Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 15 - BoozeTalkZB, Ben's Duets, When Did You Get Locked Out?

Episode Date: June 15, 2020

BoozetalkZBSpyBen's duetsJono's feeling a bit sensitiveThe A To Z of New ZealandWhen did you get locked out?An update on Our Very Responsible Safe Social Distancing TourScrolling Through Your FeedRude AwakeningWe filmed our new TVNZ show over the weekendSpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Now we're doing a bit of a tour. Well, not us in physical form, in cardboard cutout form. We're doing a tour across New Zealand. It's called... Jono and Ben's Very Responsible Safe Social Distancing Tour. That's right, our cardboard cutouts are making their way around the South Island, and they have been doing so since last week. If you get a photo with them, hashtag Jono and Ben 5K cutout, and you're in the draw to win $5,000 if you chuck that on your social media.

And, of course, they've got to make their way all the way back up here to Auckland to us at the studios. They're in Nelson today before they head over to Wellington on the Inter-Islander. And, jeez, I went to Mochiwaka Nelson. I talk about this quite regularly. It changed me as a human being, Mochiwaka. If you ever wonder why I am like I am, you went to Mochiwaka Nelson. I talk about this quite regularly. It changed me as a human being, Mochiwaka. If you ever wonder why I am like I am, you can blame Mochiwaka. So you wanted to do a bit of a rap battle, North versus South, because it is crossing the cardboard cutout over on the Inter-Islander today?

Yeah, and I felt this is what the rap game needed. A little less credibility added to it. So, Ben, you've been working, you've been brainstorming with Jeremy and Nelson, who's going to write a slanderous rap about the North Island. Yeah, and you've been working with Toby, who's in the North Island. He's in Palmerston North. Yeah, he's in Palmerston North. And we're going to write a rap about the South Island.

You can go first, John. Oh, no, you go first. No, you go. This is a very polite rap battle. You go first. Okay, you want us to go first? Toby, how are you feeling? Pretty good.

I think we've got a couple of good lines in there. I think maybe after this we might actually earn some credibility in the rap game. Okay. Palms? Palms? How are they feeling? Sweaty? I think so.

I think we've got this, Jono. Yeah. Spaghetti? You got spaghetti? My spaghetti last night made by mum? Lots of tin spaghetti. Yeah. Okay.

There we go. Palms are sweaty. Here we go. All right. Toby, this is his rap about the South Island. Here we go. Boom. Boom. First things first, we'll call you a bluff.

The South Island is as soft as a mellow puff. They say you need to be hard to live on the West Coast. We'll live in West Auckland. We have a soy latte and five grain toast. Like it's a need in cash, the North Island's on fire. We'll make you drop tears like Church's Wizard Town crier. You spent 15 years Word. Oh, and I love the word at the end.

Okay. Nice work. A diss about the South Islands. Oh, that was good. Well done. Okay, now, well the word at the end. Oh! Nice work. A diss about the South Island. Oh, that was good. Well done. Okay, now, well done to Toby. Delivered that flow. Flawless.

Oh, it was so good, wasn't it? Drake, eat your heart out. Okay, so now we've got Jeremy. He's in Nelson. Jeremy, we've been working away. We've been chipping away at something, eh? Yeah, mate. All right, how are you feeling?

Yeah, mate. Yeah, mate. I'm ready, mate. I'm ready to rap. Okay, you're ready to rap, mate. You're, how are you feeling? Yeah, mate. Yeah, mate. I'm ready, mate. I'm ready to rap. Okay, you're ready to rap, mate. You're ready to change the rap game. What do we want to say about the North Island? The floor is yours.

All right, all right. Oh, yeah. You may joke in the South we like to marry our cousin and have two hands and fingers up to a dozen, but we are the best island you've got to understand for the simple fact, we don't have Auckland. That's all you need to know.

That's all you need to know. That's right, we don't have Auckland. That's the thing, that's all we're going on. All right. Well, well done to both of you. Well done to both of you. What a way to start the week on New Zealand's breakfast. Who's going to be in the draw for $5,000?

I'm going to say both. Of course you are. Of course you are. Of course you are. If Ben was going to make any decision, it would be that both are in the draw for the money.

I think both check them in the draw, but if you want to send a text through. Even Juliet's like, yeah, of course he would. There's no losers in Ben's world.

Hashtag Jono and Ben, 5K cut out, they're in the draw for $5,000. And if you want to give us a text, 4487, you can tell us

who you thought won the North vs. South rap battle. But it doesn't matter. Because they're both winners in my heart, and that's what matters. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Every week we like to call the proper radio station, Newstalk ZB, and do a wee segment we call...

The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Newstalk ZB. It's Booze Talk ZB. It's a champagne game of cat and mouse where we phone up News Talk ZB and slur our way through a conversation. And it's not what the people come to News Talk ZB for. They come to ZB to hear Hosking moaning about Jacinda, not to idiots slurring and making nonsense on their airwaves.

They don't normally leave us on for very long because we sound a bit boozed. I like it because it does add a bit of pizzazz in between the elderly callers moaning about immigration. Yeah, true. A little bit of colour. Although you had to take a different tact this week. Yeah, so I woke up Sunday morning, yesterday morning,

and I knew it was my turn to do Booze Talk ZB. And Peter Wolfkamp, you know him from The Block, he's the builder. He does a show, a building show in the weekends and I was like, oh, I should call him. But then I remember Jono, you'd already called him once before

pretending to be boozed and he didn't let you last very long. You were News Talk ZB, Peter Wolfkamp with you this morning. Kim, good morning. G'day Peter, how are you going? All right, Kim and yourself. The Wolf, woo!

And my wife. She's a real estate agent. All right, mate. I appreciate the sentiment as well, and I'm sure it's shared around, but maybe for another show. Professionally wrapped up there. Well done, Wolf Camp.

So I thought yesterday, well, maybe I can't call him back. I had a wee conscious decision that I was like, oh, maybe I can't call him back, booze. We've that I was like oh maybe I can't call him back booze we've already done it once to the poor guy he's already once burned he's trying to do a radio show

so I was sitting next to my daughter Sienna she's 10 years old at the time I was like oh maybe she could call up she's 10 years old at the time

hasn't aged since yesterday she was 10 at the time pretty sure she hasn't had a birthday since then yeah well that's good she's still 10 yeah great Sienna's set and I was like oh maybe I'll get at the time. Pretty sure she hasn't had a birthday since then. Yeah, well, that's good. She's still 10. Yeah, great. All the Siena's set.

And I was like, well, maybe I'll get Siena to call up and she could ask Peter some building questions from a kid, you know? Oh, cute. You know, he couldn't cut off a kid, you know? Let's see how long a kid could last calling the building show on Newstalk ZB. Here's Siena. 0-800-80-1080 is the number.

Hello, Siena. Hi, Pete. I love your building show. Thank you. I have two quick building questions. Sure. First question. I'm thinking of putting my doll's house for my Barbie dolls on the market, but it does need a few renovations as the dog

chewed the front door and I broke the roof by standing on it. Do you think I should renovate the doll's house for Barbie before selling it or sell it like it is? I guess you have to weigh up the cost-benefit analysis. So what's it going to cost you to put a new roof and some new hinges on the door versus what are you going to get when you sell it?

So if you think you can get more money by doing the renovation, then do the renovation. Okay. Second question. Second question. I'm looking at building a one-bedroom home for myself. I want to move out and live in this house if my parents won't let me watch TikTok and keep making me do my homework. I'm only 10. Do you think it's too early to be building my dream home? No, I think go with your dreams. If you've got a plan, go for it.

Thanks, Pierre. My pleasure. Keep up the good work. All the best. Bye. That was awesome. He took it very seriously. And she's our new record holder

at one minute and four seconds, Sienna. Seriously. Well, it depends on the renovations. Well, so yeah, she lasted a minute and four seconds. And you'll be interested to know that Sienna was still 10 at the end of that phone call. Well, it depends on the renovations. Well, so, yeah, she lasted a minute and four seconds. And you'll be interested to know that Sienna was still 10 at the end of that phone call. Had not aged. She didn't go on for as long as it took to get to her next birthday.

Oh, well done. Nice work, Sienna. That is new sorts of people. Are we paying Sienna? No. No, child labour. And everyone's always like, oh, no, the children can't do labour. Yes, they can.

It's free, it's good, it's cute, and we will dine out on it. I won't lie. Remember to double pump the virgles. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. She's been deep in the gossip mines, beavering away, and she's emerged covered in filthy celebrity soot. Producer Juliette. Producer Juliet.

Every time. What have we got this hour for Spike? So the concerts that are due to go ahead in New Zealand, despite the artists cancelling shows in other countries, are Rod Stewart. So he's due to play in November in Dunedin and Hawke's Bay. Oh, my mum and dad are fizzing for Rod Stewart. Oh, jeez.

There'll be a boomers paradise at the Rod Stewart show, won't it? There will be. He's obviously a big sex symbol, Rod Stewart. Wasn't he for many years, but also at the same time a huge model train enthusiast, which I don't know if the two go hand in hand. What do you mean?

He loves model trains, like he's got a big set up. I think he's got a replica of the London train network or something. He's got a big set up. I think he's got a replica of the London Train Network or something. Yeah. Wow. He's got all of Thomas and his friends.

He's got the whole set. Imagine going back to Rod's house and you think, oh, Rod is going to just deal to me. He's like, he wants to check out

my model trains. You're spending an hour looking at his trains. Wow. This is not what I imagined, Rod. Weird. Yeah, anyway. So Rod Stewart's coming back.

Imagine one of those situations where you're not allowed to touch, only he's allowed to touch the trains. Yeah. You'd be like, oh, that's cool. Good night. No. He'd have a conductor's hat as well. He'd have a dedicated train room probably.

So he's coming back. Fall Out Boy, Weezer and Green Day, they're due to play in Auckland and Dunedin in November. And they had cancelled the original Europe, North America and Asia tour. But they're coming back here as well. I imagine it's a sprint to the start line, isn't it? To be the first artist to have a sold out show post COVID. So they have to quarantine obviously at the moment, right?

Yes. So hopefully by the time that kind of November comes around, it'll be okay to not have to quarantine when they enter the country. Otherwise, they'll have to figure out what to do there. And in other news, so you may have remembered, there was an Auckland high school student who released a song that went big on TikTok. So there was that song, and everyone did that little dance to it.

But Jason Derulo had ripped it off with this song. And there was a bit of controversy there. There was a bit of a feud. But it's been official. The feud has been settled and they're now releasing it as a collaboration. So who knows how much money that boy got from Jason Derulo. Hopefully he got well looked after. I'm sure he did.

Surely. Pretty awesome to have Jason Derulo do your song and then get paid for it. It'd be great. Jason Derulo's just doing full-time TikTok stuff. He actually is. Yeah, he's massive on TikTok. He's in lockdown.

Compared to your TikTok account, Ben, which we disabled, We disabled it. Yeah. I think he's doing slightly better than me. Derulo's doing a little bit better. 22 million followers he has on TikTok. I have or he has? He has.

Oh, he has. Okay. Ben was like, I hadn't checked my numbers. They got up. They got up quite a bit. I have. I love it. He came up with the confidence in a year.

Okay, Derulo's got two. Well done, Derulo. Well done. It's not a competition though, is it? No. It with the confidence in a year. Okay, DeRulo's got two. Well done, DeRulo. Yeah, well done. It's not a competition, though, is it? No. It's about putting content out there. Who knows? They don't care if one person sees it at 20 million.

No, it's fine. It's so fine. It's more about just generating content for your fans. Yeah, exactly. That's right, Ben. You're all important, Jono. For more spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Serving bowls of lols for breakfast.

Actual lols may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Over the weekend in South Taranaki, four lotto tickets were bought from the same store that won First Division. So that four square part here, basically four of the seven people that won First Division were four from the same store.

Those are some odd odds, Benjamin. Yes, odd odds. I hope the scrutineers are scrutineering over there. Yeah. A lot of scrutineers. Who are the scrutineers? I don't know. What are they? Hello, I'm a professional scrutineer. It sounds like a very flash thing to do, right?

$142,000 is what they won, so well done to those people. Remember our old boss Shusti used to think we were in the pocket of Lotto. He kept hearing us talk about Lotto on the radio and he pulled us in for a serious meeting he had to sit down in his office

he's like guys I'm going to ask you a very serious question and we're like what have we done a Lotto paying you off we're like no it's because Lotto

seems to be the thing that people talk about every week in New Zealand it's a big deal if he's listening right now he'd be like I knew it

I knew it they're in the pocket of the lotteries commission now every week on the show something else not quite as big as Lotto is my duets you've been making me do this and I think it. I knew it. They're in the pocket of the Lottery's Commission. Now, every week on the show, something else, not quite as big as Lotto, is my duets. You've been making me do this,

and I think it needs to stop, Jono. Because once I got sent audio, you got sent some audio from my wife of me doing some karaoke at home. And now every week you make me team up with an artist. You make a little edit. And I have to sing karaoke over the weekend. And every week, some weeks we have friends over.

Other times my kids are looking at me like, what are you doing? I am embarrassed to have the same surname as you. Why are you doing this? Well, it's a brand. We're building a brand and when starting out a brand you need to treat it with kid gloves and we're just slowly building you up. By Christmas we're going

to release an album. We've got Bublé is going to be shaking in his handsome boots. So this was a Maroon 5 song that you guys decided that I should be doing with SZA and it's too high. Okay, so...

I can't sing. This was voted on Friday. You recorded this when? Actually, on Sunday I recorded this. So yesterday. So this is early morning... Is this early morning karaoke?

One and done. One attempt. I was like, that's as good as it's going to get. I'm moving on. This is Ben's church. Okay, alright. Let's have a listen to Ben. Feet Scissor, Feet Maroon 5.

Here we go. Oh. That's hot Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I'm wishing for you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Try to do what lovers do Ooh, say, say, say It ain't no baby

You're gonna make me Hit me with a lot down, baby Ooh, say, say, say It ain't no baby Baby, you know what I need Out the gate now, baby Stop it. So bad. That has caused more harm to the music industry than illegal downloading.

I like the beginning. He's like, here we go. Can we play that again? Here we go. It was more me trying to clear my throat. Here we go. As if, like, brace yourself. This is going to be a game changer.

Thanks for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Feeling a little tender. Not just emotionally, because I'm a very tender, sensitive individual. But also physically speaking. Something happened yesterday which you bore witness to. Yeah, so, producer Juliet, we're filming a new show for TVNZ. We're very excited about it.

Dog Almighty is the show. It's looking for New Zealand's most talented dog. And $100,000 is the prize money for the winner. So, it's a big deal. But what they do is they put microphones on you, Producer Juliet, and they're just like things that sort of clip onto your collar. Yeah. And they've got a cord attached to them,

and they go down and the cord's plugged into a little pack, battery pack. Like a transmitter thing. So you've got this long cord running down, usually under your t-shirt sort of thing and that's how they get the sound. Sometimes they savagely tape it to your chest and then you rip it off in the hair cut so you end up with a square, like a wax. Well you do,

I still haven't reached puberty. You're a very hairless little thing, aren't you? Like a lovely greased up seal. Vaseline seal. Not so bad yourself. I'll take that as a compliment. I'm not sure if it is. So end of the day, the sound operator, he's like,

oh, I'll take the mic off you. I'm like, great. But what had happened between him putting it on and him taking it off is I went to the lavatory. I'm scared for this story. And so then the cord had sort of gone under my belt and into my trousers. So it's going underneath your T-shirt, the long cord, all the way down and then looped in.

Looped under my trousers. Okay. And so what had happened is it had formed somewhat of a lasso oh god where is this going a lasso around my tea bags oh my god

and Andy's like he goes okay I'll just pull this and he's like tugging why won't this come because he thought it must have been stuck on something, the cord so he's tugging, he's like, why won't this come? Because he thought it must have been like stuck on something, like the cord. Yeah, yeah. So he's tugging, but then I'm going,

because I didn't know they were lassoed. And then I'm like, oh! Because then when he's pulling, he's tightened them. How? They cut off circulation, look like a couple of sun-made raisins. Imagine in the cartoons when they have those money bags, you know, where they're tightened at the top

with a big dollar sign. It was probably like that moment. Like the cords tightening around those things. And he's like pulling on it like, you know, when a plug's in the bath with the chain. He's like going, and it's just not coming. And I'm having to go. I'm thinking you're like, what is going on here?

Well, I mean, you can't really. I can only go, hey, mate, you're expensive equipment. It's currently wrapped around my coin purse. So I had to go, I was like, hold on a sec mate, I think it might just be on my belt

and I had to kind of un-lasso them. How, how did it even get lassoed when you, oh I don't, actually I don't think

I want to ask that question. No, I don't think you want to ask that question. No follow up. I just hope he's run a dead old wipe over those. They deserve to be,

I feel like a neutered dog. Is that what you do to dogs? I don't think they do it like that. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. The A to Z of New Zealand. If you've ever wondered what would happen if I phoned every town and city in New Zealand,

well, you'd be a sick individual. That's what we're doing though, aren't we? You don't have to wonder anymore. We're putting ourselves through that pain. We're doing it one a day. We're doing it alphabetically. We're about six or seven weeks in right now and we've just gone into the Bs.

That felt good. It felt good. I was like, we are never going to leave the As at all. But then I looked down to the Ws and we're going to be in the Ws for a long time. Months, I think we'll be stuck in the W's. But it's fun. We get to find out about New Zealand,

about our beautiful country, and we learn something each day. 30th on the list. 30th on the list is a wonderful part of New Zealand just down in the outer suburb of Auckland called Beachlands. If you're a fan of locations with beaches and land, you'll just love Beachlands.

Established in the 1920s was Beachlands, and they actually collect their own rainwater. So if you're thirsty, you have to go outside when it's raining with your mouth wide open. We're going to go through to Beachlands now to find out more about this slice of Aotearoa. Hello? Hello? Hello? Oh, sorry, I think I just went through puberty there. Here I am.

I'm a man. It's John O'Bain calling from the Hits radio station. We're just ringing Beachlands. Yes. You're 30th on our list of calling every town and city in New Zealand. Yes. And? Is it a beauty town?

Awesome town. The best town. Yeah, the best town. Tell us about it. What's there? It's just a beautiful town? Awesome town. The best town. Yeah, the best town. Tell us about it. What's there? It's just a beautiful place. Beautiful people. I notice a lot of fishing-related stores,

fishing-related paraphernalia in Beachlands. It's well catered for. It is. It is. It's a fishing town, is it? It's a fishing town right by the ocean. It's got a good bait shop in there called Coastal Baits. Ironically, the same one we phoned.

That's right. You did that as a happy customer, but actually you're a proud owner. Yep. So you go out fishing much? I used to, until I had to start up a bait shop. Now he's stuck on land selling rotten fish to fishermen.

You got it. As a fisher person, a fisher human, reversing the boat at the boat ramp must be a high-pressure situation. I've seen it happen firsthand, and it's not something I don't think I'd enjoy doing. That's good. Easy as. Well, we did it once. The only time Giorno and I have done it, we did it once,

and we forgot to put the bung in, and the boat started filling up with water. It was Matt Watson's boat, and he was not happy. Oh, beautiful. That's right. Matt Watson, he was on the dock. We were in the water, and we're like, is water meant to be coming through this hole?

It's filling up the boat. And he sprinted down the ramp, jumped into the water, and swam out to the boat. No, it's all good. You just don't stop. Just don't stop. Just keep going. Keep going until it sinks. No, it's all good. You just don't stop. Just don't stop? Just keep going. Keep going until it sinks.

Yeah, water comes out eventually. It was amazing because we went out fishing, just Jono and I. We'd never fished before. We had to YouTube how to tie a hook and all that sort of stuff.

But yeah, it's amazing what's on YouTube. Everything's on YouTube. Yeah, I feel like we're just disappointing you the longer this phone call goes on. Well, you look after yourself and Beachlands.

Apart from fishing, what's one other thing we should do if we ever end up there? Well, good pie shops, good restaurants, good cafes. And good bastards. Good bastards. Well, you look after yourself at Coastal Baits. Thank you, buddy. And that was Beachlands, the A to Z of New Zealand.

See you, mate. Kia ora, this is Toby Mann. I'm the host of Gone By Lunchtime, a podcast for the spin-off podcast network all about politics and politicians, with me, Annabel Lee-Mather, and Ben Thomas, careering wildly from the very serious to the very ridiculous. It's not for everyone. I don't think it would be Alan's cup of tea, but you, I reckon, will love it. Gone By Lunchtime. Grab one now wherever you get your podcasts. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben

on the hits. Producer Juliette's wonderful mildew, millennial Juliette, we call her. She came to work a little rattled this morning. Looked like a shell of a human being. Shell of a... I just thought it was another big weekend for her, and it probably was. Yeah, it was.

Something happened on Friday night, was it, Patricia Julia? Yes, so my flatmates and I on Friday night, we were not doing much, so we thought we'd have a couple of drinks out on our balcony. So we went out, cracked one open. My flatmate Anastasia shut the door behind her and then it was quite cold, so I went back inside to go get another blanket.

Well, I tried to go back inside to get another blanket. Anastasia had gone to shut our sliding door and it's one of those sliding doors where you've got to flick to flick up or flick down to lock it. Oh, I know the ones, yes. Yeah. And so I went to open the door

and I was like, why can't I open the door, guys? And Anastasia went and tried it and she's like, oh can't I open the door, guys? And Anastasia went and tried and she's like, oh my God, it's locked. It's locked. And she's like, I'm out of love. Set me free.

Thank you for those Anastasia fans loving that reference right now. All two of them. It's a great song, but it's quite a dated reference. Great song. And so we were sitting there like, oh God, okay, we've locked ourselves out.

It's all good. We'll wait till our flatmate Ben gets home. So you had locked yourself out on your balcony. On my balcony. How high are you guys? Second floor up. I don't want to know what you're doing over the weekend. What you do in your own time is up to you.

Although there will be a drug test after the show. Ben collects all of our urine on a Monday, don't you? Monday is the day, guys. Leaves it in the communal fridge. Exactly. We were second story up. Oh, right. So it's not an easy situation

to get out of. No, no. We thought, we were like, okay, could we climb down? But no, we decided that was a stupid idea. Didn't want to try it. So we're like, okay,

we'll wait till our flatmate Ben gets home. He's out at some sort of thing. And then my other flatmate, Bryony, said, oh my God, what about the cookies in the oven? And we realised... Oh, the cookies? Here we go. This is why we do the testing.

Oh my god. I see why you do it, Ben. I booked that in 905. Anastasia had gone to bake a giant Anzac cookie before we went out on the balcony and she'd put it, I don't know why she wanted to make one, she put it on the top. You're not helping yourself, really, are you? One big giant Anzac.

I could go on Anzac biscuit, bro. Oh, yeah. I want it to be the biggest Anzac biscuit Australia and New Zealand have ever seen. I want to make it so big it goes from here to Sydney. So this is baking away the oven. So Anastasia's baked this massive handshake biscuit and our oven is pretty temperamental.

Like it burns everything. But she'd put it on the top shelf of the top tray thing. Oh, right next to the elements. Yes, and we're like, oh my God. And so then we start panicking. We're like, oh my God, the handshake biscuit. We've really got to get inside. And so we just start screaming like,

ah, the handshake biscuit. I end up calling the... Listen, I think baked is the Anzac biscuit. I end up calling. Listen, I think baked is the operative word here. Ah, the Anzac biscuit. Ah, no. Long story short, I call my cousin. She comes and saves us.

Our front door was open. It was great. She came and let us inside. We opened the oven door and just smoke filled the whole kitchen. Where was that smoke from, Juju? Was it from the Anzac biscuit? Yes, it was from the Anzac biscuit. So yeah, we got locked out of our house and nearly burnt our house down, which was fun.

While we wanted to open up on 0800 The Hits, you can text us 24487 on this Monday. Love you to join New Zealand's Breakfast. Locker shockers. When locks have not helped you out in life. You've got a story. Oh yeah, there was an old bathroom that we used to work at when we worked at TV, John and Ben.

Every time we'd go on it, it was, you want to lock it, but then you get locked in. And you forget to tell new people that came to work. One guy would spend about two hours there one day. We're like, where's he gone? Has he left? He'd been stuck in the bathroom. He was like, he thought it was a prank too.

It was like, yeah, so locker shockers. Yeah, 0800, that's the telephone number. I'd love to get your text as well, 4487. We've got Sophie on the phone from Christchurch. Locker Shocker. Yeah, 0800, that's the telephone number. I'd love to get your text as well, 4487. We've got Sophie on the phone from Christchurch. Locker Shocker. What happened, Soph? Hello. So I was about six years old,

and we'd gone to the family bathroom, me and my mum, and she was waiting outside because I was an independently thing and ended up locking the bathroom. But when I went to wash my hands, I couldn't turn the tap off. So not just the bathroom was locked, but the tap was running. And so I was freaking out

and I ended up flooding the bathroom and we had to get someone in to come and unlock the door. Why didn't you unplug the plug? There was no plug. The tap had kept running over the sink. Oh, my gosh. And so how long were you stuck in there? It seems like a movie that Samuel L. Jackson would be in.

Yeah, probably like 20 minutes. Oh, that's impressive, Sophie. Yeah. Tell you what, me and Phil Goff wouldn't be happy with that water wastage. No, he certainly wouldn't be. No, thank you very much. We've got a vet on New Zealand's Breakfast. Welcome to the show, a vet.

Good chat, good chat. This is why we get a vet on. Always brings the noise. That noise being the hang-up sound. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. This hard-hitting, informed opinion

is what you'd get if you're listening to Newstalk ZB right now, but you're on the hits and you hear Jono and Ben vaguely talking their way through news stories with producer Juliet. Wonderful. It is lots of fun, though, doing what we do. That's the main thing, that we're all having fun. You having fun, Juliet? Yes, I do. I am having fun.

It's a big weekend in New Zealand of launching things. National Party leader, the new leader, Todd Muller, he launched his election campaign, went back to his rugby club in Bay of Plenty, and this guy was pumped. The other little fella said, hey, is the Prime Minister coming? And the fella said, yeah, it's that Muller fella.

He's coming. The Muller fella. That's a good catchphrase, the Muller fella. The Muller fella. That was real good. Here comes the Muller fella. Sounds almost sweary. Yeah. It sounds almost sweary. Yeah.

It's teetering into a swear word. I love it. So Todd Muller, the new leader of the National Party, launched his campaign. And, you know, it must be quite a big thing, you know, because it's the launch and there's lots of cameras and he's not used to it. And the poor guy had a wee bit of a slip up.

I joined the Labour Party rather than the Labour Party. I joined the National Party. You've got a good laugh though, eh? The poor guy's like a nervous uncle at a wedding, giving a speech. But if you're going for laughs, you're like, oh that one killed it. I mean, everyone loved it. No one's ever laughed that hard at anything

we've done. So well done, Todd Muller. The poor guy, he's probably just scared. He's a little lost, isn't he? I find Todd's like, oh God, what have I signed up for? He's in that mode at the moment.

Because you are far behind, you know, being from the National Party to, so no wonder he wants to join the Labour Party. No wonder he's like, I joined the Labour Party.

Maybe it was subliminal to trick the voting public into thinking that National are Labour and they can get them into Parliament. As well as Todd Muller launching his campaign,

Sport launched back in New Zealand over the weekend with crowds. Isn't it exciting? So good to see sold out stadiums in New Zealand supporting local, buying Kiwi, stimulating the economy. Oh, it's awesome. The world was watching.

I saw over the weekend, you know, there was articles on CNN going, Sport is back in the world and then no one's wearing masks. That was the big thing in the And then no one's wearing masks. That was the big thing, you know, in the crowd. And no one was wearing clothes for a couple of people that ran on the field as well, right? There were some streakers. Classic New Zealand.

We had the opportunity to have the first sports game in the world, in the universe, post-COVID. And we ran naked across the field. I know. I mean, it was a wonderful opportunity. The prankster in me loves it. The Kiwi in me is like, oh, dear God, this is not a good look for New Zealand. Eden Park yesterday, the Blues game, playing the Hurricanes. Sell-out crowd again.

Dan Carter, he was waterboy for that game. Yeah, probably the most qualified waterboy you'll ever get. And you said Tata Umanga, former All Black. I was with him as well, yeah. So the two waterboys, amazing credentials. Steve Hansen out there was putting the tea onto the kicking. Bowdoin Barrett, producer Heidi said she watched a channel which was purely focused on Bowdoin Barrett.

Oh, really? So he had his own TV channel. Just Bowdoin TV. Some creepy camera person's just like filming... The whole game. The whole game. I don't know when the coverage stops when he's home

are they filming through his lounge window he's just going to whip to the bathroom and be like are you going to follow me in here hops out of the shower

what was that movie where the guy was on TV but he didn't know he was on TV oh the Truman Show yeah like the Truman Show when does it stop who knows

but Bowdoin TV Heidi you illegally downloaded the game too didn't you illegally streamed it no she didn't she did she said that before the show too, didn't you? Illegally streamed it. She did. She said that before the show. Where do you go to?

There's a bus you're throwing around. Anyway, that's what has been happening this weekend. A little bit of keeping you up to date with some of the things. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. What's that?

Oh, no. Shut up. Oh, now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. It is Monday morning and we're up early, so we want to get other people up as well. That's why we're doing the rude awakening. This is the rude awakening.

When we were brainstorming this concept, Ben, you came up with the Nude Awakening. I don't know exactly what the format of that was, if you could explain further. I don't know. What was that idea? This is the first I've heard about this. This is the first I've heard.

The floor is yours. Do your pitch. I don't have a pitch for this, because this is the first I've heard about this. You're just throwing me under the... Is it like us just turning on people's bedrooms? You're throwing me under the nude bus, all right, right now. No, nothing to do with that.

The nude bus? Yeah. The least favoured of all public transport. You're like, would you like to catch the nude bus to town? I'm on the nude bus, but I do need to get to work, so I'm going to have to get on. Let's welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Emma from Rotorua. Great to have you on, Emma.

What do you do, mate? Mate, I'm a dairy farmer. Oh, and the girls are running a bit dry at the moment. Yeah. Are they? Good chat, good chat. You sounded quite knowledgeable there, Johnny. Do you want to know the honest truth?

What? Producer Humphrey comes from a rural background. Yeah. And he told me to say the girls are running a bit dry. That sounded good. Did I sound convincing, Emma? Yeah, you did. So what does it actually mean when the girls are running dry?

I'm gathering there's no milk? Yeah, we dry them off for a month or so, two months, and then let them relax. Relax their tits? No, no, they kind of, they get in calves, and then everything, like the nutrients and stuff, you're all going into the calf and into them, and then the milk just starts slowly, so they kind of stop producing for a bit.

Oh, so they're pregnant at the moment? Yeah. Ah! Do you have to, I always see on YouTube, I love watching those videos on YouTube, people with their arms up to their shoulders inside a cow, pulling out a calf. Have you done that before, Emma? Oh, many a times.

Yeah, you're going deep, do you? Do you get up to your shoulder? Yeah, well, I'm not a very tall person, so... You're going to stick your head in? I have to get right down there. That's a busy day at work, you know? That's a busy day. What does that feel like?

Very warm. You'd get used to it, I imagine. Shall I give it a crack to Ben right now? No. No. Okay, that would be a rude awakening. It would be. All right.

Who are we going to wake up in? That would be a definite. Who are we going to wake today? Who are we going to wake up in your life, Emma? My boss, Wade. Your boss? This is the first time we've had someone wake up a boss. Are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah. Well, the girls are dry. He's not up. I know. We're going through to Wade then. Are you bringing him now? Yeah. Is that what you wanted us to do?

Oh, yeah. It's kind of the whole idea of the game. Do you want to go through with it? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to get in trouble because I'm at the weekend off this weekend. Hello, Wade speaking. Wade.

Wade. How are you? It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. You're on the radio. Emma, your employee's here. Good morning, Wade. Oh, this is the sound of my morning voice. And this is the rude awakening, Wade.

Welcome along. We've just got to answer a couple of quick questions, Wade, then we'll leave you be and you can win some Hell Pizza for your troubles, all right? Thank you. Thank you for considering me. Which of the following athletes does Nike not sponsor? A, Tiger Woods, B, Michael Jordan, or C, Benjamin Boyce? Benjamin Boyce. Benjamin Boyce.

Just missed out on that lucrative sponsorship. Still waiting for that deal. All right. The orchid is a type of what? A, plant. B, swingers move. Or C, kickboxing punch. I'll have to go with A, the plant.

Well done. Two from two. Kate who is married to Prince William? Is it Kate Middleton, Kate Toppleton or Kate Bottomton? Middleton Well done, he's got three from three He's got $30, Hell Pizza Now for 40

What is the name commonly given to the piece of clear glazed material Inserted into the wall of a house? Is it A, the clear hole, B, the seeing square, or C, a window? A window, please. Well done. You've got $40 at hellpizza at hell.co.nz. Serving the best damn pizza in this lifetime and next. That can go towards MRA.

Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, no way. Did we do? Oh can go towards Emma, eh? Oh, really? Oh, no, Wade, it's with you. Oh, that's awesome. You get woken up, you answer some quiz questions, and you give it back to Emma, who works for you. That's amazing. Really nice to meet you guys, eh?

Oh, you're the most polite person we've woken up. I know. Hey, it was inconvenient, but I had fun. You know what we're going to do? We're going to give pizza to Emma, hell pizza to Emma and we're going to give hell pizza to you, Wade. Everyone's got pizza.

Pizza for... Do you know anyone else who wants pizza? They can have it as well. Good on you, mate. You have a wonderful day. Thank you very much, Emma and Ed.

Yeah, I've said have a wonderful day. I'll say it again. Okay, then. Thank you. See you guys. Good morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads.

We're filming over the weekend for a new show. It's coming soon to TVNZ2. It's called Dog Almighty. We're looking for New Zealand's most talented dog. And there's some amazing dogs that's going to be on the show. We can't say too much about it, but there's $100,000 up for grabs, and there are some amazing dogs. You said too much.

Is it too much? Yeah. Oh, really? I think the execs from TVNZ are going to send the snipers over. I'm nervous about how much we can actually say.

I can categorically say we will go down in history as the worst reality TV hosts ever to grace. Worse than when Ryan Seacrest was awkwardly hitting on Katy Perry

when they came back from an ad break on American Idol. Worse than when he tried to high five the person that... The blind guy. The blind guy. Yeah.

We've had some shocking moments. I don't know how they're even going to cobble this thing together. We talked about last week how we had to do our first sort of reality TV show elimination type thing and I kept saying... You said, number three, step forward.

And they stepped forward and you were like, number five, step forward. And then you said, number three, step forward. Number three, step forward. I'm already stepped forward. I'm like, oh, sorry, you're number three. But then you go, step forward number three step forward I'm already stepped forward I'm like oh sorry you're number three but then you go step forward further

just to try and make it a little better just to there's been some shockers like we did some research on some people a lot of contestants at the start

you know and we mixed up some research so I'm asking this lady going so you're a taxidermist she's like no no I'm not and then I had to work out

which one was a taxidermist out of about 100 people. Yeah, I mean, like, out of all the professions. So I hear you trade illegal Bitcoin on the dark. It's quite a weird question for somebody who's not a taxidermist. Oh, you're a semi-professional assassin, they tell me. But the thing with reality TV hosting is they do, the good hosts, do so well to remember names.

So many names. Because then you've not only got the name of the owner, you've got the name of the dog. So we're doubling, we've got 300 names we're trying to remember. I was asking one person

about his, oh, so how's such and such feeling? He's like, that's my dog's name. He's not currently with me right now. He's out the back. You're like,

oh, okay, yeah, got that one wrong. And then there was this lady, lovely lady, Brenda, and her dog, one wrong. And then there was this lady, lovely lady, Brenda, and her dog Crystal May. And I said to the judges, I said to the judges, you know what I said. I know. You know what he said.

And I was like, is this Jono's, is this a little gag from Jono? Because you know Jono would try and slip that in there, Crystal May. I don't think he meant to. No, no, I said. Because I went, hey said Hey bro you've said Yeah no I was Because we were joking About it backstage

It was in my head And I was like How do you think Brenda and Crystal Meth Weep And then everyone Was looking at me I was like

Please don't say this And you said it And they were like Did I? Did I really? So that went down well Yeah And then I asked

For a lady's email In front of everyone I was like What's your email address? And she's like Why are you asking For my email address? And it was because going, why are you asking for my email address? And it was because I wanted to go, are you ready to go?

I'll email you and you email back. Which is a very confusing way to do it. It's just like, you're hitting on this lady. And I've had to go and make a formal apology to her. She's like, I came along here for five minutes. The host is asking me live, what's your email? It was very confusing. Oh my gosh, did're flying on a wall.

I'd love to be there. But it's a very fiddly form of communication to ask from someone if you're wanting to hit on them. Hey, what's your email address? Oh, you've got underscore, you've got that number after your name. Yeah.

You know, usually you just go for a cell phone number. So an email is very archaic. Anyway. It's going to be a fun show. I don't know how long we'll be on the show. We might be eliminated. The first host is eliminated

on a reality TV show. I feel like they'll have new hosts halfway through the season. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. It has begun. The journey is underway. The Jono and Ben

5K Cutout Tour. $5,000 up for grabs. It started in bluff with heroes braving the elements. What are the conditions like, Ash? Bloody dark, windy, cold and very lonely so far. Just like Ben's underpants. Heroes like you bring the cutouts home. You're going to be the Frodo Baggins to our cardboard cutout.

Rough career going to do it for you. It's awesome. Leaders of New Zealand have answered the call. Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbow. Even if they didn't know what this is. That is just... Or what jobs Jono and Ben have. call. Even if they didn't know what this is. Or what jobs Jono and Ben had. One question must be

asked. To carry around cutouts of washed up schmucks. One question must be answered. There was a point in the conversation when you could go, no, you're not washed up. An Aotearoa Odyssey with your chance to win $5,000. Really excited now.

From Bluff to Maru, Christchurch, Nelson, today the ferry on to Wellington, the Jono and Ben 5K Cutout Tour continues. Yes, our cardboard cutouts, they've had a great weekend travelling around the South Island in Christchurch all over the place. It seemed in the weekend, stayed at someone's house. Freeloading their way around the South Island like those travellers and house buses.

Ever been to one of those fairs? No. They call them the gypsy fairs where they come out and they do, you know, sell their wares, peddle their wares and you can get your hair braided, buy some dream catchers. I met a lady and I was like, oh, when was the last time you wore shoes? She said 20 years. Hasn't worn shoes in 20 years. Wow.

Yeah, good. They're leading a good life too. Just cruising around the country. Just like our cardboard cutouts. We're going to find out where they are after 7 o'clock and then hopefully they still exist. If our cardboard cutout exists, you could win $5,000 by getting a photo with it today.

I was just thinking over the weekend, our cutouts would technically be the first people to tour New Zealand post-COVID. Wouldn't you say so to go around the country post-COVID?

I can't imagine anyone else would have done this. Not the whole country, maybe a little bit, so there you go. They've had a far bigger weekend than I have, the cutouts. I pulled hair out

of a shower drain yesterday. That was the most exciting part of my weekend. I don't even have hair. I don't know whose hair it was. We'll find out at 7 o'clock today, the cardboard cutouts, where they're going to be. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. She's been busy spending the morning pressing Control-C and Control-V. No one has been copying and pasting celebrity news stories from the internet harder than producer Juliet with Spy. You are so right. And over the weekend,

you may have heard that Kelly Clarkson, she has filed for divorce from her husband, Brandon Blackstock. And over the weekend, she was also seen for the first time without her wedding ring. So the reason, obviously the reason has come out. I say, oh, but I don't wear a ring. Yeah for the first time without her wedding ring. So the reason, obviously the reason has come out.

I say, oh, but I don't wear a ring. You don't wear a wedding ring. Do you, Jono? Yeah, I do. I have a ring, but I just, and I said it beforehand before getting married. I was like, hey, we'll get one, but I don't know if I'll keep the ring on. I'm just not a jewellery sort of person. And I tried it for business.

And you like to look available. That's the main thing. Well, no. You know. You don't want to look tied down. Yeah.'s the main thing. Well, no. No. You don't want to look tied down. Yeah. By the shackles.

I'm not going to agree. The comedy part of me wants to agree with you on this one. The shackles of marriage tying it up. The husband part of me is not going to, alright?

No, he's very faithful. He's very faithful. That's good. He's only touched me once and he refuses to touch me again. Exactly. Once is enough. Never even called me

the next day. That was weird. Yeah, I was texting you. I was like, what did you think of last night? It was magical. Nothing. What a bromance. But Kelly Clarkson and her husband, so they apparently had not been very stable for months

and then lockdown and quarantining together was kind of the final straw. I can imagine that would be the case for a lot of relationships, right? 0800 the hits, did you break up during lockdown? Let's see, 4487 on the text. And overseas, you know, people are still in lockdown. Yeah, exactly. So we had, you know, like six to eight weeks here in New Zealand, but people are still going months and months.

I know. And I imagine, well, obviously just to amplify a situation, if someone kind of irritates you in your relationship, well, at least you spend nine hours apart for the most, you know, working and stuff. True. But then if you're locked in the same thing, it's finesse. So it's only June, right?

And a friend of mine in the UK, she's not going back to work, they've said, till next year. What? I've just said, okay, well, that's not going to happen till next year now. That's a whole six months away. Wow.

She's working from home, obviously, but they've said, oh, no, look, hey, don't plan on coming back to work till next year. Is that, do you know if that's a rule for like just her company? Just the company, I think, yeah. But they're already like making those plans six months out. But you don't need to go into the office. This is what I've been telling management for weeks.

You don't, I don't need to be here. I could be in bed right now talking into a microphone. AMP, they've shut their offices in town. Everyone's working remotely. Yeah, some businesses are going well for them, all right? Yeah. Yeah, that's great. I have a theory, too, just while we're talking about Kelly Clarkson.

Yeah. You know, because she's got that new daytime talk show. Yes. Which I guess is a competitor in some regard to Ellen's daytime talk show. And they're both filmed on the same lot in Los Angeles. And there's rumours that, you know, Ellen refuses to have guests if they've been on Kelly Clarkson's show previously. My theory is the producers of Kelly Clarkson's show

are planting all these evil stories about Ellen so that the public start to hate Ellen and start to love Kelly Clarkson. Oh, Kelly Clarkson will be the new Ellen. Because Kelly Clarkson's talented. She's singing, she's dancing, she's bright, she's bubbly. Ellen comes out miserable. She used to dance, she can't even muster up the energy for a hip thrust

now remember she used to come out bloody shaking her pelvis around that's part of the fun nothing just wanders just walks out

now sits down and Snoop Dogg and John Legend are on track to releasing new music videos they're one of the first few

to be spotted who have been spotted filming in LA now that lockdown or that restrictions have eased. But they've still got, you know, the social distancing rules in place. And you've got, actually in California, you have to wear masks. It's one of the requirements when you go out. Yeah, it's like law, right?

Yeah, but except for when you're filming or shooting music videos, you don't have to. Coronation Street have started back filming as well. Same sort of situation with the social distancing. All the elderly characters on Coronation Street, they're just... They have died. No, they're just going to FaceTime in, apparently.

Really? They're going to go FaceTime. They're not even going to bring them to the set. And I like this, that even in the place, the fictitious cafe, they're only going to do takeaways. You can't actually sit in there and get food, even on Coronation Street.

No, this is unbelievable. How do the old people know how to work FaceTime? On Coronation Street. Anywhere on the face of the earth where they don't know how to use technology would be Coronation Street. That's true. And I was thinking Snoop Dogg will have to socially distance himself from his bikini-clad babes in the video.

Yeah, true. He won't be able to touch them. No. True, true. Oh, it's good to see the world's sort of getting back to normal. Yeah, true. Yeah, won't be able to touch them. No. True, true. Oh, it's good to see the world's sort of getting back to normal. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad my coro's back. Yes.

For more SPAR, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Our cardboard cutouts are making their way around the country, hopefully not as abruptly as Sheryl Crow, but here's what's happened so far. It has begun.

The journey is underway. The Jono and Ben 5K Cutout Tour. $5,000 up for grabs. It started in bluff with heroes braving the elements. What are the conditions like, Ash? Bloody dark, windy, cold and very lonely so far. Just like Ben's underpants. Heroes like you bring the cutouts home.

You're going to be the Frodo Baggins to our cardboard cutout. Rough career going to do it for you. It's awesome. Leaders of New Zealand have answered the call. Invercargill Mayor Tim Shedbolt. Even if they didn't know what this is. That is just... Or what jobs Jono and Ben have. Who would taper the astrologist's head down?

One question must be asked. To carry around cutouts of washed up schmucks. One question must be answered. Felix, there was a point in the conversation when you could go, no, yououts of washed up schmucks. One question must be answered. Hey, Lex, there was a point in the conversation when you could go, no, you're not washed up. An Aotearoa odyssey with your chance to win $5,000. Really excited now. From Bluff to Maru, Christchurch, Nelson, today the ferry on to Wellington,

the Jono and Ben 5K cutout tour continues. Yeah, thanks to you transporting our cardboard cutouts at a socially accepted distance up the country. If they make it back to the hits, we'll give away 5K. That's right. Just get a photo with them along the way. Hashtag Jono and Ben 5K Cutout. At the moment, they're in Nelson.

Come on in, Megan, from the hits in Nelson. Been dealing with crowd control. I know sellouts at rugby stadiums across New Zealand. And sellout at Nelson today at Trafalgar Square, Meg. Yes, Stuart. Hi again. How are you? Yeah, no, we're doing well.

You've spoken to some of the happy punters. Lives have been changed this morning by these cutouts, Meg. Yes, they have. It's been great chatting to some of the locals. We've had some funny, funny chat. Hello, I'm here with Hawani. What do you think of Jono and Ben's cutout? Oh, it's cute. It's cute. I'm not going to lie. I thought they'd be taller. Oh, so I'm here with Hawani. What do you think of Jono and Ben's cutout? Oh, it's cute.

It's cute. I'm not going to lie, I thought they'd be taller. Oh, so did I. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty short and look at this. The sign's actually

given them an extra inch at the bottom there. They have, they've been generous. And we need those inches, that's for sure. We certainly do. And I tell you what,

these things have touched more people than Prince Andrew over the weekend. We didn't need that. We had a good show up until then. But anyway, thanks, Meg, for your help. They're going on the Inter-Irlanda crossing very shortly. And if you're going on the Inter-Irlanda, you can get a photo with them. That'd be a great thing to do.

Is there still a bit more time for people of Nelson to come and see you, Meg? There absolutely is. I'll be down here on the corner of Trafalgar until about 9.30 this morning. Well, thank you so much for your hard work. Keep safe. Stay strong. Kia kaha, Meg. Thank you.

See you guys later. Thanks, Meg, and thanks to the Inter-Irelander, keeping New Zealand connected during lockdown, moving essential freight and people together between the North and South Islands. We'll catch you then, and we'll catch you tomorrow. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app.