Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 02 - Rhys Darby, BoozetalkZB, Where Are You Listening Right Now?

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

The A To Z Of New ZealandJono's eyebrows...We're sending cardboard cutouts of ourselves around New ZealandWhat ended up on your car?Kieran Read called inSpyBoozetalkZBRhys Darby called inBen's Grandparents shared the same birthdayScrolling Through Your FeedRude AwakeningWhere are you listening right now?SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on the 1st of June. We're in June already, here we go. 2nd of June. Oh, are we? He said it with such confidence. He said it like, I've just looked at a calendar and now I repeat what my eyeballs have seen. Say that one for the 1st of June podcast.

Now, take two. We'll get to the podcast on the 2nd of June, guys. Great to have you with us. Thanks, Producer Juliet. Even the Producer Juliet even said it was

the 2nd of June before that, but yeah, somehow. I listen to 50% of what she's saying. Anyway, we can play that next year.

That'll be great. There we go. Coming off, we're coming. I'll get one for the third while we're here. Welcome to the podcast, third of June. So my mum, Jenny, not happy that the podcast took a couple of days to be up in the weekend. Oh, so it wasn't on on which one?

The Friday show? Friday's one. So what? Let's call Jenny now because we're going to need to hear these complaints. We're open book on this podcast. We hide nothing. She wanted to listen to it over the weekend. It is up there now.

You know we hide nothing Because we would have edited Ben out saying It's the first of June But we've left it in there Out of lazy A combination of laziness And also because we think

It's funny Yeah Phoning Jenny To get her complaint Hello Jenny speaking Hello Jenny speaking It's your son here And Jono

Oh Stars of the Jono and Ben podcast On iHeartRadio. You're part of the podcast, aren't you? You love the podcast, and so here you are, part of it. Oh, really? Well, I do.

I love it. Thank you very much. I enjoy it. Jenny, weren't you happy the podcast wasn't up over the weekend? No. I was looking for Fridays, and I thought, did you get the Queen's birthday weekend wrong? Did you think Friday was the

holiday? Your son just thought it was the first but anyway, there's a whole lot of stuff that's not right about this Jenny I see, yes that surprised me. Thank you so much for listening our one and only podcast listener Jenny Boyce, my mum doesn't even listen. She's listening every day

I don't know why she doesn't listen when it's on the radio but she decides later. Yeah, she'll listen to it. Good things take a while to happen, and I have to look forward to listening to you. Oh, wait till Friday's show. Woo-wee! Thank you, Jenny.

Okay, guys. All right, there we go. Jenny voice. There you go. Ben's mother, lady who did all the hard yards getting him out. Oh, no. Yeah, okay. On this weird note,

enjoy the podcast for whatever day it is. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The A to Z of New Zealand. It's New Zealand's breakfast and to prove it, we have committed

to a two and a half year project calling every town and city in Aotearoa. We haven't made it out of the A's yet. Because we're doing it alphabetically, and you're right, it's taken at least four weeks in the A's. Yeah, and today, Ashburton. And if you want to know some information about Ashburton,

well, it's proudly the 27th largest urban area in New Zealand, located 85km southwest of Canterbury. That's 53 miles for those that prefer the English unit of Linear Measure. Featuring tantalised... Why did you say measure? I tried to say it sophisticatedly and then I said sophisticatedly

which I don't even think is a word. You've made me confused with how you said measure, but anyway. Ashburton features a tantalising aquatic centre home to the Wednesday morning Senior aqua aerobics. Oh, great. Thursday afternoons, preschool swimming lessons, which also sees the pool contaminated weekly.

You've gone deep. An average of three-star motels, $108 a night, you'll get an average stay there at Ashburton. That's good to know. And if you like being moist, then you'd like Ashburton, where the humidity is currently sitting at 91%. So we thought we'd call someone in Ashburton, and we thought we'd call someone who's actually making news today in Ashburton.

His name is Tony Todd. He is 73 years old, and he has cycled 73 Ks on his 73rd birthday. All right, well, let's see if he can hop on his bike and tell us something about Ashburton. Let's give if he can hop on his bike and tell us something about Ash Burton. Let's give him a call. Hello? Hello? Sorry, we are a bit fumbly there to begin with.

It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. How are you? Good, thank you. How are you? Oh, we're just ringing because is this Tony Todd's residence? It is. Is this the guy that cycled 73km for his 73rd birthday? It is.

We're calling every town and city in New Zealand. Ash Burton is 17th on the list. And we thought, well, if we're calling Ash Burton, there's no way we can't call TT's house. Oh, he's out on his bike right now. Oh, is he? Yeah. He's still cycling.

I would have thought after 73km he would have stopped. No, no, got to keep it up. Had this light bulb moment one day out biking and came home and said, I think I might bike 73km on my 73rd birthday. And you're like, you're crazy, Tony. You be crazy. And what's your name? Christine.

Christine, I can imagine you wrapped up in some sponsored Lycra on a bike. No, it was all good. We had fantastic... He's raised over $11,000. Oh, that is so good. How long did it take him to cycle 73km? Four hours.

Christine, we like to phone every town in New Zealand and ask them about their slice of paradise. Why should people visit Ashburton? It's a fantastic town. Huge rural mountains about 45 minutes away, and we've got a wonderful lake here, Lake Hood, which is a man-made lake. And, no, it's just a fantastic area,

a lovely rural community. Yeah, a high Bogan residence as well, per capita, a lot of Bogans. Oh, are there? Well, you live there. You are one of them, aren't you, Christine? Yeah, absolutely. A lot of black woolen jersey wearing bogans

because a good friend of mine came from Ashburton. A lot of burnouts there. Burnouts happening outside your house right now, Christine? No, none of that stuff, no. Are you drinking a pre-mixed bourbon right now, Christine? Yeah, no. Did you have to turn-mixed bourbon right now, Christine? Yeah, no. Did you have to turn down ACDC before answering the phone, Christine? Ah, gorgeous.

Oh, Christine, thank you for talking to us and can I pass on our congratulations to Tony for cycling 73km? Yeah. Next year it's 74km. Oh, so you're going to make him on his 74th cycle? Well, that's how it gets worse as it gets older, isn't it? Yeah. Let's hope he doesn't turn 120 or else it's a long bike ride.

Good on you, Christine. You have a great day. And thanks for being on the phone in Ashburton. Okay. Thank you. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I noticed something on the weekend on my face.

And it's been an issue that's sort of slowly been declining over the last couple of years. And as soon as I bring it up, you'll notice it. Shall I look at your face right now? No, you can look at my face. I feel a bit awkward. You can look staring at my face. I'll look away until you tell me what it is. I'm looking away. My eyebrows are running

a split personality. It's like I'm the coach but they're all playing their own game. They're all veering off into all different directions they're all on their own journey and remember it was a thing when we had Tally and Dana our makeup artists would be like spending a lot of time tending to my eyebrows

and now I've just got one that pops out like it's been showering in Viagra and it's just a just a big erect hair, can you see it? it's just popped out so like a hair that's just a big erect like a hair can you see it it's just popped out there see

oh I can't control it this is the story I'm going to say yes I can't control there it is there you've got a cap on so it's kind of

you know oh my god I see it there you go there you go see it's like a coach I'm trying to coach

a team of misfits on my face well you can grow it quite long and then you can sort of comb it back from your eyes It's like a coach of misfits. I'm trying to coach a team of misfits on my face. Well, you can grow quite long and then you can sort of comb it back from your eyebrows. Back over the top. Because people talk about combs. I can grow them so long I can finally have a head of hair but brush my eyebrows.

Brush his heart out over here. You're like, God, that's interesting. Is that hair from his eyebrows? Yeah, that's... See, the older I get, I've got hair growing everywhere else apart from where I want the hair growing. You name a part of my body, I've got hair growing on it. Name a piece.

I don't know if I want to play this game. Not you. You'll be really hairless, aren't you? You're like a seal. Like a smooth, wet seal. Puberty wasn't really a thing for me. It's taken a while to sort of get there. I got to about the size I was

about eight or nine years old and I just pretty much stayed there. Really mature in any way or form. I love your smooth body. Show Julie your smooth body. It's smooth. People here wouldn't have seen it. Get that wonderful smooth body out.

Please. I'm asking nicely. What is this? What is this? What are we doing? I was just saying, just spare a thought for me as I'm spending 20 minutes a day maintaining my hybrids, just trying to keep them at bay. It's an option now, you know.

I used to can a hairspray this morning just to keep them down. Why don't you pluck that one hair out? No, if I do that, no, I'm proud of it. It's a good talking point. It's a point of conversation now. But yeah, I don't know what else to say. These eyebrows, they're just living another life to me. They're not playing on my game.

Serving bowls of lollies for breakfast. Actual lollies may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, the NRL back again. No crowds, but they're playing, as we talked about on Friday, they're playing some sound effects of noise as the game's going on, and the Warriors had a great win over the weekend. And they're doing some great things to improvise the NRL, aren't they?

Because SoCo fans can actually send in pictures of themselves and get their faces on cardboard cutouts in the grandstands. 22 bucks, money well spent. But you just can't trust people, can you? Because someone sneakily got past the face of a serial murderer. Yes, up in the stands in the NRL, they had a cardboard cutout of this person in the stands. Not only that person as well,

some people had some fun, put their dog up. Someone paid $22 for their dog. Another person paid $22 to have Boris Johnson's chief advisor who got in trouble for breaking curfew and lockdown. So he popped up at an NRL game by a cardboard cutout for him. But as you say,

it took a dark turn. Next week it's going to be like Hitler and Osama Bin Laden. So I think maybe they'll stop that. I don't know. You can't trust people. You can't. No. I can't trust myself not to see the funny prank face in.

Why can't it just be used for what it was designed to be used for? I'd love to have a picture of me at a Warriors game supporting myself for cardboard cutout stuff. But it's funnier. If you put you know, I'd love to have a picture of me at a Warriors game supporting myself for cardboard cutout stuff. But it's funnier if you put it in a conjurer. It is funnier. No, it's not funnier.

No, it's not. Well, the old you would have found it funny. What happened? The new me doesn't, all right? But it got us thinking because we were meant to be going around the country

at the moment because that's what new radio shows do. Oh, yeah, it's obligatory. New radio show, get out there, shake hands, hold hands, lick hands, what do you think? As long as it involves

hands, you go and do it from Cape Reinga to the bluff. But in a COVID 19 world, you can't really go out. It's not responsible to go out there. The company is, we've had a chat to the bosses and it's like, it's not responsible to be out and about licking hands. Yeah, we can't have Ben sucking

fingers all the way up and down the country. As much as I want to, we can't go out and do it. So we thought we'd come up with a different way, inspired a little bit by the NRL, not the dark, sinister cardboard cutouts. The more lighter side. We're going to send Kim Jong-un up the country. No, we're going to make a cardboard cutout of the two of us

and we're going to see if we can get all the way from Invercargill all the way to us here in the Auckland studio. That's right. Now, the trust is in your hands, New Zealand. You are responsible for getting these cardboard cutouts to the Hits studio. And if you do so, if it arrived back safely, free of any comical phallic drawing objects on our faces. Yeah, here we go.

That'll be the other thing, yeah? You know. Then we'll give away $5,000. Yeah, and everyone that helps and puts the hashtag in, which we'll talk about later, will be eligible to win that $5,000. It's our responsible, socially distanced tour of New Zealand. So we're going to start it in a bluff if we do this,

but I'm worried. I'm watching the NRL over the weekend. I'm like, we can't trust people. Well, we're going to start it in a bluff if we do this, but I'm worried. I'm watching the NRL over the weekend. I'm like, we can't trust people. Well, we're going to find out if we can trust bluff because it could start there on Thursday. We'll go through the bluff now. Producer Juju. Challenge bluff.

Can we trust you? Can we trust you? Of course. You sound trustworthy. Do we? What's the worst thing you've done in your life? Can we trust you? Hey. Can we trust you? Of course. You sound trustworthy. Do we? Yeah. What's the worst thing you've done in your life? It's John Owen being calling from the Hits radio station,

so I'll get that in there before you start telling us your secrets. Oh, my God. We're looking at sending down a cardboard cutout of ourselves, and we want to start it and bluff and get it back to Auckland, but we don't know if we can trust bluff. Of course you can trust bluff. We can trust bluff? Absolutely full of trust.

How do we know you're not bluffing? Because it's in your name. I'm not on air, am I? Can you trust us to not put you on air? It's like a Mexican standoff now. Just a little bit. No, we're going to send our cardboard butt-outs. Butt-outs?

No, that idea got rejected. Sorry. We're not going to send our cardboard butt-outs. Butt-outs? No, that idea got rejected. Sorry, we're not going to do the cardboard butt-outs. I think they vetoed it. Yeah, that was a bit weird. Well, we're not going to send our butts to Bluff, but we are going to send our cardboard cut-outs. And we're trusting you, the fine people of Bluff, to get this thing from at least Bluff to Invercargill.

Oh, I can do that, no problem at all. We're pretty chuffed with Bluff then? Yeah, we are. Is it rough and Bluff at the moment? No, no, it's dead calm out there. Oh, very nice. Are you tough and Bluff? We're really tough and Bluff.

Do you have dandruff and Bluff? Oh, jeez, he's got a rhyme dictionary, has he? He's rhyming stuff. Are you a smoker? Do you like to puff and bluff? No, no one puffs and bluffs. Yeah, right. Have you got the local mechanic working on your muffs and bluff?

Okay, I'm going to stop him here. I'm going to let you get back to your day. Okay, I think we can trust you. Yes. You can trust us. Okay, we can trust the people who bluff. That's great. But can we trust the rest of New Zealand?

Your thoughts. Not as much as you can trust the people of Bluff. I think we can. We've been pretty good through this whole COVID thing. New Zealand's doing well. You know, we're a nation of narcs. Everyone loves telling on everyone, don't they? Yeah, you've been narking on each other in Bluff

because we've all been narking on everyone here. You look after yourself. Keep warm in Bluff. Keep safe. And you'll see our cardboard butt-outs coming to you on Thursday. Excellent. So there we go. We can trust bluff.

Thursday, the cardboard cut-out tour of New Zealand, the responsible socially distanced tour of Aotearoa, begins. You can win $5,000. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We want to know, 0800 the hits, what have you driven around? Because whether it be in your car or on your car,

on Friday I was picking the kids up from school and a lady, she pulled over quite quickly to the side of the road in her car and then she rushed outside and I saw her take off a pair of jeans off the front. She was laying flat on her bonnet. Maybe she ran someone over and blew their jeans off their legs. Straight off.

Or it's a drying technique. That's what I was thinking maybe it was. Yeah, after walking back, I was like, why does she have jeans? But maybe she'd been drying them in the sun and then gone like 100 metres down the road and gone, oh God, I've still got the jeans on the front of my car.

A friend of mine who's a travelling sales rep, peddling his wares. Around the country? Yeah, no, and he would, he spilled a coffee on his shirt and then stopped off at the BP, washed it in the toilet and then hung it out the window but then wound the window up and then just drove down the motorway. Oh, like a little flag that sort of flies behind the car. Yeah, so I mean, driving your car is a wonderful way to dry your clothes.

I do it more often, I say. A travelling washing line. So we want to know what have you driven around. We used to do a few pranks on your car. You had a lovely old Kingswood, didn't you? Holden Kingswood? Yeah, and it was the most painted car in New Zealand, I think, for a time there

because you kept covering it in AstroTurf or painting it pink or towing it. Post-it notes, put things around it. But then after every time, it would get scratched or scuffed or something and then TV3 would have to pay for it to get painted again. The worst one, Producer Juliet, was, because, you know, you go and talk to the producers and you go,

okay, well, this is what we're going to do with a car. Can we afford to do this? And we did one with a cricket ball machine. We were like, John, I can stand in front of a cricket ball machine and I'll fire a cricket ball at the car. We'll aim for the window. We budgeted we could pay for one window. Yeah.

I said, okay, fine. Putting a lot of faith in your aiming. I know. Aren't they? So I let the cricket ball machine rip and the cricket ball hit and it hit between the windows

and hit basically, so two panels. Two panels. So both doors had to be replaced. So we went from being a one window job and then we're like, well, that's lame for telly

because no one really knows how expensive. So then we had to smash the window and... The logic behind it like, well, that's lame for telly because no one really knows how expensive. So then we had to smash the window and... Like the logic behind it though. Oh, that's lame for telly. So then we had to destroy it even further. You ended up with being a very expensive exercise. Who made that executive decision?

Probably me on the day. I had to ruin the car even more now. Yeah, so that was silly. But there we go. I'd probably spend more time sitting in a paint workshop than on the road that car. But 0800 that.

What have you driven round? Joining New Zealand's Breakfast right now from Timaru. Chris, welcome. How are you? Yeah, good morning. Good to have you on. Chris, what did you drive round? I went out and bought a boat motor

and had the kids in the car with me and couldn't get it in the car, so I had a bike rack and I stuck it on the back of the van and then drove into the local supermarket and the kids just slid under the seat for some bearish. Oh, that's some Kiwi ingenuity, strapping an engine to your roof on the bike rack out the back, sorry.

Yeah, and there'd been a tsunami at the time and it turned up on Facebook. Someone had taken a photo of it, like, tsunami rescue unit, paranoid much, you know, that sort of thing. Oh, you got internet shamed as well. You're like, I'm just picking up an engine here, guys. I'm not in the middle of this. Thank you, Chris.

Appreciate that. A friend of mine, actually, he goes hunting and fishing. He's a hunting and fishing person. Yeah. A fisherman or a hunter, I think they're called popular. You're clearly not. But he cooks a lot of his fish on his engine, on his car engine, so you can wrap

it up in tinfoil, drive, then the heat of it cooks the fish. He's ended up in the poisons unit with carbon monoxide poisoning but the snapper tasted amazing. Next, oh, we've got one more. Oh, we've got one more? poisons unit with carbon monoxide poisoning, but the snapper tasted amazing. Next. Oh, we've got one more.

Oh, we've got one more. You feel like you want to wrap it up? No, no, no, mate, you go. Sarah, welcome. Hi. Ben didn't want you on the radio. He tried to wrap you up. Well, you started talking about you banging on your friend

and his fish story, so I was like, oh, obviously. Anyway, Sarah, you're on now. So I didn't drive around with it on my car, but it was in my car, and it was my pet sheep. And so I was moving it from one place to the other, and she was in the back seat, just chilling out, and

we just pulled into the petrol station, and she just had the window open for her, and she was making noise out the window and having a great time, loving it. And yeah, all the little kids loved it. Everyone was, like, pointing at us. I was like, we're in New Zealand. Like, isn't this normal?

Well, no, it's not normal to drive around with the sheep in the car. But I like how they stick their head out the window like dogs as well. They're like, this is amazing. I loved it. They've probably never travelled that fast in their life. They're like, what is it? What is this? Hey, now, you glad we took Sarah's call now, Ben?

I am glad. I'm glad. You're like, don't take Sarah. You were doing that thing across your throat like, you better not, you bald idiot. That's what you were saying to me. I'm very happy to have you on the radio anytime, Sarah. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Yesterday, the Queen's birthday honours were revealed and one of the people named as an officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services to rugby. Former All Black captain Kieran Reedy joins us on the phone right now. Congratulations. Hey, thank you very much.

How are you doing this morning, mate? Look who we've got here. Kieran Reedy, O-N-Z-O-N. I think it's N-Z-O-M, I think. N-Z-O-M, eh? Congratulations. That's so cool. You must be stoked.

Yeah, it is, eh? It is really cool, yep, very happy, very honoured, I guess, to, you know, receive this, so yeah, it's awesome. And no, it doesn't matter if he gets an honour from the Queen, I can still hear him multitasking with the kids in the morning. Doesn't matter how flash you are, you've still got to deal with kids wanting cereal. Does it get you out of

things like that, you know? Have you already used it, like to not fold the washing or put the bins out or something? No, in fact, it's probably made it even worse for me. These letters at the end of my name. Classic tall poppy choppers even in your family there, Kieran. So how do you find out about this? Does the Queen herself text you?

Does Jacinda text you? How does it work? Yeah, you get a cryptic email from the government. Yeah, months ago, just letting us know if you want to go ahead with it. So, yeah, it was pretty cool, I guess, to receive that and kind of, yeah, mull over it for a few days, which was nice. Oh, that's awesome. So you have to get back in touch with them.

And then if you do, which you obviously accepted it, do you get anything from it? Do you get like a certificate, a medal, or do you just kind of get the honour of having this? I think one of those cool medals,

I don't know if you've seen them on news or something, I think we have a ceremony at some stage, obviously it's going to be a bit later on in the year I'm guessing, so yeah,

not sure when they'll be. And I noticed your Wikipedia page, very quick to update with the NZOM at the end of your name. Was that you? Be honest.

No. I don't think I've ever been on my Wikipedia. I was just saying, you've never been on it. I've been updating it, mate. I'm the author. I'm keeping it all with all of Kieran's eyes. Best friends with Jono Pryor. It must be all real then.

What about the Royal Family? Because I know Prince Harry, he's a big fan of rugby. You've met him a couple of times. Yeah, he's a really good man. Yeah, I have met him a couple of times. He loves his rugby, so it's always good when you see him after a game and we've beaten the English.

Obviously not the other way around. He's a good man. Hey, and does this get you a free ticket into Buckingham Palace when you're over there? NZOM coming through. I'm sure I have to try it out. There's got to be some benefits. Yeah.

Yeah, you'd think so. Are you going to use it when you're booking a restaurant? That is Karen Reid, NZOM. See how that goes. Yeah, I think so. Well, I don't know. I'll probably keep it pretty low-key. Maybe just put it into my text or something.

Yeah, just sign off every text with it. Now, are you heading back to Japan to finish your rugby season over there? What's happening? Yeah, well, mate, at some stage. Not this year, but next year's season starts in January. So I've got to be back up there by the end of the year at some point

to get in some training. So, yeah, we'll just see what happens there. Hopefully I can get back up there. Oh end of the year at some point to get in some training. So yeah, we'll just see what happens there. Hopefully we can get back up there. Oh, that is awesome that you're getting back in there in the new year, all going well. And it's a great honour. Well-deserved. Congratulations, Kieran.

All right, cheers, guys. Thank you very much. I mean, the great honour to get the Queen's thing, not a great honour to be playing rugby. It's certainly not a great honour to be on this show. No, no, we are stoked for you. You are a legend and it's great you were rewarded as such. Thanks, guys.

All right, good on you. Next year, hopefully Ben Boyce for services to Instagram and collabs. I don't know if that's going to be happening. We'll be nominated in the Queens. I'm going to nominate you. Oh, thank you, man. Appreciate it. But let's not do this.

You'll get a suspicious email from the government too. They'll probably be chasing up your missed IRD payments. Yeah, I'd say that would be it. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. Producer Juliette goes undercover to get all the celebrity gossip. She's got a binos and a trench coat, like a professional pervert,

but she's a reporter. So Robert Pattinson, he is in the upcoming film by Christopher Nolan Tennant, and he revealed that he, throughout the whole of the filming he'd go months at a time without understanding what was going on in the movie and there was a time where he asked one of his co-stars a question about his character or something

and his co-star just said back to him, is this what you thought your character was like the whole time? And Robert's like, uh, but then he managed to get through it and apparently it's coming out later on this year. Did he not read the script or something and just turned up on day one and was like,

I'll ad lib my way through this? Well, the thing is with Christopher Nolan's movies, like this one is pretty similar to Inception, like the way that plays with time and everything. So it's quite confusing. So he was just like, oh my God. But you'd think you'd study the film before accepting the, I don't know how it works. If he

doesn't understand the plot line to that, I don't understand the plot line to this radio show. I don't know what we're doing, what it's meant to do. Why are we here? What's my role? A lot of people are questioning those things. And Elton John, he's taken a $120 million hit after he was forced

to cancel his farewell tour. And he was hoping that that money would take him and his partner into retirement. And that he'd be set for, I mean, you'd think he's probably set for the rest of his life regardless. If you've got $120 million in your KiwiSaver by the time you retire, I think you'll be alright. I'm surprised insurance doesn't really kick in. Well, yeah, no, it doesn't. It said that insurance doesn't cover it. Unfortunately, they've also had to lay off a bunch of staff

and band members as well. So he cancelled it, obviously, due to his walking pneumonia, which I thought was a.k.a. Elton John brought coronavirus to New Zealand. Ben doesn't like it when I say that. No, you can't say that. You can't put her out there as well. It was probably the most fabulous strain of coronavirus. I'd catch Elton's COVID.

But he cancelled some of the gigs in New Zealand, but now he's had to obviously put it off because of actual coronavirus affecting the world. Yeah. Well, we spoke to Benny, popular recording artist Benny, and she actually got to meet Elton John. He interviewed her. Yeah, I can't, I don't even know him, man.

That was hella weird for me, but, like, it was the coolest thing, and he's, like's the sweetest human. Well, he picked one of your songs. He's like, that should be a single, and now that's blowing up big on TikTok. He did. That's insane. So does Elton now want royalties for that decision?

He might have enough. No, maybe he doesn't now. Maybe he'll be phoning Benny. Hey, I want 10% of every sale. There we go. For more spa, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Boost Talk ZB. Jono Pryor, for services to mildly annoying other radio shows, we phone Boost Talk ZB every weekend. We take turns, Ben and myself, and we act intoxicated on air to see how long they'll leave us on for. And I'm like, sorry, kids,

Dad has got to pretend to be drunk on a credible radio station. Leave me alone. I'm doing work. God's work here. So yeah, we got through yesterday morning. Tim was hosting the show, Tim Dyer. And he'd done a wonderful job.

I was listening to his whole broadcast. And he didn't take calls the whole time. He was just bouncing from interview to interview. And there was five to ten to nine. And he's like, oh, well, show's nearly wrapped up. Let's take some live calls. I'm like, this is my moment to pounce. Like a wounded antelope in the African wilderness.

You can almost hear his disdain in his voice. He'd obviously done a great show and probably reluctantly took calls. And you spoiled it for him. Have a listen. Hi, Jonathan. Morning, Tim. Hello, Jonathan. I want to send this one out to a very special lady. Alright.

A lady who wears a crown and pretend that her son Andrew doesn't exist. Don't say unkind things on a queen's birthday. That's not necessary at all, is it? Ten to nine. Oh, this is why we don't take calls. This is why.

This is why you don't get nice things. There's a wonderful producer off-air. She's like, not cool, Jonathan. Not cool. He got a double telling off. As an adult, nothing worse than a telling off. Don't you? You just feel the smallest.

You're like, you are doing your job. Admittedly, it's not a great job if that's part of your job annoying another radio station, but you are. And they're doing theirs. So there was a 20 second limit

and the goal for this game is to see how long you're left on air for. Then his show finished and I was like, Pryor, you need to do a make good. Why?

To what? But that was enough. We've played that twice already. We've talked for five minutes twice. No, you need to do a make good. To who? To make up to ZB. I was like, I felt like I'd ruined their broadcast

with that last call. So then Francesca Rudkin, wonderful lady, she hosted the next show. So you weren't going to ruin another show? Not just one? And so she had a finance expert in, Hannah McQueen. So it was Francesca and Hannah, and you could phone up Hannah and ask finance questions.

Brilliant. We're going to go to the phones now. Jonathan, hi. God bless the Queen. And by the Queen, I mean the Queen. You mean who? You. Oh, bless you, Jonathan.

And Hannah, you're a Queen as well. Franna, the Queen. Oh, okay. I'm actually Hannah McQueen, so you can call me Hannah the queen if that's helpful. Hannah the queen. My wife left me for her yoga instructor. Right.

And I have a question. Okay. I'm not as bendy or muscly as him. My question, if I have two dozen today and finish them by lunchtime how many could I have before dinner? Is this a riddle? I think you're challenging us this morning

aren't you Jonathan? You're just checking if we're awake or not you enjoy the rest of your day Happy birthday Well isn't that lovely He was going to sing happy birthday to the Queen But we've got some serious financial conversations to have So we're going to move on

Why did they Humour you for so long Oh hang on It's a good one 2000 I had nothing else prepared Because I'm so used to getting cut off so early that you just end up ad-libbing

and you're like, dear God, where am I? The other week I ended up sobering up because I'd been out for too long and got seriously chatted about parenting. Anyway, 53 seconds on the timer for the French East Coast record. Well done, it's one of the best Boots Talks ever so far. One of the longest. Oh God.

New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them, they're chewy. It's Jono and one of the longest. Oh, God. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Reece Darby is a comedian. You know him from Jumanji, Flight of the Conchords, and many other movies and TV shows. And he's got a new TV show starting this Thursday on TVNZ1.

It's called Reece Darby, Big in Japan, 8.45. You can catch it. And, Reece, it seems like we're talking to you every week. Look at us, like friends. I've actually spoken to upper management at NZ Me. We're going to get you on catch it. And, Rhys, it seems like we're talking to you every week. Look at us, like friends. Actually, I've spoken to upper management at NZME. We're going to get you on the payroll, so I'll send you the tax form to fill out, Rhys. Excellent, thank you.

Now, we're excited about your new show, Rhys Darby, Big in Japan, Thursday night, TVNZ1, 8.45. It looks awesome. Oh, dude, I'm very happy with how it came out, yeah. You've filmed it over the last four weeks, did you, in Japan? Well, you know, me get away while things are in the crapper. No, look, we filmed this just before the outbreak, in the nick of time. I believe it was probably the last travel show ever shot.

In fact, in the last week, you know, we had, you know, the COVID was there and we were like, oh gosh, we've got to get out of here, but we've got to finish the show. And so luckily the last stuff we shot was really in the middle of nowhere. And, you know, we started to lose panic. But when we were in Tokyo, yeah, I mean, 70% of the people had masks on anyway, but it was such a, you know, probably the biggest city in the world. And, you know, there was definitely a worried tone going on. So we thought, let's hurry up and wrap this thing up and get home. Well, Japan is an amazing country.

I was lucky enough and I feel lucky enough to go there last year. It's just mind-blowing, you know, not only the tradition and the cultural aspect to the country, but also the crazy robots and things that they've got in the neon. What was the one thing that you remember that just blew your mind? Well, of course, I did the samurai training, which blew my mind as an experience because I've jumped in a cold river before, but this was something different.

This was just as dangerous. You know me, guys. I know you. You always shove it in a cold river. And he did that without even checking how deep it was as well. This is the Kiwi spirit. This is the Kiwi spirit. I also sumo wrestled, you know, so that's something that you would think not possible

unless you were, you know, a larger dude. But I got in there and with a couple of hints and tips, i.e. get underneath him. And if you are ever in a sumo wrestle, guys, this is a big one. Get up underneath the bulk. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And use your pure bicep and evil eyes. And I sort of psyched him out, you know.

I was like, ah! One of the things that I can't wait to see is you stayed in a hotel that was run by robots. Yeah, that was something else. That was like a weird futuristic but maybe not so underworld. It was kind of like I was the only human

there at the time. I don't know whether that was arranged or whether the hotel was not as popular as they were telling me it was. Trust me, go with this, we'll have a whole hotel run by robots. People will love it. So is there people there working? I was reading, but only to look after the robots. Yeah, so they're behind the scenes.

So we can see a robot kind of like moving along and then like hitting a wall and not being able to turn. And then some dude will jump out from a cupboard and with a screwdriver and just do a couple of adjustments and then someone, some dude will jump out from a cupboard and with a screwdriver and just do a couple of adjustments and then dart away. That's amazing. So what, so they check you in, they take your bags up, all those sorts of things?

You put your bag into this ginormous machine which takes about 20 minutes. It's over-engineered. It's like the size of, I don't know, a crane. And it puts your tiny bag into a cupboard. And then once it's in there, of course, you can't just suddenly say, oh, I forgot my toothbrush, you know, because it can't hear you. It doesn't care.

You won't see your bag again until you check out. And so it just doesn't work. But it's very, very funny. On paper, it sounds like a great idea. But then when you're there, there's a lot of stuff that they haven't quite figured out. Rhys, I actually wanted to play a quick game. We went to Japan, and I want you to try and work out, because, of course, you went to Japan.

What I'm doing here, what am I sitting on? This is the first time I got to use one of these. Waiting. Oh, just making some noise. Oh, there you go. There you go. Any idea, Rhys Darby, what I was doing in Japan? Right there?

Are you on a heated toilet seat? Yes, yeah, and using the bidet system. Amazing toilets over there. I know, no matter where you are, they're there. So whether you're in a posh place or a slack place, they've still got the fancy toilets. They give you a privacy option. The seats are heated. I came back to New Zealand, I'm like, oh, cold've still got the fancy toilets. They give you a privacy option. The seats are heated.

I came back to New Zealand, I'm like, oh, cold seats. Not happy with these. That's one of the things you do take away with Japan, but unfortunately can't actually take away. No. It really caught you by surprise. You're like, oh, there we go.

Oh, there we go. Just did a little, oh. There we go. Now, a friend of ours who used to work with on the TV show used to be a babysitter for your kids back in the day. Do we... Oh, Eli Mathewson.

Oh, yeah, Eli, yeah. Yeah, I know him. Very funny comedian. Yeah, he's a great guy. He's great. Did he ever tell you about an incident that took place when he was babysitting your kids, Rhys? No.

Okay, well, maybe we'll leave that for him to tell. Apparently, he managed to lock himself out of your house while the kids were still in. But then he made his way back in somehow, but he was very panicked there for a wee moment that he was locked out of the house while your kids were inside. Oh, that's hilarious. You know, that does ring a bell,

but unfortunately, he didn't, because my kids would have answered it. I hope we haven't lost Eli, a babysitting geek. Well, he was fired shortly after that, and I never knew why. Oh, ReStarby, it's always great to catch up. We can't wait to watch it Thursday night, TVNZ 1, 8.45, ReStarby, big in Japan. Yeah, thank you, guys. Kia ora, this is Toby Mann.

I'm the host of Gone By Lunchtime, a podcast for the spin-off podcast network all about politics and politicians, with me, Annabel Lee-Mather, and Ben Thomas, careering wildly from the very serious to the very ridiculous. It's not for everyone. I don't think it would be Alan's cup of tea, but you, I reckon, will love it. Gone By Lunchtime.

Grab one now wherever you get your podcasts. Morning! It's Jono and. Got the morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Now, my grandparents, when they were alive, they had the same birthday. Not the same year, but the same actual birthday. That's, you know, there's only a one in 365 chance of that.

So they would, on their birthdays, they lived in Christchurch, they would take their, you know, the driver's licence or their birth certificates or whatever, and they would go around places that offered free dining on your birthday oh like scamming the city once a year

we get to scam the whole city and they loved it they'd go and like because the Christchurch Casino at the time would do meals for free on your birthday but they'd always wait to the end

so they'd order their thing they'd have whatever and then at the end they'd be like oh we're not paying for that and they'd go what and they'd pull out and they're like

wha-bam. There you go. Sit on that. Free for your birthday. They go around Valentine's. It was like three or four places that they would go around, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every year on their birthday. It was like that little tradition to get free meals around the whole place.

Poor old owner of Valentine's is like, why did we do this goddamn birthday thing? Ever since they started it, everyone has just been trying to figure out a way to scam it. And then they made it like with four people, you had to like three other paying people just to kind of get around people like my grandparents that would turn up and go,

uh-huh, here you go. Imagine finding 20 people all having their birthday and just sinking Valentine's or just destroying the seafood buffet on the Tuesday. So we wanted to open up this line, couple goals now just off here, Ben had quite an interesting interaction

with producer Juliet, who's, you know, 22. I see people, you know, banding around the term couple goals on the internet. Yes. And I'm like, oh, yes. I've heard of the internet.

I don't trust it, though. I said to producer Juliet, how would I say that in a sentence? You're like, how would I say couple goals? And she's like, couple goals? Well, they have got couple goals. You're like, no, just say couple goals. Couple she's like, couple goals? Well, they have got couple goals. You're like, no, just say couple goals. Couple goals.

I mean, sometimes people use hashtags on the internet, but if you're saying it in a sentence, you just, oh yeah, couple goals. I can tell you nothing is aging you up more than trying to figure out the meaning of couple goals right now. But grammatically it doesn't work, so I see why it's tripping you up. That's why, from a grammatical point of view, how do I say, oh, they've got couple goals. Hashtag couple goals.

Anyway, what we want to know is, why have you... You and your crazy talk, you kids. Why have you got couple goals? Why would people look at you and your relationship

and go, oh, couple goals. Yeah, I mean, I know a couple, they've got the same name, Lee and Lee. I love that. Hashtag couple goals.

That's just confusing. Lee and Lee. I think they spelt the name as well. Spelt the name, sp got the same name. Lee and Lee. I love that. That's couple goals. That's just confusing. Lee and Lee. I think they spelt the name as well. Spelt the name, spelt the same. Yeah, I love that. Producer Juliet, you're like, you've always wanted to be someone who's named all their kids the same first letter. Yeah, like if you and your partner, like I know someone who her parents have

the same, their name, kind of like you and Jen, Jono, Jono and Jen, but they named their kids the same letter as them. So they were the M family. That's couple goals, family goals. So we could be Jono, Jen, Jeffrey and Jack-o-Landon. Me and my daughter, Jack-o-Landon. My wife Amanda likes to try and do the couple goals thing to me

because sometimes I'll post on social media what I'm wearing. In the morning breakfast, I'll be wearing a hoodie and there's a couple of hoodies we've got the same colour exactly as. And then she'll put it on purposely because she knows she's turning up the same place as me. And they're like, oh, we're matching. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

Couple goals. Hashtag couple goals. Hey, I'll wait 100 of the hits. Why are people looking at you or your relationship or your set up and getting jealous? Hashtag your couple goals. Grammatically not correct, but we'll get your calls next. I'll wait 100 of the hits or you can text us on 4487. Let's head to Tracey.

Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Trace. Hi, how are you? Oh, we're doing well. Bloody good to have you on the air with us. Why are people jealous of your relationship? My partner's name is exactly the same as my brother's, and their birthdays are on the exactly same day. Oh, so you're almost incestuous, but not quite.

You haven't fully committed. And so when people ask you about Aaron, as his name, confused are you? Do you talk about your brother, your boyfriend? Oh, yeah, especially when I'm talking to my kids. They go, well, what bloody Aaron are you talking about? A lot of your kids are like, bloody? What bloody Aaron?

It's just Aaron. Okay, good on you, Trace. Thank you very much. Someone's just sent me a photo of some classifieds where they have the wedding notices. It was in the back of the paper. I think it might have been the press or something. And it says Marbeth

Noel Showers, daughter of Mr and Mrs Showers, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Showers, has married Craig Golden, son of... You made this up. They're the Golden Showers. You made this up. This is a press comment. It's not a press comment.

It's a press comment. That's your email that you've written it down. We wish the Golden Show was all the best. Hope you had a wonderful ceremony over the weekend. We've got one more. Jackie, how are you? Welcome from the West Coast, Jack. Good to have you on the air with us.

Why are people jealous of your relationship? Why are you couple goals, Jackie? Well, people either go, oh, or vomit, because we've been married 34 years and we've never had an argument and we still think each other is the most gorgeous thing that we've ever walked the face of the earth. So are you serious?

34 years with no argument? Yeah. There's some passive-aggressive stuff bubbling underneath there, Jackie. It's probably because I'm always right. I'm just going for a drive for half an hour or something. Are there techniques? What can you teach us? Just take what comes.

Take what comes? It'd be interesting to talk to him, wouldn't it? Just get his POV on this. He's so laid back, he's almost horizontal, that guy. Wow. Well, that's amazing. I'm glad that you never had an argument, and I hope you never do. But if you do, it is going to be ballistic.

You'll be like, yeah, well, in 1976, I saw you staring at Deirdre from the office. Oh, yeah. Back in 81. Yeah, so many things have been listening in their minds. You go, one day this is all covered out. Well done, you guys. That's hashtag couple goals.

Very impressive. Good on you, Jackie. Thank you for listening. Have a great day. Thank you. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram.

Scrolling through your feed. All right. What we do is we listen to Kate Hawkesbury on Newstalk ZB as we're driving into work and steal all her content and regurgitate it. This is scrolling through your feed, bringing you up to speed with all the stories that you've missed. It's funny because it's true. Now, filmmaker Taika Waititi, Police Commissioner Mike Bush

and former All Blacks captain Kieran Reid, just some of the people named in yesterday's Queen's Birthday Honours list. Are we running out of people to give Queen's Honours to? That's my question. No. All those people deserve it. But, like, next year it's going to be, like, Ben Boyce services to Instagram.

No, that's definitely never going to happen, no. You know, like, it seems like we give away a lot of these awards every year, and then there's the New Year's Honours. It's like, when do we start to run out of people to award? It's like a certificate of merit. I don't think there's a certain quota they have to hit, right? I'm sure if they got to the end of the year and go, no one did anything good,

they wouldn't just put you up for nothing. That's when you know things are desperate. Ben's getting an award for Instagram and I'm there. Congratulations. Yes, there are 178 people. 178, exactly. 178 people. So we have three new dames and two new knights as well.

You feel like an idiot if you don't have a Queen's Honours. We're going to talk to Karen Reid after 7.30 this morning and find out what exactly that means. I noticed his Wikipedia already updated with his NZOM after his name. I've always wanted to be the first person to update a Wikipedia page. I wonder if it was him. Or we'll ask him. Did he quickly get on there?

Oh, I can update this now. Now, over the weekend as well, a private company for the first time launched astronauts into orbit. SpaceX lifted off from Florida. Elon Musk, the businessman, was part of his. Yeah, he backed up.

Whatever he's doing. Whatever mission he's on. But SpaceX, it sounds very futuristic, doesn't it? So Tesla have teamed up with NASA for a hashtag collab, sent some dudes into space, who you're saying are both co-commanders. Yeah, so they've made them joint operations commanders.

So no one's in charge, it's just the two of them. Well, someone's got to take charge of driving. You know? You know, in this game, I'm the leader. You know that. But no, he always thinks he's the leader, and this is how you end up with a co-pilot, a co-commander situation.

They're going to have a backseat driver go, oh mate, turn left here and turn right. It's going to be a shambles trying to make their way to the space station. But they've gone to meet another astronaut who's just up there by himself at the space station. Chris Cassidy is his name and he's up there at the space station. So when the boys arrive, they're going

to be up there anywhere from one to four months they've said what this seems like quite a scope for their personal lives like back home

their partners and their households like how long are you going to be away for well it could be four weeks or it could be twelve weeks exactly

it's a lot of dropping kids off in the morning and I imagine his wife if he has one would be like do you know

I'm down here taking the kids to school? While you're off having fun with the boys in space? On your little trip? I'm battling away. Three kids, taking them to school. They've got all their activities. Chantel's got aerobics on Tuesday. You're like, well, mate, we're doing space stuff up here, mate.

We're doing important space stuff. Could be a few more months. It's the ultimate stag do weekend in space. The problem is everyone's filming it, though. That's the thing. Unlike stag dos where cameras should be banned. And that is what you're waking up to this morning. More painful than your alarm clock.

It's Jotterwood Band on the hits. Oh, what's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Oh, what's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Oh, now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. We are waking up people early in the morning because we are up and we're rewarding them with the Hell Pizza voucher just for that rude awakening.

What I like about this game is you wake people up from deep, deep slumber and we never have to send out the prizes because they forget that they played it. It's like a bad dream. Jamie, you'd like to wake Amy, your partner, up, would you? Yeah, absolutely. In Timaru, wonderful place, Timaru. My favourite memory is going to Caroline Bay there and the hamster wheel

that spins around. Oh, in the playground. Yes, it's a beautiful spot. It's a lovely spot. And I think we created Timaru's first ever traffic jam. We drove a tractor down the main street and we had two cars probably behind us. Two cars. Road rage was at an all-time high in Timaru. What do you do there, mate? I'm an electrician.

Have you ever electrocuted yourself? That's what I like to ask electricians. Yeah, recently, actually. Oh, jeez. What did it feel like? It worked me up a bit. Did you have to go to hospital after that? Did you get the day off?

No, I didn't. No, I carried on. What a battler. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, good on you. What does Amy do, mate?

She's hairdresser. Oh, right. Well, she does not need to be up at this hour. That's for sure. The hair salon ain't open.

So let's go through to Amy. We'll ask her four questions. She's definitely not a morning person. Great. This is ideal for what

we want. $40 with a hell pizza. See if Amy answers. Hello? Oh, Amy. Hey, listen, I was just wanting to book a haircut and say it's sort of 10.30 next Tuesday. Is that possible?

Oh, my God. It's John Owen being calling from the Huts. How are you doing? Good morning. Oh, God. How are you doing? Good morning. Oh, God. Can't we go? You sound dead. Oh, my God.

I just woke up young. Oh, that's the point of this game. Welcome to the rude awakening, Amy. You've got four questions. You can win $40. How pizza is your first question. Let's wrap up to it. Oh, beautiful.

Jamie's on the phone, by the way, and he's going to to it. Oh, beautiful. Jamie's like, Jamie's on the phone by the way, and he's going to hear about this later on today. Here's your first... Here's your first... Hey man, I'm trying to ask questions, you're groaning, you're waking up, can I just, can I get on with the quiz?

First question, Nescafe and Nespresso are popular brands of what? A, coffee, B, banoffee, or C, toffee? Coffee. One from one. The Golden Labrador is the world's most popular what? A, TikTok dance move, B, adult movie move, or C, dog?

C. No doubt. She's got $20 hell pizza. You taught me the Golden Labrador on TikTok. Very, very exciting move. Tawa and Karori. Suburbs in which city? A, London, B, Wellington, or C, Christchurch?

Can you repeat the answers again? Listen, mate, I don't think you had just been sleeping and you'd been woken up and you're trying to understand what's going on. The options are London, Wellington or Christchurch? Tawa and Karore.

Wellington. Well done. And we have one final question before you can go back to sleep. Grant Robertson is the Minister of what? A. Minister of Finance B. Minister of Fine Pants or Minister of Song and Dance? A.

Minister of Finance. $40 Hell Pizza. You can check out Hell's Reuben Pizza loaded with beef brisket pastrami and it's available right now. Thanks so much for that, guys. Thanks, Jake. Jamie, what do you want to say to the wonderful Amy? Oh, yeah, get back to sleep and I'll see you later on.

She's like, thanks, mate. Thanks. See you, guys. See you. Bye. Bye. Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, our show, it's been going for a few weeks now, and we work here at the A&Z Me building in Auckland. So there's a lot of other radio stations in the building. And when you go to the bathroom, I've just noticed here at the building, our show is playing in the bathroom. Well, that's an honour.

It doesn't get played anywhere else in the building, though, I noticed. It seems dedicated to the male bathroom. Producer Juju, I haven't been into the female bathroom. It was playing this morning as well. I went just before in the ad break and listened to you guys. So we get both bathrooms. Yeah, great.

That's some good coverage. Is it? Yeah. Number one, when you're going for the hits, when you've got the hits, you're listening to us. We're nothing more comforting

than listening to Robbie Williams while you're sitting in cubicle three. Oh yeah, I was like, today I was like, oh that's cool and then I was like,

oh is it? Is it? You know, like, is it? It is cool because it sounds cooler in there because of the acoustics. It's quite echoey.

The show sounds rather grand, I find. But it's, oh, yeah, I don't know. It's not played in the sales department, not played upstairs. Not played at a reception where they have visitors coming in. It's almost like they're trying to hide us. That's what I kind of feel like. You're part of the team, but, yeah, we'll just put you on in here. We've got you in the bathroom.

You're number one. It's consistently on, too, in there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, 0800 the hits. We want to chuck this out there. The coolest place you're listening to us from right now, I know my friend Mark, who's in Chile.

He's on 24, still on 24-hour lockdown over there. Oh, really? Like 11 weeks he's spending in this tiny apartment. Anyway, he listens to us in Chile. Can you beat Chile? Can you beat the toilet? Are you milking a cow? Are you beat the toilet? Are you milking a cow? Are you inside a cow?

Are you driving a truck? Well, maybe not. Are you driving a truck? Maybe you've got your arm inside a cow, you know, inseminating or something. A friend of the show, John, he always listens from Portland, and he called us the other day, right? Yeah. Basically, we're just trying to make ourselves feel better

that the show's being played in the bathroom here at work. Surely there's more exotic locations. And it's played at the bathroom at your work. I'll take that. I'll take that. It's a nice, it's quite a busy Blush and Block, that one, isn't it? I was in there the other day and some maintenance guy came in and started aggressively plunging.

Did you see him? I was like plunging next to him. I'm like, hey. He's like, do you mind? I was like, oh no, it's fine. But he's like, ugh. Because it's quite new age, the bathrooms in there, they've always got the sign that says these waters, you know, they use less water, which, yeah,

I was just banging on about the water shortage. You'll be happy. I'm quite happy, but at the same time, the toilets, they're always blocked. They don't seem to be working. Maybe they should use more water. Yeah, so maybe water is a good thing in this regard. Okay, 0800 the hits. Where are you listening to us right now? Every caller's going to get a Jono and Ben's Signature Range face

mask thanks to kindface.co.nz And for the best call we'll give away some movie tickets Reading Cinemas, okay? Ooh! And some water if you're lucky. Ben will give you a bottle of water. Recycled water. There we go. 0800 the hits is our phone number.

Jamal, welcome. Where are you? Ciao, Baba. I'm Whangamata. Whangamata. I'm in a forestry group with my boys. Yeah. Wasn't there a big storm over the weekend?

A lot of flooding? There was. There's quite a few trees falling over the road out here. Pretty messy. What are you doing, Whangamata, Jamal?al? WFS, Forestry Gang, 23s. Oh, shouting out to the Forestry Gang. None of those acronyms made any sense to me, but they'll mean something to someone.

Yep, they will. They chop a lot of trees around there, but then they replant them, I notice. Yep, yep. It's all part of the way that the wood's made, really. Thanks, Jono. That's how forestry works. We cut them down and then we replant them. And then they forestry works We cut them down

And then we We plant them And then they grow again And we cut them down Bart Bart You were saying the flood Knocked down a few trees

Is that good or bad For you guys? Bro Shut up I reckon it's bad Because it's like Lots of hazards out here There's trees leaning

Over other trees And it's quite a deadly situation But yeah Other than that It's going to be a good day Hey will you keep safe Out in the forest There's someone in the forest in the hills of Whangamata. That's pretty

cool. Thanks for listening, buddy. Ciao, bro. Have a good day. Good on you, Jamal. Let's head to Heidi. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Where are you listening from, Heidi? I'm listening from the hip producer, bro. Oh, so that's our producer, Heidi. Were we that desperate for course?

Because the pen is also here listening Okay, okay guys Now you're like pandering to our fragile egos It's not what this is meant to be about guys Oh we got another call It was Heidi from in there In a soundproof studio I looked at Heidi too when I heard

Oh it's someone, same name as Heidi No it's Heidi Well if you weren't listening to this show And you're listening to like Fletcher Vaughan or something, then it would be disappointing. Well, there we go. That's where people are listening from.

Well done, Jamal and Heidi. We'll get you out a Jono and Ben signature range face mask thanks to kindface.co.nz. Like starting your

day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy the What's Up by doco.nz. Yeah, fresh from having a rummage through Harry Styles' internet history,

our sleuth reporter, producer Juliette with Spy. So Jennifer Aniston is auctioning off a nude photo of her from the 90s to raise money for coronavirus. Coronavirus! Coronavirus! Oh, do I have that? Yes, I do. Coronavirus! Cardi B.

It's Cardi B yelling it. So it's this photo here It's an iconic photo Black and white I mean it's all covered All of her bits are covered But she's auctioning that off For charity

It's a tasteful nude And if that doesn't cure coronavirus I don't know what will Exactly But they're also auctioning off Portraits of Leonardo DiCaprio Billie Eilish Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg.

Are they all nude as well? Well, you'd hope not. I don't know. Would you? It depends. I wouldn't mind a nude Dr. Dre. Or Leonardo DiCaprio. Have they signed them or are they just like...

No, I think it's just like framed. The photographer that takes the photos is just selling them off. I mean, you can get them off the internet for free, but, you know. Ben tried to sell my nudes for charity. It was at a children's hospital or something. Didn't quite take off, did it? No, the market was very fickle at the time. Maybe we should get it out now.

Yeah, it was probably a timing thing, John. It definitely was a timing thing. No bites. Mr Burns in that Simpsons scene where Marge paints him. Oh, wow. Is he raising money for charity or is he the charity? It's a bit very confusing. Oh, wow. Is he raising money for charity, or is he the charity?

It's a bit very confusing, mixed messages. Anyway, timing was wrong. We'll wait. Give us six months, we'll come back. Sounds good, sounds good.

The market will bounce back. Great marketing technique. And the Lord of the Rings cast have reunited, and you guys will recognise this voice. Day fighting side by side with an elf. Oh, John Rhys-Davies.

Now, we spoke to him. He played Gimli on Lord of the Rings. And we spoke to him during our Zoomathon. Now, he was in the Isle of Man. Now, this is, if you didn't know

what our Zoomathon was, we were 24 hours, almost. We were on Zoom non-stop and we talked to everyone all over the world. Hundreds of people. Including John Rhys-Davies in the middle of the night.

It was like 2 o'clock in the morning. The guy put on a one-man play for us for about 30 minutes. He was getting all his props from the movies and he was dropping into character and we just sat there and I was like, I should be paying for this. That's incredible. And that's exactly what he did

in the Zoom call. He put on the same little hat thing. A helmet. And basically acted. He was sitting in front of the same bookshelf as he was for your guys' Zoomathon. And him and Orlando Bloom and all of the other characters

were reading different parts from the Lord of the Rings and they also showed off their matching tattoos that they've all got. Look at that. Oh, Sir Ian McKellen's in there. All the big players. All the big guns.

Yeah, right. Was it CGI'd by a wetter workshop? You betcha. Was it even a Zoom call? Oh, yeah. Was it CGI'd by a wetter workshop? You betcha. Was it even a Zoom call? Oh, yeah. We'll never know. We'll never know. And for more spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz.

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