think, okay, I could talk for an hour, it's quite daunting, but you break that up. Then I just write that it's four 15-minute shows that I can link together. So there's four bits to the show, and then I just write segues that lead into each other to link the stories together.

And then I just practice it. Usually it takes me about, like I'll think about it the whole year. My biggest challenge is to come up with a theme, you know, what do I want to talk about? And then I sort of think about it all year and I make little notes and I, you know, literally just think about it. I don't write it. And then about two weeks before I open, I just sit down and I write it down

and I do like a mind map of what I want to do, what goes where. But then the first time I do it for an hour, that's the first time I hear it too. I don't test it. I just do the hour. Oh, you don't practice it? You don't go, I'll be up in my bedroom with the door shut and talking into like a toothbrush or anything like that? No, I just make little, you know, like I said,

little headlines for myself and go, well, talk about that, that, that and that and hopefully. So I don't even know if it's an hour. And then sometimes it's 45 minutes and sometimes it's an hour 50. What I'm hearing here is you basically procrastinate for an entire year, then panic two weeks before you have to do it. Yeah, you know that. You know that.

It's like I'm writing it in your house. Ursula Carlson, congratulations. So proud of you. You just keep going from strength to strength while we just keep staying here. Yeah. And it's amazing to see all your success and we wish you

all the best for the future. You've got a Netflix special now. Yeah, thanks, guys. We just want your Netflix login. Can we use your account as well now after you've got the special? I'll put that on.

Oh, thank you. That'd be good if you could share it with us. That'd be cool. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. I'm in a bit of trouble. I imagine I'm probably in a bit of trouble because at the moment in my household,

Jen, my wife and me are in a standoff over the tub of butter. Every day we're like, we've got to get a new tub of butter. So what are you talking about when you say tub of butter? You know, like a butter. You've got butter. Something you buy from the supermarket or you've got a special butter container. No, no, something you buy from the supermarket. We've run out of butter.

Gotcha. And we ran out of butter probably 15 weeks ago. So we've just been surviving on the, you know when you get like a scalpel and just scrape along the grooves of the bottom of the container. And both of us, for whatever reason, are refusing to or forgetting to pick up a new tub of butter. And this morning I think I just took the last morsel. It's amazing how much you can make butter spread when you're, you know.

When you first get butter, you're spreading it all over the show. You're right. Spreading it on the curtains, all over the kids, on myself. I'm just spraying butter everywhere. But then when you get down to those final stages, isn't it painful? You're right. It's the same thing, but kind of in reverse with the rubbish bags. At the start where you put stuff in, you've got,

oh, you put it in, but at the end of it, you jam. Oh, you're balancing. You never want to be the person who has to take the bag out. We've got those biodegradable ones and all that sort of stuff, but you're still trying to jam as much into it as possible. And if it's in a drawer, yeah, you're shoving the drawer shut. No, no, it's still here. He's just stuffing it in.

Just because you can't be bothered walking seven metres to put it in the bin. It's damn right. And same with the toilet roll, you know? Down to those last few squares. I am making those. They are working hard for me. I'm getting five wipes out of some of those. Just a square.

Just a single square. Oh, my God. What a great mental image that was. Is there the one job that you hate doing in your house? What is it for you? Oh, I don't know. The cleaning the shower is not always fun. No.

The bottom, the scrubbing it. But, I mean, you know, you just do it. When was the last time you pulled clunky hair out of your drain? Yeah. I'm always the one in the house doing that. Me. And I've provided none of that. I've contributed to that in no way at all.

You've seen my head, Ben. Do you think any of this on here would clog a drain? No. No, but I'm pulling out clumps of black. It looks like a drowned sewer rat. And I'm doing that because I love my family. But not enough to get some butter on the way home.

I don't love them that much. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the that much. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, a friend of ours... Bronnie. Yeah, loves her dog. But I think...

She named the dog Kevin. Yeah. Then she named her business after Kevin. Yeah, she loves the dog. Great dog and great people. But when they go out, they leave Kevin at home in the lounge and they decide, her and her partner, her husband Cam, they make decisions on what they think the dog should watch on TV

because they like to give the dog company by leaving the TV on. And so they have a big debate whenever they go out about what shows are coming up that night or what things they've recorded to leave on for the dog. And so what are the crowd favourites? What are Kevin's favourites? I can't imagine the dog just sitting down watching Friends reruns. But sometimes they go on like he'd like something light,

like Friends or like the Big Bang Theory or something. You know, a few laughs. We'll leave on a recording of that. Oh, they can tell what sort of viewing mood Kevin's in. He's after a gritty Netflix crime doco. I was there one time and they were all about this nature. You know, they recorded like a nature thing. They can tell what sort of viewing mood Kevin's in. He's after a gritty Netflix crime doco. I was there one time and they were all about this nature. You know, they recorded like a nature thing.

It's an animal thing. Oh, we don't know what's on there. It could be some scary animals coming up later. You know? Like Kevin doesn't want to sit there and go, oh God, there's a lion or a tiger, you know? You don't want to give Kevin nightmares. Yeah, so they really, next level I would say.

My mum puts on News Talk ZB for my dog when she leaves home. He goes in the garage and mum's like, oh, he can listen to a bit of Mike Hosking. Just to keep the dog company.

Yeah, just to keep him company. Your dog's formed some very controversial opinions on immigration. Yeah, exactly. Dog's like, put me on, Mike, I'll have a chat.

I suppose that's not unusual though, right? No, I don't think so. Just to keep him company. Yeah, exactly. That is the most up-to-date dog in New Zealand. He already knows that Nikki Kaye is no longer in Parliament. She was dead weight anyway.

Before you did, right? Yeah. So we thought we'd throw it out there today. 0800 the hits or 4487 on the text. Pampered pets. Maybe it's you or maybe it's someone you know. How are the pets pampered? Sometimes better than the humans

There's cases where I'm pretty sure Partners are left out of beds and dogs Sleep in the bed instead of the partner Or get fed better Like sirloin steaks People cook meals especially for their dogs You know as well as cooking for themselves That's the next level

Let's go to the phones, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast Martin, how are you, mate? Morning, guys. How's it going? Oh, good. Great to have you on, buddy. Pampered pets. What happened?

Yes. Well, we got a few pets, but the worst one is Cat Tigger that my wife had before we got together and we've still got now. She's got a special spot in between our pillows at the top. Oh, like a spot right by your heads? Right by the heads, in between our pillows at the top. Oh, like a spot right by your heads? Right by the heads, in between the pillows now. It used to be in between us, but now, since

it's cold, she's made a space in between the pillows. And I imagine you're just getting her tail, like, whacked on your face in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah, you wake up sneezing because there's cat hair everywhere. Yeah. You know, I'll roll over, I'll go to cuddle the missus, and she'll go, hey, cat's in the bed.

Well, there you go. That's a very pampered pet. We appreciate your call this morning. Thank you, mate. Appreciate you listening. Let's go to Green Bay. Becky, you're on the air. Pampered pets.

Good morning. How are you? What do your dogs, we understand, get pampered? My dog, yes. We turn the radio on for him and leave him with all his toys. So he has voices during the day. So he gets to listen to you guys during the day. Oh, he gets to listen to us, does he?

Yes, yes, he listens to you guys. What sort of dog is it? He's a hunt away. And does he get a couch? Does he get a jacket? Well, we've got a bungalow, so our bedroom is at the front of the house, which is where he likes to be,

so he can jump in the bay window and look at anybody who's turning up. So he has a fur rug on the floor that he likes to sleep on and, yeah, he plays with his toys when I leave and he, yeah, just lies there sleeping, listening to the radio. Becky, that is pampered. That's a double

P if I've ever heard one. Someone's texting saying my cat has its own electric blanket for this time of year. Another text here, 4487. Every Thursday and Sunday nights my wife cooks our dog a full roast meal.

Wow. Delivers that on a plate. And let's go to Linny in the Waikato. How are you, Linny? Yeah, good, mate. How's yourself? Oh, mate, we're bloody good. Linny, what's your pampered pet? I've got a couple of Great Danes and I work full time

and I live in Otahama, so it's pretty cold out these days. So they've got an L-shaped bed couch in the garage with a blanket and stuff. But on really cold days, I put an electric blanket on for them. Oh, you're an electric blanket person as well. Yeah, well, they are. Do you think the dogs are like, you know, we've survived hundreds of years without electric blankets or roast meals? Yeah, you know, we've survived hundreds of years without electric blankets or roast meals. Yeah, I know.

I'm probably in a bit of trouble because everybody knows I'm a bit of a soft touch, but now that they know that I've got an electric blanket, then they'll know that I've lost the plot. We had Solymio in the other day, and Moses from Solymio was like, he was driving somewhere through the North Island and he saw at the end of a farm gate free puppies. So he went and picked one up, not knowing what it

was. And over the years it's turned out to be a Great Dane. So he's basically got a horse living in his house, he said. Yeah, if I had a dollar for every time somebody said that to me, I would be a wealthy woman. He had a birthday party for it last week. Everyone was invited. They got little party poppers and hats and everything. Yeah, they're a pretty cool dog.

It's a lot of dog, but it's a very cool dog. Hey, thank you for your call. You have a great day this morning, all right? Thanks, mate. You too. You'd be a greyhound if you were a dog, Ben. Me? Yeah.

You're a slender sort of little thing, aren't you? I'd be one of those hairless chihuahuas. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. You know you're the naked mole rat. You can't upgrade. She's trying to get a new pet. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jotterwood Band on the hits.

She's the equivalent of that nosy neighbour who knows everything about everyone in the street. And Producer Julia, there's nothing you don't know about the filthy celebrities out there. Thank you. I'll take that honour. Even the non-filthy ones she knows about as well. Yeah, ones that have showered. She's got dirt take that honour. Even the non-filthy ones she knows about as well. Yeah, ones that have

showered. She's got dirt on them all. Even the clean ones. Now, Kanye West has reportedly dropped out of the 2020 presidential race. I'm kind of not surprised by this. He apparently does have political aspirations one day, but he's realised that a lot more goes

into it than just saying, just simply saying the plans that you have. So they've decided that if he does pursue politics in the future, he's going to be prepared for it and have everything in order to make a legitimate run. It's kind of like, you normally think it would be a publicity stunt, but he probably doesn't need the publicity

if that makes sense. You know, like, everyone pretty much knows who Kanye West is anyway. He only gave it a crack for a week. Seven days is like too much. Too many emails. Too much. There's too much work going on here. Fair enough.

His party was going to be called the Birthday Party. I quite liked that. Great name. Great name. But yeah, Kanye West, he was probably polling at 2%, wasn't he? Yeah, he was. There was only one very small poll done, but yeah, he was at 2%. So maybe he went, let's do it next time.

Or not at all. Probably a wise decision. Was he hoping to just go I'm going to run for president and then 58% of the vote would just swing towards him? He's probably quite used to just getting everything

he wants with the snap of his finger so he's probably like oh actually I have to work for this? Oh damn. Go back to recording and doing fashion really well

which he does. We heard a story but I can't remember who it was. Anyway, someone was associated with someone in Los Angeles, and they phoned them up in the middle of the night, and they woke up. It was like 3 in the morning.

They're like, Kanye really wants you to come work with him. Problem is, he's like an hour and a half away in a studio at 3 o'clock in the morning. So this dude was like, oh, yeah, no worries. I'll get up and go. I guess this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Turned up, got there by 5 in the morning, and turned up, and then the guy at the studio was like, oh, no, Kanye, he got bored. I guess this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Turned up, got there by five in the morning and turned up and then

the guy at the studio was like, oh no, Kanye got bored and went home. Oh! He's like, oh, I've just done a three hour round trip here, literally in the middle of the night. Yeah. Well, because my dad and I, my dad's a massive Paul McCartney fan, so we were watching some YouTube clips the other day and

Paul McCartney played guitar on that 4-5 Seconds song with Rihanna and Kanye West. And Paul McCartney was introducing it. He was playing it in his own concert. He's like, I worked for two days with Kanye and then Kanye calls me up and goes, oh, we've had to speed up the guitar you've done. He's like, oh, okay, what about the singing?

He goes, oh, no, but you play guitar on it. Oh, so he took out his singing? He edited it out for him? He's like, am I on the song? He's like, yeah, you're playing the guitar. Oh! That is sad. Kanye's like, I'm a rapper, but I'm going to do him singing. He edited it out for McCartney. He's like, I'm on the song. He's like, yeah, you're playing the guitar. That is sad. Kanye's like, I'm a rapper, but I'm going to do the singing. Yeah, they used to do a bloody good job too.

But he's like, all right, fair enough, but I'm going to sing it for you now. So Paul McCartney sings it at his concerts as well, at the speed that originally they were going to play it at. Kanye does what Kanye wants, it seems. It was a hit song, so you can't argue with that. Yeah, exactly. And Demi Moore's bathroom went viral because she posted a photo of it with it all decked out. Carpets, chairs, furniture, everything.

And she's blaming her ex-husband, Bruce Willis, for this monstrosity. Because this is the house, again, that my children grew up in. And that originally was a Bruce Willis choice. Not to put it off on him. We also live in the mountains where it gets very cold. So it's never bothered me. It's actually quite good. Not to put it out on Bruce.

She definitely put it out on Bruce. She does. Such a classic Bruce thing to do. Let's carpet this bathroom. It would be very absorbent, wouldn't it? Very soggy, I imagine, in parts, a carpeted bathroom. Yeah, especially around the toilet. You know, the way with guys, Bruce Willis, you know.

Yeah, I mean, no one's got the greatest aim in the world, do they? Even a sniper would be all over the show. They'd be off to carpet court every two months, getting it relayed, getting a rug doctor in. Yeah, she'd any stage, she could have, like, pulled that carpet up and put tiles in there. Although, to be honest, because they do live in the mountains, your feet would get a little bit cold on the tiles, you know.

So I can see where they're coming from. Isn't there underfloor, you buy underfloor heating nowadays? Yeah, you can. Hollywood wages, surely they could do that. Yeah, they could have a poor person blowing hot air onto their feet if they wanted. Yeah, exactly. For more, spy here to the hits.co.nz. Not a morning person?

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, wedding ring. Wedding ring chat can happen quite often in my household. Well, you don't wear one. No, I don't. And I front-footed that with Amanda, my wife. I said before, hey, listen, I'm going to want to have affairs.

And a wedding ring is a bad look. When a married man is trying to have an affair, it's going to hold me back. They start judging. So I just want you to know I'm not going to wear one. Before we got married, I said I'm not a ring person. I don't like, you know, so I've got the tattooed wedding date on my arm. But, you know, we got one for the ceremony, but it sits in the drawer at home. Oh, so you still own it?

I own one, yeah. It sits in the drawer. What did you go with? I went with like a silvery platinum thing or something. It's nice, but it's just not really, it's not my thing. You're not a ring guy. You're not a jewellery guy. I tried to be a jewellery guy once with bangles and bits of bracelets and things like that.

I'm not a jewellery guy. No, I just don't feel like I'm a jewellery guy either. Yeah, so I really respect those people who can wear gold chains with their shirt, like, just one button done up down by their belly button. I'm like, I want to be one of those tanned, hairy, gold chain wearing, little bit plump looking Italian

show. But you look cool. You pull it off. But yeah but i'm not one of those people and you're not either but we were talking about uh wedding rings and my mother-in-law joyce was saying well you know what happened with my one i was like no and so she broke up about 30 years ago with her husband and um you know she went to get the ring back he's like i don't want it and she's like right then i'll just throw it out the kitchen window so it wasn't a fit of rage i don't know it wasn't a discussion it was like you don I'll just throw it out the kitchen window. Was it in a fit of rage? I don't know. It was in a discussion. It was like, you know what, I'll throw it out the window.

And so it went out into the garden out there. She lived in this house for like 35 years, been out there gardening, done all sorts of stuff. But it wasn't until pretty much 31 years later that she found the ring. How's that? It'd be sitting in the garden. Just recently? Yeah, yeah.

No, just not too long, about two years ago, she found the ring. And I was like, oh my God. It'd been sitting there the whole time. She'd pretty much forgotten about it until she was gardening for probably about the 100th time in that same area. And then went, oh, that's my ring. Well, I suppose it's not out of the question, is it? Well, no one's going to come along and take it.

Unless you've got pirates digging up treasure in your backyard, then the ring's probably pretty safe there. But I went online last night because I was thinking about these wedding rings. And a couple of weeks ago in New Zealand, there was a guy, a hibiscus coast man, he was out surfing and he lost his ring in the ocean while surfing. And once he was in the ocean, he was like, I dived down, but you couldn't see it. They tell me the ocean's quite a big place. Yeah.

He came back that night with the kids and apparently had a look on the beach and was like, oh, this is silly. But anyway, I'll put up a sign to say if anyone can help me, if you see it. And some guy, some good Samaritan, went down with his metal detector for two evenings along the beach and found it on the second day, about six hours into it, and you found it.

I was like, what the God? I'm on the shore with this metal detector. I just gave it back to him. I was like, that's cool. They always look as mad as snakes, those metal detector people. You're like, what? Their headphones are like, beep, beep, that's cool. They always look as mad as snakes, those metal detector people. You're like, what? Their headphones are like, beep, beep, beep, beep. Let's just do that at night time.

When everyone else is not on the beach, it's a bad look for you and your family. Don't wander around with a metal detector. I wonder how close they can go to you. Can they go up to you? You're like, mate, it's my car keys. Oh, I'm taking that. Do you have coins in your wallet? No, no, I'm taking that. You're like, mate, it's my car keys. Oh, I'm taking that. You don't have coins in the, yeah, they're mine and they're in my wallet. No, no, I'm taking that.

You're right. You've definitely got time to fill in life if you're wandering up and down a beach with a metal detector, don't you? You wonder what you'd find, though. You'd probably find a whole lot of stuff. But who can be bothered? I could go in there now if I wanted for five hours.

But I've got more important things to do. I don't know what they are. No, what are they? Sitting there and saying words that don't make sense. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Below Deck Mediterranean, it's a reality TV show that follows the crew as they chart super yachts around the world,

often with the rich and famous on board. And it's on tonight, 8.30pm on Bravo. And joining us on the phone right now is the captain for Below Deck, a Mediterranean, Captain Sandy, is that right? It's Captain Sandy. Are you on a boat right now? Are you sailing through the seven seas?

I wish. No, I'm in Denver. Oh, okay. That's as far from the seven seas as you can get. Do we have to call you Captain Sandy? No, you can call me Sandy. Okay. No, you can call me Sandy.

I like Captain Sandy. Now, Below Deck on Bravo, it's the highest rating show on Bravo this call me Sandy. Oh, Captain Sandy. Now, Below Deck on Bravo, it's the highest-rating show on Bravo this year, but I understand, Captain Sandy, everyone was telling you not to go on the show. Yeah, you know, from the yacht world, because I think a lot of people thought it would ruin my career,

and I honestly also think they didn't want... Yeah, well, if you thought Below Deck was going to ruin your career, appearing on this show, this will sink you, Captain Sandy. You must see an amount of wealth that the average human wouldn't even be able to comprehend. Yes, and I always say this

to the crew when they're acting like ridiculous children. I always say look who your shoulder is shoulder with. If you want to get somewhere in life, you listen to these people that have gone before you and I always say look at your feet, look where you are. You're standing on a super yacht in the middle of the med, surrounded by entrepreneurs, people who are very successful. How lucky are we?

And so do you get famous people on the boat, Captain Sandy? Yeah, like in the past. But, you know, I just really never think about fame, to be honest. Like when you're in that world, in my mind, they're all clients. Yeah, right. Whether they're famous or not. Whether it's Barack Obama or Oprah Winfrey, they're all just clients. You've got to keep them afloat.

Yeah, that's right. Who is the most famous person you have had on one of your boats? We signed a confidentiality agreement. I guess some people don't want to know that they're spending their money on charters. So, I can't really say. Oh, okay. Not true. Yeah.

So, as far as, because that would kill my career. Oh, yeah. What if I list off names and you just cough? Yeah. I don't think that's going to work. Who wants to be a millionaire? Isn't that how they got found out? Yeah.

Captain Sandy, you've had over 30 years in maritime experience, pretty some full-on experiences out there on the water, rough seas, massive fire, chased by pirates. What was the one time you really feared for your life the most? I would say in the Red Sea when we had the fire, where I thought we were going to be captured and held hostage. So I called my sister on the satellite phone and told her to go to the embassy if she didn't hear from me in 30 minutes

because either the warship was going to rescue us or the pirates were going to get there. And, you know, we would be held hostage. So that was probably, for me, the most scary situation I've ever been in. Excuse my ignorance, but a pirate jumping off, I imagine, just like a little speedboat onto a big boat. How does that logistically happen? How do they get in a position where they can...

Well, we were adrift. We caught fire, so we weren't underway. And they use suction cups on these little boats, and they climb up sides of ships. You know, they get on ships. So they use suction cups. They throw nets. But a superyacht, you can board from the swim platform.

Gotcha. And if they have a gun in their hand, well, you're not going to fight them. No. We don't carry weapons. And so do you know, obviously you'd know, you can see them in the distance coming and there's literally nothing you can do.

No, you can only, you know, prepare mentally and charge your fire hoses and use your fire hoses. You try to use everything you can on board to deter them from boarding. Now they have sound machines. I've been chased by pirates a few times. Pirates are thieves at sea. So through one more passage between Cuba and Haiti, they would come from Haiti and try to steal the tender we tow.

And you just zigzag your course, you light up your boat, you call the Coast Guard. And you spray them with hoses like a dog urinating on your lawn, basically. Yes, Zach, you charge those fire hoses, they'll blow you away. Oh, and that works. Oh, Ben's fire hose. Mine's a little clunky at the moment, thanks to some other issues. Not as free-flowing as it used to be, sir. Is this a rumour, but when you're in international

waters, you can do anything. It's a lawless society out there. Is that true? No, it's not true. You can't marry a dog or anything. They have international law. It's called Maritime Coast Guard Agency. Right, you can't just wander around doing whatever you want out there. Definitely

not. Okay, that's good to know. I wasn't planning anything, just so you know. I'm going to chat on one of Captain Sandy's boats. Well, Captain Sandy, it's been really good to talk to you and we're looking forward to seeing Below Deck Mediterranean on Juno. Juno, actually Captain Sandy, there's a very famous racehorse in New Zealand

but I was googling one, many New Zealand races called Captain Sandy. I'd love that. Yeah, there you go. Maybe once this whole pandemic thing chills out, we can fly you to New Zealand to ride. Captain Sandy rides Captain Sandy. Yeah, I love horses, by the way. I grew up on them. Oh, great.

Great. Well, you haven't fully committed to my invite, so I'll follow it up. Of course, yes. Yeah, great. I'm in. Captain Sandy, you're a good sport. Thank you for talking to us. Stay safe in America and we can't wait to see Below Deck Mediterranean

on Bravo. Thank you. Thanks guys. You guys are hilarious. Nice to listen to your show. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my hips. Scrolling through your feet. Yeah, this nothing says hard-hitting news and information like Jono and Ben meandering around the topics that have broken overnight in the world of news.

And Nikki Kaye, National Party politician, is announcing, well, it's got to be announced, she's quitting today. She's quitting? Well, she was Todd Muller's deputy there for the 53 days he was in leadership there. What is going on? It's like, yeah, Todd Mull Miller's leaving, Judith Collins is in, Nikki Kaye's now leaving. It's a whole lot of changes happening. Put it in these terms.

It would be like, you know, if I quit and someone else came in, I know that Ben, you and Juliet would be like, no, no, we can't work anymore. We're going to pull out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'd be the case. You'd be like, we can't continue on. Our purpose is gone. Now Jono's not here. Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, so it be the case. You'd be like, we can't continue on. Our purpose is gone.

Now Jono's not here. Yeah, no, you're right. So it's the same thing. Definitely, yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah.

You're saying yeah, but I feel like if I left, you'd almost be elated that you could replace me with someone better. No, okay. Is that an option, though? Is it an option? No, this is all hypothetical. Oh, okay. I'm just comparing the though? Like, is it an option? No, this is all hypothetical. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm just comparing the Nikki Kaye situation. What? Nothing. Okay. No, Nikki Kaye, she's done a wonderful job, hasn't she? Central Auckland MP. I always see her driving around the road in a car with her face on the side. Okay.

Which I imagine would be the bane of a politician's career, wouldn't it? Because you couldn't have road rage. You couldn't park in disabled car parks like the rest of us can. I don't think she's done any of those things. One of the hits cars, speaking of sign written cars, Todd was saying, what's Todd doing? Burnouts. He's doing burnouts down the line. Did you have it for the weekend?

I didn't have it. Sounds like you know too much about this. I just love the image of the hot pink hits cars doing burnouts. I don't know who was in charge of that, but they should get a pay rise. Nikki Kaye will be missed, as you said. Former deputy leader, Auckland Central MP. I think she's really good for the National Party.

Strong urban liberal views, you know, backing gay marriage, euthanasia. So, yeah, it's going to be missed. I think she might be lesbian, Nikki Kaye. I don't think she's come out and sort of openly gone, look at me, I'm a lesbian or anything, but I think it came out and she's like, yeah, it's not, you know, it's what I am, but it's not important.

What's important is my politics. Yeah, and she beat Jacinda Ardern twice in Auckland Central as well. Which, you know, I thought they might have chucked her in as leader, but they put old Crusher Collins in there. We spoke to Crusher yesterday and pitched her some new nicknames, didn't we? Rudy Judy.

That's not bad. Not bad. She likes Rudy Judy. Okay. What about the dictionary? Because Collins is a famous dictionary. You don't have to explain that one, but it's very knowledgeable.

Oh, that is very knowledgeable. I like that. Okay. Or what about Loody Judy? Yeah, maybe not Loody Judy. No, no. And in other political news overnight, looks like Kanye West

who, the rapper entertainer that was going to be running for president has now said he may not be running for president. That was all over in a few days. I think he Todd Mullered it. He was like, yep, I'm keen and then didn't really think about the logistics of what it involved and all the hard work.

I don't think you just wake up on a Monday morning and say, I'm going to be president. A lot goes into having to run for, yeah. There probably needs to be a campaign prepared. Probably needs to have a team. I think Kim was a bit annoyed at him, wasn't she? She was like, we're meant to do this in 2024, Kanye. Yeah, he went a bit early.

He went quite close to the election, right? Yeah, he got publicly told off by his missus, which is embarrassing. Isn't it? Don't you hate it when you get told off in public? So, yeah, or maybe he'll make a run in 2024. Because you said he missed a couple of the big states,

like Texas and things. Yeah, he was too late because he left it too late to enrol in some of those states, so he couldn't have got votes in there for being president. So yeah, maybe 2024 is a much better idea for Kanye. I mean, maybe if you're that disorganised, maybe presidency isn't the thing for you.

Yeah, maybe. If you simply just can't, you know, registering on time feels like quite a key ingredient to become a president. You're probably right. And if you haven't ticked that box, then hey, maybe rethink your career. He's doing well in singing and fashion. He's clocking life. Oh, he's doing well in a lot of other areas. You're probably right. And if you haven't ticked that box, then hey, maybe rethink your career. He's doing well in singing and fashion. Yeah. He's clocking life.

Oh, he's doing well in a lot of other areas. You're right. Yeah, he doesn't have to be president anyway. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Looks like four of the Warriors players are heading home when they can.

Their families, unfortunately, haven't been allowed to go over and join them in Australia. So you can understand, especially those with young families. One of the guys has got a baby on the way. So, yeah. It's been a long time already for them. I know. Another month to that.

Well, yeah. And then when they fly home, it's not like they can go visit their family straight away. They've got to quarantine for two weeks by themselves. So it's still a month and a half until they see their families. Yeah, it's a really tough time. I can understand. I'm sure most of New Zealand would understand that. Now, Ray Warren,

you sent this audio to me last night, who's the famous rugby league commentator who you would have heard commentate many a Warriors game. Yeah, he's the voice of rugby league, and he was talking, because they have cardboard cutouts in the stands at the moment, because they haven't got fans in there, and one of the cardboard cutouts was of Snoop Dogg,

the rapper, and it reminded Ray Warren, the commentator, of a little encounter he had with rapper Snoop Dogg. I once rode on a plane to Brisbane with Snoop Dogg and he put his seat back and he knocked a glass of Chardonnay in my lap. I objected strongly and then about three big burly fellows with him were standing over me like the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I'd have have loved to been there for the conversation between you and snoop dog what'd you talk about rabbit language rabbit language i was like a little pharaoh trying to hide oh dear it was funny i got off the plane i said to somebody who the bloody hell do you think

he is who the bloody hell is he think he is? Who the bloody hell? It's just such a boomerang. Who the bloody hell do you think he is? Snoop Dogg at the villa. Who? Knocked a glass of Chardonnay straight in my lap. Because apparently Ray Warren's a very nervous flyer. Doesn't like flying at all.

Also, he plonks back the Chardonnay. Yeah, and he gets the ass as a special request. He said, I'm very nervous. Can you bring me a glass straight away? And so he got that straight away, and Snoop reclined his seat, and bang, it's a special request. He said, I'm very nervous. Can you bring me a glass straight away? And so he got that straight away, and Snoop reclined his seat, and bang, it fell all over him. Our friend Mike, he used to work for a radio show in Australia, and the host, Kyle and Jackie O, they're quite well known.

The host, Kyle, spends a bit of time in America, so he was based in America for many years with Kyle, and they went to Las Vegas one weekend. Remember this story? Oh, yeah, he's got beef with another rapper, right? Yeah.

Like Ray Warren, yeah. And he was in a hotel in Las Vegas and they looked across another hotel and there were like ladies on the balcony

and they're like, come on over. Come on, that's my impersonation of American ladies. Right, it's good. And so they were like,

oh yeah, okay, we'll come over to your room, have a party. Yeah. And then, whatever, when he walked in, there was like a poker'll come over to your room, have a party. Yeah. And then whatever, when he walked in. There was like a poker game going on and, you know, quite a serious poker game going on.

And they had had a few drinks, my friend Mike. And he sort of stumbled and knocked the high stakes poker game all over. On the floor, the whole table. Which is not a good thing. And all these burly sort of guys got up around him. He was like, oh, you know. And sort of, yeah, he had to basically talk his way out of it but it turned out one of the guys

was Dr. Dre, the rapper. Yeah. And doctor, I tell you what, the doctor was prescribing a beat down. Yeah, nothing actually happened and in the end,

I think he even got free headphones out of it. Yeah, I think, because Dr. Dre, I think, had a few terse words to say to him and then in a moment of guilt the next morning,

he sent him... He went, hey, maybe I overreacted so here you go. Here's some bribery headphones. Smokescreen headphones for you. Take some Beats headphones. So that's it, yeah. I think he ended up staying at the hotel, in their hotel

room for the rest of the night. But I don't think him and Dr. Dre's like, I don't want to see you again. But you can hang out and stay and enjoy. Help yourself to drinks. But social distance yourself away from me or something bad might happen. Get some minerals if you want. Help yourself.

That sounded like it was all good at the end, but there you go. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. The A to Z of New Zealand. Phoning every town and city in New Zealand. It's taken a long time, this journey.

It is. Isn't it? I can't even remember when we started. When did we start? Weeks and weeks ago. I can't even remember when we started. When did we start? Weeks and weeks ago. I don't know how long we've been here. Probably too long in many listeners' minds. Yeah, but we're only in the seas.

You did the maths. It's going to take us two years, six months. Yeah, it's basically, yeah. Yeah. To go through every town and city, doing one a day, doing it alphabetically. We're on to Clyde today. Yeah, yesterday we found another town in the South Island, Clinton, which is in the South Island, and

the highway we found out between Clinton and Gore, known as the Presidential Highway. Because of Bill Clinton and Al Gore. I love that. Fun fact. I love that. We phoned the dairy there. How much are you getting a pack of smokes for nowadays? Cheapest pack is Taylee's $28.90. $28? That is

ludicrous. It's gone up. Back in my day, you could buy a pack of 10s for about $3. Oh, really? Back in my day. That was the 30s, 1930s. It was the 1930s. Right. So she was a lovely lady, wasn't she? She was great.

And so today, Clyde in central Otago. Let's go through, Producer Jude. Good morning, Clyde's Village Store. There she is. She sounds busy, but she'll tell you what, she sounds knowledgeable. What's your name? It's Kim. Who am I speaking with? Well, you're speaking to Jono and Ben from the Hits Radio station. Hi, Jono.

How are you, Kim? I'm good, thank you. I like you even more because you just blatantly ignored Ben. Ben, I'm here too. No, don't worry about him, Kim. How are you, mate? Well, we are good. We're trucking along nicely, thank you.

How can I help you? We just want to ring. We're ringing every town and city in New Zealand one a day. We're doing it alphabetically, and today we're ringing Clyde. Oh, fabulous. Excellent. It looks like a wonderful little slice of paradise. It's an awesome little town.

It's a village, and we're a village community. Is there a village person that no one likes? Not that I'm aware of. You don't have a Jono. Okay, you don't have a Jono. That's good to know. A village idiot. I'm sure we have plenty of village idiots.

Aren't we all one? Let's face it. So what can we do in Clyde? I know there's a big power station, is that right? Or a hydro power station? Yes, we have the hydro station here in Clyde. We're also the beginning or the end, depending on which way you're going,

of the rail trail, the Otago Rail Trail. Oh, yeah. We're also a very historic town from gold mining perspective. We have lots of fabulous little tracks and points of interest out in the hills. There's the river. Look, it goes on and on. It's central Otago at its best. Beautiful, beautiful little stone buildings.

You know, historic, lovely, gorgeous. Take a photo, slap it on a postcard, sell that to a tourist. Not at the moment, though, because the bubble, you know, is not quite as good. We've got plenty of domestic tourists. Thank you, New Zealand. Are they all coming to see you, are they? Yeah, yeah, we're getting lots of people around. I mean, and everyone's really upbeat.

It's just such a nice feeling. I have another question. Clyde, the tea rooms here. I'm seeing a picture here of your sign. You're running a vanilla slice for $4.50? No, you must be at an old website. We're plagued by previous owners not taking down their site. Oh, okay. So we are now known as the Clyde Village Store and Cafe.

Famous for our takeaways, our blue cod people are saying consistently we're the best in the South Island. Blue cod, I reckon, is the best fish in New Zealand. It's better than snapper and teraki. Oh, you're right. Yeah, I'm an ex-North Islander, and I fished for years and lived off snapper and thought it was the world's best until I found blue cod. It's a game changer.

Have you had it? Yeah, but I need to have it again now that it's got these high traditions. It's thick and plump and juicy and gorgeous, and ours comes from the Chatham Islands. Oh, there you go. Just like me, thick, plumpy and juicy and gorgeous. Yeah, I don't know if you're all those things. All of those things, thick, plumpy and juicy and gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you're all those things.

I am all of those things, all of those adjectives. Support local. Exactly. Every which way. Well, wonderful talking to you and Clyde. You go and look after yourself, Kim. Okay. Thanks, guys.

Have a good day. See you. The A to Z of New Zealand. There's Clyde. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. Bye. No, what's up?

Bye. Doc O dot embed. What's your big announcement? Someone my hits. Spy. The What's Up Spy.co.nz. What's your big announcement? Someone wasn't at the meeting the other day. Are they having a miracle baby? Maybe. It's a big announcement. Is it a big one?

Have you heard it? Yeah, it's very exciting. Give me a little teaser. What's it involve? It involves Stace, Mike and Anita. Oh, you're very shocking. Anyway, time for Spy. She's addicted to the big C.

And when I say that, she snorts up celebrity every night she goes out. Producer Juliet with Spy, what have we got? Thank you very much. Megan Markle has given a shout out to Jacinda Ardern. So excited about this. And we can take inspiration from women like Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, who brought New Zealand together to swiftly and boldly tackle COVID-19. Basically saying to young girls, you know,

she listed a whole bunch of female role models that they can look up to, name-dropped old Cindy in there, and I'm excited. You are. Your face is beaming right now. I've never seen you so happy, Juliet. Did you snort up some of that celebrity, did you, before you started this morning? Yeah, I did. I did. Oh, good on her. Good on her, Megan Markle.

And wonderful message, too, that she's... I don't want to take away from that, but I'm starting... Oh Oh, good on her. Good on her, Megan Markle. And wonderful message too that she's, I don't want to take away from that. But I'm starting. This is the butt. What are you going to say? Don't say butt then. Just say,

I want to take away from that and then stop. Well, I just want, I'm caring less and less about what she's got to say. Why? Because she's ripped Harry away from his family.

You don't care about the royal family. You've never been a royalist. I should care about this more than you do. You didn't even know that Charlotte was the thing or Louis. You don't care about the royal family. I've never been a royalist. I should care about this more than you do. You didn't even know that Charlotte was the thing or Louis.

You're like, who's Louis? Who is Louis again? He's the third youngest of Kate and Will. Oh, okay. So he's going to be nothing. No, he'll be the Harry

growing up. I'm sure he's something to someone. Yeah. True. Maybe to his parents. He's actually more than us. Yeah, well done, Louis.

Yeah. He's winning. He is. No one cares about him. more than Nas. Yeah, well done, Louis. Yeah. He's winning. He is. Just no one cares about him. Oh, savage. And Tom Hanks, he spoke to Stephen Colbert and opened up further about his experience with coronavirus and how him and his wife had very different symptoms.

We had no idea how it could have happened or where it would have happened. We had very different symptoms. Did you lose the taste and the smell? She did. I did not. And that was before that was known to be a thing. We were eating takeout food that I thought was delicious.

It was savory goodness. It had butter sauces. It had come from a thing, highly recommended joint. And she was saying, this tastes like oatmeal to me. I thought she was insane. He's such a nice guy, isn't he? Oh, I love him. I've just been listening to a podcast.

Have you heard the Conan O'Brien podcast with him? No, I haven't. I've been listening to that. He tells a wonderful story about when he's in a lift and a parent will be there with a kid and they'll be like, look, it's Woody.

And the kid looks at them going, he's like, just shut your eyes, kid. And then he starts talking and they're like oh my god it's Woody that's so cool yeah he says

the look of disappointment when someone says look it's Woody and the kids are like where's your cowboy hat it's because the kids hide nothing they hide none of their emotions

no I'd love to meet Tom Hanks I think he'd be such he paid for someone's gas I was reading as well because someone was like saw your last film it was rubbish

he's like oh at a gas station he's like sorry about that mate I'll pay for your gas. Just so you didn't pay for my tickets, I feel like I'll do your nice thing. What a wholesome man. Then he went back to his car and started crying inside,

what we do after every meeting with our boss, driving home. For more, spy here to the Hits.co.nz. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. We want to leave the show on a good note today. You know, I want people to have a good day because it's been a weird day around.

Nikki Kaye, Amy Adams, sorry, that's how you say her name, leaving the National Party today and Kanye West out of the presidential race. It's a big day.

Big day around. So we're going to end on a positive note. This is Ben's idea. He's always trying to be positive. I'm like, mate, mate.

I feel like it brings you more negativity, doesn't it? It makes me, the more positive you become, the more negative I become. But I'll roll with you a little bit. Don't you feel good after this? This is going to be a good day? Yeah, thanks, Oprah. I do. No, I actually do. I do. I'm being sarcastic here. I really do enjoy this. Why is it going to be a good

day for you? Because you just asked me. You threw me under the bus and I said, well, I need to go pump my car tyres up. You're like, cool car tyre pressure chat mate. Good one. I'll do better than that. 0800 The Hits. That's what you just said to me. It's going to be a good day for me because I got to enjoy you talking about car pressure tyre chat.

That was fun. That was my highlight of the day. It's an nightmare when they're out. Petrol consumption when they're uneven. It's no good. No good for your vehicle. Anyway, I'll get to that after the show. You don't need to hear any more about that. Let's go to Richard on 0800 The Hits. You're on New Zealand's Breakfast Richo. Why is it going to be a good day?

Because it's payday and coffee day. Oh, yeah. Don't you love both of those things? Yes. So you only get coffee on a payday? Is that how it works? Yeah, I sort of get coffee, yeah. How are you getting jacked up Friday to Wednesday?

Yeah, jack it up to Wednesday. Oh, right. So, Dizzy, do you have coffee other days of the week? Yeah, I have a coffee other days of the week. Oh, okay. I think it's a rampant addiction of another kind. Oh, this is a bigger one, yeah. Okay, well, nice.

And you can go to Reading Cinemas as well. A double pass for you. Oh, brilliant. Thanks, guys. You enjoy that money and all that coffee. Let's Charlene's in Hamilton. What's going to be a good day, Charlene? Because yesterday we were broken into

and so today just has to be a better day. Oh, that sucks. What did they take? They took, oh, sorry, that was my daughter. They took some Xboxes and a laptop and alcohol. Oh, that really sucks. Well, I tell you what, we'll send you off to Reading Cinemas.

You can go to the movies. Oh, that'd be lovely. All right, Joy and Daya, sorry to hear about that, but today, as you said, it's going to get better. It has to be a better day today. Exactly.

That's the attitude, and if you want to buy that stuff, Ben's selling it on Trade Me. What's that? The stuff that Charlene's missing. He's getting quite a price for it, Charlene. No, don't go there. If you want to make a bid, it's on Trade Me.

You look after yourself, mate. Thank you. And Mark, we've got time for Mark. Yeah, let's do Mark. When's it going to be a good day, Mark? Because it's raining. Okay. Oh, good for the dams, good for the water in Auckland.

Good for a farmer. Auckland? Good for a farmer. He? Good for a farmer. He's like, I don't care about Auckland, mate. It's raining here, the girls are loving it. That's the cows, not his field full of females. No, well, anyway, the whole point of it was there was a drought four or five months ago, so it's raining, so it's good.

Oh, that is good. Go, Mark. You can go to the movies, my friend. You have a great day. Oh, sorry, Mark. We've got to go. We've got some commitments. We're running out of time.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app.