Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 16 - Karen O'Leary, News In Beeps, What Paraphernalia Do You Have At Home?

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

Karen O'Leary called inWho has the best yarns?Ben believes the Warriors are cursedSpyJono had an incident in a taxiThe ReferendumbWhat paraphernalia do you have at home? News In BeepsThe A To Z of New ZealandSynchronised AnsweringSpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast, Tuesday podcast. I like to get straight into the podcast. Jono, you want to meander and have a wee chat before me? I do, I just like to ease into it. It's not like you just jump on a plane and all of a sudden you're shot into the air. There's a process, isn't it? You get in, you awkwardly squeeze in. If you're in that middle seat Between your two other passengers You have to clamber over them

You have to find a space For your bag And the overhead luggage How long have you been Podcasting for Not long Not long enough I just want to get

Straight into it How have you been I'm okay How are you Anything going on In your life There's a lot going on And I'm talking about

Some of it in the podcast I feel like I'm a curse And that's in the podcast today. Not just to this show. Not a curse to this show. You're a treat to this show. But in your supportive sporting life, you feel like a curse.

I'm sensitive about this because there are other friends that won't let me watch sports games with them because they think I'm a curse. Also on the podcast, we do reception reception where we phone receptions and see if they'll pass on messages for us. We're not paying these people.

They're not part of our company, but will they help us out? Ben Boyce, a beauty one today, involving your internet history and you searching whether babes find belly button piercings on guys attractive. All right, we're going to find out how that goes in the podcast. Enjoy. Okay, well, just quickly before we go. Oh, no, enjoy. If you were going to get out how that goes in the podcast enjoy okay well just quickly

before we go oh no enjoy if you were going to get pierced one part of your body what would you pierce I reckon you'd be a tongue guy

oh I can imagine you with a tongue piercing oh no you're like I had well I had my ear one ear pierced

did you but I did and also for TV I did my nipple for TV oh I can imagine you with a couple of nipple piercings

oh very painful oh it is yeah 24 hours I had it on. Oh, very painful. Oh, it is. Yeah. I had it on 24 hours I had it on, and it was very painful. And the blood ends up dripping down your pectorals into your guts. Yeah, so I'd probably go back for an earlobe if I had to do it again, all right? The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

You'll know her as Officer O'Leary in the hilarious TV show Wellington Paranormal and the movie What We Do in the Shadows. She has a New Zealand children's album out called Better Than Normal from her band Fun and Funner. Karen O'Leary, thanks for your time. I haven't given it to you yet, but I will. Thank you. In advance for your time.

The time we've spent so far has been great, so thank you for that. Yes, indeed. Karen, the songs on this album are fantastic. We've been listening to them today. We can't get the fuddy-pucky one out of our heads. That's the aim there. That's the aim with all of these songs, is just to get them stuck in your head.

Well, because I learnt a lot about groups of animals, what they're called, and also whereabouts I need to go to the bathroom. Have a listen to this. Poo in the fuddy-pucky. You gotta poo in the fuddy You gotta poo in the party parkoo Which is good for Ben to learn because he's been doing it in the photocopier here at the office, Karen.

Well, that's not okay and that could be the next verse. When I do the second version of that song, I'll make sure I put that one in there for you guys. In your other job, you're an early childhood teacher by trade and I understand you've had a few incidents with kids over the years and where they've been sort of going to the bathroom. Well, certainly, obviously, you know, when you've got two to five-year-olds, 35 of them all trying to work out how to actually go to the toilet, you do run across a couple

of accidents here and there. I have been handed a sand rolled poo in the sand at one time, being cold, it was a muffin, it was a complete lie. Yeah, this is not a muffin. And I know the name of that child, but I'm not going to put it out there. I think they're about 19 now, so it would be quite embarrassing for them. Sand, I love the detail of the prank as well, because they would have had to roll it like a piece of dough,

like a bacon needs a piece of bread or something. It was completely covered in sand. It did look exactly like a lovely little muffin, but when I received it, I was like, hang on a second. I don't know what's going on here. And it sucked, so yeah. Now, Karen, you obviously got into comedy and acting and stuff, so how many years were you an early childhood teacher for?

I've been at my early childhood centre for 20 years now. Are you still there? I'm still there, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, yeah, I was reading up about you, an incredible story that a casting director who you were looking after one of her kids came in and said, you should audition for this movie, What We Do in the Shadows.

And you turned up, was it hungover? Is that how the story goes? Yeah, the story's changed. It's now that I'm completely drunk, which is not true. I was, but I was very, very hungover. And, you know, I'm not advocating for heavy drinking, but I certainly had done a lot of it on a Friday night.

And so, yeah. I heard you vomited on the director. That's a rumour around the industry. Jermaine Clement. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I vomited all over J the director. That's a rumour around the industry. Jermaine Clement. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I vomited all over Jermaine and that's why he chose me for the movie.

It was really great. Well, it was such a big movie, not just here in New Zealand, but all over the world. And I also love the fact you turned up to set on your first day. Jermaine Clement, of course he wrote it with Taika

and he was directing it and he basically gave you the opportunity to come up with your own name for your character. Yeah, well, he just wasn't organised enough, was he? I mean, he hadn gave you the opportunity to come up with your own name for your character. Yeah, well, he just wasn't organised enough, was he? I mean, he hadn't even showed us any script either. Like, that was the other thing. They kept that secret, didn't they?

And just said, just say some words about being a police officer. And then he was like, what's your name going to be? I was like, I don't know. Shouldn't you know? What is your name? I was like, O'Leary?

He was like, yeah, that's so cock. I'm starting to get suspicious there wasn't a script. That's a story they always tell the media, but no, I've never seen any bits of paper that had any of the words on it, so no, maybe it's a complete malice. Do the kids at the early childhood centre, do they make the connection between who's teaching them and the person on television?

Yeah, they always call me a pretend cop. Yeah. And so we don't have to listen to you, Karen. They're tormenting you with sandy poos and sledging you. Showing me no respect whatsoever. They've got no idea that I'm now a celebrity. You know,

just made no difference to them whatsoever, which is just how it should be. Well, we've got Karen O'Leary with us. She's got a new kids album. It's called Better Than Normal

from her band Fun and Funner. Your band was joined by some pretty impressive almost New Zealand legends to help you make this album. Yeah, well, I just thought, you know, if you're going to make a kids' album, you want the best of the best,

because children deserve that. And also, luckily for me, my bandmate Tom Watson, who is a bona fide, actual, very good musician who's been in lots of really big bands, has got very good relationships with lots of Wellington musicians. I like how Ben called them almost New Zealand legends, as if they haven't...

Sorry, that was a very bad turn of phrase. Who are the New Zealand legends I need to try't sorry that was a very bad turn of phrase who are these who are the New Zealand legends I need to try to get on the list now better than my superman yeah did you want Dobbin on there

or something I'm going to get Dave Dobbo and I'm going to get these are legends these are people from Fat Freddy's Drop Trinity Roots

not legends in your eyes almost legends sorry I'm going to get Vic Runga she'll be on the next one she might reach a legendary status in his eyes. Kerry the carnawa.

That's all I want, mate. She's the only legend for me. She already asked, so I've had to say no. Oh, Karen O'Leary, very funny lady. Thank you so much for your time. Oh, absolute pleasure.

Oh, Karen, we love your work. You are hilariously funny. You do a great job on TV and a great job with this album as well. Better Than Normal from your band, Fun and Funner. Thanks for joining us. Oh, cheers. Thank you so great job on TV and a great job with this album as well. Better Than Normal from your band Fun and Funner. Thanks for joining us. Oh, cheers. Thank you so much, guys.

Have a great day. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating still pending. It's Jono and Mano Mahet. Now, just so you know, we're in a building with other radio stations. ZDM's just next door. And I notice the ZDM team, Ben, your Fletchers, your Vaughans, your Megans. Yeah.

They go to the toilet together like a team and I would like us to start doing the same okay Juju you as well all of us will go as a team and we'll all use

the same urinal I don't know if they all go the same you just saw it two of them go together it wasn't like it was yeah like a team that's teamwork

makes the dream work mate okay oh something else we are doing putting this initiative in place from this point on something we are doing together is this.

Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour. We are travelling around the country in cardboard cutout form. We started last week in Bluff. And thanks to the South Island, you transported us all the way safely up the country. Oh, I'm surprised. The cardboard cutout is intact. Yeah.

And it hasn't gone missing. That's right. If they make it back to the Hit Studio, we'll give away $5,000 to someone who either transported the cutouts or had a photo with the cutouts. And it's great because these cutouts can endure all of the abuse that we usually have to face when travelling around the country, Ben. That's right.

So if you get a photo, put hashtag John on Ben 5K cutout and you're in the draw for five grand if it makes it back here. Yeah, they've touched more hands than Purell hand sanitiser these things over the last week. James from the hits in Pottydua, Wellington, but he's in Pottydua. Welcome, James. Hey, guys.

How's it going? Good to have you on. Now, producer Juliette said she used to live with you, James. Hi, James. Yes, she did. Hey, Juju. How are you? Tell us her darkest secret, James.

Sorry, do you guys just mind hanging up so Juju and I can catch up? Oh, okay. He doesn't want to talk to us. Fair enough. So whereabouts are you at the moment? So I am in Portidou and I'm in Cobham Court and I've got some lovely people here. Have you guys been at Year 45 or something? Yeah.

They've been working out this morning and now they've come together. They've got the cut out. You guys are looking pretty good. A little bit of wind, sweat, the hair, especially you, Donna. Yeah, I know. Can we have a chat to the one of the F45ers, James? Yes, I'll put you on with Chelsea. Here you go, Tracy.

They're jacked up on supplements. Good morning. She is jacked up. You can tell she's done 45 minutes of high-intensity cardiovascular exercise. That's the one. Have you had your photo with the cardboard cutouts? I have, actually.

Yeah, to be honest, they are more impressive than the real versions. I'll tell you that. Oh, I can only imagine. The real versions need to do 45 minutes of fitness every day. That's for sure. I think you guys should be a little bit taller, to be honest. Well, yeah, I think we are slightly taller than that. But, yeah, I kind of feel like...

Look, and as far as the photo, if you haven't seen it, a lot of denim, so much denim. Almost illegal. Denim on denim. Yes, denim on denim. Yeah, I can't pull it off, but somehow it's in cardboard cutout form. Hey, well, thank you so much for taking time to have the photo

and you're in the draw for 5K. Yeah, yeah. Have a great day. If you want to go down and see the couple cutouts, you can do so yourself. Get in the draw for $5,000. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Yesterday on the show, round about this time, Jono, you told a story about something you witnessed in the weekend. And... What do you mean, and? This is like a leading and. You want me to pick it up from here? You're jumbling over me, you're talking, you'd interrupt, we'd talk at the same time, but you're

leaving some space here. So pick it up from here. I've said my bit, I've said there's the hits, I've said Mitch James, and I've said the time, and it's over to you. Ben's wanting me to come clean on a little incident that took place yesterday. If you can cast your mind back to...

It was exactly this time, wasn't it? 10 past 7. Yeah, stop stalling. This happened. I was driving down the motorway and I was in the middle lane and I look over and I see this lady. She then looks back at me and says... It was dubbed the greatest story ever told on commercial radio.

Well, because off the back of that, we were like, wow, that's amazing. And we got some calls coming in from people just saying how good it was. That is one of the hands down best stories I've ever heard. That was pretty incredible. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you. Like, it's the point where it's like, to where I thought it heard. That was pretty incredible. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you. It's to the point where it's like, to where I thought it was not true for a moment,

but I was like, nah, surely. Okay. But they had a lot of correspondents going, well, hang on, I could only hear a story with some static, some radio distortion. I couldn't hear the whole story. Was my radio stuffed? But texts and calls came in from all over the country, Johnno. Worldwide.

Yeah. On the podcast as well. Yeah, it was worldwide. They heard on the podcast. They're like, wow, this bit's distorted in the podcast form. So what would you like to say? It was a wonderful story. It can only be told once.

I lied. Okay, I lied. This is what happened. On radio, they ask you to come in with some stories and personal content. Sometimes you don't have stories. Sometimes nothing's happened in your life. And so, Ben, you said yesterday, what have you got? And I said, I've got nothing.

So what I'll do is I'll tell parts of a story and we'll play radio static in between the important pivotal bits and make it sound like it was a story. And then tee up two callers after a song to go, that was the greatest story ever. And then there's my part done. There's my part done. Wipe my hands of my content for the day.

So I lied. And I feel like less of a human being. I've let down the team of five million. We all worked so hard together over the last 12 weeks. You've let us all down. What a radio story. It was a champagne radio duping. I've let down my mother, my father, New Zealand, Ben, Derek,

my personal waxing beautician. He was upset while he was doing the under the end of the carriage. Yeah, I know. He's gone to some dark places, but none darker than this. But I'd like to also point out you're an accessory to the crime. Yeah, I was part of it. I could hear you going, oh, yeah, you know, I could hear you commenting. Yeah, I did.

I chipped in and I was fully behind it. So I have to take that on that one as well. And this is the fake news that Donald Trump has been talking about. I'm part of the problem. We are. I would like to apologise. Where do we go from here? I don't know.

I've let you all down. Should I resign? Yes. That's not what we want to know, actually. We were just, we were a bit of fun yesterday and I think a few people

on the text picked up on the fact that obviously it was a bit of a joke. So we thought, why don't I open up the phones to see if someone could beat Jono's story, which is basically no story.

So have you got a story? That's what you want to know. Can we actually find New Zealand's greatest yarn? Yes. 0800 the hits. Let's get these calls on. Let's provide some rock solid content. Stuff you can sink your teeth into. The best story. What would you tell

at a dinner party? What would you tell if you're on Graham Norton's Red Shear? What's the one story that happened to you and you're like, that's a great story? We'd love to hear from you. 0800 the hits is the fine number. Can we get a story on this week? We'll find out. Let's head to the West Coast. Jimmy, you're on New Zealand's Breakfast. It's lovely to have you here, mate. How you going?

Not too bad. Now, you think you have New Zealand's greatest yarn? It involves your 85-year-old father-in-law. Yep. He's never driven a car in his life. In 85 years? Has he been in a vehicle? Yep. The mother-in-law's got a car. Why has. In 85 years? Has he been in a vehicle? Yep.

The mother-in-law's got a car. Why has he refused to drive? He just reckons he never wanted to drive. He's always ridden a pushbike. Well, he's ridden lots of them because he's lost a few and crashed a few. He has a couple of beers.

Oh, so he's just avoided driving just so he can drink and bicycle all over the West Coast. Pretty much. Wow. Because we were just talking about Noel Gallagher from Oasis, 53 years old and just learning to drive. So he goes 30 years better.

Yep, definitely. Wow. Thank you for your call. That's a great young man. He's too late. He's too past it now. You can't get one now, Kenny. He hasn't got a push bike anymore.

He's 85 and slowed down. Who drives him around now? You do. Nah, his mother-in-law. She's 82. This sounds like a recipe for disaster on the road. I love it. Thank you very much, Jimmy.

Good as gold, mate. Let's head to Marty. Welcome to the show, Marty. You think you've got New Zealand's greatest yarn? Better than what you just told. Yeah, no, fair enough for your cock. Which was nothing, nothing really to be honest so as long as you've got something

then you'll be better than Johnny do you remember me telling you about 83 of us electricians going to Orlando yes this was two weeks ago you went over for a work trip that's the one well on the edge of the Hyatt Motel where we were staying

there's a steakhouse. And so five of us decided, oh, we'll go in there for a meal one day. So we went in there and we all polished off our meals. And unbeknown to us, as you completed your meals, they were free. And all you heard from the kitchen was, are they bloody Kiwis? Have New Zealanders gone over? That's the thing. When New Zealanders go into a buffet situation or like an eating challenge,

it's like a personal quest, isn't it, for any New Zealander to out-eat a buffet. Hell yes. Well done, Marty. He out-ate a steakhouse in Orlando. And that's the second part of his story from Orlando. I can't wait for the trilogy, Peter Jackson. The Peter Jackson of radio callers, Marty. And we'll take one more.

There is another one, I tell you. You save that for next week. You save that for next week, Marty. No worries. And Barb, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. You think you've got New Zealand's best yarn? Yeah, well, my dad is a bit of a character, and he goes out collecting bottles and cans, Coke cans and things like that.

In his 75s, 75 to 80, he'd still be going out by piha with a rope so he could tie it around trees and rappel down into the bush to go and find things. Well, the long story short is that we were at Melbourne at my sister's place for Christmas, and Amber's bored with all the normal stuff that goes on on Christmas Day. Having to spend time with family. Yeah, presents.

Talk to people. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, exactly. So he went out walking, and they're near a railway line. So he went down onto the railway line, because that's a great place for cans, and was walking along picking up cans. But unbeknownst to him,

somebody had seen him and thought that he was suicidal. So they called the police, who then stopped all trains on the line. Oh, no. And we were so embarrassed when there's a knock on the door and my sister's saying, well, who's this? Who are we expecting? I wonder who it is. And it's the police at the door saying,

do you know this gentleman? Because they didn't have any idea. Oh, so he'd been caught by the cops, brought in. Was this all on Christmas Day? On Christmas Day. And they said he was walking along the railway lines. We'd like to ascertain his level of well-being and mental health. And we were like, he was just out collecting cans.

Cans. But then where was he going to cash the cans into Melbourne? It's not his home ground. It's not his home turf. He used to go there like two, three times a year. And so he'd just squash them and save them and then take them to the recycling place and get money for the grandkids. Oh, well, there we go, Barb.

It's a bleak reflection on your family. If your dad would rather be out collecting cans on a train track on Christmas Day than eating crisp meal. What a great story though. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. It's good to have sport back. Over the weekend we talked about the rugby back on

the sellout crowds, which is awesome. Covering all the topical events, Ben, we do on the show. We did. We did talk about that. We mentioned that. Words came out of our mouth saying how good it was to have sport back. But you're worried because you said

after the show yesterday you're concerned that you've bestowed a curse upon your favourite team. Yeah, because I'm a big fan of the Warriors. My big three teams, the Blackcaps, Warriors, Breakers,

they're my big three. But whenever he meets a Warrior, he's like a five-year-old meeting the Wiggles. I know. We went to a press conference. I had to ask questions and I got selfies with players. You know, that was what happened.

I had to pull him aside and slap him. It's like when I was on TikTok. You're like, you're a crying adult. Stop doing this. You're like, Adam Blair, Adam Blair. He's like, what? I know, Adam Blair, I love him, but I think he's now, I'm the weird guy that's like, hey, Adam, how's it going, mate?

Talking about stats and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, because I love the Warriors. There's a reason the Warriors went to Australia and it wasn't because of the border restrictions. It was because of the restraining order that they've placed on Ben Boyce. Now, I don't have Sky anymore. I used to have Sky

and so I've been paying for, you know, you can get Sky, you can pay for a weekly. You can get weekly Sky and you can watch it online. Oh, if there's a loophole to get cheaper Sky, Ben Boyce will find it. Well, in the long run, it's probably not cheaper, but you know, when you don't want to

sign up for a long term, it's like, okay. And I've been buying it, you know, occasionally this year to watch the Warriors. But every time I bought it, the Warriors have lost. And every time I haven't watched, the Warriors have won. So they've won two games. I've watched both of those and I haven't watched three.

And my mates who are also Warriors fans are like, stop watching. You've got to stop now. You've cursed the team. Yeah, you have hexed them. And you know why you've hexed them? Why? You know why. Because you went to the Warriors once

and he was invited into a corporate box. Oh, my one time I've ever been in a corporate box. And at the end of the night, producer Juliet. I hadn't left. So I was the last one in there. At the end of the night. Because Juliet. I hadn't left. So I was the last one in there. At the end of the night. Because it's a corporate box.

They leave straight away. Yeah, make the most of the free food. He's already defending himself. I am yet to even tell what happened. So I'm just saying, backstory. I'm there. I'm excited. Warriors are probably lost because I'd watched.

But anyway, I had a great time. Okay, the scene is set. I'm having a good time. I'm staying until they kick me out. Okay, no, you just pull me up if I'm telling any lies here. He then takes the glazed ham, the leg of ham, and puts it in his My Little Pony's backpack. What?

Not a lie. It sounds like I made My Little Pony's backpack up, but I didn't. He actually carries a My Little Pony's backpack. He put the glazed ham in his backpack and took it home and fed his family for three weeks with that glazed ham. Yes, but I didn't ask. Corporate box glazed ham in his backpack and took it home and fed his family for three weeks with that glazed ham. Corporate box glazed warrior's ham. I did ask the person in charge of the corporate box. I said, hey, what are you

going to do with the ham afterwards? And they went, I don't know. And I said, well, maybe could I have the ham? And they went, yeah, sure, you could have the ham. So I did put it in my My Little Bunny backpack. That's true. He also took the fridge. The knives, the forks. I commend you.

So you reckon that's why the... Yeah, you've hexed them with a glazed ham-based theft. Because I enjoyed ham, I can never enjoy a winning game for the Warriors again. This is your fault. I hope the ham tasted good, mate. It was good. Because you're never going to taste another victory with the Warriors. Do you know how long ham lasts for?

I'm still eating Christmas ham from 2015. It doesn't go away. All you have to do is put a wet, you know, you just put the wet tea towel over it. And somehow, I don't know why you do that, but somehow that makes it okay to eat in October. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram.

That is some big news. Small town. A bit more bloody possessed, mate. No, I thought that was good. That is some big news. Here we go. That's some big news. Small town.

This big news is coming from Christchurch. Well, Sumner today has a really lovely story. A swimmer helped tow a boat back into shore after it ran out of petrol. Just using pure brute force. Yeah, it's amazing. 100% Canterbury beef towing that boat back inshore and the rescuer in question, Blair Quayne

with us on 0800 The Hits. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Welcome to the big news, Blair. Hi guys, how are you doing? You sound like a guy who would jump in freezing cold water and tow a boat back to shore. Well, I'm not the one that actually did that. So anyway, we'll sort that story out. Oh, you're not?

No, we were on the rescue boat. Oh, okay. Which speeded up to the 50 side. Oh, hold on. No, hold on. We've done some shocking reporting here. We have. Okay. Why don't you pick it up for me? Okay. Pick it up for me, Blair. Blair, hold on. No, hold on. We've done some shocking reporting here. We have. Why don't you pick it up for me?

Pick it up for me, Blair. Blair, you tell us what really happened. Because there's been a lot of people saying some stuff, including us. We got a call from the public that there was a boat in distress and Taylor's mistaken. So we took our rescue boat round to the scene and the guys were at the time had one of their members out in the front of the boat with

a rope tied round them swimming the boat back to shore. So yeah, we didn't actually do a lot, We just sort of stayed on scene and made sure they got back to the beach all right. But certainly one of the more unusual things we've ever seen at Coast Guard. So just to confirm, that was you in your underpants towing the boat back to shore. Is that right, Blair? Definitely not me in my underpants. Okay. So you just watched?

You watched? Yeah, we just watched. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was in his underpants because when he got out of the water, he was showing me significant builder's crap, which could have probably been a reflection of the telling off we gave him for not wearing life jackets. So none of them, the three of them,

didn't have life jackets, didn't have communication, didn't have a flare, a very irresponsible boating. It sounds like something I would do, Blair. But so 12 degrees in the water, almost freezing temperatures. Imagine the Scissors Paper Rock situation as to who was going to dive in. Yeah, well, I think the guy that did it was actually an ex-lifeguard. So he was actually more than capable of swimming, but still it was freezing temperatures.

So he's more of a man than I would do. Yeah, well, thankfully, as you say, everyone's okay, and I guess they've learned a valuable lesson? Yeah, I think so, yeah. What's the lesson? You should always be prepared for boating and also for interviews on radio, and I think you'll find that we were well prepared for the splatter. Yeah, you did a bit of work there, guys.

Thankfully, you came and rescued us. You did. From our shambolic broadcasting. thankfully you came and rescued us he did from our shambolic broadcasting it's always great to talk to a guy who swam the boat back into shore

yeah wonderful man underpants sounds like you need to go and warm up after that underpants swim Blair yeah hey thank you very much

for your time mate you have a wonderful wonderful day and appreciate your time and I don't know how in many more ways I can say thanks for your time

alright guys Blair's like never phone me again Blair I appreciate your time, and I don't know how in many more ways I can say thanks for your time. All right, guys. Blair's like, never phone me again. Blair. This is a shock. How many interviews have you done, Blair? Quite a few, but this is pretty consistent for you guys. You're not changing anything.

Oh, that's good to know. Good to know, Blair. Keep it in the bar low. That's what we hope to do. Thank you very much, Blair. All right. Cheers, guys. See you, mate.

Some more nearly correct news there on the big news. Another champagne interview, Jono. We did well there, didn't we? Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. She's all up in the butt of celebrity scandal. Producer Juliet, what have we got for Spy? So Ricky Gervais has revealed that no matter where he is in the world,

whenever he's travelling, he will always eat Italian. So if he's in Japan, he won't eat Japanese food. He'll find an Italian restaurant and eat there. And every other country is the same. And the reason for that is because he just loves Italian and knows that he's always going to get the same sort of thing. And it's never going to disappoint him. That reminds me of something that Jono would do.

It's consistency. I was just about to say, I'm in the same sort of thing and it's never going to disappoint them. It reminds me of something that Jono would do. It's consistency. I was just about to say, I'm in the same boat. It's like it's the cuisine that you can eat to look adventurous, but it's a safe option. You've got your bollock nays. You really want a burger, but you're like, well, no, maybe I'll branch out. Look like I'm branching out.

Pepperoni pizza, all your staple. It's a wonderful cuisine, the Italians. It is. Do you know my only fun fact I know about Italian cuisine is the margarita pizza. Ben, I've said this to you multiple times. It's a good one, the Italians. It is. Do you know my only fun fact I know about Italian cuisine is the margarita pizza. Ben, I've said this to you multiple times. It's a good one, but oh yeah. You've got the green leaves, the red tomato paste, the white mozzarella cheese.

Yeah. And the person who designed the pizza designed it for the colours of the Italian flag. Oh, matched it. Yeah, for the queen back in the day, the Italian queen. Very cool, very coy. Yeah, but it's a wonderful cuisine, isn't it? So good. I'm a food bogan. I've a very limited palate, don't I? Ben, you'd eat anything.

You'd eat Juliet right now, if you had the chance. I'm not very meaty. I'd probably draw the line there, to be honest. That's where you'd stop? Yeah. You'd eat that drink bottle next year? You try stuff. Yeah, I'm not one of these, this lady that ate an aeroplane.

Yeah, I'm not one of those people, but I'd go somewhere and try something because that's part of, you know, experiencing new things. And that news story of that lady eating the aeroplane was amazing. Amazing. What, a 737? Oh, there's a lot of things like that, eh? Or a guy eats a car bit by bit or something. You're like, why? And another news, Jennifer Garner.

So she has been spotted out taking her cat for a walk in a stroller. Everyone's like, why are you taking your cat for a walk? So she explained to Ellen. One of my kids was not into going for walks and we just had to get out of the house. And I said, what can we do? And she said, I want to take the cat. So we ordered a cat stroller. I blamed Jessica Seinfeld because

she's like a cat lady and all of a sudden now I have a cat and I have a cat stroller and I take it for walks and it has a leash. So she's got the whole kit and caboodle for her cat. Cats look like they hate life already. They're like a cat in a pram. Imagine how miserable a cat in a pram would be. But Kim

Crossman, a friend of the show, actor, New Zealand actor, she takes her cat out for a walk. She does as well. She says the cat loves it. Aren't cats meant to use their legs? Well, yeah, I guess so. Why do they have to go in a pram? Especially if she's got a leash as well.

They kind of get their own exercise, really, don't they? Yeah. They kind of just go off and do whatever they do. Yeah. I don't know. It's their own exercise. Would you put your big dog, Beau, in a pram? You'd probably have to put them in the back of a trailer. One of those trailers you hired from the Z petrol station. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's their own app. Would you put your big dog, Bo, in a pram? You'd probably have to put him

in the back of a trailer. One of those trailers you hired from the Z petrol station. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd probably like that. But you're right. It'd be hard work. It'd be a lot of work for me

pushing him around in a pram, that's for sure. You pick your dog up and he's two times bigger than you. He's not really a dog you can pick up, eh? How much are you feeding that? You must, like,

shovel, get a spade and shovel food into his mouth. Like, I'm like, when would you stop? Like, if I just, I don't overfeed him, but if I just, like, shovel, get a spade and shovel food into his mouth. Like, I'm like, when would you stop? Like, if I just, I don't overfeed him, but if I just, like, I just keep feeding him. Like, he just keep eating. Feed him, Juliet. She's available.

There you go. Yeah. And on that note, for more SPAR, you can head to the hits.co.nz. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We do a game called the Reception Reception, where we see what sort of reception we receive from a reception. And it's been relatively positive, hasn't it? Yeah, you ring up.

Jono, I go out of the room, you ring up, and you leave a message for me and see if the receptionist will take that message, and I call back and pass on that message to me. So it's using another business's tools for our advantage. It's like walking onto a car yard and borrowing the car for the day and dropping it back at the end of the day. All right, I'm going to head out of the room. You can make a call and go to the soundproof booth. All right, here we go. Good morning, Regal Wallage.

Sue speaking. G'day, Sue. How are you, mate? I'm good. Hey, listen, I was just phoning up to leave a message for Ben. I'm calling from the computer repair shop. For Ben? Yeah, he dropped his computer, his laptop, to get fixed.

And he said to call this number, leave a message, and you'll pass it on to him. I honestly have no idea who Ben is. Oh, okay. Are you all right to just take the message anyway in case he calls you? Okay. But, yeah, I've, yeah, honestly,

I've never heard of Ben. Okay. Hey, Sue? Yeah. Sue? Okay. Yeah? Are you sitting on the F5 key? No. Are you sitting on that? No. Oh, because I'm finding this conversation

very refreshing. Oh, is it? Computer humour there from the computer shop. So, the computer's ready, is it? So, yeah, it's 4B. So, the computer's ready, is it? So, yeah, it's four bit.

No, the computer's not ready. I was just going through his internet history and I was just wanting to know if he wanted me to delete it or he wanted to keep it there. He had some searches like

do babes like guys with belly button piercings. Okay. Another one here, Jonas Brothers Fan Club. Okay. Yep.

Another one here, is it normal for me to cry after making love? Yep. Okay, what's your number there? And one more search, do babes think

Ben Boyce is hot? Okay. Question mark. So, yeah, so think Ben Boyce is hot? Okay. Question mark. So, yeah, so listen, I'll leave that with you. If he calls, can you just pass that on? Okay. You've got a heart of gold, Sue. Love your work.

Okay. Okay, bye. Thanks, bye. Come back in, Ben. Come back in from the soundproof booth. Oh. So I've passed your message on to Sue. Okay. So, Sue, I message on to Sue. Okay.

So Sue, I have a good feeling Sue is a reliable receptionist. I'm very nervous. Why is that coming back in? There's nothing to be nervous about. Oh, well, no, because you've got a big smile on your face. No, when you say I'm very nervous, it makes me sound like I'm bullying you more. Okay.

Don't say words like I'm not. I'm going to say, oh, I'm enjoying this. I'm extremely nervous about this. Is that better? So we're phoning Sue. It's her name. Okay. Hi, it's Ben here.

I understand there's a message left for me. Good morning, Regal Haulage. Sue speaking. Sue, hey, how you doing? Good, thanks. Hey, Sue, my name's Ben. Apparently I've had a message left by a friend of mine, Jono, at your reception.

I don't know if that's quite the case. Yep, he says, internet history. Do you want him to delete it or do you want to keep it? Okay, maybe delete it if he does call back. Do you know what history he's referring to? Did he go into details? You know, because I've been looking at a few things, but they're all above board.

I don't know what he's told you. I don't know what he's told you, Sue. He's been spreading things. Sue, Jono's with me right now. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Tell them about the search. Do babes think guys with belly button piercings are hot? And is it normal for me to cry after making love?

I see why Sue didn't want to pass this on now. And do babes think Ben Boyce is hot? Sue, I'm sorry you got roped into this. It's Jono and Ben. We just sometimes like to see if we could have a reception because we don't have a reception we can use, so we thought we'd use other people's. Oh, okay.

Rightio. So you're a great sport. You hold the line. We'll find something to send out for you, all right? Okay, thank you. You didn't even mention Jonas Bro's fan club sign-up, question mark. Oh, no. Oh, that was one of the tamer ones, Sue.

Love your work, Sue. You have a wonderful day. Thank you. Kia ora, I'm Jane Yee. I'm Alex Casey. And I'm Duncan Grave. We are the hosts of The Real Pod and Confession Cam Time. We bloody love reality telly.

If we sound like your type on paper, join us each week for your fix of reality TV news, recaps and gossip. On The Real Pod, it's perfectly fine to like reality TV. It's a safe space, so let down your walls, wear your heart on your sleeve and remember, it is what it is. And what it is, is The Real Pod. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network

and available wherever you get your pods. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Had a bit of a shocker in a cab yesterday. Had to take a taxi to the work thing that we had in the afternoon. Yes, you did and you turned up and you were like

oh, my light banter wasn't quite the usual light banter that I normally have. Because you're very good at light bantering with people. Yeah, no, you never want to sit next to me on a plane or a bus or that person, aren't you? Or a radio studio. I'm just, I'm a talker. I see you next to you when we do take plane trips for work. You don't wear headphones.

You don't watch the screen. He just talks. He's one of those people. And I'm like, oh, I'd like to just put headphones on. Yes. You're like, oh, yeah, yeah. So you just have a chat. Sometimes I just watch your movie without headphones on,

trying to figure out the plot line. It's one of my favourite things to do. So you love chatting to people. You're really good at just talking to people and filling up just conversation with whatever you do. Just with words. With words. People don't want to hear them.

Just saying words. So I'm in the taxi and, you know, I've got my staples. My conversation starter staples. Nice day out there. What time did you start, what time do you finish and those are my three, those are my big bangers So how long would they normally get you through?

It buys you 10 minutes or so it buys you 10 minutes because you're like oh that's an early start you can extend from that or oh that's a late finish. Oh how many days a week? So you go home during the day for a break there's many spider webs you can take off those starters. But then another one of my favourites is, you know, what's your biggest fear in terms of, you know, how much?

Someone's paid. Someone's paid. Oh. You're like, like hundreds of dollars, you know, have you taken in someone from Auckland to Hamilton? Have you taken someone from Christchurch to Ashburton? That sort of thing. Yeah, which means, you know,

and that feels like a natural extension of the previous conversations, all taxi-based, schedule-based, et cetera. Yeah. So then I said, on the motorway, I was like, you know, what's your biggest fear? And he looked up in the rear-vision mirror, looked me dead in the eyes, and he's like,

oh, my family. I and he's like my family I never want to lose my family it's my biggest fear so he'd taken fear F-E-A-R he's like they mean so much to me, I just couldn't exist if they weren't around, so my biggest fear is losing my family, but I'm like

oh god this has gone from 0 to 100 you've gone from light banter, what time did you start he's probably like oh this is an interesting next question from this guy. But he's answered it willingly and I appreciate his openness and honesty. But I'm like, he's going to come back to me. He's going to go,

what's your biggest fear? Well, you were going to basically, you can't really interrupt him and go, oh, no, no, no, sorry, mate. Sorry for this heartfelt. I mean, how much? No, yeah, halfway through is he saying how much he loves his grandmother

and he wouldn't be the human he is without her. I'm not going to go, I actually meant how much some loser paid you to go from Christchurch to Ashburton. Who was drunk in the back of the cab and fell asleep. So then I wasn't really listening to his story because the whole time I'm like, he's going to throw it back.

It's a game of tennis. I know how this works. And eventually he's like, what's your biggest fear? And I was like, spiders. I don't like spiders. I don't like them. I don't this works. And eventually he's like, what's your biggest fear? And I was like, spiders. I don't like spiders. I don't like them. I don't like them.

You don't like them. But then we sat in silence for the rest of the trip. There was another 10 minutes. I was like, I've ended it. I've ended it. So my light banter, now I'm not going to engage. I'm not going to engage. No more.

No more. It's taught me a lesson. It's taught me a lesson. He was a wonderful person and it was a miscommunication, and I'm a shocking human being. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I had a debate with my wife Amanda last night because we'd been shopping,

and she said, why do you put the tomatoes always in the fridge? Why don't you leave them out? And I was like, well, I think for me they last longer in the fridge. I always put them in the fridge. But it got me wondering, and I want you guys to weigh in. Oh, 800 the hits. Do you keep your tomatoes in the fridge or not? This got into quite a big debate last night.

This is why we need to bring back coronavirus to New Zealand. It gives us other stuff to talk about. 4487 on the text. Oh, 800 the hits. Tomatoes. Fridge, not fridge. Help me out here, people. Or do you keep them in the toilet? Another option as well. Let's chuck them out there. Well, that's not the fridge. Oh, 800, that hits. Tomatoes. Fridge, not fridge. Help me out here, people. Or do you keep them in the toilet?

Another option as well. Let's chuck them out there. Well, that's not the fridge. That's fine. Fridge, not fridge. That's all I want to know. It feels like you're trying to use the radio as a forum to prove your point to your wife.

Well, I'll go back. If I'm wrong about the fridge, I'll go back tonight and say I was wrong. So help me out. Amelia is on the phone from Wellington. Great to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast. Amelia, your thoughts? Tomatoes. Fridge, out of fridge?

In the fridge, like a normal person. Like a normal person. Hey, we don't disagree. We're both normal people. Amelia, you're normal as well. The three of us, this is the most normal conversation you'll ever hear from three normal people living a normal life. I feel like they last longer in the fridge,

and that's why I'm sticking to it. All right, let's go to another call. I love this man. Moose. Remember Moose from Taranaki? Yes, yes. Moose is back on the show. Your thoughts?

Hey, guys. Well, apparently there's an enzyme in tomatoes, like a flavour compound, that gets permanently turned off when you refrigerate your tomatoes. So if you want long life, put them in the fridge. If you've got Jono's pellet, that's okay.

But if you like good tasting marties, leave them out, cuzzy. Moose coming in with some science there. And you wouldn't expect that from Moose. Yeah, I stereotyped you on Moose and I was wrong. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's the best call I've had all day. We shall now refer to him as Dr. Moose.

Thank you, Moose. Cheers for listening, mate. Well, okay, so if you want them lasting longer, a fridge, if you want them to taste better, leave them out. Let's go to Hokitika. Adrian, you're on the air, mate. Fridge, out of fridge.

Tomatoes. Out of the fridge, mate. Out of the fridge. Because if they were meant to be in the fridge, they'd be in the fridge in the supermarket, wouldn't they? Well, that's a valid point. They want eggs. That's a valid point.

Well, let's go through to a produce proprietor, a fruit and vegetable produce proprietor. Yeah, they should know, right? They will have the fact. Hello, Wilson's Veggie Store. Hello, Wilson's Veggie Store. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. Oh, hello.

Tomatoes. You sell them? You love them? Yes, yeah. Okay. Is that yes on both counts? Yes. Oh, hello. Tomatoes. You sell them? You love them? Yes, yeah. Okay, is that yes on both counts? Yes. Okay, great. Big question.

Where do you keep them? When we bring them home, do you keep them in the fridge or do you keep them out in the pantry, on the bench, that sort of thing, in a fruit bowl? Out in the pantry, not in the fruit bowl.

Not in the fridge? No, no. Why not in the fridge? It keeps them firm and tight like my Ben's bottom. No, I reckon it takes the flavour away. Oh, but if you leave them out, I find they get wrinkly and saggy like my bottom.

I'm not going to comment on your bottom because that would be inappropriate. Okay, so you reckon you're leaving them out, you're not even putting them in the fridge? No. How long can they sit out for, though? This is the question. Well, mine seem to sit out for a while.

They, yeah, seem to keep a while. And we keep them at the shop. We keep them on the shelf. Okay. Oh, well, that's good to know. We've just been having a bit of a... Sorry, having a bit of a stroke. He's been having a bit of a stroke.

But we're also having a debate as well on the show. Oh, yeah. And you've helped us settle that. Oh, I'm glad I can help you. All right, you have a great day with your tomatoes. Yeah, you too. All right, see you, mate. Well, but there's an egg on our face.

Yeah. And I'm going to chuck it out there. Cooked tomatoes are a scourge on society. They're filler on a breakfast grill plate. What? Yeah. They're just there to take up plate space. No one enjoys them.

Again, I should disagree. I love tomatoes, but don't cook them. Cook a tomato. On the side, like non-cooked? All day, all day. You're a Satan worshipper if you cook tomatoes. That's not going over the top either.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Cutouts are making their way around the South Island. Well, they've done the South Island, now on the North. If you get a photo with them, you can get $5,000. Use the hashtag JonoAndBen5KCutout and you're in the draw for $5,000 if they make it back to us here.

And we're just saying, well, you know, what's going to happen to these cutouts at the end of it? Do we just chuck them in the ocean like a responsible radio show? People want them, apparently. People want them. I'm not sure why. It would be a piece of paraphernalia that would be timeless, would last, like commercial radio. It would be around for decades, decades to come.

But what paraphernalia have you got in your house? Maybe this is from a concert, from a trip. Maybe you robbed somewhere. I don't know. The National Museum. The Smithsonian Institute robbed somewhere. I don't know. The National Museum. The Smithsonian Institute in America. I don't know. These are just, I'm spitballing here.

Let's go to the phones. Stuart's on the phone. Welcome. G'day, g'day. Your paraphernalia, Stu. I've got a cardboard cutout of a 2002 HSV Holden. Of a car. Which they're no longer around now.

No longer being manufactured. Exactly. It's going to be worth a bit of coin in a few years. So the cardboard cutout or the car? No, the cardboard cutout. So is it like life-size? It's not quite life-size, but it's pretty big. It takes up my whole wall.

A life-size cardboard cutout of a car would be very inconvenient. Oh, well, say what you will, but I like it. Yeah, this seems like something that, Jono, you would love to have. You're a big Holden fan. I'm just talking for the size of it. Having to transport. What happens if you move house, Stuart? Well, yeah, getting it into the room with a bit of admin,

we actually have to take off the window to get it up. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's impressive. That's awesome, Stuart. Hey, thank you for listening, buddy. You look after that cardboard cutout. Oh, I will. That's impressive. That's awesome, Stu. Thank you for listening, buddy. And you look after that cardboard cutout. Oh, I will.

Good on you. Cal's on the phone from Wellington. Your paraphernalia, Cal, what have you got? So I've got a signed Tony Hawk skateboard. That's special. That'd be worth a bit of money. Yeah. God, it was probably a good 15 years ago now,

back in South Africa, um i snuck into the vip section and i was like tony i want your board and he goes okay and he just gave it to you yeah well i mean if anyone's gonna have an excess amount of skateboards it's gonna be tony hawk that is amazing that's so he just literally i was i snuck in got past the security and everything and i was like yeah i, I want your skateboard. And he goes, okay, signed it, and he handed it over. What a GB. Yeah, bro.

I was lucky enough to interview him a few years ago, and he's got like a skate. Of course he has. He's got half pipes and stuff in like a big warehouse. And then as we were packing up at the end, the camera crew, he's like, if you don't mind, I'm going to do some skateboarding. Is that okay? And we're like, yeah.

And we just sat there and watched him skateboard. No one packed up for like 20 minutes, just watched him just do his thing by himself. It was incredible. It was one of those moments. It was just like, holy cow, that's Tony Hawk. Yeah, it was incredible. Oh, way to pool over Cal's story. Oh, no, I haven't got to sign anything.

I haven't got to sign anything. I've just got something in my memory. You've got an actual skateboard signed by him. I wish I had that. And Ben's memory will fade with age. One day, thanks to Alzheimer's, he won't be able to remember this Tony Hawkinson. Exactly. Thank you, Kel. Appreciate

that. Daryl's on the phone. 0800 the hits. Paraphernalia, you've got, Daryl. I'm going to steal the cutout. What? What cutout? Our cutout. I'm going to steal the cutout. You're going to kidnap it. I'm looking at it right now.

I'm going to steal it. No. What? No. You can't. You wait. In the next few days, the cutout will be mine and there's nothing you can do.

Well, you wait because on Thursday night, you're going to be on Police 107. We're going to take this to the top level. If you kidnap the cutout note, five grand isn't given away. Just you wait. I'm going to have the last laugh. Okay.

Well, you're right. It needs to make it back up here for $5,000. I like how Daryl's tried to disguise his voice, but hasn't gone to the levels of employing technology. You know how they can... It's just like, you're doing it like that. Yeah, go ahead. Well, Daryl, good luck, I guess is all I can say.

Hopefully you won't steal it, but who knows? The cutout will be mine. All right. Oh, he's not going. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Quickie News, that's what gets us out of bed in the morning.

That's what drives a commercial radio show. We go and visit the odd news sites of the world, and we present to you... Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is The B***ing News. Now, poor Ash Thomas,

she studied seven years at a journalism school just to read the news, a respected craft. We make her lower her standards to take part in this, don't we,

Producer Ju? So Producer Ju finds headlines. Yes, weird headlines around the world. I beep out one word and you guys have to try and figure out what that word is and what the news story is.

Can I just bring one non-beat to this right now? Just reading online of quirky news. So a house plant in New Zealand on Trade Me, guess how much it's sold for? $6,500. Okay, read the article. Yes, you're right. Well done.

That's exactly right. Well done. One point to you I saw that on the what are they called the plants a hoya or something yeah

there was a lady who's growing them and she's selling them for six and a half thousand dollars it turns out but anyway it was on the news last week like anywhere from a grand

to six and a half it's like the market the market dictates the price oh it's just a great great response and six and a half grand is a lot her husband was like,

can you stop bringing these plants in? Now he's like, more. More plants. Grow them. How much do you get for your plants on the market? What's the market rate

for those post-COVID, Ben? They're normally sold in little bags. Can't do those on Trade Me, can you, buddy? No, you can't. No, no. The market does dictate

the price. The only market he's got are ones looking for shoes hanging over power lines. All right, Producer Juliet, on to you for your news and beeps. Cool, here we go. Woman shows how to perfectly slice watermelon and all you need is... Ooh, we need to figure out what the missing word is. All you need is a can-do attitude. Or a knife.

I'm just going to go knife. I'm going to go obvious. You need to slice a watermelon withdo attitude. For a knife? I'm just going to go knife. I'm going to go obvious. You need to slice a watermelon with a knife. Woman shows how to perfectly slice watermelon and all you need is dental floss.

You can cut a watermelon with dental floss? So what you do is you have a quarter of a watermelon and you have a thing of dental floss and what you start by doing

is slicing in between the red and the green like down the bottom and then you slice it into little individual slices. I love when you see these life hacks on YouTube. So good. So you obviously need a knife to get to that stage, but once

it's... Yeah, that's great though. The problem is with watermelon, there's always too much of it. Like you buy a whole watermelon, once you've cracked it, you can't stop. It's like me opening a dozen beds. Once you've opened the box, you just can't. You've got to finish it.

That's true. My flatmate tried to eat a whole watermelon in 20 minutes and then he couldn't do it. You can't. There's too much of it. It's like even when you get a big quarter, you don't know how to cut off the quarters. Even that's too much watermelon.

That's okay. All right, should we go to the next story? Yeah, why not? Owner witnesses his dog to another dog at the park and people love it. Pull the fingers to another dog. Oh, that's good. I'm going to go something obvious again.

Sniff. Sniff another dog. That's what they love doing. Owner witnesses his dog lie to another dog at the park and people love it. Lying? So what happened was

this dog had its favourite ball and he lost possession of it. Another dog took the ball, started playing with it and then the owner saw his dog have this pause and think. And so what the dog does, he goes and grabs a stick, starts playing with it over-enthusiastically to get the other dog's attention,

and the other dog is like, right, I want that stick. That looks a lot of fun. Takes the stick, so then the dog gets his ball back. How dumb is that other dog? The dumbest dog in the world. That was like a kid reading a toddler. You're like, I want that now. Yeah.

You've got a dumb dog. Yeah, I do. I love him. I love him. I love him too, but he is, yeah. He's a shambles. I feel like Bo would

fall for that trick. Oh, this is thick. This is way better. Bo's dragged Ben into a swampy marsh before. Oh, he's done all sorts. Yeah, the wall of shame, that dog.

I love him, but you're right. He'd be that dog. And the final story, let's go one more, eh? Simple as **** could be the cure for athletes suffering from cauliflower ear. Play that one again? Simple could

be the cure for athletes suffering from cauliflower ear. Simple something could be the cure for athletes suffering from cauliflower ear. I've got nothing. Is it alright if I've got nothing? Can I say I'll sit this one out? I'm going to put another vegetable in. Simple broccoli. Okay, here we go.

For cauliflower, yeah. Simple injection could be the cure for athletes suffering from cauliflower air. Injection. Oh, right, because rugby players, some of the rugby players get them, right? Their ears, they make me violently ill. You know when you watch like former ones on Sky Sport and they're doing their commentary? Yeah, no, he's bringing it up in the middle at half time. You're like, I can't take my eyes off those ears.

What has happened? They've sort of, they mould into one just giant lump of skin. Yeah, they do. They're quite puffy and sort of, yeah, it's part of the game, I guess. Oh, like, you know it's a hazard. You know it's a possibility. Why don't you just tape your ears up or wear headgear? I think even still they must still get them.

And then get them drained as well. Well, they have to get the ears drained. Sometimes, yeah, to get rid of the puffiness. I was talking to one player, he was like, yeah, now and again I get them drained. Wow. What gunky liquid is in there? I don't know.

I had no follow-up questions on that. Only flower ears drained. There you go, the news and beeps, that was fun. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Very cold in some parts of the South Island. Minus 12, you were saying, over the weekend in middle March. Yeah, so some of the coldest weather in June

in 40 years in the South Island. Jeez, you'd have to put a bag of Wattie's frozen mixed vegetables down your pants just to warm up. Just to warm up from this frozen year, you'd have to put a bag of Wattie's frozen mixed vegetables down your pants just to warm up. Just to warm up from this frozen. Yeah, you're right. That would be warmer than the weather outside. Yeah, it's freezing cold down there. Yeah, no, good on them.

Good on them. Who would have thought it would be winter, eh? It'd be cold. Not me. I couldn't have picked it. Every year we're surprised by this. But we're going to go deep south today for today's A to Z. The A to Z of New Zealand.

Yes, we're heading to Beaumont, as we call every town and city in New Zealand. It's going to take us two and a half years. Beaumont is a small town located in inland Otago. It's on State Highway 8. If you don't have calluses on your hands, you won't be welcome in Beaumont. If you haven't killed a wild animal with your hands,

you won't be welcome in Beaumont. If you have moisturised your hands, you won't be welcome in Beaumont. If you have moisturised your hands, you won't be welcome in Beaumont. Even once? Even once in your life? Even if you've thought about moisturising your hands, you will not be welcome in Beaumont. Well, I'm not welcome there.

You're constantly thinking about moisture. I am thinking about it right now. All you want is those hands to be full of moisture. Well, they can't. They get a bit dry from just washing them too much. And too much sanitiser. Yeah, I know. You peeled off nine layers of skin

over the last 12 weeks. I'm losing the South Island audience here. Let's try and win one over, eh? That's called Beaumont. Yep. Hello? Yeah. How are you?

It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. Yeah. Is this Beaumont's Jono and Ben from The Hits. Yeah. Is this Beaumont? Yes. Oh, hey, we're ringing every town and place in New Zealand from our radio show. We wanted to know about Beaumont. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. At the moment, you've just said yes, and it sounds like a great place. Well, can you tell us about Beaumont? You all right to talk to us quickly on the radio? Yeah, right here. Always here. Hello.

How are you? I'm good, and you? It's Jonumont? You all right to talk to us quickly on the radio? Yeah, right here. Always here. Hello. How are you? I'm good, and you? It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. This is the A to Z of New Zealand. We're phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. Beaumont is number 31 on the list. Welcome to the show. Okay.

What an introduction. That was a really good introduction. It really was, Jono. What can you tell us about Beaumont? There's no people here. Okay. It's paradise. About 20, 30 years ago,

an electrical company was going to put a dam in here. Right. And so a lot of the locals left. And now we don't have a dam, but we're getting a new bridge, and so people are starting to come back. Oh, good. Hot dam.

Yes. Well, not a dam, actually. No, no. So, and so people are starting to come back. Oh, good. Hot dam. Yes. Well, not a dam, actually. No, no. So you're the only person in Beaumont, you and your husband? No, not the only person, but I'm probably the only business. Wow. And so you run the hotel, the caravan park, the pub? Yes.

Your husband's the engineer. You're literally doing everything in the town. Yes, my husband is also a chef, too. He's the main one. I see, and your husband's the chef as well're literally doing everything in the town. Yes, my husband is also a chef too. He's the main one. I see, and your husband's the chef as well. You guys are covering all bases. Can you name everyone in the town? Yes, I can.

I can name everybody, yes. I've got a list of people that live in Beaumont on an A4 piece of paper. So do you. Can I have a guess at their names? Okay, we'll play a game. I'll try and guess a name, and you tell me if it's on the list. All right. Is there a Barry?

No. A Heather? No. Garth? No. Grant? No. Dave?

Yes. Got a Dave. Ben, your turn. Bill? Yes. Last name Dacker? Yes. Yeah, I've your turn. Bill. Yes. Last name Dacker. Yes. Yeah, I've just Googled that.

Well played to you. Well, listen, Beaumont sounds very quiet. Sounds like paradise. It sounds wonderful. Well, you have a great day, and thank you for telling us all about your beautiful place. Perfect. You too.

Okay, bye. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Our cardboard cutouts are on. They're having a fabulous time touring around New Zealand. The challenge continues. The journey is underway. The Jono and Ben 5K Cutout Tour.

$5,000 up for grabs. It started in Bluff with heroes braving the elements. What are the conditions like, Ash? Bloody dark, windy, cold and very lonely. Just like Ben's underpants. Heroes like you bring the cutouts home. You're going to be the Frodo Baggins to our cardboard cutout. Rough career going to do it for you.

It's awesome. Leaders of New Zealand have answered the call. Invercargill Mayor Tim Shembo. Even if they didn't know what this is. Or what jobs Jono and Ben have. Two intrepid astrologists and one question must be asked to carry around cutouts

of washed up schmucks. One question must be answered. There was a point in the conversation when you could go no you're not washed up. With the courage to speak the truth. I thought they'd be taller. The scientists think of them an extra inch at the bottom there. And we need those inches that's for sure. From Bluff to Toulouse, Christchurch, Nelson, and today in Wellington,

the Jono and Ben 5K Cutout Tour continues. That's right. Just a few days ago, we had our cardboard cutouts at the bottom of the South Island. And well done to the South Island. You have managed to get our cardboard cutouts all the way up to the North Island. Well, and that's you, the fine listeners to the hits. Thank you very much. In freezing cold conditions as well, might we add.

Yes, it's true. They made it safely across the Cook Strait yesterday, which given recent events, we may have to rename to a less controversial figure in history. All right. Maybe the Bill Cosby Strait. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Please don't. Please don't. That could be an option. It's not an option. I'm just checking stuff out there. All right. Okay. Yes, they are in. Please don't. That could be an option. It's not an option. I'm just checking stuff out there. All right. Yes, they are in Wellington after seven today. We're going to find out from James, who's in Wellington, whereabouts they are.

So you can go get a photo with them. All you've got to do is hashtag John and Ben 5K cutout, and you're in the draw for five grand cash. And yesterday on the Inter-Islander, they were taken to the captain's quarters. I don't know if that's what they call it, but it sounded like they would call it like that. Something like that, didn't they? And they were allowed to drive the ship, which seems a little irresponsible to the Cub. Quite a position there, but they did a lovely announcement and you can hear

the people going in a frenzy with this announcement. Ladies and gentlemen, on board today, you have the opportunity to get a photo with the hits Jono and Ben Cardboard Cutout for your chance to win $5,000, you can post it on Facebook or Instagram

with the hashtag JonoAndBen5K Cutout to be in to win. If this interests you, you can find James with the cutout on board today. You can hear five people jump overboard. No, that was on the inter-islander. And thank you so much to the inter-islander.

That was so good. And what a way to have a journey, the inter-islander. It's a wonderful ship. It is. Lots of fun to take a cruise on the inter-islander. We love singing the song. And thank you for getting across to the North Island. After seven, as I said, we'll find out from James.

We're in Wellington. You can get your photo taken with the cardboard cutouts today. You still got the inter-islander song there, JJ? I don't know. I've got something that says Jono and Ben Inter-Islander here. Should I click it? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, no. That's what we just played. But we don't need a double play of that. We're going to play it again and see if more people are going, woo! Ladies and gentlemen, on board today. No, no, no, no. Fever pitch. Not a morning person. No, no, no, no. Fever pitch. Not a morning person?

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. If you want to win a double pass to the movies, 0800 THE HITS is our phone number, 0800 THE HITS, and you can give us a call right now. Yeah, we play a game called synchronised answering. Synchronised answers. Our producer Juju names categories. She gives Ben and myself three seconds to answer.

If we get the same answer, we take the prize off you. So, 0800 the hits if you'd like a double pass to the movies. Should we do an example one? An example round, Producer Juju. We shall. All right, I want you to name for me a character from The Lion King. Nala. Ooh, Nala.

I thought you were going to go away from an original character. You know, one of the main... Anyway, anyway. That's how it works. If we didn't sync up in that situation, you'd still keep the movie tickets. Let's head to Christchurch. Josh, you're on New Zealand's Breakfast.

What up, bruh? Josh? Hello. How's it going? Good, and yourself? Yeah, good, buddy. You want to go to the movies? There we go.

There we go. Okay, listen, this is a shocking, fumbly start, but it's a lot like my lovemaking, so I'm used to this. Yeah, okay, Josh. The movie tickets are yours unless Jono and I sync up with an answer. Sometimes it works for us, sometimes it doesn't, so let's see how we go today. All right, name for me an insect.

Cicada. Ooh. Okay, you've still got the tickets there, Josh. Why did you go ant? I don't know. Just thinking of ants. Out of everything. We've had a few ant problems over summer at home,

so, you know, they're in my mind. But you've got fly problems as well. He doesn't even open his doors up over summer. It's like 90 degrees in his house. I hate the flies. The kids are passed out due to heat exhaustion. Well, we don't have any flies in the house, so that's the main thing.

All right, next one. Name for me a takeaway joint. KFC. Josh, you're doing well, Josh. We haven't got those tickets yet. Okay, one more, one more. If we can't sync up, Josh gets the tickets. All right, name for me a brand of chips.

Bluebirds. We did it, Josh. I was struggling to think about the brands. I was trying to go outside the main ones, but I couldn't think of it. Oh, well done. Well done. Hey, Josh, listen, we synced up like a synchronised swimming team at the Olympics. Unfortunately, you don't get the tickets, but I tell you what you do get.

You do get the opportunity to get out there and have a great day, mate. Oh, how fantastic. What a prize. What a cop-out, eh? What a cop-out. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Spy. Know what's up? Spy.co.nz. Alright, she's illegally wiretapped all of your favourite celebrities' devices

to download all of their shocking nudie videos and talk about them on the radio. Juju with Spy. Chrissy Teigen, she has had her breast

implants taken out. So she had that done recently but the cute part slash funny part about it was she woke up to a note from her four-year-old daughter

saying, have fun pulling your boobies out. Bye-bye, boobies. Oh, so she got rid of it. So can you just take them out when you want? Yeah. Well, once you have kids, it poses more risks having them in. Oh, breastfeeding and whatnot. Yeah, yeah.

And so she just decided she'd had enough and she got them back in the day when she was younger doing a lot more modelling. So she decided they weren't for her anymore. Very cute note. Her kids spent a lot of time writing, buy boobies. I'll tell you, I did this the other day. My kid, Indy, she drew a picture of our family,

and because I wear a lot of Houndstown Brothers T-shirts, I got them for free from the TV show, and they've got Absinthe on the front. She had drawn me with Absin absent on our family picture at school. But Jono, you pointed out that I look like an absent father. We've got the whole family and then just on my shirt it's got absent. Daddy doesn't live with us anymore. I was like, oh, that's a brand that Helen's like,

there's a lot of explaining to do. Oh, my gosh. But I just look like an absent father. When did she draw that? Just like last year at school. I went to school. I was like, oh, that's cool. And I told Jono and he was like, yeah, you look like an absent father. When did she draw that? Just like last year at school. I went to school and I was like oh that's cool and I told John

and he was like yeah you look like an absent father. Oh bless her. Ben's actually a wonderful father. I vouch for that. I've seen him

do fathering and he hasn't lost his kids yet. Once. Not once. The kids aren't absent. That's good. And Noel Gallagher

has revealed that he's planning on taking driving lessons at the age of 53. So he's never learnt how to drive. He had one driving lesson back in the 90s and was like, nah. Really?

Yeah. I suppose he's been driven around most of his life. Exactly. And he thinks, he's like, oh yeah, sometimes when I want to go somewhere, it would be quite cool to drive. And then he actually thinks about the fact that he has to drive. And he's like, I don't want to drive. If you had the option not to drive, you would take that option?

Well, if someone's going to drive you around, yeah. Who do we call it? We saw Colin Mathura-Jeffrey, the fabulous Colin Mathura-Jeffrey. He's great, eh? Wonderful human being. He's got a driver. Does he? He's got a driver.

How do you get a driver? You just ask for it. What? He's like a driver that drives him around in a car. I mean, you can get an Uber, you get a driver. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Full time, just so he just calls this person up and they pick him up whenever.

Wow. Would they live at his house? Probably not. Probably not. That's a bit weird. I don't know if you have to put the driver up. You don't have to feed him like a baby. What if you needed to be somewhere instantly?

You're like, mate. I don't know. I don't know how it works. That's pretty cool. Maybe the driver just creepily waits outside your house in the car. Yeah, true, true. So he's what, 53 years old, Noel Gallagher, and he hasn't driven.

No. And he wants to get some sort of old flash car from the 80s? Can we find anyone older who hasn't driven? Oh, 800 the hits. Oh, you maybe know someone. Maybe your grandparent hasn't driven at all. Oh, 800 the hits as well. Seems like a rite of passage in New Zealand, you know,

get you restricted when you're 15, take all your friends around when you're not meant to, drive after 10 o'clock when you're not meant to. We'll find out if anyone listening right now knows anyone older than 53 that has never driven. Yeah.

For more spa, you can head to thehits.co.nz. And it's Tuesday morning. You've got Jono and Ben on The Hits. We'll be back tomorrow from six on New Zealand's Breakfast. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can wake up with the boys weekdays from six on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app.