Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - July 28 - Paul Ego, Ben's Daughter Sienna Wants His Job, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

We had comedian (also the voice of PaknSave's Stick Man) Paul Ego, in studio. He told the greatest story about how he swallowed a dental instrument... and what happened after. We're also trying to figure out how we can get our hands on Mike Hosking's Jaguar so we can give it away - and we're slowly making progress because we've organised a tow truck!! One step closer baby! Finally, Jono told a story of how loyal (or maybe not) Ben was after their car broke down on the side of the road.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Hey, welcome to the podcast. It's lovely to see you, Benjamin Boyce. Nice to see you too, Jonathan Pryor. Yeah. Who calls you Benjamin? Does anyone call you Benjamin? My mum does occasionally. Yeah, I guess she rolled with Benjamin as the name, so she's the one that, yeah, we'll stick with it. I feel like I'm in trouble when someone uses the name Benjamin. I don't mind it, but I feel like it's, you know,

I'm like, ooh, ooh, someone's calling me Benjamin. I'm in trouble. Yeah, same with Annie. When she says Jonathan, I know, ooh, things are serious. Yeah, and sometimes I'm not in trouble, but you just feel like, ooh, someone's using my full name. What's going on? Yeah, it's either the police.

Many interactions you've had with the police, they use your full name, don't they? Yeah, so Benjamin, what are you? Yeah, well, that's using my full name. What's going on? Yeah, it's either the police. Many interactions you've had with the police, they use your full name, don't they? Yeah, so Benjamin, what are you? Yeah, well, that's true. But, you know, it's wonderful to have you here. I wanted to pitch, just use this period in the podcast to pitch an idea to you, Ben, and see if you think there's any merit in it.

Okay. You know how there's like the saying, the customer's always right? Have you heard of that saying? Yeah. Yeah, it's when you're in business, you're like, the customer's always right. They can do no that saying? Yeah. Yeah. It's when you're in business, you're like, the customer's always right. They can do no wrong.

We will do anything to please them. And I mean anything. Like give them refunds. Yeah. And change sizes of tops and pants if they don't fit correctly. Upgrades. Yeah, all that sort of stuff.

Yeah. I thought we could do a game where you're like, the customer's always right. But I don't know what the game is. I haven't quite thought of it. I just think it's a funny thing if we phone somewhere and you're like are we the customer and we're it's a game show and we're always right or or maybe we get put onto a customer in the

store and then we ask them questions and no matter what they answer they're always right there we go that's good so they're like the capital of uh kuzbekistan yeah and they they're like yeah and they say whatever and you're like, you're right. Yeah. It's a pretty simple game show, but hey, we're pretty simple guys. We are. We are basic, aren't we? Yeah, we are.

Do you sometimes think we could be doing a more sophisticated brand of entertainment, Ben? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like... What would you like to be doing? You tell me what you like. What we're doing now is a base level game. No, I really, I do enjoy it because we have fun.

Yeah, we do have a lot of fun. We have fun and you try and bring fun and enjoyment to people's days. But then sometimes I wish I'd bring more. Some people are doing good stuff as well. Oh, you want to do more good stuff? Yeah. Oh, you're a loser. That's what I'd like to do.

I'd like to do more nice things Oh no Wally Wally I want to do good stuff I mean for like some people Like oh they did this thing And then they

You know But then they also You know Saved a dog from a burning house Yeah That sort of stuff I'm like oh Those people

They're good people Good Samaritans But then if you do it all the time It wears thin Oh but Why don't you just do One or two good things a year? So people think you're a good guy.

You've got the good guy brand, but you're not burdening yourself with having to do good stuff for people all the time. Oh, that's true. That's true. And then I don't want to feel like I'm forcing, like I'm doing it just to be like, oh, he's doing good stuff. Look at this guy. That's the thing. We'll do it behind closed doors, mate. You weren't doing that before, Ben.

Benjamin. Were you? That's the thing. You fall into the territory of like they're just doing it because they want to look like, yeah. You've got to play that game very carefully. So we'll think of some good stuff we can do for people. Yeah, exactly. But until then, you have to listen to our horrible decisions we made today on the podcast.

Enjoy. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. TVNZ2 this Thursday at 8 o'clock. Stand Up for Aotearoa is a live stand-up comedy special for the essential workers. Really great cause. And we're joined by one of the comedians who's going to be starring in the show, Paul Ego. How are you?

I'm really well, thank you. Lovely to see you. It may not look like I'm well, but I'm really well. I know when we first met outside the studio and you said, how are you going? Are you well? And I went, yeah. And you look surprised. I was like, oh, okay, because you don't look, yeah. That was a bit rude. This is my normal face. What I thought you looked like was quite golfing. Have you taken up golf? I have taken up golf. I thought so. How do you look golf Yeah. He had a golf jacket on and golf trousers. Well, they're very, also, when you're a man in those early 50s like me,

it's very comfortable attire, even if you don't play golf. A lot of the fabric is very stretchy. It's very stretchy and it has a lot of give. Yeah, it's a lot of free-flowing outfit, isn't it? Yeah, it does. I like a fair bit of room in the gusset at my age, and so I generally just walk into any sort of sporting stores and go, I don't care what brand of sport it is, I want something with room in the gusset. Room in the gusset at my age. And so I generally just walk into any sort of sporting stores and go, I don't care what brand of sport it is.

I want something with room in the gusset. That's how he ended up dressing like an American football player. That's exactly right. That's why I got kicked out of Lululemon. Speaking of clothing, you love a bright shirt, don't you? Yes, indeed. You must be running out of bright shirts, though, surely? Oh, I've still got quite a few, Ben, but what I've found over time is that less and less of them fit me. so i went to put one on in fact i put one as a true story i

went to do a gig uh the other night and i picked up the shirt which was a relatively new shirt like i bought it just before lockdown yeah and i took it i didn't put it on before i got to the gig so i took it to the gig and just before i went on stage i put it on and man it was like trying to squeeze into a really thin wetsuit. But I didn't have any options. I only had that or a singlet. So I'm not going to go on stage like a singlet. So I put the shirt on.

You're probably thinking, did he get pregnant over lockdown? And clearly I did. And that's how you end up dressing like a golfer. That's right, exactly. Moments like those. Room in the gusset. Because, yeah, funny you mentioned lockdown. The gig is for essential workers.

Yes, it is. What a great concept. Yeah, it's brilliant. Yeah, so it's, yeah, stand up mentioned lockdown. The gig is for essential workers. Yes, it is. What a great concept. Yeah, it's brilliant. Yeah, so it's, yeah, stand-up for Aotearoa. And so TV2 put this on. We shot it at Sky City. It's a fantastic line-up. First gala I've done for quite a few years. Di Williams is on there.

That's probably not exciting for you guys. I've worked with him before and things are still a bit frosty. But Two Hearts, Ben Hurley, Justine Smith, Rhys Darby's on it, Wilson Dixon, and I mean, it's a really big lineup. Hosted by Urs LaCarsen as well. Yeah, hosted by Urs, of course, and it was really great. So we had, yeah, mainly sort of essential workers

in the audience to sort of give them a great night out and say thank you to all the fantastic work they've done. So there's lots of supermarket people in the audience, lots of nurses and people like that, you know. Taxidermists, I think they were there, because a lot of people's exotic pets passed away during lockdown, they've got to be looked after. There was a guy who had a ferret with him, I assumed

it was a ferret, but it was a silhouette of a ferret, it might have been something else, I don't know. With our poor ego, I want to ask a question, because we did Family Feud with you a few years ago, and you told a story about something that happened at a dentist. Was that a true story, or was that acknowledged? Yes, no, that was a true story.

So basically what happened is I had to get a root canal done. I've had a couple done over the time because I don't look after my teeth. I just basically don't brush them before I go to bed. I go, oh, my teeth are probably tired. I'll brush them in the morning. They don't want to be woken up now. They want to go night-night. I'll brush them in the

morning. I feel like my teeth are asleep. That's right. They're like, oh, we were just going to sleep, mate. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? So I've reaped what I've sown, really, with my teeth. So I needed to get a root canal done.

And whilst having the root canal done, they put like this rubber dam over your mouth so that they don't drop anything into your mouth, basically. And that's exactly what happened. They have these tiny little files that look like a little mini pirate's cutlass, like a little pixie cutlass. Yeah. Sort of like the shape of a paperclip, about the size of a paperclip.

Right. And as they were filing out the inside of the tooth, he lost hold of it and it dropped into the back of my throat. And because my mum, I'd always been raised to eat everything that was put in front of me, I coughed and swallowed it natural reaction yeah absolutely and i'll tell you what the last words you want your dentist to say uh that's literally what he said yeah yeah absolutely because you told us we were on family field i'm like sure this didn't happen no no it really did and um thankfully they're

quite i mean they're quite long but they're quite bendy but I was freaking out I was going to puncture a lung or something. Anyway, I swallowed it and he's like, he's like, oh, okay, well we're going to have

to get you to, get you to hospital and I thought he was joking. I mean, he's serious. He said, yeah, yeah. He said,

so what? I said, do we have to call an ambulance or something? He said, oh no, you can drive there. I hope he didn't charge you

for this, did he? Well, yes and no. Cheaper, cheaper. It's, yes and no. Cheaper. It's only two grand as opposed to four. So cheap dentists. So yeah, I drove to hospital and had to wait in the A&E for five hours

to get an x-ray to see where this fire was. Hopefully it had gone past through the system. And there's people, it's so embarrassing. I'm sitting there in A&E, my wife came in, my son came in. It was night time by this stage. There's people, it's so embarrassing, I'm sitting there in A&E, my wife came in, my son came in, there's people, it was night time by this stage,

there's people coming, a guy come in, who'd smashed his thumb with a hammer, and he was just bleeding all down his wrist, it was an old guy came in, who'd fallen at his retirement village, and he had a cut head, there was a guy come in,

and had fallen off his skateboard, and had fractured his ankle, it was out of the wind, and I'm just sitting there, basically fine, and the guy had smashed his thumb and it was bleeding everywhere. Turned around to me

and he said, what are you in for, mate? And I went, I swallowed a dental instrument. Like an hour later I got an X-ray and she went, no, it's fine.

You just got to wait. It just passed and that's what I did and so the next morning I basically had to I think the term is fossick through my own shit to find this very expensive little decking pile.

And you kindly returned it to its owner. I did, here we are. I think this is yours. I rinsed it up. I water blasted it. Should be fine. I don't know what they're worth. Well, the only way to make the deed is more painful.

I know. I can't believe that's a legit story. Suffice to say, I don't go to that same dentist anymore. I go to a different one. Uh-oh. It was a stressful 24 hours, I tell you what. I can imagine. Paul Ego, stand-up, I'll turn over tonight, TVNZ 2.

It's for the Essential Workers. Wonderful course. It's on at 8 o'clock this evening. Thank you very much for your time. It's a pleasure, guys. I'm going to brush my teeth now. Really angle about it. Wake them up.

Remember to double pump the virgles. It's Jon pleasure, guys. I'm going to brush my teeth now. Wake him up. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Mike Hosking, respected broadcaster, we want to take his fancy Jaguar I-Pace car, fully electric. We want to take it,

we want to borrow it and loan it out to you guys to use. Yeah, Mike Hosking's got so many cars. He's got more cars than I have teeth. I've really dropped my standards when it comes to oral hygiene. He's got so many cars. He's got more cars than I have teeth. I've really dropped my standards when it comes to oral hygiene. He's got so many vehicles. But yeah, Mike Hosking doesn't know that we want to do this. We don't have his keys.

We don't have his permission. And we don't have the car at this stage. So we've really done that. I feel like we've approached this the wrong way round, Ben. We've started advertising it and talking about it before we have the prize to give away. But nevertheless, we're forging ahead. We booked a TOWIE earlier on this morning

to take the car tomorrow morning and Hoskinisationing the act of slowly turning into Mike Hosking has begun. And fun fact too, the car only plays Newstalk ZB. You only hear his show on repeat the whole time. You can't get any other radio. So we're going to go through

to our security here in the building because Ben, you're concerned, A, that we don't have his car keys and B, that there might be cameras in the garage which could catch us red-handed. Exactly. As if all of this isn't evidence enough. That's true, but let's just find out. We want to clear video evidence. Hello?

Hello Hello Hi Is that our friend Alumsha from security Yeah It's not Jono and Ben calling here Definitely not Jono and Ben No it's not Not Jono and Ben It's Steve and Andy

Oh right You know remember Steve and Andy. Oh, right. You know, remember Steve and Andy? Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, good, good. Hey, quick question. And it's got no real purpose behind it. Just a question.

The garage at work, are there security cameras in the garage? Yes, there is, yeah. Okay. Okay. And they record everything or they're just like real time they're not recording to a hard drive or anything?

They do record everything Okay Who would Steve and Andy had to sleep with around here to maybe delete that footage? Would you be the one? It depends. It's my duty.

Yeah, I mean, I could do... Get some stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go ahead, mate. Go ahead, mate. Okay. So we could get that footage.

That could mysteriously disappear if we needed it to. Yeah, you can say that, yeah. You can say that. Oh, okay. It could, but it's not saying it. Yeah, okay. Okay, well, this was for no reason at all. No reason, that's just, yeah.

Right. And what time does Mike Hosking go back to his car after a show? Do you know that? Well, he comes early. He comes early. 3.30. He comes at 3.30, yeah.

I think he leaves. I'm not sure about his departure, actually. Yeah, to be honest, I'm not sure. About nine-ish? Nine-ish, yeah, probably nine-ish. Nine-ish, okay. All right, good to know. Again, for no reason. This is Steve and Andy-ish, okay. All right, good to know. Again, for no reason.

This is Steve and Andy saying over and out. All right, thank you. We'll go back to doing whatever Steve and Andy like doing, you know, just the stuff that we like doing, yeah. Yep. Okay, love ya. All right, cheers, mate. Bye.

All right, it continues. Our taking of Mike Hosking's car. And our giving of it to you. By the end of the week, we will give this out to someone. I have full confidence, Pete. You might not have the keys. You might not be able to get into it, but you can look at it and stand next to it at this stage.

If I had an extra car, that'd be nice, wouldn't it? Serving bowls of loels for breakfast. Actual loels may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we're giving away Mike Hosking's car. We're saying that with confidence and arrogance. And the confidence and arrogance of a Mike Hosking, you would say.

That's what Mike would say. He'd just say it and make it happen. It would happen. People, his people would make it happen. The problem is we need to try and tow his car from the car park. He works upstairs from us here. He's got a fancy Jaguar.

And we just booked a tow-ee in moments ago, didn't we? And it reminded me, my last tow truck experience, bed boys. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So, Producer Juliet, let me set the scene. It's a bleak, dark, cold Sunday night.

I remember it being quite sunny. But anyway, that's fine. Each to their own. Two sides to every story. But listen to the old mates over here. Shono and his beloved friend Ben are driving back on State Highway 1 from Hamilton, if I do remember correctly.

Yes, correct. I'll give you that one. Just still on State Highway 1, in the middle of nowhere, if I remember correctly. Oh. Yeah. And we were in,

I used to have an old car from 1976. It was a Holden Kingswood, and it was literally the most unreliable thing in my life. Or so I thought, until Ben came into the fold. He took over that mantle. Yeah, the car wasn't reliable. We were driving back. It was going okay, and then a few problems started happening.

A few problems started. It started making noises, and just all of a sudden smoke just went, started blowing out of the bonnet. So there we are. We're stranded, I think 11.45 on Sunday night. It's got later and later, but anyway. I remember it was the middle of the day. I don't think it was that far out of town, but anyway.

Side of State Highway 1, okay? Yeah. Now we're sitting there for five to 10 minutes and I'm like, you know what, mate? This isn't your problem. You can go. He's like, you know what, mate? This isn't your problem. You can go. He's like, okay. And like a strawberry cheesecake, he deserted me.

Actually, before he even got to the end of his sentence, the Uber had turned up as if he had pre-ordered it when he felt the car was getting shaky. He had gone onto his app, booked his Uber. Miraculously, it had turned up. And all of a sudden, he's gone. 12.30 in the morning, on the side of State Highway 1. Oh, it's getting later and later, right?

He's off in his Uber. He's like, are you sure you don't want me to stay? Yeah. I was like, no, it's fine. Are you sure I'll stay? Like feigning some sort of performance. I said I'd stay. His performance was, you know, that of like Adam Sandler

in Don't Mess With The Zohan or something. You said there's no point both of us being on the side of the road. So I was like, know, that of like Adam Sandler in Don't Mess With The Zohan or something. You said there's no point both of us being on the side of the road. So I was like, okay, okay. And so he's off, he's got his head out the Uber. He's like, are you sure?

And I'm like, oh, actually, if you could stay, he's like, I can't hear you. And drives off. The Uber driver had the music quite loud. It was a lot of stuff going on. I didn't know if, you know.

Drives off into this. I'm waiting there till three in the morning for a tow truck driver on the side of State Highway 1 in the dark. It wasn't even dark. He left me there like Cinderella to clean up the mess while he went off to the ball and

pashed the prince. It was nearly Arvo. It wouldn't even get late. Anyway, I hope you slept on a bed of guilt that night. I slept well. I slept well. So what did you do, Jono? I was sitting there going, he's just going to replace me with Lee Hart and or Vaughan Smith tomorrow.

He couldn't have cared less. I sat there waiting to be eaten by a tunny far or something. You got a tow truck. A tow truck arrived, took you and your car back to safety.

So there we go, Juliet. Just don't rely too much on him, okay? That's what I'm saying. I'm the reliable one out of the two. Not your car though, that's for sure.

Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Great That's what I'm saying. I'm the reliable one out of the two. Not your car though, that's for sure. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Great to have your company this morning. The A to Z of New Zealand. We call a different town or city in New Zealand. We do one a day. We're making our way through the whole country. We're doing it alphabetically. We keep saying it's going to take us over two years and we're sticking with it. I'm pleased we're

sticking with it. It's fun. One by one we've annoyed more New Zealanders than escapees from quarantined hotels. Today we're sticking with it. I'm pleased we're sticking with it. It's fun. One by one we've annoyed more New Zealanders than escapees from quarantined hotels. Today we're heading to Cromwell. Now Cromwell's only 50 minutes from Queenstown and boy I tell you what, if you love fruit, then you are just going to love Cromwell. Famous for its fruit

orchards which are home to many international backpacking fruit pickers, Cromwell is home to a giant fruit statue featuring a giant nectarine, a giant pear and a giant peach. If you like eating fruit, picking fruit, touching fruit, throwing fruit, sleeping with fruit, whatever, you can do it with

fruit in Cromwell. And the town's digestive system, thanks to the latest census, was rated as the most regular in New Zealand thanks to their fruit consumption. Let's make a call to Cromwell. Hello? Oh, g'day there, mate. How are you?

I am good. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Hits radio station. Your favourite radio station, the Hits. Okay. And guess who it is? It's us, the guys. From The Breakfast Show, Jono and Ben. All right. You're talking tootto and Ben. All right.

You're talking to them, baby. All right, so what's up? What's up? Well, we want to know about Cromwell. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand. All right. What can you tell us about Cromwell? Oh, yes, it is a beautiful, you know,

beautiful scenery, beautiful lake. Yeah, all the stuff you can talk about, Cromwell. A lot of fruit, so you must be quite regular. Yeah, I mean, yeah. That's a weird question. Because fruit makes your, fruit's very healthy for you? Peaches, pears? Oh, yes, oh Oh yes, oh yes.

Nectarines. Yes, a lot of fruits here. Fresh fruits. Name your top three favourite fruits. Alright. Top three favourite fruits. Alright. Yeah, cherries. Oh, I like cherries.

Yeah, we go trade it. Coming in at number two. What's the second favourite? Okay. Okay. The second favourite is... Oh, wow. Tough.

Tough call. All right. Take your time. Take your time. Yes, yes, yes. Nectarines. Nectarines at number two, okay. And your third and final top three favourite fruits.

My favourite fruit is grapes. Grapes? Oh, yeah. Do you like a soft grape or a crunchy grape? I'm a fan of a crunchy one. Yes, the crunchy one, yeah. A bit of firmness in those grapes. What about green or purple grapes? What are you going for, Jono? I'll go green. What about you, crunchy one, yeah. A bit of firmness in those grapes. What about green or purple grapes?

What are you going for, Johnny? I'll go green. What about you, mate? All right, I will go for purple. Purple? Yeah, I like purple too. I'm with you. I like purple.

Well, this has been really interesting. Now, you run the Old Town store, don't you? That is correct. I've got a theme song for you. Would you like me to record a theme song for you? A theme song? All right. Jingle, are you ready?

All right, sure. I'm going to take my horse to the old town store. I'm going to ride till I can't no more. I've got some chippies in the back, some milk up in the fridge. Wow. Yeah. Wow, yeah, wow indeed. You like that? Oh, beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful.

We might have to pay for some rights from Billy Ray Cyrus, but that's fine. You have a lovely day, lovely talking to you about fruit and Cromwell. Oh, thank you so much for the call. Thank you. See you, mate. Bye. Love you. I said I love you. We bonded. We bonded over fruit.

The A to Z of New Zealand continues tomorrow want more Jono and Ben you can catch up with the boys anytime just search Jono and Ben

on Facebook there's a big referendum just a few weeks away isn't it the election when is the election I keep saying a few weeks away just vaguely this is September

yeah right and as well as voting for who's going to govern the country we're also voting who's going to govern some giggle grass into their chops. Aren't we? But we're covering off some more important stuff pre-election. And today, Ben Boyce, it's ice cream related.

Yeah, so if you haven't got an ice cream, do you bite the ice cream when eating it or do you lick it? Now, when you say it like that, it does make it sound important. It does. Are you a biter or a licker? This is the referendum this morning. 0800, that hits the phone number, 4487. Julie, a biter or licker? I think I'm a biter.

My teeth aren't that sensitive, and I just want to gobble that thing down as fast as possible because I love ice cream. So yeah, I think I'm a biter. Yeah. I'm a licker. I like to wear it down over time like we've done to the management here at the radio station. See, if the ice cream starts dripping

I would lick the ice cream there but if not, I'm just like, you've got to get through it as fast as possible. No, you lick it into submission. That's the approach. But then you can push the ice cream off the cone and there's all sorts of things that go wrong. You just be gentle with it. How are you licking?

What is your licking technique, you monster? So anyway, these are the big issues for no one but us and we're putting it out there today. But I also think it depends on the consistency of the ice cream. I mean, I'm not licking a magnum. You know, I'm biting a magnum. What are we talking about? Are we just talking your classic scoops in a cone?

Yeah, you go to the dairy, you get a scoop of that. Yeah, cone. All right, then 0800 the hits. Licking or biting an ice cream? What's the best way to attack it today? Oh, gee. Now that we're saying this, I'm like, why are we doing this? But anyway.

Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Tessa, lovely to have you on. Hello, gorgeous guys. How are you? We're good, mate. Well, you're licking or biting, Tess? Oh, I'm totally a licker. You're a licker.

Yeah, well, I think it's the best way to control the ice cream. Oh, I don't like the brain freeze if you bite into it. It's like, oh. I hadn't thought of that. That's a good point, Jono. That's something you should have been using in your, because I've been saying bite it, but I hadn't thought about the brain freeze.

Yeah, well, you do, and your teeth too. You can get the coldness on your teeth. Thank you very much. Very good point, Tessa. Very good point. Thank you for raising that. If you lick it too, the ice cream lasts longer. That's right, Tess.

Yeah, it keeps going. It does last longer. All right, thanks, Tessa. You have a great day, my friend. Okay, bye. I think it's more of a controlled approach to your ice cream consumption, the lick. Let's go through.

We spoke to these wonderful people a couple of weeks ago when we were phoning the A to Z of New Zealand up in Pangaru. Oh, yeah. In Northland, Whakarapatoa is the name of the shop. And I know they'll have a definitive answer. Let's go through. Producer Juliet to the north. Kia ora, Whakarapatoa Nering speaking. Whakarapatoa, you'll never guess who it is.

I will never guess who it is. Never guess. Never guess. It's your old friends, Jono and Ben from The Hits. Oh, is it really? Yeah. We spoke a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, cool.

How are you? Good. We're doing well. We're phoning with a very serious issue today, though. Yep. Ice creams. We've been talking about ice creams this morning. Yep.

When you have an ice cream do you lick the ice cream or do you eat the ice cream? What's the go? Do you bite or lick? Shall I ask one of my customers? Yeah. Talk to the people. This is John Owen Bean from The Hits. Okay.

We've got a customer here. Her name's Dana Cardina. Dana Cardina. Lovely to meet you. I'm going to ask her. You can ask her. Okay, chuck her on. Chuck Dana on. Okay. Hello, boys.

Hello. Kia ora, Dana. How are you? Yeah, good. Now, ice creams. When you're buying an ice cream, are you licking or biting the ice cream? Biting. Biting.

Yeah, I'm the same. I'm the same. A biter. I'm a licker. But then if an ice cream drips, I might lick the ice cream. But biting is... I don't give the ice cream time to drip. Yeah, no, you're just straight in there.

Hey, well, listen, we've got a final answer there from the wonderful Whakarapa Toan in Pangaru. Pangaru. There we go. Lovely to talk to you guys again. Okay, have a good day. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

The election not too far away. So this morning we're catching up with the leader of the ACT Party, David Seymour. The one and only D. Seymour at Hotmail.com. Welcome. Hey, boys. How you going? Rugged Seymour at Hotmail.com. Not his actual email address.

How you doing? Fantastic. What's going on in Parliament,ersseymour at hotmail.com. Not his actual email address. How are you doing? Fantastic. What's going on in Parliament, David Seymour? I mean, jeez, it's been a whirlwind couple of weeks. What's not going on in Parliament? Look, I just want to say to people, seriously, this is a time when New Zealand needs to actually, you know, pull its socks up and deal with a world that's just changed.

And I know people are pretty disillusioned, but can I just point out, there's about 115 members of Parliament who aren't involved in any kind of sex scandals and actually are just getting up every day trying to do their job and make New Zealand a better place. And I think that's really important to remember at the moment. Yeah, no good.

Are you getting any, Seymour? Are you getting any, mate? Getting any on the side? Look, I want to tell you, there's no sex in the ACT Party caucus. Now, David Seymour, I was just reading about you in the New Zealand Herald. Someone who, you know, campaigned to get the pubs open for the Rugby World Cup early to watch. You haven't been drinking for a year. No, mate.

Actually, over a year, I quit New Year's Day 2019. And, you know, I was always someone that was pretty keen on a beer. In fact, since I stopped drinking, I lost 14 kgs. Wow. That tells you that 14 kgs of me must have been beer. But I tell you what, you know, I don't judge or say that one way or the other way is the best way. But I'll just tell you my experience is that being someone who was pretty keen to have a drink at the end of the day most days um and I just went through the summer break um or the you know the end of year Christmas functions and stuff

I just woke up one morning and thought I'm over this I'm sick of being hungover so I stopped thinking I'd stop for a month just after the end of January last year. I thought, actually, I've got no interest in going back, and I feel a million dollars and much better. Good on you. Good on you. Because is it hard, like in a – that's what I always wonder, in a social setting. That's the weird thing.

It's just become so much more acceptable. So when I started last year, if you went into a pub and asked for a non-alcoholic beer, you know, they'd look at you like, you know, sort of, like you said, I'd like to learn how to put my willy in my own ear. Have you nailed that yet?

I've been trying. I tell you what, you've got to stretch. But it also, it's also easier if you have big ears. Okay, all right, we're really getting quite detailed on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but, but, you know, what's happened since then is people have started saying, well, actually, we got Heineken Zero, you know, Peronia brought out their Libra, and there's a few others that are starting to come out. Zero alcohol beer, and no one really notices.

I was never a teetotaler. I was the last person that thought they would come to this conclusion, but here I am. But my problem is the 0% is cost exactly the same as the alcoholic one. Maybe this should be your campaign thing, Seymour. Yeah, cheaper 0% beers. Well, here's the thing, thing though because I actually was talking to the guys at Brothers who you know they run a

great business the Brothers Brewery and I said well when are you guys going to get in on this and they said look the technology to take the alcohol out costs more than all our current equipment so that's why your Heinekens and your big boys are doing it and so the reason it costs so much is they actually make beer,

then they take the alcohol out. So it should probably cost more. Oh. Yeah, but it's a wonderful time to be alive anyway. It is. We've got our David Seymour with us, leader of the ACT Party. Now, Ben Boyce noticed something, David Seymour, about you've got your election billboards out there at the moment.

He noticed a striking similarity between the colour scheme you're using for the ACT ones and the colour scheme the Hits Breakfast with our ugly mugs on is using. We've got a magenta, a yellow, a lovely sky blue, and you've got a magenta, a yellow, and a lovely sky blue. It's box lettering. I'm not saying it's exactly the same, but it's a similar sort of concept. Oh, geez, what am I going to do?

We thought of it ourselves, honest. We've got to put the spot here. I just don't want to disadvantage you in the election because any association with us is not a good one, David. Quickly before you go, is there a pool and a gym in the Beehive? Yeah, yeah, there is. But the pool's quite short, so it's mainly if you're practising your turns,

then that's pretty useful. It's a wallow pool. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to sound ungrateful or complaining, but what I found was the weights were all far too light, so I don't use it that much. It's like Winnie on the bloody cross trainer during lunch and things like that?

Oh, he was, but unfortunately, when the Smoke-Free Environment Act came in, he had to stop. Did he have a cigarette in his mouth on the cross trainer? Oh, yeah, look at him. I like you guys have had some beef recently. We don't want to lead you back into that. Oh, guys, time for him to move on. Oh, yeah, look. I like you guys have had some beef recently. We don't want to lead you back into that.

Time for him to move on. Oh, savage. You can only have 15 minutes on those machines. I think that's what you're meaning, right? That's what happens in the gym?

Exactly. Hey, David Seymour, thank you very much for your time. Have a great one. Hey, no, thanks, guys. And I'm glad your show's going great and hope

you have a great week. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy, the what's up spy.co.nz. Did you know Fun Fact producer Juliet hasn't spoken to her family in five years just so she could dedicate her life to stories about which Kardashian just shaved their armpits. That's so dedicated to gossip who she is, this lady.

Thank you. So the latest biography on Harry and Meghan's life since they met, it's called Finding Freedom. Hey, I love this stuff. Sorry, Juliette, what was that? Sorry? I love this stuff. No, you don't.

And a lot of people do as well. So it's called Finding Freedom, and they've released some parts of the book. And the parts they've revealed have said that Prince Harry had an Instagram account it was a secret undercover one just so he could follow Meghan

when she still had an Instagram account when they met. Oh my god is this the most exciting thing they can find about it? They're starting to bore me to death

these people. I love them and then also I love them and apparently they also got engaged months before it was announced

and also it says that they'll probably never return to their royal duties. And that makes me sad because I just want to see them more. And I want to see Megan in her cool outfits. And I want to see Archie. But that's not going to happen. Do you know why they walked away from it? Was it just the pressure? Yeah, so it was a combination.

It was the pressure. Apparently the royal staff never really fully accepted her as well. So they kind of, because she was considered probably an outsider. You're a royalist. Do you think she was up to no good? Up to all sorts of shenanigans. Markle came in there, wound it up with her

big American mouth. I reckon Harry and her are in love and it's a legitimate relationship but she just struggled to learn the royal ways and Harry kind of bailed her out. I don't think she forced Harry out of it. I think Harry said, I love you.

Let's do what's best for you and our family and get out. Hypothetical question. Because obviously the Queen, as much as I love her, she's not going to be around forever. No. That's the reality. So eventually it'll be either Charles or William will take over. What happens then with Harry and Meghan?

Do they come back? The return. Well, I think. The return, the sequel. Harry and Meghan return part two, Buckingham. It's the sequel. Pay-per-view. Get made into a movie.

I would watch that. I don't know. Well, because technically they've got, Will and Kate have got three kids now online. I know, but I just been come back into it. Like, is it the queen? Like, what's, you know? I see what you're saying. Could that change them going, oh, no, hey, we want to come back into this family again?

Yeah, yeah. Well, it could do. They could start doing more and more. Hey, I don't know if you know families, but you can't just opt out of them and opt back into them when you want. You're kind of in it for life. True. It's our family's work.

That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. I love how she didn't learn the royal ways, the royal ways of suppressing your feelings and emotions and also trying to suppress Prince Andrew as well. Just keep him in in a way. Yeah, well, that's true. She's got some stuff to work on.

If there's one person they want to kick out of the family, get rid of him. Yeah, exactly. That's what I think too. And a bunch of TikTok and YouTube stars, so you've got your Charlie and your Dixie D'Amelio's, you've got your James Charles's. They're getting roasted online

because they threw a massive house party. Was this in the Hype House? I don't know. I keep hearing about puppies like the Hype House. This is my daughter Poppy. They're all in the Hype House.

It's just all these annoying children on TikTok winding up. All I just hear their voices and I'm like, shut up! They were probably in the Hype House

but they had a massive party without wearing masks or socially distancing. And that's what they're required to do in California. And they're getting absolutely roasted. Just quickly, though, because TikTok's in the news a lot at the moment about the privacy issues. People are worried about what it collects of your data. According to the New Zealand Herald today, I was just having a quick read.

So they reckon that collects no more user data than YouTube or Facebook. So about the same. But they reckon there's security issues around the fact that it's a Chinese-owned company and under the laws in China, any company based there at any stage, if asked, must hand over data.

So that's the thing. No matter what privacy things they put in place, because it's a Chinese-owned company, if they want to, not saying they're going to, but at any stage, they have to hand over that data. That's how the commies run a tight game,

don't they? They can really get anything they want out of any of those communists. And 800 million people use it worldwide. Wow. So I guess that is, and it's a risk, I guess, isn't it? To the Western world.

Yeah. If they can just set a drop of a hat, go, hey, I want to find out what Ben Boyce has been doing on TikTok. It was personal information. Oh God, look at this stuff.

Oh God, this is bleak. Look at the drafts, the ones he didn't post. Oh my God. Look at the drafts. What is sitting in your draft? I probably get access

to my drafts. Not the drafts. Don't expose my draft videos. They didn't quite nail the dance moves. Oh no, take two on that. The embarrassing draft.

Exposed. Thank you, Juliet. There was a lovely update of Spy. Thank you. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Beryl the Hits.

Now my daughter, last week was school holidays and my daughter came into the studio. Or maybe it was the week before actually, came into the studio here at the Hits. And I didn't tell you this,

Jono, but she was talking to you, Producer Juliet, for a while. And she was like, BTW, because that's what she says, 10-year-old Sienna.

She was like, BTW, I... Well, it takes too much time to say by the way, doesn't it? Those are valuable milliseconds you're wasting.

Although I have to go, what's that one again? She had to go, by the way, I'm going to be working here at the Hits in five years. That's what she told me. She was sitting next to

Producer Juliet. I was like, oh, that's good because the Hits needs five years. That's what she told me. She was sitting next to producer Juliet. I was like, oh, that's good because the Hits needs more child labour. We've always said that. They come at a great cost, half the price of a fully grown adult. And that's the advantage. The Chinese tapped into this many years ago in their factories and just the results are outstanding. The amount of product those kids are turning out, just phenomenal.

It's a lot. Just well done to those kids. But my daughter Sienna's like, I'm going to be working here at the Hits in five years. I'm like, oh, that's cool. You'll be working with me. And she's like, no, you're not going to be here. So I'm gone. Oh, yeah, no, because she's been

hanging out a bit. We've been filming this TV show on the weekends. She's been hanging out a bit there. She pulled me aside. She's like, mate, mate, you've got to get rid of that dead wife. I'm coming. get rid of him. I'll come and he's holding you back. This is what she's saying to me. So she's getting in my ear now.

She's trying to undercut you. She's like, I'm cheaper. I can deliver more. I've got more life in the tank. There's more days left to live. I'm like, great. She's 10 years old. Great for me to get some child diversity into the act.

Yeah, well, I get a point. Yeah, because last night I was like, okay, well, let's, I'll ask her some questions. I'll record it. I'll see if she's got the chops. I'm like, why do you want to work here on the hits? Here's what Sienna, my daughter, had to say.

All right, Sienna, what do you think my job at the hits involves? Just talking, lots of rubbish and seeing what the time is. Yeah, that's pretty true. All right, hardest part about my job at the hits? Probably working with Jon is. Yeah, that's pretty true. All right, hardest part about my job at The Hits? Probably working with Jono. Yeah, that's true. So those are two things.

That's what she knows about the job. I thought she would have said the hardest thing about The Hits is telling the time because we struggle with that on this show, don't we? We do. It's actually our biggest Achilles heel is having to tell the time correctly on this program. Sometimes I do it wrong and it's a digital clock. It's very hard to screw up a digital clock. But then I always like to say, all right, here you go.

Here's your audition. You're a voice, but you're on the air. Go for it. And all right, right now you're on the radio. Your big audition, go. This is The Hits with Sienna. The time is 7.03. Nice.

And did you know that cans were around for 48 years before someone invented the can opener? We'll talk about that next. Now here's 660 on the hits. Oh, damn it. That was actually quite good. Yeah, it was not bad. You only have one option here, okay? You need to adopt her out.

Cut her loose. She's too talented, too quick. It was even a tease as well. She's making you look bad. Get rid of her, mate. Adopt, too quick. I was like, well, it's even a tease as well. I was like, we can talk about it. She's making you look bad. I was like, oh. Get rid of her, mate. Adopt her out to a family in England or somewhere. Far, far away.

Africa, if possible, with no Wi-Fi. Otherwise, I won't be here in five years. Exactly. I'll take her. I want her already. Okay. I want to take her. Stop playing her in my ears or I'll change my mind.

Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Big news. Small town and some big news out of Hamilton that we're just reading about. Jock the singing cowboy. He's performing again tomorrow. Love a singing cowboy. They can not only wrap their legs around a horse,

but wrap their hands around a karaoke microphone. Sounds very hard case, Jock the singing cowboy. I've never spoken to him before, but it sounds like a right laugh. So we thought we'd give him a call, give him some advertising about the big gig in Hamilton tomorrow. Kia ora, Mary speaking. Kia ora, Mary.

Or should I say howdy? We're after Jock, the singing cowboy. Lovely. I'll put him on. Thank you, Mary. He says, howdy. Howdy is a Western greeting.

I don't know. Okay, great. Good morning, Jock speaking. Howdy, Jock. Who is it? It's John and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Oh, John and Ben, lovely. G'day, guys.

How are you going? Oh, yeah and Ben, lovely. G'day, guys. How are you going? Oh, yeah. John or Bono, which one? I'll be Bono. We're Bono and Jen we like to call ourselves. Oh, I see. Now, we want to talk to you because you've got a gig. You've got a big gig happening tomorrow. What's actually

happening, guys, I'm in Garden Place. It's like, as you can probably imagine, you know, the way things are today. It's mostly like a busking thing, 10 a.m. onwards. Yep. So you're the singing cowboy jock. Singing cowboy, that's right. Do you mind if we get a little, who's your father?

How's your hoedown? What's the songs do you sing? Oh, well, I've got a good range of songs, guys. Can we get a little line or two at the moment? Can we have a little song? I don't sound as good without my guitar, guys. Okay, you want to save it for the big day? I'll save it for Wednesday, if that's okay.

No, no, it's fine. You save it for Wednesday. No, I want to play a game with you, Jock. This is, is this a country song or is this not a country song? Okay, this is a game. So I'm going to read out a country song title. And you have to tell me, is this a country song or is it not a country song? All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I flushed you from the toilets of my heart. Is that a country song or is that not a country song? I don't think so somehow, guys. It shouldn't be, but it is. Flushed you from the toilets of my heart. Flushed you from the toilets of my heart. Straight down the drains there, flushed you from the toilets of my heart, so that's none from one. Second one, singing cowboy

jock. Is this a country song or is this not a country song? How come your dog don't bite nobody but me? No, I can't profess to say I've heard that one either. So you're saying it's not a country song? Well, jock! How come your dog

don't bite nobody but me? Another real one. Yeah, gosh. Oh, look, guys, I love listening in to your station. Oh, that's very kind of you. I really enjoy your programme. I love that you run with a sense of humour. We need more

guys like you. That's very kind of you. Oh, Jock, you sound like a wonderful person, and I'd love to one day hear your singing voice, but I understand we're going to save it for tomorrow, for Wednesday, for the big gig. Wednesday, yeah. If by any chance, you know, if you're free after 10 o'clock or whatever,

you always come along, have a listen. I even do the man from Snowy River, which is a real classic. Oh, that's a classic. Do you think we could hear that, Jock? It's a very long one, guys. I better save all the voices. Save them. I'm trying to get a free performance here.

You can't get a free beer. One or two lines. We're getting one or two lines. Jock's come through. It's a very long one, so obviously one or two lines. Jocks come through. It's a very long one, so obviously... One or two lines. Just one or two lines. Okay.

Already? Yep. Here we go. I do it in the key of E, but I back the song guitar, of course. Just a cowboy back the song guitar. So imagine guitar. Set the scene, jocks there. He's blasting, he's got some.

Okay, here we go. Just one or two lines. Okay. Already? Here we go. There was movement at the station for the word had passed around that the colt from old regret had gone away

and had joined the wild bush horses. He was worth a thousand pounds. Yeah. How's that? All the cracks had gathered to the frame. I love it. I love it. The singing cowboy.

Good on you, Jock. Have a good one. The singing cowboy there, ladies and gentlemen. I didn't even get to play my favourite one of those countryside. My favourite one. You're the reason our kids are so ugly. What? You're the reason our kids are ugly.

No, darling. He's legit. Oh, but looks ain't all the same. And money ain't all the same. You always want someone to blame for the ugly kids, don't you? You've got a finger point. You need to name and shame them. He was a lot of fun.

Jock, the singing cowboy. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***hing News. Yeah, this is a fun game we like to play once or twice a week. Instead of sleeping, producer Juliet stays up all night sniffing out the quirkiest news stories from the internet,

then censoring them. The news doesn't sleep in and neither does Juliet, does she? No, you're right. And this is Ash Thomas, our wonderful newsreader here at The Hits. She reads out these headlines, actual headlines, you're beeped out a word, and Jono and I have to work out what they are. Now, but not once

Juliet, not once have we got these correct, but like the Chiefs and Super Rugby Aotearoa, we just keep persisting with it. Well, it's quite fun hearing your answers. It's like an alternative news feed situation when you provide your wrong answers. Yeah, you're right. Okay.

I need to get to hear the actual story afterwards, so everything works out. The most important thing is, is it fills in some airtime on our radio show. Let's not forget that. All right, first one. California woman dreamed about eating... woke up to find she really did.

She dreamt about eating something, woke up to find that she did. I'm going to go something like a beef stroganoff. Lovely beef stroganoff. I'm going to say she dreamed about eating a seven-course degustation menu and woke up and discovered she did. Imagine that.

California woman dreamed about eating engagement ring, woke up to find she really did. No. Yeah, so she was dreaming that she was being chased by villains and that the only way to save her engagement ring was to swallow it. And she swallowed it in her sleep and then she had to go to the doctor and get it taken out afterwards.

Wow. I know. I can see actually how that could happen. Yes, exactly. But jeez. Do you know when my son was very young

he had Zadakia swallowed two marbles and oh God. Do you know whose job it was to go and find them? I'm guessing not his because he was too little so probably yours.

Do you know whose job it was? Me. Yeah. It was a dark day. I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Those times as a parent, eh?

You're like, oh, oh. Yeah, but we had a fun game of marbles after that. The absolute lows of parenthood. Yeah. Filipino president suggests disinfecting masks with before being quickly corrected. Disinfecting masks with coronavirus. Doubling down on it.

Oh, like a double negative thing. So to get rid of it. I like that. I reckon it's like the jellyfish thing where you wee on it. So it's urine. Oh! Well, that's bizarre.

Filipino president suggests disinfecting masks with gasoline before being quickly corrected. Your gasoline wouldn't be that good. Highly flammable. But it smells so nice, petrol, doesn't it? You'd just breathe it in, wouldn't you? Only in small doses. Only those sort of five to ten minutes

that you're around the petrol station, you're like, this is just heaven. I couldn't imagine walking around with a mask. Gasoline wouldn't be that good for you. It'd suffocate you, wouldn't it? And last one. Name their son... Name their son in an obnoxious beeping noise.

Yeah, I've got to go Vodafone Warriors. I don't know. What are they calling their son? That's what you'd name your son. I'd like to call it Little Vodafone Warriors over here. And just pray that the Vodafone sponsorship never runs out. Yeah, that's right. Exactly. British parents win battle to name their son Lucifer.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so they claim that in Greek it means morning or light bringer. And they had a bit of back and forth with the council. And the council was like, well, your son's never going to get hired. Teachers won't want to teach you. And don't name him Lucifer. And they're like, nope. And then they ended up winning.

Well, in some cultures too, ISIS was a popular name, wasn't it? Oh, really? You know, the terrorist organisation. There's a brand of car too. ISIS, yeah. There was an ISIS cafe as well. I mean, the terrorist organisation, they had quite a productive couple of years, didn't they, there for a while. And so there was a period where they've sort of faded off, haven't they, ISIS?

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, you see they got they got into international meth distribution. I think they did. Remember? That's right. There was a big bust recently and it was related to ISIS. Just trying some new stuff. Diversifying.

So they'll get into selling used cars or something? Maybe run a centre for daycares? Probably. Daycares? Yeah. Wow. You can do all sorts in ISIS. Thank you, Juliet.

That was the news and beeps. Good work. Thank you. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, you know when you text someone and once you've sent the message, you can see when they're starting to text back, those sort of flashing three dots come up.

Yeah, they do. Don't they? Yeah. Yeah, I like to call them the anxiety dots. Yeah. Because if you've sent your message and you're like, oh, okay, oh, they're texting back, you're waiting. You're waiting.

So I sent you a message yesterday, Ben. Yeah. Asking you about a work-related matter. And I fired it off. And yep, the dots came up. I was like, great. He started composing a message. And then the dots just disappeared. Disappeared. And then no message came up. I was like, great. He started composing a message and then the dots just disappeared.

And then no message came through. And I'm like, that son of a He started writing something. A, he's either gone no, no, I don't want to say that in the heat of the moment. B, a bit of text has come through on another line that's taken his attention. Or C, he just doesn't care about me. So I'm sitting here in this anxiety, stewing in it for three hours. He still doesn't return it. I still haven't, you've never texted me back.

Why? I was in the process of doing it and then something else came up and I'm like, oh yeah, I'll get back to that later. I didn't. Yeah, well you start typing, you better finish typing. You start a message, you finish a message. I was the guy watching the phone going, oh, here it comes, here it comes, coming through, it's coming through.

Oh, no, hang on. He started dotting, Juliet. What I actually notice with that is sometimes I'll be in a conversation with someone and I'll get the three dots from them, but I'm also typing. And then we both, I stop typing just to wait for what their message says, but then they're waiting for me as well. So we've still got messages open and composed, but it shows us both as typing, but then they're waiting for me as well.

So we've still got messages open and composed, but it shows us both as typing and then we're just not even replying to each other. It's the equivalent of walking along the footpath and you see someone coming towards you and you both sidestep the same way, sidestep back. It's like a little dance, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It's quite true sometimes. And sometimes I'm quite, I like a long text as well. And sometimes people are just firing back texts and texts and And I'm like trying to reply to the one before.

And then you have to keep changing that one. Because they'll fire it in two more. You're like, oh, God. Here's my announcement. Just once you've got the dots hitting, mate, finish. Finish. The only dots I like are a farmer's red dot sale. Okay.

So if I'm in the process of having a text. Show me the respect of finishing the text. Says the guy that replies to our WhatsApp group two days later. Yeah. A message that's well gone. This is something that winds everyone on the team up. We started a group WhatsApp group, and there'll be a message on there, and it just moves at a rapid pace, that WhatsApp group.

I can't keep up with it. Well, maybe you need to be more time focusing on the WhatsApp group than play-by-play texting. Oh, he's texting. Oh, he's coming. Oh, no, hang on. Oh, maybe you need to be more time focusing on the WhatsApp group than play-by-play texting. Oh, he's texting. Oh, he's coming. Oh, no, hang on. Oh, it's coming through. What's it going to be?

Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Just like a pig, we've snorted out all the news that's broken overnight. We've been snorting some other stuff as well. Oh, Treveen had a blocked nostril this morning. Haven't we?

Ben Boyce, what have we got today? Well, it's a very slow news day for light news. Oh God, I'm glad we've got a slow news day. I mean, we've been in the midst of a pandemic. It's time to button off. Give me the slow news. I mean, there's probably all sorts of affairs going on in Parliament but we don't know about those today so we're going for the slow news. We're really leaning into

the slow news and on 7 Sharp last night on TV One with Hilary Barry and Jeremy Wells, it was definitely slow news because they were talking about this. Look, and she's even put little wire bits in them so you can stick them to your nose. Oh, look at that. Isn't that perfect?

Wonderful. And they don't look ridiculous at all. Not at all. So these were nose warmers that had been knitted from a loyal viewer from TV One. Because Hilary had said it's quite cold on her nose at the moment in winter, so someone had made... And it's just a case for your nose.

Yeah, just pop on with the knitted woolen and just a little bit of wire in there to keep it on your nose. You look like you're part of the Muppets or Sesame Street, but it's, you know. Isn't that the job of the balacl or Sesame Street but it's, you know. Isn't it the job of the balaclava? Isn't that your traditional nose warmer? The balaclava gets a bad rap, doesn't it? Well, it does. Yeah.

For good reason, I guess. You can't just wander around in a balaclava nowadays. No, it probably takes up too much of your face for people to like, you know. It does. Even though it keeps your nose nice and warm. It's great if you've got a cold face, isn't it? Yeah, it is. And also want to commit an armed robbery too. Like, I can imagine the inventor of the balac you know? Even though it keeps your nose nice and warm. It's great if you've got a cold face, isn't it? Yeah, it is. And also want to commit an armed robbery too.

Like I can imagine the inventor of the balaclava wouldn't have thought that it would be used for sort of heinous, you know, sinister purposes. He would have gone, hey, this is great. Yeah. Nigel Balaclava or whatever his name was. Yeah, he was like, this is just purely for cold conditions. And uh-oh, this took a sinister turn.

I wasn't expecting this. Somewhere along the history timeline. It's like the person that came up with the internet, you know, that invented that. Wouldn't have thought that these days all the other stuff would be going on there, you know? This is not what I designed it for. Yeah, she would have been like, I made this for this.

But anyway, we've taken this to a whole other place. So that is part one of our slow news day. Part two, Marmite. You know, what we put on toast and bread. Well, apparently, according to Marmite's Instagram account, it's not only something great for toast and bread, it's also great in a hot drink form. Okay.

So if you're ready. I've always wanted to start my day with a cup of yeasty liquid. That's been my dream. In the afternoon, you're maybe having an afternoon slump. Have you ever considered a cup of piping hot Marmite? I haven't, to be honest. I haven't. I've never looked at a jar of Marmite and gone,

I need that in liquid. I need that in liquid form. So on the Marmite site, it says it's great for broths and it's also great on its own as a cuppa with hot water. It's like a Marmite miso soup, is what they've said. And so Producer Humphrey. Producer Humphrey came in, he's like, hey, I got you a coffee.

Not once has Producer Humphrey got us a coffee. Not once, Producer Humphrey. No, but he has today. And when he brings it in, it's a prank coffee. It's a Marmite, and I'm going to give it a go. It's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad. I'm a big fan of Marmite.

It's my preferred option. It's your preferred spread. Yeah, I mean, it is like a miso soup. It is. Look at us. We were mocking it. They might be onto something here. It's not bad.

It's actually, I would have it again. This wasn't how we thought it was going to go Hold on We'll end it how we wanted to end it Okay here we go What is this

to Marmot Producer Humphrey Pull your act together Marmot That's how they do it on radio That's the act we wanted That's how we do it on radio. That's the out we wanted. That's how we wanted to end this bit. There we go.

And that is us calling you for your feed today. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Synchronise Oddsers. Now, our phone number is 0800 THE HITS. If you want a Hell Pizza, $40 Hell Pizza vouchers, that could be all yours. In fact, we'll give those to you, but we may snatch them back

off you if Jono and I can synchronise one of our three answers. That's right. This is New Zealand's favourite game to play alongside Do I Know That Guy With A Pixelated Face on PLEASE 10-7. That's a fun game to play, right? We all know someone who's been on PLEASE 10-7 with a pixelated face.

I knew a guy from school who was on the wanted list. I was like, it's old mate. Oh, really? No, it's great. It's great. It's good to catch up with everyone. That's what they're doing now. Oh, okay.

They're on the run from the law. Lovely stuff. So, Producer Julia asked us three questions. John and I have three seconds to come up with an answer. We say it at the same time, and if we synchronise that answer, we'll take the prize off you. Sandy, welcome to New Zealand's Brick. Hi, guys. How are you?

Oh, Sandy, we're good. You sound lovely and sprightly at this time of year. I know, and I'm at work, so, you know. What do you do, Sando? I work at Starship Children's Hospital. Oh, what a great place to work. Yeah, it's cool. Nice place.

Please don't tell me you're making the children listen to this. Not at all. I'm in radiology, Sandy. Oh,, so hopefully still asleep on the wards. Oh, good. All right. Every time I go in there, I'm like, there's some great people in here doing fantastic work. You're one of them, Sandy. Oh, thank you.

I make it sound like I'm a charitable guy. I know. I've been in there once. I won't lie. I'm not going in there every week going, hey, kids, look who's here. That'd be a bit strange, wouldn't it? Well, you've got the Hell Pizza, but we could stash it off you if we synchronise one of our three answers. So,

Producer Julia, our first question to the two of us. What is, name for me, an item off the KFC menu? Quarterpack. Toppock chicken. Ooh, you're safe, Sandy. You've still got that pizza. Okay, fingers crossed. We've got two more questions.

And I tell you what, if I know how pizza, they'll just love that KFC integration into this giveaway. Make this next one a McDonald's question. Whoopsies. No, let's go Pizza Hut next year. Oh, yeah. Okay. How about a Domino's one?

Favourite Domino's pizza and go. All right. Name for me a member of One Direction. Louis Tomlinson. Oh, I thought you were going to go Harry Styles. No, I went Louis Tomlinson. Oh, I'm done. I went Noel Horan.

So, so far, that pizza's yours, Sandy. Hey, keep going, boys. Last one. All right, name for me a colour. A colour? Magenta. Oh, close. We're in the same field, but Sandy.

Oh, did you do that on purpose? Because I work at Starship, I wouldn't. No, Ben sabotaged this game because he hates taking the prizes off the listeners. I try and go obscure. Oh, he's so sweet. Well done, Sandy. You got that hell pizza. Thank you so much for listening and doing such a great job. Oh, thanks for the pizza. I try and go obscure. Oh, he's so sweet. Well done, Sandy. You got that hell pizza.

Thank you so much for listening and doing such a great job. Oh, thanks for the pizza. Yay, love hells. Thank you. Good on you. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. See you.

Have a great day. Cheers for listening. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy. No WhatsApp. Spy.co.nz. Yes, we unblocked Juliet's drain under her kitchen sink,

and all that came pouring out was gossip. She had a drain clogged with gossip and now she's about to spew it out into your ears. Thank you for that wonderful intro. Prince William has been voted the least attractive famous bald guy among many other bald guys like Vin Diesel, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Jason Statham. And he only got 2% of the vote. And that makes me sad because I love Prince William. I know, but he's just sticking with that haircut, isn't he? He just needs to shave it off.

He's like, you know, it reminds me of, I held on to my hair for a number of years. Ben, you like to say it looked like wispy seaweed at the bottom of the ocean. But I like to say, you know outside Godfrey's, how they got that guy with the arms? Those two arms? Yeah.

That was the top of my head. Just a couple of... The tube sort of waving, inflatable sort of guy thing. Yeah, yeah. It did look... You know, you stuck with it for a while. I made Homer Simpson look like he had a head of hair like George Clooney.

So you reckon just get rid of it if you're Prince William? Yeah, why not? Just embrace it. I think it looks worse trying to hang on to every last century here. But you look at William. Yeah, why not? Just embrace it. I think it looks worse trying to hang on to every last inch of your hair. But you look at the royals and traditionally they don't shave, do they?

They kind of just ride it out. It wouldn't be a royal policy or anything like that? Surely not. Surely not. I don't know. It's probably,

it's just a haircut, isn't it? Listen, nature intended us to be ugly. Roll with it. Embrace it. And my biggest disappointment is that you're not on the list, Jono, for most famous attractive bald men. Most famous are go.

Hey, we'll do our own list. Most famous are go. Okay, cool. I'm joking. I'm kidding. Hey, John Campbell's been taken to task for workplace bullying, Ben. Oh, yeah. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Three hours of you roasting me at one time, mate. He's hurt my special parts. My special parts are crying. I'm sorry, Jono. I'm sorry. That's my heart,

my special parts, by the way. I just want to clarify that. And Kylie Jenner, she has spent a whopping $300,000 New Zealand dollars on a horse for her two-year-old daughter, Stormy. She got it shipped from the Netherlands.

It's this little mini, sort of like a miniature white horse. It's called Frozen and it has to go into quarantine as well. I didn't realise that animals had to go into quarantine. Magnificent investment. $300,000 miniature horse

from the Netherlands. Just kidding. I remember when I got my first $300,000 horse from the Netherlands. Remember it like it was yesterday. Unusual that they couldn't find one in America. I don't know. You know what the Kardashians

are like. They just like to, you know, go for the best of the best. They thought it was probably a magical pony. We saw a little horse the other day dressed like a unicorn.

That was the most magical moment of my life. I was like, my inner 12-year-old girl was loving it. Did it have like a horn on everything? Oh, it was adorable.

Glitter and it was like, oh, it was like a My Little Pony in real life. Yeah. Every time you look at it, you're just like, oh. It made my special parts happy. Just to clarify, that's my heart again. Wonderful, wonderful.

And for more, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. We want to start the day on good day fashion. Hey feeling good. Almost made sense, didn't it?

You did well. You kind of saved it. And then you said a collection of words that were in the ballpark. It's a good day. Why is it going to be a good day? Well, we want to know. We want to start the day positive. Yeah, we do.

You know what's going to be a good day today? Picking the kids up from school. Yeah. I really enjoy that. My kids, by the way. Yeah, good. I try and avoid sort of lingering outside schools and picking up children that aren't my own, Ben. But then playing

basketball with Oscar after school. There was a time period in there where I was just kicking his arse at basketball. But now the tables are turning. Don't you hate it when kids get good at stuff? And you're like, I used to be able to dominate you, but now I'm a frail old man.

And you are destroying me. I always remember playing tennis against my dad and I'd get to that stage and my mother would be like, oh, I'm a frail old man. And you are destroying me. I always remember playing tennis against my dad and I'd get to that stage and my mother would be like, oh, I'm good. And then he'd just send down a rocket of a serve and you'd be like, okay, no, not quite good enough yet. Put you back in your place, children. Just to let you know. You get a little bit cocky.

The only thing that makes you feel good as an adult is beating a kid. Because you can't beat other adults. There's people better than you. So you need to pick lesser talented people and they just happen to be your children. Glenn is going to, we're going to talk to him

very shortly why it's going to be a good day but yesterday, Rico, wasn't this adorable? Oh, this was nice. Hello, I live in New Zealand and I'm at Glenville Intermediate School.

What's good about today is that I go to school and it's a happy day even though there's coronavirus going around. I'm still happy that I've still got a family and I can still go to school and it's a happy day. Even though there's coronavirus going around, I'm still happy that I've still got a family and I can still go to school.

Oh, isn't that beautiful? Glenn, why is it going to be a good day for you? I don't have to start work early tomorrow. No, he doesn't. He's planning on sleeping in that sweet, sweet bed of yours, Glenn. Why don't you have to start early tomorrow? It's just a bit quieter tomorrow.

We won't go into too much detail. Let's stop watching all the little personal questions, Jono. Sorry for digging. Sorry for being so investigative. Glenn, thank you very much. Glenn, we're going to give you a double pass to Reading Cinemas. You enjoy the movies. I don't know what he does or how he does it. But it's none of your business, alright?

You just back off, okay? You leave Glenn alone. Hey Fiona, welcome to New Zealand's, but he's not going to... But it's none of your business, all right? You just back off, okay? You leave Glenn alone. Hey, Fiona, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast. Why is it going to be a good day? It's going to be a good day because I get all my new dress and my shoes and my boys' clothes and all that ready tonight, ready to go to the commissioning ceremony of New Zealand's newest naval ship. Oh!

Tomorrow. Hoity-toity-o. That sounds fun. Commissioning naval ship. Oh. Tomorrow. Hoity-toity. Oh, that sounds fun. Ship commissioning, nevertheless. Yeah. Whereabouts is that taking place? In Auckland. Nice.

In Auckland. Yeah, so my husband's part of the ship's company, so there's been lots of planning and what have you. So, yeah, new dress, new coat, new shoes. Well, you know what they say about loose lips. Don't be sinking in ships tomorrow night, Fiona. You have a wonderful day. Maybe she's told us now.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. A double pass on the movie is all yours, all right? Reading cinemas. Cheers, guys. You guys are awesome. Have a good day. See you, mate. Let's get a fun day.

Tanya, welcome to the show. Why is it going to be a good day? It's going to be a good day for me because I've got the next two days off. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. What wild stuff are you going to get up to, Tanya?

Take up some sleep, I guess. Yeah, wild stuff. You just sleep as much as you can. You might go to the movies as well. Reading Cinemas, Double Pass is all yours, okay? Cool, thank you. You have a great day. Thank you to everyone who's listening. We'll be back tomorrow morning with the guy who claims he taught

Taylor Swift to play guitar want more Jono and Ben? you can wake up with the boys weekdays from 6 on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app