Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 04 - Hannah McQueen, Your Worst Public Performance Shocker, The Receptionist Test

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

The Receptionist TestWhat was your public performance shocker?We're sending cardboard cutouts of ourselves around the country!The A To Z Of New ZealandSpyBig News Small TownHannah McQueen called inNews In BeepsRude AwakeningScrolling Through Your FeedGuy Montgomery called inYoghurt chat...SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on your Thursday. It's good to have you guys listening. Yeah, it really is. It really is number one on iHeart, the charts. We are on this podcast. We don't like to brag on about it, though, do we? Well, you say it every day, but officially we're not number one, and I don't think we ever will be. But hey, it's nice to have dreams, right? Yeah, well, look, Trump basically just faked his way into the White House.

People are calling him out on that now, though. Remember his first press conference? He's like, all these people have turned up, they're all paid actors holding signs, like Trump for President. Oh, really? Remember that first press conference he held? Yeah. Really, really?

He just filled the room with extras, background extras. Today we have a big show. I bet they didn't know what they were about to be part of. Financial advice from a very interesting lady, Hannah McQueen, today on the show, as well as that I had a shocker over the weekend in karaoke. We have got audio evidence as well.

Incriminating evidence. Was this consensual evidence? Well, hey, it's radio. It was something we recorded without your knowledge. And plus we get into a deep deep chat about yoghurt. We do. The origins of yoghurt, why we're eating yoghurt, what the hell is yoghurt? Your question, everything about life

after this, it is the hits, Jono. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono, we've, you know, we love working in radio, but it's not one of those jobs that you can get anyone to take a message for you. No, it's not an important job, is it? It's very lowly on the ladder.

I've got mates that do jobs, and they've got important jobs. They can take a message or do this thing. So we're like, why don't we get... There's no one we can walk to and go, any messages for us? The only messages we get are on the text machine going, what have you done with Tony Street? We don't want... If you want to know the truth, Ben ate her.

Ate her whole. So we thought what we'd do today is use someone else's reception as our reception. Yeah, to make us feel better about ourselves. So this is the reception reception. What reception will we get from the reception? The game is I phone up a reception. We're going to phone Main Freight today. This is a random reception you've plucked out of the phone book.

And I'm going to leave a message for you, then I hang up and then you phone up and you can retrieve the message. See if they'll pass on that message to us. All right, Jono, here you go. Good morning, welcome to Main Freight. Hayley speaking. Oh, hi, Hayley. How are you?

I'm good, and yourself? Yeah, good, thanks. I was just going to leave a message for Ben. Yes? If you could just tell him? Yeah, good, thanks. I was just going to leave a message for Ben. Yes? If you could just tell him I borrowed his lawnmower. Okay. And I'm just going to leave it behind his shed. Okay, behind his shed.

We've got a couple of Bens here. Which Ben were you... Ben Boyce? I think he might have come through to the wrong number. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay, no worries. Well, if he calls, can you just pass that on to him?

No worries, will do. Thanks, Hayley. All right, thanks. Bye. Bye. Okay, so here's the message. How good will the receptionist be? She clearly knows I don't work there.

She's like, no, Ben Boyce is there. Let's go through again. All right, I'll give her a call. Hello, Hayley speaking. Oh, Hayley, it's Ben here. How's it going? I am good, and yourself? You're good.

I was just wondering if you've got any messages for me. It's passed off. Your lawnmower is behind your shed. Oh, behind the shed? It is, yes. Okay, is it there? It is, yes. Oh, okay. Is it there now? Yes.

Okay. All right. How come we didn't put it inside the shed? I'm not quite sure. Maybe the shed was locked. Oh, right. Okay, so a little more behind the shed. Okay.

I'll try and whip home and get that before. Okay, yeah. Hey, thank you very much. Thank you. Shout out to Ben calling from the Hicks. I gather that now we've had that conversation. We just wanted to, yeah,

feel like we had someone, we wanted to feel like we had a reception. Yeah, we don't get to use a reception. So we thought,

can we borrow yours? And you did a wonderful job to pass on a message for us. Oh, no worries. Anytime. Oh, thank you.

Anytime. Can you, can you leave another message for Ben if he calls back? Yeah, sure. Just tell him I really appreciate him as a friend. He's a wonderful human being. I will.

I will. Okay. Thank you, guys. Bye. Have a nice day. You too. Cheers. Hey, you've got toothpaste

on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Ben, I think you suspect what your lovely wife, Amanda, has sent the show. She sent us a piece of audio. Yeah. So on the weekend, we were with some friends and we were, you know, at home.

We were doing some karaoke. We got a microphone that plugs into a speaker at home. So, you know, we had a few drinks and we were doing some karaoke. I'm not. I can't. Because, you know, we're about to embark on ripping you to pieces here. But, yeah, I can't throw stones. I'm not a singer, dancer. No, neither am I. I'm not even a, you know, that's a to embark on ripping you to pieces here. Yeah. But yeah, I can't throw stones. I'm not a singer,

dancer. No, neither am I. I'm not even, you know, that's a triple threat. I'm no threat. You're no threat as well.

We're not threatening at all. We're not threatening. No, but it was, you know, fun. We were around friends. It was around my wife.

I thought it was a safe space for me, you know? This is my safe space. At one stage, Amanda was filming me do a song. I was like, no film, no,

no, no phones. No cameras? Like a stag do? Get your cameras away. Well, she sneakily did. She recorded audio wise, so not filming, of me recording, because I know she's like, oh, it phones. No cameras? Like a stag do? Get your cameras away. Well, she sneakily did. She recorded audio-wise, so not filming, of me recording.

Because I know she's like, oh, has Jono paid you that audio yet? So I know that she sent you the audio of a song that my, it was a bit of a sit-chat. My mate was saying, oh, once I did karaoke, I did Seal's Kiss from a Rose, and oh, tough song. And I went, oh, I'll give it a go. I don't really know the song that well. I didn't do a great job.

I know in my head I didn't do a great job. Okay, so you haven't heard this first hand. No. No. Before you hear it, you didn't do a great job. Just in case you thought that it was going to be one of those,

you know, those X Factor moments where you're like, this guy's going to be shocking but he turns out really well. It's not one of those. It's the opposite. Okay. Oh, stop.

Bit pitchy, dog. Bit pitchy. It's a very hot, like, the thing, when you don't know the song that well, you don't know where to go. Like, you go high, you go low. It's like, full credit to Seal. Yeah, well, no, speaking of Seal,

what producer Juliet's done a wonderful job of is turning your performance into a duet with Seal himself. What do you mean? Have a listen. There used to be a grey and tower alone on the sea You would keep the light of

the dark side of me Love remains a drug that's too high Not the pill Did you know That when it slows My eyes become alive

And the life that you shot Could proceed Oh, give him that bit. Give him not me that bit. That's... Man, that... Why'd you give me that bit. Give him not me then. Why did you give me that bit? That's not in my range. That performance has scarred Seal and he's already doing quite well in that department.

Oh, don't. He really is. Okay. So, 0800, this is what we want to chuck out there. PPS's Public Performance Shockers. What have you had? So, have you embarrassed yourself whether it was singing, whether it was dancing, whether it was a speech at a wedding, whether it was a speech in front of your school assembly? Have you embarrassed yourself like that?

Let's head to Wamaru. Chris, welcome. How are you? Good, good. What happened to you, Chris? Well, I teach and we had, during the lockdown, we had Zoom dance parties on a Friday. You used to get dressed up and dance with the kids. Well, one particular day I actually managed to record it and later when I looked back, the music, the sound had stopped. So here I am dancing in the background all over the place and then the kids' faces up to the screen going, where's the music? What's happening?

I'm looking at you weirdly while I'm carrying on dancing oblivious to what happened. Don't stop her. She looks like she's having a good time. No one tell her there's no music playing. And they didn't. And they didn't. Thank you, Chris.

Are you near the Muraki boulders there? No, probably about half an hour. Half an hour. Yeah, I went and saw the boulders. Oh, great. Yeah. They're pretty neat. The other side of Oamaru is just as good. Yeah, they're good. Do you climb up on them? Yeah, no, they're not went and saw the boulders. Oh, great. Yeah. They're pretty neat.

The other side of Oamaru is just as good. Yeah, they're good. Do you climb up on them? Yeah, no, they're not, but they're just big rocks. Yeah, they're massive rocks in the sea. They're all there all the time. Yeah, they're the boulders. That's what boulders are.

Yeah, they are spectacular. Yes, yeah, they are. Thank you. We're going to send you out to John Oman Bend, face mask for your call so good this morning. Thanks for listening, Chris. Thanks. I had a public performance shocker. It actually haunts me good this morning. Thanks for listening, Chris. Thanks. I had a public performance shocker.

It actually haunts me to this day. I was nine years old, and the school principal, Mrs. Green at primary school, she was like, who can play drums? And I was like, well, I thought they looked easy. So I was like, I can. So there's your mistake. Yeah.

And she's like, great. We'll get you to do a drum performance at assembly today. There'll be a few parents there. We'll get you to get up there and do a musical performance at assembly today. There'll be a few parents there. We'll get you to get up there and do a musical performance. Oh, so she didn't really fact check you. She did no due diligence. She just took a nine-year-old's word for it that I could play drums. And so the musical performance, you know,

you had wonderful Kevin Kim playing his saxophone and Violet playing her flute. And they're like, now for the drum performance. And, oh, my God, it was the worst moment of my life. I realised this is quite hard. a flute and they're like now for the drum performance and oh my god it was the worst moment of my life I realised this is quite hard I could not

play it and he remembers looking at me like how long has he been doing drums actually like

30 seconds stops but in my defence who just takes a nine-year-old's word for it? And it's like, you get up there, mate. But you came in super cocky. You're like, yeah, I can. I would take your word for it too. Obviously, this kid knows what he's doing.

He's like, the first one up. Yep, me. You're like, great. That's all we need. Oh, God, it haunts me. Tony, you're on the phone in Christchurch. There you go. I'm gathering you're on a phone.

I hope you're on a phone or some other form of witchcraft. Tony, what was your PPS, your public performance shocker? I record myself and put it on YouTube while I was driving. What, by accident? No, no, on purpose. Oh, okay. I don't have shame. Producer Humphrey has got this audio from

YouTube. This is Tony singing. Sadly. Can we play Seal and Ben over the top as well at the same time? Have a big medley. It's our new group, guys. So I presume you're driving along in a truck, are you? Singing along? Yeah, man.

Oh, good on you for having fun while you drive. Yeah, well, I like the station. It's got good music. Oh, Tony, thank you so much for listening. You have a great day. You too, guys. And actually, one more, Ben, I was reminded of. You committed a light bit of arson at school, didn't you?

We can't get into this now. Let's not get into this now. In a Michael Jackson performance. Yes, true. This thing's sorry for another day. It was the worst thing to happen to Michael Jackson's career. No, I don't know. Let's save this for another day, okay?

I want to explain myself. No, you say this all the time. Book it in. What day? I don't know. You tell me. Friday, quarter to eight. Okay.

Tomorrow. All right. Save it for another day. Okay. I'll tell you how. It, quarter to eight. Okay. Tomorrow. All right. Save it for another day. Okay. I'll tell you how. It's a true story. I did commit some arson, unintentional arson in a Michael Jackson mask. Michael Jackson-fuelled arson.

Yeah. Oh, God. I'm going to need to explain myself. You had to go and have a good long, hard look at the man in the mirror after that, didn't you? I did. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We announced that we're making cardboard cutouts of ourselves and we're trying to send them around the country. See if we can get them from Bluff back to the studio here in Auckland. And thanks to you. This is all on you, New Zealand. If they get back, we'll give away $5,000 to someone who's had a photo with the cardboard cutouts.

Cut it out. Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour. And we thought to make it even more responsible, we were talking about starting it today or tomorrow, but we're like, well, let's wait till we get to level one. That's to be even more responsible. So when that happens, which hopefully could be next week sometime, we're going to send the cardboard

cutouts up the country. Yeah. Well, it gives them more build-up too. Builds up the anticipation. By the time it launches, the country will be frothing like a rabies-laden dog with excitement. Oh, I totally enjoy that. They're going to have to do a lockdown on the country's excitement. Take us back to level four just for us to chill out for a couple of weeks.

But we're joined by now by the King of the South who has agreed to come on to the radio show. We want to ask him something. Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. It's an honour. G'day, yes. Well, I must say I've slightly missed that all that arrived at my office was a cardboard cutout.

Oh, you've seen the cutouts? I've seen the cutout, yes. We're very one-dimensional figures, Tim. Yeah. Okay. But I know you're waiting for the official launch to level one, so you've been very responsible. Yeah,

are you okay? We need to ask you officially. Are you okay to launch the cardboard cutout tour of New Zealand in Bluff next week? Yep, I sure will. Is that the cardboard cutout tour of New Zealand in Bluff next week. Yep, I sure will. Now, is that the cardboard cutout, is it, or are you really coming down?

No, we're just sending the cardboard cutouts. To be fair, he's got us on a good, we could actually, technically a level one, we could. I know, but do you know how much cardboard cutouts cost him? It's already a nightmare for the budgets. Yeah, sorry about that. You're in the council, you know how budgets work, mate.

Yeah, I don't know. They usually stop things from happening rather than start them. Yeah, no, we've spent a lot on printing costs, so we're going to have to follow this cardboard cutout to and through. Have you done a practice speech? As we said, the country is going to be fever pitch

when it launches next week. Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Deep South. And today we have a fabulous start to a whole new race. And that is...

You started well. You started well. I started well. You lost well. I started well. You lost confidence in the main direct. And then you forgot our names. It's not so much of a race up the country. Anyway, we'll work out the final details. We've got time now, Tim.

We're waiting for level one. Listen, I'm starting to get the vibes, Tim, that you've said yes to this without knowing exactly what it is. Yeah, well, I thought I did. But, you know, you've said yes to this without knowing exactly what it is. Yeah, well, I thought I did, but you know, you can get tripped up easy. Before I went on here, I should have said, what's the name of this show?

He's like, I launched Gary McCormick's Tour of New Zealand. I was like, what? Tim Shetmull, thank you for your time. We really do appreciate it, and stay well and we'll look forward to chatting to you next week. Pleasure. Look forward to it myself. Have a good time.

You go back to having a busy day of smiling, Tim. You always put a smile on our face, mate. Thank you so much. We'll speak next week when you launch the cut-out tour. The Mayor of Imbacargleton, Shatmile. Cardboard cut-out tour. Oh, he's still going. Cardboard cut-out tour.

It's happening next week. Hopefully, as soon as we hit level one, we'll stay tuned for that announcement. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. The A to Z of New Zealand. We are calling every town and city in New Zealand one a day until we get through every one.

And we are still four or five weeks deep in the A's of New Zealand. It's going to take us two and a half years, and in two and a half years, all of Ben's illegitimate children will be over the age of 18. You don't have to pay for them anymore, mate. Well, that's good. That's a bonus.

Just imagine at the end of this journey, where we'll be. We'll be financially better off. No, I should say, we're just new to the station. Ben doesn't have illegitimate children. There's very few people that don't understand. I know you're joking, but people listening right now will be like, doesn't he really? It's a bit weird because he's rolling with it. He called him out

and he just agreed with it. I just kind of go along with it. I don't know why I do, but it's just kind of the nature of the show. Yeah, yeah. You're an agreeable guy. Yeah, I agree with you there. Okay, so today we're off to Ashley, North Canterbury. Andrew, would you like to know a little bit about Ashley? Is that close

to Rangiora? It is. It is, yeah. Ashley is in the South Island, home to 1,083 people. Oh, actually, sorry, 1,082 people. We just lost Gwyneth. Rest in peace, Gwyneth. And our condolences go out to all of

Gwyneth's friends and family. So a very small town, only 182 people. Yeah, and if you have legs and you're using them, then Ashley is the place for you. Ashley Gorge provides a wonderful setting for short walks, long walks, medium walks, many options for walking. Did your parents used to live out in Rangiora? They did, North Canterbury.

Yeah, they lived in West Belt. All right. Yeah, they moved out there. They didn't, yeah. They didn't what? No, they were there. They were like, Rangiora's not for us. Yeah.

All right, well, should we make a call to Ashley and see her? You know how I like to also give the moist reading. We stopped doing this three days in. Okay, sure. 90% moist at the moment in Ashley. Okay. It's quite moist across the whole country at the moment. I think that's what we're finding. Okay, we're going the whole country at the moment.

We're going to go through to Ashley now. This is Ashley Organics. Whenever I hear the word organic, I think expensive. Don't you? You're an organic guy, aren't you? I bet you like organic stuff. Yeah, I'm partial to some organic stuff. Hello. Oh, hello. Oh, you just nabbed

the answer phone in the nick of time. You had the win. It's a terrifying race, that one, isn't it? It always panics me. We got the first. We got the hello, and then we got you hello. It felt like two people, but one was the answer phone. How many times do you lose to that answer phone?

Who do you want to talk to? Well, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand, one a day, and today we're calling Ashley. My goodness, my goodness. We were just talking about Ashley Organics. Looks like you make some wonderful organic juice, and I see whenever I hear organic, I think expensive.

Am I right? Well, not really. I mean, it's more expensive than... Just juices. But it's got better stuff in it for you. That's the thing. That's what you're paying for. You're paying for the stuff that's going to be healthier,

less preservatives and stuff, right? Absolutely. Not from concentrates. It's freshly crushed, cold-pressed. You sound like you crush the apples with your bare hands, do you? Tell us about Ashley, because all I've heard on the website is just a great place for walking, all sorts of walking, no matter your distance or your ability. So we're on the website is just a great place for walking, all sorts of walking, no matter your distance or

your ability. So we're on the banks of the Ashley River, important nesting sites for the only bird in the world with a bent beak, the ribald plubber. Only bird in the world with a bent beak? How do we know? What about the pecan runs a bit of

a bent beak? No, that's not the ribald plubber, my friend. Don't tell the pecan about it. of a bench beat? No, no, no. It's not the riburn plover, my friend. Don't tell the pecan, bud. No, don't tell him that. The riburn plover. I've never heard of the riburn plover. Remember that riburn plover? It's a native bird.

Yeah, and they nest in the Ashley River. Are they tasty? Haven't tried one. You're not eating them. You're not. No. I thought that's what we do. No, no.

As humans, that's our right to. They're not on our website. Now, here's a question for you. This is a bit of a hypothetical one. If you could, if they commercially farmed kiwi, would you try one? No. No, I couldn't. You couldn't?

Who could? Who could? You should have just let this one go to the answer phone. I was considering it. Have you spent this whole time trying to figure out how you can just put us on the answer phone? There we go. We've learned a lot about Ashley.

Hey, Anna, back to the Kiwis. I mean, eating a Kiwi. I mean, it'd be like eating one of our own, wouldn't it? Exactly. It'd be cannibalism. You couldn't do it. No, but here's my thing. You couldn't do it.

You go to India, they don't eat cows. We're bloody munching them up like nobody's business. Who's to say what we can and can't eat? I don't know who's the big decider. There's laws in society. I'll tell you what we need to be eating. We need to be eating more apples and drinking more organic juice. Great segue there.

From Ashley Organics. Yes, Ashley River Organics. Ashley River Organics. That's what we need to be doing. That's what I've always said. Wonderful, wonderful segue back to the business. Oh, well, you have a lovely day. It's been fun talking to you.

Yeah, oh, lovely to talk to you. Thanks, lad. Bye. Okay, take care. Bye. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

Buy the WhatsApp by doco.nz. You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Yes, chuck it in a Nutribullet with some turmeric and antioxidants because here comes the juiciest gossip known to the humankind. I always love to wait and hear what you're going to say to introduce me. You do it in a different way every day. I'm starting to reach now. Now you've really set something. You've set a precedent. I'm like, oh, keep going.

See how you go. Yes, producer Juliet was spied. Lizzo has written a song to encourage people to go and vote for the presidential election. She's posted it on her Instagram. Hey world. What's up?

You know? What's up? Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time it is? It's time to vote it is? Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time it is? It's time to vote! She's awesome, eh?

She's bloody good, eh? She's great. And the sentiment is so important at the moment because there never has an election been more important in America. Exactly. I feel like she signed up to do the voting song and they phoned her and were like, Hey Lizzo, you got that voting song?

She's like, Oh yeah, I recorded it last week. I sent it to you, did you not get it? No, okay, I'll just send it to you again. And then she panicked. Because then at the end, she ends up in a weird sort of drum solo. Yeah, she does and it keeps on going and going for a few minutes. It's definitely made up on the spot. Yeah, Lizzo does it, she does it

great. She does it. It's an important message too. It is. And other news, New Zealand local news. So a library printer, sorry, the waste from a library printer has been used to make earrings that Jacinda Ardern wears. It's been reported. So she wears these feather earrings you might see in photos. It's this local Christchurch business, Remix Plastic,

and they use plastic printer waste and melt it and press it down and turn it into these replica feather earrings that she's now wearing all the time. I've noticed those earrings, and I thought they were legit. There was one also from bike tyres that she wore as well too, like recycled bike tyres. Her next weekly briefing, she'll just be wearing two fax machines on her ears.

Or do they turn them into earrings, do they? She's not actually wearing them. She's not actually wearing printers on her ears. It's very, very weighty, aren't they? It would be very heavy. She'd have drank the lobes down, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would, yeah. No, what they've done is they've taken...

Anyway, I'll explain it to Jolly later, but it's very cool. Two, five recycled milk bottles hanging off my earlobes. And, of course, speaking of Jacinda Ardern, she announced yesterday the golden rules of Alert Level 1, and, yeah, they're good rules, but they feel like the ten rules, she was kind of padding them out, right?

Yeah, yeah. The last three. We'll just read the last three because the first seven you're like, yeah, okay. Yeah, like, it gets to the last three. Businesses should help.

That's a rule. Help what? I don't know. Stay vigilant and be kind to others and yourself. Yeah, she went in early. She was like,

I'm going to come out with 10 rules and they're like, okay, yeah, if you think you can get 10, she's like, I'll get 10. It sort of became a bit of a standoff between her and her PR person. At the start, yeah, very important ones, as you say.

But by the end, it's like, yeah, they could have combined them. Well, the last one is what? Look after each other. Yeah. And ask you, well, that's a given. Am I? That's a rule. It's a very important rule.

Jacinda didn't say I was going to probably throat punch Ben this morning, but she told me to look after him. For more SPAR, you can head to the hits.co.nz. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Ben, I'd like to, it's a bit of a difficult subject for me to approach. Okay. But I thought we'd wait for the microphones to be on.

Yeah, I'm quite nervous about this because you're like, something I want to bring up. And I'm like, what is it? And you're like, it involves you. And I'm like, what is it? And you're like, oh no, I'll talk about this later. And now you're like something I want to bring up and I'm like what is it? It involves you and I'm like what is it? And you're like oh no I'll talk about this later and now you're picking this moment. Yeah like a better friend would have just taken you aside and done this off the radio but here I am

a soulless radio announcer just trying to fill in some air time. Yeah I know and the radio part of me knows how desperate we are to fill in that air time so I appreciate you doing it on radio that part of me but then also. I mean the amount of air time we've already filled in now talking about how desperate we are to fill in that airtime. So I appreciate you doing it on radio, that part of me, but then also... I mean, the amount of airtime we've already filled in now, talking about how desperate we are to fill in airtime is outstanding.

Okay, so what's the deal? Yesterday I called you on a work matter, okay? It was in the afternoon, about 4.30 if I remember correctly. Yeah, I remember. And you answered the phone in quite a panty tone. I told you. Not as a woman's underpants, as in panting. Yeah, I was out of breath.

And I spent the whole time. Yeah, but you didn't stop puffing for three minutes. I told you, did I? No, you were just like, G'day, mate. How you going? I was panting. And I was like, do I raise this up

or do I just let him continue to puff? I thought I did. Maybe you didn't hear me because I was out of breath. What were you doing? I was watching. Well, I was watching and participating. I was just watching. And like a YouTube fitness video.

Joe Wicks, you know, the English guy that goes, oh, g'day, mate. Welcome back to the Body Coach TV. That guy, he does videos. Well, you were ringing. Do you know how disturbing it is to have a conversation start to finish with a panting, puffing individual? Well, I tried to call you earlier.

We'd have been playing phone tag all day and then you rang and I'm in the middle of my 20 minute Joe Wicks, my body workout, my full body workout. Is that what makes you the buff individual that you are today? I was wondering what your program was. You know, so I'm in the middle of that. Maybe you should try 40 minutes instead of 20. And I was like, well, it's John. I can answer it. And I'm like, well, it's John. I can answer it.

And I'm like, yeah. And I thought I told you, but maybe I used... Why didn't you just pause the workout? Why did you have to continue to talk? No, I was just out of breath. I was like, do I need to get this guy a Ventolin or something? Yeah, I was. I was very breathy, wasn't I?

Anyway, I want to teach you a lesson. What's the lesson? I want you to know firsthand how weird it is to have a conversation while puffing and panting. So I'm going to call... Oh, I know weird, but you're my mate. You're going to phone someone that I choose and you're going to continue to puff and pant

through the whole conversation. No, I don't want to puff and pant. But the audience need to understand. They need an example of how unusual this was. I've learned my lesson. I won't answer the phone with that. We'll call reception. You do it.

Eh? You do it. I don't want to do it. No,'ll call reception. You do it. Eh? You do it. I've already done it. No, no, no. This is my idea for you to do. But I've done it. I've done it to you. It was awkward.

I'll look. I'll call. What am I asking reception? Just go, hey, it's been here. It's been here for that. I'll see if I've got any messages. I'll just see if I've got any messages for me. Oh, yeah.

What is this? What is this, the 1980s? Phone reception? Are there any messages for me? What are you, like a powerful stockbroker? That's the Wolf of Wall Street here. Are there any messages for me? I don't know.

What else am I calling? If you want to inquire about your messages, do that. I don't know. Have that jirangle. Here we go. This is Yana speaking. Hey, Yana. How's it going?

Good, thanks. It's Ben calling from John on Ben. How's it going? Good, thanks. It's, um, it's, uh, oh, sorry, a bit out of breath. It's Ben calling from Jono and Ben. How's it going? I can see Yona through the window. No. Okay, she's gone. Not a morning person.

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Big news. Small town. That's right. Today we're going to some big news out of Nelson. And Nelson's got a big clock in the middle of town. I was saying, you know, because it's going to get some timely, pun intended, repairs at the moment.

But the locals are saying maybe it should get a bit of a spruce up. Show me the clock. Okay, so here's a picture of the clock. They say that in Nelson it looks like it's always got like, almost like construction around it. But that's actually how the clock was designed. You see those? Oh, yeah, it looks like scaffolding around it, but yeah, okay.

It's an ugly clock. It's probably one of the ugliest clocks I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen a lot of clocks. I'm staring at a clock right now. That's a handsome clock. So it's been around since the early 1900s, this Nelson clock, and now they're restoring it it and the locals have gone, hey, maybe we could spruce it up a little bit.

Put a digital one up there or something. Well, maybe. What are your favourite clocks? Let's list your favourite clocks. Oh, well, top of the head, have to go Big Ben. Big Ben, yeah. And it works with the name. One of my favourite things is going to London and getting a photo

and going, oh, it's Big Ben and some clock in London. Oh, classic post. Although no one's ever called me Big Ben in my life. He wanted to get this nickname off the ground, eh? No, I just thought it was funny. It was like, oh, it's me and Big Ben. I was like, oh, Big Ben and some clock in London. That was, yeah.

Didn't really get me too many likes, that one. Going through to Nelson now to talk about their big, ugly clock. Welcome to Iboki, Emma speaking. I didn't even ring. Emma, you were really quick off the mark there. Did the phone ring at your end? Yes. It did.

How many rings? Just one. Just one? So it was like brr or brr brr? Just like the brr. Oh, that's quick. For us, it just went straight to you. How can we help?

I would not like to be up against you in a gunfight, you know, when you have to pull one out of your holster. You'd be really quick. Oh, very good. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Hi. Now, we're here to talk about your big, ugly clock. Wow.

There's a lot of street talk about Nelson's clock getting a renovation, and then locals are saying maybe it should get a bit more of a spruce up. Okay. Are you okay with the clock? Oh, I think it's, you know, maybe could do with a bit of a facelift. Yeah, well, a lot of people are saying that the piping around the outside of it looks like scaffolding, so it always looks unfinished. Your thoughts? Honestly, I haven, so it always looks unfinished. Your thoughts?

Honestly, I haven't given it too much thought. This is big news. I was just reading about it online, so obviously it's not that big a news, Nelson. No, no, really not. Al Jazeera's just run with it as their lead story. CNN are putting some stuff on it. So we just want to...

Wow. Yeah. What are your favourite clocks? Ones that go, preferably. Yeah. Do you like Big Ben? Do you like Big Ben? I do, but he's also got scaffolding,

so maybe it's just a trend that the world's following. Oh, yes, Big Ben at the moment has got scaffolding. Yeah, he's around it for the next two years. Okay, so any suggestions for the clock? Would you like a digital one up there? No, I think we need a traditional, So any suggestions for the clock? Would you like a digital one up there? No. No, I think we need a traditional just tell the time, good old, you know, gongs when it needs to gong. Oh, yeah, because it chimes.

But apparently the chimes aren't going to work for two weeks while they're doing these renovations. Man, how is everyone going to know when to go on their lunch break? I know. So do you use it to tell the time, this clock? No. Honestly, I don't. No, I've never So do you use it to tell the time? This clock? No. Honestly, I don't. No, I've never used a big tower clock

to tell the time. No, true. Because you're at hairdressers, right? Yes, I am. Hang on. Are you at my next appointment? I'll just go outside.

I'll just check the clock. Sorry, you're early. You're going to have to wait. To be honest, public clocks are pretty redundant nowadays. Just for like aesthetic purposes. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Listen, we've taken up far too much of your day talking about clocks. You go back to answering the phone at breakneck speeds. I will, I will. Okay, let's hang up and let's call you straight back and see how quickly you answer, right? Okay, hang up and I'll call back again.

Let's see if she answers. Okay, here we go. See how quick she is. Oh, let's see if she answers. Okay, here we go. See how quick she is. Oh, don't run at our end. Welcome to a boat meeting. One and a half rings there. Yeah, not as quick. No.

All right. See you. Bye. Kia ora. I'm Simon Bound, and I host Business is Boring, a podcast that reckons it's anything but. Join me each week as I chat with some of the most interesting and inspirational players in the Aotearoa business scene and learn what it takes to make it happen from accidental

entrepreneurs to the brains behind some of the country's biggest brands. If you're into business or want to be, then make sure you follow Business is Boring wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network in partnership with Spark Lab. She's a chartered accountant, financial trainer and author. And with many people feeling the effects of COVID-19 on their back pocket, we thought it was time to get some financial advice from Hannah McQueen. How's it going? Really good, thank you. Lovely to talk to you, Hannah.

Actually, this is not the first time that you and Jono have spoken, Hannah. I don't know if you know about this. Oh, don't do this. I was going to save this to the end, but I might front foot it. Don't do this. Hannah doesn't need to say all this. Hannah, you talk on a lot of radio stations, including Newstalk ZB, which is the radio station we aspire to be like.

You know, it's the proper radio station. The adult one. Yeah, exactly. We had a segment that we do from time to time called Booze Talk ZB, where we call up Newstalk ZB and one of us pretends to be a little bit boozed and see how long we're led on air for.

Was that you on Monday? Jono on Queen's birthday Monday with Hannah McQueen was on during some financial advice. This is what happened. Brilliant. We're going to go to the phones now. Jonathan, hi.

God bless the Queen. And by the Queen, I mean the Queen. Oh, bless you, Jonathan. And Hannah, you're a Queen as well. Franna, the Queen. Oh, okay. I'm actually Hannah McQueen, so you can call me Hannah the queen if that's helpful.

Hannah the queen. My wife left me for her yoga instructor. Right. And I'm not as bendy or muscly as him. Okay, we might just stop there. You guys, you kept him on for way too long, Hannah. Well, we felt sorry for him to start with, and then we're like, who is this nutbag?

And because of you, there were a few other callers that came in and the producer's like, oh, this sounds a little bit like Jonathan. I'm not going to let them through. Oh, he's got, he sounds like Jonathan. He's branded now. He keeps calling up. So apologies for that. You've been Jonathan'd apologies for that rough start that we've had. We actually do want to talk to you about financial advice today for Alice's.

It was awesome. Hannah, what should people be doing right now with their finances in these difficult times? I think that this is the best time to create a plan. And as you head into a recession, you need certainty around what's happening to your household. How much money do I have? That's your financial resilience. And what is the pace that you are spending that money?

And your job is to have certainty for at least a three-month period, to build enough cash reserves to get you through. And for those who possibly aren't in a survival mode, they are more stable. This actually is the time to look for opportunities to stabilise quickly and to try and maximise. Hannah, a lot of talk about redundancies at the moment, and it's an unfortunate reality that people will be getting redundancy payouts. What would you suggest they do with that money?

Spend up, enjoy. No, this would be the time that you'd be banking it. Again, that would give you the buffer that you need so that you can calm yourself. The problem with financial stress is that it leads into so many other things. When you're financially stressed that leads to insomnia pressure on relationships the impact is really far-reaching and the most

effective way to deal with financial stress isn't through lighting a candle or meditation it is by dealing with the issue so understand your numbers if you've got a redundancy bank that money and that should buy you two or three months of certainty. And then it's a case of, well, that's the length of time you've got before you need to secure another job or get a benefit received by, which you have enough time, but you've got to confront yourself with your numbers. We're talking to Hannah McQueen for some financial advice. What about the mortgage holiday thing that I hear about?

I don't really quite understand. How much of a holiday is this mortgage holiday? Well, a mortgage holiday is really just a mortgage deferment that comes at a cost. You don't pay the interest on your mortgage. Instead, the interest gets added to the balance and then you pay interest on top of that. So the analogy is like you are in a taxi and it's gridlock

and the meter keeps going up, but you're not making any progress. That's what a mortgage holiday is. So I think that that mortgage holiday is a bit of a misdirect. Do you have to prove anything to the banks that you deserve a mortgage holiday? Normally you do. They don't issue them apart from, they don't issue them kind of willy-nilly, but with COVID, there's just a blanket acceptance that anyone who lost their job, they would normally qualify for

a holiday anyway, but anyone who could suggest that their industry was going to be impacted were awarded mortgage holidays immediately. I think there were tens of thousands that happened within a couple of weeks, which is fine, except you kind of have one get-out-of-jail-free card with the bank over your lifetime,

and some people have used that card now, and they probably didn't need to use it. Obviously, if you're without a job, of course you'd have a mortgage holiday, but there were some people that were nervous and probably acted a little bit too prematurely. Because Ben, you just change your identity, don't you? That's my one way around it, which is another option. I don't know if Hannah wants to recommend that one. Yeah, it's like I'm working with Jason Bourne, Hannah. Hannah, what about KiwiSaver? Can you access your KiwiSaver now? And if you've got one,

should you be putting it on low risk or high risk? I mean, there's all that talk. I'm like, I don't know. Okay. So in theory, there's a financial hardship clause with KiwiSaver where if you can demonstrate that you're in financial hardship, you can access some of your KiwiSaver. But the problem is that you have to default on a mortgage or something with a supplier. So that's impacting your credit rating to then qualify for financial hardship. And I think that's really hard for a lot of people who actually just want to get access to their own money that's in KiwiSaver so they don't have to default

and impact their credit rating. For example, in Australia, they just said, if you've been impacted by COVID, you can access $10,000 of your super immediately. And so that's the flexibility that you want. Now, with regards to what KiwiSaver funds you should be in, that comes down to when are you likely to need the money? If you've already bought your first home,

you're not going to need or be able to access money until you're 65. If you stay in your 40s, that's another 25 years. You can afford to take a growth option on your KiwiSaver because even if there's volatility, there's enough time for that volatility to still create a better return. But if you had to access your KiwiSaver, say, in the next year,

either because you're retiring or you want to buy your first home, you need certainty that whatever's in your KiwiSaver, you can withdraw for the deposit. So if you need to have certainty of an amount based on when

you need to withdraw it, you should be in a conservative fund. If you've got heaps of time, you can afford to be in a growth fund. Hannah McQueen from Enable Me. Jeez, you know some stuff about money. The banks must hate you, Hannah. Very experienced accountant.

Now, my friend... Here we go. You can't get free financial advice from Hannah about you. Let's just say I've had a couple of run-ins with the Inland Revenue before. Could you help me out of this little mucky situation? I thought she'd ask for a job.

I'm sure she'd happily talk to you off air. It will depend on how many aliases you've used with the IRD. Tax, I'm not a big fan of paying it. And I was just wondering if you can help me avoid paying tax. Can't help you avoid, can't help you minimise. The IRD are pretty nice at the moment. They are waiving a lot of penalties and interest that they are well within their rights to charge.

So that's giving a lot of people a bit more flexibility. So it's a good time to pounce. It's a good time to rip off the IRD. They're at a moment of weakness. Anna McQueen, we really appreciate your time. We could chat for ages. They're very difficult times for many people out there. So we are thinking of them

and thank you for your time today. Awesome. Thank you for having me. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is The Beeping News. Yeah, The Beeping News. And Ash Thomas is actually away today,

so Lauren Mavitt filling in on news, doing a wonderful job as well. My favourite thing about the news is the awkward banter between either the weather or sports presenter back to the main news reader. Oh, yeah. Well, he sure did balls that one up. They've done no...

They could work on that because it's the only bit of banter. They know it's coming up. But anyway, what this segment is all about is producer Juliet finds some news stories from the last 24 hours. You beep out a word and we have to guess what the word is. Dramatic footage shows owner trying to save...

...swept away by sea. Marriage? Too pale hairpiece. No. Dramatic footage shows owner trying to save car swept away by sea. I know. This happened in the UK and it was an owner. Look, you can't, obviously people can't see the photo,

but his car is half submerged in the ocean. And what he did, he was trying to launch his jet ski into the water and he parked his car too close. And then the current came along and Bob's your uncle. This is why you never park your car on the beach. I know. Always avoid parking cars on beaches. Have you ever been to a boat ramp?

Yes. That looks like such a high pressure situation. It does. Reversing a boat on a trailer down a ramp with these 300 other stressed out boaties freaking out about having... He just wants to get on there and get out there and you're like holding it. Not for me.

Not for me. Here's the next one. Steal coronavirus patient blood samples from Labtech in India. Someone's stolen the Hamburglar. He's the only one. He's committed all crimes. And Ashley Bloomfield. Maybe he wants the samples.. He's committed all crimes. Ashley Bloomfield, you know, maybe he wants the samples, maybe he wants to test them.

I'm not sure. Monkeys steal coronavirus patient blood samples from Labtech in India. Really? It's not the bats, it's the monkeys. They're actually coming to get us. And do you know what? There was footage of one of the monkeys then eating the blood samples. So they're like, oh, my gosh, what if the monkeys...

Oh, dear God. In India, which has a billion people in it. Oh no. Oh God. I know, not very good, is it? Where was the security? Well, he was walking from one lab test to another on a campus and one of the monkeys just came down and just swooped past.

Yeah, right, like a snatch and grab situation. All right, the next news story in the news and beeps. Man's attempt to... on packed flight leaves passengers baffled. Man attempt to what on packed flight? Climb over his mate, like you tried to climb over me while I was asleep, Jono. I ended up waking up with my face in your crotch. What did he try to do?

Man attempt high-intensity workout regime? I don't know. In the middle of the aisle, not quite. Man's attempt to reheat food on packed flight leaves passengers baffled. With what? So what he had is he had a slice of pizza, like a massive slice, and he held it up to the passenger light that's above you to try and heat it up. And it was snapped and posted on Instagram, like, what are you doing?

We could get a lot of heat from that, wouldn't we? No, no. A friend of ours was on a flight, and the guy next to her had passed away. Yeah. Had a heart attack. Yeah, but what they do is they don't actually take, they don't remove the body.

Well, they can't. There's no way to take the body. No, so they just tastefully put a blanket over it. Yeah, really, really horrible. My thing was, like, if you haven't paid for the works, and he had, do you get his meal? No. Do you? Well, it's works and he had, do you get his meal? No. Do you?

Well, it's a meal goes begging. Would you do that? That's the last thing you should be worried about. No, you should be like, do you know if he paid for the works? Okay, I'll wait for you. I'm wrapping you up. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. What's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Yes, we are up early in the morning and we like to get people up as well. It's thanks to Hell Pizza and it's finally here. Hell's

Reuben Pizza loaded with beef brisket pastrami and it's available now. This is a mouthful, isn't it? Literally it's a mouthful, but it's a mouthful for you. A delicious mouthful, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rudest game on radio, they say, ruder when Mike Hosking doesn't use his manners while interviewing the Prime Minister. Welcome to the show, Steve.

Brave, brave human being, Steve. You're wanting to wake up who this morning? Trey. He's a nurse. Oh, frontline worker. What do you do, Steve? Engineer. Oh, what a couple.

What a couple. A nurse and an engineer. Doing stuff, actually. You know, look at us. Look at us. Look at us, Steve. What are we doing, mate? We're just sitting here just talking babble.

Oh, well, that's all for fun, isn't it? Yeah, you do stuff. You do good stuff. All right, we're going to go through to Sheree now. Four questions, each worth $10 of Hell Pizza. She gets four correct. Well, you're an engineer. You can probably do the maths.

$40 worth of Hell Pizza. Does she do shift work, obviously? No, no. I said that with confidence. COVID testing. Hello? Oh, Cherie. You don't have a rod up someone's nose at the moment,

do you, testing for COVID? Not right at the moment. No, that's good. Well, you've got time to play our game show, The Rude Awakening. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. Very decently, yeah, it did wake me. Oh, sorry about that.

You've got four quick questions, then you can go back to sleep, you get all four right, you get some hell pizza. Oh, sorry about that. You've got four quick questions, then you can go back to sleep. You get all four right. You get some Hell Pizza. Here's your first question. Kieran who was... Okay, the answer's Kieran Reid. I was going with Reid.

Yeah, well done. Hey, she's the one that's just woken up. I don't know. Well done. You outplayed me there. Good one. Is he Bradley Rolfe showing down the chase to you? Here's the answer. Oh, hang on.

Sorry, guys. Alicia Moore is the birth name of Pink. Which artist? Punk, Pink or Ponkt? Pink.

Well done. Well done. That's right. Popular recording artist Ponkt, not the answer there. Persian, Bengal and Siamese are types of

what? Dogs, cats or super rugbyars. Cats. Let's go with South Africa. Well done. Listen, I've had a complete shocker from start to finish. I wasn't going to bring that up in front of our nice people, but you've had a shocker. And you won by default purely for the ineptness of the host of the show,

but well done. $40 worth of hell pizza. And you can thank Steve, who's on the phone, the engineer. Oh, lovely. Thank you very much. I don't know if you call him Steve the engineer or you just call him your husband. One of the two.

You go and have a great day, the pair of you. Well, it depends on how our day's going. Well, hopefully you get back to sleep, and thank you for playing The Rude Awakening. Lovely. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Van on the hits.

Scrolling through your feed. Yeah, this is where we scour the BBC, Al Jazeera, the Pack and Save Community Notice Board. No news organisation is left untouched as we bring you the up-to-date news overnight. And Jacinda Ardern, our Prime Minister, yesterday announced what Level 1 is going to look like in New Zealand. She announced the 10 golden rules of Alert Level 1. Better than the golden showers you talk about. Yeah, better than those.

You said gold's a nightmare to clean in the shower. Thank you very much. Yeah, you're right. Can't use jif on it. It's too harsh and abrasive. So Jacinda Ardern, big fan of 10 over the last few months. She loves mentioning 10 in her press conferences. Now, one thing we have noticed is you've said the number 10 quite a lot lately.

This is an excerpt from your press conference on Tuesday. So that's where we've been really clear. The 10 is utterly consistent. If you want to go out to a restaurant or bar, they can't take a group booking of more than 10 either. You can't book out an entire restaurant for your entire party. It can only

be 10. And it seems like 10 is a theme for the 10 Golden Rules of Alert Level 1. And I don't know, Jono, I feel like maybe she said, let's do 10, and maybe they've padded them out just a little bit. Here's some of the rules. Okay, so if you're sick, stay home.

Rule one. If you have cold flu symptoms, call your doctor. Could have put those together. Just say one. Maybe. Yeah, she's gone for 10, but then once you start with 10, it's quite a lot of rules, isn't it, to make up and remember.

Number three, wash your hands. Number four, sneeze or cough into your elbow and disinfectant surfaces. Okay. Number five, isolate immediately if told to by authorities. Number six, if you have underlying conditions, talk with your GP. Number seven, keep track of where you've been. Number eight, businesses should help. Now, this is where she's reaching.

This is where she's like, oh, man, Jesus never had this problem with the Ten Commandments. He rattled off those Ten Commandments. What? I don't know, but this should help. This should help. That's all right. Number nine, stay vigilant.

So, again, you're like, we're just putting these in there now. And number ten, be kind to others and yourself. Oh, the last three. So real. Padding out the numbers. So, I mean, these are great rules. She should have just done the top five. And include, like, put

some of these together in the, anyway, so they're your ten rules. Level one, looks like it could be happening. We find out on Monday if it could happen at the earliest Wednesday next week, they reckon. Oh, that's exciting. That's really exciting. Do you reckon Jesus had a problem making up ten commandments? Was it Moses? Was it Moses? Who made them up? I don't know Do you reckon Jesus had a problem making up Ten Commandments?

Was it Moses? Was it Moses? Who made them up? I don't know. Was it Moses? Who made them up? Juju? I have no idea.

I'm sorry. You're the one who goes to church. Yeah, but I don't listen. I'm pretty sure Moses had the Ten Commandments. Anyway, I don't go to church. And Dan Carter, a former All Black legend, Dan Carter, announced today there's a rumour that he could be playing for the Blues this year in a short-term New Zealand Super Rugby competition.

I thought he was retired. Are we bringing back Zin Zanbrook as well? Crab Fox in the starting line-up. Those scenes in the action movies where they come and find him in the... I retired. Chopping wood in a forest somewhere. Never said I'd return. We need you back, Dan. Anyway, it was good. He was always

too fancy for Christchurch, wasn't he? Dan Carter. Oh, Christchurch wouldn't be happy about this. No, I know. I know you'll be seething. If anyone's from Christchurch listening right now, 0800 the hits. He used to do, of course, the jockey ads. You know, a great looking guy. And once when we were filming with him, I got a pair of new jockeys and I got him to sign

them. And I thought, these are going to be, this is my KiwiSaver retirement fund. That's an unusual thing for you to, can you sign my underpants? Yeah, I wasn't wearing them. Oh, you weren't wearing them. No, they were new. I was like, brand new, not going to wear these. And for some reason, my mum, she was staying at the time, washed them. And the Dan Carter says.

But don't speak to your mum. Washing underpants is not an unusual act. Yeah, no, but these are the... Where did you leave them? Did you leave them in the laundry basket? No, but these were signed by Dan Carter. I got rid of the black, the black writing or whatever you had on there.

That's gone. So, yeah, thanks, mum. Where did you leave them, though? You never asked about them. I left them on top of my dresser. Yeah, well, Jenny was just being conscientious. There you go. That's news that you're waking up to this morning, the 10 rules.

Don't forget the 10 rules, guys, the memorable 10 rules. Oh, that's right, that's right. The 10th rule, if you find a lower stocked item, Bunnings will beat it by 15%. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. There's a brand new reality series on TVNZ On Demand. It's called Survive the 80s, hosted by Kimberley Crossman and Guy Montgomery. Yeah, and one of the hosts

who I think survived the 80s, Guy Montgomery is with us now. Yeah, thank you very much, Johnny. They're good. I did successfully survive the last year and three months of the 80s. It's nice to get credit where it's due. Guy, this is my big claim to fame. I'm at the other end of the decade. I was 81

but I look on Wikipedia and that just sneaks me in to be a millennial. So I am coasting off this. Why? You're really dragging the chain, mate. You're pushing up the median age of millennials by God knows how many. Unbelievable to me. Anyway, I'm the wrinkliest, baldest millennial you've ever seen. Yeah, well, we'll have you as one of ours, but begrudgingly.

That guy, what's the show about? Well, as a fellow millennial, John will be familiar with this. Some people find it so hard to put down our damn phone. So the show is essentially a reality show and a social experiment wrapped up in one. It's every year of the 80s and four teams of two millennials. And these are your, you know, your younger millennials.

They have to hand over their phones, their smartwatches, their computers, all their technology. They have to live without any of it as though they're in the 80s.

They will live together in an apartment and they have to navigate challenges from each year and each episode. Genius idea for a show. Because I was, I was actually thinking about this

coincidentally the other day. Like, there was a time when you couldn't just call anyone or message someone when you wanted. You had to go and hunt down a phone or go to the dairy and buy a telecom card so you could use the prepaid phone outside the dairy. Yeah, I can tell that you're a millennial by the way you pitch these memories, mate.

Yeah, I mean, that you're a millennial by the way you pitch these memories, mate. I mean, you're exactly right, and I think there's value in both sides of the coin, but I, you know, there are occasions when I long for the days where you're totally unreachable, where there's the value of going away camping or something, where you go somewhere where you've got no reception, and it's sort of like you're just dusting your hands off and saying, sorry, I'm

out. Well, because we were reading a story about Simon Cowell. Simon Cowell turned his phone off three years ago and hasn't used it since. Wow. I mean, you've got to be doing pretty well for this to be an option, I imagine. Yeah, you've got to be pretty confident in your income to just turn your phone off for three years. People will find you. Yeah, that's the stuff that we all dream of.

Obviously, it's not an option available to we lowly, elderly millennials who desperately grasp onto our phones just to feel the rush of a ding of an email. Go on, Montgomery. What was your favourite thing about the 80s? Because, I mean, it had some great stuff. The fax machine, disposable camera, Rick Astley. I mean, they were all there.

Yeah. I mean, it felt like, I think because they didn't have smartphones, I know everything was documented immediately. It felt like, across the board, it was a pretty experimental everything was documented immediately, it felt like across the board it was a pretty experimental time. If you look at photos of people's clothing and if you look at the

slew of decisions being made by various different groups of people, it really felt like a free-for-all. I mean, I love nothing more than looking back at the likes of Simon Barnett hosting What Now? in the 80s, and just the hairdos.

It was kind of a half mullet, half sort of spiky thing on the top, but he had frosted the tips. I mean, there was a lot of admin going into that hairdo. Yeah, I mean, if you got that much of the stuff, though, why wouldn't you stick around with it? Now, Guy, one of the things we love about you, not just Remember the 80s, the TV show,

but was your podcast you did with the very funny Tim Batt. The worst idea of all time. You basically watched the same movie over and over again every week. Yes. It was one of the few comedy endurance podcasts, and to both of our surprise and frustration, it became quite popular. What movie were you watching, and have you stopped now?

We started, we did a year so 52 weeks, 52 screenings of Grown Ups 2, the Adam Sandler blockbuster comedy. After which we very seamlessly pivoted to the exciting world of Abu Dhabi as the woman of Sex and the City 2 travelled abroad. So, because on our radio

show we started the A to Z of New Zealand so we're trying to call every day a different town and place in New Zealand until we do every town or place. It's going to take us over two years doing one a day alphabetically. We're in like week three and we're already like, oh, this is tough. We haven't even got out of the A's yet, Guy. Any advice for us doing something similar to what you've been doing? That's a really exciting idea, actually. It's literally, you're already doing it. You just

show up every day and you get through. When you're in the A's, it's going you're already doing it you just show up every day and you get through when you're in the A's it's going to feel like there's miles in front of you when you get into the sort of the D's you know the Dargables

the Dunedin it's going to feel like you're making inroads all of a sudden you're four letters in and then by the time you're in the L's and the M's

your Levin's your Masterton life is going to be miserable you're going to feel like you're never going to be set free from this trap you set yourself but just imagine the sweet feeling

of release as you slide through all of the X towns in New Zealand, down to those weird letters that live at the bottom of the alphabet. I mean, you know, all New Zealand towns are sort of top-heavy, I imagine. They start at the beginning. By the time you're at the end of the alphabet, it will take you a day to get through, what, X, Y, Z, W, whatever

the hell other stuff's mucking around down that end of the alphabet. Yeah, it's a long climb, but a very short finish. I know what you're saying. I relate to you, Guy. You know, we're the same generation, baby. You and me get it, buddy. So relatable.

Guy Montgomery with Kim Crossman. Survived the 80s. It's on TVNZ On Demand right now. Check it out. Always good to catch up, buddy. Yeah, thanks so much. Have a great one. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Little Friday, Thursday it is today. You trying to get that off the ground, eh? It does prep you up nicely for Friday, little Thursday. Now, I have a bit of an issue with yoghurt, whereas you like to refer to it as... I was next to her doing something.

Five metres away. I was next to her doing something. Like five metres away. I was next to her doing something and then Juliet's like, are you on air? And then I ran in and you caught me at the moment. Literally. Producer Juliet, five metres? Yes. It's not a long run.

No, it's not. You sound out of breath anyway. It's not a great addiction to my fitness. My cardiovascular fitness. Sorry, you want to talk about yoghurt or yoghurt my fitness, my cardiovascular fitness. Sorry, you want to talk about yoghurt or yoghurt? Yeah, yeah. So the kids and I were eating yoghurt yesterday. And the more you think about it, the more it confuses you about what exactly are you eating?

You know? Do you understand? Yeah. Aesthetically, it's not that nice to look at. It's a big white blob of gunk. Yogurt, isn't it? Well, yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah.

Like, I understand it's come out of the cow, but I don't know what part of the cow. Do you know what it is? Do you know what yogurt is? Have you done any investigation? No. You just eat it. Oh, no, it's in the dairy.

It's in the dairy range, but it's not straight milk, right? Yeah, it's like, it's something. Like, non-yogurt-e eating nations must look at us and go, what are you doing? What is that stuff? So I did some research. Okay.

Do you know what it is? No. It's fermented milk. So it's just milk that they've just let solidify and go off. And they're like, oh, well, mark it. This is something. Well, even like when you think about, I'm not trying to railroad your chat, but bread.

Bread, like someone was talking about how they made bread over lockdown, friends of ours, and they were like, yeah, so you've got to basically make your own yeast, and you know, it's like a yeast, it's basically by creating your own yeast when you're stuck. Well, bread is just a big yeast infection, isn't it? It's a bit hard to market that. No. Wake up with a yeast

infection in your day. Yeah, but I was like, oh, okay, I probably don't need to know the a yeast infection in your day Yeah but I was like I probably don't need to know the intricate I was eating the bread and I was like this is delicious How's it made and they were like please stop talking now Yeah I mean there's stuff that you can't think too much about Isn't there as a human I mean you had A lot of kimchi that we've spoken about on this show

It doesn't agree with my system Then you had some the other day And you were like, hmm, okay. Because again, that's fermented cabbage, just cabbage that's just sat there for an extended period of time.

That's what yogurt is. Yeah. It's fermented milk. Yeah, it's a bacterial fermentation of milk, which again, is not a great

marketing line for it, is it? Oh, right. Do you want a bacterial fermentation of milk? Start your day with yogurt. There's a squeezy yoghurt as well now, but that's all, they're not good for the environment.

Those little, you know, I've got the kids. Kids were very upset. They got in trouble at school because I'd give them squeezy ones in their lunchbox to come out and they'd be like, Dad. You killed two turtles. It's always killing the turtles. Why would you put these in the lunchbox?

You monster. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. The teachers would have prepared a bag of meth in there. Yeah, I think they would have. Far less harmful. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. By the WhatsApp by doco.nz

Juliet has spent way too much time researching celebrities over the last 24 hours. Some should say she should get better hobbies, but we appreciate it because it fills in some time once an hour on our show. Exactly. You're welcome. So Victoria Beckham made almost $2 million from the Spice Girls reunion tour, and she wasn't even part of it. I'm glad the Beckhams are getting a leg up. They deserve it. They really do.

And so the reason for that was because technically she's one-fifth of their brand, so she's entitled to one-fifth of the profits. And so she got profits from endorsements and merchandise sales. Because she didn't even sing, though, did she? No, she wasn't even part of it. They did, I think, 13 shows across the UK, and she wasn't part of it. It was just the four other girls, and she just, you know, did nothing. Got almost $2 million.

I like the headline. It was the clickbait headline, Victoria Beckham paid $2 million not to sing. Yes. Which technically is true. She was paid $2 million to not sing, but I guess she's part of the girls. Because everyone's like, why is she not doing the tour?

Well, because she's better than the rest of them. That's the answer. She's far more successful than the others. She doesn't need to do the tour. True, because she's got her own fashion stuff and, I mean, well-off husband. She hasn't smiled in 25 years. Have you ever seen her smile? No.

Always looks like she's taken a very sour vitamin C or something. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I guess it's kind of her thing, though, isn't it? Yeah, not smiling's her thing. Remember that story of a friend of ours who was working on the mountain? Have we said this? No, what? He was working on a mountain in Colorado or something.

Oh, yeah? And David Beckham was up there with Brooklyn, and Brooklyn broke his leg on the ski field, and then he had to go up on the snowmobile and pick up David Beckham and Brooklyn Beckham. But on the way back down, David Beckham was on the speakerphone to Victoria Beckham, and she was roasting

golden balls. Golden balls was getting busted. Why was he on speakerphone? You want to have one of those awkward conversations where you're like, yep, nah, yep, yep, nah, nah, all good, yep. And then they hang up but you still pretend you're talking. You're like, yeah, love you too.

You'll have a little joke. You're like, wow, my acting is not good. Yeah, so he got in a lot of trouble. I told you this would happen. Anyway. And Tom Cruise, he is so determined to finish filming Mission Impossible 7 that he's building an entire village for the cast and crew so that they can all isolate together and finish filming.

An entire village, a.k.a. a Scientology commune. Here we go. They did the last one in New Zealand, didn't they? Just come back. Come back. True. Oh, that'd be cool. We're letting people in. Well, no, no. We only let the film people in. Our borders are open to the film people. Anyone else?

No, no, no. Just the film people. Is this a film? Come on, come on in, guys. I don't care what you're filming. But he's used, he's taken over an unused Air Force site in England and he's just got a bunch, and I was thinking, I was like, well, there won't be any builders working because of lockdown. So I was like, how is he going to do it?

But what he's done is apparently got all these, a bunch of flash trailers and caravans and just a massive, almost just campsite of all these people with bougie, you know, trailers and stuff. Do you know my friend was in Los Angeles and she's speaking of Scientology. She went and had a Scientology test at the centre. And so her and her friend went along and then you go in and you get separated.

And they're like, so what's all the bad stuff you've done? You've got to list it all. And they're like, show us. Police interrogation. Yeah, it's basically you air everything that you've done and basically sort of clear your conscience and you can move on with your life with Scientology in it. So she had to get all the embarrassing photos of like, here I am in 2014 doing a shooie.

Here I am in 2016 getting my hair braided in Fiji with colourful beads. All the embarrassing stuff. And that's where I think they get you because they hold on to that. And then if you ever try and leave, they'll be like, Hey, remember the shooie you did? Yeah, we got that on you, buddy. Interesting. Interesting. For more spa, you can head to the Hits.co.nz.