Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 08 - Battery Operated Pets, BoozeTalkZB, Is It Weird For Adults To Play With Lego?

Episode Date: June 7, 2020

We're caught up in a Zoom-A-Thon scandal!Producer Heidi is eight months pregnantBen's Duets...We received a strange compliment about the showSpyBoozeTalkZBIs it weird for adults to play with lego?The A To Z of New ZealandBen's neighbour saw him nudeWe're sending cardboard cutouts of ourselves around the countryBattery operated pets...Scrolling Through Your FeedRude AwakeningSpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. We're on. Oh, what's that? I love that. Don't you love making that noise with your mouth when it gets to that croaky stage where you're like... Yeah, but you love it, but no one else loves hearing it. And so this is a podcast and we want people to stick around.

It's one of those things when you're doing it yourself. It's like having a water, like something that sprays water at someone. I had one the other day that watered plants with it. When I had it, it was great. As soon as the kids got it, I was like, put that down. What are you? Yeah, I get it. It's like a recorder too, isn't it?

Yeah. I've got a recorder. No. Shall I play it? No. No, I'll start the show with a recorder. You fill in some time. I'll get it back. Okay. play it? No. No, I'll start the show with a recorder. Oh, God. You fill in some time. I'll get him in.

Okay. Today on the podcast, a very low moment for the show that happened on Friday. We addressed that. As well as that, how you can win $5,000 helping us out as soon as we hit level one with something. We've got a very special job, get something up the country. That sounds a little bit dodgy, but it's not quite as dodgy as it sounds. As well as that Boost Talk ZB where we, both of us this week, pretend to be drunk and see how long we last on Newstalk ZB.

Here's the podcast. Enjoy. Thank you. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, producer Humphrey has just asked you a question. Ben Boyce, you've got a fresh haircut. You're looking like a million dollars. He said,

how have you gotten to the hairdresser twice since level two? You've been struggling to get in at all, have you? Oh, like,

I had to text my guy, mate. Text my guy? He's like a low-level celebrity, Humphrey. He can get anything he wants. You want to book a book and you pay for your own haircut

and you want to book it in? You can get a spot with my guy. He can go to Bunnings and you pay for your own haircut and you want to book it in, you can get a fist bump with my guy. He can go to Bunnings and get a lower price on the same stocked item if he wants just by pulling out his celebrity card. They'll be better by 15%, won't they? Now, a few weeks ago,

we embarked on a very unconventional journey featuring the video calling facility Zoom where we went for 23 hours and 39 minutes, non-stop Zooming meetings. It was the Zoomathon. Yeah, we wanted to break a world record. And if you missed it, here was some of the highlights slash lowlights.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. Wonderful man, Lee Hart. Ah, Lee Hart. We've got Jess Quinn as well. Hey, Jess. Hi. My sister and her partner, who I bought the house with,

recently found out they're having a baby, so I have a new flatmate arriving. Yay. Is there any more room? Leigh Hart just asked, is there another spare room? Just for a couple of years, that's all. So, Carolyn, you're a hypnotherapist. Can you help make this, whatever this is, go faster?

I could hypnotise you within a minute or two if I was with you. Can you hypnotise me to have some hair? We've got Guy Williams here. Because I've got to be very quiet because while I'm doing this crappy interview talking to you idiots from my bed, she's downstairs doing a parliamentary select committee. You couldn't get

opposite ends of the Zoom spectrum, could you? Being Anna Hutchison. Jacinda Ardern is so awesome. I just think she's magic. Yeah, your numbers look great, whereas ours are straight. Chris May from 660, how's it going? Everyone, if you've got a local bar, everyone's got a Keith, and Keith's our favourite customer by far.

You talk to him about lawn bowls and what's going on at the club. There's a lot of politics at the lawn bowls club. A lot of politics. Just because they're old doesn't mean there's no drama. That's what my mum worked in a retirement village. She said they're going at it like rabbits. We're on hold for Winston Peters. Just his area's there, look.

How are you? What has your day been today? Well, I got up early about half past five and decided to go through my notes for the Hoskins show and a few other things. Do you have any notes for our show or not? Well, this has been the most thoroughly prepared interview I've had all day. Yeah, hundreds of people joined us throughout the day and night.

Kiwis here at home, everyone from All Blacks, actors, musicians, all that and more, but... It's hit scandal. Yes. There is scandal. There are two people in New York who think they have beaten our Zoomathon record. We only had it for like a couple of weeks.

Oh, this is... We are going to cross to them next, ironically, on Zoom, on record. We only had it for like a couple of weeks. We're going to cross to them next, ironically on Zoom, and we'll see what's happening. We got a threatening message from the other side of the world on Friday. Something that was pulling the rug from underneath us.

We're joined by these two people now appropriately via Zoom. That's right. Their names are Megan and Lily. They joined us from New York. How's it going, guys? Good. It's good. Now, both joining us via Zoom

in different parts of New York City. The reason being, they've tried to trump our Zoomathon record, Ben. Oh, yeah. Now, you guys, somehow, I don't know how you heard about this, but you heard about us going on Zoom for almost 24 hours.

Yes, exactly 24 hours. Our thing cut out at about 23.46. Yeah, 23.46. And so you guys thought you'd capitalise on this. New Zealand, we've got nothing. No one even knows we exist. This is all we had in New Zealand. Now you've gone longer than us, apparently.

Yeah, we went for 24 hours. Right when've gone longer than us, apparently. Yeah. We went for 24 hours. Right when it got to 24 hours, it cut off. And we were so confused because our actual goal was 36 hours. So we were really upset. So you're saying you beat us. You're saying you did more time than us. Yes.

But you guys look so lovely and nice. And I'm like, well, if we're going to get beaten by anyone, it'll be two adorable girls on the other side of the world. Oh, thank you. Look at me. I'm a bald old man. This is the only thing I had in my life. My only achievement was a Zoom record.

It was almost going 24 hours, and then it was beaten within like a week or two. How did you guys find out about our Zoom-a-thon? Oh, so we actually stayed up for 24, I think a little more than 24 hours our first time. And then we were like, oh, we should actually make this official. Like, let's see where the longest Zoom call is and let's beat it.

So we looked it up and you guys came up and we were like, oh yeah, that's easy. We can beat that. All right. We can destroy those two guys. We were like, wow, that, that's easy. We can beat that. All right. We can destroy those two guys. We were like, wow, that was a great effort. No one's ever going to be silly enough to do that. And you guys did it within like two, three weeks.

Yeah. This is the savage world of world records, isn't it? It's a harsh reality. Yeah, it is. And we all stick with it. So, Megan, you're in the Bronx at the moment, and Lily, you're upstate New York at the moment. Yeah.

Right. So did you guys just do one big long Zoom meeting between the pair of you, or you had multiple ones? Just between the two of us. Yeah, one long Zoom meeting. So what did you guys talk about? Because we obviously had hundreds of people joining us, and we ran out of conversation with them.

You guys are just the two of you. For 24 hours, what did you talk about? Well, me and Megan, we kind of just met maybe two months ago over Georgetown because we're incoming freshmen. So we had so much to catch up on. Really? So when you say incoming freshmen, to explain for the New Zealand audience, are these going to university?

You're about to head to university over there? Yes. Oh, that's exciting. What are you guys going to be studying? Well, at the moment, I'm undecided, so I haven't declared a major, but I hope to be studying international business. Ooh, fancy. An international businesswoman.

I like it. And how about you, Lily? I was trying to study to become a major in international politics. Wow. You guys, hey, listen, you guys have chosen far better professions than lonely radio announcers. Totally. You know, one day we're probably looking at the future president

of the United States here and the head of the UN. Yeah. And we're going to record this and play this back later in your life and it'll be a dark moment in your life. We're like, oh God, why don't we do this?

This will be a political scandal. So you guys, you guys like us, you didn't sleep? You just kept going the whole time? Yeah, we just kept going.

Like every time we would fall asleep, we would just be like, right here, we can do it. Wake up. Because there were moments for us,

I know at like three o'clock in the morning, my eyes were open, but I'm pretty sure I was asleep. You know? Yeah. Well, we're 18, so I mean,

we have so much energy. Listen, we should be given extra points because we're 20 years older. Okay, here's this. Why don't we settle? Why don't we settle?

Why don't we go in age category? Yeah, we'll enter the senior citizens category and you guys can enter the junior category and we can both be world record holders. Yeah, how's that sound? I love it. I love it.

All right, and if we ever do it again to try and beat your record, you guys are going to join us on it, all right? Oh, yes, definitely. We will. We're trying for 36 hours. 36? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't make it too unachievable. Yeah, don't, don't, don't, don't. No. No. Don't make it too unachievable. Yeah, we can't do 36. We barely did 23. Now, so nice to talk to you guys and a really random message we got that you guys did this. So it's very cool. Thank you for having us.

It was great. Yeah, it was great talking to you guys. No worries. Nice to meet you, Lily and Megan in New York, the official world record holders of the Zoom-a-thon. Oh, are they?

Not recognised by Guinness. From the official senior citizen record world holders to the junior world record holders. Thank you very much. Well done, guys. Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, on Friday, Jono, we had a very low moment.

I felt so terrible about this all weekend. Well, no one felt terrible as it was happening We only realised at the end of this horrific event what horrible human beings we all are It's awful. Now our producer Heidi's with us Producer Heidi, you're having a baby soon Yeah, I'm 8 months pregnant

I didn't know, we were too scared to say Congratulations So we hadn't met you before this It's awesome Can I just give you a word of warning too about the pregnancy thing Congratulations. So we hadn't met you before this. It's awesome. Can I just give you a word of warning too about the pregnancy thing? Cutting the umbilical cord is a lot more difficult than actually you would imagine. Right.

It's like cutting through an HDMI cable. And I'm a left-handed and they handed me some scissors and I was just like hacking away at it. Nightmare. Anyway, that's just a little tip for when you're in the suite. I don't know if you were going to do it yourself or your man Chris was going to do it. Yeah, I don't know. We haven't gone that far.

Well, there you go. There's something to look forward to. Now, on Friday after the show, we had a bit of a team meeting. Producer Heidi was in here, Producer Julia, Producer Bumfrey, is it Ben Humphrey as well, is that what you're calling him? producer Humphrey was here, we're all chatting through the show today and there were four seats

Juliet, you had a seat Ben, boys, you had a seat, Ben Humphrey he had a seat and me, Jonathan Pryor also had a seat Heidi comes walking in and looks around and then sort of bends down and her knees creak. They go, creak, creak.

We all noticed this big click. We're like, oh, your knees, Heidi. You okay? They've done that for years, to be fair. And then she sort of slowly meandered down and sat on the ground, sat on the floor. Yes. For 45 minutes we had a meeting.

Not one of us realised. Even after going, oh, your niece Heidi, this is a pregnant Heidi, eight months pregnant. Yeah. And so at the end, I saw you sort of trying to get up like my nana on a cold winter's morning with her aches and pains. And I was like, oh, do you want a hand?

And I put my hand out and lifted you up. As I was pulling you up, I thought, oh dear God. We've all sat in chairs and a pregnant lady, third trimester pregnant lady, has been sitting on the floor. Chivalry is dead, fellas. I'm sorry, sorry, Heidi.

Always workplace equality, alive and well. So apologies, Heidi. It was a bad reflection on all of us. It was a bad reflection on all of us. It was. And as a mate, good. I'll birth your child for you.

Okay? With my bare hands. I think I'm good after hearing the umbilical cord story. We'll be there. You're welcome, mate. I'll film a social video. We'll boost our numbers. That's what we need to do.

So apologies, Heidi. Sorry, that was shocking. It's okay. We were all in the lift afterwards, and I think you'd gone home, and we were all like, oh, God, that was such a low point. That was awful. Eight months lift, we were all in the lift afterwards and I think you'd gone home and we were all like, oh God, that was such a low, that was such a low point.

That was awful. Eight months I've carried this child. What do I get back? You get a floor space in the corner of our office here. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast. Actual lolls may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads.

Of course, today is the day we find out when we will go to level one. One o'clock today, Jacinda Ardern's got to announce that. Many tip, it'll be so. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Of course, today is the day we find out when we will go to level one. One o'clock today, Jacinda Ardern's got to announce that. Many tip, it'll be Wednesday this week. And don't forget the 10 rules. Jacinda's 10 rules. Three of them towards the end, sort of reaching,

what was it like, don't forget to massage your feet. Don't smile when you're lying, that sort of stuff. Get your five plus a day. Don't forget to wash your... It was like businesses should help. Yeah. Stay vigilant. You know, it was kind of got a little...

Just filling in, filling in airtime. Yeah. Like we do, like we do. So she went with 10 and probably should have just stopped after five. She could have had five heavy hitters, but then sort of had, you know, five good ones and five watery ones.

Anyway, today, one o'clock today, we find out when we go to level one as a country. Very exciting, Ben. I, today, one o'clock today, we find out when we go to level one as a country. Very exciting, Ben. I tell you, not as exciting though as Ben's duets, taking radio by storm at the moment. I'm not a great singer. I'm just a terrible singer.

We got sent some audio from Ben's wife, Amanda, of you doing karaoke to seal Kiss From A Rose. In a safe space, at home with a couple of friends. You know, this was just, you know, I'd even said no phones. And she recorded it with, just with the audio version. He's like Adele at a concert.

No phones! Put your phones away. Just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the show. Need to be capturing this. God, I feel sorry for the people who are in the room for that. They must be traumatised.

Are they okay? Yeah, we haven't seen them since. I think they'll be coming back. They just saw their ears off. Anyway, Ben, he's a little pitchy. I love him. I'm not good. I'm not a confident singer, but I did a couple of drinks and I was like, eh, give it a go.

I'm among friends and now it's on the radio. Yeah. And I feel like I'm less among friends now. This is Ben's Duet. So on Friday you guys vote for what song Ben should attempt over the weekend at karaoke. Come Monday it's cleverly edited together with the original artist.

Ben's Duet. This is going to be bigger than Michael Bublé's Christmas albums. You're going to have the menopausal housewives frothing over you, mate. Alright, so here is the song that was voted by you was Lewis Capaldi. Tough song. He does it well. He does it really well.

Yeah, well done, Lewis. Capaldi knows what he's up to. Yeah. Yeah, real tough song. Full credit to Capaldi after having a crack at it. Yeah, full credit. And now apologies to Capaldi. Oh, God, I haven't heard this.

We've got a hashtag collab with you and Lewis. Lewis Capaldi, Feet Ben Boys. With that particular song, ladies and gentlemen. I haven't heard this yet. Can we get to any stage? Maybe, we'll see. So hot. It's tough that one. Was there something I could have said

To make it all stop hurting It kills me how you feel Your mind can make me feel so worthless So Before you go I like how we've got less Capone there. I was just waiting for Capaldi to pick that up. I thought you were better, so I just kept you on the end.

What was that? The duet with Lewis Capaldi going, oh, no, over to you, mate. I was waiting for Capaldi to pick that up. Capaldi. Are you going to pick this up? Are you going to come back in here? Oh, no, just me.

I think Capaldi just ran off stage and ended his career. Oh, that's so bad. I apologise. No one needs to hear that on a Monday morning. At one point, the microphone is distorting, going, please make it end. This is not what I signed up for as a microphone. He wanted to retire from microphone work, that microphone.

Oh, God. Oh, jeez. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Very cold over the South Island in the weekend. Deep South had snow and freezing temperatures. So, better weather this week, apparently. But, yeah. I guess it's

winter. Every year, it seems like on the news, they're surprised. You know, like, oh, terrible weather. It happens every year, guys. But it all fills in a bit of banter, doesn't it? No, that's what we're here to do. So, I was in Mitre 10 Mega over the weekend. My goodness, that place is enormous.

Mitre 10 Mega, been there? Oh, well, that and Bunnings, they're just so big. Do they need to be that big? You just see adults looking around like they're like in a confused dazed state looking up because no one even knows where exactly they're going in there. But I'm also always so impressed with all the staff. They just know exactly where everything is.

Yeah. This place is a sea anyway. Lady comes up to me, 30 years old, household shopper, smack bang in the target demo. Right. Which is such an insulting phrase, isn't it? Household shopper. She could be like, I'm an open heart surgeon,

but you're referring to me just because I go to Countdown once a week or Pack and Save. I'm the Household Shopper. But when she comes up, she's like, been listening to the show. Uh-oh. Oh, I know. You never want to hear that.

As a broadcaster, it can go one of two ways. Because normally people go, oh, I love your show. That's great. Off the bat, you know someone loves your show. That doesn't happen.

When they say, I've been listening to the show, you're like, well, there's some follow-on stuff here. And it's usually like, what have you done with Tony Street? She's so lovely. And I'm like, well, Ben, he's launched a hate campaign against her and he's made it his life mission to end her career.

You have. Ever since she came onto our screens, the bubbly, adorable Tony Street, you're like, that lady needs to finish. No, this is slander. I won't stick around for this. You sit outside her house. No, adorable Tony Street. You're like, that lady needs to finish. No, this is slander. I won't stick around for this. You sit outside her house. No, she's great. Just plossing.

But that's what I tell people. Oh, thank you. Thank you for telling them that. That's great. No, but she goes, and I've been listening to the show, and I didn't realise what lovely posture you have.

So she said, she's noticed me in Mighty Mega, and she's like, you have a wonderful straight back. Your chiropractor must be very happy. So it had nothing to do with the show. That was the compliment about the show. Nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Maybe she was going to say more. I mean, listening to the show, she was going to tell you.

Then she's like, she could see the tears in my eyes welling up like you went all rigid embracing yourself for like a comment and she's like oh good posture

oh there you go I'll change it last minute I'll tack well she did a wonderful tack job because I was like well that was

the nicest thing anyone's ever said about the show the posture of the show the straightest back I loved when we were doing the TV show for a while, you'd always get those

double-edged compliments. Like in New Zealand, for some reason, people can never give a compliment. So someone would come up and go, oh, my wife loves the show

or my kids love the show. And instead of just leaving it there, they'd always go, but I hate it. You know? It's like, why did you have to

tag that onto the end of it? Like, why couldn't you just walked away and gone, hey, my kids love the show and off you go. But they'd go, oh, my kids love the show. Yeah, I'm not a big fan to be honest myself. Yeah, I made the mistake of it. Like, why couldn't you just walked away and gone, hey, my kids love the show and off you go. But they'll go, oh, my kids love the show. Yeah, I'm not a big fan

to be honest with you. Yeah, I made the mistake of looking at the comments section under an article about us once. Oh dear Jesus. I got under there under a different alias

and I was like, hey, they don't seem that bad. And they're like, get lost you loser. Even the fake me, even this made up character got cyber bullied out of the comment section.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Spy, know what's up? Spy.co.nz. She studied for 19 years, did journalism at Otago University just so she could tell you what Kim Kardashian ate for lunch. Here's producer Juliet with Spy. Prince William

has revealed that he's been anonymously volunteering for a helpline during lockdown. So it's a text helpline and he's been answering messages after he was trained to do so and he's been going under a fake name and so people could have been texting Prince William without knowing it. It's really cool that he's been

doing that, eh? Well, he said he's been going anonymously but now he's been doing that, eh? Well, he said he's been going anonymously, but now he's not so anonymous. Oh, yeah. But I guess he isn't going to sign it off, go, by the way, it's Prince William. It's Prince PW. Although you would love to know that, wouldn't you?

What a nice thing to do. So he's clearly done the course on what to say to people and how to react to situations. Yeah, so he did the course. He was trained to do it. And the helpline is one that him and his wife sort of helped launch as well. So they've been right behind it from the get-go.

So it's cool that he's got involved. Both him and Harry are really big on mental health, helping out people. So it's awesome, mate. What a wonderful initiative. Why don't you do anything nice like that, mate? Get us a headline. Oh, mate.

He didn't do it for the headline, though. He just did it to be nice. I know. I said, I want you to do it for the headline. He just did it to be nice. I said I want you to do it for the headline. Who knows I'm not doing it but I just don't want to get the headline. Because I know you're not. Because you're not as nice as Prince William. It's a lovely thing he's doing.

Who knows I'm not? By the way, you've been speaking with Ben Boyce this whole time. What? What if I told you it's been Ben Boyce? Yeah, whatever. Well, you offered me some shocking advice. Lovely, lovely thing they're doing there.

So well done. Totally. And Snoop Dogg, he says that he will vote for the first time ever in his life in the upcoming presidential election. So he's 48 years old, never voted. But the reason is because he wrongly assumed that he couldn't because he had a criminal record. But he's like, well, apparently I can still vote.

So he's doing it to try and get Trump out. So he's never, never once voted? Never, never. I was born in the US in Seattle, and so I could have voted in the last election. And our friend Alice purely pins the fact that Donald Trump is in office on me. She blames me single-handedly.

One vote. So you can actually vote? I can, yeah. Really? You've got to register, right? Plus if you work there, I think, over sort of a 20-year period, it doesn't have to be 20 years in a row, you're eligible for their pension as well.

Get a hell of a payout, mate. US dollars, baby. US dollars. That's like 9 billion New Zealand dollars. Exactly. But Snoop Dogg has an IQ of 147, which makes him a genius. Really?

Wow. And he smokes 8 blunts a day. 80, sorry. 80? 80. You're impressed with 8. Sorry, I meant to say 80. Wait, no, that is surely a lie. How is he

functioning? The amount of time spent rolling Wait, no, that is surely a lie. How is he functioning? Yeah. The amount of time spent rolling alone. Oh, God. 80. What else does he do in his day? That's a full-time job. He's probably got someone employed as a full-time.

You're right, because you wouldn't have time to do that. No, there's a lot of administration around that. Wow. 80, well done, him. And an IQ of 147. Iconic man. No wonder he hasn't had time to vote. He's too busy rolling.

For more spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We like to kick the week off doing Booze Talk ZB, where we harass the poor innocent hosts and producers on News Talk ZB. And it's not our fault that the laws of pun have decided that Newstalk and Booz Talk work together well. Yeah, someone in the office the other day

was like, why don't you try Magic Talk? You know, the other talkback station. Well, it doesn't work for Booz. You can't work Booz into Magic Talk. Yeah, and I know tensions are at an all-time high at the moment between Newstalk ZB and the hits. This is the first time that tensions between the two stations. First time they've even heard of the hits and we've been around for a long time.

Yeah, that's how above us they are. Yeah, and last week managed to get on with Fran and Hannah. They were discussing finances. Brilliant, we're going to go to the phones now. Jonathan, hi. God bless the Queen. And by the Queen, I mean the Queen.

You mean who? You. Oh, the queen, I mean the queen. You mean who? You. Oh, bless you, Jonathan. And Hannah, you're a queen as well. Franna, the queen. Oh, okay. I'm actually Hannah McQueen, so you can call me Hannah the queen if that's helpful.

Hannah the queen. My wife left me for her yoga instructor. Right. And I have a question. Okay. I'm not as bendy or muscly as him. Right. And I have a question. Okay. I'm not as bendy or muscly as him. Okay. My question, if I'm up two dozen today. Okay, we can pull that down.

When you're ad-libbing on the spot, I've got nothing. I love every reaction to you. My wife let me, she's like, right. So you lasted for quite a while. The record so far is a minute and a half. Yeah, that's the game. How long will they leave us on air for as we act intoxicated?

So Chris Lynch was on Friday, and Ben, we decided to come in pairs, a different angle. The first time ever we were going to do a dual Booze Talk ZB. Like some wild monkeys in the rainforest would attack in pairs. And Chris Lynch, he was talking to a lady previous to us, and we're like, well, she's going to leave us on for five minutes after this conversation. I'm hoping that they're not going to close the Northwood store. And it was really good service.

We had to get the couch made or something, so they made the couch for us. See, isn't it interesting that your experience has been really positive? Yes, we bought dining room chairs, four-bedroom suites. We bought a lounge, some tables, and a TV. Oh, that's good. I mean, this lady's just rattling off furniture. It's a lovely, lovely lady, lovely conversation he had.

And he's like, oh, that's really interesting. We're like, oh, great. Well, we're going to provide something interesting as well. You know, where the two of us are going to ring up.'s in the mood for it it's friday afternoon let's be boozed on the radio um anyway oh 880 1080 is the number to call alex morning lynch all right we'll take a break we'll'll be right back. That was it. He didn't even acknowledge us. It was like it never even went over his radar.

It wasn't even on his radar. Yeah. Maybe he didn't have his headphones turned up or something. Yeah. And I just pretended we weren't even there. I was like, right. Okay. Yeah.

That was it. That was it. We had a whole thing planned. We had like a two-person play. It's going to be wonderful. Six seconds. Six seconds. Six seconds. Six seconds.

Savage. But well played, Lynch. Well done. Well played. Well done. We'll get you one day. I think what we need to do now is start sober and eventually end up intoxicated over the duration of the call.

Yeah. Lull them into a false sense of security. That might be a better play. It's getting tricky. It's getting harder and harder, BoozeDogsZB, but six seconds, our worst time yet. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads.

Now, you texted me something on the weekend, Ben, and it floored me. Okay, it floored me. You said you spent your Friday nights having a couple of beers and playing Lego. I was watching The Warriors as well for a bit, and then I couldn't watch the second half so I carried on doing some Lego.

So yeah, that was your Friday night. Yeah. So you decided not to go to town, sit at home and play with Lego. I can't throw stones. All I do is sit at home. So I'm not pretending like I'm going out to the clubs and getting lit because I don't.

So what's your problem? Problem is, can an adult participate in Lego? And 0800 the hits. I'd like you to get involved with this, 4487. Look, I got a little bit hooked on Lego. A while back, I did a little thing with Lego on Instagram. A while back, I made a Millennium Falcon. Yeah, it took nine months of your life.

You didn't see your family for nearly a year. Seven and a half thousand pieces. The instruction manual was like the Lord of the Rings novels all put together. And I was like, oh, I'll finish it by Christmas. And I couldn't. So we had to take it up north in the back of the car with a seatbelt on to get it up to my mum's house because we're going up there. It took us like a week.

You put a seatbelt on the Millennium Falcon? Yeah, I took it up north. And then we spent my weeks. None of the family survived in the car crash, but the Millennium Falcon made it through unscathed. The kids didn't have seatbelts on, but the Millennium Falcon was safe. It was a spare seat.

I love that Millennium Falcon like it's my baby. And now at the moment, I'm the Statue of Liberty. Like, I'm building a Statue of Liberty Lego. I think you're going to look back at the moment you just actively decided not to go out Friday night and stay at home and build Lego. That's going to be a turning point in your life.

You're like, wow, I'm doing that now. I'm of the opinion, as soon as Lego doesn't become a choking hazard for you, you need to stop building Lego. Oh, really? Yeah. That's my thoughts. Okay.

Oh, 800 the hits. Can adults play Lego? Just by themselves? You're saying, you know? Is that what you're saying? I can't do that. I can't sit at home for a couple of years, put the Warriors on,

and chip away at building a... I mean, you're a participant in TikTok, so it comes as no surprise for me. You and the 14-year-olds were doing TikTok during lockdown. So I shouldn't be surprised by this, but I would check it out to the people. Aaron's on the phone from Auckland.

Can adults do Lego, Aaron? Absolutely. So look, I had some sitting around at home, you know, from back when I was a kid, hoarder, as you are. And during lockdown, once you'd run over Netflix, you'd run over everything else to do, I thought, you know what?

Give the Lego a bit of a crack. And a couple of beers. Millennium Falcon, trying to assemble that. Lockdown Flu, bloody good. Hey, when you guys keep adding a couple of beers

just to try and make it sound... Oh, yeah, a couple of beers. Make it a bit more adult. Oh, you never want to do Lego sober, Joe. Yeah, a couple of beers. Oh, what a rush. Stop trying to add credibility to this. A couple of beers. That's all right. That's all right. A couple of beers. The boys, the boys, the trying to add credibility to this. Couple of beers.

That's all right. That's all right. That's a couple of beers. The boys. The boys. The boys come over. Let's do some Lego together. Joining us on 800 The Hits, Neil's on the phone.

Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Neil. How's Hamilton this morning, mate? Pretty. We're fitting the people. It's all right. Good on you. Lego. Adults.

Can it happen? Oh, yes. You can? Don't you watch TV? I think it's on TV3. Oh, Lego Masters. But all the contestants are a bit like, hmm. What?

A couple of beers, do some Lego? You know what I'm talking about, eh? That's all right. I did some research into this, Neil, and a lot of the boxes actually say from ages 5 to 99, which is insinuating, you know, you're never too old to play Lego. But, you know, I can also have the decision

not to watch Cartoon Network, as an adult, and I don't. The decision is yours. So thank you, Neil. Hey, all the votes are in your favour. You keep doing that guilt-free, eh? You build your little bloody... That backfired on you, didn't it? Yeah, it did. Hi, I'm Jane Yee. You keep doing that guilt-free, eh? You build your little bloody... That backfired on you, didn't it? Yeah, it did. Horrendously.

Kia ora, I'm Jane Yee. I'm Alex Casey. And I'm Duncan Grave. We are the hosts of The Real Pod and Confession Cam Time. We bloody love reality telly. If we sound like your type on paper, join us each week for your fix of reality TV news, recaps and gossip.

On The Real Pod, it's perfectly fine to like reality TV. It's a safe space, so let down your walls, wear your heart on your sleeve, and remember, it is what it is. And what it is, is the RealPod. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network and available wherever you get your pods.

New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them, they're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Hey, this is the A to Z of Auckland, A to Z of Auckland. A to Z of Auckland, A to Z of New Zealand, where we are phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. One a day, it's going to take us two and a half years. And at the end of this, I heard a little birdie told me

they're going to digitally remove Sir Edmund Hillary from the $5 note and Photoshop our faces on it. That's just a little rumour I'm hearing. A bit of street talk out there, Ben. And we're not even at the end of the A's. Oh, this is taking us over four weeks now, right? Thursday we hit B's. Thursday?

We've been doing this for like six weeks already. Wow. Tell you what, today we're heading to Oroa, which is a town in southern Taranaki. If you like blowing bags, then why not join the Oroa Highland Pipe Band Incorporated for a fun-filled day of excruciating bagpipes. Or maybe your favourite hobby is driving through towns and not stopping, then Oroa is the perfect location for you.

Let's give them a call. Good morning, Oroa schools, this is Kelly. Oh, Kelly, welcome. Hi, give them a call. Good morning, Aroha Schools. This is Kelly. Oh, Kelly, welcome. Hi, how are you? Welcome, welcome, welcome. You're always welcome in our hearts. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits.

Oh, no, I knew you guys would end up ringing me at some point. I was reading it. I was like, no, I'm in the A's. I'm going to be on the damn radio. So no. You're like, can they call somewhere else? No. Well, you know what we're doing. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand one a day.

And we're getting to the end of the A's. And now we've rung you. Oh, crack up. I was like, I hope they ring Sanford's, not my A. How small is Oroa that you were like, God, they're going to call me? Oh, I was like, if they Google search, I'm going to come up first. I'm ruined. Oh, here we are.

Here we are. So you're prepared? What do you want to tell us about your place? Yeah, well, how many people do you have on the stats here? Because there ain't many of us. Let's have a look at the population of Ottawa. Do you know what? There's not even a population counter for where you are.

How many people are there? Are you the only person in the town? Oh, no, man. I don't even live in this town, but that's okay. I'll just work here. How many people are there? Are you the only person in the town? Oh, no, man. I don't even live in this town, but that's okay. I just work here. Whereabouts is it exactly? So it's like a little town just south of Mount Taranaki, and it's pretty much like a school and a hall and a pool

and a couple of businesses, and that's us here, really. So we're pretty small, but we've got like 200 kids here, so pretty decent. Oh, no, it's a school, a hall, a pool, and a couple of businesses. Oh, I'm going to get so much, what do you say, backlash for whoever hears this. Oh, you sound like a wonderful lady. Oh, someone's got to be churpy around here, right?

Yeah, what, are they all miserable guts there? No, I have no comment on what people are like around here. We're all lovely. You're bringing up the average happiness levels of Ottawa. Yeah, you know, everyone's pretty happy here. We're all farmers and whatnot, so. And I just love how small New Zealand is. You're like, I know they're going to call me one day.

Yeah, I've seriously been dreading it for days, eh? It's done now, though, right? You can go on. You're like, well, they won't call me again. Yeah, it's going to make for good banter in the old staff room in half an hour, that's for sure. Oh, great. Well, listen, it was like a slow train moving through the A's

and we finally hit Oroa and now we've ripped the plaster off and you can get on with your life without us in it. Thanks, man. I'll stop stressing. Love your work. You keep safe and have a wonderful day. Awesome. You too.

See you. We call another town tomorrow as the A to Z of New Zealand continues for over two years. Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Of course, 16 days since our last case of COVID-19 in New Zealand. Government decides 1 o'clock today if we go to level 1

and when that's going to be. Imagine if she's like, nah, another four weeks, everyone will be like, boo! Burn the country down! Everyone will be. Hey, Ben, speaking of the shape of like, boo! Burn the country down. Everyone will be. Hey, Ben, speaking of the shape of you, your neighbour saw the shape of you over the weekend, I understand. I don't know the T's and C's of this.

Yeah, I think it's what happened. So on the weekend, my family were out and I was having a shower and I did that mistake. You know the mistake that you make when you have a shower and you don't look first to see if there's a towel on the rack. We've all been there. We've all been there. Dripping wet. Yeah.

Get out of the shower. Where are your towels housed? So down the hallway a little bit, there's a cupboard in the hallway, like a hallway cupboard. So I'm like, you're going to have to make a dash. Make the dash down the hallway. Whereas you're like, you're dripping wet. Thrilling, isn't it?

Nothing quite like the thrill of a nudie dash to the towel cupboard the first time I'd done it actually since we've been in this house I'm like okay here we go

you know nude here we go you can do it so I'm whipping down the hallway slippery conditions are slippery not great conditions

but you feel like you need to run right are you running on like lino or sort of tile so I'd go on carpet good grip

and then into and then into hall into wood. So that's not great. So I got there unscathed, opened the hall cupboard, grabbed a towel. And as I pivoted around, you know, pivoted back to go back towards the bathroom,

I sort of opened myself up towards a bedroom that was over the other side of the hall and a window. And straight through the window on the other side was the neighbour. He was, you know, in his kitchen, probably washing dishes or something like that, and he'd looked up. And you know when you hear your cash on in the summer?

Oh, and he looked you dead in the eyes. And then you both all couldn't look away, but you know that you've both seen, and you don't know what to do, all couldn't help. I was like, oh, it's one of those. Are you still standing there at this moment? Why don't you just run? Duck, panic, roll, stop, drop, roll, anything.

I was sort of caught like a sort of possum in the headlights. Looked, looked just run? Duck, panic, roll, stop, drop, roll, anything. I was sort of caught like a sort of possum in the headlights. Looked, looked, he looked away, I looked away and then I ran back towards the thing

and I was like, uh-oh, this is going to be awkward next time I see him. But out of the two of us, if you wanted to vote as to who you wanted to see nude, I would pick you.

I would pick you. No, not me. It wasn't like a choice. It wasn't like I handed him like a questionnaire. Hey mate, out of me or Jono? A or B. You never want to see me nude, are you? I'm like wasn't like I handed him a questionnaire. Hey, mate, out of me or Jono? A or B.

You never want to see me nude, are you? I'm like so white I'm see-through. You can see my organs. The colour of a glue stick, I like to call myself. And you now. Yeah, we're very, yeah. I'm like mayonnaise. I'm like a big jar of floppy mayonnaise

wandering around the house. Big, pludgy mayonnaise. He's like, what is that? Do I spread that on my sandwich? Who is this guy? What is he?

I feel like I should lick it just to see what it tastes like. Squidgy mayo. Best foods mayo. Some people see you nude and they're like, oh, I just want to lick him. I want to lick him.

We'll get a bread knife out and spread him. Anyway, I just want to lick him. I want to lick him. We'll get a bread knife out and spread him. Anyway, but lucky he didn't catch you. Lucky he didn't catch you, you know, when you need to dry your undercarriage

and you roll the towel up and you use it like an olden style saw back and forth. Are you one of those people, are you? Yeah. How else do you do it?

Poor towel. That's not in his job description. That towel Seen some stuff He's like I didn't sign up for this He gets back in the hall Covered with the other towels

Like mate Oh the stories I could tell Been to some dark places But weirdly It was Underneath him But he still looked like mayonnaise

What more Jono and Ben You can catch up With the boys anytime Just search Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Now, Ben, you're showing me up for the shabby parent that I am. What's happened? Everyone's got a friend that's always a better version of what they should be.

And you're it for me. Oh, God. My family. You really could get better friends. But anyway, at least I'm the low bar. That's right. That's why I don't have friends like, you know, Dan anyway. At least I'm the low bar. That's right. That's why I don't have friends like, you know, Dan Carter. Yeah, yeah, true. Or Bowdoin Barrett.

That's exactly why they don't want to be friends with you. That's why I don't mix in those circles. No, I choose not to be friends with you. Oh, yeah, exactly. Don't want to mix in those circles because then, you know, they're far better people than I'll ever be. Yeah, okay. Okay, so I get the standard very low.

Good. Even in that instance, though, you're better than me. Why? Because you have a dog. I have a instance, though, you're better than me. Why? Because you have a dog. I have a dog, yeah. And a cat. You can have animals. Okay, and all I hear is, Ben's got a dog.

This is my family. I'm doing an impersonation of him. Ben's got a dog. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. Good on him. He's a welcoming guy. He loves being punished by this giant polar bear of a dog he owns. Ben's also got a cat.

Then you double down with a goddamn cat. Oh, I did. And all these kids want is a pet. And I've been putting them off for about seven years with battery-operated animals.

Okay? Now I'm getting the acid put on. Not the battery acid. The acid from the kids. They have got the entire animal kingdom in battery form. It's fine. Yeah, you're like, hey kids, this is just as good. There's no exc entire animal kingdom in battery form. It's fine.

Yeah, you're like, hey, kids, this is just as good. There's no excrement. It's not better. We even have a dog that poops. If you want, you lift up its tail and out come little butt nuggets. Oh, really? Yeah. So they've got the full experience,

and I don't have to do any of the admin, but now the pressure is coming on. It's mounting. Oh, is it getting more and more? They want a dog, yeah. And then we're hosting this bloody dog show. We're hosting this dog show for TVNZ, and it's like dogs are haunting me.

It's like all signs are pointing to the fact. Like how long can I put it off for? Well, do you know what our dog did in the weekend? True story. We had someone come around and pick up something that my wife had sold on Trade Me. Our dog's such a doofus. He got in their car. Their car door was open.

They were like, oh, someone's going for a drive. And they get in there and the door opened. He's like sitting in there. You're like, Bo, what are you doing, mate? You know when people say the world's your oyster and then eventually you learn, well, the world is not your oyster. You can't just do anything you want or take anything you want. Bo has not quite learned that yet.

Everything's Bo's. Didn't he get into a scrap the other day and you were slightly traumatised? I did walking to pick the kids up from school, yeah. The dog just comes out from another property and just starts having a go at my dog. And it was like, oh, God. And did walking to pick the kids up from school, yeah. The dog just comes out from another property and just starts having a go at my dog. And it was like, oh, God. And then I walked across the road

and then they followed across the road. And I'm like, oh. The dogs are chasing you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, get away, bud. Get away. We're going. And some lady had to stop the car and ask if it was all right.

I'm like, no. But I can imagine you would have been cool, calm, and collected knowing my friend Ben Boyce. He would be like, ah, ah, ah. Making those noises that you only make when you're so terrified. Imagine like a fight at a nightclub and there's someone out there going, stop, guys, stop. That was me.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Please. Start crying. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jotterwood Band on the hits. Scrolling through your feed.

We've gone to all the corners of the internet to bring you the latest news, the stuff in your feed. I mean, this content Ben's seen. He's had to undergo four weeks of intense therapy just to get over it, haven't you? That's right. You've seen some Eastern Europeans pushing their bodies to the absolute maximum. Today, though, I want to talk about not that, but Level 1 is the big conversation today.

Will we go to Level 1 and when is it going to be? Yes, it's the easiest decision Jacinda's ever made. So you reckon it's going to be Wednesday or you reckon it could be sooner? I reckon 11.59 Tuesday. That's my prediction. And if I'm right, we'll replay this audio and I'll seem like some sort of oracle. It seems like the safe bet. 16 days, of course, since her last case.

Everyone's acting like Level 1 already, right, aren't they? Yeah, I don't know why we're not already at level one. Like a week ago, the borders are still shut. I've been seeing people shaking hands. I've seen people... You haven't even relaxed. You've been hugging and shaking hands now. I feel like I'm...

You've been bullied into it. You don't want to. I know. Because I'm like... I mean, awkwardly, as you said, I make it more awkward now. You do, because he sort of goes in with an elbow, but he goes in with both elbows.

He's like, I don't know. And sort of ends up mumbling and makes quite the awkward meeting with people. Now, Donald Trump a few weeks back, I think it was almost jokingly suggested people should try maybe injecting bleach when he ran out of ideas for COVID-19. I don't know if he was joking.

He was just spitballing, but he happened to be spitballing at a live press conference in front of the world's media. Maybe he shouldn't have been talking. It's a common theme with Trump. But anyway, a new survey from an America. 4% of Americans actually tried some form of bleach.

Yeah, well no one knows it doesn't work. You've got to try these things to actually get a definitive answer. No, you're not. We spoke to a scientist, nanogirl, Dr. Michelle Dickinson and she's like, no, no, no, unless you want to die, don't take bleach. I've gargled dead old before, I'm a pro-dead old gargler, so

I'm not adverse to the bleach thing. I'm just saying we haven't given it a go. Well, if you want to and you die, then that's on you, right? Well, that's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing. If you're an adult and you're listening to that right now, kids, don't. Definitely don't. Well, kids can't because they can't figure out how to's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing. If you're an adult and you're listening to that right now, kids, don't. Definitely don't.

Well, kids can't because they can't figure out how to open the lid. Yeah, they're tricky, those ones. You know how the lid's always locked? You've got to pinch it on both sides. And Colin McGregor, UFC fighter, he's retired for the third time in four years. I think he just wants cheap bus fares. He wants the super gold card.

So he's 31 years old and, yeah, it's his third time. He's like, I'm retired. He didn't even fight over the weekend. He. So he's 31 years old, and yeah, as I say, third time. He's like, I'm retired. He didn't even fight over the weekend. He just decided he's had enough. But he hasn't fought for months. No, I guess he's 70. I already thought he was retired from the first time he said he was retired. He's quite unpredictable, isn't he?

He seems like quite a volatile individual. Well, yeah, I guess you have to be in that. He looks like a ferret that they do drug tests on in laboratories. He could snap at any moment. You got some game show music here, Producer Juliet? Yes, I do. I want to play a quick game right now, unsanctioned game. Producer Juliet, this is for you. Is this a tattoo on John O'Prior

or UFC star Colin McGregor? Oh, God. I've not sanctioned this. This is not a sanctioned UFC game. Colin McGregor's retired from UFC. Jono Pryor should retire from radio. But anyway, a tattoo of a gorilla wearing a crown and eating a heart. Is it on Colin McGregor or is it on Jono Pryor?

I'm going to say Jono Pryor. No, Colin McGregor. Oh, damn it. Oh, sorry. Colin McGregor. You keep calling him Colin. I'm sorry. It's early in the morning.

That's his brother who's a sensible accountant. Sorry, Colin McGregor okay a tiger fighting a snake serpent I know that's on Jono Pryor's chest proudly you never know

who's going to win that battle pocket watch showing 3.35pm I'm going to say Connor yes it is Connor

and the last one a dog with a peaky blinders looking cat smoking a cigarette I was going to say Jono. Yeah, we know. That's how you play.

Is it a tattoo on Colin or Conan McGregor? For many years, you thought there was a piece of steak on their dog's head. I did. But it's a hat. I did. No, I was wrong. What about that, Julia? Does it look steak or hat?

No, that's the... Oh, it does look like a steak. That's the wrong side. That's the wrong side. There we go. There you go. Oh, it's quite a cool hat, isn't it that's the... Oh, it does look like a steak. That's the wrong side. That's the wrong side. There we go. There you go. Yeah. Oh, it's quite a cool hat, isn't it?

Thank you. Yeah, it's a cool hat. It's a cool dog hat. And a friendly reminder that dogs should not be smoking cigarettes. It's a very important lesson. Harmful to their lungs. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. What's that? Oh, no. It's... Oh, shut. Shut up. Oh, now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. We are up early in the morning, and because we're up,

we're getting others up as well. That's what we're doing. It's the rude awakening thanks to Hell Pizza. Yeah, some say this is better than alarm clock because we just keep calling someone until they eventually wake up and answer. You know, I like to sometimes give some sleep facts before we do this. No, I didn't know that, but I do now. I said it like it was a thing.

Yeah. Yeah, you could have just rolled with it. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, I do know. I like how you do this. It's my favourite part of the segment. So, you know, okay, have a guess what the longest period is without someone sleeping. Oh, so someone's say to wait for, ooh, I would say, oh, no, let's go 60 hours.

11 days. 11 days. 11 days in 1964. Because we stayed awake for 24 hours for the Zoomathon. And by yesterday, I felt like we were drunk and we had a big night out and we had lost, you know, parts of our memory. Without all the fun parts of going out, though. Yeah. Without all the stuff that you regret doing the night before.

Yeah. But this person, apparently, scientists say that you regret doing the night before. Yeah. But this person, apparently, scientists say that you get micro-sleep. So you're awake, your eyes are open, but at a few seconds of a time, your body will shut down and that's what can actually pull you through. Wow.

Crazy. I end up just looking like an absolute bag of mashed up kumaras after an hour. And then I stay looking like it. You do. I always, every time we do these stay awake things, I'm like, he's never going to make it. Like, that's an hour into it.

And then you're still looking like that 25 hours later. I'm like, oh no, you see, somehow he's pulled through. My friends went out all night and they're like, oh, come meet us on Saturday. I went over Saturday morning, freshly showered, like about 10 o'clock. And they're like, mate, where have you been? You always look like you've just walked out of a dumpster.

I had a great day. I was sleeping in a shower. Welcome to the show, Jen, where have you been? You look like you've just walked out of a dumpster. I had a great eight hours sleep and a shower. Welcome to the show, Jenbo. How are you? Hi. Hi, guys. It's the rude awakening, Jenny. Who are we waking up? Oh, well, we'll try making my son.

He's not really good to wake up in the morning, though. Oh, great. Do we need to get the beat machine ready? Some blasphemy about to be broadcast on the airwaves, Jenbo. Well, no. I think if he actually wakes up, it'll be a good thing, huh? Hello? It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station.

How's it going? Yeah, good. Thank you, sir. Yeah, that's a good... Are you awake or stoned or what are you at the moment? Just awake. Just awake. Just awake.

All right, Hayden, you're on the air. Mum's on the phone. Say hello to Jen. Morning. Hi, son. Morning. She's put you on the spot for a live radio quiz. You can win some help each if you get these answers right.

He sounds very husky and handsome on the phone. First question. Microsoft was founded by who? A, Bill Gates, B, Bill Doors, or C, Bill Floors? Gatesy. Is that the guy who wore the same clothes all the time, the jeans and the boots? No, that was Jobs. I think he just, he's like, it was all about his time management.

So he was like, yeah. Jeans and a black hoodie. He should wear the same clothes every day. He can't. All the same clothes since 1991. Yeah. True. Legend has it,

Maui caught what? A, fleas, B, the coronavirus, or C, the sun? Sun. Yeah, he did a wonderful job of hooking in that sun, didn't he? Making it slow down.

It was going way too fast for Maui's liking. Anthony Kiedis is the lead singer in which band? A, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, B, One Direction, or C, Anthony Kiedis is the lead singer in which band? A, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, B, One Direction, or C, Anthony Kiedis and the other dudes? I want to say Anthony Kiedis and the other dudes.

You're going to say that? Well, it basically is the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Well done, well done. And finally, Donald Trump is married to who? A, Hillary Clinton, B, Ivanka Trump, or C, Melania Trump? Melania Trump. Melania Trump, Melania Trump. Although he did say his daughter was hot, Ivanka.

I said a lot of things that he shouldn't have said, really. I mean, who's to say a dad can't say his daughter's hot? Oh, God. Okay. Probably the law. Yeah, exactly. Well, well done. $40 worth of hell pizza for you, all right?

Jen, look after yourself. Hayden, go back to sleep and have a wonderful day. Thanks, guys. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. And now, you know, there's a few people that like golf, but for many of us, it's a frustrating sport. I don't get it.

You know, you get it when every now and again you hit a good shot, you're like, oh, this is the greatest. And then your next nine or ten are like terrible. I go once a year with my dad, Kevin Boyce, and he plays a bit and I just find myself getting more and more frustrated. Is Kevin good at golf? He's alright. He's alright. See, I think you're contractually obliged from the age of 60 onwards to become adverse

with the game of golf. Once I hit the ball backwards, I don't even know how you do that. You end up behind me. Well, I was reading for people like myself that are very inconsistent at golf. There's a new golf club being invented, and you don't even have to swing it. It's swingless. So you just put it next to the golf club, the golf ball. There's a little thing that shoots out from the bottom of it. Oh, like punches the ball.

Punches the ball, and it goes 200 yards. It's incredible. So you just hold the stick in front of the ball. And away you go. I mean, it really takes all the skill away from golf. But I was like, there you go. Just get me one of those. And away I go.

Yeah, just hold your golf club next to the ball. So you're essentially just holding a broom in front of a stick. Yeah, and the golf club does all the work. You don't even swing your arms at all. No, not at all. Do you exert any energy? Well, you do. You lift your golf club out of the bag. You don't even swing your arms at all. Not at all. Do you exert any energy? Well, you do. You lift your golf club out of the bag,

you put it down, and then the little head sort of punches a little ball 200 yards. Incredible. I was talking to my friend Mark, who's in Chile. I talk to him once a week on Zoom. He's still in lockdown over there in Santiago. Crazy. Three months?

Twelve weeks they've been in this tiny, tiny apartment. Anyway, he reminded me last night when we were about 18, 19, went to the nine-hole public golf course. Yeah. You know the one where you just wander around naked, basically, drinking and naked. You can eat. You can eat the grass if you want.

I don't know if I know that particular one, but sure, why not? It's the wild lands, the public golf course. Yeah. Anyway, he teed off hole one, which is very high pressure situation because you've got all the other people waiting. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that.

I never nail it. The only thing worse than golfing is golfing with people watching you. That's the thing. So he had sort of a dozen people there waiting to tee off behind him. He hits the ball and gets a goddamn hole-in-one. No.

Hole-in-one. No way. The public golf course went mental. We started burning down the clubhouse. That's what you can do at the public golf course. You're allowed to, right? I started doing burnouts on the green. Hole-in-one.

Hole-in-one. And everyone was like... On hole-in-one. On hole-in-one. You'd be like, all right, that's it, I'm done for the day. Everyone in one. Hole in one. And everyone was like... On hole one. On hole one. Oh, that's it. I'm done for the day. Everyone was like cheering and whooping

and then I had to go after that. Have you ever felt the pressure of going after someone who has landed a hole in one? No, I haven't. But I can only imagine how hard that would be. And then I...

Clearly, I was never going to get in. I feel like I shanked it. Yeah, I think I went and hit a poor child in a wheelchair next door. He was just sitting in his front yard, knocked him clean between the eyes. But after I hit the ball, everyone was like, oh, like disappointed,

disappointed that I didn't get a hole in one. What are you expecting? You monsters. I should have just walked. I shouldn't have even, I should have just gone and picked up the ball with him. But he got a photo, got his name on the wall. They took a photo of him picking the ball out of the hole.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was quite the event. Jeez. I imagine many professional golfers could go through their career and not get a hole in one. Very expensive, the golf clubs, too. I found this out when we were doing a TV segment years ago, and we used to do a silly thing where you'd kind of temporarily look

like you were stealing someone's sports property. In hindsight't a good idea you'd always give it back but the people didn't know they were doing it so i was in this grinch costume and i came in and grabbed this guy's trundler of golf clubs and just kind of went running away thinking it'd be good for tv and i hear this guy go oh you're dead bro this was a what because he chased me down with a golf club and the golf club ended up breaking across my back did he beat you he jumped on me he jumped on me with the thing fair enough

you were being a nuisance so we had to pay for his golf club and pay for some stuff you had to pay for the golf club he broke on your back yeah I know it was our fault it was a stupid thing

so after that we're like let's retire this segment this is not a good idea he doesn't know that we're going to return his thing. Yeah, well, Ben and me, we're less like a tiger on the golf course and more like a mangy cat. One with fleas and one bung eye. Start your day the wrong way.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, the big announcement today, it's going to happen at 1 o'clock. Jacinda Ardern, when we will head to level one as a country, we'll find out then. Many people picking, including Jono, that it'll be Wednesday. Yeah, 11.59 Tuesday, which means it'll time well. The timing is perfect for the launch of Jono and Ben's cardboard cutout tour. Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour.

Oh, there's a buttload of anticipation out there building. We've got cardboard cutouts of ourselves and doing a very responsible social safe distancing tour of New Zealand and relying on you, you listening, to transport these cutouts from Bluff, 7800Ks, to our studio. And if you do so successfully, if they make it here, if we can trust you, we're going to give away 5K. That's right, and everyone that gets a photo with this cardboard cutout along the way

and uses the hashtag Jono and being a 5K cutout, they're eligible for the $5,000 as long as the cardboard cutouts make it back to us. Yeah, now, we have been lying. This has been a sham. It's been a fraud. We're saying cardboard cutouts, and they're core flute. They're core flute. It's a lot more damaging for the environment,

but I'll happily lose three dolphins for this promotion. Okay, are they core flute? They're core flute. They core flute. It's a lot more damaging for the environment, but I'll happily lose three dolphins for this promotion. Are they core flute? They're core flute. They're not cardboard. The whole time we've been saying cardboard. They're clearly core flute. Would you like to change the hashtag to John Oben 5K core flute or something? Well, core flute's not widely known, is it, as a material. So I think there's a lot of explanation behind

core flute. Cardboard cutout, you understand it, but I'd just like to, you know, we're open. Okay. We're transparent. We're lying. We're lying. Okay, I didn't know that. So apologies for lying about that.

But we are going to send them up. As soon as we hit level one, this is going to start. We hope it's going to be Wednesday. We'll find out today. Yeah. And just to bring you up to speed, it's been quite the journey so far over the last week. Firstly, the people of Invercargill, which is going to be the first stop between Bluff and Invercargill, the excitement.

It's like when Mick Jagger and Keith Richards went to Invercargill and said it was the butthole of the world. Oh, did they? Yeah, they did. Oh, really? Hello? Oh, the tension must be mounting.

Who is that? Jono and Ben. The cardboard cutouts, they're coming as soon as we hit level one. Are you excited? Oh, no. I think we've got the wrong number. Fair enough. He wasn't super excited, was he?

But he will now. He will be now. Oh, OK. Yeah, now he knows what's happening. And then we spoke to Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt, who's already prepared the launch speech. We need to ask you officially, are you okay to launch the cardboard cutout tour

of New Zealand in Bluff next week? Yep, I sure will. Have you done a practice speech? Yeah, well, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Deep South. And today we have a fabulous start to a whole new race. And that is... You started well, you started well.

I started well. You lost confidence in my dream. And then you forgot our names. He's got a few more days to work on that. Yeah, sometimes I think that man has been running cities for 40 years. Confidence with my drink. And then you forgot our names. He's had a few more days to work on that. Yeah, sometimes I think that man has been running cities for 40 years. I've forgotten our names. We've hung out with him many times.

Probably over 10 times. Been to his office. We've even been to his house. So good. And then someone, a saboteur, stymied the whole campaign on Friday with a legal loophole, I guess. I'm sitting here in Tipper's heart, so I'm thinking I might just head on down to Bluff,

hijack that puppy, come up to Auckland and claim my money. Oh, claim my money. You sound like an evil genius plotting to take over the world. Glenn, well done, well played. But how about we create stages for the cardboard cutouts? So they had, for example, when it starts, it has to go from Bluff to Invercargill.

And then it stops there for a while, people get photos in Invercargill, and then we get the stage from... Another listener to transport it from Invercargill to Timaru, where Glenn is. And then he can take it from there to Christchurch, for example. So, ha! So, yeah, I thought of that on the spot.

I was really, even hearing it back, you're like, jeez, that's really good ad-libbing on the spot there, guys. Yeah, it's good. So that's how it's going to work. As soon as we hit level one, the call flute or whatever they are, the cutouts, they're going to go to Bluff,

and with your help, they'll make their way back up the country. Hopefully, they'll get to the studio here in Auckland, and hopefully we can give away that five grand to anyone that helps it get on its way and gets a photo with it. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Auckland and hopefully we can give away that five grand to anyone that helps it get on its way and gets a photo with it. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Spy. Know what's up? Spy.co.nz. Yes, with all the latest gossip on which celebrities have been Botoxing bumps, lining bumps and bumping uglies, producer Juliette with Spy. Hello. So, Kate Blanchett has cut her head with a chainsaw during lockdown.

Oh my God. Now, she hasn't said how she got it, but she was talking to former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard on a podcast and said that it was just a little nick to her head, but people think that it's from a gardening accident because she loves gardening, but she didn't say exactly how she got it.

And then Julia just came back being like, well, no one would like to see, you've got a very pretty and very well-known face. No one would want to see, you know, a little nick going to that. Oh, totally, yeah. Chainsaws, if you don't know how to use them, can be very, very dangerous. You need to leave it to someone who does. I've got a chainsaw.

I should not own a chainsaw. I don't know, yeah. It surprises me that you've got one. Me and my friends chopped down quite a large tree at my house, and I was like, jeez, this is the beginning of a public service announcement. It was shocking. But apart from that, the only other thing my chainsaw was used for

was a comical radio promotion. Do you remember? That's right. Another radio station we worked for, they had a wedding and they're like, it would be funny if they cut the cake with the chainsaw.

Can we borrow your chainsaw? And then they had, I had no part of this, but then they had the two listeners, Brian and Groom, on rollerblades. They'd taken the chain off the chainsaw, some of the way, but still. Using my chainsaw on video, and then I got dragged into a health and safety investigation.

I know. Really? Yeah, it was quite the thing. But I was like, in hindsight, the video of two listeners on rollerblades holding a chainsaw or cutting a cake, I'm like, at no point did anyone step in and go, hey. Wow.

Anyway, it's fine. They only lost a couple of arms. And they cut the cake okay? They cut the cake, yeah. No one was injured? It was fine. No one was injured at the end. But geez, it could have gone wrong. But it was a good lesson. It was a good learning lesson. Don't put listeners on rollerblades holding chainsaws. True.

But Cate Blanchett, she's all okay and said that she's fine and hopefully it won't happen again. And for more Spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app.