Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 11 - We Apologise To Bruce Russell, Rob Judge, Being Swallowed By A Whale

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

Rob Judge called inAn update on Our Very Responsible Safe Social Distancing TourBen calls NewsTalkZB's Bruce Russell to apologiseSpyThe A To Z of New ZealandBen's split billBen Hurley called inBoss Todd has done every chat possible on radioRude AwakeningBig News Small TownWhat happens when you get swallowed by a whale?SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Now Game of Thrones, massive TV show that finished last year. I was just reading this morning the secrecy, the efforts they went to to keep it under wraps, what was happening. So one of the actors just come out and said they were filming in Dubrovnik for a final scene. They came in on a chartered flight. No one would see this. They rented out the whole hotel.

The Ho Ho Ho Hotel, Santa's favourite accommodation. So booked the entire hotel just for them. They weren't allowed to go out. They weren't allowed to walk outside. They rented out the apartments around both sides of where they were filming the thing so no one could see down there. They even had a lookout for boats. Basically, the New Zealand government had put them in quarantine.

Yeah, it's like they were in lockdown, wasn't it? Coast guards patrolling the water to check no boats were coming by. And basically, they were just taking over big sheets as they walked to the set. It was crazy. I feel like there are some really passionate fans for that show, for Game of Thrones. Yeah, there is.

But I don't know if they needed to go to those leagues. No, it doesn't seem like that. Or maybe they could have filmed it in a studio or something. At the end of the day, I'm probably just going to illegally download it and watch it in about two years. Yeah, but there you go. That's the effort they went to. But you're right.

It was just like being in quarantine, wasn't it? Yeah, well, we have to sneak you into this building under a blanket. That's because everyone hates me. Did I beat you to that gag? You did, well done. Well played. Hey, we need to speak to people hating you. There's a popular Talkback host who's not too happy with Ben Boyce. He needs to make a live

apology to him in 20 minutes time. But next, I have been fighting to clear my name of allegations of misuse of internet searches. Right. I came in about a week and a half ago and I was like, hey producer Juju, hey Ben,

you know, are you getting bombarded with YouTube pre-rolls for this guy, this dating expert, Bobby Rio, who's got books like I guarantee you'll open the legs and how to land a cougar. And here's his audio. Hi, I'm Bobby Rio, and in this video,

I want to teach you two techniques you can use to gain the upper hand with a girl. And I played this, and I was like, everyone must be getting it, and you guys are like, no. Well, like, because obviously they design the ads for you for what things you've been searching. We're like, Jono, what have you been looking up? Is this a legitimate thing?

So I've made it my life mission. Really? I've made it my life mission to track him down. And he joins us on the show next. Legit. Is he as volatile and controversial as he sounds? This can't be a real thing. Can he clear my name of my internet searches?

This can't be a real thing. Now, about a week ago, Ben, I brought some content to the radio show. And it made you question the calibre of my internet searches because I keep getting bombarded with spam commercials from this guy I want to teach you two techniques you can use to gain the upper hand with a girl. And I looked him up and you know he's got

a book, it's called like How to Open the Legs and things like this. So I talked about this and you were like this is, because you've been looking at this on the internet. Yeah. It's everywhere all over my feed. Yeah. And I've gone to the lengths to prove my innocence. So much so that joining us now from DateHotterGirls.com, Rob Judge.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be on here. Now, Ben thinks you're an actor that I've teed up to prove my innocence. Is this legit? Am I a teed actor? Yeah. Oh. Is this legit? Am I a paid actor? Yeah. Oh my gosh, have you seen my videos? I'm probably the most awkward person

in front of the camera imaginable. So if I was a paid actor, I'd probably not be doing my job. So it seems like, in all honesty, and this isn't to cause any offence, in 2020, how can you get away with a business like this, Rob? And that's a very fair question,

but to be honest in 2020 i think there's never been more of a time where people should learn how to communicate better with the opposite sex people should learn how to express themselves better and really give women the experience that they want you know i mean i understand why from the outside perspective this would look creepy but the only thing creepier than a guy who doesn't follow a date or who does follow dating advice is a guy who doesn't. So what is the idea? Is it a website that people go to? What's the idea behind it?

Essentially, what I try to do is distill all the social conditioning, all the things that we do, all the small talk, being nice to avoid conflict and that kind of thing. And I really try to get guys to get in touch with their true personality, you know, how to express themselves, how to tell their stories better, how to come across more charismatically. What I try to help guys do is be their best self in front of women. And so Date Hotter Girls, has it caused a fence in the U.S.? No, to be honest, it hasn't.

You know, I've been contacted by a couple people from the media who I think had the intent of doing a hatchet job. And I get it, you know, I've been contacted by a couple people from the media who I think had the intent of doing a hatchet job. And I get it, too. I mean, I know that some of the marketing is a little unsavory and that kind of thing. But if you actually look at the core message and if you actually look at, you know, what we teach and that kind of thing, in actuality, I think it benefits so many people. And it really, it's not misogynist or it's not about dominating women or anything like that. Instead, it's about, and to be honest, like the guys that come into, you know, who purchase my product, the majority of them are guys who are so concerned about, you know, not creeping women out and about not losing women

that they're going, you know, they're buying these products and they're spending their time and they're putting the effort in to improve themselves and their social skills. We've got a dating expert, Rob Judge, with us on the phone from the US. We've just taken some topical pickup lines and want to get you to rank them out of 10, okay? Oh, no. Okay. Okay. These are all COVID-based, by the way.

Oh, okay. Very nice. Is that pneumonia in my lungs, or has your smile just left me breathless? Out of 10. Accusing a woman of having some kind of disease, usually not the first impression you want to make. I'd probably write that one

about a 2. A 2, alright. You smell so good. Is that Purell you're wearing? Hand sanitizer, yeah. I'll give that one like a 6.2. 6.2. You can't spell virus without you and I. That one like a 6.2. 6.2. You can't spell virus without you and I. Oh, no, that one's a zero. I mean, making a woman think about viruses.

Yeah, no, you're right. Okay, here's the last one. I'm just a boy standing six feet away from a girl asking you to maybe move back another foot. Thanks. Yeah, that one is tough. I mean, at least you're respecting the social distancing, but yeah, I'm going to have to rank that one

probably about a three. None of those are landing with Rob. Thank you for your time today. A very interesting insight and not exactly what I thought you were doing. So, yeah. I appreciate it. Yeah, thank you guys.

Thanks for having an open mind. Like I said, I understand where on the surface level it could be a little unsavory or seem unsavory, but I think when you actually look at it, and the guys that I coach, they're all guys who are really just very concerned with how they're making women feel and they want to be better, you know? Maybe you need to sec your marketing team. They're like, trust me, go with us.

It's a bit of a controversial angle. Thanks for your time, mate. You too. Thank you. I appreciate you having me on. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Oh, what a tune for your Thursday morning. It's Jon Bon Jovi.

It's a blaze of glory. It is the hits, Jono and Ben. And every time I hear Bon Jovi, I think of a moment. I think of an adult telling off. That happens to be. What, from Jon Bon Jovi's hold you off? No. What did you do to make Jon Bon Jovi upset? Because when you upset Jon Bon Jovi's hold you off? No. What did you do

to make Jon Bon Jovi upset? Because when you upset Jon Bon Jovi, you upset the world. It wasn't him, but I was lucky enough a few years ago to interview Richie Sambora,

who's like the energetic guitar player, you know, quite charismatic guy from, in the band, Bon Jovi. Free love, a lot of free-flowing clothing,

isn't he? Sort of like, he would only use the bottom two buttons of his shirt to do up. I was one of those guys that could pull that sort of thing off. He's a cool guy.

Rip the rest of the buttons off. He was in a very famous relationship a few years ago with Heather Lockyer, you know, the actor, you know, and he was a very funny guy. Imagine he'd have like a hemp bracelet and like lots of like bangles around his neck and things like that.

Amazing hair, you know, just one of those guys, you're like, oh, you're just a grok star. You're cool. And we went, lucky enough to interview him before a sold-out concert Bon Jovi were playing in Toronto. We didn't have tickets. But going into the interview, we were like,

there was only four of us from New Zealand. We were like, maybe he'll say, have you got tickets? And then maybe he'll go, well, hey, why don't you watch the concert? I'll give you some tickets. That was what we hoped. Hold on. So why would Richie Sambora say this?

Why would he go, hey, do you want tickets? Shall I show you some tickets? Because it was backstage before the concert. We were going to have to do the interview and then leave. But then clearly you're there. So he probably assumes that you've already been granted access into the building. Well, hoping.

Because at the end of the interview, he was like, oh, are you going to stick around for the concert? This is off camera. And I was like, oh, here we go. I was like, oh, I would love to, but, you know, we don't have tickets. No, we have fishing. He's even trying to get snake.

He goes to free movies, gets free stuff on Instagram. He's even trying to get free tickets for Richie Sambora for his own concert. Yeah, and he was like, leave it with me. Give me a second. Just stay there. I'm like, oh, this is great. Comes back. This lovely lady that helped us organise the interview,

she came back with him and she's like, Richie has said that you guys can watch side of stage. There's no tickets in the crowd, but you can watch side of stage. There's no tickets in the crowd but you can watch side of stage. So poor Sam Boras, this is before his show, he's running around to the administration room.

Hey, I've got these guys, they want four tickets. Oh, we're sold out. Oh, listen, I promised them tickets, like he's stressing out. Side of stage, and I was like,

oh, that is the most amazing thing ever. She's like, she's a lovely lady and did the interview, he loved the interview and it was like, just don't film. And we're like,

no worries, we won't film, we'll put the cameras back away in the car. Well, they don't like being filmed side angle. They don't like front angle interviews. Don't get them on their sides. But then you know, we're a couple of guys from New Zealand. We're like standing side of stage, Bon Jovi,

you know, sold out concert. Well, this is amazing. This is so cool. If only there was a way we could capture this. So if only there was a device that was manufactured that we could maybe remember this moment by only there was a device that was manufactured that we could maybe remember this moment by and play it to people we know

and show off. Maybe put it on social media. This was our downfall. So we got our cameras out to film. What, professional recording cameras? Yeah, the little cameras that we've got.

Oh dear God. Not even a cell phone. Not even like a cheeky. The cameras that we'd put away. We're just like, let's get a quick shot. Just a quick shot. We won't show it to our shot. We won't show it.

You know, we'll show it to our mates. We won't use it on, we won't use it on telly. So you've got whacking great cameras on shoulders filming. A little, yeah, okay, you're right. And then as soon as the camera was raised, this lovely lady comes out, out of nowhere, just like, hey guys. Out of a curtain. Yeah, out of a curtain.

She's like, hey, so what did I say? And you're like, oh, no filming. And then it was like the follow up question, and what did I say? And you're like, oh, no filming. And then it was like the follow-up question, and what are you doing? As an adult, you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. We all hung our heads in shame. We're like, we're filming. And what are you doing?

And you can't even deny it? Even with a cell phone, you can put it in your pocket. Oh, no, it's just checking your text. We're like, we're filming. She's like, yeah, yeah. We're like, yeah. It was just one of those adult telling off. Did you get kicked out? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're like, yeah. It was just one of those adult telling off. Did you get kicked out?

Yeah, yeah. And then we were like, well, we just kicked ourselves out. We're like, we're going to go now. And that was the last time you saw Richie Sambora. Side on. Side on. Did you have to delete the footage awkwardly in front of you? The elusive footage.

But nothing worse than an adult getting told off. Oh, I know. It is. You just feel like, and it was our own fault, and I felt terrible. Hey, well, listen, I'll tell you something that might make you feel better. Oh I know It is You just feel like And it was our own fault And I felt terrible Hey well listen I'll tell you something That might make you feel better Richie Sambora

Has probably never thought about you Ever again Yeah Does that make you feel better He probably didn't think about me After he got the tickets He probably forgot you were even On the side of the stage

No that's the thing He would have got the tickets He would have gone off Looked as rock and roll So it has affected Richie Sambora's life In no way at all Okay

You're right You're right You can let it go now Thank you Thank you He probably didn't even tell So it has affected Richie Sambora's life in no way at all. Okay? All right. You can let it go now. Oh, thank you. Thank you, bro. He probably didn't even tell Jon Bon Jovi what he had done. No. You don't even register on Jon Bon Jovi's radar.

You haven't even been a blip on his life. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Yeah, our cardboard cutouts yesterday. We got a cardboard cutout of ourselves. Jono and Ben. Sorry, I played there too early. There you go.

No, it's all right. No, it was my bad. No, you do it. No, no, you do the, you're doing something. Oh, no, we made this very unprofessional. Usually producer Juliet's pushing the buttons. I don't know why you are right now. I'm nervous.

All right, push the button. Go, enjoy. Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour. That's right. We're setting cardboard cutouts of ourselves around the country. Just one, in fact. It started in Bluff yesterday. It's making its way through the country

as it makes it back to our Auckland studios at some stage. Everyone that gets a photo with it along its journey and helps it get back to Auckland gets in the draw for $5,000. We'll give that away.

Just hashtag, hashtag Jono and Ben 5K cutout to be in the draw. That makes me hashtag happy to see this finally get off the ground. Yesterday, they were in Invercargill. The streets were closed, motorcades, people were trampled,

stuff like that. Absolute scenes in Invercargill, and we're going to phone someone who actually went and had their photo taken with the cutouts in Invercargill today in Timaru, as Ben mentioned. And if you in Invercargill. Today in Timaru has been mentioned. And if you want to get down to Stafford Street in Timaru, the cutouts are going to be there until 10 o'clock this morning.

Stafford Street, you can get five grand. Oh, hold on. Can you just wait? Ben was still talking. I was going to say, you can get, of course, in the draw for that five grand. Hashtag John and Ben 5K cutout. Just get a photo. Put it on social media.

You pick it up. What were you going to say? I was going to say hi. Oh, you were going to say hi. Sorry, he was still talking. I mean, it's not I done. It's hard to time it when you're making a call and I don't know how long I've got,

but you picked it up and I was midway through. But anyway, it's Jono and Ben calling. How are you doing? Hi. I'm really good. How are you doing? Yeah, good. We heard you've had a first-hand encounter

with the cutouts. I know. That was very exciting. Very exciting for my Wednesday. Yes, I came into Transport World in Macargal. We're a car and truck museum, so I think it works really well with your road trip. Transport World. I mean, you got to Burt Munro, the motorbike guy. He was in Macargal, wasn't he? Yes, he is. And we do have a classic motorcycle museum as well.

So we put you right by the Kombi. And we thought that works really well with our Volkswagen exhibit that we've got on at the moment. Now, Ben, did he keep his hands to himself? Oh, I don't know. He had a very pretty lady beside him. Yeah. Do you want to know the real reason why we've had to send cardboard cutouts? Don't make up lies.

It would be an absolute scandal for the hits. From the bottom of the south to the top of the north if we let this man's hands loose. It's not true at all. So Lou, count yourself lucky you didn't have to meet the real version. Oh, I know. I was like, oh, the cutouts will do.

The cutouts will do. They're very one-dimensional, much like our personalities. Yeah, well, Lou, thank you for taking a photo with our cardboard cutouts and having them in your museum. No, you are more than welcome. Thank you and good luck. You're a champion, Lou. Thank you very much.

And next, Ben Boyce. The time is nigh. More apologies I need to make. These ones are actual apologies. I've done something, apparently. Yeah. This is not more fabrication. Lou's still here.

What's Lou's? I don't know how to take Lou off. I'm pushing the buttons. Lou, sorry. You can just hang up when you want. Thanks, Lou. Cheers. Yeah, this apology not involving your hands for once.

Lou's still there. I don't know how to pull it out. Yeah, she's like... Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. This moment right now on the radio, I don't know what's happening. News Talk ZB, a popular talkback radio station. We take part in a weekly segment on News Talk ZB.

They haven't asked for it. It's not scheduled into their programming. It's Booze Talk ZB. The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Booze Talk ZB. So The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Booze Talks ZB. So we call Talkback Radio in the weekends and we see how long we can last on air, pretending to be a little bit drunk.

Yeah, it's gone on for a couple of months now. I think it's starting to wear thin with upper management. And this is what it sounds like. Hi, Jonathan. Morning, Tim. Hello, Jonathan. I want to send this one out to a very special lady. All right.

A lady who wears a crown and pretend that her son Andrew doesn't exist. Oh, don't say unkind things on a Queen's birthday. That's not necessary at all, is it? Ten to nine. He wasn't happy. Ten to nine. The ticking clock, by the way,

we add that in later. That doesn't just happen on Newstalk because it'd be nice to see how long that we last on air. And then last week we phoned Chris Lynch

during the week on Friday. We did a double team, a tag team on Lynchie. Anyway, 0800 80 1080 is the number to call. Alex, morning. Lynchie! Hey, how you doing? Do you want to do the crystal? No, I can't. Lindsay! All right.

We'll take a break. We'll be right back. Very quick, very quick to get rid of us. Yeah, so who do I need to apologise to? Well, I went upstairs the other day

and someone from ZB pulled me aside and said, would you like me to wheel out all the hosts that want your guts for garters? Oh, really? I said, please don't.

This would be very awkward right now. But there's one in particular who is saddened by an attempt that you made. You're saddened. There's a family connection between him and your father. And I think, quote unquote, when someone from the team said, oh, that was Ben Boyce who sabotaged your show, he said, Ben wouldn't do that to me.

Ben wouldn't do that. We're talking about Bruce Russell. Bruce Russell. Who's friends with your father, Kevin Boyce, who sabotaged your show, he said, Ben wouldn't do that to me. Ben wouldn't do that. We're talking about Bruce Russell. Bruce Russell, who's friends with your father, Kevin Boyce. Yeah, I used to work with Bruce many years ago. Great guy, great guy. Now, is he saddened that I did this? He's saddened.

Oh, no. So I think an apology's in order, and I think you should call him. Okay, all right. Live now. And I've handed you a script. I'll email you a script, an apology script. Does he know I'm calling? No.

I've provided the platform for the apology. He's just thrown me under the... I've given you a script. This is lyrics to a Chicago song. Hello. Bruce Russell. Who's that? This is Ben from Jono and Ben calling.

How are you? Good, thank you. Now, Bruce, I need to apologise to you for ringing up your show the other day and pretending to be a little bit drunk in a thing that we do. Tell him you've got some audio evidence. Oh, we've got some audio evidence. If you don't remember, you can have a listen

to this. How are you? Oh, Bruce, I'm doing alright. I love your show, Bruce. Excellent. Good on you. Thank you, Greg. I love right. I love your show, Bruce. Excellent. I love your show. Good on you. Thank you, Greg. I love it.

I love the fact that the pub's open. Bruce makes me want to sing. Bruce is... All right. Very good, Greg. Do you remember that, Bruce? What did you expect me to do? No, probably just what you did then, Bruce. And I apologise if I ruined your great show,

because you do a great job. You're always on ZB. You must work. You're the hardest working person in radio. He's got an apology he'd like to read out to you, Bruce. So, Bruce, hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay.

And after all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise you. After all that's been said and done, you're just a part of me I can't let go. Touching words from Chicago and also from me. Exactly. I sort of can't help thinking that it might have been an agenda

and this or whether this is another prank call, but I'll take it as being absolutely genuine. I heard that you were disappointed because, you know, my father came in voice. You're like, Ben wouldn't do that to me. That's what Jono was saying. So I felt bad. Well, that's all right.

These things happen. And next time, maybe I'll develop it. And if Greg rings back at some stage, I'll know who Greg is and we can have a bit of fun. Well, should we have a take two of Greg this weekend, Bruce Russell? We'll see what happens, mate. Oh, okay. The invitation is there. Greg, good call.

I love it, Bruce Russell. I love your work. You have a wonderful day, and thank you for answering the phone. Good on you guys. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I saw a fence yesterday at the cardboard cutout made entirely out of shoes down south. It looked very impressive.

Oh, we saw, they like their fences made out of things because we went past an underpant fence, didn't we, full of people's knickers. Yeah, there's like,

was it knickers or bras? I think it was bra fence. Oh, bra fence, that's right. Where's that? I think that's in Wanaka? Yeah. Yeah.

It is, you're right, down south, a fence entirely. We showed it, we interviewed Matt Damon once and we showed him because he was doing a movie called The Great Wall and we were like, well, it's New Zealand's, it's, a fence inside. We showed it. We interviewed Matt Damon once, and we showed him, because he was doing a movie called The Great Wall, and we were like, well, it's New Zealand.

It's a great fence of bras from crazy European tourists making their way through our country. Whatever's a bra would be quite expensive, Juju. Yeah, well, it depends where you go. Okay, so I'm going a bend on. I'm going a standard bend on. I'm a C cup. How much am I paying?

Oh, probably about $40, $50. Jeez. I mean, that fence is probably very, it's probably worth quite a lot. It's more than the Great Wall of China. Well, more than a lot of fences you'd build in your backyard. Anyway, let's do some Spy. Spy. Go WhatsApp Spy.co.nz.

If they've been marooned on a virus-laden island, she'll talk about them in this. It's Producer Juju with Spy. So Beyonce is signing a New Zealand dollar equivalent, $150 million deal with Disney to work on three new films. So one of them will be the soundtrack to Black Panther 2. And we don't know what the other ones are, but she did voice, remember she voiced Nala in the remake of The Lion King as well.

So she's now a Disney queen. What did you think of Beyonce's singing on The Lion King as well. So she's now a Disney queen. What did you think of Beyoncé's singing on The Lion King? I thought it was great. You can't fault her singing. No, I was about to say the same thing. Why did it sound like I was about to... Yeah, there's one thing I can't fault about Beyoncé is her singing. I wasn't planning on it.

Why did it sound like I was leading you down a path? What did you think of her singing? I mean, why was she singing? Loaded question. No, she was good. She was really good. And Beyonce, I was looking at 18 facts on Beyonce. Yeah.

Fact number 17, she likes to go swimming at the beach. I mean, jeez. They really, yeah, again. They pan out on us. They said 18 and then they're like, actually, we haven't got 18. Oh, no, I think I've seen her at a beach before. It's like Jacinda's 10 rules. Hey, well done, Beyonce.

Well done. If anyone deserves it, you do. Absolutely. And Anna Kendrick, she has compared, so she was in the Twilight films and I think it was,

that was sort of what... Oh, she was, didn't she? Of course, Pitch Perfect as well. She's the main star of Pitch Perfect. Does that great thing with the cups. Yeah, yeah.

That's clever. Oh, I tried to learn how to do that. It was impossible. So she, in the Twilight films, she compared, especially the. I tried to learn how to do that. It was impossible. So she, in the Twilight films, she compared, especially the first one, to being in a hostage-like situation.

Although it was also kind of bonding. There was, like, something about it that was, like, you know, like, you go through, like, some trauma event. Like, you imagine, like, people who survive, like, a hostage situation. And you're kind of bonded for life. And the reason for that was because filming, it was so cold, so miserable, the weather was so bad,

and they were working such long days that everyone just hated it and hated each other. And so she was like, that was pretty traumatising. But then the next few films after that, they got better. That sounds like a fun experience. Can we just get a like counter on her grab there? Here we go. Although it was also kind of bonding.

There was like something about it that was like, you know, like you go through like some trauma event. Like you imagine like people who survived like a hostage situation. Seven likes. Seven? It's a lot of likes. I say like a lot too. You don't notice until you pay attention to it.

Yeah, and then you can't stop saying it. That's the thing, yeah. I'm so guilty of saying like all the time. Or um. I just, ugh. You don't notice it until you pay attention to it. Yeah, and then you can't stop saying it. That's the thing, yeah. I'm so guilty of saying like all the time. Or um, I just, oh, I need to turn it off. And I say literally, but things aren't literally. And I say actually a lot. I need to stop saying actually. Do I say it quite a lot?

I don't know. That's not something I've noticed about you. No, but now I will. I'll keep an eye out for it. To be honest, Ben was talking about your behind your back. She's like, well, she stopped saying actually. That is driving me crazy. But for more spy, you can head to the hits.

No, actually. Actually. Actually for more spy, head to the hits, actually.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Prince Philip this week turned 99. 99.

He's 99. When does he? He must just be like, can we finish this? I've done enough. He's retired from royal duties, right? I mean, he probably wants to retire from royal duties. He's had some great years of service. Oh, not another year, please. Not another birthday.

I mean, you probably, once you get to 85, you'd be like, just can we stop them? Can we stop them? I'm spending all my KiwiSaver. I've got no energy to lift my limbs. Last this long. I'm buying one of these things off the TV that I can sit down while cycling. That's when you know you're done.

Speaking of done things, we're doing this. The A to Z of New Zealand. We're calling a different town or place in New Zealand one a day. It's going to take us over two years to do it alphabetically, and we are in the Bs now. Yeah, well done. This is the first of the Bs. What are we going to do to celebrate?

Should I get, like, cool in the gang? If you're on the actual band or just the music? Well, I can't afford to fly them over here. The borders are closed. Oh, yeah, true. But I can get the music. They'd have to quarantine, wouldn't they? Yeah.

In two weeks, it'd be a very long payoff for this just a flippant remark about should I get called on the bank remember so factoring in that I have to book them

through their agent and that's not even considering their schedules so this could be well there wouldn't be a lot of gigs going on no but I mean yeah it could be

a six week closing deal so yeah I could be like, remember six weeks ago? I said, should we get called in the gang? For anyone wondering,

they play a very famous song. Celebration. I mean, it would be well worth it in six weeks if they did come down and play this for us. But we'll be like,

oh, we're halfway through the Ds now. Yeah, it's too late. Anyway, we are celebrating that we've got to the Bs in our A to Z of New Zealand. Everybody sing. It's a celebration. All right, who are we calling today? First, the Bs in New Zealand.

We're going to Bar Hill. Bar Hill is lightly populated. It's located in the Canterbury region of New Zealand's South Island, situated on the right bank of the Rakaia River. I like lightly populated. It makes it sound like... Yeah, not sparse and bleak. Yeah.

It's lightly populated. There's a couple of people here. It looks like a town that fills in the gap between better towns, to be honest. While in Bar Hill, why not visit the only two tourist attractions, the church or the cemetery? And it's safe to say, Bar Hill is a location to die for. We're going through to Bar Hill right now. We're in the bees, baby.

Good morning, we're Kaya River Holiday Park. Sandy speaking. Celebrate with us, Sandy. We're in the bees, baby. Celebrate good us, Sandy. We're in the bees, baby. Celebrate good times. Sandy. Sandy, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Good morning.

Good morning. We are celebrating because we're ringing a different town or place in New Zealand. One a day. It's going to take us, well, over two years. And now we're in the bees. We've gone through the A's. And your town's the first town of the B's. Oh, the mountains are opening on the weekend at Mount Hutt,

so they'll be skiing this weekend. So don't come today. Come on the weekend. Oh, jeez, you've picked this up and run with it, haven't you? Yeah. There's a couple of farms there, but there's no pub, so there can't be a little town. There's nothing there.

I read there's a church and a cemetery, so it's literally a place you go and die. Yeah, that would be right. What would you say? Why should we go to Bar Hill? If you're a history buff, you go there, because it's right through. Actually, if you come to Rukai River Holiday Park

on State Highway 1 and stay with us the weekend, I can give you a big map that takes you right around the area and shows you all the pubs, shows you all the places to get hot food, shows you all the historical places, and you'll be blessed if we can. I don't know how this turned into an infomercial for the Require River Holiday Park, but you grabbed this opportunity with both hands.

The last four minutes of radio brought to you by the Require River Holiday Park. If you'd like to make a booking... Say highway one, Require. 033027-7257 for all your holiday parking needs. The Recaia River Holiday Park. Have a good day.

You have a great one. You've made mine, so you guys have a good day. Oh, that was a sandy... Oh, Sandy. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Jono, we've been mates

for many years. We've been working together closely as a duo for 10 years probably. Yeah, I've valued every millisecond of those 10 years. Now we don't really bicker too much about too many things, but one thing that does... We had an argument about whether I could bring a stripper into the studio once.

That was a few years ago. You voted against it and then I was driving home on the motorway and I thought, you know what, you were right. And then I rang and apologised. I said, you were in the right there. It was a bad decision to bring a stripper into the studio. We didn't, but we did discuss it. And the other thing that really, you know, can cause friction between us

is when we go out for a group dinner in the split bill situation. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Here we go. Oh, don't go. Oh, here we go. Like an old married couple. But it's not a problem for me. No, it we go. Here we go. Oh, don't go here. Oh, here we go. Like an old married couple.

But it's not a problem for me. No, it's not a problem for you because you're the one that it works out for. We spoke to a financial expert and accounting legend Hannah McQueen on this issue. Hannah is, you know, an accountant and an expert in finances.

Your thoughts on splitting the bill at dinner time. This is something that really winds the two of us, particularly me up. So you say you plead your case and I'll plead my case. So if I go to if I go out for dinner with Ben. It's a group dinner, let's say lots of couples

and hypothetically speaking. I ordered a relatively large steak that may have been designed for four people. This was like a year ago but I haven't let it go. And I may have had eight to 12 Heinekens. Now, I only had a couple of Heinekens because I'm a very lightweight, and I had a very minimal meal. But then you get to that stage in the night, and old mate over here is like,

oh, we'll just split the bill. It all evens out. And I'm like, no, it doesn't. Your thoughts, Hannah. Your thoughts. Well, if you've got to keep splitting the bill for it to even out, unless one person is a bit of a, they overindulge consistently, and then maybe splitting's not the way to go.

Yeah, or maybe we just don't go out for dinner ever again. I'm going to feel this hatred from across the table. I can feel his eyes burning into me halfway through my dinner. I'm like, oh, mate's going to be banging on about splitting the bill on the table. I could feel his eyes burning into me halfway through my dinner. I'm like, old mate's going to be banging on about splitting the bill on the radio. I love that we are such a married couple, aren't we? I'm like, you tell your story, but then I'm just still chipping in with little

snide remarks. I was like, what even gave you the chance to tell you your story? So here's the thing. If you're going to split the bill, you want everyone to consume an even amount of food and beverage. So is it down to the chip? No. I had six chips. No.

Just in the ballpark. But it doesn't seem to be in the ballpark. Are you one of these people that if you go out to dinner with 23 people, are you the guy that goes up to the counter and like, we'd like to split this 23 and a half ways, thank you. And the waiter looks at you like, what have I ever done to you?

I get anxious around group booking situations. Oh no, it's going to be one of those awkward things in the night. It's going to be awkward. Sometimes you bring your own sandwich and you're like, I should get a discount. I've packed my own lunch. Tell us what you think. 4-4-8-7, splitting the bill or not.

That's the big debate today on the show. Here's the thing. I reckon we can still go out for dinner, Ben. We just sit at separate tables, but next to each other. That's a great idea. So you can look after whatever you're doing. We can still conversate. It'll still be lovely.

We'll just sit and sit. Book separate tables. Love it. Kia ora. I'm Simon Bound, and I host Business is Boring, a podcast that reckons it's anything but. Join me each week as I chat with some of the most interesting and inspirational players in the Aotearoa business scene

and learn what it takes to make it happen from accidental entrepreneurs to the brains behind some of the country's biggest brands. If you're into business or want to be, then make sure you follow Business is Boring wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network in partnership with Spark Lab.

Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. He's heading around the country for a comedy tour straight out of lockdown, it's called. He's going everywhere from Wellington, New Plymouth out of lockdown, it's called. He's going everywhere from Wellington, New Plymouth, Napier and Dunedin.

You can buy your tickets at benhurley.com. I love the fact he's got his own website. It's Ben Hurley. How's it going? Very good. Hello.

Do you have your own website? No, no. You should have benboys.com or something. No, it would go to it. It would be a bleak follow. I imagine quite a lot of admin maintaining a website though,

Ben Hurley. Oh, I have people for that. Now, you're about to go around New Zealand taking comedy on the road. Really cool thing, but it must be quite a weird feeling going into it again. Oh, look, it's been really, really great, actually, to just have something to focus on at the end of all this. Part of the Save Our Venues campaign as well. So, obviously, the live performance venues have done it real tough

and pretty much the last thing to come back online. And particularly if they're music based, you know, you can't have a mosh pit, you can't have a dance floor at the moment. So fortunately, comedy works for people sitting down around tables. Good excuse if tickets don't go well though, social distancing, right Ben? Well, that's funny you should say that actually because some of these places are pretty small so with social distancing like a sellout is about 50 or

60 people in some of them. If I don't sell this tour out there's something seriously wrong with this career I tell you. Now Ben you're always rocking a beard so I imagine lockdown wasn't too different for you as far as the personal hygiene went. Yeah it got pretty out of control though. I was starting to

look pretty gandalfy there and I was really, really happy to go and get my hair cut. I actually went and got it cut in Tauranga and true story, when I came out, because everyone had to line up on the footpath, you know, because of social distancing, outside

the barber. When I came out standing in the line next to Simon Bridges, and it was two days before he got rolled as the National Party leader. He's like, well, if I'm going, I may as well look good. Little did he know. I'll tell you what I have noticed about it, because obviously I've got no need to go to the barber. No, but driving past barbers,

guys aren't good when they have to stand around and wait. They always look awkward. Yeah. What did we do before we had phones? Like, what did you do? I know. Get something to look at. Because no one interrupts you when you're looking at a phone, do they?

No, he looks busy. Now, Ben, we are obviously interviewing you right now, but of course I want to talk about a couple of interviews that you've done over the years. One was with Slash from Guns N' Roses, where you weren't allowed to talk about Guns N' Roses I understand and the other one was with us which I remembered yesterday when we were

drunk for our drunk interview and I think Jono ended up in a Range Rover conference or something. So which was worse or which is more awkward? The one with Slash or the one with us? The one with you guys being drunk was amazing because you did that great drunk thing where you keep trying to get it back on track.

So you'd go, you know, Jono would run into the next room in the hotel, into a conference room and disrupt that, and then he'd come down, and he'd try and be all serious. Like, right, right, right, serious, serious, serious. Now, serious. Okay, we're doing serious interviews.

Serious. So that was amazing. The worst thing was none of those ever made it to television. I think because we had to get so intoxicated first thing in the morning and you came in and you're like, this is never going to be on TV. I think you said that to us. Yeah, it's the only interview that I've ever ended myself because I was like, I reckon you've had enough to me.

I'm done. I am now excusing myself from whatever this is. Ben Hurley with us going on the Straight Outta Lockdown tour across the country. You can visit benhurley.com to buy your tickets. Ben from Harwood and you're a head boy. How many students in the school? About a thousand. Oh, really?

It's the only school in the area, so it's relatively big. Okay, well, we're going to go, because a lot of famous people have come from Harwood. Comrade Smith, former All Black. Michael Campbell, golfer. And we're going to phone Harwood High School. See if they can remember their most famous pupil. One moment, please. Here we go. Going through to Harwood High School. Good morning.

Harwood High School. Are you speaking with Deb? Hello. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. How are you? G'day. I'm well. How are you? Oh, Deb, we're doing well, but we have one of Harwood High School's most famous pupils on the phone. Oh, okay. Okay, now you have three guesses as to who it could be.

Was Head Boy at one stage? That's all I'll say. Um, how long ago? Oh, have we got a time frame? Uh, 23 years ago. Is it Ben Hurley? Oh! Well done.

Well done. It was a lot funnier if you didn't know him, but you got him. Well done. I thought, he's the only one that goes on the radio. Hi, Ben. Hi. How are you? I'm good.

Yeah, I've been here for so long, it was your dad that employed me. There you go. Oh, really? Wow. New Zealand, eh? We couldn't get more New Zealand in this call. I've been here for so long it was your dad that employed me there you go really wow New Zealand eh we couldn't get more New Zealand in this call awkward conversation

and thank you very much have a good one Deb you're welcome Ben Hurley thank you so much for your time bloody good man

heading on a nationwide tour straight out of lockdown benhurley.com for all the information and tickets and you have a good day bud thank you very much

Jonty and Benito. People know that that's your full name. Thanks, Ben. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour. We've sent a cardboard cutout version of ourselves on tour. And if you get a photo with it and upload that photo,

you could win $5,000, provided that the cardboard cutout makes its way back to the studio here in Auckland. Started off yesterday morning and bluffed the cardboard cutout, and it's had a heck of a trip so far. Oh, you've seen it outside the 660 flat in Dunedin. Had a photo with the Gore Trout. Was that the popular, what was it, the bra fence? No, the shoe fence. Oh, the shoe fence.

A fence made out of high-heeled shoes down south. Mayor Tim Shadbolt as well had photos with lots of people along its way, and now it's making its way slowly up to South Island. Yeah, if there's a novelty fence out there, it'll have a photo with it, that's for sure. And joining us, I didn't realise that she was going to have to follow these things for such a long period of time. She's been caught up in the magic, swept up in the excitement. She's left her family behind. She hasn't seen them.

She hasn't eaten for 48 hours. Our reporter, Ashley, who started with the cutouts and bluff, still with them in Temaru. Welcome. They're sitting in the back seat of the car right now. I don't know what horrible things you've done in a previous life to deserve this punishment, Ashley,

but thank you so much. Neither do I. I feel like it's quite bad karma, to be fair. Do you put a seatbelt on them in the car? No, they're not that important. Sorry. Yeah, because yesterday we spoke to you very early in the morning and bluff, and you were like, it's cold,

it's windy, I don't really want to get out of the car. I'm worried about the cardboard cutout blowing in the water. What's your excitement levels now? Where are they sitting? If that was maybe two out of ten, where are you now? Oh, I'm worried about the cardboard cutout blowing in the water. What's your excitement levels now? Like, where are they sitting? If that was, like, maybe two out of ten, where are you now? Oh, I'm thrilled. I'm fizzing. I'm so excited. Management spoke to her yesterday about her excitement levels,

and now she's having to feign excitement. I really build this up. I love our unenthusiastic tour guide. She's thinking about all the things I've had to do, cart a cardboard cutout around, and watch people take it from one place to another Now Ashley This is really fun though

Good on you mate Now we do appreciate it You're in Timaru So the deal today People can come and meet the cardboard cutouts Of course get their photos with it Get in the draw for the $5,000 Where are you going to be buddy?

Okay well I'm currently on Stafford Street So I'm next to ANZ across the road from the Hallam Stones. There's a wee sit-up on the corner, some grass, a few seats around, so come down, get a picture. Managing the masses? Crowd control? Oh, I'm out of control right now. There's about zero people on this whole street. Great stuff, great stuff.

Great stuff. And I saw a photo come through yesterday with a lady called the Naughty Nana or something. Naughty Nana? Something like that, yeah. The photo was NSFW, not safe for work. Naughty Natty was her name. And whatever she was doing, she was multitasking.

At its finest. Her hands were busy, her mouths were busy, and she was, yeah, wow. Can we even put that on the internet? I don't know. She's eligible for the $5,000. She's got the hashtag correct. Hashtag Jono and Ben 5K cutout.

Ashley, thank you so much for chaperoning our cardboard cutout out the country, and hopefully lots of people join you at Stafford Street, Timaru? Yes, yes, Stafford Street, Timaru, next to the ANZ. And now are you done with this after today? After today, yes. I've got to drive all the way back home. Oh, don't tell us your problems, mate. You have a wonderful day.

Safe driving, Ash. Hey, Ben. Not a morning person. Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, of course, New Zealand at level one, and that means domestic flights are back in New Zealand. Jetstar is going to return to basically about 60% of its normal schedule

starting from July 1st, which is awesome, and Air New Zealand 55% of its normal schedule for July and August. Oh, I hope they get back on their feet because Air New Zealand is losing $22 million a day. That's so sad. That is a phenomenal amount of money back in refunds and obviously having to pay for costs because planes parked, that cost. Yeah, that cost, this is ongoing cost and no one was flying.

So hopefully now that people can fly again, people get out there, support the airlines, they need it. We need these airlines in New Zealand. Just fly. Just fly. Just don't even go anywhere. Just fly from there to there to over there. I'll maybe go do some something local tourism stuff.

We need that as well while you're there. You want me to do that as well? I don't know if you can. I would maybe go do some something local tourism stuff. We need that as well while you're there. You want me to do that as well? I don't know if you can. I would have already spent $900 on domestic flights. But now what do you want me to do, sorry? But it's good that we're flying again. I'd like you to do some tourism, some activities. Oh, I don't have enough money for that.

Oh, yeah, okay. I had to take a pay cut. Okay. Oh, sorry, man. I'm sorry. Okay, so are the flights good enough for you? Yeah, they are. Okay, in that instance, yes.

I'm very grateful to have these flights back again. And I like flying with you, Jono, too, because sometimes we would fly for work last year and you were a Koto Club member. Yeah, well, I got it through airports. Yeah. I love it because then I go with you and I get to be let in as your plus one.

Yeah, but every time he puts his ticket over the scanner, it's like, bang, bang. It does. Lower class of person. Lower class of person. Lower class of person. And I'm like, do we let this riffraff through? I always say that to the person. That's my thing, isn't it?

And they're like, okay. We have a little smile, a bit of antipathy come through. But we saw, who did we see in there? Mark Ellis. The last time we went, we saw Mark Ellis. Now, we don't really know Mark Ellis. He seems like a lovely guy. He's been a TV jokester for many years and a businessman as well.

I hope he's not joking while he's doing business. He's not a business joker. No, but he was like one of my idols on TV and on the sports field as well. Mark Ellis, great guy. And he was dressed up flash. He had a scarf on. He had a suit. He looked like a model out of a GQ magazine. He did look very European, didn't he? He looked like

a powerful man that you could injure. He knew people that could make your't he? He looked like a powerful man that you could injure. He knew people that could make your life difficult. Yeah, like a proper businessman. And I was like, in my head, I was like, should I give him a bit, you know, like, give him a bit, oh, you look flashed, give him a bit of grief.

And I was like, oh, he's Mark Ellis. For years, he's been the larrikin on TV. If anyone could take grief from someone they don't really know, it's Mark Ellis. So we started having, oh, look at you, Mark. You look like a GQ model. Look at you, a flash You look like a GQ model. Look at your flashed scarf and your flash suit. Oh, what are you doing, bloody

GQ Italian modelling ads and all that sort of stuff. And then he looked at us and went, yeah, I'm going to a funeral today, if you must know. Yeah, and he looked magnificent. He did.

He did. I mean, he would have been the best dressed person at that funeral. How bad did we feel? We felt awful. Why do we give this guy grief for looking flash? Don't you hate it when someone does that?

And it's like, oh, yeah, well, my mum's dead. And you're like, oh, that's taking the wind out of the band of sails. How do your mum jokes? You know, that same day we flew to, we went to fly to Christchurch, but it was so foggy that they took off and they were like, oh, we'll take the risk. Hopefully the fog's cleared by the time we get to Christchurch.

Fly to Christchurch, do laps around Christchurch. And then they're like, we can't land take the risk. Hopefully the fog's cleared by the time we get to Christchurch. Fly to Christchurch, do laps around Christchurch and then they're like, we can't land. We're going to have to turn back. And the whole plane's like, oh, this is the worst thing that could happen to the world. You know, in hindsight, there's other worse stuff that could happen to the world now. Funny how everyone gets so frustrated in that situation.

I was like, in that situation, we should throw it to the plane. Who reckons we should take a risk and do a dive? Show of hands. Who wants to see a risk? The pilots know what they're doing so it was a lovely round trip. And they had to go all the way back. It was like we could have flown to Australia in the time it took us to go to Christchurch Circle and come back. In that instance

if that ever comes up again, are you happy to take the risk? No. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up the risk? No. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Joined by our boss, Todd, in the studio. Good to have you here, Todd. It's time to play

What's the Crazy Old Man Up To, isn't it? Now, Todd, he's been doing radio for 229 years. It's going to be a big party next year. You, I think, the first broadcaster were Tyrannosaurus Rex back in the day, weren't they, Todd? for 229 years. It's going to be a big party next year. I think the first broadcast to a Tyrannosaurus Rex back in the day, wasn't it, Tony? Yeah, frequent caller he was too. Now, the other day we were having our meeting,

as we do with you, our weekly, Todd, and you were like, there's no conversation I haven't had on radio. I've talked about everything. Yeah, you said everything. Well, we catch up every day and like anything that's not been discussed, everything that's to be ever discussed on radio.

I reckon. Go on. What do you reckon? We're going to do a new game show. This is can we find a topic that Boss Todd hasn't talked about? This is the game. You like the music? I do like the music.

Okay, so we just throw out something and then Todd, you can tell us about a story or a call that you had on radio. For the gamers, we need to try and find a topic that stumps you, that you haven't got anything on. Start easy, Jono. Start easy. Okay, funerals. Okay, I... Well, this was a radio conversation because it happened.

You know how back in the day you'd give away the promo trucks out on the streets and you'd give away Who magazines and cans of Coke and all that? Right. So I was doing a cross. Magazines will be around forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, we pulled up, did the cross, a hearse goes by with a casket in it, stops,

U-turns, comes back, old mate gets out and gets his free coke and magazine. No! Well, no, he was all bare picking up the casket and going to the service, so they weren't in the cortege. But, yeah. But, yeah, I just, yeah.

But then we had a chat about that the next day on air. Did you give him the free Coke and a Who magazine? I gave him two. Okay, well, there you go. He's got a story on there. Well done, Boss Todd. That was in Tasmania too. One from one.

What happens in Tasmania? Yeah, it's a different place down there. He's got a story on that. Well done, Boss Todd. That was in Tasmania, too. One from one. What happens in Tasmania? Yeah, it's a different place down there. It's a different place. It was an island and, you know, there's lots of stories. Look, it's sad inbreeding, but they've got better. They've got better. All right, Boss Todd, he's one from one. Let's throw out another topic for Todd,

see if he's talked about this on the radio. Sorry, I just found that ding there. Oh, yeah, it was a bit late. Todd had talked about it. What about concerts Sorry, I just found that ding there. No, yeah, it was a bit late. Todd had talked about it. What about concerts? All right, easy one for you. Every concert, best chat, best chat about a concert, which was on a rock station and for whatever reason,

what should you wear to a Neil Diamond concert? Okay. Now, this is only about 10 years ago because one of the announcers was going to a Neil Diamond concert. What do you wear to a Neil Diamond concert? Chinos and a polo. No. Tuck in a polo and a sensible boat shoe.

No, you go with the 70s vibe. Oh, do you? So, yeah, it was agreed that you hit up an old uncle or something and you get into it. Your hair slicked back and you get into it like you'd go to an old concert like that. So, yeah, that's got a story. What would you wear?

I would just wear a Ben would go costume. You like a costume? I do like a costume. He went to Little Mix dressed up as one of the members of Little Mix. No I didn't, I just had a sign that you'd give me grief about. It was for my daughter. He had a sign saying, I heart Little Mix. And then there was photos of just me holding the sign. Because the kids give up

on those things. And as a dad you just end up holding the thing. So I was like, oh here I am. Nothing creepier than a man in his 30s holding up an iHeartLilMix sign at LilMix okay Boss Todd you're two from two there

we're trying to trick our Boss Todd he says he's talked about everything he could ever talk about on radio hands tougher oh yeah

have you done any discussion on hands previously body parts would be a third of the conversation I've had. He's got stories. Body parts.

The funniest one was, and apologies to anyone who's offended by this, do you have toe thumbs? Some of my best friends have toe thumbs. Yeah. Is that why your thumbs obviously look like your toes? Yeah, and we did a toe thumb gallery. It was great. So, sorry, yeah.

Hands, that was easy. That's just a very wide thumb. Have you seen a toe thumb before? Well, yeah, I guess I have. I just haven't probably paid enough attention to it. Yeah, no, there is one. All right, well done. What's her name?

That famous Megan Fox. She's got a toe thumb. Yeah. Has she? Yeah, she's got a toe thumb. Okay. I did not know that. And shall we throw one more out there for good measure?

What about animal hair? Animal hair. Animal hair. Okay, there's How to Get Rid of It. The best one is an Australian radio announcer, Dave Hughesy-Hughes, who's done some telly. He was on Rove, the Rove show. Exactly.

And it was, where's the strangest place he found one of his cat Teddy's hairs? And Teddy's a white cat. He found one of Teddy's cat hairs very early in the morning when he woke up at 4 o'clock when he was doing his ablutions under his... Under his... Yeah, okay. Oh!

100% for boss Todd. He's talked about everything on radio. Back next week, will we be able to stump him? Where have you found... Your dog Bo sheds quite a lot of white hair. Have you ever... Not there. No, but everywhere else.

Let me check. Let me check. Let's check. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. What's that? Oh, no. Shut up.

Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. We are up early in the morning and we like other people to be up as well. That's why we invented the rude awakening segment. If you want to wake someone up in your life, you could win them a hell pizza. Yeah, it's a champagne radio ambush, isn't it? You catch someone in a moment of weakness, like a wounded baby antelope in West Africa,

and we pounce on them like a mountain lion. You're a sexy-looking mountain lion, Ben. Thank you. You'd make a good one. If you were an animal, what do you think you'd be? Oh, I definitely wouldn't be a mountain lion. You'd be like a gazelle or something, bouncing along. Yeah, I'd be something sort of like skinny and very frail and a little bit timid.

Like the deer, you know how Bambi when it's first done to walk? Yeah, with its gammy legs? Yeah, I'd be like, I'll just go back and hide out and first done to walk. Yeah, with its gammy legs. Yeah, I'll be like, I'll just go back and hide out and wait for a while. I can imagine you as a meerkat. Oh, yeah. Look it out. Oh, no.

No, stop it. Still not safe to go out? No, no. I'll go back in this hole. Yeah, I'm locked down permanently. Jess, if you're an animal, what would you be? Oh, gosh. I know that's a hard question. Something fierce. A lion. Oh, a lion. Oh, gosh. I know that's a hard question.

Something fierce. A lion. Oh, a lion. Oh, yeah. So you'd probably eat the meerkat, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Now, Jess, you're in Dannevirke.

Now, Dannevirke's traded for many years off the Viking image. It is. At least you know where it is. Yeah. Why the Vikings? What's with the Vikings? I don't know. It's like Scandinavian heritage or something. They're very warm feet. They've got a sock factory there, right? Yeah,'t know. Why the Vikings? What's with the Vikings? I don't know. It's like Scandinavian heritage or something like that. And very warm feet.

They've got a sock factory there, right? Yeah, I know. I suppose we could have, to be honest. Yeah, Vikings with warm... I had some pair of those socks. They're always too hot. They're almost like wearing heaths on your feet. Like, oh, these are too thick and too hot.

You know, they're very, very, very warm. No, they love their socks, and they're pillaging Vikings. And Danny Burke, who are we waking up this morning, Jess? We're waking up my mum, Lisa. Let's go through right now, Producer Juliet. Hot fingers on the buttons there, dialing through to Danny Burke. Very expensive call, this.

Hope you appreciate that we'll be footing the bill for this, Jess. What does your mum do? She works at the warehouse. She's just a gardening lady. Hello? Is this the gardening lady from the warehouse? No. I've got a problem with my pettosporums.

It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. You've been nominated by your daughter for a quick radio quiz. You can win some Hell Pizza if you answer these questions. Oh, Jesus. It's a lot to comprehend. Let it all soak in like some fertiliser in some rich, rich soil. Here we go. Question number one.

Handy Andy is what? A. The nickname for a handsy guy named Andrew in our office. B. Yeah, bow down. One from one. I'll get you to repeat the answer. Oprah. Who is a famous broadcaster and philanthropist?

A. Oprah Winfrey. B. Oprah Binfrey. Or C. Oprah Ginfrey. A. Yeah, well done. $20 help eats. You've got two more questions. Hi. Yeah, well done. $20 hell pizza. You've got two more questions. Did you tell us making that one up?

Yeah. What is the name of the Christchurch Super Rugby franchise? Is it A, the Canterbury Cantaloupes, B, the Canterbury Crumpets, or C, the Canterbury Crusaders? Crusaders. She's so good. She's got three from three. She's too good. And which company makes the PlayStation?

Is it A, Sony, B, Phony, or C, Microsoft? What's your answer, Lisa? Sony. She's croaky, but she's good. This is awkward. Porta Chalas, our pizza coming your way. Thanks to our pizza serving the best damn pizza of this lifetime. And next,

you can go back to sleep and pretend this never happened. Alright? Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Time for some big news. Small town. Today,

it comes from Auckland's leafy suburb. That's what they like to describe it as. Leaf, it's just it. Leaves annoy me though. Yeah.

I don't like leaves. They create a mess, don't they, leaves? Because they fall off the trees. I just think if leaves could stay on trees, aesthetically they look stunning on trees. And then you get autumn, don't you?

You do, and there's just leaves everywhere. Are you a leaf guy? You like leaves? I haven't thought too much about it. Obviously, it hasn't wound me up as much as it wound you up. I just see them everywhere. It looks messy. It does look messy.

You're right. I like to drive down the street and see tidy stuff when It looks messy. It does look messy. You're right. I like to drive down the street and see tidy stuff when I'm driving to work. Yeah, but you're right. It's pretty when it's on trees and it's pretty in Auckland's leafy suburb of Titirangi.

But they've got a lot of feral chickens there at the moment. So we thought we'd call someone in Titirangi and find out why there's feral chickens everywhere. They've had a chicken problem for years. So what do you mean?

Are there chickens? So I'll just pull that down. They just roam all over the place there and the council's tried to, you know, to basically get them up and move them on, but they just like the leaves from the trees. They just seem to be all over the place. We're going to head through to Titarangi now.

Why are there so many chickens? Why don't they kill them? I don't know why. I don't know. We'll ask someone there. I think they've why. I don't know. Or someone there. I think they've tried. Gekko in the Village, Amanda speaking. Hello, Amanda. It's Jono and Ben from the Big News.

How are you? I'm good. How are you? Oh, listen, concerned about your chicken problem. Yeah. Yeah, but no. I think they're fine. Yeah, like today I opened a shop and I can't see any around. Do they walk into the shop?

No, not really. Like, as I remember, like five years ago, there was one rooster flying into the shop and then afterwards, none. Oh, none? They taste good, I think. They taste good? What about crossing the road?

Is that something they like to do? Because jokes lead me to believe that's something they like to do. But have you seen them crossing the road? Is that something they like to do? Because jokes lead me to believe that's something they like to do, but have you seen them crossing the road? Yes. What have you got in the background there? You got some sort of Avery situation going on? Oh, that's our doorbell.

Is that a doorbell? Yes. It sounds like a bird. Yeah, birds sound doorbell much better than bing bong. Can we hear it again? Oh, yeah, sure. I like this. It is much better than a bing bong. Yeah, it reminds me of nature and we are around the countryside.

Could have gone with this. Could have gone with the chicken. She's like, yeah, but I didn't. I went with that because she didn't like the bing bong. And before you go, what do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A brick layer. Pardon? I didn't get that.

Hold on. I'm sorry. I just Googled it. I was the first one. Sorry. I haven't pre-read this. Did you get that joke? No, I didn't.

No, really. No, no, no. A brick layer. Why is that? You get chicken with a cement mixer. Oh, it lays bricks, then brick layer. If you bling.

Oh, look, it wasn't a good one. Shocking. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, about that. That's all right. I'm sorry. No, it's not all right.

It's not all right. Why did you think that was a good idea? I don't know. It wasn't a good idea. I apologise. You have a nice day in Tatarangi. Lovely to talk to you. Oh, thank you so much.

Enjoy your day. It was a lovely phone call. I ruined it by the end, didn't I? New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour.

We have a cardboard cutout version of ourselves. And yesterday we sent it down to Bluff. It started just about 7 o'clock in the morning. And it's making its way up the country. Will it get back to us in the studio? We don't know, but if it does, we're going to give away $5,000 to everyone that got a photo with the cardboard cutout and helped it along its journey.

And all you need to do is hashtag Jono and Ben 5K cutout, put it on your social media, and you're in the draw for five grand if it makes it back to us. Does it feel like we're just doing something pretty special here? It's new territory, isn't it? Sort of like, I can imagine how Captain Cook felt when he was on the Endeavour and he came here in his trendy wig and his high

fluting stockings and velvet jacket. The excitement. I don't know if it's going to come back to us. That's the thing. Every day we track out, we see where it goes. It started in Bluff yesterday. It got taken from Bluff to Invercargill. We had Ashley from the hit Southland who launched it. What's the conditions

like in Bluff? We spoke to you just before 7. You said it was dark and cold. To be fair with you, I'm still sitting in the car. It's freezing cold. I've got three puffer jackets on. I've got two pairs of pants, a beanie, and like, I don't think you understand how windy it is. You know, just

if you could get out of the car, at least. That's all we're asking. And Kayleen very kindly took it from Bluff to Invercargill. Can we trust you? Of course you can trust me. Well, I've got a high-tech GPS tracking system on these. If they go missing, you go missing. Oh, wow, that was quite three-dell.

And they've had a wonderful day. They had a wonderful day in Invercargill yesterday. A lot of photos flooding through on the Sosh Med. Even Mayor Tim Shadbolt got a photo with the cardboard cutouts, and now they've made their way up the country some more. Now, they're in Timaru today. We've got some details about where they are going to be, where you can meet them, maybe how you can help transport them.

Don't forget, everyone who gets a photo in the draw for the five grand, if they make it back here safely. What are the details of that visit there, Ben? They're going to be after seven o'clock in Timaru in Stafford Street.

We're going to be there until ten o'clock this morning in cardboard cutout form. Go down and get a photo taken with them. Hashtag Jono and Ben 5K cutout and you could win five grand.

It's like the Royal Tour, isn't it? Yeah. Royal Tour, just going to all, every little nook and cranny of New Zealand and probably wondering why they? Yeah. Like a Royal Tour, just going to every little nook and cranny of New Zealand and probably wondering why they're there.

Like Harry on Stewart Island. Remember we sent poor Prince Harry to Stewart Island? We did. New Zealand sent Harry to Stewart Island. I don't know what he'd done in a previous life to deserve that. And then he suddenly decided he didn't want to be a Royal anymore. But anyway, enough about that. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth.

It's Jono and Ben on my heads. I'm a sucker for a clickbait article. And a target market for clickbaiters. And it's like, look at 23 celebrities whose children are absolute monsters. And you go through about 39 websites before you actually get the list. Sometimes the picture, they do a good job. The picture that you want to see is like the 30th click down that list. You're like, oh, God.

You won't believe what Robert De Niro's brother did to him. And then you're like, yes, so what, what, what? By the time you get there, you're like, who was I looking at? What was I meant to do? It's four weeks later and then you finally figure out Robert De Niro's brother didn't pay him back $10 or something. Yeah. But, jeez, I think I had my greatest click baiting ever last night, Ben.

And I think you'll appreciate that. All right. I think you'll appreciate it. I got into an hour long hole on what happens, a blow by blow account of what happens

if you're ever swallowed by a whale. Oh, really? Swallowed by a whale. Who's put this out there? Moby Dick? Just so you know, this is what you're in for. Pinocchio? Swallow bow. Who's put this out there? Moby Dick? Just so you know, this is what you're in for. Pinocchio?

And it happens a lot more than you'd think. Just divers in the ocean and whales come up to collect all the fish with their mouth wide open. And a lot of people do end up in the whale's mouth. Right. Yeah, it happens. And contrary to popular belief, you don't get comically shot out the blowhole. Does it happen?

For your education and for everyone's benefit, I have the audio of what happens when a whale eats you. And here's what would happen if you were swallowed by a whale. Firstly, the voiceover, extraordinary. So the first thing you'd have to worry about once you were swallowed would be getting shredded to pieces by the sperm whale's impressive set of teeth. Oh. Yeah, very sharp teeth, about 20 centimetres long. Okay, so you make it past the teeth.

What happens next? Let's say you're lucky enough to make it past all of them. Okay. Next, you begin your descent down the throat. Do you like this sound effect? I do. I just always put some effort into this. Yeah, so then you're making your way down the throat.

But you also find it hard to breathe due to the lack of oxygen and an increase in methane gas. So next, you'd be dropped into the first and largest of the whale's four stomachs. After this, you'd just be tossed from one stomach to the next with the acids breaking down almost all of your body until you're just a bunch of bones being unceremoniously ejected from the whale's anus.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. There's a lot of that I didn't really want to know about. So if I told you 50 years ago that one day you could go onto the internet and have a blow-by-blow instructional video of what happens if you're ever swallowed by a whale. So here's a public service announcement.

Try to avoid being swallowed by whales. Or being clickbaited, I think is the main message there. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Buy the WhatsApp by.co.nz. From the real housewives of New York to the grumpy housewives of Huntley.

She's got them all covered. Producer Juju with Spy. I think you've got some Beyonce news too, haven't you? Oh, that's for next hour. Oh, that's for next hour. Oh, wow. Well, we could have put it in now and it would have seamlessly...

Should I do it now? No, no, no. It's fine. We've talked about it now. It's fine. It's fine. Some Kelly Rowlands and now. It's fine. It's fine. Let's get some Kelly Rollins and Michelle news. Michelle. Yeah.

So Coachella is officially cancelled. It was originally meant to go ahead in April. Then they postponed it to October. But now it's no go. And the head of Coachella is saying that live events are probably unlikely to return for quite some time even into 2021. Isn't that sad? Really? 2021?

You look like you'd be going to Coachella, putting fairy wings on and dusting your face up with illegal narcotics. I would love to go to Coachella, but I haven't planned to yet. A guy I know went and he was just last minute, spur of the moment, decided he wanted to go. And online there was this, these friends were looking for someone to basically get a ticket, stay in a room, stay in a house with them. And he had to like audition over the phone to be that person in the room. They're like, what festivals have you been to?

He's like, I've been to Auckland City Limits, the big day out. They're like, oh, okay. Have you heard of Coca-Cola Christmas in the park? And they're like, what are you like? What sort of things do you do? And basically then they called him back and went, congratulations, you've got the room. You'll hang out with us over that weekend. But he had a great time.

He ended up going to one of their weddings afterwards and all sorts. Wow. But it was like, it was an audition process just to stay in the house to go to Coachella.

That just goes to show it is so high in demand as a festival. Crazy. What a lovely story. Isn't the world a friendly place? It's good to hear stories like that at times

like these, baby. You're right. And a New Zealand couple have collaborated with the Dalai Lama for his first ever album, which sounds bizarre. You're like, music? What? So basically it includes his

most famous Buddhist mantras along with music that they create. So I don't know why that stopped. Oh, it sounded like you were going to play some Dalai Lama. It did. It sounded like you had come prepared with some audio. I was like, wow, she's really lifting the game today. But no, it was technical confusion. It was a mistake.

So their first attempt to contact him didn't work. But on a trip to India in 2015, they were successful. They passed a letter to his assistant and said it was really important. And then the Dalai Lama got back to them and said, yep, I'll work with you. I'll send you my mantras and you can collaborate and turn it into an album. It's called Inner World. Doesn't he always look just so at peace? He does.

Yeah. And I was just reading up on him. He was born. He's one of 16 children, the Dalai Lama. Really? Really. Born on a dirt floor in a horse stable. Wow. So he hasn't been back to Tibet. He was born in Born on a dirt floor in a horse stable. Wow.

So, yeah, he hasn't been back to Tibet. He was born in Tibet, but he won't return to Tibet. Oh, far. Yeah, and that was some interesting Dalai Lama facts from the internet. It's not like you had more there, too, but... Well, it's hard because I'm reading as I'm going off a website. Let's just wrap this up, guys. We tried.

I don't want to say anything that's not true. Okay, definitely. For more spy, you can head to the hipstop.co.nz. You had a lot of responsibility at a young age. Okay, guys. We tried. I don't want to say anything that's not true. Okay, definitely. For more spy, you can head to the headstock.co.nz. You had a lot of responsibility at a young age. Stop now.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the heads and via the iHeartRadio app.